March 7, 2025 • 42 mins
Cathy Heller shares powerful insights on worthiness, abundance, and stepping into your higher self through heart-centered awareness rather than mind-driven scarcity. Her perspective transforms how we understand our inherent value and provides practical tools for manifesting a more aligned life.
• We are intrinsically worthy as "pieces of the master"—our value doesn't come from external achievement
• The mind produces 90,000 thoughts daily based in scarcity while heart wisdom operates from fullness
• Spending just five minutes connecting with your heart each morning can transform your entire day
• We function as "radios" tuning to different energetic frequencies that create matching experiences
• Learning to receive rather than constantly give is essential to true abundance
• Small, consistent "micro-practices" like beauty baths in nature create sustainable transformation
• Successful people share one common trait: grit—the ability to anticipate challenges and push through
• Choosing authenticity over belonging frees you to express your true self without apology
If you enjoyed this episode, grab a copy of Cathy's book "Abundance Ever After" available now, I LOVED reading it and visit my website for more episodes on redesigning life from the inside out.
https://www.cathyheller.com/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Redesigning Life.
I'm your host, sabrina Soto,and this is the space where we
have honest conversations aboutpersonal growth, mindset shifts
and creating a life that feelstruly aligned.
In each episode, I'll talk toexperts in their fields who
share their insights to help youstep into your higher self.
Let's redesign your life fromthe inside out.
Kathy Heller, thank you forcoming on Redesigning Life.
(00:26):
I am such a fan of yours, yournew book, and we have so many
friends in common that you'regoing to now become my best
friend, whether you like it ornot.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Done.
I'm totally happy to do it.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
I have no problem just showing up to your house
all the time, so thank you.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
It's so incredibly kind, especially coming from
someone like you who's such aburst of sunshine.
I feel like you have theequivalent of like 5,000
people's souls in you.
You're so radiant and so happyto just like just do good and
share good and make thingsbeautiful and it's really, it's
(01:05):
just so cool that you're likethat and built that way.
So the fact that you read mybook and then DM me and you're
like, oh my gosh, this book I'mlike it's so fun when you put
things out in the world and it'slike when you what was that
thing they used to do when theylike put a message in a bottle
and it gets washed up to shore,you know, and it's like you, you
(01:27):
write a book and you kind oflike send it out and then
somehow it like the message inthe bottle, it like gets
delivered to the exact peoplethat you meant to write it for.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
So it's just really cool.
Thank you.
Right now we could just end thepodcast and I'd be happy.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Right.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
And the way that I got.
I mean, we have so many mutualfriends.
But your book I didn't realizethat it came out in December,
right, and I was on a walk withsomebody that I admire and she
was reading it and then I, thatday, I bought it and I'm like, I
text her.
I'm like, holy crap, this.
This book is so good.
So I have so many things that Iwant to discuss.
I feel like this book is a loveletter for anyone who's feeling
(02:04):
unworthy Is that, like who didyou write it for when you were
coming?
Like what made you write thisbook?
Because I know you have such ahuge career, but how did you
decide to put all of thisknowledge into this book?
And why abundance ever after?
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Well, it's interesting that you said that
the feeling of worthiness I dofeel, like you know, I think
very often, whether we know itor not, I heard somebody once
say that every book we everwrite we wrote for our mother,
and you know, your mom is likesuch a primal relationship, and
(02:38):
so my mom struggled with her ownsense of self-worth.
And so it's interesting thatyou asked that question, because
I do feel like she was my firststudent, so to speak, because I
spent my childhood, you know,bringing her flowers and writing
her notes and giving herencouragement, kind of being her
like Jiminy Cricket, likegiving her this pep talk all the
(03:00):
time.
And I think her depression andmy parents divorce and her
talent and her talent collectingdust on the shelf and her not
really feeling fulfilled all ofthat became sort of the
fertilizer on which I sought outto find out what would be the
(03:22):
antidote, and I think the bookis for me the antidote, like it
is the medicine, and part of itis the idea that we are each a
masterpiece, a piece of themaster, and that we're each
someone, we're some of the one.
And those are both quotes frommy rabbi, david.
Aaron and I lived in the oldcity of Jerusalem for three
(03:45):
years after college.
I thought I was going to bethere for a few weeks.
I stayed and stayed and stayedand I lived with this family,
this rabbi and his wife and hisseven children.
It was just totally fortuitousthat this happened.
But that really was likehitting control, alt, delete on
the software program, which wasmy understanding of the world,
and it really changed theprogram because I came to
understand that we areintrinsically worthy, because we
(04:08):
are a piece of the whole right,that when Abraham said that God
is one, he didn't say there's aone God over there.
What he meant was that it's alloneness, right, and that this
infinite field that Einsteintalks about, this quantum field,
right, right, and that thisinfinite field that Einstein
talks about, this quantum field,right.
It's like we are all whirlpoolsof consciousness in this one
(04:30):
ocean, right, and we are eachlike a light bulb and the divine
light flows through each of us.
We are each an instrument forbeauty, for love, for creativity
, for beauty, for love, forcreativity, and we are all so
(04:51):
much more than enough, right,like if, if really our job is to
be that instrument by whichthis divine light flows through,
then we are.
We are capable of that at zeroseconds old, right.
There's no degree.
You need to get to be aninstrument for love, for oneness
, for compassion, for equanimity.
(05:12):
It is built in to who we reallyare and when you really start to
get that, it changes the wholemodel, because most people's
paradigm is a sense of I'm notenough.
And in order to be enough, Ineed to acquire things, I need
piles of things, I need a degree, I need to externalize all the
(05:36):
ways I feel like I am enough sothat maybe the external
validation or the external pilesof things will make me feel
like I'm enough on the inside,Right.
Well, when you flip all, feellike I'm enough on the inside,
right.
Well, when you flip all thatand you know that on the inside,
who you are is love itself,what you are is presence itself.
What you are is overqualifiedto be significant in someone's
(05:58):
day just by your very beingness,then you stop chasing all the
wrong things.
You realize how worthy you are.
You realize how important youare because you can make another
person see further every day.
You can love another personinto life every day, right.
And all of that becomes puttingyour ladder on such a different
(06:20):
wall, right, and then yourcapacity to feel.
How good you get to feel whenyou work with the universe, the
way it's intended.
It's just fascinating.
Like I'm looking outside mywindow right now, I'm looking at
my backyard there's nothingrushing, there's nothing urgent,
there's nothing that's worried,it's all in flow, it's all in
(06:40):
an ecosystem, it's all being fed, it's all thriving and it's all
flowing together.
Right, when one thing isthriving, it creates thriving
for the whole garden.
Right, it all works as onegeometric pattern, but so do we.
But when we don't feel that way,we're constantly feeling urgent
, constantly in lax, constantlyin scarcity, constantly trying
(07:02):
to prove and to do and hustleand whatever it is Like.
If you could just pare it allback and slow down, you would
feel the abundance that liveswithin you all the time.
There's nowhere to run to, it'salways inside.
And so this is why I wrote thisbook, right, and I also wrote
the book because I want peopleto understand all of what I just
(07:23):
said and how to use thetechnology of the universe, of
your soul, to manifest the mostbeautiful life.
And when you start tounderstand how to use yourself
as the radio that picks updifferent frequencies, you
realize how easy it actually is.
It's meant to feel that easy,it's meant to flow in
synchronicity.
Easy, it's meant to flow insynchronicity and therefore you
(07:47):
don't have to do it the way somany well-meaning adults told
you to do it, because theyunfortunately got the wrong
message, also that it has to behard earned.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
This is why I love your book so much, because it is
the soul behind being abundant.
It's I've read a million booksthey're behind me, but I've read
a million books about beingabundant and it's you know, a
lot of them are great andmoney-driven and, and you know,
having the things around you,the materialistic things around
(08:13):
you.
But your book is about the why,the you even said it like the
why you want to feel what andfill in the blank because
everyone's going to be differentand I think that's what is so
wonderful.
But if somebody is listeningand they're like, yeah, okay,
you say I am worthy, just asjust as I am now, but they don't
feel that, how do you raiseyour self-esteem?
(08:36):
What would you tell someone whowants to feel worthy but
doesn't necessarily they feel alittle stuck right now?
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Well, first of all, I think that we operate from two
parts of ourself, right Likewhen we are coming from even
that question.
That question is not comingfrom our heart, that question is
coming from our head.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
Right.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
Right, because our mind actually has no answers in
it.
All wisdom comes from the heartand if you were to ask your
heart, how do you know thatyou're worthy?
Your heart just answers I am, Iam that.
I am that I am right.
The mind is a bunch of fakenews.
(09:22):
The mind is not where thecompass and the charts live.
In fact, they just did a studyat Columbia University and they
did fMRIs on different monks'brains.
There's almost zero brainactivity at all because all of
their wisdom comes from theirheart.
(09:43):
Their mind isn't chattering alot, so part of it is really
just beginning with that knowing.
When you wake up in the morning,do you sit for a moment?
Do you arrive at your own door?
Do you get still for even aminute and ask your heart what
do you need to remember today?
Because it's where all theanswers live, because your
(10:06):
mind's just going to tell youhere's where you're falling
short.
Yep, here's what you need toprove.
My cat is sitting right infront of me.
No need to prove anything andit's glorious, right?
You look at nature, look atchildren not proving Not yet in
that part of the mind and soimpressive, so majestic, so
(10:36):
stunning.
So this is why most people, atsome point in their life,
discover meditation or theydiscover some kind of a practice
, prayer, slowing down, gettingin nature.
When you just live in the mindall day long, you're just going
to keep having that question andthe mind's going to give you
more of it.
It's not even going to give youthe answer.
So the first thing is reallyfinding your way back to your
heart, returning to your wisdom,yeah, reclaiming your spiritual
(11:02):
sovereignty.
You know, I think the reason weall love Wicked and everyone's
watching it and rewatching itand seen it on Broadway and
watch the movie is because atsome point she realizes it's
inside of her.
There is no Wizard of Oz.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Right.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
And for each of us, any movie we've ever watched the
Karate Kid, rocky, good WillHunting, devil Wears Prada, the
hero's journey is finally,finally setting down the barrier
to listening to your own truth.
So in the mind there's just alot of yim-yam.
(11:37):
It's like listening to CharlieBrown's mom Wah, wah, wah.
You can't even hear it.
It doesn't make any sense,because most of what comes from
the mind is not even yours.
It's a program.
It's 90,000 thoughts a day,most of which are repeated
Groundhog Day.
It's usually things you pickedup from parents, things you
picked up from teachers.
It's always lowest commondenominator, it's always
(11:58):
scarcity, it's always negative.
The mind is always in lack, italways wants more, it craves
dopamine, which is the moleculeof more, and the heart is never
in lack, it's always full.
The heart is in serotonin, it'sin equanimity, it's in the, in
the beingness of this moment,which is why you can go to a
(12:19):
funeral and you can have thissaddest day and your heart can
still be with that sadness andalmost find satisfaction in the
grief, because the grief itselfis love and your heart breaks
open with love.
In fact, those are the days.
(12:40):
Sometimes you're not in yourmind and while you're really,
really sad.
You're so in your mind andwhile you're feeling really sad,
you're so in your heart thatyou feel overflow of the love
you felt for this person, whichis what grief is.
So it's really interesting howwe have to and this is why I
wrote the book plug in.
I talk in the book about likehaving a toaster that's not
(13:01):
plugged in.
Well, what is it?
Just taking up space.
Plug it in and now we can makeyou breakfast, right so?
it's like all day long.
Most of the time, people arejust sleepwalking like an avatar
, like a zombie, like walkingthrough life, as opposed to
plugging in for five minutesevery morning and saying to your
heart what do you need me toremember today?
(13:21):
What do you need me to remembertoday?
And what am I really, after weget so distracted from why we're
really here today.
You are here for wellbeing.
You are here for your wellbeing, to give others wellbeing.
You are here to connect.
You're not here to produce.
(13:43):
You're not here to get morefollowers, you're not.
It's like you're here to be in astate of rapture of beauty and
goodness and purpose andsignificance.
And all of a sudden it's like,oh, I can let go of all the
outcomes that my mind is sogripped on and then move into
the present moment of my being.
What am I here?
And that's where all yourabundance is.
(14:03):
And the funny thing is, themore you practice being in the
present, where you are fully inoverflow, fully in appreciation
and satisfaction with how muchthere is to appreciate, you
start manifesting so much more.
That's right, because wemanifest from wholeness, not
from lack, but when we're inlack and when we need it, and
when the exterior and theoutcomes are everything that we
(14:24):
our mind tells us we need inorder to be enough.
You'll actually just keeppushing it further and further
away.
The journey won't be fun.
You'll be stressed the wholetime and you'll be denying
yourself the greatest thing,which is your life today, and
how much greater it could be ifyou just let yourself show up
for it and take all thispressure off that you have to
prove something to someone whenreally you're just here to fully
(14:48):
be here in this moment.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
You create, you've created such an amazing
community and you have retreatswith women and I'm sure you've
heard this a million times it'slike, well, yeah, I want to feel
that and I want to just be inmy own soul, but I'm constantly
surrounded by lack.
I see lack, I see bills, I seemy husband who's a pain in the
ass.
(15:11):
So, maybe not everybody, buthopefully not.
But but how?
You know what?
How can you return?
Speaker 2 (15:21):
to self.
Well, first of all, I mean thatis the inherent video game that
we're playing, because what youjust said is how do I protect
my energy?
Essentially and I often hearthat and I say it's the opposite
it's not how do I protect myenergy, it's how do I project my
(15:45):
energy.
The more that you truly tapinto the well right Of what's
inside of you, you'll realizevery quickly you actually become
the wifi router that turnseveryone else on.
So, for instance, like theDalai Lama, if he went to the
DMV, right, or if he was stuckon the 405 in traffic, it
(16:09):
wouldn't matter what's going onaround him, because his energy
is so resonant, it would turneverybody on.
Right, the most impressiveperson in the room is not the
person with the greatest bankaccount or who went to the
hardest college.
It's whose energy is the mostresident and that person turns
everyone on.
Everyone just feels thiscoherence of this person.
(16:33):
Right, it's impressive, it'senergy, because we're all made
of energy.
So I think we have to rememberhow much of that lives in us and
how literally we are all madeof energy.
Right, an atom is 99% energyand 1% particle, and everything
is made of atoms, which meansthe world we're swimming in that
looks physical is 99% anenergetic world, and when your
(16:56):
energy is loving and vital andawake and alive and there's a
sense of ease and flow andcreativity to you, that is so
much more powerful and dominantthan people's icky, sticky
negativity that it will actuallybend their energy into
(17:16):
something that's way moreresonant.
Just like if you had aclassroom of kids in seventh
grade who have no respect fortheir teacher, let's say,
because, let's just say, and asubstitute comes in who has a
lot of presence and she workswith these kids and she comes
(17:37):
back and talks to the teacherwhen the teacher comes back from
her break and she says what agreat experience she had.
Right, because, like in deadpoet society, right, like Robin
Williams, with that classroom ofkids, his energy, he called
them forward to their highestauthority because he could see
(17:59):
it in them.
Right, great leaders makeleaders.
When JFK said no, no, no, no, no, no, no, don't, don't ask about
what your country is going todo for you.
What are you going to do?
What he was saying is that'show powerful you are.
He made everyone believe inthemselves.
That's why he said we're goingto put a man on the moon and his
(18:22):
team said um, sir, we don'tknow how to do that.
And he was like, but you'llfind a way, cause that's vision.
We get so disempowered and thenwe see everybody else as half
of who they are.
Yes, we remember who we are.
We remember that we're all someof the one, we're all someone,
(18:43):
some of the same one.
And everyone has access to rise.
And when you walk into a roomand you're peaceful and you're
loving, and you then see ineverybody else what they're
capable of, they will meet youthere.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
You told a story in your book about the, and forgive
me for not remembering thecookie, the name of the cookie
company.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
Mignon Francois.
Mignon Francois.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
Yes, and you were telling you the story was so
fascinating because it wasn'tabout the cookies.
You said it was about.
You know, she was able to givesomebody a smile every single
day when she sold the cookies.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
So amazing she's so amazing.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
But think about that.
You think, well, oh, big deal,you're selling cookies, but like
it was the energy of what sheput behind the cookies that made
her so successful.
And I think we all have thecapability of doing that, no
matter what business that we'rein.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
I mean, that's really what we're selling.
Is energy right?
When people buy Jimmy Shoes orManolo Blahniks, it's not
because they think that there'ssomething about the leather that
they need.
They're spending many timeswhat they could buy shoes for.
It's the energy of the brand Ifyou stay at the Four Seasons
versus staying at the Hyatt.
It's the energy of what ittells you about how you value
(19:57):
yourself right, yes, okay, canyou tell that story about?
Speaker 1 (20:00):
because again, you guys have to read this book
because there's.
These are just like a fewstories but but the story of
like, when you went to theexpensive hotel and your friends
were like it's too expensive,by the way, I have, I feel that
way in my life, but you,everybody was telling you it was
too expensive.
You said I can't afford not togo because it was the feeling
(20:21):
that you'd wanted to to tosurround yourself with.
Can you explain to listenerswhy that's important to surround
yourself with?
The quote unquote too expensivethings to be able to manifest.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
Yes, exactly.
So you know, I grew up with asingle mom.
We didn't have any money andwhen I came out to Los Angeles I
had just lived in Jerusalem forthree years.
So my batteries were prettycharged spiritually and I came
here and I just on a whim,wanted to go to Los Angeles.
And so I come to Los Angelesand I get a job.
(20:54):
I found it on Craigslist andI'm working as an assistant to
somebody and making very littlemoney minimum wage and I'm
living with my roommate and I'm24 years old and I start going
every week to the PeninsulaHotel in Beverly Hills and she's
like what are you doing?
Like it's so expensive to gothere, and it was $200 to get a
massage, which was quite a bigcheck out of my paycheck.
(21:16):
And I said to her it's theopposite, you can't afford not
to go.
Because by spending the money togo to that spa and sitting
there all day and drinking thetea and the biscotti, and the
way the blanket would feel andthe ice wrapped towels in
(21:39):
eucalyptus and you put them onyour face, the oxygen of all of
that was a new standard.
It was setting a new standard,it was showing myself a new
possibility and energetically.
It was helping me memorize anew normal and I would leave
there with so many creativeideas.
(21:59):
I would leave there changing myown energy, and what you tune
to is what you become.
So you know, in the book I talkabout the law of reception and
this is Rabbi Aaron's idea thathe's taught to me and I share
this in the book that he said tome, if you turned on a radio,
(22:21):
you would hear music in thisroom right now.
So where was the music beforeyou turned on a radio?
You would hear music in thisroom right now.
So where was the music beforeyou turned on the radio?
And the answer is it was here,but it was hidden, hidden in
plain sight.
But then, when you turn theradio on, you realize you can
move the dial and hear manydifferent songs.
You can hear hip hop, you canhear oldies, you can hear Celine
(22:41):
Dion, you can hear BillieEilish.
All of this exists in the sameroom.
Well, what's doing the selectingthe radio is tuning to
different frequencies which arebringing in different broadcasts
in the very same room.
So each of us is a radio andwhat we are tuned to, that
(23:02):
becomes literally our ownvibration, our own frequency and
it plays a song, so to speak.
So your energy is the skeletonkey by which you are choosing
the reality you're in.
So the reality you're in isinevitable because it's a match
to whatever energy you are tunedto.
(23:24):
So when a person is tuned, Imean think about it, everyone
who's listening right now youcan think about examples in your
own life.
When you had a friend who alwaysdates a guy who treats her well
and she has just this way oflike meeting a guy who not only
does he treat her well, he hasmoney, he has a great family,
(23:47):
you know you're like, wow, okay.
And then you have this otherfriend and she's just as pretty,
in fact maybe she's, you know,even more accomplished, or
whatever and she just alwaysdates a guy who treats her
terribly.
You're like, well, what'swhat's happening?
Well, everything is anenergetic selection and certain
(24:09):
people tune to certain thingsbased on their capacity to
receive, and certain people'scapacity to receive is greater.
Think of a light bulb.
Some light bulbs hold 45 Wattsand after 45 Watts they'll crack
.
Some light bulbs hold athousand Watts or maybe a
hundred, or whatever it is.
There are some women.
(24:30):
You try to give them acompliment, they go no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.
This old thing, no, I lookterrible.
You're like wow, you reallyreceived that.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
Yes, yes, I'm getting better, but I used to be like
oh, I got this on Amazon.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
I'll send you the link.
Hold on, let me get you acoupon.
It's like, oh, exactly, yeah,or somebody.
When my husband and I first gotengaged I needed a new car.
And I tell this story in thebook that I went to go get a new
car.
And he goes in and hands me thekey and I'm like, oh, did you
negotiate a good rate for mylease?
And he's like no, I just boughtyou the car.
And I was.
That pushed me over my edge ofreceiving.
I actually got really scaredand I actually got upset because
my father left.
When I was a kid, no one everbought me a car and I looked at
(25:09):
him like you just bought me anexpensive car, like what do I
owe you now?
Like it actually scared me,right, and I didn't feel worthy
of that kind of level of a gift.
And over time I just keptexpanding my capacity to just
say thank you, thank you, god,what a gift.
Thank you for the opportunityto write a book, thank you,
thank you for this gift, thankyou for this friend, thank you
(25:30):
for when I just I just launchedmy book and I had so many
friends throw beautiful partiesfor me, you know, in their house
and their backyard and thePalisades, and it's like I'm
just standing there and justlike thank you, so much
gratitude that I could get to aplace in my life where I could
just receive it.
I had a mother who couldn'treceive.
(25:52):
Husband cheated on her, neverkind to herself, never got
herself a manicure, would neverlet herself buy herself anything
nice Right, buy herselfanything nice Right.
It's just like there's so muchwe have to unpack because there
are generations that came beforeus that modeled for us almost
(26:12):
that self-sacrifice is how youprove worthiness and it's almost
selfish to have needs.
Yes, and you know we all watchthe Barbie movie and the whole
monologue she gives is that menare not necessarily socialized
that way, but women tend to beand it's the opposite.
Women anatomy, wise,kabbalistically, women are the
(26:34):
receiver and if you look just atthe anatomy right, that is a
huge role in humanity.
It's just the receiving.
It creates the space to build awhole human.
What did you do?
What did I do during mypregnancy?
Well, I made space to receiveand while I did that, you know,
(26:56):
god and my body together madearms and legs and teeth and a
whole person.
It wasn't like I was thinkingmuch about it.
I was just allowing that spaceright, creating a space for
something, and receiving such agift called life.
It's huge, though Think aboutit.
Think about a therapist who sitsin a room the client is the one
(27:16):
who's talking the whole timeand then they say to the
therapist oh my God, you don'tknow what you just did for me.
What did they do?
They held space to receive thisperson, and the person felt
safe and seen and, as a result,it leads them to their own
wisdom.
Receiving means not pushing,not trying, not efforting, not
proving, and yet in justreceiving, we give so much.
(27:38):
Imagine you love your bestfriend.
You show up at her house, yougive her a gift and she goes no,
I don't want this, no, I've.
But imagine she says thank youso much.
It makes you feel good to giveher.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
Yes, right.
So when we don't accept that inour life, we're actually
pushing people away.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
Yeah, we, we deny people.
You know they say that men inrelationships if they don't feel
that you will receive what theyhave to give, they'll find
somebody else who will receiveit.
It's like there's an ego boostfor a guy who feels like I can
make you happy.
That feels so good to me.
And the truth is that thepeople who love us, the people
who work for us, our bestfriends, our sister, our
neighbors it's okay to haveneeds and just to be like.
(28:18):
Thank you so much.
This is my preference.
I so appreciate it, thank you.
So it makes people feel thatwho they are, you needed
something, that there wassomething they could give you
that contributed to your life.
It makes them feel significance, versus saying I don't need
anyone, you're totallyinsignificant.
If anything, I'll overgive toyou, because that's how much I'm
(28:42):
needed.
But no people do like feelingneeded.
And what is that?
Barbra Streisand song Peoplewho need people are the luckiest
people.
There's something so beautifulabout giving and receiving, and
that's why the infinity sign.
It's just like the heart.
Think of the heart.
The heart receives all theblood in the body and then gives
(29:03):
it right back, and that's whythose of us who are thinking
about receiving and blocking it.
Let's say you feel like, who amI to have all this money?
It's not yours.
You are a lightning rod onbehalf of the collective.
So when you fix up your house,your neighbor's house just
automatically went up in valuebecause you improved your house.
(29:24):
Boy, do you know that?
Right?
Yes, when I start a businessand money goes into my bank
account, it's automaticallyfunding other people's mortgages
and student loans immediately.
That's why I'm making intereston it.
We are one.
We are always one.
If I open a adorable ice creamshop on main street, I just
created abundance because nowother stores could open and do
(29:46):
better, because my store isdoing well, right, so we work as
one.
And if we don't understand thatwe work as one, then we say to
ourselves who am I to receive?
But when we understand that onbehalf of the collective, when
Reese Witherspoon sold hercompany for a billion dollars,
she opened doors for thousandsof other women to follow in her
(30:06):
footsteps.
That's right.
So why would that be a negative?
It's the opposite.
It's a positive for you to be awalking billboard of
possibility for other people notto say look at me, but come
with me.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
You were talking earlier about the radio station.
I think a lot of peopleprobably be listening, going
like, well, I want to raise, Iwant to be in the frequency of
what I want.
So what's a quick thing peoplecan do to raise their vibration?
Speaker 2 (30:35):
I mean there's so many things.
First of all, stop and notice.
Sometimes I just took a deepbreath with you.
Stop and notice where your mindis.
Sometimes, set a reminder onyour phone, like I'm just going
to stop and notice, like, whatam I even thinking about right
now?
And you'll notice, oh my God,I'm, I'm either regulated or
dysregulated.
I'm either betraying myself orI'm not.
(30:57):
And so much of your day you'llrealize, oh my God, I was being
critical of myself for threehours, or I was working on
something I don't want to do, orI was saying yes to a thing I
want to say no to, or I wasn'tsetting a boundary.
No wonder I'm justself-abandoning everywhere.
So that's number one, juststarting to have the awareness.
Are you self-abandoning rightin this moment or not?
(31:17):
Are you being authentic?
Are you being in accordancewith your own soul right now?
Number one awareness.
Number two I say to people, thesame way that you select what
you want to wear today, like Ipicked this shirt and I was like
, oh, this shirt's so cute,right?
The same way you select theearrings you're going to wear,
the color eyeshadow You're goingto put on I want you to stop
(31:37):
and, for 90 seconds, select howdo you want to feel today?
And then literally feel it inyour body Like I want to feel
ease today.
What does it feel like to feelease?
I want to feel surrender.
Today, I want to feel thateverything is already available
and on the way.
(31:58):
Oh my God, 90 seconds of that.
It's like.
How would that change your day?
Who would you be in the worldIf you were driving the car?
You were driving the car, notyour unconscious autopilot,
scarcity driven thoughts, butyou.
You were here and creatingintention around your day.
(32:19):
It's a total game changer andit doesn't have to be an hour of
meditation.
Another thing to do is like makeit a practice to spend 10
minutes outside, leave yourphone just for like a beauty
bath.
Oh, I love that.
(32:40):
A beauty bath.
Yeah, it's like I'm going tospend 10 minutes in nature and
just notice beauty.
Like last night, my daughter andI did this.
We sat outside the backyard andI said let's watch the colors
of the sky change as the sunsets and we'll call out the
colors.
So it started orange, red andit goes all the way to purple,
(33:03):
lavender, black, right, it'slike you watch the whole thing
in a span of like 15 minutes.
And while that's happening, Isaid to her what do you like
better, minutes?
And while that's happening, Isaid to her what do you like
better?
The way it looks now, or theway it looks now when the
twinkle lights come on and thehouses are now lit up.
They went from being homes inthe mountain to little lights in
the mountain and she was likethe lights.
(33:23):
And then she goes mom, look atthat star and look it's like a
beauty bath.
Right, that is such a elevatingenergetic tool.
Another one is like how dareyou get through your whole day
and not have danced in yourkitchen?
Like, turn on Meghan Trainor,turn on whatever song gets you
(33:43):
going Tiesto, pitbull, pennyLoggins, penny Loggins, yeah,
please celebrate me.
Just like, put something,something on footloose and just
like, let your energy be movedby.
It is literally a sound bathmusic, right?
So there's, we make it socomplicated.
(34:03):
We basically make it like,unless I learn how to meditate
and sit down for 30 minutes,there's no use, so I'll do
nothing.
It's like there's a millionways for you to change your
energy.
Another one is listen to apodcast that lifts you up for
five minutes a day.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
Go listen to my podcast.
Listen to Esther Hicks onYouTube.
Listen to Sabrina oh.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
I love an Esther Hicks moment.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
Exactly.
Let her rant.
You know.
Whatever it is, it's like yourmind is actually not your friend
and so what it will do is itwill try to unseat you by saying
why even bother?
There's no point.
And really, as James Clear says, in Atomic Habits, it's like
(34:46):
little, tiny micro changes.
Anyway, big swooping changesnever work.
You know, I'm the person who,january 1st, I say to my husband
, that's it this year, gettingfit, I'm going to, and he's like
, oh, here she goes.
And then I go to go toLululemon, I get two new outfits
.
I get two, you know, two newpairs of running shoes.
15 days later I'm like I've hadit.
I'm not going to the gym.
I'm not right, that doesn'teven work.
(35:18):
What does work is to say I'mgoing to spend two minutes a day
stretching in the morning,that's it.
Then I'm going to build on that.
I'm going to drink a little bitmore water than I did yesterday
.
Great, like that's.
Yeah, that's actually how youmake massive change is making
two degree shifts.
In fact, I think I say this inthe book that if you were on a
boat and you change course twodegrees and you keep going on
the boat and you switch courseby two degrees, you'll wind up
in a different continent.
So let's, let's really hearthat and not overestimate what
(35:44):
it takes, and actually be verycalculated about tiny little
changes to our own frequency,and over time you start getting
the hang of what it feels liketo actually be a vibe, to be
yourself.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
Speaking of your podcast, you have interviewed
hundreds of people like the bestauthors and mindset coaches and
new thought teachers.
What do you think everyone ifyou had to do?
Like something that they allhad in common, like what's some,
what's there?
What did you see of a commonmindset?
Maybe everybody has?
Speaker 2 (36:16):
I think that we know this, but I'm going to say it
again I think our greatestresource is our own
resourcefulness.
And it's the same thing thatAngela Duckworth said in her
book grit successful people.
They're not the people who arealways the hottest, although
I've interviewed a lot of reallygood looking people.
Um, it's not that and it's nottheir IQ and it's not their
(36:37):
religion and it's not how tallthey are, it's their grit.
And every person that I'veinterviewed is gritty, and I'm
like that and I'm sure you'relike that.
Yeah, gritty people, they knowthey're going to hit a dip.
So what Gritty peopleanticipate it and they push past
(36:58):
it.
You know, organic chemistry isa dip and it actually filters
out a lot of what could havebeen good doctors, because they
say this is too hard.
And some less talented peoplemake it through organic
chemistry and become doctorsbecause they're just more gritty
, right?
So when I was growing up, ifsomebody told me I don't think
(37:20):
you can do that, I'm like, oh,it's game on.
Thank you, yeah.
Speaker 1 (37:24):
Yeah, actually a gift .
Speaker 2 (37:25):
Game on, like the fact that you doubted that I
could pull that off is all theammunition I need.
Speaker 1 (37:32):
Let's freaking go there are no two words I love to
say more than watch me Exactly.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
I'm like because you don't know about me, right, you
got me confused with someoneelse.
Speaker 1 (37:45):
Last thing I want to talk to you about because I
believe it with every vein in mybody, of how important
authenticity is and how even no,like watching somebody on
television, because I'm intelevision all of my life Like
you could tell, like theaudience can tell, when somebody
is not acting authentic, and Ifeel like that's what sets
people apart in being successfulin any career that they have.
(38:09):
Can you talk about of likesurrendering to just being
authentic and not giving an F ifnot everyone loves you?
Cause I think that's a fear,especially with the internet.
The worldwide web is a scaryplace.
Speaker 2 (38:22):
Oh my God, I mean.
This is a hundred percent thebiggest single issue to humanity
, because we want to belong sobadly, and my friend Mark Grove
says it so well.
He says all day long, humanbeings are making a choice
between authenticity orbelonging, and they will choose
belonging, which means thinkabout this.
(38:44):
They belong to no one Because,in order to belong, they
self-abandon, so they don'tbelong to themselves anymore.
And they don't belong tothemselves anymore and they
don't belong to the other personbecause the person chose a
version of them that's not them.
So nobody's there, and this islike a slow suicide.
So the thing about it is it'snot a problem if people don't
like us.
(39:04):
We're meant to be that way.
Not everybody likes the sameflavor of food.
Not everyone likes Indian curry.
Not everyone of food.
Not everyone likes Indian curry.
Not everyone likes Japanesefood.
Not everyone likesMediterranean food.
There's not a problem with that.
Speaker 1 (39:17):
Right, it's good.
There's nothing wrong withmustard.
You just might not like it.
Speaker 2 (39:20):
Exactly Like, and when you get in the car after
going to a party, you might turnto your boyfriend or spouse and
say, like she's just not myvibe, what's wrong with that?
So if somebody doesn't like you, why do you need to get in
their business?
Why do you have to control whatthey think of you?
The trick is, when you are yourown real best friend, you can
(39:42):
set everyone free and you go.
I totally get that.
I might not be your vibe, youdon't have to justify it to me.
I'm unattached to needing youto like me and that wholeness is
actually a gift to everyoneelse because it really isn't a
problem and you don't need to gomake other people get you like,
let them not get you, it's okay.
(40:03):
There's a billion of us right.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
I had Brianna Weist on my podcast this morning and
she says it the more you likesomething, the less you need
other people to like it.
You know.
Speaker 2 (40:14):
And it's true.
You just do you.
And then it's so freeingbecause you can say and believe
and do all the things that youwant and you also let other
people have the same thing.
Like when I post something onInstagram or say something,
people my team will say do youwant me to delete and block
these?
If there's negative comments?
There's mostly very positivecomments, but a few.
(40:36):
I say no because I don't evenhave a problem.
I don't expect the world to bea copy paste version of me.
It doesn't even bother me.
Speaker 1 (40:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:43):
It really is good.
It actually shows that I have apoint of view and that they get
to have a point of view.
We don't have the same face.
Why would we have the samebeliefs?
Right, it's so maddening,actually, and it keeps people
from being unapologetic.
And I said to my agent a fewyears ago I was at well, now I'm
at Gersh, but I think this wasI was at UTA and I said to my
(41:04):
agent what makes a personsuccessful?
And she said being unapologetic, authenticity.
And she said that's why JoeRogan became the biggest
podcaster.
He's not trying to be anythingother than himself, right, he's
not trying to impress anybody.
He's not trying to say here'sall my degrees, here's where I
went to school, he's just a brohaving a conversation, and
(41:25):
people love it because they arewanting to be authentic like
that.
And it is such a gift to giveyourself Free yourself.
Speaker 1 (41:37):
Free yourself everyone.
Yeah, kathy, I think this, ifit were up to me, this would be
the first redesigning life thatwould be like 15 hours long,
just like go to sleep, wake up,keep talking.
I thank you so much for yourtime.
For anyone listening, I willhave all the information on the
book book on how to follow Kathy, and all the socials, all the
good stuff.
Thank you so much, kathy.
(41:57):
You have to come back on, oh my.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
God, I mean, if I had what my version of your 15
hours is.
I would just follow you throughyour work life because what you
create, it's so creative andit's so beautiful and it's so.
It's.
It's everything we talked about, because spaces that make you
feel your nervous system align,it's on which you can create so
(42:19):
many ideas right when your spaceis.
So I just love what you do andthank you for having me on and
thank you for being so genuinelyenthusiastic about my book oh,
my gosh, gosh.
Speaker 1 (42:28):
I'm obsessed.
Thank you.
Welcome to Redesigning Life.
I'm your host, sabrina Soto,and this is the space where we
have honest conversations aboutpersonal growth, mindset shifts
and creating a life that feelstruly aligned.
In each episode, I'll talk toexperts in their fields who
share their insights to help youstep into your higher self.
Let's redesign your life fromthe inside out.
Kathy Heller, thank you forcoming on Redesigning Life.
(00:26):
I am such a fan of yours, yournew book, and we have so many
friends in common that you'regoing to now become my best
friend, whether you like it ornot.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Done.
I'm totally happy to do it.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
I have no problem just showing up to your house
all the time, so thank you.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
It's so incredibly kind, especially coming from
someone like you who's such aburst of sunshine.
I feel like you have theequivalent of like 5,000
people's souls in you.
You're so radiant and so happyto just like just do good and
share good and make thingsbeautiful and it's really, it's
(01:05):
just so cool that you're likethat and built that way.
So the fact that you read mybook and then DM me and you're
like, oh my gosh, this book I'mlike it's so fun when you put
things out in the world and it'slike when you what was that
thing they used to do when theylike put a message in a bottle
and it gets washed up to shore,you know, and it's like you, you
(01:27):
write a book and you kind oflike send it out and then
somehow it like the message inthe bottle, it like gets
delivered to the exact peoplethat you meant to write it for.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
So it's just really cool.
Thank you.
Right now we could just end thepodcast and I'd be happy.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Right.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
And the way that I got.
I mean, we have so many mutualfriends.
But your book I didn't realizethat it came out in December,
right, and I was on a walk withsomebody that I admire and she
was reading it and then I, thatday, I bought it and I'm like, I
text her.
I'm like, holy crap, this.
This book is so good.
So I have so many things that Iwant to discuss.
I feel like this book is a loveletter for anyone who's feeling
(02:04):
unworthy Is that, like who didyou write it for when you were
coming?
Like what made you write thisbook?
Because I know you have such ahuge career, but how did you
decide to put all of thisknowledge into this book?
And why abundance ever after?
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Well, it's interesting that you said that
the feeling of worthiness I dofeel, like you know, I think
very often, whether we know itor not, I heard somebody once
say that every book we everwrite we wrote for our mother,
and you know, your mom is likesuch a primal relationship, and
(02:38):
so my mom struggled with her ownsense of self-worth.
And so it's interesting thatyou asked that question, because
I do feel like she was my firststudent, so to speak, because I
spent my childhood, you know,bringing her flowers and writing
her notes and giving herencouragement, kind of being her
like Jiminy Cricket, likegiving her this pep talk all the
(03:00):
time.
And I think her depression andmy parents divorce and her
talent and her talent collectingdust on the shelf and her not
really feeling fulfilled all ofthat became sort of the
fertilizer on which I sought outto find out what would be the
(03:22):
antidote, and I think the bookis for me the antidote, like it
is the medicine, and part of itis the idea that we are each a
masterpiece, a piece of themaster, and that we're each
someone, we're some of the one.
And those are both quotes frommy rabbi, david.
Aaron and I lived in the oldcity of Jerusalem for three
(03:45):
years after college.
I thought I was going to bethere for a few weeks.
I stayed and stayed and stayedand I lived with this family,
this rabbi and his wife and hisseven children.
It was just totally fortuitousthat this happened.
But that really was likehitting control, alt, delete on
the software program, which wasmy understanding of the world,
and it really changed theprogram because I came to
understand that we areintrinsically worthy, because we
(04:08):
are a piece of the whole right,that when Abraham said that God
is one, he didn't say there's aone God over there.
What he meant was that it's alloneness, right, and that this
infinite field that Einsteintalks about, this quantum field,
right, right, and that thisinfinite field that Einstein
talks about, this quantum field,right.
It's like we are all whirlpoolsof consciousness in this one
(04:30):
ocean, right, and we are eachlike a light bulb and the divine
light flows through each of us.
We are each an instrument forbeauty, for love, for creativity
, for beauty, for love, forcreativity, and we are all so
(04:51):
much more than enough, right,like if, if really our job is to
be that instrument by whichthis divine light flows through,
then we are.
We are capable of that at zeroseconds old, right.
There's no degree.
You need to get to be aninstrument for love, for oneness
, for compassion, for equanimity.
(05:12):
It is built in to who we reallyare and when you really start to
get that, it changes the wholemodel, because most people's
paradigm is a sense of I'm notenough.
And in order to be enough, Ineed to acquire things, I need
piles of things, I need a degree, I need to externalize all the
(05:36):
ways I feel like I am enough sothat maybe the external
validation or the external pilesof things will make me feel
like I'm enough on the inside,Right.
Well, when you flip all, feellike I'm enough on the inside,
right.
Well, when you flip all thatand you know that on the inside,
who you are is love itself,what you are is presence itself.
What you are is overqualifiedto be significant in someone's
(05:58):
day just by your very beingness,then you stop chasing all the
wrong things.
You realize how worthy you are.
You realize how important youare because you can make another
person see further every day.
You can love another personinto life every day, right.
And all of that becomes puttingyour ladder on such a different
(06:20):
wall, right, and then yourcapacity to feel.
How good you get to feel whenyou work with the universe, the
way it's intended.
It's just fascinating.
Like I'm looking outside mywindow right now, I'm looking at
my backyard there's nothingrushing, there's nothing urgent,
there's nothing that's worried,it's all in flow, it's all in
(06:40):
an ecosystem, it's all being fed, it's all thriving and it's all
flowing together.
Right, when one thing isthriving, it creates thriving
for the whole garden.
Right, it all works as onegeometric pattern, but so do we.
But when we don't feel that way,we're constantly feeling urgent
, constantly in lax, constantlyin scarcity, constantly trying
(07:02):
to prove and to do and hustleand whatever it is Like.
If you could just pare it allback and slow down, you would
feel the abundance that liveswithin you all the time.
There's nowhere to run to, it'salways inside.
And so this is why I wrote thisbook, right, and I also wrote
the book because I want peopleto understand all of what I just
(07:23):
said and how to use thetechnology of the universe, of
your soul, to manifest the mostbeautiful life.
And when you start tounderstand how to use yourself
as the radio that picks updifferent frequencies, you
realize how easy it actually is.
It's meant to feel that easy,it's meant to flow in
synchronicity.
Easy, it's meant to flow insynchronicity and therefore you
(07:47):
don't have to do it the way somany well-meaning adults told
you to do it, because theyunfortunately got the wrong
message, also that it has to behard earned.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
This is why I love your book so much, because it is
the soul behind being abundant.
It's I've read a million booksthey're behind me, but I've read
a million books about beingabundant and it's you know, a
lot of them are great andmoney-driven and, and you know,
having the things around you,the materialistic things around
(08:13):
you.
But your book is about the why,the you even said it like the
why you want to feel what andfill in the blank because
everyone's going to be differentand I think that's what is so
wonderful.
But if somebody is listeningand they're like, yeah, okay,
you say I am worthy, just asjust as I am now, but they don't
feel that, how do you raiseyour self-esteem?
(08:36):
What would you tell someone whowants to feel worthy but
doesn't necessarily they feel alittle stuck right now?
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Well, first of all, I think that we operate from two
parts of ourself, right Likewhen we are coming from even
that question.
That question is not comingfrom our heart, that question is
coming from our head.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
Right.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
Right, because our mind actually has no answers in
it.
All wisdom comes from the heartand if you were to ask your
heart, how do you know thatyou're worthy?
Your heart just answers I am, Iam that.
I am that I am right.
The mind is a bunch of fakenews.
(09:22):
The mind is not where thecompass and the charts live.
In fact, they just did a studyat Columbia University and they
did fMRIs on different monks'brains.
There's almost zero brainactivity at all because all of
their wisdom comes from theirheart.
(09:43):
Their mind isn't chattering alot, so part of it is really
just beginning with that knowing.
When you wake up in the morning,do you sit for a moment?
Do you arrive at your own door?
Do you get still for even aminute and ask your heart what
do you need to remember today?
Because it's where all theanswers live, because your
(10:06):
mind's just going to tell youhere's where you're falling
short.
Yep, here's what you need toprove.
My cat is sitting right infront of me.
No need to prove anything andit's glorious, right?
You look at nature, look atchildren not proving Not yet in
that part of the mind and soimpressive, so majestic, so
(10:36):
stunning.
So this is why most people, atsome point in their life,
discover meditation or theydiscover some kind of a practice
, prayer, slowing down, gettingin nature.
When you just live in the mindall day long, you're just going
to keep having that question andthe mind's going to give you
more of it.
It's not even going to give youthe answer.
So the first thing is reallyfinding your way back to your
heart, returning to your wisdom,yeah, reclaiming your spiritual
(11:02):
sovereignty.
You know, I think the reason weall love Wicked and everyone's
watching it and rewatching itand seen it on Broadway and
watch the movie is because atsome point she realizes it's
inside of her.
There is no Wizard of Oz.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Right.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
And for each of us, any movie we've ever watched the
Karate Kid, rocky, good WillHunting, devil Wears Prada, the
hero's journey is finally,finally setting down the barrier
to listening to your own truth.
So in the mind there's just alot of yim-yam.
(11:37):
It's like listening to CharlieBrown's mom Wah, wah, wah.
You can't even hear it.
It doesn't make any sense,because most of what comes from
the mind is not even yours.
It's a program.
It's 90,000 thoughts a day,most of which are repeated
Groundhog Day.
It's usually things you pickedup from parents, things you
picked up from teachers.
It's always lowest commondenominator, it's always
(11:58):
scarcity, it's always negative.
The mind is always in lack, italways wants more, it craves
dopamine, which is the moleculeof more, and the heart is never
in lack, it's always full.
The heart is in serotonin, it'sin equanimity, it's in the, in
the beingness of this moment,which is why you can go to a
(12:19):
funeral and you can have thissaddest day and your heart can
still be with that sadness andalmost find satisfaction in the
grief, because the grief itselfis love and your heart breaks
open with love.
In fact, those are the days.
(12:40):
Sometimes you're not in yourmind and while you're really,
really sad.
You're so in your mind andwhile you're feeling really sad,
you're so in your heart thatyou feel overflow of the love
you felt for this person, whichis what grief is.
So it's really interesting howwe have to and this is why I
wrote the book plug in.
I talk in the book about likehaving a toaster that's not
(13:01):
plugged in.
Well, what is it?
Just taking up space.
Plug it in and now we can makeyou breakfast, right so?
it's like all day long.
Most of the time, people arejust sleepwalking like an avatar
, like a zombie, like walkingthrough life, as opposed to
plugging in for five minutesevery morning and saying to your
heart what do you need me toremember today?
(13:21):
What do you need me to remembertoday?
And what am I really, after weget so distracted from why we're
really here today.
You are here for wellbeing.
You are here for your wellbeing, to give others wellbeing.
You are here to connect.
You're not here to produce.
(13:43):
You're not here to get morefollowers, you're not.
It's like you're here to be in astate of rapture of beauty and
goodness and purpose andsignificance.
And all of a sudden it's like,oh, I can let go of all the
outcomes that my mind is sogripped on and then move into
the present moment of my being.
What am I here?
And that's where all yourabundance is.
(14:03):
And the funny thing is, themore you practice being in the
present, where you are fully inoverflow, fully in appreciation
and satisfaction with how muchthere is to appreciate, you
start manifesting so much more.
That's right, because wemanifest from wholeness, not
from lack, but when we're inlack and when we need it, and
when the exterior and theoutcomes are everything that we
(14:24):
our mind tells us we need inorder to be enough.
You'll actually just keeppushing it further and further
away.
The journey won't be fun.
You'll be stressed the wholetime and you'll be denying
yourself the greatest thing,which is your life today, and
how much greater it could be ifyou just let yourself show up
for it and take all thispressure off that you have to
prove something to someone whenreally you're just here to fully
(14:48):
be here in this moment.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
You create, you've created such an amazing
community and you have retreatswith women and I'm sure you've
heard this a million times it'slike, well, yeah, I want to feel
that and I want to just be inmy own soul, but I'm constantly
surrounded by lack.
I see lack, I see bills, I seemy husband who's a pain in the
ass.
(15:11):
So, maybe not everybody, buthopefully not.
But but how?
You know what?
How can you return?
Speaker 2 (15:21):
to self.
Well, first of all, I mean thatis the inherent video game that
we're playing, because what youjust said is how do I protect
my energy?
Essentially and I often hearthat and I say it's the opposite
it's not how do I protect myenergy, it's how do I project my
(15:45):
energy.
The more that you truly tapinto the well right Of what's
inside of you, you'll realizevery quickly you actually become
the wifi router that turnseveryone else on.
So, for instance, like theDalai Lama, if he went to the
DMV, right, or if he was stuckon the 405 in traffic, it
(16:09):
wouldn't matter what's going onaround him, because his energy
is so resonant, it would turneverybody on.
Right, the most impressiveperson in the room is not the
person with the greatest bankaccount or who went to the
hardest college.
It's whose energy is the mostresident and that person turns
everyone on.
Everyone just feels thiscoherence of this person.
(16:33):
Right, it's impressive, it'senergy, because we're all made
of energy.
So I think we have to rememberhow much of that lives in us and
how literally we are all madeof energy.
Right, an atom is 99% energyand 1% particle, and everything
is made of atoms, which meansthe world we're swimming in that
looks physical is 99% anenergetic world, and when your
(16:56):
energy is loving and vital andawake and alive and there's a
sense of ease and flow andcreativity to you, that is so
much more powerful and dominantthan people's icky, sticky
negativity that it will actuallybend their energy into
(17:16):
something that's way moreresonant.
Just like if you had aclassroom of kids in seventh
grade who have no respect fortheir teacher, let's say,
because, let's just say, and asubstitute comes in who has a
lot of presence and she workswith these kids and she comes
(17:37):
back and talks to the teacherwhen the teacher comes back from
her break and she says what agreat experience she had.
Right, because, like in deadpoet society, right, like Robin
Williams, with that classroom ofkids, his energy, he called
them forward to their highestauthority because he could see
(17:59):
it in them.
Right, great leaders makeleaders.
When JFK said no, no, no, no, no, no, no, don't, don't ask about
what your country is going todo for you.
What are you going to do?
What he was saying is that'show powerful you are.
He made everyone believe inthemselves.
That's why he said we're goingto put a man on the moon and his
(18:22):
team said um, sir, we don'tknow how to do that.
And he was like, but you'llfind a way, cause that's vision.
We get so disempowered and thenwe see everybody else as half
of who they are.
Yes, we remember who we are.
We remember that we're all someof the one, we're all someone,
(18:43):
some of the same one.
And everyone has access to rise.
And when you walk into a roomand you're peaceful and you're
loving, and you then see ineverybody else what they're
capable of, they will meet youthere.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
You told a story in your book about the, and forgive
me for not remembering thecookie, the name of the cookie
company.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
Mignon Francois.
Mignon Francois.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
Yes, and you were telling you the story was so
fascinating because it wasn'tabout the cookies.
You said it was about.
You know, she was able to givesomebody a smile every single
day when she sold the cookies.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
So amazing she's so amazing.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
But think about that.
You think, well, oh, big deal,you're selling cookies, but like
it was the energy of what sheput behind the cookies that made
her so successful.
And I think we all have thecapability of doing that, no
matter what business that we'rein.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
I mean, that's really what we're selling.
Is energy right?
When people buy Jimmy Shoes orManolo Blahniks, it's not
because they think that there'ssomething about the leather that
they need.
They're spending many timeswhat they could buy shoes for.
It's the energy of the brand Ifyou stay at the Four Seasons
versus staying at the Hyatt.
It's the energy of what ittells you about how you value
(19:57):
yourself right, yes, okay, canyou tell that story about?
Speaker 1 (20:00):
because again, you guys have to read this book
because there's.
These are just like a fewstories but but the story of
like, when you went to theexpensive hotel and your friends
were like it's too expensive,by the way, I have, I feel that
way in my life, but you,everybody was telling you it was
too expensive.
You said I can't afford not togo because it was the feeling
(20:21):
that you'd wanted to to tosurround yourself with.
Can you explain to listenerswhy that's important to surround
yourself with?
The quote unquote too expensivethings to be able to manifest.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
Yes, exactly.
So you know, I grew up with asingle mom.
We didn't have any money andwhen I came out to Los Angeles I
had just lived in Jerusalem forthree years.
So my batteries were prettycharged spiritually and I came
here and I just on a whim,wanted to go to Los Angeles.
And so I come to Los Angelesand I get a job.
(20:54):
I found it on Craigslist andI'm working as an assistant to
somebody and making very littlemoney minimum wage and I'm
living with my roommate and I'm24 years old and I start going
every week to the PeninsulaHotel in Beverly Hills and she's
like what are you doing?
Like it's so expensive to gothere, and it was $200 to get a
massage, which was quite a bigcheck out of my paycheck.
(21:16):
And I said to her it's theopposite, you can't afford not
to go.
Because by spending the money togo to that spa and sitting
there all day and drinking thetea and the biscotti, and the
way the blanket would feel andthe ice wrapped towels in
(21:39):
eucalyptus and you put them onyour face, the oxygen of all of
that was a new standard.
It was setting a new standard,it was showing myself a new
possibility and energetically.
It was helping me memorize anew normal and I would leave
there with so many creativeideas.
(21:59):
I would leave there changing myown energy, and what you tune
to is what you become.
So you know, in the book I talkabout the law of reception and
this is Rabbi Aaron's idea thathe's taught to me and I share
this in the book that he said tome, if you turned on a radio,
(22:21):
you would hear music in thisroom right now.
So where was the music beforeyou turned on a radio?
You would hear music in thisroom right now.
So where was the music beforeyou turned on the radio?
And the answer is it was here,but it was hidden, hidden in
plain sight.
But then, when you turn theradio on, you realize you can
move the dial and hear manydifferent songs.
You can hear hip hop, you canhear oldies, you can hear Celine
(22:41):
Dion, you can hear BillieEilish.
All of this exists in the sameroom.
Well, what's doing the selectingthe radio is tuning to
different frequencies which arebringing in different broadcasts
in the very same room.
So each of us is a radio andwhat we are tuned to, that
(23:02):
becomes literally our ownvibration, our own frequency and
it plays a song, so to speak.
So your energy is the skeletonkey by which you are choosing
the reality you're in.
So the reality you're in isinevitable because it's a match
to whatever energy you are tunedto.
(23:24):
So when a person is tuned, Imean think about it, everyone
who's listening right now youcan think about examples in your
own life.
When you had a friend who alwaysdates a guy who treats her well
and she has just this way oflike meeting a guy who not only
does he treat her well, he hasmoney, he has a great family,
(23:47):
you know you're like, wow, okay.
And then you have this otherfriend and she's just as pretty,
in fact maybe she's, you know,even more accomplished, or
whatever and she just alwaysdates a guy who treats her
terribly.
You're like, well, what'swhat's happening?
Well, everything is anenergetic selection and certain
(24:09):
people tune to certain thingsbased on their capacity to
receive, and certain people'scapacity to receive is greater.
Think of a light bulb.
Some light bulbs hold 45 Wattsand after 45 Watts they'll crack
.
Some light bulbs hold athousand Watts or maybe a
hundred, or whatever it is.
There are some women.
(24:30):
You try to give them acompliment, they go no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.
This old thing, no, I lookterrible.
You're like wow, you reallyreceived that.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
Yes, yes, I'm getting better, but I used to be like
oh, I got this on Amazon.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
I'll send you the link.
Hold on, let me get you acoupon.
It's like, oh, exactly, yeah,or somebody.
When my husband and I first gotengaged I needed a new car.
And I tell this story in thebook that I went to go get a new
car.
And he goes in and hands me thekey and I'm like, oh, did you
negotiate a good rate for mylease?
And he's like no, I just boughtyou the car.
And I was.
That pushed me over my edge ofreceiving.
I actually got really scaredand I actually got upset because
my father left.
When I was a kid, no one everbought me a car and I looked at
(25:09):
him like you just bought me anexpensive car, like what do I
owe you now?
Like it actually scared me,right, and I didn't feel worthy
of that kind of level of a gift.
And over time I just keptexpanding my capacity to just
say thank you, thank you, god,what a gift.
Thank you for the opportunityto write a book, thank you,
thank you for this gift, thankyou for this friend, thank you
(25:30):
for when I just I just launchedmy book and I had so many
friends throw beautiful partiesfor me, you know, in their house
and their backyard and thePalisades, and it's like I'm
just standing there and justlike thank you, so much
gratitude that I could get to aplace in my life where I could
just receive it.
I had a mother who couldn'treceive.
(25:52):
Husband cheated on her, neverkind to herself, never got
herself a manicure, would neverlet herself buy herself anything
nice Right, buy herselfanything nice Right.
It's just like there's so muchwe have to unpack because there
are generations that came beforeus that modeled for us almost
(26:12):
that self-sacrifice is how youprove worthiness and it's almost
selfish to have needs.
Yes, and you know we all watchthe Barbie movie and the whole
monologue she gives is that menare not necessarily socialized
that way, but women tend to beand it's the opposite.
Women anatomy, wise,kabbalistically, women are the
(26:34):
receiver and if you look just atthe anatomy right, that is a
huge role in humanity.
It's just the receiving.
It creates the space to build awhole human.
What did you do?
What did I do during mypregnancy?
Well, I made space to receiveand while I did that, you know,
(26:56):
god and my body together madearms and legs and teeth and a
whole person.
It wasn't like I was thinkingmuch about it.
I was just allowing that spaceright, creating a space for
something, and receiving such agift called life.
It's huge, though Think aboutit.
Think about a therapist who sitsin a room the client is the one
(27:16):
who's talking the whole timeand then they say to the
therapist oh my God, you don'tknow what you just did for me.
What did they do?
They held space to receive thisperson, and the person felt
safe and seen and, as a result,it leads them to their own
wisdom.
Receiving means not pushing,not trying, not efforting, not
proving, and yet in justreceiving, we give so much.
(27:38):
Imagine you love your bestfriend.
You show up at her house, yougive her a gift and she goes no,
I don't want this, no, I've.
But imagine she says thank youso much.
It makes you feel good to giveher.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
Yes, right.
So when we don't accept that inour life, we're actually
pushing people away.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
Yeah, we, we deny people.
You know they say that men inrelationships if they don't feel
that you will receive what theyhave to give, they'll find
somebody else who will receiveit.
It's like there's an ego boostfor a guy who feels like I can
make you happy.
That feels so good to me.
And the truth is that thepeople who love us, the people
who work for us, our bestfriends, our sister, our
neighbors it's okay to haveneeds and just to be like.
(28:18):
Thank you so much.
This is my preference.
I so appreciate it, thank you.
So it makes people feel thatwho they are, you needed
something, that there wassomething they could give you
that contributed to your life.
It makes them feel significance, versus saying I don't need
anyone, you're totallyinsignificant.
If anything, I'll overgive toyou, because that's how much I'm
(28:42):
needed.
But no people do like feelingneeded.
And what is that?
Barbra Streisand song Peoplewho need people are the luckiest
people.
There's something so beautifulabout giving and receiving, and
that's why the infinity sign.
It's just like the heart.
Think of the heart.
The heart receives all theblood in the body and then gives
(29:03):
it right back, and that's whythose of us who are thinking
about receiving and blocking it.
Let's say you feel like, who amI to have all this money?
It's not yours.
You are a lightning rod onbehalf of the collective.
So when you fix up your house,your neighbor's house just
automatically went up in valuebecause you improved your house.
(29:24):
Boy, do you know that?
Right?
Yes, when I start a businessand money goes into my bank
account, it's automaticallyfunding other people's mortgages
and student loans immediately.
That's why I'm making intereston it.
We are one.
We are always one.
If I open a adorable ice creamshop on main street, I just
created abundance because nowother stores could open and do
(29:46):
better, because my store isdoing well, right, so we work as
one.
And if we don't understand thatwe work as one, then we say to
ourselves who am I to receive?
But when we understand that onbehalf of the collective, when
Reese Witherspoon sold hercompany for a billion dollars,
she opened doors for thousandsof other women to follow in her
(30:06):
footsteps.
That's right.
So why would that be a negative?
It's the opposite.
It's a positive for you to be awalking billboard of
possibility for other people notto say look at me, but come
with me.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
You were talking earlier about the radio station.
I think a lot of peopleprobably be listening, going
like, well, I want to raise, Iwant to be in the frequency of
what I want.
So what's a quick thing peoplecan do to raise their vibration?
Speaker 2 (30:35):
I mean there's so many things.
First of all, stop and notice.
Sometimes I just took a deepbreath with you.
Stop and notice where your mindis.
Sometimes, set a reminder onyour phone, like I'm just going
to stop and notice, like, whatam I even thinking about right
now?
And you'll notice, oh my God,I'm, I'm either regulated or
dysregulated.
I'm either betraying myself orI'm not.
(30:57):
And so much of your day you'llrealize, oh my God, I was being
critical of myself for threehours, or I was working on
something I don't want to do, orI was saying yes to a thing I
want to say no to, or I wasn'tsetting a boundary.
No wonder I'm justself-abandoning everywhere.
So that's number one, juststarting to have the awareness.
Are you self-abandoning rightin this moment or not?
(31:17):
Are you being authentic?
Are you being in accordancewith your own soul right now?
Number one awareness.
Number two I say to people, thesame way that you select what
you want to wear today, like Ipicked this shirt and I was like
, oh, this shirt's so cute,right?
The same way you select theearrings you're going to wear,
the color eyeshadow You're goingto put on I want you to stop
(31:37):
and, for 90 seconds, select howdo you want to feel today?
And then literally feel it inyour body Like I want to feel
ease today.
What does it feel like to feelease?
I want to feel surrender.
Today, I want to feel thateverything is already available
and on the way.
(31:58):
Oh my God, 90 seconds of that.
It's like.
How would that change your day?
Who would you be in the worldIf you were driving the car?
You were driving the car, notyour unconscious autopilot,
scarcity driven thoughts, butyou.
You were here and creatingintention around your day.
(32:19):
It's a total game changer andit doesn't have to be an hour of
meditation.
Another thing to do is like makeit a practice to spend 10
minutes outside, leave yourphone just for like a beauty
bath.
Oh, I love that.
(32:40):
A beauty bath.
Yeah, it's like I'm going tospend 10 minutes in nature and
just notice beauty.
Like last night, my daughter andI did this.
We sat outside the backyard andI said let's watch the colors
of the sky change as the sunsets and we'll call out the
colors.
So it started orange, red andit goes all the way to purple,
(33:03):
lavender, black, right, it'slike you watch the whole thing
in a span of like 15 minutes.
And while that's happening, Isaid to her what do you like
better, minutes?
And while that's happening, Isaid to her what do you like
better?
The way it looks now, or theway it looks now when the
twinkle lights come on and thehouses are now lit up.
They went from being homes inthe mountain to little lights in
the mountain and she was likethe lights.
(33:23):
And then she goes mom, look atthat star and look it's like a
beauty bath.
Right, that is such a elevatingenergetic tool.
Another one is like how dareyou get through your whole day
and not have danced in yourkitchen?
Like, turn on Meghan Trainor,turn on whatever song gets you
(33:43):
going Tiesto, pitbull, pennyLoggins, penny Loggins, yeah,
please celebrate me.
Just like, put something,something on footloose and just
like, let your energy be movedby.
It is literally a sound bathmusic, right?
So there's, we make it socomplicated.
(34:03):
We basically make it like,unless I learn how to meditate
and sit down for 30 minutes,there's no use, so I'll do
nothing.
It's like there's a millionways for you to change your
energy.
Another one is listen to apodcast that lifts you up for
five minutes a day.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
Go listen to my podcast.
Listen to Esther Hicks onYouTube.
Listen to Sabrina oh.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
I love an Esther Hicks moment.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
Exactly.
Let her rant.
You know.
Whatever it is, it's like yourmind is actually not your friend
and so what it will do is itwill try to unseat you by saying
why even bother?
There's no point.
And really, as James Clear says, in Atomic Habits, it's like
(34:46):
little, tiny micro changes.
Anyway, big swooping changesnever work.
You know, I'm the person who,january 1st, I say to my husband
, that's it this year, gettingfit, I'm going to, and he's like
, oh, here she goes.
And then I go to go toLululemon, I get two new outfits
.
I get two, you know, two newpairs of running shoes.
15 days later I'm like I've hadit.
I'm not going to the gym.
I'm not right, that doesn'teven work.
(35:18):
What does work is to say I'mgoing to spend two minutes a day
stretching in the morning,that's it.
Then I'm going to build on that.
I'm going to drink a little bitmore water than I did yesterday
.
Great, like that's.
Yeah, that's actually how youmake massive change is making
two degree shifts.
In fact, I think I say this inthe book that if you were on a
boat and you change course twodegrees and you keep going on
the boat and you switch courseby two degrees, you'll wind up
in a different continent.
So let's, let's really hearthat and not overestimate what
(35:44):
it takes, and actually be verycalculated about tiny little
changes to our own frequency,and over time you start getting
the hang of what it feels liketo actually be a vibe, to be
yourself.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
Speaking of your podcast, you have interviewed
hundreds of people like the bestauthors and mindset coaches and
new thought teachers.
What do you think everyone ifyou had to do?
Like something that they allhad in common, like what's some,
what's there?
What did you see of a commonmindset?
Maybe everybody has?
Speaker 2 (36:16):
I think that we know this, but I'm going to say it
again I think our greatestresource is our own
resourcefulness.
And it's the same thing thatAngela Duckworth said in her
book grit successful people.
They're not the people who arealways the hottest, although
I've interviewed a lot of reallygood looking people.
Um, it's not that and it's nottheir IQ and it's not their
(36:37):
religion and it's not how tallthey are, it's their grit.
And every person that I'veinterviewed is gritty, and I'm
like that and I'm sure you'relike that.
Yeah, gritty people, they knowthey're going to hit a dip.
So what Gritty peopleanticipate it and they push past
(36:58):
it.
You know, organic chemistry isa dip and it actually filters
out a lot of what could havebeen good doctors, because they
say this is too hard.
And some less talented peoplemake it through organic
chemistry and become doctorsbecause they're just more gritty
, right?
So when I was growing up, ifsomebody told me I don't think
(37:20):
you can do that, I'm like, oh,it's game on.
Thank you, yeah.
Speaker 1 (37:24):
Yeah, actually a gift .
Speaker 2 (37:25):
Game on, like the fact that you doubted that I
could pull that off is all theammunition I need.
Speaker 1 (37:32):
Let's freaking go there are no two words I love to
say more than watch me Exactly.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
I'm like because you don't know about me, right, you
got me confused with someoneelse.
Speaker 1 (37:45):
Last thing I want to talk to you about because I
believe it with every vein in mybody, of how important
authenticity is and how even no,like watching somebody on
television, because I'm intelevision all of my life Like
you could tell, like theaudience can tell, when somebody
is not acting authentic, and Ifeel like that's what sets
people apart in being successfulin any career that they have.
(38:09):
Can you talk about of likesurrendering to just being
authentic and not giving an F ifnot everyone loves you?
Cause I think that's a fear,especially with the internet.
The worldwide web is a scaryplace.
Speaker 2 (38:22):
Oh my God, I mean.
This is a hundred percent thebiggest single issue to humanity
, because we want to belong sobadly, and my friend Mark Grove
says it so well.
He says all day long, humanbeings are making a choice
between authenticity orbelonging, and they will choose
belonging, which means thinkabout this.
(38:44):
They belong to no one Because,in order to belong, they
self-abandon, so they don'tbelong to themselves anymore.
And they don't belong tothemselves anymore and they
don't belong to the other personbecause the person chose a
version of them that's not them.
So nobody's there, and this islike a slow suicide.
So the thing about it is it'snot a problem if people don't
like us.
(39:04):
We're meant to be that way.
Not everybody likes the sameflavor of food.
Not everyone likes Indian curry.
Not everyone of food.
Not everyone likes Indian curry.
Not everyone likes Japanesefood.
Not everyone likesMediterranean food.
There's not a problem with that.
Speaker 1 (39:17):
Right, it's good.
There's nothing wrong withmustard.
You just might not like it.
Speaker 2 (39:20):
Exactly Like, and when you get in the car after
going to a party, you might turnto your boyfriend or spouse and
say, like she's just not myvibe, what's wrong with that?
So if somebody doesn't like you, why do you need to get in
their business?
Why do you have to control whatthey think of you?
The trick is, when you are yourown real best friend, you can
(39:42):
set everyone free and you go.
I totally get that.
I might not be your vibe, youdon't have to justify it to me.
I'm unattached to needing youto like me and that wholeness is
actually a gift to everyoneelse because it really isn't a
problem and you don't need to gomake other people get you like,
let them not get you, it's okay.
(40:03):
There's a billion of us right.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
I had Brianna Weist on my podcast this morning and
she says it the more you likesomething, the less you need
other people to like it.
You know.
Speaker 2 (40:14):
And it's true.
You just do you.
And then it's so freeingbecause you can say and believe
and do all the things that youwant and you also let other
people have the same thing.
Like when I post something onInstagram or say something,
people my team will say do youwant me to delete and block
these?
If there's negative comments?
There's mostly very positivecomments, but a few.
(40:36):
I say no because I don't evenhave a problem.
I don't expect the world to bea copy paste version of me.
It doesn't even bother me.
Speaker 1 (40:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:43):
It really is good.
It actually shows that I have apoint of view and that they get
to have a point of view.
We don't have the same face.
Why would we have the samebeliefs?
Right, it's so maddening,actually, and it keeps people
from being unapologetic.
And I said to my agent a fewyears ago I was at well, now I'm
at Gersh, but I think this wasI was at UTA and I said to my
(41:04):
agent what makes a personsuccessful?
And she said being unapologetic, authenticity.
And she said that's why JoeRogan became the biggest
podcaster.
He's not trying to be anythingother than himself, right, he's
not trying to impress anybody.
He's not trying to say here'sall my degrees, here's where I
went to school, he's just a brohaving a conversation, and
(41:25):
people love it because they arewanting to be authentic like
that.
And it is such a gift to giveyourself Free yourself.
Speaker 1 (41:37):
Free yourself everyone.
Yeah, kathy, I think this, ifit were up to me, this would be
the first redesigning life thatwould be like 15 hours long,
just like go to sleep, wake up,keep talking.
I thank you so much for yourtime.
For anyone listening, I willhave all the information on the
book book on how to follow Kathy, and all the socials, all the
good stuff.
Thank you so much, kathy.
(41:57):
You have to come back on, oh my.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
God, I mean, if I had what my version of your 15
hours is.
I would just follow you throughyour work life because what you
create, it's so creative andit's so beautiful and it's so.
It's.
It's everything we talked about, because spaces that make you
feel your nervous system align,it's on which you can create so
(42:19):
many ideas right when your spaceis.
So I just love what you do andthank you for having me on and
thank you for being so genuinelyenthusiastic about my book oh,
my gosh, gosh.
Speaker 1 (42:28):
I'm obsessed.
Thank you.
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