March 14, 2025 • 49 mins
Denise Duffield-Thomas, money mindset mentor and bestselling author of "Get Rich, Lucky Bitch," joins us for a transformative conversation about removing the invisible blocks keeping you from financial abundance.
Money conversations remain taboo for many—especially women—yet addressing our complex relationship with wealth is essential for creating the life we desire. Denise shares how our unconscious language patterns and beliefs about money (like casually telling her daughter "money is dirty") create subtle but powerful barriers to our success. With compassion and humor, she guides us to recognize these patterns through curiosity rather than self-blame.
For those tired of toxic hustle culture but skeptical about passive manifestation, Denise offers the refreshing middle path of "chussel"—chilled hustle—finding your path of least resistance while still taking meaningful action. She debunks the myth of setting a "critic-proof price" that everyone will find reasonable, encouraging us instead to establish energetically aligned pricing that creates a fair exchange.
What sets this conversation apart are the practical, actionable techniques anyone can implement. From creating "sensory anchors" throughout your environment (like scented candles, meaningful jewelry, and strategic screen savers) to personalizing manifestation based on your dominant senses, Denise provides a toolkit for embedding your goals into everyday life without requiring perfect consistency. Her approach acknowledges we're all human—sometimes cleaning bathroom sinks when we should be working—while offering compassionate strategies to maintain focus on what truly matters.
Whether you're an entrepreneur setting prices, a corporate employee seeking a raise, or simply someone wanting a healthier relationship with money, this episode delivers profound insights with immediately applicable techniques. As Denise reminds us, we're working for both our eight-year-old and eighty-year-old selves—and neither would want fear to hold us back from creating the abundant life we deserve.
Connect with Denise:
https://www.denisedt.com
https://www.instagram.com/deniseDT/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Redesigning Life.
I'm your host, sabrina Soto,and this is the space where we
have honest conversations aboutpersonal growth, mindset shifts
and creating a life that feelstruly aligned.
In each episode, I'll talk toexperts in their fields who
share their insights to help youstep into your higher self.
Let's redesign your life fromthe inside out.
Denise Dunfield-Thomas, I amsuch a fan of yours.
(00:25):
Thank you for being a guest onthe show.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Oh, my God, thank you for having me.
I'm so excited to talk to youbecause I feel like we're going
to go into some reallyinteresting directions.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Yeah.
So my I was introduced to youthrough a friend of mine and, by
the way, I told her we weredoing a podcast and she gave me
a list of her questions whichI've never had before.
Love, that I wanted to ask you.
But my friend Trish is a hugefan of yours and she told me
about your book Get Rich, luckyBitch and it's funny, because of
the word bitch I sort of wasturned off, but you actually
(00:58):
talk about that in the book ofwhy you know that you had that
sort of feeling about that wordas well.
But obviously, if you read thebook, it is such an amazing,
empowering book for, I think,women with any money blocks,
even if you don't have moneyblocks, I think everyone should
read.
So I have a million questionsto get to, but again, thank you
for being on here.
I think there's going to besuch a great, great episode.
(01:22):
Yes, so it's this topic that alot of people don't like to talk
about, especially women.
I have learned in my yearsmoney and I think your book goes
into so many different facetsof money blocks and abundance
and how to magnetize it towardsyou.
(01:42):
One of the best pieces ofadvice you give that I love is
finding money that's sittingthere like unpaid invoices and
Trish wanted me to tell youstories of.
She did this with her husbandand they found so much money of
claims and unpaid outstandinginvoices from people that they
(02:03):
worked with and it's those smalllittle changes you talk a lot
about in the book that make abig impact in your wallet and
bank account.
Can you talk to my listeners alittle bit more about that and
how that whole system works?
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Oh, absolutely so.
I think it's totally normal forpeople to be skeptical about
things like the law ofattraction, and I totally get
that.
I know that when I startedlearning about things like that,
I was very confused about whatyou actually do.
I was like, do I have to justmeditate really hard on money or
(02:41):
chant under a full moon?
And it really felt like adeservingness thing that I just
couldn't quite figure out.
And so I kind of put myskeptical Virgo brain on that
and thought, okay, what if Ijust pay more attention to money
and what I want?
And that's when your brainstarts to look for answers.
(03:05):
It activates your reticularactivating system, which is just
like how we process informationand how we train our brains to
pay attention.
And so I started to do all thisstuff, um, for money, including
things like just payingattention, paying more attention
to money, being super gratefulto money, but really examining
(03:26):
my thoughts and feelings aboutmoney and noticing how many
negative things I would sayabout money, how many negative
thoughts that I would have aboutmoney, and even every single
time where I thought, oh, maybeyou know, I've got it figured
out, I like money, I would saysomething.
And I'll give you an example.
I was money, I would saysomething, and I'll give you an
example.
I was at the farmer's marketwith my daughter and she said I
(03:49):
want an apple.
I gave her 50 cents.
So 50 cents in Australiathey're gigantic.
And I said you go and you know,buy the apple yourself.
And I was like, oh, look at me,like I'm teaching my child to
you know, be independent.
And then, of course, she went toput it in her mouth and guess
what I said, sabrina?
I said don't put that in yourmouth, money is dirty, it's
(04:14):
dirty.
And I just thought, oh my God,there are so many things like
that that we say about money allthe time and it takes some
unraveling sometimes to workthose things out.
But all of those thingscompound over time If we think
that money is dirty becausewe've been told our whole lives
(04:35):
yes, money is actually dirty.
But also it's actually a reallybad thing to talk about money.
You're not allowed to talkabout money.
It's rude.
Whatever it is, it's rude.
It's rude.
How are you going to send outan invoice?
How are you going to ask formoney?
How are you going to tellsomeone your prices?
Because every part of you isgoing.
That's a really bad thing to do, and so my job is just to
(05:00):
unravel some of those thingswith curiosity.
Not with blame, because I can'tbelieve I even said it to my
kid but with curiosity andcompassion for ourselves.
No wonder it's hard for me tosend out an invoice.
No wonder it's hard for mesometimes to ask for more money
because I feel like I'm going toget into trouble, right, you do
(05:23):
also talk about pricing.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
pricing talk about, like, not sending an invoice.
You talk about pricing yourservices and asking for
basically what you're worth andI believe, even if you're not an
entrepreneur, even if you workfor a corporation, asking for a
raise, especially as a woman,it's this like just do you know,
be happy you have a job mindset, be happy in this economy that
(05:45):
you're working, just be, youknow, grateful that you even
have any income coming in.
How do you, when it's true youshould be grateful that you do
have that, how do you get out ofthe mindset of just being a
good girl and shutting it up topricing your service to what you
truly believe it's worth?
Speaker 2 (06:05):
Oh, absolutely.
By the way, if anyone'slistening and you are in a
corporate job, there is a greatbook by Lois P Frankel and it's
called Nice Girls, don't Get theCorner Office, and she also has
one called Nice Girls, don'tGet Rich, and the tagline is
something like I think it's like75 or 101 mistakes that women
(06:26):
unconsciously make that sabotagetheir career and income, and
that's exactly like.
What she's talking about isthis nice girl syndrome that we
have and, by the way, I workedin corporate jobs all throughout
my 20s.
I don't think I ever reallyasked for a pay increase or
negotiated my salary because Ididn't realize how much this
(06:47):
nice girl thing lived inside me.
And I think what we're tryingto do when we're an entrepreneur
is that we are trying to find acritic proof price.
We are trying to find the pricethat every single person thinks
is reasonable, is fair, and wecannot do that.
(07:09):
We cannot do that.
There's always going to besomeone who thinks you are too
expensive, even if you werecharging a dollar.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
Okay, so talk to me about that, because this is
something Trish and I talkedabout last night to ask you.
She says that sometimes shesees people having retreats or
something and she gets turnedoff when they're asking for way
too much money, like what, whatare you getting in return?
So is that a block that she has, or is there a sweet spot of
asking for too much?
Like how, how is that?
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Well, that's the thing we are trying to please
everybody all the time, foreverything, and it's totally
fine that your friend Trishthinks that some things are too
expensive.
That's not necessarily a blockin itself.
There'll always be.
I mean, I have I've made a lotof money.
There are still some thingsthat I will go.
I will never pay for that, andthere'll be some things that I
(08:01):
think are completely reasonable,and this is why this idea of a
critic proof price is so crucial.
I'm sure you've done this aswell.
There are things that Iwouldn't have spent money on
until I needed that thing.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
Right Anything related to your health.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Anything like that.
But also I remember one time Ipaid for copywriting because I
was procrastinating it big timeand I sent out a quote and the
price that came back was waymore than I wanted to pay, but I
needed it.
I needed it in a short periodof time, and so it's really hard
(08:38):
, when we are setting a price,to send out feedback, basically
to get feedback from people.
We're trying to crowdsource ourpricing and the problem is, who
are we sending it out to?
First of all, sometimes it'sfriends and family who, my God,
they're not our customers.
They have no idea what peoplewould spend on our products and
(08:58):
services.
Two, sometimes it's people whodon't need it.
Three, it's people who maybedon't need it now or it's not
urgent for them.
And when it comes to thingslike spending money on personal
development, there's been timesin my life where I really
desperately needed a coach andnot desperate, but it was just
something that I knew would be areally important game changer
(09:20):
for me and so then that's whereI'm going to spend my money that
year, maybe on a coach or aretreat or something like that.
There are other years wherethat's not as important to me,
so who's got the money blockthere?
There isn't one, it's justsometimes there's a mismatch of
pricing, but if you arecrowdsourcing and you're saying,
(09:40):
well, would you guys pay forthis?
You are going to get so manydifferent answers and you think,
for most of the things thatwe're trying to sell, we don't
need thousands and thousands ofpeople to buy from us.
There will be a match and therewill be a mismatch in pricing.
On that, though, which I thinkis really important.
(10:01):
I don't know what Trisha's moneypersonality is.
She might be an accumulator,right, an accumulator is a very
particular money personality.
They need a lot of information.
They need to justify theirpurchases.
They write pros and cons lists.
They need a lot of information.
So when I'm selling somethingto an accumulator, they're the
(10:21):
ones who are reading the salespage, and it needs to be tick
boxes, benefit driven, no fluff,and they will be the people who
join your course or program orretreat, and they are mentally
ticking things off going.
Did they give me this?
Did they give me this?
A different personality type,like an alchemist?
How?
Speaker 1 (10:39):
many are there?
How many?
Speaker 2 (10:40):
personality types.
There's eight, there's eight.
Okay, go ahead.
An alchemist, for example,would be someone who just gets
caught up in the creativity ofit.
They don't care about thedetails.
So there's no right or wrong,it's just who are you marketing
to?
And here's the crucial thing.
It has to be win-win.
And if you're not feeling inalignment with your prices, it's
(11:03):
really hard to say them and tojustify them.
And I feel like sometimes we dounwittingly turn off clients
because we're just, we're notquite, oh, we don't feel good
about the price, you know.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Right.
So how do you then overcomethat self-doubt, if you are in
that predicament?
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Yeah Well, every time that I've had to set a price,
I've really had to sit with itenergetically in my body and I
know, when I've undercharged,what that's felt like.
I'm sure you have as well,sabrina.
You get off the phone with aclient, you finish a project and
there's just something that'sgnawing at you.
(11:43):
And I remember I spoke at afriend's event.
I did it for free and I gave itall.
You know I was there for hoursand helping people and I got in
the cab afterwards and I felt sodepleted and it wasn't the work
, it wasn't, you know, anythinglike that it was.
I was literally like there wasno energy exchange here.
(12:06):
There was no fair energyexchange.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Wow.
And so because of the crowdthat was there or because of
your friend?
No, because.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
I didn't get paid for it.
And so I felt like I sat thereand I gave, gave, gave, gave,
gave, but I didn't.
There was no energy exchangeRight, and so I really felt the
deficit of that and I felt it inmy body because it's got to
come from somewhere.
So I was like, oh, there's no,it's not fair.
And so then after that Istarted charging even if they
(12:35):
were my friend I would chargeand I would feel like, oh, it's
a fair exchange.
And I think I just got it sophysically in my body, it was so
visceral that I thought likeit's just, it doesn't work to
undercharge.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Right, because then it becomes resentment, not only
for the person, but for yourself.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
Absolutely, and I felt that in my body.
So I think you have to payattention to those signals.
If you are feeling resentful ofyour clients, that is a big
sign that you are underchargingor you're over delivering for
what you're offering.
So sometimes when I work withsomeone like I wouldn't even say
for most people increase yourprices straight away because
(13:19):
energetically they're just maybenot ready.
So one of the first things youmight do is to clean up some of
the leaks.
So maybe instead of an hourwith your sessions, you're
spending two hours.
Maybe you've got a lot of leakswhere you're I don't know
letting people have really badboundaries with you.
All of those things are moneyleaks, really, because you could
(13:43):
chuck in more clients at thetop.
It's just going to cause youmore stress, right?
So you clean up those things.
You clean up any relationshipswhere you are giving unnecessary
discounts or people are takingadvantage of you or you have bad
systems.
So you're not sending outinvoices or you're not sending
out reminders Things like if youwere a service-based business.
(14:07):
Maybe you're not chargingcancellation fees.
You know things like that.
You've got to clean up beforeyou even think about increasing
your prices, because otherwiseit's not really solving the root
problem, which is this internalfeeling of I don't deserve this
.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Yes, you know yes.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
It's the deserving.
That also is, I think, thefoundation of upping your money
mindset game, you know, and Ialso believe that in this
culture there's like thismentality that you have to
hustle, hustle, hustle.
So what is your take on thathustle culture versus just
letting the universe flow in,because it's like when you want
to change, I feel like a lot ofpeople listening probably think
that they have to pound thepavement.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Well, I think there's a middle line right, because I
sometimes hear from people wherethey're like, well, I don't
need to market my business, I'mjust going to manifest clients,
and I'm like great, butmarketing is manifesting clients
, you know, that's how youmanifest clients.
And so I like to find a middleground, because hustling for the
(15:17):
sake of hustling doesn't alwayswork either.
Doing nothing doesn't work.
So the middle ground is what Icall chussel Wait, wait, what's?
Speaker 1 (15:28):
it called Chussel Chussel.
Tell me, what chussel is.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
So chussel is chilled hustle and that is finding I
love that, denise.
Yeah, I haven't said that wordfor such a long time I forgot it
was even in my book.
Yeah, I haven't said that wordfor such a long time, I forgot
it was even in my book.
It's finding that path of leastresistance for you.
So a great example of that, too, is that you could be working
(15:54):
really, really hard, but your,your products are really hard to
find on your website.
Um, you're making it reallyhard for people to give you
money because you're not usingonline payment systems, or
you're not taking paypal, oryou're putting all of these
barriers in place and, um, youknow, maybe you're trying to do
(16:15):
everything yourself in yourbusiness instead of outsourcing.
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
I've done that myself too Right.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
And it's like you know you can work really hard,
but do you have to do all thethings?
And I've got nothing againstworking hard.
There's been times in mybusiness where I had a big goal
and I just had to, you know, putit all in.
But it's finding the rightthings to do, it's finding that
path of least resistance foryour personality, it's making
(16:46):
sure that the pricing is right,it's making sure that you are
not spinning your wheels anddoing busy work, and sometimes
that means not doing all thethings, not offering all the
things you know and like kind ofstreamlining a little bit to
what's going to make the biggestdifference, uh, especially for
(17:06):
your personality you know we allwork in a very different way
and and letting go of some ofthose blocks that could be
unwittingly sabotaging you.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
Yes, I don't.
I mean I.
I in the beginning said that alot of times women aren't
allowed to talk about money, butI actually think you're right.
It's like it's not just women.
It's rude to talk about moneyat all times in any situation,
which I had to pick and choosethe people in my life to talk
about it, because it's this liketopic that nobody wants to talk
about.
But when I do finally discussit with people, they help me
(17:39):
with either investments or ideas, and I just want to kind of
take the taboo out of thissubject because I do think it's
important.
And it's not about the money,it's not about having the Chanel
purse.
To me, it's about creating alife where you can have
adventures, have the thingsaround you that make you happy,
(18:00):
whether it be, you know, apillow or the Ritz Carlton.
You know it all depends becauseeveryone's different.
So how do you invest inyourself?
Like you've been doing this along time?
What's, what do you think, thebest investment you have made in
your career for yourself?
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Oh, really great question.
And you know it's beendifferent at different parts of
my journey.
So one of the best investmentsI made when my kids were small
was a lot of home help, a lot ofhome help.
I had a full-time housekeeperand a full-time nanny and I
think there's sometimes amisconception around things like
(18:41):
that where it's like, oh well,then you've got someone else to
raise your kids.
No, it was having a village.
It was having a village of, andthey were all women, women in
my house to help us flow betweenwork and family.
And I remember when my first kidwas really small and I was
nursing her so my nanny, wouldyou know, I'd nurse the baby, my
(19:04):
nanny would make me breakfastand my housekeeper sorry would
make me breakfast.
I'd go okay, I've got to go anddo a Zoom call now, and so I'd
go and.
But we would just kind of alldid it and flow together because
that's how we're supposed to dothose things right, we don't
(19:24):
have that village anymore.
So that was a big investment,but it was actually the best
investment I could have made inmy business, because I actually
liked doing most things in thebusiness myself and even now I
have quite a small team, but Icouldn't have done that if I had
just invested only in my team.
But then home was a nightmare,and so for a couple of years I
didn't wash a dish, cook a meal,do any laundry, anything, um,
(19:48):
because that's that's the,that's the investment I needed
in my life and, I think, foranyone listening, even if you
can't afford to have that helpit.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
it could be as simple as asking for your neighbors to
help out or a friend to helpout.
It doesn't necessarily have tobe hired help.
It could be investing in asking, you know, getting, accepting
the assistance, which could besomething that you have a
difficult time with.
At least, I'm talking to myselfnow.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
Oh, absolutely.
You know what Hiring a cleaneronce, once a month might be
something that takes it off yourmind.
Or, you know, hiring someonelike a neighborhood kid to watch
your kids for an hour while youwork on your business.
It can be done, but I thinkthat sometimes we think there's
(20:36):
only one way to invest inourselves and in our businesses,
and I actually think a lot oftime.
Especially for women, it'sreally practical help, and I
know that at that time in mybusiness I was like I can do my
social media, I can do my IT, Ican do all of these things, but
if I'm also then having to dothe laundry, it's actually going
(20:57):
to be really difficult for me,and so, even if you can't afford
it, I actually think thediscipline of ignoring the
laundry for a while is is goingto pay you more, you know.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
I have to.
I haven't.
I have to admit something.
Yeah, so I'm.
You are on the podcast.
I've been looking forward to therecording, this and I also have
three other recordings today,and about 15 minutes before we
started recording, I wasupstairs because I record here
in my house.
(21:31):
So, in juggling the podcastrecording, I have a show now
that's coming out.
You know what I was doing rightbefore we were chatting I was
taking a toothbrush to mybathroom sink with bleach to
clean.
That's what I was doing, denise, and as I'm doing it, I
actually let out a grunt becauseI'm like why am I doing this
(21:52):
now, when I'm about to recordwith somebody, like a huge
somebody that I look up to andan author that I just am such a
fan of?
Why am I cleaning the bathroomsink right now?
And I think you're right.
It's like some person I don'tknow what personality I am, but
it's like you can't do it all,and if you have to do it all,
(22:14):
maybe it's the discipline ofletting things go, letting
things just go for a little bit.
That is actually.
This is just advice for me.
You just gave me advice.
I don't know if anybody elselistening is the same way, but
I'm glad Cause.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
I know, when I first started my business and I wasn't
making a lot of money, myhusband would come home and he'd
go why didn't you just put somelaundry on?
And I was like, well, I was at,I was at work and you know?
No, you know no.
Or you would say, oh, can yougo to the post office for me,
because you know you're at home?
And I was going.
No, you know, this is reallyimportant and this is going to
(22:54):
be something that is going to,you know, feed our family.
And I had to kind of paint thatpicture.
But I had to have the disciplinetoo of going no, no, no, do
your work, because that's moreimportant.
And you know, for anyone outthere who wants to write a book
or launch a program or you know,do something like that, it's
totally okay for your house tobe a mess while you're doing
(23:15):
that, or you do that.
You do your work first, youknow you put your stuff first
and then you go okay, I'll dothis stuff.
Because, yeah, you know we livein a real world, you still have
to do stuff.
And, um, you know, if you'vegot kids and pets, they need
attention too.
But your dreams are alsoimportant and they deserve to
take up space.
And it's very easy toprocrastinate, especially when
(23:38):
you don't have a boss lookingover your shoulder.
But you're the one that has tokeep your dream top of mind and
do the things to get thoseclients to get that money,
because no one's sitting aroundwaiting for you.
You have to go.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
Why not me.
I think a lot of peoplelistening after COVID, even
people who have corporate jobs,now work from home because now
it's flexible, it's work.
You know go into the office afew times, but now I feel like
there's more pressure on you tomanage the household while
you're working.
So having boundaries about whatyou said to your husband like
no, it's almost like you have topretend you're not even at your
(24:15):
home when you're working officehours.
Absolutely Back into being, youknow, a homemaker.
So now you're a full-timehomemaker and a full-time
employee.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
It's a nightmare.
Um, you know, yesterday, um, Ihad, you know, a salesperson
knocking on the door, you know,to sell solar, and I'm just like
I've got a zoom call.
I know I'm like I've got a zoomcall in two minutes.
I'm like bye and there are alot of distractions.
But you know what I've reallyrealized now that you know I
(24:48):
have created this really bigbusiness.
It's so much less time than youthink.
It's just that 80% of the timewe're procrastinating just doing
the thing Like cleaning thebathroom sink.
Yeah, oh God.
Yeah, I've done that myself amillion times and it's like it
really hasn't taken as much timeto build my business as I
thought.
It's just it's literally doingthe right things, though, you
(25:11):
know, and this and the thingsthat scare us sometimes, and I
think that's why, when we canremind ourselves what we're
playing for you know, havingdream boards, remind ourselves
what we're playing for, you know, having dream boards, having a
big goal that we're workingtowards that is emotional and
exciting, that's the stuffthat's going to help us overcome
the fear and other things youknow, like being in community
(25:34):
with other entrepreneurs,normalizing both the work and
the success, normalizing thefear that comes with all of
those things too.
Normalizing the sometimesuncomfortable rites of passage
that come with having a business, like having people reject us
and say we're too expensive, oryou know all of the things that
(25:55):
come with running a business.
If you are alone in thosesituations, you start to
internalize that or maybethere's something wrong with me
and it's like no, it's just.
Sometimes things happen inbusiness and that's okay too.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
So you yeah, you mentioned community with other
entrepreneurs.
For someone listening who wantsa community and especially I
feel like in my forties now it'seven more difficult to find
friends how do you, what advicedo you give to clients in order
to create that community or tofind those, to find your people?
Speaker 2 (26:28):
Okay.
So sometimes we think it's thismystery and also I think
sometimes people's um childhoodtraumas come into place around
this right Of going.
You know I'm not in the coolgroup or how do I find you know
people?
And I always say to peopleeverything is a viable
experience.
So if there's someone you wantto work with or if there's a
(26:50):
community you want to beinvolved in, you can buy into
people's communities.
So I'll start there and then goto free stuff.
So, um, it's, if there'ssomeone that you admire and they
have a program or a course or acommunity or events or
conferences or retreats, you canpay to get into those
communities.
(27:10):
And in my early days that's howI made a lot of friends.
I went to conferences, I wentto retreats.
You know, whatever I couldafford at the time, and here's
my tip too I went to retreats.
You know, whatever I couldafford at the time.
And here's my tip too I always,always ask the first question
of the conference, because I ama massive introvert and I get
(27:30):
really nervous about things likespeaking on camera even sorry,
on microphone, even still.
So I force myself to ask thefirst question, you know.
And they're like has anyone gota question, I put my hand
straight up, I run to themicrophone and I go hi, my name
is Denise Duffield Thomas,author of Get Rich, lucky Bitch
or whatever it is, and then Iask my question and then I can
sit down and I can go oh, thankGod.
(27:51):
And then people come up to meoh hi, I heard your question and
that's always been my best tipto meet people, because
otherwise I just freak out aboutit.
But what I've also been reallygood at for the last couple of
years in making friends is Ijoin communities.
(28:12):
You know there might be freeFacebook groups for your
industry or whatever it is, andI show up and I'd be really
helpful.
I'm not salesy I've never beenbut I've always just been that
person who's encouraging toothers.
Or if I've got an answer, I'llanswer that question.
And online friends are realfriends yes, they really are.
(28:33):
And then you know, make friendswith those people, not to sell
to them, but to create thatcommunity, collaborate,
collaborate, exactly.
If you've got a podcast, invitepeople on that.
You want to get to know.
You can be a hub, you cancreate free Facebook groups, you
(28:54):
can create networking or meetupgroups.
But I think what the thing isthat I hear people say sometimes
is there's a cool group and I'mnot invited, and that is
totally childhood school traumawhich I totally get.
But there is no.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
There is no cool kids club, you know it's just I
don't know anyone that was thatdoesn't have that high school
like fear of I'm not in the.
Even the cool people I knowfrom high school probably
thought the same thing.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
For sure, for sure.
But you know, that's the thing.
A lot of people meet atconferences, events, retreats,
things like that.
So if you can get to thoseplaces, you'll realize that
they're just normal people.
And that's what I love.
When I get together with otherentrepreneurs where we have very
similar experiences, yourealize that you're not alone in
(29:44):
your fears and you also realizethat no matter how much money
someone makes, they're stilljust a normal person.
And it's really hard to do thatif you just you know, by
yourself all the time.
I mean, I live on the Eastcoast of Australia.
I would say most of myentrepreneurial friends are in
America.
You know they're, they're allover the world and I feel like I
(30:04):
see them all the time.
But of course I don't, you know, cause I'm I never, I never go
anywhere cause I'm an introvert,but I'm like, I feel like I've
got a beautiful community aroundme and that's because I've
deliberately created that.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
So, as an author of one of the biggest authors when
it comes to money mindset, whoare your mentors?
Speaker 2 (30:24):
Oh, great question.
So some of my really earlymentors are people that I still
really look up to today.
So one of them is KendallSummerhawk.
She is a money coach.
I'm certified in her moneyarchetype system.
I love her.
Fabienne Fredrickson is one ofmy early mentors and it's, you
know, funny.
I bought one of her programslike maybe 10 years ago, and
(30:50):
she's based in, or she was basedin, connecticut for a long time
and she moved her family toFrance and I happened to be in
Europe when she was hosting aretreat and so I went on the
retreat and she was like, oh,denise, I haven't seen you in 10
years.
You know what have you been upto?
And I was thinking but we talkall the time, because I still
feel her mentorship all the timeand I still quote things that
(31:11):
she says and I listen to herpodcast and I was like, what do
you mean?
We've never stopped talking.
It was really funny.
And then I'm also in some groupchats with some other
entrepreneurs and again they'rejust from people that we've met
at conferences or differentthings and we really we support
(31:32):
each other and that's that's oneof the most important things
for me is just having that.
I don't know just that casualsupport as well as mentorship,
and there's been a few verysuccessful people that I've met
at conferences who I would saywe've got a casual mentorship
relationship where they'll textme sometimes, I'll text them
(31:54):
sometimes, and I think that'simportant too, to always have
people who are really far aheadof you to normalize what's
coming.
That makes sense.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
One of your biggest fans, susie Ashworth, was also a
guest on my podcast too.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
I love her.
Speaker 1 (32:09):
So much.
So what are you?
She's fantastic.
What?
What are your daily practicesto get yourself square and right
when it comes to creating thelife that you dream of?
Speaker 2 (32:21):
Is it?
Speaker 1 (32:22):
a vision board, or what do you do?
Speaker 2 (32:24):
It's all the things, okay, but I want to say this
it's all the things, becauseeverything works in its own
little way, but you do not haveto be perfect with any of those,
because I think sometimes wemix up these things in our head
and we feel like that it's adeservingness thing, so we have
(32:46):
to be perfect in it.
Like, for example, I rememberpeople saying, oh, you have to
write down your goals every day,and I thought, well, I have
ADHD.
I never remember to do that, sotherefore I'm not worthy of
having that thing because I'mdisorganized or whatever.
So what I try and do is tocreate a lot of different things
(33:08):
in my life to crowd out thenegative thoughts that will come
up inevitably.
Things like my screensaver on myphone is one of my goals at the
moment, which I'm selling aproperty, so it is I'll have
sold, and I'll have that on mycomputer screensaver as well.
(33:30):
There's been times where I'vehad a really big goal and I've
put it on my TV.
You can have your TV be ascreensaver too.
I've put it on my TV when I getin my car.
The podcast that comes on is apositive podcast, and so I'm
trying to infuse as many thingsinto my daily life as possible
(33:52):
that do not require meremembering to do it and being
deserving of doing it.
Speaker 1 (33:58):
I love that because I think everyone hears like you
got it, you got a journal.
Every morning, you have to do agratitude list, you have to
meditate, you have to do avision board.
You have to, you have to, youhave to do a vision board.
You have to, you have to, youhave to.
And, yes, those are allfantastic tools, but if you do,
if you don't get to it every day, that doesn't mean you're a
loser and that doesn't mean thatyou don't like um, you're not
(34:19):
worthy of the things, the dreamsthat you want and you can do so
many of these little things, soa lot of things in my life have
have meaning.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
So I mean, I'm wearing a bee necklace, um, and
for me that's like I'm a luckybee, you know.
That reminds me I'm a lucky beeOften, um, the clothing that I
wear, or the perfume, or I'veeven got, um, my skincare has
bees on it too, and so it's justthese little visual reminders,
but not just visual.
I like to go through my senses.
(34:50):
So I, you know that LadyMillion perfume, no, I love, oh,
it's called Lady Million, butanyway there's, and they've got
five different scents, and one'slike Lucky one's, fabulous
one's Empire, and I mean it'snot, it's like drugstore perfume
, but it's a little anchor thatI don't have to think about.
That sometimes I use, sometimesI don't, and I have a million of
(35:14):
those throughout my life thatyou probably wouldn't, someone
else wouldn't even necessarilynotice those things, and I
probably wouldn't notice themall every day either.
But they're subconscious, youknow, and it only takes a little
, like sometimes it's lookingfor the bad things and getting
rid of them first, like, oh,there's this squeaky wheel that
(35:34):
really annoys me.
What can I replace that with?
And I call that.
You know upgrading.
So it's like what can I upgradeto close down all those tabs in
my brain and create morebandwidth?
But then what can I replacethat with?
And again, there'll be times inmy life where I'm manifesting
something really big andimportant to me, and so I'll
(35:55):
very, very deliberately go andput pictures on the inside of my
cabinets.
I will write on my mirror inwhiteboard marker, I will spray
things around the house thatsmell like that goal.
I will light candles that smelllike that goal.
So when I was manifestingbuilding a beach house, I had a
(36:17):
candle that smelled like thebeach.
In this blue glass I willchange up what my key ring is on
my car keys and I will put in amillion of these different
things, because some of themwill get in and some of them
won't.
But it will just give me thatteeny, tiny, extra little bit of
(36:38):
motivation to do the thing thatI need to do.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
And then it's a big upgrade If you're listening and
you feel like you're in a rut.
It's not about overhauling yourentire daily routine, it's the
small little shifts, like thebeach candle.
Or if you want to move toFlorida, get a key ring that
says Florida on it.
Those small little details addup and you're right, the
subconscious records it.
Speaker 2 (37:00):
Absolutely Listen to songs about Florida and all of
this.
Then you start to it just feelslike it's inevitable, it feels
like you've already achieved it,it feels like you're in the
process and it's like, well, isthat magic?
No, but it's like starts tofeel like it is right, because
then those coincidences start tocome in, you see signs, because
(37:21):
your eyes are open for it,right.
And then each one of thosethings you go, oh well, it's a
sign, I'm meant to do it, whichgives you that extra teeny, tiny
bit of confidence to takeaction.
And then it does become thisself-fulfilling prophecy.
And I mean, I look at some ofthe things in my life here and I
think, oh, I remember what thatwas related to.
I remember this was related toa particular goal.
(37:42):
You know just so many thingsare layered in to my daily life.
Speaker 1 (37:48):
now.
It's like a book called whenyou Bury it a time.
Why is it Like a time capsule?
Time capsule, yeah, it's like atime capsule that you're
surrounded with Speaking ofsubconscious?
How do you feel aboutsubliminals?
Speaker 2 (38:02):
I love subliminals.
So, yes, so actually I firststarted using this when I was a
teenager.
I first started using this whenI was a teenager because I used
to love going into those likecrystal stores and you know,
alternative stores.
And I remember seeing thiscassette tape and it was a
subliminal learning tape becauseI had ADHD undiagnosed ADHD in
(38:24):
high school, so I was alwaysjust thinking what's wrong with
me, why can't I study?
And it was a study tape toclassical Baroque music and um,
and it went for 45 minutes andit, when I played it, I sat
there and I studied for 45minutes and I felt like a
miracle.
So this was for me, it wasmaybe 1996.
(38:46):
It felt like such a miracle andso I mean, you know, in a
cassette player.
So then I, um, I sought outmore of those things and as it
become, you know, became moreavailable online, and then I
create subliminals for otherpeople too, and I created this
one, um, and it was like uh,1111 money affirmations and it
(39:08):
was, and it was so badly I madeit myself on garage band or
whatever and it was like beachsounds, because I was like,
again, wanted to manifest thatbeach house, right, so it was
(39:30):
beach sounds.
But I kind send me messages andsay I don't know what is on that
tape.
But all of these things startedhappening in my life and so I
was like, okay, obviouslythere's something to this.
And I I remember even someonesaid my cat has been bringing
(39:51):
home mice every day sincelistening to this audio.
It worked on the cat.
It worked on the cat.
But people would say, oh my God,I feel like it's worked on my
husband because suddenly he'schanging his mindset and I go
does that work?
Or is it because your intentionand you are more open to things
now and you are seeing thingsdifferently too?
(40:13):
So again, I put that in thebucket of.
Everything works in its own wayand it all contributes.
So I actually created a ton ofsubliminals for the Hay House
app as well, in lots ofdifferent categories, from
pricing to being a millionaireor whatever.
And I just say to people I mean, don't play them when you're
(40:33):
driving your car, but why notplay them at night?
One little message might get in, but even if it doesn't for me,
I think I don't care.
If that subliminal worked forme as a kid it was just like oh,
now I'm studying, I createdthat moment of now I'm studying.
Yes, yes, you know, I createdthat moment of now.
I'm studying, and so I feellike all of these anchors are
(40:55):
just extra proof of like, no, Iam a person who succeeds.
I am a person who sends thoseinvoices out, and you know I
can't even begin to explain howsome of those things work, but I
feel like everything works.
So don't get into a thing ofshould I do this, should I do
that?
Just try it all, but layer itin, because I'm not spending
(41:15):
every day frantically runningaround going, oh my God, am I
doing this?
They're all already there, soyou can see in my background.
So there's a typewriter.
That was one of my earliestanchors when I was writing my
book of just having a typewriteraround.
There's my combi van, which wassomething I used in one of my
(41:37):
early branding shoots, and thenI wanted to buy one, and then I
did buy it.
And then the pain the brakesalways fail.
So I was like I'll just havethe Lego one, that's so much
easier.
And so there are a lot ofthings.
Even just the color blue for meis an anchor.
So some of these things youonly have to set up once, and
this is where it becomes.
You can be a little bit laidback in it, because you're not
(41:58):
frantically trying to fill thevoid or trying to convince
yourself you're something you'renot.
You layer them in until itbecomes your new normal and this
is just who I am, and um, andthen that way, then you have
that muscle memory.
You don't slide back to, youknow, having this horrible
mindset, all of those thingsjust become the foundation of of
(42:19):
who you are.
Speaker 1 (42:20):
Yes, I, before I bought my house, I was in um a
rental and I really wanted tobuy this expensive candle.
And I said, okay, when I getthe house I'll buy the candle,
so that I could burn the housein the candle or burn the candle
in the house.
And I was like, why am Iwaiting to have a house just to
burn a damn candle?
And it was the burning of thecandle that created this.
(42:43):
I could have that sort offeeling of having that beautiful
smell in the house now and youdon't have to wait until your
dream is fulfilled in order totake the little steps.
It's about that feeling.
It's surrounding yourself witha feeling, even if it's a Lego
car or a typewriter that justvisually reminds you.
Speaker 2 (43:04):
And a candle is much cheaper than a house.
So start there.
But I like the way you saidthat, because actually smell is
a very powerful manifesting toolfor me as well, and so you know
that thing.
You know when you see it youcan believe it.
For me it's if I can smell it Ican believe it.
And I think everyone's got tolook for their dominant sense,
because sometimes it's like if Ihear it a million times, I'll
(43:26):
believe it.
If I see it.
So then you have to have thevisual dream boards and things
like that.
If I feel it, I'll believe it.
So it could be that you knowyou have a money jacket and it's
like I put this on and this ismy money jacket and I'm going to
send out my invoices.
Or I have a you know, a watchor a ring that I play with, or
something on my key ring.
(43:46):
Because if I feel it, then Ibelieve it, If I smell it, I'll
believe it.
Speaker 1 (44:00):
That's the key, I think, is to do all of them, but
really nail in on those ones.
Personalize it for yourself.
I read once, and I don't knowif it's true, but if you are
trying to figure out what sensesare most important to you
personally, is what do younormally say?
If you're talking to somebodyand you say, oh, I see what
you're saying, that could meanthat you're more of a visual
person.
So pay attention to the wordsthat you use constantly and you
might get tipped off of whatsenses are more important to you
.
Speaker 2 (44:20):
Yes, I love that Cause.
It's like, oh, I hear you, Ihear, oh, I feel you, I feel you
.
I don't think anyone's saying,oh, I smell that.
Yeah, I'm saying, oh, I smellthat, yeah, I smell what you're
putting down.
But, yeah, I think that'simportant and this is why, too,
it has to be personalized to us,and I struggled a little bit in
the early days when I was justkind of following mentors and
(44:41):
thinking, well, that doesn'tlike, that's not right for me.
You know, that doesn't resonate, which is I'm a feeling person,
right and, and so it's okay todo it in a way that feels good
to you and to find your path.
The only thing is make sureyou're just not procrastinating
and you're actually movingforward and you're taking
meaningful action.
(45:01):
You know that meaningfulchussel, so you can like why not
?
You Like?
It really doesn't take thatmuch work, but it is work in the
right direction.
Speaker 1 (45:14):
Just start taking the step.
I saw a meme the other day thatsays I'm working now for two
people my 80 year old self andmy eight year old self and I
thought that was so powerful,because I there are things that
I procrastinate and I know thatmy 80 year old self would come
over and slap me upside the headand be like why didn't you do
it?
So it's like no, even if I fail, like my show now is called the
(45:35):
Sabrina Soto show.
It's we just released thetrailer yesterday.
It's going to be on Hulu andAmazon in the design network
next month and I knowcongratulations, that is very
cool.
I was so afraid of having a showwith my name on it, because
what if it fails?
But it's like you know what.
Sometimes you have to takethose risks.
(45:56):
And even if it didn't fail, Ithink I would be more upset if I
didn't do it than if I did itand failed.
Speaker 2 (46:03):
Well, what you just said was very powerful about the
eight-year-old and the80-year-old self, because I
always think of my grandmothertelling me this, but I actually
think my 80-year-old versionwould say this Imagine saying to
them well, I would have done it, but what if someone was mean
to me on the internet, like you?
Would just go what?
Who cares?
Who cares about that?
(46:24):
And all of us.
We live in this time.
It's a very volatile, crazytime in lots of ways, but we
also have the tools that ourgrandmothers did not have to be
able to create financialindependence for ourselves, to
be able to express ourcreativity, to be able to meet
and have friends and clients allaround this planet.
(46:46):
And yes, it's scary.
No one's saying it's not scary.
Oh my God, I'm sure you havefears all the time.
I have.
It's scary.
No one's saying it's not scary.
Oh my God, I'm sure you knowyou have fears all the time.
I have fears all the time.
No one's saying it's not.
But if everyone's feeling thefear, why don't we all just go
okay?
Well, let's just, let's just doit anyway, because why not?
Us and you'll?
You'll find that when you dothat, uh, people believe you.
(47:08):
It's so weird.
I remember thinking I'm not anauthor but I'm going to start
telling people I'm an author.
And this is another anchor Idid.
I put Denise Duffield Thomas,author, on my email signature
and every time I saw that, firstof all I'd go, but it was a
little like it was anotherlittle layer Right, and then I
realized that other peoplebelieved me and they'd go, oh,
(47:30):
when's your book coming out?
And I'd go, oh, I guess I haveto do it.
And I have literally I've gotfour books with Hay House.
I started self-publishing.
I still go.
Am I really an author?
But people believe that I am.
You've said that I am, so maybeI am.
You are, yeah, well, I guess Iam.
(47:51):
But that's the thing.
People believe you and thenonce they reflect that back to
you, then you believe it alittle bit more and then you
take the action to do the thing.
And that's all life really is.
Everyone's just making it upand we're all just trying to do
our best and that's all we cando, you know.
So spray your perfume on, lightyour candle, do the thing.
Speaker 1 (48:10):
It's done.
I cannot tell you how gratefulI am for your time, for you
being a guest, for your insight,for your knowledge.
I love you so much.
I am your biggest fan.
So is my best friend, trish, sothank you so very much for
being a guest.
Speaker 2 (48:27):
Oh, I cannot wait to see your show.
Please let me know when thatcomes out.
Tell me more about that, justgive me the one minute thing.
Speaker 1 (48:34):
It's been 10 years I've been pitching this show, so
I was on.
HBTV for 15 years and I wantedto create a talk show that
merged everything I'm passionateabout home, food, wellness,
spirituality and I pitched itfor 10 years and every network
said no until finally it cametrue, and I can tell you that
had I done this five years ago,it wouldn't have been this show,
(48:55):
it would have been somethingdifferent, and now it's.
It really is the most perfectiteration of the show that I
ever had before, and I thinkthat's a lesson in patience and
knowing that the universe has abigger plan, and sometimes you
just have to trust.
Speaker 2 (49:09):
You keep your vision there but you trust that the
time will come.
It will come when it's right.
That is so, so true, and thenit's going to be so sweet.
It's going to be so sweet foryou.
Enjoy every bit of it.
Speaker 1 (49:25):
Take all those behind the scenes things and soak it
in, because obviously you'veworked for it and you deserve it
.
Thank you, denise.
And for anyone listening, Iwill have all of Denise's
information in the show notes.
So please follow her onInstagram, all social media, and
you have to buy her book GetRich, lucky Bitch.
Trust me, you'll thank me later.
Speaker 2 (49:39):
Oh, thank you, Sabrina, I appreciate it.
Bye.
Welcome to Redesigning Life.
I'm your host, sabrina Soto,and this is the space where we
have honest conversations aboutpersonal growth, mindset shifts
and creating a life that feelstruly aligned.
In each episode, I'll talk toexperts in their fields who
share their insights to help youstep into your higher self.
Let's redesign your life fromthe inside out.
Denise Dunfield-Thomas, I amsuch a fan of yours.
(00:25):
Thank you for being a guest onthe show.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Oh, my God, thank you for having me.
I'm so excited to talk to youbecause I feel like we're going
to go into some reallyinteresting directions.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Yeah.
So my I was introduced to youthrough a friend of mine and, by
the way, I told her we weredoing a podcast and she gave me
a list of her questions whichI've never had before.
Love, that I wanted to ask you.
But my friend Trish is a hugefan of yours and she told me
about your book Get Rich, luckyBitch and it's funny, because of
the word bitch I sort of wasturned off, but you actually
(00:58):
talk about that in the book ofwhy you know that you had that
sort of feeling about that wordas well.
But obviously, if you read thebook, it is such an amazing,
empowering book for, I think,women with any money blocks,
even if you don't have moneyblocks, I think everyone should
read.
So I have a million questionsto get to, but again, thank you
for being on here.
I think there's going to besuch a great, great episode.
(01:22):
Yes, so it's this topic that alot of people don't like to talk
about, especially women.
I have learned in my yearsmoney and I think your book goes
into so many different facetsof money blocks and abundance
and how to magnetize it towardsyou.
(01:42):
One of the best pieces ofadvice you give that I love is
finding money that's sittingthere like unpaid invoices and
Trish wanted me to tell youstories of.
She did this with her husbandand they found so much money of
claims and unpaid outstandinginvoices from people that they
(02:03):
worked with and it's those smalllittle changes you talk a lot
about in the book that make abig impact in your wallet and
bank account.
Can you talk to my listeners alittle bit more about that and
how that whole system works?
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Oh, absolutely so.
I think it's totally normal forpeople to be skeptical about
things like the law ofattraction, and I totally get
that.
I know that when I startedlearning about things like that,
I was very confused about whatyou actually do.
I was like, do I have to justmeditate really hard on money or
(02:41):
chant under a full moon?
And it really felt like adeservingness thing that I just
couldn't quite figure out.
And so I kind of put myskeptical Virgo brain on that
and thought, okay, what if Ijust pay more attention to money
and what I want?
And that's when your brainstarts to look for answers.
(03:05):
It activates your reticularactivating system, which is just
like how we process informationand how we train our brains to
pay attention.
And so I started to do all thisstuff, um, for money, including
things like just payingattention, paying more attention
to money, being super gratefulto money, but really examining
(03:26):
my thoughts and feelings aboutmoney and noticing how many
negative things I would sayabout money, how many negative
thoughts that I would have aboutmoney, and even every single
time where I thought, oh, maybeyou know, I've got it figured
out, I like money, I would saysomething.
And I'll give you an example.
I was money, I would saysomething, and I'll give you an
example.
I was at the farmer's marketwith my daughter and she said I
(03:49):
want an apple.
I gave her 50 cents.
So 50 cents in Australiathey're gigantic.
And I said you go and you know,buy the apple yourself.
And I was like, oh, look at me,like I'm teaching my child to
you know, be independent.
And then, of course, she went toput it in her mouth and guess
what I said, sabrina?
I said don't put that in yourmouth, money is dirty, it's
(04:14):
dirty.
And I just thought, oh my God,there are so many things like
that that we say about money allthe time and it takes some
unraveling sometimes to workthose things out.
But all of those thingscompound over time If we think
that money is dirty becausewe've been told our whole lives
(04:35):
yes, money is actually dirty.
But also it's actually a reallybad thing to talk about money.
You're not allowed to talkabout money.
It's rude.
Whatever it is, it's rude.
It's rude.
How are you going to send outan invoice?
How are you going to ask formoney?
How are you going to tellsomeone your prices?
Because every part of you isgoing.
That's a really bad thing to do, and so my job is just to
(05:00):
unravel some of those thingswith curiosity.
Not with blame, because I can'tbelieve I even said it to my
kid but with curiosity andcompassion for ourselves.
No wonder it's hard for me tosend out an invoice.
No wonder it's hard for mesometimes to ask for more money
because I feel like I'm going toget into trouble, right, you do
(05:23):
also talk about pricing.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
pricing talk about, like, not sending an invoice.
You talk about pricing yourservices and asking for
basically what you're worth andI believe, even if you're not an
entrepreneur, even if you workfor a corporation, asking for a
raise, especially as a woman,it's this like just do you know,
be happy you have a job mindset, be happy in this economy that
(05:45):
you're working, just be, youknow, grateful that you even
have any income coming in.
How do you, when it's true youshould be grateful that you do
have that, how do you get out ofthe mindset of just being a
good girl and shutting it up topricing your service to what you
truly believe it's worth?
Speaker 2 (06:05):
Oh, absolutely.
By the way, if anyone'slistening and you are in a
corporate job, there is a greatbook by Lois P Frankel and it's
called Nice Girls, don't Get theCorner Office, and she also has
one called Nice Girls, don'tGet Rich, and the tagline is
something like I think it's like75 or 101 mistakes that women
(06:26):
unconsciously make that sabotagetheir career and income, and
that's exactly like.
What she's talking about isthis nice girl syndrome that we
have and, by the way, I workedin corporate jobs all throughout
my 20s.
I don't think I ever reallyasked for a pay increase or
negotiated my salary because Ididn't realize how much this
(06:47):
nice girl thing lived inside me.
And I think what we're tryingto do when we're an entrepreneur
is that we are trying to find acritic proof price.
We are trying to find the pricethat every single person thinks
is reasonable, is fair, and wecannot do that.
(07:09):
We cannot do that.
There's always going to besomeone who thinks you are too
expensive, even if you werecharging a dollar.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
Okay, so talk to me about that, because this is
something Trish and I talkedabout last night to ask you.
She says that sometimes shesees people having retreats or
something and she gets turnedoff when they're asking for way
too much money, like what, whatare you getting in return?
So is that a block that she has, or is there a sweet spot of
asking for too much?
Like how, how is that?
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Well, that's the thing we are trying to please
everybody all the time, foreverything, and it's totally
fine that your friend Trishthinks that some things are too
expensive.
That's not necessarily a blockin itself.
There'll always be.
I mean, I have I've made a lotof money.
There are still some thingsthat I will go.
I will never pay for that, andthere'll be some things that I
(08:01):
think are completely reasonable,and this is why this idea of a
critic proof price is so crucial.
I'm sure you've done this aswell.
There are things that Iwouldn't have spent money on
until I needed that thing.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
Right Anything related to your health.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Anything like that.
But also I remember one time Ipaid for copywriting because I
was procrastinating it big timeand I sent out a quote and the
price that came back was waymore than I wanted to pay, but I
needed it.
I needed it in a short periodof time, and so it's really hard
(08:38):
, when we are setting a price,to send out feedback, basically
to get feedback from people.
We're trying to crowdsource ourpricing and the problem is, who
are we sending it out to?
First of all, sometimes it'sfriends and family who, my God,
they're not our customers.
They have no idea what peoplewould spend on our products and
(08:58):
services.
Two, sometimes it's people whodon't need it.
Three, it's people who maybedon't need it now or it's not
urgent for them.
And when it comes to thingslike spending money on personal
development, there's been timesin my life where I really
desperately needed a coach andnot desperate, but it was just
something that I knew would be areally important game changer
(09:20):
for me and so then that's whereI'm going to spend my money that
year, maybe on a coach or aretreat or something like that.
There are other years wherethat's not as important to me,
so who's got the money blockthere?
There isn't one, it's justsometimes there's a mismatch of
pricing, but if you arecrowdsourcing and you're saying,
(09:40):
well, would you guys pay forthis?
You are going to get so manydifferent answers and you think,
for most of the things thatwe're trying to sell, we don't
need thousands and thousands ofpeople to buy from us.
There will be a match and therewill be a mismatch in pricing.
On that, though, which I thinkis really important.
(10:01):
I don't know what Trisha's moneypersonality is.
She might be an accumulator,right, an accumulator is a very
particular money personality.
They need a lot of information.
They need to justify theirpurchases.
They write pros and cons lists.
They need a lot of information.
So when I'm selling somethingto an accumulator, they're the
(10:21):
ones who are reading the salespage, and it needs to be tick
boxes, benefit driven, no fluff,and they will be the people who
join your course or program orretreat, and they are mentally
ticking things off going.
Did they give me this?
Did they give me this?
A different personality type,like an alchemist?
How?
Speaker 1 (10:39):
many are there?
How many?
Speaker 2 (10:40):
personality types.
There's eight, there's eight.
Okay, go ahead.
An alchemist, for example,would be someone who just gets
caught up in the creativity ofit.
They don't care about thedetails.
So there's no right or wrong,it's just who are you marketing
to?
And here's the crucial thing.
It has to be win-win.
And if you're not feeling inalignment with your prices, it's
(11:03):
really hard to say them and tojustify them.
And I feel like sometimes we dounwittingly turn off clients
because we're just, we're notquite, oh, we don't feel good
about the price, you know.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Right.
So how do you then overcomethat self-doubt, if you are in
that predicament?
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Yeah Well, every time that I've had to set a price,
I've really had to sit with itenergetically in my body and I
know, when I've undercharged,what that's felt like.
I'm sure you have as well,sabrina.
You get off the phone with aclient, you finish a project and
there's just something that'sgnawing at you.
(11:43):
And I remember I spoke at afriend's event.
I did it for free and I gave itall.
You know I was there for hoursand helping people and I got in
the cab afterwards and I felt sodepleted and it wasn't the work
, it wasn't, you know, anythinglike that it was.
I was literally like there wasno energy exchange here.
(12:06):
There was no fair energyexchange.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Wow.
And so because of the crowdthat was there or because of
your friend?
No, because.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
I didn't get paid for it.
And so I felt like I sat thereand I gave, gave, gave, gave,
gave, but I didn't.
There was no energy exchangeRight, and so I really felt the
deficit of that and I felt it inmy body because it's got to
come from somewhere.
So I was like, oh, there's no,it's not fair.
And so then after that Istarted charging even if they
(12:35):
were my friend I would chargeand I would feel like, oh, it's
a fair exchange.
And I think I just got it sophysically in my body, it was so
visceral that I thought likeit's just, it doesn't work to
undercharge.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Right, because then it becomes resentment, not only
for the person, but for yourself.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
Absolutely, and I felt that in my body.
So I think you have to payattention to those signals.
If you are feeling resentful ofyour clients, that is a big
sign that you are underchargingor you're over delivering for
what you're offering.
So sometimes when I work withsomeone like I wouldn't even say
for most people increase yourprices straight away because
(13:19):
energetically they're just maybenot ready.
So one of the first things youmight do is to clean up some of
the leaks.
So maybe instead of an hourwith your sessions, you're
spending two hours.
Maybe you've got a lot of leakswhere you're I don't know
letting people have really badboundaries with you.
All of those things are moneyleaks, really, because you could
(13:43):
chuck in more clients at thetop.
It's just going to cause youmore stress, right?
So you clean up those things.
You clean up any relationshipswhere you are giving unnecessary
discounts or people are takingadvantage of you or you have bad
systems.
So you're not sending outinvoices or you're not sending
out reminders Things like if youwere a service-based business.
(14:07):
Maybe you're not chargingcancellation fees.
You know things like that.
You've got to clean up beforeyou even think about increasing
your prices, because otherwiseit's not really solving the root
problem, which is this internalfeeling of I don't deserve this
.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Yes, you know yes.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
It's the deserving.
That also is, I think, thefoundation of upping your money
mindset game, you know, and Ialso believe that in this
culture there's like thismentality that you have to
hustle, hustle, hustle.
So what is your take on thathustle culture versus just
letting the universe flow in,because it's like when you want
to change, I feel like a lot ofpeople listening probably think
that they have to pound thepavement.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Well, I think there's a middle line right, because I
sometimes hear from people wherethey're like, well, I don't
need to market my business, I'mjust going to manifest clients,
and I'm like great, butmarketing is manifesting clients
, you know, that's how youmanifest clients.
And so I like to find a middleground, because hustling for the
(15:17):
sake of hustling doesn't alwayswork either.
Doing nothing doesn't work.
So the middle ground is what Icall chussel Wait, wait, what's?
Speaker 1 (15:28):
it called Chussel Chussel.
Tell me, what chussel is.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
So chussel is chilled hustle and that is finding I
love that, denise.
Yeah, I haven't said that wordfor such a long time I forgot it
was even in my book.
Yeah, I haven't said that wordfor such a long time, I forgot
it was even in my book.
It's finding that path of leastresistance for you.
So a great example of that, too, is that you could be working
(15:54):
really, really hard, but your,your products are really hard to
find on your website.
Um, you're making it reallyhard for people to give you
money because you're not usingonline payment systems, or
you're not taking paypal, oryou're putting all of these
barriers in place and, um, youknow, maybe you're trying to do
(16:15):
everything yourself in yourbusiness instead of outsourcing.
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
I've done that myself too Right.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
And it's like you know you can work really hard,
but do you have to do all thethings?
And I've got nothing againstworking hard.
There's been times in mybusiness where I had a big goal
and I just had to, you know, putit all in.
But it's finding the rightthings to do, it's finding that
path of least resistance foryour personality, it's making
(16:46):
sure that the pricing is right,it's making sure that you are
not spinning your wheels anddoing busy work, and sometimes
that means not doing all thethings, not offering all the
things you know and like kind ofstreamlining a little bit to
what's going to make the biggestdifference, uh, especially for
(17:06):
your personality you know we allwork in a very different way
and and letting go of some ofthose blocks that could be
unwittingly sabotaging you.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
Yes, I don't.
I mean I.
I in the beginning said that alot of times women aren't
allowed to talk about money, butI actually think you're right.
It's like it's not just women.
It's rude to talk about moneyat all times in any situation,
which I had to pick and choosethe people in my life to talk
about it, because it's this liketopic that nobody wants to talk
about.
But when I do finally discussit with people, they help me
(17:39):
with either investments or ideas, and I just want to kind of
take the taboo out of thissubject because I do think it's
important.
And it's not about the money,it's not about having the Chanel
purse.
To me, it's about creating alife where you can have
adventures, have the thingsaround you that make you happy,
(18:00):
whether it be, you know, apillow or the Ritz Carlton.
You know it all depends becauseeveryone's different.
So how do you invest inyourself?
Like you've been doing this along time?
What's, what do you think, thebest investment you have made in
your career for yourself?
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Oh, really great question.
And you know it's beendifferent at different parts of
my journey.
So one of the best investmentsI made when my kids were small
was a lot of home help, a lot ofhome help.
I had a full-time housekeeperand a full-time nanny and I
think there's sometimes amisconception around things like
(18:41):
that where it's like, oh well,then you've got someone else to
raise your kids.
No, it was having a village.
It was having a village of, andthey were all women, women in
my house to help us flow betweenwork and family.
And I remember when my first kidwas really small and I was
nursing her so my nanny, wouldyou know, I'd nurse the baby, my
(19:04):
nanny would make me breakfastand my housekeeper sorry would
make me breakfast.
I'd go okay, I've got to go anddo a Zoom call now, and so I'd
go and.
But we would just kind of alldid it and flow together because
that's how we're supposed to dothose things right, we don't
(19:24):
have that village anymore.
So that was a big investment,but it was actually the best
investment I could have made inmy business, because I actually
liked doing most things in thebusiness myself and even now I
have quite a small team, but Icouldn't have done that if I had
just invested only in my team.
But then home was a nightmare,and so for a couple of years I
didn't wash a dish, cook a meal,do any laundry, anything, um,
(19:48):
because that's that's the,that's the investment I needed
in my life and, I think, foranyone listening, even if you
can't afford to have that helpit.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
it could be as simple as asking for your neighbors to
help out or a friend to helpout.
It doesn't necessarily have tobe hired help.
It could be investing in asking, you know, getting, accepting
the assistance, which could besomething that you have a
difficult time with.
At least, I'm talking to myselfnow.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
Oh, absolutely.
You know what Hiring a cleaneronce, once a month might be
something that takes it off yourmind.
Or, you know, hiring someonelike a neighborhood kid to watch
your kids for an hour while youwork on your business.
It can be done, but I thinkthat sometimes we think there's
(20:36):
only one way to invest inourselves and in our businesses,
and I actually think a lot oftime.
Especially for women, it'sreally practical help, and I
know that at that time in mybusiness I was like I can do my
social media, I can do my IT, Ican do all of these things, but
if I'm also then having to dothe laundry, it's actually going
(20:57):
to be really difficult for me,and so, even if you can't afford
it, I actually think thediscipline of ignoring the
laundry for a while is is goingto pay you more, you know.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
I have to.
I haven't.
I have to admit something.
Yeah, so I'm.
You are on the podcast.
I've been looking forward to therecording, this and I also have
three other recordings today,and about 15 minutes before we
started recording, I wasupstairs because I record here
in my house.
(21:31):
So, in juggling the podcastrecording, I have a show now
that's coming out.
You know what I was doing rightbefore we were chatting I was
taking a toothbrush to mybathroom sink with bleach to
clean.
That's what I was doing, denise, and as I'm doing it, I
actually let out a grunt becauseI'm like why am I doing this
(21:52):
now, when I'm about to recordwith somebody, like a huge
somebody that I look up to andan author that I just am such a
fan of?
Why am I cleaning the bathroomsink right now?
And I think you're right.
It's like some person I don'tknow what personality I am, but
it's like you can't do it all,and if you have to do it all,
(22:14):
maybe it's the discipline ofletting things go, letting
things just go for a little bit.
That is actually.
This is just advice for me.
You just gave me advice.
I don't know if anybody elselistening is the same way, but
I'm glad Cause.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
I know, when I first started my business and I wasn't
making a lot of money, myhusband would come home and he'd
go why didn't you just put somelaundry on?
And I was like, well, I was at,I was at work and you know?
No, you know no.
Or you would say, oh, can yougo to the post office for me,
because you know you're at home?
And I was going.
No, you know, this is reallyimportant and this is going to
(22:54):
be something that is going to,you know, feed our family.
And I had to kind of paint thatpicture.
But I had to have the disciplinetoo of going no, no, no, do
your work, because that's moreimportant.
And you know, for anyone outthere who wants to write a book
or launch a program or you know,do something like that, it's
totally okay for your house tobe a mess while you're doing
(23:15):
that, or you do that.
You do your work first, youknow you put your stuff first
and then you go okay, I'll dothis stuff.
Because, yeah, you know we livein a real world, you still have
to do stuff.
And, um, you know, if you'vegot kids and pets, they need
attention too.
But your dreams are alsoimportant and they deserve to
take up space.
And it's very easy toprocrastinate, especially when
(23:38):
you don't have a boss lookingover your shoulder.
But you're the one that has tokeep your dream top of mind and
do the things to get thoseclients to get that money,
because no one's sitting aroundwaiting for you.
You have to go.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
Why not me.
I think a lot of peoplelistening after COVID, even
people who have corporate jobs,now work from home because now
it's flexible, it's work.
You know go into the office afew times, but now I feel like
there's more pressure on you tomanage the household while
you're working.
So having boundaries about whatyou said to your husband like
no, it's almost like you have topretend you're not even at your
(24:15):
home when you're working officehours.
Absolutely Back into being, youknow, a homemaker.
So now you're a full-timehomemaker and a full-time
employee.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
It's a nightmare.
Um, you know, yesterday, um, Ihad, you know, a salesperson
knocking on the door, you know,to sell solar, and I'm just like
I've got a zoom call.
I know I'm like I've got a zoomcall in two minutes.
I'm like bye and there are alot of distractions.
But you know what I've reallyrealized now that you know I
(24:48):
have created this really bigbusiness.
It's so much less time than youthink.
It's just that 80% of the timewe're procrastinating just doing
the thing Like cleaning thebathroom sink.
Yeah, oh God.
Yeah, I've done that myself amillion times and it's like it
really hasn't taken as much timeto build my business as I
thought.
It's just it's literally doingthe right things, though, you
(25:11):
know, and this and the thingsthat scare us sometimes, and I
think that's why, when we canremind ourselves what we're
playing for you know, havingdream boards, remind ourselves
what we're playing for, you know, having dream boards, having a
big goal that we're workingtowards that is emotional and
exciting, that's the stuffthat's going to help us overcome
the fear and other things youknow, like being in community
(25:34):
with other entrepreneurs,normalizing both the work and
the success, normalizing thefear that comes with all of
those things too.
Normalizing the sometimesuncomfortable rites of passage
that come with having a business, like having people reject us
and say we're too expensive, oryou know all of the things that
(25:55):
come with running a business.
If you are alone in thosesituations, you start to
internalize that or maybethere's something wrong with me
and it's like no, it's just.
Sometimes things happen inbusiness and that's okay too.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
So you yeah, you mentioned community with other
entrepreneurs.
For someone listening who wantsa community and especially I
feel like in my forties now it'seven more difficult to find
friends how do you, what advicedo you give to clients in order
to create that community or tofind those, to find your people?
Speaker 2 (26:28):
Okay.
So sometimes we think it's thismystery and also I think
sometimes people's um childhoodtraumas come into place around
this right Of going.
You know I'm not in the coolgroup or how do I find you know
people?
And I always say to peopleeverything is a viable
experience.
So if there's someone you wantto work with or if there's a
(26:50):
community you want to beinvolved in, you can buy into
people's communities.
So I'll start there and then goto free stuff.
So, um, it's, if there'ssomeone that you admire and they
have a program or a course or acommunity or events or
conferences or retreats, you canpay to get into those
communities.
(27:10):
And in my early days that's howI made a lot of friends.
I went to conferences, I wentto retreats.
You know, whatever I couldafford at the time, and here's
my tip too I went to retreats.
You know, whatever I couldafford at the time.
And here's my tip too I always,always ask the first question
of the conference, because I ama massive introvert and I get
(27:30):
really nervous about things likespeaking on camera even sorry,
on microphone, even still.
So I force myself to ask thefirst question, you know.
And they're like has anyone gota question, I put my hand
straight up, I run to themicrophone and I go hi, my name
is Denise Duffield Thomas,author of Get Rich, lucky Bitch
or whatever it is, and then Iask my question and then I can
sit down and I can go oh, thankGod.
(27:51):
And then people come up to meoh hi, I heard your question and
that's always been my best tipto meet people, because
otherwise I just freak out aboutit.
But what I've also been reallygood at for the last couple of
years in making friends is Ijoin communities.
(28:12):
You know there might be freeFacebook groups for your
industry or whatever it is, andI show up and I'd be really
helpful.
I'm not salesy I've never beenbut I've always just been that
person who's encouraging toothers.
Or if I've got an answer, I'llanswer that question.
And online friends are realfriends yes, they really are.
(28:33):
And then you know, make friendswith those people, not to sell
to them, but to create thatcommunity, collaborate,
collaborate, exactly.
If you've got a podcast, invitepeople on that.
You want to get to know.
You can be a hub, you cancreate free Facebook groups, you
(28:54):
can create networking or meetupgroups.
But I think what the thing isthat I hear people say sometimes
is there's a cool group and I'mnot invited, and that is
totally childhood school traumawhich I totally get.
But there is no.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
There is no cool kids club, you know it's just I
don't know anyone that was thatdoesn't have that high school
like fear of I'm not in the.
Even the cool people I knowfrom high school probably
thought the same thing.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
For sure, for sure.
But you know, that's the thing.
A lot of people meet atconferences, events, retreats,
things like that.
So if you can get to thoseplaces, you'll realize that
they're just normal people.
And that's what I love.
When I get together with otherentrepreneurs where we have very
similar experiences, yourealize that you're not alone in
(29:44):
your fears and you also realizethat no matter how much money
someone makes, they're stilljust a normal person.
And it's really hard to do thatif you just you know, by
yourself all the time.
I mean, I live on the Eastcoast of Australia.
I would say most of myentrepreneurial friends are in
America.
You know they're, they're allover the world and I feel like I
(30:04):
see them all the time.
But of course I don't, you know, cause I'm I never, I never go
anywhere cause I'm an introvert,but I'm like, I feel like I've
got a beautiful community aroundme and that's because I've
deliberately created that.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
So, as an author of one of the biggest authors when
it comes to money mindset, whoare your mentors?
Speaker 2 (30:24):
Oh, great question.
So some of my really earlymentors are people that I still
really look up to today.
So one of them is KendallSummerhawk.
She is a money coach.
I'm certified in her moneyarchetype system.
I love her.
Fabienne Fredrickson is one ofmy early mentors and it's, you
know, funny.
I bought one of her programslike maybe 10 years ago, and
(30:50):
she's based in, or she was basedin, connecticut for a long time
and she moved her family toFrance and I happened to be in
Europe when she was hosting aretreat and so I went on the
retreat and she was like, oh,denise, I haven't seen you in 10
years.
You know what have you been upto?
And I was thinking but we talkall the time, because I still
feel her mentorship all the timeand I still quote things that
(31:11):
she says and I listen to herpodcast and I was like, what do
you mean?
We've never stopped talking.
It was really funny.
And then I'm also in some groupchats with some other
entrepreneurs and again they'rejust from people that we've met
at conferences or differentthings and we really we support
(31:32):
each other and that's that's oneof the most important things
for me is just having that.
I don't know just that casualsupport as well as mentorship,
and there's been a few verysuccessful people that I've met
at conferences who I would saywe've got a casual mentorship
relationship where they'll textme sometimes, I'll text them
(31:54):
sometimes, and I think that'simportant too, to always have
people who are really far aheadof you to normalize what's
coming.
That makes sense.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
One of your biggest fans, susie Ashworth, was also a
guest on my podcast too.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
I love her.
Speaker 1 (32:09):
So much.
So what are you?
She's fantastic.
What?
What are your daily practicesto get yourself square and right
when it comes to creating thelife that you dream of?
Speaker 2 (32:21):
Is it?
Speaker 1 (32:22):
a vision board, or what do you do?
Speaker 2 (32:24):
It's all the things, okay, but I want to say this
it's all the things, becauseeverything works in its own
little way, but you do not haveto be perfect with any of those,
because I think sometimes wemix up these things in our head
and we feel like that it's adeservingness thing, so we have
(32:46):
to be perfect in it.
Like, for example, I rememberpeople saying, oh, you have to
write down your goals every day,and I thought, well, I have
ADHD.
I never remember to do that, sotherefore I'm not worthy of
having that thing because I'mdisorganized or whatever.
So what I try and do is tocreate a lot of different things
(33:08):
in my life to crowd out thenegative thoughts that will come
up inevitably.
Things like my screensaver on myphone is one of my goals at the
moment, which I'm selling aproperty, so it is I'll have
sold, and I'll have that on mycomputer screensaver as well.
(33:30):
There's been times where I'vehad a really big goal and I've
put it on my TV.
You can have your TV be ascreensaver too.
I've put it on my TV when I getin my car.
The podcast that comes on is apositive podcast, and so I'm
trying to infuse as many thingsinto my daily life as possible
(33:52):
that do not require meremembering to do it and being
deserving of doing it.
Speaker 1 (33:58):
I love that because I think everyone hears like you
got it, you got a journal.
Every morning, you have to do agratitude list, you have to
meditate, you have to do avision board.
You have to, you have to, youhave to do a vision board.
You have to, you have to, youhave to.
And, yes, those are allfantastic tools, but if you do,
if you don't get to it every day, that doesn't mean you're a
loser and that doesn't mean thatyou don't like um, you're not
(34:19):
worthy of the things, the dreamsthat you want and you can do so
many of these little things, soa lot of things in my life have
have meaning.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
So I mean, I'm wearing a bee necklace, um, and
for me that's like I'm a luckybee, you know.
That reminds me I'm a lucky beeOften, um, the clothing that I
wear, or the perfume, or I'veeven got, um, my skincare has
bees on it too, and so it's justthese little visual reminders,
but not just visual.
I like to go through my senses.
(34:50):
So I, you know that LadyMillion perfume, no, I love, oh,
it's called Lady Million, butanyway there's, and they've got
five different scents, and one'slike Lucky one's, fabulous
one's Empire, and I mean it'snot, it's like drugstore perfume
, but it's a little anchor thatI don't have to think about.
That sometimes I use, sometimesI don't, and I have a million of
(35:14):
those throughout my life thatyou probably wouldn't, someone
else wouldn't even necessarilynotice those things, and I
probably wouldn't notice themall every day either.
But they're subconscious, youknow, and it only takes a little
, like sometimes it's lookingfor the bad things and getting
rid of them first, like, oh,there's this squeaky wheel that
(35:34):
really annoys me.
What can I replace that with?
And I call that.
You know upgrading.
So it's like what can I upgradeto close down all those tabs in
my brain and create morebandwidth?
But then what can I replacethat with?
And again, there'll be times inmy life where I'm manifesting
something really big andimportant to me, and so I'll
(35:55):
very, very deliberately go andput pictures on the inside of my
cabinets.
I will write on my mirror inwhiteboard marker, I will spray
things around the house thatsmell like that goal.
I will light candles that smelllike that goal.
So when I was manifestingbuilding a beach house, I had a
(36:17):
candle that smelled like thebeach.
In this blue glass I willchange up what my key ring is on
my car keys and I will put in amillion of these different
things, because some of themwill get in and some of them
won't.
But it will just give me thatteeny, tiny, extra little bit of
(36:38):
motivation to do the thing thatI need to do.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
And then it's a big upgrade If you're listening and
you feel like you're in a rut.
It's not about overhauling yourentire daily routine, it's the
small little shifts, like thebeach candle.
Or if you want to move toFlorida, get a key ring that
says Florida on it.
Those small little details addup and you're right, the
subconscious records it.
Speaker 2 (37:00):
Absolutely Listen to songs about Florida and all of
this.
Then you start to it just feelslike it's inevitable, it feels
like you've already achieved it,it feels like you're in the
process and it's like, well, isthat magic?
No, but it's like starts tofeel like it is right, because
then those coincidences start tocome in, you see signs, because
(37:21):
your eyes are open for it,right.
And then each one of thosethings you go, oh well, it's a
sign, I'm meant to do it, whichgives you that extra teeny, tiny
bit of confidence to takeaction.
And then it does become thisself-fulfilling prophecy.
And I mean, I look at some ofthe things in my life here and I
think, oh, I remember what thatwas related to.
I remember this was related toa particular goal.
(37:42):
You know just so many thingsare layered in to my daily life.
Speaker 1 (37:48):
now.
It's like a book called whenyou Bury it a time.
Why is it Like a time capsule?
Time capsule, yeah, it's like atime capsule that you're
surrounded with Speaking ofsubconscious?
How do you feel aboutsubliminals?
Speaker 2 (38:02):
I love subliminals.
So, yes, so actually I firststarted using this when I was a
teenager.
I first started using this whenI was a teenager because I used
to love going into those likecrystal stores and you know,
alternative stores.
And I remember seeing thiscassette tape and it was a
subliminal learning tape becauseI had ADHD undiagnosed ADHD in
(38:24):
high school, so I was alwaysjust thinking what's wrong with
me, why can't I study?
And it was a study tape toclassical Baroque music and um,
and it went for 45 minutes andit, when I played it, I sat
there and I studied for 45minutes and I felt like a
miracle.
So this was for me, it wasmaybe 1996.
(38:46):
It felt like such a miracle andso I mean, you know, in a
cassette player.
So then I, um, I sought outmore of those things and as it
become, you know, became moreavailable online, and then I
create subliminals for otherpeople too, and I created this
one, um, and it was like uh,1111 money affirmations and it
(39:08):
was, and it was so badly I madeit myself on garage band or
whatever and it was like beachsounds, because I was like,
again, wanted to manifest thatbeach house, right, so it was
(39:30):
beach sounds.
But I kind send me messages andsay I don't know what is on that
tape.
But all of these things startedhappening in my life and so I
was like, okay, obviouslythere's something to this.
And I I remember even someonesaid my cat has been bringing
(39:51):
home mice every day sincelistening to this audio.
It worked on the cat.
It worked on the cat.
But people would say, oh my God,I feel like it's worked on my
husband because suddenly he'schanging his mindset and I go
does that work?
Or is it because your intentionand you are more open to things
now and you are seeing thingsdifferently too?
(40:13):
So again, I put that in thebucket of.
Everything works in its own wayand it all contributes.
So I actually created a ton ofsubliminals for the Hay House
app as well, in lots ofdifferent categories, from
pricing to being a millionaireor whatever.
And I just say to people I mean, don't play them when you're
(40:33):
driving your car, but why notplay them at night?
One little message might get in, but even if it doesn't for me,
I think I don't care.
If that subliminal worked forme as a kid it was just like oh,
now I'm studying, I createdthat moment of now I'm studying.
Yes, yes, you know, I createdthat moment of now.
I'm studying, and so I feellike all of these anchors are
(40:55):
just extra proof of like, no, Iam a person who succeeds.
I am a person who sends thoseinvoices out, and you know I
can't even begin to explain howsome of those things work, but I
feel like everything works.
So don't get into a thing ofshould I do this, should I do
that?
Just try it all, but layer itin, because I'm not spending
(41:15):
every day frantically runningaround going, oh my God, am I
doing this?
They're all already there, soyou can see in my background.
So there's a typewriter.
That was one of my earliestanchors when I was writing my
book of just having a typewriteraround.
There's my combi van, which wassomething I used in one of my
(41:37):
early branding shoots, and thenI wanted to buy one, and then I
did buy it.
And then the pain the brakesalways fail.
So I was like I'll just havethe Lego one, that's so much
easier.
And so there are a lot ofthings.
Even just the color blue for meis an anchor.
So some of these things youonly have to set up once, and
this is where it becomes.
You can be a little bit laidback in it, because you're not
(41:58):
frantically trying to fill thevoid or trying to convince
yourself you're something you'renot.
You layer them in until itbecomes your new normal and this
is just who I am, and um, andthen that way, then you have
that muscle memory.
You don't slide back to, youknow, having this horrible
mindset, all of those thingsjust become the foundation of of
(42:19):
who you are.
Speaker 1 (42:20):
Yes, I, before I bought my house, I was in um a
rental and I really wanted tobuy this expensive candle.
And I said, okay, when I getthe house I'll buy the candle,
so that I could burn the housein the candle or burn the candle
in the house.
And I was like, why am Iwaiting to have a house just to
burn a damn candle?
And it was the burning of thecandle that created this.
(42:43):
I could have that sort offeeling of having that beautiful
smell in the house now and youdon't have to wait until your
dream is fulfilled in order totake the little steps.
It's about that feeling.
It's surrounding yourself witha feeling, even if it's a Lego
car or a typewriter that justvisually reminds you.
Speaker 2 (43:04):
And a candle is much cheaper than a house.
So start there.
But I like the way you saidthat, because actually smell is
a very powerful manifesting toolfor me as well, and so you know
that thing.
You know when you see it youcan believe it.
For me it's if I can smell it Ican believe it.
And I think everyone's got tolook for their dominant sense,
because sometimes it's like if Ihear it a million times, I'll
(43:26):
believe it.
If I see it.
So then you have to have thevisual dream boards and things
like that.
If I feel it, I'll believe it.
So it could be that you knowyou have a money jacket and it's
like I put this on and this ismy money jacket and I'm going to
send out my invoices.
Or I have a you know, a watchor a ring that I play with, or
something on my key ring.
(43:46):
Because if I feel it, then Ibelieve it, If I smell it, I'll
believe it.
Speaker 1 (44:00):
That's the key, I think, is to do all of them, but
really nail in on those ones.
Personalize it for yourself.
I read once, and I don't knowif it's true, but if you are
trying to figure out what sensesare most important to you
personally, is what do younormally say?
If you're talking to somebodyand you say, oh, I see what
you're saying, that could meanthat you're more of a visual
person.
So pay attention to the wordsthat you use constantly and you
might get tipped off of whatsenses are more important to you
.
Speaker 2 (44:20):
Yes, I love that Cause.
It's like, oh, I hear you, Ihear, oh, I feel you, I feel you
.
I don't think anyone's saying,oh, I smell that.
Yeah, I'm saying, oh, I smellthat, yeah, I smell what you're
putting down.
But, yeah, I think that'simportant and this is why, too,
it has to be personalized to us,and I struggled a little bit in
the early days when I was justkind of following mentors and
(44:41):
thinking, well, that doesn'tlike, that's not right for me.
You know, that doesn't resonate, which is I'm a feeling person,
right and, and so it's okay todo it in a way that feels good
to you and to find your path.
The only thing is make sureyou're just not procrastinating
and you're actually movingforward and you're taking
meaningful action.
(45:01):
You know that meaningfulchussel, so you can like why not
?
You Like?
It really doesn't take thatmuch work, but it is work in the
right direction.
Speaker 1 (45:14):
Just start taking the step.
I saw a meme the other day thatsays I'm working now for two
people my 80 year old self andmy eight year old self and I
thought that was so powerful,because I there are things that
I procrastinate and I know thatmy 80 year old self would come
over and slap me upside the headand be like why didn't you do
it?
So it's like no, even if I fail, like my show now is called the
(45:35):
Sabrina Soto show.
It's we just released thetrailer yesterday.
It's going to be on Hulu andAmazon in the design network
next month and I knowcongratulations, that is very
cool.
I was so afraid of having a showwith my name on it, because
what if it fails?
But it's like you know what.
Sometimes you have to takethose risks.
(45:56):
And even if it didn't fail, Ithink I would be more upset if I
didn't do it than if I did itand failed.
Speaker 2 (46:03):
Well, what you just said was very powerful about the
eight-year-old and the80-year-old self, because I
always think of my grandmothertelling me this, but I actually
think my 80-year-old versionwould say this Imagine saying to
them well, I would have done it, but what if someone was mean
to me on the internet, like you?
Would just go what?
Who cares?
Who cares about that?
(46:24):
And all of us.
We live in this time.
It's a very volatile, crazytime in lots of ways, but we
also have the tools that ourgrandmothers did not have to be
able to create financialindependence for ourselves, to
be able to express ourcreativity, to be able to meet
and have friends and clients allaround this planet.
(46:46):
And yes, it's scary.
No one's saying it's not scary.
Oh my God, I'm sure you havefears all the time.
I have.
It's scary.
No one's saying it's not scary.
Oh my God, I'm sure you knowyou have fears all the time.
I have fears all the time.
No one's saying it's not.
But if everyone's feeling thefear, why don't we all just go
okay?
Well, let's just, let's just doit anyway, because why not?
Us and you'll?
You'll find that when you dothat, uh, people believe you.
(47:08):
It's so weird.
I remember thinking I'm not anauthor but I'm going to start
telling people I'm an author.
And this is another anchor Idid.
I put Denise Duffield Thomas,author, on my email signature
and every time I saw that, firstof all I'd go, but it was a
little like it was anotherlittle layer Right, and then I
realized that other peoplebelieved me and they'd go, oh,
(47:30):
when's your book coming out?
And I'd go, oh, I guess I haveto do it.
And I have literally I've gotfour books with Hay House.
I started self-publishing.
I still go.
Am I really an author?
But people believe that I am.
You've said that I am, so maybeI am.
You are, yeah, well, I guess Iam.
(47:51):
But that's the thing.
People believe you and thenonce they reflect that back to
you, then you believe it alittle bit more and then you
take the action to do the thing.
And that's all life really is.
Everyone's just making it upand we're all just trying to do
our best and that's all we cando, you know.
So spray your perfume on, lightyour candle, do the thing.
Speaker 1 (48:10):
It's done.
I cannot tell you how gratefulI am for your time, for you
being a guest, for your insight,for your knowledge.
I love you so much.
I am your biggest fan.
So is my best friend, trish, sothank you so very much for
being a guest.
Speaker 2 (48:27):
Oh, I cannot wait to see your show.
Please let me know when thatcomes out.
Tell me more about that, justgive me the one minute thing.
Speaker 1 (48:34):
It's been 10 years I've been pitching this show, so
I was on.
HBTV for 15 years and I wantedto create a talk show that
merged everything I'm passionateabout home, food, wellness,
spirituality and I pitched itfor 10 years and every network
said no until finally it cametrue, and I can tell you that
had I done this five years ago,it wouldn't have been this show,
(48:55):
it would have been somethingdifferent, and now it's.
It really is the most perfectiteration of the show that I
ever had before, and I thinkthat's a lesson in patience and
knowing that the universe has abigger plan, and sometimes you
just have to trust.
Speaker 2 (49:09):
You keep your vision there but you trust that the
time will come.
It will come when it's right.
That is so, so true, and thenit's going to be so sweet.
It's going to be so sweet foryou.
Enjoy every bit of it.
Speaker 1 (49:25):
Take all those behind the scenes things and soak it
in, because obviously you'veworked for it and you deserve it
.
Thank you, denise.
And for anyone listening, Iwill have all of Denise's
information in the show notes.
So please follow her onInstagram, all social media, and
you have to buy her book GetRich, lucky Bitch.
Trust me, you'll thank me later.
Speaker 2 (49:39):
Oh, thank you, Sabrina, I appreciate it.
Bye.
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