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June 9, 2025 44 mins

It’s not hard to stay calm and open when someone is complimenting your outfit or thanking you for dinner. But when they’re disappointed in you? Hurt by something you said? Frustrated by a mistake you made? That’s when your brain shifts into protect mode. And suddenly, instead of listening, you’re defending, explaining, or withdrawing. Defensiveness is one of the biggest barriers to connection, whether it’s with your partner, your boss, your best friend, or your teenager. But if you can learn to manage your internal response to criticism, or even perceived criticism, you can show up differently in every relationship you care about. Today we’ll talk about why you get defensive; you’ll be able to take a quiz to identify your defense style and, of course, I’ll share my five steps to listen without getting defensive.

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Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/how-to-stop-taking-it-personally-5-steps-to-listen-without-getting-defensive


Take the What’s Your Defense Style Quiz: https://abbymedcalf.com/defense-quiz


Learn how to create and hold healthy, loving boundaries with my book Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Ease and Joy, https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries or The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook


Want to feel happier and more connected in your relationship? Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book

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Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to  https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast and https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives, where you’ll find past episodes.


Subscribe today to get my love letter to you! This biweekly reminder will keep you on the path to creating connected, happy relationships (especially the one with yourself!). https://abbymedcalf.com


A great idea to stay motivated and keep your head in a positive direction is to buy some of my fabulous, inspirational merchandise. Get yourself a t-shirt, mug, tote bag or notebook with that daily reminder that you’ve got this! https://abbymedcalf.com/shop


Say hello on social:

Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphd

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthriving

LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthriving

YouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube


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