February 4, 2025 • 43 mins
Bernadette Boas is getting into a difficult and intimate conversation with guest, Gabriella Rosa, all about fertility, and in many cases, infertility.
Gabriela shares her profound insights on how workplace pressures impact both men and women on their fertility journey, and provides actionable strategies to optimize health and improve chances of conceiving a healthy baby.
Episode Highlights:
- Gabriela's Personal Fertility Journey
- Impact of Stress on Male Fertility
- Stress and Female Fertility
- Optimizing Fertility - Key Strategies
Mentioned Resources:
- Gabriela Rosa's Book: Fertility Breakthrough: Overcoming Infertility and Recurrent Miscarriage When Other Treatments Have Failed. Available FREE on Spotify and YouTube
- You can buy the book on Amazon and other major booksellers
- Gabriela's Podcast: TalkSex with Gabriela Rosa - fertilitybreakthrough.com
Connect with Gabriela Rosa on Instagram @GabrielaRosaFertility
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Join us in the conversation and take the first step towards shedding the corporate pressures that impede your personal and professional growth. Don't miss our future episodes where we'll continue to explore transformative journeys and actionable insights. Until next time, keep shedding, keep growing, and keep leading!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
As a female or male leader in the workplace?
Is your stress impacting yourhealth, well-being and potential
future goals such as familyplanning, aka having a baby?
Are you prioritizing yourlong-term health and fertility
goals in the same way that youprioritize your career and
professional development?
(00:21):
According to our guest,gabriella Rosa of the Rosa
Institute, there are significantimpacts to one's health,
fertility and even their abilityto lead effectively as a result
of work-related stress andpressures.
As a world-renowned fertilityspecialist author, reproductive
health educator and HarvardUniversity-awarded scholar,
(00:44):
health educator and HarvardUniversity awarded scholar,
gabriella is dedicated tohelping couples create healthy
babies despite previousreproductive challenges and
treatment failures, and one keyway is to help get any stress,
pressure and health ailmentsunder control.
Gabriella will help all of us toidentify symptoms impacting
work and leadership abilitiesand learning strategies to
(01:07):
overcome them with betterclarity, energy and ease.
That will make our fertilitythat much more productive.
As a result of her takingcharge of her health and
fertility, as well as acceptingnothing less, she didn't leave a
(01:34):
stone unturned and she leftnothing to chance.
If you want happiness andsuccess at work and in the home
with a family, this is thediscussion you want to take part
.
Stay with us.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Welcome to Shedding the Corporate Bitch, the podcast
that transforms today'smanagers into tomorrow's
powerhouse leaders.
Your host, bernadette Boas,executive coach and author,
(02:04):
brings very essence oftransformation that she now
inspires in others with her tips, strategies and stories.
So if you're ready to shed thebitches of fear and insecurity,
ditch the imposter syndrome andstep into the role of the
powerhouse leader you were bornto be, this podcast is for you.
Let's do this.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Gabriella, how are you?
Welcome welcome.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
I feel like this was such a long time coming.
I'm so excited to be here.
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
You're welcome and I'm excited about this
conversation, not only becausewe're both dressed in pink Yay
and we didn't even coordinate.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
Imagine that, wow yes , telepathy.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Exactly, exactly.
But at the same time I really Ilove the work that you're doing
.
I'm not a mother but at thesame time, you know, I do have
(03:06):
friends and family that havestruggled, and both male and
female, which I think is what'sgoing to be really powerful
about this conversation is toreally just talk about just the
stress and the symptoms, thesituations both at work and at
home that can create real issuefor both men and women from a
fertility issue.
But before we get there, I likeour listeners and viewers to
always get to know the personthat we're talking to so they
(03:27):
can get to connect with them.
So could you share with us alittle bit about Gabriela?
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Yeah, sure, I mean, I think that there are so many
different angles from which wecan go into this conversation.
But I think that you know, it'sfair to say I like a lot of
chocolate and weights trainingis definitely a big thing in my
life.
Those are two very definingcharacteristics of Gabriella.
But you know, on a more seriousnote, I've been helping couples
(03:54):
overcome infertility andrecurrent miscarriage literally
since 2001.
So, as you can imagine, it hasbeen a long time and lots of
learnings.
We've helped now thousands ofpatients in every continent
other than Antarctica, and Ithink that what has led me to
where I am today and what keepsme here are very distinct things
(04:15):
.
You know, like when I firststarted, it was out of really
not knowing what I didn't know.
And you know the story therewas that I was my periods, when
I was 18, simply stopped.
You know, one day it was likeokay, this is, it was meant to
come now and it didn't.
And it didn't for a month andtwo and I started to wonder am I
(04:37):
pregnant?
Do I need to?
You know, like, is somethingwrong, you know?
And I had done multiplepregnancy tests and nothing was
was showing up on that level.
So I'm thinking, okay, well,this is weird, because my body
should be cycling, it should bedoing what it, what every
woman's body does as far as Iwas concerned, and so it really
got me curious.
(04:58):
I was working at the time for anobstetrician gynecologist
clinic.
There was a group of them thatwere there and I remember one
day pulling one of the femalegynecologists aside and saying,
hey, you know, is there a reasonwhy this could happen?
Like it's really strange.
And, of course, I felt a bitweird about seeing a doctor in
that clinic because I wasworking there.
So I went elsewhere and, youknow, went to see this doctor
(05:22):
and said listen, um, I haven'thad a period in six months.
And I don't know why, becauseI'm not pregnant.
And it was this old guy wholiterally, just like you know,
from across the table, just saysto me every woman's pregnant
until proven otherwise.
And I'm like okay, you'reclearly not listening to me.
It's like yes, I am 18, but youhave to listen to what I just
told you.
I am not pregnant.
(05:43):
I have done multiple pregnancytests.
Well, let's just do some tests.
And I'm like, okay, let's so.
And I basically took thereferral and he said just call
me in two days for the results.
Okay, cool, went, did the bloodtest, called in two days, fair
enough.
He literally just, you know,tells me, okay, let me just tell
(06:03):
you, you have polycysticovarian disease.
And I'm like, okay, like it,literally.
In that moment I just stoppedand I was like what is that?
Like am I gonna die?
You know, like literally.
So I said, is that reallyserious?
Like what's, what's that?
And he goes, oh no, you're justprobably never gonna have
children, children.
I'm like, okay, that's one wayto give that kind of news to an
(06:27):
18-year-old, thank you.
But from that it really kind ofspringboarded into this
curiosity around okay, well,what does that mean and what can
I do about it?
Because I was kind of alwaysvery action prone, you know, in
my young days and even to thisday, just very much focused on
(06:48):
okay, well, what can I do aboutit?
What is it that can actuallyhelp me in this diagnosis, you
know?
So I basically started learningand researching and I had just
started studying.
My first training was as anaturopathic practitioner, and
so naturopathic medicine waskind of the first approach to
(07:09):
the process.
You know.
That led me later to developall of the things and to do all
of the things that I have doneup until now.
But that really was where itstarted and I think about five
years into what I was doing, andI already knew from the very
start when I started practicing.
I started working with women'shealth and PCOS and PMS and you
(07:29):
know all of these kind ofpremenstrual and hormonal
imbalances conditions, and thatled to because, obviously, where
I was working at the time,whilst I was studying, with an
obstetrician, gynaecologist, whowas one of my very early
mentors and still you knowsomeone who's very special to me
in my life today and he said tome one day what are you going
(07:50):
to do when you finish, you know?
And I was like, well, I thinkI'm going to specialize in
babies, pediatrics and he goesthat's the worst idea you've
ever had.
I'm like, okay, talk aboutbeing nice and motivational
today, jim, and he goes.
Not really.
And I said, because he wasalways such an encouraging dude,
you know, he was always so like, yes, that's a great idea about
(08:12):
, you know, things that I usedto tell him.
And with this day, I was like,oh, I was taken aback by this
kind of comment.
And he goes well, you know,because pediatrics.
I was gonna do pediatrics beforeI decided to do obstetrics and
gynecology, but you know, yourpatient's not your patient, your
patient is the parent of yourpatient and your patient can't
speak.
I'm like, oh, those are somereally valid points that I had
(08:38):
not considered and so, yes, itturned out that there was a
better idea and for me it endedup being looking at and focusing
on fertility.
And so one day I was kind offinishing up my clinical hours
that you know 500 million thatyou had to do.
I was finishing it up and Icame across this poster Natural
(09:00):
Fertility Clinic.
I went fertility, that's whatI'm going to specialise in, and
so that's kind of how it started.
You know about yeah, I know it'sso serendipitous, you know like
literally just walking, and youlike, see this a4 little point
just to kind of finalize thatconversation very quickly.
Um, it so turned out that fiveyears to ten years later, I
(09:22):
started getting people whoweren't at the beginning of
their journey, but they weremuch later down the track.
You know, more than two yearsof infertility, and you know
really, kind of like, with lotsof different challenges, having
tried lots of differenttreatments, that nothing had
worked.
And so that's what then led meto really narrow down and focus
(09:43):
on, you know, helping couplesovercome infertility as a
full-time thing, you know, likenot looking at other things but
really just focusing on that.
So that's, that's how ithappened and that's how it's
going.
Yeah Well, that's fabulous.
For women, typically it's awoman.
If they come and they say Ihaven't found a partner, I
(10:03):
really want to do this by myself.
Can you help?
Yes, we will guide them in thedirection of what they need and
certainly optimize their ownchances.
But when it comes to, you know,most of the patients that we
treat 98% actually areessentially couples who are
struggling to conceive or keep ahealthy pregnancy to term.
And we do focus on bothpartners in that equation,
(10:25):
because it's a 50-50 equation,you know.
I like to say that fertility isa team's force and we have to
treat it that way.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Yes, I love that, and that's really what drew me to
want to have this conversation,because I think, when it comes
to pregnancy and fertility, thefocus and the spotlight is kind
of always on the woman.
And yet there's this otherperson in a good amount of times
(10:54):
it's a male and they are alsobeing impacted by this situation
A hundred percent.
A hundred percent this situation, 100%, 100%.
So I'd love to get into,because we do want to talk about
how stress and workplacepressures really wreak havoc on
both parties and definitely wantto talk about how it impacts
(11:16):
the woman.
But I'm really curious whathave you found to be the biggest
struggles and challenges thatmen have and how does it affect
them when it comes to their workand their leadership?
Speaker 3 (11:47):
I think fertility, as you very correctly pointed out,
is very much narrowed andfocused on women, when it
shouldn't be, because, if welook at what it takes to create
a baby, the reasons forinfertility are typically 40%
male factor, 40% female factorand 20% embryonic factor, which
tells us that, when you know,when we're really looking at the
man and woman component of thatequation, it's a 50-50.
(12:09):
And so, looking at what thatactually means and all of the
attention which can bebeneficial and also negative
going only towards the woman,leaves the man often very
unsupported in the process,right and also feeling very
helpless about the entiresituation.
Because most men who love theirpartner and they want to
(12:33):
reproduce with their partnerbecause it's their partner,
because they envision that womanor person as the, the person
for them and the person theywant to create a family and
raise a family with, right, sofor them, they feel like well,
what is it that I can do?
And often men will go to anappointment with their partners
and will ask the doctor, what isit that I can do to improve the
(12:55):
situation?
And they literally get the mostlike lackluster answer of oh no
, there's nothing you can do.
You just need to provide yoursample and you know it's fine,
it's like well, actually thereis so much a man can do to
optimize the couple's chance tohave a baby, whether we're
(13:17):
talking about inability toconceive or inability to keep a
pregnancy to term.
Because, with miscarriages, whata lot of people don't realise
is that 50% of the reason as towhy miscarriages happen is
because of male factor, and so,yeah, so you know, a lot of
times a woman will have amiscarriage and she'll be
blaming herself, thinking, oh myGod, what did I do, what should
(13:39):
I have done?
And you know, whilst theconversation really needs to
shift to a whole differentdirection which is okay what are
the factors that are present inthis equation, ie the couple
being the system right that isactually leading to the outcome
that we are seeing, whether it'san ability to conceive,
inability to keep a pregnancy toterm and, of course, one of the
(14:00):
things that are preceding, oneof the biochemical chain
reactions that are precedingthat issue, that are starting
all the way over here.
Because often, when it comes tofertility, we think that, oh,
you know, have sex, get pregnant, have a baby is just a matter
of what's going to happen, right?
And yet, if you look at howreproductive medicine actually,
(14:23):
you know, kind of shapes thisnarrative, it's almost like you
haven't been able to conceive.
You go to your doctor, you get areferral to go and do IVF.
Literally there's nothingreally to dealt like, there's no
kind of diving deep into why dowe need IVF to begin with,
typically it's just like, oh,let's just go and do this next
step.
And there's a very littleexplanation.
(14:45):
People go in, they do a cycle.
They don't realize that 70% ofthem fail, right, 70% of IVF
cycles fail, imagine that.
And so they're expecting thatit's going to be the silver
bullet because their doctor said, hey, this is what you need,
and this is what you need next.
Go and they go through a veryonerous, very expensive, very
(15:09):
high intervention process to getto the end with no baby and
really left their kind of likescratching their head thinking
what did I do wrong?
You know, this is the thingthat should work.
What did I do wrong?
So there's a lot of self-blamethere, there's a lot of
helplessness, there'shopelessness, there's, you know,
there's so many emotions thatcan kind of come into this
(15:30):
equation.
The other thing that can starthappening, especially when
couples have been, you know,going through the challenge of
infertility or miscarriage for along time is not only
self-blaming but then blamingeach other, and that is often
something that's reallydifficult and quite toxic to the
relationship.
Sure, because you know, whenpeople aren't working together
(15:51):
as a team and kind of goingtoward the same direction and
they're blaming each other, well, that's a recipe for disaster
in a relationship in the longterm, right?
So there's all of those factors, and so you know, when it comes
to how men feel and what I hearthem tell me obviously has
never been my personalexperience, but obviously I've
spoken to many thousands of mengoing through this challenge and
(16:16):
they tell me very similarthings.
They wish that they knew thatthere was more.
They wish that their doctorstold them that there was more.
They wish that they actuallygot the support mental, physical
, emotional that they needed tobe at their best.
They wish that they wereeducated about what it actually
meant, as a couple, to beexperiencing infertility,
(16:37):
because there is, at the sametime, that there is a lot that
left, gets left on the table.
There's a lot that they can do,but they just don't know what
right and as much as they'relike, you know, tell's a lot
that they can do, but they justdon't know what right and as
much as they're like, you know,tell me what do I need to do?
When they're told, oh no,there's nothing, just provide
your sample.
It's like, well, that, okay,I'll do that.
But and then, of course, thewoman is going through a very
(16:58):
difficult time in general withhormones and you know all sorts
of things, feeling like she'sgoing a little bit mad and crazy
because you know that thosehormonal fluctuations can be so
challenging to put up with foranybody.
Yes, there's a lot, you know,in that whole equation.
So there's a lot of impact notonly for the relationship, not
(17:18):
only for the person, but alsofrom a work perspective.
You know, that's a whole otherthing that we can get deeper
into.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
Yeah, Okay, looking at what you said and what you
explained in regards to the menworkplace pressures specifically
we're going to stick with menright now and then we'll move to
the women.
But to men, impacting thatwhole ability to have, yeah,
ability to have yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
You know, the interesting thing about stress
in men is that it will typicallyin terms of infertility, it
will typically manifest itselfin erectile dysfunction or
premature ejaculation right orinability to ejaculate.
Those are the kinds of like veryspecific ways in which stress
(18:04):
will affect men.
The biochemistry component ofhow stress affects fertility, ie
the stress hormones on thereproductive hormones and how
that then relates to or affectsthe sperm, is there, but it's
not the biggest, mostpredominant factor, because
(18:28):
here's the thing that happens.
You know, I often talk aboutand I've talked about, I've
written about this infertilitybreakthrough, my book that
people can find, you know, free,on spotify, on youtube,
available in booksellerseverywhere.
You've put the link there aswell.
Um, what in the book?
I discussed the fact that thereare, you know, we've, we in our
framework, we've identified 11pillars of infertility or 11
(18:51):
pillars of fertility, and sothere are many factors and I
like to talk about it in thisway Everything that is in your
environment, in your day-to-day,will have an impact.
It's called the exposome right.
The exposome of fertility iseverything that is around you
and whether it comes from withinyou or whether it comes
(19:13):
externally ie from within youwould be stress hormones, right
and from externally could beanything from exposures to
different types of foods, tocigarette smoking, to alcohol,
to whatever right.
So all of these different typesof exposures will all play a
role in what is going on for aperson.
(19:34):
Of course, very high levels ofstress sustained over chronic
periods of time is going todecrease a person's ability to
adapt.
It's going to play a role interms of health on many levels.
We know the links betweenstress and heart disease, stress
and gut function dysfunction.
You know so.
Of course, there is a componentof that effect when it comes to
(19:58):
fertility, but in a very directway, the the sexual dysfunction
issues are going to be thefirst and primary kind of place
that we're going to see stressplaying a role.
The other thing, too, thathappens with stress is that
because, in order to sustain itover a long period of time and
(20:20):
the body adapt as best aspossible, what's going to end up
happening is that you are goingto need to really operate from
a different level.
You're going to utilize a lotof your sex hormones to make up
your cortisol, adrenaline,noradrenaline and your your
stress hormones.
So you're going to be literallytaking away from your
(20:41):
reproduction to feed your stresscascade.
Okay, so you're going todecrease testosterone levels.
For men, that's going to besomething that's going to happen
.
So then, of course, libido getsaffected, so they're not really
that interested in having sexto begin with, right, and that
of course, reduces the chancesof taking home a healthy baby.
(21:01):
The other pressure that cansometimes be exacerbated whether
it's because of infertility orbecause of work stress, and then
they these things kind of likerebound towards each other, you
know is the fact that if a womanis trying to get pregnant,
she's going to be highly focusedon making sure that the job is
(21:22):
done and it's done on time andin a way that it needs to be
done, and you know all of thosethings, and so sometimes the
woman creates an extra, anadditional stress in that
relationship because they'relike well, today, today is the
ovulation day we have to, like,you know, you need to perform.
(21:44):
What happens to a man when he'stold that he has to get an
erection on demand, right, like,I don't care about this whole
foreplay thing, just kind of getit up and let's get this over
and done with.
It's a challenge, it's a bigchallenge.
It would be a challenge in thebest of days to a 20-year-old.
Put that kind of challenge on a30, 40, 50-year-old, well,
(22:08):
you're exacerbating a problemeven more, right?
So those are the kinds ofthings that I think, in terms of
stress specifically focused onmen, I'm under discussed and
almost ignored to the point thatso many couples end up choosing
to go down the IVF path, whichhas a high failure rate, because
(22:31):
they don't want to have sex.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
Right.
Speaker 3 (22:35):
You know and you'll be amazed, but I'll tell you
this, you will be stopped thenumber of conversations that
I've had with people that goeslike this you need to have sex
to have a baby.
Oh, but you know, do we reallyhave to?
Biology 101.
(22:56):
You know, how often do wereally have to do it?
You know, and I'm like as muchas possible, Although we know
that you know, the egg, therelease of the egg happens, and
the window for the timing ofconception is really 12 to 24
hours, right.
So we know that, and this ispart of why it needs to be timed
(23:18):
so specifically and why menoften rebel to that timing by
exacerbating sexual dysfunctionissues, because it's like, oh my
God, this all feels toooverwhelming, right, and it all
feels like there's too muchpressure.
And imagine people in thecorporate world already going
through immense pressure andthen coming home to like now get
(23:38):
an erection what degree isstress on a woman versus other
more physical uh type of?
Speaker 1 (23:49):
I'll call them symptoms but other reasons uh
for a woman?
Speaker 3 (23:54):
look the same with women.
What we see is going to be lessof a physical manifestation,
although that can also be thecase, right?
I mean, think about it.
When you're really not into it,vaginal lubrication is not
going to happen as as well aspossible, you're probably going
to have more pain on intercourse.
You're probably not reallygoing to want to do it because
(24:14):
it's just more of a functionthan a pleasure.
You know and I think that thisis part of what I actually
started a podcast for couplestrying to get pregnant and
dealing with you know, long-termrelationships and you know how
to bring back the pleasure andthe satisfaction in those
relationships.
It's called talk sex withgabriella rosa.
(24:35):
It's out of season now, butthere's some really great
conversations in there withother experts.
That, you know, reallyhighlights what are the things
that couples can actually put inplace in terms of their
connection and their intimacy.
That's going to help to promotemuch more.
Because think about it if youdon't enjoy having sex, like if
(24:56):
it's not pleasurable, you're notgoing to enjoy it, right?
If you're not going to enjoy it,you're not going to want to do
it.
And so it becomes this kind oflike catch-22, because you need
to have more sex, to have morechances to have a baby, but it's
not pleasurable, it's painfuland it's um, you know, like you
just want it to be over.
The man is going to be soturned off by that he's going to
(25:17):
be like, oh my, do we even needto get started, you know.
And so this is what creates alot of sexual dysfunction in
relationships and for couples,and for individuals and for
couples, because it's kind oflike those traumas that you know
will kind of accumulate.
But in terms of womenspecifically, other than those
(25:38):
vaginal dryness symptoms and,you know, like that lack of
orgasm, you know those thingswill definitely be part of the
equation when we're talkingabout stress in this context.
But in terms of hormonalimbalances, you have the same
issue.
You're you're taking away fromyour reproductive hormones and
you're kind of like buildingbones or building blocks of
(25:59):
sexual hormones to be able tofeed your stress hormone cascade
right.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
So, therefore, so both of those situations
therefore sound the alarms ofthey need to find remedies,
strategies, techniques to managetheir stress and get rid of or
minimize the pressures they'reputting on themselves.
Is there differences in thosetechniques or those strategies
(26:29):
between men and women?
And if so, what are thestrategies, but what are the
differences?
Speaker 3 (26:34):
Yeah, I think that, look, if we were to look at
what's going to be the numberone thing that's going to make
this better is actually juststart enjoying it.
You know, it's like what arethe things that we can remove
from the equation and or add tothe equation that's going to
make this pleasurable, right,that's going to make this
(26:56):
enjoyable?
I think that the number onefocus that couples who are
having difficulty conceiving andkeeping a pregnancy to term
need to change.
If there is one thing that theycan change is their mindset
around having sex and the reasonto have sex.
Because you know, for them itbecomes like, imagine, before
(27:18):
you're trying to get pregnantand have a baby, ie, because you
really want to.
You only really have sex forpleasure, right, you only really
have intimate.
But what other reason?
Speaker 1 (27:28):
what other reason would there be?
Speaker 3 (27:30):
I mean, that's the orgasms like I mean, that's
that's it, you know, it's likethere's no real other reason
than enjoyment and pleasure andconnection with your partner.
It's almost like people who aretrying to get pregnant forget
the primary reason to have sexand focus solely on reproduction
, which, sure, for our ancestorsthat may have very well been
(27:53):
the prior, the prior and theprimary reason, but really, I
mean, even they did it forenjoyment, you know, and so that
, as a kind of why do you thinkthat it is enjoyable to begin
with?
Speaker 1 (28:06):
because otherwise you wouldn't do it so would your
work then help them?
Work through getting them toidentify the negative or the
things that are holding themback as far as enjoying sex for
pleasure versus justreproduction, and then finding
them the way through and guidingthem through that change so
(28:31):
they can, once they stop sooverthinking or over negative
drama about it, they can justrelax.
Speaker 3 (28:39):
You see, it would be so nice if I could say yes to
that answer.
It would be so nice if that wasthe only thing.
The point, however, is this isthat when people are struggling
to get pregnant and conceive,it's usually never a simple
solution, right, it's never justa one thing solution that's
(29:01):
going to actually get them toovercome their challenge,
because, you know, what happensis that there are so many
different pieces that get in theequation.
However, if we don't addressthat part, right is a way of
making sure that we remove thefriction no pun intended,
because this would be not goodfriction, right, but, uh, it
(29:21):
will move the obstacles, removethe things that are actually not
getting in, the that aregetting in the way to creating
the opposite outcome to what wewant to create.
Then we don't get a result.
So, yes, it's absolutelyessential to look at that as a
component, but, if I can giveyou a bit of an insight, what
happens is that, even before wetalk about that, there's usually
(29:45):
like four months worth of workto figure out why they're not
conceiving and keeping apregnancy when they're having
sex to begin with, right, right.
So that's the thing.
And also, you know, I did astudy which was part of my
master's in public health atharvard, and we looked at our
results and we looked at what,what, who were the couples that
we were able to help, what weretheir characteristics, how long
(30:07):
they were trying to get pregnant, you know what, how many of
them had experienced failed IVFtreatments and miscarriages and
all of that.
And what was really interestingis that we noted that, on
average, our patients, thepatients who came to us who we
got our best results for wereinfertile for on an average of
four years.
Imagine, every single monthgetting you know, going through
(30:32):
through this process, hopingthat you're going to be pregnant
, literally to get a negativepregnancy test, and almost 50 of
them had done previously failedIVF cycles and over 50 of them
had experienced previousmiscarriage.
So these are really challengingsituations where it's
multifactorial.
(30:52):
You know, there are manydifferent things that are
getting in the way and, ofcourse, we want to make sure
that they enjoy that intimacyand that because also think
about it from this perspective,benedict why are you wanting to
have a child to begin with?
You know, why is it that youknow?
And after the child arrives,what's the whole point of that?
I mean, obviously, obviously.
You're wanting to raise afamily, and if you can't get the
(31:16):
team together to be able tocreate the baby to begin with,
imagine what it's going to belike.
When the child and the childrenare already there and all of
the additional challenges oflife mount onto that equation,
it becomes even more challenging.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
And more stressful, so it just adds to the ongoing
pressure.
Do you find that when you askthem that question, that they A
may not really have a goodanswer other than I just want a
child and two?
That they don't have the sameanswer, like they're not working
(31:56):
on the same objective?
Speaker 3 (31:59):
Look, that happens and people want to have babies
for all sorts of reasons.
You'd be amazed at the reasonsas to why people give to wanting
to have children right, andthere's no judgment in that.
It is what it is.
The different meaning is fordifferent people.
But what's interesting is onecommonality of what I absolutely
(32:21):
note is that when two peoplehave very different reasons and
or desires for having a child,those conversations are so
essential to have in advanceright.
Like, for example, you know Ioften will ask in part of my we
do a free fertility assessmentfor people so you know when,
(32:44):
when they we're trying to figureout if we can help, we actually
do that part first and we dothat part for free.
So we don't take on people onboard of our program unless we
already know that we can helpthem and what we offer perfectly
aligns with what it is thatthey need.
And the reason that we do thatis because we know we already
know the types of people that wecan help.
So selection bias actuallyhelps us to keep the number, the
(33:08):
rate of our success, very highand help the people who actually
can best benefit from what itis that we do.
So one of the questions that Iasked them in the very beginning
of the those conversations ishow much of a priority and how
motivated are you to actuallydoing something new about your
fertility?
And that person will answer ona zero to ten scale, ten being
(33:29):
it's a highest priority, zerobeing not a priority.
And then I ask what about yourpartner?
And invariably I know fromyears of asking this question
that if I have differentialnumbers for two people like that
is a conversation we have tohave right there.
And then, yeah, because so oftenI'll tell you this, so often
(33:52):
people go along with anotherperson for social desirability,
bias, for wanting to, you know,know, doing the thing that they
think is going to be acceptableto the other person, whatever
reason, but they go along withit, but they actually really
don't want that same thing andthey are too scared to tell
themselves and to tell the otherperson that actually, you know
(34:13):
what I don't actually want ababy, right.
And that creates so many this,this stressful situations within
the context of overcominginfertility and miscarriage, but
also going through the wholeinfertility journey, which is
already difficult, and if youdon't have a person who actually
(34:35):
really is committed or wants toovercome that because they
actually, deep down, don'treally want to have a baby, but
they're just not being braveenough to say it.
Ouch, there's.
There's years and sometimesdecades of, you know, like not
very happy things coming theirway.
So I find that sometimes thejob is actually to help people
(34:56):
to be really truthful withthemselves in that.
Speaker 1 (34:59):
So you had already mentioned that, like the number
one thing would be the mindset.
So what would the what wouldthis number two thing would be
to really kind of get both themale and the female in a good
place mentally, physically,emotionally, spiritually in
order to then make their chances.
(35:20):
And you always seem to say makesomething about having a
healthy baby.
Speaker 3 (35:25):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
I mean, look, you know, at theend of the day, people don't
want to be pregnant.
I mean, who wants to bepregnant, dear Jesus, like you
don't want to be pregnant, youwant to have a baby, right?
Yeah, sure you might want toexperience pregnancy for, like
you know thing, the last ninemonths, um, you know, it's
pretty intense.
So you know, the reality of itis that most people who want to
(35:47):
have a child, they want to justlike hold their baby and and
that really is what I hear so,so frequently from a lot of my
patients, particularly secondtime, third time, fourth time
around you know that's true, Ican.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
I'm one of 12, so I can imagine that.
Speaker 3 (36:01):
Exactly so.
It's like you know what, can wejust hurry this business along?
You can't hack the fact thatit's a nine month pregnancy.
You know like it's just how itis.
But you know to answer thatquestion, I have a little kind
of almost way that I like peopleto think about what it is that
they can do.
You know, often, when I'm askedwhat is it that I can do to
improve my chances?
(36:21):
Or, to you know, make this,overcome the challenges that I'm
experiencing, or whatever it is.
I ask the men to indulge me inthis moment because for them
it's a little bit harder toconceptualize being pregnant,
right.
But I often say like, look,conceptualize being pregnant,
(36:43):
right, but I often say like,look, imagine if you could be,
imagine if right now you're theone gestating that child.
I know that there probablywould be even less people in the
world because men would notwant to be giving birth, but
that's a whole other story.
But all jokes aside, you know,if a man could like, and women,
it's easy, kind of, for women toimagine that because I think we
see it so often.
Um, but if you kind of imagineyourself, whether you're a man
(37:04):
or a woman being pregnant rightnow, and I was to ask you what
are all of the things that youwould absolutely stop doing or
would absolutely start doing togive yourself the best possible
chance of having the healthiestpossible baby?
What are those things?
(37:25):
And, very quickly, people areable to identify in their own
situation the things that theyabsolutely would start doing or
would stop doing, and they'reable to conceptualize that in
actions.
I would start doing this and Iwould eat healthy and I would
take supplements and I would,you know, take care of my, I
would exercise, I would,whatever right.
(37:47):
And then, on the other side ofthat equation, people will say
things like you know, I'd stopsmoking, I'd stop drinking, I
would stop taking drugs,whatever right.
Those are the things that youknow.
Right now, inside of you, youalready have 50 of the little
baby that you want to create.
That is the reality, right?
(38:08):
So, whether you're a man or awoman, 50 of that baby is
already within you and your jobis actually to bring your best
contribution to the table, so tospeak.
Right, so your job is to reallybring the best contribution to
the table, so to speak.
Right so your job is to reallybring the best possible quality
egg, the best possible qualitysperm, and the way that you're
going to do that is by nurturingthose cells in the same way
(38:30):
that you would if that wasalready a baby.
Oh, I love that.
It's what I call act pregnantnow to get pregnant later, right
.
And so that is essentially whatpeople need to take into
consideration and really need tokind of conceptualize but also
internalize, because it's veryeasy to say to somebody oh, you
(38:54):
should stop this, do this, blah,blah, blah, blah, blah, and
it's like, oh, yeah, okay,whatever.
But when you are responsiblefor gestating that little baby,
or 50% of that little baby inthe cells that you bring to the
occasion, right, then it becomesa matter of like okay, there is
actually something that I cando, and not only there is
(39:16):
something that I can do.
There is something I must do tobring my best contribution
forward, and often that is whatis not only necessary but
essential to help couplesovercome infertility and
miscarriage, even when othertreatments have failed.
Speaker 1 (39:34):
Fabulous.
This has been an eye opener, anabsolute eye opener, and I love
your take on supporting bothparties, supporting both male
and the female, and it is sadand disappointing that the male
can get overlooked a greatamount of the time.
Yeah, and yet at the same timethey are 50 50, as you say,
(39:58):
absolutely.
Speaker 2 (39:59):
Absolutely so important.
Speaker 1 (40:01):
Yes, yes, wow.
This has been great Everyone.
I want you to be sure to pickup her book Fertility
Breakthrough OvercomingInfertility and Recurrent
Miscarriage with Other Treatmentwhen Other Treatments have
Failed she had mentioned you cango to her website
fertilitybreakthroughcom.
She also said where did you sayit?
Speaker 3 (40:19):
was free.
It's free on Spotify and onYouTube and it's available in
every bookseller, amazon, etcetera.
You know everywhere.
Speaker 1 (40:28):
Yeah, that's fabulous .
And then, at the same time, goto fertilitybreakthroughcom to
learn all about her work.
Her website's fabulous, and youcan also.
There's some great articles andresources in her blog as well.
I wanted to do a shout out onthat because I spent about a
half hour with it this morning.
Speaker 3 (40:45):
Oh wow, Impressive.
Speaker 1 (40:49):
And then, of course, follow her on Instagram
Gabriella Rosa Fertility.
Gabriella, thank you so much.
This has been fabulous.
I really appreciate it.
Thank you, and I'm so glad.
I really appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (40:59):
Thank you, and I'm so glad we finally made it.
Speaker 1 (41:02):
Have a beautiful, beautiful day.
Speaker 3 (41:04):
You too.
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (41:06):
Thank you.
What a powerhouse of aconversation with powerhouse.
Gabriella Rosa Loved theconversation, especially as she
focused a lot of the discussionon men and what men deal with
when it comes to their fertilityjourney and the pressures that
are put on them, but, at thesame time, how overlooked they
(41:28):
are in the process, while shealso highlighted what both men
and women need to do when itcomes to minimizing men and
women need to do when it comesto minimizing, if not
eradicating, any stress that isjust depleting what it is that
they need in order toproductively have a healthy baby
(41:49):
.
So the conversation was justripe with tips and advice and
even her own personal story andjourney.
So I appreciate you being herefor that conversation.
If you are dealing withworkplace stress and pressures
and you're just not sure whatyou need to be doing in order to
(42:10):
minimize that so it doesn'taffect any aspect of your life,
then feel free to reach out andschedule a call with me.
Go to coachmebernadettecomforward slash discovery call and
let me give you some tips andstrategies you can put into
place right now so you can be aseffective, productive and a
powerhouse as you can be.
(42:30):
Until next time, thank you somuch for joining us for this
week's episode of Shedding theCorporate Bitch.
Speaker 2 (42:54):
And I'll look forward to having you right back here,
take care.
Thank you for tuning into todayepisode of Shedding the Bitch
YouTube channel.
Want to dive deeper withBernadette on becoming a
powerhouse leader?
Visit balloffirecoachingcom tolearn more about how she helps
professionals, hr executives andteam leaders elevate overall
team performance.
You've been listening toShedding the Corporate Bitch
with Bernadette Boas.
(43:15):
Until next time, keep shedding,keep growing and keep leading.
As a female or male leader in the workplace?
Is your stress impacting yourhealth, well-being and potential
future goals such as familyplanning, aka having a baby?
Are you prioritizing yourlong-term health and fertility
goals in the same way that youprioritize your career and
professional development?
(00:21):
According to our guest,gabriella Rosa of the Rosa
Institute, there are significantimpacts to one's health,
fertility and even their abilityto lead effectively as a result
of work-related stress andpressures.
As a world-renowned fertilityspecialist author, reproductive
health educator and HarvardUniversity-awarded scholar,
(00:44):
health educator and HarvardUniversity awarded scholar,
gabriella is dedicated tohelping couples create healthy
babies despite previousreproductive challenges and
treatment failures, and one keyway is to help get any stress,
pressure and health ailmentsunder control.
Gabriella will help all of us toidentify symptoms impacting
work and leadership abilitiesand learning strategies to
(01:07):
overcome them with betterclarity, energy and ease.
That will make our fertilitythat much more productive.
As a result of her takingcharge of her health and
fertility, as well as acceptingnothing less, she didn't leave a
(01:34):
stone unturned and she leftnothing to chance.
If you want happiness andsuccess at work and in the home
with a family, this is thediscussion you want to take part
.
Stay with us.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Welcome to Shedding the Corporate Bitch, the podcast
that transforms today'smanagers into tomorrow's
powerhouse leaders.
Your host, bernadette Boas,executive coach and author,
(02:04):
brings very essence oftransformation that she now
inspires in others with her tips, strategies and stories.
So if you're ready to shed thebitches of fear and insecurity,
ditch the imposter syndrome andstep into the role of the
powerhouse leader you were bornto be, this podcast is for you.
Let's do this.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Gabriella, how are you?
Welcome welcome.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
I feel like this was such a long time coming.
I'm so excited to be here.
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
You're welcome and I'm excited about this
conversation, not only becausewe're both dressed in pink Yay
and we didn't even coordinate.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
Imagine that, wow yes , telepathy.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Exactly, exactly.
But at the same time I really Ilove the work that you're doing
.
I'm not a mother but at thesame time, you know, I do have
(03:06):
friends and family that havestruggled, and both male and
female, which I think is what'sgoing to be really powerful
about this conversation is toreally just talk about just the
stress and the symptoms, thesituations both at work and at
home that can create real issuefor both men and women from a
fertility issue.
But before we get there, I likeour listeners and viewers to
always get to know the personthat we're talking to so they
(03:27):
can get to connect with them.
So could you share with us alittle bit about Gabriela?
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Yeah, sure, I mean, I think that there are so many
different angles from which wecan go into this conversation.
But I think that you know, it'sfair to say I like a lot of
chocolate and weights trainingis definitely a big thing in my
life.
Those are two very definingcharacteristics of Gabriella.
But you know, on a more seriousnote, I've been helping couples
(03:54):
overcome infertility andrecurrent miscarriage literally
since 2001.
So, as you can imagine, it hasbeen a long time and lots of
learnings.
We've helped now thousands ofpatients in every continent
other than Antarctica, and Ithink that what has led me to
where I am today and what keepsme here are very distinct things
(04:15):
.
You know, like when I firststarted, it was out of really
not knowing what I didn't know.
And you know the story therewas that I was my periods, when
I was 18, simply stopped.
You know, one day it was likeokay, this is, it was meant to
come now and it didn't.
And it didn't for a month andtwo and I started to wonder am I
(04:37):
pregnant?
Do I need to?
You know, like, is somethingwrong, you know?
And I had done multiplepregnancy tests and nothing was
was showing up on that level.
So I'm thinking, okay, well,this is weird, because my body
should be cycling, it should bedoing what it, what every
woman's body does as far as Iwas concerned, and so it really
got me curious.
(04:58):
I was working at the time for anobstetrician gynecologist
clinic.
There was a group of them thatwere there and I remember one
day pulling one of the femalegynecologists aside and saying,
hey, you know, is there a reasonwhy this could happen?
Like it's really strange.
And, of course, I felt a bitweird about seeing a doctor in
that clinic because I wasworking there.
So I went elsewhere and, youknow, went to see this doctor
(05:22):
and said listen, um, I haven'thad a period in six months.
And I don't know why, becauseI'm not pregnant.
And it was this old guy wholiterally, just like you know,
from across the table, just saysto me every woman's pregnant
until proven otherwise.
And I'm like okay, you'reclearly not listening to me.
It's like yes, I am 18, but youhave to listen to what I just
told you.
I am not pregnant.
(05:43):
I have done multiple pregnancytests.
Well, let's just do some tests.
And I'm like, okay, let's so.
And I basically took thereferral and he said just call
me in two days for the results.
Okay, cool, went, did the bloodtest, called in two days, fair
enough.
He literally just, you know,tells me, okay, let me just tell
(06:03):
you, you have polycysticovarian disease.
And I'm like, okay, like it,literally.
In that moment I just stoppedand I was like what is that?
Like am I gonna die?
You know, like literally.
So I said, is that reallyserious?
Like what's, what's that?
And he goes, oh no, you're justprobably never gonna have
children, children.
I'm like, okay, that's one wayto give that kind of news to an
(06:27):
18-year-old, thank you.
But from that it really kind ofspringboarded into this
curiosity around okay, well,what does that mean and what can
I do about it?
Because I was kind of alwaysvery action prone, you know, in
my young days and even to thisday, just very much focused on
(06:48):
okay, well, what can I do aboutit?
What is it that can actuallyhelp me in this diagnosis, you
know?
So I basically started learningand researching and I had just
started studying.
My first training was as anaturopathic practitioner, and
so naturopathic medicine waskind of the first approach to
(07:09):
the process.
You know.
That led me later to developall of the things and to do all
of the things that I have doneup until now.
But that really was where itstarted and I think about five
years into what I was doing, andI already knew from the very
start when I started practicing.
I started working with women'shealth and PCOS and PMS and you
(07:29):
know all of these kind ofpremenstrual and hormonal
imbalances conditions, and thatled to because, obviously, where
I was working at the time,whilst I was studying, with an
obstetrician, gynaecologist, whowas one of my very early
mentors and still you knowsomeone who's very special to me
in my life today and he said tome one day what are you going
(07:50):
to do when you finish, you know?
And I was like, well, I thinkI'm going to specialize in
babies, pediatrics and he goesthat's the worst idea you've
ever had.
I'm like, okay, talk aboutbeing nice and motivational
today, jim, and he goes.
Not really.
And I said, because he wasalways such an encouraging dude,
you know, he was always so like, yes, that's a great idea about
(08:12):
, you know, things that I usedto tell him.
And with this day, I was like,oh, I was taken aback by this
kind of comment.
And he goes well, you know,because pediatrics.
I was gonna do pediatrics beforeI decided to do obstetrics and
gynecology, but you know, yourpatient's not your patient, your
patient is the parent of yourpatient and your patient can't
speak.
I'm like, oh, those are somereally valid points that I had
(08:38):
not considered and so, yes, itturned out that there was a
better idea and for me it endedup being looking at and focusing
on fertility.
And so one day I was kind offinishing up my clinical hours
that you know 500 million thatyou had to do.
I was finishing it up and Icame across this poster Natural
(09:00):
Fertility Clinic.
I went fertility, that's whatI'm going to specialise in, and
so that's kind of how it started.
You know about yeah, I know it'sso serendipitous, you know like
literally just walking, and youlike, see this a4 little point
just to kind of finalize thatconversation very quickly.
Um, it so turned out that fiveyears to ten years later, I
(09:22):
started getting people whoweren't at the beginning of
their journey, but they weremuch later down the track.
You know, more than two yearsof infertility, and you know
really, kind of like, with lotsof different challenges, having
tried lots of differenttreatments, that nothing had
worked.
And so that's what then led meto really narrow down and focus
(09:43):
on, you know, helping couplesovercome infertility as a
full-time thing, you know, likenot looking at other things but
really just focusing on that.
So that's, that's how ithappened and that's how it's
going.
Yeah Well, that's fabulous.
For women, typically it's awoman.
If they come and they say Ihaven't found a partner, I
(10:03):
really want to do this by myself.
Can you help?
Yes, we will guide them in thedirection of what they need and
certainly optimize their ownchances.
But when it comes to, you know,most of the patients that we
treat 98% actually areessentially couples who are
struggling to conceive or keep ahealthy pregnancy to term.
And we do focus on bothpartners in that equation,
(10:25):
because it's a 50-50 equation,you know.
I like to say that fertility isa team's force and we have to
treat it that way.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Yes, I love that, and that's really what drew me to
want to have this conversation,because I think, when it comes
to pregnancy and fertility, thefocus and the spotlight is kind
of always on the woman.
And yet there's this otherperson in a good amount of times
(10:54):
it's a male and they are alsobeing impacted by this situation
A hundred percent.
A hundred percent this situation, 100%, 100%.
So I'd love to get into,because we do want to talk about
how stress and workplacepressures really wreak havoc on
both parties and definitely wantto talk about how it impacts
(11:16):
the woman.
But I'm really curious whathave you found to be the biggest
struggles and challenges thatmen have and how does it affect
them when it comes to their workand their leadership?
Speaker 3 (11:47):
I think fertility, as you very correctly pointed out,
is very much narrowed andfocused on women, when it
shouldn't be, because, if welook at what it takes to create
a baby, the reasons forinfertility are typically 40%
male factor, 40% female factorand 20% embryonic factor, which
tells us that, when you know,when we're really looking at the
man and woman component of thatequation, it's a 50-50.
(12:09):
And so, looking at what thatactually means and all of the
attention which can bebeneficial and also negative
going only towards the woman,leaves the man often very
unsupported in the process,right and also feeling very
helpless about the entiresituation.
Because most men who love theirpartner and they want to
(12:33):
reproduce with their partnerbecause it's their partner,
because they envision that womanor person as the, the person
for them and the person theywant to create a family and
raise a family with, right, sofor them, they feel like well,
what is it that I can do?
And often men will go to anappointment with their partners
and will ask the doctor, what isit that I can do to improve the
(12:55):
situation?
And they literally get the mostlike lackluster answer of oh no
, there's nothing you can do.
You just need to provide yoursample and you know it's fine,
it's like well, actually thereis so much a man can do to
optimize the couple's chance tohave a baby, whether we're
(13:17):
talking about inability toconceive or inability to keep a
pregnancy to term.
Because, with miscarriages, whata lot of people don't realise
is that 50% of the reason as towhy miscarriages happen is
because of male factor, and so,yeah, so you know, a lot of
times a woman will have amiscarriage and she'll be
blaming herself, thinking, oh myGod, what did I do, what should
(13:39):
I have done?
And you know, whilst theconversation really needs to
shift to a whole differentdirection which is okay what are
the factors that are present inthis equation, ie the couple
being the system right that isactually leading to the outcome
that we are seeing, whether it'san ability to conceive,
inability to keep a pregnancy toterm and, of course, one of the
(14:00):
things that are preceding, oneof the biochemical chain
reactions that are precedingthat issue, that are starting
all the way over here.
Because often, when it comes tofertility, we think that, oh,
you know, have sex, get pregnant, have a baby is just a matter
of what's going to happen, right?
And yet, if you look at howreproductive medicine actually,
(14:23):
you know, kind of shapes thisnarrative, it's almost like you
haven't been able to conceive.
You go to your doctor, you get areferral to go and do IVF.
Literally there's nothingreally to dealt like, there's no
kind of diving deep into why dowe need IVF to begin with,
typically it's just like, oh,let's just go and do this next
step.
And there's a very littleexplanation.
(14:45):
People go in, they do a cycle.
They don't realize that 70% ofthem fail, right, 70% of IVF
cycles fail, imagine that.
And so they're expecting thatit's going to be the silver
bullet because their doctor said, hey, this is what you need,
and this is what you need next.
Go and they go through a veryonerous, very expensive, very
(15:09):
high intervention process to getto the end with no baby and
really left their kind of likescratching their head thinking
what did I do wrong?
You know, this is the thingthat should work.
What did I do wrong?
So there's a lot of self-blamethere, there's a lot of
helplessness, there'shopelessness, there's, you know,
there's so many emotions thatcan kind of come into this
(15:30):
equation.
The other thing that can starthappening, especially when
couples have been, you know,going through the challenge of
infertility or miscarriage for along time is not only
self-blaming but then blamingeach other, and that is often
something that's reallydifficult and quite toxic to the
relationship.
Sure, because you know, whenpeople aren't working together
(15:51):
as a team and kind of goingtoward the same direction and
they're blaming each other, well, that's a recipe for disaster
in a relationship in the longterm, right?
So there's all of those factors, and so you know, when it comes
to how men feel and what I hearthem tell me obviously has
never been my personalexperience, but obviously I've
spoken to many thousands of mengoing through this challenge and
(16:16):
they tell me very similarthings.
They wish that they knew thatthere was more.
They wish that their doctorstold them that there was more.
They wish that they actuallygot the support mental, physical
, emotional that they needed tobe at their best.
They wish that they wereeducated about what it actually
meant, as a couple, to beexperiencing infertility,
(16:37):
because there is, at the sametime, that there is a lot that
left, gets left on the table.
There's a lot that they can do,but they just don't know what
right and as much as they'relike, you know, tell's a lot
that they can do, but they justdon't know what right and as
much as they're like, you know,tell me what do I need to do?
When they're told, oh no,there's nothing, just provide
your sample.
It's like, well, that, okay,I'll do that.
But and then, of course, thewoman is going through a very
(16:58):
difficult time in general withhormones and you know all sorts
of things, feeling like she'sgoing a little bit mad and crazy
because you know that thosehormonal fluctuations can be so
challenging to put up with foranybody.
Yes, there's a lot, you know,in that whole equation.
So there's a lot of impact notonly for the relationship, not
(17:18):
only for the person, but alsofrom a work perspective.
You know, that's a whole otherthing that we can get deeper
into.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
Yeah, Okay, looking at what you said and what you
explained in regards to the menworkplace pressures specifically
we're going to stick with menright now and then we'll move to
the women.
But to men, impacting thatwhole ability to have, yeah,
ability to have yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
You know, the interesting thing about stress
in men is that it will typicallyin terms of infertility, it
will typically manifest itselfin erectile dysfunction or
premature ejaculation right orinability to ejaculate.
Those are the kinds of like veryspecific ways in which stress
(18:04):
will affect men.
The biochemistry component ofhow stress affects fertility, ie
the stress hormones on thereproductive hormones and how
that then relates to or affectsthe sperm, is there, but it's
not the biggest, mostpredominant factor, because
(18:28):
here's the thing that happens.
You know, I often talk aboutand I've talked about, I've
written about this infertilitybreakthrough, my book that
people can find, you know, free,on spotify, on youtube,
available in booksellerseverywhere.
You've put the link there aswell.
Um, what in the book?
I discussed the fact that thereare, you know, we've, we in our
framework, we've identified 11pillars of infertility or 11
(18:51):
pillars of fertility, and sothere are many factors and I
like to talk about it in thisway Everything that is in your
environment, in your day-to-day,will have an impact.
It's called the exposome right.
The exposome of fertility iseverything that is around you
and whether it comes from withinyou or whether it comes
(19:13):
externally ie from within youwould be stress hormones, right
and from externally could beanything from exposures to
different types of foods, tocigarette smoking, to alcohol,
to whatever right.
So all of these different typesof exposures will all play a
role in what is going on for aperson.
(19:34):
Of course, very high levels ofstress sustained over chronic
periods of time is going todecrease a person's ability to
adapt.
It's going to play a role interms of health on many levels.
We know the links betweenstress and heart disease, stress
and gut function dysfunction.
You know so.
Of course, there is a componentof that effect when it comes to
(19:58):
fertility, but in a very directway, the the sexual dysfunction
issues are going to be thefirst and primary kind of place
that we're going to see stressplaying a role.
The other thing, too, thathappens with stress is that
because, in order to sustain itover a long period of time and
(20:20):
the body adapt as best aspossible, what's going to end up
happening is that you are goingto need to really operate from
a different level.
You're going to utilize a lotof your sex hormones to make up
your cortisol, adrenaline,noradrenaline and your your
stress hormones.
So you're going to be literallytaking away from your
(20:41):
reproduction to feed your stresscascade.
Okay, so you're going todecrease testosterone levels.
For men, that's going to besomething that's going to happen
.
So then, of course, libido getsaffected, so they're not really
that interested in having sexto begin with, right, and that
of course, reduces the chancesof taking home a healthy baby.
(21:01):
The other pressure that cansometimes be exacerbated whether
it's because of infertility orbecause of work stress, and then
they these things kind of likerebound towards each other, you
know is the fact that if a womanis trying to get pregnant,
she's going to be highly focusedon making sure that the job is
(21:22):
done and it's done on time andin a way that it needs to be
done, and you know all of thosethings, and so sometimes the
woman creates an extra, anadditional stress in that
relationship because they'relike well, today, today is the
ovulation day we have to, like,you know, you need to perform.
(21:44):
What happens to a man when he'stold that he has to get an
erection on demand, right, like,I don't care about this whole
foreplay thing, just kind of getit up and let's get this over
and done with.
It's a challenge, it's a bigchallenge.
It would be a challenge in thebest of days to a 20-year-old.
Put that kind of challenge on a30, 40, 50-year-old, well,
(22:08):
you're exacerbating a problemeven more, right?
So those are the kinds ofthings that I think, in terms of
stress specifically focused onmen, I'm under discussed and
almost ignored to the point thatso many couples end up choosing
to go down the IVF path, whichhas a high failure rate, because
(22:31):
they don't want to have sex.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
Right.
Speaker 3 (22:35):
You know and you'll be amazed, but I'll tell you
this, you will be stopped thenumber of conversations that
I've had with people that goeslike this you need to have sex
to have a baby.
Oh, but you know, do we reallyhave to?
Biology 101.
(22:56):
You know, how often do wereally have to do it?
You know, and I'm like as muchas possible, Although we know
that you know, the egg, therelease of the egg happens, and
the window for the timing ofconception is really 12 to 24
hours, right.
So we know that, and this ispart of why it needs to be timed
(23:18):
so specifically and why menoften rebel to that timing by
exacerbating sexual dysfunctionissues, because it's like, oh my
God, this all feels toooverwhelming, right, and it all
feels like there's too muchpressure.
And imagine people in thecorporate world already going
through immense pressure andthen coming home to like now get
(23:38):
an erection what degree isstress on a woman versus other
more physical uh type of?
Speaker 1 (23:49):
I'll call them symptoms but other reasons uh
for a woman?
Speaker 3 (23:54):
look the same with women.
What we see is going to be lessof a physical manifestation,
although that can also be thecase, right?
I mean, think about it.
When you're really not into it,vaginal lubrication is not
going to happen as as well aspossible, you're probably going
to have more pain on intercourse.
You're probably not reallygoing to want to do it because
(24:14):
it's just more of a functionthan a pleasure.
You know and I think that thisis part of what I actually
started a podcast for couplestrying to get pregnant and
dealing with you know, long-termrelationships and you know how
to bring back the pleasure andthe satisfaction in those
relationships.
It's called talk sex withgabriella rosa.
(24:35):
It's out of season now, butthere's some really great
conversations in there withother experts.
That, you know, reallyhighlights what are the things
that couples can actually put inplace in terms of their
connection and their intimacy.
That's going to help to promotemuch more.
Because think about it if youdon't enjoy having sex, like if
(24:56):
it's not pleasurable, you're notgoing to enjoy it, right?
If you're not going to enjoy it,you're not going to want to do
it.
And so it becomes this kind oflike catch-22, because you need
to have more sex, to have morechances to have a baby, but it's
not pleasurable, it's painfuland it's um, you know, like you
just want it to be over.
The man is going to be soturned off by that he's going to
(25:17):
be like, oh my, do we even needto get started, you know.
And so this is what creates alot of sexual dysfunction in
relationships and for couples,and for individuals and for
couples, because it's kind oflike those traumas that you know
will kind of accumulate.
But in terms of womenspecifically, other than those
(25:38):
vaginal dryness symptoms and,you know, like that lack of
orgasm, you know those thingswill definitely be part of the
equation when we're talkingabout stress in this context.
But in terms of hormonalimbalances, you have the same
issue.
You're you're taking away fromyour reproductive hormones and
you're kind of like buildingbones or building blocks of
(25:59):
sexual hormones to be able tofeed your stress hormone cascade
right.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
So, therefore, so both of those situations
therefore sound the alarms ofthey need to find remedies,
strategies, techniques to managetheir stress and get rid of or
minimize the pressures they'reputting on themselves.
Is there differences in thosetechniques or those strategies
(26:29):
between men and women?
And if so, what are thestrategies, but what are the
differences?
Speaker 3 (26:34):
Yeah, I think that, look, if we were to look at
what's going to be the numberone thing that's going to make
this better is actually juststart enjoying it.
You know, it's like what arethe things that we can remove
from the equation and or add tothe equation that's going to
make this pleasurable, right,that's going to make this
(26:56):
enjoyable?
I think that the number onefocus that couples who are
having difficulty conceiving andkeeping a pregnancy to term
need to change.
If there is one thing that theycan change is their mindset
around having sex and the reasonto have sex.
Because you know, for them itbecomes like, imagine, before
(27:18):
you're trying to get pregnantand have a baby, ie, because you
really want to.
You only really have sex forpleasure, right, you only really
have intimate.
But what other reason?
Speaker 1 (27:28):
what other reason would there be?
Speaker 3 (27:30):
I mean, that's the orgasms like I mean, that's
that's it, you know, it's likethere's no real other reason
than enjoyment and pleasure andconnection with your partner.
It's almost like people who aretrying to get pregnant forget
the primary reason to have sexand focus solely on reproduction
, which, sure, for our ancestorsthat may have very well been
(27:53):
the prior, the prior and theprimary reason, but really, I
mean, even they did it forenjoyment, you know, and so that
, as a kind of why do you thinkthat it is enjoyable to begin
with?
Speaker 1 (28:06):
because otherwise you wouldn't do it so would your
work then help them?
Work through getting them toidentify the negative or the
things that are holding themback as far as enjoying sex for
pleasure versus justreproduction, and then finding
them the way through and guidingthem through that change so
(28:31):
they can, once they stop sooverthinking or over negative
drama about it, they can justrelax.
Speaker 3 (28:39):
You see, it would be so nice if I could say yes to
that answer.
It would be so nice if that wasthe only thing.
The point, however, is this isthat when people are struggling
to get pregnant and conceive,it's usually never a simple
solution, right, it's never justa one thing solution that's
(29:01):
going to actually get them toovercome their challenge,
because, you know, what happensis that there are so many
different pieces that get in theequation.
However, if we don't addressthat part, right is a way of
making sure that we remove thefriction no pun intended,
because this would be not goodfriction, right, but, uh, it
(29:21):
will move the obstacles, removethe things that are actually not
getting in, the that aregetting in the way to creating
the opposite outcome to what wewant to create.
Then we don't get a result.
So, yes, it's absolutelyessential to look at that as a
component, but, if I can giveyou a bit of an insight, what
happens is that, even before wetalk about that, there's usually
(29:45):
like four months worth of workto figure out why they're not
conceiving and keeping apregnancy when they're having
sex to begin with, right, right.
So that's the thing.
And also, you know, I did astudy which was part of my
master's in public health atharvard, and we looked at our
results and we looked at what,what, who were the couples that
we were able to help, what weretheir characteristics, how long
(30:07):
they were trying to get pregnant, you know what, how many of
them had experienced failed IVFtreatments and miscarriages and
all of that.
And what was really interestingis that we noted that, on
average, our patients, thepatients who came to us who we
got our best results for wereinfertile for on an average of
four years.
Imagine, every single monthgetting you know, going through
(30:32):
through this process, hopingthat you're going to be pregnant
, literally to get a negativepregnancy test, and almost 50 of
them had done previously failedIVF cycles and over 50 of them
had experienced previousmiscarriage.
So these are really challengingsituations where it's
multifactorial.
(30:52):
You know, there are manydifferent things that are
getting in the way and, ofcourse, we want to make sure
that they enjoy that intimacyand that because also think
about it from this perspective,benedict why are you wanting to
have a child to begin with?
You know, why is it that youknow?
And after the child arrives,what's the whole point of that?
I mean, obviously, obviously.
You're wanting to raise afamily, and if you can't get the
(31:16):
team together to be able tocreate the baby to begin with,
imagine what it's going to belike.
When the child and the childrenare already there and all of
the additional challenges oflife mount onto that equation,
it becomes even more challenging.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
And more stressful, so it just adds to the ongoing
pressure.
Do you find that when you askthem that question, that they A
may not really have a goodanswer other than I just want a
child and two?
That they don't have the sameanswer, like they're not working
(31:56):
on the same objective?
Speaker 3 (31:59):
Look, that happens and people want to have babies
for all sorts of reasons.
You'd be amazed at the reasonsas to why people give to wanting
to have children right, andthere's no judgment in that.
It is what it is.
The different meaning is fordifferent people.
But what's interesting is onecommonality of what I absolutely
(32:21):
note is that when two peoplehave very different reasons and
or desires for having a child,those conversations are so
essential to have in advanceright.
Like, for example, you know Ioften will ask in part of my we
do a free fertility assessmentfor people so you know when,
(32:44):
when they we're trying to figureout if we can help, we actually
do that part first and we dothat part for free.
So we don't take on people onboard of our program unless we
already know that we can helpthem and what we offer perfectly
aligns with what it is thatthey need.
And the reason that we do thatis because we know we already
know the types of people that wecan help.
So selection bias actuallyhelps us to keep the number, the
(33:08):
rate of our success, very highand help the people who actually
can best benefit from what itis that we do.
So one of the questions that Iasked them in the very beginning
of the those conversations ishow much of a priority and how
motivated are you to actuallydoing something new about your
fertility?
And that person will answer ona zero to ten scale, ten being
(33:29):
it's a highest priority, zerobeing not a priority.
And then I ask what about yourpartner?
And invariably I know fromyears of asking this question
that if I have differentialnumbers for two people like that
is a conversation we have tohave right there.
And then, yeah, because so oftenI'll tell you this, so often
(33:52):
people go along with anotherperson for social desirability,
bias, for wanting to, you know,know, doing the thing that they
think is going to be acceptableto the other person, whatever
reason, but they go along withit, but they actually really
don't want that same thing andthey are too scared to tell
themselves and to tell the otherperson that actually, you know
(34:13):
what I don't actually want ababy, right.
And that creates so many this,this stressful situations within
the context of overcominginfertility and miscarriage, but
also going through the wholeinfertility journey, which is
already difficult, and if youdon't have a person who actually
(34:35):
really is committed or wants toovercome that because they
actually, deep down, don'treally want to have a baby, but
they're just not being braveenough to say it.
Ouch, there's.
There's years and sometimesdecades of, you know, like not
very happy things coming theirway.
So I find that sometimes thejob is actually to help people
(34:56):
to be really truthful withthemselves in that.
Speaker 1 (34:59):
So you had already mentioned that, like the number
one thing would be the mindset.
So what would the what wouldthis number two thing would be
to really kind of get both themale and the female in a good
place mentally, physically,emotionally, spiritually in
order to then make their chances.
(35:20):
And you always seem to say makesomething about having a
healthy baby.
Speaker 3 (35:25):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
I mean, look, you know, at theend of the day, people don't
want to be pregnant.
I mean, who wants to bepregnant, dear Jesus, like you
don't want to be pregnant, youwant to have a baby, right?
Yeah, sure you might want toexperience pregnancy for, like
you know thing, the last ninemonths, um, you know, it's
pretty intense.
So you know, the reality of itis that most people who want to
(35:47):
have a child, they want to justlike hold their baby and and
that really is what I hear so,so frequently from a lot of my
patients, particularly secondtime, third time, fourth time
around you know that's true, Ican.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
I'm one of 12, so I can imagine that.
Speaker 3 (36:01):
Exactly so.
It's like you know what, can wejust hurry this business along?
You can't hack the fact thatit's a nine month pregnancy.
You know like it's just how itis.
But you know to answer thatquestion, I have a little kind
of almost way that I like peopleto think about what it is that
they can do.
You know, often, when I'm askedwhat is it that I can do to
improve my chances?
(36:21):
Or, to you know, make this,overcome the challenges that I'm
experiencing, or whatever it is.
I ask the men to indulge me inthis moment because for them
it's a little bit harder toconceptualize being pregnant,
right.
But I often say like, look,conceptualize being pregnant,
(36:43):
right, but I often say like,look, imagine if you could be,
imagine if right now you're theone gestating that child.
I know that there probablywould be even less people in the
world because men would notwant to be giving birth, but
that's a whole other story.
But all jokes aside, you know,if a man could like, and women,
it's easy, kind of, for women toimagine that because I think we
see it so often.
Um, but if you kind of imagineyourself, whether you're a man
(37:04):
or a woman being pregnant rightnow, and I was to ask you what
are all of the things that youwould absolutely stop doing or
would absolutely start doing togive yourself the best possible
chance of having the healthiestpossible baby?
What are those things?
(37:25):
And, very quickly, people areable to identify in their own
situation the things that theyabsolutely would start doing or
would stop doing, and they'reable to conceptualize that in
actions.
I would start doing this and Iwould eat healthy and I would
take supplements and I would,you know, take care of my, I
would exercise, I would,whatever right.
(37:47):
And then, on the other side ofthat equation, people will say
things like you know, I'd stopsmoking, I'd stop drinking, I
would stop taking drugs,whatever right.
Those are the things that youknow.
Right now, inside of you, youalready have 50 of the little
baby that you want to create.
That is the reality, right?
(38:08):
So, whether you're a man or awoman, 50 of that baby is
already within you and your jobis actually to bring your best
contribution to the table, so tospeak.
Right, so your job is to reallybring the best contribution to
the table, so to speak.
Right so your job is to reallybring the best possible quality
egg, the best possible qualitysperm, and the way that you're
going to do that is by nurturingthose cells in the same way
(38:30):
that you would if that wasalready a baby.
Oh, I love that.
It's what I call act pregnantnow to get pregnant later, right
.
And so that is essentially whatpeople need to take into
consideration and really need tokind of conceptualize but also
internalize, because it's veryeasy to say to somebody oh, you
(38:54):
should stop this, do this, blah,blah, blah, blah, blah, and
it's like, oh, yeah, okay,whatever.
But when you are responsiblefor gestating that little baby,
or 50% of that little baby inthe cells that you bring to the
occasion, right, then it becomesa matter of like okay, there is
actually something that I cando, and not only there is
(39:16):
something that I can do.
There is something I must do tobring my best contribution
forward, and often that is whatis not only necessary but
essential to help couplesovercome infertility and
miscarriage, even when othertreatments have failed.
Speaker 1 (39:34):
Fabulous.
This has been an eye opener, anabsolute eye opener, and I love
your take on supporting bothparties, supporting both male
and the female, and it is sadand disappointing that the male
can get overlooked a greatamount of the time.
Yeah, and yet at the same timethey are 50 50, as you say,
(39:58):
absolutely.
Speaker 2 (39:59):
Absolutely so important.
Speaker 1 (40:01):
Yes, yes, wow.
This has been great Everyone.
I want you to be sure to pickup her book Fertility
Breakthrough OvercomingInfertility and Recurrent
Miscarriage with Other Treatmentwhen Other Treatments have
Failed she had mentioned you cango to her website
fertilitybreakthroughcom.
She also said where did you sayit?
Speaker 3 (40:19):
was free.
It's free on Spotify and onYouTube and it's available in
every bookseller, amazon, etcetera.
You know everywhere.
Speaker 1 (40:28):
Yeah, that's fabulous .
And then, at the same time, goto fertilitybreakthroughcom to
learn all about her work.
Her website's fabulous, and youcan also.
There's some great articles andresources in her blog as well.
I wanted to do a shout out onthat because I spent about a
half hour with it this morning.
Speaker 3 (40:45):
Oh wow, Impressive.
Speaker 1 (40:49):
And then, of course, follow her on Instagram
Gabriella Rosa Fertility.
Gabriella, thank you so much.
This has been fabulous.
I really appreciate it.
Thank you, and I'm so glad.
I really appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (40:59):
Thank you, and I'm so glad we finally made it.
Speaker 1 (41:02):
Have a beautiful, beautiful day.
Speaker 3 (41:04):
You too.
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (41:06):
Thank you.
What a powerhouse of aconversation with powerhouse.
Gabriella Rosa Loved theconversation, especially as she
focused a lot of the discussionon men and what men deal with
when it comes to their fertilityjourney and the pressures that
are put on them, but, at thesame time, how overlooked they
(41:28):
are in the process, while shealso highlighted what both men
and women need to do when itcomes to minimizing men and
women need to do when it comesto minimizing, if not
eradicating, any stress that isjust depleting what it is that
they need in order toproductively have a healthy baby
(41:49):
.
So the conversation was justripe with tips and advice and
even her own personal story andjourney.
So I appreciate you being herefor that conversation.
If you are dealing withworkplace stress and pressures
and you're just not sure whatyou need to be doing in order to
(42:10):
minimize that so it doesn'taffect any aspect of your life,
then feel free to reach out andschedule a call with me.
Go to coachmebernadettecomforward slash discovery call and
let me give you some tips andstrategies you can put into
place right now so you can be aseffective, productive and a
powerhouse as you can be.
(42:30):
Until next time, thank you somuch for joining us for this
week's episode of Shedding theCorporate Bitch.
Speaker 2 (42:54):
And I'll look forward to having you right back here,
take care.
Thank you for tuning into todayepisode of Shedding the Bitch
YouTube channel.
Want to dive deeper withBernadette on becoming a
powerhouse leader?
Visit balloffirecoachingcom tolearn more about how she helps
professionals, hr executives andteam leaders elevate overall
team performance.
You've been listening toShedding the Corporate Bitch
with Bernadette Boas.
(43:15):
Until next time, keep shedding,keep growing and keep leading.
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