Pillow Talking With Kasha Vannessa

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome back to So Shameless, y'all. Okay, a little bit
of news before we get into it. Hold on, this week,
we have the Enchantress Kasha Vanessa on the couch with
Dodge and yesterday. I'm not in this episode, but I
think y'all are about to see a version of Dodge
in this episode that y'all have not seen, at least

(00:22):
for a very long time. We'll see because I'm about
to listen to it for the first time with y'all,
but I was giving their heads up that there's some
shit in here. What I wanted to say, though, besides that,
is I'm also going to record just because I'm miss
y'all and it's been so much going on. You got
Young Thug with Gunna and just so much, and I
don't even think that we're gonna be able to approach

(00:43):
that next week. I'm not sure if they spoke about
that in this episode, but I have my own thoughts
on this that I just want to share with y'all.

Speaker 2 (00:51):
I also have some thoughts.

Speaker 1 (00:52):
On Jada Pinkett Smith and some information that we found out.
You know, recently, I haven't been really paying attention to Jada,
but I saw a clip, and I want to talk
about it. Right, So I'm gonna release an episode by
myself this Thursday. Come back check that out.

Speaker 2 (01:11):
Shouldn't be that too long.

Speaker 1 (01:12):
I'm not gonna split this episode in two, right, So
y'all could listen to this whole episode now and then
come back this Thursday if you want to hear what
I gotta say. I'm pretty sure y'all gonna have y'all
filled with Kasha, Dodge, and Yesterday.

Speaker 2 (01:25):
I want to know what do y'all think?

Speaker 1 (01:26):
Do y'all think yesterday was I was able to hold
his own in a room with Dodge and Kasha, Like
I'm excited. I want to go listen to this episode.
I'm gonna listen to it as soon as I press in,
So when y'all listening to it, I'm gonna listen to it,
all right, but also come back this Thursday because I
got a couple of things that I want to discuss.
All right, let's get into it.

Speaker 2 (01:49):
What happened phone over there?

Speaker 3 (01:52):
I got two phones for the plug and for the no.

Speaker 2 (01:56):
My kids are calling your kids your children children.

Speaker 3 (02:00):
Then that's what happens when you start working at education.
You start calling the kids your kids like these are mine,
like you gave birth to them.

Speaker 2 (02:06):
Well, technically these are these are my first group of kids, right,
this is my first little cohort of people. So these
are like.

Speaker 3 (02:12):
My kids, like they belong to.

Speaker 4 (02:15):
How many do we.

Speaker 2 (02:16):
Have right now? Right now? We just have two kids
that actually completed everything. You know kids, you know how
kids are niggas don't complete shit. So we started with
like six or seven and then it's the one dude
over the So now like you know, people that actually
did all of this stuff, the filling out. Yeah, so

(02:36):
we have two in there now. But I think now
that they're in there now, they'll be able to speak
to it, you know what I'm saying, talk about the situation.
I told you today, they're at their orientation. So so yeah,
so slowly moving the ball, but I think, you know,
continue to take it up.

Speaker 4 (02:52):
I love that.

Speaker 3 (02:53):
So I just want to say to everybody that Taho
left us for dead. Yes, he went out of town,
did not tell us that he was going out of town,
and then told us that we have to run a show.

Speaker 4 (03:09):
And now we're here.

Speaker 3 (03:10):
So I mean, this ship is gonna be what is
gonna be, is gonna do what it's going to do.
We didn't start the clop the remotes over there? Where's
the remote this one?

Speaker 2 (03:21):
Yeah, I can't see the glasses.

Speaker 3 (03:24):
They take the stupid ass glasses off.

Speaker 2 (03:28):
I don't think it's that one. I think it's one
of them small.

Speaker 3 (03:30):
Ones, the ones all the way over there that I
can't reach. So that means you're gonna get up and
go get it. You see what I'm talking about. Listen
at the end of the day.

Speaker 4 (03:41):
At the end of the day, the day going in.

Speaker 3 (03:43):
Okay, so it's me miss Dodger Bell as you already know,
it's yesterday. What the fuck is it? What you want
me to do with it?

Speaker 2 (03:51):
That?

Speaker 5 (03:52):
I don't know?

Speaker 4 (03:55):
I don't know he's a.

Speaker 2 (03:57):
And you just want to put a time on your phone? Oh,
because I don't know what remote it is?

Speaker 4 (04:03):
So why did you tell me?

Speaker 3 (04:05):
All right, And that's exactly what kind of episode this
is gonna be. We just we're just here so we
don't get fined. We're actually winging it.

Speaker 4 (04:13):
We have a guest, but our guests had car trouble.

Speaker 3 (04:15):
So she's running a little bit late.

Speaker 4 (04:17):
So we're just here for the ships and giggles.

Speaker 2 (04:19):
Yes, yes, for right now. But you know, we're gonna
try to We're gonna try to pull this together. We're
gonna try to pull it together, and we're gonna try. Yeah,
I think we can. I think we can.

Speaker 3 (04:28):
You think we have the the the capability. Are we capable?

Speaker 2 (04:34):
Very much capable. I believe in you as a leader.
I believe in you.

Speaker 3 (04:37):
No, and all right, I'm so happy that you said that,
because this is something that's really happening to me in
my life.

Speaker 2 (04:43):
Like pu me on.

Speaker 3 (04:45):
I don't understand why people trust me to lead things.

Speaker 4 (04:51):
Like I need insight.

Speaker 3 (04:53):
Because I have never ever advocated to be the leader
of anything. I am a supporting character at best. I
never want to be the star starring. No, I want
like extra b like I just want to be somewhere
in the vicinity of But I don't understand why people

(05:16):
continuously push me into leadership positions.

Speaker 4 (05:20):
I don't like.

Speaker 2 (05:21):
It, Okay, so I would say that. So I've known
you for a little over a year now and we've
gotten pretty cool since then. You're my favor Yes, same,
you're my favor as well. Thank you, And upon meeting you,
I hear what you're saying about like the way you
be yourself. I've never got I've never gotten that energy
from you. What do you mean, like I think you're

(05:43):
a person that I don't think you're like yo, like guys,
I don't think your person that vocally says like hey
I want to lead, I want to be in the forefront.

Speaker 4 (05:51):
Absolutely never.

Speaker 2 (05:52):
But however, however, in conjunction with right, I think your
energy speaks to that a lot. Right. So you know
there are certain people how they say there are natural leaders, yeah, right,
And those people most times are not running around saying
oh I'm a leader, right, it's just how they move in.
It's them taking command, initiative, thoughtfulness, being able to work
on the team. Right. So you have all those things

(06:13):
and you have a very big personality. So although you're
not saying you want to be a leader, you're doing
and moving in all of the leadership ways.

Speaker 3 (06:21):
So okay, so how do I stop? I'm just a girl.
I literally want to be just a girl. I just
want to wear cute dresses. You see the dress, Like,
I just want to wear cute dresses and then show
up and say hi, how you doing, and then.

Speaker 2 (06:36):
Just you see. But that sounds good, but there's so
much more to.

Speaker 3 (06:40):
You than just that, but I don't want more to me.

Speaker 2 (06:45):
I don't know if I'm rolling with that.

Speaker 4 (06:47):
I just I don't understand the why.

Speaker 3 (06:49):
So this is all rooting from not only having to
lead this show today, but also in my life. I
am vice friends of a school, then ask to be
vice principal. I was chilling in my position, and then
one day somebody came to me was like, you.

Speaker 4 (07:07):
Know what, You're gonna be my number two.

Speaker 2 (07:09):
Hey, you know what?

Speaker 3 (07:10):
And then that somebody happened to be out most of
this week and it's like, all right, number two, the
school is yours.

Speaker 4 (07:17):
I trust your judgment. And I said, now, who the
hell asked for this?

Speaker 2 (07:23):
I'm assuming the person that wants you to be number
two forecasted like, yo, hey, in the event that I
can't do something, this is the person.

Speaker 3 (07:31):
That I want to be number one, But again, didn't
ask you for that. I was perfectly fine in my
little bucket. I like to sit. I like to sit
and stay in my lane. And I just don't understand
why people want me to be out of my lane
when I don't want to be, Like, let me want
more from myself, don't want more for me?

Speaker 4 (07:52):
Like I'm chilling.

Speaker 2 (07:54):
I feel like what they say it's in you, not
on you, right, So I mean that sounds good, it
sounds good, but the people are always going to decide
and say, hey, you know, you know what I'm saying.
I'm gonna go with this word over this, you know
what I'm saying. And when you have I think when
you have that quality, it's really out of your hands.
At that point, you just kind of accept it and

(08:14):
do what you've been doing, just leading.

Speaker 3 (08:15):
Away, oh you know, just working senselessly, ferociously, tired, burnt out.

Speaker 2 (08:22):
Yes, I want to I want to hear how was
how was this? Or we're back at school? In school? School?
Weeks back?

Speaker 4 (08:27):
When you you just got back. I've been back for weeks.

Speaker 2 (08:30):
Oh yeah yeah, well yeah I just got back. Yeah
that's true. So you've been back, you've been on the
bull horn. So how has it been. How has it been?
Has it been been back?

Speaker 4 (08:41):
Honestly, it's been really good. It's been.

Speaker 3 (08:44):
It's had its times that are trying because not only
am I a leader, but I also had a teacher
that has an injury, so has been out. So thinking
about what's important for the scholars at this time, was consistent,
and for me, consistency looks like somebody teaching them that
knows what the fuck is going on. So I've also

(09:06):
been in the classroom outside of my leadership duties. So
I've been teaching four hours a day plus being a leader, plus.

Speaker 4 (09:16):
Who Mike is on?

Speaker 3 (09:17):
You?

Speaker 4 (09:17):
Motherfucker's turn your mic off?

Speaker 3 (09:23):
So been in the classroom for I was a day
plus teaching, plus given professional developments like several times a week,
plus doing observations, plus giving lesson played feedback like I've
been on it.

Speaker 4 (09:34):
And I started grad school. Who is that turn them off?

Speaker 2 (09:38):
For?

Speaker 3 (09:38):
Yesterday?

Speaker 4 (09:43):
Who that Trey? Trey? Mute your damn Mike?

Speaker 3 (09:47):
Oh yo, everything is hilarious. But anyway, just I just
it's been a lot that's been going on as far
as work is concerned. And I started grad school and
that's been interesting.

Speaker 4 (10:07):
So I have a paper.

Speaker 3 (10:09):
I have a four page research paper due in forty
eight hours. I started the outline though, be proud of me, y'all.
The outline is done. The rest.

Speaker 4 (10:21):
Not so much, not so freaking much.

Speaker 3 (10:26):
Yeah, we back see you moving like how I'm moving
at work every day.

Speaker 4 (10:36):
Nigga's doing everything.

Speaker 3 (10:37):
Nigga bodies bodies right, so you know life is life
in right now?

Speaker 2 (10:45):
Yes, okay, and the kids, the.

Speaker 3 (10:48):
Students are much better this year than they were last year.
Last year, like wow, but this year it's been really good.
Like we have come up with a lot of different
systems and rooms scenes to kind of be more preventative
than reactive when it comes to like certain behaviors. So
because like we actually had that opportunity to prevent certain

(11:09):
things from happening, it's been kind of free flowing, like
not that many physical altercations. You know, niggas is in class,
They doing the things.

Speaker 4 (11:21):
Are they turning in work?

Speaker 3 (11:22):
Not so much. But it's one thing at a time,
Like you gotta you gotta at least as long as
they sitting in the room, at some point they're going
to start to do the work because like what else.

Speaker 4 (11:31):
Are you doing here?

Speaker 2 (11:32):
I always say, you can't have everything. You gotta take
the small you gotta take the wings that you can
get them, So them in the class. I'm wrolling with that.

Speaker 4 (11:40):
How is it at my alma mater?

Speaker 2 (11:43):
It's been pretty smooth. It's been pretty smooth. A lot
more comfortable there, right, definitely more established, you know what
I'm saying, we got a lot of freshmen, like about
three hundred and fifty of.

Speaker 4 (11:55):
Them, damn in that building.

Speaker 2 (11:58):
Yeah, so all of the other classes is like that,
the same classes, maybe like less than one hundred. Yeah,
you know what I'm saying. So it's like maybe eight
hundred kids.

Speaker 4 (12:05):
In that building.

Speaker 3 (12:06):
Ain't no way, I have three hundred and eleven kids
in my whole building right now.

Speaker 2 (12:13):
Man, Yo, I looked at the number. The ship said
just at seven ninety four. And mind you, this is
the first day. So remember certain kids ain't come. Yeah,
certain kids wasn't in the system. That's another thing. Yeah,
there was at least I scared maybe fifty kids that
wasn't in the system.

Speaker 4 (12:27):
When I went there, it was less than one hundred
in each grade.

Speaker 2 (12:30):
See nigga, I said, Yo, three hundred freshmen, so that
these are all So now these are all new kids
that I have to like learn their name, and a
lot of them have kind of like the same name.

Speaker 3 (12:41):
So now I got to everybody name Honor John Friton.
I'm like everybody named Cayden, everybody named Michaela.

Speaker 2 (12:49):
It's a lot of Michaela's.

Speaker 3 (12:50):
It's always a lot of michaela it's a lot of Messiahs,
and Messiah always bad as fuck. I ain't never met
I ain't never met a kid with a biblical name.

Speaker 4 (13:00):
They had behavior, Yo.

Speaker 2 (13:02):
They say, Yo, Jaden is one of those names are bad.
Like it's always something with the.

Speaker 3 (13:08):
Kings, Prince, what happened to Adam? What happened to Jacob?

Speaker 2 (13:14):
Oh? My god?

Speaker 3 (13:15):
Yo, why y'all keep naming y'all kids adjectives? Sincere serenity, blessing?

Speaker 2 (13:24):
Oh? How is Parker's h Parker has.

Speaker 4 (13:27):
Been rocking and rolling.

Speaker 3 (13:28):
Man, she's been rocking and rolling.

Speaker 2 (13:31):
I'm seeing it. She looked like she locked.

Speaker 3 (13:34):
In, Yo, she's hella locked in loving first grade like
her principle on her VP be sending me pictures of
her during the day, just talking about like how great
she's doing, like she One of her teachers was observed
the other day and the apparently Parker was like answering
a mathematical question using like maths vocabulary. Everybody's like, well

(13:57):
did you read the lesson plan? I'm like, that's my girl.
But you know, she's always gonna be a scholar.

Speaker 2 (14:03):
She just you know, that's good. Thank somebody. I know.
I like that. I like that that's peace.

Speaker 4 (14:12):
That's peace peace.

Speaker 2 (14:14):
It's sounds like it sounds like it's it's connecting for sure.
Did you think that you want to play? I have something?

Speaker 3 (14:20):
Oh what you want to play?

Speaker 2 (14:21):
Okay?

Speaker 3 (14:21):
So, and it's something specifically that the boss man told
me that we had to talk about that I don't
know about.

Speaker 2 (14:28):
Well, thankfully for us, right, the boss Mu's not here, right,
but I do have something that I think is interesting.
And it's not it's anything that he said.

Speaker 3 (14:38):
Okay, good, yeah, so mean, because have him do it.
We're gonna sit here be talking about men versus women
all fucking day.

Speaker 2 (14:44):
Okay, all right, so I'm gonna try to play. So
follow me.

Speaker 6 (14:48):
Allowed two mental health days per week. Okay, as long
as you're passing, there's nothing, as long as you you
be because he had three rules.

Speaker 2 (14:59):
Does look like what mental health days for a child?

Speaker 3 (15:03):
Don't do nothing.

Speaker 6 (15:07):
Because you're constantly in school, you're constantly working. My son
got short. He told this one girl. He told her,
he said, you don't understand my life. I have to
work even when I finished working in school. Like my
son got that shit, like he don't got.

Speaker 3 (15:22):
No dawn time.

Speaker 6 (15:23):
So the mental health days is that you can ask
me anything you want to. I mean, but it's always
open door policy. But if you don't feel like doing
nothing that day and you need to recharge as a child, you're.

Speaker 2 (15:35):
Allowed that, right. So all right, so I've seen that
after that was interesting, and you know, I wanted to
wait for our guests, but you know, I just swing
it back around. But I want to ask you and again,
how do you feel about the aspect of kids having
mental health days? I thought when she broke it down,
I thought it was very interesting and I was like,
you know, all my friends with kids, I always try
to you know, you know what I'm saying. So do

(15:57):
you what you think about that?

Speaker 3 (15:58):
I think it's amazing. I never want my child to
get a perfect attendance certificate. I don't believe in them.
I literally do not believe in perfect attendance because perfect
attendance what that means is if you're sick, if you're
having a bad day, if you're tired, like you just
pushed through and you came to school anyway. And it's like, yeah, nah,

(16:20):
we're not doing that. Like my kid can absolutely say
to me, Mommy, I don't feel like going to school today.
But The only issue is because I work in the
same network that it also has to align with what
I have to do. But if it's one of them
days where like Drew us home and he don't have
to work and I'm like, yo, baby, can you stay

(16:42):
home with the baby today? Or if she tells me
in advance, like you know what next Friday, I don't
really want to go to school. I would rather do
X Y and z oh, so we HOOKI on Friday.
Say less, say absolutely less.

Speaker 2 (16:55):
I'm sorry. I put the link in the discord guys,
so you guys can go check the link out, so
you guys hear it.

Speaker 3 (17:01):
But yeah, I don't, I don't have I don't think
there's anything wrong with that at all. What do you think?

Speaker 2 (17:06):
Yeah, I thought I thought it was very interesting, and
I thought the basically the way that she framed it,
and it's speaking about her son and you know him
just having a certain level of grind and dedication. I
thought it was I thought it was good, and I
thought it was a different I hadn't I hadn't heard
that from a parent before, so I thought it was
a different just a way to look at things, and
like absence from school, right, because I think, you know,
we being in schools, we know that some of these

(17:28):
kids they don't need no absences, they don't even need
some of the holidays. I'm gonna keep it, you know,
just keep it the buck. They need to be They
need to be in school as much as possible, you
know what I'm saying. So I'm I'm not really too
much on the kids being out of school just willy nilly,
But I do think in that type of setting goal,
you know, when your kid is, you know, doing the
right things and they're locked in. I do think that

(17:49):
those that's something I think is very very like progressive
and positive too, right, because I think, like you said,
the perfect attendance that rain hail with snow and then
it's like.

Speaker 4 (17:58):
Like, what are we talking about.

Speaker 3 (18:00):
It's twenty degrees outside and my kids say, I don't
want to go I don't want to go outside either.
Like we have PTO days as adults, So why we
can't use that also for our kids, Like it's not
here's the bigger part of it. Right, When we were
growing up, we needed mental health days as well, right,

(18:21):
but we had to be like, oh, I don't feel
well today, and you've got to lie about it, and
then when you home, you can't laugh, you can't walk straight,
you can't get out of bed, you can't do nothing right,
Like you gotta just sit there and lay there just
to have a minute, just to have a break.

Speaker 4 (18:36):
And I don't want my kid to have to fake it.

Speaker 3 (18:39):
Like there are certain days that I just don't want
to do shit, and I'm okay with saying that, and
I'm gonna say it to anybody, like you know, I'm
just not gonna do it today.

Speaker 4 (18:47):
And no, I don't have an.

Speaker 3 (18:48):
Excuse, and no, I'm not about to make up something.
I'm just not And that's okay, that's okay.

Speaker 2 (18:53):
And sometimes I feel like people, especially us as people,
we always have to make it a reason why just
not being okay. It's that, you know what I'm saying.
It's it can't just be that. It has to be
an extinguaty circumstance or something serious, right. And it's just
like other people and other coaches mental health dad, you
know what I'm saying, They take a yo, listen, I
need to you know, I need to recalibrate. Everybody gets

(19:14):
that space to kind of reset, and it's not looked
at as a negative as to word like us. I
think even as our own people, we put a negative
thing on it too, So I think that's where it gets,
you know, tough sometimes. But I do think I have
one hundred percent agree with that.

Speaker 3 (19:26):
Like I tell my boss all the time, I just
be like, yeah, I'm not coming in tomorrow.

Speaker 4 (19:30):
Why I don't want to. I don't want to, Like,
don't make me lie to.

Speaker 3 (19:34):
You, like, please respect the fact that I'm honest to you,
I don't.

Speaker 4 (19:37):
Want to come.

Speaker 2 (19:38):
And I think that always sounds better coming from a
person that you know, a person that you can rely on,
like somebody that's always locked in, somebody that's constantly showing up.
When that person says, hey, I just need a I
just need a blow, right, I feel like that should
be the times where it's like, Okay, you know what
I'm saying, you don't. We don't really need to have
a just clear like this a real reason why. It's
just like you know what, I'm sure you come in

(19:59):
here ten hours a day for the last four months straight.
You know what I'm saying. I'm sure you know what
I'm saying. It gets taxing. So I feel like those
things should you know, be afforded for sure.

Speaker 3 (20:09):
I think it's something else like when we also are
thinking about things like mental health or things like prioritizing yourself.
I think that's a great way to tie into what
the boss man wants us to talk about. Okay, explain
to me this whole young the video call leak leaking thing.

(20:33):
Explain to me what it is, and then I'm gonna
explain to you how this ties in to mental health.

Speaker 2 (20:38):
Go ahead, So from what I understand, right, because like
I said, these shits have been dropping like hotcakes, right,
so like every day you wake up, it's literally on
the way here. It was like two three that dropped
on the on the walk in, and I.

Speaker 3 (20:49):
Was like, is leaking shits?

Speaker 2 (20:52):
That's a very good question now to me, from what
I know, you're not supposed to be able to leak
these you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (20:58):
Now, what happens all the time?

Speaker 2 (21:00):
Yeah, one or two happens all the time, But this
is like on the hour. The rollout of it is like, yeah,
it's like all right, this this just feels weird, you
know what I'm saying. So I do I do think
that people are people should be afforded a level of
privacy right when you're speaking, you know, when you feel
like you're niggas in jail. So it's like you don't

(21:21):
get more private, you know what I'm saying. It's like
there's not much more that a nigga can do, you
know what I'm saying, but fucking talk on the phone.
So but I think there was a lot of things
being conflated. But from what I understand, this is essentially
what's happened. You know, he went to he had to trial,
you know, the whole gun in situation. He's deemed gun
is being a rat for whatever he said in the court.
That's been his stance since he's came home. He's preached that,

(21:44):
you know what I'm saying, he's enforced that, you know
what I'm saying, and he's you know, did the cryptic
things to make people feel like, yo, y'all shouldn't have
funck with him because he's a rat. That's been his stance. Cool,
So what happened was there was a there was an
interrogation of him right that came out years ago, and
I guess somebody one of these internet reactors. I think
Chapelo Ross did a documentary on it, and he was like, Yo,

(22:07):
you know this has been out, but I'm just looking
at some of the stuff. And you know, he's been
railing on Gunner for speaking with the police and any
foreign fashion. That's been a thing, right if you speak
to them, give them any information in any way it's
deemed to know. However, in the interrogation, he's call an interrogation,
telling them, you know, a lot of different information right

(22:30):
part of the end of the and during the end
of the conversation he told them like, yo, hey, take
my number down. If you haven't need to know anything,
give me a call, and just just don't tell the
world about it though, just kind of keep it between
us type shit. That was towards the end of the
call right now, mind you. In the beginning he asked
them to get him food. They was like, nah, give
him blowney sandwich. And the video is like two hours,

(22:50):
so he was in there for about two hours, so that's.

Speaker 4 (22:54):
What we're people about for two hours.

Speaker 2 (22:57):
Ran listen. He once I heard him saying, Yo, listen,
take my number down an give me a call. I say,
all right, but you know I didn't, you know, I
didn't need somebody to break it down for me. I
didn't need to hear a take. I'm like, you know,
So that's kind of where we're at now. I think
the jail calls have been a way to discredit him,
I think in the music industry and just the overall

(23:19):
culture because you know, well, the jail the calls are
not about him writing.

Speaker 3 (23:25):
The calls is about him doing what what is he
doing on the calls?

Speaker 2 (23:28):
He's talking about different people in the music business that
he's been cool with and friendly with, and he's speaking
about them and what could be seen as disparaging ways. Right,
So he's talking about future like, yo, he'd be you know,
he'd be locked in with the holes. He don't be
locked in with the kids he's talking too. Yeah, but again,
you know, if this is your man, you're not going
to say that publicly. But again, he was saying he's

(23:50):
speaking to his girl, So I don't you know, I'm saying,
I understand people are upset about what he's saying, but
it's like he's speaking to his peoples in the private,
you know what I'm saying. So it's like we all
say stuff in private.

Speaker 3 (24:00):
That's like, here's how I'm going to tie this back.
Into mental health. There is nothing more relieving than to
have an honest conversation with somebody that you love and
you care about without having to put somebody else down. Right,
we all have feelings about each other, We have feelings

(24:22):
about our friends, We have feelings about our co workers.
Now if you go to your coworker and tell your
co worker what you really feel about them.

Speaker 4 (24:28):
Now, everybody unemployed, like you.

Speaker 3 (24:31):
Need a safe space to have these conversations in the
same way you need. Sometimes niggas need a day to
you know, get they mind right so that they in
the right space. So my question is why is this
such a bad thing or why is it even making news?

Speaker 4 (24:46):
Like everybody got a group chat.

Speaker 3 (24:48):
With four people, and then you got a group chat
with three of them people and one of them people
not in there because you got some shit to say
that you don't really want to say to that other person.

Speaker 4 (24:56):
So what is the problem?

Speaker 2 (24:58):
To me? From what I understand, the issue is, I
think it's more so this, like I said, That's why
to me it seems a little calculated, because what it
seemed is like maybe the government wants to the government, yeah,
because they have to be leaking these calls or they
have to there have to be something going on, like
who who was just getting all of these calls and like.

Speaker 3 (25:18):
You know that is trying to set up young thug.

Speaker 2 (25:21):
Not set them up. But you remember you've been thumby
your nose at us. We lost the trial, so we
don't funk with you, We don't, you know what I'm saying.
So from so we might not be able to throw
you in jail, but we can completely under the bus.

Speaker 4 (25:34):
So all of the people we conspiracy.

Speaker 2 (25:38):
And you know he's speaking about a lot of people
from Atlanta. You speak about p from QC, Little Baby Future,
Drake metro Boom. You know what I'm saying speaking to Kendrick.

Speaker 3 (25:47):
I love the fact that you put Drake in the conversation.

Speaker 4 (25:50):
He's from Atlanta.

Speaker 3 (25:51):
No, no, no, you just na mad Atlanta niggas and through
a Canadian right in the middle.

Speaker 2 (25:56):
I threw Kendrick in there as well because because it's
because it's basically how tops has been coming out. He's
talking about gun and different people. So what it seems
is like Glorilla, right, we heard that yesterday. He was
calling her ugly and I thought that was crazy because
you know, out of all of the stuff that he said, right,
He said a lot of stuff on these calls. He
didn't really respond to any of it. But the only

(26:17):
thing he responded to he apologized to Glourrilla soon as
that soon as soon as the call came out, she
was like, yo, what like, Yo, man, what did you
just ask me what color my eyes was? Threw the
apology up, yo, Gorilla just wanted to let you know, Yo,
I ain't mean none of that, you know what I'm saying.
I was just I was just in a tough spot,
you know what I'm saying. So I thought that was funny.

Speaker 4 (26:38):
I thought that crazy, you know what?

Speaker 3 (26:41):
With that being said, we will take a little break
because I would guess is here.

Speaker 4 (26:45):
I want to know what Kasha got to think about this?

Speaker 3 (26:47):
Okay, let's see what we want to do.

Speaker 2 (26:49):
So we're back.

Speaker 3 (26:50):
Yeah, Hey Kasha, hey girl, give me for being late,
but there was nothing that was going to stop me
from getting here with y'all today. So I was like,
y'all gotta come assist me because I that's the place
to be, right, you have to be with your other family.
So we're talking about mental health first and foremost, thinking

(27:11):
about how it ties into being able to have a
safe space and having conversations with people, because everybody have
feelings about other people, but it's not really nice to
say it to them because you want to mess up
everybody's mood, everybody's day, everybody's perception.

Speaker 4 (27:28):
But is this anything wrong with.

Speaker 3 (27:32):
Having honest conversations about how you feel and your frustrations
with your partner? So you know something I tell y'all,
I actually tell not even just myself, but the couples
that I've worked with over time that the first thing,
one of the first questions you want to get out
the way is how do you want me to respond
to your anger?

Speaker 4 (27:51):
If you're angry with me?

Speaker 3 (27:53):
How do you want me to respond to your anger
if you're angry as something outside of me? Right? And
also to give them to understand of how I handle
my anger and frustration because sometimes the toughest part of
conversation is misplaced anger. I feel like, so when you're upset,
you're frustrated, like I could just lash out, like they
just put that down, come here and got to talk

(28:13):
to me like that, But that's misplaced anger because I'm
not angry with him, I'm frustrated about some other shit,
and you just happen to be the one here.

Speaker 4 (28:21):
So I don't think it's anything wrong with it.

Speaker 3 (28:23):
But I will say the universe is so interesting because
the topic of my last few days have been tough conversations.
So it's one thing, it's tough conversations when you're frustrated.
The other thing is even when you're trying to come
to it from a level where you've gotten your frustration
at least at bay, but you know that this conversation

(28:44):
still has the ability to add more frustration before you
potentially get to the other end of it where you're
on the positive side. But I think it's necessary. You
can't avoid it, right, So I don't see again anything
wrong with you in prison. Right, like you said before yesterday,
ain't many people in the world.

Speaker 4 (29:03):
That you could talk to. You go only talk to
whoever phone number behalf who's on your little list.

Speaker 3 (29:08):
So if I'm upset about some things, I should be
able to confide in my person. And now these conversations
are getting leaked and people looking at him like he
the problem.

Speaker 4 (29:16):
But it's like we all have done this, oh pill.

Speaker 3 (29:19):
And my thing is the person who you want to
be the messiest with is your person I don't know about,
but on my pill I'll be like, bab, I can't
wait to get get home, like changing the.

Speaker 2 (29:30):
Tea, Like I feel like that's a part of the thing.
That's why I said before, Like I know people are
killing her for it, but I'm like, he's speaking to
his person and he's in jail, so it's like, you
know what I'm saying, what type of you know, coof
you want him to have in that situation?

Speaker 4 (29:41):
You know what I don't like about it.

Speaker 3 (29:43):
I don't like when people get mad when people say
things that other people already were thinking but they just
happened to be the person that came out with. Because
not that I feel this way about her, but I
feel like there's a lot of people who probably agree.

Speaker 4 (29:55):
Right even though I love me some I love oh
you talk about he.

Speaker 3 (30:01):
Was talking about that, like that comment is but he's
entitled to an opinion if you don't find an attractive ray.
So I feel like sometimes people get like they'll have
this outrage, but deep down inside a lot of those
people also agree. They just want to be on the
side of whatever is not what people are outraging about,
so they'll toggle and you know how you can tell

(30:22):
you go to the comment section of any post when
something like that is going on, you can tell nobody
got their own brain. Comment. Ninety other people wrote the
same comment. A hundred other people wrote exactly. So it's
like you came to this post, you watch it, you
might have had an impression, but then you went to
the comment section and you read, and you loud what
you read to shape what you now are. So I

(30:44):
feel like he said something, but in all actuality is
he the only person who potentially felt that way?

Speaker 4 (30:51):
But you want to know, it's so crazy.

Speaker 3 (30:53):
This is not a lot of times that I agree
with rademics, but rademic said and he said on the internet,
he was like, how else are you supposed to have
a certain conversation with your girl? Like you can't be
on the phone with your girl like yeah, Catty, I
love her, Like.

Speaker 4 (31:11):
That's not if you're not about that life.

Speaker 3 (31:13):
Exactly like everybody that's been been backed up against the wall,
like yo, you like that, nigga, Like I'll tell you this,
even when it comes down to like deep fantasies and
stuff for people to like a guy be like, so
you interested?

Speaker 4 (31:29):
I just had this conversation you interested in, like doing
something with another guy. Most women are gonna be like, nah, babe,
I'm good.

Speaker 3 (31:36):
But like if she's just having that conversation with her
homegirls or right, because that's just another relationship.

Speaker 4 (31:42):
I mean that that we expect some level of confidence.

Speaker 3 (31:46):
Or you know, in the conversation where I could be like,
but bitch, if I had the chance to d I
definitely would give this one the business.

Speaker 4 (31:54):
Right. It doesn't mean that you ain't happy with your person.

Speaker 3 (31:57):
It doesn't mean that's something you're actually gonna follow through on,
but you can't say it without that person's feelings potentially
becoming So the question is, like, even with those types
of talks, do you want to hear them say the
other thing? Like should he be on the phone with
his girl like you said, should I be on the
phone with my girl bigging up the next chick? You
know what I'm saying from here to the next tent?

(32:18):
Or no, baby, you don't even want to get ays
for like.

Speaker 4 (32:24):
I don't like to lie. I don't either, you know
I don't.

Speaker 3 (32:28):
I don't like to lie, so and I don't like
you to lie to me, Like if you think that
somebody attractive. I want to know who you think is attractive,
and I want us to be aligned. But because if
you tell me a girl's attractive and I don't feel
the same way, now i'm judging you.

Speaker 4 (32:40):
And I'm not judging you because you thought she looked good.
I'm judging you because I don't agree.

Speaker 3 (32:44):
But you know what it is, Okay, I agree with
what you're saying. I believe in transparency over honesty.

Speaker 4 (32:50):
Right.

Speaker 3 (32:50):
My relationship operates like that, and I'm that way with people.
I'm a straight shooter, right. I didn't always used to
be that way. Right. I used to dance around people feelings, yes,
but I learned that not being getting figured out as
opposed to dancing around and finding the right way to
approach it in a way that's going to have the
least minimal blowback. It's what I would go for.

Speaker 4 (33:08):
But you're a communicator. I'm a communicator. Your a communicator.
We talk, right, It's a part of what we do.

Speaker 3 (33:14):
So having these conversations is a little bit more first
nature as opposed to others. I feel like a lot
of people in theory want the honesty. A lot of
women don't. Right here, we go a lot of women don't.
A lot of women don't, and I would say men
too when it comes to a certain matters because you
don't want to.

Speaker 4 (33:32):
Hear you don't want to hear that shit.

Speaker 3 (33:33):
You don't want to hear about that. But I find
that men don't usually ask the question women do. Likes
she's not. A guy's not gonna be like you think
he looks good? Like you never really hear that. But
a woman would be like, what you think her ass
is bad? She would do that, and we say we
want the truth. But then they have a way of
like harboring this residual you know what I'm saying, animosity

(33:58):
for your answer. And it may not even come up
right then and there, But the next time y'all have
an issue conversation ship that seem a little she's gonna
be like, oh yeah, the same way he was looking
at old girl asked or whatever.

Speaker 4 (34:09):
And suddenly your honesty was weaponized.

Speaker 2 (34:12):
That's the that's the thing. When your honesty is weaponized,
I think you know, when it becomes a different issue
or bleeds into something else, and it's like, yo, I
just was given a take on something as opposed to
it being like a problem, like so yeah.

Speaker 7 (34:24):
All of them.

Speaker 3 (34:24):
Lie. I mean a lot of me all the time,
not a lot of you all the time. Yeah, babe,
you want to go to the store with me? No,
but that's not what he says, honey, Sure, honey, it's
a lie.

Speaker 4 (34:37):
You feel me, it's a lie.

Speaker 3 (34:38):
We all tell a little bit of them when we
feel like we know that our person is asking a
question but they really looking to hear a certain thing.
Those are instances, I think when you do it on
the serious shit, that's what got a lot of me
about wanting to go to the store.

Speaker 4 (34:53):
Just giving a car though. Anyway, it's a.

Speaker 2 (34:55):
Respect about your feelings too, and want to handle your
person right. So sometimes it's not about like, but it's
about like, yo, I don't want to shut you down
or make you feel like you know you're not being received.
So I probably really don't want to go, but I'll
go because I know that's something that you really want
to do, so you know I'm willing to do that
for you.

Speaker 3 (35:11):
And I think in those instances when the relationships have
an open I would say reciprocal safety, right because like,
for example, he can say that and I could be like,
I know you want to go get chess on the cargo. Right,
that's a simple situation, but like on a more serious
circumstance of whatever the case is, where I tell him
I want you to be honest with me. We have

(35:31):
had we've had to have a way of like saying like, look,
I'm not attacking. We have to like say I'm not
your attacker. You can tell me how you feel because
I have to turn off sometimes my girlfriend. Heir turn
on top of the white side air and just turn
on my friend air, yeah, or just turning that other ear.
So sometimes he'll come to me and he'll say I
need my best friend right now.

Speaker 4 (35:52):
And that's real, right, he don't ask me I need
you to.

Speaker 3 (35:56):
And it was hard because I had a podcast episode
I did with him once and I asked him a
question about like what he felt like sex life was
like before me and now, and he had to be honest, like,
you know, my sex life with my WI my ex
wife was we had a good sex life. You think
it's easy for a man to sit there and tell
its current women like me and my ex boy back, yeah,
good sex.

Speaker 2 (36:14):
That's tough.

Speaker 3 (36:14):
But I had to turn on my best friend is
my hosts of this podcast and allow him to be honest.

Speaker 2 (36:21):
But he did.

Speaker 3 (36:22):
The next level is, but what I've learned about myself
and sex with you is a whole nother version of me.
So I feel like that's the thing that most men
wouldn't have been honest about yesterday.

Speaker 2 (36:35):
Yeah, And I feel like to your point, because most
men wouldn't have been honest about it, and most women
wouldn't have been able to receive it right like that?

Speaker 3 (36:40):
Right?

Speaker 2 (36:40):
Because soon, you know what I'm saying, the most soon
as you say that, the whole shit is blown up.
You know what I'm saying is I'm going back to
some other what you mean?

Speaker 4 (36:46):
Right?

Speaker 2 (36:46):
But you you were able to actually have the conversation
and have him feel safe enough, you know what I'm saying,
for the environment for the discourse to happen.

Speaker 3 (36:54):
Right, And what I by not getting emotional and allowing
him to finish flushing that thought out, it made complete
sense because for him, right, I don't First of all,
if you married this woman and you were committed to her,
expect that at some point it should have.

Speaker 4 (37:08):
Been Otherwise, what was we doing here? Right now? You
play it? This is a game.

Speaker 3 (37:15):
What he expressed to me is based on who he
was at that time, what he had been introduced to,
the things that he had been trying or knowing or
whatever the case is. That was a great high standard
at that moment. But then he ventured into other things
and realized, oh, there's other little monsters that want to
get let out as far as my sexuality, and those
are things he can explore with me that maybe may

(37:36):
not have been as easy to explore the past relationship. Right,
So you got to think about where a person was
at the time that they had that feeling versus like
who they are today.

Speaker 4 (37:48):
Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 3 (37:49):
That's tough for me because like we me and my
husband have had the conversations about sex and like sexual
past and other partners or whatever. And I think that
I consistently compare because I think that where I am
now sexually always lived in me, but I did not
know how to express it or pull it out. But

(38:10):
now that I can, I feel like all other sex
is like it's immeasurable to the current sex life that
I have. So I don't know, like my ego, like
I have one, but I'm not as crazy as I
used to be, So I don't know how I would
take that like, if I'm honest, before him, I'm gonna
tell you the truth. When I met him, my hope

(38:31):
was that he could have race the memory of that
other one.

Speaker 4 (38:34):
Right, we all have that one. Get that one out
of my head.

Speaker 3 (38:37):
I need you to get him away from it, out
of my hand, out of me, get around me. I
need you to give any takeover because I have been
dating and I have met guys that I liked a lot.

Speaker 4 (38:47):
Was great in so many ways. Yes, so the relief. Listen,
the relief, the relief I got when that when that
happened and he checked that box, and I was like,
I think I can forget them. Hallelujah.

Speaker 3 (39:04):
But before him, if you asked me, that guy would
have been my best set. Now that's not the truth anymore.
So if I could think about that about my own experience,
why is he not allowed to have that same experience too? Right?
I feel you, But then I'm also the girl who
touched girls. So maybe that's also part of it with

(39:25):
me that I love you, I love you. Don't get
me started, don't give me. I just came from hedonism.
I'm not very very free feeling. I still feel naked.
I know I'm sitting here and clothes, but I still
feel naked. I imagine I could see it in my head.
I gave you a picture.

Speaker 4 (39:43):
I got more videos than pictures. I realize my headed
fold as well.

Speaker 2 (39:52):
You need it.

Speaker 4 (39:58):
A little thinking, you know that's that's that's his speed.

Speaker 3 (40:01):
So I gotta whenever you're here, somebody happy, here to
be respected. I don't like it.

Speaker 4 (40:05):
I covered up a little bit in my head. I
thought that it's all right. You thought you didn't like it.
You can still see my body.

Speaker 3 (40:10):
You want to see it.

Speaker 4 (40:11):
You want to look at me, I'm looking. Don't don't, don't, gosh,
don't start.

Speaker 3 (40:16):
Okay, you be married, and how you know I'm just.

Speaker 4 (40:24):
Pour some honey on that moon. No no, hey, Hobby,
I know you're here somewhere.

Speaker 3 (40:32):
No, no, no, all right, So look, this is what
I want to say. We're talking about honesty and relationships.

Speaker 4 (40:38):
I did find a clip, right, and.

Speaker 3 (40:42):
That ain't it? And I feel like, you know, this
is why you should label things. But I think that
this is the right one. And if it's not, we're
gonna talk about it anyway. Bitch, something you'll get a
lot of hate.

Speaker 4 (40:56):
For if you say it out loud.

Speaker 8 (41:00):
That men their whole life was taught how to treat
a woman and not what to expect from a woman,
but women would talk the old life what to expect
from a man, but not how to treat a man.

Speaker 2 (41:13):
So I thought that.

Speaker 4 (41:16):
You have the come on, we're here.

Speaker 3 (41:19):
Yeah, I think that that is something that we don't
talk about enough.

Speaker 4 (41:25):
And I was in my head.

Speaker 3 (41:27):
Because the last couple of weeks, like I've been called
a man basher and that I hate men and all
the rest of these things. So I decided that maybe
today that I might want to bring a little accountability
or whatever. And that was my thought process. Friends, So
how do you got calm down? Yes, how do you

(41:47):
guys feel about that clip or that theory? And why
do you think that that is a thought process that
would get a lot of hate? You want to go
first today?

Speaker 4 (41:57):
Some thoughts.

Speaker 2 (41:59):
I listen to the ah, yeah, I listen to the
whole clip, and I feel like I'm like fifty to
fifty with it because I understand where it's coming from
as far as the programming aspect of it, like further
than the clip you talked about, Like you know, when
we're kids, a lot of the stuff that we're taught
about interactions. It's mostly the guy. The boy happen to like,
you know, be nice to the girl, put the share out,

(42:19):
do different stuff. So that's just like, even if we
don't do it, it's something that we at least know
as opposed to with you know, little girls or women.
It's not sometimes it's not as clear cut, right, it's
you know, it varies, it can change depending on you know,
the situation. So I do think it's both sides of
that because I do think to a level there is
a bit of programming, but I do think to a
level women do care in a different way sometimes, so

(42:42):
I think it kind of balances out if you kind
of understand what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (42:44):
Yeah, yeah, I think this conversation stems into nature versus nurture.
I think that's what you have to go back to
with the root of this one, right, So if you
just think about the gender constructs that we have out
there in society, provide, protect, nurture, teach, be everything, you know,
make a house a home. I've been taught to create environments.
I've been taught to teach and you know, grow my

(43:07):
children or whatever. The case is.

Speaker 4 (43:08):
A lot of matriarchs.

Speaker 3 (43:10):
That's your role. There's wise women and things like that.
While you're taught to offer the service of protection and
the service of provision. So of course we're taught to
take because you were taught to give. I was taught
to create, right, I was taught to give birth to
I was taught to all.

Speaker 4 (43:26):
Of those types of things.

Speaker 3 (43:28):
That doesn't necessarily in order for me to do these things,
I need the support of those provisions and I need
the protection of that man.

Speaker 4 (43:35):
So that's that.

Speaker 3 (43:36):
But when we get into nature, I know, as a
woman with my with estrogen being the dominant hormone out
of the you know, the ratio of estrogen to the toasterone,
whereas testosterone is your dominant, you know, we both have
a little of each and each other. So I think
that's where the lines don't ever get crossed, right, because
although you're a provider or protector, I'm still supposed to

(43:58):
protect you, right, yes, But how I protect you it's
not how you protect me.

Speaker 5 (44:02):
Right.

Speaker 4 (44:02):
I know that people expect you to be strong, so
I have to create space for your heart.

Speaker 3 (44:06):
I have to create space for.

Speaker 4 (44:07):
You to not be strong.

Speaker 3 (44:08):
I need to I protect you by knowing when you
don't have it in you to be strong. Right, I
provide for you when I put that plate on that table. Right,
you give me the food, I bring you the meal. Right.
But it doesn't mean it has to just be my
role because there might be days but I don't got
it in me, and you got to be the one
to make sure they don't worry. I'll make sure the
kids eat what you want to eat for dinner, whether
he cook it, whether he buy it, whatever. So I

(44:29):
think what happens is we get too accustomed to the
expectation of one of those things and never tiggle enough
so that there feels a little bit more equilibrium balance. Right,
Because what he just said, you were taught to receive,
like you know what to expect, but not how to
treat a man, as I was taught how to treat
a woman, but not what to expect from her.

Speaker 4 (44:48):
What he's really saying is we both needed to be
taught both.

Speaker 3 (44:52):
I will say this in my own personal experience, right,
I grew up in a patriarch household. I didn't have
the grandmother or whatever, but I have my moms and
my aunts, but they were still My mother had me young,
so she was still learning womanhood her and I didn't
get my first real dose of that lesson from my mother.
But my mother always took care of us the certain
nurturing aspects that were natural to her, king at it

(45:14):
as a young mom, you know, So I absorbed that
I want to take care of the people around me.
So I didn't have to necessarily be taught how to
treat that man. I just had to know I cared
about him, right, you know what I mean?

Speaker 4 (45:28):
And vice versa.

Speaker 3 (45:29):
For that man, he doesn't have to be the one
who is doing the things that I'm doing, but he
has to be able to spot when I am not
able to do it, and he could provide me that space.
And when he knows it, it's time for him to
show his estrogen and give me his emotional side. So
that's my honest opinion of it. I don't think he's wrong.

(45:50):
I don't think he's wrong because I do think more
of us are taught one than the other. I think
too many of us are taught one more than the other.
And I think that, like even at this juncture in
my friendships with my homegirls, and we're having conversations about
relationships and about their boyfriends and partners or whatever. I
think that I tend to lean more into empathy for

(46:12):
the men, contrary to popular belief, because I think that look.

Speaker 4 (46:17):
At you, look at you, you're starting shit with me.
I keep telling you, I don't. I do the same thing.

Speaker 3 (46:21):
I hate men. I hate a very certain archetype. But
I do think that like a lot of my friends
have really good guys around them, and as a dominant
New York boss woman, that we work and we make
a certain amount of money, and we move in and
we shaken. I'm trying to help to cultivate the softer

(46:44):
side of my friends. Now that's the conditioning though, for
us specifically, because when you get into this, there's a
cultural aspect that cannot be eliminated. Right if you go
back in history, back to when the programs like Section
eight and all those things are introduced around those times.

Speaker 4 (46:59):
To be qualified for those programs, you have to have
a man in the house.

Speaker 3 (47:03):
So from then they taught us.

Speaker 4 (47:04):
To be able to receive the support you got to
give rid of that guy. Okay, cool, But they had
the same rules in place for anyone.

Speaker 3 (47:11):
They just were not enforced by Mary who bought the
farm and were violent right now, you look at that,
and I had to remove you in order to get
access to this thing. Even what they're doing today, they're
actually reversing the clock now, right because now they want
to take away all those things that they made us
as women and people are relying on at a certain level.
But the conditioning of the independent woman was given birth

(47:35):
to at that point. Women I don't think ever wanted
to be completely detached from men. I think we just
wanted our own autonomy, right because there were so many
decisions made for us. There were so many things that
we couldn't speak up on. So it gave birth to
as certain like you said, archetype of a woman, right,
And now all of us are trying to figure out
how to tap back into that other women that used
to be and it's not hard to do.

Speaker 4 (47:56):
And I think that that's the part that a lot
of women don't unders stand right now. It's like, if
you have somebody.

Speaker 3 (48:02):
That's good, trust your heart, trust your level of discernment,
and then just allow and take care of that person
the same way that they want to take care of you,
or the same way you want them to take care
of you. I don't understand a woman that has never
like bought a man flowers, never bought him a gift,
never like don't pay for dates like I literally always believed,

(48:25):
and whoever invites the person out, you can pay, like
if I hit you up grue like even with my
husband the first time we ever went out, and I
was like, I'm gonna hit you up one day and
I'm gonna say links and drinks, and I expect for
you to be there.

Speaker 4 (48:40):
And then when we did link together for the.

Speaker 3 (48:42):
First time, I pulled out my card or I was
pulling out my card and he pulled out his first
and I'm like, but I invited you out, and he's like,
I got.

Speaker 4 (48:49):
It, okay, But I came here with the expectation of.

Speaker 3 (48:54):
Because I am the one that initiated. So I don't
understand this whole Men have to do this, Men have
to do that.

Speaker 4 (49:01):
But what are you doing for him? How do you like?
Tap into him?

Speaker 3 (49:06):
How do you like?

Speaker 4 (49:07):
What is it that he likes? When do you like?
Does he like basketball? Have you ever sent him to
a game? Like? Does he like video games? Two K
just came out, Go buy that man?

Speaker 2 (49:17):
Two K so?

Speaker 4 (49:20):
And I'm a game or two so? I buy it
and I play it with him. I love that this,
This is ironic.

Speaker 3 (49:25):
This is exactly what my book is about. Right and
and for me, what I come to realize is a
lot of women like, well you hear it, a soft
girl era, all of that type of stuff.

Speaker 4 (49:39):
It's not an error, it's in existence. Hello, I'm trying
to live it right when you saw, If you saw
it doesn't mean you're weak.

Speaker 3 (49:45):
That's where I think the confusion is becoming. What I
learned is that I've always had what I call in
my book the honey on my tongue. I was giving
the honey to the undeserving guy. Yeah, to the tune
of what you said a moment ago. Because I grew
up in a space where I had men who I
saw breakday backs and everything to take care of their family.
It created a certain level of empathy for men, especially

(50:06):
black men, and that certain ones that are doing the
right thing. But I don't have that deserved That's a
discernment I didn't have though at that time.

Speaker 4 (50:15):
I didn't have that discernment. It was just like, give
him a chance, he's trying.

Speaker 3 (50:18):
I didn't know what it looked like to see the
difference between a guy who was just talking versus the guy.
That was the lesson I had to learn, and my
own accountability for all the pain that I experienced with
any of those guys has to be I didn't know
what I didn't know, yes, right.

Speaker 4 (50:32):
But now I do, and you know better, you do better.

Speaker 3 (50:34):
So I would say what I learned is my greatest
way with a man is my feminine right. Because when
you are this a hormone in men called vasil pressin
vasopress and vasil press.

Speaker 4 (50:48):
You can pronounce it either way.

Speaker 3 (50:49):
Right, This hormone can either spark they call it the
jealousy hormone, but it can spark jealousy of protection. Right.

Speaker 4 (50:56):
A lot of women trigger that hormone for a man
against them, as opposed to for them.

Speaker 3 (51:02):
So you won't ever get anywhere with any man triggering
his fight response. Right, So a lot of women are
triggering the fight response.

Speaker 2 (51:10):
Fight.

Speaker 3 (51:10):
I want you to fight me, I want you to
fight for me together. Right, when you are the kind
of woman who matches energy, who puts an effort, who shows,
and you hold space for him, who he can be
vulnerable with, and he's not, he doesn't have to worry
about those things coming back to stab him later.

Speaker 4 (51:25):
Then he's ready to run through a fucking brick wall
for you.

Speaker 3 (51:27):
Hello, right, and just my damsel in distress like a
bas signal or whatever the case is.

Speaker 4 (51:34):
I'm over there, taddy, daddy as soon as you see daddy.

Speaker 3 (51:37):
Yes, baby.

Speaker 4 (51:38):
And he might sound annoy he might not feel like it,
he just laid down, but something about she needs.

Speaker 2 (51:44):
Me, that's when it's time to get active. That'll give
you a whole different level of you know, energy motivation,
just knowing like, yo, my person is in need, let me.

Speaker 3 (51:55):
Show up, as opposed to like, oh, you won't take
out the trash and you o honey, please honey, or
affirm it, you know what, baby, No matter what, I
appreciate that every money you pull that that you remember
to pull that ben out.

Speaker 4 (52:09):
If it was up to me, I'd be missing trash
days every week.

Speaker 3 (52:11):
Right, So I can't do it. But when you, as
I tell women all the time, as opposed to attacking
the thing that he may not be doing in the
way that you like or to a standard that you like,
you have to affirm the things he's doing and invite
him to do the others more right. I really love
when you do this, but when you do this, it
makes me feel this way as opposed to you always.

Speaker 4 (52:33):
Doing that shit right right yeah here.

Speaker 3 (52:37):
So I think a lot of us as women could
benefit from tapping into it. However, on a flip flip it,
because I'm not just pro one side pro would makes sense.
A lot of men right want safe space to be vulnerable,
but don't nurture the same space for a woman. And
the thing is for me to feel like I can

(53:00):
submit to that man. I ain't got a question shit
he say, because I know he thought about me in
every choice he made.

Speaker 4 (53:06):
I gotta have a safety with you too.

Speaker 3 (53:08):
And what a lot of guys may not realize is
that sometimes there are things that they do that directly
attacks that space. If I feel like, you know, you
tell me things and you let me down consistently. I
asked you, baby, can you bring home the milk on
your way home? And you forgot it?

Speaker 4 (53:24):
And you forgot and it's okay.

Speaker 3 (53:26):
Maybe you listen to your music.

Speaker 4 (53:27):
Maybe it was in a car. He was like, getting
your shit in.

Speaker 3 (53:30):
Then I tell you stop talking about like that. Go
look at that man. Why okay, I'll switch for a second,
I said, I was gonna switch. I'll switch. But the
bottom line is, are you the kind of guy who
goes back out to get the milk. Are you the
kind of guy who says, you know, a babe, do
you need it right now? Or can I take care
of it in the morning. Are you the kind of
guy who says, let me do a dash it, or

(53:51):
you the kind of guy who says, so I get it.
Probably different types of guys will solve it, different types
of way. His effort in meeting the need is important,
Yes it is, And I learned that in a real scenario,
get the milk situations not a of course, the big one.
It was literally me asking him to bring home milk
because I had my younger brother who I was caring
for my child. He was home and I didn't.

Speaker 4 (54:15):
I was tired.

Speaker 3 (54:15):
I knew I was pregnant. I was tired, and I
was like, I'm anout, have to get up and make
him breakfast. But if you got milk, because don't go
on milk, he gonna make his cereal and I'd give
me an extra hour to sleep. I didn't give that
whole long expansive and grab some milk on the way home.
You out and you coming in whatever. To him, it
was just a gallon of milk. I'll deal with that

(54:37):
shit later. To me, it was two hours of sleep.

Speaker 4 (54:40):
Right.

Speaker 3 (54:41):
So, when you have a guy who cares to be
a man of his word, who follows through, he advites
the safety for the woman I was just described as
to be soft because I know that he got me.

Speaker 4 (54:54):
If he don't, he's going to try to correct it.

Speaker 3 (54:56):
And if he can't do it, he's gonna tell me
so he can at least equip his strong ass woman
step in and take care of it, because I could
have wake up no like you, something like, it's not
that difficult. And I think that that actually leads me
into another clip that this shit threw me for a loop.

Speaker 4 (55:16):
So let me see how y'all got.

Speaker 5 (55:18):
To get asked for dates? But I'm never interested in
those days. And the guys whom I am interested in,
they are never interested in me. I'm their pro friend,
but I'm not their girlfriend.

Speaker 2 (55:31):
Sorry, did you tell me your name?

Speaker 3 (55:33):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (55:33):
What was your name?

Speaker 3 (55:34):
You forgot?

Speaker 2 (55:36):
Maybe we should go for a beer and talk about it.

Speaker 3 (55:40):
Don't you dare call me pro? I break your head?
I promise.

Speaker 7 (55:45):
Have you finished berating me in public.

Speaker 5 (55:48):
No, I mean like, I'm really here for the question
of attraction because it never lost when I was.

Speaker 2 (55:53):
Just flirting with you and you shouted at me.

Speaker 3 (55:55):
You forgotten my name.

Speaker 4 (55:57):
I'm not interested suddenly.

Speaker 3 (55:59):
But why did you use that opportunity to get angry
with me?

Speaker 7 (56:03):
I'm not angry. We could have had such a little
fun flir right now, that energy you had with me
when you are having a bit of a go at me,
I just want you to channel it slightly differently if.

Speaker 2 (56:18):
You had just said you don't remember, I try to
tell you that you better make that up to me.
All right, now we have tension.

Speaker 3 (56:31):
Because he's right, and that's the honey, right, it's the delivery,
how you delivered, because.

Speaker 4 (56:35):
I would have yeah, I would have easily. I would
have easily said no, no, it's an easy flirt. I
would have said, oh, what are you willing to do
for it?

Speaker 3 (56:46):
Right?

Speaker 4 (56:46):
You want my name?

Speaker 2 (56:48):
Shut it down?

Speaker 3 (56:49):
But she but also if I create she he's right,
he's right. But if I create space for her, that's
clearly her frustration from a number of experiences that she's
now venting because even when she said it, can you
just help me? Like I can't understand it won't laugh
no matter how many times. So that I mean, she's
talking to people crazy, but she maybe didn't in the beginning.

(57:11):
Here's what I find. Most women haven't started that way.
But after you've dealt with a certain type of treatment
from different people for a certain amount of time, it
builds up a version of you that doesn't want to
be boogole to fool no more. And oh, I'm not
going to be naive and let these guys run over me,
so they get strong. And I think that's the problem.

Speaker 4 (57:28):
Who you said the word earlier? God just said it discernment.

Speaker 3 (57:31):
Yeah, that woman has not yet figured out how to
differentiate the guy who's worth her honey versus the guy
who ain't worth shit. But I think that it's a
bad case for men also in that moment, because we
haven't even gotten past formal introductions yet, So me not

(57:52):
remembering your name the first time that we meet should
not trigger that type of a reaction out of you.
And I think that when you have people that feel
this way, like you gotta go see the lady first,
because that's something that simple should not have hurt you
that deeply, or you forget that. But did you see,

(58:13):
and that wassy.

Speaker 4 (58:14):
He didn't choose to meet her energy with the same energy.

Speaker 3 (58:18):
Right, he led because seminar But when Ben would have
walked away from that like yo, you're all right. But
as a man, he showed her a real man who
will see a woman's hurt right and understand yea, she
may be come with a little something.

Speaker 4 (58:34):
Because sometimes they call him domind's in the rough. She's
in the rough.

Speaker 3 (58:38):
He didn't sit here and say he didn't come at
her in a way. He came at her in a
way where he broke it down to where she could
arrive at herself. That allows her to create accountability and
be like, you know what, I could have done that, yeah,
and it could have went different as opposed to the
same thing with men. If I if I'm just pointing
fingers and saying you could have did this, but you
did it this way and that's why you don't got

(58:59):
a man. He could have did that too, but he
decided to say that. Kevin Sammley, what made you come
that way? Well? But why did you feel like you're
expressed in anger? I want you to channel that, but
can you do it a little differently? You could have
said this, he guided her towards the right way. A
lot of women want to learn that from their men too.
And the thing is, if you find a woman who
you feel like has enough attributes to about her that

(59:22):
are great, but this is one little thing she looved feisty,
you gotta not attain that brat.

Speaker 4 (59:27):
Yeah, you gotta know how attain that brat.

Speaker 2 (59:29):
Most times you have to what I realized as a man,
sometimes you have to disarm the women first, Right, you
have to disarm them, because it don't matter what move
you pull out, they're going to have something that's going
to be a block up right, Yeah, So they have to,
like I say, and you said this earlier, you have
to create an environment where they feel safe to even
put the weapons down. So before you can even really
do anything, both people have to come to that point

(59:50):
where everybody can say, all right, put our stuff down,
and then we can just do you No, we can
just do the conversation.

Speaker 3 (59:55):
Here like yeah, because honestly, if you do it the
right way, all of that shit goes out the windows
swapping up right away. Like a lot of times, I'll
be the centencinn if he woke up on me, he
go watch who you're talking to Immediately, I'm like, Yo,
my god, I'm sorry, daddy, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

Speaker 4 (01:00:14):
Immediately immediately. That's who I become. That's who I become,
that's so I become. How can I make it up
to you? I want to know at that point you
check me, check the check me. Sometimes I want to
get checked. I do some shrip to get checked, all right.

Speaker 3 (01:00:38):
Because that's the same way if he's treating me or
talking to me in a certain way, and I noticed
his defensive side, because he's naturally I call him my
titan because he's a charge at everything, and and I
have to disarm him with my femininess. Right, feminism. I said,
that's wrong, but you know, but I have to at
the same way he's attacking me. I have to say, baby,
you know I'm not against you, right, you know that

(01:01:00):
I'm the one who holds face for you. Right, this
is not an attack. If it came across that way,
I'm sorry. Let me reset, right, I'll say it to
him like that, or you know, or tell me what
it was that made you switch to defense mode. Because
sometimes you don't realize that you've armed the alarm system. Right,
you don't know what you said, what movement was. And

(01:01:22):
sometimes when it's alarms, people have a tendency to now
try to still crash through the window. And now they're
they're all away in this this mold. And I'm gonna
tell you one thing. Trauma responses don't just happen in
those moments. Men do them on a regular ladies. I'm
gonna keep it real. Men do this on a regular
because if they choose to just stay quiet and let
you run your mouth, that's what we call fawning. Right,

(01:01:46):
he's appealing to his attacker until she stops attacking and
hopes that by him not going back at her, she'll subdue.

Speaker 4 (01:01:54):
That's a form of fawning.

Speaker 3 (01:01:56):
Or he'll walk away. Yeah, he'll walk away. He'll say,
you know what, because he realized if I stay in this,
this could get worse, it could get dangerous. I know myself.
I'm gonna get away from her. Then he might leed
a house, he might walk away, go to another room.

Speaker 4 (01:02:08):
That's flight. Right.

Speaker 3 (01:02:10):
If he's arguing back, that's fights. But if he just
stands there while you're going at him, and a man
goes like this, what it looked like, freeze like yo,
I don't want to know.

Speaker 4 (01:02:23):
I didn't even I didn't even come. I ain't hits you,
I ain't touch you.

Speaker 3 (01:02:26):
So I do feel a lot of women trigger those
responses in men, but they don't recognize that that's his
trauma response, because trauma is essentially a deeply distressing or
disturbing event.

Speaker 4 (01:02:37):
So you're repeatedly coming at me that way. I'm repeatedly like, yo,
I really don't, especially because if that shit escalates, he's
going to jail. You know what I'm saying, You're going
to jail.

Speaker 2 (01:02:47):
And enter your point cards. Men also trigger women as
well too, so both those people are triggering at the
same time and then trying to like go to their
corners respect.

Speaker 3 (01:02:56):
I'll tell you one way, my man.

Speaker 4 (01:02:57):
He no, he doesn't do it anymore.

Speaker 3 (01:02:59):
But in the beginning when we would sometimes I'll be
sitting on the bed and sometimes he gets charged up
so he would stand up and he would he was
standing and not to like not to post up, but
like you know how when sometimes you get angry and
can he jump up and he like yo. And I
had to tell him one day, when you get up
and you stand over me like that, it makes me
different energy, right, and I have a DV history, so

(01:03:20):
I know that you standing over me puts me in
a mold of like and a fight in me is
also you know what I'm saying. Sometimes yeah, yes, gonna
get disgusting. So now I have to tell him, like, baby,
if you could just stay seated when we argue, you know.
So one thing we started doing, can I take your
hand yesterday? Of course is when we fight, we do
it like this hand and they'll say all the ship

(01:03:44):
and I'll be like, but you did this, but we don't.

Speaker 2 (01:03:46):
Let this go because that's that's the connect thing for
that I totally understand.

Speaker 3 (01:03:50):
That's one rule, and the other rule is I won't Well,
he didn't make the rule. I made the rule for
myself because I realized I can't be naked when we fight,
but weaponized hand down, I stand.

Speaker 4 (01:04:00):
Up and he'd be like, I don't want to fight
no more, so I can't. I try not to be naked.
And the last one I try not to do is cry.

Speaker 3 (01:04:13):
Right if I have, if I feel the tears coming on,
I'll either try to like pause it or ask a
sex step away. I realized that like my my tears
are an instant disarming, but it could be manipulative if
that's like real. Yeah, if he's trying to get his
ship off his chest and I start crying ship, but

(01:04:33):
then that makes it feel like the minute I cry,
whatever he had. So I try to not do those things.
And if I feel like I'm about to do that,
I'll say, honey, I need a minute. I need to
because I really do try my best never to weaponize
the things that I know weak in him, unless I
want to weaken him.

Speaker 2 (01:04:52):
You know, I have a question, how many do you
do you feel like? Do you feel like do you
feel like when you do that we hindle things that way?
Do feel like things go smoother, like by the fault,
like buying large like a percentage like most Oh, we.

Speaker 4 (01:05:06):
End up laughing. We end up. We call them love huments.

Speaker 3 (01:05:09):
We don't call them arguments, and we call them love
uments because a lot of times after we finished the argument,
we realized that the core emotion would just love coming
out in the wrong way.

Speaker 4 (01:05:18):
We have literally fought over Yo.

Speaker 3 (01:05:19):
I was just trying to take this and put it
downstairs for you, and I'm like, babe, but I knew
your back hurt, and I wasn't asking you to do that.
I couldn't get it.

Speaker 4 (01:05:25):
But what are we really fighting about?

Speaker 3 (01:05:26):
Right?

Speaker 4 (01:05:26):
We're beefing about loving, I'm beefing about I.

Speaker 3 (01:05:29):
Wanted to take care of you, but I'm trying to
take care of you.

Speaker 7 (01:05:31):
Right.

Speaker 3 (01:05:31):
Normally ninety percent of the time that's our fight, and
it might not always seem that visibly like that's the case.

Speaker 4 (01:05:37):
But then like when you really need to do sit
and break it down, like what are we really fighting about?

Speaker 3 (01:05:43):
A lot of times it's care and then then a
couple percentage of chances that it's not right because maybe
somebody did something that really got the other one a
certain way, or whatever the case is. I believe that
you have to love herder and anger than any other emotion,
but also remember that anger is a temporary emotion, and
don't allow a temporary emotion to have a lifetime effect. Right,

(01:06:03):
So a lot of people say things in anger that
cannot be unheard, they do things in anger that cannot
be undone hello, then it perpetuates.

Speaker 4 (01:06:11):
So the best thing I realize I didn't honestly notice.

Speaker 3 (01:06:14):
Until I had a healthier relationship, because when we argue,
I don't have any emotional memory from the last fight
or any fight before.

Speaker 4 (01:06:22):
We're literally dealing with this.

Speaker 3 (01:06:24):
My past relationships. Every time he did me wrong, it
brought up every thing, and I'm like, here we go again.
It just felt like a vicious cycle. So you want
to look for a person argue the situation, not each other.
H argued the situation, not each other, because sometimes you're
coming at each other.

Speaker 4 (01:06:44):
Oh, you're just gonna do this anyway.

Speaker 3 (01:06:45):
Not that's an attack at you as opposed to what
we actually are beefing about. I feel like it should
be this. I feel like it should be that. But
when I start saying you always do that, now I'm
arguing you yeah, and you're making it personal instead of
making it at about the actual thing, because if you
focused on.

Speaker 4 (01:07:03):
Is that's a lot of the problem.

Speaker 3 (01:07:05):
Also, when people argue or arguments that I've seen like
do you even know what you're arguing about right now?

Speaker 4 (01:07:10):
Because you're not really arguing about nothing.

Speaker 2 (01:07:12):
Yeah, like you said, when you ask what do we
really argue about? It's always like a you think about.

Speaker 3 (01:07:18):
It because sometimes you get so lost in the argument
that you forgotten once you go back to it, Like
because argument is healthy, Well, we watch debates on seat
right for a presidential that's an argument. They disagree on
certain things, or they may have different perspectives. We're hearing
each person's side and we're making a decision about where
we land. That's what it should be. When you focus

(01:07:38):
on arguing the situation, that disagreement will grow you. When
you argue each other, the disagreement will separate right.

Speaker 2 (01:07:44):
Because it becomes personal and now both people.

Speaker 3 (01:07:46):
Are going conflict is the problem. How you handle the
conflict can be yeah, yeah, but I had that. But
I'm saying, ladies, every now and again, he yellows to aggressively.
Nothing wrong with this, baby, And you don't want to fight,
I want to fight. Start start, start touching yourself like that, baby.
I'm sorry yesterday, what you got, you know, I'm giving

(01:08:07):
it to you, to you you newly web baby, you
know yesterday.

Speaker 2 (01:08:12):
You know.

Speaker 3 (01:08:13):
As a guy, something about when a guy posts up
on you in my room and make you feel small.

Speaker 4 (01:08:19):
I'm trying to feel little. I love feeling.

Speaker 3 (01:08:21):
Make the little girl come out. That's your secret weapon
as a guy. Just be just not in an attacking way,
but to stand up and be like what you really
want to fight?

Speaker 2 (01:08:29):
About Okay, I have a question.

Speaker 3 (01:08:37):
I don't know.

Speaker 4 (01:08:39):
I know what I want to do now.

Speaker 3 (01:08:41):
It's not fight all right? Yesterday? What you got baby?

Speaker 2 (01:08:44):
Let me play a clip. What's some red flags you're
willing to ignore?

Speaker 4 (01:08:50):
If he's spending money, I don't really give a funk
about what he's doing.

Speaker 3 (01:08:53):
Even if.

Speaker 4 (01:08:55):
He's spending money, he's taking care of me.

Speaker 3 (01:08:58):
Got to do with me?

Speaker 4 (01:09:00):
Manna a good man?

Speaker 2 (01:09:04):
He's yeah. So no, that was funny, But I wanted
to ask you guys to switch it up a little bit. Okay,
I want to know what's a red flag that you
guys had to ignore to be in your relationship? To
be in the relationship, well, yes, I know you guys
are you get married? So I want to know what's

(01:09:25):
something that you guys had to feel like, Okay, this
is my person. I got to accept this. I don't
I maybe don't rock with it or I'm not on
board with it.

Speaker 3 (01:09:32):
But oh, I can tell you is this is the
thing that I'm like, I had to kind of yeah,
I had to think about it, but I don't know.
It's not a red flag per se, but it is
something that I thought that I definitely have to I
still look past it to this day because I be irritated,
and it's the fact that one of my love languages

(01:09:52):
is words of affirmation.

Speaker 4 (01:09:55):
And that's not his thing.

Speaker 3 (01:09:58):
And I had to learn that his dominant way to
love is acts of service and physical touch. And I'm
not a physical touch type of person. So I had
to kind of understand the love differently because words mean
a lot to me, but then actions also mean a

(01:10:20):
lot to me. The physical touch I can live without,
but I know that the physical touch is his.

Speaker 4 (01:10:26):
I love you, it is his. You're beautiful, it is his.

Speaker 3 (01:10:29):
Like I had to learn how to decipher that. And
I'm also very like, don't fucking touch me, Like stop
touching me. And I have a velcrow husband and a
vel code daughter, and I be one to fight both
of them, and they just like, get the fuck.

Speaker 4 (01:10:45):
They surge you on what you need, but don't want.

Speaker 3 (01:10:47):
I don't want that.

Speaker 4 (01:10:50):
I don't feel that that He's not big on words
of affirmation.

Speaker 3 (01:10:53):
He it is an ongoing conversation and he tries, but
I think that he overthinks it a tip give it
to them, and that man in this if he already
likes access service, right, the affirmation should come with the service.

Speaker 4 (01:11:08):
So, for example, if he brings you something, you know,
I love to take care of you.

Speaker 3 (01:11:13):
And in his head things like that sound corny sound
and it's like.

Speaker 4 (01:11:19):
We're afraid to be corny from the person.

Speaker 3 (01:11:21):
Honestly, to me, the best type of sexy is the
goofiest kind to me, like, I love being playful and
doing some shit, I just want to let me Yeah,
I love all of that, but at the end of
the day, it's a step ladder while doing something he
already does. Naturally, that's the best time to try to
include it in the conversation, even if it's it's not

(01:11:45):
if you feel like those choices of words are corny,
it's him.

Speaker 4 (01:11:51):
If he feels like the choice of words is.

Speaker 3 (01:11:53):
Corny, then you have to challenge yourself to find a
way to deliver the words that don't sound corny. But
that's true because it's gonna be all I could get.
From his end, his perspective is if it's not authentic,
it doesn't feel failing. And then he feels like if
you say something and then immediately tomorrow I start speaking
differently than it's inauthentic and it's like we're just at it.

(01:12:13):
But I want to give you this perspective because I
know you listening to as opposed to looking like doing
something different is inauthentic, recognize your effort to do it
is the most authentic thing period because you're doing it
to give an effort to do something that he knows
matters to you that may not come easily to him.
Just the effort alone is going to make you feel seen. Right,

(01:12:36):
even if the execution of the words ain't perfect. Right,
it's one of those things where it's like, just do.

Speaker 4 (01:12:41):
It now, you can perfect it later.

Speaker 3 (01:12:42):
Yeah, right, you have to start somewhere, right, But it's
also easier to marry it with something that you already
need to do. So if you rubbing her shoulders and
you like to whatever his physical touch, you don't love
physical touch, but I mean, if you'll not kurt, you
are right with that. Him providing the service of rubbing
your should and touching your skin gives him the dose
of the love languages he likes to deliver. But while

(01:13:04):
he's rubbing your shoulders, he can ask you about your day.
He can ask you how you're feeling. He can tell
you he appreciates you. He can tell you those same
things and it can be true. Right, So I think,
try it there, you know what I'm saying. Tell her
shoulders of sexy. You see them shoulders in the dress.

Speaker 4 (01:13:21):
All right, calm down, be like it's.

Speaker 3 (01:13:23):
Sexy ass shoulders.

Speaker 4 (01:13:24):
Let me rub them.

Speaker 3 (01:13:25):
Shits, Gosha. But I just think that, like, you have
to try. You have to try, and even if it
doesn't become his dominant, at least you'll know, like my
man tries to me. Yeah, that alone, and that's all
I's That's really like the thing that I care about
the most is like the effort, which is why I

(01:13:46):
know that he is more of the ACTSS service person.

Speaker 4 (01:13:49):
So I appreciate every effort everything.

Speaker 3 (01:13:52):
That he does.

Speaker 4 (01:13:53):
Like tell the things that he does that I don't
like to do, don't say to me, tell us to him, Kasha,
tell Tom. He's listening. I appreciate you, Oh God, Kansha, listen,
I save lives and marriages. You do time. I'm trying
to help here, seriously, all right, No, I can do it.

(01:14:14):
You can do it because you're.

Speaker 2 (01:14:15):
A good girl.

Speaker 3 (01:14:18):
I am you are, realize right, don't look at me
while I do it, all right, I want to look
Thank you, I love you so much, and I appreciate
all the things that you do every single day that
just makes our life so much easier. It is something

(01:14:38):
that I can't do that only you can provide for
us and our family. And I just want you to
know that every single day, I thank God that I
have you and my life, because without you, I don't
know how I would be able to do anything. I
love you. I would saw home this too. I love

(01:14:58):
the fact that you still love me even though I
don't want your ass to touch me. I know that
you love me even though you won't tell me I'm beautiful.
That's how I talked to him.

Speaker 4 (01:15:16):
Talk to y'all. She don't hate me.

Speaker 3 (01:15:20):
I knew that for the first time I was with her.
It's no different than what we were speaking about earlier.
After you had a certain number of experiences of a
certain type of guy, it will shape a feeling about
that guy.

Speaker 4 (01:15:32):
And unfortunately we come across more of them.

Speaker 3 (01:15:35):
Than the latter.

Speaker 4 (01:15:37):
So you have to be in this operating mode of
always being ready for that dude.

Speaker 3 (01:15:42):
And so when you come across a guy who's not
that dude, it's not that he's to turn it off
for a lot of people, you know what I mean.

Speaker 4 (01:15:48):
So that's what it's like. Yeah, but she's never been.

Speaker 3 (01:15:52):
A please never gave that.

Speaker 2 (01:15:54):
I don't think that person.

Speaker 3 (01:15:56):
I never gave that. I just I don't like excuses,
and I like men that are men, and I don't
and I will never believe that just because you were
born with a penis, it makes you a man like that,
ain't it. That's not that's not the deciding factor. Like
you were born male, cool, but you a bitch on
the inside. And I just want somebody to tell you

(01:16:16):
so that you could boss up and be a realized man,
and like, we can't continue to pacify bitch assness.

Speaker 4 (01:16:21):
And I think that that's really what my problem.

Speaker 3 (01:16:23):
Is, Like I think a man.

Speaker 4 (01:16:26):
I come across those guys, I ask them, what is
your definition of a man?

Speaker 3 (01:16:29):
I listen to what they say, and nine times, if
it be stupid, it be certain things that they say,
I'll ask them where did they get that definition?

Speaker 4 (01:16:37):
Move now?

Speaker 3 (01:16:39):
Because you know what, I find that sometimes they getting
mentored by a dude who seemed like he had a nigga.

Speaker 4 (01:16:46):
Right and really ain't.

Speaker 3 (01:16:47):
And then because I feel like every guy, you discover
bits and pieces of your manhood yesterday.

Speaker 4 (01:16:52):
This really is something that I feel like you're a man, right,
But like, even whether you have a father or not.

Speaker 3 (01:16:58):
Growing up, you're gonna come across men and your upbringing
and you take bits and pieces of what you admire
about those guys that's somewhat formed before you start to
develop your own you know, yeah, identity of manhood. But
sometimes it's not the right example that you're emulating. And
the worst part is about those assholes is they will
affirm you being an ancient nigga because they because that's

(01:17:20):
all they know.

Speaker 4 (01:17:21):
That's what they like.

Speaker 3 (01:17:22):
What is their point of reference? But for you, do
you feel like, just on the flip side of what
we were just saying, do you feel like, as a man,
you've had the best example a model of being emotional
vulnerable to a woman, like how we would talk about
a woman treating a man. But the programming of you

(01:17:45):
to feel like you could show that side of you
to a woman. Is that something that comes easy, something
you were tought, or something that's like where are you
at with that?

Speaker 2 (01:17:53):
So that's a good question. So for me, well, my
dad he left my mom when I was like three
or like two, and then my mom started dating who's
I call my stepfather, right. They never actually got married,
but that's who I feel like, is like, that's like
my dad, right, So he's still in my life. He'd
been in my life since I was four, Right, So
I'm thirty two, so that's almost thirty years.

Speaker 3 (01:18:12):
Yeah, yeah, that's so.

Speaker 2 (01:18:13):
Yeah, that's how I look at him. So for me,
my viewpoints of manhood has looked very different because it
wasn't like the traditional person. Right. All the men in
my life who I felt like love me the most
sometimes were not directly related to me. Right. So like
my aunt died her husband, that's like another father figured

(01:18:34):
of mine. He's not related to me, but that's who
I feel taught me a lot about manhood. He was
married to my aunt from seventy five until she passed
away two years ago. Right, So those like my stepfather
him different people showed me what certain things look like, right,
like my stepdad. The reason why I feel like I
don't wh if I was to deal with somebody that
had kids, I would want to move a certain way

(01:18:55):
because my stepdad moved me a certain way, and I
feel like I can never go less than what he's
to me right. So I feel like if I'm not
willing to do that, I just got to move around
from it, right, because I would never want to be
in that situation and feel like I'm not even half
of what he was to me right. So I feel
like I do have good examples, and I feel like
I did also have bad examples. But I've always been

(01:19:18):
pretty good with deciding yeah and deciding for myself right.
I was never somebody that could be like easily influenced
to do one thing or another. Like if i feel
like I'm being pushed too hard, I'll just do the
opposite because I feel like I'm being pushed to do something.
So for me, I feel like it's been an untraditional,
unorthodox way, but through a lot of trial and error,
through a lot of mistakes that I've had to make
in my life, you know, I feel like I've been

(01:19:39):
able to put it all together with the people that
I've explained.

Speaker 4 (01:19:43):
Do you think women appreciate the fact that I like
the guy you are?

Speaker 2 (01:19:48):
Yeah, I feel like I feel like now today because
I wasn't. I wasn't always who I was today, right,
So it took me.

Speaker 3 (01:19:52):
Also an Aquarius, so he has a lot of issues,
an huarious issue.

Speaker 2 (01:19:57):
We got him. Are you working?

Speaker 4 (01:20:00):
But you look, look how you gotta work through it?

Speaker 3 (01:20:02):
You gotta, you know, because to answer your question right
that you initially asked, right, I would.

Speaker 4 (01:20:08):
Say the thing and then deserves that straight. I'm never
getting off your ass. Well when we the quote unquote.

Speaker 3 (01:20:17):
Red flag question right, because I didn't respond to that right,
I get not red flag one is he wasn't as
hills as he thought he was because he was aquarious.

Speaker 4 (01:20:28):
Right.

Speaker 3 (01:20:29):
Well, because if we're talking about an aquarius, and how
that does affect that a little bit, is that aquarius
have a way of caring or not caring. Hello, they're
here or here? This here is hard, This is easy,
This is easy, but this is challenging the middle ground,
lord Dad, easy, but it is. But because of that,
he went from giving a fuck to saying I completely don't.

(01:20:51):
And when you do that, you don't give yourself an
opportunity to fill everything in the middle that you need
to to truly get to a place where not even
a feeling of not caring of as opposed to acceptance,
I accepted for what it was, as opposed I don't
give a fuck about it. I think that if you were, like,
for example, you had past relationships, you gave a fucking
at some point exactly. But I understand you could reach

(01:21:13):
a point of saying that's not what matters to me anymore.
But what happened in that situation is because he didn't
realize the traumas that he had. And I'm gonna say
this because they were not the traumas of the world
that people wiley.

Speaker 4 (01:21:28):
Now it's already this different level.

Speaker 3 (01:21:30):
People always look at the traumas of like, oh, you
were at issue, right, and they give. But being in
relationships where what cheating is a trauma, that's one he's
experienced of fidelity his past. But also like not feeling
like again that fawning stuff I was talking about. I
do feel like he's a guy who grooms himself to

(01:21:52):
keep the peace. And most scenarios he shared with me
an experience that happened to him, like when he was
mad young, like twenty on a job, not even in
a relationship where.

Speaker 4 (01:21:59):
Something he said cost him a lot, so he avoids saying.

Speaker 3 (01:22:03):
He would avoid saying things out of fear of the
consequence of it.

Speaker 4 (01:22:07):
Yeah, so because of that, I would have to work.

Speaker 3 (01:22:11):
So hard, pulling teeth to get certain things out of him,
because he would hold back his words on something like nah,
I'm good. I at the time like, it's okay to
say it and just speak, but you know how you
were saying the tough conversations and stuff. So I had
to kind of be patient to get him to a
place where he could feel comfortable saying the things that
are not easy to say. Telling me all the good

(01:22:31):
things sexy, I love this easy light work, but the
other stuff wasn't. So he wasn't. But as we were
I'm sorry I today, well, as we were kind of
working through our issues, and I would say, I notice
you have a tendency to react to this this way.
Is there something that made you do that? It would
actually make him think and then he would surface something
and be like, well, this used to happen a lot

(01:22:52):
when I did this whatever whatever, And I'm like, so
it's created a response now that I'm now receiving from you,
even though I'm not the one who.

Speaker 2 (01:23:01):
Did it to you.

Speaker 3 (01:23:01):
So he still had a little bit more healing to do.
And other than that, it's just his natural instinct. Because
again Aquarius, right, either I don't give give a fuck.
If he's not doing that, he ain't doing shit. But
if he's doing it, he's gonna go hard. And it
be times that he would rush into things or go
into art so quick, and I have to be like,
slow down, right like that.

Speaker 4 (01:23:19):
So I always have to tell him I'm not fighting you.
I'm not your enemy. I'm not your enemy. Until he
realized she's not my enemy. We finally got to.

Speaker 3 (01:23:26):
A place now where he's he's catching it. I don't
have to say it. He'll be like, wait, let me
dial it back. I'm gonna be nice. So now I
could tell awareness is where and he's yeah. But it took.
It took a good year before we got because you know,

(01:23:47):
people born in him frigid months, y'all got some deep No.

Speaker 2 (01:23:50):
I just think that. I just think that when we
go through stuff, when we go through stuff, I think
sometimes it's hard pressed crazy.

Speaker 4 (01:24:00):
There ain't nothing wrong with me.

Speaker 3 (01:24:01):
I'm a piscey, so you know I'm right there. I
know you're in Parkers frigid mouff people, y'all are just well.
I think unaware Pisces is the dangerous pisces. It is.
But when you know yourself, you can recognize stuff where
some of the it becomes a superpower, it becomes a complete,
total opposite.

Speaker 4 (01:24:19):
I'm a warm weather baby, even though I wasn't born
in the warm weather.

Speaker 2 (01:24:22):
I love that.

Speaker 3 (01:24:22):
But yeah, I agree with you that can be a
little bit more difficult to navigate because we literally we
lived the bottom of the ocean over here.

Speaker 4 (01:24:31):
We just need women in it. Yeah, foolishness, No, not
foolishness at all.

Speaker 2 (01:24:36):
I think. I think when we are guarded about something,
it takes us a long time to get comfortable with that.
People same to you, the same exact thing, because I
respond in certain ways, and then when I have to
break it down, it's like, oh, like this is really
coming from Yeah, but it's not like something small or
something that was like maybe Lars that would never address.

(01:24:57):
So I'm with somebody that cares about me.

Speaker 3 (01:24:59):
It's like, hey, aquarious people are excellent compartmentalizers. And the
thing about it is, the way I could best give
this to you yesterday and you're going forward is because
I'm good at it too, right, Because either.

Speaker 4 (01:25:14):
That or you're a survivor and I have survived lot
of shit.

Speaker 3 (01:25:17):
We have this way. I equate it to a storage unit.
You know how storage facilities have different sized units. Some
people have stuff in storage for twenty years, some people
only need it for a year. We have a way
of putting things into storage, and depending on how big
it is, depending on how big the unit is, And
sometimes we never go back to that unit and clean
it out, right, We never go back and take it out.
And then every time we tell ourselves we're gonna go back,

(01:25:38):
we're gonna deal with it, something else, something right. So
now we still compartmentalizing to get through.

Speaker 4 (01:25:45):
On the day to day.

Speaker 3 (01:25:46):
The problem with a lot of aquarius is that this
is where the line gets tricky, though, is y'all don't
just compartmentalize. It forms the grudges you hold that you
disguise is not caring, right, and so you don't give
a fuck because you right, And so as a result,
you take that out on people and the sense of like, yeah,

(01:26:07):
well a person could never do that to me again,
and so any person who comes along, yeah, person who
comes along who you got to go see the laber.

Speaker 4 (01:26:19):
But yeah, the person who.

Speaker 3 (01:26:20):
Hasn't done shit to you is paying for the ship
that someone else did to you. So I do feel
like that's where the Aquarius line gets a little bit
more challenging because y'all, y'all will tell y'allselves, you know
how pathological liar will tell a lot so much they
believe it. Y'all will tell y'allselves the live I don't
care for so long to the point where you feel
like it's the truth, even though, like you just said,

(01:26:43):
a certain thing happens, it triggers this reaction, and then
suddenly that thing you didn't care about is what influenced
how you responded.

Speaker 4 (01:26:50):
So I do find that it's not just aquarious people,
but y'all do have.

Speaker 3 (01:26:53):
A little bit more.

Speaker 2 (01:26:54):
The word did you use fawning is good too, because
I feel like the word fawning when I hear you
explain it, that's right. That's where that's where I started
saying that's peace, because that's peace. Was a response from
feeling like this is not nothing that I can say.
Let me find the one thing that I because I
can't not say anything because that's me ignoring. So I
have to say something that you can't fight. So I'm like,
I have to go find something that you're not able

(01:27:16):
to fight. So that's that's where that speech comes from Funny.

Speaker 3 (01:27:18):
That's also interesting too, because aquarious people who you just say,
if I tell him he did something wrong, the motivation
to fix it is to be able to never give
me the right to say it to him again. So
it's not about actually correcting the behavior, it's about making
sure I can't call him on it no more. And
so the motivation is different. But even with the fawn
and thing, a lot of people misunderstand that one because
I think about it. If you being kidnapped, there's some

(01:27:39):
people who try to break free. They fighting their way out.
There's some people who just go stay calm, They're going
to rescue me, whatever, whatever. But then there's that other
person who starts talking to the abuse and be like,
what made you want to do this to me? They
start trying to appeal to the attacker in hopes of
flushing something out of them that will make them no
longer want to hurt me, even though I don't. They

(01:28:00):
don't really give a ship right about that person. They
just want to survive. But I want to survive. I'm
gonna try to make some peace. I try to at
least make you care enough about me to not want
to hurt me as bad as you're probably planning to.
That's fawning, But we see it clearly in those scenarios.
We don't see it when I go okay, honey, like
or we're trying to talk someone down and do whatever

(01:28:21):
we can calm the situation or give you some Yeah,
it's a trauma response.

Speaker 4 (01:28:27):
Well, I have one more clip because I'm starving to first,
playing first. Yes, I don't know what it is, but
I'm playing Russian Roulette today, So fucking yolo.

Speaker 2 (01:28:45):
Here we are.

Speaker 8 (01:28:47):
If if if I'm her god best friend, should not
be able to be put on with every single one
of her friends?

Speaker 3 (01:28:52):
She talking about no? Because because what?

Speaker 4 (01:28:56):
No? Because like if she's like, everybody not meant to
be together?

Speaker 3 (01:28:59):
Just because I got my friends and they two good people,
they don't mean.

Speaker 1 (01:29:02):
They need to be together.

Speaker 2 (01:29:03):
That don't mean that don't make sense, though it.

Speaker 4 (01:29:05):
Makes a lot of sense.

Speaker 3 (01:29:05):
I mean half of my friends, you don't even fit
their aesthetics. What you don't fit the stheatic't aesthetic like
I'm a good dude specifically together go together, and it's
not just connection. It sometimes looks as well and aesthetics esthetic?
What is you talking about.

Speaker 4 (01:29:23):
It?

Speaker 3 (01:29:24):
Bro?

Speaker 4 (01:29:24):
Like let's let's get to the basic.

Speaker 3 (01:29:25):
I'm gonna start there appearance first.

Speaker 8 (01:29:27):
No, you're always talking about an outfit but I feel like,
as your god best friend, like you should put.

Speaker 3 (01:29:31):
Me on your friends no matter what. You're a great principle.

Speaker 6 (01:29:33):
I don't have friends that will probably want to pursue
you respectfully.

Speaker 2 (01:29:37):
No asks, you don't even want to ask.

Speaker 3 (01:29:40):
You need to shoot your own shot.

Speaker 4 (01:29:41):
How am I gonna you?

Speaker 8 (01:29:42):
If they already know you and they know we're friends,
why can't you just put me on.

Speaker 3 (01:29:46):
I'll put the good word in, but you need to
take the initiative.

Speaker 2 (01:29:48):
That's not cool. See she's shipping.

Speaker 4 (01:29:51):
Imagine putting the good word in and then they fumble.

Speaker 3 (01:29:54):
That's crazy.

Speaker 2 (01:29:57):
We're not We're not gonna do this.

Speaker 3 (01:30:03):
You don't know, But I'm just saying, like, imagine you
have the scenario when you have a good girlfriends, you
got good guy friends, and you actually do attempt and
then they fumble and now you're stuck in the middle.

Speaker 4 (01:30:15):
That happens a lot.

Speaker 3 (01:30:16):
It happens. I have a French situation where and then
it gets complicated because I'm like, damn, can I invite
this person and this person?

Speaker 4 (01:30:22):
It does get tricky gets tricky. But I agree with
one thing she said.

Speaker 3 (01:30:27):
Which was you gotta shoot your own shot. It's the fact, okay,
it's the fact that you feel like, okay, that's your friend.
You feel like she could put you on.

Speaker 4 (01:30:36):
But if that's what you want, that you should just shoot.

Speaker 3 (01:30:43):
If you give access to shoot, like you just be like, yo,
I'm gonna let you shoot your own shot.

Speaker 4 (01:30:48):
Here's the number, shoot, shoot and shoot.

Speaker 3 (01:30:50):
And then now I don't agree with the way she
said certain things to him, but I understood where she
was coming from. Where she was like, you know, she
needs to feel like you're a good fit all around, right,
and she's like, look at your parents, Like how you
taking care of yourself. I don't know if she had
to say it that way, because I mean, friends, I
got to tell you the truth.

Speaker 2 (01:31:08):
She was giving it a buck.

Speaker 4 (01:31:13):
Camera. That's the only thing for me.

Speaker 3 (01:31:15):
So my thing is this, I would have said, instead
of look at you, look at your fit, right, I
would have said, the kind of one the girls in
my friendship circle, they tend to go for guys who
dressed this way. Your style is more than this, so
I don't think that they would like you. And the
way you present, I wouldn't have just attacked his look.
So again it's like how you deliver that the same
way to guy and the clip you did. I'm not

(01:31:37):
going to be like, look at you because as my friend,
I'm not trying to degrade you, like look at you.

Speaker 4 (01:31:41):
You look trash, like like, oh you can't even look
at your look at your look like you know. So
it's kind of.

Speaker 3 (01:31:50):
Feel about me, like sometimes it's bigger than a look.
You know, maybe it's just like, look at the effort
that you put in. That's because times out of ten,
if that's exactly what it is, it's like, did you
put any effort into your your parents?

Speaker 4 (01:32:05):
But but on the flip side of it, she doesn't
have the ability.

Speaker 3 (01:32:13):
To make that decision either for her friends, right, so
I can always say to my homegirl, listen, you know,
my best friend so and so he has an interest
in you.

Speaker 4 (01:32:22):
I really don't want to be in the middle of it.

Speaker 3 (01:32:24):
I you know, I think he's a good guy, but
I'm putting it out there because also, those women have
the ability to decide for themselves whatever they want to
go forward. So I do feel like she's she doesn't
have the right to decide, you know, you yucking on
someone else's you.

Speaker 2 (01:32:38):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:32:39):
Yeah, And that's why I think that the play is
always you know what I can, I can, I can
facilitate the introduction.

Speaker 4 (01:32:46):
And y'all got it from here. Yeah, let's have a
night out. Let's go get drinks, let's have a night out.
Let's go do something.

Speaker 3 (01:32:51):
Let's go do something.

Speaker 4 (01:32:52):
Let's go actually do something.

Speaker 3 (01:32:54):
If we go out, it's gonna give you a chance
to get yourself looking at you invite you and invite
people yesterday, what's she coming at? T Go ahead, you
invite people. You invite people out, so you know, people
have the opportunity and meet each other. And then some
people show up and the other people don't. And then
you still try to facilitate to you know, because you

(01:33:15):
think that people, you know, they might get along, and
then niggas get put on a pip and that's crazy.

Speaker 2 (01:33:22):
All right, listen, because I don't I don't even like
how you rolling this out? How am I rolling it up?

Speaker 4 (01:33:26):
I didn't even know what the video was.

Speaker 2 (01:33:28):
I didn't I didn't do anything. Cash.

Speaker 3 (01:33:31):
Long story short, tell Kasha what happened from your own
point of view.

Speaker 4 (01:33:34):
I won't say shit.

Speaker 2 (01:33:35):
From my point of view, very very quickly, Dodge was
trying to facilitate.

Speaker 4 (01:33:40):
I was trying to facilitate.

Speaker 2 (01:33:42):
Or you inquired, Okay, I inquired, but I inquired months ago.
So it was just kind of like a just left
there just randomly. One day, Dodge was like, yo, you
know what I got you?

Speaker 4 (01:33:53):
I got you?

Speaker 3 (01:33:54):
You know what? Can I just get context real quick
and then I'm gonna leave it alone. The context was
the person that he was inquiring about not live in
this state. Okay, so the person decided to, you know,
spend some time home. And I'm like, oh, this is
the perfect time because before, like when you asked, these
niggas live at tim Buck two.

Speaker 4 (01:34:13):
At this point, like you can't do nothing with that.
But now that niggas opportunities here, hello, okay, what you.

Speaker 2 (01:34:19):
Did with it? So first to hold on. Also, let's
let's be clear. Dodge threw this out there like the
night before, like, yo, hey, listen, I'm thinking about going
out this day. Remember this was Thursday.

Speaker 3 (01:34:29):
You're like, yo, I also invited you to my birthday
that you did not show up to, and of course
this person.

Speaker 4 (01:34:34):
Would be there to be fair, to be fair, and
you did you did a no call, no show on
my Birthdaybout the whole show is not showing up when
they're supposed to.

Speaker 3 (01:34:40):
Be for It's so crazy.

Speaker 4 (01:34:42):
That's why I got my husband.

Speaker 2 (01:34:44):
To be fair. To be fair, I did apologize you
for that, because I should have text you and told
you I wasn't able to come. I was supposed to
go with Tahoe. He didn't go last minute.

Speaker 3 (01:34:52):
They both pulled the same thing together, so that's what happened.

Speaker 2 (01:34:54):
But I should have text her anyway. Still, so that's why, No,
he didn't show. No, that was on me. I apologize.
I'm not even fighting that. I'm not even fighting. I'm
not even Did you.

Speaker 3 (01:35:05):
Still like her?

Speaker 4 (01:35:07):
Did you still like her? No?

Speaker 3 (01:35:08):
No, it was my birthda your birthday. Yeah, I invited
him to my birthday. I make it to my birthday
that night either he fell asleep, you know. So I'm
about the friend. The friend was obviously at my birthday,
so that would have been a perfect time for them
to meet, but he pulled a note called no show.

Speaker 4 (01:35:26):
So then I tried again for my for my fave.
I tried again. I'm out with my friend and I'm
just like yo, let's it's time. Let's let's try to
put this.

Speaker 3 (01:35:37):
Let's facilitate this.

Speaker 2 (01:35:38):
Okay you she facilitates, So she basically like, yo, listen.
So they were She's like, yo, text my friend right now,
said okay, cool, I text her while we're speaking our
text her. I don't hear anything from the friend.

Speaker 3 (01:35:53):
Don't make a judgment yet.

Speaker 4 (01:35:55):
I'm not gonna say don't make no, don't make no.
She thinks she disappointed disappointed you No no no no
no no no no no, just let him to him tongue.
So this is how we in this show today.

Speaker 2 (01:36:08):
You are so bad. I am so we So I
text her no response, nothing, m hm cool. We record
A couple of days later, I said, dodge, dodge. She's like, yo, yo,
I ain't texting my friend. Put my phone out show

(01:36:29):
I did text her. She like she texted her, asked her,
I guess you know ship and was like, yo, hey,
you know what's up. So the girl was like, oh,
I throw it with spam. He texted me from an email. Now,
mind you, my contact is the same contact that she has.
Everybody has the same contact, So that whole like, oh

(01:36:49):
it was the I'm like, mind you literally I'm texting
Dodge on the same contact. We are speaking on the
same but.

Speaker 3 (01:36:56):
The contact is also saved in my phone as your name,
so it doesn't come up as an email for me.

Speaker 4 (01:37:01):
But however, but also.

Speaker 2 (01:37:02):
Remember you told me to text her that night y'all
were together, so I figured y'all were together. So when
I text you would be like, oh, that's him.

Speaker 3 (01:37:09):
Right, that did not happen, but continue right, okay, So
so now you're able to say, this is what she said, right, So.

Speaker 2 (01:37:16):
So doda, she puts it together. So we speak. We
text that night. So this is Sunday. We record, we text,
We text a little bit, you know, about to leave
the pod, We don't whatever whatever. So we talked maybe
for maybe an hour.

Speaker 4 (01:37:29):
Beens in context. First, the day that I gave you
the number, did we not plan a date.

Speaker 2 (01:37:34):
For y'all to me and you playing for Yeah?

Speaker 4 (01:37:37):
Okay, yeah we planned it in the beginning, Yes, we
did plan a date. Yeah okay.

Speaker 2 (01:37:41):
So basically, long story short.

Speaker 4 (01:37:42):
All that had to happen.

Speaker 2 (01:37:43):
Sorry, So basically I wasn't. So basically, long story short
is what happened. Basically, the communication in text was not
proficient enough, right, So remember text Sunday we text. She's like, yo,
I didn't call him ever. But again I wasn't getting
responded throughout the week via texts, right, So Sunday right,

(01:38:06):
she's like, yo, I'm going to see you. I gotta
get up early tomorrow. So I said, okay, I hit
you up tomorrow. So I hit her up on Monday.
She doesn't like, we speak for maybe but maybe an
hour or so. Then she just doesn't respond. She says nothing.
So days go by, she says nothing. So I hit
her up on Friday, like, hey, like, you know what's up? Like,

(01:38:28):
she's like, yo, hey, Denzel, you're on a pip.

Speaker 3 (01:38:32):
Is that what happened?

Speaker 4 (01:38:33):
Or did she hit you up and tell you no?

Speaker 2 (01:38:35):
No, no, no, I told you this last week. I
hit her up after the days because remember people, because
y'all say that I be acting like a baddie and
I don't like to double text. So I took your
advice and I was.

Speaker 3 (01:38:44):
Like, you know what, okay, can you reach out?

Speaker 2 (01:38:48):
So she's like, yo, hey, Danzea, you're on a pip.
So I'm like, now, I guess the Curtis in me.
I was confused. I was confused that somebody even could
tell me some shit like that based off of them
not even responding to me.

Speaker 3 (01:39:00):
So did she say why were you on a pipton though?

Speaker 2 (01:39:03):
Because she basically said that I hadn't asked her any questions.

Speaker 3 (01:39:07):
About her or so, yeah, Can I tell you the
worst thing about this whole interaction. Everything's happening over text.

Speaker 4 (01:39:13):
What are we doing? Because this is the problem. Conversations
have to get away from text.

Speaker 3 (01:39:20):
I don't know you.

Speaker 4 (01:39:20):
You don't know me to know the way I talk
about how I communicate.

Speaker 3 (01:39:23):
So we're over here trying to configure it. I said
this on the last time we sat down and talk.
I keep trying to tell y'all please listen to me.
If y'all don't listen to me, just pick up the phone. Okay.
Fifty five percent of communication is in body language, thirty
eight percent of it is in tone, right, only seven
percent of it isn't words, which means that if you
put the words out there, you leave it up to
me to interpret your.

Speaker 4 (01:39:44):
Tone how you said it when you said it. But
if you're talking to me on the phone, you at.

Speaker 3 (01:39:49):
Least give me that extra thirty eight percent to take
your words in your tone to imagine the language, and
when we get together in person, I get to see
your body language when you talk to me and hear
how you say, so I could understand. But y'all literally
had a whole nothing, not really nothing, be a text
and that no point and no point. And I'm gonna

(01:40:10):
put this only. I'm gonna put this on you as
the man for one reason, and also the fact that
he texts her from an email, so you can't call
an email. So here we speak sonsuant pursuant. You are
the one who had the you express the interest that
you wanted her, So it does put you in a
position to be the person who's gonna go. I do

(01:40:30):
think that it's here's something I'll leave you with and
you can tell me how you feel about it if
you think it's any merit in it. A long time ago,
I give credit to my man for this. He said
this to me, and it's stuck with me. He said,
when you want a person there, you find reasons to
get them there. When you don't really want them there,
you find excuses for why you didn't. And so for example,
hey girl, yeah I would have called you, but I

(01:40:51):
know you got the kids, so right, So like, you know,
I got the kids, but if you would have just
called me and gave me a head up to give
me an opportunity to not have them, did you really
want me there or not? Right? Or for example, like
I'll be honest you said earlier about girls taking guys
on a date. The truthday is the first time I
went out with him. I paid because it was my birthday,

(01:41:13):
believe it or not. And I paid for him because
I wanted him there because and he was coming back
going back to work after being out from surgery, so financially,
I knew that it was a tight.

Speaker 4 (01:41:24):
Time for him, and I wasn't going to act. The
place that I was going was expensive.

Speaker 3 (01:41:27):
I wasn't going to ask him to dig into his
like limited check right to do that. I wanted him there,
so I said to him. He said to me, A NOA,
I babe, I can't do. I would love to go out,
but right now I'm not this And I said it's okay,
I'll take care of you, and he fought that, and
I'm like, I want you there, so I'm not going
to say, well, I know you're not working right now

(01:41:48):
and so you probably can't really, you know, for but
if you can make it, did I'm gonna say.

Speaker 4 (01:41:52):
I want you to. I'll take care of it. So
I feel like for you, if you.

Speaker 3 (01:41:54):
Wanted her the reason of the text situation and the
emails and all that bullshit.

Speaker 4 (01:42:01):
No let her finish her.

Speaker 3 (01:42:02):
I do think that I do think that if you
would have picked up the phone one time, I would
completely be on your side.

Speaker 2 (01:42:10):
Okay, just the context. So the very last time that
we spoke, and she expressed like yo, hey, like basically
like yo, we probably should be speaking on the phone.
So once she expressed that to me, and I was like, oh, yeah,
you're right. So I'm like yo, I was leaving the part.
So I'm like, yo, I'm going to be free tomorrow,
which was Saturday. I say, I'm going to be free
until the evening time, Like, let me know what time
is good for you. We can speak whenever. Like she

(01:42:33):
never responded.

Speaker 3 (01:42:35):
Love. That is on her. That part is on her.
But I do think that the call should have happened
well before that whole week went by it because it
does put because it's hard. Look the date, prevention is
always better than a cure, right, You're now trying to
cure it after the communication failed as opposed to preventing
the communication failures happening.

Speaker 4 (01:42:56):
As long that part is on you.

Speaker 3 (01:42:57):
But in the end, if she was gonna not be
interested at that point and not be responsible, she should
have just told you, okay, you're on a PIP and
I'm no longer interested, so that you didn't have to
do that, because now you now made yourself available. You
heard her out and you said, you know what, I'll
make myself available to you all day Saturday. You let
me know what works for you. She didn't respond. That's
where if you were gonna tell me we should be

(01:43:18):
talking on the phone now. My expectation is for us
to be able to do that. I will say on that,
and she probably either should have clearly said I'm no
longer interested or at minimum have the conversation all right.
So my thing is, I'm only gonna speak on the
end of this because I could add some more assault

(01:43:40):
on it if I wanted to, but I'm not going to.

Speaker 4 (01:43:42):
What I will say is.

Speaker 3 (01:43:45):
For me, and this is not a her thing.

Speaker 4 (01:43:48):
Well, I can say two things.

Speaker 3 (01:43:49):
One, I don't think that her not responding to that
meant that she was still not interested, because she sent
me something afterwards, it says, send this to your friend
because I think the interest was still there.

Speaker 2 (01:44:01):
But the.

Speaker 4 (01:44:03):
For me, I'm only gonna speak about myself.

Speaker 3 (01:44:06):
I like initiative and a man don't ask me to
schedule a phone call. Nigga, just call me, and I
think that that. But that's how I interpreted what he said.
It's like, all right, I'm gonna be free this day.
Let me know when it's okay to because it sounds
like he was trying to not be like, why I
gotta tell you when to call nigga? Just because he's

(01:44:27):
being intentional, because if he just I'm gonna give you this,
if he just picks up the phone and he calls
you at the wrong time, then he didn't make sure
that he called you at a time where you have
the room in space to be undivided attention to each other.
He's telling you, I have this entire window to give
you all my attention. Let me know what's your best
window to give it. Once she said okay, I got

(01:44:47):
time between let's just say I got time between twelve
and two, it becomes on him to call her at twelve, right,
But by not conveying an availability right, you're leaving him
in a position where he did take the initiative to say,
you know what after I right, But that's why I'm saying,
if it's after that and you wasn't gonna be open

(01:45:08):
to it, then just say that. But don't say to
me we should be talking. And then when I try
to talk to you, you don't honestly for me. And
again I'm talking about me. I can't speak for her,
but I'm just saying if I if it was me
and I said I'm putting you on a PIP and
I explained it to you, I would have loved the
phone call. Right then it like what you mean, I'm
gonna pip? What happened? Good morning?

Speaker 4 (01:45:27):
How you aggressive? I'm more aggressive response.

Speaker 3 (01:45:29):
But it's I think that that is what's attractive, the initiative,
the oh shit, now what happened?

Speaker 4 (01:45:36):
Like oh, but you didn't respond to me.

Speaker 3 (01:45:37):
But I also, I can only face I don't have
your you have two phones, I don't have your other
phone number. Every time I hold like you'll call yesterday,
I'm like, nigga, I can't call yesterday, Like I literally
can't because I don't have yesterday's phone number. Right, So
if you texted me from an email, I can't call
you even if I wanted to.

Speaker 4 (01:45:56):
Right at least, this is how I'm thinking.

Speaker 3 (01:45:58):
So we only ever communicate via text, or if I
do need something from him in real time, I'll FaceTime him.
But I don't know you yet, so I'm not finna
just be facetiming nobody.

Speaker 4 (01:46:08):
I also did not know that he hit her up
off the phone that didn't have a phone number.

Speaker 3 (01:46:13):
So if you getting a fucking if I say, Yo,
my homeboy yesterday, want to talk to you, and then
I get a text message hands down she got. I
get a text message from an email that says, hey,
this is Jacob. I'm not answering that because it's one
of those you know, you get them texts like Hia,
it's Amy.

Speaker 4 (01:46:29):
You're like, who the fuck Joe? No, She's not wrong
on that front.

Speaker 3 (01:46:32):
But what I think is that's there speak and you
never asked the girl you know they spoke because she's like, hey,
what's you up to?

Speaker 4 (01:46:40):
How you doing today?

Speaker 3 (01:46:42):
Put you into this nigga? Don't even know her name.
The nigga never even asked the girl her name?

Speaker 2 (01:46:49):
What you finish?

Speaker 4 (01:46:49):
Where she can we call her?

Speaker 3 (01:46:50):
Now, shit, she on a plane.

Speaker 4 (01:46:52):
Actually, okay, see he would have called her a plane.
I'm gonna give you this. I'm gonna be fair. I
want to be fair. Yes, I want to be fair.

Speaker 3 (01:47:02):
I think I think there's accountability to shared accountability on
this one.

Speaker 4 (01:47:05):
I think in the beginning of the interaction, I said,
you got to own that. You got to own the
whole thing.

Speaker 3 (01:47:10):
Now on the but on the back end, right now,
the hat at the moment where she said we we
should be talking on the phone, should have called her.
That was the conveyance of a continuance. You said you
got me on a pit, but you also said it
that same conversation. But we want to talk exactly, so
you should have called immediately.

Speaker 2 (01:47:27):
But I didn't. I wasn't in a position to.

Speaker 4 (01:47:29):
I'm gonna tell you why.

Speaker 3 (01:47:30):
He's damned if you do. He's damned if you don't.
Because look, if he would have called her at a
time where he couldn't give her his undivided attention, that
would have been a problem. If he would have called
her at a time that you don't know available, that
could have been a problem. But we don't. We didn't
even see it. We don't niggas never even got a call.

Speaker 4 (01:47:45):
We don't we don't know.

Speaker 3 (01:47:47):
But the thing is not times out of tendant. A
man call you tell he's trying to talk to you,
but every time he turned around, he told you, holds
on and he's doing something. You're going to be like, listen,
just give me a call when you have available Saturday.

Speaker 4 (01:47:56):
You should just called, right, but holds on, holds on
like this side at all.

Speaker 3 (01:48:01):
I hear you, I hear you, I hear you, But
I'm speaking from I'm thinking about her, her actions telling
me something different than what you're saying. That's why I'm speaking.

Speaker 4 (01:48:09):
I'm not speaking from you, because you're not the one
we talk about. We talk about her and only her,
only she could confirm.

Speaker 3 (01:48:15):
But if you had no longer an expressed interest, you
want to pip and you know, fucking I'm no longer interested.

Speaker 4 (01:48:21):
I tried this, this is and that. I don't like
the way you communicate Boom.

Speaker 3 (01:48:24):
That could have been the end of it.

Speaker 4 (01:48:25):
Once you put that line out that said we could
have talked.

Speaker 3 (01:48:29):
You reopened the invitation to a cure for whatever issue
we had before. So you own everything from before that.

Speaker 4 (01:48:35):
Yeah, I do think that you sending a text saying
this is what I'm available.

Speaker 3 (01:48:39):
When's a good time for you. I think that that's
what we call a text, that you're doing to show consideration.
I feel like if he's shown consideration is saying, let
me know what works for you, and I'm gonna call you.
I can't talk right now.

Speaker 4 (01:48:54):
I can't talk now, but I got all day tomorrow.

Speaker 3 (01:48:57):
What time is okay for you?

Speaker 4 (01:48:59):
I don't think that it's unreasonable for her to have
just answer now.

Speaker 3 (01:49:04):
Yes, they had the fuck you ain't no her name?

Speaker 2 (01:49:07):
I thought that I did.

Speaker 4 (01:49:09):
You did sounded like oh girl on the clip.

Speaker 3 (01:49:11):
I thought that I did. I thought, well, I was
told that her name was the same thing she was
told your name was. Yesterday you hit her up with
your government. I told you her nickname. You never asked
her what her real name was, because you never asked
that lady one question about herself, not even.

Speaker 4 (01:49:26):
How was your day? And you got to own that
that's fair because your express interest was lackluster. And this
is what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (01:49:33):
That switch shapes how she dealt with you on the
back end a little bit, and and maybe, yeah, sometimes
in life we up chances two seconds too late, and
you gotta charge it to che charge it to charge
it to your head, not your heart. But at the
end of the day, I do the only thing, ask
you my name, But you're telling me your availability. Now
I got to answer questions, bitch, say hi, say how

(01:49:56):
was your day?

Speaker 2 (01:49:57):
That's what I've been doing.

Speaker 4 (01:49:58):
You're a lie, You a black ass, I say, should
have been saying.

Speaker 2 (01:50:02):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:50:03):
But the first thing you should have been saying is Hey,
I know this is your nickname, but is it okay?
You tell me your name. That should have That should
have been the first text. Right if you guys are
texting to kind of line up and meet up, but
she says to you like she didn't know the number
or whatever, Listen, you should have owned that. You should
have said, listen, I apologize. I realized the number I
hit you from came up as an email. Let me
give you my actual number. This is where the initiative

(01:50:25):
was missing on your end. That's why I'll be honest
with you. But but I do think that when she
told you she that she was on a pip, you
want it on a pip. But then it's very confusing, Dodge,
because if she came to you sent it to your friend.
Listen right, send it to him. Then no, you said
it because he knows, because why does she want him
to get it at this point and she's not going

(01:50:46):
to talk to him.

Speaker 4 (01:50:47):
No, because it was important. It was shady. Oh so
it's a shady thing she wanted him to get. Yeah,
she was like sending us to It was shady as
fu Oh yeah, it wasn't cute. It was shady.

Speaker 3 (01:50:56):
It was it was about being lacklust. Game my friend,
you know, the next game next time, but off the
shrimp for that. You can have no expecctations of being
put on. No more friends, you got nook at, don't
you look at the group.

Speaker 4 (01:51:13):
Pick and put it circles around niggas like this one.

Speaker 3 (01:51:15):
No more. But I do think I will say if
if it for all that other ship yesterday, I would
say that the question of like asking availability is reason
because a woman like me, you do got to ask.

Speaker 4 (01:51:28):
Me when I'm free.

Speaker 3 (01:51:30):
I just want people and I like to answer the
phone and be like, oh my god, I appreciate you called.
I'm a little bit busy right now, but I'm gonna
call you right But but you know, it's so crazy.
I tell a guy out front, I'll say to him,
I'm not the biggest text person, right because my phone
is always going off DMS this, and I can always
simulated you, right. But you know, and because I'm a

(01:51:50):
responsive person, I'm not wanting people to ignore my messages
from DMS and stuff. I try to love to talk
to people and if they come and correct, you know
what I'm saying. If nobody's being on the other ship,
treat people like people. But because of who I am
and how that's the case, I'm more prone like you,
prone to get my attention if you call me. So
I'll tell a guy that in the beginning. Listen, even
if you text me, if I don't answer you for
a while, that's not me ignoring you. I may not

(01:52:12):
have realized your text. Sometimes I don't just give me
a call. If I could take it, I will. If
I can't, I will call you back.

Speaker 4 (01:52:18):
I tell them that.

Speaker 3 (01:52:19):
But that's my forward communication on that about myself. You know,
next time, yesterday, what we're gonna not do, let's talk.

Speaker 4 (01:52:27):
About let's talk about next time all right, next time.
I know I'm hitting you from this phone, but here's
my number, lock me in. Let's start there.

Speaker 3 (01:52:36):
Yes, I've mitigating because if a nigga hit me from
an email, I want to know where you have. It's
starting to sound like you hit me from a text now,
number this is what I'm saying. It comes off like
you hit me from your tablet.

Speaker 6 (01:52:55):
And the.

Speaker 4 (01:53:00):
Many things to have to.

Speaker 3 (01:53:00):
Figure out before we even talk, and that's going to
be this nigga.

Speaker 4 (01:53:04):
I was looking for a text from a nigga named Yesterday.
You're supposed to be like my phone.

Speaker 3 (01:53:08):
Is that so I'm hearing from my iPad? You got
to say something like you can't just and what that
being said. I just would like to say, you know, Kysha,
thank you so much for joining us. You know this
was this was such an insightful episode and it's just
one of those days that I just love to you know.

(01:53:28):
I just love when people understand my perspective and they
see things from all different sides.

Speaker 4 (01:53:35):
I see it from you. I'm fair.

Speaker 3 (01:53:36):
That's why I said I'll be away.

Speaker 4 (01:53:39):
Yeah, I don't want to see you go.

Speaker 3 (01:53:41):
I want I want Yesterday to find the love of Yesterday.
Yes come on, for the love of Yesterday, Love Yesterday.
I want you to find it tomorrow and for the
rest of your life. That's what I want. I'm speaking
into assistance, you know what I'm saying, me manifest, manifest,
total numbers into yesterday's hands. Let me manifest asking for
her girl's name, yes and his hands man let me manifest.

Speaker 4 (01:54:03):
All right, But what do you want to say?

Speaker 3 (01:54:07):
I love you.

Speaker 2 (01:54:08):
I love you, Kasha, thank you so much for coming.
You've been amazing.

Speaker 3 (01:54:11):
Of course, I love you, and y'all who was listening
earlier about My book is called Honey on Your Tongue
and it's on.

Speaker 2 (01:54:18):
Amazon Amazon right now.

Speaker 3 (01:54:20):
I want to get that, okay. I promise you was
going to have you right. And it's a whole chapter
on the covert narcissist emotional narciss I'm gonna tell you
who not to get that ship too, and I'm gonna
tell you how to give it to him so that
they could be saying like how she be, and his
palms could be sweaty like his was when I touched his.

Speaker 2 (01:54:35):
Hands are exposed.

Speaker 4 (01:54:38):
If that make you feel cool? What you're gonna do
about it? I'm just talking with you. I'm not doing
what's your problem.

Speaker 3 (01:54:49):
I'm gonna say this, I look cute like this. I
know I do you do you do?

Speaker 4 (01:54:54):
Oh no, no, get that out. You do.

Speaker 3 (01:54:55):
I know, I just know. I could I see it.

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