Why Every time Somethings Wrong Its MY Fault?? (Part One)

Welcome Back to So Shameless! This week we welcome JD back as Tahoe asks Daj why she doesnt show her friends more empathy when they have a problem with the way she treats them..Be back later with more!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
If you know what I'm saying, so so shameless, if
you know what I'm saying, so shameless, if you know
what I'm saying socialmous, so shameless, so so so sumless.

Speaker 2 (00:24):
If you know what I'm saying, so.

Speaker 1 (00:27):
Shameless, if you know what I'm saying, so shameless, If
you know what I'm saying, so shameless, if you know
what I'm saying, so shame.

Speaker 3 (00:45):
It is as a friend, as a friend, attorney.

Speaker 2 (00:50):
Ships one as a friend, go ahead.

Speaker 4 (00:54):
I can never just have like, no private moments.

Speaker 3 (00:58):
Come on, I have nothing but peace in my and
my soul for you.

Speaker 2 (01:00):
Okay, right, M.

Speaker 3 (01:03):
Why is it that I can't say to you this
bothered me without you finding a reason to make it
my fault that I'm bothered. It's what you won't say, yo.
You know what? Yeah, I understand that it always has
to be some pushback. Why can't you just be like, yo,
you know what I feel you and move forward? What M.

Speaker 4 (01:24):
I don't like the way you're framing that, because it's like,
does it mean that I have to concede my point
of view? Or does it mean that I only have
to validate your point of view? Or are what you're
saying is like you want me to hear what you
got to say and me just be like, Okay.

Speaker 3 (01:40):
I want you to be a friend. Friend doesn't mean
just bottles and fun and dancing. It means when I
have feelings and I express them to you, you understand
as a friend that I'm triggered. I can't say no,
I don't like the way you frame that. Oh where
do I stand in this? Do I have to have something?
Why do you if you're not the one that's bothered,
why do you have to care so much? Like? Yo? Yo,
I never meant to make you feel that way. No, Definitely,

(02:03):
in the future, I won't handle you like that Like
I didn't. I didn't intend to make you feel that
way and we go get drinks. Why does it have
to be like yo? This is the thing about you?
This is why I don't. It's like, Yo, where's the
friendship in the way that you receive information from your friends?

Speaker 2 (02:18):
Where's the friendship and empathy?

Speaker 3 (02:21):
Where is it?

Speaker 2 (02:22):
Yes, it's there.

Speaker 3 (02:24):
It doesn't feel that way if I'm expressing myself to
you and it's it turns you up?

Speaker 2 (02:29):
Can I get an example.

Speaker 3 (02:33):
I don't like when you do that that doesn't that's
not fair.

Speaker 2 (02:37):
My husband doesn't like it either, that's not fair.

Speaker 3 (02:39):
Like I have to remember.

Speaker 4 (02:40):
Because we never we never remember, and with me, like,
here's the thing, right, I'm the type of person that
if I do something that affects you and you don't
voice it in that moment, I'm gonna forget and likely
will do it again because this is this is who
I am. So I can't get a concrete example of

(03:02):
a time where I did that so I can reflect
on that. It's very difficult for me to have a
reflective moment unless it happens again.

Speaker 2 (03:11):
So you got to tell me a real time.

Speaker 3 (03:12):
Fair than me. I'm expressing something that's generals, diressing something
that's general. You want me to pull up some experience
from the past that I'm most likely forgiving, you forgiving
us moved on with friendship, so that we can now
debate about that in order for you to understand the overall.
So now if I'm not right about that particular situation,
you won't understand my point at all. A situation that

(03:34):
I've been let go you want me to bring back up.
I'm giving you all that you need to understand this.
What I'm giving you right now, it's JD. Do you
understand what I'm saying.

Speaker 5 (03:43):
I completely get it, and I understand what you're saying.
But you know, I do agree with the hug okay
because you because you do have to bring it up
right there, and then you just got to bring it
up right there. Then, like I'm with that that type
of because I'm not a lot. If I don't bring
it right up, can you do it again, I'm going

(04:07):
to address it right But then you what she did
is give me an example. I'm gonna forget what she
did in the past, No way, There's no way I'm
gonna remember. But I know she did it because I
still feel those feelings, right, you know what I'm saying,
So like I just gotta tap right back in.

Speaker 4 (04:23):
But then that goes to not actually letting it go.
So do you know what radical candor is?

Speaker 6 (04:28):
Radical?

Speaker 3 (04:28):
I knew what that was.

Speaker 4 (04:29):
I'm just asking. I don't want to assume. Do you
know what radical candor is?

Speaker 3 (04:33):
So?

Speaker 4 (04:33):
Radical candor is the thought process of like giving feedback
to somebody in real time, and it happens like in
quadrants and I had to bring it up. I had
to pull it up only because like I wanted to
make sure that I was like being one hundred percent correct.
So there are four quadrants of radical candor. One is

(04:53):
ruinous empathy, right, So that's when you have a low
regard for yourself and a high regard for others, So
like you're being empathetic, but you're being too empathetic to
the point that you're not actually like saying what the
issue is. The other one is manipulative insecurity, when you
have low regard for self and you have low regard

(05:14):
for other people as well. So like you're just like
in a space where you just don't really know how
you feel, so you're like interpreting these feelings but you're
not fixing anything. So you have a low regard for
yourself and you have a low regard for how your
words are going to impact somebody else. Then you have
obnoxious aggression, right, which is low regard for others in

(05:35):
high regard for yourself.

Speaker 2 (05:36):
So you only care about yourself.

Speaker 4 (05:42):
So radical candor is a sweet spot between high regard
for others in high regard for yourself. So what that
looks like is being able to give that in the moment,
like say something in the moment, So that I know.
So you're keeping holding me accountable, but you're also valuing
and holding yourself accountable and caring about your own thoughts
and feelings. That's the perfect time to tell somebody something like, Hey,

(06:06):
when you just said X, Y, and Z, it made
me feel like this. How do we prevent that from
happening moving forward? I can do that, But if you don't,
and you find yourself in like that ruin is empathy spot,
then I can't correct any behavior because you're like moving on,
but I don't know that you're moving on from something

(06:27):
you're saying.

Speaker 3 (06:28):
Okay, and I get that. I find myself somebody and
keep in mind we're not talking about me, and yeah
we're not. I understand the ruin this empathy thing because
I don't. I can always have an issue with something, yep.
So I don't want to ruin this moment by bringing
up some shit that's gonna fuck up the vibe. When yes,

(06:51):
it's something that you do that triggers me, But is
it worth bringing up right now? Where absolutely or whatever? Whatever?
Now it turns into a love and hip hop where
we're going back and forth about some bullshit.

Speaker 5 (07:00):
I wouldn't say right there that second, but like probably
by the end of day, you know what I mean,
You could definitely address that situation.

Speaker 3 (07:07):
It's just easy to.

Speaker 4 (07:08):
Do so or in twenty four hours when it's fresh
in everybody's mind and spirit and it's like, yo, I
didn't even mean that like that or I'm sorry. I
can apologize for how I come across in the moment.
But if you want me to remember thoughts, feelings, and
emotions for some past shit and then like take accountability
for that and like or or have a level of

(07:30):
empathy for that, I don't know how to operate in
that space, Like I don't know how to have empathy
for some passion.

Speaker 2 (07:35):
You got to tell me in the moment. So I
know what I.

Speaker 3 (07:38):
Told you last week, how I felt about you blowing
me off? When did I blow you off going to
that party? Dang? I told you, and you gave me
no empathy whatsoever. You were just like I told you,
I have a friend wound. I told you that it
bothers me that you come in here you be mean
to me, you my.

Speaker 4 (07:57):
Friend, I'm not mean to you feeling, but how do
you feel that way?

Speaker 3 (08:04):
The room was like you are a little different with him?
You're aggressive with him. That's what she said, the words
she used right.

Speaker 2 (08:12):
Doing something to you today?

Speaker 3 (08:14):
No, but see, yeah, I'm not I'm not being you're
like fucking with gaslighting.

Speaker 4 (08:22):
I'm asking a question because if we're bringing this up
right now, in this moment, but if we're bringing it
up right now in this moment, now, I'm assuming did
I do something to you today that we're that we're
still here?

Speaker 3 (08:33):
We're not still here.

Speaker 2 (08:34):
You asked me to bring up that's an example.

Speaker 3 (08:37):
Do it and I'm telling you and you're doing it
right now?

Speaker 2 (08:39):
Is that the example?

Speaker 3 (08:40):
That's the example?

Speaker 2 (08:41):
Okay, go ahead. I was confused.

Speaker 4 (08:43):
I can't ask Damn, I can't ask clarifying questions either.
I'm so sorry that I make you feel like that
I'm a bad friend to you.

Speaker 3 (08:55):
Friend.

Speaker 2 (08:56):
I don't know what you want me to say.

Speaker 3 (08:57):
I don't feel I did feel heard, and when I
tried to express it to you, you made me feel
like I was like I shouldn't have said it.

Speaker 5 (09:07):
Dodge real quick, do you feel like talk? Do you
feel like you expressing empathy towards him?

Speaker 2 (09:12):
I'm trying this very second, I'm trying.

Speaker 6 (09:14):
Even right now.

Speaker 5 (09:15):
I'm so sorry. Sarcastic.

Speaker 4 (09:19):
I can't fucking win. It sounded sarcastic, but I wasn't
being sarcastic in yourself.

Speaker 3 (09:24):
I can't win. I s my friend wound and I'm
expressing it, and somehow it's you. Something's happening to you.

Speaker 2 (09:31):
No, nothing is happening to me.

Speaker 4 (09:34):
What I'm saying is I can't be myself in my friendship.
And I also can't apologize without its sound and condescending.
So I don't know where's the middle right now, Like,
I don't know what you need from me as your friend,
because apologizing is not.

Speaker 3 (09:49):
She's an English major, English teacher, yet she doesn't know
how to say. You know what I heard you. I
never meant to make you feel that way, Yo, it
won't happen to I didn't realize that it felt so strongly.
I didn't realize that you felt so strongly about that.
And yo, I do get that. I thought, you know,
you present yourself in a way that strong you joke.
I didn't realize that you felt She couldn't come up

(10:10):
with those words. And this is what I'm talking about.
When somebody expresses themselves to you, you find the way
to do this loop trick do other ship. I can't win.
I don't know how to be a better friend than
all this other ship instead of just saying, yo, you
know what my bad. I didn't know how to. I
didn't know I made you feel that way. But then
when I do some ship and I don't know how

(10:30):
to apologize to the way you do, I get attacked
by these fucking people in the comments like why did
you gaslight dodge like that? Mm hm, you know we
got a message from somebody about last week's episode. You're right,
I'm fine, Sure you need some water?

Speaker 2 (10:51):
No, I'm good? Thank you?

Speaker 3 (10:55):
You did you? Are you affected by what I said?
I'm actually serious about the whole friend shit, and I
thought about it, which is bigger than you. It's not
you one of the people that have kept me feeling
loved and included and cared for. You do this thing, though,

(11:16):
that can trigger a bigger thing within me, is what
I'm saying. Do you understand? I do understand so, But
does that Does it not mean that you are the
root or an You can be an agitator, but a
little agitator, very small part of the agitator. I would
say trauma is a bigger agitator. I would say Truma
is a better but I wish that he was here

(11:36):
so I could say it, But I would say that
he's a bigger agitator, right, like you do these little
things that but then I'm able to register in my head,
this is my friend. Come on, you can't right.

Speaker 4 (11:47):
A ruin and ruin empathy because.

Speaker 3 (11:51):
I'm like not really putting it on you. I'm caring
more about you than me and the moment.

Speaker 4 (11:57):
Right, And I think that tough conversations are necessary in
upholding friendships. But I think that for me, I just
like to ask a lot of questions. I just need
clarifying questions and clarifying moments. And I feel like when
I'm asking questions, it's like, oh, you're not being empathetic
or you're not hearing me. Like it's not that I'm
not hearing you, as I'm genuinely trying to understand. And

(12:21):
then I get and then I start to feel defeated
when I ask questions because.

Speaker 2 (12:25):
It's like I'm not handling the situation the right way.

Speaker 4 (12:31):
But I don't know the right way to handle certain situations.
When you bring things to me as a friend and
it's not you in general, this is any friend you
bring things to me, I'm going to have an opinion
and my opinion might not always align with you. So
me giving my opinion is not me not being supportive
or me giving my opinion on how a situation could

(12:55):
have been done differently, It's not me not hearing you
or dis missing you. It's more like, well, how do
we mitigate this from happening moving forward? Or how do
we how can we be in this moment? And how
our feelings? But it not dilute friendships and relationships and
burn bridges. So I'm always open to having a conversation

(13:17):
and a dialogue, but there are times that you might
not need the dialogue for me, and that's cool, but
just tell me be like, I don't really need your
opinion right now?

Speaker 2 (13:26):
Okay, cool?

Speaker 3 (13:27):
Did you hear everything she just said? I did?

Speaker 5 (13:28):
But I was about to ask, so like, then, what
is what is the solution right here? Let's let's let's
let's bring it to y'all what you think.

Speaker 3 (13:36):
This is a bigger conversation. To me, it is a
bigger conversation and I'm gonna get to that. Okay, put
it pin in that right, because I do believe this
is a bigger conversation. I just thought that everything she
said was bullshit.

Speaker 6 (13:50):
But you can't do that.

Speaker 4 (13:52):
But it happens to me so frequently, and I literally like,
I let it roll off. But if I was to
tie hold the city situation, I've been my feelings and I.

Speaker 3 (14:03):
Just did this whole ship. Were trying to express it.
We was talking about it. You did this backflip, this,
that and the other. And then once you realize, all right,
you know what, that play didn't work, you come with
this really great scientific breakdown of how you can react
and should react and the meaning and mitigating all this
other shit which is nothing of what you did in
the moment. This is why I said this bullshit. I

(14:24):
thought the answer was correct, but that's not how you
respond in the moment.

Speaker 2 (14:29):
Got it?

Speaker 3 (14:30):
So I like the answer, but it doesn't it's a
yesterday answer. It's one of those things like, yeah, you
know what to say, that's not how you move yesterday.
How you feeling today?

Speaker 6 (14:40):
You know, I said I'm sorry. I said, you know,
I'm feeling good, And the conversation is actually going good.
I'm actually on dode side with this. I'm gonna gep
it the buck with you no way, Yeah, because I'm
listening to everything you're saying, and you know, I love you,
but you full of shit.

Speaker 3 (14:56):
Oh I love it.

Speaker 6 (14:58):
You're my dog, but you full of shit everything. Because
everything that you're saying about Dodge is what you are
and what you do.

Speaker 3 (15:05):
That's the ship.

Speaker 6 (15:06):
That's funny because you're literally breaking it down piece by piece.
But it's like, oh, yo, you do the same exactly, but.

Speaker 2 (15:11):
I do it.

Speaker 4 (15:12):
You know what, me and the same person he does
it to other people, I do it to him.

Speaker 2 (15:16):
It's a it's a terrible but at least I.

Speaker 4 (15:20):
Can admit that I understand where you're coming from. I
might not be the softest when it comes to you,
but there's a reason for that.

Speaker 6 (15:29):
And you know, and that's why I respect Dodge, because
Dodge at least can say that Taho is gonna make you.
He gonna put you in a matrix. He gonna put
you in some type of illusion, some optical illusion to
make you think and feel like with your peoples.

Speaker 2 (15:41):
That can be soft with my people's, but there is
all right it here we are. Let's go, let's go.

Speaker 4 (15:51):
Let's I am not soft with my dad.

Speaker 2 (15:59):
I'm not soft my uncles.

Speaker 4 (16:02):
Tahoe is literally the same age as some of my uncles.
I talk to Tahoe the way that I talk to
the men in my life that I look up to
in a certain way.

Speaker 2 (16:14):
I don't coddle them. I don't coddle my feedback.

Speaker 4 (16:17):
When it comes to a certain level of respect that
I have for a certain man, I just don't.

Speaker 3 (16:23):
I feel like the word caddle is off. You have
for vulnerability, you acts sensitivity for men, and then.

Speaker 2 (16:29):
I don't ask I've never asked for that.

Speaker 3 (16:31):
This is a lot of the conversations that we have
on here.

Speaker 2 (16:34):
That I don't want them talking to me.

Speaker 4 (16:38):
I like, I like when men shut the fuck up
and like feel their feelings inside.

Speaker 2 (16:42):
I really do.

Speaker 5 (16:43):
I don't, Okay, I was right to the root, was right.

Speaker 4 (16:51):
I understand that toxicity that about myself when.

Speaker 3 (16:56):
The conversation they never want. I love that you're that
blunt because that's reality. That's man out here. So where
are they supposed to exist? How can men return the
empathy and the feelings that y'all want. But that's the
way y'all coming at us. You're talking about caddle, yo,
Nobody asks you to caddle. I didn't need to be
rocked to sleep. I said, understand, I just expressed myself.

(17:18):
And you say, I'm not going to coddle. You don't
talk to you like that, because that's I don't even
want niggas to talk to me. I really don't exactly.

Speaker 5 (17:24):
So what you don't want, like even like your significant other.

Speaker 2 (17:28):
That's different.

Speaker 5 (17:28):
That's different. That's different.

Speaker 2 (17:30):
That's different. My husband is completely he does. I do not.

Speaker 4 (17:34):
The the way that I deal with other men in
the world is never on the same level that I
deal with my husband.

Speaker 5 (17:41):
Absolutely, not that that that that that makes perfect sense.
But what about people that you consider friends and family?
I understand strangers like you know, a strange like like
a man like we just met each other. You don't
give a fun about my feelings. I'm not gonna tell
you my ship. You know what I'm saying, Tahoe or
your uncle or your father, be like, yo, nah, stop.

Speaker 3 (18:04):
Talking to me.

Speaker 2 (18:04):
No, no, no, it's not nah. It's very much if.

Speaker 4 (18:09):
The men in my life, depending on the situation, I'm
very like I said, I'm empathetic, but I'm not the
most sympathetic person. So I think that I just give
feedback to the people that I know and that know me,
that have known me for a long time in a
different way than I would a stranger. I would probably
come off more sympathetic or empathetic if you told me

(18:30):
your feelings. But that is a facade, right, That is
me like trying to make you feel good as a
person because we don't really know each other. So I'm
not I can't be my true self to you. So
I feel like I can be my true self to
my true friends, to my true family, and my true
self is somebody that is not.

Speaker 2 (18:49):
Necessarily a soft place to land.

Speaker 4 (18:51):
I'm not always the softest place to land for a
lot of people, and that's something that I've.

Speaker 2 (18:56):
Been working on.

Speaker 4 (18:56):
Whereas when it comes to my friends, I withhold a
lot of my opinions about the things that my friends do.
Feel like I'm at that point, like maybe in the
last four or five years, I literally be minded my
fucking business, because if I told Nigga's unfiltered the way
I really feel about the shit that they do, it'll
be bad. So I just I'm gonna support you, like,
all right, you feel like I come.

Speaker 2 (19:18):
Off this way, I'm sorry. I'll try to figure it out.

Speaker 4 (19:20):
I'll try to, like, like, I walk more on eggshells
for my friendships.

Speaker 2 (19:25):
But if you want me to be honest, how.

Speaker 3 (19:28):
You just said I don't walk, I'm gonna be very
unfiltered with my friends. And then you're gonna say, yo,
I walk on eggshell I have to.

Speaker 4 (19:33):
Walk on eggs shells because of when I'm being unfiltered.
I'm like this big bad bitch, and I don't want
to be that either.

Speaker 3 (19:39):
To y'all, I feel like all friends walk on eggshells
around their friends in that aspect. Okay, you're not gonna
be brutally honest about a lot of the shit that
you see with your friends all the time.

Speaker 4 (19:49):
I'm gonna be honest, though, And if you want me
to be honest, I'm gonna be honest. If you want
my real feelings in a moment, I'm gonna give my
real feelings in a moment, and I'm sorry if I have.

Speaker 2 (19:58):
If you express.

Speaker 4 (19:59):
Something to me, my real feeling in the moment is
this is not that big of a deal. And my
real feeling in that moment is this is this is
light work, Like this is not even something that's worth
us even having.

Speaker 3 (20:09):
As the situation that you're going through. We're talking about
whatever he was talking about last week. These are real feelings.
This isn't a time to say, yo, you know what,
I'm on something. I don't give a fuck. I'm on
some of your niggas. Don't talk to me. I'm on
some yo. I just want to be super yo. That's
not friendship. And yesterday, what the fuck, bro, just because
you had three cups on your tee doesn't mean that

(20:30):
you just run off and just jump on the uppit
side of the conversation. What that's what he's doing. He's
just being hoppy. He's got three cups to put around
his tee because his hand was hurting, And I.

Speaker 5 (20:52):
Said, Bro, I'm sorry man, the essence of.

Speaker 3 (20:55):
A nigga that can't fix a tire. And now he's like, Yo,
you know what, I'm on dodgy side or episode.

Speaker 4 (21:02):
So I have a question, is it a problem for
anybody to be on my side?

Speaker 2 (21:08):
Because the way that.

Speaker 4 (21:09):
You you calling him oppy for understanding where I'm coming from.
But if he didn't understand where I was coming from
and it was three of y'all against my thought process,
and then he's on the right side.

Speaker 2 (21:20):
So it's fucked me every time I walk.

Speaker 3 (21:22):
In here, every time you walk in here. Oh that's
so she's feeling, in other words, to the people out there,
she's feeling attacked, and now I don't feel attacked slashing
out because Yo, what you said was what you said,
You've got some pushback from and now you're like, oh,
every time I come in here, I'm attacked. No, that's

(21:43):
not the truth. That's not the truth. I'm on your
side a lot of times, not all the time. That's
the basis of the show. No, okay, that we debate, Yeah,
we do. What's the debate If everybody on the panel agrees.

Speaker 2 (21:55):
You're absolutely right?

Speaker 3 (21:58):
Are you dis agreeing?

Speaker 2 (21:59):
No?

Speaker 3 (22:01):
So didn't take back what you said? All right, so shameless.
How y'a feeling out there to day?

Speaker 6 (22:09):
Yeah, Yo, that just.

Speaker 3 (22:13):
Doude.

Speaker 2 (22:13):
I'm just sitting here.

Speaker 5 (22:15):
You do say things very like okay, and it gives
off like you don't mean that.

Speaker 2 (22:23):
I think that I have a very strong she does.

Speaker 3 (22:27):
I didn't tell you that. She's she's the fucking goat
of the ship. She came into this show by doing
the ship what she did last week. She was like, assume,
my fuck, everybody bro Yo, I watched that ship.

Speaker 6 (22:38):
I saw that ship too.

Speaker 3 (22:39):
I was like that was and cleaned it down, and
then everybody in the coming Imagine if I said she
explained it so well that the girls was like tea
and tea and did and assume I fucked everybody, And
so they.

Speaker 2 (22:52):
Wanted on the stupid they wanted on the shirt.

Speaker 4 (22:55):
Now you're the I'm not the go I think that
I have a very strong voice, and I'm very opinionated,
and I'm like old Brooklyn to my core. But when
I don't want to fight, and when I don't want
to argue and.

Speaker 2 (23:11):
Go back and forth, I.

Speaker 4 (23:14):
Understand the range of tone and octaves. So when I concede,
I completely concede. And I can get how it might
sound condescended, but I'm not being condescended.

Speaker 2 (23:26):
I literally just cool.

Speaker 4 (23:29):
And then we're gonna move on to the next thing
because I can't. It's not even that I don't have
the energy, because I always have the energy.

Speaker 2 (23:38):
I'm just not finna do it. I'm not gonna do it.

Speaker 3 (23:41):
Yep. We've been doing this ship for going on I.

Speaker 2 (23:44):
Think seven years.

Speaker 3 (23:48):
We're going on nine years. We're in a efe going
on nine Okay, she's just gotten really good at saying
you ain't gonna do this this time?

Speaker 6 (23:58):
Got it?

Speaker 3 (23:58):
Whatever? So I try, I try to pull, I try
to find to get her past, and she won't do
it with me. Most often now I bring other people
on the trigger and then she goes there with them,
So be careful. We have j D the opinionated from
the Living Black podcast back here. What's good? What's goodie yesterday?

(24:24):
How you feeling, man, I'm.

Speaker 6 (24:25):
Chilling, gang.

Speaker 3 (24:28):
I can't hear you broing the mic.

Speaker 6 (24:29):
I said, I'm chilling. I'm here a gang regular, deglar.

Speaker 3 (24:31):
How you feeling today? How's that tea treating you?

Speaker 6 (24:33):
Pretty good?

Speaker 3 (24:34):
Pretty good? What is it? Coffee? Tea?

Speaker 6 (24:36):
And I don't drink coffee?

Speaker 3 (24:37):
What type of tea you have?

Speaker 6 (24:39):
Ginger? Lemon?

Speaker 3 (24:40):
That's what talking about? Mm hm twins. But I add
honey and lemon to it. Of course I want to
up the lemon. Yeah, you know what I'm saying, the
lemon in it. Gosh. How you feeling today?

Speaker 2 (24:54):
Cool?

Speaker 3 (24:55):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (24:55):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (24:56):
I just say, you know, with whatever situation we are
talking about, it's it really worth it because now that
you really give a about so if it matters to them,
why why debate? Because you care about the person I do,
so if they feel strongly, what's the debate for.

Speaker 4 (25:20):
Because I think a lot of people sometimes have a
tendency to weaponize their feelings and it turns into a manipulation.

Speaker 2 (25:30):
And I'm not willing to play these games.

Speaker 5 (25:32):
That's why I said that.

Speaker 6 (25:42):
I said the same bar.

Speaker 4 (25:44):
I'm just tying niggas be like, everybody has feelings and
and and everybody's feelings are valid, but your feelings. You
can't use your feelings to dictate my movements.

Speaker 2 (25:58):
And I think that that's the problem.

Speaker 4 (26:01):
After all of these years, you're supposed to know me
well enough to know because I'm not a person that
changes a lot. Like I elevate in the way that
I might do things, but the actions at the root
are still the same.

Speaker 2 (26:14):
The words at the root are still the same. I
continue to.

Speaker 4 (26:17):
Learn more and read more and grow, so the way
that I delivered the message has changed. But I'm still
the same fucking person. And if you've known me for
a long period of time, there's just certain ways that
you should not be dealing with me. And if you're
gonna continue to deal with me in that way, I'm
not gonna let you get it out.

Speaker 3 (26:37):
Well, what if they feel the same way. Most times,
when a friend has a problem with another friend, it's
not a certain thing, it's a repeated behavior that they're like, Yo,
why do you do this? This is what Yesterday said
before we started the show. He's like, yo, you always
trying to put me down. You want to make me
the op right, if it was just one shot, like
say JD through the shot or notice the triple cut,

(26:58):
he don't think JD got a problem with him. But
he's like, here, come, Tiehoe, you always got something to say?
Why you always trying to make me It's a continued,
continued behavior that's irritating. So if you can feel that way,
why not understand when somebody else feels that way.

Speaker 4 (27:22):
It's not hard to understand. Honestly, I just don't care,
and I'm trying.

Speaker 2 (27:31):
I'm just I'm trying to say that, say that.

Speaker 3 (27:34):
But because if I'm expressing something that you're.

Speaker 4 (27:41):
Doing me, oh, because I'm already.

Speaker 3 (27:45):
If I'm expressing something to you and you know I
care about you and I'm expecting care from you, care
means that when I feel.

Speaker 2 (27:52):
Away, you don't don't be like I don't give a fuck.

Speaker 3 (27:56):
I don't give a fuck, and I'd rather argue you
down and gas like you and make you feel like
you're fucking wrong for feeling a way about the way
I treat you. Then just say yo, you know what,
I'm sorry? All right, cool, and let's move on and
get a fucking drink. This is the energy that you
want to give me, all of this because I'm expressing
some shit to you. You'd rather do this.

Speaker 4 (28:17):
I would rather shit, no no, no, no, no no,
say it, say the thing. But you saying the thing
does not mean that I have to agree. And I
think that that's where we get fucked up a lot.

Speaker 2 (28:32):
I don't have to agree with how you feel.

Speaker 4 (28:35):
You can feel how you feel, and that's fine, and
I can feel how I feel, and that's fine, and
we should be able to move forward together, come into
a middle ground of compromise. I don't need to just
like divert my whole feeling because your feelings is hurt
off of some bullshit and something that I really believe
is bullshit in my heart or heart and soul and soul.

Speaker 2 (28:55):
I keep telling people I'm not nice. I'm not nice,
Like I don't I don't have a lot of these like.

Speaker 3 (29:06):
Are you kind?

Speaker 2 (29:07):
There's a difference between the fake me is very kind.

Speaker 4 (29:11):
I'm not a slithererin for no reason, like I really like,
I really live and die, but I really am though
I really it's not a fucking cartoon. It's not it's
not just a book. It's not a cartoon. It's also no,
it's not just a book. It's bigger than that because
there aren't certain things that there's certain adjectives that people

(29:33):
live by that are part of their personality. And that's
why I identify. And what I notice about myself is
what I notice about myself is I am very emotional.
I'm very sensitive, but I'm also a girl from Brooklyn.

(29:55):
So there's a lot of layers and walls and bricks
that are built up around the fact that I'm really
softened on the inside. And with that softness, when I
feel a certain type of way, I express it and
I can move forward. But I don't like having the
same argument over and over and over for years, because

(30:18):
at this point we're at years of having the same
fucking issue and it's not an issue, it's a non fact,
Like it's not an issue, but you continuously make it
an issue. So because your feelings is still hurt by
the same shit for years, who's the real problem here?
And I'm not gonna have you villainize me and make
me seem like I'm the problem because if I'm nothing,

(30:39):
I'm consistent. You still mad year seven about the same
shit I was doing year one.

Speaker 2 (30:45):
Bitch, this is just who I am. So it's either
you gonna be here or you're not gonna be here.

Speaker 4 (30:50):
But you're not gonna keep like this, this, this back
and forth like I'm talking to you, I'm not talking
to you, or like, oh, like I'm ignoring you.

Speaker 2 (30:56):
I'm not ignoring you because.

Speaker 4 (30:57):
I need you to like feel how I feel about
like I don't give a fuck. This is the same
fucking argument. I'm going to be the way that I am.
Are you with me? Are you not pick a side?
And that's where we are. So that's why I don't
give a fuck.

Speaker 2 (31:15):
I can't.

Speaker 4 (31:16):
I gave a fuck three years ago, but we're still here.
So who's the problem.

Speaker 2 (31:23):
I guess it's me, And that's fine.

Speaker 3 (31:26):
You said a lot that I don't understand. I think
you understood because you're talking about a specific situation so
it's nothing for me to really say, JD, do you
have anything for that?

Speaker 5 (31:39):
I just feel like I was just gonna fly in
a room now. I do think honestly, I'm listening to
Dodge speak. I feel like we're very much so similar,
and I think I'm trying to be a little bit
better on caring about people's feelings because I do lack that.

Speaker 6 (32:03):
Uh sometimes, like I really don't care.

Speaker 3 (32:05):
Didn't you say that? That was I said that The
worst parts to you? Do you agree with her? Or are
you disagree with her? Being that you said that that's
something that you really felt that you've had to work on.

Speaker 5 (32:16):
I think it's the wrong way to approach friendships or
relationships in general, that you that you that you consider important,
whether that's family or like whatever I do. But I
I can understand how you get that. I can understand

(32:36):
how you get that that that feeling because I'm that's
one of those one of that's one of the worst
parts about me, like I the lack of of of
empathy for people. Yeah, you know what I mean, Like
I don't give a fuck what you're talking about.

Speaker 6 (32:52):
Yeah, I mean, I really don't.

Speaker 5 (32:54):
I really don't, like, you know, what I mean, Like
you're talking about certain because like I feel like and
I used to minimize people feelings and I think that
their problems were like miniscule compared to minds. But then
I had to like be like, yo, it's not even
about you. Like what might be miniscule to you is
large for somebody else, you know what I mean. So
like that developing empathy for others is I love that

(33:20):
people could sometimes be like I guess raising that, but
like that's a developing skill for me, like where I
gotta like learn how to emphathi empathize with others because
I and I think I lost a lot of friends
because of that, you know what I mean. Like they
probably be like yo, I feel this way about this

(33:42):
and blah like nigga, what like what you mean like
like grow up? Actually, yeah, you know what I mean,
Like or like probably I'll probably stop talking to him.

Speaker 2 (33:55):
M hmm.

Speaker 5 (33:56):
I'll probably stop talking to him. I probably stopped like
tapping in with like I'm like, you know what, I
can't do this, you know what I mean? Because you
you you caused in too much ship for me.

Speaker 3 (34:05):
Yeah, yesterday, Yeah, I heard a lot of uh and
validation and this is exactly what I was saying the
other day. Coming from behind the television.

Speaker 6 (34:14):
He was doing that, He's clocking, Yeah.

Speaker 3 (34:17):
How do you feel about this whole conversation.

Speaker 6 (34:19):
I'm listening. I'm listening, and I'm listening to Dodge, and
I'm same like Jay, same like JD said. I'm realizing
how similar me and Dodge is because everything that she said,
I'm talking about, word for word, breath for breath, I've
said the same exact thing to friends, relationships, people.

Speaker 3 (34:37):
Like I'm just I just wanted to God or bad
yeah yesterday finished.

Speaker 6 (34:42):
No, I'm just saying like I understand it because that's
I'm the same way too, like and how I operate.
I was a little different with my friendships. I don't
really have like issues with my friends because I feel,
like like Dodge said, once I'm friends with you for
a long time, and you know how I am and
I know how you are. Once we have that, you
know that dustuff and we get past it and we communicate,

(35:05):
we never have the issue again because we respect where
each other comes from. So and that's why sometimes for
me when I get places where I get around people,
I'm like I respond differently because I'm like, Yo, in
my real life friendships, I don't deal with this type
of like this stuff. Yeah, like I don't deal with this, Yeah,
Like I don't be dealing with that because in my

(35:27):
real life people don't do and say some of this
stuff Like So that's why I was agreeing, because literally,
word for word, ball for ball, I live a lot
of what she said. Well, we gotta be better than that.

Speaker 5 (35:40):
We gotta like you gotta be like if my friend
comes to me and be like, Yo, I really had
an issue with whatever the fuck you did or whatever
the situation was, I can't then be like, nah, you
know what I mean?

Speaker 6 (35:55):
Nah, what you mean?

Speaker 5 (35:56):
That's silly for you to have an issue with that.
I can't then be that because I think I've lost
out on good people, like good folks because of that approach,
Like no, I disagree and just shut them down.

Speaker 3 (36:12):
And that to me, while I understand a lot of
what y'all are saying, it's like, do you care about
being something that we've said in this room before I
know I've said it. You can be right and get
the wrong reaction. I noticed that from being a man
in a relationship. Yeah, I can fight with you about this.
But now, why did I have to stand on that,
because now you're miserable or angry or the whole energy

(36:35):
or whatever, like you don't feel as secure safe talking
to me about certain shit. It causes a divide right there,
when I really didn't need to like be ten TODs
on that one thing. It wasn't that deep. It wasn't
that deep.

Speaker 2 (36:47):
It's not what I'm saying, never that deep.

Speaker 3 (36:52):
Yesterday and Dosh to the closest people in my life,
I am glad that y'all extend me a lot of
grace in the way that that I that I am
and present and everything like that. But I do I
am concerned. I would be concernedb Dodge maintains friendships and
relationships as well as she She's great, But I don't

(37:13):
you know, I see somebody saying if I was Dodge,
I'd be so pissed and I'd be like, Yo, I'm
actually fighting for my friends friends you are, I'm fighting
for y'all's relationships. We've all But you know, I've developed
a tough skin. And I'll talk about this in the
thing that I actually put a pin in. I've developed
a tough skin. I know who's there for me? And
fuck it, none of this shit really matters. I know that.

(37:33):
So I just kind of like I have that what's
the first.

Speaker 2 (37:36):
One, ruinous empathy.

Speaker 3 (37:39):
Yeah, I'm kind of just like, I'm not going to
give a fuck too much about all that because I
don't want to lose the friends I have left, you
know what I'm saying. I don't want to I don't
want all right, whatever, whatever, whatever I'm talking, you know,
but I don't think especially for yes at his age,
and men mature later than women. So he's starting this

(37:59):
manhood thing right now at his age and yesterday. I
don't mean to be disrespectful when I say that, but
you become a different person in your mid thirties as
a man right first that thirty thirty one, thirty two,
wherever you're at right now, that's kind of your late twenties.
It's kind of women have matured years ago to where

(38:20):
men are in their early thirties. They just have. They're
just the way we built, you know what I'm saying. So, yeah,
I don't want to give you that advice, Like, yeah,
I understand, and I'm cool with that because I can
see that not being good for you. I can see
that not being good for you, and you're an Aquarius,
so it's just double down on I don't give a fuck.
That's a lot of I don't give a fucking in
the time and Dayton all of that where you was born.

(38:42):
You might not agree with it, but people who have
experienced aquarius is understand that that's just it's not a
cool thing. Bro. I don't want to co sign.

Speaker 2 (38:51):
That, you know.

Speaker 4 (38:54):
I think that a lot of the way that I
am is a trauma response. No, I'm gonna name the
thing because I'm not a person that's not reflective, and
I understand for somebody that went through the amount of
loss and trauma and emotions and depression and anxiety and

(39:14):
the PTSD and the mood disorder and all of the things.
Right like, when you add all of the things up,
I understand why I am the way that I am
now because when I was super empathetic and sympathetic, I
was going through so much shit and I never felt
like there was somebody that actually tapped into and cared

(39:36):
about my feelings, and my feelings was like real raw,
like it was real life shit that was going on.
So it's very difficult for me to empathize understanding all
the real life shit that I went through at a
very young age and a very small window of time.
Whereas that's not an excuse where I where I struggle

(39:59):
is I very rarely say the first thing that comes
to my mind. So when I when I feel like
I am not getting the the accolades I guess of
being empathetic, it's like, damn, if you thought I'm not empathetic.

(40:21):
Now if I said the real shit that I said, God, damn, Like,
am I fucked up?

Speaker 2 (40:24):
Person?

Speaker 4 (40:25):
Like I thought that I was turning the empathy on
in this moment, and it's like, Damn, that wasn't enough,
So like what does that look like? And then that's
when I concede because I don't know how to find
the middle because I can't argue my thought process because if,
like if my feelings or my reaction is hurting you
as a friend, I can't argue and justify that. So
I'm just gonna concede, and I'd be like, you know what,

(40:46):
You're right, I'm sorry. I don't I don't want no
problems with the people that I care about.

Speaker 3 (40:51):
Yo, That's just such a fucking excuse bro, Okay. The
reason why I say that is because Yo, I could
be meaner. It's not really an apology.

Speaker 2 (41:03):
It's not really an understand apologized.

Speaker 3 (41:06):
But that's what I'm saying, Like, Yo, if you thought,
if you knew what I said, you thought what I
said now was fucked up, you should have thought, you shouldn't.

Speaker 2 (41:13):
What I didn't say was way word treasures.

Speaker 3 (41:17):
That's kind of like, bro, that's not what we talk
about right now. And you're great at expressing yourself. You're
great at understanding the English language, Like I'm great find
other words than saying, hey, you know what I couldn't?

Speaker 4 (41:32):
I could, But when I do find other words, you
say that is bullshit. When I'm when I'm being raw
and unfiltered and uncut, it's like, oh, but you can
be better than that.

Speaker 2 (41:40):
You can articulate that better than that.

Speaker 4 (41:43):
So when I say things like I can't win, it's
not me being a victim in that moment, it's me
being who I am and always having been a person
that's misunderstood, like I can't.

Speaker 2 (41:54):
This is what I'm saying it the right way.

Speaker 3 (41:55):
I'm sorry, d I'm sorry. Don't worry. We're gonna let
you into the conversation soon is what I'm gonna say
to Dodge, because she's been here with me for nine years. Yeah, Dodge,
have I done a more work? Have I done a
better job at being communicative or a friend or whatever
since we started?

Speaker 6 (42:09):
Of course, why is that?

Speaker 3 (42:11):
Why is that? Why did that happen?

Speaker 2 (42:14):
Because of radical candor?

Speaker 3 (42:16):
Because you used to get mad at me. Mad used
to express how I'm hurting your feelings? Radical cander used
to express okay, but I purposely don't say because you said, Yo,
you have a nigga, I always say was on my mind.
That's how the first thing that comes to mind. I've
been doing that for fifty years. Right, nine years ago,

(42:36):
when I was forty one, You come on the show
and express to me how the way I communicate doesn't work,
how the way I talk to my friends doesn't work.
And I could easily be like, Yo, that's who I've
been my whole life. You should have heard what I
what I was gonna say. You should have yo deal
with it, you know what I mean? I could do
everything that you're doing right now, and yet, as an

(42:59):
old dog that it's not supposed to learn new tricks,
I changed the way that I communicate right for the
greater good, to maintain and preserve my relationships, to make
you feel heard, to not feel like I'm triggering you
or attacking you, or things that you know that you've
said to me before.

Speaker 5 (43:16):
I think that is the change, y'all. That is you
know what I'm saying, what Dodger's saying. Okay, that's a
change like her saying like I could have said something
way worse as her being better than what she once was.

Speaker 6 (43:27):
You know what I mean?

Speaker 4 (43:28):
Yes, that's fair, and but within growth, right, Like I'm
still growing and evolving, so whereas in the last nine
years you've changed.

Speaker 2 (43:39):
This is not a I don't want to make this
about you. I'm make it.

Speaker 4 (43:42):
I'm gonna make this I'm gonna send to myself really
really quickly, and I'm gonna tell y'all where I'm having
like a growth issue in my life. I consistently feel
like there's an expectation of who I am and who
I'm supposed to be, and no matter what, I can't
reach that bar because whenever I'm honest or whenever I

(44:07):
am really reflective, it's like, but you could have always
been better, You could be better than that you can
do more. You can like like you're here, but you're
really supposed to be here because you're smart or you're articulated.

Speaker 2 (44:21):
Like I have never been able to exist. I've always
had to continuously.

Speaker 4 (44:30):
Grow and add and do more and do more and
do more and do more like I And I think
that that's the reason why I have like this perfectionistism
in me that I'm trying to get to the root of.
And it's because I have never heard sans my husband
maybe like you're enough where you are right now.

Speaker 2 (44:52):
It's always more, do more, be better.

Speaker 4 (44:55):
Dosh has to be like like like I like, I'm
I'm I'm I'm up here and I'm really not though,
Like I am a normal person. I'm gonna be good person.
Some days, I'm gonna be bad person. Some days, I'm
going to respond to things well. Sometimes I'm not gonna
respond to things well. Sometimes I'm gonna be brutally honest,
and I'm not gonna be brutally honest. Like all of
these things are gonna happen because I'm a normal fucking

(45:17):
person and I'm at the point in my maturity in
adulthood that I'm not apologizing for.

Speaker 2 (45:23):
Being normal anymore.

Speaker 4 (45:24):
So if my growth or my lack of being able
to be perfect or respond perfect in a moment cause
a riff or a problem, I need everybody to fucking
deal with it because I'm not perfect and I'm never
trying to be. Therefore, you're gonna have to treat me
like every other human. I'm a slip and I'm a fall.

(45:44):
God ain't through with me yet, all of the colloquialisms
that we could say as black people, it is what
it is. I'm not perfect. Everybody has to leave me
the fuck alone.

Speaker 5 (45:56):
And that's the beauty of being a human, I think,
you know what I'm saying, Like, especially a person that's
forever evolving, you know, like yeah, noticing your your bad
behaviors or bad habits and then fixing it and then
changing it throughout your throughout years of life.

Speaker 6 (46:16):
I think that's the.

Speaker 5 (46:17):
Beauty of it of doing this because sometimes, yeah, sometimes
you're gonna be good, sometimes you're gonna be terrible. And
I even like when I'm even small shit, but like
when I'm driving and somebody like cut me off, I
have half the mind to go crazy. But then I'm like,
you know what, nah, Cause three years ago, I might

(46:40):
have got out a call like it was bad.

Speaker 3 (46:42):
It's just bad.

Speaker 6 (46:43):
I got like bad, you know what I mean. But
like now now I'm.

Speaker 5 (46:45):
Like like I take breathes, I take steps, and but
that's just the beauty of like me like understanding, Like
first of all, I don't want to die, you never know.

Speaker 6 (46:53):
But secondly it's like, yo, let me just let me,
let me, let me slow down, let me let me
take a second, you know what I mean. I think
that's just that's beauty of it.

Speaker 5 (47:00):
Like that's good that you're is that that you noticed
your bad behaviors.

Speaker 3 (47:04):
And you tap into yesterday you got something you want
to have to that.

Speaker 6 (47:07):
Noah, I agree a lot of what Dodge said as
far as having a lot of expectation put on you
and for you to be uh, for you to present
a certain way, and for me, I feel like like
I said the same thing like and it's I don't
know why. I fel like I'm learning a lot about
Dodge today, but but I I've been through that myself

(47:27):
as well, and I felt like to the I don't
care portion, And when you asked me, he was like,
you know, you feel like you don't like that pathway,
and I was thinking about that, and I'm just like, damn,
like why did I get there? And I was realizing
that over the course of my life and a lot
of my friendships, I've always had to be the friend

(47:47):
that had to lead right. Like I told you, when
I was in high school, I had one of my
friends come live with me. Right, he had a situation
at home. I took him in right. I was taking
care of both of us. And that's just who I've
been throughout my whole life. So I never I didn't
always have somebody to have that, you know, that guiding
star for I was always the guiding star. So it

(48:10):
gets tough when the expectation is that's always the expectation.
And when I felt when I've been down, I've had
to look and there was nobody there. I didn't have, no,
no a battery put in my back.

Speaker 3 (48:23):
Right.

Speaker 6 (48:24):
So when you ask me why I don't like certain stuff,
it's because people who I really care about my life,
I really care about what they think about me. Because
I've been in situations where people that thought cared about
me just one day didn't care about me no more,
or treated me in that type of way or discarded
me right, And it didn't matter how much work I
put in. It don't matter how down I was. It

(48:45):
didn't matter how much money I spent, how much street
shit we went through together. It was just a do
you get what I'm saying? This situation is better for me.
So fucked the friendship. So I've had to become a
I don't care because I couldn't live or die with
not knowing where I'm standing with people's I know why
I stand with myself. So that's why I always was like,

(49:07):
you know what, and you asked me, like, you're why
am I that way? It's because my life, my friendships,
being in music, I've had to say, yo, fuck it,
fuck everybody, Fuck all this shit that's going on. I
know that I have me at the end of the day.
Whoever else is gonna come. That's cool, but I cannot
bank on that because me banking on that has hurt

(49:27):
me before.

Speaker 3 (49:28):
You know, I'm so for one, I'm sorry you feel
that way.

Speaker 2 (49:42):
Uh.

Speaker 3 (49:43):
I've tried to be a guiding star in your life.
Definitely have. So I don't know if I'm triggered or no,
I'm not representing that. If I made it about myself.
This is this is not about you is Yeah, but
you like I don't have nobody and I'm sad.

Speaker 6 (49:58):
Yeah, I'm saying I think everything I'm thinking it's probably
to me getting care.

Speaker 3 (50:04):
Okay, twins, listen not to minimize what you guys are saying, right,
I have a I may just not. I think you
guys are on the same plane. You guys are all
like floating yell, having a great conversation among yourself, and
I'm sitting outside of it. Like everything that y'all are saying,

(50:24):
I've been through and have had to get over, For instance,
the not good enough? Isn't that something that all of us?
I don't know if it's as black kids, I feel
like our power. It's like I was the kid that
came home with a ninety six and my mom's like,
what happened to the other four points? Right? Oh? I
cleaned the crib? Why didn't you do this? It's like
there was always an expectation for more, and I think

(50:48):
we get that, and even now with these shows and
just every damn there everything, it's like, well, why didn't
you do this? Instead of congratulations? This will you know
what happened to this.

Speaker 5 (50:57):
I was about to say, though I was to be sure.
I think expectations is like, really, what if somebody has
that expectations for you period? I think that means that
you're destined for like greatness, because, to be honest with you,
there's a lot of motherfuckers out here that nobody's expecting
to be anything.

Speaker 6 (51:16):
You get what I'm saying.

Speaker 5 (51:18):
So if somebody has an expectation of you, that means
you're probably one of them, like to be if in
whatever world successful looks like for you, then that's just
what that is. And then I take expectations very seriously,
like I'm not even like looking at, uh, necessarily what

(51:38):
others expect from me. But I've heard it like, yo,
I expect you to do this. I expect you to
do better. Same thing with Toyle saying, yo, you bring
home in ninety six. Where's one hundred things of that nature.
I took that as like fuel, like all right, fuck it,
like it's like damn, I'm never gonna be good, though
I never took it as that.

Speaker 2 (51:55):
Yeah, I will.

Speaker 3 (51:57):
Say this, this is not on that point. This is
to hate on my cousin.

Speaker 5 (52:02):
I'm fucking that.

Speaker 3 (52:05):
It's all of these people leave, do you think they're
abandoning you? Or do you think that in yourself? Like, damn,
there is a recurring thing that I'm doing to destroy relationships.
I need to work on myself.

Speaker 2 (52:22):
Is that for him? Less?

Speaker 3 (52:23):
Because he said that these people have left me, and
and I'm like, is it them or is it you?

Speaker 6 (52:32):
See Now that's an interesting question because if I say
it's them, then you're gonna tell me that.

Speaker 3 (52:37):
I'm not stop trying to control the narrative. I'm asking
you how you looked at it.

Speaker 6 (52:43):
I'm specifically with my with the friends that I'm talking
about in this situation. And now I don't want to
sound like that, but it's never me and my friendships
because I don't. This is why I have the same
friends for fifteen and twenty years. All of my friends
are still my friends because I am solid person. I've
been in the same way since I've been high school college.

(53:04):
That's why people fuck with me, and that's why and
I hold my friends accountable. Right, So, like I was
telling you about the high school situation, that friend I
stopped talking to because I felt like he did something
that was disloyal, Right, I feel like I took him in.
I brought him into my hood, to my neighborhood and
somebody from my neighborhood, but my brother's mother passed away.
He didn't reach out to my brother.

Speaker 2 (53:24):
Oh remember that.

Speaker 6 (53:25):
So that's not on me. I did everything I could,
Like I gave you access to everything. That's not on me.
That wasn't me missing the mark or me not doing something.
You feel what I'm saying, So I don't. And I've
had to realize that all of this stuff is not
my fault and it's okay, right, you know what I'm saying.
So that's why when you're saying, like, yo, is it

(53:46):
you or is it other people? In those situations, it
has been to other people. Because again, all of my
friendships have remained the same a decade fifteen, two decades.
That's a blessing.

Speaker 4 (53:58):
I think that that there is a both and in that,
Like for some of the friendships that I've lost in
the last six seven years, I take accountability in for
several reasons, and most of it is given too many
chances for people to play with me, and that when

(54:19):
I really decide to finally put my foot down, then
it's like I've lost this, this this this ongoing friendship
for this amount of time, Like I don't. I've come
to the point where I understand that not everybody is
going to be around forever. Some you have the reasons
and the seasons and the lifetimes, as we all know.

(54:41):
And I'm okay with the people that are no longer
in my life because they weren't growing the way that
I'm trying to grow. Forgo, I just I'm not growing
the way that I that I they're not growing the
way that I want to grow. And I'm actually reevaluating

(55:03):
and looking at my circle right now, like damn, in
the next couple of years, a couple of y'all nigga's
not gonna be around.

Speaker 6 (55:10):
Because why not kick them out right now?

Speaker 4 (55:17):
Because it's hard. It's gonna be a hard thing to do.
But living in a space of radical candor, the conversation
has to be had. And once we have the conversation,
I don't see how the relationship survives or continues in
a way that it is right now. So I think
that it's one of those things that's gonna take a

(55:39):
long time to phase out, because when you're really close
with people, it's not like you can just like not
be around tomorrow, Like, so things gonna have to phase
out and we're gonna have to, you know, put some
space in between us. It's gonna take a little while,
but I'm already seeing certain behaviors. That's just like, I
can't fuck with y'all niggas no more. Nigga's not growing.

(55:59):
I can't.

Speaker 3 (56:03):
I want to get into being that. We've spoken about
this for Damnar hour, the conversation we had last week
where I brought up my friend wound, losing friends and
such and such. I think this is what yesterday was
just talking about. Obviously, shit, who knew that this conversation

(56:26):
was going to take over to Damn Hope first part
of the episode, right, But shit, somebody did write into us.
They said, I just caught up on the latest episode.
Is so shameless. It's funny because I've been thinking over
my friendships. I feel you too. I'm an introvert, so
nine times out of ten, I'm not coming FELLO. But

(56:47):
I would like the invite. I would like to know
I was a thought. I just had a baby in March,
and it feels like everyone just forgot about me. I've
heard more times than i'd like. Oh, my god, I'm sorry.
I forgot to invite you, and I'm over it. I've
never not been around just because it's usually a valid reason,
and when it's real important, I put my shit to

(57:09):
the side and show up. In the past, I've struggled
with depression anxiety and it kept me inside, but I
never really got care or understanding. Sounds like what Dodge said.
It just was like, you not showing up the way
I want you to, so it's a problem. Meanwhile, I'm drowning. Shit,
I'm drowning now.

Speaker 2 (57:29):
Facts.

Speaker 3 (57:30):
They like to go out to bars and clubs. That's
not my thing. I was working a job that I
had to be up around three, so I couldn't go
to late night things. She said a little bit more.
But I'm gonna let that. Uh, let me see. I
stopped speaking on certain shit, but nobody gets it. I
already had very few friends, so I really just been
rocking the loans. I understand you, Tahoe. I feel like

(57:53):
feel you in a lot of things you say. Honestly,
life for what it's on now, I wasn't always this
is the way I am. I'm gonna keep it real.
When I started sanitation right before that I was a
party guy. I'd be out every night, all of the
popping clubs. I had a whole cruel friends. They come

(58:13):
pick me up if I needed a ride. Whatever.

Speaker 6 (58:15):
I heard about you too, right?

Speaker 3 (58:18):
Thanks? Was it good? Yeah?

Speaker 6 (58:19):
My boss she told me about you, okay, from back then,
back then.

Speaker 3 (58:24):
Okay, so I don't know what she said, but cool,
I know what she's about to do right now, you
show me a picture. I don't know. But when I
started working, I couldn't smoke anymore. I couldn't drink anymore
because you can't show up to work drunk. So going
to the club was tough for me. I had to

(58:47):
be at work at least leave it work five, right,
So being out two, two, three in the morning, that
don't work for me. Around that time, I started getting
my sons every weekend Friday to Sunday, so where I
couldn't hang out on the weekend doing night thing. I'm
also not able to really move like that on the
weekends because I got my sons. Trying to be a

(59:09):
good dad. When I say I don't have friends like that,
respectfully to Dodge Trump, Yes, I'm talking about all of them.
People disappeared. They just disappeared, the calls start coming in
the pull up, stitting on my stoops. They just stopped.
They just stopped, And I found myself in this whole
new life before creating the communities that I created kind

(59:32):
of on my own. Yeah, that shit hurt so me
saying yo, no invite, Although it's a joke, it's kind
of something that I kind of got used to. Or
if there's a friend wound there that I'm kind of
like jabbing with that it's actually but it's coming from
a real place. And so I understand Shorty on this

(59:54):
because as pregnant women seem to go through that a lot,
you know what I'm saying. Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 4 (01:00:02):
I think we all have friend wounds, and I think
that or just like relationship wounds from whatever the fuck
that we've been through. And I think that while I
respect and understand that side of it, for me, my
friend wound is disappointment. I don't like to be disappointed.

(01:00:22):
I don't like for somebody to say that they're gonna
do something and not do it. Because if I say
I'm gonna do something begrudgingly with a whole fucking attitude
rolled on my eyes to the back of my head.
But I'm still gonna show up and for me that
somebody that likes to port into the people that I
care about. If I'm doing something or I'm planning something like,

(01:00:43):
it's never about me. I don't center myself. I center
my friendship. I send to the experience. So if I
ask for somebody to show up or ask for something
to happen, or especially if I have an RSVP, it's
because I'm allocating my expenses to make sure that everybody

(01:01:07):
has an experience, Like thinking back to my birthday, and
this is not about you. It's not don't make it
about you because you're not. You're not the only one
like you.

Speaker 2 (01:01:16):
Gotta stop putting yourself in this box. It's not just.

Speaker 4 (01:01:19):
You, I sow JD context. I'm gonna keep talking about
this because this is my this is my friendship trauma.
We talk about yours, We're gonna talk about mond. I
decided to have my friends, like my close friends, come
to my house. And something I thought would be fun

(01:01:39):
is if everybody did a presentation of their favorite conspiracy
theories and like argued it out in a room and
like tried to convince the room of why their conspiracy
theory is like the most valid.

Speaker 2 (01:01:51):
White day. No, it didn't have to be a white
but it was. It was.

Speaker 4 (01:01:54):
There was Google slides like it was Google slides.

Speaker 3 (01:01:57):
You had to put together some homework.

Speaker 2 (01:02:00):
Yes, cool.

Speaker 4 (01:02:03):
I literally bought trophies for everybody, and also bought a
trophy for the person that everybody was going to vote
to be the winner. Like I like, I plans like
this thing, like I had like the drinks, and like
I was I thought it was cute in my mind and.

Speaker 2 (01:02:18):
I had a vision of it.

Speaker 4 (01:02:20):
And when I bring it up to my friends and
they complain about it, that makes me not feel good.
Or when the day comes and everybody doesn't show up
and I've allocated, like damn, I bought everybody in a war,
Like I threw mad of the awards in the garbage
because they was like just sitting on my table from Mad.
But why would I give you an award for something

(01:02:42):
that you didn't do, for not telling me that you
wasn't showing up.

Speaker 3 (01:02:44):
I gave you first of all, I did my presentation
here on the show my conspiracy theory. I did it here,
So you.

Speaker 2 (01:02:51):
Did your presentation or you're just talking.

Speaker 4 (01:02:55):
Here to amend what I want to do to to
to to fit in the box of my friends, like
my friends that that it's in the garbage is gone.

Speaker 2 (01:03:06):
They're gone. Yes, doesn't matter.

Speaker 3 (01:03:11):
If it didn't have my name on it wasn't money.

Speaker 2 (01:03:13):
Okay, then it wasn't choice. What I'm saying is this
is this nigga is crazy.

Speaker 4 (01:03:22):
Like can you imagine if I spent the extra bread
to get each of the awards engraved with somebody's name
and they don't not only did not show up, but
didn't have the decency to tell me that they wasn't
going to show up.

Speaker 2 (01:03:36):
No, but he's not the only one.

Speaker 4 (01:03:37):
This is what I'm saying, because if I was going
to personalize a Ta Hool trophy, then I would have
to do it for everybody that ares vp' but again,
not the only person that did not show up.

Speaker 5 (01:03:49):
That's bad work.

Speaker 4 (01:03:51):
Everybody has their trauma, everybody has their things.

Speaker 3 (01:03:55):
Last week I had to say sorry, I said.

Speaker 4 (01:03:57):
So you don't have to keep apologizing for it. I'm
over it. But I'm saying, if we're if we're talking
about friendship traumas we all have it. Yours is exclusion.
Mine is disappointment. But some way, somehow, we keep triggering
each other. But I'm the fucking bad guy.

Speaker 2 (01:04:14):
But I'm the.

Speaker 4 (01:04:15):
Bad guy here, and I gotta be reflective, right, I
have to be the one that has to grow, and
I have to empathize with the feelings, right, I have
to empathize with the feelings. Meanwhile, back at the ranch,
this is not the first second time, right.

Speaker 3 (01:04:29):
And she said, oh, we all have it and went
into her thing. And now it becomes always empathized. Can
just say, yo, you know what, Yeah, I get that,
I understand how you feel. I say the way I
felt when this happened. Let's work on not doing that
to each other now that we have these things.

Speaker 2 (01:04:45):
I'm sorry. I have to be the fixer.

Speaker 3 (01:04:46):
It has to be.

Speaker 4 (01:04:47):
So let's work on how how you don't feel abandoned
and I don't feel disappointed? How do we how do
we find that bridge, friend, where you don't feel abandoned
and I don't feel disappointed.

Speaker 3 (01:04:58):
I think at the end of the day, me hearing
you is one thing, but I never feel heard, like
when I'm bringing this whole thing up, this could have
been a whole bigger conversation. Somehow, you gotta ask me
to where we were last week. We just had the
same conversation in which I apologize, yes, and I said

(01:05:20):
it would never happen again.

Speaker 4 (01:05:23):
Person When I said it, I wanted to lark for
my birthday this year, you said you wasn't doing that shit?

Speaker 3 (01:05:28):
Well do I have to lark? Why do I have
to lark? You don't have to do I did say
I dressed with you as a cow.

Speaker 4 (01:05:32):
And you see what I said when I said that
your trauma and my trauma is disappointment.

Speaker 2 (01:05:40):
So now I no, you don't have to do ship.

Speaker 4 (01:05:44):
But if I don't invite him to something that he
already does not want to do, then I'm triggering him
because it's no invite. But then if he doesn't show
up for me because he doesn't want to do the
thing that I want to do for my fucking birthday,
it's a problem. And when I said, how do we
mitigate the fact that you feel left out and I

(01:06:04):
don't like feeling disappointed?

Speaker 2 (01:06:05):
How do we bridge that gap?

Speaker 5 (01:06:08):
How is that true?

Speaker 3 (01:06:09):
Okay, everything that I want to do for my birthday
you're gonna do.

Speaker 2 (01:06:12):
If it was your birthday, I would absolutely do it.

Speaker 3 (01:06:15):
Everything. This is everybody in here agree with this.

Speaker 2 (01:06:18):
I have to learn you don't have to do it,
shot you because you're.

Speaker 3 (01:06:22):
Just doing that bride dealer ship every So everybody, if
I if it's what they want to do for their birthday,
you have to do it.

Speaker 6 (01:06:29):
That's what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, being a good sport.
Being a good sport. And just to be clear, my
birthday is first in a year, So I just want
to put that out there.

Speaker 3 (01:06:36):
I I how it came about him.

Speaker 5 (01:06:39):
I I struggled with that shit too, though. Bro, I
ain't gonna lie to you, you know what I mean.
Like when my friends want to do something for their
birthdays and it's kind of like, I'm definitely not into it.

Speaker 6 (01:06:50):
I know I'm not into it, and I don't get.

Speaker 5 (01:06:52):
A lot of invites to like parties and clubs and
shit like that, and so I feel like, Yah, you
didn't even invite me, though y'all know you're gonna say
no anyway. So what I would have I would have
I would have liked to tell you no.

Speaker 6 (01:07:06):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (01:07:06):
I would like to have disappointed. So instead of me saving.

Speaker 4 (01:07:10):
My disappointment, I just decided to exclude me saying no,
it's not disappointment. That's not disappointed because I want you
to be there. For you to say no, that is
a disappointment.

Speaker 5 (01:07:24):
Okay, when it comes to your birthday, right, if it's
your birthday, I'm a rock out fuck it, I'm gonna
do it whatever, I'm gonna tap it. But if it's
just like an outer yo, yo, Okay, how about this dog, say,
does you invited me to the club?

Speaker 3 (01:07:36):
Right?

Speaker 5 (01:07:36):
Whatever the case is, no, right, but here's what we
could do. We could grab a drink whenever you whenever
you're ready.

Speaker 4 (01:07:44):
That's cool. Is that service a disappointment? No, we have
now we haven't. Now we have a result exactly instead
of just saying no, getting but hurt for not getting
the insight. When you was gonna say no anyway, but
you wasn't going to say nothing behind it.

Speaker 2 (01:07:59):
It wasn't gonna be no, and let's do this instead, right,
it was. It was never gonna be the.

Speaker 6 (01:08:04):
Right right now.

Speaker 2 (01:08:04):
You got to you gotta and just be like, I'm
not into that.

Speaker 5 (01:08:07):
So no, yeah, you gotta give something else, You gotta
get something else, You gotta.

Speaker 4 (01:08:11):
Give something up. But this nigga will never give nothing else.
He'd just be like, yeah, I don't want to do that.
I'm not I'm not into that. I'm too old for that.
I'm fifty years old. Why would I do that. I'm
not doing that. I'm not doing that.

Speaker 2 (01:08:23):
But then if you.

Speaker 4 (01:08:24):
Say he fifty, you can't say that fucking agism in
this bitch if you if you mention it, but it's
not ages if you exclude the nigga because he fifty
some bullshit.

Speaker 6 (01:08:37):
It's hard to win.

Speaker 4 (01:08:39):
You can't win like and that's when I concede. And
when I concede, I'm condescending.

Speaker 6 (01:08:45):
I think they say that's fawning.

Speaker 4 (01:08:47):
Yeah, oh, I fawn all the time because I don't
got time because if I get into the fight mode
then I'm the biggest bitch in the room. I don't
want to be the biggest bitch in the room. I'm
a sweetheart.

Speaker 3 (01:08:56):
That's why I say that's peace. It is God, Yes, sir.
I don't like the word lark.

Speaker 2 (01:09:05):
It's not a word. It's an acronym.

Speaker 3 (01:09:07):
Now I know what it means live action role playing.

Speaker 2 (01:09:11):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 3 (01:09:12):
I'd love to lark with you for your birthday.

Speaker 2 (01:09:18):
Okay, you're gonna dress up and everything.

Speaker 3 (01:09:21):
I'm going to dress up and everything. I'm excited about it.

Speaker 2 (01:09:24):
Okay, you heard it.

Speaker 6 (01:09:27):
I heard it. I heard it at first.

Speaker 2 (01:09:30):
Of course, are you going to show up or you're
not going to show up? Doesn't come yet?

Speaker 6 (01:09:33):
No, no, no, no, this is a this is a separate invite,
so I will be dealing with you directly, Dodge.

Speaker 2 (01:09:38):
Okay, was it?

Speaker 3 (01:09:39):
That's not what you was last time?

Speaker 6 (01:09:40):
No?

Speaker 3 (01:09:41):
Oh, he was only a plus one.

Speaker 6 (01:09:43):
I didn't say that.

Speaker 2 (01:09:44):
He was not a plus one.

Speaker 3 (01:09:44):
That sounds like he just said did he not just
know that?

Speaker 6 (01:09:49):
Likely I said last time, I said, yo, I was
supposed to come with you, and I didn't communicate with
Dodge because I was going with you, and I left
it all on you to not to avoid that. I'm
taking it off of you, and I'm saying, hey, all right,
so you're not rioting with me. No, I'm riding with you.
I'm riding with you for sure. But I would be
communicating with Dodge.

Speaker 3 (01:10:10):
If I have a cow uniform on. I'm not riding
with you. I'm going by myself, bitch, I'm a cow.

Speaker 2 (01:10:16):
Oh my god.

Speaker 4 (01:10:16):
So for Halloween, I have an inflatable dragon us and
that would be all the dragon is a dragon.

Speaker 3 (01:10:25):
I can't wait my part.

Speaker 2 (01:10:29):
No, I'm not wearing it to your part. Is it
a problem if I did wear it to your party?

Speaker 3 (01:10:34):
Yeah?

Speaker 6 (01:10:34):
Do you have your Alpha Jungle Safari part? Why are
you riding mythical mythical safari? No mythical dragons.

Speaker 2 (01:10:44):
So if it was a lion, it would be okay.

Speaker 4 (01:10:46):
Yeah, all right, So I can come to your party
with an inflatable lion costume.

Speaker 2 (01:10:50):
This is what you're saying. Is there where can I
get an inflatable tiger Amazon?

Speaker 3 (01:10:57):
Did you get your outfit? You got? Sure? I did?

Speaker 2 (01:11:01):
I got my outfit.

Speaker 3 (01:11:03):
Yes, we have a Halloween party for hardest saft. I
know you guys is not with it, but it's gonna
be pretty fun. It's gonna be pretty fun. It's be
sold out for two three weeks now. So great, great, great,
great vibes.

Speaker 2 (01:11:15):
Going to the party. You could have just said no.

Speaker 6 (01:11:21):
I didn't want to. I didn't want to give the
disappointment for.

Speaker 5 (01:11:27):
Slight.

Speaker 3 (01:11:28):
I see this girl in Moni from Culture Con. She
has a new pot. I think it's a new part.
I'm not sure, but something that you guys spoke about
today that I apparently did. She has a coined phrase too.
Let's see. That is the end of part one, y'all
going over to patreon dot com backslash so Shameless podcast

(01:11:52):
if you want to hear the rest of the episode
right now, ad freek no ads. You know she's just
popping up like every ten minutes. I know you don't
like hearing that, So you can go over to Patreon
and hear the whole episode at free right now, or
you can wait till Thursday. As we get into a
bunch of other topics. Oh it gets good. Well, I

(01:12:14):
say that every week, right, I mean, I love the show.
Dodge just be cooking. Dodge came in here swinging, and
she swung the whole goddamn episode. Man, I swear I
ain't had to ask for like this in a long time.
It felt good. I see y'all Thursday,