Blade (1998) - Smush Tracks, Serums & a Not Bad-Sounding Apocalypse - That Aged Well

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Picture it. Okay, Broadway Theater. We're sitting like in mid mezzanine,
and this this pair of women walks in and one
of the women is using a walking stick, which is
fine until I explained to you that the walking stick
that I'm referring to is not a cane. It is
more like a staff, like a wizard's.

Speaker 2 (00:22):
Staff, gandolf staff again.

Speaker 1 (00:24):
Exactly Erica a Gandolf's staff. So now I'm like, well,
that's that's large.

Speaker 2 (00:30):
Can I ask a follow up question?

Speaker 1 (00:32):
How is she dressed like a lesbian from Vermont? Oh?

Speaker 2 (00:37):
Yeah, okay, yeah, uh huh okay, like a woods lesbian?

Speaker 1 (00:41):
Yes?

Speaker 3 (00:43):
And would you say the Gandolf's staff was like wood z?

Speaker 2 (00:47):
Also? Could it?

Speaker 3 (00:47):
Could it be something she made herself?

Speaker 1 (00:49):
Interesting question? I'm gonna I'm gonna put a pin in
it because that's going to answer itself in a minute. Okay,
walking in and I my eye is drawn to the staff.
I'm like, can she cast spells? Am I looking at
a Druidesk? What's happening? She sits down her seat. She's
trying to maneuver the staff so it's not poking anyone
or anyone else's space, which is obviously impossible because it's

(01:11):
like five ft long.

Speaker 2 (01:13):
John Hamm has had this exact, same, exact.

Speaker 1 (01:15):
Same problem. And because of all the movement, I can
see another thing that's on the staff, which is a
price tag. Oh, so.

Speaker 2 (01:27):
Did she buy this in New York?

Speaker 1 (01:28):
She bought the staff that day, knowing she had to
go to the theater that night with the staff. Can't
you check the staff? Can you not check a staff?

Speaker 2 (01:38):
Oh? Could check a staff?

Speaker 1 (01:40):
Right?

Speaker 3 (01:40):
Maybe she didn't know the theaters had like check check rooms.

Speaker 1 (01:43):
You think you think an usher would be like, ma'am,
would you like to check your staff? I?

Speaker 2 (01:49):
You know what, one hundred chance that at The person
at the door took her ticket, was like, if you
want the check room is around the corner, and she
was like, no.

Speaker 1 (01:56):
I'm good. Uh huh. I like my staff. And as
I watched her use it, I realized it was cosmetic.
She was not limping.

Speaker 2 (02:03):
Yeah, she didn't need the staff.

Speaker 1 (02:04):
This entire thing was a choice.

Speaker 2 (02:06):
It was her. It was her like comfort blanket, it
was her. It was her security staff. Yeah, what if
some ship goes down in di theater and I need
to I need to protect everyone in the mezzanine.

Speaker 1 (02:15):
I need to defend myself with my bowstaff.

Speaker 2 (02:33):
In America, and.

Speaker 1 (02:34):
This is that aged well.

Speaker 3 (02:35):
Yesterday's pop culture.

Speaker 1 (02:37):
Today it's July. It is hot, we are doing Superhero months.

Speaker 2 (02:40):
It's you know what, Paul, it is too steamy for
the leather dusters.

Speaker 1 (02:44):
We're going to talk about Sue that you know famously
leather dusters don't breathe. Nope, they are They are suffocating.

Speaker 3 (02:51):
That's why goth people look so sad in the summer.

Speaker 1 (02:53):
That's right and also damp. We have some five star
Apple podcast reviews. Shall I read?

Speaker 2 (02:58):
Sure?

Speaker 1 (02:59):
Our first review? Who comes from Laurel cr She writes,
or they write perhaps, or he writes, I don't judge
my comfort listen Paul's chiding finally worked.

Speaker 2 (03:09):
Honestly, he does judge it, obviously, and Laurel felt judged.

Speaker 1 (03:15):
If every review started with Paul's chiding finally worked, it
would just be like a hug to me. Never time,
I've covelled the praises of this podcast far and wide
and figured I should probably stop stalling and leave a review.
I first started listening to that Age d Well at
least two, possibly three years ago, and in that time
it's become my go to film podcast. Far from being

(03:35):
pretentious highbrow comedy that some hosts strive for, Paul and
Erica's banter captures the essence of the flick, puts it
in new light, and has you laughing the whole time.
Nothing beats their chemistry. Every Monday, I eagerly open my
app to see which movie they'll be covering. Sometimes I
squeal with excitement when I see the title, and sometimes
I've never heard of it. But even if I have

(03:57):
little interest or familiarity with the film, I usually hit
play because the hosts are just that good. Truly, it's
a comfort lessen. I'm going through a bit of withdrawal
this vacation month of September. Ah. Now we know where
this is from. But hope Paul and Erica are enjoying
the break. When they get back and hopefully read this,
I hope they'll consider covering The Hudsucker Proxy Tim Robbins
Lesser known nineteen ninety four film. It's a fever dream

(04:19):
of Art deco draped satire, directed by the Cohen Brothers,
and I think they would have a blast with it. Uh.

Speaker 2 (04:25):
It's one of my favorite movies, is The Hudsucker Proxy.

Speaker 1 (04:27):
Home of the Jennifer Jason Lee and sane accent. Yep, Okay,
I'm in, I'm.

Speaker 2 (04:31):
In yeah, which she plays intrepid reporter exactly.

Speaker 1 (04:34):
Oh wow, talking real fast.

Speaker 3 (04:36):
Best friend's name is Smitty, played by Bruce Campbell.

Speaker 1 (04:38):
You are really selling me on this? Is this gonna be?
Is gonna replace Raising Arizona as my favorite Cohen Brothers film.

Speaker 2 (04:44):
No, it won't.

Speaker 1 (04:44):
It's impossible.

Speaker 2 (04:45):
It's not as good as Raising Arizona. Nothing is nothing
that's like, that's an impossible bar to clear. However, the
villain in Hudsucker Proxy is played by Paul Newman.

Speaker 1 (04:54):
Wow, yep, okay, I'm interesting.

Speaker 2 (04:58):
I just want to thank you so much for this review.
I just this. I'm going I'm going rogue everyone. Just
you know, Paul does not know that I'm about to
say about this, SAP. I just was reminded because after after,
after Laurel mentioned cavelling and and and that, and Paul's
Paul's constant reminder that we that he needs five.

Speaker 1 (05:17):
Star reviews and Patreon sign ups. Don't forget the Patreon.

Speaker 3 (05:20):
Ha ha ha, reminded me.

Speaker 2 (05:22):
And He's gonna kill me for this, because he was like,
do not bring this up on the show, and I
was like, I'm doing it. I'm doing it. Last April,
we got a great review that I happened to see.
I almost never look at the reviews, and Paul was
hoping that he would fly under the radar and I
but I caught it. And I'm gonna tell I'm not
gonna read the whole review because that would be a
slap in the face to Paul. But Agatha Willie, you

(05:43):
are seeing my friend because this person left a four
star review and said in the in the the the
title really a five star review, just wanting.

Speaker 1 (05:54):
To annoy Paul, dragging down my average, dragging it down.

Speaker 2 (06:04):
You made my day, Agatha Willie, thank you so much.
I will not read your review because Paul's right, we
have a packed The review does not get right if
it's not five stars. But I want you to know
I see you. I thank you, MiG my day.

Speaker 3 (06:22):
Our next five star review that's right comes from good.

Speaker 1 (06:25):
Dave, good Dave, good Dave, good Dave. To you, sir good,
I said, good Dave.

Speaker 2 (06:31):
They write entertaining and surprisingly helpful for parents of young kids.
I can't say enough good things about this show. I've
been listening for almost a year now and still in
the process of binging past episodes. Along with the well
deserved praise others have given in their reviews, I want
to say that it has also helped me figure out
what older movies are appropriate for my two young kids.

(06:53):
Almost none of them.

Speaker 1 (06:55):
Yes, there is zero.

Speaker 2 (06:56):
The answer is not all, not entirely zero. But it's cool.

Speaker 1 (06:59):
It's honey, I shrunk the kids.

Speaker 2 (07:00):
It's lead of their own sand lot. Hold on, let
me keep reading the review. I've hit some landmines in
the past with old Disney animated movies and with movies
made in the eighties and nineties when I grew up.
But thanks to Erica and Paul, I can listen to
their recaps first before I travel down memory lane with
my two young ones. Oh thank you both for always

(07:21):
brightening my day and making my life as a parent
a little easier. You are absolutely welcome. Good Dave.

Speaker 1 (07:26):
You are welcome, And you know what, good Dave.

Speaker 2 (07:28):
You're a good parent. You are a good parent, good parenting.

Speaker 1 (07:31):
And I think I've emailed with you, Dave, And if
you're the Dave, I'm thinking of, Hey, what's up, good Dave.
Laurel C. R thank you so much for these five
star reviews. Agatha Willie, you are also a person who listens,
and because of that I do love you.

Speaker 2 (07:47):
I want you to know he is Julia Joy. Congratulations.

Speaker 1 (07:51):
I'm less annoyed with Agatha Willie at this point that
I am with you.

Speaker 2 (07:54):
I'll take that heat. I don't care. This is fun.

Speaker 1 (07:57):
If you want your tote bag, please reach out, let
it know this is you. We will happily send it
off for you. Erica. What is our second movie of
superhero July?

Speaker 2 (08:06):
Our second film is the nineteen ninety eight superhero film Blade.

Speaker 1 (08:11):
Blade was requested by Laurie Lee, Andy, Mikey, Jess Josephine,
jan Parker, Nicole Kay and Mackenzie. It was written by
David S. Goyer based on the Marvel character created by
Marv Wolfman and Gene Colan. It was directed by Stephen
Norrington and stars Wesley Snipes, Stephendorf, Chris Christofferson, hell Yeah,

(08:32):
n Bushey Wright, and Donal Loge, with some excellent work
by Sonal Lathan by the way, excellent work, possibly not
deserved work by Sanal Lathan, so.

Speaker 2 (08:42):
Good, so good. Blade has some specific lore for its vampires,
including the fact that crosses in holy water do not
affect them. You can doubt them in holy water won't matter.
By the way, I was in a church once, and oh,
I was in Saint Patrick's Cathedral here in New York,
and there's like a that of holy water or whatever
like in the foyer for people to use, and just

(09:02):
the idea of like a thousand people dipping that hands
in that water.

Speaker 1 (09:06):
I was like, I don't know about that.

Speaker 2 (09:08):
I don't think enough enough blessings have been put in
that water for me to put it anywhere on my body.
Goyer and Norrington were behind this change, allegedly stating that
what if a vampire was Jewish, would a crosswork against him? Fair?

Speaker 1 (09:21):
Fair? I love that.

Speaker 2 (09:22):
Literally had that argument with someone also, like, I would
imagine vampires are pretty much atheists, right, They pretty much
can't believe in God anymore.

Speaker 1 (09:31):
If we're gonna go with the soulless hunters of humans,
I would think atheism would be the way to go.

Speaker 2 (09:36):
Yeah, so why would a cross affect them at all?

Speaker 1 (09:39):
Exactly?

Speaker 2 (09:40):
Thank you, thank you. I feel seen.

Speaker 1 (09:42):
I actually I love this. There's other law in this
which is weird, because part of it is that like
silver does affect them, And I'm like, well, now you're
just lifting from werewolves, Like that's just odd. Why can't
why can't it still be a wooden steak?

Speaker 2 (09:54):
Silver's cool?

Speaker 1 (09:55):
Paul So sure. Erica Blade has a fifty eight percent
critical rating on Rotten Tomatoes and a seventy one percent
audience score. It also has a fifty eight percent critical
rating on cherry Picks.

Speaker 2 (10:07):
This feels good.

Speaker 1 (10:08):
I think it's about right.

Speaker 2 (10:10):
Fifty eight might be a little low. It's not a
bad movie.

Speaker 3 (10:12):
I would say it.

Speaker 2 (10:13):
Is above average, maybe slightly more above average than fifty
eight percent.

Speaker 1 (10:17):
I think it's fair.

Speaker 2 (10:18):
My main like dings on the movie or that it's
too long and a little too baroque. Sure, too much,
too much is going on, like too much? More like
let's pare it down, let's let's channel this, let's take one.

Speaker 1 (10:29):
When let's remove one thing before.

Speaker 2 (10:31):
We before we leave the house. But fifty eight feels right.
Seventy one feels very right because let me tell you,
between the two of us, one of us really enjoyed
this and the other one was like less enthused.

Speaker 1 (10:44):
And if you've seen the film, I bet you yes,
Who's who?

Speaker 2 (10:46):
Aha?

Speaker 1 (10:48):
Erica. When did you first see Blade?

Speaker 2 (10:50):
I saw it in the theater. Really, yeah, I saw
it in the.

Speaker 1 (10:52):
You didn't know it was based on a comic book.
Oh no, your brother took you.

Speaker 3 (10:56):
I know, I probably won't with friends.

Speaker 2 (10:57):
Honestly, I'm not like antike comic book like genuinely like
a fool made.

Speaker 1 (11:04):
I feel like I've taken a lot of heat about
comic books on this podcast.

Speaker 2 (11:08):
Ball That's what I am. I'm not anti anything, really,
but yeah, I definitely saw this in the theater, and
then for the first time in nineteen ninety eight and
for the second time yesterday. Okay, like it had been
I had forgotten everything I knew about this movie except
for one visual that really stayed with me.

Speaker 1 (11:28):
Okay, but that was it.

Speaker 2 (11:29):
How about you?

Speaker 1 (11:30):
I had never seen this movie, which means that the
the two Marvel Comics movies that we've ever done on
this podcast are this and Howard the Duck.

Speaker 2 (11:39):
That is weird.

Speaker 1 (11:42):
The actual only things I didn't care about in the
Marvel That's not true. I don't care about the Hulk either,
That's fair. I don't want to do the whole movie anyways.

Speaker 2 (11:49):
I next week next week.

Speaker 1 (11:54):
I've never seen this not for Paul's I kind of
suspected at the time, Oh are you sure? I think
it's for Paul, And I watched it this week. I
watched it twice because I watched it first just to
kind of get the movie under my skin, and then
once for the recap. And I didn't like it very

(12:14):
much the first time, liked it more the second time,
or I should say, appreciated it more the second time,
because for me, the reason I like superheroes, the reason
I like comic books is that they are fun. I
want something that is fun. This movie is fun, but
it's not my kind of fun. So I appreciate it
for those who might be in this room who.

Speaker 2 (12:37):
Might really enjoy an exploding meat puppet. Yeah, a balloon
filled with blood and meat just exploding.

Speaker 1 (12:47):
Didn't hate it, don't think it's a bad movie, but
not for me. So we'll have fun. We'll have fun today, Yeah, Erica.
The tagline for Blade is the power of an immortal,
the soul of a human in the heart of a hero.

Speaker 2 (13:02):
Yeah, I'm fine with that.

Speaker 1 (13:03):
You're okay with that? Not too long?

Speaker 2 (13:04):
Yeah, I mean the movie's too long. Well yeah, no,
I'm fine with it. Because it's also very like, it's
very superhero. It is like, yeah, well, as he walks
off into the sunset, you just hear someone say the
power of an immortal the soul of a human.

Speaker 1 (13:17):
You know it works. Yeah, yeah, I'll take it. I'll
take it. Do you want to read the iTunes synopsis? Sure?

Speaker 3 (13:21):
Oh, I love it.

Speaker 2 (13:22):
Short and sweet. Wesley Snipes plays a half mortal half
immortal charged with ridding the earth of a race of
vampires led by Stephen Dorf. In this action packed blockbuster
has a more nineties sentence ever been in I don't.

Speaker 1 (13:36):
Think so, I mean ever the inclusion of Stephen Dorf,
and it really takes it over the edge.

Speaker 2 (13:40):
Stephen Doorf had such a moment in the nineties and
then just kind of petered out.

Speaker 1 (13:44):
He did, but you know what, this is going to
ruin my one of my my palate cleanser. But he
popped up on very recently on a show I love playing,
like doing like a character work, like not leading man,
like doing funny character work.

Speaker 2 (13:56):
Oh. I have seen him a little bit in the
last few years, but it's rarely, I feel like, and
the last thing I saw him in that I like,
really really enjoyed was somewhere the Sofia Coppola movie, but
that was twenty ten. Yeah, it's a while ago, just
fifteen years ago.

Speaker 1 (14:12):
This. Yeah, we were we were young in the spry
in twenty ten.

Speaker 3 (14:15):
Paul, do you have an actual synopsis for Blade?

Speaker 1 (14:18):
Well? That was violent? Yeah, yeah, yeah, to be fair,
very uh stylized comic bookie for the most part, not
going for realism.

Speaker 3 (14:29):
I mean an opera of viol.

Speaker 1 (14:31):
Yeah, it's a grand guinal one hundred of like exploding
bodies and everything.

Speaker 2 (14:37):
And you know that scene in the Adams Family movie
when Wednesday and Pugsley play pirates on stage at the
school play and they turn it into the most violent
thing anyone's ever seen. It's like that.

Speaker 1 (14:48):
It's like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right, everyone stick around.
We are gonna be right back after these commercials. If
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(15:08):
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listening these commercials will be right back.

Speaker 2 (15:14):
Soone's tired a little bit, and we're back.

Speaker 1 (15:26):
We open in nineteen sixty seven, and like the rest
of this movie, with fourteen blue filters in front of
the camera lens. Yep. Yeah, there's a very pregnant woman Erica.
We will learn. Her name is Vanessa Brooks. She is
played by Sna Lathan. She is being wheeled into an
emergency room. She is both deeply into labor and bleeding
from a grievous wound in her neck. Oh no, oh no,

(15:49):
nothing's going well.

Speaker 2 (15:51):
It's a real bad day for old Sonata.

Speaker 1 (15:53):
Old Vanessa has had better days. The doctors managed to
save for baby, the largest baby. I know, it's always
a joke, like how large quote unquote newborns are like
TV and film.

Speaker 2 (16:05):
But liked a six year old.

Speaker 1 (16:08):
Hadn't died from the vampire bite she was about to
die from like this fully grown toddler ripping its way out.

Speaker 2 (16:15):
Of her body.

Speaker 1 (16:15):
Its first sentence was wow, mom, you don't look good
like it was fully fully verbal at this time.

Speaker 2 (16:25):
It just pointed at her. Her core son was like
vagina and she went beep.

Speaker 1 (16:34):
The doctors managed to save the baby. She reaches out
for the baby as we hear a flat line sound
and we black out.

Speaker 3 (16:41):
We cut to thirty years later as night falls on.

Speaker 1 (16:45):
We think it's Lain.

Speaker 3 (16:46):
I actually also think it's La. Yeah it was La.

Speaker 1 (16:49):
Let's say La.

Speaker 2 (16:49):
It was filmed in La, So I'm just gonna say La.

Speaker 1 (16:51):
Fair enough.

Speaker 2 (16:52):
We zoom in on Raquel, played by Tracy Lords. It
must be all those John Waters movies I watched as
a kid. But I get so happy when I see
Tracy lrd's like, she just cheers me up. I know
she's made other films that have made other people very happy.
I've not seen any of those. Yeah, her presence is
always enjoyable. So Raquel is driving a sports car fast

(17:13):
through the city streets. She grabs the crotch of her date, Dennis.

Speaker 1 (17:16):
She says, what you got down there, little man? And
he says it's a heat seeker.

Speaker 2 (17:20):
I just paint a picture for you guys. He's a
white man wearing like a like a bowling shirt that
those bowling shirts that were a thing in the nineties.

Speaker 1 (17:27):
Thank you Chandler Bank.

Speaker 2 (17:28):
Thank you Chandler Bank, and a backwards kangle hat. He
has victim written all over his face.

Speaker 1 (17:33):
Yeah, we've all seen Buffy. At this point, we know
the pretty lady can be a vampire one hundred percent. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (17:38):
So she walks him through like a meat locker in
the meatpacking district to a warehouse hosting a nineties rave.

Speaker 1 (17:44):
This is the most nineties rave I've ever seen. Raved.

Speaker 2 (17:47):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, this movie, this movie is ninetyeing's so so.

Speaker 1 (17:51):
Hard, Like the music look to be clear, no fault
being given to the movie, to the movie makers. And
when I say this, this music made me want to
go death. Just constant thumping of the same like eight
bars of techno, over and over and over again.

Speaker 2 (18:09):
Oh twas the nineties. My friend Raquel leads Dennis into
the crowd. Meat hooks are hanging from the ceiling. He
is like into this, like wow at a cool party,
but he quickly loses track of her. The rest of
the crowd is staring at him. They seem oddly hostile
to him.

Speaker 3 (18:28):
Hey, Dennis, you sense any danger here?

Speaker 2 (18:30):
No, you don't, okay, play on playthrough. Yeah, he's kind
of dancing to the beat, trying to like do his
best to fit in with the rest of them, with
the rest like everyone in the in the room is
like wearing only white or black. They're very cool. They
all look like Swedish pop stars. That's right, yep, Like
everyone looks like a Swedish pop star in this room,
and like everyone's wearing leather and like dancing all sexy,

(18:52):
and like he just looks like such a JEBRONI com
hear to everyone else, he notices something red dripping on him.

Speaker 3 (18:59):
Huh, what's that that just fell fell from the ceiling
and onto my face?

Speaker 1 (19:03):
Can I ask you something? Erica? Yes, sir, you're in
a nineties rave. You've seen meat hooks everywhere. Something red
liquid drips on your forehead, drips on a little on
your cheek. You touch you see it on your finger?
Is your next move to taste it?

Speaker 3 (19:17):
It is not Paul, It is not you.

Speaker 2 (19:19):
You heard me earlier say I would not even put
my hand in the Holy Holy Nothing goes in my mouth.

Speaker 1 (19:32):
Everywhere else, open season, everywhere else.

Speaker 2 (19:34):
Fine, he's such an idiot.

Speaker 1 (19:37):
He's an idiot, And he goes huh.

Speaker 2 (19:39):
Like he he doesn't say it out loud yet, but
he's like, that's weird, and he starts to look a
little vaguely concerned for what's happening. He looks up as
the sprinklers start to rain blood down on the crowd.
This is the image I remembered of all the like
everything that happens in the rest of the movie, from

(19:59):
the sea in the theater.

Speaker 3 (20:00):
I remember the blood rave from the beginning of the movie.

Speaker 2 (20:03):
This really I don't know if I thought it was
a cool idea. I probably did, but I definitely thought, like, visually,
this is a stunning Yeah, this is just such a
stunning visual in a movie.

Speaker 1 (20:15):
And yeah, and like all the walls are like tiled
and white because it's it's in the back of a warehouse, right,
so the the red on white basically, yeah, is very stark.
It's not even as gross as it sounds because it
doesn't really look like blood that's coming out.

Speaker 2 (20:28):
I know, it's pretty good. I mean, I like gross
feature not a bug, but it like it's towards the
end of the scene, everyone is literally.

Speaker 1 (20:33):
That's when it gets gross.

Speaker 2 (20:35):
Show like everyone looks like they've been dipped in blood. Yes,
from all the blood coming down.

Speaker 1 (20:40):
I should be clear. The beginning of this scene is
not that gross. Fifteen percent in we get gross. It's
just when it first starts spraying out of the of
the sprinklers. I was like, oh, this looks like a
red paint. And then I was like never mind.

Speaker 2 (20:53):
And then also because I think I knew what the
movie was about when I went in, I was like,
that is the coolest idea for a vampire nightclub. They's
they have blood spray down on them. I was like, wow,
this is interesting. So into this scene when I was
like seventeen years old.

Speaker 1 (21:07):
It's a very effective, good scene. Again, not four palls,
but I have to respect the movie making in the choice.

Speaker 2 (21:12):
So okay.

Speaker 3 (21:12):
Dennis suddenly is like what the fuck?

Speaker 2 (21:14):
What the fuck? And he realized, oh no, oh no,
I've gone to another vampire blood race again. Why does
this keep happening to me? I've got I've got to
get off this evite.

Speaker 1 (21:25):
Stop picking up hot girls in bars. I gotta go
over with the nice local girl Kathy Kathy at the library.

Speaker 3 (21:31):
I gotta stop picking up girls at the butcher shop.

Speaker 2 (21:33):
God damn it.

Speaker 3 (21:35):
So he sees the other ravers start to.

Speaker 2 (21:36):
Grow long teeth. Oh no, oh no, he panics. He
tries to flee, and the vampires grab him, all eager
for a taste.

Speaker 1 (21:44):
I really thought this guy wasn't making it spoiler alert
for five minutes from now Dennis makes it. I know,
I feel like the vampires are not there to feed.
They're there to dance, open their mouths and have blood
pour into their mouths by this, but I have to
assume and then lick each other.

Speaker 2 (21:57):
I have to assume the blood being like like coming
out of the sprinkler system is like cow's blood, pig's blood.

Speaker 3 (22:04):
It probably doesn't taste as good as human blood to them.

Speaker 1 (22:06):
Oh see, No, I pictured it more of like there's
some kind of like blood bag farm backstage. Remember that
scene in Buffy and the Wish where they have the
girl comes out and like a bunch of like things
just like poke into her and like sanguinate her. That's
what I'm picturing. I'm picturing, like bring it on. Yeah,
I'm picturing Whitney. Well, well, Whitney, I'm picturing. I'm picturing

(22:28):
like a kind of conveyor belt of human victims that
are being fed fresh blood into this system.

Speaker 2 (22:33):
So no, I'm thinking, because look, Stephen Dorff's character is
Spoilers is his nightclub. He's a businessman that's too expensive
that that's over the radar you're already in a meat
packing plant.

Speaker 1 (22:44):
Yeah, they're going to.

Speaker 2 (22:44):
Desanguinate a thousand sheep, one thousand pigs, a thousand cows
that day. That blood's got to go somewhere. He pays
top dollar for that blood. Totally legal and above board. Look,
sometimes people just want to dance in cow's blood.

Speaker 1 (22:59):
Maybe he tells that it's all human blood. And then
it's like when you cut cocaine with something else. You
cut cocaine with like talcum powder. So it's like there's
like one humans put the blood in there, and then
like a bunch of cow's blood.

Speaker 2 (23:09):
Maybe cow's blood taste delicious. We don't know that cow's
meat tastes delicious. It's true, So who are we to judge?

Speaker 1 (23:15):
Who are we to judge? So anyway, what was Raquel's
plan here is my question. Appears that everyone else at
this rave is a vampire. There's only Dennis here who
is a human.

Speaker 2 (23:27):
I thought that was a little weird.

Speaker 1 (23:29):
I would think she would want to stick close to
him because if he's like if she's he's there for
a little snack attack for her later It's like, I
don't want the cow's blood, I want the real thing.
I'm gonna stick close to you because otherwise there's gonna
be like a hyena feeding frenzy on you.

Speaker 2 (23:41):
Actually, you know what. The movie doesn't explicitly say this,
but I bet that is why they want just one
guy there. Yeah, because the bloodlust hits and everyone just
kind of goes crazy for this one person that's in
the room.

Speaker 3 (23:53):
The movie is not. We're already way over.

Speaker 1 (23:56):
Thinking it's true. Dennis somehow doesn't get bit. He starts
crawling on the ground, trying to get away from all
of the ravers. He's taking kicks from the vamps, and
then he crawls up to a pair of black booted feet.
The vampire is quiet. We hear whispers of Is that him?
It's the day Walker? You pan up. He's handsome, he's
dressed in all black leather. He's yoked as fuck. He's Blade,

(24:19):
played by Wesley Snipes. Blade starts firing into the crowd,
dusting vampires with silver bullets and steaks. The vampires are split.
About sixty percent of them just flee, the other half
think they're gonna take on Blade. Fleeing is the right
choice in this case. Yep. Raquel goes down in the melee,
and eventually Blade takes on Quinn played by Donal Logue,

(24:40):
whom he seems to have a history with. There's a
history between them, there's a repartee.

Speaker 2 (24:46):
Yeah, no, Donal Logue is like, ah, finally my chance
to get you.

Speaker 1 (24:49):
Yeah. He and Quinn battle their way into this kind
of like I don't want to think about what this
might be in an abatore but like hah, like a
sunken almost Dracouzi air that's all tiled. Yeah. He shoots
Quinn in the two shoulders with two silver steaks, pinning
him to the wall, and he's like, I'm tired of
trying to kill you. I'm gonna try fire this time,

(25:09):
and he lights Quinn on fire. Quinn starts screaming and
Blade notices Dennis. Suddenly the police arrive, and we're kind
of in Dennis's perspective. He looks over at the police.
He looks back and Blade is gone, disappeared into thin air.

Speaker 2 (25:23):
He's Blade, what do the police think happened here?

Speaker 1 (25:26):
Well? See, now this is very interesting because you may
have missed a line because they do explain it.

Speaker 2 (25:30):
They do explain it later. But my first thought when
I was watching Babe was like, what how does Dennis
get out of this? Dennis like, so funny story. I
met a girl. No, you can't talk to her. She's dust.
She's the literal dust. I'm not saying like, oh no
she's gone. She's no, no, no, someone stabbed her in
the heart earlier, not me, someone else, and she turned

(25:50):
into dust and evaporated.

Speaker 1 (25:53):
The way vampires die in this world. They cannot land
on a method because you go to Buffy, you kill
a vampire. They go to dust, right like maybe they
burn first in the sunlight, but they're eventually winding up
dust the way this movie says. No, No, they can
die in as many way as we can.

Speaker 3 (26:09):
Yeah, why pick one?

Speaker 1 (26:11):
Why pick one? I mean Buffy. They had to do
it so the poor girl had time to go to
sleep and study because she can't.

Speaker 3 (26:16):
Be like burying bodies, burying.

Speaker 1 (26:18):
Bodies and mopping up goop for her whole life. Ha ha.
So the police Russian we hear someone say put him
out about Quinn's Flaming Corpse.

Speaker 3 (26:28):
Quinn's Flaming Corpse.

Speaker 2 (26:29):
Great name for a.

Speaker 1 (26:29):
Bar, great name for a punk band.

Speaker 3 (26:31):
Yes, yeah, and gentlemen, we are Quinn's flaming.

Speaker 1 (26:34):
Corpss and also just blade remove the head. You are
in a horror movie. You are a vampire hunter in
a horror movie. I've said this, I've said this to
Lori Strode and for her, I can at least understand
why she'd be confused. Remove the head.

Speaker 2 (26:49):
Yeah, Van Helsing said it in the that Dracula that
we watched Anthony Hopkins. He's like, no, no, you must remove.

Speaker 1 (26:55):
The separation between neck and torsos.

Speaker 2 (26:57):
It is the only way to kill her. We cut
to a hospital at three am, where hematologist doctor Karen
Jensen played by and bouschet Right is studying some red
blood cells at the request of her colleague and shitty
ex boyfriend, doctor Curtis Webb played by Tim Guinea.

Speaker 1 (27:16):
Would you call me must be weird when your last
name is a slur? Oh?

Speaker 2 (27:23):
He can't even go to Italy.

Speaker 1 (27:24):
No, not welcome.

Speaker 3 (27:26):
He wants her to.

Speaker 2 (27:27):
Come and examine a burnt corpse with him, and she's like,
stop flirting.

Speaker 1 (27:30):
With me, don't threaten me with a good time, and
he's like.

Speaker 2 (27:34):
No, no, no, for real, there's a burnt corpse in
the Morgan. She's like, we're not getting back together. Taylor's
webt hasn't written this song yet, but we are never, ever,
ever getting back together.

Speaker 3 (27:43):
And in fifteen years that's going to be the sickest burn.

Speaker 2 (27:46):
And he's like, speaking of sick burns, seriously, there's a
corpse I need you to look at. And she's like, fine,
this guy sucks from the jump, by the way, I
want everyone to know he's not going to make it,
and I'm glad he doesn't make it.

Speaker 1 (28:01):
He is like the epitome of that nice skytrope. Yes,
and he Tim Ginny's a great actor, Like, he's a
great he's a great character actor. You've seen him on TV.
He was on The Good Wife like all these places,
and he he imbused this guy with such prick energy. Yeah,
from the get go. So Karen and Curtis head down
to the morgue and they start to examine the crispy,
burnt body of Quinn. They start to cut him open,

(28:24):
they start to look at his mouth, only whoops, Erica,
the vampire's crusty, but he ain't dusty. Uh oh uh oh.
Quinn rears up and rips out Curtis's throat, feeding on
his blood to start regenerating work. Karen, I'm gonna say,
react slowly as soon as the corpse moves and luckily

(28:45):
goes for the other person in the room. There should
be a Karen sized hole in those fucking doors.

Speaker 2 (28:51):
He's a scientist. She wants to know what the fuck
is going on.

Speaker 1 (28:54):
She tries to flee. Quinn leaps on her as she
runs into the hallway and he bites her in the neck.
But before before he can mortally wound her, Blade appears.
It's so funny, like the first couple of times it
Blade appears in this movie. It's so like testosterone male fantasy.
Like everyone slows and there's like a low like base
note on a bassoon and it's Blade.

Speaker 2 (29:15):
You know.

Speaker 1 (29:16):
It's like my testicles are so large, and.

Speaker 2 (29:18):
Like the camera pans up like, oh God is here.

Speaker 1 (29:23):
Yeah. Blade and Quinn start to fight. As Karen collapses
on the floor, Blade manages. Blade uses a blade. He
has a sword. He manages to shear off one of
Quinn's hands. Two policemen appear and open fire on Blade. Yep.
Their bullets bounce off his body armor as he takes
the time to yell, motherfuckers, you gotta hear damn minds.

Speaker 2 (29:46):
There's very few moments where Wesley Snipe shows up. Yeah,
like the like the essence of Wesley. He's not bad
in this movie. He's just very muted because he has
to be. Yeah, that's the character. But this made me
I was like, oh, there's very nice. I missed you, buddy.

Speaker 1 (29:58):
I think the first time I watched it. That was
part of my complaint with it because the character of Blade.
I know Blade from the comic books, but I know
a much more recent Blade. I never read the old
Blade comics. And he's more fun than this one.

Speaker 2 (30:14):
Yeah, he's very stoic. Yeah, and like, and I get
why you would cast Wesley Snipes on top of like
looking the way he looks and like, yes, but like,
remember how fun he was in in.

Speaker 3 (30:24):
Tu Wong Fu.

Speaker 2 (30:25):
I wasn't even thinking of that one. In Demolition Man,
how great? How like every time he walked on the screen,
he like lit up the screen. Yeah, I missed that
version of Wesley's I get why as an actor you'd like, no, now,
I want to play someone really stoic.

Speaker 1 (30:39):
Yeah, and he's not bad.

Speaker 3 (30:40):
And quiet, He's not bad at all.

Speaker 2 (30:42):
But it's like, I I know what Wesley Snipes can
do and he can't. He's hamstrung, yes, a little bit
in this one, So anyway, I just bring it up.
He goes, motherfucker's you got in your damn mind?

Speaker 1 (30:51):
Like made me so happy. So Quinn flees.

Speaker 2 (30:56):
Blade sees Karen lying on the floor. She's still conscious,
but she's a shock. She's unable to move. He's like,
I'm busy, and he's about to leave, and for a
split second, he sees a flash of his mother, Vanessa,
reaching up to him.

Speaker 1 (31:09):
Spoiler alert, Blade is the large baby. The large baby.

Speaker 2 (31:13):
I'm just learning that now, you guys, you guys. So
he sees like, yeah, he sees the flash of his
mother dying, and this woman is in the same position,
like kind of looking up at him, and he's like,
all right, I gotta save her. He picks her up
as more police arrive and he start and they start
shooting a Blade.

Speaker 3 (31:28):
He's trying to flee.

Speaker 2 (31:29):
He can't quite figure out how to Finally he sees
an open window and like a rooftop, like, I don't know,
fifty feet away. I thought he was going to jump
out of the window with Karen in his arms and
land on that rooftop. I did not know what movie.
I did not know because this movie was like, we

(31:49):
could do that, we could we could do that. That's
the obvious choice. Yeah, we are not going to zag
when we can zig, and motherfucker, we're going to zig.

Speaker 1 (31:57):
We're not gonna zag when we can. Like I don't
know her or something, because.

Speaker 2 (32:02):
What happens is he sees the adjoining rooftop and he's like,
all right, I can make it there, probably safely, and
he chucks her out of the window. She lands safely
in a pile of boxes. Just guys, don't worry about it,
go with it. Moving on to Vampire movie. Nothing makes sense.
He follows her, He just jumps and joins her on
the adjoining rooftop. The police continues spraying bullets at this

(32:25):
person of interest and the completely innocent doctor.

Speaker 1 (32:29):
One of them has a machine gun, just spraying bullets over.
What are you doing, cops? Chill. Blade evades the police
with Karen. He loads her into the blademobile and drives
away as the sun rises over Los Angeles. We're pretty
sure Blade takes her to his hideout, his Blade Cave,
and we meet Abraham Whistler played by Chris Christofferson Whistler

(32:51):
is Blade's partner and weapons.

Speaker 2 (32:53):
Smith, grizzled old man extraordinaiy.

Speaker 1 (32:56):
Exactly long hair. Blade tells him that Karen's been bitten,
and Whistler growls, well, you should have killed her, and
Blade says, no, I want to try to save her,
and Whistler is like, I don't know. I think it's
too late already. But he says, watch her close. She
starts to turn. You finish her off, or I will,
And then he takes a garlic solution. He sticks it

(33:17):
in Karen's neck via syringe in hopes of staving off
the vampiic infection.

Speaker 2 (33:21):
He goes, this is gonna hurt real bad, and it
just sticks her in the neck with the giantest needle ever.

Speaker 1 (33:27):
It's interesting that in this movie you just have to
get bitten by vampire to become a vampire. There's no
added yeah, exchange or whatever. Were Wolves usually it's just
the bite, Yeah, the bite and you're done.

Speaker 2 (33:38):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (33:39):
But vampires there's usually more involved.

Speaker 3 (33:42):
Well, because there's a sexual undercurrent.

Speaker 1 (33:44):
Exactly, there's an exchange, and.

Speaker 2 (33:46):
In this version it feels like there's they're trying to
take that part out of it.

Speaker 1 (33:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (33:49):
The funny thing is for all the.

Speaker 2 (33:51):
Like like markers of sexiness happening in the movie, like
good looking people and like sleek clothes and like cool music.
It's deeply unsexy movie.

Speaker 1 (34:02):
Yeah it is. I will give the movie this credit.
Karen is never turned into a romantic interest for Blade.
I mean there's a little bit of a romantic interest there,
but that is never the focus of her character, and
I think the movie is much better for it.

Speaker 2 (34:16):
Yeah, but it's not even in that. Like there's other
like like the Stephen Dorf character, and Stephen Dorf is sexy, yeah,
and they're like the idea he's supposed to be like
this sexy vampire. Yet somehow there's because the movie is
so like cold, like it's all the sexiness for me
is leads out of it, which is fine and actually
and it makes this choice feel right in this world.

(34:37):
So we cut to the Vampire Council and if that,
if that line made you think of what we do
in the Shadows, boy, are you're gonna be sorely disappointed.

Speaker 1 (34:44):
Yeah. In this By the.

Speaker 2 (34:46):
Way, I'd forgotten most things about this movie, but I
remember Donald Logue was in it because of his participation
in what we do in the Shadows.

Speaker 1 (34:53):
Ah.

Speaker 2 (34:53):
I don't want to spoil anything if anyone's never seen
that show, but he's in. He shows up as Donald
Log and it is excellent. So they are led by Dragonetti.
He is played by the excellent Udo kir gay Icon
yea huh. They're not pleased about the Rave the Vampire Council.
They blame this other vampire who we haven't met yet

(35:14):
but we've been talking about. His name is Deacon Frost.
There was carnage. He's not flying under cover here.

Speaker 1 (35:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (35:21):
Outside the meeting, Frost himself Stephendorf is waiting.

Speaker 1 (35:25):
I would say that Stephen Dorf looks like a vampire
club promoter, except Deacon Frost is a vampire club promoter.
So I guess I just have to say, good job,
costume designer, the same you think it is.

Speaker 3 (35:38):
You look like a vampire club promoter.

Speaker 1 (35:40):
Yeah, yeah, that's what I am. Yeah, I make vampire
blood raves. Saha. He is.

Speaker 2 (35:48):
The sexiest lesbian I've ever seen. No, wait, Portia de
Rossi second sexiest lesbian I've ever seen.

Speaker 1 (35:55):
He gives the absolute best lesbian haircuts in Los Angeles.

Speaker 2 (36:00):
Though, like every lesbian haircut from like ten years after.
This movie is based on this movie. I am one
hundred percent sure of that. Lesbians back me up, what
look up Stephen dor in this movie and tell me
I'm wrong. So the elders call for him and tell
him that he's a disgrace to the vampire nation, and

(36:20):
he's like, oh, oh no, she just kidding. Fuck all, y'all.
They are prohibited from gathering in numbers by a treaty
that has been signed between human leaders and vampires.

Speaker 1 (36:30):
Okay, okay, there, now we know.

Speaker 2 (36:33):
Now we're in true blood.

Speaker 1 (36:34):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (36:34):
The elders believe that vampires must stay underground or humans
will exterminate them. And Frost is like, I don't know
if you understand what happens with us and them. Why
don't you understand what goes on in this relationship? They said,
you know what, Frost, you would understand this if your
blood was pure, and he's like, oh, oh, i e
if he was born a vampire and not a human

(36:55):
merely turned into a vampire by a bite. So there
is a hierarchy. Everyone in the council was born a vampire.
They're the aristocracy. And he is this like upstart interloper
like gross human turned vampire who's now trying to run
the show, and they are not. They don't appreciate it.
So on top of him, like making waves and making

(37:16):
a mess for them. He's low class.

Speaker 1 (37:18):
How do you think vampires pro create?

Speaker 2 (37:20):
Fucking?

Speaker 1 (37:20):
You think it's fucking.

Speaker 2 (37:23):
When a man vampire and a woman vampire love each
other very very much, they get a bottle of wine.
It's actually it's actually just a French person's blood. It's
it's the blood of a French person from Bordeaux. They
put on some linyl.

Speaker 1 (37:39):
Richie dancing on the ceiling.

Speaker 3 (37:43):
Well, there's it takes a while, so it's a meddling.

Speaker 2 (37:47):
It's a few songs. There's a few hello is in there,
of course obviously obviously.

Speaker 3 (37:52):
Yeah. They they slow dance a little bit.

Speaker 2 (37:55):
Uh huh. They have like a series of oils that
they used to like put on each other bodies.

Speaker 1 (38:00):
The pigs of the county fair.

Speaker 3 (38:02):
No, no, no, Paul, stop it stop it stop.

Speaker 1 (38:05):
Beautiful, beautiful, This is love making.

Speaker 3 (38:07):
This is a sense you will love making experience.

Speaker 2 (38:12):
They massage each other, They look deep into each other's
eyes and they say, Claudidia, I love you, and Claudidia
is like, I love you too, because that's his name,
because he's a million years old. It's just grunts at
this point. Yeah, and then they slowly, while making prolonged

(38:33):
eye contact, make eye contact with me.

Speaker 3 (38:36):
They take each other's clothes off. They don't look down.

Speaker 2 (38:38):
They don't need to see they don't need to see
the junk, They need to see the soul.

Speaker 1 (38:41):
Yeah, they're tired of the junk. They're old, they're bored.
They're bored of junk.

Speaker 2 (38:44):
Litel Richie stops playing because it's been a minute. They
turn onto Peter Satara. They get on their white satin
sheets and they bang down, the bang down, the bang
down to Peter Sarah.

Speaker 1 (39:07):
The glory of love just plays at full volume.

Speaker 2 (39:10):
That is how vampires are made. Someone had to tell
the boy it was my turn. I guess his parents
refuse to do it.

Speaker 1 (39:24):
Oh that was excellent, excellent.

Speaker 2 (39:26):
So Frost is pissed off that they're they're throwing his
like you know, not clear that like blood, pure lineage
in his face, and he's like, listen, humans are our food.
Why are we making treaty with them? Treaties with them?
It's time for vampires to rise up, take control of
what's rightfully ours and the elders are like young man.
The adults are talking and as he leaves, Frost hisses

(39:48):
that they may wake up one day to find.

Speaker 3 (39:50):
Themselves extinct.

Speaker 2 (39:53):
Vampire. Every time Stephen Doorff shows up on screen in
this movie, the movie, he goes up for me five
notches because Wesley Snipes and again Leslie Snipes is excellent.
I have nothing against Wesley Snipees is an actor, but
because he is choosing to like go hard as like
in the stoic like direction for his character.

Speaker 1 (40:12):
And there's also like a lot of internal struggle within
the within the Blade character, and he's.

Speaker 3 (40:17):
Quiet and he doesn't have that many lines.

Speaker 2 (40:18):
So Stephen Dorff gets to like be the show off
and be like the fun part of the movie. He
is really he's a great villain. He's really fun. And
I'm only pointing this out because I actually think Donald
Log is doing too much. I find the Donald Log
performance a little irritated. It's a lot, and like Stephen
Dorff is doing the perfect amount of like ax whole

(40:39):
vampire and like making it work.

Speaker 1 (40:42):
And the Donald Low character, I think I agree, it's
it's a lot. I think it's supposed to be.

Speaker 2 (40:47):
Yeah, it's again, it's it's not a hit on Donald Log.
He's doing he's doing his level best. He's doing what
he's supposed to do, as is Wesley Snipes. It's just
Stephen Dorff was given the best job in the movie.

Speaker 1 (40:56):
Steven Dorff gets to have fun, and we have to
have fun with him one.

Speaker 2 (40:59):
Hundred and he knows exactly how to bring us in
on that and like, yeah, him, and then I'll like
spoiler so not Lathan, Lathan, She fucking is having fun.

Speaker 1 (41:07):
Later in this movie, Karen wakes up at the Blade
Cave and she watches as Whistler administers a serum to Plade,
which clearly causes him great distress. Doesn't know what the
serum is, but okay, great, it's not garlic serum. There's
so many There are so many serums.

Speaker 2 (41:24):
Too many serums.

Speaker 1 (41:25):
There are too many serums, and cures and not cures,
and possible cures, and things that are cures but not serums,
and things that are serums were not cures in this movie.

Speaker 2 (41:33):
This movie needed to be twenty minutes shorter, and we
could cut all the serums out. We could cut every
serum all but two serreums out, Yeah, and I'm fine done.

Speaker 1 (41:42):
She hears both Whistler and Blade lament that the serum
is growing less effective, while also noting that she's a
hematologist and wondering if she could help them. There should
be more hematologists in vampire stories. I feel like that's
an obvious post.

Speaker 2 (41:54):
Is this the only one? The only one I can
think of? Should be there more?

Speaker 1 (41:58):
The two spot Karen. She tries to flee, but they
kind of stop her. It's a very odd choice. They're like, no, wait, please,
let us explain. They've just like continued to terrify her
and like, be these two big giant men who aren't
letting her go anywhere in any case. They explain that
they're vampire hunters and they think that she should flee
the city, and Karen's like vampires, to which Blade very

(42:20):
rightly replies, you already met mister Crispy at the hospital.
Like we're not past this part yet. We're gonna pretend
vampires don't exist.

Speaker 2 (42:27):
Yes, So explain to me what you think is happening
with the burned man who came back to life.

Speaker 1 (42:31):
Remember when I threw you ten city blocks and you
landed safely somehow.

Speaker 2 (42:35):
Remember when the burned man who came back to life
sucked all the blood out out of your colleague, Yeah,
do you think was happening.

Speaker 1 (42:41):
Whistler gives her some of the vampire weaknesses in this world, silver, garlic, sunlight,
and uv rays, even demonstrates like a uv ray flashlight
that he's built for blade as a weapon, and he
says that they are vampires everywhere. You can't go to
the police because they own the police.

Speaker 2 (42:58):
All right, ohins thing, Yeah, I love that garlic is
still like, yeah, I would almost like I would almost
get the holy water, like keep the holy water as
a trope, but like maybe take the garlic out.

Speaker 1 (43:10):
The garlic's weird.

Speaker 2 (43:11):
That just seems silly.

Speaker 1 (43:12):
Whistler gives her a canister of vampire mace to defend herself,
and he recommends that she buy herself a gun and
if she notices a sensitivity to sunlight or growing thirst,
she should use it on herself.

Speaker 2 (43:22):
Right, Whistler is so soothing. He should teach elementary school.

Speaker 1 (43:26):
Yeah, he should.

Speaker 2 (43:27):
He should be.

Speaker 3 (43:27):
He should be a babysitter. Leave your kids with Whistler.

Speaker 1 (43:30):
He's very caring, great bedside manner.

Speaker 2 (43:32):
Oh amazing.

Speaker 1 (43:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (43:33):
Dragonetti finds Frost in the archives trying to translate an
ancient scroll with a computer program. I'm just gonna let
that sentence fly by. You got it, You heard it.
He slaps Frost in the face. He demands to know
what are you up to? And Frost sneers at him
so that Dragonetti says, you bore me and leaves.

Speaker 1 (43:53):
Now come on, now, Dragonetti, have a little ambition here.
What's going on? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (43:56):
Why why is this guy doing homework when the bad
boy does his homework. That's a problem.

Speaker 1 (44:01):
Yeah, that's a red flag.

Speaker 2 (44:02):
He has found a reason to do homework.

Speaker 1 (44:05):
Blade drops Karen off at her apartment building. He again
reminds her to be careful. She gets up to her room,
she immediately starts packing a bag. She's following instructions. She
hears something in her apartment. She discovers a young police officer, Kreeger,
in her apartment. He claims to be there on a
routine check. She was reported kidnapped the previous evening. He
was at her house to see that she's okay. Karen,

(44:25):
Who's no dummy, which will continue throughout this movie. Karen
is not stupid. Karen is not helpless, and Karen does
not give up.

Speaker 2 (44:32):
Also, Karen is a black woman in Los Angeles. Police
officer gets a fuck out of my house. Yes, you
did not even knock. You are not allowed in here.
I did not let you in.

Speaker 1 (44:40):
Get out, yes, and I just this character only appears
in this she ever makes the jump into the comics,
and I think there's stuff here. You could do stuff
with this character.

Speaker 3 (44:50):
Yeah, I'm surprised she's not in the comics.

Speaker 1 (44:52):
No, it was. She was created for the movie and
never like some characters will be. I think Whistler was
created for the movie and he becomes a comic book character.

Speaker 2 (45:00):
So she's super interesting.

Speaker 1 (45:01):
Yeah, she's fun. Yeah, Karen is ready for it. When
Officer Kreeger goes for his gun, she sprays him with
the vampire mace, which disgusts him but doesn't burn him
or really hurt him in any way. She's like, what
the fuck they said this would work on vampires? And
Blade appears and says, who said he was a vampire.
He's just one of their familiars. He beats the shed

(45:23):
out of Kreeger, destroying a great deal of Karen's apartment
in the process, and finally holds him down, and he
shows her a mark on the back of Kreager's neck
and says he's one of Frost's familiars.

Speaker 2 (45:34):
Yeah, he's got like a tattoo.

Speaker 1 (45:35):
He's been branded. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (45:37):
They take Kreeger out to his car. Blade continues to
beat up on a uniformed officer on a crowded street.
You know what, this is definitely Los Angeles. No one's
even batting an eyelash at this. He's trying to get
information about Frost out of him. Kreeger manages to flee.
He first, he continues to deny, deny, deny. I don't
know what you're talking about. I know who you are,

(45:58):
and then eventually he just gets away because Karen interferes
with Blade.

Speaker 3 (46:02):
She's like, maybe don't beat up a.

Speaker 2 (46:03):
Cop on the street.

Speaker 3 (46:04):
Maybe that's a bad idea.

Speaker 2 (46:06):
And once Kreeger flees, Blade snaps at her that she
needs to wake up and learn to pull the trigger
when it's needed, Like if you had shot him upstairs,
we wouldn't be having this conversation right now. Blade tries
to leave her and she's like, no, buddy, I'm sticking
with you, and he's like, I don't need a sidekick,
and she's like, I don't care. Staying with you is
the only way I'll stay alive long enough to find

(46:28):
the cure for whatever the fuck this is that's happening
to me. And he's like, there is no cure.

Speaker 1 (46:34):
Yeah. We cut to that night, Blade and Karen are
staking out the car that Kreeger left behind when he fled.
Karen is in disbelief that anyone could be dumb enough
to return to the scene of a crime. But I'm
just gonna say this, this is my opinion. I'm discussing
vampire familiars generally speaking, probably not the top of their class.

Speaker 2 (46:54):
Guillermo, from what we do in the Shadows begs.

Speaker 1 (46:57):
Two different There is an exception to every rule. Guiermo
is the king, Guiermo King Guermo Lo and behold, here
comes Kreeger. He had to get back to the car
because we saw there were like blood bags in the
car that he needed to recover. So he gets back
to the car. They follow him through the streets in
the Blade Mobile and eventually come to a vampire safe
house that's hidden behind a club.

Speaker 2 (47:18):
Everything bad happens in nightclubs.

Speaker 1 (47:20):
It's true, if we just shut down.

Speaker 2 (47:21):
All the nightclubs in the world'd be good. There'd be
no no terrorism. Nope, there'd be no no spying, there'd
be nothing. There's just simply nowhere for the underground.

Speaker 1 (47:30):
To go exactly. Blade gives Karen some weapons and a
crash course in how to kill vampires and the two
head in. So he's already like, you're in on this, fine,
you're coming in.

Speaker 2 (47:40):
Pull your weight.

Speaker 1 (47:40):
Yep, here's a gun. Shoot him in the heart of
the head. Don't get bit moving on.

Speaker 2 (47:46):
Kreeger flees through the club and Blade catches him in
the kitchen. He punches Kreeger until Kreeger tells Blade where
the entrance to the safe house is, which is like
behind the refrigerator door of the kitchen. Blade lets Kreeger
go in with the message to f it's open season
on all suckheads. You know what, I'm starting to appreciate

(48:06):
this movie a little bit more now, and I'm saying
the dialogue out loud, that is hard dialogue to make
sound interesting or cool. Blade leads Karen into the safe house,
which turns out to be some kind of archive.

Speaker 1 (48:18):
Meanwhile, we cut to a party at Frost's penthouse made
complete by the infinity pool littered with rubber duckies outside
the living room. No explanation offered for the rubber duckies
ever in the whole movie. I don't care, yea, I
love it, you like it.

Speaker 2 (48:33):
I like weird pervy shit, Like I don't know why
it's pervy, but it's pervy, but it's pervy. You walk
into someone's house and there's like an infinity pool with
a bunch of rubber duckies in it. You're like, I
don't I don't get why this is pervy, but I'm.

Speaker 1 (48:48):
In I know, I'm in sanitary about those duckies.

Speaker 2 (48:50):
All I know is I feel I'm feeling pervy tonight.
Let's do this.

Speaker 1 (48:54):
I feel like ducky tonight. Like ducky tonight. All right,
So we cut inside a private room. Frost is staring
at the same computer program that we saw before when
he's talking to Dragon Natty that's still trying to decode
all of these ancient texts. Right behind him, this kind
of coffin slash beds. It's similar to the bed you

(49:15):
were describing during the Peter Satara scene. During during the
vampire love making, right.

Speaker 2 (49:19):
Before the two vampires started eating chocolate covered strawberries. They
started feeding each other chocolate covered strawberries. Yeah, uh huh.

Speaker 3 (49:26):
And the white they then they got in their white
satin sheets.

Speaker 1 (49:29):
Yeah yeah, it kind of. It has a its. It
closes like a coffin. There's a top and a bottom
to it. The top opens and a beautiful black vampire
woman wakes up from their shared coffin slash bed and
tells them not to keep everyone waiting, and then she
walks out. He ignores her and grins as the computer
shows him a mock up of going to call it

(49:50):
like a diagram, like one of his computer graphics, kind
of elementary computer graphics.

Speaker 2 (49:54):
I think I mentioned hackers in our last episode again,
but this reminded me of hackers so much.

Speaker 1 (50:00):
It appears to be twelve figures, each inscribed with an
insignia of what I'm guessing is like a vampire house
or a vampire blood line, situated around a dais, and
on the dais another figure stands. This figure has Frost's
insignia on it and high above the center dais on
a different level of this building or whatever. Yeah, there's a.

Speaker 2 (50:23):
Sarcophagus, don't worry about it.

Speaker 1 (50:25):
Don't worry about it too much.

Speaker 2 (50:27):
Yeah, Honestly, when I was watching the movie, I was like,
what am I looking at?

Speaker 1 (50:31):
They show you this like seventeen times, but they never
explain it until.

Speaker 2 (50:34):
The very end, and you're like, got it.

Speaker 1 (50:36):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (50:38):
Frost heads out to the party, where we see Quinn again,
mostly healed from his burns. We also meet Frost's other
aid de camp Mercury, a female vampire with bleached blonde hair.
She looks exactly like all the members of Aceve Base. Yes,
if all of asive Base was put like in a
jar and mixed up real tight and then opened and
dropped on the floor, that's what she looks like. He is. However,

(51:00):
I was like surprised to discover a Spanish actress really,
because the accent.

Speaker 3 (51:05):
Doesn't sound Spanish.

Speaker 2 (51:07):
To me at all.

Speaker 1 (51:07):
I think I just assumed she was Eastern European of
some sort.

Speaker 2 (51:10):
Because a the way she looks and being like she
is doing some kind of accent work. I'm not sure what.

Speaker 1 (51:15):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (51:15):
So Kreeger is also at the party, booting you to
the party. He is apologizing to Frost for his failures,
and Frost is not in a forgiving mood. No, he
murders Krieger with Mercury's help and announces to the entire party,
like all the vampires assembled, I want Blade alive.

Speaker 3 (51:34):
Beat him alive.

Speaker 1 (51:36):
Back at the archive, Karen notices a rancid smell and
they start to walk deeper into the archive and they
come across Pearl, a jab of the hot esque vampire
that Blade calls the record keeper.

Speaker 2 (51:49):
There's a lot of these characters in films. It's like
like giant being that like takes up half a room
and nick naked all them.

Speaker 3 (51:56):
It shows up a lot.

Speaker 2 (51:57):
In popular culture. Yeah, it's really odd that this particular.

Speaker 1 (52:01):
Troupe, this is the trope just showing up. Pearl is
sending an emergency SOS video message to Frost. The voice
being used for I genuinely don't even know what the
gender of this character is supposed to be. I think
they I think they refer to he when talking to Pearl,
but the voice is very squeaky, high pitched. You can't
ascribe a gender to it.

Speaker 2 (52:20):
It's also computerized, computerized.

Speaker 1 (52:22):
Yeah, so it's it's a very odd conglomeration of things. Uh.
Frost basically is like die with dignity and just hangs
up on him, right because Pearl's like, I need your help,
and he's like, fuck off.

Speaker 2 (52:34):
Frost is burning bridges. Yeah, Frost did not come here
to build bridges. He came here to burn.

Speaker 3 (52:38):
Some He's like, I don't need my familiar.

Speaker 2 (52:40):
I don't need my my whatever, Pearl, I guess, like
my my, my record keeper, my record keeper. Yeah, I
don't need this person anymore. Fuck all, y'all.

Speaker 1 (52:48):
Pearl has the same diagram up that we saw at
Frost's with the Twelve Vampires and the Daists and the
sarcophagus and all of that. Karen tortures Pearl at Blade's
behest with the UV ray projector that whistler bilt so
they can get answers. Pearl says that it's part of
the prophecy of the spirits of the Twelve Awakening, the
blood god La magra. Does lamgra mean anything in Spanish,

(53:10):
not that I'm aware of.

Speaker 2 (53:11):
I actually did look it up after like watching this,
and it's it could mean meager or poor, but that's
a that's shitty for the context of this movie. Yeah,
I think they just thought that it sounded sounded cool.

Speaker 1 (53:23):
Yeah, and they will also they they kind of will
randomly say the blood God or Lamagra, like, they don't
ever really land on one term for this creature that
they want to raise.

Speaker 2 (53:34):
Yeah, So Karen kills Pearl with the UV light and
the two So she's not afraid to kill things. No,
she's she's ready to kill. She's mad. She had she
had a really fucked up day. That vampire sucked all
the give a fucks right out of my body.

Speaker 1 (53:48):
I got two puncture marks in my neck and zero
fucks to give. Let's go.

Speaker 2 (53:53):
So they head into another room where they find pages
from the Vampire Bible, which contains the whole history of vampires.
There's a lot of lore in this movie. Else I
was watching it, I don't think I clocked how much
Laura there is until like we're recapping it. I was like,
oh man, there's a lot of lore in this movie.
I mean I sort of didn't care because it was
just like I was just like, get to the part

(54:13):
where things like get bloody and.

Speaker 1 (54:15):
Feah violent, please, I mean, I genuinely cut some stuff out,
so like that actually does It doesn't matter that that
never comes back in the movie. It's just set dressing,
essentially lore.

Speaker 2 (54:23):
Yeah, before they can do much else. Blade senses something. Quinn,
Mercury and a host of vampires arrive and they capture
Blade and Karen and Quinn starts to peacock around about
capturing the Great Blade, and Blade starts to laugh and
he's like, what are you laughing at? And Blade just
looks at him and goes, I'm expecting company.

Speaker 1 (54:44):
Hmm. We see a mic in Blade's ear as an
explosion knocks in one of the walls. Whistler appears and says,
in all of his Chris Christofferson Growley, wonderfulness, catch you
fuckers at a bad time?

Speaker 2 (54:57):
Excellent.

Speaker 1 (54:59):
He opens fire on them, giving Blade and Karen a
chance to run to him, and the three of them
leave as the vampires return fire, but Quinn shouts at
them to stop. Remember Frost needs Blade alive. They give
Chase just as a bomb goes off in the archive,
destroying it.

Speaker 2 (55:16):
That seems important, like why would I like, maybe don't
bomb the archive. Maybe maybe there's some stuff in there
that could be useful.

Speaker 1 (55:23):
To Archives tend to be good.

Speaker 2 (55:25):
They could be a fucking cure for Blade. In that archive,
they all wind up in the subway tunnels with trains
blowing by and there's an extended action sequence. Whistler gets
separated from Blade and Karen, and Karen tries to go
after him, and bladees like, don't worry, he'll be fine,
and Blade then manages with Karen's help, to chase off Quinn. Right,
there's an extended fight. I think he cuts another hand

(55:47):
off of k At.

Speaker 1 (55:47):
This point, he keeps cutting Quinn's hands off, and.

Speaker 2 (55:50):
He keeps regenerating and like his hands keep getting cut off.
They're forced to flee, and Karen's like, how are we
gonna get away? And he kind of grabs her and
she's like no, no, no, And then as a train
flies by, he grabs onto the back of it, and
the mercury in the other vampire Horde gives chase, but
they're not fast enough to catch up to them on
the subway.

Speaker 1 (56:08):
Maybe it's not la there's no subway there, right, there's way.
There's some way in Laka.

Speaker 3 (56:11):
Remember that's how Tom Cruise dies?

Speaker 1 (56:13):
All right? Right? Yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 2 (56:18):
Once they get inside the subway, I can't remember there's
other people in there. I don't think there are, oh,
because it would have been funny, would have just graved
there were other people there and this whole thing happens
with like a family of tourists wearing like Disneyland hats,
Like what's happening? La is weird? Yeah, So they get
inside the subway train and he gives himself another dosage

(56:39):
of the serum that Whistler was giving him before. That
kind of made him like twitch a little bit. And
Karen says, you're one of them, aren't you? And Blade
looks at her and says, no, I'm something else what.

Speaker 1 (56:51):
I'm a dancer, God, I'm a dancer, A dancer, dancer, I'm.

Speaker 3 (56:57):
A private dancer. I dance from money.

Speaker 1 (57:00):
Do what you want me to do? No private dance
any crap. That's halfway through the movie.

Speaker 2 (57:08):
What if Blade was in like a production of chorus line. God,
I hope I get it.

Speaker 1 (57:14):
I hope I get it.

Speaker 2 (57:15):
God, I hope I get it. How many does he need?
He's a base, right, yeah, anyway, he's definitely says the base.

Speaker 1 (57:24):
I'm just proud of you for knowing that that match
of the chorus line.

Speaker 2 (57:30):
I've seen chorus line.

Speaker 1 (57:31):
All right, all right, everyone, that's halfway through the movie.
We're gonna take a little break here. We're gonna play
some commercials. And then when we come back, we're gonna
take you to the rest of Blade.

Speaker 2 (57:41):
That's my blade. Ah, my blade sound It also sounded
like money like I was going, but it was. It
was a blade slicing through the air.

Speaker 1 (57:48):
It was metallic enough that I got blade though.

Speaker 2 (57:50):
Thanks man.

Speaker 1 (57:50):
Yeah, and we're back.

Speaker 2 (58:01):
We go back to Blade's hideout. Whistler offers Karen some backstory.
He found Blade on the streets when he was thirteen,
feeding off the blood of rats. I can't can't tell
you how many thirteen year old orphans I've taken in
after finding them feeding on rats in a dark alleyway.

Speaker 3 (58:21):
When you know that wayward school I run for street children.

Speaker 1 (58:25):
Yeah, yeah, Eric Erica's wayward school. Erica's school for wayward
rat eating children.

Speaker 3 (58:32):
So this story really really resonated with me.

Speaker 1 (58:35):
You really will support anyone involving themselves in the effort
to read New York City of rats for you don't care.

Speaker 2 (58:42):
In fact, they weren't eating rats before they came into
the school you taught you better believe they are afterwards.

Speaker 1 (58:47):
It's rat catching one oh one. That's your entry level course.

Speaker 2 (58:49):
The way he says it so casually because it took
me a long time to realize Whistler is not a
vampire too. I genuinely thought Whistler was a vampire until
maybe this scene. Okay, and now is when I'm learning
he's a human.

Speaker 1 (59:02):
Yeah, and I was like, what what?

Speaker 2 (59:04):
Why are you a sixty year old man trying to
like run around the subways doing acrobatic shit? Like, yeah,
this is crazy anyway.

Speaker 1 (59:12):
They also eventually give him a backstory that is literally,
I'm not even gonna tell it to you. Everyone imagined
the most generic backstory for a man who is fighting vampires.
You nail you nailed it. Like the movie does do
a little bit of fridging, which we will get into later.

Speaker 3 (59:26):
Yeah, there's a violin playing while he tells the story.

Speaker 2 (59:28):
Yeah, all right, So Whistler thought Blade was a vampire
at first, but then Whistler realized he was something else.

Speaker 1 (59:36):
He was the original rat czar of Los Angeles.

Speaker 2 (59:41):
What if that's what the rat star's job really is. Yeah,
remember people bitching about how much that that position paid.
It was like one hundred and fifty a year.

Speaker 1 (59:48):
Honestly, not enough, not enough.

Speaker 2 (59:50):
Give that person five hundred thousand dollars a year minimum.

Speaker 1 (59:53):
That is a person that knows the intimate details of
the rat population of New York City, and Bill lives here.

Speaker 3 (01:00:01):
It still wants to help and wants to be a
part of the solution.

Speaker 1 (01:00:04):
We are pulling, actively pulling wool over our own eyes
about the rats in New York City. I know this,
Erica knows this, but we're not thinking about it.

Speaker 2 (01:00:11):
Aha. Okay, So Blade's mother was bitten by a vampire
when she was pregnant. So Blade inherited some characteristics but
not others. For instance, he's super strong, heals super quickly.
He looks swoll like Wesley's pipes.

Speaker 1 (01:00:27):
He looks yoked. He's a unit.

Speaker 2 (01:00:29):
I can't believe the amount of work Wesley Snipes did
in the nineties for us. Thank you, sir, thank you.

Speaker 1 (01:00:34):
You know what you deserve to not pay those taxes.
I'm gonna say it, an injustice was served.

Speaker 2 (01:00:38):
The gym time alone was worth it.

Speaker 1 (01:00:41):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:00:41):
Unfortunately, he did inherit the vampire's thirst for blood. Oh done,
dun dum.

Speaker 1 (01:00:49):
Funny that we never see him, well, that's not true.
We do see him feed once in the movie, but
that's like a dramatic We don't ever see him just
like sucking down a blood smoothie with some asai in
it or anything like that.

Speaker 2 (01:00:59):
You know, it's just delicious, right, they served out of
Arawon now. Yeah, currently, there's so funny because there's a
line in the movie where like Karen's like, but humans
don't drink blood. Like I don't remember the setup for that,
but I just.

Speaker 3 (01:01:10):
Remember that line being like, except sometimes they really do.

Speaker 1 (01:01:12):
Yeah, except sometimes we.

Speaker 2 (01:01:13):
Do kind of eat blood.

Speaker 1 (01:01:14):
Except sometimes people love blood sausage. You know what blood
sausage is? Blood?

Speaker 3 (01:01:19):
Yeah, the name, the name is lying.

Speaker 1 (01:01:20):
It's not like it's not like sweetbreads where you're like, oh, delicious,
seetbreads and then it's entrails.

Speaker 2 (01:01:25):
Yeah, it's it's not awful where you're like, hmm, that
sounds that sounds delightful.

Speaker 1 (01:01:29):
It sounds interesting.

Speaker 2 (01:01:29):
The serum that Blade takes is meant to suppress his thirst,
but his body is starting to reject it. Oh he's
full vampire.

Speaker 1 (01:01:37):
We cut to Frost's headquarters. Frost and Mercury or like
they must have put these two actors in like a
black box the size of a coffin, and then like,
I want you to be really sexy. So they're like rubbing,
like obviously zinc oxides sun block on each other, and
like nuzzling. It's so weird.

Speaker 3 (01:01:56):
This is what I'm telling you. This movie is trying
to be sexy and fail.

Speaker 1 (01:02:00):
We cut to them with Quinn leading a captured Dragonette
out onto a rocky promontory. Frost, villain, monologues but how
the sun is coming up, and he's excited to share
Dragonette's first sunrise with him because of course you were
born a vampire, so you've never seen the sun rise.
But I've seen it from when I was human. Blah
blah blah. Talks the whole scene about how the sun
is coming up, no change in the lighting, nothing is

(01:02:23):
just blue like dawn is coming the whole time. And
then Dragonetti sneers, no matter what you do, you'll never
be a pure blood, and Frost goes full Alias on
and he's like hold him down, and he rips his
canines out with a set of pliers.

Speaker 2 (01:02:37):
Yeah, satisfying.

Speaker 1 (01:02:38):
The sun rises like a like a late stage hand,
just yanked it up from backstage, just yanked down at
a Pulley's sun boof all the way up. All of
a sudden, Dragonette first gets some skin flayed off. Then
he bursts into flames, and then he explodes, I love it.

Speaker 2 (01:02:55):
Okay, we're gonna let's get into it. When the violence
gets ultra violent in this, it is so satisfying because
the movie goes like way over the top in the violence.
Violence has to either be somewhat muted or super over
the top, because if you get violence like accurate and realistic,
then it's it's it's not as fun. Certain movies need

(01:03:16):
violence to be that way. I'm thinking, like a saving
private Ryan makes perfect sense. You would want people to
feel like they're in a war zone, right, But in
a movie like this, we don't need like realistic violence.
We want like the most blood ever, the most viscera ever,
just like rein it down on everyone.

Speaker 1 (01:03:35):
It was built as a horror movie, Like it's so good,
it's doing what it advertised itself as.

Speaker 2 (01:03:41):
Yeah, and they really they go so so deep over
the top that it actually like circles back to being
funny and it's so perfect.

Speaker 1 (01:03:48):
Frost goes to the Vampire Council. He shows them Dragonetti's teeth.
He tosses them on the table like a pair of dice. Right.
He sits down in Dragonetti's seat and he tells them
I need twelve volunt tears blackout, no follow up nothing.
This scene should have been cut. It doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 2 (01:04:07):
Because there are hostages at the end of the film.

Speaker 1 (01:04:08):
Right there absolutely hostages y and like like in the beginning,
it kind of feels like maybe they aren't. But like
if this guy that just murdered your leader comes in
and is like, I need twelve volunteers, do you not
ask a follow up question before raising your hand?

Speaker 3 (01:04:21):
But also wait, do they raise your hand?

Speaker 2 (01:04:23):
No?

Speaker 1 (01:04:23):
They just cuts away, and next time we see them
we have technically thirteen volunteers, as we'll find out later.

Speaker 2 (01:04:29):
Oh that's really insane. We will talk about that. But like, okay,
because I don't really remember the scene if I'm being honest,
so I'm like, there's no like Frost's men coming in
behind them to nothing force it. Okay, Yeah, this is dumb.

Speaker 1 (01:04:42):
It is dumb.

Speaker 2 (01:04:42):
Definitely should have been cut back. At Blades hide Out,
Blade shows Whistler a bit of a page he rescued
from the archive and asks him if he can translate
anything to get more information about the prophecy. Meanwhile, Karen
creates a new vampire weapon. I'm so excited to talk
like this. I'm like, oh, I'm vibrating. This a serum
that attacks red blood cells. It shall henceforth be referred

(01:05:05):
to as Karen's exploding vampire formula. She puts a little
bit on like, I guess it's Blade's blood. No, I
think it's vampire blood that they have. She says, vampire
blood on it, like a little bit of a of
a slide, and then puts it under a microscope. She's like,
you're gonna want to step back. Why does she bother
putting it under the microscope any sense? So when the

(01:05:26):
tiny minuscule amount of vampire's blood interacts with this serum,
it explodes.

Speaker 1 (01:05:32):
So it begs the question the microscope.

Speaker 2 (01:05:35):
She destroyed them.

Speaker 3 (01:05:37):
She exploded the microscope.

Speaker 1 (01:05:38):
Those are expensive, those are not. Yes, Blade and Whistl
aren't getting paid for this.

Speaker 3 (01:05:43):
We have to steal another one from the junior High.

Speaker 1 (01:05:45):
Now it begs the question of like every vampire hunter,
you must get a hematologist on your team. She has
been in this world for thirty six hours and she.

Speaker 3 (01:05:55):
Has managed to create an atom bomb.

Speaker 1 (01:05:57):
She vampires a personalized vampire bomb, I mean, and it
does it have to be like jabbed in. Could it
just be like loaded into one of those vampire blood
rays into the sprinkler and we just have we just
have popcorn going on.

Speaker 2 (01:06:11):
I think it does have to be introduced into the bloodstream.

Speaker 1 (01:06:14):
I believe.

Speaker 2 (01:06:14):
So. I don't know if you know this, but I
am an amateur hematologist.

Speaker 1 (01:06:18):
You are, yeah, now I know it was. You almost
minored in it in college.

Speaker 3 (01:06:21):
Are I'm almost minored in it in college.

Speaker 2 (01:06:23):
Yeah, And so I know quite a bit on this subject,
and I know it has to be jabbed in really hard.

Speaker 3 (01:06:30):
By the way, this is gonna pay.

Speaker 2 (01:06:31):
Off dividends later in the film, the check gets cash.
Oh my god, Like it's so good.

Speaker 1 (01:06:35):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:06:36):
Then she asks for a sample of Blades's blood so
she can go about finding a cure for herself. So
he's like, he's the perfect specimen to create a cure
for vampirism.

Speaker 1 (01:06:46):
Yeah, okay, So just so everyone knows, we now have
the serum that Blade is taking, which is the one
that is staving off his like blood lust for like
fresh blood, and presumptively he's living off of like blood
bags from the blood bankers, And we have no idea.

Speaker 2 (01:06:59):
What's in it?

Speaker 1 (01:07:00):
Nothing?

Speaker 3 (01:07:00):
No, he's buying the fifty dollars ear one blood milk shit.

Speaker 1 (01:07:03):
Right. We have this serum, the garlic serum from the
beginning that was originally injected into Karen to try to
stave off the vampiric infection from taking hold. We have
Karen's exploding vampire formula, and now she's attempting to make
a fourth thing, which is a cure for vampiism. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:07:20):
Too many serums.

Speaker 1 (01:07:20):
Too many serums. Karen goes to the other room. She
checks her neck wounds, right, which don't look like they're
healing very well, and Whistler sees her and he tells her, up,
we didn't catch it too bad. Do you have another
day to it the most, and then you're gonna vamp out?
He just like walks away, and she's like, I'm not
fucking dead yet, asshole. I really like Karen, me too.
She is a good character, and I in a movie

(01:07:44):
that doesn't do much for its female characters, and in
a genre I will say that does not do much
for its female characters generally speaking, I think this movie
does really right by her.

Speaker 2 (01:07:54):
And the actress. I did a little bit of research
on her because I hadn't seen her before, and she
doesn't work very much as an actress yea, a dancer,
and so she's got this like and once I maybe
I didn't know this before I read it, but then
once I read it, I could see it in every
scene she's and she's got this very live body. She
moves around really well. She does the action sequences really

(01:08:14):
really well, I think because she has that dance training totally.
By the way, if your neck wound isn't healing, doesn't
that mean you're not becoming a vampire. I feel like
the logic there is messed up.

Speaker 1 (01:08:23):
That's a good point. It should be. It should have
closed up.

Speaker 2 (01:08:25):
You've been healing super fast. Oh shit, okay, you're becoming
a vampire. But if it's still like an open, festering wound,
that smells like human to me.

Speaker 1 (01:08:33):
Nothing nothing indicates human more than the adjective festering.

Speaker 2 (01:08:37):
Yeah, nothing, nothing indicates human more than your body being like,
I don't know, why don't we just die to do
that instead?

Speaker 1 (01:08:46):
I want to become an undead thing.

Speaker 2 (01:08:50):
We cut the blade. Walking through Chinatown, Frost confronts him
in full pancake sun block. Stephen Dorf is the only
actor in the history of humanity who looks more sexy
with some block on. I don't know how we did it.

Speaker 1 (01:09:02):
It is fair, It is a magic trick. This entire
scene is insane. We have no context for this. Suddenly
Blade is just walking through Chinatown. It is Chinatown to
the point where it's suddenly like, wait, did he did
I miss a scene? Did he go to China?

Speaker 2 (01:09:16):
All the signs are in Mandarin.

Speaker 1 (01:09:19):
Yeah, every every extra around him is of Asian descent.
I don't know if they are Chinese specifically, but like, look,
sometimes when you go to Chinatown it is like that
so fine, but like there's no We don't know why
he's in Chinatown. We don't know why Frost is in Chinatown.
We don't know why this is the spot these two
met up. We don't know if there was a planned meeting.
We don't know anything. This just happens.

Speaker 2 (01:09:39):
I think it's where they got the permit to film
that day that they were like, it could be if
it's La it could also be Koreatown. We don't know. True,
could be because I can't I can't read either of
those languages, so I can't tell I can't tell the difference.
Blade is walking through Chinatown. In my head canon, what
happens here is Frost is basically stalking Blade. Yeah, so
he can like find the appropriate moment meant to like

(01:10:00):
make himself seen, right because Blade is not expecting to
see a vampire out in the middle of the day.

Speaker 1 (01:10:06):
Yeah, so he's just going for a nice a nice
constitutional in his leather duster.

Speaker 2 (01:10:12):
He's buying some dim sum. Paul, what, It's delicious and
it's not expensive. Although if you are trying to avoid garlic,
I don't know that Chinese food is your is the
good point, it's the food you want to be eating.

Speaker 1 (01:10:23):
But you know what, that's one of the things that
he did not inherit.

Speaker 2 (01:10:26):
Oh, that's right, So he's fine.

Speaker 1 (01:10:27):
He's fine with garlic. Right.

Speaker 2 (01:10:28):
He can eat Italian, he can eat Oh, he can
eat French, he can eat anything.

Speaker 1 (01:10:31):
He can eat any people.

Speaker 2 (01:10:32):
He can eat Greek.

Speaker 1 (01:10:33):
Good for you, Good for you, Blade, delicious. You know what,
it is better to knock at the garlic. We can
get the blood thirst. The garlic is a real that's
a real ship, that's a real shit sandwich Without garlic.

Speaker 2 (01:10:42):
Honestly, I could live my whole life, not seeing the
sun again. But without garlic, I'm not sure I could live.

Speaker 1 (01:10:47):
Yeah, what's the point. What's the point one clove of
garlic in your recipe? Get real?

Speaker 3 (01:10:53):
Get fucked.

Speaker 2 (01:10:58):
So Frost makes himself seen to Blade Blade season from
across the street. Frost is in a small park and
he's holding a little girl hostage. Blade like immediately goes
to attack, and Frost almost like telepathically, is like, no, no, no,
I have a little kid here and we're in full daylight,
lots of people around.

Speaker 3 (01:11:17):
He tells Blade that humanity will never accept him. Frost
is like, listen, you and I are basically the same.

Speaker 2 (01:11:24):
You don't think so, but I do. Let's get let's
have a truce. And Blade tells Frost you're nothing to
me but another dead vampire.

Speaker 3 (01:11:33):
And Frost throws the little girl into traffic and please.

Speaker 2 (01:11:38):
Way to end a conversation.

Speaker 1 (01:11:40):
That's a real conversation under.

Speaker 2 (01:11:42):
Blade rescues the girl, and of course Frost escapes.

Speaker 1 (01:11:45):
Yep, we cut back to the Blade cave. Karen is
synthesized a cure. All right, so that's the fourth serum
and or cure of this movie. But she says it's
only gonna work for me. It's not gonna work for
Blade because Blade was not turned into a vampire. He
was born a vampire. So we're four serums in, still
no help for Blade happening. She says she needs more

(01:12:08):
time to find a cure for him. And also the
movie really does not make this clear, but she has
apparently injected herself with this cure. Yeah, Karen is good now,
no more vamping out for Karen. She is She's a human.
She has cured vamporism. She deserved more flowers for this.
By the way, the movie.

Speaker 3 (01:12:24):
Really glides past that, honestly, because I was like, does she.

Speaker 2 (01:12:27):
Oh, yeah, I guess she does.

Speaker 1 (01:12:28):
Yeah. At that moment they hear leftero, we know it's
not Blade.

Speaker 2 (01:12:34):
No one ever wants to hear laughter.

Speaker 1 (01:12:35):
No, just this random disembodied laughter. Whistler tells Karen to run,
but she grabs a gun as he snatches a rifle.
She's not running anywhere.

Speaker 2 (01:12:45):
I do love Karen.

Speaker 1 (01:12:46):
She's great.

Speaker 3 (01:12:46):
She's so great.

Speaker 1 (01:12:48):
Frost, Quinn, and Mercury show up. So somehow Frost has
gotten back to the Blade cave. Why is he in
the scene doesn't make any sense for him to be
in this scene. Just have it be Mercury and Quinn,
that's fine. Whatever. They take Karen hostage and they beat
Whistler into unconsciousness. So at one point Whistler's like, bite
me already, and Frost like I'm not gonna bite you,
and then you just see like them kicking him until

(01:13:08):
he falls unconscious.

Speaker 2 (01:13:09):
Yeap, real quick question about the sunscreen? Yeah, and then
it's being used so the vampires can now day walk.

Speaker 1 (01:13:14):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:13:15):
Do we think they bought this at the CVS? Do
we think this is nutrigena fifty plus whatever?

Speaker 1 (01:13:21):
Whatever SBF they have is the one that I need? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:13:24):
Is it a formula they have created themselves? So diy techniques?
Are they tradwifing this?

Speaker 1 (01:13:31):
I am like, what's happening on the conversation we had
during gold Finger of how are they making sure that
every spot on them?

Speaker 2 (01:13:38):
I had the same thought because I was like, your scalp,
I don't it doesn't look like you have it in
your scalp first and you people always miss that.

Speaker 1 (01:13:45):
Yeah they do, they do.

Speaker 3 (01:13:47):
They missed the sunblock on the scalp, and your scalp
can burn at the beach.

Speaker 1 (01:13:50):
Let me tell you I discovered I was losing my
hair because I got a big old sunburn on the
top of my head. It was a dark day.

Speaker 2 (01:13:56):
That's sad, but it would have been great if they'd
thrown a little product placement into this. And they're like
banana boat, Yeah, like the little girl, like with showing
on the go. They don't do that anymore because like
it took until like nineteen ninety five for them to
be like, I think this is inappropriate.

Speaker 1 (01:14:12):
I think might be weird.

Speaker 2 (01:14:12):
This might be weird to have a little girl's butt
out on her on our product.

Speaker 1 (01:14:16):
Little girl ass out advertising our product. I know what
you're talking about. I don't remember what you're driving us,
and I.

Speaker 2 (01:14:23):
Really don't want to google little girl add out.

Speaker 1 (01:14:28):
Fair.

Speaker 2 (01:14:29):
Blade returns to find the hideout quiet. That's almost worse
than laughter. He sees evidence of a fight. He finds
Whistler bloodied and dying in a chair. Whistler tells Blade
that Frost took Karen, but he does have some good news.
He managed to decode the scroll. He tells Blade that
Frost is trying to trigger a vampire apocalypse by resurrecting

(01:14:50):
La Magra, the blood god.

Speaker 1 (01:14:52):
I have a question about because these things come up
all the time, zombie apocalypses, vampire apocalypses. A lot of
them have to do with taking out all the humans
and this other race taking over the world. Great, but
the humans are the food source in that case. So
are we are we gonna start raising them like cattle? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:15:13):
I think so. I think they're gonna have to farm humans, Okay,
And then of course vampires are gonna start getting boogie
about it. There's gonna be a whole foods version of humans,
right yeah, where they're like these were only fed, These
were not fed any any preservatives.

Speaker 1 (01:15:24):
These are grass fed.

Speaker 2 (01:15:25):
These are grass fed humans, free range.

Speaker 3 (01:15:28):
She's had granola.

Speaker 1 (01:15:29):
He's got to run around Yellowstone until until it was
time for them to be harvested.

Speaker 2 (01:15:33):
These all went to soul cycle. The Wagu humans wag
you humans whatever that means.

Speaker 1 (01:15:41):
The Kobe BF humans, and the Kobe B humans, well,
they would have to be like, we're gonna feed the
human what you want to taste, right, So, like if
you're in the mood for like, for instance, potstickers, like
we were talking about before, We're gonna like foi gras
this human with potstickers and then you're gonna have a
good time. Or do you then harvest the blood and

(01:16:01):
sell it as potsticker blood? Oh?

Speaker 3 (01:16:03):
Or do you mix the blood in with potstickers?

Speaker 2 (01:16:05):
You know how like we have soup dumplings, Yeah, soup dumplings,
but with blood instead of soup.

Speaker 1 (01:16:09):
I feel I feel like thinking of the vampire population,
I feel like what they want is a living human
that's been stuffed to the gills with potstickers for like
a month, oh, barely able to function anymore, so they
can get the good stuff.

Speaker 2 (01:16:23):
Okay, he's you don't have to sell me on the
poplast I'm in.

Speaker 1 (01:16:30):
What a way to go?

Speaker 3 (01:16:32):
Would I would sign up? I don't think I have
it in me to be a vampire.

Speaker 1 (01:16:36):
No, I'm not cool enough.

Speaker 2 (01:16:37):
I think I'm more your your squawkraw stuffed goose.

Speaker 1 (01:16:40):
Also, i'd be the vampire that was like, I'm going
to bed at four am, no later, and then I
will sleep all day until the sun goes down.

Speaker 2 (01:16:50):
So Blade turns out is the key. Frost needs the
blood of a day walker to complete the ritual. Whistler
tells him not to go after Frost because if he's captured,
Frost will be able to complete his plan and bring
about this not bad sounding.

Speaker 1 (01:17:04):
Apocalypse as far as apocalypses go. Yeah, yeah, like.

Speaker 2 (01:17:09):
Truly the way humanity can end. This doesn't seem like
the worst situation, you guys. Yeah, Whistler demands that Blade
give them a gun. He's been bitten by a vampire
and he's gonna follow his own advice. Blade hesitates and
Whistler's like gun, and then Blade gives it to him.
Whistler tells him to walk the fuck away. Blade stoically
walks away, and in the distance, here's a gunshot.

Speaker 1 (01:17:32):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:17:33):
End of Whistler exunt Whistler from the film.

Speaker 1 (01:17:35):
From the film, however, in Trant's Whistler to the next
film because they retcon this. Oh and he is rescued
by like another He's taken by another band of vampires
and forced to turn into a vampire. Oh yeah, which
means Blade was really not paying attention to this moment.

Speaker 2 (01:17:51):
Yeah, he's full of emotions, Paul, is it still Chris Christopher's.

Speaker 1 (01:17:55):
Chris Chostopherson's in all three of these movies apparently had
a good time.

Speaker 2 (01:17:58):
Good for you cash those checks, all right.

Speaker 1 (01:18:00):
So Blade gets a message from Frost. He gets like
a video message on something. I don't know. Why how
do we send video messages in nineteen ninety eight, I
don't remember. Frost says you can find us at the
Edgewood Towers, and we see Karen being held by Mercury.
Blade gets his army ready, he suits up, and he
rides off, so we cut to Edgewood Towers. Frost is
taunting Karen. He's wondering why she seems so tense. He's like,

(01:18:24):
I could just I could bite you if you want
me to, and she's like, bite me if you want to.
I've cured myself once. I'll cure myself again, which is
when we find out that she actually did cure herself.

Speaker 2 (01:18:32):
That's right, Yeah, I mean if Stephen doorf offered to
bite me, I wouldn't say no, yeah, saying, just saying.

Speaker 1 (01:18:37):
Frost says there's no cure, and Karen assures him that
there is, so long as you were turned, not born.
And you must have been turned because you have that
scar on your face, which means you must have gotten
it before contracting vamporism, because otherwise you would have cured it.
So you're just like you just turned like me, You're
nothing special. She's getting the better of him so hard
at this moment, It's so good. I love Karen. She

(01:18:59):
says turn vampires are nothing but a virus. Oh girl,
and Frost snaps that her cure won't mean shit once
La Magra rises, because everyone that he looks at will
turn into a vampire again. We have to save some
for the pot sticker deliciousness.

Speaker 2 (01:19:16):
Look, if you if you need volunteers, if you need volunteers,
I would I would very much like it. Maybe not
the pot stickers. I would like to be the let's see,
what would I like to be stuffed with?

Speaker 3 (01:19:27):
I would like to be the sausage stuffed sausage.

Speaker 1 (01:19:29):
Gotcha?

Speaker 2 (01:19:30):
I want to, you know, like the turn ducan but
human like I just just like, just eat nothing but
cured meats for a month and then you can suck
my blood out. I bet I would be delicious, salty
and delicious. Just fly me over to Tuscany and give
me the top quality for shootout for a month. Paul,
what would you like to be stuffed with?

Speaker 1 (01:19:46):
I'm gonna go with loaded questions loaded, But you already
took sausage egg plant. Now I I'm going to go again.
I'm going to Italy. I'm going fresh pasta. I'm your
fresh pasta bitch.

Speaker 3 (01:19:58):
Oh tortolini him up.

Speaker 1 (01:20:00):
Yeah yeah, there's stuffed me full of flour, water, a
little bit of salt and red sauce. I'm good.

Speaker 2 (01:20:05):
Make him into a giant human tortellini. You guys, yea
delicious Paul filling in a giant giant meat tortellini. This
got weird and I'm getting aroused. That's that's wrong, right, No,
that's exactly right. Okay, okay. Blade makes his way to
Edgewood Towers and he begins his assault lots of gunfire,

(01:20:26):
cut together with Frost angrily reminding everyone that he needs
Blade alive. You fuckers do not kill him.

Speaker 1 (01:20:32):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:20:33):
Blade injects two vampires with Karen's exploding vampire formula. They
swell up like angry, pulsing zits and then explode like
blood bags. They look like balloons that have been filled
with meat, blood, and visceras, and then and then stuck
on a on a helium machine until they just get

(01:20:54):
so big explode. It's so gross, it's so wonderful. Blade
makes his way to the same private room we saw
Frost in earlier, that coffin bed opens. Remember that coffin
bed where Frost was keeping his many lovers. There's many paramour.

Speaker 1 (01:21:16):
Yes, Kenny G is playing on from the from the
stereosystem in the corners.

Speaker 3 (01:21:24):
That's what Kenny G sounds like to me.

Speaker 2 (01:21:27):
And it opens to reveal his latest paramour. And oh
my god, Paul, would you believe it? It is Vanessa,
Blade's mom. What snah Lathan has returned to the film.

Speaker 1 (01:21:41):
She has.

Speaker 3 (01:21:42):
She slithers out of the coffin, so sexy, so hot.
She calls Blade eric.

Speaker 2 (01:21:48):
She gives him her backstory, because he had no idea
his mother was still alive.

Speaker 1 (01:21:52):
This is all new.

Speaker 2 (01:21:53):
Information to Blade. She tells him that she rose again
the same night she died, and Frost welcomed her. This
distracts Blade enough that Frost and his men are able
to ambush and subdue him. Vanessa looks on, unbothered as
her son is hit with a taser after taser until
he is completely subdued. Frost gloats that Blade finally found

(01:22:15):
the vampire who bit his mother.

Speaker 1 (01:22:17):
It's me, ha I'm your dad, I'm your dad.

Speaker 3 (01:22:21):
HAA.

Speaker 2 (01:22:23):
Now they're all one big, happy family and Blade slips
into unconsciousness.

Speaker 1 (01:22:28):
Does it not make more sense for Frost to have
known he needed a day walker and planned this entire
thing to make Blade.

Speaker 2 (01:22:40):
No, I think he found out during the course of
this film that he needed Blade.

Speaker 1 (01:22:44):
Absolutely, he definitely found out during the car You wouldn't.

Speaker 3 (01:22:47):
Have made sense if that had been from the jumps.

Speaker 1 (01:22:49):
So then the whole thing, like your very existence is
because of this guy a killing your mother and turning
her into a vampire and then planning on using you
to bring about La Margre.

Speaker 2 (01:23:02):
Yes and no, because then the question becomes why doesn't
he do this when Blade is five?

Speaker 1 (01:23:06):
Right at four? You can add something like that and
be like, he must be. He must be after he
has seen twenty seven turns of the sun, he will
be ready for the sacrifice or some bullshit.

Speaker 2 (01:23:15):
And also just like keep him in a cage or
something until like that's a horrible thing to say, but.

Speaker 1 (01:23:20):
Yeah, then you have Blade breaks out when he's a kid,
when he's thirteen, he breaks out, It goes start phenon rats.

Speaker 2 (01:23:24):
That's when Whistler picks him, also picks him up. No,
I get it, you're making You're making some very salient
points here. I'm just saying there are some flaws to
that pH but yeah, I guess you're right, like it
would have made more sense, but I do They did
justify it in the course of this film. But he
he only in real time learned that his greatest foe
is his greatest assets. Yes, and his step son. M m, no,

(01:23:45):
terrible stepfather situation.

Speaker 1 (01:23:47):
Yeah, that's bad. That's really not good. Blade and Karen
wake up in the back of a truck. She tells
him she might be able to cure his thirst. Okay,
so this is the fifth serum. Now we have a
serum that is going to cure Blade's When does she
have time to do that? She must have been thinking
in Edgewood Towers. I don't know. She's just in the
back room, like drawing on a wall. She says, I

(01:24:09):
can do it, but bad news, bears, You're gonna be
a normal human afterwards. Before Blade can even really absorb this,
they're transported into an underground complex where Frost is planning
his ritual. This we will learn Erica is the temple
of Eternal Night, which the vampire elders those twelve volunteers
they asked for before. Huh, they're also there at frostby

(01:24:30):
has and he says, you forgot this place even existed. Okay, okay,
that's a lot.

Speaker 2 (01:24:36):
That's a lot. Yeah, And like now I understand what
the weird dumb graphics were at the beginning of the
movie that he was looking at with sarcophagus and stuff.
It's this place.

Speaker 1 (01:24:44):
Yeah. Meanwhile, Blade is in need of some serum to
stop the thirst. So not the garlic serum from the
very beginning of the movie, but the second serum that
calls off Blade's thirst, the one that he's trying to
get better from, the one that Karen needs to make
a better version of so he can stop thirsting. This
first serum is no longer good. We needed to the
fourth serum, better version, but a better version of the
second serum, which would be the fifth serum.

Speaker 2 (01:25:05):
I guess really, the only one that we have to
think about right now is the third serum, because that
third serum is gonna make this movie sing.

Speaker 1 (01:25:12):
Karen's Exploding Vampire formula is, without doubt, the best serum
in the movie, even for me. Even for me, Frost
notices Blades starting to get get a little blood lusty
around the corner of the corner of his eyes, right,
and he looks at his belt. He's like, oh, I
bet you need some of your serum. This serum right
here that Frost thinks is blades, like oops, I don't

(01:25:34):
want to bite a human.

Speaker 2 (01:25:34):
Serum number two, serum number two, but.

Speaker 1 (01:25:36):
It's actually serum number three. Karen's exploding vampire formula. And
Frost's like, ha haaa, I guess you won't need this anymore.
And he throws this kind of bandolier of serum canisters. Yeah,
off the ledge, into the into the the dais into
a Crevis. Yeah, check off, zerum, check off.

Speaker 2 (01:25:56):
I'm gonna see those serums again.

Speaker 1 (01:25:58):
He tells the men to take to where he's needed
and to bring the elders to their designated spots. The
elders are just filing along as if dudu they.

Speaker 3 (01:26:07):
Really folded quickly.

Speaker 2 (01:26:09):
You're right, they're actually instead of like deleting that other scene,
it just needed to be expanded. It's like how he
was able to tick over this council so quickly? Are
they like maybe because they're aristocrats, they just are like
kind of like bored, weak and soft and they don't
know how to fight someone like Frost like, just give
us some backstories, So why these people are just like
shuffling to their own demise without.

Speaker 1 (01:26:30):
Any yeah, or tie them up. Have them tied up here,
you have hoods over their heads, have some kind.

Speaker 3 (01:26:35):
Of weaponry on that something to make to make this
make any kind of sense.

Speaker 1 (01:26:39):
He just has like Mercury walking around, who's she's a
lovely person, but she's not intimidating because she's very slender
and small.

Speaker 2 (01:26:46):
No one has any weapons in this scene. This was
very confusing to me. I was like, wait, yes, people
are about to be sacrifices. Are they aware of that
or what if they think is about to happen exactly?
Frost and Quinn drag Karen into a room that has
an enormous pick. They start talking over Karen about how
they expected quote unquote him to turn but he just
became a ravenous zombie. Whatever's in that pit? They toss

(01:27:10):
Karen into it, Well find out for yourself, Karen, have fun,
and she lands amongst scattered bones. There she finds the
rotted ambulatory corpse of Curtis the great boyfriend, This shitty
ex boyfriend. I was a little bummed he came back yeah.
I was like, well shit, but then I realized, oh no,
we get to watch him die again. This will be fun.

Speaker 1 (01:27:30):
And also the fact that the movie was like this
guy is so shitty where he doesn't get to be
a vampire, Yeah, we're gonna make him worse than a vampire.

Speaker 3 (01:27:37):
He just becomes some kind of ravenus zombie.

Speaker 2 (01:27:39):
A third thing that like the humans, we have day walkers,
we have vampires, we have subcategories of vampires. We have
pure bloods and turns, and now we have this thing
whatever this thing is, whatever Curtis has now become.

Speaker 1 (01:27:51):
He had too much garlic recently when he got bit
by the vampires. The turning doesn't take.

Speaker 2 (01:27:55):
Yeah, yeah, he'd gone to that Greek restaurant around the
corner and had a little too much garlic. And now
he's a zombie.

Speaker 3 (01:28:01):
So Karen fights him off with a femur bone. Then
she uses that bone to like wedge herself into the
corner of the pit and drag herself out of the pit.
She is strong, like for a doctor, yeah, for someone
who spends her whole life in a laboratory looking at
samples like she's incredibly strong.

Speaker 1 (01:28:20):
Meanwhile, Vanessa brings blade to the sarcophagus we saw in
the diagrams on the computer. Remember, high above the dais,
high above where the twelve vampires are, there's a sarcophagus.
She straps blade into one side and she steps up
to him, and Sanna Lathan is doing this very weird
thing when you think about her being his mother, a
phone kind of oedipal sexiness thing, right, She's bringing a

(01:28:44):
lot to this character that I don't think is on
the page, which is fine, that's okay. I'm not complaining. Really,
I was thinking that in the hands of a lesser actress,
this could have been this could have been very flat.

Speaker 2 (01:28:56):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:28:57):
She calls him Eric again. She tells him that the
vampires are her people. Now his mother died a long
time ago. And she walks backwards and she takes the
heel of her chunky boot, her chunky nineties boot, and
she hits this button on the floor and the other.
So this sarcophagus we're calling the sarcophagus which is making
people picture like a coffin sized thing, like an Egyptian

(01:29:18):
thing pictured enormous stone slab with a body shape kind
of half cut out of it, and then a matching
stone slab ten feet away. She hits this button. The
stone slab that's ten feet away, flies across the floor
and slams shut somehow, cutting into Blades's arms and starting
him bleeding, which trickles down through his prison into like

(01:29:40):
a bowl underneath it, and then down into the main
anti chamber of the Temple of Eternal Night. So all
of Blade's blood is now dripping down into this area
where Frost and all the other vampires are.

Speaker 2 (01:29:51):
Yep, Mercury arranges the elders in their intended places, murdering
one of them just for fun. Yeah, and to which
I was like, girl, well now you don't have all
your your who's gonna be in that person's place?

Speaker 3 (01:30:03):
You need you need, You needed a twelve elders to
finish the ritual.

Speaker 2 (01:30:08):
I guess they had a spare. Suddenly another person just
shows up and like gets in the spot. Movie makes
some sense, help me out, movie.

Speaker 1 (01:30:16):
Or let this be the reason doesn't take Maybe this
is why La Magra doesn't fully rise.

Speaker 2 (01:30:20):
No, because it can't be because of like user error,
because the heroes actually today it would be hilarious. It
is just user aer.

Speaker 1 (01:30:31):
Shit.

Speaker 2 (01:30:32):
Meanwhile, Karen manages to get two blade sarcophagus and free him.
He has been bled too much and he collapses on
the floor. She looks at him and she knows what
she has to do. She tells him to drink from
her so he can regain his strength. He's like, I
don't know if I should. I'm on a diet, and
she's like, girl, fuck your diet today, it's your cheat day. Drink, drink, drink,

(01:30:56):
and he does it. He drinks from her blood, even
as his blood drips from this ceiling into the Temple
of Eternal Night and onto the foreheads of all the
vampire elders.

Speaker 1 (01:31:04):
Yep, Blade manages to stop feeding on Karen as his
blood pools in the center of the temple's ceiling and
drops down onto Frost's forehead. This is seemingly the final
step for the ritual, the magic to take hold. Vanessa
enters and she asks Blade, how was it feeding on
a human? So ostensibly Vanessa just let Karen go in
there and rescue her son.

Speaker 2 (01:31:25):
She is messy.

Speaker 1 (01:31:26):
She is a messy bitulos drama.

Speaker 2 (01:31:27):
Now I wonder she had like Frost doesn't have her
on the a squad.

Speaker 1 (01:31:31):
Yes, Vanessa attacks Blade as lightning crackles in the temple
and hits the elder's foreheads. The elder's soul. Remember, in
the beginning we've talked about the twelve spirits. The elder
souls are released in the form of animated humanoid bat
skeletons that fly up into the air, and Blade hisses,
I must release you, and he stakes Vanessa killing her.

Speaker 3 (01:31:54):
Ugh kills his own mother.

Speaker 1 (01:31:55):
Yeah, damn it, she said she was not his mother anymore.

Speaker 2 (01:31:57):
To be fair, she said that as she was taking
her tongue down his throat.

Speaker 1 (01:32:01):
Yeah, to be clear, To be clear, Karen.

Speaker 2 (01:32:04):
Sneaks into the temple and gets yourself a gun by
killing a vampire servant.

Speaker 3 (01:32:08):
God, damn it, Karen, Yeah, you're the best.

Speaker 2 (01:32:11):
The spirits of the Elders fly around in Truly Truly
Goofy nineteen ninety eight special effects, and Frost, whose eyes
turn blood red as all the spirits seem to embed
themselves in him. Right, he is knocked across the room
from this experience and then stands. Mercury asks Deacon, and

(01:32:32):
he goes, not anymore.

Speaker 1 (01:32:35):
Now I'm a deli owner, I'm something else.

Speaker 2 (01:32:41):
I'm an influencer.

Speaker 1 (01:32:46):
Blade rushes in. He leaps into the center Dais of
the Temple of Eternal Night, and now like the rock
music kicks on, so you know, like all of the
obstacles are now done, and now Blade's gonna kick some
vampire ass. Those suckheads are gonna get dusted. Ha Win crows.
This is very funny what happens right now, Quinn's that's
donal loge. It's like I finally have the chance to
kill you. And he rushes towards Blade, and Blade just

(01:33:08):
beheads him without a thought. Excellent, excellent noseas funny. He
works his way through dozens of vampires, shouting for Frost
to come fight at him, and keep shouting Frost's name. Meanwhile,
Mercury spots Karen. She rushes towards her. Karen has taken
shots at the vampire she keeps missing. Fair enough, she
hasn't had training.

Speaker 2 (01:33:27):
Look, she's not gonna be good at everything. Yeah, he's
good at most things.

Speaker 1 (01:33:31):
Mercury gets her. She rips it from her hands, and
Mercury says, I'm gonna enjoy this, and she goes in
with her mouth wide open for the kill bite. Karen
sprays Chekhov's vampire mace right into Mercury's mouth and Mercury's
head explodes. Yes.

Speaker 2 (01:33:47):
Blade finally makes his way to Frost and they square
off and the center dais with a sword fight. Excellent.
Blade chops off one of Frost's hands and then shears
right through his waist. Unfortunately, Frost is now the avatar
of the vampire god.

Speaker 1 (01:34:01):
I guess I think.

Speaker 2 (01:34:02):
I think that's so basically the Avid the vampire God
is Frost. He's no longer Frost. He is La mag
What if Magra was like a lady who like who
was like, I am now La Magra, and you will
treat me with respect?

Speaker 1 (01:34:21):
He like, he transforms into Salahayak.

Speaker 2 (01:34:23):
He gets some big hoopy rings on. Yeah, he becomes
Salamahayak and he's like, listen, you will respect me, okay.
I did not come in here to be disrespected. No, no, no,
Frost is La Magra and La Magra cannot be killed.

Speaker 1 (01:34:39):
So he is.

Speaker 2 (01:34:40):
He heals immediately from all these wounds. He knocks Blade over,
giving Blade the chance to spot the canisters of Karen's
exploding vampire formula hidden in the crevice from before. Frost,
still thinking they're that the other serum to stop, to
stop Blade's bloodlust scoffs. Blade manages to get the vials
and he kind of like throws them at him like darts.

(01:35:03):
He like, he like darts them into Frost, injecting him
with five of them. And Frost, of course, still thinks
this is like to cure his blood loss, and he's like,
this isn't that I do jack shit to me?

Speaker 1 (01:35:13):
That's right?

Speaker 3 (01:35:13):
Oh my god, though, is this going to kill him?

Speaker 2 (01:35:17):
So remember before when like one of those canisters kind
of made a vampire fully explode. Imagine what happens when
you put one person, When you stick one vampire with
five or six of them, he becomes like a hot
air balloon.

Speaker 1 (01:35:33):
Of meat, puppets of viscera.

Speaker 2 (01:35:39):
You know those carnival games where you throw darts and
balloons to win prizes. He becomes that.

Speaker 1 (01:35:46):
It's it's the it's the one with the gun where
you try you're trying to fill up your water balloon
to pop it first.

Speaker 2 (01:35:50):
Yeah, but it's like seven or eight of those balloons
and they're all filled with meat and guts and blush
so gross. He becomes his big as a fucking house
and then explodes over everything it is the glorious death
in a seat in a movie filled with like insane

(01:36:11):
your it is so good. Blade looks at him, and
he says, some motherfuckers are always trying to ice skate uphill. Excellent, excellent,
that makes any sense?

Speaker 1 (01:36:23):
No, fair enough, as long as it didn't make sense
to you two, I'm happy with you loving it.

Speaker 2 (01:36:30):
Yeah, why didn't you understand that that obvious reference to something.

Speaker 1 (01:36:34):
Okay, I didn't know if sisfist joke, but.

Speaker 3 (01:36:38):
Also just doesn't make any sense in this context.

Speaker 1 (01:36:40):
So Blade and Karen climb out of the Temple of
Eternal Night as the sun rises. She tells Blade, I
need to go back to the lab and find a
cure for you. He tells her, Hey, there's still a
war going on. Forget the cure, make me a better serum.
Blade has accepted himself. It's really a story of coming
out of the closet nice, you.

Speaker 2 (01:37:00):
Know, like metaphorically killing your parents to become your like
actualized self, breaking yourself from childhood, becoming the adult you
were always meant to be. A very mature film, you, guys.

Speaker 1 (01:37:12):
I wonder if Blade's father, like biological father, ever comes
into play, and if he is.

Speaker 2 (01:37:17):
Not played by Richard Roundtree, then I don't want it.
I don't want it out. Then that is the only
you know. When I'm googling that later to see if
that happens, and if it is Richard Rowntree, then I
am officially a witch. I have made that happen retroactively.
You're all welcome. We cut to Moscow a year later.
Snow lines the streets and a couple are walking together.

(01:37:38):
The woman in this couple, they both are, but the
woman in particular, her coat is open. They are walking
through a fucking blizzard in Moscow. She is wildly under
reacting to this weather. It bothers me. The man pushes
the woman back against the pillar. It looks like they're
having a date, of a date that's gone very well. Yes,
good vibes happening between them. The man pushes the woman

(01:37:59):
back against a pillar and reveals, oh, oh, he's been
a vampire this whole time. He's about to bite her.
We hear a voice and the vampire turns. Blade is there,
and he says, catch you at a bad time.

Speaker 1 (01:38:12):
Comrade says it in Russian, it's so silly.

Speaker 3 (01:38:17):
The vampire approaches and Blade draws his sword.

Speaker 2 (01:38:21):
End of movie.

Speaker 1 (01:38:22):
End of movie, end of Blade. So stick around. We
right back with our random observations and final rankings, and
we're back Erica. Do you have any other little droplets
of blood from the lightest exploding meat puppet to drizzle

(01:38:45):
on listeners?

Speaker 2 (01:38:46):
See that was good. I appreciate that. Yeah, it was
very evocative.

Speaker 1 (01:38:50):
I like it. I think the word drizzle really helps. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:38:56):
In the beginning during the nightclub scene when like the
there's like a spray of everywhere.

Speaker 1 (01:39:00):
And that Dilwey Dennis is standing underneath, it me like,
what's going on?

Speaker 2 (01:39:05):
If I had a nickel for every time I was
in that situation. Yeah, Blade comes in right, guns literally
a blazon. He's got shotguns on either hand, and he's
blowing people away. He's blowing vampires away. This one vampire
grabs two meat hooks from off the wall and just
goes at Blade with two meat hooks, literally bringing meat
hooks to a shotgun fight. Come on, bro, what are

(01:39:28):
you doing?

Speaker 1 (01:39:28):
Everyone seems to know who he is. He's not somewhere
just showed up to. He has one gun.

Speaker 2 (01:39:33):
If it was prepared, if it was a toddler with
two shotguns. I still wouldn't go at him with meat
hooks right run away.

Speaker 1 (01:39:39):
That is your only option there is Okay, this has
to be something that was cut from the movie or
else I just missed it. In Blades like Armory, there's
this plant. It's like it's got these red blooms and
it's like sitting in this alcove on the wall. There's
one close up of it in the beginning of the movie.
And then at the end of the movie, when he's

(01:40:00):
like gearing up to go rescue Karen at Edgewood Towers,
he goes to this plant. He rips it out of
the wall and he chops the bottom of it off,
and there's like this slow motion shot of like the
bulb of this plant on this on the floor. Huh.
I have no idea what that is supposed to signify,
Like it was this Maybe this is what the plant

(01:40:20):
that makes the serum. So he's like rejecting the serum.

Speaker 2 (01:40:24):
Never explain it.

Speaker 1 (01:40:25):
It's right because you don't know what it is either.
You know.

Speaker 2 (01:40:27):
It's funny is until you mentioned that scene, I'd forgotten
about it, and now I'm like, right, because I did
remember being like, why is he destroying this plant for
no reason. Yeah, it doesn't come back. It doesn't make
any sense.

Speaker 1 (01:40:37):
No, it doesn't. It doesn't. He doesn't have like the
bulb to like shove in a vampire's face and it
makes a vampire explode. Like there's no I have no idea.

Speaker 2 (01:40:43):
Yeah, maybe that's like an easter egg for people who
read the comic book.

Speaker 1 (01:40:47):
That could be.

Speaker 2 (01:40:48):
It has to be, almost, it really genuinely has to,
because otherwise, why are we wasting the film real estate
on that moment? It makes no sense. Another bit of
fun like gorness that I enjoyed when I watched this
movie with the subtitles. I always watch anytime we do
a movie for this show, I always watch with the
subtitles to make sure I catch everything. Yeah, and sometimes
you get like subtitle writer, descriptive verbs are descriptive adjectives

(01:41:14):
rather that are so excellent. So the scene where Karen
is shining the UV light on pearl and killing a
pearl in the just descriptive like underneath that scene it
says flesh bubbles, and then the second goes by, and
then it says sizzly.

Speaker 3 (01:41:35):
Excellent and also yuck.

Speaker 1 (01:41:38):
No, I had a friend ended in my twenties who
he went on like vacation in Mexico and he was
a dope and he fell asleep in the sun. Oh no,
he actually got blisters. He actually got blistered from the
sunny sunburned himself so badly.

Speaker 2 (01:41:49):
Yeah, I've gotten close. I've gotten very very close. I've
had really really bad sunburns.

Speaker 1 (01:41:54):
Like, yeah, you know me, I look like I look
like Deacon Frost and I go out to the.

Speaker 2 (01:41:58):
Sub you know from It always happens when I don't
think I'm gonna be sure. Sporting events is a problem.
If I sit out in a sporting event, I don't
think ahead. I don't know why I don't think ahead
of time to bring some block with me. And then
I come back looking like like like an in severe
pain and like looking like I've like put red face on,
like it's awful.

Speaker 1 (01:42:15):
I only have one more and it is it is
a moment of comedy that deeply worked for me. And
this is, I believe a moment of unintentional comedy. Although
if it is intentional, then I salute them because excellent,
just excellent. In the final fight, when Blade is like
tearing through all of the Beta vampires, yelling Frost's name,
Come fight me, you coward, la lah lah. There's this
one cut and in my head it goes on for

(01:42:38):
like thirty seconds. I'm sure it's like four and a
half seconds total, where he and Wesley Snipes is of
course doing all this stuff because he's a martial artist,
like he studies all the shit, so he's legitimately doing it.

Speaker 2 (01:42:49):
You literally thought that when I was watching the movie,
because they show his face so much during the fight
scenes that I was like, does he even have a
stunt double? One time? At times with the stunt double
one time, and it was only it was during a
sword fight.

Speaker 1 (01:43:01):
It's him and then this extra who's playing a rival vampire,
and they're like martial arts sing at each other. But
the way they're doing it is Wesley Snipe like kicks
and the other guy kicks, and then Wesley Snipe kicks,
but they're so far away from each other neither one
of them could possibly hit the other one. In my head,
they do it seven times. I'm sure it's like twice,

(01:43:23):
but like in my head, it's so funny because like,
why are you doing this?

Speaker 2 (01:43:27):
It's like street Fighter, but the two characters haven't come together,
yet he's kicking the air in front of.

Speaker 1 (01:43:31):
Them exactly, exactly excellent.

Speaker 3 (01:43:35):
I just have one more, and it's a little bit
of a critique on a film.

Speaker 2 (01:43:39):
Okay, there's a scene where Blade and Karen are going
through a nightclub. This is when they're chasing the cop. Familiar, Yeah,
to find like the hideout, blah blah blah. We're in
the nightclub. The nightclub seems to be it's another one
of deacons. It's four vampires this one, however, instead of
like young ravers, this one seems to be for like
the Asian businessman population of Los Angeles.

Speaker 1 (01:44:00):
Now, see, I thought that was I don't think those
are vampires.

Speaker 2 (01:44:04):
Oh you think it's a real.

Speaker 1 (01:44:06):
I think it's a real. I think I think.

Speaker 2 (01:44:08):
I'm not sure vampires who also happened to be Asian businessmen.

Speaker 1 (01:44:11):
I thought it was a vampire safe house hidden behind
this nightclub for Asian businessmen. But I know you're going
with this, and this is actually not the focus what
you're talking about, so let's just move on.

Speaker 2 (01:44:20):
But then it's almost worse. Yeah, it's better the way
I think it is, the way you think it is.

Speaker 1 (01:44:27):
This is worse one.

Speaker 2 (01:44:28):
So we get like a pan, a long pan across
this nightclub, right, and like at first I thought, oh god,
this is going to be a strip club because it's
all men in the audience. It's like, oh, this is
gonna be a strip club. It's not a strip club.
It's not much better than that was that stripping.

Speaker 1 (01:44:41):
It might actually be worse.

Speaker 2 (01:44:43):
It is a bunch of young like Asian women in
like schoolgirl uniforms, not like actual schoolgirls. To be clear,
Like they do look like they're in their twenties.

Speaker 1 (01:44:52):
They are of eight hundred percent, but they're but.

Speaker 2 (01:44:55):
Like very skimpy, like schoolgirl fetishy stuff. And they are
also performing. They're not stripping. What they are doing is rapping.
They're rapping. It's a rap. They're rapping. They're rapping. I
don't know how else to say, you, guys, these actresses
are performing a hip hop rap.

Speaker 1 (01:45:12):
I didn't even realize they were rapping. I thought they
were singing.

Speaker 3 (01:45:16):
It is suboptimal.

Speaker 2 (01:45:22):
It is bad. It is it's so bad. The performance
is so I would prefer if they were stripping. Please, ma'am,
get on the pole. Shut stop singing, and get.

Speaker 1 (01:45:31):
On the pole, because they're almost they sound like they're
doing voices right, Like is that in my head? It
almost sounds like they're like doing like a like a
sexy baby voice.

Speaker 3 (01:45:40):
Yeah, yeah, whilst also rapping.

Speaker 2 (01:45:45):
It is disturbing. I hated it.

Speaker 3 (01:45:48):
It's the thing I hated most in this entire movie.

Speaker 1 (01:45:51):
It really was upsetting, right you are?

Speaker 2 (01:45:53):
I was like, I hate all of this. So when
I thought they were all vampires and this was all
kind of weird vamphire culture, I was more okay with it.

Speaker 1 (01:46:01):
Yeah, you make these all these people.

Speaker 2 (01:46:03):
Humans, then none of these choices make any sense.

Speaker 1 (01:46:05):
The reason I think it's humans is because Blade walks
in and like he's chasing this vampire familiar, and none
of the other people react as if it's like something
they need to pay any attention to.

Speaker 2 (01:46:15):
Yeah, I don't know. Honestly, I was so freaked out
by the girls, the girl group on stage, that I
lost track of time because the.

Speaker 1 (01:46:22):
First time I watched it, I thought the same thing,
and the second time when I was watching it, like again,
I was like, but what's going on? If these are
all vampires, they should be reacting to Blade. Every all
the vampires know who Blade is, yeah, and he should
be dusting them as he goes.

Speaker 2 (01:46:34):
Maybe they're like visiting from Japan, so they're Japanese vampires
visiting Los Angeles.

Speaker 1 (01:46:40):
And blades like these are not my responsibility. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah yeah. Don't want to. I don't want to sit
off an international incident.

Speaker 2 (01:46:45):
Honestly, I don't want to stop this awesome girl group
from their performance. Paul, how shall we rank a blade?

Speaker 1 (01:46:54):
One to ten? Serums?

Speaker 2 (01:46:55):
Sira, serums, sar mirem, syrians, SAMs, too many, no matter
how man making too many?

Speaker 1 (01:47:02):
Too many?

Speaker 2 (01:47:03):
I wonder if in the next film there's five more,
I hope. So there's one that just gives Blade diarrhea.

Speaker 1 (01:47:10):
It's something to make it vomit if he accidentally eats
something like he's not supposed to be scarlic.

Speaker 3 (01:47:15):
Yeah, there's one.

Speaker 2 (01:47:15):
There's one that just like cures his seasonal allergies.

Speaker 1 (01:47:19):
There's one that makes him his hair turn different colors
and then.

Speaker 2 (01:47:22):
He just looks like the guy in Demolition Man.

Speaker 1 (01:47:24):
That's right. Ah? Yes?

Speaker 2 (01:47:25):
How about one to ten vampire sex playlists or aka
smush tracks smush tracks, because as we discussed, vampires are old,
they're not young, so they like they're like vintage smush tracks.
They are going to be listening to a Reo Speedwagon.

Speaker 1 (01:47:40):
They're going to be listening They're gonna be listening to
Paul Anka.

Speaker 2 (01:47:43):
Ooh, they could be listening to Tony Braxton.

Speaker 1 (01:47:46):
Barry Manilow, Glenn Fry, Michael Bolton, Michael.

Speaker 2 (01:47:52):
Bolton, Rod Stewart.

Speaker 1 (01:47:56):
Rod Stewart, yet air supply making the that and nothing
that'll make it.

Speaker 2 (01:48:04):
Honestly, you're making the Vampire Apocalypse just sound better, better
and better.

Speaker 1 (01:48:07):
Speaking of this one to ten upsides to the Vampire Apocalypse.

Speaker 2 (01:48:11):
Listen nothing but like old timey soundtracks everywhere you go.

Speaker 1 (01:48:14):
Everywhere you go, and like, you know, we don't treat
all our food badly. We massage cal Oh.

Speaker 3 (01:48:20):
Yeah, we massage Kobe Beef.

Speaker 2 (01:48:21):
You know, I would like to sign up to be
Kobe Beef. I think I've already said that before, but
just making really putting that out there. We fly our
food across the world sometimes, so like you get you
get salmon brought in from like Scotland exactly, So I
would like to be flown across the world as like
corn fed American human.

Speaker 1 (01:48:41):
I mean, if you taste good enough, they'll probably they're
not gonna drain you in one because everyone's gonna want
to have a taste, so they're gonna have to keep you.
This is the move in the Vampire Apocalypse. You make
sure you taste so good. Yeah that they're gonna nibble,
but they're not gonna kill.

Speaker 2 (01:48:54):
My only issues. They might freeze you.

Speaker 1 (01:48:56):
Roy's problem to preserve you. Yeah, you don't want that.

Speaker 2 (01:48:59):
You don't want that. You don't want to be that good.
You want to be something they eat in one fell swoop.
Oh my god, chocolate? Can I be the chocolate human?
You just fish shove truffles in my face until I
can't anymore.

Speaker 1 (01:49:10):
I want to be the ice cream Sunday and then cover.

Speaker 2 (01:49:12):
Me in chocolate and eat me. How about one to
ten exploding meat balloons.

Speaker 1 (01:49:18):
I think for your sake that we must go with this.
Uh do you want me to go first? Or shall
you go first this time?

Speaker 3 (01:49:25):
I'll go first this time?

Speaker 1 (01:49:26):
Okay?

Speaker 2 (01:49:27):
Actually really great. I don't think it passes. The Bechel
test is the only real issue I see with the film.
You have Karen and you have Mercury, both main characters.
They have no reason to talk. I'm not saying I
want like a heart to heart conversation between these two characters.

Speaker 1 (01:49:38):
I mean, they do talk. Mercury says it's gonna be
so much fun to kill you before Karen's braser in
the face with no passes.

Speaker 2 (01:49:44):
The Bechel test.

Speaker 3 (01:49:46):
That fucking counts.

Speaker 2 (01:49:48):
Yes, passes the Bechel test. We have two female characters
who are not leads. Well, Karen is a lead, Mercury
is like a supporting player, but like very good characters.
And you have Vanessa, as you say, it is a
slightly underwritten role where they cast an amazing actress to
play her and then she like brought more to it.
But yes, by the way, Paul, did I tell you

(01:50:09):
You're gonna fucking shit yourself when I tell you this?

Speaker 1 (01:50:12):
What I am?

Speaker 2 (01:50:12):
A witch? You are? I googled Richard Rowntree, he played
Blade's father in the Blade TV series.

Speaker 1 (01:50:21):
Oh, I didn't know there was a Blade.

Speaker 2 (01:50:23):
I did not know there was one either until I
go because I was like, there's God. I was like,
am I Am I really a witch? Guys? I swear
to you the people who already knew that and were like,
she must have known that already when she said it.
I did not know that when I googled it. Blade's
father's name is Robert Brooks, and in one episode of
The Blade the series, he's played by Richard fucking Roundtree.

Speaker 1 (01:50:47):
You knew the right answer in your heart, in my heart.

Speaker 2 (01:50:49):
Because honestly, that is such perfect casting. I wish it
it's not Wesley Snipes unfortunately in the TV show.

Speaker 1 (01:50:56):
Okay, it would have been better.

Speaker 3 (01:50:57):
But that's okay, that's okay.

Speaker 2 (01:50:58):
I'm not complaining. I am a witch turns out. Sorry,
I got sidetracked because I was talking about good casting,
extremely diverse, Like, honestly, it looks like Los Angeles. A
few more Chicanos would have been nice, But I don't
I can't complain because, like, as far as diversity goes,
especially in the nineties, this is one of the most
diverse films we've covered, and like sort of effortlessly diverse.

(01:51:20):
It would be one thing if Blade was the only
person of color in the movie. It's not the case.
It's not the case even amongst like the evil vampires
or like the random humans or like that whatever was
happening in that Asian nightclub. Yeah, like, like it's it
looks like Los Angeles, and that's very very cool. So
I love that about this movie. It's extraordinarily violent. I

(01:51:41):
find that a feature, not a bug. Sometimes you gotta
go grand Guien all on it and just fucking make
a like just for the us that that goes out
there so that we don't actually do anything in life.
Just give us a little a little blood opera to
watch every once in a while. And I would say, like,
I didn't notice any particular like targeted towards women violence,
no anything like that, or any violence. Like there was

(01:52:03):
that little girl being held hostage, but like the scene
is very you know immediately nothing's gonna happen to that kid.
So even for like a pretty violent movie, I feel
like it's it had all this priorities straights, right, It
had this like nice elitism subgenre thing going on, where
like Stephen Dodorf's whole thing was about like fighting the aristocracy. Look,

(01:52:23):
I know we're not supposed to identify with the villain,
but help Lord, help me.

Speaker 1 (01:52:27):
I kind of did, Yeah, well, then don't do that.

Speaker 2 (01:52:29):
Then don't do that. Yeah, don't give it. But actually
like that though, like the villain had like a point
that he was making and it wasn't a good one,
but I saw I was like, you know what part
of that is a good point.

Speaker 1 (01:52:39):
Yeah, I'm gonna give this Wow.

Speaker 2 (01:52:41):
I don't even know how to rate this because I'm like,
I don't feel like I can give it a ten.

Speaker 3 (01:52:45):
I don't think it's that good. No, it's not a ten,
but it's close, Like is like, what.

Speaker 2 (01:52:51):
Is there to you know what? Before I rate it?

Speaker 1 (01:52:53):
Hear you?

Speaker 2 (01:52:53):
What is there to ing this movie on?

Speaker 1 (01:52:55):
I I would say the movie, like I to be clear,
I think it ages pretty well, very diverse. Obviously, when
you have a black movie star leading a movie, obviously
that always helps a lot, right, But boche Wright is
also is the second lead of the movie, and they
very easily could have cast yeah yeah, and they didn't.

(01:53:17):
So they cast a black actress to play that role,
which is great, and she she's a great character, to
be clear. Like I've seen a lot of comic book movies.
They don't always do right by the ladies. This movie,
I would say, does very very right by her. I
think it's it's indulging in fridging a little bit in
the sense of, like his mother dies so he can
then like later be shocked at her death and like

(01:53:39):
have to fight through all of that.

Speaker 2 (01:53:42):
I suppose that's not because maybe because I'm not as
like versed in the comic book genre as you are,
it never really bothers me when that happens because I
don't see it all the time. Yeah, yeah, you know
what I mean, but continues.

Speaker 1 (01:53:52):
To yeah, no, no, that makes sense, And I think
the movie has an easy work around to it, which
is maybe why I was a little more frustrated with
the Sonali than not performance but character than you were,
because I'm like, well, you did kill her, and you
did inspire him to do all of this, but she's
a vampire, so she gets to come back, so you
can actually still make her have an opinion on all

(01:54:12):
of this, and so like I wish they had given
her something of like, look, she can be a heartless vampire.
That's fine. But like there's all these cuts to Sanna
Lathan and she's doing so much or she's like looking
at him in the sarcophagus and you're like, are you
feeling something? Do you feel bad about this? Or do
you not? Do you actually feel nothing for your son?
There's to be clear, not a single line to imply

(01:54:34):
any of this is going on. This is all what
Sanna Lathan is doing. Yeah, and like, I think it
would have been a much better role even if it
was still fairly small. Like, she's obviously the reveal at
the end, so you have to kind of keep her
under wraps. That's fine, but like give her something to
play that isn't just evil, heartless vampire, or give her

(01:54:55):
more evil, heartless vampire to play. That's what I would
say about that character. Again, I agree with you that
small Ethan does a great a great job with it.
Other than that, like there's no gay subtext at all
in the film. I don't think it does stick in
my craw a little bit when you have a vampire
film where there's no bisexuality or all the bisexualities solely
amongst female vampires, and that's it that I'm like, come on,

(01:55:18):
were there, Like I think there was one scene like
in Frost's apartment there was two women like necking. Oh okay,
I mean I'm talking a split second. Yeah, I'm not
even a because of men's haircuts in the nineties, I'm
not even a thousand percent short. It's what I saw.

Speaker 2 (01:55:33):
Because of all the haircuts in the nineties. I'm like,
what is what was gender in the nineties? Yeah, what
was gender? Expression then exactly.

Speaker 1 (01:55:41):
So it's a It's a vampire film that is very
much pitched towards like the teenage boy comic book reading audience,
and there's nothing wrong with that. I don't think it
rises much above that. I would say, oh no, but
I don't.

Speaker 2 (01:55:58):
I think it still could be very I think it's
still ages quite well given its limitations as a film.

Speaker 1 (01:56:03):
One hundred percent. That's a good way of saying it.
I don't think it breaks the mold in any way
outside of really making Karen an excellent character who is
not just like hell help all the time and then
becomes just a love interest for Blade and then probably
dies at the end. I think it ages well. I
don't think it's a ten. I would probably give it
a seven. A seven out of ten. Exploding meat balloons.

Speaker 2 (01:56:26):
Okay, good. So I was waiting for you because genuinely
I was like, what did I miss? Because you looked
so like, girl, are you crazy giving this a ten?
That I was like, shit, am I missing something? Okay? Okay,
now that I heard yours, I'm gonna give it in.
I'm gonna give it a nine. Okay, I'm gonna give
it a nine, Like yeah, it's it's dumb, you guys.
It's a dumb fucking movie. It's a dumb vampire movie.
It's really bloody and gory. It's not for everyone. But

(01:56:49):
for what it is, it ages really really well. Like
I would have preferred more women in it. You're right
about Sanah Latham's character. Lathan's character being so written, she
could have had more of a point of view. And
it's not her fault, that the actress's fault, it's the
writing's fault. But I you know, just having this, this
number of women in the role, just having this this

(01:57:11):
amount of diversity in the film, I think really like
was a big step forward for the time.

Speaker 1 (01:57:16):
It's not nothing, it's not nothing. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:57:18):
So yeah, I'm gonna give it a nine out of ten.
Exploding meat puppets, no sorry, exploding meat balloon balloons, exploding
sacks of human meat.

Speaker 1 (01:57:29):
Do you want to give a palate cleanser? Nah?

Speaker 2 (01:57:32):
This is good for me, This is good. The problem
is all the other vampire movies that I like have
have the diversity issue where they're all super fucking white. Yeah,
so thank god this movie exists.

Speaker 1 (01:57:41):
Yeah. I had one in the chamber that we talked
about earlier. So this mention it, I don't think the
movie really needs a palate cleanser, exactly what you said, Like,
if it's for you, it's for you, godspeed, great job.
But Stephen Dwarf was in The Righteous Gemstones, which is
a yeah, oh, I've.

Speaker 2 (01:57:56):
Been meaning to watch that and you have just baited
that trap so hard for me.

Speaker 1 (01:58:01):
The show is over now. You can binge all four
seasons of it, but like just be done with it
in like two weekends probably, just so you know. I
don't think he shows up until I think the third season,
so he's not there immediately.

Speaker 2 (01:58:11):
I've been meaning to watch the show for years anyway,
so I would see it no matter what.

Speaker 1 (01:58:14):
Yeah, you'll see lots of dicks. If there's one thing
a Danny McBride production is good for, it is visual
penis joke. And you know what he follows through. He
follows through, all right, So, Erica, that's the end of
our show. Everyone listening can follow us on Blue Sky.
You can follow us on threads on Instagram. Instagram is

(01:58:35):
the one and only platform where we accept requests, specifically
on our monthly themes. We have a tea public shop
you can pick up podcast swag. We would love it
if you would leave a five star of you on
Apple Podcasts or any podcasting platform that you use. If
you do that, just like Laurel cr and good day
from the top of this episode, let us know you
did it. We will send you a that edgeable tote bag.
And if you've always thought I don't know how to

(01:58:57):
do that, I've put a link to rate this podcast
dot com slash that h well in the show notes
of this episode. You can click on that and you
can follow the instructions there.

Speaker 3 (01:59:06):
That aged Well is produced and edited by Paul Kaola.

Speaker 1 (01:59:10):
Not a fan of exploding meat balloons. Generally speaking, A.

Speaker 3 (01:59:14):
You really are indulging me this week.

Speaker 1 (01:59:16):
Thank you. I appreciate it.

Speaker 2 (01:59:18):
Like this was your month, it's supposed to be your month, and.

Speaker 1 (01:59:21):
Like so far and so far it's been all Erica
all the time.

Speaker 2 (01:59:24):
It is over two for Paul. We would like to
thank Laurie, Lee, Andy, Mikey, Jess, Josephine, jan Parker, Nicole,
Kay and Mackenzie for reaching out and letting us know
what they want to hear. If you want to have
a say in the topics we discuss, you should join
our Patreon, every patron gets to vote in an exclusive

(01:59:47):
monthly poll to determine one of our subjects. So head
on over to patreon dot com slash that Aged Well
podcast to find out more.

Speaker 1 (01:59:55):
Usually, this is the time of the show where we
would thank a patron. We don't have any in the
docket today. I mean last week, as we heard Katherine
Hepburn read people for filth for a patron, So never
forget if you don't want to thank you, but you
just want us to be angry at someone, We do
that too.

Speaker 2 (02:00:10):
We do that for free, yeah exactly, Yeah, well no,
not for free. You have to be a patriot. Actually
that was an expression.

Speaker 1 (02:00:16):
That we do that for money, for money, we specifically
for money.

Speaker 2 (02:00:21):
But yes, if you do not want your names that
out loud, if you don't want your your stuff on
the open Internet the way Paul and I are for
some reason, yea more than willing to.

Speaker 1 (02:00:30):
Do showing our whole asses on every day.

Speaker 2 (02:00:32):
Totally understandable. Just give us some directives, let us know
what you want to hear, and we will make it
happen for you absolutely.

Speaker 1 (02:00:38):
Erica, do you have any final thoughts on Blade?

Speaker 2 (02:00:41):
Oh, Paul, we need to leave this room. I think
two vampires are about to use it for what do
they do? Oh no, oh, no, oh god, you're taking
your clothes off. The eye contacts, the eye contact. I'm

(02:01:10):
not supposed to say something.

Speaker 1 (02:01:10):
You have to ask me about that. No, I'm not
just say no. I refuse, I refuse. Paul, do you
have an actual synopsis? But yes, Paul, I do

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Blade (1998) - Smush Tracks, Serums & a Not Bad-Sounding Apocalypse

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Blade (1998) - Smush Tracks, Serums & a Not Bad-Sounding Apocalypse