November 14, 2023 • 25 mins
In this episode of The Dr. Greg Wells Podcast, we're joined by Ty Hoesgen, an acclaimed communication coach, #1 best-selling author, and the visionary Founder of Advanced Growth Institute. Ty has transformed the art of communication into a pathway for personal and professional advancement, empowering countless individuals to speak with confidence, charisma, and clarity.
Dive deep with us as Ty shares his groundbreaking strategies and insights on effective communication. We'll explore how mastering the art of expression is not just about conveying thoughts, but also about elevating one's presence and leadership capabilities. Ty will reveal practical techniques that anyone can use to enhance their communicative prowess, ultimately leading to more respect, stronger leadership, and career progression.
Whether you're looking to sharpen your leadership skills, boost your career, or simply become a more effective communicator in your personal life, this episode is packed with valuable insights. Tune in for an invigorating conversation that promises to enrich your approach to communication and, by extension, your journey towards peak performance and wellbeing.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Hi, thanks for joining us. It's great to have you on the
show finally. I know we've been going back and
forth trying to get a time set up, but I appreciate you being
able to join us today. Yeah.
Thanks for having me, Greg. Absolute pleasure.
I'm excited to be here. Let's go back to the origin
story and I want to start with your sister and how she helped
you maybe to get interested in this field and how you landed on
(00:20):
being a specialist in communication.
Definitely. So as a communication coach, I
sometimes ask people. How they would rate their own
communication skills from 1:00 to 10:00?
You had asked me growing up, I would have said -1.
And part of that was I love my sister to death.
Not putting any blame on her. She would actually jump in and
(00:41):
answer questions for me growing up.
So I was kind of the kid that sat behind in the background,
didn't really have to speak. And so anytime somebody asked Ty
anything. There was his dear sister
jumping in and taking out, taking off all the pressure.
I grew up that way, and I actually was really much a
natural introvert. I liked avoiding people.
(01:03):
I didn't really like speaking, so I secretly enjoyed having all
the spotlight on her. So of course you're a kid,
that's fine. But when you enter the
professional world as an adult, oh, it's like, where's my sister
answering these questions in this job interview now?
There's so much expected of me. Oh, I have a real job.
I need to be able to speak confidently, clearly.
(01:25):
I need to not come across as nervous or unsure of myself.
And so I got a very rude awakening after college when I
entered the professional world, now noticing, oh, I am so
terrible at this, and I'm not just writing tests and talking
to my couple friends. The only job I could get out of
college was actually in sales. Very important that a person
(01:46):
knows how to communicate. So that's really what sparked
what I would call an obsession for communication.
More so out of necessity than anything else than my life just
really took off eventually afterreally diving into those skills
for so many years. And that's how I got to where I
am today. That's awesome.
What do you think some of the skills were that made the
difference and shifted you into that exponential growth phase?
(02:09):
Like what specifically do you did you work on that enabled you
to make that get into that growth phase?
I think the first thing that's made the biggest difference that
actually a lot of people don't talk about.
When it comes to communication, is being able to get over the
nerves with the anxiousness and really that state that you're in
(02:31):
a horror situation, right? So even if you're an exceptional
speaker, if you're entering a meeting or a conversation and
you're unsure of yourself, you're overthinking and you're
so focused on yourself, you're not really going to show up and
speak the way that you want to. So the very first thing I did
was actually learn how to calm those nerves, build up my
confidence. Greg, there was a time where
(02:53):
before meetings I would actuallythrow up.
I'd be so anxious beforehand. These weren't even meetings that
I was expected to speak in. It was just the thought of
potentially getting called on that made me so anxious.
And so the very first thing I did was really learning tools so
that I could at least approach these situations feeling normal
(03:13):
enough to then practice the speaking, the body language, all
the vocal techniques that I was learning.
Isn't it interesting that your mindset before the event is what
enabled you to actually make that fundamental shift?
It's fascinating, right? It's not even the practices of
the vocals, although that matters it it's actually just
(03:35):
putting yourself in a state where you can communicate.
That's the that's actually mind,not voice.
Almost. That's a really good point, and
people are always asking first for things like the perfect
script. I want the exact phrases to say,
or the exact way to use my voice.
And yes, that stuff's super valuable, but think about it
(03:57):
this way. If you know all those things but
you're not showing up with that level of confidence, you're not
comfortable, you're not going tobe able to actually perform.
Now think about speaking to yourbest friend, a family member,
whoever it might be. You're probably a much better
communicator than you are when you're in a meeting with your
(04:18):
boss or you're talking to an important prospect, more high
pressure situation. So if you're a much better
speaker in one situation versus the other, the only difference
there is your state of mind between those two.
If you can actually make yourself a much better
communicator by optimizing that state, which a lot of people
don't think about when it comes to calmness and confidence and
(04:44):
optimizing your state, what are some things that we can do?
And obviously being calm is verydifferent from being confident.
Maybe we can attack those separately or explore those
separately. But what can we do to palm our
nerves before an important meeting, presentation, event
call, discussion that may be tense or difficult or anxiety
(05:07):
provoking or challenging? That's a good question.
I've been focusing on this for the past decade here and
something that I came up with. It's actually a really quick
little four step process. We've heard of all these four
steps before. I just found this was the
quickest, most effective way of putting them together.
So it's an acronym and I'll go through each one.
It's SBBS, so the first S is straight.
(05:35):
This is just simply setting up straight.
There's a huge connection between our body language and
our emotions. Yeah, I know, we're both making
sure we're setting up straight now on camera.
Every time I say that, people are always adjusting their
posture immediately. Huge connection between body
language and emotional state. So easy example of this, you can
(05:55):
actually just Google happy person, Google sad person,
Google confident person, Google shy person.
You'll see on Google Images there's.
Massive differences. The happy, the confident person,
they're very upright, they're sitting up straight, their heads
up, very open body language. Whereas a sad or anxious or less
confident person, right? They're kind of hunched forward,
(06:18):
they're closed off, their heads down, so we can actually reverse
engineer the way that we feel with that body language.
So simply sitting up straight again, head up, shoulders down
and back. That's the first step.
You're not going to feel good ifyou're slouching and you're
trying to be confident or relaxed.
That's the first S 2nd B is breathe.
(06:41):
That's no surprise, but it's a very specific type of breathing.
OK, so this comes from Andrew Huberman.
We've probably all heard of Andrew Huberman by now.
We haven't. Big Stanford Neuroscientist has
a massive podcast right now. So he talks about something
called the physiological Psy. So it's been proven this is the
(07:01):
fastest way to shift your state of mind from that anxious, that
nervous fight or flight state tothe calm, relaxed rest and
digest state. Physiological sigh is a double
inhale through the nose, single exhale through the mouth.
So it's one long inhale through the nose, followed by 1 little
(07:25):
short inhale through the nose just to try to get a little bit
more air. And then a long exhale through
the mouth. The science shows we only need
two of those, two of those to make that shift in our state.
So we're sitting up straight. We do 2 physiological size,
(07:45):
that's our S and our B. And then the V is visualize.
So we've heard of this before too.
I tell people to visualize something that brings them joy.
That's really going to help boost their mood.
Elevate the way that they feel. So I actually have a video about
this I made recently. I like to look up dogs with
sunglasses. It makes me laugh, makes me
(08:07):
smile every time. I can't not be in a good mood
looking at dogs with sunglasses.Some people like to think of
their own pets, their kids. As long as your kids don't
stress you out, then don't thinkof your kids.
Could be a vacation spot, anything like that.
Something that makes you feel really good and brings you joy.
So think about that. While you're sitting up
(08:28):
straight, while you're doing your breaths, we've got our
straight breathe, visualize. And then we end in a cheesy
smile. Smile is the 4th S So much
research behind this really easy, really powerful dopamine
serotonin release. When we smile, we shouldn't have
(08:48):
to fake a smile because we're thinking of something that
brings us joy, right? So even if you have to force it.
Again, the science does actuallyshow even if you have to fake it
at first, still does work, becomes more of a natural
feeling the more you smile. But because we're thinking of
something so positive, it shouldbe normal.
So straight. Breathe.
(09:10):
Visualize, smile. SBVS. 20 seconds total.
I I really do also love the visualizing joy, right?
Like just something to make you laugh and bring that little, you
know, smile or nudge that that corner of your cheek.
(09:30):
I think that's pretty cool. What about confidence?
What if we're walking in and we're not quite sure if we've
got it or not? But you know, like really
important thing. We need to get this done.
We need to achieve this thing. We need to convey our ideas.
How do we have that confidence to be able to portray that
energy that we need to hopefullybring people along for the ride?
(09:53):
Definitely. So the body language is a big
part of that. If you're walking to the room,
make sure you're following the same tips we just talked about
with sitting up straight, shoulders down and back.
Keep your hands out in the open,right?
No hands in the pockets, none ofthat.
So you can walk in like you own the room.
Number one. If confidence is a big thing,
you can also visualize yourself as part of the V.
(10:15):
Excelling in the moment. So if you're thinking about
something that brings you joy, you can also think about you
actually going through that situation and just crushing it.
You did an exceptional job, now a perspective to have that
worked with many hundreds of clients, now over 300
communication clients to this day.
And what I found works surprisingly well to take the
(10:38):
pressure off and help people feel more confident.
Is just viewing all of these situations like practice.
We might have heard this before,but this works so well because
often times we're not confident because we're worried about
messing up and all of the negative repercussions, the
consequences that might come from us saying something silly
(11:01):
or stuttering, mumbling, things like that.
Actually just viewing it as practice.
Chances are what you're not going into is game seven of the
finals. Chances are it's really just a
situation that, in the grand scheme of your life, is just you
practicing to be the best version of yourself, right?
(11:24):
So going into that situation, and it sounds challenging, how
do I view this as practice? But truly, you can view it as
OK, this isn't actually your performance.
I'm just going here to, let's say, work on my speaking skills,
work on how I show up in meetings.
That works surprisingly well. It's interesting too, because it
(11:46):
shifts it from outcome to process, right?
You're not thinking. I mean, maybe you want to
visualize the positive outcome, but you're really visualizing
you doing well. You doing your best, you in the
zone. And that attention being
directed towards the process andthe fact that it is a practice
(12:07):
and maybe we're not winning the gold medal at the Olympics this
afternoon, that takes that little edge of pressure off and
allows you to remove that tension so that you can access
the energy you need to be able to perform.
Am I saying that right? Absolutely.
Yeah, You nailed it. Once we have that calm, once
(12:28):
we've got the confidence, what would the next step be in terms
of a practice for effective communication in an era
specifically when there's so many challenges in the world and
polarization is a significant issue, And yet we're trying to
(12:49):
build bridges, we're trying to find commonalities, we're find,
we're trying to bring people towards a better place.
What are your thoughts about howwe can do that in this era when
communication is very, very difficult in some cases?
Oh, this is a really powerful question.
I'm glad you asked this. There's not nearly enough time
(13:12):
spent in communication trying tounderstand the other person,
right? We're especially when there's a
disagreeing sides. We're really just trying to dump
all of our points on the other person, wait for them to say
something, then keep dumping ourpoints in the hopes that will
sway each other. And this just does not work.
(13:33):
Going into the conversation withan intention of trying to
understand a little bit more, Soa practice that helps you and
kind of forces you to do this isparaphrasing.
So essentially trying to repeat back what you believe the other
person said. So an easy way to frame this is
to say, OK, it sounds like you think this, or it seems like
(13:58):
you're saying this. If you go into these
conversations being like, OK, I'm going to try my best to
paraphrase what they say before responding, it actually forces
you to listen a lot better too, because a big problem too is
just we're not listening well enough.
We're not trying to understand because we're so heated.
(14:18):
We're so passionate about our side of the point.
We really want to convince them and we're not listening, We're
not trying to understand. So going into it with that
frame. I'm going to try to say it
sounds like and then repeat backto them what I think they said.
This is also helpful because we're sometimes wrong.
We interpret things not the way a person meant.
(14:42):
And so we'd say it sounds like you said this many times they'll
say something back such as kind of.
But what I really meant was thisso really helpful for.
Just having more effective conversations instead of just
both beating your heads against the wall.
Yeah, seek first to understand and be understood.
(15:02):
Remember that from, I think I learned that from Stephen Covey
back in like the mid 90s, right?It's been such a powerful thing.
And I had a conversation recently with someone and they
asked me about the immune systemand viruses because I'm a
physiologist. And I went on this detailed
explanation of my understanding of the immune system and the
acquired immune system and the an innate immune system.
(15:26):
And I explained it in great detail.
It took me like 5 minutes and then to their credit, listened
to the entire thing that I said and then said their thoughts on
some things related to viruses. And I realized that they
actually weren't listening to meat all.
They were just looking to tell me what they thought about
viruses these days and differenttheories about how the immune
system works. So it's really interesting
(15:47):
because at that moment, I was like, this conversation's over
with because obviously we're notactually having a conversation.
You're just trying to tell me what you think.
But what I could have done in that case was to ask some
clarifying questions to get better perspectives on what were
they actually truly looking for And were they looking for a
sounding board for their ideas or were they actually curious
about filling in a gap of their knowledge, given my expertise?
(16:09):
So I didn't. I could have probably done a
better job of managing that by seeking first to understand then
be understood, right? Definitely.
It's always helpful. And I love the way that you took
some level of responsibility there too, because even though
it sounded like, yeah, they weren't really listening, very,
very important for us to always take some level of
responsibility and say, yeah, OK, they didn't listen.
(16:31):
They were just kind of waiting for me to finish.
But I could have done this better.
How could I have maybe explainedmyself differently or as you
said, ask more questions? So with that, the conversation
is more effective. I absolutely love that.
I want to commend you for that because Greg, very few people
take responsibility in these types of situations.
(16:52):
It's amazing. Absolutely.
The questions are great open-ended questions.
What are your thoughts on that? What type of answer are you
looking for when you ask that question?
Things like that make a huge difference.
How do we cultivate a sense of curiosity in conversation and in
(17:13):
communication? It's a very similar quote,
actually, to what you said aboutcuriosity, which is be
interested before trying to be interesting.
I think it was paraphrasing eventhat quote a bit.
Not perfect, but I think everyone gets the gist, so I
always try to actually go into aconversation and ask as many
(17:35):
questions as possible. I'm still a bit of an
introverted heart, even though I've trade myself.
To adapt in today's world, but seeking to learn as much as you
can about the other person and approaching conversations with
There's probably something I canlearn here, even if it doesn't
seem like it, that actually completely changed my life.
(17:59):
You'd be surprised how much thatyou can learn, and how smart or
how insightful certain people can be if you ask the right
types of questions. Talking about yourself, do you
really gain anything in a lot ofthese interactions?
Perhaps if you're, you know, you're on a sales call, you need
to eventually, after asking questions, tell them about what
(18:20):
you do. But in most of our interactions,
think about it this way. Are you gaining more potentially
from asking questions and learning, or are you gaining
more by just hearing yourself talk?
Yeah, it feels good, feeds our ego, we love it.
But does that actually get you further ahead?
So approaching it like that, howcan I learn something from this
(18:43):
person? I want to be the one asking more
questions that's made a massive impact on my life.
And especially if you're not, you don't feel like talking, you
feel like you don't have any good stories.
That's fine. You actually don't need to have
any. People will enjoy conversing
with you so much if you just askthem questions.
(19:04):
Interesting. What can we do now, in an era of
shortening attention spans and bite sized Nuggets, of dopamine
inducing content to convey complex ideas and have
communication that is deep and meaningful and powerful and
(19:27):
explorative? In an era when it seems like
we're just skipping rocks acrossthe surface of the the volume of
information that's coming comingat us, is there anything that we
can do to help go deeper, to build stronger relationships, to
learn more, and to explore ideasbetter when we're working with
(19:48):
other people? That's a good question, because
our attention spans are shorter than ever.
Even my social media videos, right?
I talk faster. There's quick cuts.
I always tell people don't speaklike how you hear me speak on
Instagram, right? Because there's every pause is
cut out. Because you have to keep
attention spans, whereas pausingin a real conversation is great,
(20:12):
allows people the chance to absorb the information.
So one thing is to try to be more clear and concise.
This is particularly important now because if we talk for too
long at a time, people will just, whether they're trying to
or not, zone out. And then it doesn't even matter
if we're saying the most insightful, meaningful thing in
(20:34):
the world, they're not going to absorb it or take it in.
So I teach a couple frameworks. I'll just give the really high
level overviews of them that arethe most helpful.
So the first one, let's say for talking about a challenge is
what? So what?
Now what? So what Being here's what the
problem is, or here's what the challenge is, Here's what the
(20:56):
situation is. So what is?
Why is this important? Why does this matter?
Why should you care? Now what is?
Here's some suggestions or some next steps that we could
consider instead of just going on and on about this problem.
We're complaining. The other person doesn't want to
hear it. It sounds negative, which a lot
(21:17):
of people just give the what. That's just saying the problem.
But if you say what? Here's the problem, So what?
Here's why it's important. Now what?
Here's what we could consider moving forward.
Having structures and frameworksfor communication like that
really go a long way into helping people first listen for
(21:39):
long enough so that they actually take in what you're
saying and help you move forwardand find more solutions to some
of these higher level challenges.
Even though Serena Williams has a coach and the best in the
world at what they do, they all have coaches.
And so when it comes to communication, people go to you.
I'm curious though, what are youworking on with your
(22:00):
communication? What is your practice right now?
What are you thinking about? What's the next level for you to
achieve and how are you trying to get there in in the way that
you communicate and practice communication?
Definitely it's a very good question.
There's always so much more to learn.
I'm always trying to find more frameworks like what?
So with now at 2, just to help people have the structures to
(22:21):
stay within. Right.
Without structures like that, without some sort of guidelines
to stay within, it's too easy tojust ramble on and on and on.
Yeah. And so for me particularly, I'm
trying to find ways to be even more engaging, capture more and
more attention when I speak, so that I have more people into my
(22:43):
ecosystem to listen to me, to learn.
Because ultimately, if I'm sharing all these tips online
and doing these coaching sessions, these trainings,
making all this content, but there's not enough people
actually seeing it for me to make the impact that I want,
that's on me. I need to get more eyes on me.
Because the goal here is really just to help as many people as
(23:05):
possible feel more comfortable, more confident, speak more
clearly so that they can get theresults they want personally and
professionally. So I need to find ways to
broaden my reach and I think, capture attention even better
than I do now. That's great, and I hope that
this podcast helps shift that injust a slightly positive
(23:27):
direction for a few people that hear you would want to start
practicing what you're talking about.
If people want to connect with you and learn more, where can
they go online to do so? Yeah, definitely.
LinkedIn and Instagram are the two that I use the most.
So my username is just my full name.
Ty. Hosgen, TYHOESGEN.
So I post videos on there. Posts on there almost every day,
(23:51):
say almost every day because youknow, sometimes I slip up and
miss the day. Total transparency.
Not perfect, but yeah, LinkedIn,LinkedIn and Instagram are the 2
main ones. And actually I'll give away a
free little training to everyonelistening to as a thank you for
listening. So I have a course on video
(24:11):
calls. It's called the Five Signs Back
to Video Call Secrets. Every professional needs to
know. So just five quick tips over 5
days, little videos there for you to watch and learn, all
about how to show up as your best self on those Zoom calls,
those Microsoft Teams calls to your confidence.
You're getting respect. You're connecting with others
(24:32):
and trying to essentially replicate a real life connection
over video, so that's on videocallstar.com.
Because we're still having thesevideo calls and in some cases,
it's a good thing like this callthat we're having right now.
So Ty, thank you so much for joining us.
Really appreciate you taking thetime to help out my audience.
And I really appreciate your expertise and your commitment to
(24:55):
being here for us today. Thank you so much.
Thank you, Greg. You asked excellent questions,
really appreciate that. Pleasure to be on here.
Hi, thanks for joining us. It's great to have you on the
show finally. I know we've been going back and
forth trying to get a time set up, but I appreciate you being
able to join us today. Yeah.
Thanks for having me, Greg. Absolute pleasure.
I'm excited to be here. Let's go back to the origin
story and I want to start with your sister and how she helped
you maybe to get interested in this field and how you landed on
(00:20):
being a specialist in communication.
Definitely. So as a communication coach, I
sometimes ask people. How they would rate their own
communication skills from 1:00 to 10:00?
You had asked me growing up, I would have said -1.
And part of that was I love my sister to death.
Not putting any blame on her. She would actually jump in and
(00:41):
answer questions for me growing up.
So I was kind of the kid that sat behind in the background,
didn't really have to speak. And so anytime somebody asked Ty
anything. There was his dear sister
jumping in and taking out, taking off all the pressure.
I grew up that way, and I actually was really much a
natural introvert. I liked avoiding people.
(01:03):
I didn't really like speaking, so I secretly enjoyed having all
the spotlight on her. So of course you're a kid,
that's fine. But when you enter the
professional world as an adult, oh, it's like, where's my sister
answering these questions in this job interview now?
There's so much expected of me. Oh, I have a real job.
I need to be able to speak confidently, clearly.
(01:25):
I need to not come across as nervous or unsure of myself.
And so I got a very rude awakening after college when I
entered the professional world, now noticing, oh, I am so
terrible at this, and I'm not just writing tests and talking
to my couple friends. The only job I could get out of
college was actually in sales. Very important that a person
(01:46):
knows how to communicate. So that's really what sparked
what I would call an obsession for communication.
More so out of necessity than anything else than my life just
really took off eventually afterreally diving into those skills
for so many years. And that's how I got to where I
am today. That's awesome.
What do you think some of the skills were that made the
difference and shifted you into that exponential growth phase?
(02:09):
Like what specifically do you did you work on that enabled you
to make that get into that growth phase?
I think the first thing that's made the biggest difference that
actually a lot of people don't talk about.
When it comes to communication, is being able to get over the
nerves with the anxiousness and really that state that you're in
(02:31):
a horror situation, right? So even if you're an exceptional
speaker, if you're entering a meeting or a conversation and
you're unsure of yourself, you're overthinking and you're
so focused on yourself, you're not really going to show up and
speak the way that you want to. So the very first thing I did
was actually learn how to calm those nerves, build up my
confidence. Greg, there was a time where
(02:53):
before meetings I would actuallythrow up.
I'd be so anxious beforehand. These weren't even meetings that
I was expected to speak in. It was just the thought of
potentially getting called on that made me so anxious.
And so the very first thing I did was really learning tools so
that I could at least approach these situations feeling normal
(03:13):
enough to then practice the speaking, the body language, all
the vocal techniques that I was learning.
Isn't it interesting that your mindset before the event is what
enabled you to actually make that fundamental shift?
It's fascinating, right? It's not even the practices of
the vocals, although that matters it it's actually just
(03:35):
putting yourself in a state where you can communicate.
That's the that's actually mind,not voice.
Almost. That's a really good point, and
people are always asking first for things like the perfect
script. I want the exact phrases to say,
or the exact way to use my voice.
And yes, that stuff's super valuable, but think about it
(03:57):
this way. If you know all those things but
you're not showing up with that level of confidence, you're not
comfortable, you're not going tobe able to actually perform.
Now think about speaking to yourbest friend, a family member,
whoever it might be. You're probably a much better
communicator than you are when you're in a meeting with your
(04:18):
boss or you're talking to an important prospect, more high
pressure situation. So if you're a much better
speaker in one situation versus the other, the only difference
there is your state of mind between those two.
If you can actually make yourself a much better
communicator by optimizing that state, which a lot of people
don't think about when it comes to calmness and confidence and
(04:44):
optimizing your state, what are some things that we can do?
And obviously being calm is verydifferent from being confident.
Maybe we can attack those separately or explore those
separately. But what can we do to palm our
nerves before an important meeting, presentation, event
call, discussion that may be tense or difficult or anxiety
(05:07):
provoking or challenging? That's a good question.
I've been focusing on this for the past decade here and
something that I came up with. It's actually a really quick
little four step process. We've heard of all these four
steps before. I just found this was the
quickest, most effective way of putting them together.
So it's an acronym and I'll go through each one.
It's SBBS, so the first S is straight.
(05:35):
This is just simply setting up straight.
There's a huge connection between our body language and
our emotions. Yeah, I know, we're both making
sure we're setting up straight now on camera.
Every time I say that, people are always adjusting their
posture immediately. Huge connection between body
language and emotional state. So easy example of this, you can
(05:55):
actually just Google happy person, Google sad person,
Google confident person, Google shy person.
You'll see on Google Images there's.
Massive differences. The happy, the confident person,
they're very upright, they're sitting up straight, their heads
up, very open body language. Whereas a sad or anxious or less
confident person, right? They're kind of hunched forward,
(06:18):
they're closed off, their heads down, so we can actually reverse
engineer the way that we feel with that body language.
So simply sitting up straight again, head up, shoulders down
and back. That's the first step.
You're not going to feel good ifyou're slouching and you're
trying to be confident or relaxed.
That's the first S 2nd B is breathe.
(06:41):
That's no surprise, but it's a very specific type of breathing.
OK, so this comes from Andrew Huberman.
We've probably all heard of Andrew Huberman by now.
We haven't. Big Stanford Neuroscientist has
a massive podcast right now. So he talks about something
called the physiological Psy. So it's been proven this is the
(07:01):
fastest way to shift your state of mind from that anxious, that
nervous fight or flight state tothe calm, relaxed rest and
digest state. Physiological sigh is a double
inhale through the nose, single exhale through the mouth.
So it's one long inhale through the nose, followed by 1 little
(07:25):
short inhale through the nose just to try to get a little bit
more air. And then a long exhale through
the mouth. The science shows we only need
two of those, two of those to make that shift in our state.
So we're sitting up straight. We do 2 physiological size,
(07:45):
that's our S and our B. And then the V is visualize.
So we've heard of this before too.
I tell people to visualize something that brings them joy.
That's really going to help boost their mood.
Elevate the way that they feel. So I actually have a video about
this I made recently. I like to look up dogs with
sunglasses. It makes me laugh, makes me
(08:07):
smile every time. I can't not be in a good mood
looking at dogs with sunglasses.Some people like to think of
their own pets, their kids. As long as your kids don't
stress you out, then don't thinkof your kids.
Could be a vacation spot, anything like that.
Something that makes you feel really good and brings you joy.
So think about that. While you're sitting up
(08:28):
straight, while you're doing your breaths, we've got our
straight breathe, visualize. And then we end in a cheesy
smile. Smile is the 4th S So much
research behind this really easy, really powerful dopamine
serotonin release. When we smile, we shouldn't have
(08:48):
to fake a smile because we're thinking of something that
brings us joy, right? So even if you have to force it.
Again, the science does actuallyshow even if you have to fake it
at first, still does work, becomes more of a natural
feeling the more you smile. But because we're thinking of
something so positive, it shouldbe normal.
So straight. Breathe.
(09:10):
Visualize, smile. SBVS. 20 seconds total.
I I really do also love the visualizing joy, right?
Like just something to make you laugh and bring that little, you
know, smile or nudge that that corner of your cheek.
(09:30):
I think that's pretty cool. What about confidence?
What if we're walking in and we're not quite sure if we've
got it or not? But you know, like really
important thing. We need to get this done.
We need to achieve this thing. We need to convey our ideas.
How do we have that confidence to be able to portray that
energy that we need to hopefullybring people along for the ride?
(09:53):
Definitely. So the body language is a big
part of that. If you're walking to the room,
make sure you're following the same tips we just talked about
with sitting up straight, shoulders down and back.
Keep your hands out in the open,right?
No hands in the pockets, none ofthat.
So you can walk in like you own the room.
Number one. If confidence is a big thing,
you can also visualize yourself as part of the V.
(10:15):
Excelling in the moment. So if you're thinking about
something that brings you joy, you can also think about you
actually going through that situation and just crushing it.
You did an exceptional job, now a perspective to have that
worked with many hundreds of clients, now over 300
communication clients to this day.
And what I found works surprisingly well to take the
(10:38):
pressure off and help people feel more confident.
Is just viewing all of these situations like practice.
We might have heard this before,but this works so well because
often times we're not confident because we're worried about
messing up and all of the negative repercussions, the
consequences that might come from us saying something silly
(11:01):
or stuttering, mumbling, things like that.
Actually just viewing it as practice.
Chances are what you're not going into is game seven of the
finals. Chances are it's really just a
situation that, in the grand scheme of your life, is just you
practicing to be the best version of yourself, right?
(11:24):
So going into that situation, and it sounds challenging, how
do I view this as practice? But truly, you can view it as
OK, this isn't actually your performance.
I'm just going here to, let's say, work on my speaking skills,
work on how I show up in meetings.
That works surprisingly well. It's interesting too, because it
(11:46):
shifts it from outcome to process, right?
You're not thinking. I mean, maybe you want to
visualize the positive outcome, but you're really visualizing
you doing well. You doing your best, you in the
zone. And that attention being
directed towards the process andthe fact that it is a practice
(12:07):
and maybe we're not winning the gold medal at the Olympics this
afternoon, that takes that little edge of pressure off and
allows you to remove that tension so that you can access
the energy you need to be able to perform.
Am I saying that right? Absolutely.
Yeah, You nailed it. Once we have that calm, once
(12:28):
we've got the confidence, what would the next step be in terms
of a practice for effective communication in an era
specifically when there's so many challenges in the world and
polarization is a significant issue, And yet we're trying to
(12:49):
build bridges, we're trying to find commonalities, we're find,
we're trying to bring people towards a better place.
What are your thoughts about howwe can do that in this era when
communication is very, very difficult in some cases?
Oh, this is a really powerful question.
I'm glad you asked this. There's not nearly enough time
(13:12):
spent in communication trying tounderstand the other person,
right? We're especially when there's a
disagreeing sides. We're really just trying to dump
all of our points on the other person, wait for them to say
something, then keep dumping ourpoints in the hopes that will
sway each other. And this just does not work.
(13:33):
Going into the conversation withan intention of trying to
understand a little bit more, Soa practice that helps you and
kind of forces you to do this isparaphrasing.
So essentially trying to repeat back what you believe the other
person said. So an easy way to frame this is
to say, OK, it sounds like you think this, or it seems like
(13:58):
you're saying this. If you go into these
conversations being like, OK, I'm going to try my best to
paraphrase what they say before responding, it actually forces
you to listen a lot better too, because a big problem too is
just we're not listening well enough.
We're not trying to understand because we're so heated.
(14:18):
We're so passionate about our side of the point.
We really want to convince them and we're not listening, We're
not trying to understand. So going into it with that
frame. I'm going to try to say it
sounds like and then repeat backto them what I think they said.
This is also helpful because we're sometimes wrong.
We interpret things not the way a person meant.
(14:42):
And so we'd say it sounds like you said this many times they'll
say something back such as kind of.
But what I really meant was thisso really helpful for.
Just having more effective conversations instead of just
both beating your heads against the wall.
Yeah, seek first to understand and be understood.
(15:02):
Remember that from, I think I learned that from Stephen Covey
back in like the mid 90s, right?It's been such a powerful thing.
And I had a conversation recently with someone and they
asked me about the immune systemand viruses because I'm a
physiologist. And I went on this detailed
explanation of my understanding of the immune system and the
acquired immune system and the an innate immune system.
(15:26):
And I explained it in great detail.
It took me like 5 minutes and then to their credit, listened
to the entire thing that I said and then said their thoughts on
some things related to viruses. And I realized that they
actually weren't listening to meat all.
They were just looking to tell me what they thought about
viruses these days and differenttheories about how the immune
system works. So it's really interesting
(15:47):
because at that moment, I was like, this conversation's over
with because obviously we're notactually having a conversation.
You're just trying to tell me what you think.
But what I could have done in that case was to ask some
clarifying questions to get better perspectives on what were
they actually truly looking for And were they looking for a
sounding board for their ideas or were they actually curious
about filling in a gap of their knowledge, given my expertise?
(16:09):
So I didn't. I could have probably done a
better job of managing that by seeking first to understand then
be understood, right? Definitely.
It's always helpful. And I love the way that you took
some level of responsibility there too, because even though
it sounded like, yeah, they weren't really listening, very,
very important for us to always take some level of
responsibility and say, yeah, OK, they didn't listen.
(16:31):
They were just kind of waiting for me to finish.
But I could have done this better.
How could I have maybe explainedmyself differently or as you
said, ask more questions? So with that, the conversation
is more effective. I absolutely love that.
I want to commend you for that because Greg, very few people
take responsibility in these types of situations.
(16:52):
It's amazing. Absolutely.
The questions are great open-ended questions.
What are your thoughts on that? What type of answer are you
looking for when you ask that question?
Things like that make a huge difference.
How do we cultivate a sense of curiosity in conversation and in
(17:13):
communication? It's a very similar quote,
actually, to what you said aboutcuriosity, which is be
interested before trying to be interesting.
I think it was paraphrasing eventhat quote a bit.
Not perfect, but I think everyone gets the gist, so I
always try to actually go into aconversation and ask as many
(17:35):
questions as possible. I'm still a bit of an
introverted heart, even though I've trade myself.
To adapt in today's world, but seeking to learn as much as you
can about the other person and approaching conversations with
There's probably something I canlearn here, even if it doesn't
seem like it, that actually completely changed my life.
(17:59):
You'd be surprised how much thatyou can learn, and how smart or
how insightful certain people can be if you ask the right
types of questions. Talking about yourself, do you
really gain anything in a lot ofthese interactions?
Perhaps if you're, you know, you're on a sales call, you need
to eventually, after asking questions, tell them about what
(18:20):
you do. But in most of our interactions,
think about it this way. Are you gaining more potentially
from asking questions and learning, or are you gaining
more by just hearing yourself talk?
Yeah, it feels good, feeds our ego, we love it.
But does that actually get you further ahead?
So approaching it like that, howcan I learn something from this
(18:43):
person? I want to be the one asking more
questions that's made a massive impact on my life.
And especially if you're not, you don't feel like talking, you
feel like you don't have any good stories.
That's fine. You actually don't need to have
any. People will enjoy conversing
with you so much if you just askthem questions.
(19:04):
Interesting. What can we do now, in an era of
shortening attention spans and bite sized Nuggets, of dopamine
inducing content to convey complex ideas and have
communication that is deep and meaningful and powerful and
(19:27):
explorative? In an era when it seems like
we're just skipping rocks acrossthe surface of the the volume of
information that's coming comingat us, is there anything that we
can do to help go deeper, to build stronger relationships, to
learn more, and to explore ideasbetter when we're working with
(19:48):
other people? That's a good question, because
our attention spans are shorter than ever.
Even my social media videos, right?
I talk faster. There's quick cuts.
I always tell people don't speaklike how you hear me speak on
Instagram, right? Because there's every pause is
cut out. Because you have to keep
attention spans, whereas pausingin a real conversation is great,
(20:12):
allows people the chance to absorb the information.
So one thing is to try to be more clear and concise.
This is particularly important now because if we talk for too
long at a time, people will just, whether they're trying to
or not, zone out. And then it doesn't even matter
if we're saying the most insightful, meaningful thing in
(20:34):
the world, they're not going to absorb it or take it in.
So I teach a couple frameworks. I'll just give the really high
level overviews of them that arethe most helpful.
So the first one, let's say for talking about a challenge is
what? So what?
Now what? So what Being here's what the
problem is, or here's what the challenge is, Here's what the
(20:56):
situation is. So what is?
Why is this important? Why does this matter?
Why should you care? Now what is?
Here's some suggestions or some next steps that we could
consider instead of just going on and on about this problem.
We're complaining. The other person doesn't want to
hear it. It sounds negative, which a lot
(21:17):
of people just give the what. That's just saying the problem.
But if you say what? Here's the problem, So what?
Here's why it's important. Now what?
Here's what we could consider moving forward.
Having structures and frameworksfor communication like that
really go a long way into helping people first listen for
(21:39):
long enough so that they actually take in what you're
saying and help you move forwardand find more solutions to some
of these higher level challenges.
Even though Serena Williams has a coach and the best in the
world at what they do, they all have coaches.
And so when it comes to communication, people go to you.
I'm curious though, what are youworking on with your
(22:00):
communication? What is your practice right now?
What are you thinking about? What's the next level for you to
achieve and how are you trying to get there in in the way that
you communicate and practice communication?
Definitely it's a very good question.
There's always so much more to learn.
I'm always trying to find more frameworks like what?
So with now at 2, just to help people have the structures to
(22:21):
stay within. Right.
Without structures like that, without some sort of guidelines
to stay within, it's too easy tojust ramble on and on and on.
Yeah. And so for me particularly, I'm
trying to find ways to be even more engaging, capture more and
more attention when I speak, so that I have more people into my
(22:43):
ecosystem to listen to me, to learn.
Because ultimately, if I'm sharing all these tips online
and doing these coaching sessions, these trainings,
making all this content, but there's not enough people
actually seeing it for me to make the impact that I want,
that's on me. I need to get more eyes on me.
Because the goal here is really just to help as many people as
(23:05):
possible feel more comfortable, more confident, speak more
clearly so that they can get theresults they want personally and
professionally. So I need to find ways to
broaden my reach and I think, capture attention even better
than I do now. That's great, and I hope that
this podcast helps shift that injust a slightly positive
(23:27):
direction for a few people that hear you would want to start
practicing what you're talking about.
If people want to connect with you and learn more, where can
they go online to do so? Yeah, definitely.
LinkedIn and Instagram are the two that I use the most.
So my username is just my full name.
Ty. Hosgen, TYHOESGEN.
So I post videos on there. Posts on there almost every day,
(23:51):
say almost every day because youknow, sometimes I slip up and
miss the day. Total transparency.
Not perfect, but yeah, LinkedIn,LinkedIn and Instagram are the 2
main ones. And actually I'll give away a
free little training to everyonelistening to as a thank you for
listening. So I have a course on video
(24:11):
calls. It's called the Five Signs Back
to Video Call Secrets. Every professional needs to
know. So just five quick tips over 5
days, little videos there for you to watch and learn, all
about how to show up as your best self on those Zoom calls,
those Microsoft Teams calls to your confidence.
You're getting respect. You're connecting with others
(24:32):
and trying to essentially replicate a real life connection
over video, so that's on videocallstar.com.
Because we're still having thesevideo calls and in some cases,
it's a good thing like this callthat we're having right now.
So Ty, thank you so much for joining us.
Really appreciate you taking thetime to help out my audience.
And I really appreciate your expertise and your commitment to
(24:55):
being here for us today. Thank you so much.
Thank you, Greg. You asked excellent questions,
really appreciate that. Pleasure to be on here.
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