January 30, 2025 • 13 mins
Aubrey is coming at you with another solo episode! He’s talking about the all-familiar encounters we have with loneliness and self-doubt.
Tune in, as Aubrey explains where these feelings can come from, and how to combat those non-serving voices that creep into your head.
He also suggests how some non-conventional methods can actually help you overcome loneliness and self-doubt; including embracing being lonely and actually LISTENING to those non-serving voices.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey there! This is New York Times best-selling author and ridiculously
(00:04):
happy wife Laura Doyle. Buckle up! Aubrey is about to take you on another great
episode of The Road to Rediscovery. Sit back and enjoy!
Our lives are laid out on a road of bumps, turns, struggles and more. How do we respond?
How do we endure adversity for learning and growth? I'm Aubrey Johnson and we'll
(00:25):
explore these questions and more on The Road to Rediscovery.
Hello everyone! Welcome to The Road to Rediscovery. I'm your host Aubrey Johnson.
The Road to Rediscovery is about reflecting on our life experiences for
learning and growth and to help others who are struggling through dark times. In
(00:49):
today's solo episode we're going to dive into a topic that many of us can relate
to. Self-doubt and loneliness. I truly believe most of us live a life to seek
growth, relationships and joy. But sadly, I also believe there are some of us who
are living just to make it through the day without feeling lonely or doubtful of
(01:10):
ourselves. And that can look like many different things, right? It can take the
form of burying ourselves in our work or even self-medicating, perfectionism and
more. This obviously mitigates our opportunities for personal growth and
progress. Look, I get it. We can often have deep-rooted, paralyzing fear of
(01:33):
being lonely or fear of self-doubt to the point to where we would do anything,
anything to keep these feelings from creeping into our heads. The painful,
overwhelming feeling of isolation. If you've ever felt like you're not
enough or wondered if anyone truly understands you, you're not alone and
(01:55):
this episode is for you. Let's talk about where these feelings come from, how they
impact our lives and most importantly actionable steps to overcome them. We're
going to start by unpacking the feelings of self-doubt. Self-doubt is that inner
voice, right? That questions your abilities, your worth or your right to pursue
(02:18):
your goals. That voice may say things like, you're not going to succeed or you gave
up before, you'll give up again or even the deceiving message, why are you even
trying this? Your life is just fine the way it is. Now don't be fooled by that
voice. It's not complimenting you in any way. It's keeping you down. Where does
(02:41):
this voice come from? It could stem from past experiences, something
that sets you as a child or maybe something you try to achieve but failed.
In short, self-doubt can be triggered from outside elements or it can be
self-inflicted. Ironically, loneliness on the other hand is not about being alone.
You can actually be alone and not feel lonely. Conversely, you can feel lonely
(03:07):
in a room full of people. Loneliness is a sense of disconnection, a sense of
vulnerability and the feeling that no one truly understands you or what you're
going through. Loneliness often accompanies self-doubt because when we
feel lonely, especially if we're physically alone at that same time, we can
(03:30):
feel disconnected and isolated from others causing us to feel vulnerable and
doubting our ability to connect with anyone on a basic human level, much less
achieve a goal. As you can see, going through self-doubt and loneliness can be
a vicious cycle. But here's the good news. These feelings, they're not
permanent and there are steps we can take to rise above them. Overcoming self-doubt
(03:56):
starts with awareness. Recognize when those negative thoughts start to creep
in. Some may say, just ignore those thoughts. I actually propose that you do
listen to them. Hear what those thoughts are saying so you can remove the
emotional element and ask yourself, why is this thought entering my head? In my
(04:19):
view, removing the emotional element is important so you can objectively ask
yourself this with a goal of overcoming the emotional impact that's had on you
in the past. Let me repeat that. Removing the emotional element is important so that
you can objectively ask yourself, why is this thought entering my head? With a
(04:39):
goal of overcoming the emotional impact it's had on you in the past.
Also, arm yourself with what I call three by three affirmations. These are three
different short affirmations you tell yourself three times a day. Three
affirmations you say when you wake up, three to say at midday, and three to say
(05:03):
before bed. Whenever self-doubt starts to creep into your day, pick any of those
three affirmations to say out loud. And I promise over time if you make a habit
of this, that self-doubt thought will pale in comparison to your affirmations.
Another powerful tool is to focus on your past victories. Reflect on times when
(05:24):
you've doubted yourself but pushed through and succeeded. Those moments are
proof that you're more capable than you give yourself credit for. This reminds
me of a time when I was a freshman in high school. I played saxophone in the
band and just before my sophomore year our family moved to a different city and
I registered at my new school that summer. At that time I was already two weeks
(05:46):
late as the new kid in the summer marching band camp. I was new to the
area. I didn't know many people. I also didn't know anything about the school or
its band program. My band teacher, he wasn't much help either. He welcomed me
to the band and was very, you know, accommodating in that way, but was more
concerned about me learning the marching formations, the movements and the
(06:07):
technique. He was way less concerned about me learning the actual music and
actually encouraged me to just quote, hold your instrument up to your mouth and
pretend to play as you're marching. Now, I'm sure he didn't mean it this way, but
it made me feel as if he didn't think I was capable of learning the music to the
(06:27):
marching program. I played the saxophone since the fifth grade and here I was now
in the 10th grade. At that time I reflected back on an accomplishment I
made the previous year as a freshman at my previous school. Different city,
different state. Each year that state held competitions for band students who
must be referred by their band teacher to compete for medals in sheet music
(06:51):
reading and performance. My freshman band teacher referred me. I competed and I
won a gold medal for my class. I pinned that medal inside my saxophone case as a
visual reminder of my past victory and this convinced me that I was very
capable of learning the marching music in band camp at my new school. It's also
(07:13):
essential to surround yourself with positivity. Connect with people who
uplift and encourage you. If self doubt is rooted in comparison, remind yourself
that everyone's journey is unique. Celebrate your progress no matter how
small and avoid measuring it against someone else's. Comparing yourself in
seeing how you measure up to others can be extremely damaging to your mental
(07:37):
state. In fact, I recorded an episode called comparative thinking a couple
years ago that you may be interested in hearing after this one. Back to my
sophomore year band camp I developed a lot of good friendships with the other
band members especially the saxophone section. I asked the section leader if
he could sit with me a few times after camp to go over the music. My band teacher
(08:01):
never gave me a copy of the sheet music. All he was concerned about like I said
was just holding my instrument and getting the movements right with marching.
The section leader was happy to help me get up to speed with the music and we
became very good friends along with the others who were all very positive and
uplifting. As a side note that time with the section leader going through the
(08:22):
sheet music was the only time I saw the music for the whole marching season.
They were his sheets and he needed them back so it was all from memory for that
first season. I didn't want to hold my instrument up to my mouth as I marched. I
wanted to play and march and that's what I did. Lastly take action against those
(08:42):
self-doubting thoughts. Self-doubt thrives in inaction and complacency. Even
small steps towards your goal can build confidence. Remember confidence is not
the absence of self-doubt it's the decision to keep going despite it.
Now let's chat about loneliness. Regardless of how much money power and
(09:04):
fame you have and regardless of how many friends you have you will encounter
a time when you feel lonely. The irony truly baffles me when those who try to
avoid loneliness look outward for a solution when it really lies in looking
inward. For years I wanted to be alone without feeling lonely which reminds me
(09:26):
as another side note I previously recorded an episode called Lonely vs. Alone
about four years ago you should check out that episode as well but you know what
I never learned how to be alone. As a young adult after 30 minutes or so being
alone that inner voice would start to creep into my head just as it did with
(09:47):
self-doubt as I mentioned earlier and I actually started to believe what that
voice told me. Then that lonely feeling makes its presence so I grab my keys go
out shopping or call up an ex-girlfriend or hit a nightclub just to fill the gap
of loneliness. Not only was I unfulfilled I never allowed myself to get to the
(10:08):
root of why or what is making me feel lonely. Over time I learned to lean in
to my loneliness when feeling as such. I had to own what I was feeling and be
honest with myself when taking that hard look in the mirror. For me embracing my
loneliness was the key and I had some amazing revelations just from doing this.
(10:29):
For one I learned my discomfort with being alone stemmed from my insecurity
of not getting validation from another human being because I was in a room by
myself. It revealed that I had to work on being secure in who I am without any
outward validation just to feel comfortable being alone. I would not have
(10:51):
discovered that without embracing the very thing I tried to avoid for so many
years. Let me repeat that I would not have discovered this without embracing the
very thing I tried to avoid for so many years. I've learned a couple other ways
to overcome loneliness and one is to assess the level of your social
(11:12):
involvement. As humans it's inherent to desire and crave the need to connect with
other human beings. This could mean joining a club, volunteering or even
reaching out to an old friend. While it might feel awkward at first, taking the
initiative to connect with others is truly worth it. Another important step is
to spend time understanding your interests, your passions and values.
(11:36):
Journaling, mindfulness or creative hobbies can help you connect with yourself
on a deeper level and a lot of people devalue this but please do not forget the
importance of being vulnerable. There is strength in vulnerability. Sometimes we
isolate ourselves because we're afraid to let others see our struggles but
opening up in even the smallest of ways can create profound connections. You'd
(12:02):
be surprised how often people relate to what you're going through. Whichever
of these approaches you take the key is to be okay with being alone. When you're
comfortable in your own company the daunting feeling of loneliness loses
its power over you. Well there you have it. Self-doubt and loneliness are part of
(12:25):
the human experience but they don't have to control your life. By embracing
instead of avoiding challenging negative thoughts and seeking meaningful
connections you can rise above these feelings and realize your worth. Let me
know what are some of your challenges with self-doubt and loneliness. What have
you tried to overcome them? Let us know by sending me a DM if you follow me on
(12:48):
Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or TikTok or you can email me at road2rediscoverypodcast
at gmail.com that's road2rediscoverypodcast at gmail.com. Thank you for tuning in and
listening. Please know that when dealing with life struggles you're never alone.
There's always hope. I humbly ask that you please share this show with someone
(13:11):
you know, someone you love who needs inspiration and support and you know
we're all roadies on this journey of life and it sure feels good having you on
the road with me. Thanks again for listening. We'll chat again soon. We
really hope you enjoyed this episode of the Roads Rediscovery. We'd love to hear
from you. Shoot us an email at Roads Rediscoverypodcast at gmail.com and leave
(13:33):
us any questions or comments you may have. The Roads Rediscovery is an AJ
sharp production.
Hey there! This is New York Times best-selling author and ridiculously
(00:04):
happy wife Laura Doyle. Buckle up! Aubrey is about to take you on another great
episode of The Road to Rediscovery. Sit back and enjoy!
Our lives are laid out on a road of bumps, turns, struggles and more. How do we respond?
How do we endure adversity for learning and growth? I'm Aubrey Johnson and we'll
(00:25):
explore these questions and more on The Road to Rediscovery.
Hello everyone! Welcome to The Road to Rediscovery. I'm your host Aubrey Johnson.
The Road to Rediscovery is about reflecting on our life experiences for
learning and growth and to help others who are struggling through dark times. In
(00:49):
today's solo episode we're going to dive into a topic that many of us can relate
to. Self-doubt and loneliness. I truly believe most of us live a life to seek
growth, relationships and joy. But sadly, I also believe there are some of us who
are living just to make it through the day without feeling lonely or doubtful of
(01:10):
ourselves. And that can look like many different things, right? It can take the
form of burying ourselves in our work or even self-medicating, perfectionism and
more. This obviously mitigates our opportunities for personal growth and
progress. Look, I get it. We can often have deep-rooted, paralyzing fear of
(01:33):
being lonely or fear of self-doubt to the point to where we would do anything,
anything to keep these feelings from creeping into our heads. The painful,
overwhelming feeling of isolation. If you've ever felt like you're not
enough or wondered if anyone truly understands you, you're not alone and
(01:55):
this episode is for you. Let's talk about where these feelings come from, how they
impact our lives and most importantly actionable steps to overcome them. We're
going to start by unpacking the feelings of self-doubt. Self-doubt is that inner
voice, right? That questions your abilities, your worth or your right to pursue
(02:18):
your goals. That voice may say things like, you're not going to succeed or you gave
up before, you'll give up again or even the deceiving message, why are you even
trying this? Your life is just fine the way it is. Now don't be fooled by that
voice. It's not complimenting you in any way. It's keeping you down. Where does
(02:41):
this voice come from? It could stem from past experiences, something
that sets you as a child or maybe something you try to achieve but failed.
In short, self-doubt can be triggered from outside elements or it can be
self-inflicted. Ironically, loneliness on the other hand is not about being alone.
You can actually be alone and not feel lonely. Conversely, you can feel lonely
(03:07):
in a room full of people. Loneliness is a sense of disconnection, a sense of
vulnerability and the feeling that no one truly understands you or what you're
going through. Loneliness often accompanies self-doubt because when we
feel lonely, especially if we're physically alone at that same time, we can
(03:30):
feel disconnected and isolated from others causing us to feel vulnerable and
doubting our ability to connect with anyone on a basic human level, much less
achieve a goal. As you can see, going through self-doubt and loneliness can be
a vicious cycle. But here's the good news. These feelings, they're not
permanent and there are steps we can take to rise above them. Overcoming self-doubt
(03:56):
starts with awareness. Recognize when those negative thoughts start to creep
in. Some may say, just ignore those thoughts. I actually propose that you do
listen to them. Hear what those thoughts are saying so you can remove the
emotional element and ask yourself, why is this thought entering my head? In my
(04:19):
view, removing the emotional element is important so you can objectively ask
yourself this with a goal of overcoming the emotional impact that's had on you
in the past. Let me repeat that. Removing the emotional element is important so that
you can objectively ask yourself, why is this thought entering my head? With a
(04:39):
goal of overcoming the emotional impact it's had on you in the past.
Also, arm yourself with what I call three by three affirmations. These are three
different short affirmations you tell yourself three times a day. Three
affirmations you say when you wake up, three to say at midday, and three to say
(05:03):
before bed. Whenever self-doubt starts to creep into your day, pick any of those
three affirmations to say out loud. And I promise over time if you make a habit
of this, that self-doubt thought will pale in comparison to your affirmations.
Another powerful tool is to focus on your past victories. Reflect on times when
(05:24):
you've doubted yourself but pushed through and succeeded. Those moments are
proof that you're more capable than you give yourself credit for. This reminds
me of a time when I was a freshman in high school. I played saxophone in the
band and just before my sophomore year our family moved to a different city and
I registered at my new school that summer. At that time I was already two weeks
(05:46):
late as the new kid in the summer marching band camp. I was new to the
area. I didn't know many people. I also didn't know anything about the school or
its band program. My band teacher, he wasn't much help either. He welcomed me
to the band and was very, you know, accommodating in that way, but was more
concerned about me learning the marching formations, the movements and the
(06:07):
technique. He was way less concerned about me learning the actual music and
actually encouraged me to just quote, hold your instrument up to your mouth and
pretend to play as you're marching. Now, I'm sure he didn't mean it this way, but
it made me feel as if he didn't think I was capable of learning the music to the
(06:27):
marching program. I played the saxophone since the fifth grade and here I was now
in the 10th grade. At that time I reflected back on an accomplishment I
made the previous year as a freshman at my previous school. Different city,
different state. Each year that state held competitions for band students who
must be referred by their band teacher to compete for medals in sheet music
(06:51):
reading and performance. My freshman band teacher referred me. I competed and I
won a gold medal for my class. I pinned that medal inside my saxophone case as a
visual reminder of my past victory and this convinced me that I was very
capable of learning the marching music in band camp at my new school. It's also
(07:13):
essential to surround yourself with positivity. Connect with people who
uplift and encourage you. If self doubt is rooted in comparison, remind yourself
that everyone's journey is unique. Celebrate your progress no matter how
small and avoid measuring it against someone else's. Comparing yourself in
seeing how you measure up to others can be extremely damaging to your mental
(07:37):
state. In fact, I recorded an episode called comparative thinking a couple
years ago that you may be interested in hearing after this one. Back to my
sophomore year band camp I developed a lot of good friendships with the other
band members especially the saxophone section. I asked the section leader if
he could sit with me a few times after camp to go over the music. My band teacher
(08:01):
never gave me a copy of the sheet music. All he was concerned about like I said
was just holding my instrument and getting the movements right with marching.
The section leader was happy to help me get up to speed with the music and we
became very good friends along with the others who were all very positive and
uplifting. As a side note that time with the section leader going through the
(08:22):
sheet music was the only time I saw the music for the whole marching season.
They were his sheets and he needed them back so it was all from memory for that
first season. I didn't want to hold my instrument up to my mouth as I marched. I
wanted to play and march and that's what I did. Lastly take action against those
(08:42):
self-doubting thoughts. Self-doubt thrives in inaction and complacency. Even
small steps towards your goal can build confidence. Remember confidence is not
the absence of self-doubt it's the decision to keep going despite it.
Now let's chat about loneliness. Regardless of how much money power and
(09:04):
fame you have and regardless of how many friends you have you will encounter
a time when you feel lonely. The irony truly baffles me when those who try to
avoid loneliness look outward for a solution when it really lies in looking
inward. For years I wanted to be alone without feeling lonely which reminds me
(09:26):
as another side note I previously recorded an episode called Lonely vs. Alone
about four years ago you should check out that episode as well but you know what
I never learned how to be alone. As a young adult after 30 minutes or so being
alone that inner voice would start to creep into my head just as it did with
(09:47):
self-doubt as I mentioned earlier and I actually started to believe what that
voice told me. Then that lonely feeling makes its presence so I grab my keys go
out shopping or call up an ex-girlfriend or hit a nightclub just to fill the gap
of loneliness. Not only was I unfulfilled I never allowed myself to get to the
(10:08):
root of why or what is making me feel lonely. Over time I learned to lean in
to my loneliness when feeling as such. I had to own what I was feeling and be
honest with myself when taking that hard look in the mirror. For me embracing my
loneliness was the key and I had some amazing revelations just from doing this.
(10:29):
For one I learned my discomfort with being alone stemmed from my insecurity
of not getting validation from another human being because I was in a room by
myself. It revealed that I had to work on being secure in who I am without any
outward validation just to feel comfortable being alone. I would not have
(10:51):
discovered that without embracing the very thing I tried to avoid for so many
years. Let me repeat that I would not have discovered this without embracing the
very thing I tried to avoid for so many years. I've learned a couple other ways
to overcome loneliness and one is to assess the level of your social
(11:12):
involvement. As humans it's inherent to desire and crave the need to connect with
other human beings. This could mean joining a club, volunteering or even
reaching out to an old friend. While it might feel awkward at first, taking the
initiative to connect with others is truly worth it. Another important step is
to spend time understanding your interests, your passions and values.
(11:36):
Journaling, mindfulness or creative hobbies can help you connect with yourself
on a deeper level and a lot of people devalue this but please do not forget the
importance of being vulnerable. There is strength in vulnerability. Sometimes we
isolate ourselves because we're afraid to let others see our struggles but
opening up in even the smallest of ways can create profound connections. You'd
(12:02):
be surprised how often people relate to what you're going through. Whichever
of these approaches you take the key is to be okay with being alone. When you're
comfortable in your own company the daunting feeling of loneliness loses
its power over you. Well there you have it. Self-doubt and loneliness are part of
(12:25):
the human experience but they don't have to control your life. By embracing
instead of avoiding challenging negative thoughts and seeking meaningful
connections you can rise above these feelings and realize your worth. Let me
know what are some of your challenges with self-doubt and loneliness. What have
you tried to overcome them? Let us know by sending me a DM if you follow me on
(12:48):
Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or TikTok or you can email me at road2rediscoverypodcast
at gmail.com that's road2rediscoverypodcast at gmail.com. Thank you for tuning in and
listening. Please know that when dealing with life struggles you're never alone.
There's always hope. I humbly ask that you please share this show with someone
(13:11):
you know, someone you love who needs inspiration and support and you know
we're all roadies on this journey of life and it sure feels good having you on
the road with me. Thanks again for listening. We'll chat again soon. We
really hope you enjoyed this episode of the Roads Rediscovery. We'd love to hear
from you. Shoot us an email at Roads Rediscoverypodcast at gmail.com and leave
(13:33):
us any questions or comments you may have. The Roads Rediscovery is an AJ
sharp production.
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