Affairs grab our attention. Whether it’s someone in the news or a friend of a friend, we tune in, pass judgement, or quietly reflect on our own relationships. But what is it that makes cheating stories so captivating?
In this episode, I talk about why we care so much about other people’s affairs. I explore how unmet needs, identity, and longing can show up in relationships. I unpack what betrayal can do to a person’s sense of self, why fantasy can feel easier than reality, and why some couples do try to rebuild after infidelity.
This is not about sensationalism or blame. It’s a real conversation about what I see in the therapy room and what can help people make sense of something painful and complicated.
What I cover in this episode
- Why cheating stories hook us, even when they’re not ours
- How social referencing plays into our opinions on infidelity
- What betrayal can do to trust, identity, and mental health
- The messiness of defining cheating in relationships
- How unmet needs and longing can fuel emotional or physical affairs
- What it can look like to recover as an individual
- What’s involved in repairing a relationship after an affair
- Why not all couples stay together
- What happens when a relationship starts as an affair
- The impact of perpetual problems in relationships (Gottman research: 69 percent of issues are ongoing)
- Why switching partners doesn’t always solve core differences
- What couples need to rebuild trust and connection
Referenced in this episode
📚 The State of Affairs by Esther Perel
- Gottman Method couples therapy model
- Atonement, Attunement, and Attachment framework
- 69 percent of relationship problems are perpetual and unsolvable
Therapy helps manage rather than eliminate these recurring issues
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