Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, Mike, how you doing. Good morning, I'm good, are
you guys?
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Mike?
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Thank you for hanging on man, welcome to stay or go. Now,
this is very interesting, this situation that you were in,
and why wouldn't you reach out to a morning radio
show and ask us for our opinions? And for the
people that say, like, well, that's crazy, I would never
do that. Maybe, but you know, we do have a
wide selection of folks of thirteen people who listen to us,
and those thirteen people have a lot of different opinions.
So it's possible that is the information that you gain here,
(00:27):
you know, could give you a little perspective that you're
not already getting. So what's going on? This is about
you and your your wife?
Speaker 3 (00:35):
Yeah, yeah, that's what I was hoping.
Speaker 4 (00:36):
I was hoping I can get a little advice on this.
So I'm just gonna be I'm just going to say it.
Here's the thing about fifteen years ago, right, I slept
with my wife's sister.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Oh okay, I mean no, I just I was actually
looking at my phone the very second that you said that.
But sort of insignificant news of my fifteen years ago
I slept with my wife's sister, your wife was this?
Did you cheat? Worse?
Speaker 4 (01:09):
It gets worse. This was this was the night before
we got married.
Speaker 5 (01:17):
You're alive.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Well, I think it was not everybody nose. So the
night before your wedding you slept with your now wife's sister. Okay,
and nobody ever thought that about this?
Speaker 4 (01:31):
Well no, no, The only people who know are me
and my wife's sister. I mean, like, listen, like, I
know this is so bad. You know, I know how
awful it is. But I can only say I was
just young, stupid, scared, and.
Speaker 6 (01:46):
Quite frankly a whole lot drunk. Uh, you know, but
like it happened. It happened, and immediately were full of regret.
And after that night, man, I make sure I'm never
done anything wrong for fifteen years and I never will.
Speaker 4 (02:03):
You know, our marriage has been wonderful. My wife has no.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Idea because it's just it is not a lie. I mean,
it is not a lie. His marriage is not a
lie to continue though.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
Our marriage has been true, like I mean, technically, you know,
it happened before we're marriage, so our marriage has been true.
But but you know, lately I've been kind of trying
to work on myself and and you know, my guilt. Man,
it's just been it's been kind of hard to manage.
I mean, I've been talking with therapists for a while.
And my therapist answer me, if if I should tell
(02:37):
my wife? I know that was something that no, like
I should do.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
Nope, Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. You,
first of all, this is not a good situation. This
is a stay situation. You made a big mistake and
it has not it does not appear to have effected
your your marriage at all. Do you have kids? You said, yeah,
you have kids. Yeah, it's something you get to live with.
You get to may you get to deal with this,
(03:02):
manage this with your therapist. This is it, This is
this is something you gotta do. There is no reason
to blow up your perfectly happy marriage for fifteen years
and your family for something that happened fifteen years ago.
That's your screw up. It's gonna it's gonna probably blow
up your family. It's gonna blow up her relationship with
her sister. It happened fifteen years ago. You survived it,
(03:23):
you got away with it. And I think the only
reason and you said, it yourself that you would you
would want to say something is to assuage your own guilt,
is to it's to make you feel better, because it doesn't.
It's not gonna make anybody else feel better in your
life except for you. So no, Kiky, what.
Speaker 7 (03:42):
When you put it like that, I wouldn't tell you
so I started. I wouldn't up right now if I
was you. It just acts like this, never had this
phone call, never happened, right however, and the other the
other party. I can't live with somebody that I'm married
to sitting in a room on Thanksgiving dinner having a
secret with my sister that I don't know about all
(04:05):
the betrayal, because everything is gonna come to the light
one day. So whether he tells it now or the
sister gets drunk and it reveals it later, it's gonna
come out at some point.
Speaker 5 (04:14):
You can stuff like this never say is where it
should be.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
So I feel like the vast majority of the time
that people come come forward and admit to cheating, it's
to make themselves feel better, and it doesn't do anything
for the It doesn't do anything but ruin the other person. Now,
I don't know if this were habitual. If this were
an ongoing relationship, if you guys had been involved for
fifteen years or something, I mean, I think at that
(04:40):
point you've got to get out. But you made one mistake,
a bad one, a big one, fifteen years ago, and
you're saying you have done nothing since then, and your
marriage is good and your family is good, and her
relationship with her sister and your relationship with her sister
seemed to be. Okay, you need to let this one go.
You gotta gotta.
Speaker 4 (05:02):
Yeah, I mean, I see her, I see your point
and everything, but I just don't know how to shake
this guilt. You know, I feel so bad.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
I mean, that's what you have to live with. That's
what I'm saying. That's unfortunately, bro, that's on you. Unfortunately
that you're gonna have to figure that out with your
therapist or whatever, because there is no reason to ruin
your family over a mistake. If you're telling me that
this was a one time deal, people screw up. It
was a one time deal. And you're saying it has
not affected your marriage whatsoever, and you haven't done it since,
(05:30):
so I think you got to just continue on that path.
Someone said it is his sister Hot is the sister Hot.
Speaker 5 (05:41):
See, you gotta die with that lie.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
You gotta die with that lie.
Speaker 8 (05:46):
He's happily married, like Fred said, it was a mistake.
Like if he says it now, it's it's for his
it's for his peace. But he's gonna ruin everything that
he's had with his wife.
Speaker 7 (05:57):
But he's living a lie. It's all based on this
horrible lie.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
I don't think his whole marriage is based on the
infidelity one night before his marriage. I don't think that
means that his entire wedding or his entire marriage and
love for and connection to this woman and the children
and the family. I don't think that's all a lie
because he's screwed up one time. I don't infidelity.
Speaker 7 (06:19):
If you slept with the big booty stripper the night
before the wedding, I can get over that.
Speaker 5 (06:23):
But you slept with my sister. She is not basing
at all in this situation.
Speaker 9 (06:29):
Sister, I shouldn't be sleeping with anyone the night before
your wedding, and you shouldn't get over it. The winner
if it's the big booty stripper down the street, or
it's the sister.
Speaker 5 (06:37):
But Jason HiT's different because it's my I mean.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
But you shouldn't get over it.
Speaker 9 (06:44):
How you go through the whole wedding and not yeah,
the whole day and the vows and the family and
the photo.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
But he had to live with that. He had to
look her in the eye, knowing what he had done
the night before, and make a promise to be committed
to her, and according to him, he did it. Hey, Mike,
let me take some phone calls on this man. Good luck, Okay,
what does this take? Surprisingly? I agree with Fred. Surprisingly,
welcome to the life. About time you should start doing
(07:13):
it more often? Your life will get better? Is it?
Who wasn't? Is that how you say it?
Speaker 10 (07:18):
Yes, I'm here, Hey, good.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Morning, okay. So just to recap and thank you for
calling him, for listening. This dude slept with his wife's
sister the night before he married his wife. They've been
together for fifteen years, they have kids. He says, his
marriage is wonderful, the relationship is strong, the family unit
is there. She has no idea this happened, except he
is living with this immense guild and this therapist is
(07:41):
asking the question, do you think that you need to
tell her? And he doesn't know and I'm saying, who wasn't. No,
he gets to live with this. He doesn't have to
ruin anybody else's life because of what he did.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Yeah, No, I totally agree with that. Honestly, I'm really
think that it's over with I'm sorry, because you know
the same if you love a person, you will not
hurt that person seriously. And then for her for him
to do that with his own sister and then for
her too, She's wrong.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
But how is it? How is the marriage over when
she's none the wiser? The marriage is only over when
she finds out if he tells her, I think you
go to the grave, Like Rufio said, I think you
got to die with this, and if you feel terrible
about it, you get to feel terrible about it.
Speaker 5 (08:29):
Because it's guilt Troup.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
Yeah, honestly, like he really messed up. But I mean
some people will work it out, you know. I don't
know if he's still like trying to work it out
with her, But I don't know how she's gonna feel.
But I'm pretty sure she's going to be very, very
heartbroken because honestly, recently, at the beginning this year, this
similar story happened to my friend. She found out that
(08:52):
her sister was sleeping with her man m Yeah, and
it was terrible. She sold me what The text message was, Oh.
Speaker 11 (08:59):
My god, we'll see here.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
And I don't mean to be overly dramatic, but think
about what. Think about what this woman is losing by
him divulging. She's going to lose her husband, she's going
to lose her more than likely her family unit. She's
going to ruin. It's going to ruin her trust, maybe
for the rest of her life. She's going to lose
her sister. She's going to lose, you know, potentially the
(09:21):
ability to just be a family unit. It's not good
And thank you have a good day.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Yes, I love you buy so much?
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Hey love you too? So is it? Is?
Speaker 3 (09:30):
It?
Speaker 1 (09:30):
Really like it? Ultimately it could be worse for her
to have that information than it is for him to
live with it. Think about that, but.
Speaker 7 (09:38):
It's like you're not giving her any credit. She may
be able to now that she knows the truth, she
can heal and get over it, But to live with
a lie and face her every single like that's her sister, bro,
that is so low down and dirty.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
I'm sorry, but it also was fifteen years ago. People
do have a right to change. And it sounds like
it has never been you know, repeated, right, so she
hasn't done it again or he hasn't done it again.
Speaker 7 (10:02):
But give me, as the wife, the decision on how
I want to move forward. Give me that because you've
already lied to me, you already, like when I think
back on the last fifteen years, you've been living this
lie with me. At least give me the right to
the truth how I want to move.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
Forward with this. He deserves the right to.
Speaker 9 (10:19):
Yeah, and see how she comes out the other end
and what decision she makes with the sister, with the
man whatever, She deserves that right.
Speaker 8 (10:26):
I don't know, Like I agree with you, Kiki that
one day this secret will come out, Oh yeah, but
it should come out on its own. This man should
not tell his wife of fifteen years.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Yes, it was a mistake. Is their marriage a lie?
Speaker 8 (10:39):
I thought yes in the beginning, but then I'm kind
of on Fred's side, like it happened before the marriage,
and yes it was with his sister. But like you can,
that woman would be devastated, like I've been losing everything.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
If and when he gets caught, he has to cop
to yes, he would have to immediately cop to it.
And then if she's like, why didn't you tell me,
you can say because it was the biggest stake of
my life. And we've created this life together and I've
been completely and totally faithful and loyal to you, and
I don't want to blow up everybody's life because of
something I did that was wrong. And if she still leaves,
she has every right to off she goes. But he
(11:13):
didn't implode the relationships simply to make himself feel better.
Speaker 5 (11:16):
What, guys, I've done the math.
Speaker 7 (11:19):
He had five four and seventy five days to tell
her the truth, and you want him to just keep
living this life. You haven't explode in her face.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
And because he gets to carry the burden. I didn't
tell you.
Speaker 5 (11:30):
Because because Fred and Rufijil said I should take it
to the grave.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
No, I mean that's exactly right. Hey, Actually leave us
out of it. Hey, Liz, how you doing, Liz?
Speaker 5 (11:38):
Good morning?
Speaker 10 (11:39):
Good morning?
Speaker 1 (11:39):
Hi.
Speaker 11 (11:40):
What do you think she needs to take it to
the grave.
Speaker 3 (11:44):
Himself?
Speaker 1 (11:45):
Yeah, yeah, he gets to live with this. Why why
why ruin her life?
Speaker 3 (11:49):
Oh my god, it's fifteen years later, it's going to
ruin not just her life, not his life, which he
ruined himself, but their entire family. And if he has
truly been faithful, and.
Speaker 10 (12:01):
He and he and her sister did a one time,
really stupid mistake, and I've kept it secret for fifteen years,
and dope, keep it take it.
Speaker 7 (12:10):
To the grave.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
But I don't know how old that guy was. Again,
let's say he's forty years old. He did that when
he was twenty five, twenty six years old. Think of
the stuff that you were doing. And I'm not saying
it's right, it's not right, but think of the decisions
that we were making at twenty six and the decisions
hopefully you're making fifteen years later.
Speaker 10 (12:25):
I mean the stuff that he We married eleven years
and we got married when I was twenty four. And
I have to tell you, if I found out now something,
and I get that the sister thing is a big deal,
but if I found out now, I don't think I
would upend my.
Speaker 3 (12:40):
Whole life, my life, my entire family.
Speaker 10 (12:43):
I would figure out a way to get through it,
but I would be suffering. I would rather just not suffer.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Yeah, there you go, There you go. Thank you, Liz,
have a good day.
Speaker 11 (12:51):
You do.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
Love you guys. Yeah, I love you too. Anna, Hi,
good morning, and okay she's gone. She did Okay, I
was talking with you, Michelle. How you doing, Michelle? Hi,
good morning, Hey, good morning. Stay or go?
Speaker 2 (13:08):
He needs to tell her he needs to go.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
She started that marriage off on a lie.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
And I'm shocked that Rufio is agreeing, but he needs
to go. I'm on kiky with this one.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
Wow, So just blow up everything because he's an idiot
and she's an idiot.
Speaker 10 (13:22):
Yeah, he started that marriage off on a lie, and
that that woman deserves to know.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
How was she sitting there with her kids with their auntie.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
And she slept with your man right before you got married.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
And he knows nothing you Yeah, I mean I don't know. Yeah,
thank you Michelle. Have a good day. Love you guys, bye,
Love you too. I don't know. When I was young,
I guess I would much younger, I guess I had
the opinion that everybody should know everything, like if you
should come clean. And the older I get, the more
(13:53):
I realized that people screw up, people do dumb things.
I don't necessarily think always wants a cheat, her, always
a cheater. Yeah, I think people I think, who knows
what he was going. I'm not excusing what he did.
What he did was wrong. What her sister did we
kept saying. We keep saying his sister. That would make
it even worse. What he did with her sister is wrong.
What she did with him is wrong. But also, you
(14:16):
make one bad decision the night before you make this
lifelong commitment, and then you uphold the commitment and don't
revisit that mistake for an extended period of time fifteen years.
Now you're affecting so many other people by coming clean,
And I just don't know why, Stacy. You say tell
her yeah, I say, tell her, yeap. Why what does
(14:40):
that accomplish?
Speaker 11 (14:42):
So this time I was cheated on that by not
with you know, it was with my sister. But I
was on the other end of this, and at first
I wish that he never told me. I could have
gone the rest of our marriage without knowing, because it
would have just been better because it was so hurtful,
so painful. But now we're on the other end of it,
and again it was it was my sister, but we
made it through and we're better.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
For it now.
Speaker 11 (15:04):
Like it was so hard, we had so much to
go through. But now we're married and happy and like,
the truth is out there and it was my choice
this day or go, and I deserve to have that choice.
It hurts so bad, and at first I wish he
never would have told me, but now I know when
we're on the other end and we're so much better
for it. It wasn't my sister, but I still deserve.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
To know and so to see fair enough, Thank you, Stacy.
Have a good day.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
So I'm getting dragged in and text messages, but.
Speaker 5 (15:32):
You deserve it.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
I don't know, Shelly, what are you thinking. You're the
married Oh gosh, you have to tell her.
Speaker 5 (15:39):
You have to.
Speaker 12 (15:39):
And I think, like what Keeki was saying, I think
to assume everything's gonna be blown up, not necessarily. I mean,
I think at first, of course she'll be upset, but
people work through these things.
Speaker 5 (15:47):
I think that's what happens.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
I don't know.
Speaker 12 (15:49):
You have to so she she might leave, but she
also they could maybe work through it.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
Yep.
Speaker 7 (15:54):
I'll trust you more for coming to me and admitting
it to me and giving me that option versus we're
Christmas okay, and everybody's drunk off the egg nog and
then Uncle Earl tells the secret that y'all slept together.
Speaker 5 (16:07):
And now I don't know, but.
Speaker 9 (16:09):
You know, it's all gonna come out another a person up.
Speaker 5 (16:15):
Guilt is not something to walk around with. That'll eat
him up. He cannot live with that forever.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
So he gets to though that's the burden. It's his burden,
not hers.
Speaker 12 (16:24):
But it's not like a punishment for him, because like
people make mistakes. He made a mistake, and so he's
trying to work through it. And I think he's true.
Speaker 5 (16:31):
He wants to do the right thing.
Speaker 12 (16:32):
But it's it's hard. It's gonna be hard, but people
can do it. He could do it.
Speaker 8 (16:36):
If I'm if I'm this man, Mike, I'm blaming the
sister and everything if it ever comes out.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
Look at this, she's forced me not to say anything.
Speaker 5 (16:44):
I've been waiting fifteen years. I couldn't tell me. She
was blackmailing me the whole time. What so you just
keep lying? Yeah, absolutely nothing.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Somebody the old diddy where someone suggested that because he cheated,
she gelts the free pass on somebody. That doesn't work either.
Don't do that either. That's a terrible light game. Well
then I can't agree with no. That's a terrible thing.