Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Dame Bread Show is on. It's stay or go.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
I can't share things, man, because it's like now people saying,
oh you know you got cancer, you got all this stuff?
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Somebody just someboddy. I honestly can't stop looking at it
right now. You can't see it. I can see it.
No you hut up, No you can't.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
Maybe she's cleaned the microphone. I know your your mouth
is really close to the microphone.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
It might be some some it's the same color. Nobody
would know, trust me, no one would know it was there.
I am a weirdo. Stop looking at me. Why do
I share anything with you people? The point was, I'm
frantically communicating with doctor sonya now, and I'm frantic, and
(00:42):
I'm just staring at my phone waiting but a little
bubbles to pop up so she can tell me that
I'm not dead.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
You're fine, No, I know that. And I got ruby
over here so you can't see which side of my No,
you'd never mind right here. No, you can't see it
because I've been touching it. That's why you know that.
Don't bite it, yeah, say it's to make it worse.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Sanitize, please, says the guy that eats sticks his hands
in his mouth and touches everything.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
I got no momps though.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
We don't know that I'm we don't know what's down there. Honestly,
he's moved like a ten dollar.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
The fact that the fact that we know that is frightening.
Amy saved me him. I want to go home, Amy, Can.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
I go home? Hello?
Speaker 4 (01:30):
Hi? How are you?
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Amy?
Speaker 2 (01:32):
Change the subjects day or ago? What's going on with
you and your husband? We're going from giving medical advice
that you shouldn't follow to now giving psychological and life
advice that you probably shouldn't follow either.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
But what's going on with your husband? Please?
Speaker 4 (01:47):
Well, I don't want to say his name or anything,
but basically, we got married kind of recently, about six
months ago, and we moved in together, and I started
to slow We realized that, I don't know, things are
just kind of off. He was acting weird and he
didn't seem like himself. And then I started to find
(02:10):
empty liquor bottles, like all over the house, the little
ones and the big ones. And then I like, even
outside of the property, I would find them, you know,
in the bushes. There was a couple in the garage. Well,
after you know, pushing him a little bit, he he
did finally admit that he has a problem, and you know,
(02:33):
he was like, I'm willing to work on it, et cetera.
But I think for me, I just can't get past
the fact that he kept it from me for so long,
and I don't know, I just I feel lost and
I need advice.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Wow. I mean, that's a very that's very serious, and
so has he.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
So he says he's going to work on it. But
does that mean has he taken any like sort of
steps as far as is he talking to anybody? I mean,
is he is there any kind of a program? I mean,
is he is he taking any sort of like regimented
steps towards fixing this or is it just I'm gonna
do it. But he's been hiding, so it's hard to
know if he really is well.
Speaker 4 (03:16):
He said he's done a in the past, which is
strange to me because when we first started dating, he
was drinking wine on our dates, et cetera. So he
said he's done it in the past, and he said
he's willing to try it again and go to therapy, But.
Speaker 5 (03:33):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (03:34):
It just seems like such a big lie from the beginning.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Yeah, I mean, but then again, I do think that
if you're married to this person, that might have been
something that would have come up. You know that the
guy struggled in this way, But I also know that
it's a lifelong battle for a lot of people. It's
not something that's just cured. You know, sometimes people relapse.
Some people, they they can be sober for a long
(03:58):
time and then fall back into it again. And so
the fact that you didn't know anything about it before,
I think is a little bit weird.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
But the fact.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
That he's having a problem with it and had a
problem with it in the past, I don't necessarily And
again I'm not educated in this. This is not my
area of expertise. But I do know that for some
people it's a lifelong struggle. It's not just like, Okay,
you know, go to treatment, all right, good, you're cured,
and then you'll never drink again or never use any substances,
and you know what I mean. So I don't know
that that in itself, the fact that he's relapsed is
(04:26):
necessarily a problem. I guess for me it would be
one are the steps he's taking to help himself and
how can you help him do that? But I guess
that's why you're calling because you don't really know how
to approach it.
Speaker 4 (04:39):
Yeah, I don't know how to approach it, and like,
I just feel like I've been lying to you for
so long? Is the real thing for me? Like I understand,
I'm empathetic about someone having a problem, but you know,
we were drinking through our whole relationship. I mean, he
was never a big drinker. It would be like, you know,
whine every once.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
In a while.
Speaker 4 (04:57):
But like, I mean, he should have told me that from.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
The because that's concerning if you're drinking together and then
you're finding excess elsewhere, you know, So whatever it is,
whatever sort of social drinking or whatever you guys are
doing together, isn't isn't enough. He's supplementing it with enough
alcohol that he thinks he has to hide it, right, huh.
(05:20):
So let me take some phone calls on this because
I want to know. I know that people have been
through this and and have more information to share than
we do.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
But eight five five five one three five.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
I mean, if if he takes the steps and tries
to help himself, and you support him in that, then
I assume you want to stay.
Speaker 4 (05:39):
Yeah, absolutely, I just don't want any more lies.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
What if you, as someone who's texting, being married to
an alcoholic is a stressful road. If you had known
that he had this problem, would you have married him?
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Still?
Speaker 4 (05:51):
I would have.
Speaker 5 (05:52):
I love him, you know, like, I've never fallen in
love with anyone like this, And I think if he
had been honest from the beginning, I would have been
able to help him, not drink around him and not
go like I planned us a trip to California and
we went to the winery like I never would have
done that.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Yeah, but you can't beat yourself up for that because
he didn't share it with you. But I guess the
fact that you would have been with him either way
means that you would have taken this on with him.
And it sounds like maybe you're still willing to. But
obviously you need to see him take the steps because
you don't want him hiding things from you that he
has a problem with.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Right, Yeah, all right, let me take some calls. Amy.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
I wish you the best. This is a heavy one,
but good luck. Okay, Yeah, no, thank you for calling us. Tara,
Yeah no, Tara's been through this, you were in the
same spot. Good morning, Good morning. So what do you do? Yeah,
if you're an amy, I.
Speaker 6 (06:48):
Think she's kind of screwed because she got married and
if she's going to stay, he's going to.
Speaker 7 (06:52):
Be in for a long haul.
Speaker 8 (06:55):
I think she should go.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
What now.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
I mean, my stepdad is sober.
Speaker 9 (07:02):
He was sober when my mom and him met, and
he was honest about it. He did relapse throughout their relationship.
I'm not going to take away the fact that it
is a very long road. It's actively you have to
fight to be sober every day, and your partner has
to change sometimes the way they behave or how they
support you. So it is difficult, but it can be
done well.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
And it also doesn't say I get it.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
I get what you're saying, though it is hard.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
She didn't come right out and say that there's like
severe behavioral issues or anger or abuse. I mean, she
didn't say that. That doesn't mean it's not there. But
I suppose that's a good sign because at least maybe
they can function together as a couple in a healthy
way as he battles this. I mean, I think where
a lot of people begin to have problems is when
(07:46):
the alcohol or the drugs or whatever fuel other types
of behavior that make the people unreachable or make it
such that somebody feels alienated. Like Amy didn't necessarily say
to us, I don't feel like I can talk to
him about it. It was more or how do I
be supportive? And a lot of it from her sounded
like guilt that she didn't know. But how could she.
I mean, if she didn't know what was she supposed
(08:08):
to have done, he should have told her.
Speaker 6 (08:11):
Yeah, yeah, okay, at least I knew. I knew what
I was in for. I knew that I was in
for a long haul. But the fact that he's kept
it a secret and he's done a before in quote,
that's that's not a good sign.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
I think the whole thing hinges on his willingness to
get help and her and then of course her willingness
to support him and thank you, Tara, I have a
good day.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Thank you, which it sounds like she's willing to do.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
But again, if she were, if she go to him
and say, hey, you can't be hiding alcohol, like we
got to get a hold of this, if he's like,
now I'm not doing it, I think that's where the
problems probably start start.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
He's got to want it and show action, like not
just talk, you know.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
And idea is troubling to me though, that he had
this sort of serious, serious enough of an issue that
he went to AA and that he saw treatment and
the rest of it and never shared it. Right, that's
you're married to this person exactly. Hey Josh, good morning.
Speaker 8 (09:04):
Good morning, good morning.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Hi, so you heard the whole story. What do you think.
Speaker 8 (09:08):
I think it's non negotiable. She needs to get out
of there. So I've been married twenty nine years. It's
been the act all my life, even though I quit
in ninety three. You've become addicted to anything else, anything else,
whether it be sure, gaming, gambling, porn, anything, and once
you once you're with an ad, you're with the added
and there's yeah, sure there's times and good seasons and
(09:31):
all that, but especially if they end up having kids,
it's over. The guy is gonna he's gonna drink, he's
gonna manifest in some other way.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
So she shouldn't even buy it, you know, she's she
shouldn't even support him. She should just leave. And you're
certainly not not this early.
Speaker 8 (09:44):
I mean, if she knew the whole story from the
get go, and she's like, I'm a rag. She's been
down that path to a you know, God bless her.
You know, go for it. You know she's a saint.
But yeah, if he's hiding it and she's finding this stuff,
now he comes up with, oh no, it's this that
poor me, blah blah blah. I'm telling you, we're manipulave,
we're sneaky will. It's just not negotiable.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
Wow, all right, all true love.
Speaker 8 (10:10):
True intimacy addicts. We're we're in love with ourselves and
with whatever we're playing with. So it's just unfortunate, but
it's the truth.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
Hey, good luck to you man, Thanks for sharing. I
mean that's you know, yeah, Hey Sarah, Yes.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Hi Sarah, good morning. What do you think stare Go?
Speaker 10 (10:31):
I think you should say I'm a recovering covering myself
and I don't know what I would have done without
my partner to get through.
Speaker 6 (10:42):
You know, I did relaugh a.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Couple of times.
Speaker 10 (10:44):
It was rough, you know, it is it will be
along road. But if you're committed, because he married him,
because you love him, I think that it's fair to
give him the benefit of the doubt and he came clean.
You know, at least he did tell you that stuff,
so I would I would try to go down this
short with him and help him, you know, because he
(11:05):
is your partner. He married him, and I don't know
what I would have done. I mean I would have
if I if I didn't have my partner, you know,
through all of that, I might not have came out
as clean as I did. And our relationship is now
actually ten times stronger than it was.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Love that Yeah, good, good Sarah. Well, good luck with
your recovery and thanks for sharing.
Speaker 8 (11:30):
No problem.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
And see how I look again, not a physician, not
a counselor, this is not my air of expertise. But
this is an illness. This is a disease, no different
than a lot of others. What if this dude had
and again this is two different extremes. But what if
this dude had cancer and never told her and then
his cancer comes back and she just leaves him because
he's gonna because he might because he might die, because
(11:51):
it might not be treatable, because he might not want
to fight it. I mean, again, I'm not in a
position to say if those are exactly the same but
my thought process here is this is a sickness. This
is something he's battling with. This is something that he
was ashamed of, slash he thought he had control over.
I don't know what his reasons were for not telling
her ahead of time. He should have. They're married. Yeah,
but they're married. So do you try and work on
(12:15):
it before you go? And if the guy refuses and
the behavior doesn't change, then do you go? That would
be That's kind of where I'm at is let's try.
Speaker 3 (12:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 9 (12:23):
There's also support groups for people who love addicts which
are very helpful.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
Alan On highly recommend that for her as well.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
That'll help. Hey, Rosa, good morning. Yeah, hi Rosa.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
You heard the whole scenario with Amy here Colin saying
that she's married to a man who she didn't know
had an alcohol problem until she found alcohol bottles and
things that he'd been hiding from her, usage that he'd
been consumption, that that he had been hiding from her.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
What do you think?
Speaker 11 (12:49):
I think she needs to run away as far as Hospiel,
especially if she's already hiding the bottles.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
Yeah, I mean that's not good.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
Now.
Speaker 11 (12:59):
I separated on my AX. It was a year and
a half later, I was still finding bottles.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
Oh wow, well that's sorr. I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
Yeah, yeah, so she should go right now, not even
not even see if he'll if he'll do anything about it.
Speaker 11 (13:14):
If he's already hiding them, that's that's more of a
problem than anything. So no, I would I would not
go through that. I would never put anyone through that.
And I refused to date anyone with an addition problem
going forward in the future.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
Terrible.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Okay, all right, thank you for sharing. Yeah, I'm sorry
you went through that. Have a good day.
Speaker 8 (13:35):
Thanks.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
I mean the number of people here there just like
get out of there now. I mean, Emily, Hi, Emily,
good morning. So you're more of the let's see if
we can treat this camp.
Speaker 7 (13:49):
Okay, So yeah, I think she should say.
Speaker 5 (13:51):
But I think that.
Speaker 12 (13:52):
They needed like a couple of counseling, and they also
need to do individual counseling, because I'm wondering if there
was like a trigger that made him all of a
sudden start drinking, you know more, because it sounds like,
you know, for however many months they dated, he was
in more control, you could say, so. And I guess
my other thought was I feel like his hiding at
this point, it is kind of like hiding like smoking almost,
(14:13):
like if he's not being you know, the other terrible
side effects that can come with you know, addiction and alcoholism.
And she really didn't notice.
Speaker 4 (14:21):
It's kind of like, well, yeah, the.
Speaker 12 (14:23):
Line is really bad. But like, you know, is it
affecting her day to day life?
Speaker 1 (14:28):
Yeah, yeah, I mean it's tough. It's it is tough.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
But again, and I keep saying the same thing over
and over again, but it's like you gotta try, don't you.
Speaker 7 (14:38):
I mean, six months is too six months is way
too soon to throw in the towel too for Like,
I don't know, I think she's not buying it up.
She's putting a little more right.
Speaker 3 (14:50):
Yeah, she has a right to have her feelings, you know,
no doubt, no doubt.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
And I mean.
Speaker 12 (14:56):
Yeah, but like I feel like she was very much
from the I don't know, already half out the door.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Fun.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
Yeah, I hear you.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Yeah, yeah, it could be Thank you, Emily, have a
great day you too. Well, that's the thing, right, It's like, uh,
I don't know, we're not we're not living it.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Yeah, we're not.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
We're not in the midst of it, but I don't know. CJ.
Good morning, c J. How you doing. What do you
want to say?
Speaker 3 (15:27):
Yeah, I think you should go because if our was
cheating her with a woman, she would will definitely leave him.
Speaker 8 (15:37):
So he's cheating on her with alcohol, and it's the
same thing.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
But some people get through cheating. I mean not everybody,
but some people, right, I mean they meaning they can
work on it, So they could work on it. But again,
I think this whole thing hinges on his willingness to
acknowledge the problem now that it stits out and and
do some thing about it. But CJ, thanks, man, have
(16:01):
a good day. I think some people are also downplaying
And again, not an expert, not qualified to say this,
but I've been through it and not personally but well
yes personally, not with me. But I think people are
under underestimating a chemical component to this. Yes, it's not
as simple as someone's like, well, cancer, you didn't choose it. Well,
I don't know that people chose this life.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
You're you're not that way very much.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
And again that was a wild comparison. But at the
same time, it really is not as simple as I
I'm just simply going to make the choice not to
do it anymore. Yeah, it's like a it's a compulsion
in a.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
Lot of these and people choose it over their kids.
Speaker 9 (16:42):
You know, nobody would choose that life like nobody's going
to drink themselves to death because they want you.
Speaker 3 (16:47):
You know, it's it's very difficult, and it's for life.
Like you said, this is a lifelong battle every day.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
And I do believe, on the flip side, that she
had a right to choose whether or not she wanted
to do that with him, And maybe that's why he
did tell her because he was afraid she wouldn't. But
you know, those are the things they got to work
through now, or I guess not a lot of people
on the text and the calls are saying, just go wow,
because it's.
Speaker 13 (17:09):
So early in their marriage for him to already be
lying and although, yes, this is a disease, and yes
it's something that he is really struggling with, but it
doesn't have to be her life. Like when you're married
to an addic, it becomes your issue as well, a
lifelong issue for you. And she didn't get there, She
didn't get the fair choice in the beginning to decide
if she wanted to commit to that life. She got
(17:31):
married and then got deceived that he had a whole
nother situation going on, and it's just not fair to
her because she didn't make that choice to commit to
an addict.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
She committed and then found.
Speaker 13 (17:41):
Out, So it's it's a really tough situation. Girls, stay
strong because it's not for the week.
Dame Bread Show is on. It's stay or go.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
I can't share things, man, because it's like now people saying,
oh you know you got cancer, you got all this stuff?
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Somebody just someboddy. I honestly can't stop looking at it
right now. You can't see it. I can see it.
No you hut up, No you can't.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
Maybe she's cleaned the microphone. I know your your mouth
is really close to the microphone.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
It might be some some it's the same color. Nobody
would know, trust me, no one would know it was there.
I am a weirdo. Stop looking at me. Why do
I share anything with you people? The point was, I'm
frantically communicating with doctor sonya now, and I'm frantic, and
(00:42):
I'm just staring at my phone waiting but a little
bubbles to pop up so she can tell me that
I'm not dead.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
You're fine, No, I know that. And I got ruby
over here so you can't see which side of my No,
you'd never mind right here. No, you can't see it
because I've been touching it. That's why you know that.
Don't bite it, yeah, say it's to make it worse.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Sanitize, please, says the guy that eats sticks his hands
in his mouth and touches everything.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
I got no momps though.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
We don't know that I'm we don't know what's down there. Honestly,
he's moved like a ten dollar.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
The fact that the fact that we know that is frightening.
Amy saved me him. I want to go home, Amy, Can.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
I go home? Hello?
Speaker 4 (01:30):
Hi? How are you?
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Amy?
Speaker 2 (01:32):
Change the subjects day or ago? What's going on with
you and your husband? We're going from giving medical advice
that you shouldn't follow to now giving psychological and life
advice that you probably shouldn't follow either.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
But what's going on with your husband? Please?
Speaker 4 (01:47):
Well, I don't want to say his name or anything,
but basically, we got married kind of recently, about six
months ago, and we moved in together, and I started
to slow We realized that, I don't know, things are
just kind of off. He was acting weird and he
didn't seem like himself. And then I started to find
(02:10):
empty liquor bottles, like all over the house, the little
ones and the big ones. And then I like, even
outside of the property, I would find them, you know,
in the bushes. There was a couple in the garage. Well,
after you know, pushing him a little bit, he he
did finally admit that he has a problem, and you know,
(02:33):
he was like, I'm willing to work on it, et cetera.
But I think for me, I just can't get past
the fact that he kept it from me for so long,
and I don't know, I just I feel lost and
I need advice.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Wow. I mean, that's a very that's very serious, and
so has he.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
So he says he's going to work on it. But
does that mean has he taken any like sort of
steps as far as is he talking to anybody? I mean,
is he is there any kind of a program? I mean,
is he is he taking any sort of like regimented
steps towards fixing this or is it just I'm gonna
do it. But he's been hiding, so it's hard to
know if he really is well.
Speaker 4 (03:16):
He said he's done a in the past, which is
strange to me because when we first started dating, he
was drinking wine on our dates, et cetera. So he
said he's done it in the past, and he said
he's willing to try it again and go to therapy, But.
Speaker 5 (03:33):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (03:34):
It just seems like such a big lie from the beginning.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Yeah, I mean, but then again, I do think that
if you're married to this person, that might have been
something that would have come up. You know that the
guy struggled in this way, But I also know that
it's a lifelong battle for a lot of people. It's
not something that's just cured. You know, sometimes people relapse.
Some people, they they can be sober for a long
(03:58):
time and then fall back into it again. And so
the fact that you didn't know anything about it before,
I think is a little bit weird.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
But the fact.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
That he's having a problem with it and had a
problem with it in the past, I don't necessarily And
again I'm not educated in this. This is not my
area of expertise. But I do know that for some
people it's a lifelong struggle. It's not just like, Okay,
you know, go to treatment, all right, good, you're cured,
and then you'll never drink again or never use any substances,
and you know what I mean. So I don't know
that that in itself, the fact that he's relapsed is
(04:26):
necessarily a problem. I guess for me it would be
one are the steps he's taking to help himself and
how can you help him do that? But I guess
that's why you're calling because you don't really know how
to approach it.
Speaker 4 (04:39):
Yeah, I don't know how to approach it, and like,
I just feel like I've been lying to you for
so long? Is the real thing for me? Like I understand,
I'm empathetic about someone having a problem, but you know,
we were drinking through our whole relationship. I mean, he
was never a big drinker. It would be like, you know,
whine every once.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
In a while.
Speaker 4 (04:57):
But like, I mean, he should have told me that from.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
The because that's concerning if you're drinking together and then
you're finding excess elsewhere, you know, So whatever it is,
whatever sort of social drinking or whatever you guys are
doing together, isn't isn't enough. He's supplementing it with enough
alcohol that he thinks he has to hide it, right, huh.
(05:20):
So let me take some phone calls on this because
I want to know. I know that people have been
through this and and have more information to share than
we do.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
But eight five five five one three five.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
I mean, if if he takes the steps and tries
to help himself, and you support him in that, then
I assume you want to stay.
Speaker 4 (05:39):
Yeah, absolutely, I just don't want any more lies.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
What if you, as someone who's texting, being married to
an alcoholic is a stressful road. If you had known
that he had this problem, would you have married him?
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Still?
Speaker 4 (05:51):
I would have.
Speaker 5 (05:52):
I love him, you know, like, I've never fallen in
love with anyone like this, And I think if he
had been honest from the beginning, I would have been
able to help him, not drink around him and not
go like I planned us a trip to California and
we went to the winery like I never would have
done that.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Yeah, but you can't beat yourself up for that because
he didn't share it with you. But I guess the
fact that you would have been with him either way
means that you would have taken this on with him.
And it sounds like maybe you're still willing to. But
obviously you need to see him take the steps because
you don't want him hiding things from you that he
has a problem with.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Right, Yeah, all right, let me take some calls. Amy.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
I wish you the best. This is a heavy one,
but good luck. Okay, Yeah, no, thank you for calling us. Tara,
Yeah no, Tara's been through this, you were in the
same spot. Good morning, Good morning. So what do you do? Yeah,
if you're an amy, I.
Speaker 6 (06:48):
Think she's kind of screwed because she got married and
if she's going to stay, he's going to.
Speaker 7 (06:52):
Be in for a long haul.
Speaker 8 (06:55):
I think she should go.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
What now.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
I mean, my stepdad is sober.
Speaker 9 (07:02):
He was sober when my mom and him met, and
he was honest about it. He did relapse throughout their relationship.
I'm not going to take away the fact that it
is a very long road. It's actively you have to
fight to be sober every day, and your partner has
to change sometimes the way they behave or how they
support you. So it is difficult, but it can be
done well.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
And it also doesn't say I get it.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
I get what you're saying, though it is hard.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
She didn't come right out and say that there's like
severe behavioral issues or anger or abuse. I mean, she
didn't say that. That doesn't mean it's not there. But
I suppose that's a good sign because at least maybe
they can function together as a couple in a healthy
way as he battles this. I mean, I think where
a lot of people begin to have problems is when
(07:46):
the alcohol or the drugs or whatever fuel other types
of behavior that make the people unreachable or make it
such that somebody feels alienated. Like Amy didn't necessarily say
to us, I don't feel like I can talk to
him about it. It was more or how do I
be supportive? And a lot of it from her sounded
like guilt that she didn't know. But how could she.
I mean, if she didn't know what was she supposed
(08:08):
to have done, he should have told her.
Speaker 6 (08:11):
Yeah, yeah, okay, at least I knew. I knew what
I was in for. I knew that I was in
for a long haul. But the fact that he's kept
it a secret and he's done a before in quote,
that's that's not a good sign.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
I think the whole thing hinges on his willingness to
get help and her and then of course her willingness
to support him and thank you, Tara, I have a
good day.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Thank you, which it sounds like she's willing to do.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
But again, if she were, if she go to him
and say, hey, you can't be hiding alcohol, like we
got to get a hold of this, if he's like,
now I'm not doing it, I think that's where the
problems probably start start.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
He's got to want it and show action, like not
just talk, you know.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
And idea is troubling to me though, that he had
this sort of serious, serious enough of an issue that
he went to AA and that he saw treatment and
the rest of it and never shared it. Right, that's
you're married to this person exactly. Hey Josh, good morning.
Speaker 8 (09:04):
Good morning, good morning.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Hi, so you heard the whole story. What do you think.
Speaker 8 (09:08):
I think it's non negotiable. She needs to get out
of there. So I've been married twenty nine years. It's
been the act all my life, even though I quit
in ninety three. You've become addicted to anything else, anything else,
whether it be sure, gaming, gambling, porn, anything, and once
you once you're with an ad, you're with the added
and there's yeah, sure there's times and good seasons and
(09:31):
all that, but especially if they end up having kids,
it's over. The guy is gonna he's gonna drink, he's
gonna manifest in some other way.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
So she shouldn't even buy it, you know, she's she
shouldn't even support him. She should just leave. And you're
certainly not not this early.
Speaker 8 (09:44):
I mean, if she knew the whole story from the
get go, and she's like, I'm a rag. She's been
down that path to a you know, God bless her.
You know, go for it. You know she's a saint.
But yeah, if he's hiding it and she's finding this stuff,
now he comes up with, oh no, it's this that
poor me, blah blah blah. I'm telling you, we're manipulave,
we're sneaky will. It's just not negotiable.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
Wow, all right, all true love.
Speaker 8 (10:10):
True intimacy addicts. We're we're in love with ourselves and
with whatever we're playing with. So it's just unfortunate, but
it's the truth.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
Hey, good luck to you man, Thanks for sharing. I
mean that's you know, yeah, Hey Sarah, Yes.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Hi Sarah, good morning. What do you think stare Go?
Speaker 10 (10:31):
I think you should say I'm a recovering covering myself
and I don't know what I would have done without
my partner to get through.
Speaker 6 (10:42):
You know, I did relaugh a.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Couple of times.
Speaker 10 (10:44):
It was rough, you know, it is it will be
along road. But if you're committed, because he married him,
because you love him, I think that it's fair to
give him the benefit of the doubt and he came clean.
You know, at least he did tell you that stuff,
so I would I would try to go down this
short with him and help him, you know, because he
(11:05):
is your partner. He married him, and I don't know
what I would have done. I mean I would have
if I if I didn't have my partner, you know,
through all of that, I might not have came out
as clean as I did. And our relationship is now
actually ten times stronger than it was.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Love that Yeah, good, good Sarah. Well, good luck with
your recovery and thanks for sharing.
Speaker 8 (11:30):
No problem.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
And see how I look again, not a physician, not
a counselor, this is not my air of expertise. But
this is an illness. This is a disease, no different
than a lot of others. What if this dude had
and again this is two different extremes. But what if
this dude had cancer and never told her and then
his cancer comes back and she just leaves him because
he's gonna because he might because he might die, because
(11:51):
it might not be treatable, because he might not want
to fight it. I mean, again, I'm not in a
position to say if those are exactly the same but
my thought process here is this is a sickness. This
is something he's battling with. This is something that he
was ashamed of, slash he thought he had control over.
I don't know what his reasons were for not telling
her ahead of time. He should have. They're married. Yeah,
but they're married. So do you try and work on
(12:15):
it before you go? And if the guy refuses and
the behavior doesn't change, then do you go? That would
be That's kind of where I'm at is let's try.
Speaker 3 (12:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 9 (12:23):
There's also support groups for people who love addicts which
are very helpful.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
Alan On highly recommend that for her as well.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
That'll help. Hey, Rosa, good morning. Yeah, hi Rosa.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
You heard the whole scenario with Amy here Colin saying
that she's married to a man who she didn't know
had an alcohol problem until she found alcohol bottles and
things that he'd been hiding from her, usage that he'd
been consumption, that that he had been hiding from her.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
What do you think?
Speaker 11 (12:49):
I think she needs to run away as far as Hospiel,
especially if she's already hiding the bottles.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
Yeah, I mean that's not good.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
Now.
Speaker 11 (12:59):
I separated on my AX. It was a year and
a half later, I was still finding bottles.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
Oh wow, well that's sorr. I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
Yeah, yeah, so she should go right now, not even
not even see if he'll if he'll do anything about it.
Speaker 11 (13:14):
If he's already hiding them, that's that's more of a
problem than anything. So no, I would I would not
go through that. I would never put anyone through that.
And I refused to date anyone with an addition problem
going forward in the future.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
Terrible.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Okay, all right, thank you for sharing. Yeah, I'm sorry
you went through that. Have a good day.
Speaker 8 (13:35):
Thanks.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
I mean the number of people here there just like
get out of there now. I mean, Emily, Hi, Emily,
good morning. So you're more of the let's see if
we can treat this camp.
Speaker 7 (13:49):
Okay, So yeah, I think she should say.
Speaker 5 (13:51):
But I think that.
Speaker 12 (13:52):
They needed like a couple of counseling, and they also
need to do individual counseling, because I'm wondering if there
was like a trigger that made him all of a
sudden start drinking, you know more, because it sounds like,
you know, for however many months they dated, he was
in more control, you could say, so. And I guess
my other thought was I feel like his hiding at
this point, it is kind of like hiding like smoking almost,
(14:13):
like if he's not being you know, the other terrible
side effects that can come with you know, addiction and alcoholism.
And she really didn't notice.
Speaker 4 (14:21):
It's kind of like, well, yeah, the.
Speaker 12 (14:23):
Line is really bad. But like, you know, is it
affecting her day to day life?
Speaker 1 (14:28):
Yeah, yeah, I mean it's tough. It's it is tough.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
But again, and I keep saying the same thing over
and over again, but it's like you gotta try, don't you.
Speaker 7 (14:38):
I mean, six months is too six months is way
too soon to throw in the towel too for Like,
I don't know, I think she's not buying it up.
She's putting a little more right.
Speaker 3 (14:50):
Yeah, she has a right to have her feelings, you know,
no doubt, no doubt.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
And I mean.
Speaker 12 (14:56):
Yeah, but like I feel like she was very much
from the I don't know, already half out the door.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Fun.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
Yeah, I hear you.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Yeah, yeah, it could be Thank you, Emily, have a
great day you too. Well, that's the thing, right, It's like, uh,
I don't know, we're not we're not living it.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Yeah, we're not.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
We're not in the midst of it, but I don't know. CJ.
Good morning, c J. How you doing. What do you
want to say?
Speaker 3 (15:27):
Yeah, I think you should go because if our was
cheating her with a woman, she would will definitely leave him.
Speaker 8 (15:37):
So he's cheating on her with alcohol, and it's the
same thing.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
But some people get through cheating. I mean not everybody,
but some people, right, I mean they meaning they can
work on it, So they could work on it. But again,
I think this whole thing hinges on his willingness to
acknowledge the problem now that it stits out and and
do some thing about it. But CJ, thanks, man, have
(16:01):
a good day. I think some people are also downplaying
And again, not an expert, not qualified to say this,
but I've been through it and not personally but well
yes personally, not with me. But I think people are
under underestimating a chemical component to this. Yes, it's not
as simple as someone's like, well, cancer, you didn't choose it. Well,
I don't know that people chose this life.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
You're you're not that way very much.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
And again that was a wild comparison. But at the
same time, it really is not as simple as I
I'm just simply going to make the choice not to
do it anymore. Yeah, it's like a it's a compulsion
in a.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
Lot of these and people choose it over their kids.
Speaker 9 (16:42):
You know, nobody would choose that life like nobody's going
to drink themselves to death because they want you.
Speaker 3 (16:47):
You know, it's it's very difficult, and it's for life.
Like you said, this is a lifelong battle every day.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
And I do believe, on the flip side, that she
had a right to choose whether or not she wanted
to do that with him, And maybe that's why he
did tell her because he was afraid she wouldn't. But
you know, those are the things they got to work
through now, or I guess not a lot of people
on the text and the calls are saying, just go wow,
because it's.
Speaker 13 (17:09):
So early in their marriage for him to already be
lying and although, yes, this is a disease, and yes
it's something that he is really struggling with, but it
doesn't have to be her life. Like when you're married
to an addic, it becomes your issue as well, a
lifelong issue for you. And she didn't get there, She
didn't get the fair choice in the beginning to decide
if she wanted to commit to that life. She got
(17:31):
married and then got deceived that he had a whole
nother situation going on, and it's just not fair to
her because she didn't make that choice to commit to
an addict.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
She committed and then found.
Speaker 13 (17:41):
Out, So it's it's a really tough situation. Girls, stay
strong because it's not for the week.
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