Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
The French show is on. It's Stay or Go. Darcy
is here. Good morning, Darcy. How you doing? Good morning?
I'm doing okay, Darcy. Welcome to the program Stairgo. So
a little relationship advice, little little group therapy happening right now.
What's going on with this guy? This is your husband
of fifteen years? You're calling us about something real like
(00:21):
this isn't for real. We're not messing around with some
six month relationship. This is fifteen years. You've been married
to this man.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Well, not only have we been married for fifteen years,
but we were together seven years before we got married,
and they always told me, marry your best friend, marry
your best friend.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
So I did. Twenty two years you've been together, right,
I does some quick mathew, just two years at the
top of the dome. Yeah, no, I am, I am.
I'm good with you, yea.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
The problem is not that I don't love him.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
I do.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
The problem is is that I don't want to be
intimate with him, like I don't want to have sex
with him, and I have it for a really long time,
and I try to push those feelings down because, like
you just said, it's been twenty two years that we
have been together, and people say, you go through phases
and the spark comes and it goes. But it went
a long time ago and it has not come back,
(01:12):
and like we'll get intimate sometimes, but it's more of
like obligation than it is anything else.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
And I feel terrible about it.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
But every time I try to bring it up with
other people, they always say, oh, the dating world is
so hard and the grass isn't always greener, and you
have your best friend, Like what more could you want? Well,
I want to be with someone who I want like that.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Why would you say things have subsided romantically intimately? Like
can you can you pinpoint why you're not interested? Like,
I mean, are you guys still getting along? Are you
still communicating well? Has there been any kind of infidelity?
I mean, is there some sort of dysfunction? I mean,
I'm just trying to get to the bike. Or is
it simply you've just grown out of wanting to be
(01:56):
intimate with him and you just feel like you're married
to your friend.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
I feel like I'm married to my friend, and I
don't know that I ever grew out of it. I
think geek down. I've always known it's always been like that,
but I listen to everybody else who said this is
your best friend, and he is like, there's nobody else
I want to spend time with other than him. But
when it gets down to that bedroom, it's it's like
(02:20):
I'm laying there with my brother and I'm like, I
don't want a new day.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
There's nobody else that does you ways to spend time
with except for maybe somebody to have sex with her
other than that, but other than that, this guy. This
guy's everything. So you can, okay, could you? And I'm
just trying to like if it be proactive here? I mean,
is there anything like what if he tried to be romantic? Like,
is there anything that he can do? I mean, is
(02:43):
it really just dead like you're just not interested? Or
is there Is it a matter of effort? Is it
a matter of seduction? Is it a matter of you know,
he's not romantic with you anymore, It doesn't take you
on dates like you know what I mean? Like, is
there anything going on that he could have just to
maybe make this more attractive to you? Again?
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Maybe, but I think even if he tried, it would
just give me the ick. I think we're at that
point to even if he tried to seduce me. I
don't know if he is the person I want seducing me.
And I know that that sounds so terrible. I know
it sounds so awful, but it's just how I feel.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
Have you discussed this with him? I mean, if you
guys communicated about this, does he feel the same way.
He does not feel the same way.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
He feels the same way everybody else does. That we're
just going through a rough patch, and you know, we
just need to talk more. And I feel like all
we do is talk about it, which I'd rather do
than the alternative.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
I'll talk to you forever.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
I just feel like we're talking in a circle and
I don't know if it will ever come back to
me feeling that way towards him like I love him,
and I always heard people say This's always thought it
was such a lie. I just don't know that I'm
in love with him. But if there is something that
he could do, I would try it because nothing would
break my heart more than to break his heart.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
Yeah, because if he is still really into it and
wants to do it and you don't, then this isn't
a situation where I think you could go and present
some sort of counter solution, like, you know, you can't
go to a guy who still wants to be with
you and you don't and be like, hey, how about
if we open up this marriage or something, because I've
heard of situations that people have been married for a
very long time, maybe they have kids, maybe they are
(04:21):
established in their lives, and they care about each other,
they love each other. The intimacy just isn't there, but
they don't want to blow up their whole lives. So
they both decide, hey, look, you know, you can go
off and do something, just don't let me find out
about it, or we can go off, or we're going
to open up this relationship or whatever. But both parties
are okay with that, or at least appear to be.
(04:41):
In this case. I feel like if you went to
him and said, hey, can we open up this relationship,
he'd be, you know, highly insulted and hurt.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
I think so too, But a part of me thinks
that sounds like a really good idea, because if I
could go somewhere else and have that aspect of this relationship,
they still have this back at home.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
I'm like, what a great I'm serious, It's a real thing.
This is a real thing. She's not saying he's a
bad guy. She's not saying that she doesn't love him.
She's not saying she doesn't care about him. She's not
even saying she doesn't like spending time with him. What
she's saying is, for whatever reason, the intimacy has expired,
she doesn't believe she can fix it. And so what
does she do? Does she blow up the entire relationship
(05:19):
and lose her best friend over sex? Does she say
forget it? I guess I'll just be celibate. Does she cheat?
Does she ask for an open relationship? You know again?
I mean think about what her options are. I thought
about therapy. People were asking about therapy. Yeah, we've thought
about therapy and going.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
I just think that we're looking at this situation from
two different viewpoints. And I don't think he's looking at
it as we need therapy. I think he's looking at
it as we can work.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
This out at home.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
And I'm perfectly fine going to therapy. My concern with
therapy is saying something like you just suggested of an
open marriage, and then we just opened up a whole
other can of worms, and I'm nervous about that. We
have talked about therapy, we have not actively gone.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
You know what he needs. He needs that stuff I
see advertised on TikTok all the time, that gum that
makes it like super hard, you know what I mean.
Like this, there's a gum. I forget what it's called,
like blue chee or something. It's like, oh yeah, I
see it advertised on TikTok all the time. Yeah, it's like,
does your man have the blue choo. It's like because
maybe if he comes home and he's just like you,
(06:20):
maybe maybe what it's gonna take is a little passion
on his point, the blue choe. Well maybe it's targeting
men because he wouldn't say a blue cheo. I mean,
I would get. I get. I don't need it yet,
I'm sure I will, but I've considered ordering it just
to see what the hell happened. Yeah, an experiment. I've
thought about getting viagra too, just to see what happened,
just to see what I mean again, there's going to
(06:41):
come a time where I'm going to need that stuff.
I don't yet, but I'm afraid my heart would explode it.
I'm afraid I'm just getting greedy, That's what i mean.
Like it's already working fine, It doesn't need to work
finer than fine. But I'm curious. You know, my mind
wants to know what the hell is blue choo stuff.
But it's not even that darcy, because I asked you
if there was some kind of dysfunction and you said no, No.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
I feel like if he came home with that problem,
that feels like a hymn problem right now, because that
isn't the problem of him being able to perform.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
What the problem is that I don't want to come
to the show. Wouldn't you almost rather that though? Wouldn't
you almost rather that you really wanted the guy and
everything was there, he just he just needed to work
through some kind of a physiological issue. Wouldn't that be better?
You know? If it's like I know, that's also uncomfortable,
but at least a desire is there, and you guys
can go together and work it out and figure out
(07:27):
whatever the health matter is or whatever help he needs
or you need or whatever. But in this case, this
dude could be coming in ready to go all the time.
He could be blue chewing it up right now, and
it wouldn't matter because you don't want it.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
No, and I would even be more comfortable right now
if there's been infidelity and we could work that. This
feels like I am the problem. This feels like I
am ruining my marriage because of the way that I feel,
and I can't change the way that I feel. But
if he came to me and said that he cheated,
I could say, well, let's work on that. This doesn't
feel like we can work on it.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
I mean, I don't know if other.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
People that have been married as long or together with
someone for twenty two years have ever been to this situation.
But everyone I seem to talk to just says, you
just have to work through it. And it doesn't feel
like something I want to work through because life's a
little too short to be this unhappy.
Speaker 4 (08:16):
Yeah, I think that she's using the word and you are.
You're saying that that's my best friend. That's my best friend, right,
So I think you're taking a lot of this blame
on yourself. You're like, I'd rather him cheat and do that,
and it's like, I wouldn't even go that far. I
just think that you have lost that spark for him.
But I think that's okay. Sad. I know it's sad.
It's very upsetting, right, it's her husband for twenty two years.
But if this is a really your best friend that
(08:36):
you keep calling, you know, this is my best friend.
This is the worst and I care about I think
it's best to go your separate ways so that maybe
you can still remain friends.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
You can still remain that. Let's face it, if he cheats,
then she has an opening. If he cheats, then she
can dump him. If he cheats, then she could go, well,
I now, well why don't you just keep doing that?
And I'll do this. I mean, it's nice, no offense, Darcy,
but him him doing something anything other than you addressing
the issue is kind of just a cop out. It's
kind of just a work around, right, I mean, because
(09:03):
ultimately none of that's gonna feel You're not really gonna
be happy if E chee. It's because you say you
still love him and you care about him.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
I do, but then I would feel like his needs
of being met. But the problem with that is, and
I you know, he is my best friend. I don't
think our friendship or this relationship would survive me coming
to him and telling him I'm just not attracted to
you anymore because I don't know how I would take
that emotionally my ego if you came to me and said,
I don't want to be intimate with you.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
I'm the only one you should want to.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Be intimate with and you're telling me that, Like, I
love him so much.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
That's why I'm not telling him all of it, Darcy.
A lot of people are like are pointing to like,
maybe you should go get your hormone check to this,
and that I have to ask, I mean, do you
have the desire otherwise just not with him, or do
you have no desire at all, just just to check
that box.
Speaker 5 (09:49):
No, that's an interesting question.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
There are people that I see that I find attractive
and I fantasize about that. I don't act on it
because I am married, So I think that desire is
still no care.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
So this is not a matter of like, you know,
I don't know you're taking medicine that it has reduced
your libido or because that's also an issue, where like
there really isn't a problem. There's just you know, as
far as the connections concerned, there's just something going on
where you're you have less drive than you once said.
Let me take some phone calls on this because we're
a bunch of morons and we're just talking. Maybe other
(10:19):
people have had been through this and can offer something,
But yeah, it kind of sounds like you're gonna have
to have a really tough conversation and you're gonna have
to just be really honest and maybe me, I don't know.
I don't know how you. I really don't know how
you fix it. But fair right for the both of them.
And I don't know one who thinks that. Yeah, but
here's a guy who sounds like he still wants it.
She just doesn't want it. That's gonna be devastating to
(10:40):
hear it is I'm.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
Leaving someone over sex, though, I mean after that, I
don't know.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
The grass ain't always greener. On the other side, you
can't have your kids, like, that's true, but you want
to little single Like, yes, you're gonna have a lot
of sex, but you're gonna be You could not be
in a relationship for the longest time. You can be
lonely for the rest of your life. I got a
whole list of things you can say to people on
dating apps to if you need it, like yourself out
aw anyway, let me take some phone calls Darcy, have
(11:06):
the radio one. I wish you the best. This is tough,
this is complicated. I don't know the right because because
Ruvio is right. I mean, do you want to live
a sexless, celibate life with your best friend? No? But
if you lose this guy who's this, you know, this
paramount relationship in your life so that you could go
out and have a bunch of you know, average of
disappointing physical connections, then then I don't know, is that better?
(11:29):
Not sure? It probably feels like it now, but it
may not be in the long run. Thank you, Darcy,
good luck. I got an Amazon for you girl. Yeah,
okay for a little z so you're suggestion, Kiki has
some zoos and then yes.
Speaker 6 (11:42):
She might just need to spice it up, get herself
some some some some adult toys maybe that she can
try out. I mean, I feel like she has not
tried everything yet. She's just like, I don't want it,
but like, try some things first before you leave your
husband and best friend.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
I feel so bad for all these. I feel so
bad for the husband, like he's I feel like he's
done nothing wrong.
Speaker 4 (12:05):
She doesn't want this either, though, I mean, you know,
you can't fight those.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
But it's not like he's not like it's not like
he's bad in bed or he's not. He doesn't want you.
He not to have sex with his wife. Yeah, but
she does want to have sort of outgrown him in
some ways. And I feel like there's always more in
these situations. There's always more going on. There's something else
here that we probably don't I don't know. But I've
also never been with somebody for twenty two years, so
(12:28):
I don't know what it's. I mean, honestly, I don't
know that I would even have any sort of basis
for comparison to be the same person for that period
of time. Hey Christina, good morning. Hey what do you
think stay or go? So just to recap here, this
woman's been with this man, married for like seventeen years,
together for twenty two or something, and she just doesn't
want to sleep with him anymore, loves him, considers him
(12:51):
her best friend, doesn't really have the desire to be
with him anymore. She still has those desires, just not
with him. He wants to be with her, and she's
not sure what to do. You think?
Speaker 5 (13:02):
I just think that sex is something that you know,
every human being need in their life, So to hold
it back from somebody I think is worse. So I
think that she should go, but you know, she should
go in a way where she talks to him about it.
I mean, they are best friends, they do have a connection, and.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
And what you can give it you broke up in
just a second or what.
Speaker 5 (13:26):
Sorry, Like who's to say, who's to say they're not
going to be remain best friends? He could talk to him.
Speaker 3 (13:31):
About it, but I really feel like she needs to go.
Speaker 5 (13:34):
Or give him the option to have an open marriage, yeah,
because he just can't take that away from somebody.
Speaker 3 (13:40):
It's like he's being punished.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
But it's just that's just not that simple, Like it's
not that simple to say, because like there's someone like me,
for example, I that would never work for me. Like
if you came to me and said I love you,
but I don't want to be with you anymore, how
about I sleep with other men and stay with you,
I'd be devastating. That's the end, you know. So I
mean it's not just that symbols by other folks Like
I don't know. I think I would either be in
(14:02):
or out on that one. I don't know that I
could just be with someone who's like, I love you,
but I really don't want you to like get anywhere
near me sexually like that would have been. But but other
men can I don't know. Christina, Thank you, have a
good day too. Glad you called. And that battle that's
just me, I mean, I trust me. Go on, speaking
of dating apps, go on these dating apps, ethnical ethic,
(14:23):
this is I'm using air quotes ethical non monogamy all
over the place, all over the place. People And yeah,
I'm in a relationship, but I want it and it's
all out there, but I want to sleep with other
people too. It's very common and if it works for you,
that's great.
Speaker 4 (14:38):
I just I don't know, right, And do we always
have it all every single part of a relationship all
the time, for the entirety, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Like, is it always you have every part of it? No?
I feel like that's an unfair expectation. Hey, Dawn, good morning, Welcome,
good morning.
Speaker 3 (14:55):
So how are y'all?
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Hey? What do you think? Great? Thanks for asking? What
do you think?
Speaker 3 (14:59):
I think you should stay? And I feel like when
she's saying she just keeps her petting like best friend,
best friend, I love them and stuff like that. It
just sounds like things are routine and comfortable. And I'm presuming,
and I may have missed this at the very beginning.
I'm presuming that they were pretty sparky at the beginning
of the relationship. That's why they got into relationship and
got married and stuff like that. And I think, and
(15:20):
it sounds really cliche, but it just sounds like the
spark is the spark is missing. I'm not gonna say
it's gone, but it's missing. And maybe maybe they if
they talk, maybe he has to do a little digging
and figure out, you know what, what's something new that
or something that used to work, you know, what's something
new that I can do that they really knocked her
off her heels, you know, and rest her up, you.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
Know, I don't see, but I don't think it would matter.
It doesn't This dude could come in, you know, wrapped
in latex and you know, all oiled up, and I
don't know that it would matter. ID doesn't sound like
she would care. It's a bad spot to be in
where there's nothing you can do. All the blue shoo
in the world is not going to solve this problem.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
But maybe they're just because it's so rota and comfortable,
maybe not thinking outside of the box like that. I mean,
like he said, maybe maybe you got to go find
a toy or something, or I don't know, maybe be
late texting, or maybe maybe it's just a nice long
day like in a lazy river somewhere in a picnic
and just.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
I mean.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
What I mean if if you're like, I don't know
their lifestyle, so maybe they're just constantly until it with
kids and work and whatever and really stressed out until
if they just have a really lazy, calm day and
can just I don't know, throw out different things.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
I hear you figure something out. Thank you.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
That's a little bit more comfortable.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Well, thank you, thank you. Don appreciate you have a
great day. So it's going to be a painful conversation.
So before she torpedoes the whole damn thing, she may
as well get a sex therapist in wald or somebody
you know, and have that conversation. You may as well
go for it. You may as well lay it all
out there because it's going to go one or two ways.
Either he's gonna I don't know. I guess you could
(17:02):
go a number of ways. He's going to be super
hurt and offended and there's no coming back. He's going
to say, well, what if we try a bunch of stuff,
and then she'll go, well I may as well, or
they're going to break up. I guess he's going to
go I feel the same way. Maybe I'm not sure.
The French show is on. It's Stay or Go. Darcy
is here. Good morning, Darcy. How you doing? Good morning?
I'm doing okay, Darcy. Welcome to the program Stairgo. So
a little relationship advice, little little group therapy happening right now.
What's going on with this guy? This is your husband
of fifteen years? You're calling us about something real like
(00:21):
this isn't for real. We're not messing around with some
six month relationship. This is fifteen years. You've been married
to this man.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Well, not only have we been married for fifteen years,
but we were together seven years before we got married,
and they always told me, marry your best friend, marry
your best friend.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
So I did. Twenty two years you've been together, right,
I does some quick mathew, just two years at the
top of the dome. Yeah, no, I am, I am.
I'm good with you, yea.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
The problem is not that I don't love him.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
I do.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
The problem is is that I don't want to be
intimate with him, like I don't want to have sex
with him, and I have it for a really long time,
and I try to push those feelings down because, like
you just said, it's been twenty two years that we
have been together, and people say, you go through phases
and the spark comes and it goes. But it went
a long time ago and it has not come back,
(01:12):
and like we'll get intimate sometimes, but it's more of
like obligation than it is anything else.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
And I feel terrible about it.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
But every time I try to bring it up with
other people, they always say, oh, the dating world is
so hard and the grass isn't always greener, and you
have your best friend, Like what more could you want? Well,
I want to be with someone who I want like that.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Why would you say things have subsided romantically intimately? Like
can you can you pinpoint why you're not interested? Like,
I mean, are you guys still getting along? Are you
still communicating well? Has there been any kind of infidelity?
I mean, is there some sort of dysfunction? I mean,
I'm just trying to get to the bike. Or is
it simply you've just grown out of wanting to be
(01:56):
intimate with him and you just feel like you're married
to your friend.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
I feel like I'm married to my friend, and I
don't know that I ever grew out of it. I
think geek down. I've always known it's always been like that,
but I listen to everybody else who said this is
your best friend, and he is like, there's nobody else
I want to spend time with other than him. But
when it gets down to that bedroom, it's it's like
(02:20):
I'm laying there with my brother and I'm like, I
don't want a new day.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
There's nobody else that does you ways to spend time
with except for maybe somebody to have sex with her
other than that, but other than that, this guy. This
guy's everything. So you can, okay, could you? And I'm
just trying to like if it be proactive here? I mean,
is there anything like what if he tried to be romantic? Like,
is there anything that he can do? I mean, is
(02:43):
it really just dead like you're just not interested? Or
is there Is it a matter of effort? Is it
a matter of seduction? Is it a matter of you know,
he's not romantic with you anymore, It doesn't take you
on dates like you know what I mean? Like, is
there anything going on that he could have just to
maybe make this more attractive to you? Again?
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Maybe, but I think even if he tried, it would
just give me the ick. I think we're at that
point to even if he tried to seduce me. I
don't know if he is the person I want seducing me.
And I know that that sounds so terrible. I know
it sounds so awful, but it's just how I feel.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
Have you discussed this with him? I mean, if you
guys communicated about this, does he feel the same way.
He does not feel the same way.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
He feels the same way everybody else does. That we're
just going through a rough patch, and you know, we
just need to talk more. And I feel like all
we do is talk about it, which I'd rather do
than the alternative.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
I'll talk to you forever.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
I just feel like we're talking in a circle and
I don't know if it will ever come back to
me feeling that way towards him like I love him,
and I always heard people say This's always thought it
was such a lie. I just don't know that I'm
in love with him. But if there is something that
he could do, I would try it because nothing would
break my heart more than to break his heart.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
Yeah, because if he is still really into it and
wants to do it and you don't, then this isn't
a situation where I think you could go and present
some sort of counter solution, like, you know, you can't
go to a guy who still wants to be with
you and you don't and be like, hey, how about
if we open up this marriage or something, because I've
heard of situations that people have been married for a
very long time, maybe they have kids, maybe they are
(04:21):
established in their lives, and they care about each other,
they love each other. The intimacy just isn't there, but
they don't want to blow up their whole lives. So
they both decide, hey, look, you know, you can go
off and do something, just don't let me find out
about it, or we can go off, or we're going
to open up this relationship or whatever. But both parties
are okay with that, or at least appear to be.
(04:41):
In this case. I feel like if you went to
him and said, hey, can we open up this relationship,
he'd be, you know, highly insulted and hurt.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
I think so too, But a part of me thinks
that sounds like a really good idea, because if I
could go somewhere else and have that aspect of this relationship,
they still have this back at home.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
I'm like, what a great I'm serious, It's a real thing.
This is a real thing. She's not saying he's a
bad guy. She's not saying that she doesn't love him.
She's not saying she doesn't care about him. She's not
even saying she doesn't like spending time with him. What
she's saying is, for whatever reason, the intimacy has expired,
she doesn't believe she can fix it. And so what
does she do? Does she blow up the entire relationship
(05:19):
and lose her best friend over sex? Does she say
forget it? I guess I'll just be celibate. Does she cheat?
Does she ask for an open relationship? You know again?
I mean think about what her options are. I thought
about therapy. People were asking about therapy. Yeah, we've thought
about therapy and going.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
I just think that we're looking at this situation from
two different viewpoints. And I don't think he's looking at
it as we need therapy. I think he's looking at
it as we can work.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
This out at home.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
And I'm perfectly fine going to therapy. My concern with
therapy is saying something like you just suggested of an
open marriage, and then we just opened up a whole
other can of worms, and I'm nervous about that. We
have talked about therapy, we have not actively gone.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
You know what he needs. He needs that stuff I
see advertised on TikTok all the time, that gum that
makes it like super hard, you know what I mean.
Like this, there's a gum. I forget what it's called,
like blue chee or something. It's like, oh yeah, I
see it advertised on TikTok all the time. Yeah, it's like,
does your man have the blue choo. It's like because
maybe if he comes home and he's just like you,
(06:20):
maybe maybe what it's gonna take is a little passion
on his point, the blue choe. Well maybe it's targeting
men because he wouldn't say a blue cheo. I mean,
I would get. I get. I don't need it yet,
I'm sure I will, but I've considered ordering it just
to see what the hell happened. Yeah, an experiment. I've
thought about getting viagra too, just to see what happened,
just to see what I mean again, there's going to
(06:41):
come a time where I'm going to need that stuff.
I don't yet, but I'm afraid my heart would explode it.
I'm afraid I'm just getting greedy, That's what i mean.
Like it's already working fine, It doesn't need to work
finer than fine. But I'm curious. You know, my mind
wants to know what the hell is blue choo stuff.
But it's not even that darcy, because I asked you
if there was some kind of dysfunction and you said no, No.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
I feel like if he came home with that problem,
that feels like a hymn problem right now, because that
isn't the problem of him being able to perform.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
What the problem is that I don't want to come
to the show. Wouldn't you almost rather that though? Wouldn't
you almost rather that you really wanted the guy and
everything was there, he just he just needed to work
through some kind of a physiological issue. Wouldn't that be better?
You know? If it's like I know, that's also uncomfortable,
but at least a desire is there, and you guys
can go together and work it out and figure out
(07:27):
whatever the health matter is or whatever help he needs
or you need or whatever. But in this case, this
dude could be coming in ready to go all the time.
He could be blue chewing it up right now, and
it wouldn't matter because you don't want it.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
No, and I would even be more comfortable right now
if there's been infidelity and we could work that. This
feels like I am the problem. This feels like I
am ruining my marriage because of the way that I feel,
and I can't change the way that I feel. But
if he came to me and said that he cheated,
I could say, well, let's work on that. This doesn't
feel like we can work on it.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
I mean, I don't know if other.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
People that have been married as long or together with
someone for twenty two years have ever been to this situation.
But everyone I seem to talk to just says, you
just have to work through it. And it doesn't feel
like something I want to work through because life's a
little too short to be this unhappy.
Speaker 4 (08:16):
Yeah, I think that she's using the word and you are.
You're saying that that's my best friend. That's my best friend, right,
So I think you're taking a lot of this blame
on yourself. You're like, I'd rather him cheat and do that,
and it's like, I wouldn't even go that far. I
just think that you have lost that spark for him.
But I think that's okay. Sad. I know it's sad.
It's very upsetting, right, it's her husband for twenty two years.
But if this is a really your best friend that
(08:36):
you keep calling, you know, this is my best friend.
This is the worst and I care about I think
it's best to go your separate ways so that maybe
you can still remain friends.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
You can still remain that. Let's face it, if he cheats,
then she has an opening. If he cheats, then she
can dump him. If he cheats, then she could go, well,
I now, well why don't you just keep doing that?
And I'll do this. I mean, it's nice, no offense, Darcy,
but him him doing something anything other than you addressing
the issue is kind of just a cop out. It's
kind of just a work around, right, I mean, because
(09:03):
ultimately none of that's gonna feel You're not really gonna
be happy if E chee. It's because you say you
still love him and you care about him.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
I do, but then I would feel like his needs
of being met. But the problem with that is, and
I you know, he is my best friend. I don't
think our friendship or this relationship would survive me coming
to him and telling him I'm just not attracted to
you anymore because I don't know how I would take
that emotionally my ego if you came to me and said,
I don't want to be intimate with you.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
I'm the only one you should want to.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Be intimate with and you're telling me that, Like, I
love him so much.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
That's why I'm not telling him all of it, Darcy.
A lot of people are like are pointing to like,
maybe you should go get your hormone check to this,
and that I have to ask, I mean, do you
have the desire otherwise just not with him, or do
you have no desire at all, just just to check
that box.
Speaker 5 (09:49):
No, that's an interesting question.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
There are people that I see that I find attractive
and I fantasize about that. I don't act on it
because I am married, So I think that desire is
still no care.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
So this is not a matter of like, you know,
I don't know you're taking medicine that it has reduced
your libido or because that's also an issue, where like
there really isn't a problem. There's just you know, as
far as the connections concerned, there's just something going on
where you're you have less drive than you once said.
Let me take some phone calls on this because we're
a bunch of morons and we're just talking. Maybe other
(10:19):
people have had been through this and can offer something,
But yeah, it kind of sounds like you're gonna have
to have a really tough conversation and you're gonna have
to just be really honest and maybe me, I don't know.
I don't know how you. I really don't know how
you fix it. But fair right for the both of them.
And I don't know one who thinks that. Yeah, but
here's a guy who sounds like he still wants it.
She just doesn't want it. That's gonna be devastating to
(10:40):
hear it is I'm.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
Leaving someone over sex, though, I mean after that, I
don't know.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
The grass ain't always greener. On the other side, you
can't have your kids, like, that's true, but you want
to little single Like, yes, you're gonna have a lot
of sex, but you're gonna be You could not be
in a relationship for the longest time. You can be
lonely for the rest of your life. I got a
whole list of things you can say to people on
dating apps to if you need it, like yourself out
aw anyway, let me take some phone calls Darcy, have
(11:06):
the radio one. I wish you the best. This is tough,
this is complicated. I don't know the right because because
Ruvio is right. I mean, do you want to live
a sexless, celibate life with your best friend? No? But
if you lose this guy who's this, you know, this
paramount relationship in your life so that you could go
out and have a bunch of you know, average of
disappointing physical connections, then then I don't know, is that better?
(11:29):
Not sure? It probably feels like it now, but it
may not be in the long run. Thank you, Darcy,
good luck. I got an Amazon for you girl. Yeah,
okay for a little z so you're suggestion, Kiki has
some zoos and then yes.
Speaker 6 (11:42):
She might just need to spice it up, get herself
some some some some adult toys maybe that she can
try out. I mean, I feel like she has not
tried everything yet. She's just like, I don't want it,
but like, try some things first before you leave your
husband and best friend.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
I feel so bad for all these. I feel so
bad for the husband, like he's I feel like he's
done nothing wrong.
Speaker 4 (12:05):
She doesn't want this either, though, I mean, you know,
you can't fight those.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
But it's not like he's not like it's not like
he's bad in bed or he's not. He doesn't want you.
He not to have sex with his wife. Yeah, but
she does want to have sort of outgrown him in
some ways. And I feel like there's always more in
these situations. There's always more going on. There's something else
here that we probably don't I don't know. But I've
also never been with somebody for twenty two years, so
(12:28):
I don't know what it's. I mean, honestly, I don't
know that I would even have any sort of basis
for comparison to be the same person for that period
of time. Hey Christina, good morning. Hey what do you
think stay or go? So just to recap here, this
woman's been with this man, married for like seventeen years,
together for twenty two or something, and she just doesn't
want to sleep with him anymore, loves him, considers him
(12:51):
her best friend, doesn't really have the desire to be
with him anymore. She still has those desires, just not
with him. He wants to be with her, and she's
not sure what to do. You think?
Speaker 5 (13:02):
I just think that sex is something that you know,
every human being need in their life, So to hold
it back from somebody I think is worse. So I
think that she should go, but you know, she should
go in a way where she talks to him about it.
I mean, they are best friends, they do have a connection, and.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
And what you can give it you broke up in
just a second or what.
Speaker 5 (13:26):
Sorry, Like who's to say, who's to say they're not
going to be remain best friends? He could talk to him.
Speaker 3 (13:31):
About it, but I really feel like she needs to go.
Speaker 5 (13:34):
Or give him the option to have an open marriage, yeah,
because he just can't take that away from somebody.
Speaker 3 (13:40):
It's like he's being punished.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
But it's just that's just not that simple, Like it's
not that simple to say, because like there's someone like me,
for example, I that would never work for me. Like
if you came to me and said I love you,
but I don't want to be with you anymore, how
about I sleep with other men and stay with you,
I'd be devastating. That's the end, you know. So I
mean it's not just that symbols by other folks Like
I don't know. I think I would either be in
(14:02):
or out on that one. I don't know that I
could just be with someone who's like, I love you,
but I really don't want you to like get anywhere
near me sexually like that would have been. But but other
men can I don't know. Christina, Thank you, have a
good day too. Glad you called. And that battle that's
just me, I mean, I trust me. Go on, speaking
of dating apps, go on these dating apps, ethnical ethic,
(14:23):
this is I'm using air quotes ethical non monogamy all
over the place, all over the place. People And yeah,
I'm in a relationship, but I want it and it's
all out there, but I want to sleep with other
people too. It's very common and if it works for you,
that's great.
Speaker 4 (14:38):
I just I don't know, right, And do we always
have it all every single part of a relationship all
the time, for the entirety, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Like, is it always you have every part of it? No?
I feel like that's an unfair expectation. Hey, Dawn, good morning, Welcome,
good morning.
Speaker 3 (14:55):
So how are y'all?
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Hey? What do you think? Great? Thanks for asking? What
do you think?
Speaker 3 (14:59):
I think you should stay? And I feel like when
she's saying she just keeps her petting like best friend,
best friend, I love them and stuff like that. It
just sounds like things are routine and comfortable. And I'm presuming,
and I may have missed this at the very beginning.
I'm presuming that they were pretty sparky at the beginning
of the relationship. That's why they got into relationship and
got married and stuff like that. And I think, and
(15:20):
it sounds really cliche, but it just sounds like the
spark is the spark is missing. I'm not gonna say
it's gone, but it's missing. And maybe maybe they if
they talk, maybe he has to do a little digging
and figure out, you know what, what's something new that
or something that used to work, you know, what's something
new that I can do that they really knocked her
off her heels, you know, and rest her up, you.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
Know, I don't see, but I don't think it would matter.
It doesn't This dude could come in, you know, wrapped
in latex and you know, all oiled up, and I
don't know that it would matter. ID doesn't sound like
she would care. It's a bad spot to be in
where there's nothing you can do. All the blue shoo
in the world is not going to solve this problem.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
But maybe they're just because it's so rota and comfortable,
maybe not thinking outside of the box like that. I mean,
like he said, maybe maybe you got to go find
a toy or something, or I don't know, maybe be
late texting, or maybe maybe it's just a nice long
day like in a lazy river somewhere in a picnic
and just.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
I mean.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
What I mean if if you're like, I don't know
their lifestyle, so maybe they're just constantly until it with
kids and work and whatever and really stressed out until
if they just have a really lazy, calm day and
can just I don't know, throw out different things.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
I hear you figure something out. Thank you.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
That's a little bit more comfortable.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Well, thank you, thank you. Don appreciate you have a
great day. So it's going to be a painful conversation.
So before she torpedoes the whole damn thing, she may
as well get a sex therapist in wald or somebody
you know, and have that conversation. You may as well
go for it. You may as well lay it all
out there because it's going to go one or two ways.
Either he's gonna I don't know. I guess you could
(17:02):
go a number of ways. He's going to be super
hurt and offended and there's no coming back. He's going
to say, well, what if we try a bunch of stuff,
and then she'll go, well I may as well, or
they're going to break up. I guess he's going to
go I feel the same way. Maybe I'm not sure.
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