August 28, 2024 • 17 mins
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
After you find makes sense. Yeah, they talk better than
the excite. These are the radio blogs on the Fred Show.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
All right, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do a
blog for once. If I want this to be a video,
we'll see. If I want it to be a video
in the end.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Well we'll see.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
I don't know. Okay, well he is so kind of interconnected.
But dear blog, see like this is not like this
is I'm not planting anything.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
I'm not being cryptic. I'm really not. I'm going to
ask you a question to the room though.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Do you ever have you ever come to a point
in your life where like you have an epiphany and
you realize, like I need to rethink who is in
my life? And again, like, let's I know this room
has a tendency to like bring it in when I
say something like that, like are you talking about me? No,
I'm not talking about anybody, and that Paulina will ask me.
(00:49):
She'll text me later and go, are you talking about me?
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Energy? When you think about me? That's what you sue.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
You'll first text me and go I have a question.
That'll be the first thing, and then can I call you?
So we'll be like three or four text before we've
gotten to anything. And at this point my butt is
so clenched and like so like like rock solid clench,
like nothing can penetrate, nothing's coming in or out. Jason,
sorry and so. And then you'll call me and go,
were you talking about me this morning? And I'll go,
(01:14):
of course I wasn't. And then and then everything's fun.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
I know, I'm concerned.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Do you ever like I don't know.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
My mom calls it seasons of friendships, But like, in
the last couple of weeks, I've had some stuff happen
And I'm not saying I'm I'm not involved in it.
I'm not saying I'm not I'm not a victim. I'm
not saying that I don't have a role in it.
But have you ever sat back and actually thought about
(01:41):
some relationships that you haven't been like I'm actually getting nothing,
Like when is the last time that that person asked
me anything about myself?
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Like you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (01:51):
You kind of sit back and you're like, because I
will say, lately, with a few people i've been standing
on business and even some people that are kind of
ancillary I think have been getting like the dragonflame from
me because it's like wait a minute, no, no, no,
Like I'm definitely sensitive to it these days, and I'm like,
you're not going to treat me like that, Like you're
not going to turn this on me, Like you're not
(02:12):
going to this is not one sided. No, And I
blow it up and I'm done. And to be honest
with you, I feel great. I feel great about it.
And I just wonder if you guys have ever had
this phase in your life where you're like, I'm not
saying that these people aren't valuable, they're not you know, nice,
or maybe they're not, but like, I don't know, it's
just every now and again, I sit back and I go,
(02:33):
I kind of have to evaluate, like who am I
enhancing their life? But they're also enhancing mind?
Speaker 3 (02:40):
Yes too?
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Who is being fair to me and I'm being fair
to them? Who is showing me the same grace and
courtesy that I'm showing them?
Speaker 1 (02:49):
And I'm finding.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
That there are a number of relationships where it's just
flat out the standards are one sided. I am expected
to do, I'm expected to conduct myself in a certain way.
I'm expected to do this, I'm expected to do, but
I'm not getting it.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Back.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
I'm just flat out not and there's no debate, and
it's like okay. But sometimes I think it's like, you know,
the same way maybe you open and I don't mean
this to sound like trivial, but the same way you
open your closet and you say like I need to
get rid of a bunch of and I get rid
is a bad thing, but it's like I need I
need to sort of like clean this out and sort
of you know, there's just a lot of clutter here
and I need to sort of streamline it. And I
(03:27):
have a tendency to internalize in relationships. When people are
upset with me, I immediately assume it's my fault. I
did it, I'm wrong, and I find myself crawling back
to people and digging myself out of a hole that
I think I dug by standing up for myself, when
the truth of the matter is, when you really sit
and think about it, what was I getting out of
this like and as the person who is you know
(03:50):
that I had the conflict with of the person that
I'm having the rough time with, what are they showing
me any grace or are they just waiting for me
to kiss the ring for sure.
Speaker 4 (03:59):
I actually had a fall out, not even a fallout,
but just a relationship and at the beginning of summer
of friendship that I think was way overdue. And I
think this room particularly knows what I'm preferring to because
it was one sided.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
There was no grace.
Speaker 4 (04:11):
This person was going to another good friend of mine's
just always talking about how disappointed they are in me.
I'm this walking disappointment And I was like, you know
what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna give you nothing to
be disappointed at. And I just caught communication and was
it right?
Speaker 5 (04:23):
No?
Speaker 4 (04:24):
Do I feel bad sometimes? Yes, but it's time, like
you said, stick up for myself, put me first and
know that, like, I'm not the bad guy in this,
in this situation and her story, I might be, but
in this whole grand scheme of things, I'm not.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Yeah, I feel you.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
I had this whole last few weeks in therapy is
I've been talking about this. I'm like, because I feel
guilty for standing up for myself. I feel guilty for
saying no, no, no, that's not that's not a friendship. That's
not how this works. It's a two way street. We
have to keep both sides of the street clean. That
means you got to actually do something. You got to communicate,
you gotta talk, You got to show me the same
(04:57):
courtesy that I've shown you. And the truth of the
matter is, I realize there are some people in my
life that just flat out It's never been that way.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
It's simply been, you know, a serve in a lot
of it.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
And I don't mean again, this is not cryptic. It's
I'm not trying to be mean. I'm really not, but
it's like, basically, serve me, make sure I'm happy, make
sure you're fulfilling me in this relationship. But the second
that I feel like i'm you being the other side
of this, the second I feel compromised by you, even
if I'm wrong, it's You're gone. And it's like, you
know what, Okay, I'm gone, no problem. And I think
(05:30):
there are people that look at me and say, well,
your circle so small, like maybe the problem is you.
And I've spent the last month, three weeks maybe addressing
how it's got to be my fault, my standard or
my expectation of people. It's got to be my fault,
like I'm being too hard on people. And then even
my therapist is like, we spent years talking about how
everything is your fault, Like at what point are you
going to hold people to the same standard that you're
(05:52):
holding yourself. And that's a great question, yep, because I
have such a hard time with people, and we all
know these people everything's everybody else's fault. They're always the victim,
and it's like, well, wait a minute, the common denominator
is you, Like you know what I mean, Like everyone
I work with sucks, everyone all you know, all these
people suck and they're always like vanishing people from their circle.
(06:14):
And at some point you have to say, okay, but
are you looking in the mirror because you just eliminate
everybody who's not doing what you want them to do
or who doesn't serve you. And so I've spent the
last few weeks like going through this process myself going Okay,
it's got to be me, because if it's happening like
two or three times in the last few weeks, then
it's got to be me. No, I think it's me
(06:34):
reaching my limit. And I think what happens is when
you see it in one person, then you start to
sit back and go, wait a minute, it's happening in
a couple of other situations too. No, you can't treat me
like that. No, it's my needs matter too, my feelings
matter too. It's not all about you.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Bye. And I gotta tell you something. It feels pretty
damn good.
Speaker 3 (06:54):
Yep, welcome. It's a wonderful feeling.
Speaker 6 (06:57):
I've gotten rid of everyone toxic in my life, aside
for a few that need to be in there, be
it family or whatever. Other than that, cut ties and
I mean, it's interesting, take a step back and just
pull away a little bit. See, you know, stop doing
what you would always do for someone, and it'll show
you very clearly if they're doing anything for you and
not like literally for you, you know what I mean, but
(07:18):
to check up on you.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
I mean, I've asked this to Paulina. I said, all right,
we have two sides. Here, are you gaining anything from
this relationship? And when the answers literally know, it's crazy,
you know.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
Well, I'm telling you, like, I'm not being cryptic, I'm
not being mean, and any of these people, there's the
seasons of friendship thing that my mom, my mom and
I've talked about this for hours lately, and it's like
people come and go, and usually that has way more
to do with them than it does with you. But
I just I try and look in the mirror in
these situations. I really try and be like, Okay, here's
where I screwed up, and I can always come up
(07:51):
with ways I screwed up. But then I'm like, but if,
but if these people cared, we'd have a conversation about it, right,
or we would you know what I mean, or we
would like we'd work through it. And then I think
about relationships where I've been wrong and they've been wrong,
and yet we've never had a problem. Like I have
a few people and you guys don't, like keep a
very close circle of which you guys are included. But like,
even on this show, I can't remember a time in
(08:12):
the last decade where any of us got into something
so bad, really anything bad at all, but anything where
it's like this person's ever going to talk to me again,
Like we could have it out and I could walk
in the next day and I know that it might
be weird, but there would be a conversation because there's
care right, Like it's like, you're not gonna make me wonder,
You're not gonna punish me, well, Caylen would, but no,
(08:32):
I'm kidding, No, I'm messing with you. I do joke though,
because sometimes, like sometimes Calin will give me like at
least seven or eight weeks of sound treatment.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
That's seven or eight weeks.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
I'm kidding too, sure, yeah, no, exactly, you're right, she
just started talking to me again.
Speaker 6 (08:45):
It's been about seven years. But no, no, not. Everyone's
meant to be in your life. For I call them
my lifers. Like there's certain people that have crossed a
certain threshold, and I'm like, those are my lifers. Some people,
whether it be your party phase, your single face, like,
it's not everyone is meant to stick it out for
the long haul. And you know what I mean, And
communication is the key.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
I'm that yeah, And I hate lack of accountability and
so I truly like, I think that's why I tend
to defer to It's got to be my fault.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
It's got to be my fault I have to do.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
But then what happens is I could probably fix some
of this stuff by just crawling back to these people
and going, whenever you're mad about, I'm sorry I did it.
But that doesn't But that's that you're not giving yourself
any value in doing that. I have to want it
to and it doesn't heal you, like you're not healing,
you're just coddling to whatever their issue is. But I
you know, if you really sometimes sit and think about it,
(09:36):
and you're willing to be self aware and you're willing
to be accountable, you could say, here are the things
I did, but what has this person done to fix anything?
And if the answer is nothing, then it's like, oh, well,
I guess I don't matter and that that should offend you,
like that should hurt you if people aren't willing to
work with you.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
And so I've had to do a.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
Little bit of a social auditing lately and I don't
really mind it, but I didn't know if you guys,
you know, felt like you've you've had to go through
this or had to do it because some people, I realized,
don't have conflict like some people just seem to. They're
just amiable enough with everybody. They just get along. And
I guess they don't do this, or I don't know,
maybe they do. I don't know about it, but it's
just like I don't know. I found that sometimes you
(10:14):
gotta do they just accept it for what it is
and realize that you have value too. And while you're imperfect,
so is the person. So are the other people that
you're expecting something from. And if they can't accept that
about themselves, well then why am I? Then why am
I beating myself up? Like we either meet in the middle,
and sometimes I got to cross the line and go
(10:34):
way past it, and sometimes you got to cross the
line and go way past it. And then ultimately, hopefully
you know, it averages out to you about fifty to fifty.
But when you find that you're the only one crossing
the line, it's like, oh, well then.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Yeah, I see.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
That's another thing. It's not always fifty to fifty. Like
sometimes that's what I mean.
Speaker 6 (10:50):
Yeah, someone's going through something really bad and you might
have to overextend, but you need to know that when
you're doing that.
Speaker 3 (10:55):
It's the same thing.
Speaker 6 (10:55):
But like even Jason, who gets along with everyone everyone loves, like,
I've watched them start to set boundaries and stand up
for himself and it's.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
You know, I think it's made you.
Speaker 7 (11:04):
Better, you know, yeah, And I think it's also good
like when you have that revelation because I then try
to be like. Okay, I feel like I'm very like
outward when it comes to like me talking about myself.
So it's almost like gives me a good reminder to
be like I should like wonder like and ask about how.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
Other people are feeling.
Speaker 7 (11:20):
Are other I don't want to be that person, you know,
so I think like situations like that really remind you
to do better.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Well, not to get super deep about it. But this
week the theme in therapy was Mondays at four o'clock.
By the way, don't don't call me between four and
five Mondays.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
Yes, it's very well Tuesdays, you're.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
Actually well, yeah, actually, don't call me.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
I start crying about three forty five and I don't
stop crying until about eight, So don't actually just don't
call me on Monday afternoon.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
But where's I going with this?
Speaker 4 (11:46):
A theme in therapy?
Speaker 1 (11:47):
I had a theme. It was a theme, Oh, I
think that there.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
I think when you look at me at your forty
three year old single guy, you know, doing this job
or whatever, I think people jump to a lot of
conclusions that that aren't necessarily true. It's well, the guy's
got to be completely arrogant and egotistical, because he's a
radio personality, and I definitely have an ego because I
think you have to if.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
You're gonna do this job.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
I mean, you see how sensitive I can be about
the text, Like imagine if I were I mean, believe.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
It or not. That's teflon.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Like otherwise you're gonna melt down because you got everybody
in the you know, all the suits telling you that
you don't do it right, and they've never done it,
but you don't do it right. You occasionally hater social
media the whole thing. But it's like, and then I'm
single and I live on my own and I do
my own thing, and I think for a lot of people,
it's unfathomable that you would choose that life, Like people
(12:39):
like people look at it and go, maybe nobody wants
to be with him, or maybe he can't hold down
a relationship or whatever, And it's like, because it's unbelievable
for people to imagine that.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Maybe that's the way.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Maybe you're happy that way, Like maybe maybe being on
your own and independent, maybe those two things aren't connected,
Like maybe the fact that I'm a radio personality and
the fact that I go home by myself, Maybe those
two things aren't connected and tied together and have something
to do with a personality disorder or something. Maybe it's
just I'm really I've become so happy on my own
that I don't necessarily it's harder for me to figure
(13:10):
out how to fit somebody in than it is not.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
You can't live your life for anyone else.
Speaker 6 (13:13):
People are always going to have comments and judgment, but
you're the only one living it and you need to
make it the best because you get one.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
Well, when you're reincarnated, then you get to well, it.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
Doesn't it Before you had the boyfriend, I know you
got it too, it was like it was like your singles. Basically,
it's what's wrong basically, and that's how people ask the question.
But that's basically the tone of the question is like, well,
what's wrong with this person? What's going on with you
that you nobody wants to be with you? Or why
(13:44):
aren't you married? Or why don't you have kids? Have
you ever considered maybe that's not my goal, Maybe that's
not my thing, Maybe that's not my priority, and maybe
it doesn't have anything to do with anything.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Maybe I just choose that.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
But I think the default mode for most people is
companionship and people and stuff and whatever, and it seems
so unbelievable.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
I love that you would choose this life. Yes, projection,
I've learned.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
Yeah, we're over here looking at you being like.
Speaker 4 (14:10):
Damn, I wish I was there, right I wish I
was living alone right now chilling.
Speaker 6 (14:13):
Whoever fits into my life and right now that's my boyfriend.
It needs to give me my independence because I love
being single.
Speaker 3 (14:19):
And he's great about that. I mean, I'm not changing.
Speaker 6 (14:21):
You guys have seen me in a relationship outside of
a relationship.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
I love it, except for the whole lesbian moving in. Well. Yeah,
and he's actually the same. He just texted. He's never leaving.
He said he desisted. All right, Well that's fine.
Speaker 3 (14:33):
I'm still gonna do me. I'll be the same person.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
No, But I guess as somebody who like would love
to be able to say, it's my fault, here's how
I fix it, and then everything's great again. I think
what the hardest thing for me to realize is sometimes
in life it has it hasn't. People want to make
it seem like it's about you, but it has nothing
to do with you. It hasn't everything to do with them,
But it's easier for them just to blame it on
you because then they don't have to look within.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
It's almost never about you.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
How about that?
Speaker 2 (15:00):
Well, and I'm sure I've done things to hurt people's feelings,
Like that's not me being unaccountable, it's just me saying
like that happens in life, right, Like you're gonna piss
people off, They're gonna piss you off, but you got
to make a choice. Are they valuable enough to you
that you're going to work at it or are you not?
And when you realize that there are people in your
life that just aren't going to work at it, it's
like bye, I mean and honestly, and I every now
(15:21):
and again, I guess you have to do that exercise. Hey, Julianne,
good morning, Hi, Hi, what do you want to hry? Hey,
good morning, Welcome, thanks for listening.
Speaker 5 (15:30):
Oh I've been listening to you guys, and I was like,
oh my god, I'm totally going through this whole thing
with the friends telling me I'm doing everything wrong and
I'm constantly hurting their feelings, but they hold it all
in and then she waits until we have a fight.
And you're always hurting my feelings. I think we need
to talk about this. And We've been through this over
and over and over, and I've watched her kick three
(15:50):
people out of her life for all the same agnect things,
and now, well, today's for birthday. So that's the whole problem,
is health. But now she's starting to tell me she
doesn't like or agree with the things that my kids
are in. She doesn't like the car I just bought.
And I starts to question, like I'm always getting hurt
by you. What am I supposed to do with this girl? Yeah, yeah,
(16:13):
I need somebody. Do I even tell her Happy birthday today?
Speaker 1 (16:18):
I mean, yeah, give us a good question. I don't
know if that hurts anything.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
But at the same time, I think, you know, maybe
it's time that you take a look at that relationship
and say, is is it equitable? Am I getting anything
out of it? Is it fifty to fifty? Is is
this person showing me any grace whatsoever even when I
am in the wrong. And if the answer is no,
then I think that's your answer. I don't think you
have to blow them up. But at the same time,
I don't know. I think I also have no problem
(16:42):
with people standing up for themselves and saying no, no,
this is this is how I want to be treated.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
And and I think when you do that.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
You have to you have to accept that that person
may decide they don't want to treat you that way
and they're gone. But what's the alternative is that you
just let people act like a holes and then and
you have no standard for you yourself, and then you
let them do it.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
They're never going to stop. They're never going to stop.
Speaker 5 (17:04):
Yep, there's a there's a problem with everything. She doesn't
like my car, she doesn't like that my daughter does cheerleading, which,
by the.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Way, that has nothing to do with anything like.
Speaker 5 (17:15):
Yeah about yeah I got I have a brand new Chevy.
Oh my god, I can't even think about it.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
It's a it's okay, okay, so and so why.
Speaker 5 (17:29):
Would you get a Chevy? Room had a Chevy my dad,
blah blah blah, and nobody likes it. They all had problems. Okay,
so congratulations to you.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
No, I don't even know this person, but if she's
arguing about your Chevy, then I would say, you can
drive your Chevy in the other direction, because you got
to he Julian we gotta go. Thank you, have a
great day.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
That's crazy. Thank you, I know people are. That is
so wild. How someone lives their life and they're Chevy.
You're mad about that? Great well, thank you for coming
to my tech
After you find makes sense. Yeah, they talk better than
the excite. These are the radio blogs on the Fred Show.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
All right, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do a
blog for once. If I want this to be a video,
we'll see. If I want it to be a video
in the end.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Well we'll see.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
I don't know. Okay, well he is so kind of interconnected.
But dear blog, see like this is not like this
is I'm not planting anything.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
I'm not being cryptic. I'm really not. I'm going to
ask you a question to the room though.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Do you ever have you ever come to a point
in your life where like you have an epiphany and
you realize, like I need to rethink who is in
my life? And again, like, let's I know this room
has a tendency to like bring it in when I
say something like that, like are you talking about me? No,
I'm not talking about anybody, and that Paulina will ask me.
(00:49):
She'll text me later and go, are you talking about me?
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Energy? When you think about me? That's what you sue.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
You'll first text me and go I have a question.
That'll be the first thing, and then can I call you?
So we'll be like three or four text before we've
gotten to anything. And at this point my butt is
so clenched and like so like like rock solid clench,
like nothing can penetrate, nothing's coming in or out. Jason,
sorry and so. And then you'll call me and go,
were you talking about me this morning? And I'll go,
(01:14):
of course I wasn't. And then and then everything's fun.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
I know, I'm concerned.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Do you ever like I don't know.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
My mom calls it seasons of friendships, But like, in
the last couple of weeks, I've had some stuff happen
And I'm not saying I'm I'm not involved in it.
I'm not saying I'm not I'm not a victim. I'm
not saying that I don't have a role in it.
But have you ever sat back and actually thought about
(01:41):
some relationships that you haven't been like I'm actually getting nothing,
Like when is the last time that that person asked
me anything about myself?
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Like you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (01:51):
You kind of sit back and you're like, because I
will say, lately, with a few people i've been standing
on business and even some people that are kind of
ancillary I think have been getting like the dragonflame from
me because it's like wait a minute, no, no, no,
Like I'm definitely sensitive to it these days, and I'm like,
you're not going to treat me like that, Like you're
not going to turn this on me, Like you're not
(02:12):
going to this is not one sided. No, And I
blow it up and I'm done. And to be honest
with you, I feel great. I feel great about it.
And I just wonder if you guys have ever had
this phase in your life where you're like, I'm not
saying that these people aren't valuable, they're not you know, nice,
or maybe they're not, but like, I don't know, it's
just every now and again, I sit back and I go,
(02:33):
I kind of have to evaluate, like who am I
enhancing their life? But they're also enhancing mind?
Speaker 3 (02:40):
Yes too?
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Who is being fair to me and I'm being fair
to them? Who is showing me the same grace and
courtesy that I'm showing them?
Speaker 1 (02:49):
And I'm finding.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
That there are a number of relationships where it's just
flat out the standards are one sided. I am expected
to do, I'm expected to conduct myself in a certain way.
I'm expected to do this, I'm expected to do, but
I'm not getting it.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Back.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
I'm just flat out not and there's no debate, and
it's like okay. But sometimes I think it's like, you know,
the same way maybe you open and I don't mean
this to sound like trivial, but the same way you
open your closet and you say like I need to
get rid of a bunch of and I get rid
is a bad thing, but it's like I need I
need to sort of like clean this out and sort
of you know, there's just a lot of clutter here
and I need to sort of streamline it. And I
(03:27):
have a tendency to internalize in relationships. When people are
upset with me, I immediately assume it's my fault. I
did it, I'm wrong, and I find myself crawling back
to people and digging myself out of a hole that
I think I dug by standing up for myself, when
the truth of the matter is, when you really sit
and think about it, what was I getting out of
this like and as the person who is you know
(03:50):
that I had the conflict with of the person that
I'm having the rough time with, what are they showing
me any grace or are they just waiting for me
to kiss the ring for sure.
Speaker 4 (03:59):
I actually had a fall out, not even a fallout,
but just a relationship and at the beginning of summer
of friendship that I think was way overdue. And I
think this room particularly knows what I'm preferring to because
it was one sided.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
There was no grace.
Speaker 4 (04:11):
This person was going to another good friend of mine's
just always talking about how disappointed they are in me.
I'm this walking disappointment And I was like, you know
what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna give you nothing to
be disappointed at. And I just caught communication and was
it right?
Speaker 5 (04:23):
No?
Speaker 4 (04:24):
Do I feel bad sometimes? Yes, but it's time, like
you said, stick up for myself, put me first and
know that, like, I'm not the bad guy in this,
in this situation and her story, I might be, but
in this whole grand scheme of things, I'm not.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Yeah, I feel you.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
I had this whole last few weeks in therapy is
I've been talking about this. I'm like, because I feel
guilty for standing up for myself. I feel guilty for
saying no, no, no, that's not that's not a friendship. That's
not how this works. It's a two way street. We
have to keep both sides of the street clean. That
means you got to actually do something. You got to communicate,
you gotta talk, You got to show me the same
(04:57):
courtesy that I've shown you. And the truth of the
matter is, I realize there are some people in my
life that just flat out It's never been that way.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
It's simply been, you know, a serve in a lot
of it.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
And I don't mean again, this is not cryptic. It's
I'm not trying to be mean. I'm really not, but
it's like, basically, serve me, make sure I'm happy, make
sure you're fulfilling me in this relationship. But the second
that I feel like i'm you being the other side
of this, the second I feel compromised by you, even
if I'm wrong, it's You're gone. And it's like, you
know what, Okay, I'm gone, no problem. And I think
(05:30):
there are people that look at me and say, well,
your circle so small, like maybe the problem is you.
And I've spent the last month, three weeks maybe addressing
how it's got to be my fault, my standard or
my expectation of people. It's got to be my fault,
like I'm being too hard on people. And then even
my therapist is like, we spent years talking about how
everything is your fault, Like at what point are you
going to hold people to the same standard that you're
(05:52):
holding yourself. And that's a great question, yep, because I
have such a hard time with people, and we all
know these people everything's everybody else's fault. They're always the victim,
and it's like, well, wait a minute, the common denominator
is you, Like you know what I mean, Like everyone
I work with sucks, everyone all you know, all these
people suck and they're always like vanishing people from their circle.
(06:14):
And at some point you have to say, okay, but
are you looking in the mirror because you just eliminate
everybody who's not doing what you want them to do
or who doesn't serve you. And so I've spent the
last few weeks like going through this process myself going Okay,
it's got to be me, because if it's happening like
two or three times in the last few weeks, then
it's got to be me. No, I think it's me
(06:34):
reaching my limit. And I think what happens is when
you see it in one person, then you start to
sit back and go, wait a minute, it's happening in
a couple of other situations too. No, you can't treat me
like that. No, it's my needs matter too, my feelings
matter too. It's not all about you.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Bye. And I gotta tell you something. It feels pretty
damn good.
Speaker 3 (06:54):
Yep, welcome. It's a wonderful feeling.
Speaker 6 (06:57):
I've gotten rid of everyone toxic in my life, aside
for a few that need to be in there, be
it family or whatever. Other than that, cut ties and
I mean, it's interesting, take a step back and just
pull away a little bit. See, you know, stop doing
what you would always do for someone, and it'll show
you very clearly if they're doing anything for you and
not like literally for you, you know what I mean, but
(07:18):
to check up on you.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
I mean, I've asked this to Paulina. I said, all right,
we have two sides. Here, are you gaining anything from
this relationship? And when the answers literally know, it's crazy,
you know.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
Well, I'm telling you, like, I'm not being cryptic, I'm
not being mean, and any of these people, there's the
seasons of friendship thing that my mom, my mom and
I've talked about this for hours lately, and it's like
people come and go, and usually that has way more
to do with them than it does with you. But
I just I try and look in the mirror in
these situations. I really try and be like, Okay, here's
where I screwed up, and I can always come up
(07:51):
with ways I screwed up. But then I'm like, but if,
but if these people cared, we'd have a conversation about it, right,
or we would you know what I mean, or we
would like we'd work through it. And then I think
about relationships where I've been wrong and they've been wrong,
and yet we've never had a problem. Like I have
a few people and you guys don't, like keep a
very close circle of which you guys are included. But like,
even on this show, I can't remember a time in
(08:12):
the last decade where any of us got into something
so bad, really anything bad at all, but anything where
it's like this person's ever going to talk to me again,
Like we could have it out and I could walk
in the next day and I know that it might
be weird, but there would be a conversation because there's
care right, Like it's like, you're not gonna make me wonder,
You're not gonna punish me, well, Caylen would, but no,
(08:32):
I'm kidding, No, I'm messing with you. I do joke though,
because sometimes, like sometimes Calin will give me like at
least seven or eight weeks of sound treatment.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
That's seven or eight weeks.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
I'm kidding too, sure, yeah, no, exactly, you're right, she
just started talking to me again.
Speaker 6 (08:45):
It's been about seven years. But no, no, not. Everyone's
meant to be in your life. For I call them
my lifers. Like there's certain people that have crossed a
certain threshold, and I'm like, those are my lifers. Some people,
whether it be your party phase, your single face, like,
it's not everyone is meant to stick it out for
the long haul. And you know what I mean, And
communication is the key.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
I'm that yeah, And I hate lack of accountability and
so I truly like, I think that's why I tend
to defer to It's got to be my fault.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
It's got to be my fault I have to do.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
But then what happens is I could probably fix some
of this stuff by just crawling back to these people
and going, whenever you're mad about, I'm sorry I did it.
But that doesn't But that's that you're not giving yourself
any value in doing that. I have to want it
to and it doesn't heal you, like you're not healing,
you're just coddling to whatever their issue is. But I
you know, if you really sometimes sit and think about it,
(09:36):
and you're willing to be self aware and you're willing
to be accountable, you could say, here are the things
I did, but what has this person done to fix anything?
And if the answer is nothing, then it's like, oh, well,
I guess I don't matter and that that should offend you,
like that should hurt you if people aren't willing to
work with you.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
And so I've had to do a.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
Little bit of a social auditing lately and I don't
really mind it, but I didn't know if you guys,
you know, felt like you've you've had to go through
this or had to do it because some people, I realized,
don't have conflict like some people just seem to. They're
just amiable enough with everybody. They just get along. And
I guess they don't do this, or I don't know,
maybe they do. I don't know about it, but it's
just like I don't know. I found that sometimes you
(10:14):
gotta do they just accept it for what it is
and realize that you have value too. And while you're imperfect,
so is the person. So are the other people that
you're expecting something from. And if they can't accept that
about themselves, well then why am I? Then why am
I beating myself up? Like we either meet in the middle,
and sometimes I got to cross the line and go
(10:34):
way past it, and sometimes you got to cross the
line and go way past it. And then ultimately, hopefully
you know, it averages out to you about fifty to fifty.
But when you find that you're the only one crossing
the line, it's like, oh, well then.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Yeah, I see.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
That's another thing. It's not always fifty to fifty. Like
sometimes that's what I mean.
Speaker 6 (10:50):
Yeah, someone's going through something really bad and you might
have to overextend, but you need to know that when
you're doing that.
Speaker 3 (10:55):
It's the same thing.
Speaker 6 (10:55):
But like even Jason, who gets along with everyone everyone loves, like,
I've watched them start to set boundaries and stand up
for himself and it's.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
You know, I think it's made you.
Speaker 7 (11:04):
Better, you know, yeah, And I think it's also good
like when you have that revelation because I then try
to be like. Okay, I feel like I'm very like
outward when it comes to like me talking about myself.
So it's almost like gives me a good reminder to
be like I should like wonder like and ask about how.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
Other people are feeling.
Speaker 7 (11:20):
Are other I don't want to be that person, you know,
so I think like situations like that really remind you
to do better.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Well, not to get super deep about it. But this
week the theme in therapy was Mondays at four o'clock.
By the way, don't don't call me between four and
five Mondays.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
Yes, it's very well Tuesdays, you're.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
Actually well, yeah, actually, don't call me.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
I start crying about three forty five and I don't
stop crying until about eight, So don't actually just don't
call me on Monday afternoon.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
But where's I going with this?
Speaker 4 (11:46):
A theme in therapy?
Speaker 1 (11:47):
I had a theme. It was a theme, Oh, I
think that there.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
I think when you look at me at your forty
three year old single guy, you know, doing this job
or whatever, I think people jump to a lot of
conclusions that that aren't necessarily true. It's well, the guy's
got to be completely arrogant and egotistical, because he's a
radio personality, and I definitely have an ego because I
think you have to if.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
You're gonna do this job.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
I mean, you see how sensitive I can be about
the text, Like imagine if I were I mean, believe.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
It or not. That's teflon.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Like otherwise you're gonna melt down because you got everybody
in the you know, all the suits telling you that
you don't do it right, and they've never done it,
but you don't do it right. You occasionally hater social
media the whole thing. But it's like, and then I'm
single and I live on my own and I do
my own thing, and I think for a lot of people,
it's unfathomable that you would choose that life, Like people
(12:39):
like people look at it and go, maybe nobody wants
to be with him, or maybe he can't hold down
a relationship or whatever, And it's like, because it's unbelievable
for people to imagine that.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Maybe that's the way.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Maybe you're happy that way, Like maybe maybe being on
your own and independent, maybe those two things aren't connected,
Like maybe the fact that I'm a radio personality and
the fact that I go home by myself, Maybe those
two things aren't connected and tied together and have something
to do with a personality disorder or something. Maybe it's
just I'm really I've become so happy on my own
that I don't necessarily it's harder for me to figure
(13:10):
out how to fit somebody in than it is not.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
You can't live your life for anyone else.
Speaker 6 (13:13):
People are always going to have comments and judgment, but
you're the only one living it and you need to
make it the best because you get one.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
Well, when you're reincarnated, then you get to well, it.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
Doesn't it Before you had the boyfriend, I know you
got it too, it was like it was like your singles. Basically,
it's what's wrong basically, and that's how people ask the question.
But that's basically the tone of the question is like, well,
what's wrong with this person? What's going on with you
that you nobody wants to be with you? Or why
(13:44):
aren't you married? Or why don't you have kids? Have
you ever considered maybe that's not my goal, Maybe that's
not my thing, Maybe that's not my priority, and maybe
it doesn't have anything to do with anything.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Maybe I just choose that.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
But I think the default mode for most people is
companionship and people and stuff and whatever, and it seems
so unbelievable.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
I love that you would choose this life. Yes, projection,
I've learned.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
Yeah, we're over here looking at you being like.
Speaker 4 (14:10):
Damn, I wish I was there, right I wish I
was living alone right now chilling.
Speaker 6 (14:13):
Whoever fits into my life and right now that's my boyfriend.
It needs to give me my independence because I love
being single.
Speaker 3 (14:19):
And he's great about that. I mean, I'm not changing.
Speaker 6 (14:21):
You guys have seen me in a relationship outside of
a relationship.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
I love it, except for the whole lesbian moving in. Well. Yeah,
and he's actually the same. He just texted. He's never leaving.
He said he desisted. All right, Well that's fine.
Speaker 3 (14:33):
I'm still gonna do me. I'll be the same person.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
No, But I guess as somebody who like would love
to be able to say, it's my fault, here's how
I fix it, and then everything's great again. I think
what the hardest thing for me to realize is sometimes
in life it has it hasn't. People want to make
it seem like it's about you, but it has nothing
to do with you. It hasn't everything to do with them,
But it's easier for them just to blame it on
you because then they don't have to look within.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
It's almost never about you.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
How about that?
Speaker 2 (15:00):
Well, and I'm sure I've done things to hurt people's feelings,
Like that's not me being unaccountable, it's just me saying
like that happens in life, right, Like you're gonna piss
people off, They're gonna piss you off, but you got
to make a choice. Are they valuable enough to you
that you're going to work at it or are you not?
And when you realize that there are people in your
life that just aren't going to work at it, it's
like bye, I mean and honestly, and I every now
(15:21):
and again, I guess you have to do that exercise. Hey, Julianne,
good morning, Hi, Hi, what do you want to hry? Hey,
good morning, Welcome, thanks for listening.
Speaker 5 (15:30):
Oh I've been listening to you guys, and I was like,
oh my god, I'm totally going through this whole thing
with the friends telling me I'm doing everything wrong and
I'm constantly hurting their feelings, but they hold it all
in and then she waits until we have a fight.
And you're always hurting my feelings. I think we need
to talk about this. And We've been through this over
and over and over, and I've watched her kick three
(15:50):
people out of her life for all the same agnect things,
and now, well, today's for birthday. So that's the whole problem,
is health. But now she's starting to tell me she
doesn't like or agree with the things that my kids
are in. She doesn't like the car I just bought.
And I starts to question, like I'm always getting hurt
by you. What am I supposed to do with this girl? Yeah, yeah,
(16:13):
I need somebody. Do I even tell her Happy birthday today?
Speaker 1 (16:18):
I mean, yeah, give us a good question. I don't
know if that hurts anything.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
But at the same time, I think, you know, maybe
it's time that you take a look at that relationship
and say, is is it equitable? Am I getting anything
out of it? Is it fifty to fifty? Is is
this person showing me any grace whatsoever even when I
am in the wrong. And if the answer is no,
then I think that's your answer. I don't think you
have to blow them up. But at the same time,
I don't know. I think I also have no problem
(16:42):
with people standing up for themselves and saying no, no,
this is this is how I want to be treated.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
And and I think when you do that.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
You have to you have to accept that that person
may decide they don't want to treat you that way
and they're gone. But what's the alternative is that you
just let people act like a holes and then and
you have no standard for you yourself, and then you
let them do it.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
They're never going to stop. They're never going to stop.
Speaker 5 (17:04):
Yep, there's a there's a problem with everything. She doesn't
like my car, she doesn't like that my daughter does cheerleading, which,
by the.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Way, that has nothing to do with anything like.
Speaker 5 (17:15):
Yeah about yeah I got I have a brand new Chevy.
Oh my god, I can't even think about it.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
It's a it's okay, okay, so and so why.
Speaker 5 (17:29):
Would you get a Chevy? Room had a Chevy my dad,
blah blah blah, and nobody likes it. They all had problems. Okay,
so congratulations to you.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
No, I don't even know this person, but if she's
arguing about your Chevy, then I would say, you can
drive your Chevy in the other direction, because you got
to he Julian we gotta go. Thank you, have a
great day.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
That's crazy. Thank you, I know people are. That is
so wild. How someone lives their life and they're Chevy.
You're mad about that? Great well, thank you for coming
to my tech
The Fred Show On Demand News
Show Links
Official WebsitePopular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.