December 10, 2024 • 17 mins
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
It's stay or go.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
Okay, Kiana is here, Hello, Kiana, how you doing.
Speaker 3 (00:07):
I'm okay, okay.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Okay, all right, Well you know what, we're all a little
tired around here, but I don't. We can obviously give
incredible advice even while fatigued.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Okay, We're going to fix your life right now, go
ahead please.
Speaker 4 (00:20):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
So my new boyfriend he like, we recently decided to
be exclusive, like it's been three months, but now he's
like he wants to get ahead of some issues that
he had in past relationships.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Okay, that was like, oh.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
And one of them was like he said, he will
not put up with being talked about or having his
business shared in.
Speaker 5 (00:46):
My group chat with my friends or during girls night.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Well, welcome to begin a relationship. Okay, okay, all right,
So he won't put up with with the.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Group chat, You're not going to put up with me
and my friends. And he said he didn't want little
friends with his friends wives and girlfriends because in the
past it means that then his relationship gets talked about
and it leads to problems.
Speaker 4 (01:13):
So I can't get close to the wives and girlfriends.
Speaker 6 (01:15):
Of his friends.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Okay, okay, So you you can't talk about him in group,
yet you can't talk about him when you're out with
your friends, and you also can't be friends with his
friends wives and girlfriends.
Speaker 7 (01:28):
Yeah, and then who are you.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
Allowed to socialize with this man? This guy?
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Is this a dude to shut the the CEO man
in New York or something like why does this guy?
Speaker 1 (01:37):
What does he have to hide?
Speaker 3 (01:39):
I don't like he just keeps saying that they're not negotiable.
This is not negotiable, and like if I have a problem,
like he's not going to blame me, but we can't
be together. And it's just like this guy like was
so before he laid down these rules, Like it was
pretty normal before, like we had the like what are
we doing, let's get exclusive talk and then.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
That like no, I will say this about the I
don't know why you wouldn't want you to be friends
with the wives of his friends, because I would think
that would make life easier. You know, you guys can
go out and do your thing well while he's out
with his friends, and I don't know, maybe.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
If they talk about it.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Well yeah, but if they if they like you, then
they're going to tell his friends that they like you.
And then that probably is going to not that they
should have a vote, but come on, our friends do
kind of have a vote. Like it's it's a miserable
situation to be dating someone who no one else likes.
So I would think that that would be a good thing.
The only part of this that I can commiserate with.
(02:38):
While I would never tell anyone they can't do it
is it is difficult when you bring the outside opinions
of friends from the group, chatter from girls side or
whatever into your relationship in that I don't really care
what your friends think about your version of the story
that you told them about the fight that we had.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Oh you know, I've been a relationship before.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
It was like, well, so and so says that you know,
I should see this and that you should do that
and whatever. And it's like, okay, but so and so
only heard your side of the story, and so and
so is not part of this relationship. And so and
so is not in this, you know what I mean.
So it's like at that point, I understand, but that's
his own insecurity. He can't tell you that you cannot
communicate with these people like you. That's controlling.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
You can't do that it's really weird, Like it's just
it's really weird, Like we didn't have these rules before,
so it's like everything was sort of fine, Like I
even met some of his friends, but now we're starting
to like see them like a second time. So that's
why he, like, I think it came out of the
fact that his friend's girlfriend and I like kind of
(03:40):
hit it off, like we were good for you know,
and we like we follow each other now on Instagram.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
I don't know why that's the problem for him, and
I don't know how. I don't know why he's threatened
by that.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Again, the only thing I can see here is is
that he's been in a relationship like many of us have,
where you know, the friends inject themselves or you allow
the friends to you inject the friends in your relationship
to where it's like, but yeah, this is between us,
you know, and it's like I don't get to talk
to them about what my side of.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
The story is.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
So why are we acting like your perspective is gospel
and like their perspective is the direction? You know what
I mean, that's the only part of this that I
can see being an issue. But we haven't even gotten
that far yet, or have we have you done that?
Have you have you done the thing where you're like, well,
Stacy says that you should be doing this and that
and the other thing, have you done that?
Speaker 3 (04:27):
Well? No, because we really haven't had any issues with
this ultimatum. And now it's like, oh, well now, so
really you're the first conversation I've had about it.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
Yeah, you don't talk about it, don't talk to the
relationship about don't talk about your relationship to your friends
or his friend's girlfriends.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
But certainly call the radio station talk about it.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
He didn't testify, No, No, he didn't eight five five
five one three five. I want some phone calls. I
want some text on this to Kiki.
Speaker 8 (04:53):
Yeah, I wonder if he's maybe doing something then he
has no business doing and he doesn't want that to
get back to her because what happens is you guys
do stuff sometimes and with your little friends, and then
they pillow talk with their spouses, and now that she's
befriending the spouses, they can report back to her what
her man is doing that she doesn't know about.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
Yeah, but a good friend, I mean, not that you
should be doing any of that stuff in it My
friends would not, I don't. They might tell their if
they told their wives about something I was doing that
I wasn't supposed to be doing. They I think my
friends would know that their wives weren't going to talk.
If they thought their wives were going to tattle on me,
then they wouldn't tattle on me themselves. Like that's the
(05:34):
situation between you and your friends and keeping your secrets.
This to me is highly controlling. And again, I'll say
one more time, the only issue I have is when
people bring outside factors into your relationship is not fair
because again, the only people who really know what's going
on in the relationship are me and you, and I
don't really care what someone thinks about what's happening in
(05:56):
our relationship based on the story you told them, because
that is your side of the story.
Speaker 6 (06:00):
When you tell people like okay, let's just say you
talk to your friends right about your issues in your
marriage relationship, like you don't tell them like even the
wrongs that you do.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
Of course I do, but I don't think everybody does.
I feel like most people when they venture their close friends,
they're telling them their side of the story. And I
don't know that I necessarily always trust that someone's going
to be like and here's the thing I did that
where I really screwed up, because you should because if
you do that, then that person's going to tell you
that you were wrong. And then, well, I guess it's
(06:28):
for some people that's a real friend. Well I agree,
but I have not always found that people are being
as transparent as they could be because they're going to
their friends looking for them to commiserate with them, right,
you know, to empathize with them.
Speaker 6 (06:42):
Like another thing jew is that you mentioned like he
doesn't want to be mentioned in the group chat, right,
I want to know, like to what context? Like is
it like I don't know, like how he is in
bed or something? He doesn't want that out there, like
because you know that that's into information that like some
people just don't want to share about in their relationship.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
That's fine, I respect it. Or is it like all
we got into a fight yesterday?
Speaker 7 (06:59):
Hate it?
Speaker 6 (07:00):
Watch the dishes? I can't stand his ass, Like you
know what I mean? It's like, like, what's the level here?
Because I think they're different?
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Is it just nothing?
Speaker 4 (07:06):
He didn't get specific?
Speaker 3 (07:08):
He was like, do not see my name?
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Do not see my name? Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't
think with that one asterisk, I don't like it. No,
because he could very easily say to you, Hey, look,
in my past relationship, I felt like I was dating
a group because I've been in that relationship before. I've
dated somewhere where I feel like I'm dating seven people
and I'm like, but I'm not.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
I'm dating you, you know what I mean. And so
I don't.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Necessarily care what the other six people think because well,
they're not in bed with us, unless I'd like to
be in bed with us, and then we can involve
them if you. But I agree, I think there's something
very efficient going on here. I think there's something going
on that that he's insecure about or hiding or something.
And even if it's none of that, it's just downright controlling.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
Yeah. I mean it came out of nowhere really like
it was like we were. It was the next conversation
after we talked about going exclusive.
Speaker 9 (08:01):
So yeah, in my experience, if someone's worried about being
talked about.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
It's because there's a reason to be. Yeah, people need
their friendships.
Speaker 9 (08:09):
You can't just only keep everything in between your relationship.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
It's not healthy.
Speaker 9 (08:15):
I've only ever seen people be worried about that if
they they have a reason to make.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Yeah, someone just texts it to form of isolation. Yeah,
he wants you, he wants you in his little silo. Yes,
and he doesn't want you communicating for some reason. It's
not Yeah. Yeah, it's toxic. It's giving narcissism, it's giving
much controlling. Yeah, I'm gonna take some phone calls on this,
but have the radio on. Let's see what people have
to say. But yeah, I don't like it, and none
of us like it.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
But good luck, Okay, okay, thank you very yeah, thank
you eight five five five one one three five Andrea, Hi,
hi Ver, good morning, Hey, good morse. You just heard
the story.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
This woman just started ditting a guy I've been together
for about three months. They're now exclusive, and his thing is,
I don't want you talking to me about me with
your friends or the females who my friends are involved with.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
His male friends are involved with. What do you think?
Speaker 5 (09:03):
I think that if your intuition it feels like something
is off, it's because something is completely off for a
man to want to isolate you that soon and be
exclusive and not talk about you should already give you
your answer. I think there is, you know, there's an
understanding where you can say, well, I don't want you know,
there's certain things that you talk about your relationship with
your friends, and there's certain things that you don't. But
(09:24):
for him to say, like, don't talk about me at all,
you can't be around my friends, that is just a
sign already to end it and be like, Okay, thanks
so much, and I'm pretty sure later on she will
find out why.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Yeah, yeah, I think so too. Thank you, Andrea. I
have a great day.
Speaker 5 (09:40):
You're welcome you too, so bud By.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
Kathy, Hi, oh hey Kathy, what do you think.
Speaker 4 (09:48):
I'm going to say? Because I just got out of
this situation hardcore, immediately go because it's only going to
get worse from here. So my ex sold me a
fake person, which it sounds like this guy did the
exact same thing, and then he, once we became exclusive
and moved in together, started really showing his true colors.
It's going to start with don't talk about me to
(10:09):
your friends, because they're only going to tell you that
I'm a bad person and you need to leave me
to the point where he's going to say, I don't
care if you go out once a year with your friends.
I'm not invited, and it makes me feel unwanted. So
it's just going to get worse from here. It's controlling,
it's manipulative. She needs to go now, she needs to
get out before four years like I did.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
Yeah, well four years, yeah out again.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
I'm trying to see the other side of this, in
any sort of redeeming part of what he's asking for again,
and this is personal to me, but I've been in
situations before where it's like, you told we had a fight,
you said this, I said that, I said this, you
said this, you told your friends the side of it
that I did, and now I have to not only
sort of I have to recover with your friend group.
(10:53):
And that's not fair, especially if it's a fight that
we both got in and we're both going to resolve
and we're both going to move vun Like it's hard enough.
A relationship is hard enough with two people. What I
don't need to do is also then have to try
and ingratiate myself re ingratiate myself with your friends or
vice versa.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
The same way that if I go. If I go
and tell.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
My friends I got in this fight, I got cheated on,
this horrible thing happened to me, my friends might go,
you need to get out, and maybe they're right. But
then if I choose then to forgive him and I
choose to go back or her or whatever, then the
problem is the friends are not going to forget that thing,
and it might be very difficult to have success moving
(11:33):
forward because you may have chosen to forgive me or
I may have chosen to forgive you. But is it
always going to be out there that your friends hate
me or I hate your friends because they gave you
bad advice.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
You know, that's very true.
Speaker 7 (11:45):
I agree.
Speaker 4 (11:46):
Yeah, so that's what you need to be as transparent
as possible. You know, some people just want to make
sure everybody's on their side.
Speaker 7 (11:53):
So that's a.
Speaker 4 (11:53):
Character thought that people need to work on. But again,
I was just in this situation and I can completely
see where this is going, and so I say, just
get out now before it gets worth Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
Yeah, I agree with you, Kathy. Thank you, have a
great day, you two, thank you. Yeah. I mean this
to me. This if his.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
Concern is what my concern is an overcorrection, and I
think it's way more than that, and you need friends.
Speaker 9 (12:15):
That are able to discern, Like I don't know, I
feel like Jason, Pauline and I have a very honest,
have very honest conversations about our partners, and even if
it doesn't paint them in the best light, I never
judge their partner. I never think of them differently because
I know I feel like they're good people at their core.
I like, you need the ability to be able to
like sort through that stuff.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
But we all know people who it's like every day
we hear my husband did this, my wife did this,
my girlfriend did this, like nag and nag and nagg,
And then you start to ask yourself, like, if it's
that bad, then what are you doing?
Speaker 1 (12:44):
You a goofy like.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Yeah, right, But the problem is maybe it's not really
that bad. Maybe you're just looking for people to go,
oh my gosh, you're right, you're right, you're right.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Because we all know those people. We all know the.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
People who they only want they only want validation, yes,
And the problem is like people who go to therapy,
you know, and they go to therapy and they tell
their therapy all the stuff that everyone else is doing wrong,
and like I go to therapy, I do the opposite.
I sit down and I tell her everything I did wrong,
and she has to reel me in and go, well,
can we talk about why that happened? Like what's the
other side of the story, you know, And both both
(13:14):
scenarios don't lead to any resolution because we're not dealing
with the actual problem, you know, but we all know
people who it's like if this guy said that bad
and this person you're doating is this horrible? If your
husband's that awful, then why are you with it?
Speaker 7 (13:29):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (13:29):
Why would you want people to think or of your partner?
You are weird exactly.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
Yeah, Ashley, Hi, Hey are you hey? Good morning, Thanks
for colling, Thanks for listening.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
What do you want to say? Yeah?
Speaker 7 (13:41):
I was just feeling like that's that's a rich like
a big ridden like a clear sign of narcissism, controlling isolation.
And I've been there, like to the point where I
had an excep was in the story I complimented someone
choose and he was like, you shouldn't be talking to
anybody period.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
WHOA No.
Speaker 7 (13:59):
I just I just feel like that's a red flag
and run.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
Yeah, that's because I feel like people who do this
and they try to isolate you and close you off
is because they know they're doing bad stuff, and they
know that people around you are going to tell you
they're doing bad stuff, and they don't want that. They
want you to somehow believe that the way you're being
treated is the way you're supposed to be treated, the.
Speaker 7 (14:19):
Way you're supposed to be exactly. And like with that,
when she gave the example, I was like, well, maybe
maybe something happened with somebody in that group, the little
friend group, and he doesn't want that to come out
because something happened in the past.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
Well that could be too.
Speaker 7 (14:32):
Either way, it's negative. Yeah, I just feel like it's
a whole negative situation.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
Yeah, I agree with that. Hey, thank you so much,
have a good day. Thank you you call.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
We got a psychologist. We got we got doctor Nick
over here, doctor Nick is here.
Speaker 10 (14:43):
Hi, not a doctor by a massive degree in Council
of psychology.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Yeah, you know, close enough to a doctor for this show.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Honestly, as far as I'm concidered, you're the foremost expert
in this topic.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
So what do you want to say?
Speaker 10 (14:58):
Yeah, so I heard you know, kind playing both sides
of the situation and we could all look at the
aspect of her. You know, it is a controlling thing.
I totally agree with that. If this is worth salvaging,
I would look into possibly go into therapy and seeing
if these insecurities are due to other things, such as
early developmental engagements that he had growing up, maybe with
(15:20):
other people. That's something that's worth diving into, because I
heard another listener say that it's only going to get worse,
and it's just like having your car and writing it
with no oil, you know, if you don't check everything
and make sure that everything is working properly.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
Yeah, it's gonna get worse. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
And I mean, look again, I'm only playing the other
side of that. I don't I don't agree with what
he's doing at all. I think it's a problem. I
think she should go, but.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Maybe maybe he doesn't think she's an accountable, honest person
and doesn't think that, you know, she's she would go
to her friends with accurate information or ask, you know,
give them the whole story. If he thinks that she's
you know, if she thinks she's if he thinks he's
a narcissister, she has the issue, then why is he
dating her anyway?
Speaker 1 (16:03):
You know what I mean? Like, So, I don't think
that's it exactly.
Speaker 10 (16:06):
Yeah, I think there has to be some early deep
dives into what's actually going on. And I do think
it's wrong to have isolation, of course, because we're creatures
of habit. We need to be with our friends and
we need to be able to engage. And when you
take that away from them, they're going to resent that
person too.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
And you need to trust that someone's going to be accountable.
You need to trust that they're going to take information
of all different kinds from the outside, come back to
what they know about you, and and act accordingly. And again,
So if he thinks that she has the problem, or
if he thinks that she can't be trusted, then this
relationship won't work anyway. So what difference is a mattera
look at that, Nick, We figured it out. We solve
(16:42):
this one's problems. To go dump his ass and it's
all good.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
Thank you, Nick.
Speaker 7 (16:48):
Welcome.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
I just upgraded you to PhD. Yes you are a
doctor University of Fred's sign.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
On air. What it is? That's all it is. The
entertainer of forty is next Shelley. After that, a timebreaker
one thousand fifty bucks. Friend Joe
It's stay or go.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
Okay, Kiana is here, Hello, Kiana, how you doing.
Speaker 3 (00:07):
I'm okay, okay.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Okay, all right, Well you know what, we're all a little
tired around here, but I don't. We can obviously give
incredible advice even while fatigued.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Okay, We're going to fix your life right now, go
ahead please.
Speaker 4 (00:20):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
So my new boyfriend he like, we recently decided to
be exclusive, like it's been three months, but now he's
like he wants to get ahead of some issues that
he had in past relationships.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Okay, that was like, oh.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
And one of them was like he said, he will
not put up with being talked about or having his
business shared in.
Speaker 5 (00:46):
My group chat with my friends or during girls night.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Well, welcome to begin a relationship. Okay, okay, all right,
So he won't put up with with the.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Group chat, You're not going to put up with me
and my friends. And he said he didn't want little
friends with his friends wives and girlfriends because in the
past it means that then his relationship gets talked about
and it leads to problems.
Speaker 4 (01:13):
So I can't get close to the wives and girlfriends.
Speaker 6 (01:15):
Of his friends.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Okay, okay, So you you can't talk about him in group,
yet you can't talk about him when you're out with
your friends, and you also can't be friends with his
friends wives and girlfriends.
Speaker 7 (01:28):
Yeah, and then who are you.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
Allowed to socialize with this man? This guy?
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Is this a dude to shut the the CEO man
in New York or something like why does this guy?
Speaker 1 (01:37):
What does he have to hide?
Speaker 3 (01:39):
I don't like he just keeps saying that they're not negotiable.
This is not negotiable, and like if I have a problem,
like he's not going to blame me, but we can't
be together. And it's just like this guy like was
so before he laid down these rules, Like it was
pretty normal before, like we had the like what are
we doing, let's get exclusive talk and then.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
That like no, I will say this about the I
don't know why you wouldn't want you to be friends
with the wives of his friends, because I would think
that would make life easier. You know, you guys can
go out and do your thing well while he's out
with his friends, and I don't know, maybe.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
If they talk about it.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Well yeah, but if they if they like you, then
they're going to tell his friends that they like you.
And then that probably is going to not that they
should have a vote, but come on, our friends do
kind of have a vote. Like it's it's a miserable
situation to be dating someone who no one else likes.
So I would think that that would be a good thing.
The only part of this that I can commiserate with.
(02:38):
While I would never tell anyone they can't do it
is it is difficult when you bring the outside opinions
of friends from the group, chatter from girls side or
whatever into your relationship in that I don't really care
what your friends think about your version of the story
that you told them about the fight that we had.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Oh you know, I've been a relationship before.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
It was like, well, so and so says that you know,
I should see this and that you should do that
and whatever. And it's like, okay, but so and so
only heard your side of the story, and so and
so is not part of this relationship. And so and
so is not in this, you know what I mean.
So it's like at that point, I understand, but that's
his own insecurity. He can't tell you that you cannot
communicate with these people like you. That's controlling.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
You can't do that it's really weird, Like it's just
it's really weird, Like we didn't have these rules before,
so it's like everything was sort of fine, Like I
even met some of his friends, but now we're starting
to like see them like a second time. So that's
why he, like, I think it came out of the
fact that his friend's girlfriend and I like kind of
(03:40):
hit it off, like we were good for you know,
and we like we follow each other now on Instagram.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
I don't know why that's the problem for him, and
I don't know how. I don't know why he's threatened
by that.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Again, the only thing I can see here is is
that he's been in a relationship like many of us have,
where you know, the friends inject themselves or you allow
the friends to you inject the friends in your relationship
to where it's like, but yeah, this is between us,
you know, and it's like I don't get to talk
to them about what my side of.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
The story is.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
So why are we acting like your perspective is gospel
and like their perspective is the direction? You know what
I mean, that's the only part of this that I
can see being an issue. But we haven't even gotten
that far yet, or have we have you done that?
Have you have you done the thing where you're like, well,
Stacy says that you should be doing this and that
and the other thing, have you done that?
Speaker 3 (04:27):
Well? No, because we really haven't had any issues with
this ultimatum. And now it's like, oh, well now, so
really you're the first conversation I've had about it.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
Yeah, you don't talk about it, don't talk to the
relationship about don't talk about your relationship to your friends
or his friend's girlfriends.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
But certainly call the radio station talk about it.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
He didn't testify, No, No, he didn't eight five five
five one three five. I want some phone calls. I
want some text on this to Kiki.
Speaker 8 (04:53):
Yeah, I wonder if he's maybe doing something then he
has no business doing and he doesn't want that to
get back to her because what happens is you guys
do stuff sometimes and with your little friends, and then
they pillow talk with their spouses, and now that she's
befriending the spouses, they can report back to her what
her man is doing that she doesn't know about.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
Yeah, but a good friend, I mean, not that you
should be doing any of that stuff in it My
friends would not, I don't. They might tell their if
they told their wives about something I was doing that
I wasn't supposed to be doing. They I think my
friends would know that their wives weren't going to talk.
If they thought their wives were going to tattle on me,
then they wouldn't tattle on me themselves. Like that's the
(05:34):
situation between you and your friends and keeping your secrets.
This to me is highly controlling. And again, I'll say
one more time, the only issue I have is when
people bring outside factors into your relationship is not fair
because again, the only people who really know what's going
on in the relationship are me and you, and I
don't really care what someone thinks about what's happening in
(05:56):
our relationship based on the story you told them, because
that is your side of the story.
Speaker 6 (06:00):
When you tell people like okay, let's just say you
talk to your friends right about your issues in your
marriage relationship, like you don't tell them like even the
wrongs that you do.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
Of course I do, but I don't think everybody does.
I feel like most people when they venture their close friends,
they're telling them their side of the story. And I
don't know that I necessarily always trust that someone's going
to be like and here's the thing I did that
where I really screwed up, because you should because if
you do that, then that person's going to tell you
that you were wrong. And then, well, I guess it's
(06:28):
for some people that's a real friend. Well I agree,
but I have not always found that people are being
as transparent as they could be because they're going to
their friends looking for them to commiserate with them, right,
you know, to empathize with them.
Speaker 6 (06:42):
Like another thing jew is that you mentioned like he
doesn't want to be mentioned in the group chat, right,
I want to know, like to what context? Like is
it like I don't know, like how he is in
bed or something? He doesn't want that out there, like
because you know that that's into information that like some
people just don't want to share about in their relationship.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
That's fine, I respect it. Or is it like all
we got into a fight yesterday?
Speaker 7 (06:59):
Hate it?
Speaker 6 (07:00):
Watch the dishes? I can't stand his ass, Like you
know what I mean? It's like, like, what's the level here?
Because I think they're different?
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Is it just nothing?
Speaker 4 (07:06):
He didn't get specific?
Speaker 3 (07:08):
He was like, do not see my name?
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Do not see my name? Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't
think with that one asterisk, I don't like it. No,
because he could very easily say to you, Hey, look,
in my past relationship, I felt like I was dating
a group because I've been in that relationship before. I've
dated somewhere where I feel like I'm dating seven people
and I'm like, but I'm not.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
I'm dating you, you know what I mean. And so
I don't.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Necessarily care what the other six people think because well,
they're not in bed with us, unless I'd like to
be in bed with us, and then we can involve
them if you. But I agree, I think there's something
very efficient going on here. I think there's something going
on that that he's insecure about or hiding or something.
And even if it's none of that, it's just downright controlling.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
Yeah. I mean it came out of nowhere really like
it was like we were. It was the next conversation
after we talked about going exclusive.
Speaker 9 (08:01):
So yeah, in my experience, if someone's worried about being
talked about.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
It's because there's a reason to be. Yeah, people need
their friendships.
Speaker 9 (08:09):
You can't just only keep everything in between your relationship.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
It's not healthy.
Speaker 9 (08:15):
I've only ever seen people be worried about that if
they they have a reason to make.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Yeah, someone just texts it to form of isolation. Yeah,
he wants you, he wants you in his little silo. Yes,
and he doesn't want you communicating for some reason. It's
not Yeah. Yeah, it's toxic. It's giving narcissism, it's giving
much controlling. Yeah, I'm gonna take some phone calls on this,
but have the radio on. Let's see what people have
to say. But yeah, I don't like it, and none
of us like it.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
But good luck, Okay, okay, thank you very yeah, thank
you eight five five five one one three five Andrea, Hi,
hi Ver, good morning, Hey, good morse. You just heard
the story.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
This woman just started ditting a guy I've been together
for about three months. They're now exclusive, and his thing is,
I don't want you talking to me about me with
your friends or the females who my friends are involved with.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
His male friends are involved with. What do you think?
Speaker 5 (09:03):
I think that if your intuition it feels like something
is off, it's because something is completely off for a
man to want to isolate you that soon and be
exclusive and not talk about you should already give you
your answer. I think there is, you know, there's an
understanding where you can say, well, I don't want you know,
there's certain things that you talk about your relationship with
your friends, and there's certain things that you don't. But
(09:24):
for him to say, like, don't talk about me at all,
you can't be around my friends, that is just a
sign already to end it and be like, Okay, thanks
so much, and I'm pretty sure later on she will
find out why.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Yeah, yeah, I think so too. Thank you, Andrea. I
have a great day.
Speaker 5 (09:40):
You're welcome you too, so bud By.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
Kathy, Hi, oh hey Kathy, what do you think.
Speaker 4 (09:48):
I'm going to say? Because I just got out of
this situation hardcore, immediately go because it's only going to
get worse from here. So my ex sold me a
fake person, which it sounds like this guy did the
exact same thing, and then he, once we became exclusive
and moved in together, started really showing his true colors.
It's going to start with don't talk about me to
(10:09):
your friends, because they're only going to tell you that
I'm a bad person and you need to leave me
to the point where he's going to say, I don't
care if you go out once a year with your friends.
I'm not invited, and it makes me feel unwanted. So
it's just going to get worse from here. It's controlling,
it's manipulative. She needs to go now, she needs to
get out before four years like I did.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
Yeah, well four years, yeah out again.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
I'm trying to see the other side of this, in
any sort of redeeming part of what he's asking for again,
and this is personal to me, but I've been in
situations before where it's like, you told we had a fight,
you said this, I said that, I said this, you
said this, you told your friends the side of it
that I did, and now I have to not only
sort of I have to recover with your friend group.
(10:53):
And that's not fair, especially if it's a fight that
we both got in and we're both going to resolve
and we're both going to move vun Like it's hard enough.
A relationship is hard enough with two people. What I
don't need to do is also then have to try
and ingratiate myself re ingratiate myself with your friends or
vice versa.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
The same way that if I go. If I go
and tell.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
My friends I got in this fight, I got cheated on,
this horrible thing happened to me, my friends might go,
you need to get out, and maybe they're right. But
then if I choose then to forgive him and I
choose to go back or her or whatever, then the
problem is the friends are not going to forget that thing,
and it might be very difficult to have success moving
(11:33):
forward because you may have chosen to forgive me or
I may have chosen to forgive you. But is it
always going to be out there that your friends hate
me or I hate your friends because they gave you
bad advice.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
You know, that's very true.
Speaker 7 (11:45):
I agree.
Speaker 4 (11:46):
Yeah, so that's what you need to be as transparent
as possible. You know, some people just want to make
sure everybody's on their side.
Speaker 7 (11:53):
So that's a.
Speaker 4 (11:53):
Character thought that people need to work on. But again,
I was just in this situation and I can completely
see where this is going, and so I say, just
get out now before it gets worth Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
Yeah, I agree with you, Kathy. Thank you, have a
great day, you two, thank you. Yeah. I mean this
to me. This if his.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
Concern is what my concern is an overcorrection, and I
think it's way more than that, and you need friends.
Speaker 9 (12:15):
That are able to discern, Like I don't know, I
feel like Jason, Pauline and I have a very honest,
have very honest conversations about our partners, and even if
it doesn't paint them in the best light, I never
judge their partner. I never think of them differently because
I know I feel like they're good people at their core.
I like, you need the ability to be able to
like sort through that stuff.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
But we all know people who it's like every day
we hear my husband did this, my wife did this,
my girlfriend did this, like nag and nag and nagg,
And then you start to ask yourself, like, if it's
that bad, then what are you doing?
Speaker 1 (12:44):
You a goofy like.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Yeah, right, But the problem is maybe it's not really
that bad. Maybe you're just looking for people to go,
oh my gosh, you're right, you're right, you're right.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Because we all know those people. We all know the.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
People who they only want they only want validation, yes,
And the problem is like people who go to therapy,
you know, and they go to therapy and they tell
their therapy all the stuff that everyone else is doing wrong,
and like I go to therapy, I do the opposite.
I sit down and I tell her everything I did wrong,
and she has to reel me in and go, well,
can we talk about why that happened? Like what's the
other side of the story, you know, And both both
(13:14):
scenarios don't lead to any resolution because we're not dealing
with the actual problem, you know, but we all know
people who it's like if this guy said that bad
and this person you're doating is this horrible? If your
husband's that awful, then why are you with it?
Speaker 7 (13:29):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (13:29):
Why would you want people to think or of your partner?
You are weird exactly.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
Yeah, Ashley, Hi, Hey are you hey? Good morning, Thanks
for colling, Thanks for listening.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
What do you want to say? Yeah?
Speaker 7 (13:41):
I was just feeling like that's that's a rich like
a big ridden like a clear sign of narcissism, controlling isolation.
And I've been there, like to the point where I
had an excep was in the story I complimented someone
choose and he was like, you shouldn't be talking to
anybody period.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
WHOA No.
Speaker 7 (13:59):
I just I just feel like that's a red flag
and run.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
Yeah, that's because I feel like people who do this
and they try to isolate you and close you off
is because they know they're doing bad stuff, and they
know that people around you are going to tell you
they're doing bad stuff, and they don't want that. They
want you to somehow believe that the way you're being
treated is the way you're supposed to be treated, the.
Speaker 7 (14:19):
Way you're supposed to be exactly. And like with that,
when she gave the example, I was like, well, maybe
maybe something happened with somebody in that group, the little
friend group, and he doesn't want that to come out
because something happened in the past.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
Well that could be too.
Speaker 7 (14:32):
Either way, it's negative. Yeah, I just feel like it's
a whole negative situation.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
Yeah, I agree with that. Hey, thank you so much,
have a good day. Thank you you call.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
We got a psychologist. We got we got doctor Nick
over here, doctor Nick is here.
Speaker 10 (14:43):
Hi, not a doctor by a massive degree in Council
of psychology.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Yeah, you know, close enough to a doctor for this show.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Honestly, as far as I'm concidered, you're the foremost expert
in this topic.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
So what do you want to say?
Speaker 10 (14:58):
Yeah, so I heard you know, kind playing both sides
of the situation and we could all look at the
aspect of her. You know, it is a controlling thing.
I totally agree with that. If this is worth salvaging,
I would look into possibly go into therapy and seeing
if these insecurities are due to other things, such as
early developmental engagements that he had growing up, maybe with
(15:20):
other people. That's something that's worth diving into, because I
heard another listener say that it's only going to get worse,
and it's just like having your car and writing it
with no oil, you know, if you don't check everything
and make sure that everything is working properly.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
Yeah, it's gonna get worse. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
And I mean, look again, I'm only playing the other
side of that. I don't I don't agree with what
he's doing at all. I think it's a problem. I
think she should go, but.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Maybe maybe he doesn't think she's an accountable, honest person
and doesn't think that, you know, she's she would go
to her friends with accurate information or ask, you know,
give them the whole story. If he thinks that she's
you know, if she thinks she's if he thinks he's
a narcissister, she has the issue, then why is he
dating her anyway?
Speaker 1 (16:03):
You know what I mean? Like, So, I don't think
that's it exactly.
Speaker 10 (16:06):
Yeah, I think there has to be some early deep
dives into what's actually going on. And I do think
it's wrong to have isolation, of course, because we're creatures
of habit. We need to be with our friends and
we need to be able to engage. And when you
take that away from them, they're going to resent that
person too.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
And you need to trust that someone's going to be accountable.
You need to trust that they're going to take information
of all different kinds from the outside, come back to
what they know about you, and and act accordingly. And again,
So if he thinks that she has the problem, or
if he thinks that she can't be trusted, then this
relationship won't work anyway. So what difference is a mattera
look at that, Nick, We figured it out. We solve
(16:42):
this one's problems. To go dump his ass and it's
all good.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
Thank you, Nick.
Speaker 7 (16:48):
Welcome.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
I just upgraded you to PhD. Yes you are a
doctor University of Fred's sign.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
On air. What it is? That's all it is. The
entertainer of forty is next Shelley. After that, a timebreaker
one thousand fifty bucks. Friend Joe
The Fred Show On Demand News
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