February 18, 2025 • 17 mins
Rebecca is conflicted after her husband told her that he wants a home in the city because his commute from the suburbs to the city is too much for him. Find out what Fred and crew discuss their thoughts!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Friend Show is on.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
It's stay or go the ways the same way about
vacation spots. Someone texted that too, like, that's terrible when
you say this, this happened to my mom. My mom
was like, my dream trip is x y Z no joke.
Her best friend took the trip with her. Yep, wow, yeah,
she took her entire family on the exec trip that
my mom specified was her dream trip and then didn't
(00:23):
invite her to come a home doing that.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Yeah, no, not that this woman had any obligation to
invite my mom, but it's like you could have or
paid for her whatever she You could have at least said,
wan't you this is your dream trip, we're planning it.
But I got the inspiration from you. Why don't you
join us? You know, pay your own way or whatever.
Why don't you join us?
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Your mom gave her that idea.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Yes, yes, yes, So it's the same thing. It was
a very very similar thing where it's like, well, wait minute,
that was that's my dream. Why are you doing it?
I told you about him? I Rebecca, good morning.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
Good morning, How are you good?
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Thanks? How are you guys doing? Do great?
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Thanks for being part of the show. Since therego. It's
kind of like group therapy here. You you've been married
to this man. I don't know for how long. I'm
not even sure if that's relevant, but you're you're a
married woman and you're having an issue within your relationships.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
So what's going on?
Speaker 3 (01:14):
Yeah, thanks so much. So here's the thing. My husband
and I have been married ten years, and we've got
two kids, and he's he's been working downtown for quite
a while, and of course, with the kids and their
activities and all, you know, keeps them away from.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
A lot of that.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
So you know, he's started to look at the idea
of maybe getting a place downtown for the nights when
he needs to stay in because the community's gotten really long.
It's over an hour each way, and it's just you know,
takes a lot out of him. But it's expensive and
all of those things. So you know, it's something we
really can't consider moving right now because the kids are
(01:56):
in school and that's just not really a feasible option.
And you know, he's doing well enough, we're in good shape.
We could really afford to either buy or rent another place.
But the only thing that's kind of you know, it
all sounds great but you know, with things going on
these days, all of a sudden, I had this, you know,
question that came up in my mind. I'm wondering, is
(02:18):
this a red flag? Is something else going on?
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Is it normally?
Speaker 3 (02:22):
Is what people are doing now because they can.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
So this dude's you know, spending what ten plus hours
a week going back and forth that partly alone, going
back and forth from the suburbs wherever you live, to
the city to work. And so this guy, he's like, look,
I'm just going to not do that every day and
I'm going to stay downtown sometimes not Is he start
trying to do this like Monday through Friday or is
(02:48):
he just saying like certain days because this is I've
heard of this happening. You know.
Speaker 3 (02:53):
Sometimes it just you know, something comes up, it's a
there's a deadline, or there's a client meeting, and something
runs over. By the time he gets home, he wouldn't
even see the kids.
Speaker 4 (03:02):
So you know, it's.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
Reasonable that you know, it's his time and his it's
wear and tear on him.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Yeah, and well yeah, I know of I actually know
of a guy who used to do this. He lived
in New York and so every day whatever that process
was like was it was too much, so he would
you know. I think it was like Tuesday through Thursday.
He would stay in the city in like a studio
and he had all of his clothes there and he
could work out, he could do whatever he day, and
then he worked, you know, most of the time, because
the guy was working like seven am to seven pm.
(03:32):
So the idea, I mean, even if he did go home,
to your point, he wouldn't see his kids, he wouldn't
be there for very long, and then you have chear
around to do it again.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
So he would work.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
I think it was Mondays and Fridays from home, and
then Tuesday through Thursday he lived in this apartment and
then you go back for so I don't I mean,
it's efficient. I get that. I feel for people. I'm
grateful for people who sit in drave it because you
have to listen to us. But I feel for people
who that is a component of their day, you know,
because it's like you all day and then in my
mind I'd be thinking and then whatever time I have
(04:03):
to deal with all that, and then I'd wake up
in the morning I have to deal with all that.
So I don't people are texting immediately it's a red flag.
I'm not sure that inherently it's a red flag. Now
I have to ask the question, Rebecca, is there anything
else going on? Do you have any other reason if
he hadn't come to you and said I want to
live in the city during the week, would you have
any other reason to suspect that he was up to something?
Speaker 3 (04:26):
No, I don't really think so. I mean, he used
to travel a lot for work before we had kids,
so I know what that kind of time away is
like too. So you know, it's it's kind of just,
you know, you hear things in the minute. You sort
of say, you know, to a friend, Oh, you know,
John's thinking maybe we should get a place in the city.
And then I, you know, we and the kids and
(04:47):
I can go in and all of that, and you know,
I saw an eyebrow goal office ask why. So you know,
it's just I don't know why somebody else would even
plant that seed. But you know, all of a sudden,
there's some more information to be because I guess.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
If it went from Okay, I'm gonna stay down there
a couple couple nights a week, so then I'm staying
down there for a whole week and all I got
to say it for the weekend too.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
You know, if it if it turns into that, which
it will, Yes, it will. What we don't know.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
I'm a conspiracy theorist here, and I don't know that
it necessarily does. I Look, if he's got money like
that and you guys are doing that, well, I could
see it every now and again, like, Okay, so the
guy he's got working, maybe a work dinner or something,
and then he doesn't want to drive all the way home,
Like if you got the money like that and he's
and he's that successful that I don't necessarily think this
(05:36):
is a red flag in and of itself, Kiki, How
would this be any different than somebody who's on the
road two or three days a week for their for
their job, which is very common.
Speaker 5 (05:44):
Yeah, but he's not on the road.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
He's not on the road.
Speaker 5 (05:46):
And if you have this much money and income, then
move your family closer to your job. But she just
said that school. They don't want to move the kids. Well,
get another job or sit in traffic. I feel like
letting him stay out of his home is a big
flag because it starts with okay, he's gonna spend the night.
The next thing, you know, the door dash lady's getting
invited in.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Okay, Yes, a person as a person who doesn't leave
his home and is hoping that one day the DoorDash
lady is going to be my wife, because that's the
only way I'm going to meet somebody. It hasn't happened
yet in a lot of years and a lot of orders. Okay,
Look what if they just they established boundaries and then
(06:26):
if he violates the boundaries, well then I think they
have to revisit there.
Speaker 5 (06:31):
No, I don't like it.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Prolena, you a married one, Yes, I sure am. Okay,
Well he goes to the quote unquote firehouse, he has
to sleep there. He has no choice. You'll save it lives, right.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Okay, But I don't know what if we found out
a choice. There's any number of things. I'm picking up
a shift.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
And he's not. I don't know for sure, all kinds
of variables.
Speaker 6 (06:50):
I don't think that this is a cheating situation. I
don't think he's gonna have a whole other family. I
just I just see it as the mental load is
gonna fall way more unrepected. I don't know if you
work Rebecca, But I see it as like, Okay, it's
not a vacation, but it's a vacation if dad gets
to be away for whatever Monday through Friday or money
through Thursday. Because at the end of the day, yes,
(07:10):
he doesn't see the kids, he gets home too late,
but there's still things to do at home. We do
dish's laundry, all these things, and everything's gonna fall in.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
Rebecca.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
You know I've heard that argument before all, but it's real,
that's real. Okay, Well, i'll finish my thought anyway.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
But yeah, I hear that.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Yeah, but I also you're not giving and this is
a different conversation. I don't think you're giving the man
or the woman on the other side of that argument
any credit when you say that, because you're assuming, let's
say this guy has the best intentions Oka, And let's
say this guy really does feel that the commute is
affecting his life negatively. He doesn't get to see his kids' heirs,
he wants to spend a couple of nights a week,
(07:47):
and the thing is that a vacation. Maybe, but you're
assuming that that dude doesn't want anything to do with
his family and doesn't want to be at practice and
doesn't want to pick the kids up from school. And
I know a lot of folks that wish they had
that opportunity on act they don't. So I don't think
it's fair to say that a parent who's not at
home doing the parenting job every day is just off
(08:07):
willy nilly, have a great old time, because I think
there are men and women out there who wish that
they could be doing one hundred percent if you give
that work, and they don't get to do it.
Speaker 6 (08:17):
Yeah, and no, I'm not discrediting anything he's doing because
he's making a sacrifice too. Parenting is sacrifice. It's a
lot of sacrifices, whether you're at home, you're working, whatever,
it's all sacrifice. But what I'm saying is that there's
still more to do than just you know, drop off
the kids whatever, which she's already missing that, and I'm
sure it's hurting him.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
I'm sure it bothers him.
Speaker 6 (08:34):
Like he's a father, I'm sure he wants to see
his kids go to practice and dribble the ball and
do all these things. I'm sure he wants to see that,
but he can't as of right now. With his job situation,
he can't do that. He can't be there, but he
still needs to come home at night and still be
a husband still, you know, be a part of this household,
because I do believe even though he works full time,
he works a lot, he saw us to contribute to
the home.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Reckon, let me take some phocos on this and thank
you for calling. Have the radio wanting good luck?
Speaker 7 (08:59):
Thank you?
Speaker 1 (09:00):
Five one three five, check that phone. Oh my god,
no he's not. I I don't know.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Like I have a friend who's a pilot, and he's
been a pilot his whole life and for twenty something
years it's been an issue in his relationship because it's like, well,
I have to drive the kid to school every day
while you're in you know, santrope or whatever. And he's like,
you know what, I am in santrope because I fly
for a gazillionaire who wants to be in santrope. But
I also don't get to sleep in my own bed.
You're not here, My kids aren't here.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
You know. Do you want me to sit in my
room for a week and cry?
Speaker 4 (09:36):
You know?
Speaker 2 (09:36):
But but like yet I'm sending you, you know, the
life that we're living is provided by this job. So
you're right, I didn't have to sit in the pickup
line today, and I didn't have to go get groceries.
But what is the alternative, right, because you know, he's
married to a lovely woman, but like there's no income
coming from that side, and he's not discrediting. That's the
(09:57):
biggest thing for me is he doesn't discredit how hard
her life is.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
Either exactly, that's a good man. Exactly a good man.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
That's exactly the opposite of what you were just complaining about. No,
I'm not He is not discrediting what she does. So
why does she get to discredit what he does simply
because they might at times wish that the roles were reversed.
Speaker 6 (10:16):
I don't think that Rebecca, our caller, is discrediting her husband.
I just think that she, in my opinion, would prefer
her husband to come home at night. I know it's
hard on the commune, is a pain in the ass,
it is.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
I don't think Rebecca is.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
I think the argument that he can't stay in the
city because he's not doing anything at home and she
has to do all of that is discrediting. Potentially what
he's doing to provide for the family. Is well, they're
both making sacrifices.
Speaker 8 (10:39):
That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
They're sacrifices.
Speaker 6 (10:41):
But I still think he needs to come home at
the end of the night. He doesn't live in a
different city that's different, then he really can't come home.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Hey Lindsey, Yeah, Hi, Lindsay, good morning. Hey, what'd you
want to say?
Speaker 8 (10:52):
So, I don't think it's a Doe situation. I think
it's just paunicasion. He had this job obviously before they
had kids. They knew what it did care so he
knew he was going to be leaving early homely, but
me having three children and my husband leaving before, like,
he was gone at five o'clock this morning and no
one has seen him since yesterday morning.
Speaker 4 (11:10):
Just because it works.
Speaker 8 (11:11):
But if he doesn't come home and kids his kids
and while they're sleeping and get in bed with me
because I myself am trying baby, it would be it
would be a problem. But yeah, he he you know,
he provides, he brings all the money, she does all
the stuff. But he, you know, should know that he
should be coming home every night, regardless of the drive.
It's not like he's in a different state. He should
(11:33):
be coming home, whether it's to pick up a little
bit as na and do whatever he needs to do.
But you're a family, You're a unit. You come home
and you you start your day in the morning off
from home, and you come home at night to home
to your family, whether they're sleeping or not.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
Fair enough. Thank you, Lindsey.
Speaker 5 (11:50):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
Have a good daybody, Yes, thank you you too. Hi Phil,
Good morning Phil. How you doing.
Speaker 4 (11:55):
I'm good? How are you guys?
Speaker 1 (11:56):
Hey, I'm doing great. If you just tuned in.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
This woman is concerned or or once to know if
she should be concerned because her husband of a long time,
who's been making at least an hour drive each way
to and from work, has decided that he wants to
get an apartment or something closer to work so that
he's not making that drive every single day because it's
wearing him out and he thinks he's having a negative
effect on his life. He doesn't get to see his
(12:19):
family on those days anyway. And so the debate is
is this good or a bad idea? What do you think?
Speaker 4 (12:24):
So I've been doing this for fifteen years. I have
an apartment up in the city. But my home is
three hours away, so the commute is that's not possible.
But we have four kids, we've been married for twenty
nine years and it works. But because of the distance,
it's impossible. Now given their circumstances with him only being
(12:45):
an hour away, and if they can afford rent or
buying in the city, my suggestion would be for him
to contract a black car service that he could call
when he's ready to come home, because then he's not
doing the driving. Then he can work the drive in
and he can work the drive out, but then he's
home every night with with his kids. You know, the
(13:05):
problem that we see nowadays is everybody says you have
to have a work life balance, and that means you
balance life around work, and that's that's wrong. You should
have a life work balance where you balance work around
life because those kids are going to be grown up
and out of the house much faster than any time
he's going to spend griping about the commute back and forth.
If they've got the money and it's only an hour,
(13:27):
If it was three hours, I would say, yeah, absolutely,
But if it's only an hour, he should contract a
black car service that can pick him up and deliver
him back and forth every single day, because there's cars
out there that will do that. But additionally, in my industry,
I've seen a lot of guys try this, and what
happens is they gain an independence on their own and
(13:48):
they start creating a life on their own outside of
the life they should be having with their family.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Yeah, that's an issue. Obviously, that would be a serious issue.
Speaker 4 (13:56):
When it gets dangerous. But given the fact that he's
only an hour away, I would say that to save
I mean not only to be there for his wife,
but to be there for his family and to live
like we work to live, we don't live to work,
And so he needs to prioritize it, and he needs
to put the money into hiring someone to pick him
(14:17):
up at his house and take the load off of
him driving, drive him into the city, and when he's
done on a late night, have someone drive him home.
But you know what, he's going to be at home
at night, and he's going to be at home in
the morning and his kids will at least know he
was present.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
Thank you, Phil, that's a good idea. Thanks man. Have
a good day, a life coach. It feels good. I'm tired.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
I just my issue is if the argument is that
he's going he's going to cheat, or he's going to
disconnect her, he's going to do all these bad things.
I don't necessarily think that's the reason not to do this,
because if you're in a relationship and you trust the
person that you're we talk about this all the time.
It's like, just because he has a place in the
city does not mean that he's to someone's point on
he wants to stab in cabin someone texted, It's not
(15:00):
necessarily And if they can establish boundaries again, you know,
ground rules on this, Hey, once a week, okay, twice
a week maybe under these circumstances for these things. If
they can come up with that on their own and
then they can stick to it, then I don't think
this is inherently a problem. But if maybe it goes
outside those lines and then maybe she has to reel
(15:22):
it back in, I don't know. But just for the
argument for everybody going, well, he's not at home at night,
then he's not this, and he's not that.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
I don't know, that's not fair. Hey, Misty, Hey, I
missed you. Good morning, Good morning, how are you guys?
Speaker 2 (15:37):
Hey?
Speaker 1 (15:37):
Great? What'd you want to say?
Speaker 7 (15:39):
So, Okay, my husband and I we've been together for
twenty years.
Speaker 9 (15:44):
We have a beautiful little seventeen year old almost eighteen
year old, and he's been a truck driver for the past, oh,
I don't know, fifteen years or so, and you know,
he is rarely.
Speaker 7 (15:55):
Home during the week and everything. Do I automatically assume
he's cheating.
Speaker 8 (16:00):
Absolutely not, because I mean you.
Speaker 7 (16:03):
Have to have like that trust. He does come home
once in a while when he can, you know, pops
in each shower, sleeps a little bit, whatever he can do.
But on the weekend he's always there, taking care of
things that have to be done around the house and
taking care of his family.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Okay, yeah, he does feel.
Speaker 7 (16:25):
Bad sometimes that you know, he can't be around and
he can't be like involved in like a lot of
her stuff because you know, now that she's growing up
and she's not the college and everything, it's a little
bit harder. But the man is busting it is behind
working in everything to provide for our family. And now
one single time have we thought or have I even
thought that he's cheating. Now, if he's going to, well,
(16:48):
good luck to him, because God only knows what could happen.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
But yeah, people are people have much more creative ways
to chieve than to say, you know, to announce they're
getting an apartment to stay in the city, if that's
the concern.
Speaker 9 (16:58):
Exactly, And I mean, mind's.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
A so I mean he's got a bed right there
in the cab right how convenient.
Speaker 7 (17:08):
Exactly, But like I said, he does come home when
he can, and I mean he's always providing and everything
for us and stuff, and I mean he's still taking
care of stuff.
Speaker 4 (17:16):
Around the house.
Speaker 7 (17:17):
So I mean it's just I mean, you can't automatically
assume that you know they're going to cheat on you.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Yeah, thank you, miss, have a great day.
Speaker 7 (17:24):
Thank you you as well.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
Glad you call a problem solve boom here you go
think compared, that's no idea. It is the thief of joy.
Speaker 10 (17:30):
So like we should never whether it be at work,
comparing who works harder, whether it be in your relationship.
Until you walk in someone choose, you just don't know.
And so why are we going down that slipper? Like
what where's the respect for people? And how you know,
I don't know what your day is like, but we
we both have to do things to contribute so I
don't know.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
I think it's a slippery slope.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
The Entertainment Report is next. You have to drake in
two minutes. It's The Fresh Show. We're commercial free.
The Friend Show is on.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
It's stay or go the ways the same way about
vacation spots. Someone texted that too, like, that's terrible when
you say this, this happened to my mom. My mom
was like, my dream trip is x y Z no joke.
Her best friend took the trip with her. Yep, wow, yeah,
she took her entire family on the exec trip that
my mom specified was her dream trip and then didn't
(00:23):
invite her to come a home doing that.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Yeah, no, not that this woman had any obligation to
invite my mom, but it's like you could have or
paid for her whatever she You could have at least said,
wan't you this is your dream trip, we're planning it.
But I got the inspiration from you. Why don't you
join us? You know, pay your own way or whatever.
Why don't you join us?
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Your mom gave her that idea.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Yes, yes, yes, So it's the same thing. It was
a very very similar thing where it's like, well, wait minute,
that was that's my dream. Why are you doing it?
I told you about him? I Rebecca, good morning.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
Good morning, How are you good?
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Thanks? How are you guys doing? Do great?
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Thanks for being part of the show. Since therego. It's
kind of like group therapy here. You you've been married
to this man. I don't know for how long. I'm
not even sure if that's relevant, but you're you're a
married woman and you're having an issue within your relationships.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
So what's going on?
Speaker 3 (01:14):
Yeah, thanks so much. So here's the thing. My husband
and I have been married ten years, and we've got
two kids, and he's he's been working downtown for quite
a while, and of course, with the kids and their
activities and all, you know, keeps them away from.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
A lot of that.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
So you know, he's started to look at the idea
of maybe getting a place downtown for the nights when
he needs to stay in because the community's gotten really long.
It's over an hour each way, and it's just you know,
takes a lot out of him. But it's expensive and
all of those things. So you know, it's something we
really can't consider moving right now because the kids are
(01:56):
in school and that's just not really a feasible option.
And you know, he's doing well enough, we're in good shape.
We could really afford to either buy or rent another place.
But the only thing that's kind of you know, it
all sounds great but you know, with things going on
these days, all of a sudden, I had this, you know,
question that came up in my mind. I'm wondering, is
(02:18):
this a red flag? Is something else going on?
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Is it normally?
Speaker 3 (02:22):
Is what people are doing now because they can.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
So this dude's you know, spending what ten plus hours
a week going back and forth that partly alone, going
back and forth from the suburbs wherever you live, to
the city to work. And so this guy, he's like, look,
I'm just going to not do that every day and
I'm going to stay downtown sometimes not Is he start
trying to do this like Monday through Friday or is
(02:48):
he just saying like certain days because this is I've
heard of this happening. You know.
Speaker 3 (02:53):
Sometimes it just you know, something comes up, it's a
there's a deadline, or there's a client meeting, and something
runs over. By the time he gets home, he wouldn't
even see the kids.
Speaker 4 (03:02):
So you know, it's.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
Reasonable that you know, it's his time and his it's
wear and tear on him.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Yeah, and well yeah, I know of I actually know
of a guy who used to do this. He lived
in New York and so every day whatever that process
was like was it was too much, so he would
you know. I think it was like Tuesday through Thursday.
He would stay in the city in like a studio
and he had all of his clothes there and he
could work out, he could do whatever he day, and
then he worked, you know, most of the time, because
the guy was working like seven am to seven pm.
(03:32):
So the idea, I mean, even if he did go home,
to your point, he wouldn't see his kids, he wouldn't
be there for very long, and then you have chear
around to do it again.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
So he would work.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
I think it was Mondays and Fridays from home, and
then Tuesday through Thursday he lived in this apartment and
then you go back for so I don't I mean,
it's efficient. I get that. I feel for people. I'm
grateful for people who sit in drave it because you
have to listen to us. But I feel for people
who that is a component of their day, you know,
because it's like you all day and then in my
mind I'd be thinking and then whatever time I have
(04:03):
to deal with all that, and then I'd wake up
in the morning I have to deal with all that.
So I don't people are texting immediately it's a red flag.
I'm not sure that inherently it's a red flag. Now
I have to ask the question, Rebecca, is there anything
else going on? Do you have any other reason if
he hadn't come to you and said I want to
live in the city during the week, would you have
any other reason to suspect that he was up to something?
Speaker 3 (04:26):
No, I don't really think so. I mean, he used
to travel a lot for work before we had kids,
so I know what that kind of time away is
like too. So you know, it's it's kind of just,
you know, you hear things in the minute. You sort
of say, you know, to a friend, Oh, you know,
John's thinking maybe we should get a place in the city.
And then I, you know, we and the kids and
(04:47):
I can go in and all of that, and you know,
I saw an eyebrow goal office ask why. So you know,
it's just I don't know why somebody else would even
plant that seed. But you know, all of a sudden,
there's some more information to be because I guess.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
If it went from Okay, I'm gonna stay down there
a couple couple nights a week, so then I'm staying
down there for a whole week and all I got
to say it for the weekend too.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
You know, if it if it turns into that, which
it will, Yes, it will. What we don't know.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
I'm a conspiracy theorist here, and I don't know that
it necessarily does. I Look, if he's got money like
that and you guys are doing that, well, I could
see it every now and again, like, Okay, so the
guy he's got working, maybe a work dinner or something,
and then he doesn't want to drive all the way home,
Like if you got the money like that and he's
and he's that successful that I don't necessarily think this
(05:36):
is a red flag in and of itself, Kiki, How
would this be any different than somebody who's on the
road two or three days a week for their for
their job, which is very common.
Speaker 5 (05:44):
Yeah, but he's not on the road.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
He's not on the road.
Speaker 5 (05:46):
And if you have this much money and income, then
move your family closer to your job. But she just
said that school. They don't want to move the kids. Well,
get another job or sit in traffic. I feel like
letting him stay out of his home is a big
flag because it starts with okay, he's gonna spend the night.
The next thing, you know, the door dash lady's getting
invited in.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Okay, Yes, a person as a person who doesn't leave
his home and is hoping that one day the DoorDash
lady is going to be my wife, because that's the
only way I'm going to meet somebody. It hasn't happened
yet in a lot of years and a lot of orders. Okay,
Look what if they just they established boundaries and then
(06:26):
if he violates the boundaries, well then I think they
have to revisit there.
Speaker 5 (06:31):
No, I don't like it.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Prolena, you a married one, Yes, I sure am. Okay,
Well he goes to the quote unquote firehouse, he has
to sleep there. He has no choice. You'll save it lives, right.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Okay, But I don't know what if we found out
a choice. There's any number of things. I'm picking up
a shift.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
And he's not. I don't know for sure, all kinds
of variables.
Speaker 6 (06:50):
I don't think that this is a cheating situation. I
don't think he's gonna have a whole other family. I
just I just see it as the mental load is
gonna fall way more unrepected. I don't know if you
work Rebecca, But I see it as like, Okay, it's
not a vacation, but it's a vacation if dad gets
to be away for whatever Monday through Friday or money
through Thursday. Because at the end of the day, yes,
(07:10):
he doesn't see the kids, he gets home too late,
but there's still things to do at home. We do
dish's laundry, all these things, and everything's gonna fall in.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
Rebecca.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
You know I've heard that argument before all, but it's real,
that's real. Okay, Well, i'll finish my thought anyway.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
But yeah, I hear that.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Yeah, but I also you're not giving and this is
a different conversation. I don't think you're giving the man
or the woman on the other side of that argument
any credit when you say that, because you're assuming, let's
say this guy has the best intentions Oka, And let's
say this guy really does feel that the commute is
affecting his life negatively. He doesn't get to see his kids' heirs,
he wants to spend a couple of nights a week,
(07:47):
and the thing is that a vacation. Maybe, but you're
assuming that that dude doesn't want anything to do with
his family and doesn't want to be at practice and
doesn't want to pick the kids up from school. And
I know a lot of folks that wish they had
that opportunity on act they don't. So I don't think
it's fair to say that a parent who's not at
home doing the parenting job every day is just off
(08:07):
willy nilly, have a great old time, because I think
there are men and women out there who wish that
they could be doing one hundred percent if you give
that work, and they don't get to do it.
Speaker 6 (08:17):
Yeah, and no, I'm not discrediting anything he's doing because
he's making a sacrifice too. Parenting is sacrifice. It's a
lot of sacrifices, whether you're at home, you're working, whatever,
it's all sacrifice. But what I'm saying is that there's
still more to do than just you know, drop off
the kids whatever, which she's already missing that, and I'm
sure it's hurting him.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
I'm sure it bothers him.
Speaker 6 (08:34):
Like he's a father, I'm sure he wants to see
his kids go to practice and dribble the ball and
do all these things. I'm sure he wants to see that,
but he can't as of right now. With his job situation,
he can't do that. He can't be there, but he
still needs to come home at night and still be
a husband still, you know, be a part of this household,
because I do believe even though he works full time,
he works a lot, he saw us to contribute to
the home.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Reckon, let me take some phocos on this and thank
you for calling. Have the radio wanting good luck?
Speaker 7 (08:59):
Thank you?
Speaker 1 (09:00):
Five one three five, check that phone. Oh my god,
no he's not. I I don't know.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Like I have a friend who's a pilot, and he's
been a pilot his whole life and for twenty something
years it's been an issue in his relationship because it's like, well,
I have to drive the kid to school every day
while you're in you know, santrope or whatever. And he's like,
you know what, I am in santrope because I fly
for a gazillionaire who wants to be in santrope. But
I also don't get to sleep in my own bed.
You're not here, My kids aren't here.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
You know. Do you want me to sit in my
room for a week and cry?
Speaker 4 (09:36):
You know?
Speaker 2 (09:36):
But but like yet I'm sending you, you know, the
life that we're living is provided by this job. So
you're right, I didn't have to sit in the pickup
line today, and I didn't have to go get groceries.
But what is the alternative, right, because you know, he's
married to a lovely woman, but like there's no income
coming from that side, and he's not discrediting. That's the
(09:57):
biggest thing for me is he doesn't discredit how hard
her life is.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
Either exactly, that's a good man. Exactly a good man.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
That's exactly the opposite of what you were just complaining about. No,
I'm not He is not discrediting what she does. So
why does she get to discredit what he does simply
because they might at times wish that the roles were reversed.
Speaker 6 (10:16):
I don't think that Rebecca, our caller, is discrediting her husband.
I just think that she, in my opinion, would prefer
her husband to come home at night. I know it's
hard on the commune, is a pain in the ass,
it is.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
I don't think Rebecca is.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
I think the argument that he can't stay in the
city because he's not doing anything at home and she
has to do all of that is discrediting. Potentially what
he's doing to provide for the family. Is well, they're
both making sacrifices.
Speaker 8 (10:39):
That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
They're sacrifices.
Speaker 6 (10:41):
But I still think he needs to come home at
the end of the night. He doesn't live in a
different city that's different, then he really can't come home.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Hey Lindsey, Yeah, Hi, Lindsay, good morning. Hey, what'd you
want to say?
Speaker 8 (10:52):
So, I don't think it's a Doe situation. I think
it's just paunicasion. He had this job obviously before they
had kids. They knew what it did care so he
knew he was going to be leaving early homely, but
me having three children and my husband leaving before, like,
he was gone at five o'clock this morning and no
one has seen him since yesterday morning.
Speaker 4 (11:10):
Just because it works.
Speaker 8 (11:11):
But if he doesn't come home and kids his kids
and while they're sleeping and get in bed with me
because I myself am trying baby, it would be it
would be a problem. But yeah, he he you know,
he provides, he brings all the money, she does all
the stuff. But he, you know, should know that he
should be coming home every night, regardless of the drive.
It's not like he's in a different state. He should
(11:33):
be coming home, whether it's to pick up a little
bit as na and do whatever he needs to do.
But you're a family, You're a unit. You come home
and you you start your day in the morning off
from home, and you come home at night to home
to your family, whether they're sleeping or not.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
Fair enough. Thank you, Lindsey.
Speaker 5 (11:50):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
Have a good daybody, Yes, thank you you too. Hi Phil,
Good morning Phil. How you doing.
Speaker 4 (11:55):
I'm good? How are you guys?
Speaker 1 (11:56):
Hey, I'm doing great. If you just tuned in.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
This woman is concerned or or once to know if
she should be concerned because her husband of a long time,
who's been making at least an hour drive each way
to and from work, has decided that he wants to
get an apartment or something closer to work so that
he's not making that drive every single day because it's
wearing him out and he thinks he's having a negative
effect on his life. He doesn't get to see his
(12:19):
family on those days anyway. And so the debate is
is this good or a bad idea? What do you think?
Speaker 4 (12:24):
So I've been doing this for fifteen years. I have
an apartment up in the city. But my home is
three hours away, so the commute is that's not possible.
But we have four kids, we've been married for twenty
nine years and it works. But because of the distance,
it's impossible. Now given their circumstances with him only being
(12:45):
an hour away, and if they can afford rent or
buying in the city, my suggestion would be for him
to contract a black car service that he could call
when he's ready to come home, because then he's not
doing the driving. Then he can work the drive in
and he can work the drive out, but then he's
home every night with with his kids. You know, the
(13:05):
problem that we see nowadays is everybody says you have
to have a work life balance, and that means you
balance life around work, and that's that's wrong. You should
have a life work balance where you balance work around
life because those kids are going to be grown up
and out of the house much faster than any time
he's going to spend griping about the commute back and forth.
If they've got the money and it's only an hour,
(13:27):
If it was three hours, I would say, yeah, absolutely,
But if it's only an hour, he should contract a
black car service that can pick him up and deliver
him back and forth every single day, because there's cars
out there that will do that. But additionally, in my industry,
I've seen a lot of guys try this, and what
happens is they gain an independence on their own and
(13:48):
they start creating a life on their own outside of
the life they should be having with their family.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Yeah, that's an issue. Obviously, that would be a serious issue.
Speaker 4 (13:56):
When it gets dangerous. But given the fact that he's
only an hour away, I would say that to save
I mean not only to be there for his wife,
but to be there for his family and to live
like we work to live, we don't live to work,
And so he needs to prioritize it, and he needs
to put the money into hiring someone to pick him
(14:17):
up at his house and take the load off of
him driving, drive him into the city, and when he's
done on a late night, have someone drive him home.
But you know what, he's going to be at home
at night, and he's going to be at home in
the morning and his kids will at least know he
was present.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
Thank you, Phil, that's a good idea. Thanks man. Have
a good day, a life coach. It feels good. I'm tired.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
I just my issue is if the argument is that
he's going he's going to cheat, or he's going to
disconnect her, he's going to do all these bad things.
I don't necessarily think that's the reason not to do this,
because if you're in a relationship and you trust the
person that you're we talk about this all the time.
It's like, just because he has a place in the
city does not mean that he's to someone's point on
he wants to stab in cabin someone texted, It's not
(15:00):
necessarily And if they can establish boundaries again, you know,
ground rules on this, Hey, once a week, okay, twice
a week maybe under these circumstances for these things. If
they can come up with that on their own and
then they can stick to it, then I don't think
this is inherently a problem. But if maybe it goes
outside those lines and then maybe she has to reel
(15:22):
it back in, I don't know. But just for the
argument for everybody going, well, he's not at home at night,
then he's not this, and he's not that.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
I don't know, that's not fair. Hey, Misty, Hey, I
missed you. Good morning, Good morning, how are you guys?
Speaker 2 (15:37):
Hey?
Speaker 1 (15:37):
Great? What'd you want to say?
Speaker 7 (15:39):
So, Okay, my husband and I we've been together for
twenty years.
Speaker 9 (15:44):
We have a beautiful little seventeen year old almost eighteen
year old, and he's been a truck driver for the past, oh,
I don't know, fifteen years or so, and you know,
he is rarely.
Speaker 7 (15:55):
Home during the week and everything. Do I automatically assume
he's cheating.
Speaker 8 (16:00):
Absolutely not, because I mean you.
Speaker 7 (16:03):
Have to have like that trust. He does come home
once in a while when he can, you know, pops
in each shower, sleeps a little bit, whatever he can do.
But on the weekend he's always there, taking care of
things that have to be done around the house and
taking care of his family.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Okay, yeah, he does feel.
Speaker 7 (16:25):
Bad sometimes that you know, he can't be around and
he can't be like involved in like a lot of
her stuff because you know, now that she's growing up
and she's not the college and everything, it's a little
bit harder. But the man is busting it is behind
working in everything to provide for our family. And now
one single time have we thought or have I even
thought that he's cheating. Now, if he's going to, well,
(16:48):
good luck to him, because God only knows what could happen.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
But yeah, people are people have much more creative ways
to chieve than to say, you know, to announce they're
getting an apartment to stay in the city, if that's
the concern.
Speaker 9 (16:58):
Exactly, And I mean, mind's.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
A so I mean he's got a bed right there
in the cab right how convenient.
Speaker 7 (17:08):
Exactly, But like I said, he does come home when
he can, and I mean he's always providing and everything
for us and stuff, and I mean he's still taking
care of stuff.
Speaker 4 (17:16):
Around the house.
Speaker 7 (17:17):
So I mean it's just I mean, you can't automatically
assume that you know they're going to cheat on you.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Yeah, thank you, miss, have a great day.
Speaker 7 (17:24):
Thank you you as well.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
Glad you call a problem solve boom here you go
think compared, that's no idea. It is the thief of joy.
Speaker 10 (17:30):
So like we should never whether it be at work,
comparing who works harder, whether it be in your relationship.
Until you walk in someone choose, you just don't know.
And so why are we going down that slipper? Like
what where's the respect for people? And how you know,
I don't know what your day is like, but we
we both have to do things to contribute so I
don't know.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
I think it's a slippery slope.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
The Entertainment Report is next. You have to drake in
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