February 25, 2025 • 19 mins
Melanie is conflicted after her partner started taking antidepressants. He's in a better place mentally, but unfortunately he has created a side effect that she's not too happy with. Find out what it is!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
The frend show is on. It's Stay or Go.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
So we called Melanie because she wrote us, We booked her.
We booked the lady who emailed us. We called her
A dude answered, yes, pretty sure, it's the dude we're
talking about right now. So let's just we're just gonna
I'm gonna tell you the story getting weird, right, Like,
I didn't want to tell him, Hey, we're about to
talk about your you know, bedroom prowess or lack thereof,
(00:25):
but now we are.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
So we didn't tell him that.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
We should have been, like, hey, she wrote us this
note about you, and she wanted us to talk about
you on the radio for millions of people. But how
about we just talk to you about it instead?
Speaker 3 (00:34):
Right?
Speaker 1 (00:34):
What do you think? Right?
Speaker 2 (00:36):
So this is the scenario that she laid out for us.
A woman named Melanie who we now can't get a
hold of. She is married, and apparently this dude went
on medication to help with anxiety and depression. The meads
are working for him, which is wonderful, but they have
lowered his intimacy drive drastically, and so will leave it there.
(01:00):
Anyone who's ever been on an antidepressant knows this is
a possible side effect. There are a number of them.
There can be issues with drive, there can be issues
with arousal. Is that a nice form a medical way
of saying, because you know, I'm not currently licensed, but
we're working to get it back. But anyway, that that's
(01:20):
the issue, I guess she said she's happy that he
feels better psychologically, but physical intimacy is extremely important to
her and she doesn't want to be in a relationship
without it. When she brings it up, her husband gets
defensive and asks why she would want him off medication
that is helping him. Even though he says hits the medication.
(01:41):
She can't help but feel like he is not attracted
to her anymore.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
What should she do back?
Speaker 2 (01:47):
I can tell you this scenario back in the day
before I realized I maybe wasn't supposed to be taking
certain medicines and I stopped for different reasons. I can
relate to this because it does do a little number
on the drive. And as much as you'd show somebody like, look,
here are the actual side effects. Let's look at their website,
(02:08):
like this is real stuff here that happens when you
take certain It doesn't even have to be psychological medication.
It could be in a number of different medications. But
you know, medication can change people's what we'll call them sexual.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
What's the word.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
I'm trying to come up with a nice way of
saying it. It can change the way that people perform
in the bedroom. And so, but it's easy to get
inside your head about that, right and be like, well,
of course this has to be about me. You know,
everybody else I've been with, this is how they act,
and this is what happens. But again, the physiological results
or repercussions or whatever you want to call them of
(02:46):
taking medicine, the side effects are real, and so you know,
you have to weigh in this case, this is helping
him feel better as a human being day in and
day out, but it is affecting the bedroom stuff, and
it's making her feel self conscious. I might argue that
while that sucks or doesn't, that's not really fair for
(03:07):
her to necessarily put that on him, because he's saying,
I'm taking this medicine, this is what's doing it, This
makes me feel better. Why are we making this about you?
You know, why are we making Why do I have
Why do I now have to defend my attraction to
you because I need to do something that I think
is better for my life. And you know, he could
probably go to the doctor and see if the dosing
is right, or see if there's an alternative. Oftentimes you
(03:30):
can offset one with another. I mean, there are different
things you can do, and maybe he's done that. But
I don't necessarily think it's fair that when he can.
I mean, it's scientifically proven that these are the effects
that whatever kind of medicine. I think there are other
medicines that do this too. I don't think it's just
stuff for anxiety and depression. I think other medicines can
cause different kinds of side effects. It could be detrimental
(03:53):
to that part of your life. I don't think it's
fair for her to be like, well, he doesn't he
doesn't think I'm attractive anymore, when that may have absolut
there's no proof of that.
Speaker 4 (04:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (04:03):
I can only speak for what I would do, and
I would not leave my husband over this at all.
Like I would be so proud of my husband for
figuring out what's going on with him or trying to
work through his issues getting medicated.
Speaker 4 (04:14):
Like get it.
Speaker 5 (04:15):
I would work with him through this entire process. Let
him get comfortable with the meds and figure it out,
and then we can focus on getting our sex life
back popping. Like most importantly for me in that relationship
is my partner's mental health. Like, so I would sacrifice
anything to know that my partner is mentally feeling much
better before.
Speaker 4 (04:33):
I'm worried about like why you're.
Speaker 5 (04:34):
Not trying to take me down, you know, Like it's
so much bigger than that. So I can only say
what I would do. I would not leave my husband
over this.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
I feel like That's what she's saying to him basically, though,
is this makes me feel insecure, which I'm sorry about, right,
I don't. I'm sure he doesn't intend for that.
Speaker 4 (04:49):
No, but you're trying to get healthy.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Essentially, I would rather. I'd almost rather that I feel
attractive and you not be comfortable in your everyday life.
That's whether she means to say that or not. That's
what she's saying essentially, is I feel insecure. You may
have a good reason for it, I don't really care.
I don't want to feel insecure, so I need you
back the way you were. And if that's not, if
(05:13):
that doesn't, if your quality of life suffers from that.
Then sorry, at least I feel wanted. I mean, I'm sorry,
but that's the way that comes off to me. And
it is unfortunate that he has these issues and that
the medicine is causing these issues to his libido. Thank
you for the people who texted that was the word
I was looking for. But yet I and that is
a problem. I realize that's a huge problem. But I
(05:34):
think you have to ask yourself, what's a bigger problem
My partner living every day with crippling anxiety or ruminating
or overthinking or you know, I don't know, whatever it is,
or me being reinforced that I'm actually attractive. I don't
mean to minimize it, but let's be honest here, that's
(05:54):
what we're saying.
Speaker 6 (05:55):
So is it like, I mean, I'm saying this as
someone who's on antidepressant, so obviously I am on his side.
But is it like a wait and see, like do
we just wait for a while while you get stabled
and then we try a different medication or is it
are we agreeing we're not really going to have that intimacy?
Speaker 5 (06:10):
Ever, I say, wait and see, wait and see, and
then there's other options somebody on the text mentioned like
there's a lot of other things you can do that
may not you know, you can you can get freaky
other ways basically like you know, I don't want to
name all the way, but it's.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
Freaky freaky, like to hear it.
Speaker 4 (06:33):
That's for the tangent, but.
Speaker 6 (06:37):
Boiled trim with me because that's more importable, you know,
like we can talk about other ways to please me
later once you get healthy.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Okay, yeah, and just quickly eight five five five one
three five if you want to check in on this,
on this situation.
Speaker 3 (06:51):
Yes, Paulina, I'm curious, like not even talking about the
sex life, but does the medication affect you in other ways?
Either our our caller's boyfriend or like people who or
on it, like Kaylen, Like does it affect you know
the other ways?
Speaker 4 (07:02):
Like when I was taking stuff.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
For because I'm add they were giving me something to
take right and I was just a full on zombie
all day.
Speaker 4 (07:09):
Nothing to do with my sex life.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
But I just didn't like how I felt sleep.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
I mean there's a ton of side effects sleeping sweating, okay, uh,
poor poor sleeping appetite. I mean there's a million different
things and Unfortunately, they don't all show up in everybody consistently,
and there's not there's not a clear path to, you know,
knowing what's gonna happen, knowing what medicine is going to
do what, and then knowing how to upset it.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
It can be tricky. Yeah, it can be tricky, of.
Speaker 4 (07:34):
Course, and it probably is.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
And I only suggest this if it's affecting his day
to day, right, maybe he's losing his personality or whatever
it might be.
Speaker 7 (07:42):
Right.
Speaker 6 (07:43):
I think that's a misconception that a lot of people think.
If you take antidepressants, a lot of people think, oh,
it's gonna numb you out. It's gonna numb you out.
And and yes some of them can. Obviously that would
be the wrong medication. They're wrong dosage. You know me,
I am not numb, I cry, I'm happy, I can
get angry, like I have, all the range of emotions. Absolutely,
So if it's numbing you out or making you a
zombie like adderall for example, or whatever which is mine,
(08:04):
you should switch medication.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
It shouldn't make you like that.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
It probably needs to at least examine tweaking into the
dosage you're trying. I mean, is he that would be
my question, is he trying different things? Because I'm sure,
And that's another thing that people don't seem to take
into consideration.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
I bet he don't like it either. You know. Another
issue that people have.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Hypothetically is that they are excited to be there there's
just no finish, and that throws people off too, because
it's like, oh, you know, I can't we can't get
to the end. And it's like, trust me, I would
love it, you know what I mean. I'm trying to.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
Get there now.
Speaker 4 (08:44):
I'm a people. Please. They don't even play with me
like that.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
You know, I'm not saying for me, like I'm not
saying this is easy, and it would mess with me too.
But if I love someone and I've seen the effects
of whatever they're dealing with, whatever their medical condition is,
it doesn't have to be psychological. And you're telling me
this medicine makes your life better, which I think will
ultimately make my life better, then I got to be
(09:08):
more understanding than I want to be because it's not
about me. And I think once you start projecting, oh
I'm unattractive or I'm not good in bead or I'm
not doing this it's just so unfair because this is
this isn't up for interpretation. It's scientific, like, this is
what the medicine does. It's been proven.
Speaker 6 (09:24):
Yeah, I would like to tell her if I could
talk to her again, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
She guy and tell him. I would like to tell
him without a boner.
Speaker 6 (09:31):
Oh, there is a mouth swab that they offer now
that shows you how you metabolize each medication. So it
gives you a green zone, a yellow zone, and a
red zone. Do not take a might work for you?
And will you can metabolize this?
Speaker 4 (09:42):
I did that.
Speaker 6 (09:43):
It helped me on my journey of knowing what works
best for me, So that's helpful.
Speaker 4 (09:47):
That's also an.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Option I feel for both of them.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
I just think it's like, please, don't make this something
that it probably isn't.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
Right, make it about you it sort of Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
It's like like, so now I have to now I
have to deal with this and prove to you that
I'm still attracted to you even though I am and
always have been, or I have to just deal with
my condition, whatever it is, and then I guess you'll
feel better. I don't know about that. Hey Elizabeth, Hi,
Hi Elizabeth, Hey good morning. What do you want to say.
Speaker 4 (10:18):
Mine.
Speaker 8 (10:18):
I'm totally anti farmed, so I don't like any of
the pharmacuticals for a myriad of reasons. And also I'm
like the grandma of You're thirteen, so I'm at that
age and my body is physically changing. And I also
had a relap sublime see red at the end of
COVID and my guy he kind of stopped wanting to
(10:39):
touch me and stuff.
Speaker 9 (10:40):
I thought it would be as well, but.
Speaker 10 (10:42):
He said, I didn't know how you were a pained
you for.
Speaker 8 (10:46):
Having emultions and all that, but he didn't want to
lead you.
Speaker 11 (10:49):
But I didn't want to crush it.
Speaker 8 (10:51):
And that was like a year ago, and it's like
in the last couple of months that it's been back agreed.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
So I say, see, okay, so you're saying, let's see
how this. Let's just be patient and see over time
if things change or you know, make adjustments.
Speaker 10 (11:07):
If you love him and understand that he's going to
do something to not be so.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Okay, thank you, Elizabeth, have a good day, and we
don't care. You can be one hundred as long as
you're part of the thirteen. It doesn't it all, It
all counts and it all matters. Hi, Michael, Hey Michael,
So you can relate to this.
Speaker 12 (11:29):
I can.
Speaker 13 (11:30):
I'm in a similar situation with my partner. He's been
on anxiety depression meds for quite a while, and you know,
it's it's hard because it's it's a no win situation,
you know, I think instinctially or everybody longs to want
(11:50):
to have that feelings. I can sympathize with her because
this is for me, has been going on for quite
some time, and I choose to stay. But it's not
an easy it's not an easy tasp to stay because
I say, because I love him and I understand that
it's not his fault.
Speaker 9 (12:09):
But if she chooses to stay, it's going to take
a lot of work.
Speaker 13 (12:15):
To continue to say.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Yeah, I'm sure it's not easy, but I would encourage
her not to make this about her because it isn't.
It probably isn't.
Speaker 9 (12:26):
I agree, it's not about her, but you can't fight that.
That feeling of even if you take it a step further,
just wanting to have you know, more sex or your
sex drives is obviously still normal and healthy. So that
that makes it very hard to kind of process everything.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Yeah, yeah, thank you, have a good day. Glad you called.
Speaker 4 (12:52):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
Well, I'm not trying to be vague, but you know,
I'm a pilot and there's a whole list of things
we're not allowed to take as pilots. And I didn't
know that at much younger in my life, and so
I don't anymore. But I may have and I have
been in relationships whe people basically have said to me,
stop taking it because I need that gosh who. And
I'll be honest with you, it was the end of
the relationship when that happened, because what you're saying to
(13:14):
me is I don't care about your quality of life.
I need to feel wanted more and you're not. And
you're so not only are you not fulfilling me, but
I'm not concerned with your well being. Is what the
person saying to you, whether they mean it or not.
And I get I'm sorry that people feel that way
when someone's not feeling well or going through a bodily
(13:35):
transition or a life transition, or the taking medicine and
has side effects. That sucks. I'm sorry, But isn't that
sort of the nature of a relationship. Is that if
I'm working to try and fix it. And I am
trying my best to make you feel wanted. Don't you
want what's best for me?
Speaker 1 (13:50):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (13:51):
Yeah, but I do think as partners, we do have
to have a plan in place, because my feelings matter too.
Speaker 4 (13:56):
And I just I'm getting this from the tech.
Speaker 5 (13:57):
Somebody said that they were in this situation and it's
in five years that they haven't really been intimate because
of the same reason, and she's like, well, how much
longer should I wait?
Speaker 4 (14:06):
That's the real thing.
Speaker 5 (14:07):
And as a partner, you have to work together, so
you know, put his mental health first right now, but
you know, come together for a game plan in the
future to kind of figure out how you can please
your partner because years, five.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
Years, no intimacy. And by the way, I don't know
that we're talking about no intimacy.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
I hope.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
I mean, I think we're talking about different intimacy or
more limited or some of the things we've talked about.
No intimacy, intimacy in five years.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
That's tough. Yeah, that is, that's really difficult.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
You're gonna have to I would agree, you got to
figure out some kind of work around.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
Hey Jamie, Hi guy, Hi, good morning. What do you
want to say.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
This is to a woman who we basically we wind
up calling the guy that we're talking about right now,
and then we pretended that we were a telemarketer and
we start speaking of touent less right, And so basically,
though this guy is on some medication that's affecting his libido,
and this woman's upset about it, and she said, I
don't feel as attractive anymore, even though I know he's
on the meds, and like, I don't know what to do.
Speaker 7 (14:58):
What do you think, Well, I've been on anxiety medicine
for a long time, and this was an issue for
me to lowered text drive, and of course it was
brought up and I was really offended and hurt, and
it was an issue for a while, and then thankfully
I switched medicine so I could get pregnant. And now
(15:22):
this medicine is the right one for me because everything
has returned to normal. But she definitely needs to give him,
like time to figure that out and face to breathe
and just feel good for a while before this becomes
an issue that she would leave him over.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
Yeah, I agree, I agree. Thank you, Jamie, have a
great day. Thanks for listening.
Speaker 13 (15:45):
Terrill.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
Appreciate you sharing. People have texted birth control can do
this too. I've actually read about women changing birth control
and becoming essentially resistant to their partner, like all of
a sudden, they don't smell good or they don't like
going off.
Speaker 6 (15:59):
That can do that to Some of my friends have
experienced that.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Like where all of a sudden, there it's like they're
somehow revolted by the very same thing they were attracted
to prior because of pheromones or hormones or something, and
it's like that's a problem, right, we got to work
through that somehow. But I mean to say, like, well,
you better take those hormones to make me feel I
mean again, five years, that's a long time. But from
my reaction to be initially, I don't care what's best
(16:23):
for you or your body because I don't feel wanted.
That's not the way to approach it. I don't think, Hey, Cassandra, Hi, Hi,
So you're coming at this from the perspective of a
mental health therapist.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
What do you think?
Speaker 11 (16:36):
Yeah, So I've actually worked with clients and I have
pron all experience. I used to be on anti anxiety
medication and depression medication before I think she's being incredibly
selfish in this situation, and I know that sounds very harsh. However,
I believe she needs to do some self exploration as
(16:57):
to like why this is making her feel so insecure.
And the beautiful thing about like medication and therapy is
that it could be done like in tandem, so he
could potentially get to the point like if he goes
to therapy, he gets the coping skills for his anxiety
and depression, and he gets to the point where I'm like.
Speaker 12 (17:15):
Like, hey, like I feel like I don't need to
be on medication anymore. That's very much a possibility, but
that work needs to be done prior to that happening,
so that way he has that foundation in place, he
has all.
Speaker 11 (17:28):
Those tools in place to help him with his day
to day life.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Yeah, Cassandra, thank you, have a good day, you too,
Thank you. Love you guys, Yeah, I love you too.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Again, I don't mean to make it seem like her
needs don't matter, but again, I think when you from
personal experience, when you approach somebody with Okay, well, this
isn't working for me, even though it's best for you,
and we're talking about your health and your and your
quality of life. We're not talking about, uh, you know,
whether you cut your all your hair off or shave
your beard off, or change your job. You know, we're
(18:00):
not talking about things that are I'm not going to
call them trivial, but things that can be adjusted or
there's compromise. I mean, again, do you want me to
live this way forever? If I need this, or do
you want to or do you need me to reinforce that?
I like you, I'm with you, I want to be here,
I want to do those And I think by by
taking that perspective, you're also not giving any consideration to
(18:23):
this person and how they probably feel about that, because
trust me, it's not fun. It's not fun to do
the deal and not get the deal at the end,
you know, the deal and then not the deal.
Speaker 4 (18:33):
Familiar with both deals.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
I want the deal, the deal, the deal. How do
you think I feel? Are you getting the deal?
Speaker 4 (18:41):
That would be that's torture.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
Like yeah, when I was like, you know, twenty and
a strong wind would come by and it, you know,
was over, I really would have I would have dreamed
for that scenario.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
You're right over there, she's crying and.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
Deal man, Well, no, I get the deal. This is
this is this is old news, like the deal has been.
I got the dough, I found the dal No, I
don't say I found out I wasn't supposed to be
doing that. I'm not doing that, and I figured out
other ways. I did therapy and whatever else. Excuse me,
professional coaching. I mean I go to professional coaching.
Speaker 6 (19:12):
OK, You've got a lot of rules and regulations.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
I'm just I don't know. I'm gonna.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
I'm just here so I don't get fined. Let's see
the entertainer report next. In two minutes, she'll be Shelley.
If you want to take her on, five hundred bucks.
Is the price eight five, five, five nine one three
five Call now we'll play next Frend Show
The frend show is on. It's Stay or Go.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
So we called Melanie because she wrote us, We booked her.
We booked the lady who emailed us. We called her
A dude answered, yes, pretty sure, it's the dude we're
talking about right now. So let's just we're just gonna
I'm gonna tell you the story getting weird, right, Like,
I didn't want to tell him, Hey, we're about to
talk about your you know, bedroom prowess or lack thereof,
(00:25):
but now we are.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
So we didn't tell him that.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
We should have been, like, hey, she wrote us this
note about you, and she wanted us to talk about
you on the radio for millions of people. But how
about we just talk to you about it instead?
Speaker 3 (00:34):
Right?
Speaker 1 (00:34):
What do you think? Right?
Speaker 2 (00:36):
So this is the scenario that she laid out for us.
A woman named Melanie who we now can't get a
hold of. She is married, and apparently this dude went
on medication to help with anxiety and depression. The meads
are working for him, which is wonderful, but they have
lowered his intimacy drive drastically, and so will leave it there.
(01:00):
Anyone who's ever been on an antidepressant knows this is
a possible side effect. There are a number of them.
There can be issues with drive, there can be issues
with arousal. Is that a nice form a medical way
of saying, because you know, I'm not currently licensed, but
we're working to get it back. But anyway, that that's
(01:20):
the issue, I guess she said she's happy that he
feels better psychologically, but physical intimacy is extremely important to
her and she doesn't want to be in a relationship
without it. When she brings it up, her husband gets
defensive and asks why she would want him off medication
that is helping him. Even though he says hits the medication.
(01:41):
She can't help but feel like he is not attracted
to her anymore.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
What should she do back?
Speaker 2 (01:47):
I can tell you this scenario back in the day
before I realized I maybe wasn't supposed to be taking
certain medicines and I stopped for different reasons. I can
relate to this because it does do a little number
on the drive. And as much as you'd show somebody like, look,
here are the actual side effects. Let's look at their website,
(02:08):
like this is real stuff here that happens when you
take certain It doesn't even have to be psychological medication.
It could be in a number of different medications. But
you know, medication can change people's what we'll call them sexual.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
What's the word.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
I'm trying to come up with a nice way of
saying it. It can change the way that people perform
in the bedroom. And so, but it's easy to get
inside your head about that, right and be like, well,
of course this has to be about me. You know,
everybody else I've been with, this is how they act,
and this is what happens. But again, the physiological results
or repercussions or whatever you want to call them of
(02:46):
taking medicine, the side effects are real, and so you know,
you have to weigh in this case, this is helping
him feel better as a human being day in and
day out, but it is affecting the bedroom stuff, and
it's making her feel self conscious. I might argue that
while that sucks or doesn't, that's not really fair for
(03:07):
her to necessarily put that on him, because he's saying,
I'm taking this medicine, this is what's doing it, This
makes me feel better. Why are we making this about you?
You know, why are we making Why do I have
Why do I now have to defend my attraction to
you because I need to do something that I think
is better for my life. And you know, he could
probably go to the doctor and see if the dosing
is right, or see if there's an alternative. Oftentimes you
(03:30):
can offset one with another. I mean, there are different
things you can do, and maybe he's done that. But
I don't necessarily think it's fair that when he can.
I mean, it's scientifically proven that these are the effects
that whatever kind of medicine. I think there are other
medicines that do this too. I don't think it's just
stuff for anxiety and depression. I think other medicines can
cause different kinds of side effects. It could be detrimental
(03:53):
to that part of your life. I don't think it's
fair for her to be like, well, he doesn't he
doesn't think I'm attractive anymore, when that may have absolut
there's no proof of that.
Speaker 4 (04:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (04:03):
I can only speak for what I would do, and
I would not leave my husband over this at all.
Like I would be so proud of my husband for
figuring out what's going on with him or trying to
work through his issues getting medicated.
Speaker 4 (04:14):
Like get it.
Speaker 5 (04:15):
I would work with him through this entire process. Let
him get comfortable with the meds and figure it out,
and then we can focus on getting our sex life
back popping. Like most importantly for me in that relationship
is my partner's mental health. Like, so I would sacrifice
anything to know that my partner is mentally feeling much
better before.
Speaker 4 (04:33):
I'm worried about like why you're.
Speaker 5 (04:34):
Not trying to take me down, you know, Like it's
so much bigger than that. So I can only say
what I would do. I would not leave my husband
over this.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
I feel like That's what she's saying to him basically, though,
is this makes me feel insecure, which I'm sorry about, right,
I don't. I'm sure he doesn't intend for that.
Speaker 4 (04:49):
No, but you're trying to get healthy.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Essentially, I would rather. I'd almost rather that I feel
attractive and you not be comfortable in your everyday life.
That's whether she means to say that or not. That's
what she's saying essentially, is I feel insecure. You may
have a good reason for it, I don't really care.
I don't want to feel insecure, so I need you
back the way you were. And if that's not, if
(05:13):
that doesn't, if your quality of life suffers from that.
Then sorry, at least I feel wanted. I mean, I'm sorry,
but that's the way that comes off to me. And
it is unfortunate that he has these issues and that
the medicine is causing these issues to his libido. Thank
you for the people who texted that was the word
I was looking for. But yet I and that is
a problem. I realize that's a huge problem. But I
(05:34):
think you have to ask yourself, what's a bigger problem
My partner living every day with crippling anxiety or ruminating
or overthinking or you know, I don't know, whatever it is,
or me being reinforced that I'm actually attractive. I don't
mean to minimize it, but let's be honest here, that's
(05:54):
what we're saying.
Speaker 6 (05:55):
So is it like, I mean, I'm saying this as
someone who's on antidepressant, so obviously I am on his side.
But is it like a wait and see, like do
we just wait for a while while you get stabled
and then we try a different medication or is it
are we agreeing we're not really going to have that intimacy?
Speaker 5 (06:10):
Ever, I say, wait and see, wait and see, and
then there's other options somebody on the text mentioned like
there's a lot of other things you can do that
may not you know, you can you can get freaky
other ways basically like you know, I don't want to
name all the way, but it's.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
Freaky freaky, like to hear it.
Speaker 4 (06:33):
That's for the tangent, but.
Speaker 6 (06:37):
Boiled trim with me because that's more importable, you know,
like we can talk about other ways to please me
later once you get healthy.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Okay, yeah, and just quickly eight five five five one
three five if you want to check in on this,
on this situation.
Speaker 3 (06:51):
Yes, Paulina, I'm curious, like not even talking about the
sex life, but does the medication affect you in other ways?
Either our our caller's boyfriend or like people who or
on it, like Kaylen, Like does it affect you know
the other ways?
Speaker 4 (07:02):
Like when I was taking stuff.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
For because I'm add they were giving me something to
take right and I was just a full on zombie
all day.
Speaker 4 (07:09):
Nothing to do with my sex life.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
But I just didn't like how I felt sleep.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
I mean there's a ton of side effects sleeping sweating, okay, uh,
poor poor sleeping appetite. I mean there's a million different
things and Unfortunately, they don't all show up in everybody consistently,
and there's not there's not a clear path to, you know,
knowing what's gonna happen, knowing what medicine is going to
do what, and then knowing how to upset it.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
It can be tricky. Yeah, it can be tricky, of.
Speaker 4 (07:34):
Course, and it probably is.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
And I only suggest this if it's affecting his day
to day, right, maybe he's losing his personality or whatever
it might be.
Speaker 7 (07:42):
Right.
Speaker 6 (07:43):
I think that's a misconception that a lot of people think.
If you take antidepressants, a lot of people think, oh,
it's gonna numb you out. It's gonna numb you out.
And and yes some of them can. Obviously that would
be the wrong medication. They're wrong dosage. You know me,
I am not numb, I cry, I'm happy, I can
get angry, like I have, all the range of emotions. Absolutely,
So if it's numbing you out or making you a
zombie like adderall for example, or whatever which is mine,
(08:04):
you should switch medication.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
It shouldn't make you like that.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
It probably needs to at least examine tweaking into the
dosage you're trying. I mean, is he that would be
my question, is he trying different things? Because I'm sure,
And that's another thing that people don't seem to take
into consideration.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
I bet he don't like it either. You know. Another
issue that people have.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Hypothetically is that they are excited to be there there's
just no finish, and that throws people off too, because
it's like, oh, you know, I can't we can't get
to the end. And it's like, trust me, I would
love it, you know what I mean. I'm trying to.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
Get there now.
Speaker 4 (08:44):
I'm a people. Please. They don't even play with me
like that.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
You know, I'm not saying for me, like I'm not
saying this is easy, and it would mess with me too.
But if I love someone and I've seen the effects
of whatever they're dealing with, whatever their medical condition is,
it doesn't have to be psychological. And you're telling me
this medicine makes your life better, which I think will
ultimately make my life better, then I got to be
(09:08):
more understanding than I want to be because it's not
about me. And I think once you start projecting, oh
I'm unattractive or I'm not good in bead or I'm
not doing this it's just so unfair because this is
this isn't up for interpretation. It's scientific, like, this is
what the medicine does. It's been proven.
Speaker 6 (09:24):
Yeah, I would like to tell her if I could
talk to her again, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
She guy and tell him. I would like to tell
him without a boner.
Speaker 6 (09:31):
Oh, there is a mouth swab that they offer now
that shows you how you metabolize each medication. So it
gives you a green zone, a yellow zone, and a
red zone. Do not take a might work for you?
And will you can metabolize this?
Speaker 4 (09:42):
I did that.
Speaker 6 (09:43):
It helped me on my journey of knowing what works
best for me, So that's helpful.
Speaker 4 (09:47):
That's also an.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Option I feel for both of them.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
I just think it's like, please, don't make this something
that it probably isn't.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
Right, make it about you it sort of Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
It's like like, so now I have to now I
have to deal with this and prove to you that
I'm still attracted to you even though I am and
always have been, or I have to just deal with
my condition, whatever it is, and then I guess you'll
feel better. I don't know about that. Hey Elizabeth, Hi,
Hi Elizabeth, Hey good morning. What do you want to say.
Speaker 4 (10:18):
Mine.
Speaker 8 (10:18):
I'm totally anti farmed, so I don't like any of
the pharmacuticals for a myriad of reasons. And also I'm
like the grandma of You're thirteen, so I'm at that
age and my body is physically changing. And I also
had a relap sublime see red at the end of
COVID and my guy he kind of stopped wanting to
(10:39):
touch me and stuff.
Speaker 9 (10:40):
I thought it would be as well, but.
Speaker 10 (10:42):
He said, I didn't know how you were a pained
you for.
Speaker 8 (10:46):
Having emultions and all that, but he didn't want to
lead you.
Speaker 11 (10:49):
But I didn't want to crush it.
Speaker 8 (10:51):
And that was like a year ago, and it's like
in the last couple of months that it's been back agreed.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
So I say, see, okay, so you're saying, let's see
how this. Let's just be patient and see over time
if things change or you know, make adjustments.
Speaker 10 (11:07):
If you love him and understand that he's going to
do something to not be so.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Okay, thank you, Elizabeth, have a good day, and we
don't care. You can be one hundred as long as
you're part of the thirteen. It doesn't it all, It
all counts and it all matters. Hi, Michael, Hey Michael,
So you can relate to this.
Speaker 12 (11:29):
I can.
Speaker 13 (11:30):
I'm in a similar situation with my partner. He's been
on anxiety depression meds for quite a while, and you know,
it's it's hard because it's it's a no win situation,
you know, I think instinctially or everybody longs to want
(11:50):
to have that feelings. I can sympathize with her because
this is for me, has been going on for quite
some time, and I choose to stay. But it's not
an easy it's not an easy tasp to stay because
I say, because I love him and I understand that
it's not his fault.
Speaker 9 (12:09):
But if she chooses to stay, it's going to take
a lot of work.
Speaker 13 (12:15):
To continue to say.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Yeah, I'm sure it's not easy, but I would encourage
her not to make this about her because it isn't.
It probably isn't.
Speaker 9 (12:26):
I agree, it's not about her, but you can't fight that.
That feeling of even if you take it a step further,
just wanting to have you know, more sex or your
sex drives is obviously still normal and healthy. So that
that makes it very hard to kind of process everything.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Yeah, yeah, thank you, have a good day. Glad you called.
Speaker 4 (12:52):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
Well, I'm not trying to be vague, but you know,
I'm a pilot and there's a whole list of things
we're not allowed to take as pilots. And I didn't
know that at much younger in my life, and so
I don't anymore. But I may have and I have
been in relationships whe people basically have said to me,
stop taking it because I need that gosh who. And
I'll be honest with you, it was the end of
the relationship when that happened, because what you're saying to
(13:14):
me is I don't care about your quality of life.
I need to feel wanted more and you're not. And
you're so not only are you not fulfilling me, but
I'm not concerned with your well being. Is what the
person saying to you, whether they mean it or not.
And I get I'm sorry that people feel that way
when someone's not feeling well or going through a bodily
(13:35):
transition or a life transition, or the taking medicine and
has side effects. That sucks. I'm sorry, But isn't that
sort of the nature of a relationship. Is that if
I'm working to try and fix it. And I am
trying my best to make you feel wanted. Don't you
want what's best for me?
Speaker 1 (13:50):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (13:51):
Yeah, but I do think as partners, we do have
to have a plan in place, because my feelings matter too.
Speaker 4 (13:56):
And I just I'm getting this from the tech.
Speaker 5 (13:57):
Somebody said that they were in this situation and it's
in five years that they haven't really been intimate because
of the same reason, and she's like, well, how much
longer should I wait?
Speaker 4 (14:06):
That's the real thing.
Speaker 5 (14:07):
And as a partner, you have to work together, so
you know, put his mental health first right now, but
you know, come together for a game plan in the
future to kind of figure out how you can please
your partner because years, five.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
Years, no intimacy. And by the way, I don't know
that we're talking about no intimacy.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
I hope.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
I mean, I think we're talking about different intimacy or
more limited or some of the things we've talked about.
No intimacy, intimacy in five years.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
That's tough. Yeah, that is, that's really difficult.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
You're gonna have to I would agree, you got to
figure out some kind of work around.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
Hey Jamie, Hi guy, Hi, good morning. What do you
want to say.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
This is to a woman who we basically we wind
up calling the guy that we're talking about right now,
and then we pretended that we were a telemarketer and
we start speaking of touent less right, And so basically,
though this guy is on some medication that's affecting his libido,
and this woman's upset about it, and she said, I
don't feel as attractive anymore, even though I know he's
on the meds, and like, I don't know what to do.
Speaker 7 (14:58):
What do you think, Well, I've been on anxiety medicine
for a long time, and this was an issue for
me to lowered text drive, and of course it was
brought up and I was really offended and hurt, and
it was an issue for a while, and then thankfully
I switched medicine so I could get pregnant. And now
(15:22):
this medicine is the right one for me because everything
has returned to normal. But she definitely needs to give him,
like time to figure that out and face to breathe
and just feel good for a while before this becomes
an issue that she would leave him over.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
Yeah, I agree, I agree. Thank you, Jamie, have a
great day. Thanks for listening.
Speaker 13 (15:45):
Terrill.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
Appreciate you sharing. People have texted birth control can do
this too. I've actually read about women changing birth control
and becoming essentially resistant to their partner, like all of
a sudden, they don't smell good or they don't like
going off.
Speaker 6 (15:59):
That can do that to Some of my friends have
experienced that.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Like where all of a sudden, there it's like they're
somehow revolted by the very same thing they were attracted
to prior because of pheromones or hormones or something, and
it's like that's a problem, right, we got to work
through that somehow. But I mean to say, like, well,
you better take those hormones to make me feel I
mean again, five years, that's a long time. But from
my reaction to be initially, I don't care what's best
(16:23):
for you or your body because I don't feel wanted.
That's not the way to approach it. I don't think, Hey, Cassandra, Hi, Hi,
So you're coming at this from the perspective of a
mental health therapist.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
What do you think?
Speaker 11 (16:36):
Yeah, So I've actually worked with clients and I have
pron all experience. I used to be on anti anxiety
medication and depression medication before I think she's being incredibly
selfish in this situation, and I know that sounds very harsh. However,
I believe she needs to do some self exploration as
(16:57):
to like why this is making her feel so insecure.
And the beautiful thing about like medication and therapy is
that it could be done like in tandem, so he
could potentially get to the point like if he goes
to therapy, he gets the coping skills for his anxiety
and depression, and he gets to the point where I'm like.
Speaker 12 (17:15):
Like, hey, like I feel like I don't need to
be on medication anymore. That's very much a possibility, but
that work needs to be done prior to that happening,
so that way he has that foundation in place, he
has all.
Speaker 11 (17:28):
Those tools in place to help him with his day
to day life.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Yeah, Cassandra, thank you, have a good day, you too,
Thank you. Love you guys, Yeah, I love you too.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Again, I don't mean to make it seem like her
needs don't matter, but again, I think when you from
personal experience, when you approach somebody with Okay, well, this
isn't working for me, even though it's best for you,
and we're talking about your health and your and your
quality of life. We're not talking about, uh, you know,
whether you cut your all your hair off or shave
your beard off, or change your job. You know, we're
(18:00):
not talking about things that are I'm not going to
call them trivial, but things that can be adjusted or
there's compromise. I mean, again, do you want me to
live this way forever? If I need this, or do
you want to or do you need me to reinforce that?
I like you, I'm with you, I want to be here,
I want to do those And I think by by
taking that perspective, you're also not giving any consideration to
(18:23):
this person and how they probably feel about that, because
trust me, it's not fun. It's not fun to do
the deal and not get the deal at the end,
you know, the deal and then not the deal.
Speaker 4 (18:33):
Familiar with both deals.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
I want the deal, the deal, the deal. How do
you think I feel? Are you getting the deal?
Speaker 4 (18:41):
That would be that's torture.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
Like yeah, when I was like, you know, twenty and
a strong wind would come by and it, you know,
was over, I really would have I would have dreamed
for that scenario.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
You're right over there, she's crying and.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
Deal man, Well, no, I get the deal. This is
this is this is old news, like the deal has been.
I got the dough, I found the dal No, I
don't say I found out I wasn't supposed to be
doing that. I'm not doing that, and I figured out
other ways. I did therapy and whatever else. Excuse me,
professional coaching. I mean I go to professional coaching.
Speaker 6 (19:12):
OK, You've got a lot of rules and regulations.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
I'm just I don't know. I'm gonna.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
I'm just here so I don't get fined. Let's see
the entertainer report next. In two minutes, she'll be Shelley.
If you want to take her on, five hundred bucks.
Is the price eight five, five, five nine one three
five Call now we'll play next Frend Show
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An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.