March 4, 2025 • 20 mins
Haley and her husband have been saving money to help build up their savings account. The couple have been cutting back on unnecessary spending until her husband randomly comes home with a $60,000 truck... Fred and the crew weigh in on Haley's predicament.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Fread Show is on. It's stay or go. All right,
Haley is here for some relationship advice. Good morning, Haley, welcome, Hey,
good morning, Hailey. What's going on? Fill us in with
everything here, because you know, again, the right thing to
do when you're in a predicament in your relationship is
to call the radio show. And I joke about that
(00:20):
all the time, except you've got a bunch of different
perspectives here. You've got seventeen people on this show, so
surely someone will give you advice that's that's worthwhile. Probably
not me, but maybe somebody else. Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Yeah, okay, Well, I've been married to my husband for
about three years and we don't have any kids. We
both work full time and we make a okay money,
but we don't have any like substantial savings or you know,
(00:53):
money saved up, do you?
Speaker 1 (00:54):
OKAYLN sixty six dollars for a bachelor party. No, it's
not me, because I was going to handle this right
now myself and shame you publicly. I was going to
stone you in the square until you right exactly. Okay,
So all right, I'm sorry. Continue, Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
So recently my husband Sam brought up the fact that
like we should start saving more, and I agree, like
that makes sense, we should have savings put away. So
we decided we were going to like stop stop unnecessary spindhu,
stop boring takeout, and just like even pause. We normally
(01:36):
have regular date nights, and we haven't been doing those
for like the last couple of months now. So then
here's where the problem comes in a little bit, after
we have this conversation about saving beside to cut back,
my husband comes home with a brand new sixty truck.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Oh no he didn't, Wow, Oh no he didn't.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
So I'm extremely pissed that he didn't talk to me
before making such a big urshes. And then I'm also
just hurt that I was also saving. I was also
putting in THEBS and apparently we don't even have enough
(02:21):
money for him to take me our usual date night.
But then he can go buy that's hugely expensive.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
New car, and you could argue, I mean, he could say, well,
it's not that much more than a car I had
before or whatever. But if you're trying to save money,
uh you know it developed like a nest egg or
some savings or whatever, then pay the car off that
you've got as opposed to starting the clock over again,
and then you can use the excess to save, you know.
So for the people saying well, I don't know, I
(02:50):
mean maybe he didn't cost that much more, maybe he
got a good deal or whatever, my thing would be
pay that, you know, if in fact you're trying to save,
then don't go out and go spend more money, you know,
for the foreseeable future five years however long. The loan
is like paying the car off that you have, and
then you've got extra cash to save. But no, that's
(03:11):
not what he wanted to do, and he didn't talk
to you about this. He just went and did it.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Right, So now I'm like, well, or are we just
savings so he could go buy some truck?
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Now?
Speaker 3 (03:22):
Right?
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Did he keep me into this? I don't, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
What did you What did he say to you? When
I'm sure you said, oh, because I don't even care
if you're saving or if you have if you're making
a conscious effort to do this. I mean, I would
imagine I'm not in a relationship, but if I would
imagine if I were in a relationship where finances were involved,
that that would be something, especially if there wasn't a
lot of extra money, and we were making a conscious
(03:48):
effort to say but I would imagine that's not something
that you just go do on your own without talking
to someone, Like if you're co mingling funds, I probably
don't go buy a sixty thousand dollars car without consulting
with you first. But so what what does he say
for himself?
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Yeah, so we have a joint account. This was not
you know, you can't argue Ah with his money, he
can do whatever he wants. Like, we put him to
the same account and he just went and spent the
money and I told him, you know.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
This was not okay.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Obviously this spends sixteen thousand dollars without talking to me.
And he really didn't have a good answer. He's just like, well,
you can't control me, and you know I needed a
new car and you knew that, which I didn't. I
don't think he did need a new car, but whatever,
this is his reasoning, and we're.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Like the wheels falling off the thing, like does someone
steal the engine? Like what what I mean? So he
doesn't have a legitimate argument for that.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Then no, you guys mentioned numerous times that he would
like to get a truck, but we've never talked in
detail about going to get one anytime. It was like, yeah, okay, yeah,
maybe someday, Yeah, maybe when you need a new car
or something. I had no idea he was going to
go do it right.
Speaker 4 (04:56):
Wow, that's crazy though, to say you can't control me
or tell me what to sir, we are married. It's
not about controlling you. It's about literally talking things over.
It's a huge purchase and a really big deal and
where is my date nights?
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Well, okay, does he show this kind of behavior normally,
Like is he typically someone who only thinks of himself
or is this kind of a rare occurrence.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
No, I was really surprised. I mean normally he doesn't
really normally spend a lot of money. I did most
of the shopping things, and I talked to him if
I'm going to make a big purchase. I don't think
he's ever you know, probably laid a big purchase by himself.
So no, this was really random.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
So what are you gonna do? I mean, I know
you're calling us to get feedback, but I mean, is
this something where you're you're like, this was so inconsiderate,
Like we're cutting corners here and not focusing on things
that like I don't know, trips together or date nights
or just little things, you know, and eating out and
just small luxuries. We're cutting back on this so that
(06:01):
you can have a car. That's not what we talked about.
Like maybe if you'd agreed to that, Hey I need
a new car. You know, my car isn't reliable, I
got to get to work whatever. Okay, well we'll cut
back on stuff so that you can you know, accomplish that.
That's a reasonable conversation. I'm sure happens in relationships all
the time, or hey, we need a new air conditioner
or whatever it is. But in this case, he just
went and did this that talking to you, I mean,
(06:23):
is it something where you're thinking, I don't even know
if I want to be with this guy.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
I mean, honestly, yeah, because it's like I said, we
don't make a ton of money. Like a sixty thousand
dollars truck is not something I would have ever even considered.
It's just way too much. So now he's crippling us
financially just because he wanted a truck and didn't give
(06:48):
me any opportunity to weigh in like this is going
to affect us financially for literally years, the comp a songs.
He's making these car payments, and I don't think it's
fair to me. So I don't get to ever get
take out, go out and get cars, have date nights
or whatever so that I can support this truck.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
I don't blame you, Hayley, I don't, but eight five
five five nine one three five you can context the
same number. I feel like this is a pretty relatable
story because I do know in relationships where people are
sharing funds that you know, sometimes people have different priorities
and disagree with how the money should be spent. And
I do think that's the kind of thing that you
want to establish before you marry somebody or get into
(07:25):
a relationship where you're com mingling funds. Do you guys
have the same philosophy about money that The challenging thing
here is it sounds like you do, and it sounds
like normally he does the right thing, or at least
thus far, but in this case he definitely didn't. And
I really don't know what you do. I mean, I
guess you could divorce the guy, leave him whatever, But
I don't really know how you rectify this, because he
(07:48):
did it already. This is kind of like that SNL skit,
Remember the SNL like the fake Lexus commercial where the
guy was like, look, honey, I bought you Alexis you
know it's just exept to remember or whatever, and she's like,
we're broke, and he's like, but it was a low
apor it's like APR like. And then it turns out
(08:09):
that you know, his wife's messing around with the neighbor
and he borrowed the money to get in there. And
it's if you haven't seen it, I'm sure it's on
TikTok or YouTube or whatever, but this sounds to me like,
but at least that car was for her, Uh, this
car is for him. So I guess what prevents him
from saying, you know what, I now I want a
new watch or now I want this or that, because
I guess, I just I don't know how you correct
(08:30):
this behavior. I guess is where I'm going.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Yeah, And well, I mean it's not like you can
just go return the truck as soon as he drove
it off the lot, so she appreciated the value. There's
I'm just concerned, Like I said, that now we're going
to be in a bad spot financially for literally years.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
Maybe he sets you guys back, and it's not like
you can go buy a new car and say, well, fine,
you got one, I got one, because then that just
exacerbates the problem. Now you've just got more debt, so
you can't even really make it even per se.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
Yeah, there's really that's that's the stressful thing is there's
really nothing I can do to fix this. So it's
just like, this is this the life I want? Do
I want to have to?
Speaker 1 (09:13):
You know?
Speaker 2 (09:13):
Because like I said, we were cutting out basically any
little luxuries to quote unquote saves aka apparently afford this truck.
So it's just do I want to have to live
like that until this thing is payed off?
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Haley, I'm gonna take some phone calls, keep the radio
or the iHeart app on it unless see what people say,
Cause I do think there are people that can relate
to this, and I'd be curious to hear how they
handle it. But thank you for calling. Good luck?
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Hey? Thanks?
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Yeah, So eight five five one three five Haley's calling
stair go because they were consciously they had decided as
a couple consciously to save money. So they had some
savings and they had agreed how they were going to
do that, and they were going to cut back on
a bunch of stuff. They did that, you know, date nights,
and I thinks that probably would make them closer as
a couple, things that they enjoyed doing together. And then
this guy goes out and buys a new car, brand
(09:57):
new car, without consulting her. And it's like, wait a minute,
I thought we were saving and it's not even like
we were. We were having to cut back on luxuries
in order to do this, and then you go do that.
Micah him Michael, good morning, Good morning, Hiation, good morning,
thanks for calling, Thanks for listening. You've been through this. Yeah,
(10:18):
what happened. Yeah, so.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
My then boyfriend, I mean I got engaged like a
month and a half ago, but my boyfriend at the
time we lived together, his car got stolen, so maybe
a little bit of a different situation. But he went
out and got a Mustang, like a nice, like very
expensive must It was giving like midlife crisis like scenario,
(10:45):
and it was a payment that like I knew, was
stretching him and like we hadn't fully combined our finances yet,
but we're on our way there. And I said to
him multiple multiple times, like, this is not a smart idea.
You know, this is not a smart idea. He went
and did it anyway, fast forward. He proposed as Then
(11:08):
I was like, all right, we got to talk about
the Mustang.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
And he actually he he lives.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
You know, because we talked it out, you know, and
I was like, look, we've got to pay for a
wedding coming out, like we have other priorities. He traded
it in for something that was a lower payment that
he was still happy in.
Speaker 5 (11:24):
And so my point is.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
Like, yes, i'd just been through this, but like I
think listening to the scenario, like it's her reaction to
be like should I leave him? Sounds like this didn't
happen like in a vacuum like this, This wasn't the
first time that she's he's given her reason to like question,
like first of all, just being considerate of her trust
(11:48):
to like all that kind of stuff. So I think
if there was a really solid foundation of trust and communication,
this wouldn't be like a stay or go question. But
it sounds like there may be, isn't that and so
therefore or.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Like a huge event like this.
Speaker 5 (12:04):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
I just think that needs to be evaluated.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Like and she, oh, oh he cut off your phone
now to pay for the Mustang? And what happens? Oh Michael,
you went away? Oh now you're back again. Oh no,
you you cut out because I think your I think
your husband's trying to cut off your cell phone, uh,
to pay for a water ski a jet ski. But
what so do you feel like he learned from that?
(12:29):
And do you feel like you know the behavior has
been adjusted, like it won't happen again.
Speaker 3 (12:35):
Oh yeah, oh yeah, Like granted, his dog had just died,
seasonal depression was hitting hard, So I think the Mustang
was like a product of a lot of other things. Okay,
but no, we're We've got like some great communication going.
And yes, I think he learned his lessons.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
Well good hey, Micah, I'm glad, and thank you for calling.
Have a good day.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
I love you guys, thank you for listening to love
you too. This is why I say all the time
and again, the guy who is not in a relationship,
it never is, gives the relationship advice. But I do
think it's so important that when people get together that
they're on the same page about you know, saving or whatever,
because I think those are habits that are really hard
to change. You know, people who are just used to
(13:17):
just buying stuff worrying about it later, and you know,
get with somebody who's really financially conscious and saves a lot.
You know. I feel like this is the kind of
thing that you could run into Sarah, Hey, good morning,
Good morning.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Hi.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
What do you think, Sarago? I think she should go Why?
Speaker 6 (13:36):
Because I think when somebody when you sit down and
have a conversation and you come to an agreement and
then they go ahead and do completely opposite of what
you actually sat and talked about, it's going to continue
to happen.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
Yeah, that was my question to her, is what prevents
this from happening again? He already did it once and
that was a big purchase. That's a lot of money.
Speaker 6 (13:56):
Well, and not only that, it's like, okay, well she
stayed this time, right, And it doesn't ever even have
to be with money. It can be anything in a relationship.
Speaker 5 (14:04):
Right.
Speaker 6 (14:05):
So I just feel like once it's like okay, I
got that wiggle room in Yeah, she's mad, but she'll
get over it. Cool, we can move on. So unless
they actually go and they work on their communication with
somebody else, I don't think it's going to change. I
think this could be the start of a much bigger issue.
And finances in a marriage are huge in communication.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
Yeah, I would agree with you. Thank you, Sarah.
Speaker 6 (14:28):
Yes, thanks, have a great day.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
Yeah you too, thank you. Well, here we go this.
I knew this was coming. Hi, Jen, Hi, how are you? Hegan?
Good morning? So this woman called us stay or go
and they were she's married, and they were in this
relationship and they talked about saving and they needed money
in the bank and they didn't have any, and they
were cutting back on all kinds of things. And then
dude goes down and buys a brand new sixty thousand
(14:51):
dollars car. And she's like, wait a minute, I'm not
going to Starbucks, we're not going on date nights, we're
not taking trips together. We decided this together. And then
you go on and spend a bunch of money. What
do you think, why all of.
Speaker 7 (15:04):
A sudden is he changing his character? She said that
this is totally out of the ordinary for him and
their marriage, and normally it sounds like, you know, they
have pretty good communication, and then all of a sudden
he goes and does this behind her back. That to
me is a clear cut sign that something else is
going on, especially the finger pointing.
Speaker 5 (15:22):
You're trying to control me. I've been there, done that,
I've seen it, and.
Speaker 7 (15:26):
I've had somebody do it to me. As soon as
they start pointing the finger and making you the enemy,
like you're trying to do something to hold them back,
there's something else going on underneath there so might not
have gone as far as like actually meeting, but talking internet.
Speaker 5 (15:40):
You know, she needs the chin, his phone, she needs
to do something for check thought.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
So he's cheating, you're saying he's at least emotionally cheating.
And the new girl's like, I don't like your car.
You better get a brand new truck or else, and
then himself.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
The other girl.
Speaker 7 (15:57):
Yeah, I don't even think it's the other girl telling
him that. I think it's just can go of, like
I can do what I want. And this is almost
a catalyst of Hey, this might kiss her off, but
who cares. A husband doesn't do that. You know, he
knows their situation, he knows what he told her. He's
either trying to start something or he feels inflated by
something else and now feels this sense of like entitlement
(16:19):
that he can do this and.
Speaker 5 (16:20):
Nobody's going to tell him what to do. And as
soon as that starts, there's something else underneath that interesting.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Thank you so much, Jen, have a good day, no problem,
And Zach, you're listening. Pauline, I don't. You said it before,
so I don't. I'm not calling you out, but I
know that you've mentioned that you and Hovey have pretty
different financial pass and attitudes about spending, and you guys
have kind of gotten it together. But I mean, how
do you How do you do it? And you've been
together for a while now, I mean does it come up? Well,
(16:47):
it's more like how does Hobby do it?
Speaker 4 (16:49):
Because I am the one, like you said, that buys
and then thinks about it later. Yeah, yesterday I bought
a new vacuum. Didn't need it, but in my head
I was like, I need I'll figure out later. And
him and I bump heads a lot because he's trying
to be the one that saves and is responsible and
he wants me to get on board with.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
That, and it is hard.
Speaker 4 (17:04):
It is like we've cut things out too, just because
I'm like, I don't wanna, I don't know. I want
to be more financially stable, but also I want to
be more financially responsible and teach my.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Daughter the same thing. And I'm I'm on board with that.
Speaker 4 (17:16):
But here's the thing. If I came home with a
brand new drug or he did without consulting and it's
all about talking to each other, and he took away
my hooters or my muddy school's dates, then I would
be there'd be hell to pay because like, at the
end of the day, I look at it as like, Okay,
so priority to you was getting this new car. You
didn't talk to me about it, but she wanted this car.
Like I look at underneath what's going on, Like, you know,
is he acting out?
Speaker 1 (17:37):
Is he trying to show me something?
Speaker 4 (17:38):
Is he trying to show me I'm the big man
in the house, Like I don't know, there's something underneath.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
That it's super inconsiderate to do this and don't take
away her mad East Coast Man, not the sea fo.
I love my date night. Absolutely not. Hey Jane, Jane,
Wait are you Jane? You're Jane? Well, it says Jane,
you might if I Jane anyway, So Jean jang to
(18:03):
still be it Bellahamine whatever, God bless her. So she's
going fast. What you've been through this sadly? And and
what's your experience?
Speaker 5 (18:13):
I just had a miscarriage and my act Now I'm sorry,
thank you. But what had happened was he when he
took the money to go by himself a vehicle, and
not a vehicle but a full wheeler. And then later
on down the road he did something similar that once
that I didn't know about. And the thing once that
got me that she said the big red, huge red
(18:35):
flag was when she said he was like, you can't
control me. You know, I'm going you know this, I'm
going to do what I want. That is manipulation. That
is a big time red flag manipulation and without some
type of therapy and him addressing his issues. But what
he's doing to her isn't fair. So by trying to gaslighter,
that's basically a way of saying, I know what I
(18:56):
did was wrong, but now I'm going to put it
on you. This is a grown man that doesn't even
want to be accountable. And you know, maybe he's never
done anything like this before, but maybe now he's starting
to show who he really is, because we're not talking
about a vacuum, you know, we're talking about sixty thousand
(19:18):
dollars that is going to be able to hurt their
ability to have a date night, you know, just the
little stuff. And he just didn't care, you know, and
that is not the sign of an emotionally mature around
a person. And you know, she has to ask herself,
do I want to you know, try and see if
he's going to start being accountable. But with what he
(19:39):
said to her, I don't think he's anywhere near ready.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
But I didn't didn't tell you I've got it. Yeah,
I got it. And he should be more thoughtful about
what you're going through and not adding that extra stress
and steadis he's thinking about himself. Hey, Jeene Jane, thank you,
have a good day. Bye bye, Thank you for calling.
Thank you for listening. Jean Jane, love you. Yeah. I
think she should divorce him, take take half the money,
and then go buy herself like a cyber truck or something. Yes,
(20:06):
I like it, you know, just something obnoxious. Get it
wrapped with pictures of his face on it. There's you know,
dollar bills or I'm not sure you know, just something
something outrageous, right, But this.
Speaker 4 (20:14):
Is why you always need a separate account on the
side that he doesn't know about.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
You're not They're not ready to that conversation.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
They're not ready read.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
So let me just be clear, like she should extort
money from them and that's better them.
Speaker 5 (20:27):
You think I'm kidding me.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
Makes perfect sense, Yet no, you guys are on it.
I don't even know why. We just say that twenty
minutes ago and end the segment. Kiki is up next.
Reread show
The Fread Show is on. It's stay or go. All right,
Haley is here for some relationship advice. Good morning, Haley, welcome, Hey,
good morning, Hailey. What's going on? Fill us in with
everything here, because you know, again, the right thing to
do when you're in a predicament in your relationship is
to call the radio show. And I joke about that
(00:20):
all the time, except you've got a bunch of different
perspectives here. You've got seventeen people on this show, so
surely someone will give you advice that's that's worthwhile. Probably
not me, but maybe somebody else. Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Yeah, okay, Well, I've been married to my husband for
about three years and we don't have any kids. We
both work full time and we make a okay money,
but we don't have any like substantial savings or you know,
(00:53):
money saved up, do you?
Speaker 1 (00:54):
OKAYLN sixty six dollars for a bachelor party. No, it's
not me, because I was going to handle this right
now myself and shame you publicly. I was going to
stone you in the square until you right exactly. Okay,
So all right, I'm sorry. Continue, Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
So recently my husband Sam brought up the fact that
like we should start saving more, and I agree, like
that makes sense, we should have savings put away. So
we decided we were going to like stop stop unnecessary spindhu,
stop boring takeout, and just like even pause. We normally
(01:36):
have regular date nights, and we haven't been doing those
for like the last couple of months now. So then
here's where the problem comes in a little bit, after
we have this conversation about saving beside to cut back,
my husband comes home with a brand new sixty truck.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Oh no he didn't, Wow, Oh no he didn't.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
So I'm extremely pissed that he didn't talk to me
before making such a big urshes. And then I'm also
just hurt that I was also saving. I was also
putting in THEBS and apparently we don't even have enough
(02:21):
money for him to take me our usual date night.
But then he can go buy that's hugely expensive.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
New car, and you could argue, I mean, he could say, well,
it's not that much more than a car I had
before or whatever. But if you're trying to save money,
uh you know it developed like a nest egg or
some savings or whatever, then pay the car off that
you've got as opposed to starting the clock over again,
and then you can use the excess to save, you know.
So for the people saying well, I don't know, I
(02:50):
mean maybe he didn't cost that much more, maybe he
got a good deal or whatever, my thing would be
pay that, you know, if in fact you're trying to save,
then don't go out and go spend more money, you know,
for the foreseeable future five years however long. The loan
is like paying the car off that you have, and
then you've got extra cash to save. But no, that's
(03:11):
not what he wanted to do, and he didn't talk
to you about this. He just went and did it.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Right, So now I'm like, well, or are we just
savings so he could go buy some truck?
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Now?
Speaker 3 (03:22):
Right?
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Did he keep me into this? I don't, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
What did you What did he say to you? When
I'm sure you said, oh, because I don't even care
if you're saving or if you have if you're making
a conscious effort to do this. I mean, I would
imagine I'm not in a relationship, but if I would
imagine if I were in a relationship where finances were involved,
that that would be something, especially if there wasn't a
lot of extra money, and we were making a conscious
(03:48):
effort to say but I would imagine that's not something
that you just go do on your own without talking
to someone, Like if you're co mingling funds, I probably
don't go buy a sixty thousand dollars car without consulting
with you first. But so what what does he say
for himself?
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Yeah, so we have a joint account. This was not
you know, you can't argue Ah with his money, he
can do whatever he wants. Like, we put him to
the same account and he just went and spent the
money and I told him, you know.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
This was not okay.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Obviously this spends sixteen thousand dollars without talking to me.
And he really didn't have a good answer. He's just like, well,
you can't control me, and you know I needed a
new car and you knew that, which I didn't. I
don't think he did need a new car, but whatever,
this is his reasoning, and we're.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Like the wheels falling off the thing, like does someone
steal the engine? Like what what I mean? So he
doesn't have a legitimate argument for that.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Then no, you guys mentioned numerous times that he would
like to get a truck, but we've never talked in
detail about going to get one anytime. It was like, yeah, okay, yeah,
maybe someday, Yeah, maybe when you need a new car
or something. I had no idea he was going to
go do it right.
Speaker 4 (04:56):
Wow, that's crazy though, to say you can't control me
or tell me what to sir, we are married. It's
not about controlling you. It's about literally talking things over.
It's a huge purchase and a really big deal and
where is my date nights?
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Well, okay, does he show this kind of behavior normally,
Like is he typically someone who only thinks of himself
or is this kind of a rare occurrence.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
No, I was really surprised. I mean normally he doesn't
really normally spend a lot of money. I did most
of the shopping things, and I talked to him if
I'm going to make a big purchase. I don't think
he's ever you know, probably laid a big purchase by himself.
So no, this was really random.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
So what are you gonna do? I mean, I know
you're calling us to get feedback, but I mean, is
this something where you're you're like, this was so inconsiderate,
Like we're cutting corners here and not focusing on things
that like I don't know, trips together or date nights
or just little things, you know, and eating out and
just small luxuries. We're cutting back on this so that
(06:01):
you can have a car. That's not what we talked about.
Like maybe if you'd agreed to that, Hey I need
a new car. You know, my car isn't reliable, I
got to get to work whatever. Okay, well we'll cut
back on stuff so that you can you know, accomplish that.
That's a reasonable conversation. I'm sure happens in relationships all
the time, or hey, we need a new air conditioner
or whatever it is. But in this case, he just
went and did this that talking to you, I mean,
(06:23):
is it something where you're thinking, I don't even know
if I want to be with this guy.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
I mean, honestly, yeah, because it's like I said, we
don't make a ton of money. Like a sixty thousand
dollars truck is not something I would have ever even considered.
It's just way too much. So now he's crippling us
financially just because he wanted a truck and didn't give
(06:48):
me any opportunity to weigh in like this is going
to affect us financially for literally years, the comp a songs.
He's making these car payments, and I don't think it's
fair to me. So I don't get to ever get
take out, go out and get cars, have date nights
or whatever so that I can support this truck.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
I don't blame you, Hayley, I don't, but eight five
five five nine one three five you can context the
same number. I feel like this is a pretty relatable
story because I do know in relationships where people are
sharing funds that you know, sometimes people have different priorities
and disagree with how the money should be spent. And
I do think that's the kind of thing that you
want to establish before you marry somebody or get into
(07:25):
a relationship where you're com mingling funds. Do you guys
have the same philosophy about money that The challenging thing
here is it sounds like you do, and it sounds
like normally he does the right thing, or at least
thus far, but in this case he definitely didn't. And
I really don't know what you do. I mean, I
guess you could divorce the guy, leave him whatever, But
I don't really know how you rectify this, because he
(07:48):
did it already. This is kind of like that SNL skit,
Remember the SNL like the fake Lexus commercial where the
guy was like, look, honey, I bought you Alexis you
know it's just exept to remember or whatever, and she's like,
we're broke, and he's like, but it was a low
apor it's like APR like. And then it turns out
(08:09):
that you know, his wife's messing around with the neighbor
and he borrowed the money to get in there. And
it's if you haven't seen it, I'm sure it's on
TikTok or YouTube or whatever, but this sounds to me like,
but at least that car was for her, Uh, this
car is for him. So I guess what prevents him
from saying, you know what, I now I want a
new watch or now I want this or that, because
I guess, I just I don't know how you correct
(08:30):
this behavior. I guess is where I'm going.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Yeah, And well, I mean it's not like you can
just go return the truck as soon as he drove
it off the lot, so she appreciated the value. There's
I'm just concerned, Like I said, that now we're going
to be in a bad spot financially for literally years.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
Maybe he sets you guys back, and it's not like
you can go buy a new car and say, well, fine,
you got one, I got one, because then that just
exacerbates the problem. Now you've just got more debt, so
you can't even really make it even per se.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
Yeah, there's really that's that's the stressful thing is there's
really nothing I can do to fix this. So it's
just like, this is this the life I want? Do
I want to have to?
Speaker 1 (09:13):
You know?
Speaker 2 (09:13):
Because like I said, we were cutting out basically any
little luxuries to quote unquote saves aka apparently afford this truck.
So it's just do I want to have to live
like that until this thing is payed off?
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Haley, I'm gonna take some phone calls, keep the radio
or the iHeart app on it unless see what people say,
Cause I do think there are people that can relate
to this, and I'd be curious to hear how they
handle it. But thank you for calling. Good luck?
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Hey? Thanks?
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Yeah, So eight five five one three five Haley's calling
stair go because they were consciously they had decided as
a couple consciously to save money. So they had some
savings and they had agreed how they were going to
do that, and they were going to cut back on
a bunch of stuff. They did that, you know, date nights,
and I thinks that probably would make them closer as
a couple, things that they enjoyed doing together. And then
this guy goes out and buys a new car, brand
(09:57):
new car, without consulting her. And it's like, wait a minute,
I thought we were saving and it's not even like
we were. We were having to cut back on luxuries
in order to do this, and then you go do that.
Micah him Michael, good morning, Good morning, Hiation, good morning,
thanks for calling, Thanks for listening. You've been through this. Yeah,
(10:18):
what happened. Yeah, so.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
My then boyfriend, I mean I got engaged like a
month and a half ago, but my boyfriend at the
time we lived together, his car got stolen, so maybe
a little bit of a different situation. But he went
out and got a Mustang, like a nice, like very
expensive must It was giving like midlife crisis like scenario,
(10:45):
and it was a payment that like I knew, was
stretching him and like we hadn't fully combined our finances yet,
but we're on our way there. And I said to
him multiple multiple times, like, this is not a smart idea.
You know, this is not a smart idea. He went
and did it anyway, fast forward. He proposed as Then
(11:08):
I was like, all right, we got to talk about
the Mustang.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
And he actually he he lives.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
You know, because we talked it out, you know, and
I was like, look, we've got to pay for a
wedding coming out, like we have other priorities. He traded
it in for something that was a lower payment that
he was still happy in.
Speaker 5 (11:24):
And so my point is.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
Like, yes, i'd just been through this, but like I
think listening to the scenario, like it's her reaction to
be like should I leave him? Sounds like this didn't
happen like in a vacuum like this, This wasn't the
first time that she's he's given her reason to like question,
like first of all, just being considerate of her trust
(11:48):
to like all that kind of stuff. So I think
if there was a really solid foundation of trust and communication,
this wouldn't be like a stay or go question. But
it sounds like there may be, isn't that and so
therefore or.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Like a huge event like this.
Speaker 5 (12:04):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
I just think that needs to be evaluated.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Like and she, oh, oh he cut off your phone
now to pay for the Mustang? And what happens? Oh Michael,
you went away? Oh now you're back again. Oh no,
you you cut out because I think your I think
your husband's trying to cut off your cell phone, uh,
to pay for a water ski a jet ski. But
what so do you feel like he learned from that?
(12:29):
And do you feel like you know the behavior has
been adjusted, like it won't happen again.
Speaker 3 (12:35):
Oh yeah, oh yeah, Like granted, his dog had just died,
seasonal depression was hitting hard, So I think the Mustang
was like a product of a lot of other things. Okay,
but no, we're We've got like some great communication going.
And yes, I think he learned his lessons.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
Well good hey, Micah, I'm glad, and thank you for calling.
Have a good day.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
I love you guys, thank you for listening to love
you too. This is why I say all the time
and again, the guy who is not in a relationship,
it never is, gives the relationship advice. But I do
think it's so important that when people get together that
they're on the same page about you know, saving or whatever,
because I think those are habits that are really hard
to change. You know, people who are just used to
(13:17):
just buying stuff worrying about it later, and you know,
get with somebody who's really financially conscious and saves a lot.
You know. I feel like this is the kind of
thing that you could run into Sarah, Hey, good morning,
Good morning.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Hi.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
What do you think, Sarago? I think she should go Why?
Speaker 6 (13:36):
Because I think when somebody when you sit down and
have a conversation and you come to an agreement and
then they go ahead and do completely opposite of what
you actually sat and talked about, it's going to continue
to happen.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
Yeah, that was my question to her, is what prevents
this from happening again? He already did it once and
that was a big purchase. That's a lot of money.
Speaker 6 (13:56):
Well, and not only that, it's like, okay, well she
stayed this time, right, And it doesn't ever even have
to be with money. It can be anything in a relationship.
Speaker 5 (14:04):
Right.
Speaker 6 (14:05):
So I just feel like once it's like okay, I
got that wiggle room in Yeah, she's mad, but she'll
get over it. Cool, we can move on. So unless
they actually go and they work on their communication with
somebody else, I don't think it's going to change. I
think this could be the start of a much bigger issue.
And finances in a marriage are huge in communication.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
Yeah, I would agree with you. Thank you, Sarah.
Speaker 6 (14:28):
Yes, thanks, have a great day.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
Yeah you too, thank you. Well, here we go this.
I knew this was coming. Hi, Jen, Hi, how are you? Hegan?
Good morning? So this woman called us stay or go
and they were she's married, and they were in this
relationship and they talked about saving and they needed money
in the bank and they didn't have any, and they
were cutting back on all kinds of things. And then
dude goes down and buys a brand new sixty thousand
(14:51):
dollars car. And she's like, wait a minute, I'm not
going to Starbucks, we're not going on date nights, we're
not taking trips together. We decided this together. And then
you go on and spend a bunch of money. What
do you think, why all of.
Speaker 7 (15:04):
A sudden is he changing his character? She said that
this is totally out of the ordinary for him and
their marriage, and normally it sounds like, you know, they
have pretty good communication, and then all of a sudden
he goes and does this behind her back. That to
me is a clear cut sign that something else is
going on, especially the finger pointing.
Speaker 5 (15:22):
You're trying to control me. I've been there, done that,
I've seen it, and.
Speaker 7 (15:26):
I've had somebody do it to me. As soon as
they start pointing the finger and making you the enemy,
like you're trying to do something to hold them back,
there's something else going on underneath there so might not
have gone as far as like actually meeting, but talking internet.
Speaker 5 (15:40):
You know, she needs the chin, his phone, she needs
to do something for check thought.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
So he's cheating, you're saying he's at least emotionally cheating.
And the new girl's like, I don't like your car.
You better get a brand new truck or else, and
then himself.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
The other girl.
Speaker 7 (15:57):
Yeah, I don't even think it's the other girl telling
him that. I think it's just can go of, like
I can do what I want. And this is almost
a catalyst of Hey, this might kiss her off, but
who cares. A husband doesn't do that. You know, he
knows their situation, he knows what he told her. He's
either trying to start something or he feels inflated by
something else and now feels this sense of like entitlement
(16:19):
that he can do this and.
Speaker 5 (16:20):
Nobody's going to tell him what to do. And as
soon as that starts, there's something else underneath that interesting.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Thank you so much, Jen, have a good day, no problem,
And Zach, you're listening. Pauline, I don't. You said it before,
so I don't. I'm not calling you out, but I
know that you've mentioned that you and Hovey have pretty
different financial pass and attitudes about spending, and you guys
have kind of gotten it together. But I mean, how
do you How do you do it? And you've been
together for a while now, I mean does it come up? Well,
(16:47):
it's more like how does Hobby do it?
Speaker 4 (16:49):
Because I am the one, like you said, that buys
and then thinks about it later. Yeah, yesterday I bought
a new vacuum. Didn't need it, but in my head
I was like, I need I'll figure out later. And
him and I bump heads a lot because he's trying
to be the one that saves and is responsible and
he wants me to get on board with.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
That, and it is hard.
Speaker 4 (17:04):
It is like we've cut things out too, just because
I'm like, I don't wanna, I don't know. I want
to be more financially stable, but also I want to
be more financially responsible and teach my.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Daughter the same thing. And I'm I'm on board with that.
Speaker 4 (17:16):
But here's the thing. If I came home with a
brand new drug or he did without consulting and it's
all about talking to each other, and he took away
my hooters or my muddy school's dates, then I would
be there'd be hell to pay because like, at the
end of the day, I look at it as like, Okay,
so priority to you was getting this new car. You
didn't talk to me about it, but she wanted this car.
Like I look at underneath what's going on, Like, you know,
is he acting out?
Speaker 1 (17:37):
Is he trying to show me something?
Speaker 4 (17:38):
Is he trying to show me I'm the big man
in the house, Like I don't know, there's something underneath.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
That it's super inconsiderate to do this and don't take
away her mad East Coast Man, not the sea fo.
I love my date night. Absolutely not. Hey Jane, Jane,
Wait are you Jane? You're Jane? Well, it says Jane,
you might if I Jane anyway, So Jean jang to
(18:03):
still be it Bellahamine whatever, God bless her. So she's
going fast. What you've been through this sadly? And and
what's your experience?
Speaker 5 (18:13):
I just had a miscarriage and my act Now I'm sorry,
thank you. But what had happened was he when he
took the money to go by himself a vehicle, and
not a vehicle but a full wheeler. And then later
on down the road he did something similar that once
that I didn't know about. And the thing once that
got me that she said the big red, huge red
(18:35):
flag was when she said he was like, you can't
control me. You know, I'm going you know this, I'm
going to do what I want. That is manipulation. That
is a big time red flag manipulation and without some
type of therapy and him addressing his issues. But what
he's doing to her isn't fair. So by trying to gaslighter,
that's basically a way of saying, I know what I
(18:56):
did was wrong, but now I'm going to put it
on you. This is a grown man that doesn't even
want to be accountable. And you know, maybe he's never
done anything like this before, but maybe now he's starting
to show who he really is, because we're not talking
about a vacuum, you know, we're talking about sixty thousand
(19:18):
dollars that is going to be able to hurt their
ability to have a date night, you know, just the
little stuff. And he just didn't care, you know, and
that is not the sign of an emotionally mature around
a person. And you know, she has to ask herself,
do I want to you know, try and see if
he's going to start being accountable. But with what he
(19:39):
said to her, I don't think he's anywhere near ready.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
But I didn't didn't tell you I've got it. Yeah,
I got it. And he should be more thoughtful about
what you're going through and not adding that extra stress
and steadis he's thinking about himself. Hey, Jeene Jane, thank you,
have a good day. Bye bye, Thank you for calling.
Thank you for listening. Jean Jane, love you. Yeah. I
think she should divorce him, take take half the money,
and then go buy herself like a cyber truck or something. Yes,
(20:06):
I like it, you know, just something obnoxious. Get it
wrapped with pictures of his face on it. There's you know,
dollar bills or I'm not sure you know, just something
something outrageous, right, But this.
Speaker 4 (20:14):
Is why you always need a separate account on the
side that he doesn't know about.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
You're not They're not ready to that conversation.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
They're not ready read.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
So let me just be clear, like she should extort
money from them and that's better them.
Speaker 5 (20:27):
You think I'm kidding me.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
Makes perfect sense, Yet no, you guys are on it.
I don't even know why. We just say that twenty
minutes ago and end the segment. Kiki is up next.
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