March 11, 2025 • 20 mins
Alyssa is frustrated with her boyfriend because he hardly makes time for her. He is an ER doctor and she knows that is a time consuming job, but she still doesn't understand why he can't text her more.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
The show is on.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
It's stay or Go, Alyssa. Is he morning, Alyssa? How
are you by?
Speaker 3 (00:09):
Guys?
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Lissa, welcome to the show. So little group therapy and
stay or go? What's going on with this? This is
a boyfriend of yours. Why don't you tell us everything?
Speaker 4 (00:20):
Okay?
Speaker 5 (00:21):
Well, so I have been dating this guy for six.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
Months and.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Congratulations, that's my longest relationship. So that's amazing. Basically that's
a that's a marriage. That's a milestone. That's incredible. Well,
wish you another six months basically a lifetime of happiness together.
You've been with this guy for six months? What's wrong
with him?
Speaker 6 (00:46):
I just don't.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
I'm rashing for your advice, because.
Speaker 7 (00:52):
How often do you think people need to be talking
to each other when they're they're because I so he
is like a very demanding schedule's a she's an er doctor.
And after like the first couple of months, I'm like, okay, okay,
(01:13):
so I get it, like sometimes we're going to go,
you know, a whole day or so, it's like not
talking if I didn't reach out to him, you know.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Because he's saving lives, you mean we presumably Okay, I understand.
I mean they like, you know, so you the guy's
in an er doctor. He probably works, I don't know what,
he works, twenty four hour shifts at a time, you know,
who knows. I think they're probably maybe somebody can educate me,
or on an average ar doctor schedule. But I would
imagine they're long shifts, and I would I would guess
(01:48):
that they're you know, highs and lows as far as
it gets busy or some days are different than others.
But so this dude is not all that communicats it
when he's working as an er doctor saving people's lives.
Speaker 5 (02:00):
Well, it's just like if I didn't reach out, like
I don't know if I hear.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
From him, maybe maybe you should text him and say
my gallbladder hurts or something like he said every time,
just making some kind of medical thing, and then he'd
have to respond to You.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Can't fall I can't fall apart. We had six months
and I'm running out of.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Almet that's true. Ye, Okay, So you're upset because when
this guy's working, he doesn't communicate with you. Does he
communicate with you when he's not working?
Speaker 3 (02:32):
Well, I so I brought it up.
Speaker 5 (02:34):
To him, and he just was like, oh, like we
don't have to talk every single day, like I'm busy
or like I am catching up on sleep, but I'm
not at the er because I'm tired from work and life.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
And sometimes he's like when he's not texting you, right.
Speaker 5 (02:54):
Yeah, Like I guess like he's like, oh, like I
have to you know, fo my laundry and.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Like do you like heriage? So he can't like, uh,
you just yawned.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Are you are doctor?
Speaker 1 (03:10):
Why are you so tired sampall night trying to get
a hold of smam gys. No, I can tell yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
I mean the guy could obviously communicate with you at
times when he's not working. I guess if the complaint
is that he disappears for a day and you know
that he's at the hospital, you know, helping people, then
I can understand that. But you know, if he's got
days on end off and he's not making any effort
to see you, slash talk to you and he says
it's because he's doing laundry, then he ain't that interested.
(03:43):
So so I don't know. I mean, is it how
have you gotten through six months of this though? Because
I mean that's a long time. It's a relatively long
time to date someone who you feel like isn't paying
attention to you.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
I've just never dated somebody that.
Speaker 5 (04:01):
We didn't talk every day, and I und text different.
He's like in a different kind of job, so it's
a different kind of lifestyle. So I was like trying
to sort of acclimate. And I just don't know if
it's like it's just like a red flag.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
Or well, I wonder I will let me take some
phone calls on this. Alyssa eight five five five three five.
I think the guy's got an extremely valid reason for
for not being as communicative. I think that if you've
ever dated a doctor before, or I think that's probably
how it goes. I mean, I hear from people all
(04:40):
the time who are with doctors that it's almost like
they're the second priority to the patients. In fact, I
feel like this and thank you and listen for call him.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
By the way.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
I also wonder if part of the problem is that
it takes your twenty minutes to spit out a story.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
So I was just curious that.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
He could have saved seven lives in the pure time
that it took her to explain that correct. And she
also was half a sleep, so yes, she ought. I'm
just curious if that's part of the issue. I'd love
to talk. I want to hear both sides of the story.
I want this guy to be like to call up
here and go, dude, she's hot and she you know,
does a lot of things well, but storytelling eight one
of them. No, you know, because it took her twenty
minutes to tell us basically that this guy's busy and
(05:19):
isn't able to talk to her as often is. But
it also sounds like when he's not working, he doesn't
make the effort to make up for it, which I mean,
I think you have to accept that. If if you're
this guy and you're going to be the guy who says, hey,
I'm busy and I am not going to be able
to you know necessarily, you know, meet all your communication
needs for these days or this much time, then I
think you've got to make sure that you do when
(05:41):
when you're not working, well, then.
Speaker 8 (05:43):
Don't be in a relationship like I think you can
shoot eight texts every day. I'm sure he talks to
his mom, his grandma, whoever, the neighbor, like, I'm sure
he's texting somebody like we're on our phones all the time,
and I understand his job is like crazy demanding. It's
a whole different world that I do not understand. And
I'm not comparing applesip apples to oranges, or apples to apples.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
Okay, apples to oranges. I'm not comparing.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
What do you mean? What are you trying not to compare?
Speaker 3 (06:06):
I'm going to say in a second, I sound like her.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Now are you comparing two things that are similar and
two things that are different? Now you mean apple to apples?
Speaker 3 (06:11):
Apples?
Speaker 2 (06:12):
You're not comparing apples to applesct if that would mean
that you're comparing two things.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Is the same? Correct?
Speaker 8 (06:16):
Well, my husband's where I'm not high bud right, give
me a second, but my my husband's a fireman and
they're twenty four on right, so very similar, I'm assuming
with the hours twenty four on.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
Okay in a way right again, not.
Speaker 8 (06:27):
Comparing what they do for a living as far as
their you know, demands, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
But what I am saying is he can.
Speaker 8 (06:32):
Still shoot me a text even if he's about to
go into a fire. You know, let's just say coming
off r be about to go into Hey, yeah, I
don't see. I don't expect him some right, but like
I expect him to at least hear from him once
or twice a day would be nice. Yeah, and he
does that for me.
Speaker 9 (06:46):
Yes, I don't know if she's in an actual relationship.
And I think people sometimes get this confused, like we're
just dating, do.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 9 (06:53):
So you are if I want to go out on Friday,
I might hit you up and say let's go out
on Friday, or let's go out, you know, this weekend.
But we're not in a real relationship. We are just dating.
We are just friends. You are someone that I hit up,
and I think she may think she's in a relationship
with this doctor, but it's relationship to me.
Speaker 3 (07:11):
You're just talking.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
Yeah, I'm not trying to say that this is this
makes it right. But like one of my best friends
growing up was my doctor's kid. Okay, when I was
a little kid, and we used to joke about like
a little kids like he was. He was the least
tended to person of any I got more attention from
his father than he did because I was a patient.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Yeah, and it wasn't and he.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Was a great dad and he loved his kids, but
it was like I feel like for a lot of doctors,
and if you're a doctor, i'd love to know if
you feel the same way, or if you're married to
a doctor, which I think we're about to talk to someone.
I feel like it's very common for people to feel
like they are second priority to the career. Absolutely, and
they joke all the time like doctor's kids are the
least cared for because they care for everyone else all
(07:55):
day and then they come home and their kids, like
I have a cough.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
It's like, you're fine. I just know this, Like you're fine,
Like you're you're fine. I'm looking at you, you're walking,
everything is working. But we used to joke about that,
like my friend Mark would be like, yeah, my dad
probably knows more about your health and well being than mine,
because well, you pay to go there.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Hey Mary, yes, very Hi, good morning. So you are
married to an er doctor. Oh and perfect, this is amazing.
So what is your perspective when you.
Speaker 10 (08:23):
Hear this woman So granted they've only been together six months,
and granted I was with my husband through medical school
and residency, so we went through the whole process together.
But you know, if the in my opinion, if the
if the boyfriend was were really into her, then he
would be contacting her a quick text here and there.
(08:44):
My husband and I are able to connect, you know,
and he's able to pick up a FaceTime to say
good night to our daughter. They rarely rarely work twenty
four hours. It's normally, like, you know, at twelve to
fifteen hours, depending on the you know, the acuity of
the hospital. So so they just need to I just
(09:07):
think that they need to have that talk of you know,
communication at this point.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
And you've become you're just kind of used to this.
In fact, I would imagine that now it's probably better
than it wasn't during residency.
Speaker 11 (09:18):
Absolutely, absolutely, yes, so.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
This is just something you've become accustomed to. But so
for someone who's just encountering this, it could be really difficult.
Speaker 10 (09:27):
Yes, absolutely, I think it's you know, not only is
it difficult for doctors to become doctors, but it's also
very difficult for their spouses or girlfriend just because you've
given up so much.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Yeah, people need to give you a lot of credit,
Marry for sticking with someone through medical school and residency
because you know, and and God bless him for the
work that he does. But the fact of the matter is,
I don't think people realize just how how much you're
sacrificing as the spouse of that person. I mean, you're
basically saying, if you met the guy in the beginning
of medical school, hey, for like the next eight to
ten years.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
I and I'm not going to be your number one.
Speaker 11 (10:02):
Yes, sir?
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Why you call me sir? I very polite of you,
but I don't deserve that respect.
Speaker 10 (10:08):
Sorry, it's a it is a respect thing.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
No, I don't know what you don't have to give
it to me. But Mary Hay, thank you so much
for listening. Have a good day.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Absolutely too logical.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
I tried to date a girl who is in her
residency and she's a lovely girl. I liked her a lot,
but my thing with her was that like she'd be
you know, she'd have three and this is not any
fault of hers, but she'd go three four days, you know,
doing these wild like twenty on four of whatever. It
was crazy. But then when she was free, it was
like I needed to be available. It's like, well, I'm
free on these days, so like you're giving that all
(10:37):
them and it's like, wait, a minute. That's just not
how I roll, Like I don't I don't know, Like
I'm not on I'm not on demand boyfriend, you know
what I mean?
Speaker 1 (10:46):
Like I don't know.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
I needed a little more balance in this thing because
then it's like, you know, two weeks from Friday, I
don't have to work at twenty four, so like we're
doing this, and it was like, I don't know what
I'm doing two weeks and when I got to wait
two weeks. But I also understood when she is going through,
and I just I think it for her either date
another person who has been through is going through the
same thing, can relate to that same thing. Or maybe
(11:08):
you're not going to be taken seriously as seriously in
a relationship until you until you're done living that lifestyle.
You know, I think you need to get because it's hard.
It's hard.
Speaker 10 (11:19):
He could he could call text her face time like
she did say if he liked her, he would be
able to do it.
Speaker 12 (11:25):
Because she's in a relationship to disappear like even this
girl was, it might take her it's six or seven
hours to respond what she did exactly.
Speaker 9 (11:37):
He is calling Pauline all his way into a fire. Yeah,
girl is not in a relationship.
Speaker 8 (11:42):
Facts if I if he wanted to, he would thank you,
Hobby would Yes, I'm so.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
About to get this kitten out of the tree, but
first I wanted to say hi to your good morning beautiful. Yeah,
hey Kim, how you doing?
Speaker 11 (11:58):
Hi?
Speaker 1 (11:58):
Kim. You're a nurse, so you get that. It's like
you get this field.
Speaker 5 (12:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 11 (12:03):
So I think overall, I think she needs to go.
I would say maybe first they need to have some
form of communication about what they could potentially do on
both sides. But just from hearing that little blurb off
her talking, it seems like this the way that his
lifestyle and work life works is not going to fit
her knees. And that's okay, but she needs to understand
(12:26):
that when he's at work in the r you don't
know what your day is going to turn out. You
could have a really slow date, or you could have
a day where you're not even going to the bathroom.
So if he has a day off, he might just
be burnt out. You know, he's making decisions all day long.
And to have your phone, you know, be blowing up
all day. I know, like when I have my days off,
but people are texting me. I'm like, oh my god,
(12:47):
what do you want now? Like I'm just overstimulated and
he might just need time to just have a day
to be brought and just be a complete plug because
of everything that he's done the day before, the things
that he has seen, talk about that they see, and
he needs tomasized the cross.
Speaker 4 (13:03):
You don't go ahead, no, I Kim.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
You could make the argument. You could make the argument
on the flip side. I mean, we've given this this
woman a hard time. Lovingly, we love her, she listens,
but word economy was not maybe her strength. But you
could make the argument that maybe this guy's not in
a place to be a partner either, you know, because
there is such thing as is he's going to have
to make it up somewhere else. Right, Like, I get it.
(13:26):
If he's working, maybe he can't communicate as much. But
when he's not working, if he wants to, her needs
matter too, right, So like if when he's not working
and he's going to have to put some effort and
he can't just get away with this, I'll call you
when I want. If in fact they're really in a relationship,
if they're just hooking up, like Keiky says, exactly and
in the terms aren't there. Well, then he's not trying
that hard. He doesn't have to.
Speaker 11 (13:48):
No, I agree, But I'm also saying too that like
if he has like a really rough day and he
needs to just like turn his phone off, that should
be okay too, but he should probably communicate that to
her as well, to turn my phone off.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
Yeah, I agree, I need some time.
Speaker 11 (14:03):
But it sounds like his work life isn't going to
be able to see what she needs. And like I
said before, that's kay two. They probably just need to
have a conversation that he needs to explain, you know,
his day, and I was and what she's looking for
and was kind of like a.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
Deal breaker for her and Kim, thanks for being a
nurse too and for listening. Have a great day you too.
I'm a little concerned about this text right here, and
the concern is within the first five words says Hi, Fred,
I'm a neurosurgeon. Let's just stop it right there. What
are you doing listening to this? I am extremely concerned. Okay,
you right, you are way too smart for this. I
(14:40):
don't need you thinking about any of this smut when
you're in someone's brain. But this person says, I honest,
some typos here too, So I hope you weren't actually
operating when you wrote this. Maybe with Siri, maybe he was.
Maybe he's in someone's head. He's like, hey, Siri, text
the radio station, he said, I text between patients with
my wife or operationations. If I'm late, I would at
(15:02):
least call. I think he's using it as an excuse.
But dating a doctor does require an amount of trust
and independence on behalf of the partner.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
Yeah, I do think that.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
I think it's probably going to be different terms than
it would be if you dated I don't know one.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
Of us for it's so good at dating a.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Doctor, go me too. I wanted to talk to you.
I would do, That's what I thought that.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
I thought that, But I need like a little consistency
like I need I don't know, a little like it
was just it was a little erratic for me, and
it was like it was either all on or all off.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
I need like a balance.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
We can do mostly off and a little on, but
I needed, like I don't know, I felt like we
were either like don't call me for a week, I'll
talk to you later. And then when that person was free,
it was like I need all of your attention and like,
but I wasn't getting any of your attention before, Like
it was it was hot or cold, And I can't
blame this girl for that, Like it totally isn't her fault.
I really admire what she was doing and the difficulty
(15:55):
of it, but I don't know a little little you know, Rachel, Hi,
you can't see the hand movement, not making but it
was it was like a wishy, washy hand movement.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
Rachel, What do you want to say? Good morning?
Speaker 6 (16:07):
Good morning? Yeah, no, I was just calling to say
I did a nurse. I know it's not try as
a doctor, but it's like the job is still demanding.
So he works like twelve hours sixth a couple of
days off the week, but like he's still like on
his way to work, hoist me in good morning takes,
or like when he's coming back from work, he'll face
(16:27):
tiny you know. So it's like what he wants to do,
Like if he wants to communicate with you, he will,
you know what I'm saying, he.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
Wants you he will.
Speaker 6 (16:36):
Want to exactly like and then like he sends me
like he's monthly scheduled because he gets that every beginning
of the month. So like I know when he's working,
I know when he's busy. I also have his location.
I can see him at the hospital. So it's like somebody.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
Will just stocked the man. As long as he's stocked
the man, and then you know, then he'll know for sure.
Speaker 12 (16:58):
I get it.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
No, I'm messing with him. No, it's it's probably difficult. Rachel,
thank you, have a great day. That's glad you call.
Oh wait here we go, Hey, Nia, Hey, say, this
woman is dating an e R doctor for six months
and basically this dude will go days without communicating with her.
And he says it's because he's working, which is valid.
He says he's because he's exhausted, which is valid. He
(17:20):
says it's that he needs to, you know, sort of
do life things when he's not at the hospital.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
Valid.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
He's also in a relationship and that requires that he
needs to give a little.
Speaker 4 (17:30):
Yeah, yeah, I hear you, right, I walk in the
medical feud and for that doctor not to have just
one second to reach out to this young lady, he
is not into har Yeah, I'm staking with assurance. Once
a guy is not reaching out either, testing you or
(17:51):
calling you. He has someone else he's doing that.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Fault you listening to too much?
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Okay, everybody who doesn't do it exactly right is cheating,
according to Kiki and Nia.
Speaker 9 (18:04):
Apparently, yep, yeah, he has someone else who's doing this
for I'm not you, so baby go just move on.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
You okay, all right, Nia, well thank you, have a
good day.
Speaker 11 (18:16):
Nia, thank you.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Maybe the guy just doesn't have forty five minutes to
hear the story, you.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
Know, Is that that too?
Speaker 6 (18:23):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (18:24):
It up?
Speaker 3 (18:25):
I thought I was bad.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
Speed it up? Good morning, Hi, good morning? No, what
do you want to say? Welcome?
Speaker 12 (18:37):
I oh?
Speaker 13 (18:38):
So, I mean if she wants to, you know, see
how it goals.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
Made me stay.
Speaker 13 (18:44):
But honestly, dating someone in the healthcare is not for
the week. I work in healthcare, and honestly, like, because
you know, I live with my husband and have kids,
like I kind of make myself interact with them on
my days off. But honestly, I don't know that I
would like I'll ignore my sister's messages, like we have
a group chat, my mom will text me, she'll call me,
and I honestly just I work night.
Speaker 3 (19:05):
So I think it makes it even worse.
Speaker 13 (19:07):
I definitely get like over stimulated.
Speaker 11 (19:09):
I definitely need like a mental break.
Speaker 13 (19:12):
And like I have a you know, a six year old,
so she's still kind of neat. You know, she needs
me more than my fourteen year old. And I don't
know that I would communicate with anybody if I didn't
live with my husband or if I didn't have like
a family, Like I'll tell my but I do tell
my sisters like, hey, I'm like I've just been I've
had like a hard time at work. I need a
(19:33):
time out or sometimes I don't, but they know that
if I ignore them, it's because I'm just like mentally checked out.
And I mentally checked out for my three days off,
like I I got off work this morning, gonna work,
go back to work tonight, and then I'll be off
for three days and then I stilled. It still takes
me till seven pm tomorrow night.
Speaker 4 (19:54):
For me to even feel okay.
Speaker 13 (19:56):
Yeah, so you know, and so it's really it was
really hard, I think and my my husband, Like I
had had a conversation with my husband and talk him like, hey,
you know, I step out of the room sometimes like
don't don't have family time, and I have to like
go to the room by myself and kind of just
like take time for myself.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
Yeah, I get it. I get it, and I don't
get it like you do. But I appreciate you calling.
And I'll tell you something. People's people's other people's needs
are important, but they could be so freaking annoying, sometimes unbelievable.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
The entertainmer reporting in two minutes,
The show is on.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
It's stay or Go, Alyssa. Is he morning, Alyssa? How
are you by?
Speaker 3 (00:09):
Guys?
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Lissa, welcome to the show. So little group therapy and
stay or go? What's going on with this? This is
a boyfriend of yours. Why don't you tell us everything?
Speaker 4 (00:20):
Okay?
Speaker 5 (00:21):
Well, so I have been dating this guy for six.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
Months and.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Congratulations, that's my longest relationship. So that's amazing. Basically that's
a that's a marriage. That's a milestone. That's incredible. Well,
wish you another six months basically a lifetime of happiness together.
You've been with this guy for six months? What's wrong
with him?
Speaker 6 (00:46):
I just don't.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
I'm rashing for your advice, because.
Speaker 7 (00:52):
How often do you think people need to be talking
to each other when they're they're because I so he
is like a very demanding schedule's a she's an er doctor.
And after like the first couple of months, I'm like, okay, okay,
(01:13):
so I get it, like sometimes we're going to go,
you know, a whole day or so, it's like not
talking if I didn't reach out to him, you know.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Because he's saving lives, you mean we presumably Okay, I understand.
I mean they like, you know, so you the guy's
in an er doctor. He probably works, I don't know what,
he works, twenty four hour shifts at a time, you know,
who knows. I think they're probably maybe somebody can educate me,
or on an average ar doctor schedule. But I would
imagine they're long shifts, and I would I would guess
(01:48):
that they're you know, highs and lows as far as
it gets busy or some days are different than others.
But so this dude is not all that communicats it
when he's working as an er doctor saving people's lives.
Speaker 5 (02:00):
Well, it's just like if I didn't reach out, like
I don't know if I hear.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
From him, maybe maybe you should text him and say
my gallbladder hurts or something like he said every time,
just making some kind of medical thing, and then he'd
have to respond to You.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Can't fall I can't fall apart. We had six months
and I'm running out of.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Almet that's true. Ye, Okay, So you're upset because when
this guy's working, he doesn't communicate with you. Does he
communicate with you when he's not working?
Speaker 3 (02:32):
Well, I so I brought it up.
Speaker 5 (02:34):
To him, and he just was like, oh, like we
don't have to talk every single day, like I'm busy
or like I am catching up on sleep, but I'm
not at the er because I'm tired from work and life.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
And sometimes he's like when he's not texting you, right.
Speaker 5 (02:54):
Yeah, Like I guess like he's like, oh, like I
have to you know, fo my laundry and.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Like do you like heriage? So he can't like, uh,
you just yawned.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Are you are doctor?
Speaker 1 (03:10):
Why are you so tired sampall night trying to get
a hold of smam gys. No, I can tell yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
I mean the guy could obviously communicate with you at
times when he's not working. I guess if the complaint
is that he disappears for a day and you know
that he's at the hospital, you know, helping people, then
I can understand that. But you know, if he's got
days on end off and he's not making any effort
to see you, slash talk to you and he says
it's because he's doing laundry, then he ain't that interested.
(03:43):
So so I don't know. I mean, is it how
have you gotten through six months of this though? Because
I mean that's a long time. It's a relatively long
time to date someone who you feel like isn't paying
attention to you.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
I've just never dated somebody that.
Speaker 5 (04:01):
We didn't talk every day, and I und text different.
He's like in a different kind of job, so it's
a different kind of lifestyle. So I was like trying
to sort of acclimate. And I just don't know if
it's like it's just like a red flag.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
Or well, I wonder I will let me take some
phone calls on this. Alyssa eight five five five three five.
I think the guy's got an extremely valid reason for
for not being as communicative. I think that if you've
ever dated a doctor before, or I think that's probably
how it goes. I mean, I hear from people all
(04:40):
the time who are with doctors that it's almost like
they're the second priority to the patients. In fact, I
feel like this and thank you and listen for call him.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
By the way.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
I also wonder if part of the problem is that
it takes your twenty minutes to spit out a story.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
So I was just curious that.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
He could have saved seven lives in the pure time
that it took her to explain that correct. And she
also was half a sleep, so yes, she ought. I'm
just curious if that's part of the issue. I'd love
to talk. I want to hear both sides of the story.
I want this guy to be like to call up
here and go, dude, she's hot and she you know,
does a lot of things well, but storytelling eight one
of them. No, you know, because it took her twenty
minutes to tell us basically that this guy's busy and
(05:19):
isn't able to talk to her as often is. But
it also sounds like when he's not working, he doesn't
make the effort to make up for it, which I mean,
I think you have to accept that. If if you're
this guy and you're going to be the guy who says, hey,
I'm busy and I am not going to be able
to you know necessarily, you know, meet all your communication
needs for these days or this much time, then I
think you've got to make sure that you do when
(05:41):
when you're not working, well, then.
Speaker 8 (05:43):
Don't be in a relationship like I think you can
shoot eight texts every day. I'm sure he talks to
his mom, his grandma, whoever, the neighbor, like, I'm sure
he's texting somebody like we're on our phones all the time,
and I understand his job is like crazy demanding. It's
a whole different world that I do not understand. And
I'm not comparing applesip apples to oranges, or apples to apples.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
Okay, apples to oranges. I'm not comparing.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
What do you mean? What are you trying not to compare?
Speaker 3 (06:06):
I'm going to say in a second, I sound like her.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Now are you comparing two things that are similar and
two things that are different? Now you mean apple to apples?
Speaker 3 (06:11):
Apples?
Speaker 2 (06:12):
You're not comparing apples to applesct if that would mean
that you're comparing two things.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Is the same? Correct?
Speaker 8 (06:16):
Well, my husband's where I'm not high bud right, give
me a second, but my my husband's a fireman and
they're twenty four on right, so very similar, I'm assuming
with the hours twenty four on.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
Okay in a way right again, not.
Speaker 8 (06:27):
Comparing what they do for a living as far as
their you know, demands, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
But what I am saying is he can.
Speaker 8 (06:32):
Still shoot me a text even if he's about to
go into a fire. You know, let's just say coming
off r be about to go into Hey, yeah, I
don't see. I don't expect him some right, but like
I expect him to at least hear from him once
or twice a day would be nice. Yeah, and he
does that for me.
Speaker 9 (06:46):
Yes, I don't know if she's in an actual relationship.
And I think people sometimes get this confused, like we're
just dating, do.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 9 (06:53):
So you are if I want to go out on Friday,
I might hit you up and say let's go out
on Friday, or let's go out, you know, this weekend.
But we're not in a real relationship. We are just dating.
We are just friends. You are someone that I hit up,
and I think she may think she's in a relationship
with this doctor, but it's relationship to me.
Speaker 3 (07:11):
You're just talking.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
Yeah, I'm not trying to say that this is this
makes it right. But like one of my best friends
growing up was my doctor's kid. Okay, when I was
a little kid, and we used to joke about like
a little kids like he was. He was the least
tended to person of any I got more attention from
his father than he did because I was a patient.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Yeah, and it wasn't and he.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Was a great dad and he loved his kids, but
it was like I feel like for a lot of doctors,
and if you're a doctor, i'd love to know if
you feel the same way, or if you're married to
a doctor, which I think we're about to talk to someone.
I feel like it's very common for people to feel
like they are second priority to the career. Absolutely, and
they joke all the time like doctor's kids are the
least cared for because they care for everyone else all
(07:55):
day and then they come home and their kids, like
I have a cough.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
It's like, you're fine. I just know this, Like you're fine,
Like you're you're fine. I'm looking at you, you're walking,
everything is working. But we used to joke about that,
like my friend Mark would be like, yeah, my dad
probably knows more about your health and well being than mine,
because well, you pay to go there.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Hey Mary, yes, very Hi, good morning. So you are
married to an er doctor. Oh and perfect, this is amazing.
So what is your perspective when you.
Speaker 10 (08:23):
Hear this woman So granted they've only been together six months,
and granted I was with my husband through medical school
and residency, so we went through the whole process together.
But you know, if the in my opinion, if the
if the boyfriend was were really into her, then he
would be contacting her a quick text here and there.
(08:44):
My husband and I are able to connect, you know,
and he's able to pick up a FaceTime to say
good night to our daughter. They rarely rarely work twenty
four hours. It's normally, like, you know, at twelve to
fifteen hours, depending on the you know, the acuity of
the hospital. So so they just need to I just
(09:07):
think that they need to have that talk of you know,
communication at this point.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
And you've become you're just kind of used to this.
In fact, I would imagine that now it's probably better
than it wasn't during residency.
Speaker 11 (09:18):
Absolutely, absolutely, yes, so.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
This is just something you've become accustomed to. But so
for someone who's just encountering this, it could be really difficult.
Speaker 10 (09:27):
Yes, absolutely, I think it's you know, not only is
it difficult for doctors to become doctors, but it's also
very difficult for their spouses or girlfriend just because you've
given up so much.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Yeah, people need to give you a lot of credit,
Marry for sticking with someone through medical school and residency
because you know, and and God bless him for the
work that he does. But the fact of the matter is,
I don't think people realize just how how much you're
sacrificing as the spouse of that person. I mean, you're
basically saying, if you met the guy in the beginning
of medical school, hey, for like the next eight to
ten years.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
I and I'm not going to be your number one.
Speaker 11 (10:02):
Yes, sir?
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Why you call me sir? I very polite of you,
but I don't deserve that respect.
Speaker 10 (10:08):
Sorry, it's a it is a respect thing.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
No, I don't know what you don't have to give
it to me. But Mary Hay, thank you so much
for listening. Have a good day.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Absolutely too logical.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
I tried to date a girl who is in her
residency and she's a lovely girl. I liked her a lot,
but my thing with her was that like she'd be
you know, she'd have three and this is not any
fault of hers, but she'd go three four days, you know,
doing these wild like twenty on four of whatever. It
was crazy. But then when she was free, it was
like I needed to be available. It's like, well, I'm
free on these days, so like you're giving that all
(10:37):
them and it's like, wait, a minute. That's just not
how I roll, Like I don't I don't know, Like
I'm not on I'm not on demand boyfriend, you know
what I mean?
Speaker 1 (10:46):
Like I don't know.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
I needed a little more balance in this thing because
then it's like, you know, two weeks from Friday, I
don't have to work at twenty four, so like we're
doing this, and it was like, I don't know what
I'm doing two weeks and when I got to wait
two weeks. But I also understood when she is going through,
and I just I think it for her either date
another person who has been through is going through the
same thing, can relate to that same thing. Or maybe
(11:08):
you're not going to be taken seriously as seriously in
a relationship until you until you're done living that lifestyle.
You know, I think you need to get because it's hard.
It's hard.
Speaker 10 (11:19):
He could he could call text her face time like
she did say if he liked her, he would be
able to do it.
Speaker 12 (11:25):
Because she's in a relationship to disappear like even this
girl was, it might take her it's six or seven
hours to respond what she did exactly.
Speaker 9 (11:37):
He is calling Pauline all his way into a fire. Yeah,
girl is not in a relationship.
Speaker 8 (11:42):
Facts if I if he wanted to, he would thank you,
Hobby would Yes, I'm so.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
About to get this kitten out of the tree, but
first I wanted to say hi to your good morning beautiful. Yeah,
hey Kim, how you doing?
Speaker 11 (11:58):
Hi?
Speaker 1 (11:58):
Kim. You're a nurse, so you get that. It's like
you get this field.
Speaker 5 (12:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 11 (12:03):
So I think overall, I think she needs to go.
I would say maybe first they need to have some
form of communication about what they could potentially do on
both sides. But just from hearing that little blurb off
her talking, it seems like this the way that his
lifestyle and work life works is not going to fit
her knees. And that's okay, but she needs to understand
(12:26):
that when he's at work in the r you don't
know what your day is going to turn out. You
could have a really slow date, or you could have
a day where you're not even going to the bathroom.
So if he has a day off, he might just
be burnt out. You know, he's making decisions all day long.
And to have your phone, you know, be blowing up
all day. I know, like when I have my days off,
but people are texting me. I'm like, oh my god,
(12:47):
what do you want now? Like I'm just overstimulated and
he might just need time to just have a day
to be brought and just be a complete plug because
of everything that he's done the day before, the things
that he has seen, talk about that they see, and
he needs tomasized the cross.
Speaker 4 (13:03):
You don't go ahead, no, I Kim.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
You could make the argument. You could make the argument
on the flip side. I mean, we've given this this
woman a hard time. Lovingly, we love her, she listens,
but word economy was not maybe her strength. But you
could make the argument that maybe this guy's not in
a place to be a partner either, you know, because
there is such thing as is he's going to have
to make it up somewhere else. Right, Like, I get it.
(13:26):
If he's working, maybe he can't communicate as much. But
when he's not working, if he wants to, her needs
matter too, right, So like if when he's not working
and he's going to have to put some effort and
he can't just get away with this, I'll call you
when I want. If in fact they're really in a relationship,
if they're just hooking up, like Keiky says, exactly and
in the terms aren't there. Well, then he's not trying
that hard. He doesn't have to.
Speaker 11 (13:48):
No, I agree, But I'm also saying too that like
if he has like a really rough day and he
needs to just like turn his phone off, that should
be okay too, but he should probably communicate that to
her as well, to turn my phone off.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
Yeah, I agree, I need some time.
Speaker 11 (14:03):
But it sounds like his work life isn't going to
be able to see what she needs. And like I
said before, that's kay two. They probably just need to
have a conversation that he needs to explain, you know,
his day, and I was and what she's looking for
and was kind of like a.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
Deal breaker for her and Kim, thanks for being a
nurse too and for listening. Have a great day you too.
I'm a little concerned about this text right here, and
the concern is within the first five words says Hi, Fred,
I'm a neurosurgeon. Let's just stop it right there. What
are you doing listening to this? I am extremely concerned. Okay,
you right, you are way too smart for this. I
(14:40):
don't need you thinking about any of this smut when
you're in someone's brain. But this person says, I honest,
some typos here too, So I hope you weren't actually
operating when you wrote this. Maybe with Siri, maybe he was.
Maybe he's in someone's head. He's like, hey, Siri, text
the radio station, he said, I text between patients with
my wife or operationations. If I'm late, I would at
(15:02):
least call. I think he's using it as an excuse.
But dating a doctor does require an amount of trust
and independence on behalf of the partner.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
Yeah, I do think that.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
I think it's probably going to be different terms than
it would be if you dated I don't know one.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
Of us for it's so good at dating a.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Doctor, go me too. I wanted to talk to you.
I would do, That's what I thought that.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
I thought that, But I need like a little consistency
like I need I don't know, a little like it
was just it was a little erratic for me, and
it was like it was either all on or all off.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
I need like a balance.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
We can do mostly off and a little on, but
I needed, like I don't know, I felt like we
were either like don't call me for a week, I'll
talk to you later. And then when that person was free,
it was like I need all of your attention and like,
but I wasn't getting any of your attention before, Like
it was it was hot or cold, And I can't
blame this girl for that, Like it totally isn't her fault.
I really admire what she was doing and the difficulty
(15:55):
of it, but I don't know a little little you know, Rachel, Hi,
you can't see the hand movement, not making but it
was it was like a wishy, washy hand movement.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
Rachel, What do you want to say? Good morning?
Speaker 6 (16:07):
Good morning? Yeah, no, I was just calling to say
I did a nurse. I know it's not try as
a doctor, but it's like the job is still demanding.
So he works like twelve hours sixth a couple of
days off the week, but like he's still like on
his way to work, hoist me in good morning takes,
or like when he's coming back from work, he'll face
(16:27):
tiny you know. So it's like what he wants to do,
Like if he wants to communicate with you, he will,
you know what I'm saying, he.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
Wants you he will.
Speaker 6 (16:36):
Want to exactly like and then like he sends me
like he's monthly scheduled because he gets that every beginning
of the month. So like I know when he's working,
I know when he's busy. I also have his location.
I can see him at the hospital. So it's like somebody.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
Will just stocked the man. As long as he's stocked
the man, and then you know, then he'll know for sure.
Speaker 12 (16:58):
I get it.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
No, I'm messing with him. No, it's it's probably difficult. Rachel,
thank you, have a great day. That's glad you call.
Oh wait here we go, Hey, Nia, Hey, say, this
woman is dating an e R doctor for six months
and basically this dude will go days without communicating with her.
And he says it's because he's working, which is valid.
He says he's because he's exhausted, which is valid. He
(17:20):
says it's that he needs to, you know, sort of
do life things when he's not at the hospital.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
Valid.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
He's also in a relationship and that requires that he
needs to give a little.
Speaker 4 (17:30):
Yeah, yeah, I hear you, right, I walk in the
medical feud and for that doctor not to have just
one second to reach out to this young lady, he
is not into har Yeah, I'm staking with assurance. Once
a guy is not reaching out either, testing you or
(17:51):
calling you. He has someone else he's doing that.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Fault you listening to too much?
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Okay, everybody who doesn't do it exactly right is cheating,
according to Kiki and Nia.
Speaker 9 (18:04):
Apparently, yep, yeah, he has someone else who's doing this
for I'm not you, so baby go just move on.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
You okay, all right, Nia, well thank you, have a
good day.
Speaker 11 (18:16):
Nia, thank you.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Maybe the guy just doesn't have forty five minutes to
hear the story, you.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
Know, Is that that too?
Speaker 6 (18:23):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (18:24):
It up?
Speaker 3 (18:25):
I thought I was bad.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
Speed it up? Good morning, Hi, good morning? No, what
do you want to say? Welcome?
Speaker 12 (18:37):
I oh?
Speaker 13 (18:38):
So, I mean if she wants to, you know, see
how it goals.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
Made me stay.
Speaker 13 (18:44):
But honestly, dating someone in the healthcare is not for
the week. I work in healthcare, and honestly, like, because
you know, I live with my husband and have kids,
like I kind of make myself interact with them on
my days off. But honestly, I don't know that I
would like I'll ignore my sister's messages, like we have
a group chat, my mom will text me, she'll call me,
and I honestly just I work night.
Speaker 3 (19:05):
So I think it makes it even worse.
Speaker 13 (19:07):
I definitely get like over stimulated.
Speaker 11 (19:09):
I definitely need like a mental break.
Speaker 13 (19:12):
And like I have a you know, a six year old,
so she's still kind of neat. You know, she needs
me more than my fourteen year old. And I don't
know that I would communicate with anybody if I didn't
live with my husband or if I didn't have like
a family, Like I'll tell my but I do tell
my sisters like, hey, I'm like I've just been I've
had like a hard time at work. I need a
(19:33):
time out or sometimes I don't, but they know that
if I ignore them, it's because I'm just like mentally checked out.
And I mentally checked out for my three days off,
like I I got off work this morning, gonna work,
go back to work tonight, and then I'll be off
for three days and then I stilled. It still takes
me till seven pm tomorrow night.
Speaker 4 (19:54):
For me to even feel okay.
Speaker 13 (19:56):
Yeah, so you know, and so it's really it was
really hard, I think and my my husband, Like I
had had a conversation with my husband and talk him like, hey,
you know, I step out of the room sometimes like
don't don't have family time, and I have to like
go to the room by myself and kind of just
like take time for myself.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
Yeah, I get it. I get it, and I don't
get it like you do. But I appreciate you calling.
And I'll tell you something. People's people's other people's needs
are important, but they could be so freaking annoying, sometimes unbelievable.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
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An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.