March 14, 2025 • 8 mins
Paulina has been going to therapy and has been using it as a place to talk about her marriage. Her therapist suggested that she could bring her husband to a session to see if that could help!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
They talk better than they said. Tell me.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
These are the radio blogs on the Fred Show, like
we're running in our diaries, except we say them aloud.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
We call them blogs. Paulina, Yes, take it away, Thank
you so much, dear blog.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
So you guys know, and a lot of us here
are in therapy, love therapy very much.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
My therapist is amazing.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
One thing I like about her is that I don't know,
it's like my style. I like, I like to be
checked once in a while when I need to be,
and she's very much like that. And the other day
we were talking about something and I was like, oh,
but like I would not do that. I would not
do that, like it was me and my husband were
going through. I'm like, but I wouldn't do that, and
she goes, Paulina, that's you.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
Like, you wouldn't do that. It was that simple, And
I'm like, that isn't me.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
You're right, she goes, because that's what you would do,
but not what he would do or someone else would do.
So took me a minute to understand that. But the
way she kind of did that, I was like, all right,
I hear you. I hear you, miss therapist lady.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
I hear you.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
So she and I were in a session last week
and we were talking about my husband and my communication style.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
We are very quite different.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
We're different people, like just generally like, oh, you know, oversight,
like we really we really are different people. But I
think what I thought was really interesting was that when
we were discussing, you know, some of the stuff when
it comes to our communication, not with the input she
was giving me in the advice, but she suggested, you know,
if you're open to it, you can bring him to
a session.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
And I really like that.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
And I was like, this could be won't go really
good or really bad, But I was like, this could
be really good for us because I've always wanted him
to a try therapy and like sit in here with me.
And also if we are low key talking about I'm like,
bring them in, you know, bring in the source. Like
I thought it'd be a really cool thing to do.
And I love that she suggested it, And you know,
she did kind of also say it is this, I'm
(01:49):
here for you, just f y I right, So yeah,
and she told me that, and to me, I mean
I was just like, okay, like that's cool, but I'm
assuming like that might not go well.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Then for him if she's there for me.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
No, it's funny because I my therapist. I don't know
why this came up. My excuse me, executive coach. I
don't executive coaches. Long story, but when I had a therapist,
she would say to me like, you know, I don't
even remember the context, but essentially was if you ever
brought somebody else in here, just realize, I'm here for you,
(02:22):
so I don't I'm not here to serve them, so
I'm not here for their best interests. It's not that
they're there like attack the other person, Yeah, but they're
there for you. So the person would have to come
in under the context or with the context of this
isn't marriage counseling, and that when you come in there,
then I'm here for the couple, or or if you
went to his therapists, then his therapist might lean more
(02:44):
in his you know, on his which is why I've
also heard that you're not supposed to really like recycle therapists.
And I've heard about people doing this where they they'll
go to like couple's therapy and then they'll say, what,
I'm not in a couple anymore, and then keep going
to the same therapists. My understanding was, and if you're
a mental health professional you can confirm it tonight, was
that you're supposed to go to therapy for a purpose,
(03:05):
and when that purpose ends, you break up with a
therapist break up because like if you go to marriage counseling,
then you're not that that therapist is not necessarily supposed
to treat you then outside of that or another in
another relationship, because you went for this purpose and they've
seen you in this light. So then if you break
up and you're with someone else, but then they're you
know what I mean, like you can't use the same therapist.
(03:27):
I guess from multiple different things. Ethically, I guess you're
not supposed to you at least, and some people may
disagree with that, but it kind of makes sense. I mean,
if I'm going to a therapist within the confines of
a relationship, but like a a couple's thing, and then
I break up with that person and then I keep
going to the same therapists, well aren't they Their context
about me is is within that relationship and not me
(03:50):
on my own. So it's almost like you got to
start fresh with you. So some people have their own
therapist and then a relationship, yes, like like like a
couple's counselor, because it's almost it's just more fair that way, correct,
because you're going in as a couple as opposed to
as an individual. Because my therapist, after however many years,
there's no way that she's going to be objective and
be like, well now hold on. She might tell me that,
(04:13):
but she's not going to call me out in front
of another person.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
Okay, I see you're saying, well, yeah, me and doctor
D we're going to be locked in.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
But she's my therapist, Like that's for me.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
But she has suggested and even sentral recommendations for couples counseling.
So that's like another thing that I'm trying to do
because I would liked us to get a joint like
for the interest of, you know, the best interests of
us both.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
It's what I'm looking for when.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
It comes to me and my husband together helpful I
think it would be. And I'm not even saying we
were having issues because we're actually not at all. But
it's just communication. Like even my communication here at work
sometimes is terrible, Like you know, like I want to
be a better communicator to everyone in my life that
I love and I appreciate it, and I want to
come off a different way.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
So I want to work on me.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
But you know, my husband's a part of my life,
so I want him and i'd also work on our communication.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
But well, I'm not say he should be threatened, but
it might be helpful just to go to someone new
together at the start, together at the same time, so
that you both feel like you're on a you know,
even playing field. Because what's funny is I know of
a few situations where one person in a relationship doesn't
necessarily but I'm not saying this is him, but doesn't
necessarily believe in therapy or doesn't go or is it whatever,
(05:18):
and then their partner, thinking that their perspective on their
problems is one hundred percent right, thinking that if they
make them go to therapy that the therapist will tell
them that they're wrong in side with the person. It
only goes the other way, where the person goes to
therapy on their own because their partner's making them go
(05:39):
because you're obviously not seeing it. And then the therapist
is like, oh, no, you're seeing it just fine, it's
not right, you know, or whatever. So I've seen this
backfire too, So I guess it's like that's why I
would say, maybe go find somebody where you're starting together,
because it's like, if you think that maybe he's going
to go and then your therapist is going to like
side with you on things, you might be wrong about that,
(06:02):
and so you might the person may come in there
and then you're like, she's going to tell him that,
you know, the stuff he's doing isn't good for me
or whatever, and then they might they might not, And
then that's not because I've seen this happen before. We're
going to therapy together, and I know why the person's
making the person go. It's because they believe that the
other person is wrong and then they go to therapy
(06:22):
and the therapist is like no, you know, right, right right,
So I guess I guess just be careful why you
think he should go because and that's why I would
argue for maybe like a moderate start, because if you
think he's going to go there, or if he thinks
he's going to go there and your therapist is going
(06:43):
to like correct him, you might be wrong.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Yeah. Yeah, I never thought of it that way because
I know you like to call his mom. I do
like to call on that's my trick. Yeah, I know
you well enough to go.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
If you think that's what might be happening in these
therapy sessions.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
That may not be true.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
I mean no, I kind of thought of it, like, okay,
you bring them in, you know, and then maybe my
therapist because she made a comment the other day and
now that this is true.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
I mean, it's not rocket science. He's not next to.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
Me, but I brought him up or whatever, and then
we were talking about an issue and she goes, you know,
I can't really confirm or I can't really he's on here,
I can't ask him. So I think that sparked an
idea in her head and mine because I was low
key like, well, what if he was next to me,
then you could ask him?
Speaker 1 (07:19):
And I'm not looking to be told like, oh, Paulina,
you're so right about this.
Speaker 3 (07:22):
I'm more of so, like, you know, explain to me
a little bit, you know what we can do better.
Maybe she can grill on both of us like you
can grill me all day. She's the only person in
my life that I'm okay with, like tell me I'm wrong,
Like tell me that I suck at this, like, tell
me I'm a better you know, I need to be
a better communicator.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
Yeah, because if you go.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
To enabling I'm sorry, if you're an enabling therapist, yeah, yeah,
I do, which I think a lot of people do.
I think people go to the person who tells them
they're right all the time, and I don't go to
that person because it wouldn't help me.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
I'm sorry, I can't go ahead. Oh you're fine.
Speaker 3 (07:49):
I was just gonna say I have gone to therapy
with family members with my therapists.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
And it has gone well.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
Oh so maybe try it once and then if you
feel like what Fred says is happening is happening.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
You could switch it up. But I've had a good experience.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
I wish I could take this call cam as a
social worker, mainly cause she says I'm right. I wish
I could take But no, I think the idea of
starting anew with someone someone who's you know, even with
both of you, would probably be a great idea.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
But I don't know.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Hey, not mad at that, don't waiting at the phone,
brand new and next day here more Fredshell, next
They talk better than they said. Tell me.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
These are the radio blogs on the Fred Show, like
we're running in our diaries, except we say them aloud.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
We call them blogs. Paulina, Yes, take it away, Thank
you so much, dear blog.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
So you guys know, and a lot of us here
are in therapy, love therapy very much.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
My therapist is amazing.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
One thing I like about her is that I don't know,
it's like my style. I like, I like to be
checked once in a while when I need to be,
and she's very much like that. And the other day
we were talking about something and I was like, oh,
but like I would not do that. I would not
do that, like it was me and my husband were
going through. I'm like, but I wouldn't do that, and
she goes, Paulina, that's you.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
Like, you wouldn't do that. It was that simple, And
I'm like, that isn't me.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
You're right, she goes, because that's what you would do,
but not what he would do or someone else would do.
So took me a minute to understand that. But the
way she kind of did that, I was like, all right,
I hear you. I hear you, miss therapist lady.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
I hear you.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
So she and I were in a session last week
and we were talking about my husband and my communication style.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
We are very quite different.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
We're different people, like just generally like, oh, you know, oversight,
like we really we really are different people. But I
think what I thought was really interesting was that when
we were discussing, you know, some of the stuff when
it comes to our communication, not with the input she
was giving me in the advice, but she suggested, you know,
if you're open to it, you can bring him to
a session.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
And I really like that.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
And I was like, this could be won't go really
good or really bad, But I was like, this could
be really good for us because I've always wanted him
to a try therapy and like sit in here with me.
And also if we are low key talking about I'm like,
bring them in, you know, bring in the source. Like
I thought it'd be a really cool thing to do.
And I love that she suggested it, And you know,
she did kind of also say it is this, I'm
(01:49):
here for you, just f y I right, So yeah,
and she told me that, and to me, I mean
I was just like, okay, like that's cool, but I'm
assuming like that might not go well.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Then for him if she's there for me.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
No, it's funny because I my therapist. I don't know
why this came up. My excuse me, executive coach. I
don't executive coaches. Long story, but when I had a therapist,
she would say to me like, you know, I don't
even remember the context, but essentially was if you ever
brought somebody else in here, just realize, I'm here for you,
(02:22):
so I don't I'm not here to serve them, so
I'm not here for their best interests. It's not that
they're there like attack the other person, Yeah, but they're
there for you. So the person would have to come
in under the context or with the context of this
isn't marriage counseling, and that when you come in there,
then I'm here for the couple, or or if you
went to his therapists, then his therapist might lean more
(02:44):
in his you know, on his which is why I've
also heard that you're not supposed to really like recycle therapists.
And I've heard about people doing this where they they'll
go to like couple's therapy and then they'll say, what,
I'm not in a couple anymore, and then keep going
to the same therapists. My understanding was, and if you're
a mental health professional you can confirm it tonight, was
that you're supposed to go to therapy for a purpose,
(03:05):
and when that purpose ends, you break up with a
therapist break up because like if you go to marriage counseling,
then you're not that that therapist is not necessarily supposed
to treat you then outside of that or another in
another relationship, because you went for this purpose and they've
seen you in this light. So then if you break
up and you're with someone else, but then they're you
know what I mean, like you can't use the same therapist.
(03:27):
I guess from multiple different things. Ethically, I guess you're
not supposed to you at least, and some people may
disagree with that, but it kind of makes sense. I mean,
if I'm going to a therapist within the confines of
a relationship, but like a a couple's thing, and then
I break up with that person and then I keep
going to the same therapists, well aren't they Their context
about me is is within that relationship and not me
(03:50):
on my own. So it's almost like you got to
start fresh with you. So some people have their own
therapist and then a relationship, yes, like like like a
couple's counselor, because it's almost it's just more fair that way, correct,
because you're going in as a couple as opposed to
as an individual. Because my therapist, after however many years,
there's no way that she's going to be objective and
be like, well now hold on. She might tell me that,
(04:13):
but she's not going to call me out in front
of another person.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
Okay, I see you're saying, well, yeah, me and doctor
D we're going to be locked in.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
But she's my therapist, Like that's for me.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
But she has suggested and even sentral recommendations for couples counseling.
So that's like another thing that I'm trying to do
because I would liked us to get a joint like
for the interest of, you know, the best interests of
us both.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
It's what I'm looking for when.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
It comes to me and my husband together helpful I
think it would be. And I'm not even saying we
were having issues because we're actually not at all. But
it's just communication. Like even my communication here at work
sometimes is terrible, Like you know, like I want to
be a better communicator to everyone in my life that
I love and I appreciate it, and I want to
come off a different way.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
So I want to work on me.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
But you know, my husband's a part of my life,
so I want him and i'd also work on our communication.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
But well, I'm not say he should be threatened, but
it might be helpful just to go to someone new
together at the start, together at the same time, so
that you both feel like you're on a you know,
even playing field. Because what's funny is I know of
a few situations where one person in a relationship doesn't
necessarily but I'm not saying this is him, but doesn't
necessarily believe in therapy or doesn't go or is it whatever,
(05:18):
and then their partner, thinking that their perspective on their
problems is one hundred percent right, thinking that if they
make them go to therapy that the therapist will tell
them that they're wrong in side with the person. It
only goes the other way, where the person goes to
therapy on their own because their partner's making them go
(05:39):
because you're obviously not seeing it. And then the therapist
is like, oh, no, you're seeing it just fine, it's
not right, you know, or whatever. So I've seen this
backfire too, So I guess it's like that's why I
would say, maybe go find somebody where you're starting together,
because it's like, if you think that maybe he's going
to go and then your therapist is going to like
side with you on things, you might be wrong about that,
(06:02):
and so you might the person may come in there
and then you're like, she's going to tell him that,
you know, the stuff he's doing isn't good for me
or whatever, and then they might they might not, And
then that's not because I've seen this happen before. We're
going to therapy together, and I know why the person's
making the person go. It's because they believe that the
other person is wrong and then they go to therapy
(06:22):
and the therapist is like no, you know, right, right right,
So I guess I guess just be careful why you
think he should go because and that's why I would
argue for maybe like a moderate start, because if you
think he's going to go there, or if he thinks
he's going to go there and your therapist is going
(06:43):
to like correct him, you might be wrong.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Yeah. Yeah, I never thought of it that way because
I know you like to call his mom. I do
like to call on that's my trick. Yeah, I know
you well enough to go.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
If you think that's what might be happening in these
therapy sessions.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
That may not be true.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
I mean no, I kind of thought of it, like, okay,
you bring them in, you know, and then maybe my
therapist because she made a comment the other day and
now that this is true.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
I mean, it's not rocket science. He's not next to.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
Me, but I brought him up or whatever, and then
we were talking about an issue and she goes, you know,
I can't really confirm or I can't really he's on here,
I can't ask him. So I think that sparked an
idea in her head and mine because I was low
key like, well, what if he was next to me,
then you could ask him?
Speaker 1 (07:19):
And I'm not looking to be told like, oh, Paulina,
you're so right about this.
Speaker 3 (07:22):
I'm more of so, like, you know, explain to me
a little bit, you know what we can do better.
Maybe she can grill on both of us like you
can grill me all day. She's the only person in
my life that I'm okay with, like tell me I'm wrong,
Like tell me that I suck at this, like, tell
me I'm a better you know, I need to be
a better communicator.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
Yeah, because if you go.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
To enabling I'm sorry, if you're an enabling therapist, yeah, yeah,
I do, which I think a lot of people do.
I think people go to the person who tells them
they're right all the time, and I don't go to
that person because it wouldn't help me.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
I'm sorry, I can't go ahead. Oh you're fine.
Speaker 3 (07:49):
I was just gonna say I have gone to therapy
with family members with my therapists.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
And it has gone well.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
Oh so maybe try it once and then if you
feel like what Fred says is happening is happening.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
You could switch it up. But I've had a good experience.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
I wish I could take this call cam as a
social worker, mainly cause she says I'm right. I wish
I could take But no, I think the idea of
starting anew with someone someone who's you know, even with
both of you, would probably be a great idea.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
But I don't know.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Hey, not mad at that, don't waiting at the phone,
brand new and next day here more Fredshell, next
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Therapy Gecko
An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.