March 31, 2025 • 19 mins
KeKe shares Lauren's story of a terrible adoption dilemma!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Order.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
She's a fresh show.
Speaker 3 (00:03):
It's Kiki's court, all right, all right, the honor ble
kik aik is here.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Judge Kiki, if you would.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Yes, let's get into it. The case says, Hey Kiki.
My name is Lauren. I'm a longtime listener of the show.
My husband and I have three kids. I have one
daughter from a previous relationship, and we have two kids together.
My oldest daughter has never met her biological father, so
my husband is the only father that she knows. For
her sixteenth birthday, she thought it would be a sweet
(00:31):
thing to ask my husband to finally adopt her. She's
always wanted to have the same last name as my
other kids, and I always wanted it to be her decision.
So at her birthday party, she asks my husband in
front of all of our family and friends, and he
said yes. Well, a week later, my husband came back
to me and said that after thinking about it and
talking it over with his mom, he's had a change
(00:53):
of heart. Oh my god, he doesn't want to complicate
things by legally adopting my daughter.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
I'm heartbroken.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
His excuse was that he already plays the father role
for her and it's no need to get the courts involved.
I told him there's no way I'm telling my daughter
that you've changed your mind. He has to adopt her
or I will leave. Am I wrong forgiving him an ultimatum?
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Damn baby? What say you? Judge? Kiki?
Speaker 1 (01:23):
This is one that I really needed thirteen to weigh
in on because it's really been bothering me all weekend.
Because my issue really comes in is that you went
and spoke with your mother. What happened in that conversation
between him and his mother that made him change his
mind to come back and say he doesn't want to
legally adopt my kid. And I don't want to tell
(01:44):
her to leave her husband because it's easy to say
blow up your family when you're not the one in
the situation. Obviously, he's a good guy, a good father.
He's raised her other children and alone. You know, he's
taken the girl in to be her father, but not legally.
What is stopping him? It makes me think of like,
is he worried about if they ever divorced and maybe
he's going to be responsible for child support or something,
or you know, is there some type of legal thing
(02:05):
that he's scared of getting the courts involved. I just
feel like there has to be more to it, and
I would love to know the conversation between him and
his mother. But for him to renegue on the original
agreement and he promised this girl this in front of
the entire family. He is so dead wrong, Like he's
so wrong, And I feel for you, Lauren Kiki.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
I lived this like this is I was adopted by
I guess, quote unquote my stepfather. So was my sister. Yeah,
and I we turned eighteen, we went to court and
did it. And I cannot imagine because that was we
were never like it was ever, this is what's going
to happen, or it was always do you want this
to happen? And it was kind of I don't know it.
(02:49):
It was a very special thing between each of us
and this guy who raised us, and it's I just
can't imagine how I would feel if all of a
sudden he were like, nah, yeah, I'm not into this anymore.
Like it almost makes me wonder if there's that something
that's heartbreaking going on in the in the primary relationship,
like between he and the mom or something like maybe
(03:09):
I don't know, because why would he I can't imagine
that he goes to talk to his mom and mom says, yeah,
you don't want that kid. It's almost like giving that no,
but it's it's well maybe, but it's almost like it's
almost like mom doesn't like the wife or girlfriend or
whatever and doesn't know if that's going to last, So
then don't adopt the guy. I don't know, because I
(03:30):
can't imagine that my mom would talk me out of
adopting somewhat a child that I helped raise over the child, correct,
I would think it would be something something else.
Speaker 4 (03:39):
Yeah, can I say an unpopular opinion? So why is
he consulting with his mother? Like, this is a grown
ass man and this is his family, his mother, his
mother is his family. It's his mother. I'm very aware
of that. But this man created his own family. So
I'm just really confused as to why we're consulting mom
about your family dynamic and what you're going to do
in adoption. You know what I'm saying to me, I
(04:01):
don't like that. That that's too much. This is your family,
You're a grown ass man.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
This is from the woman who calls Hobby's mom. Absolutely,
and he's not doing what you want him to do.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
He didn't watch the dishes. I call his mother. This
is true, but we when come.
Speaker 4 (04:14):
To our family, but when it comes to our family dynamic,
we're not going to consult our mommies.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
Like that's we're not doing.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
No, you consult his mom. So what you're saying is
his mom has influence. And I don't think that's unfair.
I don't think it's unfair to have your mom be
someone that you you can you can talk.
Speaker 4 (04:29):
To her, of course, But at the end of the day,
I still feel like, this is your family. When you
get married, you create your own family. You guys know that,
Like we've been preaching this on this radio for years,
Like I'm learning not too I consult my mom for
the littlest things.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
I admit it.
Speaker 4 (04:40):
I'll say, hey, Ma, you know I want to do this,
what should I do? I want to get a tattoo.
I'm still like, oh, should I ask my mom? I like, yeah,
I think these things. But at the end of the day,
it's like, no, I'm a grown ass woman. I'm thirty
two years old. I have a family. Now, I have
a child, and I have a husband. This is now
my family. We're making all decisions.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
But Pete we don't know that that she's the one
who said, don't you ed or he may have gone
to her with this, with this idea anyway, and she
may have reinforced it. So no, I mean, mom shouldn't
be running the family. But I don't think that consulting
family who are important to you when it comes to
making big decisions, isn't that what family's for, may to
help you sort of work through those kind of things.
Speaker 4 (05:16):
It sounds like you got doubts though, if you're going
to go to your mom too, I would call my mom,
or let in this case, this man called his mom
and say, hey, guess what, Mom, I'm going to adopt first.
I don't know her name, that's any whatever, I'm going
to adopt her like this is what we're doing in
beautiful family birth right, beautiful birth up, and we're going
to change.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
Her Yeah, yeah, I got to me, no birth of
Frederick out there, We'll change. So that's my bigger, my
bigger issue here.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Is right goodness.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
I love the name birth It's beautiful. I hear it's
making a comeback.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
Actually enough, you.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Know, we don't and to play devil ma advocate like
she the it all happened at the girl's birthday party,
so she asked him in front of the family. So
I'm sure his mom was there and his family and
her family were there, So of course that opens it
up for people to have opinions. However, you're in a
marriage and you've raised this girl. I couldn't imagine telling
(06:12):
a kid I don't want to adopt you, like it mean,
a kid I just met yesterday, if they asked me
to adopt him, yes, you know what I'm saying. How
could you tell somebody living in your house that you
raise that you don't want to take on that responsibility
for them.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
Well, and I obviously don't know these people can judge, Kiki,
but these things, in my experience, at least in my
personal experience, they don't just happen. There's normally some discussion. Now,
she may have surprised him, my guess, a viral because
these things go viral sometimes.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
Who knows.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
Maybe she just sprung it on him, but I doubt
it because, yeah, I mean, like in our family, was
discussed for a very long time before it happened, and
everybody was comfortable with it. So I don't know. I mean,
maybe if she surprised him. I mean, there are some
things we don't know. How long is the relationship? Do
we know how long they've been together?
Speaker 1 (07:00):
No, but she said that her daughter is sixteen and
he's the only father that she's known, So.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Okay, well then yeah, then I don't know.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
Most in my experience, most adults, when the child that
they raise that isn't technically their blood child, when that
kid wants them to be their legal father, that is
normally the biggest honor that you can bestow on someone. Oh,
because it's a choice, you know, it's I mean, I
love my parents, and I love my mom, and my
(07:29):
mom I got so lucky. I won the mom lottery
with mom of Fred, but not everybody did. Not everybody
won the family lottery. And so a lot of times
we'll hear people say that friends are the family that
you choose. Well, in this case, he's the dad that
she gets to pick because they could go on. I mean,
how many stepparents do you know that are just kind
of there, you know, and they're nice, and they're they're
(07:50):
not bad people, but they're're not necessarily running out to
go to court and have them adopt you. So I
can't imagine a world where this guy would he's shunning
this child that he raised. It's got to be something more.
Yeah five, that's crazy to me.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
Yvonne hi Yavan the morning, Good morning. Hey you heard
this whole thing? What say you?
Speaker 5 (08:17):
So? I've been with my husband for fourteen years now.
He came into the picture when my daughters were seven
and four, and he I know, would adopt them in
a heartbeat if he had the chance. And so the
fact that he changed his mind, not only is that
heartbreaking for the mom because she's been a second guest,
(08:39):
you know, like, how does he really feel about my
daughter if he's second guessing this, but also the daughter.
I couldn't imagine having to go back and tell her like, hey,
he changed his mind. It's just really sad and coming
from like someone in a blended family. If I had
any doubts on the way my husband felt about my kid,
(09:00):
I'd be out, I leave. I mean, it's just you've
raised this kid, I mean, her whole life. I don't
know why he would like have any reservations or have
changed his mind.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Yeah, this wasn't This doesn't sound like a snap decision.
I mean maybe I don't know. It's it's really crazy
to raise a child and then this happens, and then
have you go never mind. I don't I don't really
want that obligation anymore because you took it on already,
you already get it.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
And it sounds like he still don't for the obligation.
He just doesn't want to make it legal. And to me,
there's something crazy causing that.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Yeah, yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 5 (09:35):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (09:37):
I know it's it's it's puzzling, isn't it. Thank you
so much for listening, for calling. Have a great day.
Speaker 5 (09:41):
Thank you, guys.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
Yeah I Mike, Good morning, Mike.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
How you doing.
Speaker 6 (09:47):
Thank you guys, good morning, How are you doing great?
Speaker 3 (09:50):
Thanks for listening, Thanks for calling. So Keniky, just make
sure I have this right. Guy and a girl been
together for a while. Dude raises his stepdaughter and we're
kind of putting this together. But if he's the only
dad she ever knew, then let's just say an extended
period of time that the stepdad's been raising this woman's daughter.
And so there was discussion about him adopting her legally,
(10:10):
and they said let's do it, and he said yes,
and then he went back now and has said to
the woman, to his girlfriend or wife, whatever, no, I
don't want it anymore, which is crazy to me, Mike,
what do you think?
Speaker 6 (10:23):
So I was kind of put in that kind of
same situation. I've been with my wife now eleven years
today actually, so I've known.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
Congratulations fourteen, Thank you.
Speaker 6 (10:35):
I've been with I've known my fourteen year old she'll
be fifteen here in July, since basically she was three.
So her father now is a deceased but after we
had our second child, that we have three girls including her,
that she felt left out. So my wife, instead of
(10:57):
going through the adoption process, we actually petitioned the court
to her legally take my last name. My family loved her,
they thought that she you know, she's the world to
all of us. But yeah, even after was it last months,
we actually mentioned, hey, you know, we know you have
(11:22):
my last name. Would you like for me to adopt you?
And she's like, no, I'm saying, I'm okay that you
know I have your last name. I love you, and
that doesn't change anything. She doesn't wanted to have the
same last name as her sisters and the rest of
my family because I come from a very big family,
So that was kind of the.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
Gist with that.
Speaker 6 (11:45):
So, I mean, yes, adoption is awesome. It's very expensive,
but we just petitioned the court. We had to jump
through a couple of hoops for it to happen because
he is defeased. But other than that, I mean, it
was kind of easy, peasy.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Well, watch a nice Mike.
Speaker 3 (12:01):
It's a great story, and and that you guys talked
about it and that she's comfortable with it or whatever.
I can't imagine for if you had said it offered
her that, or if she asked you and you say yeah,
and then you come back a little while later and go, actually,
I thought about it, and I definitely don't want to
be legally attached to you in any way, even though
I've done everything else in the role of your father.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
It's I don't get it.
Speaker 6 (12:24):
I don't get it either, don't understand. I mean there
could be I mean, there could be so other like
factors that she didn't mention, but I mean, yeah, it
is kind of, you know, crappy that he did that,
But I'm sure there's other reasons that we don't know of,
(12:44):
you know of why?
Speaker 3 (12:45):
So yeah, yeah, Mike, Mike, thanks for sharing that. By
the way, I have a great day. Thanks you too.
Speaker 6 (12:51):
Guys have a good one.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
Glad Yeah, glad you called KB? Hi KB? How you doing.
Speaker 7 (12:56):
I'm wonderful. How are you guys this morning?
Speaker 2 (12:59):
KB?
Speaker 3 (12:59):
Thanks for list say, thanks for calling. So you heard
you heard the case in Kiki's court?
Speaker 2 (13:04):
What say you?
Speaker 7 (13:05):
Oh, this is a mess. Yeah, I would definitely say divorced.
But here's my reason why. So you're legally taught to me,
you made that declaration, that obligation, but you don't want
to do it for my children, and then you make it, you.
Speaker 8 (13:19):
Know, very loud at the birthday party.
Speaker 7 (13:22):
Then you go back on that. No, we're not going
to create that type of hurt within our children. We're
just not. We're just not in Your mom needs to
go sit down and enjoy her own life because you
have your own.
Speaker 3 (13:32):
Oh I just I got to think there's something very
adult going on here because it can't be about the child.
I mean sixteen, she's a kid like any raiser supposedly,
so it can't be about the kid.
Speaker 7 (13:45):
So then he makes directed by that within himself, and
if he does have conversations with his mom, then he
needs to talk to his wife before and say, you
know what my mom said this. My mom said that
it's not a flat out no, but tell us talk
to it. But to just say a flat out no,
that's a problem. That's the previous gentleman.
Speaker 8 (14:02):
He said.
Speaker 7 (14:02):
They went through out of the name change. I mean
that's also an option, but to flat out no, the
answer for me is not.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
Yeah, yeah, thank you, kV. Have a great date. Thanks
for listening. Appreciate you. Alicia, Hi, Alicia, Hi, Hey, good morning, welcome.
What do you think you're the jury here? Tiky scored.
Speaker 9 (14:25):
So kind of a little similar situation. My parents have
been together, which is my mom and my stepdad twenty
seven years now. Came into our life when my sister
was six and I was two. My sister asked, when
she was like thirteen fourteen for him to adopt her.
He flat out said no.
Speaker 7 (14:43):
He said no, he.
Speaker 9 (14:43):
Wouldn't do it, even though he is our parent. He's
on all of our you know, emergency contacts, he has whatever,
he's our stepdad.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
What was what words?
Speaker 9 (14:54):
I don't really know because I was so young and
I've never really like asked, yeah, I just know my
sister still feels hurt by it and actually, like fast
forward to quarantine time, my mom finds out that he's
been messaging some lady like the love of his life.
And he also in those messages was like, I'm not
(15:17):
a dad to these two girls.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
See, you can't trust a man.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Who see No, my gut tells me there's something going
on at the relationship level, at the romantic relationship level
that's making this shy.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
Now that's said.
Speaker 3 (15:30):
That said that, even if they were to break up,
like if my parents were to break up, my dad's
my dad, my mom's my mom, they're still going to
be in my life. They don't have to be together.
So that's weird too. But maybe he just doesn't want
to go through all this. If he knows they're going
to break up.
Speaker 6 (15:46):
It could be, you know, maybe he's saving feelings later on.
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Yeah, that's crazy.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
Well, see, there you go, this dude was there was
There was nefarious nits going on here.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
It always is always.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
You know, trust him, Yeah, you go a good one.
I don't know if nefariousness is a word, but it
sounds good to me.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
Winter. Hi, welcome to the Friend Show. How are you,
good morning?
Speaker 6 (16:16):
How are you guys?
Speaker 3 (16:17):
Winter, So Kiki's court, I'm just trying to make this
as simple as possible, but it's it's it's the woman
riding in right.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
Yes, so she is. And is she married to this
guy or they just together?
Speaker 1 (16:28):
No, she's married to him and they shared two other
kids biologically together. But she had a daughter from a
previous relationship, and this man has been in her daughter's
life forever.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
She's the only he's the only dad that she knows.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
And the girl asked him to adopt her, and he agreed,
But then later a week later, came back and renigged
on it.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
Yeah, what do you think? Winter?
Speaker 8 (16:48):
So I was in a really very similar situation. I
was raised by my stepdad. My parents got married when
I was two or three, so my stepdad is my dad.
When I was sixteen, I asked my dad to me,
And now at twenty eight, I have taken that back
where now I do have a relationship with my dad
full into adulthood. But I was the same way and
(17:10):
I was like, no, I really want my stepdad to
adopt me. But coming into adulthood, I'm like, I really
wish I would have regretted my stepdad adopting me. Because
there's still an opportunity for her to have that relationship
with her dad that might be where he is coming from,
where the mom is coming from, Like hold on, because
if the dad really wants to reach out in adulthood,
(17:32):
he doesn't have any right. Again, he shouldn't have a
right because he wasn't there her entire life. So I
see that part. But there is more sides to the
story because she is just a teenager. She wants these
decisions like yes, having that parental figure in your life,
your entire life, and being like, no, that is my dad.
That's how I feel about my stepdad. But I would
have regretted it at sixteen had I asked him to
(17:54):
adopt me and not been able to have that relationship
with my biological father. So there's a little bit more
to it. But I see everybody's point, where like, if
the stuff that came back to me was like no,
I don't want to adopt you, I get that point.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
Too, man.
Speaker 3 (18:09):
I mean the kind I mean, the abandonment ceiling that you.
I mean, that's the kind of stuff that lives with you.
It would stay with you your whole life. Like this
guy that raised me doesn't want me and I just
can't imagine a world where it's about the kid. But
you know, we don't know everything. But wow, Winter, thank
you so much for calling. You have a good day.
Speaker 8 (18:28):
Thank you guys. Love you guys.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
Yeah, I love you to. You just can't you can't
play with this stuff.
Speaker 5 (18:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (18:32):
I was gonna just say when you turn eighteen though,
you're technically an adult, right, so like you can do
and whatever as you please. So like, if you're by
allowed to a dad does come around and knocks on
your door, you're legally able to talk to him and
have a relationship with him right after eighteen Or am
I making this?
Speaker 3 (18:46):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (18:46):
I mean it's a legal thing.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
And if he's raised her and the other guy hasn't
been around, then I don't know why anybody would be surprised, Right,
that's the way this went. But they wouldn't preclude you
from having a relationship with your birth father. I mean
I could still do that if I chose to know.
And again I didn't. I didn't well get adopted. Uh yeah,
because he went for cigarettes. Both of our days went
(19:08):
for cigarettes. Ever came back. But I I'm yeah, I mean,
if my birth father wanted to have a relationship with
me or whatever, then that that's very that's still possible.
And the fact of the matter is my dad who
adopted me, the guy who raised me. I mean, that's
it was that was appropriate for our relationship because well
(19:28):
he was, he's been the guy exactly. So that doesn't
mean you can't have a relationship with your birth father.
He's not even around. So what indication do we have
that's gonna happen. I don't know. I don't know. All right, well,
Ki Ki, yeah, man, I think we're headed to divorce courts.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
I think we are, Lauren, sorry girl, Yeah, yeah, I
know it is.
Speaker 3 (19:52):
The Entertainment Report will do it in two minutes after
metro Boom and
Order.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
She's a fresh show.
Speaker 3 (00:03):
It's Kiki's court, all right, all right, the honor ble
kik aik is here.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Judge Kiki, if you would.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Yes, let's get into it. The case says, Hey Kiki.
My name is Lauren. I'm a longtime listener of the show.
My husband and I have three kids. I have one
daughter from a previous relationship, and we have two kids together.
My oldest daughter has never met her biological father, so
my husband is the only father that she knows. For
her sixteenth birthday, she thought it would be a sweet
(00:31):
thing to ask my husband to finally adopt her. She's
always wanted to have the same last name as my
other kids, and I always wanted it to be her decision.
So at her birthday party, she asks my husband in
front of all of our family and friends, and he
said yes. Well, a week later, my husband came back
to me and said that after thinking about it and
talking it over with his mom, he's had a change
(00:53):
of heart. Oh my god, he doesn't want to complicate
things by legally adopting my daughter.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
I'm heartbroken.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
His excuse was that he already plays the father role
for her and it's no need to get the courts involved.
I told him there's no way I'm telling my daughter
that you've changed your mind. He has to adopt her
or I will leave. Am I wrong forgiving him an ultimatum?
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Damn baby? What say you? Judge? Kiki?
Speaker 1 (01:23):
This is one that I really needed thirteen to weigh
in on because it's really been bothering me all weekend.
Because my issue really comes in is that you went
and spoke with your mother. What happened in that conversation
between him and his mother that made him change his
mind to come back and say he doesn't want to
legally adopt my kid. And I don't want to tell
(01:44):
her to leave her husband because it's easy to say
blow up your family when you're not the one in
the situation. Obviously, he's a good guy, a good father.
He's raised her other children and alone. You know, he's
taken the girl in to be her father, but not legally.
What is stopping him? It makes me think of like,
is he worried about if they ever divorced and maybe
he's going to be responsible for child support or something,
or you know, is there some type of legal thing
(02:05):
that he's scared of getting the courts involved. I just
feel like there has to be more to it, and
I would love to know the conversation between him and
his mother. But for him to renegue on the original
agreement and he promised this girl this in front of
the entire family. He is so dead wrong, Like he's
so wrong, And I feel for you, Lauren Kiki.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
I lived this like this is I was adopted by
I guess, quote unquote my stepfather. So was my sister. Yeah,
and I we turned eighteen, we went to court and
did it. And I cannot imagine because that was we
were never like it was ever, this is what's going
to happen, or it was always do you want this
to happen? And it was kind of I don't know it.
(02:49):
It was a very special thing between each of us
and this guy who raised us, and it's I just
can't imagine how I would feel if all of a
sudden he were like, nah, yeah, I'm not into this anymore.
Like it almost makes me wonder if there's that something
that's heartbreaking going on in the in the primary relationship,
like between he and the mom or something like maybe
(03:09):
I don't know, because why would he I can't imagine
that he goes to talk to his mom and mom says, yeah,
you don't want that kid. It's almost like giving that no,
but it's it's well maybe, but it's almost like it's
almost like mom doesn't like the wife or girlfriend or
whatever and doesn't know if that's going to last, So
then don't adopt the guy. I don't know, because I
(03:30):
can't imagine that my mom would talk me out of
adopting somewhat a child that I helped raise over the child, correct,
I would think it would be something something else.
Speaker 4 (03:39):
Yeah, can I say an unpopular opinion? So why is
he consulting with his mother? Like, this is a grown
ass man and this is his family, his mother, his
mother is his family. It's his mother. I'm very aware
of that. But this man created his own family. So
I'm just really confused as to why we're consulting mom
about your family dynamic and what you're going to do
in adoption. You know what I'm saying to me, I
(04:01):
don't like that. That that's too much. This is your family,
You're a grown ass man.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
This is from the woman who calls Hobby's mom. Absolutely,
and he's not doing what you want him to do.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
He didn't watch the dishes. I call his mother. This
is true, but we when come.
Speaker 4 (04:14):
To our family, but when it comes to our family dynamic,
we're not going to consult our mommies.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
Like that's we're not doing.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
No, you consult his mom. So what you're saying is
his mom has influence. And I don't think that's unfair.
I don't think it's unfair to have your mom be
someone that you you can you can talk.
Speaker 4 (04:29):
To her, of course, But at the end of the day,
I still feel like, this is your family. When you
get married, you create your own family. You guys know that,
Like we've been preaching this on this radio for years,
Like I'm learning not too I consult my mom for
the littlest things.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
I admit it.
Speaker 4 (04:40):
I'll say, hey, Ma, you know I want to do this,
what should I do? I want to get a tattoo.
I'm still like, oh, should I ask my mom? I like, yeah,
I think these things. But at the end of the day,
it's like, no, I'm a grown ass woman. I'm thirty
two years old. I have a family. Now, I have
a child, and I have a husband. This is now
my family. We're making all decisions.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
But Pete we don't know that that she's the one
who said, don't you ed or he may have gone
to her with this, with this idea anyway, and she
may have reinforced it. So no, I mean, mom shouldn't
be running the family. But I don't think that consulting
family who are important to you when it comes to
making big decisions, isn't that what family's for, may to
help you sort of work through those kind of things.
Speaker 4 (05:16):
It sounds like you got doubts though, if you're going
to go to your mom too, I would call my mom,
or let in this case, this man called his mom
and say, hey, guess what, Mom, I'm going to adopt first.
I don't know her name, that's any whatever, I'm going
to adopt her like this is what we're doing in
beautiful family birth right, beautiful birth up, and we're going
to change.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
Her Yeah, yeah, I got to me, no birth of
Frederick out there, We'll change. So that's my bigger, my
bigger issue here.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Is right goodness.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
I love the name birth It's beautiful. I hear it's
making a comeback.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
Actually enough, you.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Know, we don't and to play devil ma advocate like
she the it all happened at the girl's birthday party,
so she asked him in front of the family. So
I'm sure his mom was there and his family and
her family were there, So of course that opens it
up for people to have opinions. However, you're in a
marriage and you've raised this girl. I couldn't imagine telling
(06:12):
a kid I don't want to adopt you, like it mean,
a kid I just met yesterday, if they asked me
to adopt him, yes, you know what I'm saying. How
could you tell somebody living in your house that you
raise that you don't want to take on that responsibility
for them.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
Well, and I obviously don't know these people can judge, Kiki,
but these things, in my experience, at least in my
personal experience, they don't just happen. There's normally some discussion. Now,
she may have surprised him, my guess, a viral because
these things go viral sometimes.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
Who knows.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
Maybe she just sprung it on him, but I doubt
it because, yeah, I mean, like in our family, was
discussed for a very long time before it happened, and
everybody was comfortable with it. So I don't know. I mean,
maybe if she surprised him. I mean, there are some
things we don't know. How long is the relationship? Do
we know how long they've been together?
Speaker 1 (07:00):
No, but she said that her daughter is sixteen and
he's the only father that she's known, So.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Okay, well then yeah, then I don't know.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
Most in my experience, most adults, when the child that
they raise that isn't technically their blood child, when that
kid wants them to be their legal father, that is
normally the biggest honor that you can bestow on someone. Oh,
because it's a choice, you know, it's I mean, I
love my parents, and I love my mom, and my
(07:29):
mom I got so lucky. I won the mom lottery
with mom of Fred, but not everybody did. Not everybody
won the family lottery. And so a lot of times
we'll hear people say that friends are the family that
you choose. Well, in this case, he's the dad that
she gets to pick because they could go on. I mean,
how many stepparents do you know that are just kind
of there, you know, and they're nice, and they're they're
(07:50):
not bad people, but they're're not necessarily running out to
go to court and have them adopt you. So I
can't imagine a world where this guy would he's shunning
this child that he raised. It's got to be something more.
Yeah five, that's crazy to me.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
Yvonne hi Yavan the morning, Good morning. Hey you heard
this whole thing? What say you?
Speaker 5 (08:17):
So? I've been with my husband for fourteen years now.
He came into the picture when my daughters were seven
and four, and he I know, would adopt them in
a heartbeat if he had the chance. And so the
fact that he changed his mind, not only is that
heartbreaking for the mom because she's been a second guest,
(08:39):
you know, like, how does he really feel about my
daughter if he's second guessing this, but also the daughter.
I couldn't imagine having to go back and tell her like, hey,
he changed his mind. It's just really sad and coming
from like someone in a blended family. If I had
any doubts on the way my husband felt about my kid,
(09:00):
I'd be out, I leave. I mean, it's just you've
raised this kid, I mean, her whole life. I don't
know why he would like have any reservations or have
changed his mind.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Yeah, this wasn't This doesn't sound like a snap decision.
I mean maybe I don't know. It's it's really crazy
to raise a child and then this happens, and then
have you go never mind. I don't I don't really
want that obligation anymore because you took it on already,
you already get it.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
And it sounds like he still don't for the obligation.
He just doesn't want to make it legal. And to me,
there's something crazy causing that.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Yeah, yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 5 (09:35):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (09:37):
I know it's it's it's puzzling, isn't it. Thank you
so much for listening, for calling. Have a great day.
Speaker 5 (09:41):
Thank you, guys.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
Yeah I Mike, Good morning, Mike.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
How you doing.
Speaker 6 (09:47):
Thank you guys, good morning, How are you doing great?
Speaker 3 (09:50):
Thanks for listening, Thanks for calling. So Keniky, just make
sure I have this right. Guy and a girl been
together for a while. Dude raises his stepdaughter and we're
kind of putting this together. But if he's the only
dad she ever knew, then let's just say an extended
period of time that the stepdad's been raising this woman's daughter.
And so there was discussion about him adopting her legally,
(10:10):
and they said let's do it, and he said yes,
and then he went back now and has said to
the woman, to his girlfriend or wife, whatever, no, I
don't want it anymore, which is crazy to me, Mike,
what do you think?
Speaker 6 (10:23):
So I was kind of put in that kind of
same situation. I've been with my wife now eleven years
today actually, so I've known.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
Congratulations fourteen, Thank you.
Speaker 6 (10:35):
I've been with I've known my fourteen year old she'll
be fifteen here in July, since basically she was three.
So her father now is a deceased but after we
had our second child, that we have three girls including her,
that she felt left out. So my wife, instead of
(10:57):
going through the adoption process, we actually petitioned the court
to her legally take my last name. My family loved her,
they thought that she you know, she's the world to
all of us. But yeah, even after was it last months,
we actually mentioned, hey, you know, we know you have
(11:22):
my last name. Would you like for me to adopt you?
And she's like, no, I'm saying, I'm okay that you
know I have your last name. I love you, and
that doesn't change anything. She doesn't wanted to have the
same last name as her sisters and the rest of
my family because I come from a very big family,
So that was kind of the.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
Gist with that.
Speaker 6 (11:45):
So, I mean, yes, adoption is awesome. It's very expensive,
but we just petitioned the court. We had to jump
through a couple of hoops for it to happen because
he is defeased. But other than that, I mean, it
was kind of easy, peasy.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Well, watch a nice Mike.
Speaker 3 (12:01):
It's a great story, and and that you guys talked
about it and that she's comfortable with it or whatever.
I can't imagine for if you had said it offered
her that, or if she asked you and you say yeah,
and then you come back a little while later and go, actually,
I thought about it, and I definitely don't want to
be legally attached to you in any way, even though
I've done everything else in the role of your father.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
It's I don't get it.
Speaker 6 (12:24):
I don't get it either, don't understand. I mean there
could be I mean, there could be so other like
factors that she didn't mention, but I mean, yeah, it
is kind of, you know, crappy that he did that,
But I'm sure there's other reasons that we don't know of,
(12:44):
you know of why?
Speaker 3 (12:45):
So yeah, yeah, Mike, Mike, thanks for sharing that. By
the way, I have a great day. Thanks you too.
Speaker 6 (12:51):
Guys have a good one.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
Glad Yeah, glad you called KB? Hi KB? How you doing.
Speaker 7 (12:56):
I'm wonderful. How are you guys this morning?
Speaker 2 (12:59):
KB?
Speaker 3 (12:59):
Thanks for list say, thanks for calling. So you heard
you heard the case in Kiki's court?
Speaker 2 (13:04):
What say you?
Speaker 7 (13:05):
Oh, this is a mess. Yeah, I would definitely say divorced.
But here's my reason why. So you're legally taught to me,
you made that declaration, that obligation, but you don't want
to do it for my children, and then you make it, you.
Speaker 8 (13:19):
Know, very loud at the birthday party.
Speaker 7 (13:22):
Then you go back on that. No, we're not going
to create that type of hurt within our children. We're
just not. We're just not in Your mom needs to
go sit down and enjoy her own life because you
have your own.
Speaker 3 (13:32):
Oh I just I got to think there's something very
adult going on here because it can't be about the child.
I mean sixteen, she's a kid like any raiser supposedly,
so it can't be about the kid.
Speaker 7 (13:45):
So then he makes directed by that within himself, and
if he does have conversations with his mom, then he
needs to talk to his wife before and say, you
know what my mom said this. My mom said that
it's not a flat out no, but tell us talk
to it. But to just say a flat out no,
that's a problem. That's the previous gentleman.
Speaker 8 (14:02):
He said.
Speaker 7 (14:02):
They went through out of the name change. I mean
that's also an option, but to flat out no, the
answer for me is not.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
Yeah, yeah, thank you, kV. Have a great date. Thanks
for listening. Appreciate you. Alicia, Hi, Alicia, Hi, Hey, good morning, welcome.
What do you think you're the jury here? Tiky scored.
Speaker 9 (14:25):
So kind of a little similar situation. My parents have
been together, which is my mom and my stepdad twenty
seven years now. Came into our life when my sister
was six and I was two. My sister asked, when
she was like thirteen fourteen for him to adopt her.
He flat out said no.
Speaker 7 (14:43):
He said no, he.
Speaker 9 (14:43):
Wouldn't do it, even though he is our parent. He's
on all of our you know, emergency contacts, he has whatever,
he's our stepdad.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
What was what words?
Speaker 9 (14:54):
I don't really know because I was so young and
I've never really like asked, yeah, I just know my
sister still feels hurt by it and actually, like fast
forward to quarantine time, my mom finds out that he's
been messaging some lady like the love of his life.
And he also in those messages was like, I'm not
(15:17):
a dad to these two girls.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
See, you can't trust a man.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Who see No, my gut tells me there's something going
on at the relationship level, at the romantic relationship level
that's making this shy.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
Now that's said.
Speaker 3 (15:30):
That said that, even if they were to break up,
like if my parents were to break up, my dad's
my dad, my mom's my mom, they're still going to
be in my life. They don't have to be together.
So that's weird too. But maybe he just doesn't want
to go through all this. If he knows they're going
to break up.
Speaker 6 (15:46):
It could be, you know, maybe he's saving feelings later on.
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Yeah, that's crazy.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
Well, see, there you go, this dude was there was
There was nefarious nits going on here.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
It always is always.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
You know, trust him, Yeah, you go a good one.
I don't know if nefariousness is a word, but it
sounds good to me.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
Winter. Hi, welcome to the Friend Show. How are you,
good morning?
Speaker 6 (16:16):
How are you guys?
Speaker 3 (16:17):
Winter, So Kiki's court, I'm just trying to make this
as simple as possible, but it's it's it's the woman
riding in right.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
Yes, so she is. And is she married to this
guy or they just together?
Speaker 1 (16:28):
No, she's married to him and they shared two other
kids biologically together. But she had a daughter from a
previous relationship, and this man has been in her daughter's
life forever.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
She's the only he's the only dad that she knows.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
And the girl asked him to adopt her, and he agreed,
But then later a week later, came back and renigged
on it.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
Yeah, what do you think? Winter?
Speaker 8 (16:48):
So I was in a really very similar situation. I
was raised by my stepdad. My parents got married when
I was two or three, so my stepdad is my dad.
When I was sixteen, I asked my dad to me,
And now at twenty eight, I have taken that back
where now I do have a relationship with my dad
full into adulthood. But I was the same way and
(17:10):
I was like, no, I really want my stepdad to
adopt me. But coming into adulthood, I'm like, I really
wish I would have regretted my stepdad adopting me. Because
there's still an opportunity for her to have that relationship
with her dad that might be where he is coming from,
where the mom is coming from, Like hold on, because
if the dad really wants to reach out in adulthood,
(17:32):
he doesn't have any right. Again, he shouldn't have a
right because he wasn't there her entire life. So I
see that part. But there is more sides to the
story because she is just a teenager. She wants these
decisions like yes, having that parental figure in your life,
your entire life, and being like, no, that is my dad.
That's how I feel about my stepdad. But I would
have regretted it at sixteen had I asked him to
(17:54):
adopt me and not been able to have that relationship
with my biological father. So there's a little bit more
to it. But I see everybody's point, where like, if
the stuff that came back to me was like no,
I don't want to adopt you, I get that point.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
Too, man.
Speaker 3 (18:09):
I mean the kind I mean, the abandonment ceiling that you.
I mean, that's the kind of stuff that lives with you.
It would stay with you your whole life. Like this
guy that raised me doesn't want me and I just
can't imagine a world where it's about the kid. But
you know, we don't know everything. But wow, Winter, thank
you so much for calling. You have a good day.
Speaker 8 (18:28):
Thank you guys. Love you guys.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
Yeah, I love you to. You just can't you can't
play with this stuff.
Speaker 5 (18:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (18:32):
I was gonna just say when you turn eighteen though,
you're technically an adult, right, so like you can do
and whatever as you please. So like, if you're by
allowed to a dad does come around and knocks on
your door, you're legally able to talk to him and
have a relationship with him right after eighteen Or am
I making this?
Speaker 3 (18:46):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (18:46):
I mean it's a legal thing.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
And if he's raised her and the other guy hasn't
been around, then I don't know why anybody would be surprised, Right,
that's the way this went. But they wouldn't preclude you
from having a relationship with your birth father. I mean
I could still do that if I chose to know.
And again I didn't. I didn't well get adopted. Uh yeah,
because he went for cigarettes. Both of our days went
(19:08):
for cigarettes. Ever came back. But I I'm yeah, I mean,
if my birth father wanted to have a relationship with
me or whatever, then that that's very that's still possible.
And the fact of the matter is my dad who
adopted me, the guy who raised me. I mean, that's
it was that was appropriate for our relationship because well
(19:28):
he was, he's been the guy exactly. So that doesn't
mean you can't have a relationship with your birth father.
He's not even around. So what indication do we have
that's gonna happen. I don't know. I don't know. All right, well,
Ki Ki, yeah, man, I think we're headed to divorce courts.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
I think we are, Lauren, sorry girl, Yeah, yeah, I
know it is.
Speaker 3 (19:52):
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