April 8, 2025 • 17 mins
Shannon is conflicted after being with her boyfriend for over 15 years and she still hasn't gotten a ring... She asks Fred and the crew if she should move on or stay with him and see what happens.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
That show is on. It's stay or Go. Okay, Shannon,
good morning, Sannin.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Hi, good morning.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
So what's going on with his boyfriend of yours?
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Okay, so we've been dating for fifteen years and I
know that sounds like a lot.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
That's a minute.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
We started at eighteen, so it's like, you know, those
younger years do they really count? But yes they do
in girl years, yes they count. I want to get married, right, like,
I want to have a family. I'm thirty three, Like
you know, this is like geriatric pregnancy kind of like,
you know, we got to get the ball rolling here.
But my boyfriend just says that he's not.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Ready after fifteen years, he's not ready. Yeah, are you
using big Tim?
Speaker 2 (00:50):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
I don't think so. No, I know, think that's Tiky's boyfriend.
But it's been about half the time, right, eight years?
Speaker 3 (00:59):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Seven? Yeah, fifteen years and this guy hasn't pulled the trigger.
And you want to have kids, and the whole geriatric
pregnancy thing is laughable to me, but I know that's
what they call it. My sister, her first pregnancy was
I think like pre geriatric, and then the second one
was full on geriatric.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Yeah, by definition, if you're thirty five or older, they
consider it cheeriaster or like I guess they like want
to use like this advanced maternal age thing, but you
know what they're saying.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
Yeah, so okay, hmm. It's funny because Kaylen and I
we were having this conversation all of us actually off
the air yesterday about getting married, and like, I had
a woman at the event on Friday say to me,
you know, someday somebody will marry you kind of thing,
and I was like, well, you're assuming I want to
be married. Everyone's assuming that I want to be married,
(01:48):
and I'm desperately trying to be in a relationship and
I am not. I mean, if I met somebody who
was you know, and the synergy was there, then I
would do it. But otherwise I'm good. But as far
as getting married, then I asked this person always my
follow up question, So you're happily married, Oh no, I'm divorced.
Well then why then, tell are you telling me to
get married? Oh I'd never do it again. Well then
(02:08):
why are you? Why are you encouraging it for others
so that we can all be tortured the way that
you've been tortured. So I might say to you, after
fifteen years, if you're happy and things are functioning and
going well, then okay. I mean, if you want that,
then you should. You deserve to have that, and you
should find that. But maybe everything is just okay the
way it is. Now you add to this the fact
that you want to have kids. Maybe it's important for
(02:30):
you to be married when you have kids, or you
know that's important value for you, not for everybody, but
for you. Well, then those things need to have You know,
you need to get married, and then you need to
think about starting a family, and you probably want to
think about that sooner than later. So I get it.
But how do you make a person who in fifteen
(02:51):
years hasn't knows these things about you, knows that you
want to be married, knows that you have kids. How
do you get them after fifteen years to just convert
into somebody who believe this. I'm not sure that you do.
And the problem is if you were to say to him,
you better we've talked about this before too, like, hey,
I spent fifteen years, I've giving you plenty of time.
I want to be married and have kids, so we're
(03:11):
doing both of those things, and we have to do
them in the next thirty six months otherwise it's unhealthy.
Potentially you may get what you want, but there's two things.
One it may be under duress, which means a guy
didn't want to do it anyway. And two, even if
he does do it, and even if he did want
to do it, you had to tell him that. You
(03:32):
essentially are going to wonder did I always make him
do this? And I don't think either one of those
things are very good. So my gut tells me, Shannon,
you might need to think about moving on.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Yeah, I know, but he says he wants to get married,
you know, like, well, he wants to propose on his
own time.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
But I'm like, is your watch broken, buddy?
Speaker 4 (03:52):
Like, come on, fifteen years? Why he not ready? What's
his reason for not being ready?
Speaker 3 (03:58):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
He just says he wants to do it on his
own time, and you know, it's like, oh, where o this.
I'm like, there's always going to be stuff, right, like
I am apprized and I want to be the priority.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Oh well, thener you gotta go yeah, because I don't.
I don't think you can go to him if you
want to be married after fifteen years. I think the
only way this works is if you go to him
and say, look, I want to be married like now
and then and then you have to just I mean
it's almost like you have to put a deadline on it,
because again, fifteen years is a life, it's half a lifetime.
(04:28):
I mean, it's a long time. And I don't know
how you get a person because if you don't say
anything and then steatus quo, you know, then it I mean, Jason,
you're kind of in this in this book. I'm almost there. Yeah, one,
you're shy, and then which I mean, what like what
do you do?
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Right?
Speaker 1 (04:44):
You go to Mike the mechanic and go like, hey man,
you know, hey, I want to be married, and he goes, okay,
but I don't want to be and then the end
of conversation unless there's a second part, which is okay.
But I mean, really I need this in my life.
I want this in my life and it needs to
happen soon. And then what if the person says no.
(05:05):
Then if you say okay, then you've acquiesced, right and
you've you've played your card. The card has been played,
and you now have no leverage. So the answer is there.
It is. So if that is so important to you
and this person's not seeing the same value in that value,
then you that might that might be a fundamental disconnection.
(05:26):
You may have to move on.
Speaker 5 (05:27):
Would you be open to having kids outside like without
being married?
Speaker 3 (05:31):
Like, is that something either of you are open to?
Speaker 2 (05:34):
I'm not open to that. I want to be married,
like I want the whole thing.
Speaker 5 (05:38):
Okay, Oh gosh, it's so hard, Like you have someone
that treats you well and that you love, and it's like, yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
Fifteen years right, Yeah, it's a.
Speaker 5 (05:46):
Lot of time invested. And it goes back to, like
you said, the value. So like I on my podcast, lol,
but like I had a relationship expert come on and
talk about the situation, because I think a lot of
times it's you know, you don't want to give some
of the ultimatum. You don't want to force somebody to
do something they don't want it, right, Right, However, I
think it goes back to quite literally the like what
do you value in your relationship?
Speaker 1 (06:06):
Right?
Speaker 5 (06:06):
And that's what this expert was telling me, and she said,
you know, is it marriage, like is it you know
sex in your like marriage or relationship, like what are
your values? And unfortunately the hard part with this is
if you go to him and ask him that, you
have to be prepared for the answer. And then also
it's kind of like, well, what are you gonna do
with that answer?
Speaker 1 (06:21):
Right? Are you saying or are you going? That's that's
why we're here?
Speaker 3 (06:24):
There go?
Speaker 5 (06:24):
But quite literally, you know, what are you going to
do with that information?
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Because you can't get all the values? I'm sure I
don't think so from one person?
Speaker 5 (06:31):
Probably not right, Like if I value let's just say,
like the top three things, you know, does my husband
value those?
Speaker 3 (06:37):
No?
Speaker 1 (06:37):
But I guess like what's priority? Like she wants to
be married, this is what she wants. Well, let me
ask you this, Shannon, just to be clear, and did
you switch? Did you did you flip the script at
any point? Like I mean, I'm just curious. I don't
know the answer, of course, but like for the first
I don't know ten years, were you like, ah, this
is fine? Or for the first I mean you have
it right to do that, But I mean, like, did
you just recently say because like for example, I know
(06:59):
a marriag couple, they're married, they decided they just said
from the beginning, if we get married, I do not
want to have kids one person, and the person's like,
that's fine. And the person is like, I don't want
to marry you and have this come up later, like
this is fundamental, I don't want to have kids, and
the person was like, that's fine, no problem. Two years
in the marriage, I want to have a kid, and
(07:21):
then it was like, well, now what do we do
because we talked about this and then whoopsie they had
a kid, and that's a whole different conversation. But oh
it was a mistake. It was oh, it was an
accident and it all worked out. But my thing is, like,
I guess I was just curious if you if you
were like, yeah, no, maybe, you know, it's just free
and fun and whatever, and then all of a sudden
you're like, no, no, no, I mean we have to
(07:42):
get married now. Is there any of that going on?
Speaker 2 (07:45):
So, I mean we were together like at eighteen, so yeah,
of course it was like, oh, yeah, whatever, we're just
having fun. But I mean, I will say the last
ten years I've been pretty solid on like wanting a
family and wanting to have kids. So you know, I
feel like, you know, fair at twenty too. You know,
I'm like kind of thinking that way, and he was
seemed to be on the same page.
Speaker 5 (08:04):
Yeah, and we're like allowed to change, right or do
you guys disagree?
Speaker 1 (08:07):
Let's just say you can change. But I mean, I
guess if a decade goes by and you can change
your mind. But I think if you change your mind
in that way after saying no, no, it's good, it's good,
it's good, and then a decade later you're like, no,
it's not, I think you have to be prepared that
that person's going to say, well, I've been very honest
with you and transparent. We may be at a crossroad.
That's why I was curious about that. You do have
(08:28):
a right to change your mind. I was just curious
if you did, well, we grow, we evolve, because that
would be one thing. But you know, you're saying that
this guy has known for a long time that this
is what you want and hasn't done it. Yeah, you
gotta go, Yeah, you gotta go, up, you gotta go. No,
I don't blame you for being afraid. I don't blame you,
but like, I don't think it's going to happen, and
if it does, it's going to because you you're going
(08:50):
to feel like you force his hand in it. Yeah, right,
and that's not a good feeling, and that's not fair
to you.
Speaker 4 (08:54):
No, he's in the way of your husband. You know
your husband is a or to him, right.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
Yeah, because if he didn't really want it, then like
we're both fooling ourselves.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
Let me, Shannon, take some phone calls on this. But
I don't mean to be harsh, I really don't, but
I just I you know, my gut tells me that
this this isn't going to happen on its own, and
if it does, it will probably be You'll probably wonder
for the rest of your life, did I make this
guy do this? And I don't think that's a great
feeling to have, even if it's not justified. Even if
he's right on the verge and then you push him
(09:24):
and then he does it, you're still gonna be like
I had to push you, and I don't think that's cool.
But man, and let me take some calls and have
the radio on and we'll see what happens. But good luck,
thank you. I'm eight five three five high, Amanda. How
are you?
Speaker 6 (09:40):
I'm good?
Speaker 7 (09:40):
How are you?
Speaker 1 (09:41):
Doing great, Sargo, What do you think, I.
Speaker 6 (09:43):
Say, go, I've been with my boyfriend for ten years,
but we started dating at fourteen, so I'm twenty four now,
and we've talked about getting a ring. We just have
kind of surpassed our first year in both of our
you know, start of our so we were kind of
just waiting on that. But we're both aligned on the
(10:04):
whole kid thing, and I think if you're not, that's
a deal breaker.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
I will say, to start a relationship at fourteen, I mean, yeah,
people get married. I mean people get married at eighteens.
You know they get married, Yeah, they do. Yeah, No,
But I mean I would say, I'm not saying that
the first you know, three quarters of the relationship don't count.
They do, but it might be a little less realistic
to be married in the first part of that, right,
(10:31):
So now here we are, and so now I think
it's a valid conversation, and I'm not saying that the
ten years of your relationship don't count, but you're not
gonna get married at fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seid probably so,
But yeah, I would think this guy would know where
he stands with you at this point, after all this time.
Speaker 6 (10:45):
Yeah, and you you can't change someone's mind that easily
on a topic that's huge.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Yeah, I agree, And it's not the kind of thing
I want to wonder. It's not the kind of thing
I want to wonder for the rest of my life.
Even if it even if it works, I still don't
want to be like man, I had to make it.
I do that, right.
Speaker 6 (11:01):
I don't think you mentioned gil. I agree, Gil is
not something you want in a relationship.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
Yeah, Amanda, thank you, have a good day, good luck, Thanks,
bred bye, thanks for calling. Hey, Bethany, good morning, Hi,
good morning, Hi Bethany stare Go.
Speaker 7 (11:18):
So I think that she's got to go. There's after
fifteen years. If you're not ready, you're never going to
be ready. There's no way.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
Yeah. I don't think this guy wants to be married.
I mean because again, good enough for fifteen years. I
don't want to say not good enough for marriage, but
that doesn't make sense, right, Like, if you're good enough
for fifteen years, then you're good enough for marriage unless
you just don't want to be married, and then that's
okay too. But I don't think he wants to be married.
So what's like the cutoff year wise?
Speaker 3 (11:43):
Like, are we concerned at.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
Seven years half a lifetime ago? I don't know, because
he is about to be there. Yeah, I'm about to
cut him off. I don't know. I don't know that
it takes. I don't think it takes that long to
know if you want to be married.
Speaker 4 (12:00):
No, it doesn't take that long to know if you
want to be married. I think it takes. We have
to be realistic. There's a life thing. There's the things
that happen in people's lives that forgive me. There always
will be, There, always will be. However, she she doesn't
have a reason. He can't even give her a reason
on why it hasn't happened. Now I know several reasons
on why things haven't happened and why. You know, if
you're being if that's really what you want and your
(12:21):
partner won't give it to you, like leave, there's no
reason to stay in it. But there's I mean, you
can't put a time stamp. I don't think there's a
certain year like at the five year marketing bands and
then you have to go like No, it's different for
every relationship. And people settle too and settle early, and
that doesn't work out great either.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
So it's like, you just got to do what works
for you. Bethany, she got to go. I think she.
Speaker 7 (12:41):
I think so for sure if she wants, if she
values marriage, and it doesn't sound like he does, then
there's the answer.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Yeah. Thank you, Bethany. Have a great day, you too,
Glad you called. Thank you for listening. Carrie, Hi carry
good morning. You did this this? Yes, okay, so tell
me about it.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
So me and my have been met when I was
fifteen and he was eighteen, and we instantly got together.
You know, we had a child. Accidentally, we had a child,
and we decided, okay, we don't want to do the
lockdown get married thing, you know, because we were both
so young we wanted to live our life and all
of that. But then I got older and then I'm like, okay,
(13:25):
you know, we got a kid, we got kids, whatever,
I want to get married. He still didn't want to.
And I kind of understood that because from a man's standpoint,
you know, you guys feel differently than women. Do. You
have different emotions, different things that you go through. The
older you get, the more you're just like, okay, I'm
too old for this. Just pasterone. All that kind of
(13:49):
stuff comes into play. So I think she should stay.
I don't think that he doesn't value it. I think
that there could be something there that she just doesn't realize,
or maybe it could be childhood trauma that he's went through,
or even some kind of emotion that he's going through
that maybe they just need to sit down and, like
(14:09):
you know, have a conversation, maybe compromise with each other. Okay,
well you want children, let's have children. Don't have his
last name. You'll still be their father. It's not like
you won't be in their life. It's just maybe come
to a compromise and then later on get married. I
know people that have been together for fifty years still
haven't gotten married and they still love each other.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
Well see now, And I agree with that. Like, like
I said earlier, I could see myself in a situation
where I get with somebody and we're just happy and
we don't do it at this point in life, and
that's fine, but that we would both have to be
aligned in that correct. If one person wants that the
other person doesn't, that's a fundamental disagreement that's going to
be a problem. Hey, thank you so much, Carrie. Have
a good day.
Speaker 3 (14:50):
You're welcome.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
Glad you called. Hey, hold on a second, I'll get
back to say. What's that Carrie's with in her life?
Speaker 7 (14:58):
Having kids with this man.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
I don't think it was on purpose. But Adriana, Hi, Hi,
good morning.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Hi.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
So this happened.
Speaker 4 (15:08):
You?
Speaker 1 (15:08):
You did this. You you gave your fiance and ultimatum.
What's the situation.
Speaker 8 (15:13):
So we've been together since we were nineteen, we were
college sweethearts. I just said, I do not want to
be one of those people who is been dating ten
years and doesn't have a ring, Like we either are
going to be in this for the rest of our
lives or we're not. So I said, by year six.
I gave that ultimatum because I know what I want
(15:33):
in life. By year six, if I don't have a ring,
I'm out. I got my ring and we've been engaged
for two years now. I have no plan on having
a wedding anytime soon. But for me, it was I
wanted the ring. And yeah, now we're now we've been
(15:54):
together eight years.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
Yes, okay, so Adrian, I'm not I'm not like, I'm
not criticizing you whatsoever. But you demanded a ring, you
got it. But you don't necessarily want to get married.
I mean, so okay, I mean I almost feel like
you're not.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
Going to get married.
Speaker 8 (16:09):
But we just bought a house in August. I finished
my masters next year, so after I finish everything, then
that's the next plan.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
Okay, that I could be a fiance. I'm gonna I
with somebody for six years or seven years or whatever.
They like, I have to have a ring. Well, i'd
probably give you a ring, and it's all I gotta do.
And then I bought myself another seven years, Like yeah, okay, okay,
here you go. I mean I might, I might be
inclined to do that. So wait, that's all I gotta do.
I just bought myself more time. I mean, I don't know.
(16:41):
It's just so un romantic. It's like, I feel like
this either happens in a reasonable period of time or
it doesn't, and it's all right, and it's okay if
it doesn't. But if one person wants it and the
other person is struggling with it, you may never get there,
and that's okay, but then you may need to go
another direction. I don't know, what do I know? Multiple people? Adriana,
(17:02):
thank you have a good day. We're at a time
and we got to go. But I don't know, I
don't thank everybody. And see you telling these people that
right right, people are listening to you.
Speaker 5 (17:14):
There was a little girl that was like I'm single
time May.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
She was six. You know, inspired the you that's get
that's what key's going out here. You give a Ted
Talks kindergarten
That show is on. It's stay or Go. Okay, Shannon,
good morning, Sannin.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Hi, good morning.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
So what's going on with his boyfriend of yours?
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Okay, so we've been dating for fifteen years and I
know that sounds like a lot.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
That's a minute.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
We started at eighteen, so it's like, you know, those
younger years do they really count? But yes they do
in girl years, yes they count. I want to get married, right, like,
I want to have a family. I'm thirty three, Like
you know, this is like geriatric pregnancy kind of like,
you know, we got to get the ball rolling here.
But my boyfriend just says that he's not.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Ready after fifteen years, he's not ready. Yeah, are you
using big Tim?
Speaker 2 (00:50):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
I don't think so. No, I know, think that's Tiky's boyfriend.
But it's been about half the time, right, eight years?
Speaker 3 (00:59):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Seven? Yeah, fifteen years and this guy hasn't pulled the trigger.
And you want to have kids, and the whole geriatric
pregnancy thing is laughable to me, but I know that's
what they call it. My sister, her first pregnancy was
I think like pre geriatric, and then the second one
was full on geriatric.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Yeah, by definition, if you're thirty five or older, they
consider it cheeriaster or like I guess they like want
to use like this advanced maternal age thing, but you
know what they're saying.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
Yeah, so okay, hmm. It's funny because Kaylen and I
we were having this conversation all of us actually off
the air yesterday about getting married, and like, I had
a woman at the event on Friday say to me,
you know, someday somebody will marry you kind of thing,
and I was like, well, you're assuming I want to
be married. Everyone's assuming that I want to be married,
(01:48):
and I'm desperately trying to be in a relationship and
I am not. I mean, if I met somebody who
was you know, and the synergy was there, then I
would do it. But otherwise I'm good. But as far
as getting married, then I asked this person always my
follow up question, So you're happily married, Oh no, I'm divorced.
Well then why then, tell are you telling me to
get married? Oh I'd never do it again. Well then
(02:08):
why are you? Why are you encouraging it for others
so that we can all be tortured the way that
you've been tortured. So I might say to you, after
fifteen years, if you're happy and things are functioning and
going well, then okay. I mean, if you want that,
then you should. You deserve to have that, and you
should find that. But maybe everything is just okay the
way it is. Now you add to this the fact
that you want to have kids. Maybe it's important for
(02:30):
you to be married when you have kids, or you
know that's important value for you, not for everybody, but
for you. Well, then those things need to have You know,
you need to get married, and then you need to
think about starting a family, and you probably want to
think about that sooner than later. So I get it.
But how do you make a person who in fifteen
(02:51):
years hasn't knows these things about you, knows that you
want to be married, knows that you have kids. How
do you get them after fifteen years to just convert
into somebody who believe this. I'm not sure that you do.
And the problem is if you were to say to him,
you better we've talked about this before too, like, hey,
I spent fifteen years, I've giving you plenty of time.
I want to be married and have kids, so we're
(03:11):
doing both of those things, and we have to do
them in the next thirty six months otherwise it's unhealthy.
Potentially you may get what you want, but there's two things.
One it may be under duress, which means a guy
didn't want to do it anyway. And two, even if
he does do it, and even if he did want
to do it, you had to tell him that. You
(03:32):
essentially are going to wonder did I always make him
do this? And I don't think either one of those
things are very good. So my gut tells me, Shannon,
you might need to think about moving on.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Yeah, I know, but he says he wants to get married,
you know, like, well, he wants to propose on his
own time.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
But I'm like, is your watch broken, buddy?
Speaker 4 (03:52):
Like, come on, fifteen years? Why he not ready? What's
his reason for not being ready?
Speaker 3 (03:58):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
He just says he wants to do it on his
own time, and you know, it's like, oh, where o this.
I'm like, there's always going to be stuff, right, like
I am apprized and I want to be the priority.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Oh well, thener you gotta go yeah, because I don't.
I don't think you can go to him if you
want to be married after fifteen years. I think the
only way this works is if you go to him
and say, look, I want to be married like now
and then and then you have to just I mean
it's almost like you have to put a deadline on it,
because again, fifteen years is a life, it's half a lifetime.
(04:28):
I mean, it's a long time. And I don't know
how you get a person because if you don't say
anything and then steatus quo, you know, then it I mean, Jason,
you're kind of in this in this book. I'm almost there. Yeah, one,
you're shy, and then which I mean, what like what
do you do?
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Right?
Speaker 1 (04:44):
You go to Mike the mechanic and go like, hey man,
you know, hey, I want to be married, and he goes, okay,
but I don't want to be and then the end
of conversation unless there's a second part, which is okay.
But I mean, really I need this in my life.
I want this in my life and it needs to
happen soon. And then what if the person says no.
(05:05):
Then if you say okay, then you've acquiesced, right and
you've you've played your card. The card has been played,
and you now have no leverage. So the answer is there.
It is. So if that is so important to you
and this person's not seeing the same value in that value,
then you that might that might be a fundamental disconnection.
(05:26):
You may have to move on.
Speaker 5 (05:27):
Would you be open to having kids outside like without
being married?
Speaker 3 (05:31):
Like, is that something either of you are open to?
Speaker 2 (05:34):
I'm not open to that. I want to be married,
like I want the whole thing.
Speaker 5 (05:38):
Okay, Oh gosh, it's so hard, Like you have someone
that treats you well and that you love, and it's like, yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
Fifteen years right, Yeah, it's a.
Speaker 5 (05:46):
Lot of time invested. And it goes back to, like
you said, the value. So like I on my podcast, lol,
but like I had a relationship expert come on and
talk about the situation, because I think a lot of
times it's you know, you don't want to give some
of the ultimatum. You don't want to force somebody to
do something they don't want it, right, Right, However, I
think it goes back to quite literally the like what
do you value in your relationship?
Speaker 1 (06:06):
Right?
Speaker 5 (06:06):
And that's what this expert was telling me, and she said,
you know, is it marriage, like is it you know
sex in your like marriage or relationship, like what are
your values? And unfortunately the hard part with this is
if you go to him and ask him that, you
have to be prepared for the answer. And then also
it's kind of like, well, what are you gonna do
with that answer?
Speaker 1 (06:21):
Right? Are you saying or are you going? That's that's
why we're here?
Speaker 3 (06:24):
There go?
Speaker 5 (06:24):
But quite literally, you know, what are you going to
do with that information?
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Because you can't get all the values? I'm sure I
don't think so from one person?
Speaker 5 (06:31):
Probably not right, Like if I value let's just say,
like the top three things, you know, does my husband
value those?
Speaker 3 (06:37):
No?
Speaker 1 (06:37):
But I guess like what's priority? Like she wants to
be married, this is what she wants. Well, let me
ask you this, Shannon, just to be clear, and did
you switch? Did you did you flip the script at
any point? Like I mean, I'm just curious. I don't
know the answer, of course, but like for the first
I don't know ten years, were you like, ah, this
is fine? Or for the first I mean you have
it right to do that, But I mean, like, did
you just recently say because like for example, I know
(06:59):
a marriag couple, they're married, they decided they just said
from the beginning, if we get married, I do not
want to have kids one person, and the person's like,
that's fine. And the person is like, I don't want
to marry you and have this come up later, like
this is fundamental, I don't want to have kids, and
the person was like, that's fine, no problem. Two years
in the marriage, I want to have a kid, and
(07:21):
then it was like, well, now what do we do
because we talked about this and then whoopsie they had
a kid, and that's a whole different conversation. But oh
it was a mistake. It was oh, it was an
accident and it all worked out. But my thing is, like,
I guess I was just curious if you if you
were like, yeah, no, maybe, you know, it's just free
and fun and whatever, and then all of a sudden
you're like, no, no, no, I mean we have to
(07:42):
get married now. Is there any of that going on?
Speaker 2 (07:45):
So, I mean we were together like at eighteen, so yeah,
of course it was like, oh, yeah, whatever, we're just
having fun. But I mean, I will say the last
ten years I've been pretty solid on like wanting a
family and wanting to have kids. So you know, I
feel like, you know, fair at twenty too. You know,
I'm like kind of thinking that way, and he was
seemed to be on the same page.
Speaker 5 (08:04):
Yeah, and we're like allowed to change, right or do
you guys disagree?
Speaker 1 (08:07):
Let's just say you can change. But I mean, I
guess if a decade goes by and you can change
your mind. But I think if you change your mind
in that way after saying no, no, it's good, it's good,
it's good, and then a decade later you're like, no,
it's not, I think you have to be prepared that
that person's going to say, well, I've been very honest
with you and transparent. We may be at a crossroad.
That's why I was curious about that. You do have
(08:28):
a right to change your mind. I was just curious
if you did, well, we grow, we evolve, because that
would be one thing. But you know, you're saying that
this guy has known for a long time that this
is what you want and hasn't done it. Yeah, you
gotta go, Yeah, you gotta go, up, you gotta go. No,
I don't blame you for being afraid. I don't blame you,
but like, I don't think it's going to happen, and
if it does, it's going to because you you're going
(08:50):
to feel like you force his hand in it. Yeah, right,
and that's not a good feeling, and that's not fair
to you.
Speaker 4 (08:54):
No, he's in the way of your husband. You know
your husband is a or to him, right.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
Yeah, because if he didn't really want it, then like
we're both fooling ourselves.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
Let me, Shannon, take some phone calls on this. But
I don't mean to be harsh, I really don't, but
I just I you know, my gut tells me that
this this isn't going to happen on its own, and
if it does, it will probably be You'll probably wonder
for the rest of your life, did I make this
guy do this? And I don't think that's a great
feeling to have, even if it's not justified. Even if
he's right on the verge and then you push him
(09:24):
and then he does it, you're still gonna be like
I had to push you, and I don't think that's cool.
But man, and let me take some calls and have
the radio on and we'll see what happens. But good luck,
thank you. I'm eight five three five high, Amanda. How
are you?
Speaker 6 (09:40):
I'm good?
Speaker 7 (09:40):
How are you?
Speaker 1 (09:41):
Doing great, Sargo, What do you think, I.
Speaker 6 (09:43):
Say, go, I've been with my boyfriend for ten years,
but we started dating at fourteen, so I'm twenty four now,
and we've talked about getting a ring. We just have
kind of surpassed our first year in both of our
you know, start of our so we were kind of
just waiting on that. But we're both aligned on the
(10:04):
whole kid thing, and I think if you're not, that's
a deal breaker.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
I will say, to start a relationship at fourteen, I mean, yeah,
people get married. I mean people get married at eighteens.
You know they get married, Yeah, they do. Yeah, No,
But I mean I would say, I'm not saying that
the first you know, three quarters of the relationship don't count.
They do, but it might be a little less realistic
to be married in the first part of that, right,
(10:31):
So now here we are, and so now I think
it's a valid conversation, and I'm not saying that the
ten years of your relationship don't count, but you're not
gonna get married at fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seid probably so,
But yeah, I would think this guy would know where
he stands with you at this point, after all this time.
Speaker 6 (10:45):
Yeah, and you you can't change someone's mind that easily
on a topic that's huge.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Yeah, I agree, And it's not the kind of thing
I want to wonder. It's not the kind of thing
I want to wonder for the rest of my life.
Even if it even if it works, I still don't
want to be like man, I had to make it.
I do that, right.
Speaker 6 (11:01):
I don't think you mentioned gil. I agree, Gil is
not something you want in a relationship.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
Yeah, Amanda, thank you, have a good day, good luck, Thanks,
bred bye, thanks for calling. Hey, Bethany, good morning, Hi,
good morning, Hi Bethany stare Go.
Speaker 7 (11:18):
So I think that she's got to go. There's after
fifteen years. If you're not ready, you're never going to
be ready. There's no way.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
Yeah. I don't think this guy wants to be married.
I mean because again, good enough for fifteen years. I
don't want to say not good enough for marriage, but
that doesn't make sense, right, Like, if you're good enough
for fifteen years, then you're good enough for marriage unless
you just don't want to be married, and then that's
okay too. But I don't think he wants to be married.
So what's like the cutoff year wise?
Speaker 3 (11:43):
Like, are we concerned at.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
Seven years half a lifetime ago? I don't know, because
he is about to be there. Yeah, I'm about to
cut him off. I don't know. I don't know that
it takes. I don't think it takes that long to
know if you want to be married.
Speaker 4 (12:00):
No, it doesn't take that long to know if you
want to be married. I think it takes. We have
to be realistic. There's a life thing. There's the things
that happen in people's lives that forgive me. There always
will be, There, always will be. However, she she doesn't
have a reason. He can't even give her a reason
on why it hasn't happened. Now I know several reasons
on why things haven't happened and why. You know, if
you're being if that's really what you want and your
(12:21):
partner won't give it to you, like leave, there's no
reason to stay in it. But there's I mean, you
can't put a time stamp. I don't think there's a
certain year like at the five year marketing bands and
then you have to go like No, it's different for
every relationship. And people settle too and settle early, and
that doesn't work out great either.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
So it's like, you just got to do what works
for you. Bethany, she got to go. I think she.
Speaker 7 (12:41):
I think so for sure if she wants, if she
values marriage, and it doesn't sound like he does, then
there's the answer.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Yeah. Thank you, Bethany. Have a great day, you too,
Glad you called. Thank you for listening. Carrie, Hi carry
good morning. You did this this? Yes, okay, so tell
me about it.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
So me and my have been met when I was
fifteen and he was eighteen, and we instantly got together.
You know, we had a child. Accidentally, we had a child,
and we decided, okay, we don't want to do the
lockdown get married thing, you know, because we were both
so young we wanted to live our life and all
of that. But then I got older and then I'm like, okay,
(13:25):
you know, we got a kid, we got kids, whatever,
I want to get married. He still didn't want to.
And I kind of understood that because from a man's standpoint,
you know, you guys feel differently than women. Do. You
have different emotions, different things that you go through. The
older you get, the more you're just like, okay, I'm
too old for this. Just pasterone. All that kind of
(13:49):
stuff comes into play. So I think she should stay.
I don't think that he doesn't value it. I think
that there could be something there that she just doesn't realize,
or maybe it could be childhood trauma that he's went through,
or even some kind of emotion that he's going through
that maybe they just need to sit down and, like
(14:09):
you know, have a conversation, maybe compromise with each other. Okay,
well you want children, let's have children. Don't have his
last name. You'll still be their father. It's not like
you won't be in their life. It's just maybe come
to a compromise and then later on get married. I
know people that have been together for fifty years still
haven't gotten married and they still love each other.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
Well see now, And I agree with that. Like, like
I said earlier, I could see myself in a situation
where I get with somebody and we're just happy and
we don't do it at this point in life, and
that's fine, but that we would both have to be
aligned in that correct. If one person wants that the
other person doesn't, that's a fundamental disagreement that's going to
be a problem. Hey, thank you so much, Carrie. Have
a good day.
Speaker 3 (14:50):
You're welcome.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
Glad you called. Hey, hold on a second, I'll get
back to say. What's that Carrie's with in her life?
Speaker 7 (14:58):
Having kids with this man.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
I don't think it was on purpose. But Adriana, Hi, Hi,
good morning.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Hi.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
So this happened.
Speaker 4 (15:08):
You?
Speaker 1 (15:08):
You did this. You you gave your fiance and ultimatum.
What's the situation.
Speaker 8 (15:13):
So we've been together since we were nineteen, we were
college sweethearts. I just said, I do not want to
be one of those people who is been dating ten
years and doesn't have a ring, Like we either are
going to be in this for the rest of our
lives or we're not. So I said, by year six.
I gave that ultimatum because I know what I want
(15:33):
in life. By year six, if I don't have a ring,
I'm out. I got my ring and we've been engaged
for two years now. I have no plan on having
a wedding anytime soon. But for me, it was I
wanted the ring. And yeah, now we're now we've been
(15:54):
together eight years.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
Yes, okay, so Adrian, I'm not I'm not like, I'm
not criticizing you whatsoever. But you demanded a ring, you
got it. But you don't necessarily want to get married.
I mean, so okay, I mean I almost feel like
you're not.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
Going to get married.
Speaker 8 (16:09):
But we just bought a house in August. I finished
my masters next year, so after I finish everything, then
that's the next plan.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
Okay, that I could be a fiance. I'm gonna I
with somebody for six years or seven years or whatever.
They like, I have to have a ring. Well, i'd
probably give you a ring, and it's all I gotta do.
And then I bought myself another seven years, Like yeah, okay, okay,
here you go. I mean I might, I might be
inclined to do that. So wait, that's all I gotta do.
I just bought myself more time. I mean, I don't know.
(16:41):
It's just so un romantic. It's like, I feel like
this either happens in a reasonable period of time or
it doesn't, and it's all right, and it's okay if
it doesn't. But if one person wants it and the
other person is struggling with it, you may never get there,
and that's okay, but then you may need to go
another direction. I don't know, what do I know? Multiple people? Adriana,
(17:02):
thank you have a good day. We're at a time
and we got to go. But I don't know, I
don't thank everybody. And see you telling these people that
right right, people are listening to you.
Speaker 5 (17:14):
There was a little girl that was like I'm single
time May.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
She was six. You know, inspired the you that's get
that's what key's going out here. You give a Ted
Talks kindergarten
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