Morality Monday (On A Tuesday)!

Fred reads a Reddit thread about a husband who's upset at his wife because she vents her marriage frustrations to her sibling.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
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Speaker 1 (00:40):
Let's do Moraley Monday on a Tuesday? Shall we?

Speaker 2 (00:43):
A husband is uncomfortable with his wife's sister seemingly having
a front row seat to every flaw that he has
in his marriage. So a thirty eight year old man
wins to Reddit and this was then published by People magazine.
So People Magazine is now the next time you get
mad in me were pulling stuff off of Reddit and
saying that I pull it off of Reddit. Why don't

(01:03):
you call the people at People? Like call the people
at people Okay, and ask him. But that's what they're
up to now. But apparently this guy's upset because his
thirty five year old spouse has been sharing every argument
that they have, big or small with her sibling whenever
he's not around to defend himself. We're not constantly fighting
or anything, but like an a couple, we have our moments,

(01:23):
stuff like me forgetting to take out the trash, getting
the wrong cereal or whatever, spacing out during conversation when
she's talking. Her sister used to be super warm with me,
but lately she's been cold, even passive aggressive. And he
didn't click until I realized that she's been getting a
running commentary of our marriage from my wife's side only,

(01:44):
so he asked if she could keep his private life
their private life between the two of them. I wasn't
yelling or accusing. I was just trying to express how
it feels to be seen as the bad guy over
minor stuff that gets retold out of context. She said
that I was trying to isolate her and being controlling.
So the question is how much can you share about

(02:05):
your relationship with other people outside of your relationship, because
I feel like, no matter what you do, you're going
to share your perspective.

Speaker 1 (02:15):
You know, it's very rare.

Speaker 2 (02:17):
It's very rare that any of my friends call me
to tell me something that's happening in their relationship and
they start with, well, here's what I did wrong. To
be honest, you know, it'll be like, oh my god,
this is what happened, and it's from their perspective, right,
And that's the perspective that I always hear because I'm
usually closer with one than the other. I've been in
situation where I get to hear both perspective because I'm
close with both of them. But the truth is, you're

(02:38):
going to tell things from your perspective. You're going to
tell things with your viewpoint and your emotion, and then
you may resolve those things quickly potentially, and then the
person who you told will never not have that perspective.
They'll never not know those things right right, and it's
probably going to change the way that they look at
the other person, at least temporarily. So is it fair? Five? Five, one,

(03:01):
one oh three five context the same number. I'm curious,
and how do you handle this? Is it fair in
your relationship to be really getting into the nitty gritty
of what's happening with other people who also know the
person on the flip side?

Speaker 1 (03:14):
Who are you supposed to talk to?

Speaker 2 (03:15):
Like?

Speaker 1 (03:15):
Who are you supposed to end to? You know what
I say? Say it.

Speaker 3 (03:21):
Your mom.

Speaker 1 (03:22):
I might know what you say, but I don't know
everybody knows what you say.

Speaker 3 (03:25):
But because I just feel like in a relationship, you
cannot tell your friends and family everything that's happening in
your relationship every single moment because for me, like my
brothers don't tell me anything because to me, they can't
do no wrong. So and then when I know that
someone has wronged them, I never forgive the person is
I'm always thinking about that, and they know that about
their sisters, so they just spare me. Because in relationship

(03:46):
you're gonna have ups and downs. You're gonna forgive your
spouse in fifteen minutes. I'm thinking I got beef with
them forever, you know, So like you can't tell you
can't tell your sibling everything, You can't tell your your
mother everything that's happened in your relationship because they never
forget that.

Speaker 2 (04:01):
Yeah, I think there's certain people that will be unforgiving forever,
no matter what, and they're always gonna take your side
mm hm.

Speaker 1 (04:06):
And so there's almost no chance. Yeah. But but but again,
then where are you supposed to go?

Speaker 2 (04:11):
Like if you can't go to your friends, and you
can't go to your family, lady to the therapist, which
one yes yes and no Paully in it she had
GPT is not you can't do it. Try to go,
but it's already been determined that you shouldn't do that,
because it doesn't.

Speaker 4 (04:29):
I have nowhere else left to go because I am
the girls who tells.

Speaker 1 (04:32):
My friends, right.

Speaker 4 (04:33):
But the thing is like mine is it's lighthearted, right,
And I tell Caylen all the time, and she's like,
you guys roast each other and it's true, like my
husband and I do, and like that's our relationship. But
if things ever get tough tough like and sometimes they do,
I will threaten Hobby like I'm gonna tell your parents.

Speaker 1 (04:48):
Like that's just what I do. I'm gonna call my
mom right now.

Speaker 4 (04:51):
And he told me share it to my face, like
if you get our families involved, Like this isn't going
to be good, like not a threat, it's just like
warning me like that that's not a good idea because
with me, I'm like a child to get to like
tell me think step by step here, and that's what
he's trying to do.

Speaker 1 (05:07):
And I have taken the phone.

Speaker 4 (05:08):
You know, and gently placed it down because I'm like,
I don't want to make a mistake. But there's moments
where I'm like, well, I need to turn to somebody.
I want to go somewhere I don't His mom is
probably not that no, no, I mean that's that's strategic.

Speaker 2 (05:21):
It is you're going to her because that that will
sting him because he loves her and respects her opinion.
And it's essentially like a child telling on telling on someone.

Speaker 1 (05:31):
I turned into a snitch.

Speaker 5 (05:32):
I know.

Speaker 4 (05:33):
I haven't done that in a very long time, a
very long time, but I do one of my best friend.
But then I've noticed this is this is the tricky part.
And he does this often. He'll turn things and kind
of be like in the future, he'll be like, oh yeah,
but you know, it's probably still doing this whole and
it's like that like why are you turning that against me?
Or like, why are you using that? Is that supposed

(05:53):
to be like funny?

Speaker 6 (05:54):
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (05:55):
I don't know. I don't know.

Speaker 4 (05:56):
I don't like that, So I don't go to my
friends no more.

Speaker 2 (05:58):
Kelly says, uh, so she shouldn't be sharing with anybody. Kelly, Yes, yes,
you Hi, you're Kelly.

Speaker 1 (06:08):
You shouldn't be sharing with anyone.

Speaker 7 (06:09):
You're saying, yes, I believe so from my experience, maybe
accept a therapist. It just it's to me, it's like
scapegoing and talking about the other person. I can get
around to the other person, and it just hurts people.

Speaker 2 (06:24):
I think parents should be excluded. I mean best friends,
best friends. I feel like you should be able touch
to your best friends and they should be able to
moderate between you know, what you're telling me and then
how they act around the other person. I guess I
really don't know where you're supposed Where are you supposed
to go a therapist? Only, Kelly, I got to go
find a therapist now.

Speaker 7 (06:45):
I actually I can change my mind. Now, I do
change my mind. I do agree.

Speaker 5 (06:50):
I do from my own personal experience.

Speaker 7 (06:52):
I do have a best friend to talk to, but
I don't. I don't talk to many people.

Speaker 2 (06:57):
Okay, so don't be talking unless it's the best friend, kell,
he says, But that's okay, Kelly, Kelly, You're allowed to
You're allowed to be moved by somebody with this show.

Speaker 1 (07:08):
Thank you, Kelly, had a good day, Kelly is right?
Lets you call okay? Sure?

Speaker 2 (07:13):
I love you, Kelly. I love you, Kelly. But when
you call, you gotta talk. Okay, when you call this show,
we gotta it's a dialogue, you know what I'm saying, like,
we gotta, we gotta go back. I love that it's early.
It's early, Okay, you know it's it's a fluid argument. Hey, Vanessa,
good morning, Good morning, I Vanessa. So the sister is

(07:34):
the problem.

Speaker 6 (07:35):
You're saying, yes, because you have to be able to
talk to your family, and especially with your sister if
you're really close like me, I'm really close with my sister.
So if she can't tell me stuff about her marriage,
you have to be able to differentiate and understand that
your sister can also be the problem, you know, like

(07:55):
it's not necessarily him the bad guy, but you should
be able to bend and that the sister can't distinguish,
but between you know, her relationship, you know, it not
always being about him being in the room, then that's
on her.

Speaker 1 (08:09):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (08:09):
So when someone tells you something about like like a
family member or a close friend about their significant other,
are you able to differentiate? Can you really just say,
like when you see him the next time, you forgot
about that awful thing that he supposedly did.

Speaker 8 (08:23):
You don't necessarily forget. I mean from what it sounds
like though, he hasn't really done anything terrible. I mean,
it's just venting like any other you know, marriage, you know,
small little issue. So I mean my brother in law,
she does crap like that all the time. But it's
not like I hate him for it or I'm going
to give him a could shoulder for it, you.

Speaker 1 (08:42):
Know, right right? Makes sense? Thank you have a good day,
you too, Glad you called. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (08:47):
I mean I've been in relationships before where people they
go to their friends and then hang out with the
friends and it's like they only but you only heard
what that You only heard what she said, all right,
you know, and there's probably another side to it or
or where you get into it with somebody and then
you know another that their their tribe takes out on you,
and it's like, but but I got into it with

(09:09):
that person and that you know that person has a
role in this too, So why am I being punished
by everybody? I mean, I get that there's loyalty, but
I mean, are you if you're not able to discern
that the person who you care about could have also
screwed up, then maybe you shouldn't have an opinion, you
know what I mean? Like, if everything is always somebody

(09:29):
else's fault, then that's that you're enabling the behavior, and
then that's not good for that person.

Speaker 1 (09:34):
But maybe you don't care. Hey Laura, how you doing? Hey?

Speaker 5 (09:38):
How are you for?

Speaker 7 (09:39):
Good morning?

Speaker 4 (09:39):
Hey?

Speaker 1 (09:39):
Good morning.

Speaker 2 (09:40):
So this this guy is upset because his wife is
going to his sister about every argument they have in
their relationship, and he feels like, now it's making that
awkward because she's getting a front row sipt from her
perspective about the relationship. But he's asking her to stop
going to a sister her about everything because he wants,
you know, I guess he wants to be respected in
the family, and she's saying that's controlling.

Speaker 1 (10:01):
What do you think I.

Speaker 5 (10:03):
Think there's got to be a fine line because there's
that boundary level. Like you guys were talking about, I
feel like I know my own marriage. There's things I
go to my friends about, things I go to my
failing about. But then there's also something I think you
just kind of save for, like a therapist, because it's
more of a neutral party. And then you don't want
those people close to you to kind of have a
preconceived notion like well, why are you still in that

(10:24):
relationship if it's so negative or if this is going on.
I think there's certain things you kind of have to
keep private and remain sacred because I don't want my
friends and family to have a preconceived notion like, oh
my gosh, this is detrimental to your relationship, or why
are you still with this person it's so terrible, or
you're dealing with these things. So I think there has
to be like kind of a neutral party too that

(10:45):
you refer to, Well, you need to.

Speaker 2 (10:47):
Have vent, yes, because yeah, also, you know, to your point,
if you're talking to your friends about how terrible the
person is who you're with and then you decide to
forgive them, or maybe you overplayed it, or maybe you
were just venting and you were telling, you know, more
dramatic version of the story. Now you've got it backtracked
because now people are gonna start to think something about you,
because it's like, oh, you took that person back. I
thought they were the worst person ever. Well it wasn't

(11:08):
that bad. And it was like, wait a minute, wait
which story was it? Exactly what it did? Was it
with the two strippers or no strippers? Like what happened?
Thank you, Laura, I have a good day, you're What
happened to the strippers?

Speaker 1 (11:21):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (11:21):
I guess I got the story wrong. It wasn't strippers.
It turned out he was just that the doctor was
a nurse. It was a real nurse. He was dressed
like a nurse.

Speaker 1 (11:27):
But I