Coping Mechanisms

Does the way you cope with one challenge cause another problem down the line, sometimes even bigger than the initial difficulty with which your coping mechanism was designed to help? It's important to have multiple tools so we don't try to solve everything with food, for example, which would be like trying to build with only a hammer.

Episode Transcript

(00:07):
Welcome to the Buddhist Boot Camp Podcast.
Our intention is to awaken, enlighten, enrich, and inspire a simple and uncomplicated life.
Discover the benefits of mindful living with your host, Timber Hawkeye.

(00:27):
I used to eat when I was bored and eat when I was stressed. I ate when I was celebrating,
and I ate when I was sad. Eating was the only coping mechanism I had to
deal with whatever I was feeling. It's a habit I had picked up in childhood, when food was
always the answer but rarely the solution.
For different people, coping mechanisms range from overindulgence in food or alcohol,

(00:51):
smoking, emotional shopping, compulsive sex or masturbation, hoarding,
obsessive scrolling, overworking, fasting, binge watching, and so on.
Again, we may think of these habits as answers to a problem,
but they are not a solution.
In fact, many of our patterns cause bigger challenges for us to overcome down the road

(01:11):
than the difficulties we try to avoid when we reinforce these self-destructive routines.
Having said that, we cannot be blamed today for previously applying the only
coping mechanisms we had at the time.
And it is downright cruel to guilt or shame anyone for using the only tools they have.
As I often say, we're all mangoes on the same tree, but we do not all ripen at the same time.

(01:34):
In order to grow, we need all the right elements to come together, including
exposure to light in a nurturing environment,
and sometimes protection against harsh conditions and predators.
The good news is that we can learn to
only eat when we are hungry, go on a hike when we are bored,
meditate when we are stressed, be of-service when we feel blessed, and ask certain

(01:55):
people for help when we get overwhelmed.
I used to try to fix every problem with the only tool I had,
but now I have an ever-growing inventory of coping mechanisms
that don't make bad situations worse.
Slowly but surely, I am also learning to discern which of my friends to ask for help
when I need it, because the people in your circle are not always in your corner.

(02:17):
It took me years to realize that I was going to the wrong people for support.
I assumed the people who had my heart also had my back, but that's not always the case.
And it's not necessarily because they are bad friends; many people simply don't know
how to show up for you in the way you need them to, or they don't have the right tools,
just like for many years I didn't.

(02:37):
When I realized I was figuratively trying to get apple juice out of oranges,
I took a long pause to get to know the people in my life better.
I made peace with the fact that oranges can only make orange juice, which is great,
it's my responsibility to know what I need and from whom to get it.
For example, my friend Derek is great when I need car advice, but calling him when

(02:57):
I have relationship issues, makes as little sense as eating when stressed.
Mindfulness makes life more peaceful for you and for everyone in your circle,
including the people in your corner, especially when you know who is where.
What are some of your coping mechanisms?
Do those methods actually solve the problem, or do they mask the issue while
creating another challenge for you to overcome down the line?

I have said it before and I'll say it again (03:20):
what appears like the path of least resistance will
often take you farther from your destination than the seemingly more challenging route of
mindfulness, awareness, and accountability.
But an easy trek in the wrong direction is ultimately far more
exhausting and devastating than an uphill climb toward euphoria.

(03:41):
I want to thank you for staying on this path of self-reflection with me, difficult as it may be,
where we don't just go through life, we grow through life.
This podcast is available without sponsorships or advertisements thanks to listeners
like you who contribute as little as $1/month through Patreon.com/BuddhistBootCamp
I appreciate you.

(04:02):
Timber Hawkeye is the bestselling author of Buddhist Boot Camp, Faithfully Religionless,
and The Opposite of Namaste.
For additional information, please visit BuddhistBootCamp.com,
where you can order autographed books to support the Prison Library Project,
watch Timber's inspiring TED Talk, and join our monthly mailing list.

(04:23):
We hope you have enjoyed this episode
and invite you to subscribe for more thought-provoking discussions.
Thank you for being a Soldier of Peace in the Army of Love. 🙏🏼