Ink and Integrity: Reese Hilburn on Overcoming Tattoo Industry Backlash

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Let me just share my truth. Let me just share what I've
been in through this industry. And maybe some people would say that they've
never done anything before, but how we've all have some sort of
relation and relatability to the fact that owning our
shit and how scary that is and walking with our fear and
changing the relationship we have with our fear is actually going to

(00:20):
turn your insecurities, your shame into power
I'm feeling something in my spirit. Chops

(00:45):
Hello, friends, neighbors, lovers of art and creativity. Welcome
back to chats and tats with me, your host, Aaron Delevidova. My
guest today is a tattoo artist, and, uh, I
just found this out during our interview, but she, she
crossed this line. That is like a line
in the sand that in my industry is like the, uh, no

(01:06):
fly zone for sure. It's crazy what happened, but
what inspired her to do in her own life, the healing
that she went through because of it, the reformations that
she made because of this event, and then what she became after
this event, extremely inspiring. I think it's a,
she sets an example for, I mean, who out there listening right

(01:28):
now hasn't fucked up? We've all fucked up. What you
do afterwards means a lot. Some people never want to talk about it again,
deny it ever happened. Others own it. make
reformations, she did that, and it also spurred her
on into the work that she does today, so in a way it was almost necessary, and
she'll tell you that herself. So, with all that being said, please

(01:48):
welcome my guest today, Reese Hilburn. All
right, here you are. Here I am. Oh, this has been
something you've been on my mind for a while. I've been watching a lot of the things you're doing on,
on Instagram. Um, and you know, that's just Instagram,
but over a course of a couple of months, I just really felt
inspired by a lot of the things you were saying on there. Um, and

(02:09):
then Ryan Roy was in here with another super inspirational guy
and he, on his way out was like, you got to look up Reese. So, So
those two things came together that was a sign to me and I hit you up
You said you could be here and here we are. I know it's not too hard because
i'm just down the street For those of you that's
down here just right here by san diego where we are currently I

(02:31):
want to take a second to thank my sponsor, Sullen Clothing.
If you guys are lovers of tattoo art or art in general and
would like to see that on your favorite t-shirt or hoodie, you got
to go over there to check out sullenclothing.com. Ryan
and Jeremy, huge supporters of the tattoo industry, huge supporters
of this show, great human beings, good friends of mine. So

(02:53):
thank you for tuning in. And now back to the show. You are
a spiritual business mentor. You are a tattoo artist of
13 years. You own your own studio, the Edge Inc. out in San Marcos.
You're a meditation queen. I like the way you put that. And
there's many other layers to that. And that's really probably what we're
going to get into, you know, about you and what you do today.

(03:15):
But maybe just to get people buttered up and warmed up, you could tell us a little bit
about how it all started, how you got into this industry, where your
journey began and what led you to be a spiritual business mentor.
Yeah, let's see. I actually never drew a day
in my life. And when I was a kid, I didn't think like,
my dad was an entrepreneur and how unstable my

(03:36):
mom saw that she was like, get a corporate job, do the corporate
don't be your dad, which is so funny, because I
ended up becoming an entrepreneur later. So I did what my
mom did and very Filipino woman it was either nursing or finance
and I chose finance because I tried I tried the nursing
thing and blood I just am not a it's not a vibe for me. Deep

(03:57):
deep red blood. And so I went and got my finance
Just to clarify not the blood that comes when you tattoo people. Not that kind of blood.
It's just plasma. Not someone
shooting out of their carotid artery onto your face. It's a
Okay. Yeah, and so But
so I got into corporate I Finance CPA

(04:21):
private accountant for an up-and-coming company and
One day I was already heavily tattooed, you know, I was I I was the hot
topic manager for a long time, you know, during college and
then college. I left college and went into the, um, as a CPA. And
after that, we went to like a company morale and
we did a wine and paint night and I actually found out I could paint. And

(04:45):
I sold my first painting for $500 that night. I
don't know if the guy was hitting on me, but I made money and it put a
seed in my brain that I was actually, I had something.
So I quit my job, cold turkey, lived in my car for
six months so that I could really pursue art. And
I went to a fine art school. And then from there, I

(05:05):
had looked for tattoo apprenticeships and it was three years. I remember getting
all of the different kinds of, you're a girl, girls can't tattoo, girls
can't draw. Getting like I got my
favorite one was you're too pretty my wife wouldn't like that you work here And
that's the I was like, okay. I don't want to work anywhere where I'm gonna make that
one might have been true I'm like, okay Ellie.

(05:26):
Thank you for at least like alleviating a situation that I
don't want to be a part of yeah And so finally I was like I
almost gave up I was like almost sound like think my year three
in art school and I was really planning to be a Art teacher
and art history teacher go get my master's degree and that was
kind of that until someone asked me if I wanted to

(05:47):
become a Tattoo artist at
a at an art show and I was like, oh my gosh. Yes. Absolutely. I
was already doing colored pencil Portraits and painting portraits.
It should be noted. I've seen a lot of your work. Really good work, by
the way. Beautiful work. You're a, you know, I would call
it a color realist tattooer. Yeah. Yeah. Beautiful portraits in

(06:14):
Gotta be probably. I'm a 32 year tattooer. I've
seen it all and I don't do that, but and I've, you know, I
have some realism in my work, but when I'm getting close to that, it's
Oh, you know, it's so funny. It's always been like it.
I always absolutely loved it. And I think now as I as I've evolved
and shifted, you know, the 13 years of being in being in

(06:36):
this industry, it's like it becomes true. Like it's almost like
a like, I don't know, there's something about it that feels really honoring
of the it's almost like an alter ego that the person wears at this point. That's
what I'm creating. Instead of it just being like some portrait of a
warrior woman, it's like, oh no, this is me. This is my alter ego. And
so I've really fallen into that love for accentuating

(06:58):
someone's own life, almost like their face and putting it
on their bodies in the way that they're just like, this is how I see myself almost. And
So you do a lot of portraits where it might be the person themselves, but just
completely modified to show their spirit
animal coming out or whatever. The way that they
would like be like the dream of them in the future. You're

(07:20):
putting their future on them so they can have a clearer picture of
I kind of look at it from like a highest self perspective. They're like,
oh, this is, this is the mirror image of my highest self. And
they see themselves and it's a lot of entrepreneurial women,
go figure. I tend to attract those where they're like wearing warrior
women with like, you know, you know, wolf headdresses

(07:44):
and warrior paint. And it's just like, And I always like,
whenever they ask me for those and I get it a lot, it's like, I'm like, can you just send me
a picture of yourself? And they're like, why? And I'm like, it's just a
little, you know, and I always put like little things that I'll feature about them
just because I feel like that's really the story we're telling is because that's why they
would get something like that. And it's just like amplifies who

(08:04):
they desire to be, which is the whole point of like
what I represent is like authenticity and self and full unapologetic
That's cool. That's cool. So, so I got you off track. You're at
an art show. Somebody asks you, Hey, you want to be a tattooer? And you're like,
Hell yeah. Let's go. And I end up realizing
that this shop is, you

(08:27):
know, run by very particular human beings that I
just don't want to like call out or anything like that. They might be listening,
but just run by a really, really rad, rad guys that had
And so with that being said, you know, I learned a
lot about the ways of tattooing that I wasn't like,
I didn't know anything. So I was more of like, just teach me how to tattoo. I've

(08:50):
been desiring to be in this tattoo industry. And finally, when they
were like, I got in there, they were like, well, Reese, you should just get to tattooing. So
I really didn't even have like a formal apprenticeship. They were like, you already
draw so well, you're in art school, like, it's just putting
the machine, yeah, here's a machine, here's a person, literally one
of the guys, and it wasn't one mentor, it was like the whole shop was my mentor, and

(09:11):
one guy was like, oh, here he is, hand me his machine, on
a guy, a boy, like a man that was just sitting there,
and he goes, oh, yeah, he's like, let me see your arm, yeah, he tattooed me, he was
already getting tattooed by the guy, and I was like, I was scared shitless,
I was like, please no, and ended up doing
my first tattoo, was like, at that point, I was like, okay, Okay,

(09:32):
I got this and then honestly it just kind of went I have
a career that went by really Different than
I think most tattoo artists have been able to have and
one of which was I being on Tattoo television like
so you were what show were you on again? I was on Tattoo Nightmares Miami.

(09:53):
It was a show based off of the regular Tattoo Nightmares up
in LA and they wanted to do like a spinoff in Miami. So
I'm, you know, I don't even know how I got it. I remember being there with
a bunch of, I think at this point this was season three
of Ink Masters and stuff there. So there were a lot of Ink Master people there and
I was like, there's no way I'm getting this. And somehow I didn't realize

(10:13):
that it wasn't based on your tattoos, that it was based on your personality. At
I was tattooing for about a year and a half. And at this
point, yeah, a lot of pressure. Yeah, it was. And I didn't know.
And at this point before I had even really,

(10:34):
you know, had gotten like started, I
remember just being so nervous and like feeling not
good enough and feeling like I shouldn't even be here and unworthy.
And I actually, when I got on the tattoo television show, I received a
lot of, like, hate. And it was just like, why are
you even here? Why are you not even a good tattooer? And it

(10:55):
became this whole, like, self-deprecating situation for
me. And so when I got home and was
susceptible to everything that was happening around me, I remember a
couple of guys at my shop just being like, You're an amazing artist.
And feeling this sense of like, gosh, this is like this,
this whole like, almost like the sense of like, I shouldn't be

(11:17):
here. I should quit tattooing. I remember even thinking this, like, like
when I got home from the filming, and this was like the
first time we had gone out to go filming and they were just like, don't believe them.
You're an amazing tattooer. And I just kept trying to hear that until email
and DMS and things like this and comments were just kind of

(11:38):
Yeah, I mean, I just I'm just remembering myself a
year and a half into tattooing and the anxiety and
the Not worthy and I mean, I don't know all
tattooers go but then to have that put on a nationally syndicated television
show, you know just to be tattooing with cameras around you knowing it's
gonna air and I mean, wow, that would

(11:59):
be immense pressure. Yeah. And then, yeah, of course, there's
going to be hate. I mean, hell, back then, anyone who went on a show was hated just
Actually, that's a that's a really solid point because of the fact that yeah
We if you went on a tattoo television show, you were not a real
tattooer. A lot of people hated those dudes. Oh my gosh Yeah,
yes, and there was another tattoo television show that I had gone on that

(12:21):
that had invited me to go on but I actually said no
before I said yes to the tattoo nightmares show and
It was a tattoos after dark. I think it was and that was like it's
like a really really bad show and When
you'd watch it, it was like everybody you want to get a late-night CD
shop basic I mean

(12:43):
if you wanted some drama be a good setup I
think like a bestie and could just come out and then like obviously ink master
and These other like side end tattoo shops like the Vegas cover-up
shows and the tattoo nightmare cover-up shows like it's like they were just trying to
like feed into what what's happening in the industry and
kind of just like have fun with it I suppose but Yeah, it's just

(13:08):
Well, yeah, now you can go on a show and it's honorable. I mean,
there's still some haters, but it's not like it was. But yeah,
you're making the point, like the pressure must have been immense. And
then to get hate, you know, DMs or whatever at
such a young age in tattooing. And yeah, now you're
questioning, should I even be here? Do I suck? Yeah, so

(13:30):
Yeah, so I mean, it kind of went into a whirlwind of
Rockstar Lifestyle. You went Rockstar Lifestyle. It
was like, oh my gosh, I'm being invited to all of these things. South
America loved the TV show. I went there and I've
never felt like a Backstreet Boy before in my life, but I felt like one because I
had three security guards just walk me to the bathroom and I was like, wow, this

(13:51):
is crazy, crazy. it became this sense
of like trying to escape from my own reality of
the online space. And you know, and it, and
then all of a sudden it just was like, you start to try and like mask,
you start to try and become a person that they desire you to be. And
this was actually when I started posting tattoos that were

(14:13):
You mentioned this earlier and you said you were going to get into this and I first of all want to
say it's incredibly brave of you to be this authentic and honest about
your career. But there were circumstances. It wasn't like
you just woke up and decided to do this. You know, I think you should add those
Yeah. And the circumstances were the fact that
my shop, bless their hearts, they were so defensive

(14:35):
of what was happening. And they knew I was an amazing artist.
They were like, Reese, just post tattoos that you know you
can do. You just need a chance to do it. And in my mind,
I knew it was absolutely not right. But
at the same time, I was so... I
would say along the lines, there was no self-love there. Not

(14:55):
any that I could actually own. Maybe it was faked. But
there was no sense of respect even for myself
at that moment, that all I wanted it was for people to just like
me. And when we're in an age when social
media, especially, you know, I'm 36, going
on 37 soon here, and it's like one of those things where you

(15:16):
just kind of get pushed into a place where you just desire to be
liked. And social media is kind of one of those addictive dopamine
hits that makes you want to feel and the currency is
being liked. And when you're being hated on so much, when you know,
you feel like you're like, I got, I know that there's something in me that's going to
create something great. And, you know, if I were to tell any

(15:37):
artists now, I'd be like, just put in the work and don't
look. outward, you know, of course, that's what we would tell ourselves
or we tell someone else. But in this moment, from the justification I
was getting from my shop, plus the fear and
the, and you know, basically, just like the fear and the judgment I
had of myself and the people that were around me, I said, okay. And

(15:59):
when I said, okay, I was like, I remember very
clearly being like, just get your own pieces. Once it's done,
delete them. And I never deleted it.
I don't know why. I think in part of me just wanted it to be
like a part of my portfolio. And it's funny because after years
had gone by, I had put out beautiful work.

(16:21):
I was very successful in the eyes of like tattooers. I
was actually getting loved on after this. I was traveling the
world. I was being booked out everywhere I went. It was amazing. And
then 2016 rolls around and somehow, don't
know how, but someone finds this these photos and
they're like, huh, this isn't yours, contacts the

(16:44):
artist who's actually pretty well known. I didn't know that at the time. I'm
sure he got well known over the years. And he reposted it.
And he was like, look what this girl's doing. And
I was at the height of my career. I was actually at the Brazilian consulate getting
my Brazilian visa so that I could go to a convention to
Brazil because I was invited by these promoters who were gonna fly

(17:05):
me out, put me up and do the whole thing. And I was like, I'm
on top of the world. You know, I'm feeling like a rock star. And then I
get a call and they're like, have you checked Instagram?
And I said, no, and I'm in the parking lot. And all I see
is just all this hate. And I could feel my whole body shaking just thinking about
it and seeing what's happening. And I'm like, oh, my God. Oh,

(17:27):
my God. And I didn't know what to do at that point. And so what
I ended up doing was hiding. And after
all the hate mail, I think I had received over a thousand pieces
of mail, some of which were like, you don't deserve to live, you're
a lying piece of shit. And of course, not only
did I lose all my sponsors, I lost You

(17:48):
know, I contacted my sponsors prior and let them know, I was like, this is what
I did. I understand if you don't want to represent me anymore. Just
because I think that that was like the last of my dignity at that point. And
I just didn't want them to hear it outside of me. And I
remember one of them had been like, Reese, we appreciate it and we're going
to let you go. And I was like, cool. The other ones were just like, I

(18:09):
didn't hear anything from them, I just assumed. And so after that, I
turned my Instagram off. I actually quit tattooing for an
entire year. And it became not
only a self-deprecating, depressive loss
of dignity, disrespect, unworthiness, like in-depth unworthiness,
it became like I lost family, not family, really good

(18:31):
friends, friends that I thought were family, really. You
know, I did have a lot of really beautiful people in the industry that would reach
out and say really nice things to me. I was like really surprised. But
then, you know, of course there was a lot of hate. So it became this
moment and this catalyst in my life where I was like, oh
my God, like I can't, I can never show my face in this

(18:51):
industry again. I can never show it again. And so I took the
remainder of 2016, because this happens like early 2016. And
I took the remainder of 2016 and into 2017 to, I
thought I was going to become a yoga instructor. And I couldn't even admit it
to my yoga class. And the day, I think it was
like our last week of out of like the eight months that we were together doing my

(19:13):
yoga teacher training, I admitted it. And it was just like this big group hug. And
it was like the first time I ever felt like I could offer myself a
little compassion and forgiveness. And I realized in
all of that, I was like, I still desire to be in the tattoo industry. And there's something
in my heart that really desires to do better. But
I was too scared to open up my own Instagram. And

(19:33):
so I kind of hid behind my studio's Instagram at the time and
posted tattoos, but never with my face. I even remember posting
tattoos with my shop's card in there. So nobody thought that
I would steal again. You know, it was like, oh my God, I was so scared. And
it got to the point where I was so afraid. I would get
almost panic attacks from opening the Instagram because I was so afraid of

(19:55):
what someone might say or if someone found me out or something. And there were a few
people that did. They were like, oh, hiding behind your shop, you know, they would say
things. And I was just like, and my whole body would just go into frozen mode.
And everything that people would say, I believed I deserved. Even the parts
where they're like, you should kill yourself and things like this. Like it was really to

(20:20):
Yeah, and it is. I call it the gift of rock bottom. And I know we're going to hit there next. Yeah. This
Yeah. And so actually, it's a whole reason why I am
a spiritual business and life mentor is because of
this very reason. I look at this as my gift of rock bottom because of
the fact that if it wasn't for this to happen, there's no way that
I would be in this position that I'm in now. And I remember

(20:43):
2017 went by, I came back into the industry in 2017, kind
of started to show back up, opened up my Instagram in 2018, and
I still was so scared. And then I realized how scared I was, and I was like,
I'm going to. And I had done a lot of therapy, a
lot of mentorship, a lot of books, a lot of prayers, and a lot of meditation by this
point. And I was like, I'm ready to just own. I'm

(21:04):
ready to own this, because I just don't want it to own me anymore.
And so what ended up happening was that I did an IG live.
And I was just like, I'm gonna full send this and I'm gonna talk about this. And I
talked about it. And it was the first time that I had ever
felt that some of its power over me was
no longer over me. And so I continued to talk about it

(21:26):
and share my vulnerability. And it was mostly for me. It was like,
let me just share my truth. Let me just share what I've
been in through this industry and maybe some people would say that they've
never done anything before but how we've all have some sort of
relation and relatability to the fact that owning our
shit and how scary that is and walking with our fear and

(21:46):
changing the relationship we have with our fear is actually going to
turn your insecurities, your shame into power
and into unapologetic self-expression. And that's became my
thing and actually ended up happening in 2019, where that
same artist ended up reposting that photo, reposting, hey,
this is what Reese did, you know, back in the day. And, you

(22:08):
know, and it was like 2016 all over again. Everybody
started hating on me. And it was the first time
where I responded back to him and I said, thank you.
I was like, thank you. I commented back, I reposted
his thing. And I was like, I just want to say thank you for doing this, for calling
me out. Because if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be the artist I am today. I

(22:29):
also wouldn't be where I am today in my own healing, in my own
spiritual growth. And I wouldn't be so committed to
myself and the relationship that I have with myself. And it was so interesting
because the last thing I expected to happen was for anybody to be like, that
was awesome. But we ended up like all these comments started happening
where people were like, this is absolutely incredible, Reese. I

(22:50):
love how you're owning this. You should take this down. They were like getting mad
at him for having it up. They're like, why are you bringing this back up?
And I was like, that's not the point. And he deleted it. It
was so interesting. I wasn't expecting anybody to delete it,
first off. It was not – that was such a – that was so lost
on me. And then that's when I realized that that's

(23:11):
what I wanted to do. I was like, I desire,
because I had a life coach, a spiritual guide, and
I also had mentors, business mentors as well at the time, where
I was like, I desire to do something similar and help people turn
Dude, that, okay, let me stop you there for a second. So
that's a really beautiful story. I did not know that about you. This is all happening

(23:34):
to me in real time. It's a very interesting story, very beautiful story.
And it just has so many layers to it. You know, we all want to change, right? I mean, everybody
wants to become something different. I mean, maybe not everybody, but most people are
always thinking about next year, I'm going to be more in shape next. I'm going to become this,
but I guess the more you, as you were talking, I was thinking about it
and like the first step. to change is

(23:55):
the burning down of the it, whatever the is is, right?
Honesty around the is-ness of whatever it is. And
secondarily, I'm really, I talk a lot about empathy, compassion, and
forgiveness only because as I look around at the world today, especially with
social media and cancel culture, I just feel like we've really got
to, as a species, start allowing forgiveness

(24:17):
People are being shut down for a moment, a
moment of weakness, a moment of insecurity. You can call it a
couple moments, but really you've got this large life, you had a couple moments
where you were feeling insecure, less than, scared,
afraid, and you made a bad decision. I challenge anybody
out there listening to the show right now, Write me if you've

(24:39):
never in a weak moment done something silly when you felt that way. I
know I have. It wasn't posting somebody else's work, but it
was other stupid shit that I had to admit to,
ask for forgiveness, and to me, anybody, and
now this is taking out crazy acute shit, right?
There's probably somebody out there like, you know, my neighbor raped my

(25:02):
I know, I know why I went so big. Yeah. But I'm trying. I'm
trying to illustrate, you know what I mean? There are certain crimes that
I don't want to debate, and I still think probably forgiveness
needs to happen there too somehow, some way, even if it's from a distance. We'll
just take that off the table. We're talking about the normal dumb
shit some of us do in life. Too drunk at a bar, you know, cussing

(25:23):
your loved one out, doing whatever your bullshit
was. Normal life stuff to me anybody that can admit to
it Honestly, and and you did it publicly say i'm
gonna change my ways. I'm gonna be a different person In my book you're
forgiven. Let's go. Yeah, you know, I think that's that
makes me. Um, I mean more Enthusiastic about seeing

(25:43):
what you're gonna do next and I know we're gonna get because you've done a lot since then But i'm talking
in that moment. I wasn't a part of that I missed it somehow, but I would have been
one of the first to be like, okay Now, would I be cautious around
you? Probably for a bit. Totally. To make sure that what you said, what
you meant it. Yep. And now we know years later, you did mean
it. Yeah. And then the other thing is just, you know, you, you

(26:03):
teach a lot of things, but a big part of what you teach
is authenticity. Yeah. You know, finding out who
you really are And you know the thing is when you really find
out who you really are you are gonna have people who don't like
who you really are oh yeah hundred percent so if you're in
if you're if you're trying to be the person that everyone likes now you're gonna have to
be kind of fake but so you're teaching authenticity and i

(26:26):
really think it's cool that you have this history because you're
teaching something you went to the. Bottom with you you
made the ultimate crime you you suffered. I
can't imagine what that year was like I mean the depression and they you
know anxiety and all the stuff you went through So to have gone
through that makes you a perfect teacher to teach the opposite
of that Yeah, so and you're holding true and and I know

(26:49):
that's what you are today So I just want to say all that because I was really inspired
No, and and it's funny because it is such a it's one of those stories where
most people are like well Why do you continue to talk about it? Like
why do you continue to let people know that's what you did and I'm like well listen like
if I'm really going to be the coach or the the mentor that

(27:10):
tells you to go follow your soul and
to follow your heart and follow your truth, how am I able
to do that without owning my own? And so it's one of
those things that with this, like with that truth, I
am here because of that reason. Like I have seen
For me this inner wealth as a whole

(27:31):
human as a whole artist that has come into
fruition I mean personally I believe it's the reason it's
one of the biggest reasons When it got me into meditation and really
to self-healing and getting a better relationship to myself I got to know what
success looks like in my life. I got to know what my artistic style
looks like in my life and I got to know exactly who I wanted to call into

(27:52):
my tattoo chair. I knew exactly who I wanted in
my shop. Getting to know yourself is the most,
like, it's the best thing you can do for your life and for your business because
of the fact that I know exactly who I am. I know exactly
who I'm going to call in. And the more that I can accept that aspect
of me, accept all of my human. I'm absolutely going

(28:14):
to honor not only boundaries, but I'm also going to honor the
fact that I can love and accept myself and
never reject myself because of others rejecting me. And
that became like my whole catalyst and for the mission that I have on
this planet. You know, when I was tattooing, there was no purpose behind it. It
was just like, I just want to do cool art. And I love that. And I love that for people. But

(28:36):
now it's like a whole movement behind it. The people that
come to me, or people that desire to feel
more authentic in their own bodies. And oftentimes it's people that
are like, I've always wanted a tattoo, but I just never could
or this or that. And now I just feel like I can because of your message.
Like you empower. And like, that's the whole point I think really is

(28:56):
like finding that space of purpose that drives you,
that motivates you, that gets you up in the morning. And for me, this
was that. It was like, oh, I have a mission on
this planet. I was meant to go through these things. And, you
know, I'll be really honest because that's
just who I am. When you said, talked about rape,

(29:17):
when I was a little girl, I was sexually abused by
an older boy, 18. I was seven for years.
And I still had so much forgiveness for him after that had happened.
I have a whole of forgiveness. So when you talk about forgiveness, I'm
like, I'm here as a catalyst of something that could be
so bad. And I remember thinking like, I'm glad it was me over

(29:41):
any of the other girls in the house because of this reason, because I'm strong enough.
And I believe that's why I'm here on this planet. is
because I am strong enough to hold this. I am strong enough to be
the leader in this. And I don't mind. And if people are going to hate
on that, I can take it because I love me. And I
know how to hold that because I understand how to hold duality. I

(30:02):
understand how to hold my doubts and insecurities and also, like, my
celebrations and, you know, my accolades. Like, this is what we
get to do as a human. And that's really, like, what this
whole life's about. I just happen to do it in the tattoo industry because
That's incredible that you found forgiveness for that person that did that to you.
I mean, it's huge. Very rare that you see that. You

(30:24):
know, I think a lot of times people mix up forgiveness with
allowance. So the
idea is, if I maintain my resentment towards
the person that wronged me, it protects me. Because to
forgive them means I'm saying it was okay, and oh,
by the way, others can do it to me too. It's not the case. And

(30:46):
you can forgive from a distance too. I mean, you don't have to
maybe go find that gentleman and tell him your truth, but in
your heart, You've let it go. And by
letting it go, you've let go of that resentment frequency because
we all attract whatever we vibrate at. If you're walking around watching
MMA all day, thinking about fistfights and

(31:08):
thinking about fighting and thinking about fighting. I had a guy that worked for
me that was like this. He said, I don't get it, man. Every time I go to the bar, someone
always wants to fight me. And I'm just like, you're just orating
fight mode, you know, and nothing against MMA. I actually love the sport.
I shouldn't have probably mixed that sport in with that. I'm just trying to make an example that
if you don't find that forgiveness, you're just going to attract a similar situation in

(31:30):
a different circumstance eventually. Sure. And forgiving
isn't allowing. You can forgive and have very strict boundaries.
You know, and i'm sure you do I do I have very good boundaries.
Yeah, so I mean, I just think you're your story It's
it's about tattooing but it's who can't relate to this I
think you'd be hard-pressed to find a human being who hasn't had

(31:52):
something like this where they did something they're not proud of
They admitted they did something wrong. They asked for forgiveness.
And at that point, the only people I have a problem with are the ones that won't give them the grace. You
know, give people some grace. Give them a shot. So anyway,
go on. But forgiveness isn't allowance, I guess you might say.
And I love that, too. It's like when we look at it from a forgiveness perspective,

(32:14):
it's like you're absolutely right when it comes from like the resentment aspect. Like
if I'm walking around with all this resentment in my heart, I'm giving my
power away to that person. I'm not, I'm here as a sovereign being.
Like I am sovereign, I own my power. I understand that
what happened to me was an unfortunate thing. But
at the same time, I do not let my past dictate my

(32:36):
present nor my future. And the more that I hold that resentment, that's all
it does is I'm literally taking my past and moving it into my present and
moving it into my future. And that's boring to
me. It's fucking boring. Because I'm like, I'm not
going to let that person, I'm not gonna continue to
live in my past. Yeah. And actually what ended up working out
was that nobody believed me that this happened. My

(33:00):
parents included. Culturally, I understand. I love
you, mom. I understand. Filipina, I'm sure she
saw it a lot in her life. So for her, I understand. So I have a lot
of forgiveness for everybody in my life. I have no resentment. And,
but what ended up happening was that I was able to have
my moment where Unfortunately, it happened again, and I

(33:20):
was able to testify against him So even
though I forgave him, of course, I'm gonna tell I'm you're wrong brother.
You can't be doing that shit This is
a boundary and so I was absolutely happy to testify and
to help out this other young woman and And so it was just one of those things where
it felt really, that's the empowering part.

(33:42):
And it's funny because it's like, as I'm getting older, I'm starting to see
how all the things are connecting. I'm like, okay, okay, okay.
And so I'm just willing to, at this
point, it's like, okay, what is my truth? Where can I utilize this
to truly create this momentum in my life to give me fulfillment and
purpose? Because that's what I believe we all have. Like we have, You

(34:02):
know, I'm very huge on the chakra system, the chakra system
or energy center system, where our sacral is like
our creative zone. That's like, you know, where we make babies. It's like, that's
where we're creating things. And so I'm going to be pulled by
pleasure and amazingness and what I'm excited about in
this fulfillment and not be almost avoidant of

(34:24):
fear. And so I want to, I want to move through life in, in
That's where it's that's where the magic happens, you know I mean I in hearing your
your story has kind of set you up perfectly to be a teacher
of these things, right? Yeah, and I think that's something you've awakened to is
Mm-hmm. Yeah looking, you know looking at your whole surroundings

(34:45):
being like why did these things happen to me? Well, perhaps they happen to you so you could be
this Yeah, you know and again acute there
are cute things that happen that I think we have to take off the table that
you know, they are truly just you know, next level,
and I don't know what you do with some of that next level stuff, but you,
and honestly, what happened to you as a child, that's pretty next level, actually.

(35:08):
I'm getting, and I know you didn't need it, but getting some
recognition that you weren't a liar, that must have felt a little bit good, like,
because no one was believing you, and then the guy finally, you're like, fucking told you.
You know, I think there was a part of me that just felt it
was, Oh, maybe I did ask for it. Maybe,
maybe this was, you know, and it's like that, that is a

(35:30):
very, you know, when you're a young girl and I
was seven, seven, eight, nine. So it was like, um, it was one of
those interesting things where, you know, it just became one of those things where
I was like, you have all these thoughts. And I think it
was a big, it was that sense of that happening
actually what got me into getting tattoos because tattoos became my armor. It

(35:51):
made me feel confident, made me feel strong. And I was a
heavily tattooed CPA before I became a tattoo artist. And
then being in the tattoo world and almost feeling like that
sense of like getting on TV and then being hated on
in television, it almost like felt like I brought myself back to that little girl.
And so that's why in my work, I love to go in

(36:12):
and really talk about parts work. I do a lot of healing somatic work,
inner child work, because of the fact that when we can change those
relationships with the parts of ourselves that are telling us like, You're not
enough. You're unworthy. You can't have this. Like all of these things that
limit our abilities, which is incredibly untrue
because everybody has the most limitless potential within

(36:34):
them. You cannot, you can, you cannot talk me out of it.
I don't care who you are. I don't care who you are. And
so it's like with this, we just stack limitations on ourselves and
this human existence. And I really truly believe it's all about just onion
layer, peeling the onion layers of healing right off and

(36:55):
And it should be said that you are a certified trauma counselor.
Yeah, so I'm a somatic, I'm a certified somatic trauma healer
and therapist. So I got my, both certifications
probably a few years ago because I was so, I started to talk
to people in the chair so deeply that I was like, I
want to be mindful of what's happening and what I'm saying, even

(37:18):
though I've had a lot of therapy and things like this. So I wanted to
get certified in this and it's actually a lot of the work that I bring into with
the artists that I work with as a spiritual business and life
mentor. So it became probably one of
the most unique parts of my work where we actually do somatic healing
and trauma therapy in our sessions versus just here, let

(37:39):
me teach you how to be good at business or here's some mindset work
and stuff like this. We actually like go in the body and really
like reprogram the subconscious mind and really understand like where
our thoughts and our beliefs are really coming from and honoring those
places that have, that are there and never shaming. Like I'm
here to like release shame for everybody. Like

(38:00):
I think that that's like the biggest thing that we're missing in this world just in
general. And I just so happen to be in the culture of tattooing cause
I see it so much. And this is always the biggest thing. And the reason why I
teach social media a lot is because of the fact that
that's like the first place it happens. But when we start to
see where the insecurities are with social media and we start to peel back
and peel back, it starts to come down to the whole part of what we believe about

(38:23):
ourselves. And that's where the real juice
is. Like that's where the real good shit is where you're just like, Oh my
gosh, you're about to unlock something so deep and
yummy and I'm so excited for you, but it's so hard. And so
they want to chalk it up to being like, I'm shy, I'm introverted and
that's that. And it's like, but when they're willing and you see them

(38:44):
unlocking and unlocking and then their eyes start to open, they take the horse
blinders off of their face and they're just seeing a world with like brand new eyes.
They're like, oh, wow, I'm actually really capable of a
lot of amazing things. And I'm like, yes! So it's like
my work is just like, I love it. This is where
I feel most joy in
my body is when I see people seeing their own life in a

(39:08):
Yeah, I mean, to be that for others is always huge. I've
had my micro moments. I don't do it for a living like you do, but yeah, how
rewarding to be able to help people at that level. And again, how much your
life story puts you in a perfect position to be someone who could speak with
relative authority around how to heal your trauma.
You had your own trauma, those three. I mean, and shame. I

(39:29):
mean, your TV show getting hated on, then the reposting getting
hate. I mean, you had to move through some. To get through those things
and to be the person I see in front of me today, I don't know the work you've
done, but I know you've done it. Yeah. Because I can feel you. It's like nobody
could sit there with those bright eyes and that positivity
oozing out of them without having done the work. So

(39:52):
you've done the work. And then once you've done the work, it's easier to teach others how to do some
of that work. And that's cool that you're doing that. Yeah, that's rad. Yeah. And
I think on your I mean, there's a lot that you do. And I like want
to kind of highlight some of it. I know that you practice meditation. Do
All kinds. So I believe that we

(40:13):
play three different games on this planet. We play the
three different games in this world. We play the inner game, which
is the identity game. We play the energetic game, the quantum game.
and then we play the material game, the strategy game. And so how
we move, so the inner game informs the
energetic game, the energetic game informs the strategy game. So we

(40:35):
first start with the inner game. So for me, it's always like meditation, somatic,
in the body. So anything in the body, breath work, parts work. So
parts work being like going in there, differentiating the different parts of
you that has a different say. Like we have a round table in our minds, like
there's a lot of voices going on in there. And sometimes we all
just believe it's us. And so when we can kind of separate them and

(40:56):
kind of look from an observer's point of view and looking down at
ourselves and being like, oh, actually this is just one part of me and
this is just one part of me. And so it's, I'd look at it like you're driving a
bus. You really want your highest self to drive the bus, but sometimes your
inner child's really scared of something. So the ego comes up and tries to turn
the wheel for you. It's like, nope, we're not going that way. We want to stay comfortable. And

(41:16):
so, and what ends up happening is that we don't realize that it's
not us, our highest self driving this bus. It's like a part
of us. and we think it's us. And so what we do
is we go in there, differentiate the different parts and heal the relationships with
ourselves. It's like basically reparenting the inner child, the inner teen, inner
young adult, all the kinds of different parts of ourselves in there. And

(41:37):
so that's one meditation that I love to go through. And then the second one would be,
of course, the quantum who doesn't love to connect to
their future self or to the future that they desire because of course that's
what magnetizes right that vibrational level and so we go
in there and we start to see what it is that we desire what it feels like and when
we say somatic it's like I feel it in my body that's oh

(41:57):
I already felt it like when we think about money Money's a
big one. It's always like, what does it feel like to have it? It feels like freedom. It
feels like stability, safety. And
what I'm doing is that I want you to recreate that feeling within the body to
know that you actually create it within yourself first in
order to call it in, the soulmate clients as I like to

(42:17):
call them, or the tattoo business as you'd want, or something of that nature.
And so it all starts from here. And so it's like that way, we
get the inner game. This way, we're touching the quantum, we touch our future, we
touch the potential that we know we have. and then we move in
the material game. So when we have these two pieces, we move in
the material game and all of a sudden we're not moving

(42:38):
in avoidance of fear. We're not moving because of what
one part of us is like afraid of. Oh, I'm afraid to be seen. It's like, no,
actually, yeah, I'm still afraid, but I move with
that fear instead of moving away from it. And that's what changes the
strategy in the material game in the
Yeah, I've heard it said different ways similar to that, but

(42:59):
I couldn't agree more. I mean, that is, it is how, um, you
know, I, I
love this type of material. I've read philosophical books my whole life
and I've done my own soul searching and meditation
work and work with lucid genetics. And I guess people
like us, they call us seekers or whatever. I, I, I mean, I, sometimes

(43:21):
I I've had friends say to me like, It's almost like you're like are
you lost why are you always why is it always about this stuff and i'm like
well. Simply put i think it's the most interesting thing going on
frankly i haven't gotten over the fact that
i'm here i mean it's like look around do what is this investigating
what this is is just really interesting to

(43:43):
me i'm not. I think when I was younger, the seeking might've come more from
being insecure and not understanding so much about myself. And
I had to read these books and practice these practices to try
to get more grounded. It's turned more into just enjoyment. I
just enjoy the seeking, walking the path, meeting people
like you, learning more about how this universe works. But

(44:03):
in that journey, I sometimes have been going a
little bit away from words like manifestation and even spirituality. Because
one, they're loaded words, and I think a lot of people can, it means so
many different things to so many different people. You could say, oh, you know, my
spiritual work. Well, you're talking to a guy that went to some strict Christian school
where the nuns used to whip him across his hand. So immediately, that's a

(44:25):
negative word, you know. And also, you
know, the longer I play with this stuff, I just don't think
it's anything like that. I think it's just like, like the universe is like a
machine and it works just on rules. And
if you play by the rules, your life's better. You know, it's the mechanical way
the universe works and, and these things do work. And I

(44:45):
just think that's a better way to look at it for me at least. And also to get people
to maybe people that wouldn't listen, listen more. But
the reality is when you can do the things you just said, good
things happen. Oh yeah. I mean, they just do. And you don't have
to believe that there's spirit guides in the clouds above
you. You don't have to believe in, frankly, gods and

(45:06):
devils and demons and angels. And it's cool if you do.
Bringing that into your belief system Enhances and
abuse it to bring it more power than great but i honestly think
that's just the way the universe works and you either play by. It's like an
engine in a car you you know you can put water in there and i can run very well
it's not gonna run at all where you put gasoline in a run great so that's
a good way to do it i like those three the way you broken that in a

(45:29):
three sections and it does start inside and then it
starts in the future which is quantum which is. You
gotta create that vision like what do i look like what is my life
look like and then i like the fact you added that layer of
the meditation part of it where you are encouraging the person to
feel the emotion and you know if you close your eyes

(45:50):
and get quite enough and visualize. You're in this certain house
and maybe you want a family and there's your kids playing in the yard and.
And you got this great job and money if you just
it's not that this is meditation i'm doing right now i think a lot of people are like i
can't sit still and think of nothing for an hour and that's one form of
meditation but. You'll feel an emotion, you know, you might get goosebumps

(46:12):
like, oh, this is fucking awesome. But, you know, many of the books I
read is feeling the emotion of
your future, of the goal or whatever it is you're trying to attain is
literally the fuel that empowers the vibration to
make it actually happen. The emotional feeling, that emotional component.
So I like that you threw that in there. Because I do think a lot of people don't

(46:35):
talk about that much. And I think it's crucial to the ingredients
Just feeling that emotion. I think that I look at
it from a perspective of like, you're just having a memory of your future. Like
when you put it in your body, you already see it. Your subconscious doesn't
understand the difference between what's not actually happening and
what's just in your mind. And so that's like, that's how you shift

(46:57):
your vibration. That's how you shift your energy. And that energy
calls in or, you know, what it is that you're focusing on,
right? Energy flows where your attention goes. So it's like, if I'm focusing on
not being broke and I'm so scared of being broke and I'm trying
not to focus on being broke, your subconscious only sees being broke.
It doesn't say, Oh, we're not trying to be broke. It's like, oh,

(47:18):
she wants to focus on being broke. Okay, let's focus on
that. It doesn't understand. It just follows you. That's
how beautiful your subconscious is. It's like that intuitive part of
you, that subconscious part of your brain, it honestly just wants
to work for you. And we can actually train it
in this way. And it's so interesting because what I

(47:38):
love about meditation and breath work, it teaches you how to
do something that's already automatic and brings it conscious. So what
happens is when you take a breath, you do it automatic. We never even think
about how life force energy just constantly comes in and
out of our bodies every day, every moment, every second. We breathe
14 breaths, I believe, in like a minute. And when you can

(48:00):
get so focused on that breath, what you're doing is you're telling
your subconscious mind that I desire control in this moment. And
when you do that, what happens is that you consciously tell your
subconscious that I'm ready to take control of
the beliefs of the things I'm doing. And you can literally reprogram it
from that space. So when we do meditation and we get good and

(48:23):
practice, what tattooing is a practice, showing
up online as a practice, me telling my truth as a practice. It's
all a practice. It's like, so when I can get a hold of that breath and
do something that's normally automatic or, you know,
any of the thoughts that come in your mind that's negative and all of these things about
yourself, that's negative. It's like, if I can just get aware of that, you

(48:43):
can actually shift exactly what it is you do want to believe about
yourself. And that's how we shift our self concept. And so for me, it's
like, why not just try that? Like, why not
just give it a shot? Like I always tell people 30 days, Just try it,
30 days. Just try it for 30 days and see what happens.
See the shift in your own, in your own body, in your own awareness, in

(49:03):
your tattoos. I truly believe that meditation is the
biggest reason why I've gotten better at my tattoos because I'm so intentional now.
I'm like so focused. I'm like, oh, this and this and this instead
of letting my brain go like this. And I'm just like, you know what I mean? And
so it's like, this like intention to focus changes
everything in your life. And you actually, that's where time when

(49:25):
people say, I never have any time time goes by so fast. It's
like actually that's where you can slow time down It's so interesting
something. I'm really really passionate about I'm like, how can I have
You said something in there, um, why not why would someone
not want to try that for 30 days? Oh And there's a lot of reasons, but

(49:45):
I mean, a big one, I think, is we become
very attached to our identity and
what it's connected to our story, you know, so, you
know, it might seem subtle, but what you're asking someone to do is.
Subconsciously they know you're asking them to let go of
who they think they are and in that story

(50:07):
of who they think they are they might have a good. Excuse
for not having success you know they have a victim story well i
can tell you exactly why i don't have what i want my dad this
is this happen to me and this happen to me so you're asking someone to let
go of that so i got a big part of why. Even though
why wouldn't you want to do the work to let go of that and move on to the new

(50:27):
you but it's you know again it comes back to that like you
can't just become the new thing you gotta let go of the old thing
yeah you know i think for me the way i like to teach
you know teach my the people that i have run in my spaces is
You don't have to let go of anything. You can keep it.
Let's just get aware of it. Let's just get aware of it. You

(50:49):
Awareness, basically. That's a
little, you're tricky. I like that. I'm a little trickster. If you get the awareness,
you know what happens next. It dies. It withers on the
Well, do I want this? I'm looking at this. Does this feel good in
my body to think or believe this? No. Okay. And

(51:10):
so when people tell me they're trying, I'm like, I love it.
And I have, I'm like, I'm always like this. I'm always like, I want you
to love on every single part of you. And I want you to accept that. So if
we can just get aware of what we're accepting, it's perfect. But then
once they get aware of it and when they truly do that type of work, they're like,
oh my goodness, all of a sudden they're like, I actually really don't like this part.

(51:30):
And I really would like to release this because I feel like this is the part that's holding
me back. But there's safety in that. There's safety in what they
believe in their identity. And I would never want to remove that safety. That's traumatic.
That's a traumatic thing. I'm not trying to traumatize you
further. So all I'm trying to do is just be like, I
want you to love on every single part of you. And we're

(51:50):
going to look at the shadows. This is the wounds. This is the shadow work. If
anybody's ever heard of that, it's like, that's what we're doing. Let me just shine the
light on the shadows. That's it. Because we always put the things in the
shadows we deem or society deems you know, unacceptable.
And we put things in the light that we think are acceptable. So it's one
of those things where it's like, well, how about we just own both? This is duality. This

(52:11):
is the law of polarity, right? We're talking about polarity. So
it's like, yes, I'm going to love all parts of myself and accept it
and not change a thing. But the byproduct of looking is
Yeah. You know, we talked earlier about some of the work of Miguel
Ruiz and Miguel Ruiz Jr. And we actually, I was like,
yeah, the Four Agreements is like my Bible. And you were like, me too. And

(52:34):
we both love the teachings of the Toltecs. And you know, the
Buddhists teach it too. And a lot of other philosophies and religions teach
it. Well, I wouldn't say religion as much, but a lot of philosophies teach.
And it's just this idea of being a steward of your thoughts, right?
And just in accepting that idea, you've already created separation. Just
by saying there's my thoughts and then there's the observer of

(52:55):
the thoughts because we can all do that Try it. You can have a thought like
oh, I hate la traffic. Okay. Well, you
can just be the person who that's it There's or
you can be the person who looks at that and goes, huh? Look at that. Look
at that thing. Someone's talking in my head saying they hate la
traffic and now you've created that bit of separation. And that's a

(53:16):
practice I deeply try to stay embedded in.
I'm always, you know, they just pop up. The weirdest shit
just pops in your head. And then I just look at it and
decide, I don't even decide, I just create that
separation. And then slowly the thoughts, you become a
curator and you start looking at it more like, well, that thought,

(53:37):
okay, I acknowledge you and now I'm gonna move to a
different thought because You know, you might have that same negative thought five times
that day, and you're just like, okay, I heard you. It's like a little, little
kid in the classroom, like, we heard you. Can we move on
to somebody else in the classroom now? Oh, you, you have your hand up. What
would you like to say? I'm beautiful and

(53:57):
I seek wealth and prosperity. All right. I'm
going to pay more attention to this student over here. So it's just moving that
attention around and being a steward of your thoughts. And again, I think the four agreements,
you know, really eloquently explains that one.
But you're right, man. Just those thoughts in
your head that talk all day long, aren't you?

(54:18):
They really aren't. They're just, well, they're probably, you
could call it your ego or whatever. And they're there to
keep us alive, you know, to keep us away from, it's just a
lot of old programming from being ancient man where you
probably had to think about scary shit a lot to stay vigilant. Oh,
yeah, something most things were gonna kill you you were gonna starve because

(54:39):
you didn't store enough food for winter there was predators outside there
was a Neighboring tribe that you knew was
always trying to figure out how to come in and take over your shit I
mean, this is human existence for thousands of years and
only lately and again for us
the we live in a very lucky part of the world, so I don't

(55:00):
want to You know, just say it in a way like I realize there's people who
probably are still in that situation where they have to wake up every day and really be thinking
about shit that could go wrong. Yeah. You know, I'm not
there, you're not there. But yet those programs are still operating,
you know, and we're in fight or flight mode most of the time. Yeah,
creating that separation, realizing those thoughts aren't you, and then you can decide

(55:20):
which thoughts you want to imbue with your attention.
Attention is like water to a garden.
You know, where you place it, things grow. So if you're
placing it on, you know, kind of negative thoughts, those
things are going to grow and those things are going to eventually become your your reality,
you know, more of your reality. I, I'm just backing, you already

(55:42):
said it, but I just wanted to put one more layer on it. I love it. I couldn't agree
I could not agree with you more. I think this is the reason why we're having this conversation in
the first place is that we have a very similar, um,
outlooks on life, you know, and similar beliefs where we're like, This
work is, and honestly, it makes
my whole heart crack open to have conversations like

(56:04):
these more and more, because even with all of the
things, the myriad of things that have happened in my very
young existence still, it's like, I have so much faith
in humanity. I
root for us, and people are like, you are crazy, and I'm like,

(56:25):
But if you believe thoughts create reality, boy, you better anchor into that thought,
because if you don't, then what happens next? If
most of the planet's thinking we're fucked tomorrow. My
opinion is we're fucked tomorrow. So, yeah, I do believe thoughts
in the end manifest a physical reality. I
often say we're in a simulation. I think it is some kind of simulation. I

(56:46):
mean, the quantum physicists can almost prove it. They get down to a molecular quantum
level and they can't even find matter. all they
Oh my gosh, don't even start with me when it comes to
It just fucks your head up because you grab a table and you're like, that's not.
This is actually not real. It's not material. It's

(57:07):
energy so focused together that it just becomes something
solid, quote unquote. I love this understanding that
we're coming to and I find it so interesting how people still don't
want to understand it. And that's okay because I truly believe I'm
like, I have a program I'm going to call The One because I'm going to just base it
off of Neo and The Matrix. It's really just

(57:28):
like how we like understand that it's
wonderful to be in The Matrix. Like we actually get to, like
I'm getting to at this point. Like I'm choosing this at this moment.
Like I, yes, I'm a, I'm a spiritual being having a human experience. Right.
So it's like, but at the same time, it's like we got to remember that
we're here. and that we got to remember that everything is actually not

(57:49):
what it seems to be. And when we can kind of
even just touch it, not even have to try to wrap our heads around it
because sometimes our tiny little brains are just like, I can't understand or
compute this. It's like, even if we just touch it, it's like, then we
enter the realm of potentiality and the realm of possibility versus
the realm of predictability. It's like, everything's predictable. I know a lot

(58:09):
of people want predictability, but yet we all desire a magic and
a miracle thing to happen. We're like, oh my gosh, best. You know, in
my world, it's like, I want the, you know, really successful tattoo
business. I want to make XYZ money. I want, I want this, this and that. And
it's like, okay, but if we're living in the realm of predictability, then
how are we ever going to get into the realm of possibility or

(58:29):
potentiality unless we expand what we believe is
real or what we believe is possible? You know, and so
it's like, if I can believe that this table actually doesn't exist because
it's just energy, then what else could be possible? What else
is potential? And if science can prove this, I'm like,
okay, well, I'm going to back it up with science, right? A lot of
people say in the spiritual community and science, in the science community

(58:53):
too, is that spirituality is just science that we
don't have the tools to prove yet. And so it's like one of those things
where, you know, for me, spirituality just means I believe in something bigger than
myself, which is, I just truly believe that there's a feeling inside
of me that's pulling me and I don't know why it's pulling me in this direction. Why
am I a tattoo artist that desires to do this for artists versus anybody

(59:14):
else? Why does a finance person want to be a finance person?
Why does this person want to be, you know, a camera operator or,
you know, run this business? It's like, we're all being pulled to do
something that brings balance to this earth. And if we can follow that,
then we're really going to do a service to humanity, I
think. And so it's like, that's what I believe. And
so if we could just get a little bit around the fact that

(59:37):
this isn't real, like this is actually energy and that all
of life is energy, then how much more possibility can we bring into
Well, anything really. But I want to add two layers that why
a big reason I believe why people don't want to go there with
we're in a simulation or there's no actual
matter when you break it down to its smallest, whatever, all you find is energy

(59:59):
where spiritual beings having a human experience. If
you do get to the point where you can accept that as your truth, you
immediately have to accept all the results that have been created up
to that point. Because, you know, you're basically saying to
somebody, are you ready to take complete responsibility for everything that's
ever occurred in your life? And I think for a lot of people, that's

(01:00:20):
they don't maybe even on a conscious level, they don't even understand. They can feel you
pushing them in that direction. And that's where they're just like, oh, dude, this is all
just fucking crazy. Where we go next is I'm
responsible for the job I hated for the last 15 years. That's
my fault. That's what you're telling me. I
mean, we don't have to get so extreme with you, bud. But yeah, because

(01:00:41):
if this other philosophy is true, they have to accept that 15 years
ago, they could have walked away from that job and they could have changed their reality and
they could have done something else. But you don't understand. I had a wife and she was pregnant.
You know, even those excuses are not, they don't hold water. So
yeah, that's definitely, I think a big part of the resistance to this type
of thinking is you got to take a, you're in the driver's seat.

(01:01:03):
You always were. When you get to things like what happened to you when you
were seven, I even get confused or hung
up. I mean, I personally wonder if there's a
karmatic system at play here, like many lifetimes are being lived
and things are happening. Because it is difficult when you hear about children
and things that, because you're asking yourself, how is that three-year-old

(01:01:25):
creating this abusive father? Totally. Now,
when you get to like grown adults and the job they hate and
the marriage, their dissent, with all that, I'm more quick to be like, no, dude,
I guarantee you in a practical way i could walk through your last
10 years and show you 15 times where you chose a
when you could have chosen b and you didn't and it's not

(01:01:46):
even like we don't have to go spiritual land here it's pretty pretty black
and white you could and you didn't you could have went to the gym
and you didn't you could have not eaten doritos all night
and you did So this these are the results you've created but
yeah when you get into like the youth and things like that I'm always and in that
I don't ever think I need to know I don't think it's my job to know but

(01:02:08):
I do wonder if it's some karma and many lifetimes being
I think for me since it has it is a part of my
story It's one of those things where it's like the
creation of it No However, I
you know, obviously it's like an unfortunate thing that happens to someone so young
but it's like there I can see there

(01:02:31):
are parts of me, you know as I'm young and
this is not saying that I created this or I asked for it or anything like
that, but you can start to kind of unfold there are
parts of us that do desire closeness
and we do desire, you know, we are taught that Abandonment
or rejection is death. That's just an immutable. That's

(01:02:54):
our first chakra for thousands of years If you got
kicked out of the tribe, you died you died exactly And
so like a part of the tribe is life. And so when we look
at this perspective, you know, of course manipulation is at hand and
we don't know that as children and But it's like I truly believe that
we're just following what is a part of

(01:03:15):
our like what we feel is like survival. And
what's happening in that mode is like that survival. So
it was almost like for me in that moment, I
can't say what I was thinking or doing. I don't even remember. I think I even honestly
just kind of block that part of my life out, which
is something I think is so beautiful about the brain, where it's just like, we're
going to just keep you safe from having to deal with that. We understand the

(01:03:38):
ins and outs of it. We remember the after effects, you know, and all this
kind of stuff. So it's like, really, like, I do believe that there's this divine protection
in that. But I do know that although I
didn't ask for it, I do believe that it's a big part of me
finding what I needed to do now. And I'm
not saying that it is deserved or you can't find your purpose in

(01:03:59):
life without something gnarly happening to you. I don't believe that you need
a rock bottom to find that. It's true. I
truly believe that you can find it in your own way when you do desire to
say yes, you know? And so in this moment, I
truly like, there's no real reason, but I do believe that
I can turn my past into something that means something really

(01:04:19):
good to me. Yeah. And so if I desire to do that, then
I can. If I desire to make myself a victim of that, I
can. People would fucking applaud me. They'd be like, you're right. You should feel
like this. Like they would, they would be like, you do that. But
I'm only making it better for me because I know what it feels like.
And so my way I feel in my body is really important. Because

(01:04:40):
I know that's how I'm going to lead in this world. Do I want to lead in
victimhood? Do I want to lead in resentment,
rejection, hate? Like, woe is me,
fuck everybody, everybody's out to get me kind of vibe. And trust me,
like, I know that I'd be well in my – everybody would be like, You're
well and you're right to do that, Reese. You deserve to do

(01:05:02):
that. Of course, you know, I could. Or I could choose
something different that feels better. And I tell people all the time, your tattoos
don't mean shit if you don't want it to mean shit. It could just be a tattoo I just got.
Like, love my tattoos. I just got them because I liked them, you know? But
I'm the meaning maker. You are the meaning maker. You're
the permission giver. I'm the permission giver. So it's like, at this

(01:05:22):
point, it's like, I'm going to give myself the permission to choose a different story
for my past and what it means to me. People get that. You have
the sovereign right to do that for you. And then that's where I'm at at
this point. It's like, it doesn't mean, yeah, you created it or whatever. That's
really hard. I'm with you on that. But I get to choose what it means for me today.
Yeah, yeah, and for the record I got really stuck up on that for many years

(01:05:45):
and I arrived where you arrived I'm like, oh god, this is just a rabbit hole
that never ends and it produces no goodness for anyone
and so I just kind of I bring it up on the show because it's a I
just want to open that up to a lot of people who might still be in that mindset of
thinking but I think what you said is exactly what I Was knew
you would go with it, which is it doesn't matter. Yeah, you know and

(01:06:06):
you know, I I do think there is a higher i believe it's probably a
higher self or whatever who probably guides events in such a way to
cause it it knows the life it kinda wants you to walk and
be a and and so it'll create what seems like tragedy around
you but if you look back if you follow that intuition and you turn
into positive tivity most people that are very successful tell

(01:06:28):
you Yeah, those things were perfect. Yeah, they sucked
at the time, but there's no fucking way i'd be doing this without
that So thank you. Like you said to that gentleman who who
called you out. Thank you. Yeah, so what we do with it
That's what's important because everyone has some shitty thing
that's happened to them whether it's as extreme as yours or that's extreme But

(01:06:50):
I find that it's so interesting because I literally like, I have, I'm
about to drop a bottom on you. I just pulled my dad off life support
last week on Wednesday. And I
only smile because I feel so at
peace with the decision. I don't think I made it. I think he made it for me.
It was just me speaking for him. And

(01:07:13):
because of what I believe in and because of the work that I've done, I
was able to move my grief and turn
it into creative power. And that's like something I'm realizing that like
grief is like towing the line between like
the veil of like your highest potential and just
like humanness. And when we can just allow ourselves to make meaning

(01:07:35):
to what it's meant, like I could, of course, I've gone through the realms
of what's happening and how everything's going. But with this
it's like I feel so good like it's people again
You'd be so well in your right to feel all these things and I'm like I know
but I'm gonna choose to feel it all and just allow myself to
be so accepting of this and Be here and

(01:07:56):
make meaning to what it what what this means to me. I'm so
lucky to have a human experience like this
because none of us are gonna escape someone
dying in our lives and And I mean, if that happens, I
really feel bad for the people that may be older than you, that happens
too. We all want to outlive our parents, right? So it's like, I

(01:08:18):
know that like, no matter what, it's really, it's
like in these moments, in these moments of hardship, the way
I lead myself or the way that I know myself, who I am to be
in this moment is really what defines what happens in
my life. I absolutely feel so
at peace. Of course, I'm, I have a myriad of feelings of

(01:08:38):
feeling like sadness and grief and
anger and just like all of these things. Like, why would you make me the permission?
Like, why would you make me the decision maker? Like, why would you do that? And,
and having to do all of these things. And I'm just like, And
the moment we accept it, we're like, okay, I'm not trying to
tell you to change anything. I just want you to accept everything that's happening and

(01:09:00):
open yourself to feeling it. And I truly believe that because
my whole vibe is about being
a good feeler versus always feeling good, allows me to
move through this in a way that feels fucking incredible. And
I feel so good. Like when people tell me sorry, I'm like, please
don't be sorry that I get to do this in my life. Like this is

(01:09:22):
what I get to do. And it's the first time for me. I
still have two other parents who are really amazing. And so that's
like, this is the first parent that's ever left me. And so I'm like, wow, this is
really interesting what I'm going through and I'm moving through
it. And all I desire is just to let it
all feel. And if I desire to fall on the ground and

(01:09:43):
cry and scream, I'm gonna do it. If I desire to just be
a little dazed and confused, I'm gonna do it. I just was like offering
myself so much permission when I got the call that
I was like, Okay, I'm gonna just let it
happen, whatever happens. And it became this almost beautiful sense of like
closeness with my dad, closeness with God, spirit, the

(01:10:03):
universe, your highest self, whatever you want to call it, and then just a
sense of like peace. And so I come here being like, I
am the meaning maker, I can make meaning to this, I
can let it absolutely be well within my right to let it mean that
like I'm gonna fall for a week and nobody talked to me vibes and I
absolutely would be in my right. Or I'm gonna just turn

(01:10:24):
it into power. And this is like, this is where I'm like, I
know I'm meant to do this work. This is where I find myself the most
where I'm like, I feel so much like love
for what I'm doing. And he alchemizes my dad, he helps me
push me further into my why and my purpose. And it feels so good. And
I know he's really proud of me for that. So it's like, this is

(01:10:44):
like, again, it's like, Meaning, you're meaning, you're the permission giver,
you give yourself permission. Don't change a thing, just
notice, just be, just open, accept it. And
when we can do that, you have a whole different life ahead of
Wow, that's pretty, that really shows where you're
at as far as you're working with these concepts. I mean, that

(01:11:06):
was a week ago. I won't say I'm sorry for you.
I don't know what words do you I use I should use with the person like
It's a celebration of life I think mostly and it's like I think that that's like the whole point what
It's like one of those things where I'm like, I believe our soul chose to

(01:11:29):
be here and we're maybe working off some debt.
Some people believe, sometimes they're like, oh, I just want to go through this experience. I
want to, I want to experience grief. I want to experience, um,
hardship or rejection or something like this. So I know how to move through it.
Who knows why, but. We chose to be here
and I wanna like open myself up to feeling the

(01:11:51):
amounts of what the humans feel in an experience like
this instead of trying to only try to feel good, which
I mean is dictated by society and what, you know, like people
go on a roller coaster, they feel excited or scared and it's the same chemical release
in the brain. And so it's like I get to determine what that feeling
gets to be like, if it's good or bad. And for me, it's just kind of like it

(01:12:13):
is. And this is where I get to move with
it. And I allow myself whatever I need. And for some reason, what
I didn't need was to have space. It was actually to
be in community, to be here with you today. It was to be with my
community. I taught a class this morning. I was with the students that I teach.
I was like, I wanted to be with them. And I was like, okay,

(01:12:34):
this is where I really feel my deepest passion and know
I like what you had to say there. How did you word that? The
Oh, yeah. Instead of always trying to feel
Well, that's cool. I've never heard that put that way before. And that's
I mean, that's great because I mean, the reality is nobody feels

(01:12:55):
good all the time. It's an impossible fucking goal, first of all. And
if that is your goal every day, you're going to be let down like, damn
it. Another day went by and I wasn't totally feeling rad.
Fucking failed again. I'll try it
again tomorrow. This time more tequila. Yeah,
maybe. I've tried that method. It doesn't work either,

(01:13:18):
friends. It doesn't. Trust me. But yeah,
and I kind of arrived in that way. You know, life isn't about feeling good.
When good times come, you savor them. And when, um, in
a way, when, when sadness comes, you kind of
savor that. Oh yeah. When do we all of it you know in again
if you're viewing life from the perspective of we're here to

(01:13:39):
experience this crazy thing called human
existence and earth in reality seeming seemingly.
No matter in time. Still
question if any of that's real, but I mean, if
someone was going to create a place to really deepen a developing
soul's character, I mean, this seems like a pretty perfect

(01:14:03):
It's a little too coincidental. Like, I mean, it's probably
what it is. Like, you know, and you probably have souls that are, I don't know what they do
up there. They might be in different universes doing all things I don't even understand.
You might become sound in that one or, you know, not even
have physical form or anything. But this one's a specific type
of school that seemed to really develop soul's character.

(01:14:24):
And in order to develop character, you're going to have to have tragedy and
death and loss and triumphs and
ecstatic moments and love and sex and
And fire and ice and you know it's perfect for
all that and i think it just going at life in that perspective can.
Can actually make it more you know more joy you

(01:14:46):
know if you can find joy in the whole thing looking at
it mean this is pretty like sometimes i've done a lot of lucid genetics
in my life and i don't do as much as i used to because.
The older I get when I look just it
all looks like it's trippier than LSD, really. You know,
when I look out of reality, this is fucking crazy, dude. You

(01:15:07):
know, and I don't know. It's those moments I can somehow separate myself
and not be Aaron anymore. It's like I'm just that two year old kid
that didn't even know his name was Aaron yet. Yeah. When the years
where you looked at a tree, you didn't even know it was called a tree, but you still
just were like, you know, you walked up and touched it. Like, what is this thing?
What? Look at this huge thing. And then you see the little

(01:15:28):
two year olds do this. I watch my own kids do this. I mean, they're tripping, basically. Nothing
has a name yet. They touch the grass and you can just see them rip
it out in this. It's just like a 35-year-old
man on two hits of LSD. That's what they do too. It just takes you
back to being a two-year-old. But really that fascination towards

(01:15:49):
this ride can go away as we get older because everything gets
a name and a label and everything has a meaning. Most
of those meanings are told to us by our culture and our society and
our parents and our bosses and whoever else. And then we agree
to it. And you don't have to agree to any of that
stuff, you know, just realize those were agreements you made. You

(01:16:10):
can disagree at any time, you know, and you're
really highlighting that. I think you using this thing you just went
through with your father and having such a bright, beautiful energy
here with me today tells me that you're living in that that
way a bit. You have to be to be sitting here like this. Not many people
It's funny because my sister she she doesn't she gets

(01:16:31):
it. She doesn't get it. She's like you you ride
unicorns into the sunset and I'm gonna sit over
here and cry and be miserable She
has like tattoos on her body that says I hate
everyone equally like she's very much of that nature We love her
and she's a nurturer and so it's just like it's so funny because she sees me
and she's like I don't get it but I love you for it and

(01:16:54):
I want you to stay whatever whatever your juice you're taken
and I'm like I'm just high on life at this moment. I have
my moments where it's very down, and I don't feel right, and
I should and shouldn't in my life, and I should be better, and
this, this, and that, and I have a very high standard of myself, and so it's like, of
course I have these. I'm very fucking human. It's not like I don't

(01:17:15):
have a bad day. Actually, the best part about having a
bad day is that I give myself permission to have one. I
ask my partner all the time, I'm like, I really don't fucking wanna deal with
today. Can I have a bad day? Let's have a bad day together. And then
the moment I allow myself that permission all of a sudden, it's no longer a bad day. It's
like an easy fucking day. So it's like, it's just the permission.

(01:17:35):
It's just like acceptance and permission to let myself do whatever happens.
I'm like, okay, I'm here. What's gonna happen? I'm open to
it. I'm not gonna fight it. We're just gonna move and see what
happens. And it's like just allowing myself to have that grace. And
the more I offer myself that sense of space, it's like
the more I actually don't need to do

(01:17:56):
what society tells me I need to do when death happens or when
this happens or when that happens. It's just like, oh, I actually get
to make my own choices, which is so weird
because you're like, sometimes you do like it when people make your choices.
You're like, oh, I actually do have responsibility. Like you said earlier, it's
like, do I really want to take full responsibility for everything that's happening?

(01:18:17):
But I think it's the most beautiful thing you do because then you get to kind of just like be
cool with pretty much anything. You know, maybe, you
know, you look back, whatever, it's like, I think it's just
Yeah, and it's okay to be sad, you know? And
it's actually, you know, I've met some people that are on the path

(01:18:37):
that they seem to even skip that part. And I think it's, there's
a trap there too. It's like, oh, I'm so enlightened. I never
even feel sad. No, no. It's when people
get stuck in it, you know? Yeah, be sad, be pissed off.
You know, as much as I believe in no resentment and someone

(01:19:00):
Yeah. Like I need two days of fuck him. But
eventually I always have that moment. I'm like, okay, I did
that and I'm not going to hold onto this anymore. You know, that person
who did that, They were once a two-year-old little baby
innocent life happened for whatever reason that person's doing that it
happened to me i now have a different um boundary around me

(01:19:21):
and i forgive them what's next love the things that love you back move
ahead yeah it's getting stuck in it but yeah i you gotta feel
things too you know along the way but that's really cool man um
yeah i i do think that you have a lot to offer You've
got a lot to share. You're here
to do this work. And I think you got the right game plan.

(01:19:43):
I was curious to see how you would break it down today. And not that I'm
a genius in any of this, but damn, I've read a lot of books. I've been to a lot of
seminars. I've spent a lot of time researching this stuff. And
I think you've got a good set of rules and ways of
working through. With people on how to get clear
of their shadow cells and how to let go of these resentments

(01:20:04):
on how to get focused on your quantum self and how to eventually I'm
not gonna use the word manifest but Wake up
in it. Just wow and patience everybody. That's the
one thing I've learned to it. Oh, yeah is You just got to be patient. You
know, you can't just change shit. And then a year from now be like,
how come I'm not a millionaire? How come I'm not married? How, whatever your

(01:20:26):
Urgency is the ego. Like I think that if you're urgently trying
to get to this one point, that's just your ego talking. Cause you're saying that
it's not fast enough. It's not happening for you fast. It's like, if
we can't honor our own journeys, it's like, that's, that's really where
it's going to suck you dry. Cause you're just going to constantly be chasing the
next thing. And it's not going to be fulfilling once you get there anyway. But

(01:20:47):
you can say that all day long and nobody's gonna understand it until it happens to them I
just think it's it's one of those things where you know The the
way we move the way we like you said, it's like we get the inner game.
We touch the quantum We understand herself. It's like it's not even really
manifesting at this point. It's really like I'm actually taking action from
a place from From a space that feels really good to me

(01:21:08):
that it's alignment to my joy. I and what feels fucking good. Like
I want to move towards something that feels fucking good, but so many people are afraid of
moving toward what feels good because they're afraid of letting go
of this or maybe that there's like there's this fear of like, well, I have
to do something different. You know what I mean? Or I have to do this
Yeah, or I don't deserve it. And so it's just like, at this point, it's like,

(01:21:29):
really, all the feelings are good, right? Be a good feeler. It's
not about feeling good. And actually, there's a trade-off to that too, because the
more I feel one side, right, polarity, the more I'm gonna feel
the goodness. So it's the more that I'm allowing myself to feel the sadness, the
anger. And anger is really good, by the way. It's telling you, your body is basically telling
you, you need a fucking boundary. So if you have anger, it just means,

(01:21:51):
Where did I not put up a boundary? Where do I need to put one up? And
I need to honor that boundary because boundaries are just self-love, you know? And
this goes with clients, this goes with people, your friends, other artists.
It's like all of these things. And that's really where it's at.
Like if you're having a feeling that people deem negative, anger, resentment, it's
just like because there's a boundary that hasn't been in place put for you.

(01:22:12):
And it's a beautiful sign from your body telling you we need something
Yeah, boundaries. It's like you catch a little child playing with a
lighter and you take the lighter away and they cry. Were you being mean
to the child? You know? And you know, there's that layer of, it's
actually love to the other too, to put boundaries around, for others
to, you know, you really are helping them to grow because they're exploiting

(01:22:36):
you or exploiting a situation. You draw the boundary and
it's a, it's that tough love moment where they have to be like, huh, This
isn't working. You're helping them to understand a right a
better way of living. So it's love for self. It's love for others
Agree boundaries are important from all those perspectives. But yeah,
I mean, I love it. I love it And I guess um, maybe you could

(01:22:57):
just tell people a little bit about because I know after this people hear this
They're gonna get excited. They're gonna want to work with you and uh,
Yeah, so you want to follow me, I'm at the art of race on
Instagram, pretty much all platforms. I have a podcast as well called
the mind of race is where I kind of riff off just like this. But

(01:23:18):
if you want to work with me, I have several different containers, which
is you know, I have a base membership, which is like getting a little taste. I
always tell people if you just want to dip your toe in the water and
see what it's like. I do daily transmissions in
a private telegram group. They also get access to a lot of programs and
a community that's amazing. We love the community in there. I

(01:23:40):
also help tattoo artists and spiritual entrepreneurs grow
their businesses by way of leaning into a brand message,
which I just shared with you, my brand message, which is my life story on
how I found myself into becoming a spiritual entrepreneur, a
spiritual tattoo artist, really. And leaning into your own
stories, lived and alive stories, accepting, and then

(01:24:01):
actually utilizing that to promote an actual brand and
message so that when we take that brand and message and put it out
into the online space, we utilize that and create
a community and that community bandwagons, which is the bandwagon effect,
to get you more clients into your space. So I
teach tattoo artists how to really create success and
wealth in their businesses from both other programs that

(01:24:25):
wheelhouse so yeah so there's plenty of places where people can
plug in and play just if you want to dm me or anything like that
i'm here and yeah just thanks for having me on the on
the show you're welcome my pleasure to have you on today so there you have
everybody that's how you find reese you've already heard what she's all
about if any of that resonated or felt felt

(01:24:45):
you felt something tingle inside of you take action What
do you got to lose? What do you have to lose? She has
a program where you can literally dip your toe in the water. Give it a shot. So
thank you for coming, especially considering how crazy life's been
this last week for you. Could have easily canceled on me and you didn't. So
really, really, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for coming. Thank you for

(01:25:07):
that wonderful OM we ripped this morning together. We did rip
an OM today. We did rip an OM. It was good. It felt vibrationally good.
I'm glad we started that way. Yeah, me too. Maybe on that note, we'll close
this one with another yoga term. We put our
Thanks for tuning in. We'll see you on the next one. Peace out, everybody. I just want to

(01:25:29):
take a moment. I've had a lot of you reach out and be like, how did
you do that? You know, because the reality is I had no
idea how to build a podcast. I had no idea how to produce it. I had no idea
how to do any of that stuff. And I was lucky enough to meet
Michelle Renee. Her and her and
her daughter, Bria, and her brother, Eric, they are the core

(01:25:49):
heartbeat of Verb Media Group. And I just have
to say they've been the best. This show is here because of
them. If any of you guys are out there thinking about trying to stab
at what I'm doing, or maybe you already do something like this, I would highly
recommend these guys. Solid gold. Verbmediagroup.com. Check

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