April 3, 2025 • 36 mins
In a world fueled by stress and anxiety, emotional awareness is more vital than ever. On this episode of Cool Change, Chuck Allen speaks with Sarah Retzer, a mindfulness coach who transformed herself from a constantly anxious engineer to a thriving expert in emotional resilience.
Sarah shares how discovering mindfulness through InterMatrix Systems allowed her to move beyond simply managing emotions to actively training them—like building muscle at the gym. She explains how emotional patterns shape our reality, why intentional emotional responses are essential, and how we can shift from fear-based reactions to love-based interactions.
Whether you're feeling stuck in anxious loops, overwhelmed by emotions, or simply looking to enhance joy and peace in your daily life, Sarah’s insights offer practical tools to create lasting change.
Key Takeaways:
- Emotions aren’t just reactions; they're patterns that we can consciously reshape.
- Creating space between stimulus and response allows intentional emotional choices.
- Intentional daily practices can shift emotional patterns, enhancing relationships and overall life experience.
- Mindfulness and breathwork techniques effectively rewire emotional responses.
Special Offer:
Sarah is offering Cool Change listeners a complimentary special introductory three-session course designed to help you identify areas of your life ready for transformation, recognize emotional patterns holding you back, and begin the shift toward lasting peace and joy.
Connect with Sarah Retzer:
Phone/Text: 503-929-4632
Email: sarahretzer@innermatrixsystems.com
Recommended Books:
- Emotional Intelligence 2.0* by Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves
- The Untethered Soul* by Michael A. Singer
- Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself* by Dr. Joe Dispenza
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Thanks for joining us—keep living intentionally, and see you on the next episode!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:04):
Hey everyone.
Chuck here.
And today on Cool Change,we're talking emotions.
Not just feeling them, butunderstanding, choosing and training
them.
Just like building muscles atthe gym.
My guest today is SarahRetzer, a mindfulness coach who used
to be an anxious engineer,constantly worried about everything
from global issues to herdog's limp.
(00:24):
But she discovered something powerful.
Emotions aren't just reactions.
They are patterns that we can reshape.
And in this episode, Sarah andI dive deep into how emotional awareness
transforms our relationships,our performance, and ultimately our
experience of life itself.
So if you've ever felt stuckin anxious loops or overwhelmed by
(00:45):
your feelings, or you simplywant to create a little more joy
and peace in your day to daylife, then this conversation may
be for you.
Stick around.
This is Cool Change.
Your day is about to get better.
(01:05):
Welcome to Cool Change podcast.
Hosted by Chuck Allen.
This podcast sharescaptivating conversations that encourage
you to reimagine your life.
After all, you're going tomake a change at some point, right?
(01:26):
Why not make it cool?
Hey friends.
Welcome back to Cool Change,the podcast for people who are navigating
life's transitions withintention and heart.
Today we are diving into aconversation that feels especially
timely in a world that seemsto run on stress and reactivity.
(01:47):
My guest today is Sarah Retzer.
She's a mindfulness coach witha powerful story of transformation.
She was once a self proclaimedanxious engineer who worried about
everything from climate changeto her limping dog.
She searched for relief inbooks and workshops, but nothing
really stuck until she found asystem that actually helped her rewire
(02:09):
the way that she experienced life.
So through her work with innermatrix systems, Sarah discovered
how to not only manageemotions, but to train them, like
building an inner fitness.
And in the process, sheshifted from surviving to thriving.
Today she helps others do the same.
I've known Sarah for fiveyears or so now and I can say that,
(02:31):
you know, my job as a coachhas been heavily influenced by her
work with me as a coach for me.
She has been my mindfulnesscoach for, like I said, about five
years or so now.
And today we're going to talkabout emotional awareness.
How your feelings shape yourreality and how to move from fear
based reactions to love basedresponses in everyday life.
(02:53):
If you've ever felt like youremotions are running the show or
like you're stuck in the loopof old patterns, this one is for
you.
Sarah.
Welcome to Cool Change.
I'd love to start with your journey.
What led you to mindfulnesscoaching and the work that you do
around emotions?
Hi Chuck.
Thanks so much for having me back.
(03:15):
You know, like you mentionedin your introduction, I was a very
anxious person and I worriedabout everything like you mentioned
also from the state of theenvironment, the starving children
in the world, the politicalenvironment, to my dog is limping,
maybe he has a tumor and he'sgoing to die and everything in between.
(03:36):
And I did at the time read alot of great books.
I went to some weekendworkshops and while they were inspiring,
they really didn't do anythingto change my experience and definitely
didn't change my experience ofmy anxiety.
So once the book ended or theworkshop ended, there was nothing
to follow.
(03:56):
So 16 years ago, I engaged ininner matrix systems.
It was really the first timethat I not only experienced a deep
sense of peace and calm by theend of that workshop, but there was
actually a whole system oftraining to take with me and to practice
these micro steps oftechniques, much like an inner fitness
(04:17):
gym.
So the program went far beyondinspiring and it was actually a system
that was tangible and that Icould practice just a little bit
each day.
So I started showing updifferently, more calm, more peaceful.
I was definitely more happyand confident.
And people noticed that, theystarted asking questions about what
(04:38):
I was up to.
Why are you so peaceful andhappy all the time now?
Now?
And I was a really shy andintroverted engineer and it was hard
for me to talk to people about it.
But I really felt a pull tobecome a certified trainer and to
support people because of thedifference it had made in my life.
(04:59):
I just really wanted to pay itforward and offer people that same
opportunity.
So back in 2015, I entered theapprentice program and in 2017 I
was certified.
And to date, it's beencertainly the most fulfilling thing
I've ever done.
Well, I can tell you that evenwhen there are months where I'm like,
(05:22):
I don't really have anyspecific problem that I need to come
to Sarah with and I considerlike, maybe we just don't, we don't
meet this month.
We do.
And 100% of the time I getsome form of wisdom, some tool, some
way of thinking that, well,it's fantastic because otherwise
(05:43):
I wouldn't continue doing itfor five years.
I mean, I've not done anythingfor five years consistently.
And so it sounds like you like us.
A lot of people that I knoware someone who was into doom scrolling,
maybe even through the newsor, you know, there's the things
that are right in front of youthat cause stress, but then also
that wasn't good enough.
You also wanted to stressabout world affairs and global everything,
(06:05):
you know, to the point wherelife was just difficult and stressful
and it had an impact,probably, I would guess, on your
work performance and yourrelationships and everything else.
Yeah, for sure.
Anxiety, you know, it wasn'tthe only what I call a fear spectrum
emotion to control myexperience, but it was definitely
(06:28):
the heavy hitter.
And I worried abouteverything, like I mentioned, but
it was very specific, likewhat I have done and shouldn't have
done and what, what I wasbehind on and what I should be up
to and I'm not doing this andI'm not hitting the mark or I'm not
doing as good as so and so.
And I don't know so much if Idoom scrolled.
(06:49):
Exactly.
But everywhere I looked, Icould find reasons to be anxious
and that really shaped my experience.
And you didn't pass up anopportunity to be anxious?
I did not pass up an opportunity.
I took every opportunity.
And it's so interesting to menow as I look back and go, wow, like,
(07:13):
what a way to live.
Like, at the time it was me,it was me, and it was normalized.
It wasn't out of the norm.
Today when I'm anxious, youknow, it still comes up, but it's
not like, oh, I've evolved mypattern of anxiety and I never feel
that anymore.
I do feel it, but I absolutelyhave the ability to navigate it and
(07:33):
to shift it so that I get toexperience peace today where I used
to feel anxiety.
Yeah, and you're choosing itand you're training it.
It's one of the things thatI've picked up along the way in talking
to you is that, you know, Iused to treat emotions as sort of
the result of whatever washappening around me and, and now
(07:54):
I've got a much clearerunderstanding that we can choose
to a large extent theemotional space that we want to live
in and then we can have thatshape our thinking and everything
inside of it.
And you know, I used to do allthe work, even back in the day with
Tony Robbins even, and he saidsomething similar, but it was different.
(08:15):
But it had to do with the ideaof choosing your state.
And even that way back then,way before I met you, was a really
powerful idea that you couldchoose the state, your emotional
state, your physiologicalstate, and then inside of that you
could think more clearly, haveyour best wits about you.
You could, you could just makebetter choices.
(08:38):
So we'll get into all of thatin a little bit, but one question
I've got for you is what roledid emotions play in your own personal
transformation?
And then how did you come torealize their power in shaping our
experience of life?
Yeah, that's a great question.
So that experience of anxietyobviously shaped my life.
(09:01):
To be very particular.
To be worried all the time andfocused on the reasons you have to
be worried or anxious was nota great experience.
It was very much being insurvival mode.
And so when I learned that Icould actually choose my emotional
space and learn how to dothat, you know, you just mentioned
(09:23):
that idea of choosing ouremotional response rather than reacting.
There is a way to do that.
You have to have some skillset and some training.
But if I can accept that I'mfeeling anxious not because of what's
happening around me, butrather because I have a pattern of
being anxious, then I canlearn to evolve that to go, oh, if
(09:47):
I train peace right now, oh,I'm feeling peaceful.
I focus on peace.
I use breath, work, and othertechniques to calm myself down and
feel peaceful.
Now all of a sudden, I have atleast the starting point to get.
You have to get stronger andstronger at it as time goes on.
But I feel peaceful because Ihave a pattern of being peaceful,
(10:10):
and I can choose to show up adifferent way.
It's much more of a thrivingexperience of life rather than surviving.
Yeah.
You know, a couple things cometo mind there.
One is, there is a saying thatI love called find the good.
It's a great purpose in life.
You know, if you're someonewho is looking to find the good.
(10:33):
And I know a lot of folks havebeen introduced to a lot of people
over the years who.
Theirs is a little different.
It's find the fear or find thebad, and they find those sorts of
things inevitably.
And sometimes I'll haveconversations with people who will
say things like, you know,you're making me feel.
(10:54):
Fill in the blank.
You're making me angry, you'remaking me feel anxious, you're making
me feel whatever.
And, you know, these days,after a lot of the training that
we've done together, I have asense in which, you know.
But am I making you do anything?
Am I making you.
I mean, we're having aconversation, but you just said this
idea that people have withinthem patterns of behavior, and they
(11:17):
can be triggered by externalinfluences, but still, at the end
of the day, it's somethingthat we can have influence and that
we can have control over, right?
Yeah, for sure.
Again, with tools andtraining, I.
One thing I don't love, and Ihear it all the time kind of on social
Media or other things whereit's like, oh, you can choose to
(11:38):
feel however you want to feel.
It's kind of true, but it'salso not true if you don't know how.
I did not know how before Ihad training.
I, much like yourself, thoughtthat what I was feeling was a result
of the events happening around me.
And that's a verydisempowering way to live because
(11:59):
that's not something we can control.
We can't control what peoplesay or do or the events of the world,
or if we get sick or someonewe love gets ill or passes away.
None of that is within our control.
So if we want to liveempowered, we have to take some actions
(12:19):
to reframe the stories aroundour emotions and really be like,
I feel this way because I havea pattern of feeling this way.
And if I want to feelconfident or love in place of anxiety
or fear, then I have to starttelling a new story and reframing
it.
(12:39):
I know in work that I do withmy clients, one of the most frequently
used tools that we willpractice is creating a gap between
stimulus and response.
Something happens to me and Iam immediately inclined to react
in a certain way.
And through certain exercisesand tools and ways of thinking, we
(13:03):
find ways to create a gapbetween the thing that happened and
then give us just a moment toobserve what has happened without
reacting to it instinctively.
And in that moment, choose aresponse that best suits us and best
suits the relationship and theconversation so that we have our
(13:24):
best wits about us.
Yeah, I definitely would saythat's been a huge part of my own
training.
And I would say it's very mucha key to creating more emotional
capacity or more emotionalmaturity in life.
Like learning to pause beforeI speak.
Really assessing, like, iswhat I'm about to say going to really
(13:48):
get me the outcome I'm lookingto create?
If we just stopped and askedthat one question, I think it's a
really big game changer forpeople because mostly we're in a
space of reaction, right.
Some emotion gets activatedand before we're even thinking or
definitely not assessing,we're just just speaking or doing
(14:08):
or taking some action.
Writing a text or an email inreaction, it's like, oh, that creates
an outcome that can't be taken back.
There's no take backsies oncewe put it out there.
And so just that you call it agap or a pause?
Yeah, for sure.
I say fill that pause in with.
(14:29):
Is what I'm about to do goingto get the result that I Want.
One of the most surprisingthings that I learned when we first
started working together,there was an exercise that we did
where throughout the day therewas sort of a random trigger, a random
alarm that I would set orsomething where I would check in
on my emotions throughout the day.
(14:49):
And I have to tell you, I wasshocked at the degree to which I
had negative, disempowering,fearful emotions a lot.
I was always in contingencyplanning mode.
What is the worst thing that'sgoing to happen?
What bad thing could happen,you know, and I guess there's a place
(15:10):
for contingency planning, butif you live in a place of worst case
scenarios and constantlyrunning that reel through your mind,
it's got to have an effect onyour everyday performance, your everyday
relationships.
And so I came to an awarenessthat my emotions throughout the day
were completely not serving mein any sort of a helpful way.
(15:35):
And I think most people don'tconsciously check in with their emotions
throughout the day.
Question for you is why do youthink that is?
And what are the consequencesof living unaware of our emotional
states?
Well, I know I was nevertaught to check in.
We aren't taught, as you know,I'd say a culture or society, it's
just not part of our upbringing.
(15:56):
I mean, my parents didn't toand they didn't teach me to and it
kind of goes on.
But if nobody shows us how ortells us the value of doing that,
of checking in, then peoplesimply aren't going to do it.
If I wasn't taught anypractices around mindfulness, self
(16:17):
awareness or the benefits ofsuch a thing until I really started
to train mindfully, then whywould I do that?
Like you need, we need tounderstand the value of something
before we're going to engagein the practice.
I just reacted, you know, kindof like what you're saying.
I just reacted to people andevents constantly without any assessment
(16:38):
or consideration of what kindof reality I was creating for myself.
And living that way, Icontinued to create, well, in my
case, more reasons to beanxious or overwhelmed.
In someone else's case, livingthat way leads to reasons to feel
frustrated or angry becauseit's such a reactionary space to
(17:01):
be in.
Well, I know you encouragepeople now to set an intention for
what they want to feel.
Talk to us about the power ofthat practice and how does it help
someone shift their emotional patterns?
Yeah, so before my training, Inever really had an intention set
of what I wanted to feel.
(17:23):
I never had anything to weighmy actions and decisions against
or to assess the way my mindwas operating and ask does this align
with how I want to feel or not?
I just did based on myemotional state in the moment.
Over and over again, I just reacted.
But what I've learned throughmy own training is that without this
(17:45):
intention, all I do is reactlike a pinball bouncing off of events
and people as they happen andessentially recreate the experiences
I already know.
This intention guideseverything for me today.
I can't imagine living withoutsomething to calibrate against.
Again, like I had mentionedearlier, this assessment.
(18:08):
Is what I'm about to say or dogoing to take me towards the outcomes
that I want or is it going totake me somewhere else?
Mm.
So when you think about howemotions and states of mind interact,
you know, for example, likehow does an emotion like joy then
(18:29):
influence our thoughts andbehaviors compared to an emotion
like fear?
Yeah, that's a great question.
So when I'm joyful, I noticethat my mind operates joyfully, meaning
that I will rationalize thereasons I'm joyful.
My mind is focused on thethings I look forward to.
But if on the other hand, I'mfeeling fearful, my mind operates
(18:52):
in a very different way.
It's rationalizing the reasonsI have to be fearful.
And for me, fear shows up as anxiety.
So my thoughts are focused onall the things I should be worried
about, most of which I can't control.
And the action I take when I'mjoyful is a hundred percent different
than when I'm feeling anxiousor fearful.
(19:12):
Thus my reality will look verydifferent in both of these situations.
180 degree difference.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, you know, that remindsme again that the tools that I use
in my coaching are differentfrom yours, but they seek to serve
some of the same purposes.
I've got this mental device, Icall it the magnetic orb.
(19:35):
It's this bowling ball sizedmagnet, basically invisible, floats
just in front of me, off tothe side.
And when someone sayssomething to me that is just incendiary,
something that it's just mean,spirit, or maybe it's just very critical
and I don't want to hear it.
Whatever it is, I imagine fora moment that those words, rather
(19:58):
than hit me, wound me, causedme to react, are collected on this
magnetic orb, this bowlingball thing.
And for a minute I, or justfor a second, I have the ability
to observe those words withouthaving them hitting me and wounding
me.
And in that I find that theemotional state that I have and therefore
(20:19):
how I react is very different.
Instead of being immediatelyfearful, hurt, frustrated, I am Curious.
I look at those words thatwere spoken to me and I might say
something like, wow, you aresuper angry right now, or clearly
I have done something that I'munaware of that has really caused
you some, some pain here.
(20:40):
But the point is, is thatbecause I am not coming from this
triggered pattern offrustration, fear, emotion, whatever
that is, my best wits areabout me at least.
And from that place, maybe I'mnot all the way to joy, but I'm in
a place of calm, I'm in aplace of confidence.
I am going to reactdifferently in those ones.
Kind of what you're talkingabout as well.
(21:03):
Yeah, I think that goes backto what we were saying about creating
some space between thetriggering event in maybe someone
says something to you and thetime in which you take action.
And for me, yes, there's spacefor sure, but also that again, going
back to that question, is whatI'm about to say going to impact
(21:27):
in the way that creates myintention, which is often things
like, I want to know more joyand connection and love in life,
more confidence.
So is what I'm about to saygoing to support that or take me
somewhere else?
And yeah, I think it's alsoimportant to not just have an intention
(21:47):
for ourself in mind, but alsoin that scenario that you mentioned,
it's like when people do saysomething, let's say hurtful to us,
I'd say for the most part,from my experience, it's not intentional.
People are also inside of justreacting constantly to external triggers
(22:09):
and their own patterning.
So if someone's feelinginsecure or unworthy, yeah, they're
gonna speak from that place.
And if they don't have a highlevel of emotional capacity or resilience
or they're playing the blamegame all the time, not because they're
a bad person, but becausenobody has shown them another way
(22:29):
to think about things oranother way to feel about things,
then immediately I can assesslike, oh, this, this isn't actually
personal.
And I can approach it from amuch more compassionate space.
And I think a lot of peoplewould like to have that ability.
But again, I think withouttraining, our nervous system reacts
(22:51):
so quickly to things.
If you're not well trained,it's really hard to put that into
action.
Well, so when people arguethat emotions are their reactions
to external circumstances, Imean, what is your response to that
and about how we truly cantake ownership of how we feel?
Yeah, you know, this idea thatemotions are just reaction to external
(23:14):
circumstances, that's exactlywhat I used to think that my emotions
reactions to people andevents, and that's just how it was.
And then I learned thatthere's actually a way to activate
the emotions I choose.
So when I started training, Ijust wanted to know peace no matter
what was happening around me.
(23:34):
So I've learned how to do that.
It's not always easy, butusing tools and techniques, I can
really feel peace in all kindsof situations.
I've trained consistently for16 years now to evolve my anxiety
responses to a calm, peaceful response.
Confidence, compassion, gratitude.
(23:55):
These are other emotions I'mconsciously training as a primary
response to things that Iperceive as less than optimal.
Like as an example, someonesaying something hurtful to me, or
maybe getting feedback from aclient or something they're not happy
with something I've done or said.
It's like I want to own myemotional response.
(24:19):
And by doing that, I canleverage that to shift it to something
I choose, like compassion asan example.
Let's talk about relationshipsfor a minute.
I know you know there are somelimits to what we can discuss today
in terms of very specificmethods and techniques because you
(24:39):
are a certified trainer forims and there's some proprietary
stuff there, and so we can'tget into a lot of those specifics.
I would tell our listenersthat while this is not a commercial
or an Advertisement For IMs, Iam a big believer in the work that
you all do.
And if you really want to diginto some of the specifics and the
(25:02):
methods of the training on howto do this, then we'll provide some
resources here at the end ofthis episode and also in the show
notes that people can figureout how to do that.
So we'll get as close as wecan in our conversation here about
what people can do and howthey can shift their awareness and
so forth.
But we may not be able to gointo very, very specific methods
(25:24):
in this conversation.
But when we think aboutrelationships as a space to talk
about, how do our emotionalpatterns affect the way that we connect
with others?
And then how can we useemotional awareness to improve our
relationships?
When I reflect back on myrelationships from years ago, I'll
(25:45):
just be candid.
I was immature much of thetime, meaning I was not assessing
my emotional state as Iinteracted with people.
And at was often blamingothers for how I felt and fussing
significantly when I didn'tget my own way or when my expectations
weren't being met.
Sometimes this was allowed andother times it was in my head.
(26:08):
It was probably mostly in myhead conversations of anger with
someone Else occurring in my head.
I think people can understand that.
But either way, it's not theway to create thriving relationships.
I spend a lot of time todaychecking in on my emotional state
before I respond to people andasking myself, is again, the thing
(26:30):
I'm about to do or say, willit get me the outcome I want?
The tools I've learned havechanged all of my relationships in
an extraordinary way.
I'm much more present.
I have intentions set that I'mstriving toward.
Most of those intentions I setin regards to relationships are within
(26:50):
my control, though.
Like, yes, I have certainexpectations around how I'd want
to be treated by my romanticpartner or my friendships.
But really that intention hasso much to do with who I want to
be, what do I want to embody,how do I want to impact and influence
people?
(27:11):
And so, yeah, having the rightskill set for that, it's extraordinary
because also, relationshipsaren't just in our personal space.
They're at work and they'rewith our businesses, and they extend
to pretty much every area ofour life.
I want to take a little.
Just a quick pause, slash,tangent here.
And we've.
(27:31):
We've been talking about theidea of training just to give people
a sense of what training looks like.
You know, one of the thingsthat I have learned over the years
from you is that a lot of thetraining needs to influence our subconscious
mind, maybe even ourunconscious mind.
It's not something that we cansit down at our desk and think about
(27:51):
and have that be training orreview a set of bullet points or
even do affirmations.
In order for us to influenceour subconscious, perhaps even unconscious
mind, we're going to have to meditate.
We're going to have to getvery quiet.
We're going to have toconsistently create a practice where
(28:12):
we are accessing differentbrainwaves than we typically do in
our conscious world.
To the extent that you can,could you just give us a sense of,
like, when someone chooses tostart training their emotions or
training toward a certainvision that they have for a relationship
or for a career, what sort ofwork might they expect to do in that
(28:34):
training?
I think things that are reallyeffective and keys to a really transformative
experience.
You know, there's a recipelike consistency.
When you do find certaintools, like meditation's a very blanket
term.
We don't even call itmeditation and inner matrix systems.
(28:57):
We call it inner training onlyto separate anybody's preconceived
ideas.
But, you know, tools likevarious kinds of inner training,
breath work, changing the lensthrough which we're perceiving events,
learning to identify thingslike facts versus own stories about
the facts, learning toidentify vision and intention is
(29:20):
a tool all in itself.
Consistency over time is socritical to making change.
Like, I cannot stress that enough.
It would be much moreeffective for people to find something
and consistently engage in 20minutes a day versus just going to,
(29:44):
you know, some week longprogram and doing nothing outside
of that.
So consistency of action overtime with the right kind of tools
and training is critical.
The other piece that I'llspeak to is getting the nervous system
involved.
So much of what's out theretoday is intellectual, it's thinking
about things and that has arole, of course.
(30:06):
But if we don't actually learnhow to train the nervous system and
our emotional experience, it'sgoing to be very challenging to make
sustainable changes.
You know, I spoke a lot of theanxiety I used to feel and how much
peace and joy I feel today,it's so very different.
(30:28):
But the root of my, I wouldsay successful is that I've learned
to train my emotionalexperience, actually get out of my
head, activate new emotionslike peace, gratitude, joy, confidence,
and take action from that place.
Okay.
Okay.
(30:49):
Well, I think, you know, it'sprobably fair to say that when people
are struggling with emotionslike guilt, shame, unworthiness,
or they have a difficulty byexperiencing overwhelm during especially
challenging moments, or ifthey feel disconnected from their
emotions or they're not surewhere to start, I'm guessing that
(31:12):
the first step you'd recommendis that they're just going to have
to get in touch with someone,some coach, someone who's qualified
to support their mind andtheir emotions, their nervous system
with some proper training.
Yeah, definitely, because Ithink it's really when I think of
my own journey and I've alsoread a lot of books of like really
(31:34):
successful people, like ingeneral, but also certainly people
that have been very successfulon the journey of self mastery.
Like nobody's done that alone.
Like, it's so very hard to seeourselves and to navigate our own,
you know, our own ego nature,our own internal patterning.
So getting in touch withsomebody that can, you know, who's
(31:57):
already done much work, theyare all, they're credentialized because
of the outcomes they'vecreated and the shifts they've made.
But getting that support tohave, whether you call it a mentor,
a coach, a guide, a trainer,it gets so very supportive to have
someone outside of myselfsupporting me on this journey.
I could never have done thiswithout the Support and training
(32:20):
of my mentor.
Well, look, if as we wrap uphere, if there was one takeaway that
you'd want listeners toremember about the power of emotions,
what would that be?
So, yeah, emotions, emotionalintelligence, emotional capacity,
however you want to thinkabout it, emotions and what we feel
(32:42):
to determine our experienceand whether we're going to thrive
or whether we're just going tosurvive and just try to live one
more day.
This is becoming more and moreunderstood and I really feel at this
point that it's science andit's proven without the ability to
train our emotional space andrewire our nervous system, we'll
(33:03):
continue to do the same thingand then we'll continue to get the
same or very similar results.
Emotion first, then you get toexperience something.
Something very different.
Okay, well, thank you, Sarah.
I'm going to include yourcontact information in the show notes.
So but just quickly, where canpeople learn more about your work
(33:27):
and connect with you?
Yeah, I appreciate you havingme on so much.
And just as a note, I'd loveto offer your audience an opportunity
to have an introductory threesession course with me.
If that's something thatinterests them.
This course would identify anarea in their life that they would
really like to up levelidentify the patterns that are holding
(33:49):
them back and what to do about it.
They can reach me by callingor texting 503-929-4632 or emailing
me at Sara Retzer S A R A H RE T Z E R at inner matrix systems.com
(34:10):
awesome.
Well, again, I'll put those inthe show notes so that people can
find those more easily afterthe show.
But you are one of our veryfew return guests.
Your first episode fromseveral years ago was very well received
and so I appreciate you comingback here and I appreciate the work
that you and I do togethermonth in and month out to help me
navigate all of the challenges.
(34:32):
I mean if this were easy, we'dall have it figured out by now.
And if it didn't requiretraining, we could just throw our
hands up and be like, okay, wegot it now, we should be good to
go.
But.
But you've been at this for15, 16 years.
You continue to train hard andyou are influencing me to do the
same.
And also my wife Rilla alsomeets with you monthly.
(34:54):
And so we are big proponentsof this sort of work.
So thank you for all that you do.
Thank you so much, Chuck.
I appreciate it.
And thanks again for having me on.
Absolutely.
Thank you for joining me todayon Cool Change and Special thanks
to my guest, Sarah Retzer, forsharing her wisdom on the power of
emotional awareness andintentional living.
(35:17):
Remember, you've got morepower than you think to reshape your
emotional patterns, and withpractice, we can all create a bit
more peace, confidence, andjoy in our daily lives.
If you'd like to learn more orwork directly with Sarah, check the
show notes for her contactinformation and that special introductory
offer she mentioned.
And as always, as always, ifyou enjoyed this episode, I'd appreciate
(35:38):
if you'd share it with someoneyou think could benefit.
Subscribe, rate, and review.
It really helps us reach morepeople who are ready for a cool change.
So until next time, keepliving intentionally and I'll see
you soon.
On the next Cool Change.
Hey everyone.
Chuck here.
And today on Cool Change,we're talking emotions.
Not just feeling them, butunderstanding, choosing and training
them.
Just like building muscles atthe gym.
My guest today is SarahRetzer, a mindfulness coach who used
to be an anxious engineer,constantly worried about everything
from global issues to herdog's limp.
(00:24):
But she discovered something powerful.
Emotions aren't just reactions.
They are patterns that we can reshape.
And in this episode, Sarah andI dive deep into how emotional awareness
transforms our relationships,our performance, and ultimately our
experience of life itself.
So if you've ever felt stuckin anxious loops or overwhelmed by
(00:45):
your feelings, or you simplywant to create a little more joy
and peace in your day to daylife, then this conversation may
be for you.
Stick around.
This is Cool Change.
Your day is about to get better.
(01:05):
Welcome to Cool Change podcast.
Hosted by Chuck Allen.
This podcast sharescaptivating conversations that encourage
you to reimagine your life.
After all, you're going tomake a change at some point, right?
(01:26):
Why not make it cool?
Hey friends.
Welcome back to Cool Change,the podcast for people who are navigating
life's transitions withintention and heart.
Today we are diving into aconversation that feels especially
timely in a world that seemsto run on stress and reactivity.
(01:47):
My guest today is Sarah Retzer.
She's a mindfulness coach witha powerful story of transformation.
She was once a self proclaimedanxious engineer who worried about
everything from climate changeto her limping dog.
She searched for relief inbooks and workshops, but nothing
really stuck until she found asystem that actually helped her rewire
(02:09):
the way that she experienced life.
So through her work with innermatrix systems, Sarah discovered
how to not only manageemotions, but to train them, like
building an inner fitness.
And in the process, sheshifted from surviving to thriving.
Today she helps others do the same.
I've known Sarah for fiveyears or so now and I can say that,
(02:31):
you know, my job as a coachhas been heavily influenced by her
work with me as a coach for me.
She has been my mindfulnesscoach for, like I said, about five
years or so now.
And today we're going to talkabout emotional awareness.
How your feelings shape yourreality and how to move from fear
based reactions to love basedresponses in everyday life.
(02:53):
If you've ever felt like youremotions are running the show or
like you're stuck in the loopof old patterns, this one is for
you.
Sarah.
Welcome to Cool Change.
I'd love to start with your journey.
What led you to mindfulnesscoaching and the work that you do
around emotions?
Hi Chuck.
Thanks so much for having me back.
(03:15):
You know, like you mentionedin your introduction, I was a very
anxious person and I worriedabout everything like you mentioned
also from the state of theenvironment, the starving children
in the world, the politicalenvironment, to my dog is limping,
maybe he has a tumor and he'sgoing to die and everything in between.
(03:36):
And I did at the time read alot of great books.
I went to some weekendworkshops and while they were inspiring,
they really didn't do anythingto change my experience and definitely
didn't change my experience ofmy anxiety.
So once the book ended or theworkshop ended, there was nothing
to follow.
(03:56):
So 16 years ago, I engaged ininner matrix systems.
It was really the first timethat I not only experienced a deep
sense of peace and calm by theend of that workshop, but there was
actually a whole system oftraining to take with me and to practice
these micro steps oftechniques, much like an inner fitness
(04:17):
gym.
So the program went far beyondinspiring and it was actually a system
that was tangible and that Icould practice just a little bit
each day.
So I started showing updifferently, more calm, more peaceful.
I was definitely more happyand confident.
And people noticed that, theystarted asking questions about what
(04:38):
I was up to.
Why are you so peaceful andhappy all the time now?
Now?
And I was a really shy andintroverted engineer and it was hard
for me to talk to people about it.
But I really felt a pull tobecome a certified trainer and to
support people because of thedifference it had made in my life.
(04:59):
I just really wanted to pay itforward and offer people that same
opportunity.
So back in 2015, I entered theapprentice program and in 2017 I
was certified.
And to date, it's beencertainly the most fulfilling thing
I've ever done.
Well, I can tell you that evenwhen there are months where I'm like,
(05:22):
I don't really have anyspecific problem that I need to come
to Sarah with and I considerlike, maybe we just don't, we don't
meet this month.
We do.
And 100% of the time I getsome form of wisdom, some tool, some
way of thinking that, well,it's fantastic because otherwise
(05:43):
I wouldn't continue doing itfor five years.
I mean, I've not done anythingfor five years consistently.
And so it sounds like you like us.
A lot of people that I knoware someone who was into doom scrolling,
maybe even through the newsor, you know, there's the things
that are right in front of youthat cause stress, but then also
that wasn't good enough.
You also wanted to stressabout world affairs and global everything,
(06:05):
you know, to the point wherelife was just difficult and stressful
and it had an impact,probably, I would guess, on your
work performance and yourrelationships and everything else.
Yeah, for sure.
Anxiety, you know, it wasn'tthe only what I call a fear spectrum
emotion to control myexperience, but it was definitely
(06:28):
the heavy hitter.
And I worried abouteverything, like I mentioned, but
it was very specific, likewhat I have done and shouldn't have
done and what, what I wasbehind on and what I should be up
to and I'm not doing this andI'm not hitting the mark or I'm not
doing as good as so and so.
And I don't know so much if Idoom scrolled.
(06:49):
Exactly.
But everywhere I looked, Icould find reasons to be anxious
and that really shaped my experience.
And you didn't pass up anopportunity to be anxious?
I did not pass up an opportunity.
I took every opportunity.
And it's so interesting to menow as I look back and go, wow, like,
(07:13):
what a way to live.
Like, at the time it was me,it was me, and it was normalized.
It wasn't out of the norm.
Today when I'm anxious, youknow, it still comes up, but it's
not like, oh, I've evolved mypattern of anxiety and I never feel
that anymore.
I do feel it, but I absolutelyhave the ability to navigate it and
(07:33):
to shift it so that I get toexperience peace today where I used
to feel anxiety.
Yeah, and you're choosing itand you're training it.
It's one of the things thatI've picked up along the way in talking
to you is that, you know, Iused to treat emotions as sort of
the result of whatever washappening around me and, and now
(07:54):
I've got a much clearerunderstanding that we can choose
to a large extent theemotional space that we want to live
in and then we can have thatshape our thinking and everything
inside of it.
And you know, I used to do allthe work, even back in the day with
Tony Robbins even, and he saidsomething similar, but it was different.
(08:15):
But it had to do with the ideaof choosing your state.
And even that way back then,way before I met you, was a really
powerful idea that you couldchoose the state, your emotional
state, your physiologicalstate, and then inside of that you
could think more clearly, haveyour best wits about you.
You could, you could just makebetter choices.
(08:38):
So we'll get into all of thatin a little bit, but one question
I've got for you is what roledid emotions play in your own personal
transformation?
And then how did you come torealize their power in shaping our
experience of life?
Yeah, that's a great question.
So that experience of anxietyobviously shaped my life.
(09:01):
To be very particular.
To be worried all the time andfocused on the reasons you have to
be worried or anxious was nota great experience.
It was very much being insurvival mode.
And so when I learned that Icould actually choose my emotional
space and learn how to dothat, you know, you just mentioned
(09:23):
that idea of choosing ouremotional response rather than reacting.
There is a way to do that.
You have to have some skillset and some training.
But if I can accept that I'mfeeling anxious not because of what's
happening around me, butrather because I have a pattern of
being anxious, then I canlearn to evolve that to go, oh, if
(09:47):
I train peace right now, oh,I'm feeling peaceful.
I focus on peace.
I use breath, work, and othertechniques to calm myself down and
feel peaceful.
Now all of a sudden, I have atleast the starting point to get.
You have to get stronger andstronger at it as time goes on.
But I feel peaceful because Ihave a pattern of being peaceful,
(10:10):
and I can choose to show up adifferent way.
It's much more of a thrivingexperience of life rather than surviving.
Yeah.
You know, a couple things cometo mind there.
One is, there is a saying thatI love called find the good.
It's a great purpose in life.
You know, if you're someonewho is looking to find the good.
(10:33):
And I know a lot of folks havebeen introduced to a lot of people
over the years who.
Theirs is a little different.
It's find the fear or find thebad, and they find those sorts of
things inevitably.
And sometimes I'll haveconversations with people who will
say things like, you know,you're making me feel.
(10:54):
Fill in the blank.
You're making me angry, you'remaking me feel anxious, you're making
me feel whatever.
And, you know, these days,after a lot of the training that
we've done together, I have asense in which, you know.
But am I making you do anything?
Am I making you.
I mean, we're having aconversation, but you just said this
idea that people have withinthem patterns of behavior, and they
(11:17):
can be triggered by externalinfluences, but still, at the end
of the day, it's somethingthat we can have influence and that
we can have control over, right?
Yeah, for sure.
Again, with tools andtraining, I.
One thing I don't love, and Ihear it all the time kind of on social
Media or other things whereit's like, oh, you can choose to
(11:38):
feel however you want to feel.
It's kind of true, but it'salso not true if you don't know how.
I did not know how before Ihad training.
I, much like yourself, thoughtthat what I was feeling was a result
of the events happening around me.
And that's a verydisempowering way to live because
(11:59):
that's not something we can control.
We can't control what peoplesay or do or the events of the world,
or if we get sick or someonewe love gets ill or passes away.
None of that is within our control.
So if we want to liveempowered, we have to take some actions
(12:19):
to reframe the stories aroundour emotions and really be like,
I feel this way because I havea pattern of feeling this way.
And if I want to feelconfident or love in place of anxiety
or fear, then I have to starttelling a new story and reframing
it.
(12:39):
I know in work that I do withmy clients, one of the most frequently
used tools that we willpractice is creating a gap between
stimulus and response.
Something happens to me and Iam immediately inclined to react
in a certain way.
And through certain exercisesand tools and ways of thinking, we
(13:03):
find ways to create a gapbetween the thing that happened and
then give us just a moment toobserve what has happened without
reacting to it instinctively.
And in that moment, choose aresponse that best suits us and best
suits the relationship and theconversation so that we have our
(13:24):
best wits about us.
Yeah, I definitely would saythat's been a huge part of my own
training.
And I would say it's very mucha key to creating more emotional
capacity or more emotionalmaturity in life.
Like learning to pause beforeI speak.
Really assessing, like, iswhat I'm about to say going to really
(13:48):
get me the outcome I'm lookingto create?
If we just stopped and askedthat one question, I think it's a
really big game changer forpeople because mostly we're in a
space of reaction, right.
Some emotion gets activatedand before we're even thinking or
definitely not assessing,we're just just speaking or doing
(14:08):
or taking some action.
Writing a text or an email inreaction, it's like, oh, that creates
an outcome that can't be taken back.
There's no take backsies oncewe put it out there.
And so just that you call it agap or a pause?
Yeah, for sure.
I say fill that pause in with.
(14:29):
Is what I'm about to do goingto get the result that I Want.
One of the most surprisingthings that I learned when we first
started working together,there was an exercise that we did
where throughout the day therewas sort of a random trigger, a random
alarm that I would set orsomething where I would check in
on my emotions throughout the day.
(14:49):
And I have to tell you, I wasshocked at the degree to which I
had negative, disempowering,fearful emotions a lot.
I was always in contingencyplanning mode.
What is the worst thing that'sgoing to happen?
What bad thing could happen,you know, and I guess there's a place
(15:10):
for contingency planning, butif you live in a place of worst case
scenarios and constantlyrunning that reel through your mind,
it's got to have an effect onyour everyday performance, your everyday
relationships.
And so I came to an awarenessthat my emotions throughout the day
were completely not serving mein any sort of a helpful way.
(15:35):
And I think most people don'tconsciously check in with their emotions
throughout the day.
Question for you is why do youthink that is?
And what are the consequencesof living unaware of our emotional
states?
Well, I know I was nevertaught to check in.
We aren't taught, as you know,I'd say a culture or society, it's
just not part of our upbringing.
(15:56):
I mean, my parents didn't toand they didn't teach me to and it
kind of goes on.
But if nobody shows us how ortells us the value of doing that,
of checking in, then peoplesimply aren't going to do it.
If I wasn't taught anypractices around mindfulness, self
(16:17):
awareness or the benefits ofsuch a thing until I really started
to train mindfully, then whywould I do that?
Like you need, we need tounderstand the value of something
before we're going to engagein the practice.
I just reacted, you know, kindof like what you're saying.
I just reacted to people andevents constantly without any assessment
(16:38):
or consideration of what kindof reality I was creating for myself.
And living that way, Icontinued to create, well, in my
case, more reasons to beanxious or overwhelmed.
In someone else's case, livingthat way leads to reasons to feel
frustrated or angry becauseit's such a reactionary space to
(17:01):
be in.
Well, I know you encouragepeople now to set an intention for
what they want to feel.
Talk to us about the power ofthat practice and how does it help
someone shift their emotional patterns?
Yeah, so before my training, Inever really had an intention set
of what I wanted to feel.
(17:23):
I never had anything to weighmy actions and decisions against
or to assess the way my mindwas operating and ask does this align
with how I want to feel or not?
I just did based on myemotional state in the moment.
Over and over again, I just reacted.
But what I've learned throughmy own training is that without this
(17:45):
intention, all I do is reactlike a pinball bouncing off of events
and people as they happen andessentially recreate the experiences
I already know.
This intention guideseverything for me today.
I can't imagine living withoutsomething to calibrate against.
Again, like I had mentionedearlier, this assessment.
(18:08):
Is what I'm about to say or dogoing to take me towards the outcomes
that I want or is it going totake me somewhere else?
Mm.
So when you think about howemotions and states of mind interact,
you know, for example, likehow does an emotion like joy then
(18:29):
influence our thoughts andbehaviors compared to an emotion
like fear?
Yeah, that's a great question.
So when I'm joyful, I noticethat my mind operates joyfully, meaning
that I will rationalize thereasons I'm joyful.
My mind is focused on thethings I look forward to.
But if on the other hand, I'mfeeling fearful, my mind operates
(18:52):
in a very different way.
It's rationalizing the reasonsI have to be fearful.
And for me, fear shows up as anxiety.
So my thoughts are focused onall the things I should be worried
about, most of which I can't control.
And the action I take when I'mjoyful is a hundred percent different
than when I'm feeling anxiousor fearful.
(19:12):
Thus my reality will look verydifferent in both of these situations.
180 degree difference.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, you know, that remindsme again that the tools that I use
in my coaching are differentfrom yours, but they seek to serve
some of the same purposes.
I've got this mental device, Icall it the magnetic orb.
(19:35):
It's this bowling ball sizedmagnet, basically invisible, floats
just in front of me, off tothe side.
And when someone sayssomething to me that is just incendiary,
something that it's just mean,spirit, or maybe it's just very critical
and I don't want to hear it.
Whatever it is, I imagine fora moment that those words, rather
(19:58):
than hit me, wound me, causedme to react, are collected on this
magnetic orb, this bowlingball thing.
And for a minute I, or justfor a second, I have the ability
to observe those words withouthaving them hitting me and wounding
me.
And in that I find that theemotional state that I have and therefore
(20:19):
how I react is very different.
Instead of being immediatelyfearful, hurt, frustrated, I am Curious.
I look at those words thatwere spoken to me and I might say
something like, wow, you aresuper angry right now, or clearly
I have done something that I'munaware of that has really caused
you some, some pain here.
(20:40):
But the point is, is thatbecause I am not coming from this
triggered pattern offrustration, fear, emotion, whatever
that is, my best wits areabout me at least.
And from that place, maybe I'mnot all the way to joy, but I'm in
a place of calm, I'm in aplace of confidence.
I am going to reactdifferently in those ones.
Kind of what you're talkingabout as well.
(21:03):
Yeah, I think that goes backto what we were saying about creating
some space between thetriggering event in maybe someone
says something to you and thetime in which you take action.
And for me, yes, there's spacefor sure, but also that again, going
back to that question, is whatI'm about to say going to impact
(21:27):
in the way that creates myintention, which is often things
like, I want to know more joyand connection and love in life,
more confidence.
So is what I'm about to saygoing to support that or take me
somewhere else?
And yeah, I think it's alsoimportant to not just have an intention
(21:47):
for ourself in mind, but alsoin that scenario that you mentioned,
it's like when people do saysomething, let's say hurtful to us,
I'd say for the most part,from my experience, it's not intentional.
People are also inside of justreacting constantly to external triggers
(22:09):
and their own patterning.
So if someone's feelinginsecure or unworthy, yeah, they're
gonna speak from that place.
And if they don't have a highlevel of emotional capacity or resilience
or they're playing the blamegame all the time, not because they're
a bad person, but becausenobody has shown them another way
(22:29):
to think about things oranother way to feel about things,
then immediately I can assesslike, oh, this, this isn't actually
personal.
And I can approach it from amuch more compassionate space.
And I think a lot of peoplewould like to have that ability.
But again, I think withouttraining, our nervous system reacts
(22:51):
so quickly to things.
If you're not well trained,it's really hard to put that into
action.
Well, so when people arguethat emotions are their reactions
to external circumstances, Imean, what is your response to that
and about how we truly cantake ownership of how we feel?
Yeah, you know, this idea thatemotions are just reaction to external
(23:14):
circumstances, that's exactlywhat I used to think that my emotions
reactions to people andevents, and that's just how it was.
And then I learned thatthere's actually a way to activate
the emotions I choose.
So when I started training, Ijust wanted to know peace no matter
what was happening around me.
(23:34):
So I've learned how to do that.
It's not always easy, butusing tools and techniques, I can
really feel peace in all kindsof situations.
I've trained consistently for16 years now to evolve my anxiety
responses to a calm, peaceful response.
Confidence, compassion, gratitude.
(23:55):
These are other emotions I'mconsciously training as a primary
response to things that Iperceive as less than optimal.
Like as an example, someonesaying something hurtful to me, or
maybe getting feedback from aclient or something they're not happy
with something I've done or said.
It's like I want to own myemotional response.
(24:19):
And by doing that, I canleverage that to shift it to something
I choose, like compassion asan example.
Let's talk about relationshipsfor a minute.
I know you know there are somelimits to what we can discuss today
in terms of very specificmethods and techniques because you
(24:39):
are a certified trainer forims and there's some proprietary
stuff there, and so we can'tget into a lot of those specifics.
I would tell our listenersthat while this is not a commercial
or an Advertisement For IMs, Iam a big believer in the work that
you all do.
And if you really want to diginto some of the specifics and the
(25:02):
methods of the training on howto do this, then we'll provide some
resources here at the end ofthis episode and also in the show
notes that people can figureout how to do that.
So we'll get as close as wecan in our conversation here about
what people can do and howthey can shift their awareness and
so forth.
But we may not be able to gointo very, very specific methods
(25:24):
in this conversation.
But when we think aboutrelationships as a space to talk
about, how do our emotionalpatterns affect the way that we connect
with others?
And then how can we useemotional awareness to improve our
relationships?
When I reflect back on myrelationships from years ago, I'll
(25:45):
just be candid.
I was immature much of thetime, meaning I was not assessing
my emotional state as Iinteracted with people.
And at was often blamingothers for how I felt and fussing
significantly when I didn'tget my own way or when my expectations
weren't being met.
Sometimes this was allowed andother times it was in my head.
(26:08):
It was probably mostly in myhead conversations of anger with
someone Else occurring in my head.
I think people can understand that.
But either way, it's not theway to create thriving relationships.
I spend a lot of time todaychecking in on my emotional state
before I respond to people andasking myself, is again, the thing
(26:30):
I'm about to do or say, willit get me the outcome I want?
The tools I've learned havechanged all of my relationships in
an extraordinary way.
I'm much more present.
I have intentions set that I'mstriving toward.
Most of those intentions I setin regards to relationships are within
(26:50):
my control, though.
Like, yes, I have certainexpectations around how I'd want
to be treated by my romanticpartner or my friendships.
But really that intention hasso much to do with who I want to
be, what do I want to embody,how do I want to impact and influence
people?
(27:11):
And so, yeah, having the rightskill set for that, it's extraordinary
because also, relationshipsaren't just in our personal space.
They're at work and they'rewith our businesses, and they extend
to pretty much every area ofour life.
I want to take a little.
Just a quick pause, slash,tangent here.
And we've.
(27:31):
We've been talking about theidea of training just to give people
a sense of what training looks like.
You know, one of the thingsthat I have learned over the years
from you is that a lot of thetraining needs to influence our subconscious
mind, maybe even ourunconscious mind.
It's not something that we cansit down at our desk and think about
(27:51):
and have that be training orreview a set of bullet points or
even do affirmations.
In order for us to influenceour subconscious, perhaps even unconscious
mind, we're going to have to meditate.
We're going to have to getvery quiet.
We're going to have toconsistently create a practice where
(28:12):
we are accessing differentbrainwaves than we typically do in
our conscious world.
To the extent that you can,could you just give us a sense of,
like, when someone chooses tostart training their emotions or
training toward a certainvision that they have for a relationship
or for a career, what sort ofwork might they expect to do in that
(28:34):
training?
I think things that are reallyeffective and keys to a really transformative
experience.
You know, there's a recipelike consistency.
When you do find certaintools, like meditation's a very blanket
term.
We don't even call itmeditation and inner matrix systems.
(28:57):
We call it inner training onlyto separate anybody's preconceived
ideas.
But, you know, tools likevarious kinds of inner training,
breath work, changing the lensthrough which we're perceiving events,
learning to identify thingslike facts versus own stories about
the facts, learning toidentify vision and intention is
(29:20):
a tool all in itself.
Consistency over time is socritical to making change.
Like, I cannot stress that enough.
It would be much moreeffective for people to find something
and consistently engage in 20minutes a day versus just going to,
(29:44):
you know, some week longprogram and doing nothing outside
of that.
So consistency of action overtime with the right kind of tools
and training is critical.
The other piece that I'llspeak to is getting the nervous system
involved.
So much of what's out theretoday is intellectual, it's thinking
about things and that has arole, of course.
(30:06):
But if we don't actually learnhow to train the nervous system and
our emotional experience, it'sgoing to be very challenging to make
sustainable changes.
You know, I spoke a lot of theanxiety I used to feel and how much
peace and joy I feel today,it's so very different.
(30:28):
But the root of my, I wouldsay successful is that I've learned
to train my emotionalexperience, actually get out of my
head, activate new emotionslike peace, gratitude, joy, confidence,
and take action from that place.
Okay.
Okay.
(30:49):
Well, I think, you know, it'sprobably fair to say that when people
are struggling with emotionslike guilt, shame, unworthiness,
or they have a difficulty byexperiencing overwhelm during especially
challenging moments, or ifthey feel disconnected from their
emotions or they're not surewhere to start, I'm guessing that
(31:12):
the first step you'd recommendis that they're just going to have
to get in touch with someone,some coach, someone who's qualified
to support their mind andtheir emotions, their nervous system
with some proper training.
Yeah, definitely, because Ithink it's really when I think of
my own journey and I've alsoread a lot of books of like really
(31:34):
successful people, like ingeneral, but also certainly people
that have been very successfulon the journey of self mastery.
Like nobody's done that alone.
Like, it's so very hard to seeourselves and to navigate our own,
you know, our own ego nature,our own internal patterning.
So getting in touch withsomebody that can, you know, who's
(31:57):
already done much work, theyare all, they're credentialized because
of the outcomes they'vecreated and the shifts they've made.
But getting that support tohave, whether you call it a mentor,
a coach, a guide, a trainer,it gets so very supportive to have
someone outside of myselfsupporting me on this journey.
I could never have done thiswithout the Support and training
(32:20):
of my mentor.
Well, look, if as we wrap uphere, if there was one takeaway that
you'd want listeners toremember about the power of emotions,
what would that be?
So, yeah, emotions, emotionalintelligence, emotional capacity,
however you want to thinkabout it, emotions and what we feel
(32:42):
to determine our experienceand whether we're going to thrive
or whether we're just going tosurvive and just try to live one
more day.
This is becoming more and moreunderstood and I really feel at this
point that it's science andit's proven without the ability to
train our emotional space andrewire our nervous system, we'll
(33:03):
continue to do the same thingand then we'll continue to get the
same or very similar results.
Emotion first, then you get toexperience something.
Something very different.
Okay, well, thank you, Sarah.
I'm going to include yourcontact information in the show notes.
So but just quickly, where canpeople learn more about your work
(33:27):
and connect with you?
Yeah, I appreciate you havingme on so much.
And just as a note, I'd loveto offer your audience an opportunity
to have an introductory threesession course with me.
If that's something thatinterests them.
This course would identify anarea in their life that they would
really like to up levelidentify the patterns that are holding
(33:49):
them back and what to do about it.
They can reach me by callingor texting 503-929-4632 or emailing
me at Sara Retzer S A R A H RE T Z E R at inner matrix systems.com
(34:10):
awesome.
Well, again, I'll put those inthe show notes so that people can
find those more easily afterthe show.
But you are one of our veryfew return guests.
Your first episode fromseveral years ago was very well received
and so I appreciate you comingback here and I appreciate the work
that you and I do togethermonth in and month out to help me
navigate all of the challenges.
(34:32):
I mean if this were easy, we'dall have it figured out by now.
And if it didn't requiretraining, we could just throw our
hands up and be like, okay, wegot it now, we should be good to
go.
But.
But you've been at this for15, 16 years.
You continue to train hard andyou are influencing me to do the
same.
And also my wife Rilla alsomeets with you monthly.
(34:54):
And so we are big proponentsof this sort of work.
So thank you for all that you do.
Thank you so much, Chuck.
I appreciate it.
And thanks again for having me on.
Absolutely.
Thank you for joining me todayon Cool Change and Special thanks
to my guest, Sarah Retzer, forsharing her wisdom on the power of
emotional awareness andintentional living.
(35:17):
Remember, you've got morepower than you think to reshape your
emotional patterns, and withpractice, we can all create a bit
more peace, confidence, andjoy in our daily lives.
If you'd like to learn more orwork directly with Sarah, check the
show notes for her contactinformation and that special introductory
offer she mentioned.
And as always, as always, ifyou enjoyed this episode, I'd appreciate
(35:38):
if you'd share it with someoneyou think could benefit.
Subscribe, rate, and review.
It really helps us reach morepeople who are ready for a cool change.
So until next time, keepliving intentionally and I'll see
you soon.
On the next Cool Change.
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