Stop Problem-Solving, Start Validating: A Gamechanger

Validation might be the most powerful leadership tool you're not using. This often-overlooked skill—distinct from praise, problem-solving, or agreement—has the remarkable ability to transform your dental practice from the inside out.

When team members bring concerns or patients express frustration, our instinct as dentists and practice owners is to jump straight to solutions. But this approach misses a crucial step that neuroscience shows is essential for creating real change. Validation—the simple act of acknowledging someone's feelings by showing you understand their perspective—activates reward centers in the brain, creating psychological safety and opening people to feedback. at dentalpracticeheroes.com and transform your practice into one where systems actually get implemented, team members stay longer, and you can practice fewer days while making more. The most successful dental practices aren't built on clinical excellence alone—they're built on leadership that makes people feel seen, heard, and valued.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Today we're going to talk about something that's not
clinical, it's not systems, it'sdefinitely not marketing, but
it's probably the most importantleadership skill that you've
never thought about and I knowthat is a bold claim, right, but
I'm serious.
If you want your practice to runsmoother and you want better
team culture, you want lessdrama, less resistance and more
buy-in from your team, because,let's face it, buy-in from the

(00:24):
team is what gets your systemsfrom an idea to execution.
So, if you want that, this isthe lever that you need to pull.
It's called validation.
It is not praise, it is notproblem solving, it is not
agreement.
We are not agreeing, we arevalidating.
We are validating our team, weare validating our patients, and

(00:44):
that is the part of leadershipthat I want to talk about today.
And for those who don't know, Iam Dr Paul Edgison.
I'm the author of two books ondental practice management, a
dental coach and the owner of alarge five doctor practice in
the South suburbs of Chicago.
This is the Dental PracticeHeroes podcast, and we're here
to teach you how to create apractice that is team-driven, so

(01:05):
you can stress less and makemore and, while you're at it,
practice less days.
So thank you so much forlistening today.
I really appreciate it.
Let's get into it Now.
I'm going to share a tale withyou.
As old as time.
Have you ever had aconversation with your spouse?
I don't want to pick males orfemales, but it typically goes
something like this is that awife is telling their husband

(01:28):
something and husband goes intoproblem solver mode and she just
wanted him to listen.
This has happened to me overand over again and I know this
process.
So the next time my wife comesto me and brings me something, I
still go into problem solvermode.
I can't help it.
But you know what that means,right?
They're just looking forvalidation.

(01:48):
So let's talk about validation.
What does that mean?
It means that you're showingsomeone that you are there, you
get it and you care about them.
That's it.
It's not praise Like praisewith your team.
That might be like hey, Ireally like how you handled that
.
That's a judgment.

(02:09):
Validation is more like.
I can see why that situation wastough, I can see why that
bothered you, and it'sdefinitely not problem solving.
I mean, gosh, problem solvingis you know what you should do
next time or you know you shouldhave done.
We're shouldn't all over people.
We don't need to do that.
It's more like validation,saying, yeah, that's totally
frustrating.
I would feel the same way if Iwas in your position, and it's
definitely not agreeing withpeople.
There's a lot of people that say, well, how am I supposed to do
this when I don't agree with theperson?

(02:31):
And the thing is is it's notagreeing with them?
You're just.
You can validate someone'sfeelings, even if you disagree
with their opinion.
You can say I understand whyyou would see it that way, I
understand why you would feelthat way, but it doesn't mean
that you agree with the way theyfeel.
All right, while it does, itsays that you understand how
they got there, they are heard,you see them, you care, you see

(02:54):
how they arrived at thatconclusion or whatever they're
feeling, and that changeseverything.
Think about it.
How often are we in situationswhere we really wish we could
change someone's behavior, butwe just go in there and we try
to tell them what we want and wechange it, instead of
validating why they did whatthey did or validating where
they're at.
You know, we'd have a lot moresuccess if we could just

(03:14):
validate that and then ask forthe behavior change.
So why is this so powerful?
Well, builds trust.
It lowers defenses.
You've heard me talk aboutpsychological safety in the past
.
That is a big thing.
It creates a safe space.
It makes people feel like theycan talk to you, they can share
their feelings and that you willbe understanding, no matter

(03:35):
what happens.
And when people feel safe,they're open to feedback and
they're open to change.
But if you don't validate them,they're going to close up,
they're going to get defensiveand they're going to throw their
armor up.
So think about your team.
Think about those hardconversations that you sometimes
avoid or those little conflictsthat spiral out of control.
Validation is the way that youdiffuse that stuff before it

(03:57):
blows up.
You've heard me talk in thepast about how to deal with
upset patients.
The first step is empathizewith them.
Right, say, hey, I totallyunderstand why you feel that way
.
I totally understand why you'refrustrated.
That is validation.
That is the first step todiffusing a patient.
It's also the first step todiffusing an upset team member.
We want our team to feel safeand okay to bring us problems so

(04:18):
that we know what's going on inour practices.
Otherwise, we're just hidingfrom the problems and, honestly,
it's not just for our team andit's not just for the patients,
it's also for ourselves.
We also need some validation.
More on that in a little bit.
So I want you to realize thatvalidation drives change.
Here's the part that peoplemiss.
Validation isn't just like I'mbeing nice to someone, I'm
making them feel good.
It's about change.

(04:39):
People don't change because wetell them to.
They change when they feel seenand when they feel understood,
and neuroscience backs this up.
Validation activates the rewardcenters in the brain.
You know the same stuff thatdopamine hit that lights up when
we get food or money or sex.
Or we win something thatdopamine, so or we win something
that dopamine, so when peoplefeel validated, they get that
dopamine hit.
They're more open, they're morecoachable, they're more willing

(05:01):
to collaborate with you.
So if you want a team thatlistens and a team that grows,
start here.
Look at situations that you'vehad with your team in the past
and say man, was that asituation where I just went in
with what I wanted or what theydid wrong when I should have
validated first?
Think about that All when Ishould have validated first.
Think about that.
All right.
How do we do it?
Because I've coached enoughdentists to know that they feel

(05:22):
weird doing this which, by theway, if you are looking for
coaching or you want to join ourSeptember mastermind, that will
teach you how to have aleadership team, lead your team
and get to a team drivenpractice where you have to do
barely anything.
We're doing that in ourmastermind that kicks off in
September.
Go to dentalpracticeheroescomfor more information on that.

(05:43):
It will be transformational foryour practice.
All right, how do we do it?
So we got to be mindful, right,be present.
We need to listen and I wantyou to ask yourself why does
this matter to the person?
Why is this important?
And you don't really say thatout loud, you just want to get
in that frame of mind.
I'm looking for why thismatters to this person and we're
trying to find the logic inwhat they are saying.

(06:03):
Now, remember, we're notagreeing with them.
We're finding the logic in whatthey're saying.
It's not your logic.
We need to normalize theirlogic.
Like, yeah, I totallyunderstand why you would feel
that way.
Honestly, I would have reactedthe same way in your shoes.
It shows that you're notjudging.
You're human too.
You're looking at it from theirperspective and you can see how
they arrived at the conclusionthey arrived at.
I totally understand yourperspective Doesn't mean you

(06:23):
agree with the perspective,right?
Just means I understand yourperspective.
So you got to do it genuinely.
People can smell that fakenessfrom a mile away.
Really put yourself in thoseshoes, and I think this is one
of those things that is reallyhard for us to do.
Sometimes as dentists, we onlysee it from the perspective of
the practice owner.
You've heard me talk in thepast.
My wife is a hygienist.
So before I was a dentist I wasmarried to a hygienist.

(06:44):
So I got to see the teamperspective for a long time and
I had a whole lot more respectfor my wife's boss once I
started owning my own practice.
But the majority of our teamdoesn't ever even look at it
that way.
So we need to see it from theirperspective.
So what I want you to do islisten to what they're saying.
You don't have to agree withthem, but find the kernel of

(07:04):
truth.
Look at what's true, no matterwhat.
If you don't agree with howthey got there, the way they're
feeling, whatever, you need tofind that truth.
If you believed what theybelieved and you experienced
what they experienced, could youpossibly see that you would
feel the same way and can youexpress that to that person.

(07:25):
That's what we need to do.
So next time you have aconversation with someone, try
that out.
Try giving that validation.
See how it goes.
And look leading people.
It's not about being thesmartest person in the room.
It's about creating anenvironment where people can
thrive.
That's what we teach you in ourcoaching.
That is what is the mosteffective.
If I can teach you how to lead,I can teach you how to do
anything at your practice.
So that's part of every programthat we have at Dental Practice

(07:48):
Heroes.
Validation is key to being agood leader.
It lowers those walls, itbuilds the trust, it creates
psychological safety, it openspeople up to feedback and growth
and change and collaboration.
And yes, I said it earlier itworks on yourself too.
Try to not beat yourself up somuch.
When you tell yourself you'reso stupid, you need to be better

(08:10):
.
That's shaming.
That is shaming yourself.
How has that been working foryou?
Does anybody get behaviorchange from anyone on their team
?
If they shame them, why do weexpect that we can shame
ourselves?
Maybe we need to do someself-validation.
Say you know what?
Of course, I do feeloverwhelmed.
I'm handling a lot Instead ofwhat I did for much of my career
.
I said quit being a P.
Okay, quit being a P.

(08:32):
Toughen up, suck it up.
This is what you signed up for.
Quit being a P no, that doesn'twork and it doesn't help.
Validate your feelings.
You are human and you deserveto be acknowledged.
Take away for today.
You don't have to fixeveryone's feelings, you just
have to see them.
I'll say it one more time youdon't have to fix everyone's
feelings, you just have to seethem, and that will help you
build the practice that peopleactually want to stay working in

(08:53):
.
So thank you so much forlistening.
Check out that mastermind.
We're a little over half full,so talking to a lot of people,
those spots are not going to bearound for very much longer.
Please join us this next yearIf you want to transform your
practice and transform your life.
We will help you do it Allright.
Thank you so much for listening.
We'll talk to you next time.