Ever feel like your checklists are getting longer while your problems get louder? We shine a light on the quiet force that stalls growth in so many dental practices: the truth everyone knows but no one says. Borrowing the concept of “mokita,” we explore how unspoken issues infect culture, erode patient experience, and drain profit—then we show you how to end the silence without blowing up your team.
We walk through a simple, repeatable framework for tough conversations: Ask permission, State how you feel, Share the issue clearly, and Seek to understand. You’ll hear how this approach lowers defensiveness, creates psychological safety, and replaces gossip with honest dialogue. From chronically late hygiene schedules to front desk friction, we unpack how to distinguish a process problem from a conversation problem, and why addressing the latter first makes your systems actually work. Real-world examples reveal how a single candid talk can outperform a dozen SOP tweaks.
By the end, you’ll have a practical script for tackling your biggest cultural bottlenecks and a weekly challenge to surface one mokita and resolve it. Expect fewer energy leaks, stronger accountability, and a smoother, more profitable practice that runs on trust. Ready to lead with clarity and courage? Listen now, then share the first hard conversation you’ll start today—and subscribe for more tools to build a team-driven practice.
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Episode Transcript
You know those problems in your practice that
everyone knows about, but no oneactually talks about?
Maybe it's the assistant that'salways late.
Maybe it's the hygienist whodoesn't help turn the rooms, or
it's that front desk drama thateverybody tiptoes around.
We as the leaders, we put in newsystems, we have more meetings,
we throw another checklist atit, but nothing really changes.
(01:20):
Because of the fact of thematter is, the problem isn't the
system, it's the conversationthat never happens.
Recently, at our dental practiceheroes mastermind retreat that
we had in Dustin, Florida, ourtheme of the weekend was it's
not the system, it's theconversation.
And that was our theme of theweekend because what I was
trying to stress with all thepeople in this mastermind is
(01:43):
that our job as the leaders isto draw out these conversations
that need to happen.
We have to communicate with ourteam, and there's so many things
that we're just scared to bringinto the light.
I want to share an example withyou about a New Guinea culture
and this tribe or whatever itis, they have a word for
something.
They call it a Mokita.
(02:04):
Now, it's not a drink, it's nota mojito, it's a mokita.
And what it translates to isessentially the truth that
everyone knows about, but no onetalks about.
So an equivalent of English,like the expression of the
elephant in the room.
What is the elephant of theroom?
Now, this culture, they assessthe health of their community
(02:24):
based on the number of mokitasthat exist, because Mokitas only
exist when nobody talks aboutthem.
So the more things that you'reafraid to bring up, the sicker
the community is.
And let's face it, most dentalpractices, we've got way too
many mokitas, right?
You don't talk about thesethings because you might be
afraid of conflict or becauseyou're scared of how someone's
(02:46):
gonna react.
But unresolved truth does not goaway.
It just leaks out.
It shows up in gossip andresentment and quiet quitting
with our team.
So today we're gonna talk aboutsystems, we're gonna talk about
silence, and we're gonna talkabout my ASS framework to get
those mikitas out into the openso that we can lead and build a
(03:09):
culture that aligns with ourvision and create a highly
profitable practice.
Now, you're listening to theDental Practice Heroes podcast,
where we help practice ownersbuild profitable team-driven
practices that run smoothly andgive them absolute freedom.
If you want to lead a team thatcommunicates openly, takes
ownership, and actually solvesproblems, well, you're in the
(03:32):
right place.
I'm Dr.
Paul Etcheson, a two-timeauthor, a dental business coach,
and I'm an actual practicingdentist.
And I own a large practice inthe south suburbs of Chicago.
Now, today we're gonna talkabout how to surface those
unsaid things in your practiceso that you can turn that
tension into trust.
Now, a few years ago, I rememberwe had this recurring issue at
(03:55):
my practice.
We had a certain hygienist thatjust never seemed to stay on
time, no matter what we did.
We had checklists, right?
We had the systems in place, wehad perfected and tweaked our
schedule, but no matter what wedid, this person struggled.
They couldn't keep on time.
So finally, I sat down with thishygienist and I said, Hey,
(04:16):
something's not working here andI want to talk to you about it,
but I don't want you to feellike I'm blaming you.
I know that you're working hardand I appreciate everything that
you do here.
I'm not here to criticize you.
I'm just worried about how thisis affecting our patient
experience.
And I can tell you that singleconversation did way more than
(04:36):
any system could have donebecause it wasn't the system, it
was the conversation.
It's not the system, it's theconversation.
Remember that phrase becausesystems they can't fix what the
silence protects.
Most broken systems in apractice are really just
unspoken tensions.
We can put the systems in place,but if we don't have the
(04:59):
conversations around them, theaccountability conversations,
the discussions that areinviting our team into fixing
the issues, we are stuck.
So before you change anotherSOP, I want you to ask yourself
is this a process problem or isit a conversation problem?
Does a conversation need to behad?
And most of the times, yes, theconversation needs to be had.
(05:22):
So let's talk about the ASS, theass framework for difficult
conversations.
If you want to address thesemoquitas in a healthy way, I
want you to use this framework.
This is what I do when I havedifficult conversations with my
team.
And what is a difficultconversation?
You know, it really depends onwho we're talking to.
You've got people on your teamthat you can just show up and be
(05:43):
very bold with and say, hey,this is what it is.
Tell me about it, what's goingon.
And you have other people thatyou need to be a little bit more
delicate with.
You know who they are, butyou're gonna go into this
conversation.
It's difficult and it'simportant.
You got to have it, you got tobe willing to have it as the
leader.
And the more you have theseconversations, I assure you,
you'll get better at it.
(06:04):
All right, so A S S S, ass withthree S's.
So let's talk about this.
The first step, A, askpermission.
You're gonna go grab somebody,you're gonna say, Hey, can I
talk to you about something?
You're just going to ask them tolet them know that you want to
have a formal conversation aboutsomething.
Okay, you start thisconversation, and that's the
first S.
(06:25):
State how you feel.
And what I want you to do forthis step is often we have an
idea of how this conversationcould go negatively.
We have an idea of what thisperson may feel, how they might
react to it.
So I often like to go into theseconversations by just stating
the obvious, you know, lettingthem know that I'm nervous to
have this conversation.
(06:46):
I'll say something like, hey,I'm nervous to have this
conversation with you because Idon't want you to think that I'm
blaming you.
I don't want you to think Idon't appreciate you.
I don't want you to take thisthe wrong way.
I'm just gonna state that I'mnervous to have this
conversation and state kind ofwhat my intentions are and what
my intentions are not, because Iwant to frame it right at the
(07:07):
beginning of the conversation isthat I am not here to attack
you.
I'm here to have a productiveconversation.
All right, the second S is gonnabe share.
You're gonna share the issueclearly.
You're gonna talk about whathappened.
We're not pointing fingers,we're not making assumptions
about the other person'sintentions or their merit.
We're just gonna share the issueclearly.
(07:28):
This is what happened.
So, for this example, I'd saysomething like I noticed that
you're often running late inyour schedule.
And when we run late in hygiene,it affects everybody, affects
the assistants, the doctors, butmost of all, it's affecting our
patients' experience.
And now the third S seek, seekto understand.
You hear me talk about gettingcurious all the time.
(07:50):
We want to ask, what's yourperspective on this?
What do you think is going on?
So that's it.
Four steps.
You're gonna ask permission tohave the conversation, you're
gonna state how you feel, you'regonna share the issue clearly,
and you're gonna seek tounderstand.
Ask, state, share, seek.
No defensiveness.
We want to go in, we want tohave a productive conversation.
(08:13):
We don't want to inducedefensiveness in the person.
We're just curious and we justwant clarity.
So we want to open the door tohave a dialogue with this
person.
And as soon as you ask thisperson what's going on, they
tell you we want to validatetheir experience.
They might be overwhelmed.
They might feel like they don'thave the skills to stay on time.
They might think that we'reasking them to do too many
(08:35):
things in the amount of timethat they have.
No matter what it is, validatethem.
I totally understand.
I get where you're coming from.
I get it.
Because when we do that, we makeit safe and we want to create a
safe practice.
So when we can open the door fora dialogue like this and we can
keep it safe, a few things aregonna happen.
Your team, they'll start tobring you problems before they
(08:57):
blow up.
And people on your team, they'regonna start taking
accountability because they knowthey can.
They feel like they can sharethings with you, they can take
accountability and they won't beattacked.
They're they feel heard, theyknow that you're gonna validate
their experience, they know thatyou're gonna be understanding
and reasonable.
And then these what I callenergy leaks in your practice.
(09:17):
An energy leak is when peopleare gossiping, when they're
complaining to each other aboutthings at the practice, or when
they're avoiding talking aboutissues, all these energy leaks,
these stop happening becausepeople know it's safe to bring
up things that are botheringthem in the practice.
Now, having these conversations,they're always gonna be
uncomfortable at first, but thatis the price that you will pay
(09:40):
as a leader to create a healthyculture.
And the fact of the matter is,is you're either gonna pay for
it one way or the other, you'regonna pay for it in short-term
discomfort while you have thisconversation, or you're gonna
have long-term team dysfunction,which I assure you costs a lot
more headache and stomachlining.
So here is your challenge forthe week for me.
(10:00):
I want you to find the moquitain your practice.
You don't have to think verylong, you know what it is.
All right, decide that onemoquita that you've been putting
off talking about, that onetopic that everybody knows
about, but nobody wants to bringup.
And I want you to have thatconversation.
Use that AS framework, validatetheir experience, and notice how
(10:22):
much lighter the air feelsafterwards.
You've had these difficultconversations before.
And when you can have them usingthe framework in a way that
results in success and safety,you'll get a lot more
comfortable having these becauseyou're confident in your ability
to discuss these things.
And this has the long-termtrickle-down effects of creating
(10:43):
an awesome team culture.
And if you want help on how tohave these conversations for a
specific thing in your practice,or if you're ready to build a
culture at your practice wherepeople actually talk things out
instead of talking about eachother behind their backs, that
is what we do at Dental PracticeHeroes.
Reach out to us.
Let's talk about coachingoptions, let's talk about what's
possible for your practice.
(11:04):
Set up a strategy call with me,dentalpracticeheroes.com/slash
strategy, and I will have a verylow pressure conversation with
you all about your practice andall about your goals.
I'm gonna give you some freeadvice and I'll tell you about
what coaching options we have ifI think that we can help you get
to your goals faster.
All right, thank you so much forlistening today.
(11:25):
If you get a chance, write afive star review on Apple
Podcasts.
I'd really appreciate it.
I'm really trying to grow thosereviews.
It helps more people find thepodcast, and it just kind of
makes me feel good inside.
I hope you do.
All right, thanks so much forlistening, guys.
We will talk to you next time.
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