DDR 060 - Exploring Life & Death: A Deep Dive

In this conversation, the Ricktastics explore the themes of life, death, and the preciousness of existence. They discuss the impact of relationships, the process of grief, and the importance of leaving a positive legacy. The conversation delves into how individuals cope with loss, the desensitization to death, and the significance of living authentically.

Through personal anecdotes and reflections, they emphasize the need for genuine connections and the influence we have on others' lives. In this conversation, the speakers delve into the complexities of death, dying, and the emotional landscape surrounding grief and legacy. They explore personal experiences with loved ones nearing the end of life, discussing the desire to protect family from painful memories and the importance of leaving a meaningful legacy. The dialogue also touches on the balance between solitude and community, emphasizing the need for self-care and reflection in the face of life's challenges.

In this conversation, the speakers explore themes of trust, the importance of sleep, the therapeutic aspects of nature and hunting, and the legacy one leaves behind. They share personal experiences and insights on navigating difficult relationships, the peace found in the wilderness, and the need for authentic connections with others.

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Takeaways

• Life is precious and should be cherished.
• Grief is a complex process that varies for everyone.
• Desensitization to death can occur through repeated loss.
• Legacy is about the positive impact we leave behind.
• Authenticity in relationships fosters deeper connections.
• Mourning is a personal journey that takes time.
• We should strive to live genuinely and without secrets.
• Helping others can be a significant part of our legacy.
• The way we live affects how we are remembered after death.
• Life's fleeting nature reminds us to appreciate every moment. The experience of dying can vary greatly depending on individual circumstances.
• Grief can coexist with peace; it's a complex emotional state.
• Leaving a legacy is important for both the individual and their loved ones.
• I

Episode Transcript

(00:03):
Well, hello, Don't Die Rusty Nation.
I'm here tonight with the Rick Tastics and as usual, Ricky Blue is on lead guitar andvocals with a little analytical help on the side.
We have Ashley Kurtenbach, of course, with the tambourines and drums.

(00:23):
And she will give us the female perspective of anything that we don't know about.
And have Kelly Lovelace on bass because he has a deep baritone voice and he will betalking to God for us.
Anyway, so, and I'm here Rick Hansen and I'm can't be lead vocals because my voice wouldprobably screech.

(00:43):
So I'm going to be probably playing the violin.
The violin.
years.
Well, we'll just say fiddle tonight.
But you know, a couple weeks.
How is everybody?
Good.
Busy but good.
Well, that is great.

(01:04):
know, a couple of weeks ago, Ricky and I had a conversation just to catch up because wehaven't talked to each other for a while.
And so we're going to get right into this thing.
and, and we had this great conversation and I said, you know, I'd like to get the Ricktastics together and talk about, and I'm not infatuated with death, but I think it's a,

(01:29):
and it's
funny, isn't it?
It's Easter weekend coming up and we're talking about death and living.
And what I talked to Ricky about was I said, there was a book I was reading and the quotein it said, more or less, some people are afraid of dying, but not are, but they aren't

(01:52):
afraid of death.
And then I said, then I said, some people are afraid of living, but they aren't afraid oflife.
And where I wanted to go with that is like, mean, I know we talked about the 24 hours tolive and we talked about that in a deeper sense, but I got thinking about this and we're

(02:13):
here tonight and you guys can correct me, but I was, I was just sitting there thinkingwhen I was sick last weekend, I, uh, I closed my eyes.
I thought, is that the last thing I ever want to see is we're
You know what I mean?
and then I thought about this is if I pluck my ears and close my eyes, is that the lastplace I want to be?

(02:38):
And I thought, you know, we get so distracted by daily life and daily business, and weforget about living and not understanding or
maybe caring that one day we're gonna die and I know that we can't live like we're gonnadie, but I just wonder if there's, if we realize how precious life is and if we could

(03:12):
just, you know, I know in the busy life of most people, but how many people walk outsideif they're in an office or wherever they're at and just let the
sun touched their face for five minutes and just say, you know, get just realize that youare living and breathe the fresh air.

(03:38):
And I got some other questions going here, but I just think sometimes and you're gonna andwe'll get deeper into this, I hope.
But I was also watching Gladiator 2 and where I'm going with this is
Isn't it interesting how life goes, how death didn't bother those people?

(04:07):
And then I started thinking about modern day life.
And I thought, how many people sit at home watching true crime, watching murders, and theydon't really understand or care?
Maybe that somebody died.

(04:27):
They're more into the mystery of solving the crime instead of the death and celebratingthe life.
I know that's not really a question, I just, more the question is, do you think we've lostthe preciousness, understanding the preciousness of life?

(04:57):
Thank
big I mean, I don't think we've lost the preciousness of life.
You mean like the value we hold Well taking not just living but of actual life well Youknow I mean we look at look at any Western any they you walk out on the street I mean it
didn't happen a lot, but I mean look death comes easy Living comes hard and Where are wegoing?

(05:28):
I think that we're looking at that in senses around the country that we mourn for 10minutes.
Here's the other part.
Okay.
In your life, you're a plant.
And I'm not saying we're a plant, but say you're a flower.

(05:49):
In our life, we plant our seeds.
In our death, we grow the plant to see if...
.
and I was actually listening to our podcast that we did in Oaks.

(06:11):
And he talks about people touching other people's lives.
when that flower blooms, then I know that I wouldn't know, but you would know that I'vetouched your life.
All three of you would know that if I touched your life.
And or whatever, you know, I mean, they say that there's one sibling going to be to everyfuneral and there's another sibling not going to be at any.

(06:43):
So how many lives do we touch and do we
So.
see that I take life and look at it in a sense of preciousness and caring.
And I want to live to the very end.
And Ricky and I talked about this body is going to be well worn out before I go to theincinerator.

(07:17):
you
I'm brought to this.
What's going through my head right now is like a like for me, I've had a lot of likeimportant or like influential people in my life pass away.
And so I feel like I'm a little bit desensitized, almost like maybe just numb to it alittle bit.

(07:44):
Not that's not to say that I don't find it precious.
But then so I'm thinking about like I have a friend who her dad passed away a couple yearsago and you know, she's still she's still struggling with that a little bit, you know, and

(08:07):
rightfully so.
Right.
Like everybody grieves differently.
Everybody grieves for different periods of time.
And and so her husband is kind of struggling with that.
You know what mean?
It's kind of like
Hey, we got to get on with our lives.
We got to move on.
We got to focus on inward on our family and we got to, you know, and so they're havingthis kind of struggle a little bit.
She's still mourning and and he's like, you know, kind of like I think about read inShawshank Redemption when he says get busy living or get busy dying.

(08:40):
Right.
So that's just kind of where I'm just kind of like.
word vomiting, what's going on in my head right now, or kind of what I'm thinking aboutand like how some people mourn differently and some people look at it different.
like for me, I'm kind of desensitized because I've been through it so many times.
I've been to so many funerals for so many people that are very important, that were veryimportant to me.

(09:02):
And so, so I think it's easier for me to just kind of, you know, I guess maybe I just dothings to maybe not think about it or, or, you know, set it aside, but.
Anyway, those are just some of the thoughts that were going through my head.
Well, and here's the other part that I was, it's more about when I talk about thepreciousness of life, I'm talking about

(09:31):
living the best life we can live and understanding that I understand that not everybody isgoing to be liked by everybody or not everybody is going to be think like me or you or
anybody else here.
But it's about it's about enjoying what we have because it's so short lived.

(09:56):
And in the long run of things and like
In the book, here we'll go here.
Just because we die, like there are, there might be secrets.
There might be things that you don't want anybody to ever know someday.

(10:21):
And just because we die, it doesn't mean it's not going to affect the people that arearound us because then people have to go through your stuff and they might find this
stuff.
The reason I bring that up, there was a chapter about this that are like,
this guy was dying, his daughter thought she was the only one and he had four kids fromfour different females and he wanted them all to be around.

(10:50):
Just because you're dying doesn't mean that you lost, that you're free of the pain thatyou're causing other people.
And what I'm saying is when you look at life,

(11:12):
you
can use that as, as a, the pencil and maybe erase some of the things that happened and fixthem.
I wouldn't say erase, but you know what I mean?
Like write it a better story.
you
Cause that's where I'm going with this thing.

(11:34):
You know, and it just, it's some of the things struck me and I like to get on here andhave my therapy sessions.
So I don't have to pay 250 bucks a hour.
And you guys are the people that helped me out here because, because I mean, like I said,everybody has secrets, but some, and some people don't know.
mean, but like that's an extreme example, but what

(12:00):
What happened was, the daughter that thought she was alone met, they had a video callsimilar to us, and then they had the death doula kind of mediated and she thought it was
going to be an hour and ended up being three with three And everybody took a part of howthey were going to do the business part of death.

(12:37):
you
would, you know, mean, if you have secrets or if I haven't said I'm sorry.
And then you leave this world without saying that, are we leaving it in a, in with noanswers?

(13:00):
I know we have to give ourselves grace, but where do we go?
I mean, we can't use that as an excuse to not live a great life, but we can enjoy thethings around us and maybe make amends on the way.

(13:21):
Yes.
I got a lot of bullets running through my bullet points.
I'm sure Kelly does too.
Um, first off, when you said, uh, they're going to go through all my stuff and findsecrets.
I was like, somebody's going to find my mattress money.
He's going to find that.
Um, but I think along with what Ricky said too, I think you do not just with death, likehe might be.

(13:47):
specifically desensitized to death in his situation.
I have lost people, but not at high quantities of close people, I would say.
Definitely lost close people, but I think in life, if you experience certain things, youjust naturally become desensitized after you have to rebuild and get broken down and

(14:10):
rebuild and get broken down.
And people that have those experiences and then choose to grow.
Okay.
Also help like touch people's lives, right?
So when you were saying touching people's lives too in every day, I think I Think it'sjust goes back to I mean, we've kind of talked about this before but the golden rule Like

(14:35):
you want to live a good life be the best version of yourself Treat people it doesn'tmatter what job I'm doing during the day.
I just try to be the
person that doesn't ruin it, right?
I don't want to be, even if it's delivered with bad news, I want to try and make somebodysmile or just ask how their day is going because everybody is what it's first thing Kelly

(14:57):
said when he came on, busy, but good, right?
Because that's everybody.
And so I think by touching people's lives and things like that, by just being reallyconscious of being a really good person and trying to be present.
Now that's tough when you are.
pulled in 18 million directions, which I think the majority of the living population is.

(15:21):
But really making that effort to just be that person that is like, you know what?
That was really nice to talk to her, or it was really nice to talk to him.
Because I was just having an okay day, even if it was like a normal day.
But sometimes those little things that you do can touch.

(15:42):
people's lives and know that's around about there was another point lost out on it'll comeback.
But that was kind of what's going through my head too.
Well, my job places me in the midst of death on a regular basis.

(16:06):
So I just did a funeral on Monday.
And I would say that I've...
Okay.
of different people's journey in the process of death, right?
Like I've been there when they've been told that they've got three weeks.

(16:27):
I've been in the room when they passed away and I've spent time with the family likeimmediately after that.
And then I'm there at the funeral home helping them figure out what the memorial service,the funeral itself is going to look like and then lead people through that.
then
not near as much, I've met with them after, the funeral, trying to help them find closure,with the process, right?

(16:55):
Cause grief is, grief is multifaceted and people go through those stages at their ownpace.
And, I tell most people it's going to be a year.
Like when you lose somebody, you're going to really deal with it and you're going to havewaves, waves of the, of that grief process.
that hit you in that year.
And when we look at death, there's so many people that just look at it as a finality.

(17:21):
But as a person of faith, I don't see it as a finality.
I see it as the next step in my journey.
And it's hard.
So in the last three weeks, I've done two funerals.
One was for a lady who wasn't living well and

(17:43):
was estranged from her kids, because of some choices she made in life and, her and herhusband were very dysfunctional and it's just been, it was a mess.
and then I did this funeral this week for a lady who, son was very involved in her life.

(18:04):
The grandkids very involved in life.
had all these great grandkids there.
was, it was, those are awesome moments to see when family is actually together.
and celebrating this person.
so, you you talk about wanting to influence or impact people in a positive way.
That's my hope is that we can figure that out before we get to you got three weeks left orwe can get before we get to yeah, I'm like, I'm seven years old now.

(18:33):
What have I what have I done?
My hope is that we can help each other see that.
no matter what happens, the people that are brought into our life, and I believe that'swhat happens, I think we have these divine appointments with people, that as we get to
know them, that we'll leave a positive fingerprint on their life, right?

(18:59):
That's influence, that's impact.
So that's what we have the opportunity to do right now.
The effects of that end up being our legacy.
And so I...
you

(19:19):
left behind from this person We talked about Grandma liked to cook with her grandkids andso she taught him how to do different stuff and I was reminded of my grandmother who
taught me how to fry baloney right and eat fried baloney sandwiches and so Those are thoseare things that are part of that legacy that's left behind

(19:46):
and the differences between the families, the legacy that was left behind by the otherfamily is a dysfunctional legacy.
it was crazy.
So they had, the dad was 60.
He's, he's still with us.
He's, he's, an addict.
the, the mom was an addict.

(20:07):
She's the one who passed away.
she was 40.
have, 11 year old and nine year old.
daughters and the daughters are now just now because the state's pulled them out of thehouse experiencing what a loving family should look like and it's affecting them pretty

(20:28):
strongly like there's anger they're beginning to deal with because here they've been intwo different homes where they've been loved on and taken care of and this is what it was
supposed to look like instead they were fighting to
scrap for food and they were hiding it from mom and dad because they'd take it and it'sjust a mess, you know?
And so, so when I have the opportunity to see the legacy of people and my hope is that I'mable to connect with them before we get to that point, before I'm planning your funeral

(20:58):
with your family and that I can help you establish a healthier legacy, one that's going tolast and one that gets to be passed on because the truth is the things my grandmother
taught me, I've taught my kids.
Right.
So I taught my kids how to do fried bologna sandwiches and make toast in a skillet insteadof in a toaster.
It's just, you know, it's different.
And I remember making some toast for my oldest son in the skillet.

(21:25):
And he goes, where was this the last 10 years of my life?
Because he really liked it.
It's full of butter and it's nice and toasted.
And I'm like, well, I guess you got to take some time to learn.
Right.
It's just, it's those are those moments, right?
Where we want to, we want to leave a positive legacy.

(21:45):
I don't want them going through my stuff and finding secrets.
You know what I mean?
Like, I don't want to have secrets that I'm hiding from my family specifically or anybodyelse.
I want to be as genuine and open with my life as I possibly can.
and I just think that that's better.
Now that it's a little bit crazy because you leave yourself vulnerable in moments, but

(22:09):
If you don't take the chance, you're never going to have the depth in the relationshipthat you could have.
So we have to take the chance with family and then with people.
We have to put ourselves out there a little bit and that helps to develop a good legacy.
so I just, I think that's part of really living is being genuine with everybody you comeacross and we have to get out of a selfish mindset, right?

(22:37):
Like
You can be genuine and a jerk.
Like I don't want to be a genuine jerk.
I want to be right.
I want to be a person that, um, that does care about that other person and what theythink.
Now there's, there's levels to that.
I, I, I believe,
I want to tell the truth like as a pastor I'm preaching the word and I've had some peoplecome up to me and say man you seem to be pretty angry about it this morning.

(23:06):
No I'm just passionate like if you drove past my house and there's a bridge out and ahundred foot chasm that that bridge crosses I'm gonna do everything I can to stop your car
because I don't want you driving 90 miles an hour down a road with a bridge that's out andso I want I want to help you.
to not make a bad decision in that moment and drive 90 down a road where you're gonna flyoff into a hundred foot chasm and probably more than likely die.

(23:35):
I wanna, that doesn't always look like a loving, nice person, does it?
Like, we look like an idiot screaming your head off, but if that can get you to stop andlisten for just a moment, then that's good.
Now, I think that's part of what we do is like, do we genuinely care?
How far are you willing to go to help somebody?

(23:58):
What are the steps you're going to have to take?
I don't know.
I'm in the middle of some of that right now because I got a dad who's an alcoholic and hewon't give it up for his daughters.
He won't give it up.
So how far do I go with that guy?
Like he's not listening.
The things I have done to help him, he has quit or abandoned in the middle of it and

(24:23):
You're like, I just don't know what else to do.
I, there's, those, both those factors kind of play into this idea of really living, beforedeath comes knocking.
Anyway, those are my thoughts.
That's kind of where I'm at.
Like, it is something that we all are going to have to face.

(24:44):
If we haven't faced it already with family members, you know, Ricky, you're talking aboutpeople that are important to you in your life.
They've left a fingerprint on you.
There's a legacy there.
And I don't, I personally don't see people, especially with the loss of a loved one thattake any of that for granted.
And I don't think they just forget about it in a couple of days.
think from what I've seen, death to family members really stings and is tough because thatperson's not there.

(25:12):
You can't call them up and have a conversation with them.
You can't go over and eat or have them to your house to have a meal.
You can't come have a game night or
you know, travel or go on vacation or whatever you do.
They're gone.
And it's hard.
It's a big hole that gets left.
And I think that it can get numbing.

(25:33):
I think you lose so many people in a specific period of time.
And I've experienced that just as a pastor doing multiple funerals.
It's like, man, I just want to get through this stuff.
And you get a little bit numb to it, maybe we're you're not dealing with the feelingsuntil way later.
And I don't know.

(26:04):
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Well, yeah this this this I'm gonna read you were talking about well, we were talkingabout how people I Earlier you were talking about how like a dysfunctional or this person

(26:29):
or somebody dies and and this is This one struck me because it I'm reading out of thebriefly perfectly human book, but
She wrote that this was a real obituary, okay?
I'm only gonna read just a little bit of it, but her kids did not like her.

(26:49):
And they wrote, in part, we celebrate her death from this earth and hope she lives in theafterlife, reliving each gesture of violence, cruelty, and shame that she delivered on her
children.
And she, they,
And then they later, they got rid of it, I guess, online or whatever.

(27:14):
But I mean, they didn't know.
But it was interesting to me like the G-mini trips.
But that's how we affected everybody.
know, I mean, it's not they, her kids were affected that way.
Like you said, you had, you have families that like just seem to get it right.
And I don't know if anybody ever gets this right, but I was just, it was interesting to melike.

(27:36):
Thanks.
.
when I was talking about the flowers and I'm not trying to get off on a different placehere, but she was also talking about the flowers, but she also said, when we live our
lives and when you think about if you're going to die, which is interesting to me when shestarted thinking of said this, cause just because of Easter coming up, but who would you

(28:04):
want around you?
in your desk bed.
What people, if any, would you want to be there?
Who is...
You know, I mean, these things are like...

(28:24):
I'm going through my head like...
I don't know.
I mean...
I don't know.
And I'm not saying that in a bad sense.
I'm not saying that I went and want Cindy or anybody.
I'm saying, I'm saying, hmm.
Like, and she also said like, like she had this, this girl was 26, had breast cancer.

(28:52):
She, she had an estranged relationship with her mother, but her mother and sister finallycame out.
She was an atheist and as we know most atheists love God because they certainly hate himso they know he's real and when they're on their deathbed then they believe in God, you

(29:14):
know, and she came back to, she got baptized like four or five days before she diedactually.
where I'm going with this is she fixed the problem but
She had it all laid out, like this is, want them to wash my, these six or eight people towash my body, I want this to happen.

(29:39):
then you had two hours and then she went into the crematory.
But I'm thinking about who would I want and where would I want to be?
And I go back to the places I've been and seen death and I go, I don't want to die inhospital.

(30:07):
And you know, I mean, they brought in orange flowers they for this girl and they had musicplaying in the background that she wanted.
And.
If I was in that place, cause you gotta find your peace.

(30:28):
Cause there's one guy that really just was angry, but this girl had found her peace.
And.
And I'm not saying, I look at this and I look at...
Who would I want, if any, you know, and...

(30:53):
what would I want done and I keep on trying to live as best and be as good to everybody aspossible but.
I'm interested to know who really cares.
Are you gone?
Like I said, you go to the funeral, eat the lunch, and you leave, and I want you to say.

(31:20):
When you're driving over the big horns, do you remember that time that we went and tookthose stupid ass pictures in the snow?
And I want Ricky to go, do you remember that time?
I'm driving by.
He accidentally comes back to the black Hills of South Dakota and he was looking up atArnie Beacon.
He says, do you remember that time Rick puked over the edge of the tower here?

(31:43):
And I want to, I want Kelly to go, you know what?
That used to be a bow shop and I saved a guy's life.
And those are the things with the flowers.
And do you need people there to when you die?

(32:05):
I don't know, because it's interesting.
These kind of things to me, like because we could go to COVID times where people diedalone, more or less without family members.
Or we could go to now.
How do we want to go and who do we want around us?
Don't you think that depends on how you're dying?
And like, you can probably think this to death, but if I was, let's just say slowly dyingin a hospital, wouldn't want to tell.

(32:34):
I mean, I think the natural answer would be, I want loved ones around me.
But, but the reality is, is I probably don't know.
And to say that that's what I want.
It probably doesn't really matter because at the end of the day, if they're the ones stillliving on.
on this in this life, I don't necessarily want to make that choice for someone to see meon my deathbed in some of my what I would assume is my worst.

(33:04):
And that'd be the last memory.
And I think we kind of touch base with that in the 24 hours to live to.
I think it kind of depends how you're dying to.
And I remembered my last bullet.
I'll just make this quick.
But I was texting my grandma.
My grandpa is going.
whatever, she's had to make the medical decisions, okay?
There's a lot of guilt written on that because she has to answer to everybody, friends,family, whatever.

(33:31):
And did we make the right decision?
And she said, oh.
I wasn't going to tear up, but we're here.
You're good.
It was she was texting and she goes, well, it's I don't want to see him at his worst.

(33:51):
None of us do.
But she said it's not for us to understand.
It's just for us to trust.
She said, good night.
I love you.
And it's so true.
Yeah, we don't have to try to.
understand every aspect.
It's not easy for anybody in our family right now to watch him go through that.

(34:16):
But it's also not easy to see her make those levels of decision.
And she's putting her life, they've been married for over 60 years, and putting her lifeon complete pause for the last, well, almost the better part of a decade.
to make these decisions and not continue to do anything, but be there for him.

(34:40):
Even though he's, you know, doesn't probably know what year it is or whatever, but it's,it was crazy.
She's just that strong, but to have to go through that and just say, just trust it'spowerful.
And so that got me thinking like, I don't know that it is our choice who we get to besurrounded with.

(35:05):
Even though we'd like we'd like to say that.
But realistically, if I looked like what I'm seeing my family going through and Ricky'sprobably Kelly, you guys have all seen it.
You know what it looks like when you're one foot in the grave, but you're still living.
I don't know that I want to tell people, I wish you were there because I don't know that Iwant that for the people to like that.

(35:32):
I love the most for that to be the lasting.
Right.
You know, now I think it's going up to $300 an hour because you helped me think here.
You know, I'm just saying.
Well, it's just the conversation.
just ironically was texting my grandma this conversation yesterday because my mom hadsaid, I think she has peace.

(35:59):
think she has peace with it.
But then her text came back and it didn't feel like she did to me.
But maybe that's because I'm the oldest grandkid and I'm closer in age to
the, you know, their kids and the siblings.
There is a difference though between peace and grief.
Like you can be in grieving and have peace.

(36:23):
Does that make sense?
Like you're still gonna hurt.
Just because you have peace doesn't mean you're not gonna hurt and you're not gonna havesome regrets.
Like the peace is knowing that he's not hurting anymore.
You know?
Like that's...
That's huge.
I, I'm at the point right now.

(36:45):
I have an 82 year old dad and he's not doing real well.
my wife's parents are getting older.
they're in their late, late seventies and you know, it's hard.
It like, it's hard watching parents, who were so strong end up in this position in life.

(37:08):
I mean, I, they're blessed with a long life, but
my dad's not the same man at 82 as he was at 62.
know, even at 62, he still had some strength and some, I don't know what else put it.
There's just, just still a strength about him at 62, although you'd seen him from 42 wasdifferent than 62.

(37:30):
So it's just, happens to all of us and it's difficult.
It's difficult to go through that.
And I think it's difficult for spouses to watch their, their spouse go through that.
Right?
Like especially the end part of it.
And so I don't know.
I like I.
I want and I had these conversations.

(37:51):
is it wrong to feel peace?
No, it's not like there's, there's some guilt that can come along with that too.
You know, having peace that, they're not, they're not here.
They're not hurting.
They're not struggling anymore.
And I feel okay about that.
Is that bad?
Like, no, I don't think it is at all.
think that, and I just like, and I'm not advocating that we do something about it.

(38:17):
But I think in the last days of human being, we would treat animals with more humanity attimes than we do human beings in their last days.
Right?
And I just want us to be able to treat people in their last days with a little bit morehumanity and humanness.

(38:40):
Personally, if I get to choose, and I'm in the same boat with you, Ashley.
I don't think we get to choose, but if we get to choose, they're going to find me under atree out in the middle of nowhere with a bow in my hand.
know, that's my choice.
By myself, you know that there's also that the stories you read about the old sheep dog orthe old farm dog that just kind of goes off by themselves and you find them.

(39:07):
My whole like I don't want anybody to see.
me take my last breath, think that that would be traumatic for a family.
I've seen it happen for others.
And it is pretty traumatic for a family to watch a loved one take their last breath.
again, most of the times when that's happening in a hospital and there is a digressing ofthem physically.

(39:33):
now that person that's in the bed is a skeleton with skin over the top.
Like they've lost weight and they've they're just really unhealthy.
And I
I just don't want people to see, I wouldn't want people to see that.
I would want my own wife to have to experience that.
I would want to shelter her from that and my kids.
so, I don't know, those are things that I've been thinking about as I'm walking with myown parents through this.

(39:58):
Like what about me?
What would I want to see happen in my last days when I know the end's near?
So I've been writing some things down, just what that kind of looks like and...
I haven't finished all of that stuff, but I feel like it's important to leave well.
Right?

(40:18):
Like I want my kids to know that I love them and that I believe in them and they'll allget a letter from me.
My grandkids, I hope I can do the same for them.
Kind of let them know how much grandpa loves them and is proud of them and what they meanand that they're important no matter what anybody tells them.

(40:40):
They have value and they're precious.
And so I think those are important things.
And we have to think about those things at some point, not just for us, but for like yourgrandmother.
And then at some point, our parents, some point, I mean, heaven forbid, our spouse, ourkids, you never know.
Like, what was the last one?

(41:02):
I sat and talked to the dad who buried his 30 something year old daughter.
and I just, I just told him, I believe it's not, it's not supposed to be this way.
You shouldn't be burying your kids.
It should be kind of the other way around.
and that's hard.

(41:22):
That's hard for people to deal with and trying to figure out there's, don't know if weever get the why questions answered.
I don't think they're bad to ask.
I just don't know if we'll ever get them answered until we actually get to sit down acrossfrom the creator.

(41:43):
Yeah.
makes sense.
So, I think the questions are okay.
And for me, one of the things I've learned as someone who walks with people through thesemoments is sometimes it's got nothing to do with answering the questions.
It's just got to do with being the ear that hears it, you know, and just listening andbeing there in support.

(42:06):
and let them know they're not dealing with this all by themselves.
That's huge.
Like for people who are grieving, it's you're not alone.
You're not alone.
And I want to point that out.
Even when I even if I wanted to do it alone, I wouldn't be alone because of my faith inJesus.
He's going to be in the room with me.
He's here with me now.
Every moment, every I want to recognize his presence in my life.

(42:27):
Every time I wake up and begin my day, I don't want to forget that he's not not alreadythere.
So.
My faith helps me to realize and understand that I'm not alone in any of those moments.
He's gonna walk with me, so.
We've got a we've got a Susan has a friend that she grew up with and and her dad is notdoing so well and they had a pretty good relationship too and She wants to visit him, but

(42:58):
he's won't have it.
He's not having it and it's
You know, just it's it's heartbreaking when she tells, you know, she hasn't told mepersonally, but she told Susan Susan kind of related to me.
But it's heartbreaking to hear that, you know, you know, I feel like, you know, with mydaughter and I have a really good relationship like I part of me would want her to be

(43:23):
there because I'd want to be able to have that conversation.
I'd want to be able to do that when my parents went.
There wasn't much to be said.
You know, there wasn't my parents.
I a lot to say.
And so I would want to do the opposite.
I would want to let them know like truly how I feel and all that kind of stuff.
so anyway, I'm going off on a tangent there.

(43:44):
you know, I'm trying to figure out like his mindset, you know, and how, you know, how thataffects the people around you.
But ultimately, in the end, like you said, like who, you know, I don't want anybody to seeme that way, you know, or, you know, if I'm not looking so good or, you know, I mean,
like Ashley said, it's probably that your worst moment of you know the worst moment inyour life you know and so do you want your loved ones to see that or go through that so

(44:12):
it's yeah it's at first I was like they must not had a very good relationship and my wifewas like no they had a very good relationship I'm just like you know trying to wrap my
head around that concept and try to look at it from angles you know
Yeah, that'd be tough.

(44:33):
yeah, it would be right.
it's, I, he probably would talk to her all the time on the phone.
He just doesn't want her to come and see him.
in, in that, that situation, right?
Like I, I get it.
and it's really because, I don't want that to be the lasting image, for my kids.

(44:58):
it's not that I would want to talk with them.
I just.
don't know if that's what I want them to see at the end and remember, right?
I want them to remember the dad that liked to take him fishing and went out and messedaround with them outside and went camping.
And we went to Yellowstone and he's cheering for them at ball games.
I want them to remember that dad in the best light that they can, not me hooked up tomachines in a hospital bed.

(45:26):
And everybody around me is.
Sullen and you know, we talked a little bit about that last time I think with the 24 hoursdeal I don't want like I want us to be having fun.
I want laughter to be in the room I want and you know, typically that's not the case.
So it's I think it's important to to auto sing and I don't believe it's a pride issue.

(45:49):
Like I don't I don't ever for me it wouldn't be it's not that I don't want them to see himsee me at my worst.
I don't want that to be their lasting memory of me.
Right.
One of the things I've decided is that I am going to be cremated.
And the reason is I don't want their last memory of me to be in a pine box, emanciated andnot looking like dad, right?
I'd rather have a DVD running with pictures of us together and all the memories that we'veattempted to create, right?

(46:17):
With the hikes and the walks and the hunts and the, then they can look at me in a littleurn and do whatever they want with the rest of it, but.

(46:47):
So,
with you, but that's not actually living.
That's just being present and you're not.
then like you said, well, you have all said, we've all said it.
You want to be remembered for the good memories, but
Sometimes that lasting impression Jesse and I just talked about this with like hospice Iwas relaying on to you because he physically told me what happens to the body and I was

(47:13):
like I should have never had this conversation because I did not I did not know that andwe were talking about how it breaks down and then that's like You're not cognizant and
you're just drugged up and it's a slow way for your body to eat itself from the inside outand I'm like
Oh my God.
That's when you said if we treat animals better than humans, a hundred percent.

(47:36):
Um, so I think too, when in those final moments, again, I think it depends where you'reat, but I don't think saving those last few moments with the people like, I wish I had
every last second because it's not the living kind of memories that you have that you madethroughout your lifetime.
It's the last few seconds of, of, of life.

(47:59):
That's not great.
You know, you know, we, I don't want to, I'll go back like when my mother died, that theysaid we could have went and saw her like two hours later, otherwise, because she was going
to be cremated.

(48:20):
so, and if you, but she was going to not be, I mean, she was going to be ashen and not, Imean, she was ashen already.
Skin color, you know, and.
And you weren't, it wasn't going to be her.
And I decided not to, we all decided not to, but I'm, I have to thank you Ashley and both,all three of you guys, but because you got me thinking and I need people to knock my,

(48:47):
knock me on my ass at times, but sometimes I do overthink things and it's just, I getwrapped up in, I just can't let things go until I at least talked about it.
And.
Maybe I am overthinking these things.
I'm trying to live as hard as I can in the aspect of getting every ounce of sunlight andeverything else that I can out of life.

(49:16):
sometimes, which I found out last week and Cindy said, I've never seen you like this inthe aspect that I never left the house.
You're tough.
I stayed home and took care of myself because it was needed.

(49:37):
I would have been trying to go to work or show that I was tough enough to do something.
maybe those are the things that I'm learning as I grow older.
You know what?
You aren't going to have four more days if you don't get better in the four days you'regetting.

(49:59):
Not no senses, but I'm saying, you know, I mean sometimes we need to take care ofourselves physically as well as mentally and and I just slept and tried to get better and
and so I can go on an adventure when I am in better health or whatever and instead oftrying to push to get every ounce out of every day because

(50:27):
I can't see a sunrise today.
There's nothing worse than being sick when on a nice weekend though, but you know, but Imean.
I realized some days you need to just let this heal or you're not going to heal yourself.

(50:50):
Anyway.
In the last episode Rick you and I kind of talked about You know getting sick and it kindof forcing you into slowing down right and Sometimes and this isn't this isn't to say that
the good Lord makes us sick but sometimes I think about that where it's like Okay, I knowI'm okay.

(51:12):
I know I need to slow down so I need to stop for a second take care of myself, you know
We'll see, you know, with me on this on this new found kind of health kick, if I continueto get sick as much as I did before, it's that's telling that's very telling that I am
constantly on the move, move, move, move, move, move.

(51:33):
Don't take any time to meditate or slow down or just sit still.
So and when I'm sick, that's that's all I can do.
So.
And it's interesting because I mean, I try to read at night when I go to bed.

(51:55):
But by the time I'm ready to go to bed, then usually it's one page and I shut off thelight because I am dead tired by the time that I go.
So I'm not getting the things done.
So when you're sick, get to...
I thought, you know what, I could sit down here and read this book and I finished thebook.

(52:17):
And you know what I love the most is it's funny in how people, they long for solitude andthen they long for community.
And it's funny in the long, like, there are days that I don't want to see a damn person.

(52:44):
And then you go, you know, like I said, you stay home for four days.
and I'm not saying Cindy wasn't here.
That's it.
need a whole group of people.
And I'm not saying Cindy wasn't there, but I'm saying, yeah, it's nice to have those, gohave those conversations again, because you can.

(53:09):
And it's nice to have the community of people that you have around you.
That's where, when we were talking about, maybe the people that are around you aren'tgonna be there at your death, but they're around you now.
And they are the ones that are influencing you when they have the opportunities to.

(53:35):
And you and I talked about, jeez, now I can't think of her name, Shaki.
yeah.
And when she, know, all Eva and Brainlin went up there to and for the week before that shedied.

(54:04):
And then you and I went elk hunting and it's just after she died.
And we talked about
life and could we do it?
You've been in agony for years.

(54:26):
and we went back and forth.
But that's where I'm saying we were talking about being at peace too.
I wouldn't mind having that week.
I know that you can't, you wouldn't want to let go, but you know that is one time that youdo know.

(54:56):
And it would be hard.
There would be a lot of tears.
There would be a lot of laughs though.
And there would be a lot of smiles.
And you'd be able to get the last words.
because then they left.
We talked about this stuff.
I mean, it's funny because you, I'm talking about, geez, what's her name?

(55:21):
Louise.
Shocking.
But when it was interesting because we were having fun on our way up to Montana elkhunting, but then we get into the serious conversation about this.

(55:41):
But like I said, it's the people we have around us, and before things happen, and I'm justgonna try to live the best life that I can live and hope that we can all touch somebody
somehow.

(56:02):
I'd rather talk about living, enjoying life, going on adventures and healing our bodies,realizing that we're getting older, realizing that we have adventures to go on, but we

(56:25):
need to be selective, realizing that
I mean, I'm realizing that I spend a lot of time doing a lot of things and now I wouldlike to do different things at times.
I still not to that point of going to New England in the fall, but we're getting closer.

(56:53):
You know what I mean?
Okay.
Yeah.
But, you know, I mean, it's more, mean, I didn't get to go with you guys to Colorado tosee years and everybody else.

(57:17):
And I miss that stuff.
But I also, at least I have a voice at this time this week.
Yeah.
You would have been so sick.
It would have been awful.
And I'm glad I didn't try.
It actually crossed my mind for a second that maybe from because you were doing so muchtalking at the event that you lost your voice.

(57:40):
Hehehehehe
I was gonna ask, but I thought, well, I'm sure if he wanted us to know, he would, youknow, volunteer up that information, so.
Nope.
I lost.
I could not talk.
I it was bad when your wife calls.
You're not even texting me that you're sick when Cindy calls me and is like, we're notgoing on this trip with you this week.

(58:04):
And I was like, yeah, it must be bad.
Well, it's funny because I had a work text.
And I went, I don't even know how I wrote that because I didn't that was a wrong thing towrite, but so I thought.
Ha
Cindy, you need to translate for me here because tell people I am sick.

(58:24):
My brain is not working.
Yeah.
So I called, I called up one of the guys at work and I said, can you fix this for me inthe morning?
And then, and then that's, that's all I said.
You went to sleep for three days.
Yeah.
But you know, I mean,
There are a lot of things and here's the deal.

(58:47):
we're gonna talk about
death where we, and then we're talking about Easter.
We also have to talk about life because that's part of this whole deal.
That's why we have Easter.

(59:07):
Is that correct there?
Mr.
THP.
is correct.
We get to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ.
His victory over death.
Yeah, so this is Wednesday of Holy Week.
Thursday is also called Maunday.

(59:30):
It's M-A-U-N-D-A-Y.
And that's when he has the Passover meal with his disciples before he's arrested.
Right.
And the whole time he's telling them what's got to happen when they're trying to fightwith him over it.
And the reason why it needed to happen.
My sermon last Sunday was he's the Prince of Peace, but he didn't come to make peacebetween brothers and sisters and, and governments.

(59:58):
And he came to make peace between God and mankind.
And he knew what that was going to cost him.
And he moved towards that.
Like he didn't shrink back from it ever.
And that's an amazing thing.
And he is given.
He is given the keys.
Somebody asked me how I thought that went with Satan or the devil when he took those keysback.

(01:00:22):
And I'm like, I don't think it was a struggle at all.
I he just went up to him and goes, I want my keys back the keys to my house.
I need them back.
And the guy goes, OK, because he knew, you know, I mean, you know, he kind of knows whothe guy is now.
And
He thought he had him and he didn't.
It backfired on old scratch as they call him.

(01:00:45):
Right.
So yeah, we're celebrating every Sunday.
Give you a little history lesson.
So the Sabbath is on Saturday from Friday.
It's Friday night to Saturday night.
And the reason the church started to worship on Sunday is that it was Easter.
And so every Sunday

(01:01:07):
It's an Easter celebration.
And of course we celebrate the Easter day.
That'll be this week.
But that's why we worship as Christians on Sunday and not observe that Sabbath as our Lordand savior was raised from the dead on Sunday.
So we worship.
If you ever have people ask you those questions.

(01:01:28):
Okay.
I love that.
Yeah, there you go.
There you go.
Right?
So it's just interesting that we don't know a lot of those things.

(01:01:53):
Yeah, so this is when we're given life back.
And tells us, he told his own disciples that, that if you want to try and save your life,you're going to lose it.
But if you die and give your life and death, you'll live, you'll save it.
So this is the call that we have as Christians is to sacrifice our will and our wants forthe benefit of the kingdom and to do everything we can to treat others the way Jesus

(01:02:24):
treated them.
Yeah.
There you go.
and because it's interesting that, know, I it's like if you're trying to live too much,you're going to die too in that aspect of maybe I'm trying to push limits too far at

(01:02:45):
times.
But you know what I mean, and maybe sometimes we do that.
I mean, I got a girl right here that's pushing.
She is in so much stuff.
I was talking to one of her coworkers today and she's in so much stuff going 100 miles anhour.

(01:03:06):
Sometimes we need to realize when we need to slow down too.
Yeah, that's why I to Colorado last weekend.
you just experienced what it's like when God slows you down.
know, I'm not again, I'll go with Ricky here and say, I don't think he caused you to besick, but he left that window open.
And for that, that breeze to come through, because he knew you needed a break.

(01:03:27):
And I think there are moments when I tell people that if you don't take time for yourself,God will make time for yourself.
And you're probably not going to like the way he makes you make time for yourself.
So
And I have to learn that lesson.
That's me preaching to myself too.
So.
Right.
Yeah.
you know, I mean, I try to get ahold of Ricky and my God, he's, he's on the go all thetime.

(01:03:54):
Yeah, it's Yeah, that's just go go go all the time.
That's that's what it is right now but yeah, I mean you just I Have gotten into a muchbetter routine now as well and I feel like it Every morning I spend time with God I'm

(01:04:15):
going through and reading the book reading through the Bible again
in 360 or 360 days, something like that through the through the Bible app.
And so I spend that time and it it's helpful.
You know, before I was always like, man, I don't have time for that.
Well, it turns out I do, you know, because nothing's really changed other than thatconstant reminder on the daily.

(01:04:44):
Like Kelly was saying to treat people respectfully and to to
be trustworthy and honest and kind and all of those things.
and, you know, I have some difficult people that I have to deal with on a daily basis andit helps me a ton.

(01:05:05):
You know, so Rick, you're not, you, can't
he's difficult.
He's not even close to difficult.
can't hold a candle to some of these goofballs I'm dealing with.
Boy, you know, so it's but yeah, it.
So that's helped me a ton to like take those moments and slow down and actually get startgetting better sleep too.

(01:05:31):
And all of that, getting myself into a routine and it's been good.
I like, you know, and I like hearing that, I know...
I know it's amazing how one hour makes a difference for sleep.

(01:05:56):
Like there are nights that even if I take, and I take like a, I take protect sleep,because I do like protect sleep.
And I take a little magnesium before I go to bed at night.
And there are nights, most nights I can, like I said,

(01:06:18):
I tried to go to bed by nine o'clock.
So.
And there are nights that when I even if I take my stuff that I start rolling around andcan't it because most of the time I'm within 10 minutes I'm out.

(01:06:39):
you look at the clock in I might as well go read.
It becomes 1030 and that extra hour and a half sometimes our hour and a half.
Okay.
getting up at 430 to go do my walk.
And some days you just feel like, why didn't you go to sleep earlier?

(01:07:03):
And your mind's just going, that's my problem.
And I know the mind is just going like, sometimes I'm having battles with people at workor wherever in my head while I'm trying to go to sleep.
And that's where I might as well just get up and
That's why I get up and read something to try to clear my mind of that mess and, and stop.

(01:07:29):
Cause I like to be prepared if I'm going to go into a battle.
And, so I'd rather just go to sleep.
But every time the best preparation my mind needs to learn is my walk in the morning.
When you're thinking about life.
I get to talk to God, get to do this, and then, but I don't, my mind's going way too muchto go to sleep some nights.

(01:07:59):
So, but that extra hour is certainly nice.
you know.
Yeah, sure.
Get sleep.
right.
Do know what that is, Ricky?
Okay.
I'm learning.
off.

(01:08:19):
Now if I get less than six hours of sleep, I'm like, I have a struggle.
It's like, gosh, now I'm going to be getting as much sleep as my daughter, 10 hours, 11hours.
Yeah, that'll never happen.
you
Yeah.
You know, and, which is interesting because we've talked about this before, I think inother podcasts episodes, but you get to the, you get to the time change and then you get

(01:08:49):
to November and out in the woods.
There is, this is no kidding.
I'll tell you one story about ears and I.
We got back, we ate our, we were hunting in South Dakota, bow hunting.
We got back a little after five and ate our dehydrated meals.

(01:09:17):
And we kind of look at each other and said, yep, might as well go to bed.
And we woke up because a pickup was driving by us and we had 15 hours of sleep.
What?
15 hours?
Holy smokes.
And I don't, I don't ever remember getting up to go to the bath.

(01:09:41):
Yeah, because there's five, was, we slept a long time.
Five, there's.
it abducted by aliens or something?
Yeah, I think we got up.
I think we got up.
We went to red bed just after five and got up about seven thirty.
So it wasn't exactly 15 hours, but it was day gone.

(01:10:03):
And we heard the pickup going by and I went, my God.
Well, yeah, we were tired.
But, know, that was the most peaceful sleep we got.
You know, and and I'm in comfort when I go.
Yeah.
You know, I, I'm rolling in sleeping bags cause I ain't going to get cold for one thingand I am going to be in, you know what?

(01:10:32):
You have to want to go to the bathroom and really, really need if I'm to get out of myday, I got in sleeping bag.
That is true.
You know what I mean?
And so, but what I'm saying is sometimes it's fun to, you don't have service.
And, and I'm talking about that time because it's dark.

(01:10:53):
There's nothing else to do anyway.
And you just go to sleep.
And that's probably some of the best sleeps I've ever had because we are hunting.
There's no work pressure.
Mm-hmm.
We're having a good time so we can talk during the day.

(01:11:15):
And I'm not saying I don't go to the bathroom during the day, but I'm just saying at nightthere, you know, it's one of those things I don't want to get out of that sleeping bag.
But those are some of the best times I've had sleeping and resting is because it's dark.
There's nothing else to do.
Not only that, your mind is shut off because you're not working.

(01:11:35):
You're not dealing with the day to day.
Your brain is shut off so you can sleep.
Yeah.
.
when I can't sleep, it's cause my brain can't shut off.
You know, and, and, and then we used to drive back and forth before we got the tent andthis and that and, and stuff.
But if you put the hobbit on, we can't even make it through the credits.

(01:12:00):
We were sound asleep.
yeah, you gotta be with ears to be watching movies out in the wilderness.
Yeah.
So it's like you watch movies.
No, we, we, we actually had to drive back and forth to my house and the fire was startedthe first year.
Then after that we got in the tent and I said, then we just went to sleep.

(01:12:23):
I've seen.
though for people like us who, you know, that hustle so much all the time and then likeyour best sleep is in the middle of the wilderness on the ground.
And cause I can tell you like the, when I go up to the boundary waters, you know, like Ijust, I don't, there's no alarm.
I don't set an alarm or anything like that.
It's just, wake up when I wake up, but man, I sleep good.

(01:12:48):
And isn't it, I don't know about you too, Ricky, but isn't it amazing too, like in themiddle of the day, the sun, you you get to that noon where nothing's happening, you might
have a little lunch or something, and you're just sitting there and the sun's coming downon you.
I mean, there is no, there is no pad.

(01:13:10):
There is no.
bag, you're just sitting there in your clothes, know, your honey and clothes in the pineneedles and I can go right to sleep.
And I don't even, I mean, that's some of the most peaceful nap hour, hour nap or a napthat you can never have.
I did I did that on a couple of all day sits, I tell hunting to I just climbed out of mytree and slept at the base of the tree for like two hours.

(01:13:35):
It is kind of a feeling when you wake up, but you're just like, man, that was glorious.
Yeah, I hear you.
This is why I wear tree stand harnesses.
I fall asleep in the stand all the time.
It's so bad.
Jesse's like, I have never seen someone fall asleep because I fall forward.
Yeah.
And it catches me and he's like, Oh my gosh.

(01:13:58):
Yeah.
But don't you think that's part of why we love hunting too?
Because we get a taste of that.
It's the whole experience of that.
That's why we crave it and we make time.
We carve out still time in our busy lives.
Cause everybody's like, I don't have time to go on.
And I'm like, I need it.
I need it.
Yeah.
It's incredible that I can sit still on a tree stand for as long as I can, but I thinkit's just to make up for all the hustle.

(01:14:22):
Yes!
and it's a mindset change too, don't you think?
When you transition into that environment from where you've been, now you've got toalmost, at the beginning of that, like for me anyway, the beginning of it, I've got to
remind myself, okay, you've got to slow down here, right?
If you're not slowing down on a stalk or you're not slowing down getting to your treestand, you're going to miss some things and it's going to mess up the hunt.

(01:14:50):
brain has to go into a totally different mode.
And then there's something therapeutic about that.
okay, this is why we're here.
This is what we're doing.
And we're going to soak up every second that we possibly can.

(01:15:13):
Yeah, we are.
and, and it's, I just, I love those times where you're down.
Like, I love also being the history buff.
if you're in the Montana breaks and I'm thinking, you know, John Coulter was probably uphere hunting for these guys.
And did he see.

(01:15:35):
I mean, I know we went to seeing the views I see, but he would have been close to seeingthe views I saw because he was probably here.
It's just trees are bigger.
and I've also laid in, laid in the, on the tops of Hills in the shade, but, and fighterpilots do training battles above us.

(01:15:57):
And you can feel the roar of the engines and it's amazing that stuff.
You know, you're just thinking, huh, there goes top, there goes top gun.
There's a ice man.
There's Maverick, you know, that kind of thing.
know, and I can, yeah, Jester's dead, you know, kind of thing.

(01:16:24):
know, I mean, those places that they put us, we put ourselves in those situations.
When we get to see the sunsets that we see and the peace that comes when we are in thewild and to hear the birds and to hear the whatever animals or not to hear anything, but

(01:16:51):
the wind go through the trees is some of the most, it's amazing how some people wouldn'tthink that's living.
but that's living.
To hear the water, if you're by a stream, to just listen to the constant rustle, mean, theconstant movement of the water or the, you know, any of that stuff.

(01:17:16):
It's like, there's nothing to me more fun than to come out with that smile, like, damn,I'm living.
Yep.
You know So no anyway

(01:17:38):
Well, you know, I'm trying to find an encore here.
And we will, let me think of some, I was trying to think of an encore as we got, butanyway, how about I'll ask you guys since we're getting close, I mean, we maybe have one

(01:18:05):
more album to do and I think we'll be in the rock and roll hall of fame here or the Rickand roll hall of fame.
Rick and roll.
Yep.
What
This'll, I'll start with whoever wants to start this.

(01:18:26):
What do you want your legacy to be?
I need more time.
You know, where do you want to see?
What do you want people to say about you?
What do you want your legacy to be?

(01:18:49):
I'll go first.
I think for me, it's pretty simple.
I just want people to know, you know, he cared.
He cared enough to do something.
He cared enough to say something.
He cared, right?
I felt like I mattered because he cared.
That's it.
my, that's what that's a legacy I want to leave behind.

(01:19:11):
want my kids to pick that up too, you know, and pass it on.
So.
I think I would like to say that he lived his best life and he was a good person.

(01:19:36):
Well, you took part of mine.
You're too late there, I know.
That's the value of going first.
Ricky's just gonna wrap it up in a ball.
Yeah.
I giving Ricky that opportunity.
Yeah.
Well, I don't want anybody to take mine.
Yeah.
I think for me, it's just being a good person and hopefully I made some people laugh.

(01:20:01):
And I did find out I have a natural talent, somebody I worked with in the last couple ofweeks said, you're a real talent for making people feel comfortable in really awkward
situations.
That's good.
that somebody someday can remember that because I was like, what do mean?
And she's like, well, in this situation, that was extremely awkward.

(01:20:24):
And you made him feel comfortable.
I like, Oh yeah, I do.
So, uh, maybe those things.
That's a very valuable gift because I've met a lot of people who are good at making peoplefeel really uncomfortable and awkward in awkward situations.
way.

(01:20:46):
Yeah, what you guys said, that's where I'm at.
No, I'm just yes, all of that.
But I think more than anything, honestly, and this is one of the things that, you know, weall love my dad for so much is just he was funny, you know, like I, you know, with people
that I don't really know.

(01:21:08):
don't know.
I've been told I have this like facial expression where I just don't look like I'm happy.
And some people call it resting.
I won't say it here, but you you all know what I'm talking about.
Yeah, yeah, but the male version, the resting D face.

(01:21:30):
But anyways, but I do, I just I love I'm fine.
Like when, you know, when we do TACs and stuff, I mean, we're just goofing off and havinga good old time, you know, and then telling stories, you know, telling Rick's stories,
just get, you know,
Okay.
and starts acting it out.

(01:21:51):
And it's just and I don't know, just yeah, just for having fun, you know, and I do I needto do that some more.
Sometimes I'm just like, man, why why are you so just like, you know, like just file andhave some fun?
Why does everything got to be so logical and serious?

(01:22:11):
You know, so
And that's what I love about all this stuff too.
It really kind of helps get me out of my shell a little bit.
Well, and like I said, I liked the opportunity to talk to you guys because I was gettingso wound up like a rubber band thinking about some of the stuff that we talked about
earlier.

(01:22:33):
to have some, one of you three is going to hit me with something.
And I'm going to go, you dumb ass Rick.
Why didn't you think about that earlier?
You're, you're wrapping yourself up like a rubber band, but here's the deal.
One of the other things, one of my other legacies that I would love to leave is for peopleto say, and I don't ever, I hope, but I want to be authentic every time you're getting,

(01:23:00):
this is who you're getting whenever you talk to me because I want to be the most authenticI can be.
And you never know who you're going to get.
And that's also the surprise that people will get is.
They don't know what Rick they're gonna get, but they're gonna get the real Rick.

(01:23:24):
And he might be thinking today, or he might be some dumbass green man.
But one of those things, you know what I mean.
And he might need a translator.
And he might need a translator, because he can't spit words out.
You know, or whatever else.
You but you know, that's...

(01:23:46):
One of the important things to me is you're going to get the real me every day.
It's not, I'm, can't after, I think I read somewhere after 50, it's harder to be fakeanyway, I think most, think 40.
Well, most of you guys have seen me as through, as long as you've known me.

(01:24:06):
Yeah.
You know, so, but no, thank you.
That's one of the things that I truly try to be as authentic.
So I hope that's a legacy that I leave behind.
Anyway, so well, this has been one of the, needed this.

(01:24:28):
I'm sure glad we ended on life and not death.
No.
Yeah.
And I, I true.
Hopefully, hopefully we can get people to stick around long enough to.
Yeah.
This is dark.
We'll have to think about something makes more exciting next time, but I needed this.

(01:24:49):
don't sometimes I don't care about what our listeners needed in the fact that I trulyneeded this because it was starting.
Maybe I'll start livening up again because I was getting just beat down because of, know,you just.
start thinking too much.
overthink, I overthought this so much that I wasn't living life because I was trying toread into things so much, all this other stuff.

(01:25:19):
And then I start thinking that I'm alone in the aspect of who do I have to talk to?
So guess what?
I dragged the band back together.
So I at least they have to talk to me.
If they're going to come on the show, right?
doesn't mean that everybody can't listen, but you have to talk to me.

(01:25:39):
And, and, know, I think in that aspect, I am being outside it because I, I truly neededthat.
And I truly rely on all three of you to give me something that I haven't thought of.
Give me hope that things are going to be good.

(01:26:03):
and give me, you all give me life that you don't understand.
And for that I'm thankful, you know, so I just want to thank you guys for getting the bandback together and next time we meet Ashley and instead of more tambourine, we need more

(01:26:31):
cowbell.
More cowbell.
Yeah.
And, and Kelly, need a little more deeper voice.
need that James Earl Jones voice, you know, cause, cause you're on base and Ricky needs todo the head banging guitar slash.

(01:26:53):
You need a different hat, a slash hat.
What?
needs an old hat.
He's got to let that full head of hair.
You
right.
should spray bottle it.
boy.
Challenge accepted.

(01:27:16):
But I'm so thankful to get the Rick Dastics together.
so anyway, you guys, anybody have anything else to say?
Well, it looks like we're to the end of the show here, people.
So I want to thank you for joining the Ricktastic tonight and keep chasing your dreams,being the best you and don't die rusty.