DDR 070 - Melissa Bardfield: Ibogaine Journey

In this engaging conversation, Rick Hanson, Ricky Brule, and Melissa Bardfield explore themes of personal growth, spirituality, and the transformative power of experiences like Ibogaine.

Melissa shares her journey in Jiu-Jitsu and the profound insights gained from her Ibogaine experience, including connections to her family and a deeper understanding of life and death.

The discussion emphasizes the importance of being present, the role of nature in healing, and the ongoing journey of self-improvement. The conversation is rich with reflections on love, connection, and the quest for a meaningful life.

You can find Melissa on Instagram @melissasxmbjj and on Facebook Melissa Bardfield

Please rate and review this podcast wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. 

The Don't Die Rusty Podcast is recorded with Riverside.fm. Riverside is leading the charge in technology and convenience in terms of remote podcasting. You can help support the Don't Die Rusty Podcast by Clicking Here to sign up.

Takeaways

• The importance of being present and patient in life.
• Personal growth often requires a reset or a new perspective.
• Ibogaine can provide profound insights and connections to family and spirituality.
• Nature plays a crucial role in our mental and emotional well-being.
• Death is a natural part of life that should not be feared.
• You don't need to have children to feel fulfilled and impactful.
• Breath is essential for life and consciousness.
• The journey of self-improvement is ongoing and requires effort.
• Conversations with others can lead to significant personal insights.
• Trusting the process and timing of life is vital for growth.

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You can find The Rick's at:

Rick Hanson
Instagram: @rickhanson24
Facebook: Rick Hanson

Ricky Brule
Instagram: @ricky.wayne80
Facebook: Ricky W Brule

Episode Transcript

(00:02):
I guess I got to look over there though.
em At the phone?
Yeah.
All right.
All right.
So yeah, I can.
Okay.
it's interesting.
This is going to be interesting, but I wanted to get in.
So we don't, what do we want to ask you?

(00:25):
Where the journey took place.
That doesn't matter.
I'm just going to say you're from St.
Martin's.
Sure.
And we don't need to know where you took the journey.
You know, but.
Yep.
St.
Martin.
St.
Martin.
Martin.
Yeah.
Hey, Bella.
Are we are we able to talk about where off the record?

(00:45):
Yeah, Texas.
We're not recording now.
Yeah, it was in Texas.
We're recording, we'll edit.
I haven't even started the whole thing yet.
just didn't.
San Antonio, Texas.
Really?
I thought you went to San Diego.
No, that's the original place.
The original place I spoke to was San Diego and they do it in Mexico.
Oh.
Well, no, I'm Yeah, they were the one that refused me.

(01:07):
Really?
Yeah.
San Diego did.
Oh.
Yeah.
Well, I was...
Like I said, I haven't even started yet.
All the front of this will be edited out.
Okay.
But I have questions and I listened to a couple podcasts today about Ibogaine.
So it'll be interesting.
Yeah.
And so, all right.

(01:28):
Are we ready?
You ready?
ready.
Hello, Don't Die Rusty Nation.
We are lucky enough to be here tonight with...
Let me start that all over.
I'm just trying to think how to start this out with.

(01:50):
I'm the lucky one.
You are?
So, all right.
Hello, Don't Die Rusty Nation.
I'm here tonight with, of course, our cohost, Bruhle.
And we are lucky.
And we are lucky enough to be here with Miss Melissa Bardfield.

(02:10):
Yep.
I'm happy to be here.
And you know what?
This has been one, I've been talking to Ricky a long time about wanting to do this withyou.
And again, and now that you, we have more to talk about and it's, just, this is going tobe a heck of a heck of a conversation here.
I'm excited.

(02:31):
And then we're going to, we're going to start out light here right now when we might get alittle heavier in here for sure.
But Ricky, we missed you this week at total archery challenge.
Yeah, it just wasn't the same, was it?
No, it wasn't.
I got all kinds of FOMO watching you guys over there.
oh Lots of watts, but it was really great.

(02:52):
It's good to see you guys having a good time.
But you know what, you missed.
This is the fun thing about Total Archery Challenge.
And I don't know if people really get that.
It's not all about the shooting, of course, because it is about shooting your bow.
But it was, we got up on Terry Peak and the sunrise is just coming up.

(03:16):
And then we have Dr.
Ray Jensen with us.
We have Jesse Kurtenbach, Melissa and I.
And I actually would like to be a little bird following us, the conversations we had.
Yeah.
And how they evolved, know, by target 2021, we got really deep.

(03:39):
You know, it's getting, you know, the conspiracy theories were coming out.
Conspiracy theories.
talked about Melissa's.
We're going to talk about her, her uh little journey she took, Ibogaine journey she took.
And this is going to be very
educational as well as uh just something I think, you know, we're always trying to betterourselves.

(03:59):
And I think this is something that needs to be out there too.
So it was just the conversations.
then I wasn't the only one, Ricky, this time Ray forgot to uh move his site too.
So we both missed different targets, but he forgot to move his site and I forgot to movemy site.

(04:20):
So
I'm like, oh my gosh, I was good left to right.
Yeah.
It's a lot easier to fix than, you know, a grip or shoulder, you know, anchor issue.
Exactly.
But, our conversations were amazing and Melissa has been adventuring around the country.

(04:43):
She's been doing so many good things.
And why don't you just give us some
So I don't wanna get into the Ibogaine thing yet, but just tell us what you've been up to.
um I've been in St.
Martin all winter, working on my Jiu-Jitsu school, developing that.
I promoted my first three black belts this past year.

(05:04):
Hanzo Gracie came down last April.
So I'm a Hanzo Gracie school.
I'm a black belt under Hanzo Gracie.
And after, at that time it was 14 years.
Now it's been 15 years of teaching.
He finally got to come down and see.
all my students and be there for my first two black belts, which was just really just epicfor the whole school because he's like larger than life.

(05:30):
He's such an incredible maestro, we would call him like a master.
And the proof is in the pudding.
My students have far surpassed me in technique and they just love it.
That was really, really special for me.
for my students to get to meet Master Hensokreise, for Hensokreise to see the work that'sbeen doing of jujitsu.

(05:54):
And all my kids, we had a kids' graduation and an adults' graduation.
And he taught a seminar and it was really, really special for me, for my students to knowwe're part of it and to really see where we're a family together.
Sweating and training and learning from age five to 60.

(06:14):
That's amazing.
So that was really special.
um I got to go to South Africa last summer.
So that gave me a lot of time, you know, of that stress inoculation that I really kind ofcraved and needed.
It's not like, you know, you have a tag and it's won and done.
It's like, okay, you go home, you you start again the next day.
And it's quite a game rich environment.

(06:36):
So learned a lot about myself and about bow hunting and that was all archery.
didn't bring any firearms.
So that was really, you know, all the tacks all summer were preparing me for that.
So.
And they do do that.
Yeah.
You know, really, when I'm on my mountain goat hunt, I attribute, you know, we shootangles and those are, I attribute that to shoot my mountain goat too.

(07:03):
Yeah.
I know which overhead branches I'm going to hit with my arcing arrow.
I know when I have to take a knee.
Yeah.
It's funny you have to take a knee.
mean,
I'm just saying you're not real tall.
I have my 25 and a half inch draw.
Okay.
Okay.
But before we get too deep into this thing, I want to say, you know what we're in?

(07:25):
We're in your Sprinter van doing this episode, the traveling adventure machine.
My adventure van and I have my dogs, one under me and one on my lap.
So we're a package deal.
So, and then.
Then she's coming out this fall to hunt South Dakota archery deer.

(07:49):
Yes, I drew an antelope and a deer tag.
And it's in South Dakota.
Yep.
And we're going to have a good time.
Yeah.
I'm very excited.
Yep.
So no, we've been, the ventures have been great.
mean, last night, last night we did a fire and ice with Dr.

(08:09):
Janssen too.
And I feel
Ricky, I sometimes I do feel left out.
We did that judgment thing, you know, when I said, felt like the fact funny kid at theparty last week, you know, I stopped and that, but these guys have both been to, to Laird
and Hamilton's deal and they're talking about that and I've never done that stuff.

(08:32):
I just felt a little off.
But it was the fire.
Nice thing.
love it.
We talk about feeling good.
We talk about bettering ourselves and no kidding.
When I got up to go for my walk this morning, I had no pain.

(08:54):
And Ricky, you know last year at Total Archer Challenge where I looked like I was adecrepit 90 year old fella that should have had a wheelchair.
And I got up this morning and it was like, I felt like running.
Well, and just the mental clarity that comes from it too, Like just the kind of the reset,you know, and bringing your mental status back to like homeostasis, right?

(09:23):
Yeah.
And I got thinking today.
When we walked in and we talked to Ray and his wife, Natalie, and Natalie asked me whatshe said, you look good.
Like, you know, I've lost 25 pounds.
You haven't seen me for a long time and really in person, Ricky, but I've lost 25 pounds.
And she said, your face is thin or what was the hardest thing to do?

(09:46):
And I'm going to post this tomorrow because I thought about this.
I said it was the food part was probably the hardest part for me because
You know, I'm always on the run and it's easy to go to a convenience store or go somewhereand get something on the road.
And I've been thinking about things a lot better and, and that stuff.
But I just want to say, you know, it's, it's the start and it's the people that I've beenaround that helped me do that.

(10:10):
Being around Melissa, being around Ray, being around you, being around whoever I, I mean,I do rebel against people that tell me what to do.
and then until you figure it out yourself.
But that's where we're getting here.
I was, when we talked on the phone about you doing your journey, we might as well just getinto it.

(10:36):
My mind was all, cause like I said, this is, and I've talked to other people that havebeen on a psilocybin journey, not on the episode, any episode of course, but I've talked
about that.
What brought you to go on this journey?
That's a good question.

(10:57):
I felt really pulled to it from having met um specifically veterans that have takenIbogaine and really reset their lives.
Really, um you know, we're on downward spirals and we're able to find a lot of clarity.
uh And uh I read a lot about it.
And I had been doing, talking to a therapist every week for an hour every week.

(11:20):
And I'm just talking in circles and I'm not feel like I'm not getting any better.
I'm still having the same uh negative core beliefs, the same thoughts, the same, you know,I was just not happy in my own head.
um And I really just wanted a reset, like a control alt delete.
And I really, really, I did a lot of research and um the first place that I wasrecommended to go to the mission within, sent them an email and I had a first intake call.

(11:49):
went great.
And then I spoke with a nurse and after a long talk with a nurse, she sent an email backand said,
I don't recommend you for Ibogaine.
I think you should try and do a guided psilocybin journey or ayahuasca, but I don'trecommend Ibogaine for you.
And I was like, hmm, no, but I really, I was like, most people walk around trying to belike, no, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, but this is the opposite.

(12:10):
I was like, no, no, I really am messed up.
I really do.
So I emailed back and I said, with all due respect, I really feel like I need to do this.
then the director recommended another uh medic in, and I spoke with him, spoke withanother person who recommended him, who was gonna send his son to him, so I was like,

(12:31):
okay, I'm gonna go through this particular medic um and just started from there.
um We probably should tell people what Ibogaine is.
Yes, so Ibogaine comes, yes.
So ibogaine comes from the iboga plant and it grows in Gabon, Africa.
And it was used by the Bwiti tribe as an initiation.

(12:55):
So it's a plant medicine.
It comes from the bark.
And there's an origin story and a myth with porcupines that I heard once that theporcupine, a woman had checked the trap, uh you know, her traps and a porcupine had been
eating the iboga plant and she ate the porcupine and then saw these, you know.
hallucinations and connected to our ancestors.

(13:16):
But somehow the porcupine has always been kind of connected to the iboga.
Or they saw, read elsewhere that the porcupine was eating the iboga and they saw theporcupine kind of acting differently and realized.
So it's used by the Bwiti culture.
And then they, you know, somehow pharmacology isolate it.

(13:38):
And it's...
ah
a long, it's about six or eight hours.
um And there's, do wanna caution that um I had to get an EKG prior just to make sure that,because there's issues of, know, cardiac issues with taking it.
So it's not something that you're just gonna take in, you know, in your backyard with yourbuddies.
And it's not like a fun psychedelic.

(14:00):
It uh was a long...
a long journey and I was most afraid of, they say you feel seasick or like, you know whenyou've been on a boat all day and you come back and you feel, you get like land sick and
you can be nauseous but you feel that seasickness.
So I was really worried about that because I get motion sick.

(14:23):
And scared, this is probably the scariest thing that I've ever done.
mean.
going to Alaska as a packer on a doll sheep hunt, driving my van by myself.
I've done jujitsu tournaments, traveled across the world to potentially get strangledunconscious in front of my friends and family.
I've done a lot of scary things, and this was absolutely the most all-encompassing umplanning for it.

(14:51):
And going into it, we had a lot of Zoom calls.
So was with a medic and another psychotherapist, and they had me doing a lot of
journaling and a lot of kind of identifying my negative core beliefs and finding positiveaffirmations that counteract those and then going in with the intentions of really

(15:12):
believing these positive affirmations and those affirmations were so some of the negativecore beliefs I was really just negative and down on myself and not getting along with
people and pushing them away and then feeling like I'm lonely, but then pushing everyoneaway and feeling like I don't
deserve what I have, feeling I'm not worthy, really get some issues with relationships.

(15:34):
I'm attracting men that didn't want to be in relationships.
I was attracting exactly what I was afraid of.
You know, I didn't trust men and that, you know, I was all of these negative, I wasmanifesting what I, what I didn't want.
And I was just stuck in this story that I told myself.
So through this journaling, going into it, my affirmations were I love myself in thepresent moment.

(15:59):
I'm capable of accepting love.
I am worthy.
I'm developing my gifts every day.
And uh there might have been another one, probably a big one that I'm forgetting.
And I'm present.
I am present.
Okay, instead of that, know, always thinking of forward or next or yeah.
So those were the intentions going in and the ceremony was very much.

(16:24):
um
uh Now I'm a tongue tied for words.
We'll come back to that.
Cause here's the deal.
Like I did, I studied up on, did a few, like I said, I listened to a few podcasts and Iread a little bit about this, but the one thing about Ibogaine, they always, they said

(16:51):
that is because of the heart, the cardiac stuff, this isn't a thing that you just go inthe backyard and take.
This is.
You had medics there, you told me, through your whole journey.
So prior to it, I had an EKG a couple months before, just to make sure that it wasn't awaste of time.

(17:12):
I had an EKG directly before.
I was connected to a heart monitor and I took a drug test the night before because youcan't have alcohol in your system.
I had to eat vegetarian the week before, but you can't have any drugs in your system.
uh So it was very medically controlled.
um
So, And that's what I want to tell people.

(17:33):
mean, some of these things, we want to better ourselves, but some of these things you haveto understand that you can't, this uh isn't a self-medicating thing.
This is something that you had to sign up for, you had to prepare for, and you had medicalpeople there throughout the...

(17:54):
You told me about this journey and you had medical people there.
You're all eight hours of this, your journey.
you know, you have anything Rick?
Um, well, I do have some questions, but I want to get like it through the process of lether talk more about the process of it.
And then I have some questions at the end.

(18:14):
may have some that'll come up in the middle here, but I've got a few that I think shouldwait until it's
you out because I know some, you know, it's how I just love this conversation.
So going into it, I had an idea like maybe I'm holding transgenerational trauma or maybeI'm, you know, from, my mother, my grandfather, who I never met on my mother's side, who
was fought in World War Two.

(18:35):
And, know, I have a long line of veterans in my family and my mom recovered from cancer.
I thought that there was going to be more stuff with.
with my mom and she's also, she's 84 and her mortality is weighing heavy on me and myfather passed away in 2012.
Today is actually his birthday.
So, um you know, there was a lot, I had a lot of uh family drama that was just created byme being unhappy with myself.

(19:01):
So I was really kind of starting to spiral.
Everything's great on the outside and my school is going great, but I was just deeplyunhappy.
Can I say, I mean, I'm not saying that I'm looking this from a 30,000, well, we betternot, because I couldn't see a 30,000 feet probably.
But yeah, I'm just kidding.
like above, when I first met you, was like, I can kind of see some of the things you'retalking about because you were guarded maybe.

(19:33):
you were, I mean, even when we did the podcast last year, you might've been a little, youstarted realizing that
Ricky and I are pretty authentic, you know, but you were a little guarded and I could seeyour independence and I could see that in like, you're friendly but guarded.

(19:54):
Yes, for sure.
You know, and maybe that, I mean, I just look at that as now everybody has to look withinthemselves before they can change what they feel they need to.
And I've seen a total difference in you this year.
Yeah, I feel completely different.
And just to get like, feel connected to God.

(20:15):
feel like I am, you know, we are created in God's image and I am a child of God.
I have, I would say not, I mean, I believed in God before Great Spirit, but now it's likea knowing.
I, in every cell of my body, it's a knowing and it's, it's, it's beyond the belief.
It's a knowing.
Cause you, yes, you, you'll love this, but

(20:39):
It's cool.
When I, what I was talking about before too, the useless, you stayed down at the bottom atthe gravel and at Terry peak.
And now this year you stayed up by the cabin.
was still in her Sprinter van, but we plugged in at the cabin and she was closer to us.
You know what I mean?
And knows that she could, although I have to say she, she might be in jujitsu, but she'salso a ninja.

(21:03):
Did you know that?
Cause
That's like the ultimate compliment for any martial artist.
To someone a ninja is like, that's the highest accolade.
Even though I don't do ninjitsu, it's still.
But you, she came into the cabin and those doors creaked and I never heard one door creak.
You went and did the bathroom thing and never heard you there.

(21:26):
Either I was sound asleep or you were a ninja.
Cause I'm telling you, you could have probably snuck in and killed me.
I mean, but that was...
But it's cool that way.
then, you know, the other, you know, being authentic and being less guarded and moretrusting, when you text me and said you drew the tags and like, you knew, cause I don't

(21:52):
invite people, Ricky knows I don't invite many people to go hunting.
Yeah, you were the first person I texted.
That's awesome.
Yes.
And you know, those are the things that I see have changed in you.
but we need to get into, so let's get into this journey because this, you made, you aboutmade me like tear up a couple of times on this thing because the God part was really cool,

(22:23):
but the whole story is really cool.
Okay.
So, um, you're blindfolded in Ibogaine.
It's not like a fun, like,
know, psilocybin where you're seeing things and feeling things.
It's much more in my own head, right?
So the first thing that I felt as, you're waiting and actually, you know, I took themedicine and it was a very much like a, you know, a prayer prior to with very strong

(22:49):
intentions.
And I, you know, went in laughing like, yeah, I just get it.
Like, I mean, I went in giggling when they connected all the notes.
It was kind of a
And I guess I do that under high stress.
um But the first thing I felt was, and it's going to sound so cliche, is patience.

(23:13):
When you're laying down there and they have music playing and sound and everything's niceand had the eye mask on, felt patience.
An overwhelming just feeling that patience is that I need patience to myself.
patience for the medicine to start working, patience for other people.
Because when you're truly patient, you're present, you're in the moment.

(23:36):
You're not thinking of, it's timeless, right?
You're not thinking of the past, you're not thinking of the future, just patience.
um And I've had to remind myself that a lot and just as keep as I, returning back into thewild, like patience.
um And then,
Mel, how is it ingested?

(23:57):
Is it like a capsule form or the ibogaine?
OK.
OK.
And what was unique was when um I started speaking with this medic, he had the exactly,it's based on your weight, and he had the exact amount of medicine for my exact weight.
So it was kind of meant to be.
And the timing worked out really perfect that I didn't have to wait for, the other missionwithin Next Women's Only, because they don't do co-ed journeys, was in September.

(24:28):
like right in the middle of arteries.
You're like, oh, it's okay.
How am gonna make this work?
So all of these kind of, know, coincidence, providence, all these things lined up really,really well for it.
um And I don't know if you got...
it take for you to like from when you took it to like when you started to have thatfeeling, that calm feeling of patience?

(24:53):
That was, it's hard to tell time wise, because things kind of were timeless, but I wouldsay 20, 30 minutes in, um and then almost immediately after feeling this message or
teaching of patience, I felt what they describe as ego death.
I felt like part of space, like part of a collective unconsciousness.

(25:16):
I was not Melissa, I was not my body, I was connected to space.
I was above.
earth and just not, I wouldn't say observing, but just connected to everything.
And I think that's the really, really powerful thing of this, of plant medicines is thatthey can connect us to this collective unconscious or Gaia or God type energy.

(25:42):
um And I saw a lot of different things and felt a lot of different things, but the mostpowerful thing was
I felt a strong connection, like a white line of light directly up to my father andgrandfather and all of the patriarchs all the way up to really seeing and feeling uh God

(26:03):
and Jesus, that Jesus is the son of God.
Now, I grew up Jewish.
I grew up like we don't, you we believe that the Messiah hasn't come yet.
We're still waiting.
So this was just like, whoa.
Like, I mean, I really, really clearly.
not as much saw but felt.
uh And at one point in the journey, I remember thinking like, okay, now I need to find mymother's line.

(26:26):
And now I need to find my grandfather, you my mother's father.
And something said, no, you have more work to do here.
You need to spend more time here.
I could describe, you know, even further seeing this battle of good versus evil, of uhgood.
first of God of light and the devil and this epic kind of battle of yin and yang that'shappening on earth right now.

(26:55):
Especially now as we speak of, we don't need to get into the world politics, things arequite volatile right now to say the least.
um And that greed is a big powerful force of the darkness.
And at one point I felt myself getting
pulled down, like getting sucked down as if it was like a church steeple or a well, justgetting pulled down.

(27:20):
I felt like something told me that my work is in the light.
I have to stay here in the light.
I don't need to go down into the depths of this darkness, that my work is in the light.
And it was almost like, you ever see a dog that doesn't want to take a bath and his legsare like whooshing in the door?
Like, that's what I was like pulling myself, like, no.

(27:42):
something kept me from getting kind of sucked down into the darkness.
And I also had the strong feeling that no matter what, even if evil will win, we stillhave to keep fighting for the light.
That is my work, that is my purpose here.
um We have to bring this light and this love.

(28:02):
as time...
um
you know, immediately the the medic and the therapist recorded what I, you know, as I waskind of coming to back into my body, what what I was saying.
um But as you know, through the next day, I did a lot of journaling and through thefollowing weeks and a lot of my dreams, I really more and more was uh as I kind of

(28:28):
reintegrated, remembered and felt from from my journey.
um And a big part of it, I was underwater.
I felt like the feeling like when you're swimming and you're underwater and
and just, it was really wild.
And what I haven't also mentioned is the Ibogaine uh is also done in conjunction with5-MeO DMT.

(28:50):
So I did the Ibogaine on the first day on the Friday and started it in the morning and itlasted through the afternoon, tough to sleep after that.
It's crazy, it's like I was exhausted.
I had laid in bed all day and I was exhausted and it's difficult to sleep after it.
Because of thoughts going through your head?

(29:11):
Yeah, yeah.
And it was interesting, I have an aura ring.
So the medic kept all of the data from my aura ring because it looked like I had beenasleep and in dream waves the whole entire day.
Like I had slept for 24 hours, it wild.
And then the next day they call it a gray day.
And I actually had my bow with me and I got to shoot and practice and swim and journal andbe outside.

(29:35):
And that was a Saturday.
And then
the Sunday I did the 5MeO DMT.
And so the archetype of uh Ibogaine or Iboga is grandfather.
And 5MeO DMT, as was told, it's like a spiritual hug.
It's a lot um more loving and light.

(29:56):
And it's also much uh easier.
It's a 20 minute, it's not all day.
So it's short and fast and very powerful.
um
The DMT was absolutely, the way they worked together was really, really, really powerful.

(30:17):
So what I felt was the most beautiful light and sound, and I can only describe it as likerapture.
Like what it feels like when we go to heaven, when our consciousness ascends and connectsto this God energy, how that feels.

(30:37):
And it felt uh like a huge, powerful, cosmic orgasm.
Like the connection of masculine and feminine energies and how that comes together ascreation.
Like just the beauty, I mean, the magnitude of how babies are made of man and womantogether.
Like it was so absolutely powerful.

(31:01):
Like from every cell of my body connected to this.
consciousness, this sound, this light, was um absolutely, so with that and with thatfeeling, when I look at the trees and I look at the mountain and I see other people and
you see that light, you and you hug someone, you know, we all know those people that arejust shining, you and you hug them and you, you you feel it in your heart.

(31:27):
It was, it changed everything um since that.
And the way those two work together, I think,
Ibegain was a lot more of a stronger, harsher lesson.
And not harsher, definitely harder to go through.
The 5-Me-O DMT was beautiful and easy, and then it's gone, it's done.

(31:51):
It's not like it lingers.
And for the two, three weeks after, I would wake up every night, I would go to sleep doingbreathing meditations, and I would wake up like,
feeling that connectedness and just wake up just like electrified.
um I had the most powerful, powerful dreams.

(32:13):
And part of it when I really, really wanted to reconnect with my father and thegrandfathers that I never knew.
And I had a really powerful dream a couple nights after where I saw my father and he wassmiling.
And his face was so clear because in the I Begin journey,
I really wanted to see the details of his face.

(32:35):
It was almost like gray.
Like it was almost like a heart.
was, I could feel him, his energy and his presence, but I couldn't see the details of hisface.
couldn't, you know, like I just wanted that physical connection.
And in my dream, I got that.
saw my father and my brother and my mom.

(32:56):
And it was just, I just woke up just in tears.
Like, you know, how much I love.
love my father and how his spirit, his energy is with me.
It's who I am.
It's in my DNA.
This is so like cliche.
Of course, they're with you.
They're your parents.
But yeah, it was very, very, powerful.

(33:17):
And between the two of those together to make me feel that, you know.
that connection to God and connection to consciousness that we are all one.
And another really powerful thing is just this, going back to that ego death, thistimelessness.

(33:37):
Time is just a construct in our head.
We only have now.
It's all about right now.
uh And when I had the day to kind of reintegrate and think and journal and...
uh
flew back out and I remember I was in the airport and there's, you you're in the line ofTSA and everyone's stuck on their phone and just, you know, you see people, airports,

(34:01):
people can be really stressed.
And there was one guy as the line was sticking around who was just shining.
He was just beaming and nothing, not dressed any different, just a light about him.
And then as the line creeped around, I saw a little four-year-old in a Spider-Man t-shirt,you know, holding onto his hand.
It was like,
He's a father with a beautiful son who was so excited to, you know, was overhearing thekid.

(34:27):
The kid was excited to put his luggage through the X-ray machine and where they weregoing.
You know, when you round a little kid and they're excited about something silly, it justbrings you up.
And it was like, oh, that's why he's shining because he's a father in love with his sonand doing what we're meant to be doing.
We're meant to love.

(34:49):
And that I think is the real core thing about it.
And I always thought I had issues with my masculinity, because I do all these.
I do jiu-jitsu, and I shoot guns, and I do archery, like being better than men.
I can do it.
But I think I really had to get in touch with my femininity and accept that, that I reallydo want to be

(35:17):
loved and I want to, you know, express love and I'm ready to accept it.
I'm ready to feel protected, not because I'm incomplete without it, but I think wecomplete each other.
know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's amazing.
That's ah so it was interesting to me when Rick had said to me um the things in the storyabout what you witnessed with God and Jesus, because I remember you telling us before

(35:52):
about how you had grown up Jewish.
Right.
um And then and so I'm kind of curious about how like.
Since the journey, ah how has your thought process or how have you been, are you doing anyworshiping in any specific way or have you put any dedication into that or are you just

(36:18):
kind of letting it kind of just come as it goes or?
So that's a good question and I did want to get into this is that um if having returningback into the wild into the regular world, had to really, they say you have a 90 day
window of neuroplasticity where the habits that the habits, the daily habits that I do andfollow now post this journey um will be lifelong.

(36:47):
And these changes will be lifelong if I can continue it.
So.
When I wake up in the morning, my phone is not, I don't look at my phone.
I do my breathing meditation.
I have silence.
look at the sun, you know, I follow all the Huberman Lab protocols.
know, look at the sun, you know, look at the sky.
Doing my breathing meditations, taking the time for silence, taking the time forjournaling, been writing down my dreams, making sure I exercise, I'm eating clean.

(37:16):
I didn't really drink alcohol before, but I'm not.
I mean, I'm living really clean, trying to keep my thoughts clean.
And it's not like I'm fixed and I keep going back to, when I find myself going back tothese negative beliefs and distrusting, I just have to trust and have faith in God, right?

(37:37):
And that he is guiding us.
And a wise friend of mine, a Black Belt friend of mine said, the difference betweencoincidence and providence is ignorance.
So I really have to believe that all these people that are in our life and theseconversations that we have at every time is for purpose.
And it's going to either help that person or help you or we really are, you know, we havea purpose in life.

(38:03):
um so I don't know if that answered your question, but in terms of my belief in God, Idid.
I went to the Bible store and I...
picked, said, do you have a scripture for dummies?
Like, where do we start here?
it was the most epic, like, we were both in, lady in the shop was in tears.
She said, can I pray with you?
And she, picked out a, you know, Bible for me, and I think it was a new life translation.

(38:26):
And I got it home and I started, and someone gave me a, uh I have a Bible app on my phoneand it shows the different translations.
And some of this, the translations, didn't really sit with me.
So then I got another one that had big print, a King James version, and it didn't.
It also didn't really sit with me.
And now I have another one, the Charles Stanley version that I feel is more, okay, that's,you know, it's like Goldilocks, like too hot to lose.

(38:51):
So, um and I'm overwhelmed by scripture.
It's so, but I'm just kind of taking it chunk by chunk.
And I'm really focusing on the breathing exercises have really, really been powerful forme.
I kind of found my yoga and
I the first yoga class that I did when I went back, was like, I felt like all of ourcollective energy in the room.

(39:16):
You know, I've been doing yoga since I was 17 years old.
This is over 30 years of doing yoga.
And now the OM, it's like, okay, this is the primordial sound of the universe beingcreated.
So my yoga really, really kind of changed.
It's just breathing and movement.
even my jujitsu kind of changed.

(39:39):
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I remember training.
was like patience, patience, patience.
Now go.
And the funny thing is, is I, you know, we have all these like, you know, Zen moments andfeeling, but I was in the house alone and Zen and Zen and Zen.
And then I heard something and just like immediately I'm like, okay, what, what weapons doI have?

(39:59):
Like we can snap out of it.
It's not all Zen and patience all the time.
Like we still have our, you know, our, our
or senses, like doesn't.
But you told me up on the mountain that, also you didn't mention this, that your hearingwas impeccable.
Yes, yeah.
So that's a really crazy thing on the Ibogaine is my sense of hearing was so powerful.

(40:25):
It was like I could see sound.
I could hear a phone charger plugged into the wall.
So hopefully I can tap into that in hunting season.
There you go.
I've always found that in hunt, like that I can, when I spend time in the woods, I canhear very, very well.
I sight not so much, but hearing.

(40:45):
that was really, really, really, really neat.
Cause that would be interesting to like hear, you know, hear have such a.
powerful hearing, you know, hear so well.
Yeah.
Because how many of us, I'm a Gen Xer and I was stupidly biased, the speakers banging myhead to Motley Crue in the 1980s and probably don't have the hearing that I should have,

(41:17):
know, and that stuff, you know, but now when you get to be older, you realize
What a dumbass you were at the time, but I mean, I still hear, but not as good as I usedto.
Yeah, think, well, I've also been reading um Dr.
Joe Depenza.
He wrote a book, Becoming Supernatural, another one, um Breaking Open the Mind, I believe,um and um really powerful meditations on just this whole quantum healing and quantum

(41:51):
mindset and how we can manifest by believing in
what we want to create and really kind of feeling it in the now we are creating this.
So.
Definitely.
I, mean, Ricky and I probably, I mean, I I believe in manifestation because you putyourself, manifestation is also putting yourself where you can succeed in manifest some of

(42:19):
the things in your life.
It's, it's not just saying I'm going to be doing it, but
doing things to get you there also.
Yeah, absolutely.
And then on the flip side of that, you know what I mean?
If you're constantly negative, you know, then you're going to you're going to manifestthose types of things that are going to happen in your life.
I feel like.
absolutely.

(42:39):
If you're driving down the street and say, I never get any parking space, there's alwaysred lights, that's what you see.
When you look out and think life is beautiful, then you see beauty in things.
It's made my life a lot better.
And I also, um so I've been teaching Jiu-Jitsu in St.
Martin for 15 years.

(43:00):
My kids' classes are at capacity.
I don't have any more room in my current space.
ran into a friend of mine who's a minister of justice and she asked me to put a pilotproposal together to teach Jiu-Jitsu to use their funds set aside for crime prevention.
So I've spent the last couple months working on this proposal and now it's just throughthe bureaucracy and the admin to get this done.

(43:23):
But I really, really truly believe that this is going to work and it's done, it's beendone in Rio, it's been done in Sao Paulo, it's the national sport of the United Arab
Emirates.
um I really believe
that jujitsu can help.
And I know it's different than other martial arts.
I mean, every martial artist thinks theirs is the best, but jujitsu, there's no striking,there's no punching, there's no kicking.

(43:43):
It's a lot more like chess.
We have to work together.
I've seen personally the power of how it can help self-esteem and confidence.
And I have a black belt who's absolutely perfect for it.
He's been one of my sponsor students since he was a teenager.
so it's not like I want to give him a full-time job.

(44:03):
uh
be able to do, know, jiu-jitsu full time.
this is something it's like my life's work is starting to manifest.
And I really believe that it can be really, really helpful m in St.
Martin where we have a big problem with crime.
have a lot of, you know, just like any big city or any tough area, have, there's a bigneed for it.

(44:25):
So things have been getting better on every, every...
aspect of my life from financial to to family drama to relationships things are reallyreally looking up and Yeah Well, I think karma comes to yeah, you start you know, you

(44:46):
start doing you do good things good things will happen to you and you're doing I mean I Imean I Tell you but you're you're one of the nicest people I know
Thank you, Rick, you too.
When I first saved your name in my phone, I wrote Rick Super Positive.

(45:06):
Just to make sure I knew which.
Yeah.
I bet I'm in another phones, not like that.
No, I'm just kidding.
Yeah.
I'm like super intrigued by this and I, so I not to compare at by any means because youknow, like in the past I've done some, you know, I've taken a few little trips down the

(45:29):
road with psilocybin in the past.
And, you know, just with those experiences, when you're talking about how nervous you wereand how scared you were, even, even with those.
Like I didn't do anything that you would call a journey.
Like I know you can do a psilocybin journey too.
And I didn't, I never did anything remotely close to that, but even just like during theexperience and then like after, you know, how it just opens up all these new neurons in

(45:59):
your brain and just kind of opens things up and then kind of transitioning back intoreality is it is, it's, it's kind of a different thing.
And so I'm curious about
how that was.
I know you said there's like a 90 day window of neuroplasticity, but how, you know what Imean?
I'm just imagining you being at the airport and how overwhelming that probably had to bebecause of all of the, how everything was opened up, your vision, your hearing, everything

(46:27):
you're feeling and just all these phones beeping off and things.
just, feel like it would be wild.
How was that?
So, well, Doc Nic mentioned that, you know, right after, you don't want to do anything.
You don't want to get a divorce, quit your job, move, do anything, you know, brash.
And also he said that like, prior to this journey, it was like I had a telephone pole infront of me.

(46:47):
And then this journey let me look around this telephone pole and kind of see more what'sout there.
But, you know, the issues, the drama I had with other people, they're still, I can'tassume that they're going to see the same way that I do.
So I had to give things time.
And I had a tough family drama, a falling out a couple years ago with a sibling.

(47:12):
And I just immediately wanted to just rush into it and apologize and think, you know, andI had to give it time um because I can't assume that everyone else is going to see the
same way I am, that they're still mad at me.
Like I came out from this journey like, wow, I have a lot of work to do, you know, and Istill do.

(47:33):
And I'm not, know, friend of mine was like, I told about it and he was like, it's notgoing to fix you.
Okay.
No, but yeah.
So you can't assume that everyone else is going to see things in the same way that you do,you know?
But in, I did give it time and it's just over.

(47:54):
Well, it, I think my life is infinitely better than I could have ever possibly imagined.
And I think it continues to.
surprise me.
Not surprised.
I'm not surprised.
what's really special right now is I'm traveling across country and I'm just letting fatedecide who I sit next to, you know, in a chair.

(48:18):
Like today I got a pedicure and the lady sitting next to me was taking a break from, youknow, her husband who has Alzheimer's and dementia and my dad had Alzheimer's and dementia
and just getting to chat with this lady of all the people that I could sit with, you know,to have this conversation with this
this lady, know, just, so letting my life be just trusting, trusting God and trusting thatthis, this path that I'm on.

(48:45):
And sometimes I'm like, why am I, why have I been so attracted to shooting projectiles?
What is it about archery that I just, just love?
And I can't, you know,
I just have to, just going with it.
So we'll see, you know?
Yeah.

(49:07):
But you, it's also interesting.
Like she's, you're gonna leave here and you're gonna learn how to pack mules.
Yeah.
So I signed up for a packing course.
So I'm skipping Red Lodge, Montana.
I think I've done enough.
I'm bummed, a little bit of FOMO about not shooting tack, but I'm gonna go to Royal TyneOutfitters and learn how to pack with horses and mules.

(49:28):
And I did a little,
YouTube lessons so I can do the basket hitch.
I can already tie a bowline, now I can tie a bowline upside down.
So I'm gonna go hang out with horses and mules for three days.
And yeah, I'm really excited.
See, and I don't even, I can barely tie my shoes.

(49:48):
There's YouTube, you can learn all the on YouTube.
So I wanted to him to a leg up.
that's why you're wearing those Solomons.
You don't have to tie knots.
just zip them up, in there.
It's funny when I teach my jiu-jitsu kids how to tie their belt, I'm like, you want to getcool sneakers?
Learn how to tie your belt and you can have shoelaces that tie.

(50:09):
You forget about that.
Little kids have slip on shoes so they can tie their shoelaces.
But you're traveling there, then you might go fishing, right?
Or you're going to Jackson.
Yes, yep.
have some friends in Jackson Hole.
go do, yeah, we're just going to adventure and yeah, I've got my dog and I'm not doing itby myself.

(50:32):
have my dogs.
Yeah.
And they're your, yeah.
My adventure buddies.
Yeah.
For those listening, this dog has been on my lap the entire time.
Yeah.
And he's not moving.
He's very content.
Yeah.
But she got to experience a South Dakota rainstorm too, last week.

(50:56):
Yep.
Yeah, the fog in the morning.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Cause, oh, the thunder and lightning.
Yeah.
Well, when we went up north.
yes.
That yeah.
But the night before, was a ton of lightning and thunder and she got to experience that.
were driving down the road.
was going to kind of showing her where we might go hunting and you've been there too,Ricky, but on our way up, I'm filling up with gas and you know, you know, Midwest storms

(51:24):
all of a sudden.
It got cold, like it was like 80, 90 degrees and all of a sudden it was cold.
And I'm going, oh my gosh, we're going to get hailed on.
We hit and we headed north and it was coming down so hard that my windshield wipers couldnot keep up.
I mean, Melissa's probably been in a hurricane, assume, but it was just like, oh my gosh,lightning thunder, South Dakota.

(51:53):
The only thing is we don't have.
We don't have to worry about drowning in South Dakota.
But it smelled beautiful.
When we stopped after it finally stopped raining, was just, I love the way it smells outhere.
m
I was going to ask you if there was a Gracie Jujitsu Academy here in Minnesota, but I didsome research and I see they got one.

(52:17):
Yeah, and I'm gonna go to Spearfish Martial Arts tomorrow.
I'm really excited.
Gonna jump in the kids class.
I like kids classes.
I can throw them around a lot easier than grown men.
But here's the cool thing.
When we were talking about good people, you're gonna do two kids classes, aren't you?
That's a plan, yep.
And then one adult class.

(52:40):
Yep, yeah.
And then drive up to Montana on Wednesday.
Nice.
Yeah, I love spearfish.
I rolled in and went to the hippie grocery.
went to two broke girls.
That was my first stop.
And then a great class at barefoot fitness.
had a kettlebell kettlebell like this whole gym was just kettlebells and mobility.

(53:03):
Like this perfect sign me up.
So I went went there today.
I love it.
Ice and sauna and great food, great people.
Yeah.
Hanging out with a dog park, getting all the
All the town gossip, not gossip, but life.
It's probably the place to get it.
But chatting with people of all ages and all backgrounds.

(53:24):
And I love it here.
It's a pretty friendly town.
Really.
I was thinking about this, like on the East Coast, people are so they don't even make eyecontact walking down the street.
here people wave.
Everyone waves.
You wave at strangers.
Say hello.
I like being in places where people wave.
Yeah.
Yeah.
and ask how you are, know what I mean, or whatever.

(53:48):
and you might come across a Rick that's gonna ask you to be on a podcast.
I love it.
I love it.
Yeah.
Cause we were talking with Frank, we actually, Frank and Melissa and I went out for supperon Thursday night before.
And it was Frank's idea to do this podcast in the van.

(54:09):
Yeah.
we're doing, this is for Frank right here.
it's interesting.
You're talking about your feminine side.
Melissa wore a dress.
I did.
I wore a skirt.
uh
But where I was going with that is I don't know where I was going with that right at themoment, but, but we, walked in and we just had a good time, I guess, you know, I mean,

(54:34):
everything was very relaxed and, and the conversation we had, like we had people walk intothe, we couldn't eat at the first place we wanted to cause it was full.
We went to the second place and these people walked in, we had a table that fit six andthey weren't
It was an hour wait inside and we could set outside and not an hour wait and we just lethim set at our table.

(54:56):
yeah, but I mean what the good things is like Frank.
Frank is one of the nicest people we can ever meet.
know, I've never seen such a kind, caring, gentle person than Frank and, and, and hebetter day go out, daygum be listening to this too, because

(55:21):
You rode around with them and I ride around with them because it's just, the conversationswe have and if people would know that stuff about Frank.
I mean, we did an episode with him.
If you're listening, you can listen about Frank Charles on the, but Frank is one of themost sincerest people I know.
You know, he called me up today.

(55:42):
He says they were leaving and he called me up and said, we're heading out.
But this is...
These are the people continually, and I know people probably get tired of this, but we areso lucky, Ricky, to be able to talk to these kinds of people and hang out with them.
I mean, not always a podcast, I mean, to call them friends and to be able to go hang out.

(56:11):
This is, and I'm not gonna, I don't think you were there.
You were at the party, but I'm, oh
Friday night, one of the, is actually one of Ziggy's, Cordum's friends, Dave Fry is hisname, walked up to me and said, you know, you've kept me active.

(56:34):
He listens to every episode.
He's lost weight.
He's done, we just inspire him.
And to have somebody walk up to you and uh tell us this stuff.
And this is what I want to do the episode with you is because this going on IbogaineDirty.

(56:56):
And here's the deal people Ibogaine is a plant and, and there's not, I was listening to anepisode where there isn't a lot of Ibogaine plants to like, you could not, not everybody's
going to be able to do this.
And that's the problem.
But I wanted people to hear that you

(57:17):
there are ways to make yourself better.
Yes, absolutely.
And you just got done saying you're eating cleaner, clean.
know what I mean?
knew people know that I don't always eat clean.
You eat cleaner than me.
Because we talked about, Ricky knows where I'm going right here.
Because that ice cream comes into effect all the time.

(57:43):
Yeah, I think the breathing, I mean,
consciousness is breath is part of it.
Breath is life.
mean, in Hebrew, like, hi, it means breath, means life.
It's the same, you essential element.
And we can really tap into these different consciousnesses through breathing and breathingexercises.

(58:04):
And there's a ton of, mean, you can just YouTube it.
I mean, there's tons of breathing exercises to do that can help access these higher levelsof consciousness.
So it can be done without the plant medicine.
And I believe there is uh going to be an issue of sustainable development of the ibogaine,of the iboga plant.

(58:25):
um And it was just, I believe it was just voted on in Texas to legalize it in Texas.
Because it has incredible results for PTSD, for traumatic brain injuries, and especiallyfor um opioid addicts.
Like it's been extremely successful.
um
for it, like probably the only thing that's really, really can help as long as people canstay out of that environment for the time coming out of it.

(58:55):
So it's an absolutely powerful plant and I'm sure the pharmaceutical industry will try andsynthesize it and they'll try and monetize it.
I don't know if it'll be the same as having the root of it, but it is too powerful of aplant medicine for it to be ignored.
And for all of the thousands and thousands of people on SSRIs and on on on medications andProzacs and all these you know Drugs were not meant to be on that just to sensitize us.

(59:26):
I mean, it's Well, I'm on this journey of Becoming healthier and I'm I really get on thebecause the one episode I listened to is like
is plant-based benefits and better than pharmaceuticals and they all have their place, butthey're, and you'll have the ones that say that these plants are poisonous.

(59:53):
Well, here's the deal.
If you took too many prescription pills, that's poison too.
Everything- I think if you drink too much water, can be toxic.
Exactly.
this is science.
The scientific part about this stuff is the limit, the limit of, got to know what you'retaking.
Like it's not like you're cooking, like cooking a meal where you put a dash of this and adash of that and then, know, this and that it's, it's down to like, you just got done

(01:00:24):
saying they had your weight.
And they knew exactly what you needed.
And, and we didn't get into, um we didn't get into what the DMT was.
Oh, okay.
DMT comes from a, a toad and it's, it excretes it.
uh
from its glands and then it has to be smoked.

(01:00:46):
So if you tried to eat it, you don't get the same psychedelic effect.
So it has to be um inhaled.
And I have pretty powerful lungs.
So I've been doing all these breathing exercises going in.
it's smoked.
um it's...
And they all watched you there too.

(01:01:07):
Yeah, it was very safe.
You know, because if you...
you vomit, you can't do it by yourself, because it's just the danger of, you know.
So I was very safe and very controlled and there's no way I was gonna fall and hit my headand I was, you know, was very, you know, very controlled and safe and, you know, a very

(01:01:30):
high level medic and psychotherapist and everything was, you know.
controlled and safe.
So I wouldn't, it's not something you're just going to go do in your backyard with yourbuddies.
It's something to do.
And the work I did leading up to it was, I mean, it felt like a full-time job.
Like I'm not going out with my friends.
was staying home and journaling and thinking about things and thinking about things thatwere, you know, really getting into these negative beliefs that are, it's not fun to think

(01:02:00):
about and dig into.
um But it was very necessary.
And I think I did, I think the power of this medicine is that it can help, you you can dotalk therapy for years and talk yourself in circles and I never was feeling better.
I remember first started talking to therapists and like, okay, am I better yet?

(01:02:21):
Like, when is this gonna end?
Like, no, I'm just, you know, re-talking about the same things and the same problems.
And it just felt like a part of my friend, a bitch session every week, you know, I'm not.
I wasn't actually getting better.
And I have always liked to exercise, to train, to sweat.

(01:02:45):
I need a purpose for it.
I couldn't sit and meditate, but I can do a power yoga class.
I'd rather do jujitsu as my meditation and shoot my bow as my meditation than kind of sitthere and try and meditate.
I heard a good analogy kind of.
about this today, it's like when you go fishing, you can give a person a hope to catch afish.

(01:03:14):
But if you gave the person a fish, there's no hope that you just gave them the fish.
If you understand what I'm saying, they don't, they didn't have to go on a journey tocatch the fish.
You just gave them a fish and they just, they didn't get anything out of it, is what I'msaying.
You have to go out on the lake and you have to do the fishing part before you catch.

(01:03:36):
But if you gave a person a fish, it's just like, thank you.
I think that's where we go.
Cause we were talking, it's expensive for one thing.
it's sometimes it's sad that these things are so expensive in the aspect that some peoplethat would really need it or could use it.

(01:04:00):
don't have it.
Yeah.
I think there are organizations that are really trying to do this.
There's vets, there's organizations that are trying to make this available for veteransbecause we know that this epidemic of veteran suicide is absolutely just devastating.

(01:04:21):
I mean, it's every day and it's so many veterans that really, really need this medicine.
And I almost felt like guilty, like why?
You know, I get, there's people that really, really can use this medicine and need thismedicine.
So I really hope that, you know, I think the legislation in Texas that it's being, youknow, being passed and the more people that do it and the more, you know, people like Joe

(01:04:46):
Rogan shined a lot of light on it and the Sean Ryan show shined a lot of light on it.
And I think the more people that can come out and talk about it, the better, because ifit's...
It's too powerful of a medicine.
And I don't know many people that have, actually, that's not true.
I do know people who have had life-changing experiences on ayahuasca.

(01:05:09):
um so it's not just the Ibogaine and the 5-Meo DMT.
There's a lot of other modalities that may be a lot more accessible that people can find alot of connection and higher consciousness and be able to bring that back into their
lives.

(01:05:30):
Where I was going with that is, you know, mean, there could be people that are listeningto this and just think Western medicine is the only way to go.
And where I'm going with this is I've learned that Western medicine isn't always the wayto go.
And not that we don't need some, not that we don't need the emergency, like,

(01:05:51):
We're having a heart attack.
We need to go to doctor, know, kind of thing.
I think with everything that we went through with COVID, we know that the pharmaceuticalindustrial complex is not out for our best interests.
No.
They are out for their financial interests.
And we know that very well.
We know that the food that's being marketed to us and these drugs that are being marketedto us are not there for financial gain, they're for greed.

(01:06:15):
And I think the more we can open our eyes that it's not
You know, it's really scary how, you know, AI and our phones and all this is controllingthis narrative and it's, we're not thinking for ourselves.
I think the people that listen to this podcast are the people that we meet at TotallyArch, we tell the people that, that a lot of us that surround ourselves with, we are

(01:06:37):
questioning things.
We are looking at things.
We are looking at the news and saying that I don't really trust that.
But the most of the population is really taking things, oh.
I got to trust the science.
Okay, I to get my booster.
got to get, know, I was vaccinated and I wish that I wasn't.
You know, I want to counteract it because back then we didn't know then what we know now.

(01:06:58):
um So I think, you know, yeah.
So, I think we're, I think, I just think that we talked, I'm just curious about so manythings that.
We have opportunity these days to talk to people like you that have been on a journey andtalk and learn about so many different things that might be hindering us.

(01:07:27):
uh Like you're getting to the root of your problems by doing your journey.
I'm getting the root of my problems by eating better and finding out what the problemswere internally.
We all find ourselves in a different spot that
There has to be that switch and because of curiosity, because of opportunities that somany experts, you just talked about Huberman and other people that are out there, they

(01:07:56):
shine light on things that, for me personally, I'm curious because I've talked about thisbefore.
I didn't know what the seven deadly sins were.
I watched that movie seven and I didn't know what the seven deadly sins were.
But you know, now I do and uh I've read the book and I wouldn't recommend reading italone.

(01:08:25):
It should be probably a class because it's so long and just put me to sleep.
it was Seven Deadly Sins because I read Dante's Inferno and Milton's, what is it?
I can't think of what it is.
But anyway.
Yeah, I mean, they say that when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.

(01:08:46):
You can't force anyone to to make these changes or like, you know, I think everythinghappens at the right time.
have to trust this, you know, God's will.
And sometimes it's so hard when horrible things are happening, when sad things arehappening.
you know, one very powerful um feeling that I got from from this from both the Ibogaineand the five MEO DMT is ah

(01:09:11):
a belief in our consciousness and being okay with death, especially seeing on theIbogaine, I saw my death, I saw the decay, I saw the absurdity of our burial practices of
being in a casket when our bodies are just going to decompose and our spirits are going toconnect.

(01:09:33):
I really believe this with every atom of my being that our spirits, our
consciousness connects back to God.
And um that's not gonna make death any easier because we miss the physical presence of thepeople that we love.
And that's hard for all the people that are left.
um I truly do not fear death, my own death.

(01:09:57):
I know I'm gonna be sad when we lose our family members, but I don't fear death.
I,
I like, I don't fear death either.
I think I did maybe 10 years ago, but I don't fear death right now myself because I mean,Ricky and I did the 24 hours of living and Ricky knows I had this, I went and called it

(01:10:27):
infatuation, but this curiosity or this thought, it just bothered me.
But I believe, like we talked about this on the mountain, I'm going to be cremated and I'mgoing to put in
be put in two places.
And if you wanna come and see me, they're beautiful places, but they're two of my favoriteout places.
then you get the people you love will get out to those beautiful places.

(01:10:51):
Exactly, because I hate cemeteries.
They're cold, dark places to me.
I wanna be out and just put me on two, they're just two beautiful places, put me outthere.
If you wanna see me, but we're all.
really forgotten at least in two generations if not one.

(01:11:13):
You probably won't because you have so many kids that are you're teaching that are you'reaffecting.
Yeah.
So you have, but you know, we all affect people, but that I just, I like to hear thatbecause very few people um think about deaths in that way.

(01:11:33):
They're scared.
Yeah.
There's a lot of people scared of death.
Even today.
Yeah.
I I held my father's hand as he took his last breath.
And I really been trying to come, you know, try and intellectualize and understand itbecause he was scared.
you know, he and I think for me, feeling what I felt under the psychedelics, I wasprepared.

(01:11:58):
was ready for these to.
to feel this, was ready to connect and try and understand why we're here and our purposein life and death.
um And I do have to believe that my dad did ascend and that it was beautiful.
It was just a little scare as like jumping off a cliff when you're not ready.

(01:12:19):
If you're jumping off a cliff and you know you're gonna be bungee jumping, it's like, yay!
But I think he was scared at the beginning and that was very, kind of sat with me for.
You know, it's a big, there's nothing bigger than us contemplating our lives and ourconsciousness.

(01:12:41):
that all of, that's the one thing that's for sure is our, you know, these bodies, thismeat bag that we're living in isn't gonna last forever, but our consciousness is.
know?
Yeah, I find it, I kind of can't even remember what it was like before, you know, thededicated faith that I put in God and just knowing, like you said, like just having the

(01:13:07):
confidence in knowing that.
that your loved ones and that you will someday go to a better place or be in a betterplace or and be around, you know, like you said, all those connections with our souls and
all of that.
And I think that is where I really started to um not fear death.

(01:13:30):
And, you know, again, the biggest fear is, you know, like some of your loved ones, right?
Like just thinking about.
how it's gonna make them feel and especially if they're not believers or if they're not,you know, in that place where they don't fear death.
But that's another episode.
We recorded a few of those episodes.

(01:13:51):
If anybody wants to get deep into that, you can go back and listen to those.
But yeah, I love what you said about that.
But isn't it cool, Like Ricky and I believe, we believe, you know?
And what's the coolest part about that is when she says the light's shining down on herand it's almost like a near death experience in that aspect.

(01:14:17):
You know what I mean?
And you felt the arms, you said you felt, didn't you tell me you felt like God was justsurrounding you?
I felt a presence of someone who, a man who I just met.
I kind of felt like his arm around me.
And I felt like a deep, like that's who I'm meant to be with.

(01:14:39):
And that was very powerful.
And this is again, all of these, you know, my doubts and my trust issues, and you know, umbut I had, and that was a big kind of incongruency coming back.
It's like really feeling this and believing it.
um And then having all these previous, you know, negative beliefs about men not trustingthis kind of love that I feel.

(01:15:04):
So I'm jumping in, you know, I'm already feeling the love.
Like I'm jumping in with arms wide open and just, I feel like that's what I needed in mylife.
um And to be willing to, being capable.
of accepting that love and reflecting it.

(01:15:28):
Well, we're cheering you on for sure.
Yeah.
Because everybody needs that person.
Yeah.
Everybody needs that adventure person.
I mean, I'm not saying everything, but you have your two adventure buddies here.
Yep, I do.
And something that I've also been always thinking about is I didn't have children, but Ihave my school.

(01:15:51):
I have all these kids.
And if I had had my own children,
I wouldn't have been able to put all this time and love into my school and into all thesekids.
And I've got to spend a lot of time with kids.
I have a few sponsored kids that I got to spend a lot of time with the last couple months.
I feel that I didn't need to have children to have the power of creation inside me.

(01:16:17):
And I want to say this to all the women that don't, you don't need to have children to becomplete.
I still feel very,
Um, you know, I'm very proud and happy to be a woman and feminine and that I, you know, Ididn't need to create a child to have him bring into the earth.
And I think that's something that we both have in common is, know, we have very fulfilledlives and, know, no kids, right.

(01:16:44):
And no kids.
So come September, it'll be a little easier.
Yeah.
and you both will have a legacy.
Yeah, just, yeah.
But yeah, we'll have to figure out if you bring your Sprinter Van, we might have to doanother episode when we're hunting.

(01:17:07):
Yeah, sure.
Hopefully a celebratory, hopefully I can bring this focus to being in the moment.
it really brings down why this, being a hunter and being able to
you know, especially with sending an arrow through time and space and taking this life andcelebrating it and eating it and using every part of this animal.

(01:17:34):
It's like, that is such a powerful gift.
It is so special.
And I wish, you know, all the people that think hunters are cruel and they just see these,you know, grip and grin photos and think that it's just about the trophy and not about the
process.
And that's what I think really, really drew me to hunting is to be,
It's such a solo, powerful, you know, you and just communing in nature.

(01:17:59):
And I think I was really drawn to it because I'm so separated from nature, ah you know,and my day to day life.
we're driving in our car and we're shopping in a supermarket and watching TV.
And we're not out there listening to the birds and checking the wind and, you know, how intune you are when you are hunting so much more than when you're walking down the street

(01:18:21):
with your headphones on, you know.
or in a city in a concrete jungle.
Like it's such a different night and day.
And I think that's our really what we're meant to be doing.
I agree.
You talked about like in this, you talked about being in the city and not being able tosee the stars.

(01:18:43):
know, you see concrete and asphalt.
I mean, the gift you have here in South Dakota that every night you can look up and seethe stars.
I mean, last night, the moon was just absolutely just oh gorgeous.
And so many people don't get that.
And then we just live this kind of, we think that everything is in our phone and just thisphysicality that's right in front of us when just it's so expensive and just, you know,

(01:19:12):
timeless and unlimited when you look out into the stars.
Cause we don't look at the reality around us as much as we look at that phone.
Yeah.
You know, I've learned, like I do get up and do my business, look at my phone, do my, andthen I go out and if I see a picture, I take the picture and then I come back.

(01:19:38):
And because I want to hear the birds sing, I wanna hear, see the sun come up.
I do the Huberman thing most of the time of.
I don't even take my sunglasses, just get the sunlight, uh get the fresh air, get themovement.
I drink my glass of water before I leave and sometimes I shouldn't because I can't make itback.

(01:20:00):
No, I'm just kidding.
But, know, but I'm, I just, I'm feeling better.
Yeah.
And I think when you can see that, when you can see the stars and you see the nature andyou see the glory of,
of this earth, it's reflected inside of us.

(01:20:22):
We have that glory within us when we're connected to God and being connected to nature isbeing connected to God, I believe.
Because Ricky, we talked about grounding too, like walking barefoot in the grass.
Yeah.
know, some of those things are just, that's just what it is, you know, and I think we'regetting that.

(01:20:45):
oh
I just, like I said, Ricky and I, mean, for sure me, I mean, I don't want to put words inRick's mouth, but I just want everybody to have an opportunity to think about things to
make themselves better.
And everybody we talk to, it has an opportunity to make them, so it gives other peopleopportunities to think about to make themselves better.

(01:21:10):
oh
I don't know, we've talked about a lot of stuff here and I...
I'd, yeah.
what you just said there, Rick too.
And this is not by any means me trying to brag or, anything, but talking about trying tomake ourselves better.

(01:21:30):
And this is where this is one of the things that I have to give.
Don't die rusty and just the people that I've met through, don't die rusty.
then, you know, now you talked a little bit about how, you know, the conversations that wehave with people were meant to be.
next to that person and having that conversation.
Like if you're looking at it that way, you can really soak in the importance of what thatconversation means.

(01:21:56):
And so I've had all these conversations that have come at me about, know, and then justthis poll to like, do something to get better health wise, you know, and so I think it
was, yeah, 10 days ago was six months that I haven't had alcohol and
I'm finally starting to feel good.

(01:22:16):
That's how long it's taking, you know, after 20 years or however many 30 years or howevermany of it just building up, you know, and in my system, and I'm finally starting to feel
better.
And so I guess the reason I'm saying this is just so then that way, like anybody else outthere that, uh, you know, if you've tried 30 days before you've tried 60 days or you've

(01:22:38):
tried 90 days, good for you.
Keep going.
Keep.
absolutely.
now I'm to the point where I may never touch it again because I don't need it.
There's no point.
So um now I'm to the point where I'm like, okay, now it's been six months.

(01:22:58):
Now I'm going to chill out on the NA's.
I want to say thanks so much, Mel, again for being on.
um I'm delighted that
I was having the, I had the opportunity to chat with you.
I'm sorry.
I missed you guys at the total archery challenge this week.

(01:23:19):
was, it was, thank you.
Thank you for saying that.
It was, it was a bummer.
I'm sure, I'm sure it was real tough.
Real tough.
of nights we shed some tears.
Yeah.
You didn't have to worry about me leaving my bow at the target.
No, but we, but you know, it, it, it's, we did miss you because I think you would haveenjoyed the conversations we had too.

(01:23:52):
And those are the things that are so important more.
I, I, there's so many mentors in, you know, when I go to total or archery challenge andnot just through hunting, like
you're happily married and Jesse and Ashley are married and Rae, like you have mentors inall aspects of life, of positivity, of family values, of success with hunting, with what

(01:24:17):
kind of arrow should I show?
You know, like all of these details.
And I love that, especially as a new bow hunter.
know that there's great bow hunters there that I can ask them advice and they will.
give me their advice.
Maybe they won't tell me their secret spots.
They're not sending me on Xpens, but I learned so much shooting every TAC event.

(01:24:44):
great.
Well, you will have on Xpens here coming up in.
Because I don't want you to get lost or anything.
But we talked about that too.
You became trustful.
You put in for South Dakota.
And we talked about going.
Yeah, we talked about it two years ago, and then last year, and then I finally drew.

(01:25:07):
And Cindy knows that Cindy's going to be in Alaska being a grandma.
Yeah.
You know, so Rick's going to be up in the hills helping a hunter.
Yeah.
That's nothing against babies or anything, but this will be fun.
Wait till that baby draws a tag.
Yeah.
But no, this is...

(01:25:31):
I was looking so forward to this for a month, knowing, you know what I mean?
And I was gonna call you after your journey and I thought, nah, I'm gonna wait because Ijust wanna see how you were.
It's kinda like those things like, I'm not trying to pilfer for information.
just wanna see how you were doing.

(01:25:51):
And then we called, got the uh tags and all that stuff, so it's cool.
But I don't...
This has been just awesome.
Yeah, it's been a great.
love it out here.
Thank you, Rick, for looking out for me and all your friends.
Anytime you're in this area, you know.
I feel very welcomed.

(01:26:14):
So thank you so much for being on.
This has been a great conversation.
Yeah.
Thank you guys.
Well, we don't have an end to the question because we talked about the good life.
So here's the deal,
You know what, I think it's the same as last podcast I said, basically being present.
And I think that's the same thing.

(01:26:35):
Being patient, being present.
And love, it's all the same.
It's timeless.
It is.
I think we are, the more I'm seeing, the more I'm seeing the love that this world isgetting from all different types of people.
And this is great.

(01:26:56):
So anyway, don't die rusty nation.
Keep chasing your dreams, being the best you and don't die rusty.
oh
Yeah, pew!