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May 25, 2025 24 mins

This week on Emboldened with Jessica, we’re inviting you into the soft summer era—a season of saying no to overcommitment, yes to rest without guilt, and embracing joy as a radical act of healing.

In this soothing, insightful conversation, Jessica and Ariele unpack what living softly in a world that rewards burnout means. From nervous system regulation and pleasure practices to reclaiming your time and energy, this episode is your permission slip to rest and not feel bad about it.

 

✨ You’ll hear:

  • What the "soft life" looks like in real-time

  • How nervous system care supports emotional well-being

  • The myth of multitasking and the truth about presence

  • Why saying no is a love language

  • A fun quiz to discover your soft summer score

  • Somatic tools for tuning in to your breath and honoring your rhythm

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Credits:

Host: Jessica Jackson

Produced by: Ariele

Edited by: Ariele

 

Stay Connected: 

Instagram: @EmboldenedwithJessica

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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
Oh
Welcome to the show and building with Jessica.
Today we're going to be talking about soft summers.
In past summers, we talked about hot auntie summer.
Okay.
So some of y'all might be having one of those last summer.

(00:23):
talked about we outside.
Okay.
We were not for the streets, but we were in the streets and having a good time.
And so both of these kind of include a lot of activity and um,
You know, this summer what I'm kind of feeling is slowing down, having more softness.
I'm still gonna be outside.
um I really wanna work towards this softness piece.

(00:46):
Yes, I feel like this summer is a good introduction to just living a soft life.
If we've been waiting for a soft life for some odd reason instead of just being in itright now, this summer is a good time to start.
When we last talked about eras, I was in a period of alignment.
And recently I've decided to switch into this season of softness.

(01:10):
And a lot of us, right, who voted the way we need to vote and who were taking care ofbusiness, us 92 % decided we're not going to be out here fighting and struggling on
everyone's behalf as we have always done at a great cost to us.
And so we are talking about where them fans at.
I have several line dances I need to learn.

(01:30):
You don't have a couple under your belt.
know I've been practicing a little bit but you know how I am rhythmically, okay?
I think you're fine with this.
You are telling yourself that you don't have rhythm, but it's there.
Okay, I got to work on that.
I'm going add that to some of my softness.
Yes.
Yeah, being more soft with myself even in the way that I view myself.

(01:54):
Damn, I never even thought about that as part of the softness.
Okay, this is why I continue to grow with you.
Thank you, Ariel.
So we often wait for the summer to slow down.
That's when we want to go on vacations, we want to go to concerts.
Like this is when we normally try to take care of ourselves and have this more laid backapproach.

(02:18):
And so as we are starting to kind of think about what we want our summers to look like, wereally want to sell to you this idea of a soft summer.
Soft Summer could include this conscious decision to slow down, to reclaim joy, toprioritize your nervous system being regulated and at ease, especially for those of us

(02:47):
often on the front lines of care for others.
You might be a caregiver, you might be a parent, uh you might work in a setting whereyou're often giving care to other people, folks that are in leadership, and those of us
who are change makers.
those of us that are high achieving, queer, community leaders.
It is a shift from doing and to being.

(03:09):
you
feel like people are saying this a lot and I want to make sure that people know what thatphrase means.
What does it mean to regulate your nervous system?
Yeah, so sometimes when I talk about nervous systems, people think that I'm saying thatthey're nervous.
Everyone has a nervous system, right?

(03:31):
So it's not an indicator of you being nervous.
And when our nervous system is regulated, our body's at more ease.
We're not clenching our teeth, we're not furrowing our brows, we're not tightening ourbody, we're not holding back the thing we really wanted to say at work, but we won a job,
so we didn't say it.
We are not stuffing down our feelings or pretending like they're not there.

(03:52):
where we have a way that when something difficult happens, we can hold space for it.
We have the capacity to be with it and to calm ourselves, to orient ourselves, to releaseuh if it's anger, a healthy way to release that anger so that we can get back to a state
of ease and calm and rest.

(04:15):
So striving towards this nervous system that is in a healthy spot, it takes a lot of work.
Some people never do it.
So we see those people freaking out on airplanes and board meetings and shouting andscreaming and like, they're just always melting down, right?
And we're like, I see it at airports all the time.

(04:37):
I'm like, this is not gonna end well.
And I get it, right?
You're getting delays, you're getting bad news.
You might be traveling for something difficult, but this inability, some people have aninability to even know what's happening in their nervous system.
and they expect everyone else to regulate them, to make them happy, to move the earth forthem.

(04:58):
You know, they're just not very um centered or self-aware or aware of how things impactother people or even the ability to know something bad has happened, but I can get through
this.
You know, a lot of people have not built that skill.
So that's what nervous system regulation is.
And I think for a lot of us folks who are high achieving,

(05:20):
We feel like our value or worth is in what we're doing for other people.
We've been conditioned in that way that like, if we are someone who has a religiousperspective, like we should always be volunteering at the church and we should always be
in service to people.
And while service is really important, I believe in service.
I engage in a lot of service work.

(05:41):
That is not the totality of my being.
I also like to just be, okay?
I like to be on my couch.
Okay, I like to be.
at restaurants enjoying a meal.
Okay, I like to be.
I like to be on lock.
Be at leisure.
Be at just a nice pace, nice calm, nice just existing and let that be it.

(06:07):
I've come in contact with a lot of people, whether it's just lot of things happening intheir life and it can be stressful or things aren't going the way they want it to, that
they are bracing themselves as a form of protection or a defense mechanism, but it's thatthey're holding themselves so tightly.
So when the shoe drops, that is how they're able to handle it.

(06:28):
But it's just like, if you can regulate your nervous system when the shoe does drop,you'll be okay and you can handle it.
Correct, because the shoe is always going to drop at some point.
I mean, with that we know, and I know people don't like to hear that, but it's just ourability to be able to experience it and then to get back to a good spot without being

(06:49):
devastated by it.
Where it's taken us out the game, we can't leave the house for months, that then becomesyears, or we never open up and trust someone again, and so we're just existing by
ourselves.
So yeah, the difficult things are going to happen.
We know that, but instead of waiting for the difficult thing to happen, we want to enjoyand experience life.

(07:15):
A soft summer could look like choosing rest without guilt, saying no to over committing,so not saying yes to all the people who have lots of ideas for you of what you could be
doing this summer for them.
Let's go do this, let's go do that.
Tons of activity, and if that's how you wanna live your life, cool, but sometimes when youcheck in with yourself, you realize like, hmm, I don't wanna be on the go like that.

(07:37):
Isn't that a novel idea?
mean, yeah, for a lot of adults, the last time they enjoyed their summer, like if they'renot educators that have summers off and a lot of them get guilted into teaching summer
school, are guilted into doing something.
But when was the last time you just had a fun filled summer?
feel like with a lot of educators and a lot of parents for that matter, I feel like theycut their summers off after July 4th.

(08:04):
And it's just like, my gosh.
So it's almost like if we can input these ideas now for a soft summer, we can realize thatthis can just be a soft life.
Soft life.
Well we're soft launching the soft life.
But yes, because I'm trying to live a soft life.
Okay, we just started off with the summer.

(08:29):
And then also prioritizing pleasure.
A lot of times people think that there's something bad or sinful about pleasure andthere's a number of things that just feel pleasurable to do.
It feels pleasurable to have someone do our nails sometimes.
Sometimes it feels pleasurable, ooh, when you're getting your hair washed at the salon andthey're doing that nice scalp massage.
my goodness.

(08:50):
You know, there's all kinds of things that feel indulgent, that feel playful, that allowfor us to be present.
So again, invitation to be where our feet are.
If we are on a beautiful beach or we're surrounded by our loved ones at a table laughing,instead of being on the phone and thinking about, man, I need to do this, this and that.
Can we just take a moment and look around and notice the faces that are with us and justhave a moment of gratitude for our bodies, for being there, for our ability to remember to

(09:19):
be present in that moment.
So it can also look like midday naps.
We have a friend that always takes a midday nap.
That's amazing.
It could be a solo picnic or solo walks.
It could also be releasing the need to constantly be productive.
So allowing for there to be some space and time where we have rest.
mean, sometimes people think about Sundays as a day of rest, but a lot of times they'redoing laundry, they're getting ready for the week.

(09:46):
It's not really a day of rest.
It's a day of work.
But what does it look like that maybe on a Wednesday night we say in the summer like, hey,let me call up a friend I haven't seen in while and see if they want to go.
get ice cream or they want to go for a drive and listen to music.
How can we invite in this pleasure where we're not just waiting for it to happen on theweekend or on a vacation.

(10:08):
Now is a good time.
And this only time that is guaranteed.
The other thing we want to consider is that embracing softness is part of this path tohealing.
So some of us have been on a healing journey.
Maybe there were past difficult things that you've experienced in a workspace, in arelationship, maybe it was childhood trauma.

(10:32):
so allowing for this softness, for this ease really allows your body to heal from some ofthe past things that you've experienced so that you can live and be in the present moment
and experience ease.
For some people, they've had to brace their, when they were children all the time, becausethey never knew when something bad was gonna happen.
And like if something was good for a moment, it's like, no, it's a matter time beforesomething bad happens.

(10:56):
And so this bracing pattern that we've learned, it perhaps served us at a time when we hadto brace all the time.
But hopefully you're in a healthier space, healthier environment now.
And so part of the softness will allow for some of the healing that needs to occur.
So when thinking about a soft summer, one of the suggestions you made Ariel was about moodboards.

(11:21):
Well, there's mood boards.
There's so many ways to put this in a physical form, but a mood board almost connects tohow you want to feel.
If you do Pinterest, you can start penning things, the fashion you want to wear, placesyou want to go, just putting something together of how you want to feel this summer.

(11:47):
And also, if you start this now,
You can check in, maybe in middle of June, maybe at the beginning of July, like, is thishappening?
Do I need to modify some things?
Do need to add some things?
Is my mood matching my mood boards?
Okay, I dig that.
I will definitely consider a mood board because I like a visual.

(12:14):
In thinking about me wanting to have a little bit more softness, I recently did a TikTokon the divine feminine.
And I've been really curious and captivated by some of the things my girlfriends have beensharing about being more soft and delicate in how much fun that has been and how much, I
don't know how different it has been for a lot of them who have had to like hustle, workhard, protect themselves.

(12:41):
And so I often
will think, and I know a lot of people will say that when someone is moving into healingseason, they really start to favor that color pink.
And so when we think about pink, we think about softness, something that's delicate andsome drunk tanks, which are like holding cells for people when they get uh arrested for

(13:01):
public intoxication.
They will paint the rooms pink to actually get the occupants to be a little bit more calmand to bring their energy down.
So yeah, colors are powerful.
And so as I was thinking about the divine feminine and what does this look like for me toallow myself into this kind of season of femininity, I was like, I'm gonna need some

(13:24):
suggestions.
So I asked for suggestions and they poured in.
So folks said that they listen to music while they're showering, which I love to do, somuch more fun, ah that they are slowing down in the morning so they have time to stretch
in journal.
I said stretch in journal and have coffee.
I drink my coffee standing up normally, like as I'm getting ready.

(13:45):
Okay, sitting down and stretching and journaling.
I said, that is bold and I'm gonna try that this summer.
They also talked about building a schedule that centers comfort, which is wild to me.
My schedule is focused on the needs that I need to meet.
uh And I have never thought about it, centering comfort.

(14:08):
So a lot of talk about gentleness and walks and surrendering, letting go of this illusionof control, dressing up.
And I love a dress up moments.
Okay.
I love an event.
I love a reason to stunt on them.
Okay.
Um, and then reading was listed quite a few times, journaling quite a few times andsavoring a hot beverage.

(14:33):
yeah, this kind of slowing down.
So one of the things that most people know about me is that
I will never eat while I'm on the phone.
Okay, if I was talking to you and I was making a meal, now that the meal is ready, I'mgetting off the phone.
I want the flavors to dance on my tongue.
Okay?
And I can't allow them to really dance and twirl on my tongue if I'm talking to you,because now I'm distracted and I cannot hyper-focus.

(14:58):
So that brings me to the other point, which is to really think about how much you arequote unquote, multitasking.
The reality is that people don't multitask.
They think they multitask, but they don't.
They switch from one task to the other.

(15:19):
They switch back and forth.
And so the research is really clear that it's really inefficient and it leads to moreburnout and overwork since our brain has a limited capacity for attentional focus.
So that switching back and forth between tasks, it will decrease our efficiency, itincreases the number of errors, and it hinders our creativity.

(15:40):
We really want to invite less work, okay?
And there's also research that says that quote unquote multitasking or allegedlymultitasking costs as much as 40 % of someone's productive time.
I don't got that time to spend on that.
I'm trying to go on walks.
I'm trying to go have ice cream.
I'm trying to be in the streets.

(16:01):
And so I just want to also put that in your mind.
So instead of this belief that I can multitask, do multiple things at once, that switchingback and forth, are there other more efficient ways that we can tackle the things that we
have to tackle?
Be that an assignment from work and like we also need to make this phone call.

(16:23):
And I'm also trying to listen to this audio book.
Just being aware that you're really switching back and forth.
It's making you less productive.
And how can we just allow ourselves to focus on something so we might do it in chunks oftime?
So we spend 25 minutes at a time on each task and then we give ourselves breaks because wecan only focus for so long.

(16:43):
think we're focusing for three hours on something, but really we've checked our TikTok afew times.
We've been texting people.
I've been thinking about what I want to buy on the TikTok shop.
Don't judge me.
ah And so, yeah, another consideration.

(17:04):
Ariel, is there anything you want to invite into your soft summer?
I mean, I just want to do less.
Mmm, doing less is a thing.
I love that for you.
Ariel and I were plotting for this episode as we do.
And Ariel said, Oh man, remember how much fun those old school magazine quizzes were?

(17:28):
And I said, yes, yes I do.
We should create one for this episode.
So we have, Do You Need a Soft Summer?
Are you ready for this magazine quiz?

(17:50):
All right, now I'm gonna read it out loud, but for those of you where that's gonna be toomuch, you can skip ahead.
And oh if you subscribe to the podcast, I will email an episode guide that will have thequiz listed there.
So this is the quiz.

(18:12):
You're going to choose the answer that feels most like you right now.
And then we're going to tally our points as we go.
So one, we've got five questions.
How do you respond when your calendar unexpectedly clears?
Do you A, say perfect, I can catch up on emails?
That's one point.

(18:33):
Do you B, say I feel guilty unless I fill the time with something productive?
That's two points.
Or C.
ice cream run and walk under the sun.
Okay?
I know that's right.
That's three points.
Two, what's your relationship with naps?

(18:55):
Is it A, I could never nap, I have too much to do.
That's one point.
Is it B, I try but my brain doesn't stop spinning.
That's two points.
Ooh, I'm very much there.
C, they're a sacred ritual, pajamas and everything.
That's three points.
Ooh, that sounds nice.

(19:18):
Three, what does your nervous system feel like most days?
Is it A, constantly on edge or overloaded?
That's one point.
Is it B, buzzing but manageable?
Two points.
C, grounded, calm, and spacious?

(19:39):
That's three points.
Four, your inner voice lately sounds like, is it A, keep going, do more, be better.
We could take this to the next level.
That's one point.
Is it B, can we please rest soon?

(20:01):
That's two points.
Is it C, we deserve softness.
Let's breathe, perhaps meditate.
Three points.
Five, the last question.
Which would you rather gift yourself this summer?
A, a leadership course.

(20:22):
Got to stay ahead.
Okay.
This is for them girlies who collect degrees like infinity stones.
Okay.
We applying to another program.
Nothing wrong with that.
That's one point.
B, a few free weekends, but you'll see if you rest.
Two points.
C, time to heal, stretch, nap, dance, or lay in the grass.

(20:43):
That's three points.
So if you're mostly A's, it's between a score of five and seven.
If you're mostly B's, that's between a score of eight and 11.
And mostly C's is a score between 12 and 15.

(21:07):
Your soft score is this.
The hustles hustling is five to seven points.
You've been grinding hard friend.
Softness, what's that?
It must be time to lovingly interrupt the hustle.
Schedule joy, walk barefoot, grab ice cream just because your nervous system will thankyou.
I need a sponsorship by an ice cream place, okay?

(21:28):
No, I'm just kidding.
I mean, I do really love ice you know what?
Let me not be kidding.
Okay.
um
The other tier is soft curious.
That's if your points are between eight and 11.
You know you want more ease, but breaking habits is hard.
This is your permission slip.

(21:48):
Softness is productive.
Pick one moment this week to choose joy, rest, or slowness.
It's a revolution.
And then the last category is certified softy.
If you scored between 12 and 15, look at you!
Living your soft life.
Okay, I'm trying to be this.
Okay, I'm not there yet.

(22:09):
You've cracked the code on slow mornings, playful weekends, and tender boundaries.
Keep showing us how softness is strength.
And that my friends is your retro magazine quiz.

(22:33):
And with that, I really do hope that you have an opportunity to think about what you wantthis to look like.
I described some ways a soft summer could look.
You might have some other really cool suggestions.
If you do and you post about them, please tag and bolden with Jessica.
I want to see what you're up to.
I want to encourage all of the amazing work that you're engaged in in terms of the work onyour nervous system and on softness and healing.

(22:56):
Okay.
That's the homework.
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Have a feeling that's an overwhelming yes.
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(23:17):
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(23:40):
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(24:03):
We couldn't do this without you.
Until next time, stay emboldened.
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