July 28, 2025 • 42 mins
After a much-needed break and a bold move to a new state, Jessica returns with a powerful episode on what it really means to step into a new season of life. Joined by her friend Ariele, the two dive into the often-overlooked emotional terrain of big life changes—especially moving—and how to maintain connection with long-distance friends.
They explore how to nourish meaningful relationships, even when miles apart, and how to welcome change with grace and intention. This episode is for anyone navigating transition, craving deeper connection, or ready to move toward the life they truly want.
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Credits:
Host: Jessica Jackson
Produced by: Ariele
Edited by: Ariele
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:05):
Oh
Bye!
Welcome to the show emboldened with Jessica and I'm Jessica.
Today we're going to be talking about long distance.
but not in how you think.
We're talking about long distance relationships, our friendships.
(00:27):
And also I feel like we're in the season of moves, goodbyes, and hellos.
And little secret, I've recently moved.
Now there's speculation on if I move cross-country.
There's Uh-huh, because my sister being a sister, she had to go out and get a survey ofpeople who say this is not a cross-country move.
(00:50):
I am moving from Illinois to Georgia.
And I also want us to think about distance as it relates to having friends, having lovedones and family who could be in different stages of life.
So this could be a friend who recently has become a parent or it could be someone who isnow married or someone who has decided to be sober and we've known them as someone we used
(01:15):
to go out and drink with.
How do we support
the friendship, how do we see if they're still supporting us?
Because a lot of times it's like, ooh, they don't call me no more.
Do I give them a pass because they're a new parent?
Or how many passes I'm going to give them, I keep reaching out and showing up to thingsfor them.
They're not showing up to things for me.
So how do we go about some of this communication when the proximity and the ease of thatrelationship may have changed?
(01:47):
some stats on moving that oh I think it's always helpful to have like a little bit of ananchor into like what's happening in general with people.
So around 60 % of long distance relationships transition to a proximity relationship,while 40 % do not make it past the long distance phase.
And studies show that about 40 % of long distance relationships end within the first threemonths.
(02:13):
So if you can get over the first three months, that's a good sign.
And then another stat which is interesting is that a lot less people are moving, which Ithought was really interesting, than who moved maybe 50 years ago.
A lot more people were moving.
And I'm curious if that's because we can do so many things virtually and digitally now.
I wonder if this means less people have to move for a job or have to move to feel close topeople because there's other ways to connect.
(02:40):
But on average, how often do you think the average American moves in their lifetime?
I'm still gonna say four.
Okay, so it's saying 11.7 times, which to me that feels like a lot.
I think that's like moving houses also.
I guess I'm now factoring in like how many times I moved as a child compared to as anadult.
(03:01):
And we moved a lot, but as an adult, I really do like to get my roots in and settle in.
makes sense.
It's interesting, but yes, I definitely moved a lot as a child.
Like every two years I went to four different elementary schools, um which is why I'mexcited about moving, because I feel like I'm very good at it.
Like, I'm looking forward to meeting new people.
(03:21):
And yeah, because I feel like I really haven't had to put any energy into meeting newpeople because I just naturally meet a lot of them.
Yeah.
And so now I'm going to actually have to put myself out there.
also, like, it's just, it seems so different in different stages of life.
Moving as a kid, I'm not gonna say I was good at it, but we did it, and it's justsomething that you just had to do.
(03:43):
And I talk to friends now who have kids who are, like, teenagers, and they don't wannaeven consider moving, or they're in grammar school.
Like, I don't wanna disrupt their life, and I'm not gonna say my parents didn't care,but...
oh
were not thinking about that developmentally.
They were not thinking about that.
And there are way less ways to stay in touch.
So if your parent didn't mail off a letter for you or spend that money on that longdistance call from the rotary phone, it wasn't a rotary, but it was a landline.
(04:12):
That would be dramatic.
ah Then yeah, then there was no way to stay in touch.
And now with little ones, there's so many ways for them to stay in touch if that'ssomething you desire to do.
But you're right.
I don't think it was...
I don't think my parents thought about how that would impact us at all.
That was not what they were thinking.
And then I think about college and how people go off to college a lot of times and thatthey are starting brand new and they can put on different personas and just kind of make
(04:40):
up who they want to be.
But also how you brought up being good at moving and meeting people and all that.
I feel like I was able to do that when I was younger, but now I'm like, I've just settledinto my ways where I'm just like, the effort to making friends.
my God.
Yeah, you're always, you always got a new friend I find out about.
You haven't met him though.
Maybe finding you.
(05:01):
Yeah, that's the sentence.
They find me.
Otherwise, I will be in the corner not talking to anybody.
Yeah, they definitely find you.
But you're right.
In different stages of life, there's a different level of ease.
When we're in college and everyone is looking to meet new people, it's a lot easier to dothat versus if you're someone who has kids and you move into a neighborhood where there's
(05:23):
other families with kids and your kids are going to school together or you're at a jobwhere there's a lot of social activities and you're not one of me, the black kind of
person who is not friends with people I work with.
OK, we work together.
I've always just come up with, I have work friends.
And if you get so lucky to transition to a real friend, I mean, that's amazing, but itdoesn't happen often.
(05:47):
It's like a unicorn.
I do have a few of those, you know, and that first time when they're gonna be togetherwith your other friends you like you're testing it out.
Let's see how this goes.
And so a lot of times when people graduate from college, uh it's really different for thembecause they're in a different kind of environment.
ah And so, yeah, it looks different for different people in different seasons of theirlife.
(06:12):
I know I'm going to need to be really intentional about it because one of the other thingsthat I'm shifting is um from working full time at a job and then also having my private
practice to just working for myself.
And so being a therapist can be isolating in the sense that you're not if you're in aprivate practice, it can be isolating that there's not other therapists that you're
(06:33):
regularly interacting with outside of your you're interacting with your clients, butthat's not a mutual kind of relationship.
And while my clients are lots of fun, it is different.
And so, yeah, I'm going to have to be intentional.
Like, as I get invited to things, I'm actually going have to show up and show out.
Because otherwise, one thing about me, I know this so well.
(06:53):
Like, if I'm traveling for work or I'm traveling for fun, I don't ever want to be bored.
So I will make the effort to meet other people and I always meet fun people.
But if I have a comfort person with me that's traveling with me or that's at theconference with me,
I'm really not going to put that energy in.
So I know I'm going to need to be very intentional because I'm so big into community andhaving a good time.
(07:17):
So yeah, I know this is something I'm going to have to put energy into and I have theenergy to put into it because I'm not going to be working two jobs.
This is true, and I don't know if you're transitioning to this yet, but this is a goodtransition to how you just said how you have to put energy into this as the person, as the
friend who is staying and you're going.
It's like an issue of like, man, I don't have that person right there on my side, so I'mgonna have to make an effort.
(07:44):
yes.
If I don't wanna be a hermit to actually...
You're gonna wanna be You have to put yourself out there and go through all the motions ofmeeting people.
And I have to make the money so I can get the property so you can be the visiting artiston the property that has your own spot.
I'm so.
Yes, absolutely.
I don't even know if you're there or not.
(08:05):
I'll see the lights on Monday.
Be on the next day.
You just come through the door and be like, what you making?
You know, like, I mean, so yes, there's a big plan.
Yes, but also I guess it's two sides of the same coin when it comes to this long distancefriendships because you have to find your spot there and I have to redefine my spot here.
(08:27):
Oh, yay.
This is true.
Yeah, I'm excited for both of us and there is a little bit of grief involved.
ooh, emotions.
oh
So I just talked about how there's a little bit of grief that is involved and sometimespeople will not really allow themselves to be with a grief and so they might pull away.
(08:55):
They might start an argument so that now we're not friends anymore and I decided this onmy terms because they don't want to say goodbye or they may just, you know, feel like the
relationship is definitely going to end.
And so they start to operate in a way like the relationship has already ended and they'renot
(09:16):
putting in the same level of effort.
And all of these can really be limiting beliefs.
If we don't want to push that friend away just because they're going to be physicallydistant or because they're entering a new season of life and things are shifting, then we
want to invite some healthier ways to navigate this change that's happening.
(09:36):
And so there are a number of suggestions.
And I'm laughing because letterbox was one that was suggest.
and I said, this is trash, I'm deleting this.
And Ariel's like, uh no, that's very popular.
I did not know about it.
So for those that don't know about it, it's a place where you can review and sharethoughts about movies that you're both watching.
(09:57):
think about it, Jessica.
Like, you know, people, when they're making conversation, they're always asked, like, whatwas the last thing you watched?
Have you been to the movies?
And it's already, like, if you can go on Letterboxd and have your reviews, it's alreadythere for your friend to look at.
yeah, that's true.
I do like things certain people like.
Yeah, you do.
OK, I see that.
(10:17):
Because to me now, it's reminding me of Goodreads or Fable where I can't keep track of allthe books I'm reading.
But when it's there, then it's saved.
And I go back and say, did I read this?
Or if someone asks me something, then I have it.
And then I can see what my friends are reading that have tastes similar to mine.
I'd be like, I want to try this book.
also,
graph you mentioned.
(10:39):
That's fine.
That is the other one.
Yes.
Okay.
Thank you for reminding me.
Yeah.
There's also these tele-parties that you can do, so where you're watching Netflix orDisney Plus or Hulu or some kind of show or movie in sync so you have a plan to set it up
and this could be like where we order and food and we make sure popcorn is ready and ahmaybe we're texting while we're watching the movie.
(11:06):
But yeah, another way for us to be connected while apart.
Do watch parties still happen?
me of the pandemic, I know.
Watch parties, are they still a thing?
oh
Sometimes I feel like I do these, I don't do the official watch parties, but like me andmy siblings, maybe there's something we really wanna watch.
You can also do long distance game nights.
(11:27):
So whether you're using Jackbox, Scribble, Among Us, or you know what, what are thoseother gamey things?
My nephew does this with his long distance friend.
They'll do Minecraft together and then they'll do um Switch.
You can do Switch games together or whatever.
I don't know.
I don't know these gamey things.
But I know lots of people who game together.
Or people who play games.
(11:49):
right?
don't do that but yeah.
They need to make a digital taboo.
Ooh, that's a great idea.
you imagine?
Ooh, I do like that.
Mm, yes, I do.
So you can also do a playlist that you're sharing.
I love it when people, I have a friend that does a playlist based off of California withCalifornia art, isn't it so good?
(12:16):
But yeah, we could do these different kind of theme playlists that we're sharing.
Yeah, and I feel like you can have a blended playlist just based on what you're listeningto and all your friends' music is there too, or you can like have just a collaborative
playlist as well.
The other thing is with schedules because especially when you're in a different time zone,it's really confusing to remember what time zone someone's on or we make a plan and I'm
(12:44):
saying 12 o'clock, but for you that's 10 o'clock.
So you could sync a calendar.
You could plan virtual dates or life events or even kind of just chill time.
was uh sharing with Ariel that we have a mutual friend from college that there would betimes where they live in a different country and we would just be on the phone.
(13:05):
from like 9 a.m.
on a Saturday to like 7 p.m.
And like I would just be cooking, going by life.
We would talk every once in a while.
Sometimes we were talking like, you know, you just be chilling.
It could be video check-ins.
So like a standing date.
Also you could consider a virtual book club or a series bench.
(13:29):
In terms of physical touch points, you could do something like a love box.
that spins when you send someone a message.
You can open it and see their note.
You could do old school letters and cards and postcards and cute things.
Also care packages are really sweet.
had a friend send me a care package for my birthday and it had all of these reallybeautiful things.
(13:51):
I think I just cried.
Looked at the box and just cried.
It was magical.
um Also another idea would be, and this is really in right now for especially folks thatare dating folks.
is like sending Uber Eats or DoorDash meal, like if it's been a rough day or it's likeyour virtual date and you want them to have the same meal that you're having or you want
(14:12):
them to have their favorite meal.
And then if you want an emotional or somatic connection, maybe with a friend or loved oneor a boo thing.
A joint meditation session.
So you could use Insight Timer or the Calm app or another app that you enjoy likeLiberate.
(14:32):
where you're starting the sessions together.
You could also engage in some like just body check-ins where we're sending a voice note tosomeone and just saying, hey, you know, I care about you, just checking in, how's your
body today?
Do you feel any tension, any softness as you reach them 40s, a little bit more of thattension sometimes, but just a way for us to check in and be mindful with our friends.
(15:00):
Can you talk more about when friends are in different places in their lives?
Like, I feel like navigating that can sometimes be surprising, a little more difficultthan the long distance.
Because all you really have is the distance to deal with.
But like, if you're a friend who is still single, wild, and free, and your friend just gotmarried, got a kid too, and got a mortgage, like, how can they still...
(15:30):
Fee friends.
Yes.
man, those conversations.
Me and my sister have been talking about this a lot, but those conversations with peoplewho have kids where it's like every other word, they're yelling at their kids to like stop
doing something.
It's like you're just waiting.
ah It just is different and it requires being really intentional.
And so maybe you schedule up calls or check ins when they put their kids down for bed.
(15:53):
And if that is a good time for them or maybe when their kids are in daycare or during naptime.
um And also
I feel like sometimes we'll make assumptions.
So we'll make the assumption that now that they're married or now that they have a kid,they're not gonna wanna hang out with you anymore, they're not gonna have time for you.
And so again, people will decide to pull away.
(16:14):
And so just noticing that impulse that maybe you're feeling sad, maybe you're feelingnervous about the relationship, maybe you're feeling abandoned in some ways.
So honoring what is there, like how you're feeling, finding...
really soft ways to communicate how you're feeling with the friends.
So not like you've been a terrible friend or you got married or you don't have time for meanymore.
(16:35):
But I've been noticing we don't hang out the way we used to.
I've been feeling like I'm not a priority to you anymore.
Those kind of conversations.
And if the person's like, yeah, you're not a priority to me anymore.
I was hanging out with you to find my husband.
And now that I have him, I don't care.
Then you know how to move, right?
oh
I mean, I think of, if it's that situation, I feel like sometimes it's that friend who'slike, yeah, you're not a priority anymore, because I have a newborn.
(17:02):
And it's just like, okay, cool.
I completely understand that.
So it's just like, how do we move forward?
And are we going to move forward as friends or how we just downgrade it to acquaintancesand associates?
Or do I just check in with you when the kid is five?
Yeah, if I have time for it when the kid is five, because I might be doing other thingslike living in Asia.
(17:26):
Who knows?
So yeah, I think this is just about having these conversations, not putting things off,not taking it to chat, to sort it out, right?
Because at the end of the day, you just want to be in communication with your friend.
And if they're not calling you back, then there's your answer.
(17:50):
I also kind of just want to hold a little bit of space for um ways we might celebrate ifsomeone is, or not celebrate, but like show up for someone who's moving.
Ariel sent me this really cool TikTok of someone who was hosting a closing night party.
Now I thought I was going to have a Traders party, because I happen to want to have aTraders party.
(18:12):
I am going to have one at some point.
I definitely have one at some point.
It'll be like, I want to be at where they all have to drive and
have to rev it your place.
Yes, I'm gonna be dressed all fabulously like Alan.
Okay, my friend Amber was like, ooh, what are gonna wear?
said, ooh.
Took it to a whole nother level.
(18:32):
So uh we're definitely gonna do that.
But I have a ton of things I have to get rid of.
And uh we all know what the devil Facebook Marketplace is, okay?
We don't know who's coming to get us.
It is back and forth, back and forth.
It's too much.
And...
uh
A couple years ago I did uh a garage sale with my sister.
(18:55):
my gosh, that was so much work and so little payoff.
I said, I'm not doing another one of these for a very, very long time, if ever, okay?
So I've been donating a lot of things, but for some things that are really sentimental,like some of these beautiful plants that I have and I adore, or some pieces that my
friends have just loved over the years.
(19:15):
This idea of having a closing night party where your friends come in, they shop your itemsthat you need to get rid of.
You have this moment to sit together, to laugh, enjoy each other's company.
But you know your things are going to a good home.
There's something about that, that like the things I'm partying with, I still want them togo to a good home.
um It's just a really cool way to create some memories with your loved ones.
(19:40):
The other thing that the person, the creator of this TikTok shared was that
This could be something that you do once a year.
And then she ended it with a toast and a reflection of the year and things they want tomanifest going forward.
And I just thought that was so powerful, this idea of being in community with your lovedones, you all kind of reflecting together and thinking about what you want for yourself
(20:04):
going forward and for other people to help you manifest the things that you're speakingthat you want.
Other ways that folks are navigating me moving has been I've had uh a few offers of peopleto, people that some people who don't even live in the state who have offered to fly in
(20:28):
and help me pack up my house, and help me move.
One of them is a single parent.
I was like, how on earth?
You know what mean?
Like that's so kind of you.
Like, I appreciate that.
Yeah, like damn, that's the level of friendship we have that you're willing to dosomething like that for me.
Now I'm gonna have them come when I'm nice and settled in so we can have a nice good time,okay?
(20:50):
If you're gonna be away from your child for a bit, I gotta show you a good time.
And so to me, those things are meaningful, whether they're packing parties, where you'reon the phone or you have someone over and I don't necessarily need them to pack, just keep
me company.
Other offerings of support are just people saying, you know, while we're sad, you're goingto be leaving, you know, just reflecting on some of the memories that we have together,
(21:20):
making sure we get together before I move, seeing if there's anything that I need assupport.
So I have just felt really, really loved and supported and held.
And I'm a strong believer because I moved so much growing up that like the relationshipsyou want to keep, you can keep them going.
Distance is not going to stop anything for me.
oh
(21:40):
And so I think it is also an opportunity to see what are the relationships that stand thattest of time who are willing to put in the work.
I'm pretty sure I know who those people are just from some of the things that they'veshown me over the years.
And yeah, this is this is the place I've lived the longest in my life.
wow, impressive!
I know, that's a long time.
(22:00):
That's impressive.
wild.
I think in the end, you have to treat the friendships as you would treat a romanticrelationship.
They both require work.
I think some people just think it's just gonna magically happen.
A friend is a friend and that's how it is.
You gotta put effort into keeping friendships going.
(22:22):
That's so true.
I saw this quote and I really loved it.
They were talking about how everybody wants a village, but nobody wants to be a villager.
And I do run into that where people are like, how do I build friendships?
(22:50):
So we are joining you as part two of the long distance episode.
We need an update.
If you could like just update people, how are you settling in?
I'm quite enjoying myself, I must say.
um It feels like I'm on vacation because I'm not working nearly as much as I used to.
(23:15):
I wake up at like nine, 10 o'clock in the morning.
This is so terrible.
And I stay up till midnight.
I don't...
9 or 10 o'clock is, um, terrible.
I just feel so much freer.
It's really, really nice.
I'm enjoying it.
And it's weird because like whenever I want to go somewhere or I want to like go for awalk on a trail or something, like I have to Google where everything is at.
(23:41):
So that's different, not just being able to get in the car and go, but there's so manythings that I mean, there's just so many options when I do want to get in the car and go
somewhere.
So yeah, I feel like
feel like I'm on vacation, like it feels a little surreal in some ways.
to play off of that vacation feeling and how you mentioned you have one less job.
(24:05):
So where's that energy, that free time energy going?
That's a good question actually.
I just feel like it's not really going towards anything.
I feel part of it is, is my body is resetting, like what's normal and what it's, I used tobeing able to just like make a meal whenever I want to.
(24:27):
Like before the way that I was working uh to schedule sessions during lunch is like supercommon.
Cause that's when like a lot of students are free.
And so I would just like eat popcorn or chips.
during someone's session and then I would come home, probably make something reallyquickly and then go back into sessions.
(24:47):
And so I just feel like it's going into living.
Like in the middle of the day, if there's something I want to go do, I just go and do it.
That's just wild.
Or like if I want to go for a walk or go to a Pilates class, like I just feel like I'vebeen able to just slow down and not feel this rush.
(25:09):
You know, I still have like things to do.
Like I still have work outside of sessions, like, you know, things for the business anddoing notes and treatment planning and researching and trainings and things like that.
But it just feels so different at like on any day something unexpected can happen.
(25:30):
One day last week, I needed to get some new walking shoes.
This is my age.
In the move, I forgot.
I foolishly packed up all my tennis shoes.
So all I had were like these sandal flip-flop things, which was a terrible idea for themove.
And so anyway, so I needed nicer shoes.
So I go to this shoe place.
(25:51):
My brother meets me there with his family.
And it was like so fun.
Like I got to hang out with them in the middle of the day.
got cuddles from my niece and my nephews.
Then we went to Costco.
Those who know me know I love a grocery store.
Okay, so was in Costco acting up.
It just was like, wow, this is the middle of the day.
And then afterwards they're like, do you want to go for a walk on the trail?
(26:12):
And I was like, I do.
But my brother was like, but you probably need to work.
I was like, yeah, I probably need to work.
It's just this, it's so different, you know, being on my own schedule, doing what I wantto do.
I don't know where the energy is going, guess.
I feel like it's replenishing.
(26:32):
Like I don't know that it's being poured into anything in particular, but I feel like it'slike a reservoir that was empty and slowly it's been like bubbling back up to the way that
it should be.
That is good and I feel like a lot of people either aren't allowed to give themselves thattime to replenish or they just don't have the time to replenish.
(26:56):
So things are like getting closer and closer to empty all the time.
I definitely think that like I mean I just feel like when I look at the way I looked whenI first got here like I just look like I Was on my last breath right?
You know like I just raccoon eyes I just felt tired and I don't feel that sense ofexhaustion anymore, which is nice
(27:27):
I remember when you were in the process of moving, there was lots of talk of you lettinggo of just some things you didn't need to take with you, which I think is great, but also
a lot of decor things.
How are you making your new place a home?
I highly recommend this for people who are moving.
(27:49):
So I'm all over the place, okay?
I probably need to get a psychological assessment done, because while I know I'm neuralspicy, I'm just curious about some other things.
But uh whenever I want to buy something, I would show it to my sister, who is my lifestylecoach, let's be honest.
She's really been getting my life together, even my style, girl.
Okay, so look at me going off on the tangent.
(28:10):
But.
in the house, she kept being like, does it match?
Does it go?
Does it go?
And I'm like, yeah, of course it goes.
Like, this is a cute piece.
I like it.
So she had me create a mood board.
And so I used Pinterest and anything that I purchased, I put it in the mood board to seeif it flows.
And there were lots of things I was picking that do not flow or they were going to go inone room and in that room, it wasn't going to flow.
(28:34):
And so that was has been incredibly helpful.
So whenever I buy something or I'm looking at something
I look at it in relationship to the other pieces I have.
And so like for pieces that aren't new, just, I just took a picture of them and put themin the board.
Highly recommend that.
I feel like my style, it's so funny.
I really like bright colorful things and I'm really big into texture, which is a sensorything, girl.
(28:58):
I an assessment.
I feel like I've gotten a lot more neutrals in the house and I've never been that girlythat likes, you know, like those Kardashian boring white, everything's white.
I've never been that person.
And I have so many white cream pieces now.
But what I like about some of the neutrals, the big bigger neutral pieces is that itallows me to bring in things that are really colorful, whether that's artwork or like um
(29:28):
accent pillows or.
plants or other pieces that are really colorful and they still go in the space in a waywhere it's flowing together nicely.
So yeah, you're gonna have to come check it out.
Of course.
The other thing that I've been noticing style wise is in terms of the way I present.
(29:52):
know, before I had this very, I felt like I was looking like Mrs.
Frizzle on the Magic School Bus with like the really big jewelry.
know, like little kids love that stuff.
And especially when I used to work with little kids, oh man.
And I used to work with little kids that were in foster care.
So they had a lot of trauma.
like big colorful jewelry, they just loved it.
(30:14):
and it would be like a talking piece or a piece to help them to kind of relax andregulate.
And so I kept liking the really big jewelry.
But I was really feeling like Mariah Carey in Precious when she was a social worker,looking a little...
Drab, speaking of beige and gray.
Hello, right?
(30:35):
Right?
And so it's so funny because like now I'm more into like this very muted kind of like cutelittle accent gold pieces or little silver pieces, but they're not so big and so huge
because it makes me feel like I'm putting on my like educator costume.
And I just that, the style doesn't, it's not singing to me.
(31:00):
And um I just don't feel the need to do that.
because I'm not that person anymore.
So it's so funny because I have all of these really big jewelry pieces and I'm like, whatam I supposed to do with them?
My sister was like, donate them.
I was like, dang.
I'm gonna circle back and want them at some point.
She's like, no, donate them.
(31:22):
And even like my workout clothes, like, or my lounge clothes, like I had so many dresses,like I have a whole walk-in closet filled with dresses.
No, it's not because now I don't need to wear those big dresses all the time.
I just don't need to wear dresses like that all the time.
Like now I can just chill in cozy lounge clothes for the most part.
(31:44):
And even like, because there are so many beautiful trails, I like going outside and goingfor walks.
And so like this need to wear more like
like clothes to be active in and I don't I really don't have that stuff.
So it's just so interesting seeing the way the style is changing for this new more leisurelife.
Okay, I need my aflisher.
(32:06):
It just feels so nice and not restrictive.
It's just I'm telling you what it feels like I've entered into like a new planet orsomething.
And it's always where you're supposed to have been.
And I feel like a lot with a lot of people, like either switching jobs, dialing back jobs,retiring, or even getting laid off, they are just encountering a new way to live.
(32:33):
And for some, they encounter it really well.
And for others, I've seen like they're just lost.
I know I was very lost.
um
I'm supposed to be productive right now, right?
Like, I'm not tired right now, but I should be tired, because I was working so much.
So it's just like, you're almost like getting to know yourself again.
(32:56):
and outside of what it is that you do, right?
Well, and I think for you and I, there have been so many years where we have workedmultiple jobs.
So it's not like we're just coming out of maybe a two year or five year period.
It's like for decades, we were doing overworking a lot.
And so it's a big transition.
And so my invitation to listeners is just that, you know, if there's something you'vereally been wanting to do, if there's a move you've been wanting to make or...
(33:24):
a new field you want to enter or a new lifestyle you want to adopt, that it's really nottoo late to do that.
Like I think with everything that's happening in the world around us constantly being onfire, it just really reminds me that the time to do what I want to do, the time to live
the way I want to live is now.
And why put it off?
(33:45):
you
How is staying in contact with your friends been?
Oh, I feel like I've not been, I've not been hitting that right.
Um, so like I've, my friends have been really, really good about reaching out and checkingin about the move and how I'm getting settled in.
And so that's been really nice.
(34:06):
Um, but there's a few friends that I know probably are giving me a little bit of space,um, that I need to reach out to.
And I have not done that.
It's been on my mind to do it.
And then I get distracted and I start doing something else.
So that's something that is really, really important to me.
A, I love my friends.
And B, I don't want my friends to think that out of mind.
(34:28):
And while I know some people are like that and they can't necessarily help that, like forsome people it's an object, permanence piece or a neuro spicy piece.
For me, that's not the case.
I am thinking about them.
That's something I need to be better about for sure.
And it goes both ways.
Like they have to put in some type of work as well.
(34:48):
Yeah, I'm not, I'm not, it's not filling to me like, um, that I'm not receiving that fromfolks.
Like, you know, I've just certainly had them like check in, but it's on me to also reachout and just to check in with what's going on with them.
Like what's happened.
Like earlier this week, I was messaging someone, like a friend, and, um, they had likethis huge life update that I didn't even know about.
(35:14):
And I'm like, man, I gotta, I gotta be on top of this.
because I'm not around to find out things in the way that I used to.
And so, yeah, I just need to be pretty intentional about that.
And certainly intentional about meeting new people.
People in Georgia are so interesting, I think, though.
The question actually, like for the other side, how are you putting yourself out there tomeet new people and make new friends?
(35:42):
Oh, we.
OK, so I decided to do Pilates reformer.
And when I say I decided to, my sister-in-law thought it would be a idea.
I was just joking about what a difficult workout that is and how it looks like a torturedevice.
You know, it does.
It can't, but if you gotta have the right instructor if you ask me.
(36:03):
Yeah, so yeah, I checked that out and it was a cute little spot.
And some of those movements, I said, I'm not used to my body moving like that.
If my leg's going to be in the air, usually I got a little more support from somebody.
know, just said, is different.
Girl, it was different.
I said.
(36:24):
on the
wee.
So yes, I said, this is exactly where I probably need to be more regularly.
So that's been fun.
And there are a couple of people that I know that are out in this area.
And so at first I was like, just like, oh, wait until I get kind of situated and I'llreach out.
(36:47):
So I've been making those plans.
So that's super fun.
So along with Pilates, I probably need to join like a couple of more things, especiallysince I'm gonna be working or I work.
for myself.
So it's not like I'm in an environment where I'm going to be around a bunch of differentpeople all the time.
Some of the people who've been meeting me, I don't want to meet.
Okay.
(37:16):
I feel like there's something about our personalities, Ariel, like normally when we goplaces, people are drawn to us.
And so they'll chat us up and want to get to know us and things like that.
So of course that is still happening.
So yeah, so that's been interesting.
Okay.
I have not been seeing the fine men that I saw when I was coming for visits.
So I definitely need to get out of the house a little bit more.
(37:38):
Cause I was seeing some, some glow, really looking men, you know, you know, she described.
All in due time.
Getting to know other people, putting myself out there, been doing a little bit of that.
I need to probably do a little bit more.
The other thing is working for yourself.
(37:59):
It's really hard to turn that off.
During the day, I like to do my different side quests.
Okay, and I have a lot of fun.
But then other days, it's like, ooh, okay, I really need to work on this or I need to pullthese resources.
And then you kind of find the day getting away from you a little bit.
But for the most part, I've been working like four days a week and I really have beenhonoring the Fridays off, but it's been like a nice time to catch up on some things if I
(38:25):
need to.
uh Yeah, I do need to have the balance where I turn off work and I'm outdoors.
One of the things I wanted to touch on is if you're thinking about a large move, I reallyencourage folks to start planning early, especially if you have a professional license.
I've known people who are maybe educators or maybe they have a professional therapylicense or massage therapy license.
(38:51):
And we all know how bureaucracy works, that it's slow.
And so I highly recommend starting that process months early.
I think for me, it was about a five month process.
They wanted about 20 different documents.
20 different people that I have not been in contact with in about 20 years.
Okay.
And so even aside for finding all that paperwork, it just took time for all of it to beprocessed.
(39:15):
So really recommending that if you're wanting to do a move, allowing yourself lots of timeand space to allow that to happen.
And then the other thing is not to accept rejection.
There's so many things that happened during the move, during the process where people arelike, no, we can't do that or that's not possible.
And
I was like, okay, you can do that.
(39:36):
And I talked to more people and we figured out a way to make what I needed to happenhappen.
I also a big proponent of confirming and double checking.
So if movers are supposed to come on a day, double check in advance, double checking allkinds of things to make sure things are going as smoothly as they need to go.
(39:57):
But with any move,
or anything that's new, a transition, there's always things that are gonna come up.
So allowing yourself just to be patient with yourself, patient with the people that you'reworking with so that you're not getting overly activated and causing more stress for a
situation that's already stressful enough.
So I was really fortunate.
(40:19):
I think when you're operating in alignment, a lot of things just kind of happen together.
They move together, they click together.
And so...
um
A lot of things clicked together really nicely and easily for me that made things way lessstressful than they need to be.
And then there were also people who were acting up who didn't have any act right.
Okay.
And I had to gather myself.
(40:39):
Okay.
And go above them.
You know, I had to take care of business and business got taken care of.
I was really, really fortunate.
Um, yes, I think just being patient, making sure you have snacks.
One of the things that was so sweet, so many people, um,
when they were doing their goodbyes with me, they were giving me snacks for the drive umand things to help me stay awake and gift cards.
(41:04):
And I just received a lot of support on that side of things.
then on once I was in Georgia, but uh for the little and the small things, it's beenreally nice to have the support of my family.
It has been tremendous.
So I don't know.
This is so far it's been a good move.
(41:35):
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(41:56):
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Oh
Bye!
Welcome to the show emboldened with Jessica and I'm Jessica.
Today we're going to be talking about long distance.
but not in how you think.
We're talking about long distance relationships, our friendships.
(00:27):
And also I feel like we're in the season of moves, goodbyes, and hellos.
And little secret, I've recently moved.
Now there's speculation on if I move cross-country.
There's Uh-huh, because my sister being a sister, she had to go out and get a survey ofpeople who say this is not a cross-country move.
(00:50):
I am moving from Illinois to Georgia.
And I also want us to think about distance as it relates to having friends, having lovedones and family who could be in different stages of life.
So this could be a friend who recently has become a parent or it could be someone who isnow married or someone who has decided to be sober and we've known them as someone we used
(01:15):
to go out and drink with.
How do we support
the friendship, how do we see if they're still supporting us?
Because a lot of times it's like, ooh, they don't call me no more.
Do I give them a pass because they're a new parent?
Or how many passes I'm going to give them, I keep reaching out and showing up to thingsfor them.
They're not showing up to things for me.
So how do we go about some of this communication when the proximity and the ease of thatrelationship may have changed?
(01:47):
some stats on moving that oh I think it's always helpful to have like a little bit of ananchor into like what's happening in general with people.
So around 60 % of long distance relationships transition to a proximity relationship,while 40 % do not make it past the long distance phase.
And studies show that about 40 % of long distance relationships end within the first threemonths.
(02:13):
So if you can get over the first three months, that's a good sign.
And then another stat which is interesting is that a lot less people are moving, which Ithought was really interesting, than who moved maybe 50 years ago.
A lot more people were moving.
And I'm curious if that's because we can do so many things virtually and digitally now.
I wonder if this means less people have to move for a job or have to move to feel close topeople because there's other ways to connect.
(02:40):
But on average, how often do you think the average American moves in their lifetime?
I'm still gonna say four.
Okay, so it's saying 11.7 times, which to me that feels like a lot.
I think that's like moving houses also.
I guess I'm now factoring in like how many times I moved as a child compared to as anadult.
(03:01):
And we moved a lot, but as an adult, I really do like to get my roots in and settle in.
makes sense.
It's interesting, but yes, I definitely moved a lot as a child.
Like every two years I went to four different elementary schools, um which is why I'mexcited about moving, because I feel like I'm very good at it.
Like, I'm looking forward to meeting new people.
(03:21):
And yeah, because I feel like I really haven't had to put any energy into meeting newpeople because I just naturally meet a lot of them.
Yeah.
And so now I'm going to actually have to put myself out there.
also, like, it's just, it seems so different in different stages of life.
Moving as a kid, I'm not gonna say I was good at it, but we did it, and it's justsomething that you just had to do.
(03:43):
And I talk to friends now who have kids who are, like, teenagers, and they don't wannaeven consider moving, or they're in grammar school.
Like, I don't wanna disrupt their life, and I'm not gonna say my parents didn't care,but...
oh
were not thinking about that developmentally.
They were not thinking about that.
And there are way less ways to stay in touch.
So if your parent didn't mail off a letter for you or spend that money on that longdistance call from the rotary phone, it wasn't a rotary, but it was a landline.
(04:12):
That would be dramatic.
ah Then yeah, then there was no way to stay in touch.
And now with little ones, there's so many ways for them to stay in touch if that'ssomething you desire to do.
But you're right.
I don't think it was...
I don't think my parents thought about how that would impact us at all.
That was not what they were thinking.
And then I think about college and how people go off to college a lot of times and thatthey are starting brand new and they can put on different personas and just kind of make
(04:40):
up who they want to be.
But also how you brought up being good at moving and meeting people and all that.
I feel like I was able to do that when I was younger, but now I'm like, I've just settledinto my ways where I'm just like, the effort to making friends.
my God.
Yeah, you're always, you always got a new friend I find out about.
You haven't met him though.
Maybe finding you.
(05:01):
Yeah, that's the sentence.
They find me.
Otherwise, I will be in the corner not talking to anybody.
Yeah, they definitely find you.
But you're right.
In different stages of life, there's a different level of ease.
When we're in college and everyone is looking to meet new people, it's a lot easier to dothat versus if you're someone who has kids and you move into a neighborhood where there's
(05:23):
other families with kids and your kids are going to school together or you're at a jobwhere there's a lot of social activities and you're not one of me, the black kind of
person who is not friends with people I work with.
OK, we work together.
I've always just come up with, I have work friends.
And if you get so lucky to transition to a real friend, I mean, that's amazing, but itdoesn't happen often.
(05:47):
It's like a unicorn.
I do have a few of those, you know, and that first time when they're gonna be togetherwith your other friends you like you're testing it out.
Let's see how this goes.
And so a lot of times when people graduate from college, uh it's really different for thembecause they're in a different kind of environment.
ah And so, yeah, it looks different for different people in different seasons of theirlife.
(06:12):
I know I'm going to need to be really intentional about it because one of the other thingsthat I'm shifting is um from working full time at a job and then also having my private
practice to just working for myself.
And so being a therapist can be isolating in the sense that you're not if you're in aprivate practice, it can be isolating that there's not other therapists that you're
(06:33):
regularly interacting with outside of your you're interacting with your clients, butthat's not a mutual kind of relationship.
And while my clients are lots of fun, it is different.
And so, yeah, I'm going to have to be intentional.
Like, as I get invited to things, I'm actually going have to show up and show out.
Because otherwise, one thing about me, I know this so well.
(06:53):
Like, if I'm traveling for work or I'm traveling for fun, I don't ever want to be bored.
So I will make the effort to meet other people and I always meet fun people.
But if I have a comfort person with me that's traveling with me or that's at theconference with me,
I'm really not going to put that energy in.
So I know I'm going to need to be very intentional because I'm so big into community andhaving a good time.
(07:17):
So yeah, I know this is something I'm going to have to put energy into and I have theenergy to put into it because I'm not going to be working two jobs.
This is true, and I don't know if you're transitioning to this yet, but this is a goodtransition to how you just said how you have to put energy into this as the person, as the
friend who is staying and you're going.
It's like an issue of like, man, I don't have that person right there on my side, so I'mgonna have to make an effort.
(07:44):
yes.
If I don't wanna be a hermit to actually...
You're gonna wanna be You have to put yourself out there and go through all the motions ofmeeting people.
And I have to make the money so I can get the property so you can be the visiting artiston the property that has your own spot.
I'm so.
Yes, absolutely.
I don't even know if you're there or not.
(08:05):
I'll see the lights on Monday.
Be on the next day.
You just come through the door and be like, what you making?
You know, like, I mean, so yes, there's a big plan.
Yes, but also I guess it's two sides of the same coin when it comes to this long distancefriendships because you have to find your spot there and I have to redefine my spot here.
(08:27):
Oh, yay.
This is true.
Yeah, I'm excited for both of us and there is a little bit of grief involved.
ooh, emotions.
oh
So I just talked about how there's a little bit of grief that is involved and sometimespeople will not really allow themselves to be with a grief and so they might pull away.
(08:55):
They might start an argument so that now we're not friends anymore and I decided this onmy terms because they don't want to say goodbye or they may just, you know, feel like the
relationship is definitely going to end.
And so they start to operate in a way like the relationship has already ended and they'renot
(09:16):
putting in the same level of effort.
And all of these can really be limiting beliefs.
If we don't want to push that friend away just because they're going to be physicallydistant or because they're entering a new season of life and things are shifting, then we
want to invite some healthier ways to navigate this change that's happening.
(09:36):
And so there are a number of suggestions.
And I'm laughing because letterbox was one that was suggest.
and I said, this is trash, I'm deleting this.
And Ariel's like, uh no, that's very popular.
I did not know about it.
So for those that don't know about it, it's a place where you can review and sharethoughts about movies that you're both watching.
(09:57):
think about it, Jessica.
Like, you know, people, when they're making conversation, they're always asked, like, whatwas the last thing you watched?
Have you been to the movies?
And it's already, like, if you can go on Letterboxd and have your reviews, it's alreadythere for your friend to look at.
yeah, that's true.
I do like things certain people like.
Yeah, you do.
OK, I see that.
(10:17):
Because to me now, it's reminding me of Goodreads or Fable where I can't keep track of allthe books I'm reading.
But when it's there, then it's saved.
And I go back and say, did I read this?
Or if someone asks me something, then I have it.
And then I can see what my friends are reading that have tastes similar to mine.
I'd be like, I want to try this book.
also,
graph you mentioned.
(10:39):
That's fine.
That is the other one.
Yes.
Okay.
Thank you for reminding me.
Yeah.
There's also these tele-parties that you can do, so where you're watching Netflix orDisney Plus or Hulu or some kind of show or movie in sync so you have a plan to set it up
and this could be like where we order and food and we make sure popcorn is ready and ahmaybe we're texting while we're watching the movie.
(11:06):
But yeah, another way for us to be connected while apart.
Do watch parties still happen?
me of the pandemic, I know.
Watch parties, are they still a thing?
oh
Sometimes I feel like I do these, I don't do the official watch parties, but like me andmy siblings, maybe there's something we really wanna watch.
You can also do long distance game nights.
(11:27):
So whether you're using Jackbox, Scribble, Among Us, or you know what, what are thoseother gamey things?
My nephew does this with his long distance friend.
They'll do Minecraft together and then they'll do um Switch.
You can do Switch games together or whatever.
I don't know.
I don't know these gamey things.
But I know lots of people who game together.
Or people who play games.
(11:49):
right?
don't do that but yeah.
They need to make a digital taboo.
Ooh, that's a great idea.
you imagine?
Ooh, I do like that.
Mm, yes, I do.
So you can also do a playlist that you're sharing.
I love it when people, I have a friend that does a playlist based off of California withCalifornia art, isn't it so good?
(12:16):
But yeah, we could do these different kind of theme playlists that we're sharing.
Yeah, and I feel like you can have a blended playlist just based on what you're listeningto and all your friends' music is there too, or you can like have just a collaborative
playlist as well.
The other thing is with schedules because especially when you're in a different time zone,it's really confusing to remember what time zone someone's on or we make a plan and I'm
(12:44):
saying 12 o'clock, but for you that's 10 o'clock.
So you could sync a calendar.
You could plan virtual dates or life events or even kind of just chill time.
was uh sharing with Ariel that we have a mutual friend from college that there would betimes where they live in a different country and we would just be on the phone.
(13:05):
from like 9 a.m.
on a Saturday to like 7 p.m.
And like I would just be cooking, going by life.
We would talk every once in a while.
Sometimes we were talking like, you know, you just be chilling.
It could be video check-ins.
So like a standing date.
Also you could consider a virtual book club or a series bench.
(13:29):
In terms of physical touch points, you could do something like a love box.
that spins when you send someone a message.
You can open it and see their note.
You could do old school letters and cards and postcards and cute things.
Also care packages are really sweet.
had a friend send me a care package for my birthday and it had all of these reallybeautiful things.
(13:51):
I think I just cried.
Looked at the box and just cried.
It was magical.
um Also another idea would be, and this is really in right now for especially folks thatare dating folks.
is like sending Uber Eats or DoorDash meal, like if it's been a rough day or it's likeyour virtual date and you want them to have the same meal that you're having or you want
(14:12):
them to have their favorite meal.
And then if you want an emotional or somatic connection, maybe with a friend or loved oneor a boo thing.
A joint meditation session.
So you could use Insight Timer or the Calm app or another app that you enjoy likeLiberate.
(14:32):
where you're starting the sessions together.
You could also engage in some like just body check-ins where we're sending a voice note tosomeone and just saying, hey, you know, I care about you, just checking in, how's your
body today?
Do you feel any tension, any softness as you reach them 40s, a little bit more of thattension sometimes, but just a way for us to check in and be mindful with our friends.
(15:00):
Can you talk more about when friends are in different places in their lives?
Like, I feel like navigating that can sometimes be surprising, a little more difficultthan the long distance.
Because all you really have is the distance to deal with.
But like, if you're a friend who is still single, wild, and free, and your friend just gotmarried, got a kid too, and got a mortgage, like, how can they still...
(15:30):
Fee friends.
Yes.
man, those conversations.
Me and my sister have been talking about this a lot, but those conversations with peoplewho have kids where it's like every other word, they're yelling at their kids to like stop
doing something.
It's like you're just waiting.
ah It just is different and it requires being really intentional.
And so maybe you schedule up calls or check ins when they put their kids down for bed.
(15:53):
And if that is a good time for them or maybe when their kids are in daycare or during naptime.
um And also
I feel like sometimes we'll make assumptions.
So we'll make the assumption that now that they're married or now that they have a kid,they're not gonna wanna hang out with you anymore, they're not gonna have time for you.
And so again, people will decide to pull away.
(16:14):
And so just noticing that impulse that maybe you're feeling sad, maybe you're feelingnervous about the relationship, maybe you're feeling abandoned in some ways.
So honoring what is there, like how you're feeling, finding...
really soft ways to communicate how you're feeling with the friends.
So not like you've been a terrible friend or you got married or you don't have time for meanymore.
(16:35):
But I've been noticing we don't hang out the way we used to.
I've been feeling like I'm not a priority to you anymore.
Those kind of conversations.
And if the person's like, yeah, you're not a priority to me anymore.
I was hanging out with you to find my husband.
And now that I have him, I don't care.
Then you know how to move, right?
oh
I mean, I think of, if it's that situation, I feel like sometimes it's that friend who'slike, yeah, you're not a priority anymore, because I have a newborn.
(17:02):
And it's just like, okay, cool.
I completely understand that.
So it's just like, how do we move forward?
And are we going to move forward as friends or how we just downgrade it to acquaintancesand associates?
Or do I just check in with you when the kid is five?
Yeah, if I have time for it when the kid is five, because I might be doing other thingslike living in Asia.
(17:26):
Who knows?
So yeah, I think this is just about having these conversations, not putting things off,not taking it to chat, to sort it out, right?
Because at the end of the day, you just want to be in communication with your friend.
And if they're not calling you back, then there's your answer.
(17:50):
I also kind of just want to hold a little bit of space for um ways we might celebrate ifsomeone is, or not celebrate, but like show up for someone who's moving.
Ariel sent me this really cool TikTok of someone who was hosting a closing night party.
Now I thought I was going to have a Traders party, because I happen to want to have aTraders party.
(18:12):
I am going to have one at some point.
I definitely have one at some point.
It'll be like, I want to be at where they all have to drive and
have to rev it your place.
Yes, I'm gonna be dressed all fabulously like Alan.
Okay, my friend Amber was like, ooh, what are gonna wear?
said, ooh.
Took it to a whole nother level.
(18:32):
So uh we're definitely gonna do that.
But I have a ton of things I have to get rid of.
And uh we all know what the devil Facebook Marketplace is, okay?
We don't know who's coming to get us.
It is back and forth, back and forth.
It's too much.
And...
uh
A couple years ago I did uh a garage sale with my sister.
(18:55):
my gosh, that was so much work and so little payoff.
I said, I'm not doing another one of these for a very, very long time, if ever, okay?
So I've been donating a lot of things, but for some things that are really sentimental,like some of these beautiful plants that I have and I adore, or some pieces that my
friends have just loved over the years.
(19:15):
This idea of having a closing night party where your friends come in, they shop your itemsthat you need to get rid of.
You have this moment to sit together, to laugh, enjoy each other's company.
But you know your things are going to a good home.
There's something about that, that like the things I'm partying with, I still want them togo to a good home.
um It's just a really cool way to create some memories with your loved ones.
(19:40):
The other thing that the person, the creator of this TikTok shared was that
This could be something that you do once a year.
And then she ended it with a toast and a reflection of the year and things they want tomanifest going forward.
And I just thought that was so powerful, this idea of being in community with your lovedones, you all kind of reflecting together and thinking about what you want for yourself
(20:04):
going forward and for other people to help you manifest the things that you're speakingthat you want.
Other ways that folks are navigating me moving has been I've had uh a few offers of peopleto, people that some people who don't even live in the state who have offered to fly in
(20:28):
and help me pack up my house, and help me move.
One of them is a single parent.
I was like, how on earth?
You know what mean?
Like that's so kind of you.
Like, I appreciate that.
Yeah, like damn, that's the level of friendship we have that you're willing to dosomething like that for me.
Now I'm gonna have them come when I'm nice and settled in so we can have a nice good time,okay?
(20:50):
If you're gonna be away from your child for a bit, I gotta show you a good time.
And so to me, those things are meaningful, whether they're packing parties, where you'reon the phone or you have someone over and I don't necessarily need them to pack, just keep
me company.
Other offerings of support are just people saying, you know, while we're sad, you're goingto be leaving, you know, just reflecting on some of the memories that we have together,
(21:20):
making sure we get together before I move, seeing if there's anything that I need assupport.
So I have just felt really, really loved and supported and held.
And I'm a strong believer because I moved so much growing up that like the relationshipsyou want to keep, you can keep them going.
Distance is not going to stop anything for me.
oh
(21:40):
And so I think it is also an opportunity to see what are the relationships that stand thattest of time who are willing to put in the work.
I'm pretty sure I know who those people are just from some of the things that they'veshown me over the years.
And yeah, this is this is the place I've lived the longest in my life.
wow, impressive!
I know, that's a long time.
(22:00):
That's impressive.
wild.
I think in the end, you have to treat the friendships as you would treat a romanticrelationship.
They both require work.
I think some people just think it's just gonna magically happen.
A friend is a friend and that's how it is.
You gotta put effort into keeping friendships going.
(22:22):
That's so true.
I saw this quote and I really loved it.
They were talking about how everybody wants a village, but nobody wants to be a villager.
And I do run into that where people are like, how do I build friendships?
(22:50):
So we are joining you as part two of the long distance episode.
We need an update.
If you could like just update people, how are you settling in?
I'm quite enjoying myself, I must say.
um It feels like I'm on vacation because I'm not working nearly as much as I used to.
(23:15):
I wake up at like nine, 10 o'clock in the morning.
This is so terrible.
And I stay up till midnight.
I don't...
9 or 10 o'clock is, um, terrible.
I just feel so much freer.
It's really, really nice.
I'm enjoying it.
And it's weird because like whenever I want to go somewhere or I want to like go for awalk on a trail or something, like I have to Google where everything is at.
(23:41):
So that's different, not just being able to get in the car and go, but there's so manythings that I mean, there's just so many options when I do want to get in the car and go
somewhere.
So yeah, I feel like
feel like I'm on vacation, like it feels a little surreal in some ways.
to play off of that vacation feeling and how you mentioned you have one less job.
(24:05):
So where's that energy, that free time energy going?
That's a good question actually.
I just feel like it's not really going towards anything.
I feel part of it is, is my body is resetting, like what's normal and what it's, I used tobeing able to just like make a meal whenever I want to.
(24:27):
Like before the way that I was working uh to schedule sessions during lunch is like supercommon.
Cause that's when like a lot of students are free.
And so I would just like eat popcorn or chips.
during someone's session and then I would come home, probably make something reallyquickly and then go back into sessions.
(24:47):
And so I just feel like it's going into living.
Like in the middle of the day, if there's something I want to go do, I just go and do it.
That's just wild.
Or like if I want to go for a walk or go to a Pilates class, like I just feel like I'vebeen able to just slow down and not feel this rush.
(25:09):
You know, I still have like things to do.
Like I still have work outside of sessions, like, you know, things for the business anddoing notes and treatment planning and researching and trainings and things like that.
But it just feels so different at like on any day something unexpected can happen.
(25:30):
One day last week, I needed to get some new walking shoes.
This is my age.
In the move, I forgot.
I foolishly packed up all my tennis shoes.
So all I had were like these sandal flip-flop things, which was a terrible idea for themove.
And so anyway, so I needed nicer shoes.
So I go to this shoe place.
(25:51):
My brother meets me there with his family.
And it was like so fun.
Like I got to hang out with them in the middle of the day.
got cuddles from my niece and my nephews.
Then we went to Costco.
Those who know me know I love a grocery store.
Okay, so was in Costco acting up.
It just was like, wow, this is the middle of the day.
And then afterwards they're like, do you want to go for a walk on the trail?
(26:12):
And I was like, I do.
But my brother was like, but you probably need to work.
I was like, yeah, I probably need to work.
It's just this, it's so different, you know, being on my own schedule, doing what I wantto do.
I don't know where the energy is going, guess.
I feel like it's replenishing.
(26:32):
Like I don't know that it's being poured into anything in particular, but I feel like it'slike a reservoir that was empty and slowly it's been like bubbling back up to the way that
it should be.
That is good and I feel like a lot of people either aren't allowed to give themselves thattime to replenish or they just don't have the time to replenish.
(26:56):
So things are like getting closer and closer to empty all the time.
I definitely think that like I mean I just feel like when I look at the way I looked whenI first got here like I just look like I Was on my last breath right?
You know like I just raccoon eyes I just felt tired and I don't feel that sense ofexhaustion anymore, which is nice
(27:27):
I remember when you were in the process of moving, there was lots of talk of you lettinggo of just some things you didn't need to take with you, which I think is great, but also
a lot of decor things.
How are you making your new place a home?
I highly recommend this for people who are moving.
(27:49):
So I'm all over the place, okay?
I probably need to get a psychological assessment done, because while I know I'm neuralspicy, I'm just curious about some other things.
But uh whenever I want to buy something, I would show it to my sister, who is my lifestylecoach, let's be honest.
She's really been getting my life together, even my style, girl.
Okay, so look at me going off on the tangent.
(28:10):
But.
in the house, she kept being like, does it match?
Does it go?
Does it go?
And I'm like, yeah, of course it goes.
Like, this is a cute piece.
I like it.
So she had me create a mood board.
And so I used Pinterest and anything that I purchased, I put it in the mood board to seeif it flows.
And there were lots of things I was picking that do not flow or they were going to go inone room and in that room, it wasn't going to flow.
(28:34):
And so that was has been incredibly helpful.
So whenever I buy something or I'm looking at something
I look at it in relationship to the other pieces I have.
And so like for pieces that aren't new, just, I just took a picture of them and put themin the board.
Highly recommend that.
I feel like my style, it's so funny.
I really like bright colorful things and I'm really big into texture, which is a sensorything, girl.
(28:58):
I an assessment.
I feel like I've gotten a lot more neutrals in the house and I've never been that girlythat likes, you know, like those Kardashian boring white, everything's white.
I've never been that person.
And I have so many white cream pieces now.
But what I like about some of the neutrals, the big bigger neutral pieces is that itallows me to bring in things that are really colorful, whether that's artwork or like um
(29:28):
accent pillows or.
plants or other pieces that are really colorful and they still go in the space in a waywhere it's flowing together nicely.
So yeah, you're gonna have to come check it out.
Of course.
The other thing that I've been noticing style wise is in terms of the way I present.
(29:52):
know, before I had this very, I felt like I was looking like Mrs.
Frizzle on the Magic School Bus with like the really big jewelry.
know, like little kids love that stuff.
And especially when I used to work with little kids, oh man.
And I used to work with little kids that were in foster care.
So they had a lot of trauma.
like big colorful jewelry, they just loved it.
(30:14):
and it would be like a talking piece or a piece to help them to kind of relax andregulate.
And so I kept liking the really big jewelry.
But I was really feeling like Mariah Carey in Precious when she was a social worker,looking a little...
Drab, speaking of beige and gray.
Hello, right?
(30:35):
Right?
And so it's so funny because like now I'm more into like this very muted kind of like cutelittle accent gold pieces or little silver pieces, but they're not so big and so huge
because it makes me feel like I'm putting on my like educator costume.
And I just that, the style doesn't, it's not singing to me.
(31:00):
And um I just don't feel the need to do that.
because I'm not that person anymore.
So it's so funny because I have all of these really big jewelry pieces and I'm like, whatam I supposed to do with them?
My sister was like, donate them.
I was like, dang.
I'm gonna circle back and want them at some point.
She's like, no, donate them.
(31:22):
And even like my workout clothes, like, or my lounge clothes, like I had so many dresses,like I have a whole walk-in closet filled with dresses.
No, it's not because now I don't need to wear those big dresses all the time.
I just don't need to wear dresses like that all the time.
Like now I can just chill in cozy lounge clothes for the most part.
(31:44):
And even like, because there are so many beautiful trails, I like going outside and goingfor walks.
And so like this need to wear more like
like clothes to be active in and I don't I really don't have that stuff.
So it's just so interesting seeing the way the style is changing for this new more leisurelife.
Okay, I need my aflisher.
(32:06):
It just feels so nice and not restrictive.
It's just I'm telling you what it feels like I've entered into like a new planet orsomething.
And it's always where you're supposed to have been.
And I feel like a lot with a lot of people, like either switching jobs, dialing back jobs,retiring, or even getting laid off, they are just encountering a new way to live.
(32:33):
And for some, they encounter it really well.
And for others, I've seen like they're just lost.
I know I was very lost.
um
I'm supposed to be productive right now, right?
Like, I'm not tired right now, but I should be tired, because I was working so much.
So it's just like, you're almost like getting to know yourself again.
(32:56):
and outside of what it is that you do, right?
Well, and I think for you and I, there have been so many years where we have workedmultiple jobs.
So it's not like we're just coming out of maybe a two year or five year period.
It's like for decades, we were doing overworking a lot.
And so it's a big transition.
And so my invitation to listeners is just that, you know, if there's something you'vereally been wanting to do, if there's a move you've been wanting to make or...
(33:24):
a new field you want to enter or a new lifestyle you want to adopt, that it's really nottoo late to do that.
Like I think with everything that's happening in the world around us constantly being onfire, it just really reminds me that the time to do what I want to do, the time to live
the way I want to live is now.
And why put it off?
(33:45):
you
How is staying in contact with your friends been?
Oh, I feel like I've not been, I've not been hitting that right.
Um, so like I've, my friends have been really, really good about reaching out and checkingin about the move and how I'm getting settled in.
And so that's been really nice.
(34:06):
Um, but there's a few friends that I know probably are giving me a little bit of space,um, that I need to reach out to.
And I have not done that.
It's been on my mind to do it.
And then I get distracted and I start doing something else.
So that's something that is really, really important to me.
A, I love my friends.
And B, I don't want my friends to think that out of mind.
(34:28):
And while I know some people are like that and they can't necessarily help that, like forsome people it's an object, permanence piece or a neuro spicy piece.
For me, that's not the case.
I am thinking about them.
That's something I need to be better about for sure.
And it goes both ways.
Like they have to put in some type of work as well.
(34:48):
Yeah, I'm not, I'm not, it's not filling to me like, um, that I'm not receiving that fromfolks.
Like, you know, I've just certainly had them like check in, but it's on me to also reachout and just to check in with what's going on with them.
Like what's happened.
Like earlier this week, I was messaging someone, like a friend, and, um, they had likethis huge life update that I didn't even know about.
(35:14):
And I'm like, man, I gotta, I gotta be on top of this.
because I'm not around to find out things in the way that I used to.
And so, yeah, I just need to be pretty intentional about that.
And certainly intentional about meeting new people.
People in Georgia are so interesting, I think, though.
The question actually, like for the other side, how are you putting yourself out there tomeet new people and make new friends?
(35:42):
Oh, we.
OK, so I decided to do Pilates reformer.
And when I say I decided to, my sister-in-law thought it would be a idea.
I was just joking about what a difficult workout that is and how it looks like a torturedevice.
You know, it does.
It can't, but if you gotta have the right instructor if you ask me.
(36:03):
Yeah, so yeah, I checked that out and it was a cute little spot.
And some of those movements, I said, I'm not used to my body moving like that.
If my leg's going to be in the air, usually I got a little more support from somebody.
know, just said, is different.
Girl, it was different.
I said.
(36:24):
on the
wee.
So yes, I said, this is exactly where I probably need to be more regularly.
So that's been fun.
And there are a couple of people that I know that are out in this area.
And so at first I was like, just like, oh, wait until I get kind of situated and I'llreach out.
(36:47):
So I've been making those plans.
So that's super fun.
So along with Pilates, I probably need to join like a couple of more things, especiallysince I'm gonna be working or I work.
for myself.
So it's not like I'm in an environment where I'm going to be around a bunch of differentpeople all the time.
Some of the people who've been meeting me, I don't want to meet.
Okay.
(37:16):
I feel like there's something about our personalities, Ariel, like normally when we goplaces, people are drawn to us.
And so they'll chat us up and want to get to know us and things like that.
So of course that is still happening.
So yeah, so that's been interesting.
Okay.
I have not been seeing the fine men that I saw when I was coming for visits.
So I definitely need to get out of the house a little bit more.
(37:38):
Cause I was seeing some, some glow, really looking men, you know, you know, she described.
All in due time.
Getting to know other people, putting myself out there, been doing a little bit of that.
I need to probably do a little bit more.
The other thing is working for yourself.
(37:59):
It's really hard to turn that off.
During the day, I like to do my different side quests.
Okay, and I have a lot of fun.
But then other days, it's like, ooh, okay, I really need to work on this or I need to pullthese resources.
And then you kind of find the day getting away from you a little bit.
But for the most part, I've been working like four days a week and I really have beenhonoring the Fridays off, but it's been like a nice time to catch up on some things if I
(38:25):
need to.
uh Yeah, I do need to have the balance where I turn off work and I'm outdoors.
One of the things I wanted to touch on is if you're thinking about a large move, I reallyencourage folks to start planning early, especially if you have a professional license.
I've known people who are maybe educators or maybe they have a professional therapylicense or massage therapy license.
(38:51):
And we all know how bureaucracy works, that it's slow.
And so I highly recommend starting that process months early.
I think for me, it was about a five month process.
They wanted about 20 different documents.
20 different people that I have not been in contact with in about 20 years.
Okay.
And so even aside for finding all that paperwork, it just took time for all of it to beprocessed.
(39:15):
So really recommending that if you're wanting to do a move, allowing yourself lots of timeand space to allow that to happen.
And then the other thing is not to accept rejection.
There's so many things that happened during the move, during the process where people arelike, no, we can't do that or that's not possible.
And
I was like, okay, you can do that.
(39:36):
And I talked to more people and we figured out a way to make what I needed to happenhappen.
I also a big proponent of confirming and double checking.
So if movers are supposed to come on a day, double check in advance, double checking allkinds of things to make sure things are going as smoothly as they need to go.
(39:57):
But with any move,
or anything that's new, a transition, there's always things that are gonna come up.
So allowing yourself just to be patient with yourself, patient with the people that you'reworking with so that you're not getting overly activated and causing more stress for a
situation that's already stressful enough.
So I was really fortunate.
(40:19):
I think when you're operating in alignment, a lot of things just kind of happen together.
They move together, they click together.
And so...
um
A lot of things clicked together really nicely and easily for me that made things way lessstressful than they need to be.
And then there were also people who were acting up who didn't have any act right.
Okay.
And I had to gather myself.
(40:39):
Okay.
And go above them.
You know, I had to take care of business and business got taken care of.
I was really, really fortunate.
Um, yes, I think just being patient, making sure you have snacks.
One of the things that was so sweet, so many people, um,
when they were doing their goodbyes with me, they were giving me snacks for the drive umand things to help me stay awake and gift cards.
(41:04):
And I just received a lot of support on that side of things.
then on once I was in Georgia, but uh for the little and the small things, it's beenreally nice to have the support of my family.
It has been tremendous.
So I don't know.
This is so far it's been a good move.
(41:35):
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(41:56):
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