Part 2: Being 'That Girl'

Summary: 

Hey, Emboldened Fam! 🌟 We're back with Part 2 of our deep dive into what it means to be "That Girl" – the unapologetically confident, radiant, and unapologetically YOU! 💁🏾‍♀️✨

 

In This Episode:

💖 Gratitude Practice: Discover how expressing gratitude daily can boost your mental and physical well-being. Whether it's through journaling or reflection, learn the power of appreciation.

💃🏽 Embrace Your Confidence: Dive into the concept of "Being That Girl" – owning your shine and not dimming your light for anyone. It's time to walk tall and celebrate your full, beautiful self!

🪞 Self-Acceptance and Body Positivity: Let’s talk self-love! Learn practical tips for embracing your body and shutting down negative self-talk.

📚 Book Recommendations: Get Jessica’s top book picks to inspire your journey of self-growth and empowerment.

🚧 Setting Boundaries: Understand the importance of setting healthy boundaries and surrounding yourself with positive, uplifting relationships.

 

💜 Love the show? Support Emboldened with Jessica! 💜

Your donation helps cover production costs and improve audio quality. Click here to donate and keep the bold conversations coming! Thank you for your support! 🙌✨

 

Jessica’s Cozy Book Nook - Bookshop 

1. You’re that Bitch by Bretman Rock - Bookshop

2. Girl Gurl Grrrl: On Womanhood and Belonging in the Age of Black Girl Magic by Kenya Hunt - Bookshop

 

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Credits:

Host: Jessica Jackson

Produced by: Ariele & Jessica 

Edited by: Ariele

Episode Transcript

(00:19):
So as we've had the opportunity to talk a little bit with Lisa, one of the practices thatshe shared was just gratitude and how she has developed this practice where she's
recognizing the things that to be grateful for.
And so on a day it might be if we suffer with allergies, it might be noticing that absenceof that, that suffering, that restriction, noticing that we can breathe through our nose.

(00:42):
Sometimes it's a really little gratitude.
Maybe it's the way that a person interacted with us when we went to the store.
Maybe it's that our outfit is just really day in today.
So finding these points during the day where we can practice gratitude.
Some people might use it as a journal practice at the end of the day where they mightwrite in maybe in their phone in the notes section or if they have some type of journal

(01:04):
app or if they are gonna do a pen and paper, which is my practice to use pen and paper, toreally just write a couple of things that they're grateful for in that day.
And so we don't have to write it down, but it is helpful to write it down because it
allows us to be a little bit more mindful throughout the day of what it is we want to makesure that we capture later on.

(01:25):
So a lot of therapists recommend gratitude.
And why do we always talk about gratitude?
You know, we always got our on about practicing gratitude.
It's because it works.
So there's been a number of studies over the years that have shown how effective it is.
One thing that we know is that the higher levels of gratitude a person experiences, thelower their levels of depression.

(01:47):
We also know that, you know, if you even were to practice 15 minutes a day, five days aweek, so we don't have to be perfect at this, right, so we don't have to all seven days,
that if we were to practice that for at least six weeks, we can enhance our mentalwellness and promote lasting changes in our perspective.
Because now, instead of always looking at the deficit, like, today it was rainy, it wasn'ta good day.

(02:09):
it was so hot.
Like, our brain tends to focus in on the negative.
So we have tens of thousands to hundreds of thousands of thoughts a day.
And for most people, 80 % of those thoughts tend to be negative.
And from a perspective of survival, when we were out in the wilderness and we didn't haveshelters and things like that, we had to always be scanning for danger.

(02:32):
Now we live in different environments.
We don't need to always scan for danger.
So our brain is kind of, it's set up in a way where we prioritize the negative, but we areevolved, really dope creatures.
And we can change some way that our brain functions.
so practicing gratitude is one of the ways we can do that.

(02:56):
Let's see, another powerful bonus of practicing gratitude is it helps to positively affectour biomarkers for heart disease.
So it's physically helping your health, in addition to helping your mental health.
And also, keeping a gratitude journal can significantly drop your blood pressure.
So if you're someone who is struggling with blood pressure, this is another tool that canaid in that fight.

(03:29):
we're writing in a journal it doesn't have to be perfect.
If you're not at the point where you're ready to write in a journal maybe it's justsomething you reflect on before as you're doing your like nighttime routine like as you're
washing your face and brushing your teeth and getting ready for bed it might be somethingyou reflect on.
If your memory is a little stronger than mine it might be something that you reflect onwhen you're getting ready in the morning what from the day before you're really grateful

(03:52):
for.
So figure out what might work for you.
So part of being that girl is really an essential point of being emboldened.
There's all kinds of pros and cons of, I wouldn't even say, of being that girl.
I mean, I see it mostly as pros, but if Ariel were with me right now, she might have somecons to being that girl.

(04:18):
One of the ways that we might refer to this is that idea of being delusional.
And so this idea of being delusional, of, you know, thinking about
or pretending as if you have the things that you want or the things that you need andbeing really confident.
I don't think of that as delusional because I think that what we think about, what weembody becomes our reality.

(04:43):
So I think of that as more of like a way to manifest to walk into our truth.
But I some people think about that as being delusional.
So if for you it's being delusional, practice it.
I mean, as long as you're not doing anything that's harmful or hurtful to you or anyoneelse.
really start to think really large about what you want.
And part of being that girl is also not dimming your light.

(05:05):
know, other people might give us no's, but we don't need to say no to ourselves.
And so how can we not minimize our worth, what we bring to the table?
How can we really allow ourselves to be fully who we are?
Sometimes we might feel the need to minimize our dimmer light to help other people feelmore confident.
News flash, that's not how it works.
Other people aren't gonna feel more confident because we're dimming our light.

(05:28):
If they require us to dim our light for their well -being, then boom, that's a huge redflag.
There's something really wrong about that because nobody needs to dim their lights forother people to shine.
We all can shine.
yeah, recognizing that we're not gonna minimize, we're not gonna shrink.
And if there are spaces in people who ask that of you, how can you...

(05:51):
Adjust things so you spend less time with those people and in those spaces because theydon't deserve you
Another piece of being that girl is instead of having that fear of being perceived, if I'mthat girl, then all eyes are gonna be on me and they're gonna be judging me.

(06:11):
And sort of kind of thinking in that very negative way, right?
How can we be curious about what is causing me to want to not be perceived?
Is this a trauma response from something that maybe has happened in a past relationshipfrom my childhood?
You know, and that could be something that you explore with a qualified mental healthprofessional.

(06:32):
But most people are just not worried about us.
And this is such a freeing realization.
They just are.
There's just a lot of things that are going on that most people are navigating.
And so using up our time worrying about what others may or may not be thinking about us orhow others are judging us is really a waste of our energy and time.
I mean, we could be thinking about this for hours and some people do.

(06:53):
They ruminate.
So they worry.
over and over again about did I say the wrong thing?
And it's one thing to maybe have a moment of like cringe, like, man, I could have wordedthat better and kind of be able laugh at ourselves and keep it moving and be like, okay,
I'm gonna do better in the future.
That can be helpful.
But when we start to just think about, my gosh, everyone saw and what if it was recordedand my gosh, what are they thinking about when now we're going on and on?

(07:18):
That really actually lowers our self -esteem and it doesn't help us to do better.
We're gonna do worse.
And so really recognizing most things are not about us.
So not taking so many things personal and not being worried about things we have nocontrol over.
I don't have control over what's going on in someone's mind if they have a bias.
You know, maybe my hair is styled in a way that like a teacher they hate it was styled.

(07:41):
And so they have a bias because of that.
I can't do anything about that.
Nor do I care to.
Okay, I got other more fun things I need to be worried about doing for me that I actuallyhave control and impact over.
So being comfortable in our own bodies, I think this is also really critical as people aredating and going on dates.
A lot of times the question is, did that person like me?
And the question really should be when we're going on a date or getting to know people is,do I like that person?

(08:06):
Okay.
Were they interesting?
Were they fun?
Were they listening to me?
What is my nervous system?
What does my body feel like when I'm with them?
Does it feel better?
Does it feel worse?
These are the things that we want to bring to our awareness.
We more wanna be aware of,
how we are experiencing other people, what we're noticing, more so than trying to predictor read the mind of how others are experiencing us.

(08:36):
So on that note, I just want to end with a little something for our cozy book nook.
It's been a couple of podcasts since I've had a book.
So two recommendations, Bretman Rock's book, You're That Beat.
I'm just going to put a little trigger warning in there that that book has a lot oftraumatic things that happens to Bretman.

(08:58):
That could be a little bit hard for some people to read.
They might need to take a pause from that.
But the book overall is just amazing.
I mean, he really talks about what he has done to build his confidence, what he has doneto become famous, you know, his life story, how he's overcome some things.
So I highly recommend it.
You're that B.
And then the other one I really recommend is Girl, Girl, Girl on Womanhood and Belongingin the Age of Black Girl Magic.

(09:21):
And that's by Kenya Hunt.
It's an incredible book.
Five stars.
Highly recommend it.
So if you have an opportunity, please rent or check out those books from your locallibrary, whether that's in person.
or lot of your local libraries have a way to digitally check out books.
So if you're not someone who likes to read an audiobook maybe for you, and you don't haveto spend a bunch of money with audiobooks for that, there are ways to rent that.

(09:43):
And if you're interested in purchasing it, we do have a bookshop with Bookshop, and it'slinked in our information for this episode.
So as a reflection, I just want to invite everyone that is listening to really just kindof sit with what do you want and not want.

(10:05):
And even more importantly, how you will allow yourself to be treated when it comes torelationships, people that you're around, whether it's friends, whether it's coworkers,
whether it's a romantic situation, if it's with family, you know, really just explore whatyou want, what you need, what you don't want, and how you will allow people to treat you.
because we really are always teaching people how they can treat us.

(10:28):
And so if we allow them to walk all over us or to be judgmental or dismissive of us, thatwill continue.
And if we don't allow that, and in the sense of not that we can change their behavior,right, because we have control over other people's behavior, but we have control over if
we're going to still say yes to these invitations.
If we're going to pick up the phone when you reach out, when you slide in my DMs, am Igoing to respond to you?

(10:50):
Because our energy is limited and it is positive.
and it can remain positive as long as we're around others who are positive and pouringinto us.
And so there may be someone that's negative, but maybe the relationship is so important toyou that you're willing to tolerate a little bit of their negativity, but you really don't
have the energy to tolerate anyone else's negativity.

(11:10):
And so that's a delicate dance that we do.
We decide what works for you and honor that.