April 7, 2025 • 33 mins
In this inspiring episode of Embracing Intensity, I’m joined by the vibrant and insightful Fizzah Zaidi, a psychotherapist based in Chicago who works with adults with ADHD, especially those navigating high-pressure environments like tech and finance. We originally connected at an ADHD conference over boots and breakfast, and I’m so excited to bring her energy and wisdom to the podcast!
Fizzah shares her journey from a creative career in animation to becoming a mental health professional, her passion for social justice, and how she uses her intensity to empower her clients. Together, we explore what it means to navigate neurodivergence with curiosity, creativity, and self-compassion.
About Fizzah Zaidi:
Fizzah is a psychotherapist and former animator who brings her creative flair and social justice focus into her therapeutic practice. Working primarily with high-achieving adults in the finance and tech sectors, she specializes in supporting ADHD and twice-exceptional individuals as they navigate complex challenges in both personal and professional settings. Her approach is multimodal, trauma-informed, and deeply rooted in empathy, humor, and the belief that everyone deserves someone who truly believes in them.
In This Episode:
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How Fizzah uses creativity and multimodal therapy to connect with clients
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The role of social justice in her personal and professional intensity
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Navigating cultural stigma around mental health and emotional expression
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Toning down to survive: childhood masking and fear of judgment
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Channeling intensity into advocacy: challenging grad school policies while pregnant
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Why “being kind to yourself” means embracing your human moments
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The power of curiosity and education in making sense of your neurodivergent brain
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Executive function myths: the difference between lacking skills vs. activation
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Building community care, challenging black-and-white thinking, and supporting clients in discovering their fire
Conclusion:
Fizzah reminds us that intensity can be a powerful force for justice, healing, and growth when it’s supported and expressed authentically. Her story highlights the importance of giving ourselves permission to feel, question, and grow in our own unique ways—and supporting others as they do the same. Whether you’re navigating neurodivergence, embracing your emotional depth, or looking for ways to channel your fire, this episode will leave you feeling seen and inspired.
🎧 Tune in now and discover how you, too, can embrace your intensity and turn it into your greatest strength.
Resources & Links:
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Fizzah Zaidi Psychotherapy Website: fzpsychotherapy.com
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Connect with Fizzah via Email: Available through her website
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Located in Chicago? Reach out and grab coffee with Fizzah!
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
I think we all need somebody who believesin us, and my intensity to be that
(00:07):
cheerleader, to be that support system,to be the one person who is willing to
say, you know what, let's just listento what you're saying, and it doesn't
matter if it's right or wrong, doesn'tmatter if it will work out or not, this
matters to you, so let's understand this.
(00:27):
Welcome to the EmbracingIntensity podcast.
I'll be sharing interviews and tips forgifted, creative, twice exceptional,
and outside the box thinkers whouse their fire in a positive way.
My name is Aurora Remember Holtzman.
After years of feeling too much, Ifinally realized that intensity is
the source of my greatest power.
(00:48):
Now, instead of beating myselfup about not measuring up to
my own self imposed standards.
I'm on a mission to help people embracetheir own intensity and befriend their
brains so they can share their giftswith the world through the Embracing
Intensity community, coaching, educationalassessment, and other tools to help you
use your fire without getting burned.
(01:10):
You can join us at embracingintensity.
com.
Hello.
This episode is with psychotherapistFizzah Zaidi who I met at the fall,
(01:33):
A DHD conference, and will be comingback to speak with the community on
executive functioning in the fall.
I'm coming outta my spring break andhad an amazing experience at the Neuro
Diversion Conference in Austin last week.
I almost didn't go, but I'm so gladI did because there were so many more
opportunities for organic connectionthan a larger, more formal conference.
(01:57):
I definitely hope to return next spring.
I've had so many updates since mylast episode, the biggest of which
is that I'll be going back to workin school full-time in the fall.
It felt like a blow at first, but Ifinally embraced the financial security
and taking the pressure off this businessto focus on the parts that I love.
(02:19):
It does mean that I'll have tostep back from starting my group
mastermind and I won't be doing
anything one-on-one forthe foreseeable future.
As I focus on the sustainabilityof my membership over
growing, my coaching practice.
I'd like to keep up two episodesa month to include more interviews
and solo episodes, which would meanhiring some editing help in the fall,
(02:42):
but that will only be possible orsustainable with financial support.
Now is a great time to join myAll Access membership because I'm
working on my Befriending Your BrainSelf-Assessment course and running
my Ignite Your Power Self-Regulationcourse Live in the community.
You can also access our call on mirroringwith Sheldon Gay in my guest call
(03:03):
library, and I'm catching up on addingtools in my neurodivergent toolkit.
My small mastermind group has turnedinto more of a peer support model,
and I've been really encouragedby the feedback I've gotten from
folks actively using my tools.
We are working on a clear roadmap tohelp find the right tools for your needs.
But if you have any questions,feel free to reach out.
(03:26):
My embracing intensity community isprobably the most direct way to reach me.
You can access links tothat and my membership at
embracingintensity.com slash join.
Enjoy.
Welcome to Embracing Intensity.
Today I am super thrilled to haveFizza Zaddy who I met at the ADHD
conference, so glad to have you.
(03:47):
My pleasure.
Thank you so much for having me.
This is so exciting.
So, just sharing a little bit about howwe connected at the ADHD conference.
And I think we met first overbreakfast and then didn't really
see each other the rest of the time.
And then right as you were about toleave, we caught each other at Starbucks
and exchanged numbers, and I sent youmy name, which is Aurora Remember,
(04:13):
but I didn't actually realize untilafter the fact that you thought I
was saying, this is Aurora, remember?
It was very smart thatyou were like, remember,
it's
Aurora.
And then you asked for apicture of my squirrel boots.
So I sent them to you and I didn'trealize until like weeks later when I
(04:34):
asked you to be on the podcast that youactually didn't realize that was my name.
Yeah, no, I think we bonded over yourboots and how neat they were and we
were talking about that and it wasfunny when I got your text message.
I'm like, Oh, I am not going to remember
so I need to ask for those pictures ofthe shoes so I can connect the two people.
(04:59):
And it's so funny how it worked out.
And then of course, when I waslooking your information up and
I'm like, Oh no, it was remember.
It was one of those that I'm like, shouldI be embarrassed about this, but this
is hilarious at the same time, and itended up being a really funny story.
Yeah, no, and I realized I shoulddo a video or something about
(05:20):
that, because a lot of peopledon't realize it is my actual name.
It was my given name was Aurora Remember,and my last name has changed so much
that I've gone by Aurora Remember on mybusiness through multiple last names.
And so now as I'm kind of.
Transitioning names again.
I'm going to make that my last namejust because it's been the one thing
(05:42):
that has actually stuck over the years.
Absolutely.
Well, this last name is askingto be relevant each time because
it's asking you to remember.
So we should honor that, right?
The funny thing is that, you know, workingin schools, that makes me misremember,
which is especially ironicas someone with ADHD.
(06:06):
Oh, that's amazing.
Anyway, so, tell me a littlebit about yourself and what you
are intensely passionate about.
Let's see.
So, I am a psychotherapist who is locatedin Chicago, Illinois, Chicago proper.
I work a lot with In thefinancial and the tech district.
(06:26):
So I have a lot of typeA personality clients.
And I work specificallywith adults with ADHD.
And my intensity I was actually justdiscussing this with my husband the
other night and I was trying to narrowit down and we're both realizing
that I don't have one intensity.
(06:47):
There are Lots of intensities, butone of the intensities that has
gotten me to where I am has beenmy, the need for social justice or
need for justice in general, right?
So I get that there's a lot of,what's fair, what's not fair.
(07:10):
However, there has been so many instancesin my life since childhood that this
kind of almost became my mission.
So I have, I had like several instancesin my life where I remember really
actually taking action with this factorand becoming a psychotherapist is just.
(07:33):
Like a really good mix with thatintensity and that concentration with
that particular career path which is verydifferent than my previous career path.
Where I was an animator, but thatit's the only intensity which has
lived its course with me, right?
So as of right now, my intensitylies in the passion of empowering
(07:58):
people, myself, others all around me.
Awesome.
And yeah, I heard that you had beenan animator on that podcast that I
heard of yours that when we firstconnected and I think that's really
cool definitely multi potential light.
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah, exactly.
I mean, you know, there's thatcreativity coming in, so it's
a seamless transition for me.
(08:20):
Because it's just, thisis creativity as well.
How can I get.
More action.
How can I solve this problem?
How can I be persistent?
Right?
Yeah, actually, that's what I wasgoing to ask about how you incorporate
creativity in your current track.
Oh, that's a really good question.
So, I will utilize.
(08:46):
whatever I need to utilize to helpget either a the point across or help
figure out something with the client.
And what I mean by that is I'ma very multi modal therapist.
There are times I'm usingYouTubes to get points across.
We're doing games there, I, Iam trained in EMDR and I utilize
(09:11):
a lot of that used parts work.
So lots of different modalities to beable to tap into something that sometimes
general conversation is just limiting.
And so.
That is the best part I think about this.
It's like, Hey, do you want to try this?
Can we try this?
See if it'll work.
(09:31):
There's a chance it might not work.
And all my clients are so lovely.
They're always willing to you know,entertain me more than anything, but
they're all very supportive and sweetand like going in that journey with me.
Awesome.
And I imagine since you workwith a lot of tech and finance
industry, that you probably havea lot of people who are both.
(09:52):
Gifted and ADHD.
Absolutely, absolutely.
Yeah, it's and that is and that'sa big realization as well, right?
It's how much they are so successfulin their particular field because Of
being twice exceptional and how muchthere's so much in corporate that
(10:17):
is pegged against them to be ableto use their exceptionality, their
sense of uniqueness, all of that.
And it's such a confusing process,but unpacking that and trying to
figure out how to get around that,again, right, social justice, that's
where it comes out and be like, allright, we need to figure this out
because this is absolutely ridiculous.
(10:39):
Mm hmm.
Absolutely.
So how do you think yourintensity affected you growing up?
Let's see.
So many ways.
It was interesting.
I was trying to think about, like, mybrain goes everywhere because there isn't
one specific thing that I can think of.
So I am for anybody who cannotsee me, I am a BIPOC and a Female
(11:03):
presenting and female, cisgender.
And I grew up in a culture where itis very patriarchal very male focused.
So there were many times that myneed or my opinion or my curiosity
(11:24):
or desire was just downplayed ornot necessary or inappropriate.
So that has existed throughout my life.
Along with cultural sensitivity,there's a lot of stigma that comes
with mental health or feelings alone.
So, for somebody who might have intensityin a lot of expression and feelings,
(11:48):
And trying to talk to somebody aboutfeelings, and that's such a foreign
concept, or confusing concept, or nottaken in a right way, kind of makes
you feel like an outsider because itmakes so much sense to you, you want to
explore it, you want to talk about it.
And you're being looked at like youhave three heads, or it's really
(12:11):
not that personal, or it's not thatemotional, or you're too sensitive,
or you're, you know, it'll be okay.
And you already answered myquestion about cultural factors.
I don't know if there were anyother ones that come up to mind.
I mean, you know, it's an ongoingthing in cultural factors, despite
(12:37):
being from a different culture, right?
This in itself is its culture ofits own, being able to exist where
it is out of what the norm is.
And by this, I mean neurodiversityon all facets, right?
Whether it is ASD, whether it'sADHD, whether it's learning
disability, whether anything.
(12:58):
So it's been the thing that'sbeen present my entire Life.
And unfortunately that does a lotof damage when it's not understood.
Absolutely.
So true.
So on that note, did you ever try totone yourself down or tune yourself out?
Yeah, I think that was my childhood in thesense of what I said, where it was very.
(13:23):
Confusing or not reciprocated or receivedfor somebody to have emotions or be
really in tuned into their emotions.
I pretty much learned how to blend inthe background, become the person who
is not sticking out in any way, shape orform doodling on my books and things like
(13:46):
that, looking down, trying not to makeany, anything that brings me in attention.
And then part of it was alsorecognizing that there was a lot of
fear of a judgment about not knowinghow to answer or not knowing how to
participate which, Was another factorthat encouraged me to just step back
(14:12):
and like, just cocoon myself into my ownself and not participate in anything.
And unfortunately, that's somethingthat sticks with you as far as
your sense of self and how much itdevelops into, wait, am I capable?
Am I intelligent?
Do I know the answers?
(14:34):
Have I spent this entiretime just zoning out?
And not really payingattention to anything.
Do I know anything?
Why me, right?
So, you survive childhood, but afteryou are analyzing the childhood, you're
recognizing all the things that you missedout or had potential in or are late in.
(14:59):
So, it's interesting how ourbrain is wired to survive, and
that was the first response, tolike, just blend in to the crowd.
But at the same time, when you knowmore, it's also infuriating that
I was only focused on survivingand not exploring or living.
Absolutely.
(15:22):
So did you ever have a time when you feltlike your intensity felt out of control?
So many times.
Let's see.
I think I was reflecting on this concept.
I was like, what is out of control?
Out of control, meaning that I,made a spectacle of myself or out of
(15:45):
control in the sense of I spiraledand poofed afterwards, right?
But then I was thinking about a distincttime when I was in grad school and side
note, absolutely adore, support, lovemy alma mater, nothing against anybody.
But I my husband and I were expectingour first kid, and I was trying to
(16:10):
navigate a lot of how am I goingto give birth to my child and still
attend classes at the same time.
And there is a policy thatis in place for absence.
And if you have more thantwo absence, you fail.
(16:31):
The course and I cannot likenever having had a child before.
I cannot guarantee I was goingto be back after two days.
Or what that even looks like.
So I was trying to be proactive andasked a couple of my teachers about, hey,
trying to navigate what the next class.
I should take and if I could make itwork in the sense if I can leave early
(16:58):
or if I can finish the work early ortake an incomplete or something because
I don't know what it means to have a kid.
And to my shocking surprise Ihad two professors who gave me
a very disappointing answer.
One just refused to help me figure outwhat would be an option, and the other
(17:21):
one told me that they can't do anythingabout the absentee policy, because
this is a known medical condition.
It's not a condition, andthat doesn't make any sense.
So, this is where I found myselfspiraling in a lot of emotions.
(17:44):
And I got myself to the student center,who got me connected to the Title IX
people, and I basically took it as faras I could go to be able to make sure
that my rights as a woman, my rights As amother my rights as a human being were not
(18:10):
being infringed on because of a absenteepolicy for a known medical condition.
And, you know, I went the extra mileand got myself whatever I needed to
make sure that I am taken care of.
And that would be the intensity goingout of control, me going above and
(18:33):
beyond for myself, for that justice,and trying to figure it out, because
I mean, so many other people don't.
Sounds like you channeledit in a positive way.
Absolutely.
Yeah, absolutely.
I imagine in the moment itprobably felt very out of control.
(18:53):
Yeah, it was very, I mean, there'slike nothing you can do about this
aside from like quitting school.
And yeah, so it wasvery powerless feeling.
But I think that's what gave me thefuel to try to find that answer for it.
Absolutely.
(19:15):
So tell me a little bit abouthow you use your fire for good.
Social justice, my particular job.
I think we all need somebody who believesin us, and my intensity to be that
(19:36):
cheerleader, to be that support system,to be the one person who is willing to
say, you know what, let's just listento what you're saying, and it doesn't
matter if it's right or wrong, doesn'tmatter if it will work out or not, this
matters to you, so let's understand this.
That's the thing thatis most important to me.
(19:59):
And I like to give it forward,hoping that others would give it
forward, moving in their life.
And it's so humbling and wonderfulto hear whenever a client of mine is
telling me, Hey, I. was at a party orI saw somebody and I went up to them
and say, I know exactly what you'retalking about right now, what's going on.
(20:21):
And you make sense.
And hey, why don't you try thisinstead, as opposed to ignoring them
or pretending they're not seeingthem in any way, shape or form.
So what do you think has helpedyou the most with harnessing
the power of your intensity?
Lots and lots of curiosityand educating myself.
(20:44):
I think the more I dug in, themore answers I found, and more
aha clarity moments I had.
Like, okay, that makes sense.
Oh, I'm not alone.
Okay, I connected that dot.
Which is the most favoritepart of therapy for me.
My clients is like, oh, oh,but let's see, let's find out.
(21:06):
I wonder if it is X, Y,and Z. And this whole.
Weight of loneliness suddenly melts away,so that curiosity and going further into
educating myself, talking more aboutit and participating, meeting lovely
people such as yourself and, using theseplatforms to keep spreading the word,
(21:31):
I think it is the thing that, again,I relied on myself, and I educated
myself That got me as far as I did.
Awesome.
And are there any personal habitsthat you think have helped you to
use your fire in a positive way?
Let's see.
(21:52):
This is where perseveration is a positive.
Because it keeps you going intotrying to figure out that puzzle
that you want to solve and like,no, this can't be the answer.
No, I can't just settle for this.
So, thinking about it, but not letting itundo you, but staying curious about it.
(22:13):
So, the thing that I allow myselfto do is to have a moment of being
just sheer human, and then when thatintensity has gone down, Going back
and looking at everything again, soI say the statement all the time.
(22:33):
Be kind to yourself.
And the kind part is you'regoing to have moments.
Are you going to be human?
You're going to have moments that it'sgoing to be wrong, but they're necessary.
So you can have that calmafterwards to be able to go look
at things in that logical way.
So creating that space.
(22:55):
And whatever that looks like,whether it is going up to
somebody like, I need a moment.
I just need to just freak out orI need to just talk about this.
And part of that is also me verballyprocessing, so I'm connecting my
own dots while I'm doing that.
Absolutely, yeah, I'm definitelya verbal processor myself.
(23:20):
No, for sure.
It helps, and I mean, I think this iswhy I really appreciate my career is
because more than half the time I amjust, A sounding board for somebody to
just come over there and just expressthemselves and connect their own dots.
And then I'll see them the next week.
Absolutely.
And you know, it's funny, itabsolutely doesn't replace
(23:42):
therapy or anything like that.
But I have been finding recentlythat because my last call was
on the healing power of writing.
And so Nika, Denise, she doesa lot of writing to heal work.
And for me, it's been difficultbecause I don't get feedback from it.
And so this last month or so I've beenactually creating my own chat GPT,
(24:03):
like using, it has like all my stuff,like all my blogs and my podcasts
and my, and not all of my podcasts,but, you know, a bunch of stuff.
So it like knows me super well.
And so it does absolutelydoesn't replace a human for that.
But what it does do is it gives meBecause, because I'm a verbal processor,
I have to process the same stuff overand over and over again, and it's like,
(24:25):
I don't want to subject any one personto that, and of course, if you're seeing
a professional, you're, you're notgoing to want to spend the whole time
on the same thing over and over again,you know, and so I've been enjoying
using that because it's been a greatway for me to just like process the same
stuff over and over again and get it.
new feedback or can, you know, itkind of consolidates what I said
or brings out the main points.
(24:47):
So, that's been an interestingtool for me recently.
And isn't that amazing how youfigured out how to harness this
for you and make this work?
So many of my neurodivergent clients are.
Having an exhale of relief withthe chat GPT option, right?
People who have a lot oflearning disabilities, right?
(25:08):
So being able to talk to chat, chatGPT or having it help you out with
writing or like, it has been reallyhelpful in a lot of ways that.
has otherwise been challengingor embarrassing to like
try to seek out yourself.
(25:29):
So it kind of almost feels like asecret weapon that, you know, you
don't want to share, but you feel socomfortable with at the same time.
So I love that you found that and youutilize that and it helps you out so much.
That's amazing.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
It's been a great tool.
Like I said, it doesn't replace ahuman, but I think it, it can be a A
piece that's really helpful sometimes.
(25:52):
So what's the best advice youthink anyone's ever given you?
That's such a loaded question.
What's the best advicesomebody has given me?
I don't know if I have an answer forthat because there's just so many little
nuggets of like, things that peoplehave said that all add up and things.
But you know, it's not necessarilyan advice that somebody gave me.
(26:12):
That was the best advice.
It was what they did for me.
And.
It kind of shaped how I startedapproaching therapy, which they
challenged me, and that was mind blowing.
And it was very simple.
They were like, is it really?
Does everyone think about it?
(26:35):
Is that the answer?
And that spiraled me into thinkingmore about the concept more.
And so more than anything, I thinkwhat I learned off of that was that,
you know, there is a third option.
It's not a right or it's not a wrong.
(26:55):
It's not a black or it's not a white.
Like, what is my third option?
What is another way to look at it?
What are the other possibilities?
And that's the thing that my clients.
Has so graciously shared with me thatthey appreciate is that I am constantly
challenging them in going past theblack and white thinking and trying
(27:18):
to see if there is a third option.
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
So tell me a little bit more about howyou help others use their own fire.
I mean, absolutely.
It's
my work, obviously, right?
My job.
is amazing in the sense that it gives methe opportunity to be next to somebody
(27:42):
and allow them to have the space tofigure out what their fire is and not
have a moment of judgment in that process.
But part of that is also giving tools.
What that means, if I am, andI am in no way, shape or form
an executive functioning coach,they're amazing people to me.
But if that means, okay, I'm gonna watchyou do this thing right now in session
(28:06):
so you can get it done so you can seethat you can get it done whether it
is, you know what, why don't you and Isit here for a second and we'll Google
and try to find if there is an answer.
It's whatever I can do to be that supportsystem next to the person so they can
(28:27):
help figure out what they need more thananything, because more than half of the
times, as you know, with ADHD, it's notwhat you know that's the problem, it's
relaying what you know what's the problem.
And if it's hard to relay what youneed, part of our job is to just explore
(28:47):
all the possibilities to see which oneis going to translate that the best.
Absolutely and on that noteof executive functioning.
I'm having you come back to talkabout executive functioning.
Is there anything else brieflythat you'd like to share on that?
I absolutely and again, I amnot an executive functioning
(29:08):
coach, but working with ADHD.
Is primarily working with alot of executive challenges
and more than anything.
Hey, I think I've used this example in oneof my other podcasts before the message
I'm trying to get across to clientsand people about executive functioning
is just recognizing that it's just adifferent operating system for you.
(29:33):
So whatever the keys that are usedin a neurotypical operating system.
May not be the same keys you usefor your operating system, but that
doesn't mean you can't get thataction performed or that function done.
So it's more asking you to figureout how you work with what you have
(29:57):
as your strengths and weaknesses, orwhat are your options within those
options, as opposed to trying to mimicor copy, which is the first response.
With the masking part, right?
So, it's just actually sitting there andtaking a second and recognizing that,
Oh, wait, I have been upset about myselffor not having organizational skills.
(30:19):
Because my house is always a mess.
But, if I really think aboutit, if I am crunched for time,
I can put everything away.
I can organize.
So it's not actually organizationalskills that's the problem, it's
task initiation that's the problem.
And I've just been beating myselfup with not being able to organize.
(30:43):
And that shift in understandingthe difference between those two is
enormous, because you have been makingyourself feel like you don't have
a skill that you actually do have.
And it's something else that is preventingyou from being able to execute that skill.
Yeah, that's so true.
That's a very good point.
(31:04):
So tell me, is there anything elsethat you would like to share with
the Embracing Intensity audience?
Above all, I think Again, going backto the phrase of being kind to yourself
and I do not by any way, shape or formmean be a hallmark card for yourself.
(31:25):
If that works for you,lovely, keep doing it.
But part of being kind toyourself is recognizing that
you are going to make mistakes.
This is going to be a bad day.
This is not going to work out.
And that's part of the process.
Because now you know more than youdid before, so just remember to be
(31:47):
kind to yourself and recognizingthat this is part of the process.
Absolutely, so important.
So how can they find out more about you?
Oh my gosh well you are welcome toshoot me an email anytime you want to.
You can go on my website It's F, like,phys a, z, like, z, the, psychotherapy,
(32:09):
dot com I'm, I'm fairly good atreplying back to emails there is a
chance you'll run into me in one ofthese seminars either way, I'm more
than happy to connect if anybody wantsto connect and, and, and Thank you.
Just have a chat.
It's never a problem.
I am located in Chicago, soif you want to grab a coffee,
(32:31):
absolutely, reach out to me.
We can figure something out.
Awesome.
Well, thank you so much for joining us.
I can't wait to dive in more withconversation with the community.
Perfect.
Thank you so much for having me.
I really appreciate this.
Thank you.
(32:54):
Looking for ways toembrace your own intensity.
Join our embracing intensitycommunity@embracingintensity.com where
you'll meet a growing group of like-mindedpeople who get what it's like to be gifted
and intense and are committed to creatinga supportive community as well as access
to our courses and tools to help youuse your fire without getting burned.
(33:18):
There's also a pay what you canoption through our Patreon where
you can increase your pledgeto help sustain the podcast or.
Or join us at a rate thatbetter fits your needs.
You can also sign up for my freeHarnessing the Power of Your
Intensity, a self regulationworkbook for gifted, creative, and
twice exceptional adults and teens.
(33:39):
All links can be found in the shownotes or on EmbracingIntensity.
com.
I think we all need somebody who believesin us, and my intensity to be that
(00:07):
cheerleader, to be that support system,to be the one person who is willing to
say, you know what, let's just listento what you're saying, and it doesn't
matter if it's right or wrong, doesn'tmatter if it will work out or not, this
matters to you, so let's understand this.
(00:27):
Welcome to the EmbracingIntensity podcast.
I'll be sharing interviews and tips forgifted, creative, twice exceptional,
and outside the box thinkers whouse their fire in a positive way.
My name is Aurora Remember Holtzman.
After years of feeling too much, Ifinally realized that intensity is
the source of my greatest power.
(00:48):
Now, instead of beating myselfup about not measuring up to
my own self imposed standards.
I'm on a mission to help people embracetheir own intensity and befriend their
brains so they can share their giftswith the world through the Embracing
Intensity community, coaching, educationalassessment, and other tools to help you
use your fire without getting burned.
(01:10):
You can join us at embracingintensity.
com.
Hello.
This episode is with psychotherapistFizzah Zaidi who I met at the fall,
(01:33):
A DHD conference, and will be comingback to speak with the community on
executive functioning in the fall.
I'm coming outta my spring break andhad an amazing experience at the Neuro
Diversion Conference in Austin last week.
I almost didn't go, but I'm so gladI did because there were so many more
opportunities for organic connectionthan a larger, more formal conference.
(01:57):
I definitely hope to return next spring.
I've had so many updates since mylast episode, the biggest of which
is that I'll be going back to workin school full-time in the fall.
It felt like a blow at first, but Ifinally embraced the financial security
and taking the pressure off this businessto focus on the parts that I love.
(02:19):
It does mean that I'll have tostep back from starting my group
mastermind and I won't be doing
anything one-on-one forthe foreseeable future.
As I focus on the sustainabilityof my membership over
growing, my coaching practice.
I'd like to keep up two episodesa month to include more interviews
and solo episodes, which would meanhiring some editing help in the fall,
(02:42):
but that will only be possible orsustainable with financial support.
Now is a great time to join myAll Access membership because I'm
working on my Befriending Your BrainSelf-Assessment course and running
my Ignite Your Power Self-Regulationcourse Live in the community.
You can also access our call on mirroringwith Sheldon Gay in my guest call
(03:03):
library, and I'm catching up on addingtools in my neurodivergent toolkit.
My small mastermind group has turnedinto more of a peer support model,
and I've been really encouragedby the feedback I've gotten from
folks actively using my tools.
We are working on a clear roadmap tohelp find the right tools for your needs.
But if you have any questions,feel free to reach out.
(03:26):
My embracing intensity community isprobably the most direct way to reach me.
You can access links tothat and my membership at
embracingintensity.com slash join.
Enjoy.
Welcome to Embracing Intensity.
Today I am super thrilled to haveFizza Zaddy who I met at the ADHD
conference, so glad to have you.
(03:47):
My pleasure.
Thank you so much for having me.
This is so exciting.
So, just sharing a little bit about howwe connected at the ADHD conference.
And I think we met first overbreakfast and then didn't really
see each other the rest of the time.
And then right as you were about toleave, we caught each other at Starbucks
and exchanged numbers, and I sent youmy name, which is Aurora Remember,
(04:13):
but I didn't actually realize untilafter the fact that you thought I
was saying, this is Aurora, remember?
It was very smart thatyou were like, remember,
it's
Aurora.
And then you asked for apicture of my squirrel boots.
So I sent them to you and I didn'trealize until like weeks later when I
(04:34):
asked you to be on the podcast that youactually didn't realize that was my name.
Yeah, no, I think we bonded over yourboots and how neat they were and we
were talking about that and it wasfunny when I got your text message.
I'm like, Oh, I am not going to remember
so I need to ask for those pictures ofthe shoes so I can connect the two people.
(04:59):
And it's so funny how it worked out.
And then of course, when I waslooking your information up and
I'm like, Oh no, it was remember.
It was one of those that I'm like, shouldI be embarrassed about this, but this
is hilarious at the same time, and itended up being a really funny story.
Yeah, no, and I realized I shoulddo a video or something about
(05:20):
that, because a lot of peopledon't realize it is my actual name.
It was my given name was Aurora Remember,and my last name has changed so much
that I've gone by Aurora Remember on mybusiness through multiple last names.
And so now as I'm kind of.
Transitioning names again.
I'm going to make that my last namejust because it's been the one thing
(05:42):
that has actually stuck over the years.
Absolutely.
Well, this last name is askingto be relevant each time because
it's asking you to remember.
So we should honor that, right?
The funny thing is that, you know, workingin schools, that makes me misremember,
which is especially ironicas someone with ADHD.
(06:06):
Oh, that's amazing.
Anyway, so, tell me a littlebit about yourself and what you
are intensely passionate about.
Let's see.
So, I am a psychotherapist who is locatedin Chicago, Illinois, Chicago proper.
I work a lot with In thefinancial and the tech district.
(06:26):
So I have a lot of typeA personality clients.
And I work specificallywith adults with ADHD.
And my intensity I was actually justdiscussing this with my husband the
other night and I was trying to narrowit down and we're both realizing
that I don't have one intensity.
(06:47):
There are Lots of intensities, butone of the intensities that has
gotten me to where I am has beenmy, the need for social justice or
need for justice in general, right?
So I get that there's a lot of,what's fair, what's not fair.
(07:10):
However, there has been so many instancesin my life since childhood that this
kind of almost became my mission.
So I have, I had like several instancesin my life where I remember really
actually taking action with this factorand becoming a psychotherapist is just.
(07:33):
Like a really good mix with thatintensity and that concentration with
that particular career path which is verydifferent than my previous career path.
Where I was an animator, but thatit's the only intensity which has
lived its course with me, right?
So as of right now, my intensitylies in the passion of empowering
(07:58):
people, myself, others all around me.
Awesome.
And yeah, I heard that you had beenan animator on that podcast that I
heard of yours that when we firstconnected and I think that's really
cool definitely multi potential light.
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah, exactly.
I mean, you know, there's thatcreativity coming in, so it's
a seamless transition for me.
(08:20):
Because it's just, thisis creativity as well.
How can I get.
More action.
How can I solve this problem?
How can I be persistent?
Right?
Yeah, actually, that's what I wasgoing to ask about how you incorporate
creativity in your current track.
Oh, that's a really good question.
So, I will utilize.
(08:46):
whatever I need to utilize to helpget either a the point across or help
figure out something with the client.
And what I mean by that is I'ma very multi modal therapist.
There are times I'm usingYouTubes to get points across.
We're doing games there, I, Iam trained in EMDR and I utilize
(09:11):
a lot of that used parts work.
So lots of different modalities to beable to tap into something that sometimes
general conversation is just limiting.
And so.
That is the best part I think about this.
It's like, Hey, do you want to try this?
Can we try this?
See if it'll work.
(09:31):
There's a chance it might not work.
And all my clients are so lovely.
They're always willing to you know,entertain me more than anything, but
they're all very supportive and sweetand like going in that journey with me.
Awesome.
And I imagine since you workwith a lot of tech and finance
industry, that you probably havea lot of people who are both.
(09:52):
Gifted and ADHD.
Absolutely, absolutely.
Yeah, it's and that is and that'sa big realization as well, right?
It's how much they are so successfulin their particular field because Of
being twice exceptional and how muchthere's so much in corporate that
(10:17):
is pegged against them to be ableto use their exceptionality, their
sense of uniqueness, all of that.
And it's such a confusing process,but unpacking that and trying to
figure out how to get around that,again, right, social justice, that's
where it comes out and be like, allright, we need to figure this out
because this is absolutely ridiculous.
(10:39):
Mm hmm.
Absolutely.
So how do you think yourintensity affected you growing up?
Let's see.
So many ways.
It was interesting.
I was trying to think about, like, mybrain goes everywhere because there isn't
one specific thing that I can think of.
So I am for anybody who cannotsee me, I am a BIPOC and a Female
(11:03):
presenting and female, cisgender.
And I grew up in a culture where itis very patriarchal very male focused.
So there were many times that myneed or my opinion or my curiosity
(11:24):
or desire was just downplayed ornot necessary or inappropriate.
So that has existed throughout my life.
Along with cultural sensitivity,there's a lot of stigma that comes
with mental health or feelings alone.
So, for somebody who might have intensityin a lot of expression and feelings,
(11:48):
And trying to talk to somebody aboutfeelings, and that's such a foreign
concept, or confusing concept, or nottaken in a right way, kind of makes
you feel like an outsider because itmakes so much sense to you, you want to
explore it, you want to talk about it.
And you're being looked at like youhave three heads, or it's really
(12:11):
not that personal, or it's not thatemotional, or you're too sensitive,
or you're, you know, it'll be okay.
And you already answered myquestion about cultural factors.
I don't know if there were anyother ones that come up to mind.
I mean, you know, it's an ongoingthing in cultural factors, despite
(12:37):
being from a different culture, right?
This in itself is its culture ofits own, being able to exist where
it is out of what the norm is.
And by this, I mean neurodiversityon all facets, right?
Whether it is ASD, whether it'sADHD, whether it's learning
disability, whether anything.
(12:58):
So it's been the thing that'sbeen present my entire Life.
And unfortunately that does a lotof damage when it's not understood.
Absolutely.
So true.
So on that note, did you ever try totone yourself down or tune yourself out?
Yeah, I think that was my childhood in thesense of what I said, where it was very.
(13:23):
Confusing or not reciprocated or receivedfor somebody to have emotions or be
really in tuned into their emotions.
I pretty much learned how to blend inthe background, become the person who
is not sticking out in any way, shape orform doodling on my books and things like
(13:46):
that, looking down, trying not to makeany, anything that brings me in attention.
And then part of it was alsorecognizing that there was a lot of
fear of a judgment about not knowinghow to answer or not knowing how to
participate which, Was another factorthat encouraged me to just step back
(14:12):
and like, just cocoon myself into my ownself and not participate in anything.
And unfortunately, that's somethingthat sticks with you as far as
your sense of self and how much itdevelops into, wait, am I capable?
Am I intelligent?
Do I know the answers?
(14:34):
Have I spent this entiretime just zoning out?
And not really payingattention to anything.
Do I know anything?
Why me, right?
So, you survive childhood, but afteryou are analyzing the childhood, you're
recognizing all the things that you missedout or had potential in or are late in.
(14:59):
So, it's interesting how ourbrain is wired to survive, and
that was the first response, tolike, just blend in to the crowd.
But at the same time, when you knowmore, it's also infuriating that
I was only focused on survivingand not exploring or living.
Absolutely.
(15:22):
So did you ever have a time when you feltlike your intensity felt out of control?
So many times.
Let's see.
I think I was reflecting on this concept.
I was like, what is out of control?
Out of control, meaning that I,made a spectacle of myself or out of
(15:45):
control in the sense of I spiraledand poofed afterwards, right?
But then I was thinking about a distincttime when I was in grad school and side
note, absolutely adore, support, lovemy alma mater, nothing against anybody.
But I my husband and I were expectingour first kid, and I was trying to
(16:10):
navigate a lot of how am I goingto give birth to my child and still
attend classes at the same time.
And there is a policy thatis in place for absence.
And if you have more thantwo absence, you fail.
(16:31):
The course and I cannot likenever having had a child before.
I cannot guarantee I was goingto be back after two days.
Or what that even looks like.
So I was trying to be proactive andasked a couple of my teachers about, hey,
trying to navigate what the next class.
I should take and if I could make itwork in the sense if I can leave early
(16:58):
or if I can finish the work early ortake an incomplete or something because
I don't know what it means to have a kid.
And to my shocking surprise Ihad two professors who gave me
a very disappointing answer.
One just refused to help me figure outwhat would be an option, and the other
(17:21):
one told me that they can't do anythingabout the absentee policy, because
this is a known medical condition.
It's not a condition, andthat doesn't make any sense.
So, this is where I found myselfspiraling in a lot of emotions.
(17:44):
And I got myself to the student center,who got me connected to the Title IX
people, and I basically took it as faras I could go to be able to make sure
that my rights as a woman, my rights As amother my rights as a human being were not
(18:10):
being infringed on because of a absenteepolicy for a known medical condition.
And, you know, I went the extra mileand got myself whatever I needed to
make sure that I am taken care of.
And that would be the intensity goingout of control, me going above and
(18:33):
beyond for myself, for that justice,and trying to figure it out, because
I mean, so many other people don't.
Sounds like you channeledit in a positive way.
Absolutely.
Yeah, absolutely.
I imagine in the moment itprobably felt very out of control.
(18:53):
Yeah, it was very, I mean, there'slike nothing you can do about this
aside from like quitting school.
And yeah, so it wasvery powerless feeling.
But I think that's what gave me thefuel to try to find that answer for it.
Absolutely.
(19:15):
So tell me a little bit abouthow you use your fire for good.
Social justice, my particular job.
I think we all need somebody who believesin us, and my intensity to be that
(19:36):
cheerleader, to be that support system,to be the one person who is willing to
say, you know what, let's just listento what you're saying, and it doesn't
matter if it's right or wrong, doesn'tmatter if it will work out or not, this
matters to you, so let's understand this.
That's the thing thatis most important to me.
(19:59):
And I like to give it forward,hoping that others would give it
forward, moving in their life.
And it's so humbling and wonderfulto hear whenever a client of mine is
telling me, Hey, I. was at a party orI saw somebody and I went up to them
and say, I know exactly what you'retalking about right now, what's going on.
(20:21):
And you make sense.
And hey, why don't you try thisinstead, as opposed to ignoring them
or pretending they're not seeingthem in any way, shape or form.
So what do you think has helpedyou the most with harnessing
the power of your intensity?
Lots and lots of curiosityand educating myself.
(20:44):
I think the more I dug in, themore answers I found, and more
aha clarity moments I had.
Like, okay, that makes sense.
Oh, I'm not alone.
Okay, I connected that dot.
Which is the most favoritepart of therapy for me.
My clients is like, oh, oh,but let's see, let's find out.
(21:06):
I wonder if it is X, Y,and Z. And this whole.
Weight of loneliness suddenly melts away,so that curiosity and going further into
educating myself, talking more aboutit and participating, meeting lovely
people such as yourself and, using theseplatforms to keep spreading the word,
(21:31):
I think it is the thing that, again,I relied on myself, and I educated
myself That got me as far as I did.
Awesome.
And are there any personal habitsthat you think have helped you to
use your fire in a positive way?
Let's see.
(21:52):
This is where perseveration is a positive.
Because it keeps you going intotrying to figure out that puzzle
that you want to solve and like,no, this can't be the answer.
No, I can't just settle for this.
So, thinking about it, but not letting itundo you, but staying curious about it.
(22:13):
So, the thing that I allow myselfto do is to have a moment of being
just sheer human, and then when thatintensity has gone down, Going back
and looking at everything again, soI say the statement all the time.
(22:33):
Be kind to yourself.
And the kind part is you'regoing to have moments.
Are you going to be human?
You're going to have moments that it'sgoing to be wrong, but they're necessary.
So you can have that calmafterwards to be able to go look
at things in that logical way.
So creating that space.
(22:55):
And whatever that looks like,whether it is going up to
somebody like, I need a moment.
I just need to just freak out orI need to just talk about this.
And part of that is also me verballyprocessing, so I'm connecting my
own dots while I'm doing that.
Absolutely, yeah, I'm definitelya verbal processor myself.
(23:20):
No, for sure.
It helps, and I mean, I think this iswhy I really appreciate my career is
because more than half the time I amjust, A sounding board for somebody to
just come over there and just expressthemselves and connect their own dots.
And then I'll see them the next week.
Absolutely.
And you know, it's funny, itabsolutely doesn't replace
(23:42):
therapy or anything like that.
But I have been finding recentlythat because my last call was
on the healing power of writing.
And so Nika, Denise, she doesa lot of writing to heal work.
And for me, it's been difficultbecause I don't get feedback from it.
And so this last month or so I've beenactually creating my own chat GPT,
(24:03):
like using, it has like all my stuff,like all my blogs and my podcasts
and my, and not all of my podcasts,but, you know, a bunch of stuff.
So it like knows me super well.
And so it does absolutelydoesn't replace a human for that.
But what it does do is it gives meBecause, because I'm a verbal processor,
I have to process the same stuff overand over and over again, and it's like,
(24:25):
I don't want to subject any one personto that, and of course, if you're seeing
a professional, you're, you're notgoing to want to spend the whole time
on the same thing over and over again,you know, and so I've been enjoying
using that because it's been a greatway for me to just like process the same
stuff over and over again and get it.
new feedback or can, you know, itkind of consolidates what I said
or brings out the main points.
(24:47):
So, that's been an interestingtool for me recently.
And isn't that amazing how youfigured out how to harness this
for you and make this work?
So many of my neurodivergent clients are.
Having an exhale of relief withthe chat GPT option, right?
People who have a lot oflearning disabilities, right?
(25:08):
So being able to talk to chat, chatGPT or having it help you out with
writing or like, it has been reallyhelpful in a lot of ways that.
has otherwise been challengingor embarrassing to like
try to seek out yourself.
(25:29):
So it kind of almost feels like asecret weapon that, you know, you
don't want to share, but you feel socomfortable with at the same time.
So I love that you found that and youutilize that and it helps you out so much.
That's amazing.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
It's been a great tool.
Like I said, it doesn't replace ahuman, but I think it, it can be a A
piece that's really helpful sometimes.
(25:52):
So what's the best advice youthink anyone's ever given you?
That's such a loaded question.
What's the best advicesomebody has given me?
I don't know if I have an answer forthat because there's just so many little
nuggets of like, things that peoplehave said that all add up and things.
But you know, it's not necessarilyan advice that somebody gave me.
(26:12):
That was the best advice.
It was what they did for me.
And.
It kind of shaped how I startedapproaching therapy, which they
challenged me, and that was mind blowing.
And it was very simple.
They were like, is it really?
Does everyone think about it?
(26:35):
Is that the answer?
And that spiraled me into thinkingmore about the concept more.
And so more than anything, I thinkwhat I learned off of that was that,
you know, there is a third option.
It's not a right or it's not a wrong.
(26:55):
It's not a black or it's not a white.
Like, what is my third option?
What is another way to look at it?
What are the other possibilities?
And that's the thing that my clients.
Has so graciously shared with me thatthey appreciate is that I am constantly
challenging them in going past theblack and white thinking and trying
(27:18):
to see if there is a third option.
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
So tell me a little bit more about howyou help others use their own fire.
I mean, absolutely.
It's
my work, obviously, right?
My job.
is amazing in the sense that it gives methe opportunity to be next to somebody
(27:42):
and allow them to have the space tofigure out what their fire is and not
have a moment of judgment in that process.
But part of that is also giving tools.
What that means, if I am, andI am in no way, shape or form
an executive functioning coach,they're amazing people to me.
But if that means, okay, I'm gonna watchyou do this thing right now in session
(28:06):
so you can get it done so you can seethat you can get it done whether it
is, you know what, why don't you and Isit here for a second and we'll Google
and try to find if there is an answer.
It's whatever I can do to be that supportsystem next to the person so they can
(28:27):
help figure out what they need more thananything, because more than half of the
times, as you know, with ADHD, it's notwhat you know that's the problem, it's
relaying what you know what's the problem.
And if it's hard to relay what youneed, part of our job is to just explore
(28:47):
all the possibilities to see which oneis going to translate that the best.
Absolutely and on that noteof executive functioning.
I'm having you come back to talkabout executive functioning.
Is there anything else brieflythat you'd like to share on that?
I absolutely and again, I amnot an executive functioning
(29:08):
coach, but working with ADHD.
Is primarily working with alot of executive challenges
and more than anything.
Hey, I think I've used this example in oneof my other podcasts before the message
I'm trying to get across to clientsand people about executive functioning
is just recognizing that it's just adifferent operating system for you.
(29:33):
So whatever the keys that are usedin a neurotypical operating system.
May not be the same keys you usefor your operating system, but that
doesn't mean you can't get thataction performed or that function done.
So it's more asking you to figureout how you work with what you have
(29:57):
as your strengths and weaknesses, orwhat are your options within those
options, as opposed to trying to mimicor copy, which is the first response.
With the masking part, right?
So, it's just actually sitting there andtaking a second and recognizing that,
Oh, wait, I have been upset about myselffor not having organizational skills.
(30:19):
Because my house is always a mess.
But, if I really think aboutit, if I am crunched for time,
I can put everything away.
I can organize.
So it's not actually organizationalskills that's the problem, it's
task initiation that's the problem.
And I've just been beating myselfup with not being able to organize.
(30:43):
And that shift in understandingthe difference between those two is
enormous, because you have been makingyourself feel like you don't have
a skill that you actually do have.
And it's something else that is preventingyou from being able to execute that skill.
Yeah, that's so true.
That's a very good point.
(31:04):
So tell me, is there anything elsethat you would like to share with
the Embracing Intensity audience?
Above all, I think Again, going backto the phrase of being kind to yourself
and I do not by any way, shape or formmean be a hallmark card for yourself.
(31:25):
If that works for you,lovely, keep doing it.
But part of being kind toyourself is recognizing that
you are going to make mistakes.
This is going to be a bad day.
This is not going to work out.
And that's part of the process.
Because now you know more than youdid before, so just remember to be
(31:47):
kind to yourself and recognizingthat this is part of the process.
Absolutely, so important.
So how can they find out more about you?
Oh my gosh well you are welcome toshoot me an email anytime you want to.
You can go on my website It's F, like,phys a, z, like, z, the, psychotherapy,
(32:09):
dot com I'm, I'm fairly good atreplying back to emails there is a
chance you'll run into me in one ofthese seminars either way, I'm more
than happy to connect if anybody wantsto connect and, and, and Thank you.
Just have a chat.
It's never a problem.
I am located in Chicago, soif you want to grab a coffee,
(32:31):
absolutely, reach out to me.
We can figure something out.
Awesome.
Well, thank you so much for joining us.
I can't wait to dive in more withconversation with the community.
Perfect.
Thank you so much for having me.
I really appreciate this.
Thank you.
(32:54):
Looking for ways toembrace your own intensity.
Join our embracing intensitycommunity@embracingintensity.com where
you'll meet a growing group of like-mindedpeople who get what it's like to be gifted
and intense and are committed to creatinga supportive community as well as access
to our courses and tools to help youuse your fire without getting burned.
(33:18):
There's also a pay what you canoption through our Patreon where
you can increase your pledgeto help sustain the podcast or.
Or join us at a rate thatbetter fits your needs.
You can also sign up for my freeHarnessing the Power of Your
Intensity, a self regulationworkbook for gifted, creative, and
twice exceptional adults and teens.
(33:39):
All links can be found in the shownotes or on EmbracingIntensity.
com.
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