September 1, 2025 • 33 mins
Is work-life balance real—or just another unrealistic expectation? In this solo episode of Embracing Intensity, I unpack the myth of work-life balance and share my journey toward something more meaningful: harmony. Drawing from my personal life, this episode dives deep into how neurodivergent people navigate work hours, personal time, and the demands of life in a way that feels aligned, not forced.
After a summer of restoration and reflection, I’m back working full-time in the school system—and instead of chasing “balance,” I’m creating sustainable rhythms that honor my energy, creativity, and mental health.
About Aurora
I’m Aurora Remember Holtzman, host of Embracing Intensity and creator of the Embracing Intensity Community. With years of experience working with gifted, twice-exceptional, and neurodivergent folks, I help people stop beating themselves up for not meeting arbitrary standards and start living in alignment with their core values. My goal? To help you use your intensity as a tool for transformation—without burning out.
In This Episode:
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Why the concept of work-life balance might be doing more harm than good
-
Reframing productivity, especially for different people with unique brain wiring
-
How long hours and unrealistic expectations lead to burnout
-
The power of aligning with your core values instead of external goals
-
How “contaminated time” steals joy from our personal lives
-
Tools like energy audits to help create real work-life harmony
-
Letting go of hustle culture and embracing meaningful work
-
Tips for reclaiming quality time and rest—even with full work hours
-
Why the opposite of life isn’t work—but disconnection
🔗 Resources & Links:
✨ Balance is a myth. Harmony is the goal.
Tap into your own rhythm and reclaim your time, energy, and creativity—on your terms.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
there's no such thingas work life balance.
(00:04):
It's really more about harmony,because if you think about it, balance
is when things are equal, right?
Where everything is kind ofequally balancing, and when it
comes to our lives, oftentimes.
Certain things are gonna take upmore space than others, and that
doesn't make it unhealthy, but itcan be unsustainable if those things
(00:28):
aren't in harmony with each other.
Welcome to the EmbracingIntensity podcast.
I'll be sharing interviews and tips forgifted, creative, twice exceptional,
and outside the box thinkers whouse their fire in a positive way.
My name is Aurora Remember Holtzman.
(00:49):
After years of feeling too much, Ifinally realized that intensity is
the source of my greatest power.
Now, instead of beating myselfup about not measuring up to
my own self imposed standards.
I'm on a mission to help people embracetheir own intensity and befriend their
brains so they can share their giftswith the world through the Embracing
(01:10):
Intensity community, coaching, educationalassessment, and other tools to help you
use your fire without getting burned.
You can join us at embracingintensity.
com.
(01:41):
Hello.
So I finished this recording,about three weeks ago.
And then never got it out because Ihad family camp and then dove right
into my school year with an earlyschool start and working full time.
So I decided not to push myself to getthis out, and I'm kind of glad I did wait,
(02:05):
because as I went through my edits from.
When I tried to rush getting it outbefore camp, I realized that there were a
couple of awkward parts that I got to fixbecause I came back with renewed energy.
So I'm glad that I waited.
I am still having the goal of gettinga podcast out every month, but I'm also
(02:28):
gonna be a little bit lenient with myselfas I go back into full-time school and.
Realize that my own.
Self-care takes priorityover everything else.
I did wanna get it out thisweek though, because I wanted to
share our next upcoming call withKaitlyn Smith on tasting the Gifted
(02:51):
Rainbow, and that's coming upthis Saturday at 10:00 AM Pacific.
It's a Zoom call so you can come joinus and I'm really looking forward to it.
I do.
Plan on continuing having guestspeakers into the new year.
I have another one on executivefunctioning coming up this fall, and we'll
be planning out the 20, 26 year probablysticking with about four for the year.
(03:16):
Again, I feel like that'spretty sustainable, meanwhile,
I hope you enjoy this.
Solo episode on the Myth of Work lifebalance and what to focus on instead.
Enjoy.
So it's taken me all week to get myselfto sit down and record this solo podcast
episode because I've been findingmyself getting stuck anytime that I
(03:42):
try to do anything business related.
Because I feel like I should do itinstead of just because I'm inspired.
And while I was inspired to make thisvideo and podcast, I kept getting
stuck on sitting down to record itbecause I was getting caught up in the
perfectionism of doing it just rightwhen, honestly, this summer, I haven't
(04:09):
had the brain space for that kind of.
Attention to detail.
And then I remember that most of mypodcast episodes that are solo were
really just me with a very minimal outlineand sharing my thoughts organically.
And Even though I'm trying to make it alittle bit more user friendly in terms
(04:34):
of breaking it up into shorter bitsfor people, because I know long form
isn't really everybody's cup of tea.
I realized that if I overthinkthat too much, then it's gonna
come out a little bit less organic.
So I decided to just sitdown and get out my thoughts.
A couple of days ago, I got them out onaudio as I went for a walk, it helped
(05:00):
me to kind of narrow down my thoughts onthe things that I wanted to share, which
is really how I'm approaching going backto my schoolwork full-time in the fall,
I've shared a little bit, bitsand pieces of it here and there.
About how I kind of spiraled whenI first realized they were probably
gonna push me to go back full time.
But then I really embraced it becauseI realized that financially it was
(05:24):
much better for me to just go back fulltime and make my creative work just
inspirational for me, rather than actuallytrying to make a living off of it.
And this morning I kind of had thisrealization after a weird dream.
About the fact that a lot of my fellowpodcaster friends who started around
(05:50):
the same time I did, are successfullyutilizing their podcast and platforms for
work that they're doing as entrepreneurs.
And I absolutely love seeing that.
And at the same time, sometimes I'llfeel like I'm somehow behind because my
(06:13):
platform, while it has grown and whileit has a good audience, isn't really
something that is financially sustainable.
But a lot of that comes down to mypersonal blocks around marketing myself.
And also the fact that every single oneof those friends that I admire had spouses
(06:37):
that were supportive of their work.
And so in whatever capacity thatwas, that definitely probably
is a factor in why they're ableto make their work sustainable.
But taking those thingsinto consideration, I
realized that it really is.
The most nourishing move for meto go back into school full time
(07:01):
because then I can start to reallybuild my financial stability in
such a way that it's sustainable.
And at this point, when I do go backfull-time, it makes sense to keep it
up for at least five years if I wannaconsider early retirement, which I'm
(07:22):
actually at that age now where it couldbe a possibility if I plan things right.
But that said, at least in the nextyear, I am not focusing on income
from this particular business.
I might start to takewhat I already have and.
Communicate what's there so that peoplecan share if they would like, but my
(07:48):
main focus is going to be on sustainingmy own healing and avoiding burnout
as I go into that full-time work.
Interestingly though, one of thethings that I realized as I finally
made that decision to go back is that.
When it comes to my physicalhealing, I actually was doing
(08:10):
very well before I went part-time.
and It wasn't just the part-timeand trying to make a living off
my business that influenced it.
It was also a lot of other lifecircumstances that came into play, but.
To some degree, I realized that I had alittle bit of imposter syndrome around
(08:33):
the self-care and self-regulationthing because I actually did have
the freedom for a while to take thosebreaks and to not focus on things
that were productive to a degreethat a lot of people don't have.
A lot of people don't have that freedomin their schedule, and so by going back
(08:59):
full time, it helps me to look at howdo I apply this when I don't have the
same degree of freedom and flexibilitythat I've had for the last 10 years?
Because even though that freedom andflexibility actually probably ended up.
Having more problems than solutions.
(09:23):
I did have the option of takingtime for the things that I wanted
to be doing and not spending allmy time being productively working.
So one of the things that occurred tome as I'm exploring how I'm planning
to go back into full-time schoolwork.
(09:45):
Without burning out is reallyembracing the idea that there's no
such thing as work life balance.
It's really more about harmony,because if you think about it, balance
is when things are equal, right?
Where everything is kind ofequally balancing, and when it
(10:10):
comes to our lives, oftentimes.
Certain things are gonna take up morespace than others, and that doesn't make
it unhealthy, but it can be unsustainableif those things aren't in harmony
with each other, if that makes sense.
So part of the reason why I went.
(10:33):
Part-time at my job in the first placeso that I could focus on other work is
that I realized that I'd gone into theone system where I could function, but
it was also the same system that wasburning me out and I had this vision
down the road and it was really hardfor me to picture being in that same.
(10:56):
Job for the next 20 years or more.
So I was exploring other options ofthings that might be more rewarding.
Unfortunately, the way that I wentabout it wasn't really resonating
because I was taking advice from otherpeople that didn't really work for
me, and by the time I finally had.
(11:17):
A model that I think might work, Ihad burnt out so bad that I couldn't
really implement or sustain it.
So those are the things that I'll beworking on little by little to get kind
of back where I wanna be, but that's notgonna be my priority in the next year.
My priority is on my own self-careand maintaining that as I work
(11:41):
full-time and preventing burnout.
I realized that part of the reasonwhy for me, entrepreneurship was more
draining than working within a system,is that the illusion of time freedom.
Can actually be more of a trap ifyou find yourself constantly feeling
(12:03):
like you should be doing somethingproductive towards your work.
Whereas having that ability to set asidemy work that gives income and take my
time outside of work to focus on what itis that I wanna focus on for me, then.
(12:25):
I can actually spend that time inways that are more nourishing to
me without losing my creative sparkalong the way, if that makes sense.
Because the problem with timefreedom is that you start to feel
like you need to be productive.
All the time.
So while yes, working in theschool system can be draining.
(12:49):
It's something that I can put aside whenI'm not there and really focus on me.
And Part of the reason why I've hadsuch a hard time getting this video out
is that I've given myself the time to.
Basically just rest and reset.
And so instead of getting caught up in allthe things that I wanted to get done in
(13:13):
my business so that I could set it up forsuccess and sustainability, when I went
back to school, I kind of had to reframeand realize that absolutely nothing
in my business right now is urgent.
And if I want to.
(13:34):
Go back into the schoolfull-time without burning out.
I needed that summer off.
I needed to take that time to rest.
And so it actually was a productive useof my time to give myself that freedom.
But now I'm finding that as I'mtrying to get some stuff done that
I actually want to get done becauseI really would like to keep up to.
(13:58):
At least monthly podcast episodesthat I kept getting blocked.
And it's funny because last week I tookthe time to just basically do only things
that I really wanted to do in the momentand not force myself to do anything.
And I was outside more.
(14:19):
I got done things thatI'd been waiting to do.
And then this week as I had thisrecording hovering over me and I
was avoiding it, I found myself moreon the screens, more laying on the
couch, avoiding things, and still noteven getting the stuff done around
the house that I needed to get done.
(14:40):
So clearly I still need to workon taking time for things that
are more relaxing and resetting.
And it's not that I didn't wannarecord, it's that I kept getting up
in my head about doing it right andI realized that I really need to let
that go because if I'm gonna put outmore content, it needs to be imperfect.
(15:02):
So as I move into more full-timework, I am being really mindful
about how I'm approaching it insuch a way that doesn't burn me out.
Because when your time is packedwith work and responsibilities, we
have to be even more mindful of howwe spend our free time in such a way
(15:26):
that helps to recharge ourselves.
So the main ways that I'm doingthat are by actively resting in
a way that's actually restful.
Prioritizing things that are energizing
and decreasing thethings that are draining.
And one of the ways that I've exploredthose things has been through my
(15:49):
Energy Balance workbook, which I haveavailable in print now on Amazon, and
I also have the balancing time andenergy guide digitally on my website.
And In that guide I talk about fiveareas of energy balance that we
look at when we're looking at rest,energizing and draining things.
(16:12):
And those five areas includephysical, emotional, mental, social.
And connection.
So those five areas are kind of the thingsthat I explore when I look at the things
that are draining or energizing to me.
And I think the thing isthat rest is not a reward.
(16:36):
It's a survival strategy because.
If we're not getting restorativerest, then everything around
us is going to suffer.
And that's not just our productivity,but our relationships, our connections,
our enjoyment of the things that weenjoy If we're not getting proper rest.
(17:00):
And honestly, sometimes themost productive thing we can
do is absolutely nothing.
One of the things the summerhas taught me is the power of
having a day to do nothing.
Not sitting on a screen on the couch,but just doing whatever I feel.
(17:28):
The urge to do so, whether that's goingfor a walk, calling a friend, doing
things that are energizing to me, andsometimes even things that are productive
around the house because suddenly I'minspired because I don't have to do it.
I'm doing it for me.
And Moving into the school year,I realized I'm not gonna have that
(17:50):
kind of flexibility for days on end.
But I do think that it's importantto schedule time in my calendar
for days where I can do that,maybe a couple times a month.
One of the biggest things I'm stillworking on is getting my sleep routine.
More consistent, and it's abattle that I've had pretty much
(18:14):
my entire life, which is that
a lot of the things that weconsider sleep hygiene just.
Don't really work well for my A DHDbrain because there are certain things
that really help for winding down forexample, using my phone and finding
things that help me to wind downwithout a screen has been a challenge.
(18:40):
And so I'm still working on thatbecause I do see the usefulness
in at least not scrolling socialmedia late at night because that
can get your brain going even more.
So I'm exploring other ways to winddown either without a screen or in a
way that's not stimulating my brain.
But a lot of things that they bringup for sleep hygiene are really not
(19:03):
suitable for the way my brain works.
So One of the things that does helpsometimes is listening to a Sleep podcast
because it helps shut my brain down.
But it's still a work in progress,and if you have things that work
for you, I would love to hear it.
Another thing that's been reallyhelpful for me when it comes to
(19:23):
rejuvenating and resetting are thingslike walking, floating in the pool,
just general time and nature, andalso baths to a smaller degree.
And that's actually something thatI'm exploring a little bit more too
as I go into the new year, is whatare some restorative activities that
(19:45):
I can do indoors when it's rainingoutside or the weather's not great
and I don't feel like going outsidebecause a lot of my restoring
activities are out in nature and.
That's a little harder to doas we get into this cold time
of year that's coming up.
So again, feel free to commentif you have things that you find
(20:08):
restorative that are maybe indoors or.
Rainy, weather friendly,
Something I've really had toconsider when it comes to both
rest and restorative time is.
Reexamining my relationship to screentime because if I get sucked into screens,
(20:30):
then sometimes that can give that littledopamine hit that I'm looking for, and it
makes it way harder to get up and move.
And so while taking those times to dowhatever I want or a do nothing day,
the one thing.
That I do have to monitor myself ishow much screen time I allow in that
(20:54):
because if I were to just do whateverI wanted whenever I wanted and wasn't
mindful of the screen time, it's wayeasy to get sucked into that, and
that ends up not being restorative.
It actually draining evenmore in the long run.
And part of the reason for that issomething called contaminated time.
(21:18):
Basically what that means is that.
Even if we're trying to rest, if ourmind isn't present in the moment and
is thinking about things that aren'trestful or stressful, then that's
what we call contaminated time, and itbasically contaminates the time that
(21:40):
we're supposed to be using for restand rejuvenation, and it makes it not.
Restful because our mind is elsewhereand our mind is thinking about
all the things that we need to do.
And so screen time definitely contaminatesour time and thoughts about all of
the things that we need to be doingcan affect that contaminated time.
(22:03):
So really being mindful ofthe fact that we are choosing.
To do this as rest and as somethingto rejuvenate us and redirecting our
thoughts that this is productive becauseit is rejuvenating is really helpful.
So outside of rest, I'm also.
(22:25):
Really mindful of the kinds ofactivities that I choose to bring
into my life and making sure that.
Most of those activitieswhen I have a choice are
energizing rather than draining.
And so again, when we're looking atthose energizing activities, there's
the five areas, physical, mental,emotional, social, and connection.
(22:49):
And Looking at all those areas what arethe things that I have in my life that
are energizing to me and making sure that.
With the energy that I have, I'mspending it on things that replenish
my energy, not things that drain it.
And for me, one of the biggest thingsfor energizing is involving more play.
(23:18):
Because play isn't frivolous.
Play is what helps usto sustain ourselves.
It helps us to approachthings in a way that
it energizes us instead of depletesus, and it also helps us to
(23:39):
imagine different possibilities.
Without play, we get stuck in the drudgeryof the things that we have to do and
the things that feel productive or thethings we tell ourselves we should do,
when we work more play into that, we canapproach it in a way that is less draining
(24:01):
and also just enjoy time thatis exploratory and has zero
purpose because that is really.
Part of the fun of play is that
you're doing it just for the joyof being, not for specifically
what it is that you're doing.
(24:23):
Another thing for me that helps to bringme energy is finding meaning in the
things that I'm doing, whether that'sfinding the ways that I can make a
difference within the system at work.
Finding ways that I can help studentsto understand themselves better or
using my creative work to help peopleon a larger platform better understand
(24:49):
themselves and care for themselvesin a way that works for their brains.
And meaning doesn't have to besome big great life purpose thing.
It can be just what is themeaning in this tiny little thing?
Why am I doing what I'm doing?
Some of it yes, is going to be drudgery.
(25:11):
Some of it is going to be, I'm doingthis thing because I have to do it.
To survive.
But there's always gonna be some aspectsto it where we can find the connection of
how is this making a positive difference?
And that can help us to connectwhat we're doing that might be
(25:31):
draining to the greater pictureof how we are making a difference.
And the difference doesn't haveto be some big global thing.
It can be just making a differencein one person's life or even
making a difference in your own.
And then finally for me, one of thebiggest things that I have to keep in
mind when I am working full time andfeeling too busy to get out, and about.
(26:00):
Is that I really need to be deliberatein my efforts to maintain connection
because I am a raging extrovert, and soa lot of my energy comes from spending
time with energizing people, butspending time with the wrong people.
On the other hand.
Can be draining, but spending timewith the people who energize me is very
(26:25):
important and can be easy to lose sightof, and it can be one of the first things
that drops off when things get too busy.
So being mindful of how do Imake that effort to maintain
those connections, whether that'sregular coffee dates or going.
Out on occasion or phone calls andtexts, however it is that I can
(26:49):
maintain some of those connections isreally important to help energize me,
and I'd be curious to know howyou maintain connections when
you're feeling too busy to getout and about and distracted by
all of life's stuff around you.
How do you find ways tomaintain connections?
(27:12):
And then finally, as I'm moving intofull-time, I really need to be very
mindful of the commitments that I makeand minimize the amount of draining
activities that I commit myself to.
(27:33):
Obviously there's.
Responsibilities andcommitments that we can't avoid.
But there's a lot of things that wetake on because we think we should do
them, or we made a commitment in thepast and we don't wanna change the
commitment that we've already made.
But when our life circumstanceschange, sometimes we have to
(27:55):
reevaluate what are the thingsthat we're letting into our life.
And our time isn't free, sowe need to stop giving it away
to the things that drain us.
The last time I was working full time,I remembered doing an energy audit of
how I was spending my time and energy.
Because I was working full timeand only had two nights off a
(28:15):
week without a kid, I was spendingthose two nights in a relationship
that I realized was draining me.
As much as I admiredthis person and we had.
Mutual respect for each other after wetalked about it, he said that's just kind
of his energy and how he's always been.
(28:37):
We decided to go separate waysand it was a hard decision to make
because he was a really great person.
But I had to look at the biggerpicture when it came to how it
was impacting my energy and.
I was finding myself drained at theend of our interactions, and so I
had to prioritize things that wereenergizing and reduce how I was
(29:02):
spending my time on the draining things.
Even though it wasn't a badthing, it was still draining me.
And of course, probably the biggestthing for me is managing my screen time,
because that's definitely somethingthat gives you that quick dopamine hit,
but in the long run can be draining.
And that is true of anykind of what they call.
(29:26):
Super stimulants, so things that canfeel super stimulating in the moment,
but then in the long run, drain us.
Those are things to be cautious ofif you wanna sustain your energy.
So really that means for me, beingselective with my commitments and
focusing on the things that preserve myenergy, not the things that drain it.
(29:50):
Which is a big part of the reason whyI took a break from dating apps because
those were both a super stimulant andthat they gave you that dopamine hit
with no real long-term energizing traits.
And also just ended up beingdraining because the interactions
(30:12):
weren't necessarily connection.
They were disconnected anddraining because you're having
to filter through all of this bs.
Honestly, I realized that looking back on.
When I had the most energy andwhen I really had the best health
habits and all of that stuff.
(30:34):
It was actually when I was takinga break from that 12 plus years
ago, and so now my focus is more onbuilding and maintaining connections
and doing the things that I enjoy.
So avoiding burnout when we have to workfull time and spend a lot of our time
(30:55):
on the responsibilities that we need todo really takes mindfulness about how
we're spending our time and understandingthat harmony isn't about doing it all.
It is about loving the lifethat you're actually living.
So It's not about keeping everythingin perfect balance, but in.
(31:19):
Going with the ebbs and flows of howthings come in, and out of your life,
and being mindful when you have thespace of what you bring in and what you
avoid.
This fall I'm going tocontinue to focus on.
Restorative rest, energizingactivities and minimizing my
(31:46):
commitments to the draining ones.
My goal is to keep my non-work time lowpressure, but high connection and all
about building micro moments of harmony.
And on that note, I am gettingready to head out to our
family's creative arts camp.
So you can follow myjourney there on instagram.
(32:09):
Take care.
Looking for ways toembrace your own intensity.
Join our embracing intensitycommunity@embracingintensity.com where
(32:34):
you'll meet a growing group of like-mindedpeople who get what it's like to be gifted
and intense and are committed to creatinga supportive community as well as access
to our courses and tools to help youuse your fire without getting burned.
There's also a pay what you canoption through our Patreon where
you can increase your pledgeto help sustain the podcast or.
(32:56):
Or join us at a rate thatbetter fits your needs.
You can also sign up for my freeHarnessing the Power of Your
Intensity, a self regulationworkbook for gifted, creative, and
twice exceptional adults and teens.
All links can be found in the shownotes or on EmbracingIntensity.
com.
there's no such thingas work life balance.
(00:04):
It's really more about harmony,because if you think about it, balance
is when things are equal, right?
Where everything is kind ofequally balancing, and when it
comes to our lives, oftentimes.
Certain things are gonna take upmore space than others, and that
doesn't make it unhealthy, but itcan be unsustainable if those things
(00:28):
aren't in harmony with each other.
Welcome to the EmbracingIntensity podcast.
I'll be sharing interviews and tips forgifted, creative, twice exceptional,
and outside the box thinkers whouse their fire in a positive way.
My name is Aurora Remember Holtzman.
(00:49):
After years of feeling too much, Ifinally realized that intensity is
the source of my greatest power.
Now, instead of beating myselfup about not measuring up to
my own self imposed standards.
I'm on a mission to help people embracetheir own intensity and befriend their
brains so they can share their giftswith the world through the Embracing
(01:10):
Intensity community, coaching, educationalassessment, and other tools to help you
use your fire without getting burned.
You can join us at embracingintensity.
com.
(01:41):
Hello.
So I finished this recording,about three weeks ago.
And then never got it out because Ihad family camp and then dove right
into my school year with an earlyschool start and working full time.
So I decided not to push myself to getthis out, and I'm kind of glad I did wait,
(02:05):
because as I went through my edits from.
When I tried to rush getting it outbefore camp, I realized that there were a
couple of awkward parts that I got to fixbecause I came back with renewed energy.
So I'm glad that I waited.
I am still having the goal of gettinga podcast out every month, but I'm also
(02:28):
gonna be a little bit lenient with myselfas I go back into full-time school and.
Realize that my own.
Self-care takes priorityover everything else.
I did wanna get it out thisweek though, because I wanted to
share our next upcoming call withKaitlyn Smith on tasting the Gifted
(02:51):
Rainbow, and that's coming upthis Saturday at 10:00 AM Pacific.
It's a Zoom call so you can come joinus and I'm really looking forward to it.
I do.
Plan on continuing having guestspeakers into the new year.
I have another one on executivefunctioning coming up this fall, and we'll
be planning out the 20, 26 year probablysticking with about four for the year.
(03:16):
Again, I feel like that'spretty sustainable, meanwhile,
I hope you enjoy this.
Solo episode on the Myth of Work lifebalance and what to focus on instead.
Enjoy.
So it's taken me all week to get myselfto sit down and record this solo podcast
episode because I've been findingmyself getting stuck anytime that I
(03:42):
try to do anything business related.
Because I feel like I should do itinstead of just because I'm inspired.
And while I was inspired to make thisvideo and podcast, I kept getting
stuck on sitting down to record itbecause I was getting caught up in the
perfectionism of doing it just rightwhen, honestly, this summer, I haven't
(04:09):
had the brain space for that kind of.
Attention to detail.
And then I remember that most of mypodcast episodes that are solo were
really just me with a very minimal outlineand sharing my thoughts organically.
And Even though I'm trying to make it alittle bit more user friendly in terms
(04:34):
of breaking it up into shorter bitsfor people, because I know long form
isn't really everybody's cup of tea.
I realized that if I overthinkthat too much, then it's gonna
come out a little bit less organic.
So I decided to just sitdown and get out my thoughts.
A couple of days ago, I got them out onaudio as I went for a walk, it helped
(05:00):
me to kind of narrow down my thoughts onthe things that I wanted to share, which
is really how I'm approaching going backto my schoolwork full-time in the fall,
I've shared a little bit, bitsand pieces of it here and there.
About how I kind of spiraled whenI first realized they were probably
gonna push me to go back full time.
But then I really embraced it becauseI realized that financially it was
(05:24):
much better for me to just go back fulltime and make my creative work just
inspirational for me, rather than actuallytrying to make a living off of it.
And this morning I kind of had thisrealization after a weird dream.
About the fact that a lot of my fellowpodcaster friends who started around
(05:50):
the same time I did, are successfullyutilizing their podcast and platforms for
work that they're doing as entrepreneurs.
And I absolutely love seeing that.
And at the same time, sometimes I'llfeel like I'm somehow behind because my
(06:13):
platform, while it has grown and whileit has a good audience, isn't really
something that is financially sustainable.
But a lot of that comes down to mypersonal blocks around marketing myself.
And also the fact that every single oneof those friends that I admire had spouses
(06:37):
that were supportive of their work.
And so in whatever capacity thatwas, that definitely probably
is a factor in why they're ableto make their work sustainable.
But taking those thingsinto consideration, I
realized that it really is.
The most nourishing move for meto go back into school full time
(07:01):
because then I can start to reallybuild my financial stability in
such a way that it's sustainable.
And at this point, when I do go backfull-time, it makes sense to keep it
up for at least five years if I wannaconsider early retirement, which I'm
(07:22):
actually at that age now where it couldbe a possibility if I plan things right.
But that said, at least in the nextyear, I am not focusing on income
from this particular business.
I might start to takewhat I already have and.
Communicate what's there so that peoplecan share if they would like, but my
(07:48):
main focus is going to be on sustainingmy own healing and avoiding burnout
as I go into that full-time work.
Interestingly though, one of thethings that I realized as I finally
made that decision to go back is that.
When it comes to my physicalhealing, I actually was doing
(08:10):
very well before I went part-time.
and It wasn't just the part-timeand trying to make a living off
my business that influenced it.
It was also a lot of other lifecircumstances that came into play, but.
To some degree, I realized that I had alittle bit of imposter syndrome around
(08:33):
the self-care and self-regulationthing because I actually did have
the freedom for a while to take thosebreaks and to not focus on things
that were productive to a degreethat a lot of people don't have.
A lot of people don't have that freedomin their schedule, and so by going back
(08:59):
full time, it helps me to look at howdo I apply this when I don't have the
same degree of freedom and flexibilitythat I've had for the last 10 years?
Because even though that freedom andflexibility actually probably ended up.
Having more problems than solutions.
(09:23):
I did have the option of takingtime for the things that I wanted
to be doing and not spending allmy time being productively working.
So one of the things that occurred tome as I'm exploring how I'm planning
to go back into full-time schoolwork.
(09:45):
Without burning out is reallyembracing the idea that there's no
such thing as work life balance.
It's really more about harmony,because if you think about it, balance
is when things are equal, right?
Where everything is kind ofequally balancing, and when it
(10:10):
comes to our lives, oftentimes.
Certain things are gonna take up morespace than others, and that doesn't make
it unhealthy, but it can be unsustainableif those things aren't in harmony
with each other, if that makes sense.
So part of the reason why I went.
(10:33):
Part-time at my job in the first placeso that I could focus on other work is
that I realized that I'd gone into theone system where I could function, but
it was also the same system that wasburning me out and I had this vision
down the road and it was really hardfor me to picture being in that same.
(10:56):
Job for the next 20 years or more.
So I was exploring other options ofthings that might be more rewarding.
Unfortunately, the way that I wentabout it wasn't really resonating
because I was taking advice from otherpeople that didn't really work for
me, and by the time I finally had.
(11:17):
A model that I think might work, Ihad burnt out so bad that I couldn't
really implement or sustain it.
So those are the things that I'll beworking on little by little to get kind
of back where I wanna be, but that's notgonna be my priority in the next year.
My priority is on my own self-careand maintaining that as I work
(11:41):
full-time and preventing burnout.
I realized that part of the reasonwhy for me, entrepreneurship was more
draining than working within a system,is that the illusion of time freedom.
Can actually be more of a trap ifyou find yourself constantly feeling
(12:03):
like you should be doing somethingproductive towards your work.
Whereas having that ability to set asidemy work that gives income and take my
time outside of work to focus on what itis that I wanna focus on for me, then.
(12:25):
I can actually spend that time inways that are more nourishing to
me without losing my creative sparkalong the way, if that makes sense.
Because the problem with timefreedom is that you start to feel
like you need to be productive.
All the time.
So while yes, working in theschool system can be draining.
(12:49):
It's something that I can put aside whenI'm not there and really focus on me.
And Part of the reason why I've hadsuch a hard time getting this video out
is that I've given myself the time to.
Basically just rest and reset.
And so instead of getting caught up in allthe things that I wanted to get done in
(13:13):
my business so that I could set it up forsuccess and sustainability, when I went
back to school, I kind of had to reframeand realize that absolutely nothing
in my business right now is urgent.
And if I want to.
(13:34):
Go back into the schoolfull-time without burning out.
I needed that summer off.
I needed to take that time to rest.
And so it actually was a productive useof my time to give myself that freedom.
But now I'm finding that as I'mtrying to get some stuff done that
I actually want to get done becauseI really would like to keep up to.
(13:58):
At least monthly podcast episodesthat I kept getting blocked.
And it's funny because last week I tookthe time to just basically do only things
that I really wanted to do in the momentand not force myself to do anything.
And I was outside more.
(14:19):
I got done things thatI'd been waiting to do.
And then this week as I had thisrecording hovering over me and I
was avoiding it, I found myself moreon the screens, more laying on the
couch, avoiding things, and still noteven getting the stuff done around
the house that I needed to get done.
(14:40):
So clearly I still need to workon taking time for things that
are more relaxing and resetting.
And it's not that I didn't wannarecord, it's that I kept getting up
in my head about doing it right andI realized that I really need to let
that go because if I'm gonna put outmore content, it needs to be imperfect.
(15:02):
So as I move into more full-timework, I am being really mindful
about how I'm approaching it insuch a way that doesn't burn me out.
Because when your time is packedwith work and responsibilities, we
have to be even more mindful of howwe spend our free time in such a way
(15:26):
that helps to recharge ourselves.
So the main ways that I'm doingthat are by actively resting in
a way that's actually restful.
Prioritizing things that are energizing
and decreasing thethings that are draining.
And one of the ways that I've exploredthose things has been through my
(15:49):
Energy Balance workbook, which I haveavailable in print now on Amazon, and
I also have the balancing time andenergy guide digitally on my website.
And In that guide I talk about fiveareas of energy balance that we
look at when we're looking at rest,energizing and draining things.
(16:12):
And those five areas includephysical, emotional, mental, social.
And connection.
So those five areas are kind of the thingsthat I explore when I look at the things
that are draining or energizing to me.
And I think the thing isthat rest is not a reward.
(16:36):
It's a survival strategy because.
If we're not getting restorativerest, then everything around
us is going to suffer.
And that's not just our productivity,but our relationships, our connections,
our enjoyment of the things that weenjoy If we're not getting proper rest.
(17:00):
And honestly, sometimes themost productive thing we can
do is absolutely nothing.
One of the things the summerhas taught me is the power of
having a day to do nothing.
Not sitting on a screen on the couch,but just doing whatever I feel.
(17:28):
The urge to do so, whether that's goingfor a walk, calling a friend, doing
things that are energizing to me, andsometimes even things that are productive
around the house because suddenly I'minspired because I don't have to do it.
I'm doing it for me.
And Moving into the school year,I realized I'm not gonna have that
(17:50):
kind of flexibility for days on end.
But I do think that it's importantto schedule time in my calendar
for days where I can do that,maybe a couple times a month.
One of the biggest things I'm stillworking on is getting my sleep routine.
More consistent, and it's abattle that I've had pretty much
(18:14):
my entire life, which is that
a lot of the things that weconsider sleep hygiene just.
Don't really work well for my A DHDbrain because there are certain things
that really help for winding down forexample, using my phone and finding
things that help me to wind downwithout a screen has been a challenge.
(18:40):
And so I'm still working on thatbecause I do see the usefulness
in at least not scrolling socialmedia late at night because that
can get your brain going even more.
So I'm exploring other ways to winddown either without a screen or in a
way that's not stimulating my brain.
But a lot of things that they bringup for sleep hygiene are really not
(19:03):
suitable for the way my brain works.
So One of the things that does helpsometimes is listening to a Sleep podcast
because it helps shut my brain down.
But it's still a work in progress,and if you have things that work
for you, I would love to hear it.
Another thing that's been reallyhelpful for me when it comes to
(19:23):
rejuvenating and resetting are thingslike walking, floating in the pool,
just general time and nature, andalso baths to a smaller degree.
And that's actually something thatI'm exploring a little bit more too
as I go into the new year, is whatare some restorative activities that
(19:45):
I can do indoors when it's rainingoutside or the weather's not great
and I don't feel like going outsidebecause a lot of my restoring
activities are out in nature and.
That's a little harder to doas we get into this cold time
of year that's coming up.
So again, feel free to commentif you have things that you find
(20:08):
restorative that are maybe indoors or.
Rainy, weather friendly,
Something I've really had toconsider when it comes to both
rest and restorative time is.
Reexamining my relationship to screentime because if I get sucked into screens,
(20:30):
then sometimes that can give that littledopamine hit that I'm looking for, and it
makes it way harder to get up and move.
And so while taking those times to dowhatever I want or a do nothing day,
the one thing.
That I do have to monitor myself ishow much screen time I allow in that
(20:54):
because if I were to just do whateverI wanted whenever I wanted and wasn't
mindful of the screen time, it's wayeasy to get sucked into that, and
that ends up not being restorative.
It actually draining evenmore in the long run.
And part of the reason for that issomething called contaminated time.
(21:18):
Basically what that means is that.
Even if we're trying to rest, if ourmind isn't present in the moment and
is thinking about things that aren'trestful or stressful, then that's
what we call contaminated time, and itbasically contaminates the time that
(21:40):
we're supposed to be using for restand rejuvenation, and it makes it not.
Restful because our mind is elsewhereand our mind is thinking about
all the things that we need to do.
And so screen time definitely contaminatesour time and thoughts about all of
the things that we need to be doingcan affect that contaminated time.
(22:03):
So really being mindful ofthe fact that we are choosing.
To do this as rest and as somethingto rejuvenate us and redirecting our
thoughts that this is productive becauseit is rejuvenating is really helpful.
So outside of rest, I'm also.
(22:25):
Really mindful of the kinds ofactivities that I choose to bring
into my life and making sure that.
Most of those activitieswhen I have a choice are
energizing rather than draining.
And so again, when we're looking atthose energizing activities, there's
the five areas, physical, mental,emotional, social, and connection.
(22:49):
And Looking at all those areas what arethe things that I have in my life that
are energizing to me and making sure that.
With the energy that I have, I'mspending it on things that replenish
my energy, not things that drain it.
And for me, one of the biggest thingsfor energizing is involving more play.
(23:18):
Because play isn't frivolous.
Play is what helps usto sustain ourselves.
It helps us to approachthings in a way that
it energizes us instead of depletesus, and it also helps us to
(23:39):
imagine different possibilities.
Without play, we get stuck in the drudgeryof the things that we have to do and
the things that feel productive or thethings we tell ourselves we should do,
when we work more play into that, we canapproach it in a way that is less draining
(24:01):
and also just enjoy time thatis exploratory and has zero
purpose because that is really.
Part of the fun of play is that
you're doing it just for the joyof being, not for specifically
what it is that you're doing.
(24:23):
Another thing for me that helps to bringme energy is finding meaning in the
things that I'm doing, whether that'sfinding the ways that I can make a
difference within the system at work.
Finding ways that I can help studentsto understand themselves better or
using my creative work to help peopleon a larger platform better understand
(24:49):
themselves and care for themselvesin a way that works for their brains.
And meaning doesn't have to besome big great life purpose thing.
It can be just what is themeaning in this tiny little thing?
Why am I doing what I'm doing?
Some of it yes, is going to be drudgery.
(25:11):
Some of it is going to be, I'm doingthis thing because I have to do it.
To survive.
But there's always gonna be some aspectsto it where we can find the connection of
how is this making a positive difference?
And that can help us to connectwhat we're doing that might be
(25:31):
draining to the greater pictureof how we are making a difference.
And the difference doesn't haveto be some big global thing.
It can be just making a differencein one person's life or even
making a difference in your own.
And then finally for me, one of thebiggest things that I have to keep in
mind when I am working full time andfeeling too busy to get out, and about.
(26:00):
Is that I really need to be deliberatein my efforts to maintain connection
because I am a raging extrovert, and soa lot of my energy comes from spending
time with energizing people, butspending time with the wrong people.
On the other hand.
Can be draining, but spending timewith the people who energize me is very
(26:25):
important and can be easy to lose sightof, and it can be one of the first things
that drops off when things get too busy.
So being mindful of how do Imake that effort to maintain
those connections, whether that'sregular coffee dates or going.
Out on occasion or phone calls andtexts, however it is that I can
(26:49):
maintain some of those connections isreally important to help energize me,
and I'd be curious to know howyou maintain connections when
you're feeling too busy to getout and about and distracted by
all of life's stuff around you.
How do you find ways tomaintain connections?
(27:12):
And then finally, as I'm moving intofull-time, I really need to be very
mindful of the commitments that I makeand minimize the amount of draining
activities that I commit myself to.
(27:33):
Obviously there's.
Responsibilities andcommitments that we can't avoid.
But there's a lot of things that wetake on because we think we should do
them, or we made a commitment in thepast and we don't wanna change the
commitment that we've already made.
But when our life circumstanceschange, sometimes we have to
(27:55):
reevaluate what are the thingsthat we're letting into our life.
And our time isn't free, sowe need to stop giving it away
to the things that drain us.
The last time I was working full time,I remembered doing an energy audit of
how I was spending my time and energy.
Because I was working full timeand only had two nights off a
(28:15):
week without a kid, I was spendingthose two nights in a relationship
that I realized was draining me.
As much as I admiredthis person and we had.
Mutual respect for each other after wetalked about it, he said that's just kind
of his energy and how he's always been.
(28:37):
We decided to go separate waysand it was a hard decision to make
because he was a really great person.
But I had to look at the biggerpicture when it came to how it
was impacting my energy and.
I was finding myself drained at theend of our interactions, and so I
had to prioritize things that wereenergizing and reduce how I was
(29:02):
spending my time on the draining things.
Even though it wasn't a badthing, it was still draining me.
And of course, probably the biggestthing for me is managing my screen time,
because that's definitely somethingthat gives you that quick dopamine hit,
but in the long run can be draining.
And that is true of anykind of what they call.
(29:26):
Super stimulants, so things that canfeel super stimulating in the moment,
but then in the long run, drain us.
Those are things to be cautious ofif you wanna sustain your energy.
So really that means for me, beingselective with my commitments and
focusing on the things that preserve myenergy, not the things that drain it.
(29:50):
Which is a big part of the reason whyI took a break from dating apps because
those were both a super stimulant andthat they gave you that dopamine hit
with no real long-term energizing traits.
And also just ended up beingdraining because the interactions
(30:12):
weren't necessarily connection.
They were disconnected anddraining because you're having
to filter through all of this bs.
Honestly, I realized that looking back on.
When I had the most energy andwhen I really had the best health
habits and all of that stuff.
(30:34):
It was actually when I was takinga break from that 12 plus years
ago, and so now my focus is more onbuilding and maintaining connections
and doing the things that I enjoy.
So avoiding burnout when we have to workfull time and spend a lot of our time
(30:55):
on the responsibilities that we need todo really takes mindfulness about how
we're spending our time and understandingthat harmony isn't about doing it all.
It is about loving the lifethat you're actually living.
So It's not about keeping everythingin perfect balance, but in.
(31:19):
Going with the ebbs and flows of howthings come in, and out of your life,
and being mindful when you have thespace of what you bring in and what you
avoid.
This fall I'm going tocontinue to focus on.
Restorative rest, energizingactivities and minimizing my
(31:46):
commitments to the draining ones.
My goal is to keep my non-work time lowpressure, but high connection and all
about building micro moments of harmony.
And on that note, I am gettingready to head out to our
family's creative arts camp.
So you can follow myjourney there on instagram.
(32:09):
Take care.
Looking for ways toembrace your own intensity.
Join our embracing intensitycommunity@embracingintensity.com where
(32:34):
you'll meet a growing group of like-mindedpeople who get what it's like to be gifted
and intense and are committed to creatinga supportive community as well as access
to our courses and tools to help youuse your fire without getting burned.
There's also a pay what you canoption through our Patreon where
you can increase your pledgeto help sustain the podcast or.
(32:56):
Or join us at a rate thatbetter fits your needs.
You can also sign up for my freeHarnessing the Power of Your
Intensity, a self regulationworkbook for gifted, creative, and
twice exceptional adults and teens.
All links can be found in the shownotes or on EmbracingIntensity.
com.
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