February 19, 2025 • 31 mins
In this episode of Enthusiastic Encouragement and Dubious Advice, Patricia and Nicole continue to focus on the importance of community and resource-sharing. They emphasize thinking expansively about who comprises one’s community and the diverse skills and privileges individuals can leverage to support each other. The hosts also share personal anecdotes and practical advice for building and sustaining mutual aid networks.
Mentioned on the show:
-
Bookshop Affiliate Storefront (links below are affiliate)
-
Become a patron! Patreon.com/eedapod
-
Subscribe to the ongoing Enthusiastic Encouragement & Dubious Advice Newsletter
-
EEDA Pod Episode “Should We Expect Black Women to Save the U.S.?”
-
EEDA Pod Episode “Community Care is Self Care”
-
EEDA Newsletter Vol 6, Res 4: Deleted Guidelines, Mutual Aid How-To, Helping Trans Folks, and More
-
EEDA Pod Episode “Everyone Deserves Help (Except for Me)”
-
EEDA Pod Episode “How to Find a Therapist, Especially if You’re Queer or BIPOC”
Find the full show notes and official transcript on our website: eedapod.com
Follow the show on Instagram & find us on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, & Spotify
Sound editing by Jen Zink
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
[Intro Music]
(00:15):
Hey there, Critters!
Welcome to Enthusiastic Encouragementand Dubious Advice, the podcast for
folks who would rather curl intothe fetal position than lean in.
I'm your host, Patricia Elzie-Tuttle.
And I'm glad you're here.
Thanks for joining us.
I'm Nicole Elzie-Tuttle,and we're recording this
show on February 14th, 2025.
(00:35):
Oh, it's Valentine's Day, isn't it?
It is Valentine's Day.
Has it been so all day?
Yeah, we worked today, so.
Oh, yeah, barely knew.
Old married people.
[Laughing]
Let's see, what have we donesince we last spoke to everyone?
We watched a couple of documentaries.
(00:57):
We did.
We're usually not great at actuallysitting down and watching things.
And if we do, we don't always finish them.
That's true too.
Especially if they're likea TV series or something.
Yeah, we watched Will & Harper, finally.
We did, we finally watched Will & Harper.
What did you think?
Overall, I think I enjoyed it.
(01:18):
I think we talked about this a lot.
I think it's a good entrypoint for a lot of people.
Yeah, I think so too.
Like, I don't think that necessarilythe audience is trans people who already
have trans community and things likethat, but I, I think a lot about maybe
the elders in my life who are cisgenderand straight and, and it might be a
(01:43):
good entry point for them to learn.
Especially if they like Will Ferrell.
Especially if they like Will Ferrell.
Yeah.
I also, I don't think it's like thebest example of what life is like
as a trans person for everybody.
Absolutely
not.
Well, and also trans peoplearen't a monolith, so.
That's very true.
But I think it is a good example forseeing what it's like for people who maybe
(02:06):
come to their transness later in age.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm glad we watched it.
I am too.
And we were inspired by yourrecent typewriter purchase?
Yes, so we went into the typewritershop to bring my typewriter for
some TLC, and the guy there toldus to watch a documentary called
(02:28):
California Typewriter, it's from 2016.
And he's like, hey, you mayrecognize someone in the film.
And he's like, the guy in the film.
Yeah, it kind of follows himfor a good chunk of the film.
Yeah, no, I loved it.
I, it actually, I'm starting toget obsessed with typewriters,
which I think is hilarious.
(02:50):
Because watching this documentary,it's just like, oh, it's
just a lot of white dudes.
Yeah, it's also a little concerningbecause typewriters, unlike
books, like, they take up alot more space per typewriter.
I mean, yes.
And?
But they make such a nice sound.
(03:11):
They do, and we already don'thave enough shelves for the books.
Shh!
Where are we gonna put
Shh, don't worry about it.
The Elzie-Tuttle Typewriter Library?
Don't worry about it.
[Laughing]
I am a little worried about it.
We'll work it out.
I'm sure we will.
(03:33):
It's fine.
I only, I only have thatone right now, and, uh
And another one you informedme is in a box in the office.
Somewhere.
Somewhere.
That I inherited from my grandmother, so
yes
we'll pull that out.
And potentially the one Imight buy this coming weekend.
If we find one.
If we find one.
If we find one.
That's why I said potentially might.
(03:53):
But you know what?
I, I really enjoyed the movie.
It gave me a lot to think about,gave me a lot to react to.
As you experienced watching it with me,and I paused it every two minutes to yap.
I liked it, though.
I, I thought it was a good experiencesitting with you and, like, being
able to pause it and share ourthoughts on, like, what we just saw,
(04:15):
because it is a documentary, right?
It wasn't, like, a two hour, like,movie that has, like, a single,
like, fictional through line,
mm hmm
where, like, pausing it would be like,okay, we don't need to comment on, like,
everything that character says, but thiswas like, oh, yeah, like, okay, that
guy's building, I don't know, mechanicalanimals out of typewriter parts.
(04:37):
Sure.
Yeah, well, a lot of it tookplace here in the Bay Area too.
That too.
So you're also stopping it andbeing like, I know where that is.
Exactly.
But California typewriter, it was fun.
I recommend you give it a watchif you're into something niche.
Like typewriters.
Like typewriters, specifically.
Also, before we get into it, we wantto remind you that we have a Patreon.
(05:02):
You can find it at patreon.com/eedapodand support there helps us keep
this show going without ads.
You can join our littlecommunity over there.
And also we have a bookshop affiliatekind of storefront so you can shop any
of the books we've mentioned on thisshow and also books I've mentioned
(05:22):
in my newsletter or otherwise.
And that bookshop link is availableon eedapod.com up at the top.
You can access our Patreon.
You can access our bookshop soyou can find everything there.
[Transition Music]
(05:43):
So I want to start out this showby apologizing because I have
realized that I am part of a problem.
Hi, it's me, I'm the problem, it'sme, etc. To be fair, this is something
I see many people perpetuate.
People I generally agree withwhen regards to things like
(06:03):
human rights, healthcare, etc.
The thing I do is this.
I tell people to look it up or dotheir own research, and then I have
the nerve to get annoyed that theydon't find the information I intended
them to find for various reasons.
Part of this is down to, like, algorithmsand like, how you search, but also how
(06:31):
the search engines feed you resultsis kind of dependent on your own
personal browser history and stuff.
But, as you have also taught me, becauseyou studied it in grad school, there's
this whole idea of like informationseeking behavior, and like, not everybody
is searching the web in the same way.
And if you aren't telling people,like, where to get that information, or
(06:56):
really directing them to the informationthat you're using as a source, then
there's a high chance that they're notfinding the same information as you.
And God forbid, they might justend up on YouTube listening to
some guy who makes hour long videoswearing hats made of tinfoil.
(07:18):
Yeah, I think people do a similar thingwhen they're like, listen to Black women,
but then the person they're talking togoes and listens to Candace Owens and
they're like, ew, not her, which there'sa whole wider conversation about the
whole listen to Black women suggestion,which we have in a past episode called
(07:40):
should we expect Black women to save theU.S., that will link in the show notes.
Folks also say things like, learn yourhistory, or read a book, but then not tell
people the resources or books to read.
And then with that same breath,when asked to do that, be like,
I don't need to do free labor.
(08:02):
Which, fair, like not everybody needsto do the free labor of providing
people with their resources.
We, however, we're hereto do that labor for you.
And in this podcast, and also in thenewsletter, the EEDAPOD newsletter, and
that's really our choice to do that.
We're not asking people to do that.
(08:23):
And also, we're pointing out that withoutclarity and direction, a kind of look it
up response will not always get people theknowledge you intend for them to receive.
Yeah, though, story time.
Once years ago, an elder family memberposted something online about the
(08:45):
salary of the President of the UnitedStates, and I responded that what
he posted is disinformation, and histruly awful wife was like, Oh yeah?
What is it then?
I said, Google is free, I am not,and I posted my PayPal link, and then
she blocked me, and I haven't had tointeract with her for years, in person
or otherwise, and it's beautiful, noregrets, 10 out of 10, highly recommend.
(09:11):
That's some good intentional pettiness.
Yeah.
It's not Super Bowl halftimeshow level pettiness, but
I mean, we all havesomething to work toward.
Aspirational pettiness.
Aspirational pettiness.
All that aside, we've kind of donesomething similar on our show when
we've just been like, make a listof your skills or find community.
(09:34):
And yes, we've talked about some waysto find community in past episodes,
but there's definitely been somethings we've left out, so I think
we're gonna start there today.
Yeah.
I recently shared a mutual aidguide, like a mutual aid how to
from the progressivists in the EEDAnewsletter, and that will definitely
(09:56):
get linked in the show notes.
And it mentions how mutual aid ishorizontal, not hierarchical, and
it made me think about how strongcommunity is about giving and receiving.
Many of our friends are out of thesame mold as us, and we're happy
to give and give and give andshow up at a moment's notice, but
(10:20):
we struggle with the receiving.
We struggle with the trust and thevulnerability in asking for help.
If that sounds like you, you maywant to check out our episode from
February, 2024 titled EveryoneDeserves Help (Except for Me).
And, uh, we'll leave a linkto that in our show notes too.
(10:41):
Yeah.
We're going to have a hefty show notes.
If you are only willing to giveand not receive, that is charity.
That is not mutual aid.
That is not community.
If this is you, I highly recommendnot only listening to that episode,
but unpacking this, possibly witha mental health professional,
(11:01):
if you have access to one.
If you don't have access to a therapistand would like one, we recommend
checking out our past episode, Howto Find a Therapist, Especially if
You're Queer or BIPOC, and we'll leavea link to that in our show notes.
[Laughing]
We're really trying to help everyone here.
(11:22):
We're trying to giveyou all what you need.
We got a crash course in this wholebeing vulnerable, asking for help, and
trusting community when my mom got sick.
You know, I'm an only child, andit was only us, and we were thrown
into an absolute garbage situation.
(11:42):
And very quickly and very suddenlyand friends would show up and bring us
anything from paper towels to pickingup our laundry and doing our laundry.
And one of my cousins wasreally moved by the amount of my
friends and even coworkers thatshowed up to my mom's funeral.
(12:07):
In some ways, that was kind of ahumbling experience, to, like, force
ourselves to be on the other endof what we give a lot of the time.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
No, and it was, it was a terribleexperience and I think I learned from it.
We learned a lot from that.
Yeah.
(12:27):
Yeah.
Another thing about community thatwe, we want to make really clear
here, is that when we say community,we're not saying or we don't just mean
the friends that you hang out with.
Not everyone in yourcommunity is also your friend.
Your community includes yourneighbors, your coworkers, your mail
(12:51):
carrier, uh, the person who doesyour hair, you said, our UPS driver.
Yeah, our UPS driveris really cool though.
He is really cool, I'll give you that.
But we also mean likeour elders and children.
It is wild to me how many peopleare like, I want community.
But then they're like, ew, kids.
(13:13):
I don't like kids.
And kids are part of community too.
And maybe what youactually want is friends.
And I will die on this hill.
Nicole, you and I are child free, and Ithink kids are great, and that they have
just as much value as any other people.
And as for older people, thefirst time you took me to meet
(13:36):
your family, I ended up spendingmultiple hours with your grandfather.
And I appreciate elders so much, and Ireally need everyone else to get on board.
Yeah, what we're trying to say is we, wereally encourage you to think expansively
about who can be or is in your community.
(13:58):
Start close, but allow for growth.
I want to switch gears a bit andtalk about what we mean when we keep
saying, make a list of your skills.
I realize when I say that there's somethings I'm leaving unsaid, which is I'm
also implying resources and privileges,generally things that you as an individual
(14:22):
can offer or leverage for others.
For skills, not everything isbaking bread over a campfire
or weaving your own fabric.
Wait, so this also doesn't meanthat, like, weird list you put at
the bottom of your resume that'slike, I can type 90 words a minute.
I have experience with Excel,PowerPoint, and Microsoft Word.
(14:42):
Okay, so the thing is, is I don't put thatanymore, not only because it's outdated,
but I have seen you as an Excel wizard,and I'm like, wow, I don't know crap.
I don't know anything about Excelcompared to you, and I have no business
putting it on anything describing myself.
And I'm not even like, I stilldon't know what a pivot table is.
(15:06):
So I like I'm hesitant forthe Excel wizard label.
I do a lot withoutthings like pivot tables
But sure like when it comes to listsof skills I used to be an EMT and
I still retain some of those firstaid skills and knowledge and I also
(15:26):
know how to talk to medical people.
I seem to have a knackfor project management.
I can keep my head in a crisis.
I like long walks on the beach.
I like pizza.
Puppies.
Oh yeah, those are good too.
I have a number of soft skills, andI'm like, ugh, I hate using that
(15:48):
term because these skills are soincredibly important, and I, we need
to, we need to think of another word.
Interpersonal skills, I guess?
Maybe?
[Giggling]
Why are you giggling?
Don't worry about it.
Like, the ability to get along with alot of different people, and the ability
(16:09):
to take something complicated, somethingthat I already understand, and be able
to teach it in a more accessible way.
But there are, there are so manymore things your skills can be.
Can you build a website?
Can you analyze data?
Do you know where to get a listof potential donors or something,
(16:30):
or people who can help provideresources to your community?
Can you write?
Are you a good writer?
Can you cook?
Can you cook largeamounts of food at once?
Can you drive?
Can you speak more than one language?
Do you have a printer?
Yeah, when you mentioned,like, do you have a printer?
I was like, well, one, we do not.
(16:52):
We literally just went to the librarythe other day so that I could print
out some sheet music that I bought.
Yeah, we don't have a printer.
But that is actually a really handything to be able to offer to people.
Yeah.
Thinking about the can youdrive brings me to resources.
I think a lot of people who are wellresourced don't actually think of a lot
(17:13):
of the things they have as a resource.
Do you have a reliable vehicle?
Can you give people a ride?
Do you have possibly even a bigvehicle that can maybe move big items
or like 50 flats of water bottles?
Do you have a spare room?
Do you have a home big enoughto host a meeting or a dinner?
(17:36):
Do you have food to share?
Like, I know that sometimes Icook enough food for many people
and it's just the two of us.
Time and money are always importantand should go on your list of
resources if you have them.
Can you offer childcare?
Can you fix or mend things?
I think that's a big one.
(17:56):
Like, can you help?
Well, and not only can you fixor mend things, but can you teach
people how to fix and mend things?
Like, can you pass on that knowledge?
Yeah, which I think being ableto teach skills is another skill.
Do you have your own washer anddryer where you can do laundry or
(18:19):
let people use it to do some laundry?
Yeah.
Yeah, I think about that one a lot too.
If listeners know anything about me,then you know that knowledge sharing is
pretty much my whole thing and not just,you know, practical how-to knowledge.
I've been known to share insightsI've gotten from my therapist
(18:39):
because not everyone has that access.
One of my skills is findinginformation and finding
resources and then sharing them.
We, we essentially have a small library.
And a fair bit of that isnon-fiction and cookbooks.
If you have something like that,can you share information from that?
(19:02):
Or how much information in your homelibrary can be useful to other people?
Do you have, like, recipes or thingsthat are kind of easy to cook that you
can also share over a text message?
I always encourage friends, like,whenever we have friends over, to take
pictures of recipes out of our cookbooks.
(19:23):
And, you know, blah blah, copyright.
But, I bought these books.
I don't know, I love this idea of beingpart of a community, like, and you
being a person that people can textyou and be like, I've got two boxes of
pasta and six lemons, what do you got?
And you can be like,
recipe, recipe Sherlock,
(19:43):
and be like, do you also have someheavy cream and some Parmesan?
All right, I've got something for you.
Well, I was talking to a friend abouthow her family makes fried chicken on New
Year's Eve, and I'm like, oh, I wish Ihad like a little plug in fryer because I
(20:05):
want to figure out how to make donuts andbeignets, and we were talking about like,
what if we just had a communal fryer,that we would just share the appliance.
And because it's not somethingwe'd use every day, I'm really
thinking about this, like, oh,what things can you share around?
(20:25):
I mean, we've got a couple of kitchenappliances that I'd be willing to,
like, let our close friends borrow.
Absolutely.
But that's close friends.
I'm working on it withthe whole community thing.
You're working on it.
I didn't grow up with that, so.
Working on it.
Working on it.
And, but yeah, it's like, what,what do we have that, like,
not everyone needs to own one?
(20:46):
That's a real big concept, that noteveryone needs to own one, like.
Yeah.
I think we talked about this in thelast time we mentioned it, with the
idea of like a community lawnmower.
Yeah,
Right.
Like not everyone's mowingtheir lawn every day.
Like you could easily have likeseven different houses share one.
A lawnmower.
Yeah.
Lawnmower, like...
Another thing to think about iswhen, especially when it comes to
(21:09):
like other things that you may haveto offer, do you have a Costco card?
And specifically, can you offer to splitthe cost of items that can be purchased
in bulk for less money with other people?
Like, I, the Costco thing of paper towels.
We are two people like
and that like takes up awhole shelf in the closet.
(21:30):
Like I would gladly split thatwith like two other peoples.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Two other households.
Yeah.
Households.
Peoples.
Peoples.
The other thing that a friend brought upthe other day is do you work at a large
company that does donation matching?
(21:51):
For those of you who don't know,um, some bigger companies, like
tech companies, media companies,and such, do donation matching.
So if their employees, say, donateto a non-profit, like it has to be
a certain kind of non-profit, like a501c3 or something like that, but say
(22:13):
I give a hundred bucks and then I workfor a company that does a match, maybe
they'll also throw in a hundred bucksto that same org that I donate to.
So what one could do if they work forsaid companies and you didn't hear
it from me is say, hey, I work forone of these companies, all of my
(22:37):
friends, everyone give me 20 bucksand I'll throw it all in under me.
And then, uh, we'll get that match,and we will actually be able to
give more money to these groups thatare doing really important work.
I really love this idea.
Mm hmm.
Like, really leveraging someof those kind of opportunities.
(23:00):
This gets to kind of this one otherarea that we've been dancing around
a little bit right here, whichis privileges as another kind of
thing to examine as a resource.
Like, do you have a job where you cangive a referral or offer mentorship?
Can you use your whitenessas a layer of protection?
(23:22):
And I'm not necessarily talking aboutphysical violence here, but I'm also not,
not talking about physical violence here.
But this could also be like protectionagainst predatory banking practices?
Or can you go with someone tosomething like a medical visit and
(23:43):
help them speak up to ensure thatthey are getting the care they need?
Yeah, I have seen, you know, somegroups will have people go wait with
someone maybe for SNAP benefits orfor unemployment and things like that.
A lot of maybe legal things and justlike be a person to not only drive
(24:05):
people there, but to be there andhelp them talk through these things
that they may be unfamiliar with.
And things like that.
And it's just, yeah.
I've seen some communities alsoorganize and have someone just go
wait in the waiting room if someone'sgoing to the ER or something.
(24:26):
Mm hmm.
So that the people know thatthey have someone waiting
for them on the other side.
It shows the hospitalthat they have people.
Mm hmm.
And Just being there in that way also,like, yes, they'll probably need a
ride when they get out, but also justknowing that you're not alone there
(24:47):
is also a really big and importantaspect of, of this kind of community
thing, making sure people aren't alone.
And we didn't touch on that really.
No, but I feel like thatis like foundational.
It's foundational, but we didn't say it.
Yeah, and it's, you know, and it's also,it plays out in the past, you know, four
(25:09):
weeks or so that I've been sending evenjust a lot of messages, just checking
in on people just and, and making sureagain, people know they're not alone.
Yeah.
Yeah.
[Transition Music]
Okay.
(25:29):
We kind of whirlwinded a little bit there.
Absolutely.
Sounds like something we'restarting to get doing regularly.
Yeah.
Hey, we're getting comfortable.
A year, a year in
a year in
and change.
Thirty four episodes in,we're getting comfortable.
Patricia, what, what do youwant to make sure our listeners
take away from this episode?
(25:50):
What I want our listeners totake away is something I actually
took away as I was writing this,the first draft of this script.
Which is we all have more skills andresources than we initially think we do.
Well, you all might.
I'm still, just as we talk through things,I'm still like, oh yeah, we have that.
(26:14):
Oh yeah, we can do that.
Or I have that ability.
I have that knowledge.
I sat down to look at thisand went, nope, I got nothing.
You're like, I've neverdone anything in my life.
Right?
Hey, we know how toput together a podcast.
You know what?
(26:34):
We know we know how torecord a podcast, yeah.
And we've got like the tools to do it.
And we have the equipment as well, so.
Ooh.
Mm.
Nicole, what do you wantpeople to take away?
I really want people to broadentheir concept of who is or
can be in their community.
Think beyond just like your immediatefamily or your close circle of friends.
(27:00):
And really broaden that out.
I love the idea ofincluding the UPS driver.
Yeah, I even, I'm not gonna say hisname on the podcast, but like, he
knows my name from all the booksthat show up, so I got his name.
But also like, in the hot summerdays, we make sure that we have
like, little cold Gatorades.
Yeah, and little bottles ofwater in the fridge that we
(27:21):
give to the delivery people, so.
Yeah.
Gosh, the idea of asking you what'sfilling your cup in this, this
current age feels both, uh, like a, aheavy ask, but an important one, so.
Yeah, I think we're both reallydoing our best to cling to
(27:43):
joy wherever we can find it.
Yeah.
And also.
I'm really leaning into what isgiving me pleasure right now.
Even little things.
Like this week I cooked so much.
You did.
I cooked multiple things.
Usually I cook like one bigthing on Sundays and then we eat
that through the week, but thatwas filling my cup this week.
(28:06):
And the other thing is I have convincedyou to go back to the Oakland Museum
of California White Elephant Sale.
One more time.
Yeah, and last time we kind of, wewere there for like three hours, but
we, it still felt very like whirlwindyand we had all we could carry.
(28:31):
So I think this time I want to maybetake a little more time and look at
the areas we didn't get to look at.
Yeah, it's, it's difficult becauseyou're not allowed to bring a basket.
You're not allowed to bring a basket,so whatever you buy you have to carry.
Yeah.
And, you know, I bought somethingheavy first thing, so I was lugging
(28:51):
around a typewriter for three hours.
It might be my turn to do that.
It might be your turn to do it.
We'll find out.
We'll see what we find.
Nicole, what is fillingyour cup right now?
I sent a piece of mail
Yay!
to a friend, and it felt sogood to get that put together,
and I want to do it more.
(29:12):
Yeah.
And I am so tired.
Yeah, I think on some days, I'vesent a number of postcards recently.
You've been doing a lot of postcards.
I've been doing a lot of postcards.
Which our mail carrier struggles withfinding in our mailbox sometimes.
That's true, and also oneof my friends just sent me a
picture of the postcard I sent.
I used a fountain pen and theink is water soluble and their
(29:37):
mailbox got attacked by the rain.
So the postcard is mostly just a blur.
It's like a watercolor.
It's a mystery of what I wrote.
Like some of it is justlike no letters at all.
Oh, wow.
So cool.
You can watercolor with fountain pen ink.
Exactly.
So I didn't know it was goingto rain so hard or else I
(29:57):
wouldn't have used that ink.
But...
It did rain hard.
Well, that's our show for today.
We'd like to thank our awesomeaudio editor, Jen Zink.
You can find her at loopdilou.comand we'll leave a link to
that in our show notes.
You can find the full show notesand transcript at eedapod.com,
that's E E D A P O D dot com.
(30:20):
There you can also find a link to ourPatreon, our Bookshop link, and a link
to the ongoing Enthusiastic Encouragementand Dubious Advice newsletter.
You can also find us onInstagram and Bluesky at eedapod.
And email us at eedapod@gmail.com.
We are nothing if not consistent.
We would also appreciate it so muchif you would subscribe and rate us on
(30:42):
Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever youget your podcasts that allow ratings.
It goes really far in helpingother people find our show.
We would also appreciate anyonewho can subscribe to us on Patreon.
Support is going to help us keep thisshow going, especially without ads.
You can find us at patreon.com/eedapod.
In the meantime, we hope youfind ways to be kind to yourself.
(31:06):
Drink some water and read a book.
We'll be talking to you soon.
Did I refer to your newsletteras the EEDAPOD newsletter?
I have no idea.
I think I did, and I've beenspending this whole show trying
to figure out what that would be.
Would it be a newsletter where wesend out a copy of the podcast?
(31:27):
The transcript?
[Intro Music]
(00:15):
Hey there, Critters!
Welcome to Enthusiastic Encouragementand Dubious Advice, the podcast for
folks who would rather curl intothe fetal position than lean in.
I'm your host, Patricia Elzie-Tuttle.
And I'm glad you're here.
Thanks for joining us.
I'm Nicole Elzie-Tuttle,and we're recording this
show on February 14th, 2025.
(00:35):
Oh, it's Valentine's Day, isn't it?
It is Valentine's Day.
Has it been so all day?
Yeah, we worked today, so.
Oh, yeah, barely knew.
Old married people.
[Laughing]
Let's see, what have we donesince we last spoke to everyone?
We watched a couple of documentaries.
(00:57):
We did.
We're usually not great at actuallysitting down and watching things.
And if we do, we don't always finish them.
That's true too.
Especially if they're likea TV series or something.
Yeah, we watched Will & Harper, finally.
We did, we finally watched Will & Harper.
What did you think?
Overall, I think I enjoyed it.
(01:18):
I think we talked about this a lot.
I think it's a good entrypoint for a lot of people.
Yeah, I think so too.
Like, I don't think that necessarilythe audience is trans people who already
have trans community and things likethat, but I, I think a lot about maybe
the elders in my life who are cisgenderand straight and, and it might be a
(01:43):
good entry point for them to learn.
Especially if they like Will Ferrell.
Especially if they like Will Ferrell.
Yeah.
I also, I don't think it's like thebest example of what life is like
as a trans person for everybody.
Absolutely
not.
Well, and also trans peoplearen't a monolith, so.
That's very true.
But I think it is a good example forseeing what it's like for people who maybe
(02:06):
come to their transness later in age.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm glad we watched it.
I am too.
And we were inspired by yourrecent typewriter purchase?
Yes, so we went into the typewritershop to bring my typewriter for
some TLC, and the guy there toldus to watch a documentary called
(02:28):
California Typewriter, it's from 2016.
And he's like, hey, you mayrecognize someone in the film.
And he's like, the guy in the film.
Yeah, it kind of follows himfor a good chunk of the film.
Yeah, no, I loved it.
I, it actually, I'm starting toget obsessed with typewriters,
which I think is hilarious.
(02:50):
Because watching this documentary,it's just like, oh, it's
just a lot of white dudes.
Yeah, it's also a little concerningbecause typewriters, unlike
books, like, they take up alot more space per typewriter.
I mean, yes.
And?
But they make such a nice sound.
(03:11):
They do, and we already don'thave enough shelves for the books.
Shh!
Where are we gonna put
Shh, don't worry about it.
The Elzie-Tuttle Typewriter Library?
Don't worry about it.
[Laughing]
I am a little worried about it.
We'll work it out.
I'm sure we will.
(03:33):
It's fine.
I only, I only have thatone right now, and, uh
And another one you informedme is in a box in the office.
Somewhere.
Somewhere.
That I inherited from my grandmother, so
yes
we'll pull that out.
And potentially the one Imight buy this coming weekend.
If we find one.
If we find one.
If we find one.
That's why I said potentially might.
(03:53):
But you know what?
I, I really enjoyed the movie.
It gave me a lot to think about,gave me a lot to react to.
As you experienced watching it with me,and I paused it every two minutes to yap.
I liked it, though.
I, I thought it was a good experiencesitting with you and, like, being
able to pause it and share ourthoughts on, like, what we just saw,
(04:15):
because it is a documentary, right?
It wasn't, like, a two hour, like,movie that has, like, a single,
like, fictional through line,
mm hmm
where, like, pausing it would be like,okay, we don't need to comment on, like,
everything that character says, but thiswas like, oh, yeah, like, okay, that
guy's building, I don't know, mechanicalanimals out of typewriter parts.
(04:37):
Sure.
Yeah, well, a lot of it tookplace here in the Bay Area too.
That too.
So you're also stopping it andbeing like, I know where that is.
Exactly.
But California typewriter, it was fun.
I recommend you give it a watchif you're into something niche.
Like typewriters.
Like typewriters, specifically.
Also, before we get into it, we wantto remind you that we have a Patreon.
(05:02):
You can find it at patreon.com/eedapodand support there helps us keep
this show going without ads.
You can join our littlecommunity over there.
And also we have a bookshop affiliatekind of storefront so you can shop any
of the books we've mentioned on thisshow and also books I've mentioned
(05:22):
in my newsletter or otherwise.
And that bookshop link is availableon eedapod.com up at the top.
You can access our Patreon.
You can access our bookshop soyou can find everything there.
[Transition Music]
(05:43):
So I want to start out this showby apologizing because I have
realized that I am part of a problem.
Hi, it's me, I'm the problem, it'sme, etc. To be fair, this is something
I see many people perpetuate.
People I generally agree withwhen regards to things like
(06:03):
human rights, healthcare, etc.
The thing I do is this.
I tell people to look it up or dotheir own research, and then I have
the nerve to get annoyed that theydon't find the information I intended
them to find for various reasons.
Part of this is down to, like, algorithmsand like, how you search, but also how
(06:31):
the search engines feed you resultsis kind of dependent on your own
personal browser history and stuff.
But, as you have also taught me, becauseyou studied it in grad school, there's
this whole idea of like informationseeking behavior, and like, not everybody
is searching the web in the same way.
And if you aren't telling people,like, where to get that information, or
(06:56):
really directing them to the informationthat you're using as a source, then
there's a high chance that they're notfinding the same information as you.
And God forbid, they might justend up on YouTube listening to
some guy who makes hour long videoswearing hats made of tinfoil.
(07:18):
Yeah, I think people do a similar thingwhen they're like, listen to Black women,
but then the person they're talking togoes and listens to Candace Owens and
they're like, ew, not her, which there'sa whole wider conversation about the
whole listen to Black women suggestion,which we have in a past episode called
(07:40):
should we expect Black women to save theU.S., that will link in the show notes.
Folks also say things like, learn yourhistory, or read a book, but then not tell
people the resources or books to read.
And then with that same breath,when asked to do that, be like,
I don't need to do free labor.
(08:02):
Which, fair, like not everybody needsto do the free labor of providing
people with their resources.
We, however, we're hereto do that labor for you.
And in this podcast, and also in thenewsletter, the EEDAPOD newsletter, and
that's really our choice to do that.
We're not asking people to do that.
(08:23):
And also, we're pointing out that withoutclarity and direction, a kind of look it
up response will not always get people theknowledge you intend for them to receive.
Yeah, though, story time.
Once years ago, an elder family memberposted something online about the
(08:45):
salary of the President of the UnitedStates, and I responded that what
he posted is disinformation, and histruly awful wife was like, Oh yeah?
What is it then?
I said, Google is free, I am not,and I posted my PayPal link, and then
she blocked me, and I haven't had tointeract with her for years, in person
or otherwise, and it's beautiful, noregrets, 10 out of 10, highly recommend.
(09:11):
That's some good intentional pettiness.
Yeah.
It's not Super Bowl halftimeshow level pettiness, but
I mean, we all havesomething to work toward.
Aspirational pettiness.
Aspirational pettiness.
All that aside, we've kind of donesomething similar on our show when
we've just been like, make a listof your skills or find community.
(09:34):
And yes, we've talked about some waysto find community in past episodes,
but there's definitely been somethings we've left out, so I think
we're gonna start there today.
Yeah.
I recently shared a mutual aidguide, like a mutual aid how to
from the progressivists in the EEDAnewsletter, and that will definitely
(09:56):
get linked in the show notes.
And it mentions how mutual aid ishorizontal, not hierarchical, and
it made me think about how strongcommunity is about giving and receiving.
Many of our friends are out of thesame mold as us, and we're happy
to give and give and give andshow up at a moment's notice, but
(10:20):
we struggle with the receiving.
We struggle with the trust and thevulnerability in asking for help.
If that sounds like you, you maywant to check out our episode from
February, 2024 titled EveryoneDeserves Help (Except for Me).
And, uh, we'll leave a linkto that in our show notes too.
(10:41):
Yeah.
We're going to have a hefty show notes.
If you are only willing to giveand not receive, that is charity.
That is not mutual aid.
That is not community.
If this is you, I highly recommendnot only listening to that episode,
but unpacking this, possibly witha mental health professional,
(11:01):
if you have access to one.
If you don't have access to a therapistand would like one, we recommend
checking out our past episode, Howto Find a Therapist, Especially if
You're Queer or BIPOC, and we'll leavea link to that in our show notes.
[Laughing]
We're really trying to help everyone here.
(11:22):
We're trying to giveyou all what you need.
We got a crash course in this wholebeing vulnerable, asking for help, and
trusting community when my mom got sick.
You know, I'm an only child, andit was only us, and we were thrown
into an absolute garbage situation.
(11:42):
And very quickly and very suddenlyand friends would show up and bring us
anything from paper towels to pickingup our laundry and doing our laundry.
And one of my cousins wasreally moved by the amount of my
friends and even coworkers thatshowed up to my mom's funeral.
(12:07):
In some ways, that was kind of ahumbling experience, to, like, force
ourselves to be on the other endof what we give a lot of the time.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
No, and it was, it was a terribleexperience and I think I learned from it.
We learned a lot from that.
Yeah.
(12:27):
Yeah.
Another thing about community thatwe, we want to make really clear
here, is that when we say community,we're not saying or we don't just mean
the friends that you hang out with.
Not everyone in yourcommunity is also your friend.
Your community includes yourneighbors, your coworkers, your mail
(12:51):
carrier, uh, the person who doesyour hair, you said, our UPS driver.
Yeah, our UPS driveris really cool though.
He is really cool, I'll give you that.
But we also mean likeour elders and children.
It is wild to me how many peopleare like, I want community.
But then they're like, ew, kids.
(13:13):
I don't like kids.
And kids are part of community too.
And maybe what youactually want is friends.
And I will die on this hill.
Nicole, you and I are child free, and Ithink kids are great, and that they have
just as much value as any other people.
And as for older people, thefirst time you took me to meet
(13:36):
your family, I ended up spendingmultiple hours with your grandfather.
And I appreciate elders so much, and Ireally need everyone else to get on board.
Yeah, what we're trying to say is we, wereally encourage you to think expansively
about who can be or is in your community.
(13:58):
Start close, but allow for growth.
I want to switch gears a bit andtalk about what we mean when we keep
saying, make a list of your skills.
I realize when I say that there's somethings I'm leaving unsaid, which is I'm
also implying resources and privileges,generally things that you as an individual
(14:22):
can offer or leverage for others.
For skills, not everything isbaking bread over a campfire
or weaving your own fabric.
Wait, so this also doesn't meanthat, like, weird list you put at
the bottom of your resume that'slike, I can type 90 words a minute.
I have experience with Excel,PowerPoint, and Microsoft Word.
(14:42):
Okay, so the thing is, is I don't put thatanymore, not only because it's outdated,
but I have seen you as an Excel wizard,and I'm like, wow, I don't know crap.
I don't know anything about Excelcompared to you, and I have no business
putting it on anything describing myself.
And I'm not even like, I stilldon't know what a pivot table is.
(15:06):
So I like I'm hesitant forthe Excel wizard label.
I do a lot withoutthings like pivot tables
But sure like when it comes to listsof skills I used to be an EMT and
I still retain some of those firstaid skills and knowledge and I also
(15:26):
know how to talk to medical people.
I seem to have a knackfor project management.
I can keep my head in a crisis.
I like long walks on the beach.
I like pizza.
Puppies.
Oh yeah, those are good too.
I have a number of soft skills, andI'm like, ugh, I hate using that
(15:48):
term because these skills are soincredibly important, and I, we need
to, we need to think of another word.
Interpersonal skills, I guess?
Maybe?
[Giggling]
Why are you giggling?
Don't worry about it.
Like, the ability to get along with alot of different people, and the ability
(16:09):
to take something complicated, somethingthat I already understand, and be able
to teach it in a more accessible way.
But there are, there are so manymore things your skills can be.
Can you build a website?
Can you analyze data?
Do you know where to get a listof potential donors or something,
(16:30):
or people who can help provideresources to your community?
Can you write?
Are you a good writer?
Can you cook?
Can you cook largeamounts of food at once?
Can you drive?
Can you speak more than one language?
Do you have a printer?
Yeah, when you mentioned,like, do you have a printer?
I was like, well, one, we do not.
(16:52):
We literally just went to the librarythe other day so that I could print
out some sheet music that I bought.
Yeah, we don't have a printer.
But that is actually a really handything to be able to offer to people.
Yeah.
Thinking about the can youdrive brings me to resources.
I think a lot of people who are wellresourced don't actually think of a lot
(17:13):
of the things they have as a resource.
Do you have a reliable vehicle?
Can you give people a ride?
Do you have possibly even a bigvehicle that can maybe move big items
or like 50 flats of water bottles?
Do you have a spare room?
Do you have a home big enoughto host a meeting or a dinner?
(17:36):
Do you have food to share?
Like, I know that sometimes Icook enough food for many people
and it's just the two of us.
Time and money are always importantand should go on your list of
resources if you have them.
Can you offer childcare?
Can you fix or mend things?
I think that's a big one.
(17:56):
Like, can you help?
Well, and not only can you fixor mend things, but can you teach
people how to fix and mend things?
Like, can you pass on that knowledge?
Yeah, which I think being ableto teach skills is another skill.
Do you have your own washer anddryer where you can do laundry or
(18:19):
let people use it to do some laundry?
Yeah.
Yeah, I think about that one a lot too.
If listeners know anything about me,then you know that knowledge sharing is
pretty much my whole thing and not just,you know, practical how-to knowledge.
I've been known to share insightsI've gotten from my therapist
(18:39):
because not everyone has that access.
One of my skills is findinginformation and finding
resources and then sharing them.
We, we essentially have a small library.
And a fair bit of that isnon-fiction and cookbooks.
If you have something like that,can you share information from that?
(19:02):
Or how much information in your homelibrary can be useful to other people?
Do you have, like, recipes or thingsthat are kind of easy to cook that you
can also share over a text message?
I always encourage friends, like,whenever we have friends over, to take
pictures of recipes out of our cookbooks.
(19:23):
And, you know, blah blah, copyright.
But, I bought these books.
I don't know, I love this idea of beingpart of a community, like, and you
being a person that people can textyou and be like, I've got two boxes of
pasta and six lemons, what do you got?
And you can be like,
recipe, recipe Sherlock,
(19:43):
and be like, do you also have someheavy cream and some Parmesan?
All right, I've got something for you.
Well, I was talking to a friend abouthow her family makes fried chicken on New
Year's Eve, and I'm like, oh, I wish Ihad like a little plug in fryer because I
(20:05):
want to figure out how to make donuts andbeignets, and we were talking about like,
what if we just had a communal fryer,that we would just share the appliance.
And because it's not somethingwe'd use every day, I'm really
thinking about this, like, oh,what things can you share around?
(20:25):
I mean, we've got a couple of kitchenappliances that I'd be willing to,
like, let our close friends borrow.
Absolutely.
But that's close friends.
I'm working on it withthe whole community thing.
You're working on it.
I didn't grow up with that, so.
Working on it.
Working on it.
And, but yeah, it's like, what,what do we have that, like,
not everyone needs to own one?
(20:46):
That's a real big concept, that noteveryone needs to own one, like.
Yeah.
I think we talked about this in thelast time we mentioned it, with the
idea of like a community lawnmower.
Yeah,
Right.
Like not everyone's mowingtheir lawn every day.
Like you could easily have likeseven different houses share one.
A lawnmower.
Yeah.
Lawnmower, like...
Another thing to think about iswhen, especially when it comes to
(21:09):
like other things that you may haveto offer, do you have a Costco card?
And specifically, can you offer to splitthe cost of items that can be purchased
in bulk for less money with other people?
Like, I, the Costco thing of paper towels.
We are two people like
and that like takes up awhole shelf in the closet.
(21:30):
Like I would gladly split thatwith like two other peoples.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Two other households.
Yeah.
Households.
Peoples.
Peoples.
The other thing that a friend brought upthe other day is do you work at a large
company that does donation matching?
(21:51):
For those of you who don't know,um, some bigger companies, like
tech companies, media companies,and such, do donation matching.
So if their employees, say, donateto a non-profit, like it has to be
a certain kind of non-profit, like a501c3 or something like that, but say
(22:13):
I give a hundred bucks and then I workfor a company that does a match, maybe
they'll also throw in a hundred bucksto that same org that I donate to.
So what one could do if they work forsaid companies and you didn't hear
it from me is say, hey, I work forone of these companies, all of my
(22:37):
friends, everyone give me 20 bucksand I'll throw it all in under me.
And then, uh, we'll get that match,and we will actually be able to
give more money to these groups thatare doing really important work.
I really love this idea.
Mm hmm.
Like, really leveraging someof those kind of opportunities.
(23:00):
This gets to kind of this one otherarea that we've been dancing around
a little bit right here, whichis privileges as another kind of
thing to examine as a resource.
Like, do you have a job where you cangive a referral or offer mentorship?
Can you use your whitenessas a layer of protection?
(23:22):
And I'm not necessarily talking aboutphysical violence here, but I'm also not,
not talking about physical violence here.
But this could also be like protectionagainst predatory banking practices?
Or can you go with someone tosomething like a medical visit and
(23:43):
help them speak up to ensure thatthey are getting the care they need?
Yeah, I have seen, you know, somegroups will have people go wait with
someone maybe for SNAP benefits orfor unemployment and things like that.
A lot of maybe legal things and justlike be a person to not only drive
(24:05):
people there, but to be there andhelp them talk through these things
that they may be unfamiliar with.
And things like that.
And it's just, yeah.
I've seen some communities alsoorganize and have someone just go
wait in the waiting room if someone'sgoing to the ER or something.
(24:26):
Mm hmm.
So that the people know thatthey have someone waiting
for them on the other side.
It shows the hospitalthat they have people.
Mm hmm.
And Just being there in that way also,like, yes, they'll probably need a
ride when they get out, but also justknowing that you're not alone there
(24:47):
is also a really big and importantaspect of, of this kind of community
thing, making sure people aren't alone.
And we didn't touch on that really.
No, but I feel like thatis like foundational.
It's foundational, but we didn't say it.
Yeah, and it's, you know, and it's also,it plays out in the past, you know, four
(25:09):
weeks or so that I've been sending evenjust a lot of messages, just checking
in on people just and, and making sureagain, people know they're not alone.
Yeah.
Yeah.
[Transition Music]
Okay.
(25:29):
We kind of whirlwinded a little bit there.
Absolutely.
Sounds like something we'restarting to get doing regularly.
Yeah.
Hey, we're getting comfortable.
A year, a year in
a year in
and change.
Thirty four episodes in,we're getting comfortable.
Patricia, what, what do youwant to make sure our listeners
take away from this episode?
(25:50):
What I want our listeners totake away is something I actually
took away as I was writing this,the first draft of this script.
Which is we all have more skills andresources than we initially think we do.
Well, you all might.
I'm still, just as we talk through things,I'm still like, oh yeah, we have that.
(26:14):
Oh yeah, we can do that.
Or I have that ability.
I have that knowledge.
I sat down to look at thisand went, nope, I got nothing.
You're like, I've neverdone anything in my life.
Right?
Hey, we know how toput together a podcast.
You know what?
(26:34):
We know we know how torecord a podcast, yeah.
And we've got like the tools to do it.
And we have the equipment as well, so.
Ooh.
Mm.
Nicole, what do you wantpeople to take away?
I really want people to broadentheir concept of who is or
can be in their community.
Think beyond just like your immediatefamily or your close circle of friends.
(27:00):
And really broaden that out.
I love the idea ofincluding the UPS driver.
Yeah, I even, I'm not gonna say hisname on the podcast, but like, he
knows my name from all the booksthat show up, so I got his name.
But also like, in the hot summerdays, we make sure that we have
like, little cold Gatorades.
Yeah, and little bottles ofwater in the fridge that we
(27:21):
give to the delivery people, so.
Yeah.
Gosh, the idea of asking you what'sfilling your cup in this, this
current age feels both, uh, like a, aheavy ask, but an important one, so.
Yeah, I think we're both reallydoing our best to cling to
(27:43):
joy wherever we can find it.
Yeah.
And also.
I'm really leaning into what isgiving me pleasure right now.
Even little things.
Like this week I cooked so much.
You did.
I cooked multiple things.
Usually I cook like one bigthing on Sundays and then we eat
that through the week, but thatwas filling my cup this week.
(28:06):
And the other thing is I have convincedyou to go back to the Oakland Museum
of California White Elephant Sale.
One more time.
Yeah, and last time we kind of, wewere there for like three hours, but
we, it still felt very like whirlwindyand we had all we could carry.
(28:31):
So I think this time I want to maybetake a little more time and look at
the areas we didn't get to look at.
Yeah, it's, it's difficult becauseyou're not allowed to bring a basket.
You're not allowed to bring a basket,so whatever you buy you have to carry.
Yeah.
And, you know, I bought somethingheavy first thing, so I was lugging
(28:51):
around a typewriter for three hours.
It might be my turn to do that.
It might be your turn to do it.
We'll find out.
We'll see what we find.
Nicole, what is fillingyour cup right now?
I sent a piece of mail
Yay!
to a friend, and it felt sogood to get that put together,
and I want to do it more.
(29:12):
Yeah.
And I am so tired.
Yeah, I think on some days, I'vesent a number of postcards recently.
You've been doing a lot of postcards.
I've been doing a lot of postcards.
Which our mail carrier struggles withfinding in our mailbox sometimes.
That's true, and also oneof my friends just sent me a
picture of the postcard I sent.
I used a fountain pen and theink is water soluble and their
(29:37):
mailbox got attacked by the rain.
So the postcard is mostly just a blur.
It's like a watercolor.
It's a mystery of what I wrote.
Like some of it is justlike no letters at all.
Oh, wow.
So cool.
You can watercolor with fountain pen ink.
Exactly.
So I didn't know it was goingto rain so hard or else I
(29:57):
wouldn't have used that ink.
But...
It did rain hard.
Well, that's our show for today.
We'd like to thank our awesomeaudio editor, Jen Zink.
You can find her at loopdilou.comand we'll leave a link to
that in our show notes.
You can find the full show notesand transcript at eedapod.com,
that's E E D A P O D dot com.
(30:20):
There you can also find a link to ourPatreon, our Bookshop link, and a link
to the ongoing Enthusiastic Encouragementand Dubious Advice newsletter.
You can also find us onInstagram and Bluesky at eedapod.
And email us at eedapod@gmail.com.
We are nothing if not consistent.
We would also appreciate it so muchif you would subscribe and rate us on
(30:42):
Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever youget your podcasts that allow ratings.
It goes really far in helpingother people find our show.
We would also appreciate anyonewho can subscribe to us on Patreon.
Support is going to help us keep thisshow going, especially without ads.
You can find us at patreon.com/eedapod.
In the meantime, we hope youfind ways to be kind to yourself.
(31:06):
Drink some water and read a book.
We'll be talking to you soon.
Did I refer to your newsletteras the EEDAPOD newsletter?
I have no idea.
I think I did, and I've beenspending this whole show trying
to figure out what that would be.
Would it be a newsletter where wesend out a copy of the podcast?
(31:27):
The transcript?
Popular Podcasts
Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club
Welcome to Bookmarked by Reese’s Book Club — the podcast where great stories, bold women, and irresistible conversations collide! Hosted by award-winning journalist Danielle Robay, each week new episodes balance thoughtful literary insight with the fervor of buzzy book trends, pop culture and more. Bookmarked brings together celebrities, tastemakers, influencers and authors from Reese's Book Club and beyond to share stories that transcend the page. Pull up a chair. You’re not just listening — you’re part of the conversation.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.