May 28, 2025 • 26 mins
In this episode of “Enthusiastic Encouragement and Dubious Advice,” Patricia and Nicole discuss how to read self-help effectively. They delve into their views on self-help books, highlighting the trap of constant improvement and sharing methods for effectively integrating helpful insights into daily life. They discuss the importance of discerning valuable advice from what's not relevant, and the need to actively apply self-help tips rather than just consuming them passively. Additionally, they reflect on personal experiences and the significance of their annual cherry-picking tradition.
Mentioned on the show:
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Bookshop Affiliate Storefront (links below are affiliate)
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Become a patron! Patreon.com/eedapod
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Subscribe to the ongoing Enthusiastic Encouragement & Dubious Advice Newsletter
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Snacking Cakes: Simple Treats for Anytime Cravings: A Baking Book by Yossy Arefi
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Self-Improvement Products And Services Global Market Report 2025 via The Business Research Company
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Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski & Amelia Nagoski
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Patricia for Book Riot and All the Books!
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“Burnout is Not Your Fault” via EEDA Pod
Find the full show notes and official transcript on our website: eedapod.com
Follow the show on Instagram & find us on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, & Spotify
Sound editing by Jen Zink
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
[Intro Music]
(00:15):
Hey there, Dunkaroos.
Welcome to Enthusiastic Encouragementand Dubious Advice, the podcast for
folks who would rather curl intothe fetal position than lean in.
I'm your host, Patricia Elzie-Tuttle.
And I am not an AI chat botI'm Nicole Elzie-Tuttle.
We're recording theshow on May 23rd, 2025.
And you brought up Dunkaroos,which means I have a fun fact.
(00:38):
Share your fun fact with everyone.
Do you know who was the original voice forthe Dunkaroos kangaroo in the commercial?
I only learned this within the past fewyears, but please share with the folks.
One of my favorite stageactors, John Cameron Mitchell.
A-K-A...
(00:59):
A-K-A.
A lot of people will probablyknow him as the original lead
in Hedwig and The Angry Inch.
Yeah.
But yeah, he was the originalvoice of the Dunkaroos kangaroo.
Which we learned when we sawhim do like a one man stage
show in Berkeley or something.
Yeah.
That was one of the last things wesaw before the pandemic started.
(01:21):
Oof.
Yeah.
Oof.
[Big Sigh]
But since we last recorded a show, we didone of our favorite annual traditions.
Yes.
Which was we took ourfriends cherry picking.
Oh, I'm still like justthinking about those cherries.
(01:42):
I know we have a bunch in the freezer.
We should make some ice cream.
Yeah.
This year we also made cherry preservesand I, I think we canned them properly
so they are shelf stable for a year.
Ooh.
And also strawberry jam.
In the same, we used the electricwater bath and canned them.
(02:04):
So we have strawberry jam.
I guess I better make some yogurt.
Yeah, maybe make some yogurt and we can
then have
Mix.
Mix some of that in.
Yeah.
Otherwise, what do we put it on?
Biscuits.
Biscuits.
I also, there is a book, acookbook called Snacking Cakes,
which is an amazing cookbook.
I'm actually gonna linkit in the show notes.
(02:26):
Where like every cake in thebook, the idea is one bowl.
And also it's mostly stuff you'realready going to have around the house.
And you should also be able to havelike a small cake within an hour.
And there's one, it's like a vanillacake with a swirl of jam in it.
(02:47):
And you could use any kind of jam.
Right.
You made this once with likea, a guava jam or something?
Yes.
Yeah, we had made it a few times.
Everybody was impressed with it.
Yeah.
But now we can make itwith the jam we made.
Ooh.
Reminder that this podcastis independently run.
That means we are paying foreverything out of pocket.
(03:07):
Downloading, sharing, and givingus reviews and ratings are
free ways to show us support.
If you have a few bucks our Patreonmemberships start at $3 a month and we
have a new tier, the dubious advisors,that's the top tier, it is $40 a month.
There are only 10 spots available,and you will get a once a
month snail mail experience.
(03:28):
And if you would like another way tosupport this show, you can head over to
our bookshop that's linked on our websiteand in the show notes and any purchase
you make through that gives a littlebit back towards supporting the show.
Yeah.
And also independent bookstoreswhen you shop at bookshop.
(03:50):
Right.
Just in general.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Usually when I recommend books topeople, I send them a bookshop link.
Yeah.
[Transition Music]
So today I want to talkabout ,surprise, self-help.
This thing we're sneakingour queer little ways into.
(04:13):
Nicole, what do you think of whenyou hear the phrase self-help?
I think a lot about like pop psychbooks that take one little bit of
research and poorly understand it,and then extrapolate from that wildly,
ah
to try to help tell you howto make your life better.
(04:33):
Mmm mmm
I'm reminiscent of MalcolmGladwell's research tourism.
Ooh.
Which, hey, no shame if you were a fan ofMalcolm Gladwell and you learned better,
I definitely fell for it for many years.
I read at least three of his.
So...
10,000 hours
(04:53):
10,000 hours
10,001 hours.
I think of, when I think ofself-help, I think of charlatans.
I will not name them here, but if you'relistening to this and you're a person in
or from the United States, then you'llprobably know who I'm talking about.
I think mostly of books, but alsoof the talk show experts or, yeah.
(05:15):
You know what, I'm gonna name a couple.
The Tony Robbins, the Joyce Meyers,the Dr. Oz's, and the Dr. Phil's.
Ooh.
As we start getting into like the Dr.Oz's and stuff, we're, we're starting
to also venture towards the wellness endof the spectrum, which a whole bunch of
this overlaps with that and is also fullof charlatans and snake oil salespeople.
(05:40):
Yeah, like I fully admit, it couldbe a really slippery slope, and I am
very deliberate when I am scriptingEEDAPod, and when I am writing
the Enthusiastic Encouragement andDubious Advice newsletter to do my
best to stay out of the physicalhealth, wellness, diet culture lanes.
(06:01):
Now, the numbers on this are alittle, shall we say, squishy.
But one source you found values, theself-help and self-improvement market
size at about 59 billion in 2024, and thatcame from the business research company.
(06:22):
Billion.
With a B.
That's such a huge number.
When I tried to research theestimated number of self-help books
published each year, I actuallyfound a bunch of articles quoting one
another, but no primary source, soI'm not gonna say that number here.
(06:42):
If we're including self-publishedbooks, I bet the amount is massive.
Side note, I have noticed that someself-help geared towards cisgender men
is shelved in the business section,which is a whole other conversation.
(07:03):
Oh, it is a whole otherconversation, indeed.
You do bring up something thatwe are also very careful not
to do, which is make things up.
We're adamant abouthaving sources for things.
I don't remember exactly what it was,partially because I have ADHD, but
there was this one episode where Ireally wanted to say something because
(07:26):
it, it like felt like it could bereal, and I spent literally a couple
hours researching it and in the end, Ididn't feel comfortable attempting to
interpret the research for our audience.
It was just.
Too far outta my lane.
Yeah, you were actually likelooking at journal articles too.
You weren't just Googling, you were
No
you were diving in.
(07:47):
Yeah.
And like then looking at the primarysources cited in those articles
and tracking those down and likeI, I went down a rabbit hole.
Yeah.
And I think that's what sets us apart.
We are not willing to lie to you.
We're not going to say the clickbaityenticing things like, here are the
six ways you could tell you have ADHD.
(08:08):
Like what?
I actually saw a clip of a verypopular self-help content creator
and author say that exact phrase.
It's wild.
It is wild out here inthese self-help streets.
It's also why we're not like wildly rich.
You know, we talk about that sometimes.
We're like, ugh, if we didn't haveethics, we'd have so much money right now.
(08:30):
If, if I didn't have a, likemorals, if I was just okay with
outright lying to everybody about
my gosh
things I said
wealth,
ah,
wealth
it'd be pouring in.
I've noticed when like we're talkingto people and particularly about
like our show, your newsletter,and you mentioned self-help.
(08:54):
There is often a strongreaction and it's one of two.
It is either like a EW, NO,like all caps, like disgust
or they're like super into it,
or secret third option, like mesuper into it with 10,000 asterisks.
(09:16):
Does that make you an expert at asterisks?
Yes.
I've spent my 10,000 asterisksasterisking and now I'm an expert.
Ah, excellent.
I hope you use yourasterisk powers for good.
No promises.
Oh, if you're not ethical, or arewe gonna make that asterisk money?
(09:36):
We're gonna make that asterisk money.
Okay.
Really though, why, why areyou into self-help so much?
A few reasons.
First, I fully recognize the trap thatis the idea of constant improvement.
This whole being better andno, we, we don't have to
constantly improve or be better.
(09:57):
And I wanna put it out there thatsometimes what some of us who are
into reading self-help, which is how Iconsume most of it, is reading, when we
say I want to be better, we mean morespecifically, I want to feel better.
I mean, that's why a bunch of us endedup getting degrees in psychology.
(10:20):
There are a lot of you out there.
There are a lot ofpsychology degree holders.
A lot of psych majors out here.
I think, and these are my ownhypotheses, that many folks who read
a lot of self-help have some sense ofoptimism, some sense of hope, and/or
are desperately searching for some kindof control in the chaos that is life.
(10:43):
And yes, sometimes there is too muchemphasis on the self and improving
the self and personal responsibilitywhen the majority of the issues
causing a person to grasp atself-help books are often systemic.
womp womp.
As we discussed in our episodetitled, Burnout is Not Your Fault.
(11:06):
We are not going to self-help our wayout of racism induced terror and stress.
We're not gonna self-help ourselves outof burnout caused by being underpaid
or all the issues that come withbeing unhoused or lacking adequate
childcare, or the constant stresstrying to navigate a world built around
(11:28):
non-disabled neurotypical people.
We're not gonna self-help our way out ofthe terror and stress caused by homophobia
and transphobia and anti-fatness.
But my God, how we cling to self-helpbooks anyway, with such unabashed hope.
Self-help books can feel like alifeline when they give us some
sense of control, especially inthe current iteration of existence.
(11:51):
If self-help books were actuallyhelpful, then why do we keep
buying them and reading them?
Isn't the idea that we would read aself-improvement book, be improved,
and then move on to something else?
What is it about self-helpthat keeps us reading?
I think it's the promise.
The promise of a bettersituation, a better relationship,
(12:12):
feeling better, a better you.
Self-help books are absolutely marketed asthe one self-help book to rule them all.
They promise to be the last oneyou need, the only one you need.
The one that will help you fix everythingto level up your life, make you a
millionaire, give you the cleanesthome and the perfect relationship.
(12:36):
They're gonna be the one to cure youranxiety and your stress, your acne,
your IBS, and in the darkness bind them.
This is why they sell.
Yeah, you're gonna winfriends and influence people.
Isn't that a business book?
Womp Womp Womp.
(12:56):
Oh, man.
Okay.
This is going to be a controversialbook opinion, and maybe even
dangerous for me to say as a bookprofessional, but while I believe in
the power of a single relevant book,a single book will not fix your life.
(13:17):
A book can indeed change you.
It can change your worldview.
It could change how you do things, butit will not fix you if, especially if
you're feeling like you need fixing.
Stop looking for books to do the work.
Self-help books are instructions, butthey don't build the cabinet for you.
You've still gotta build that kallax.
(13:38):
Self-help books can only be helpfulif you do the work and move the
information off the page and intothe real world and your daily life.
Let's talk about actually doing that.
About reading self-help effectivelyand making the most out of it.
Often immediately after readinga self-help book that resonates,
we feel super motivated.
(14:00):
We'll use it as excuse to buy a newnotebook or a chore chart or a tracking
app, or make an elaborate spreadsheet andfeel like our habits are finally atomic.
Or in my case, after reading Burnoutby Emily and Amelia Nagoski, I
bought a whole exercise bike.
(14:21):
Our most expensive reusable bag holder?
Shh.
I'll, I'll fold those.
We will finish a help bookand make capital A capital
P plan, A Plan, trademarked.
And stick to it until we get bored orsomething major or minor derails us.
(14:47):
I don't know, a coupleof days, maybe a week.
We'll then float around back in our oldhabits, in our old ways of existing,
which we never really left behind untilthe siren song of the next self-help
book on our TBR catches our attention.
And thus the cycle oflife-changing magic continues.
(15:09):
Wow.
I've been thinking a lot abouthow to disrupt this cycle or
at least make it work for us.
And by us, I mean mostpeople who read self-help.
But I think that what I've kindof come up with will work for
a lot of different content.
First, I think there needsto be a perspective shift.
(15:31):
Not all self-help ishelpful for all people.
Huh.
Some things in some self-helpbooks help some readers.
That is a tongue twister.
What helps me is notnecessarily going to help you.
Likewise, what may help manypeople in one demographic may
(15:55):
not help most people in another.
Thinking like self-help books bycisgender heterosexual white people
rarely help queer and trans, blackand indigenous people of color.
This is where I employ my one bigguideline on how to read self-help,
take what's best and leave the rest.
(16:16):
One book will not do all things, butthere may be a thing or two in each
book that's relevant to a particularreader and their particular experience.
Another phrase I've heard peopleuse, which is similar is chew off the
meat and spit out the bone, but thatdoesn't rhyme, so I prefer my phrase.
Also, who's out there putting thewhole like rib in their mouth?
(16:39):
The book rib.
Like no, you don't put thewhole thing in your mouth and
then like spit the bone out.
What is this?
Some sort of like Looney Tunes situation?
I was just gonna say that feelslike a Looney Tunes situation.
Yeah.
Okay.
So step one, if I'm understandingthis right, is to approach self-help
with the knowledge that not everythingis for everyone, but there may be
(17:03):
a couple of things that resonate.
Yes.
Step two is to record these thingsthat you find that work for you.
Uh, the phrases, the advice,whatever, and I don't mean
just highlight it in the book.
I want you to record it in a place in asingle place that is accessible and easy.
(17:26):
If that's one of the many notebooks you'vecollected over the years, that's great.
You have permission to usethe nice notebook for this.
If it's a spreadsheet or a notes app orvoice notes, then that's where it is.
You will be growing an inventoryrepository of insights and advice
(17:47):
and tips that work for you.
We can read the same books and ournotes will look completely different.
I have a tendency to forget whatI read, so this makes sense.
It sounds like work though.
That's because it is work.
But if you're expending the spell slotto read a self-help book or listen to
(18:08):
a podcast, I think it's important thatyou get the most benefits from it.
Okay, so step one.
Be open and receptive, but don't beafraid to discard what isn't for you.
Step two, catalog it.
Is there like a step three, like profit?
Kind of.
There is a step three.
(18:29):
You have to revisit the notebook orthe notes app or the spreadsheet.
Not daily, not even weekly,'cause this could get pretty long
depending on how much readingand, and consuming you're doing.
Maybe this is something you doat the beginning of every month
or the end of every three months.
Remind yourself of what you found helpful.
(18:50):
Did you forget it?
Is it still helpful, or are you nolonger the person who wrote it down?
Okay.
Okay.
One more time, then step one, takewhat's best and leave the rest.
Step two, write it down.
Step three, revisit it regularly.
You got it.
Over time, you'll have your ownbespoke custom tailored self-help book.
(19:16):
Locally sourced
Artisanal.
It's like a commonplace book,but specifically for self-help.
Also this advice I recognizewon't work for everyone.
Not everyone's brains workthis way, and that's okay too.
[Transition Music]
(19:40):
Okay.
I have a feeling I know whatyou're gonna say for this one, but
Patricia, what do you want peopleto take away from this episode?
I wanna add that, take what's bestand leave the rest can actually
apply to a whole bunch of things.
Oh, really?
Yes.
Are you gonna expand on that?
No.
Everyone gets to tryit out for themselves.
(20:01):
Hmm.
This is like eating the cinnamonroll around the raisins.
I'm amused that you would eat thecinnamon roll around the raisins versus
just picking out the raisins likethat is a fascinating way to say that.
I mean yes, pick out the raisinsand eat the cinnamon roll.
(20:26):
Insane person.
It's, it's like, it's likechewing the meat off the bone
and then spitting the bone out.
You spit out the raisins.
Nicole, what is your takeaway?
Just reading the book or listening tothe podcast or whatever isn't enough if
(20:46):
you're going for like actual self-help.
If you're just reading for likeentertainment, like you do you, but just
like with therapy, you have to put inthe work if you want to see improvement.
Well, Patricia, what hasbeen filling your cup lately?
(21:09):
Well.
Earlier this month I hit mynine year Book Riot anniversary.
Ooh.
I think that makes it officiallythe job I have been at the longest.
What's a nine year anniversary?
I don't know, we'll have to lookup like the wedding anniversary
things, there's like the traditionalone, but then there's also like the
(21:31):
modern one, so we'll have to look up.
Is it like paper or something?
Oh, I think paper's earlier.
Oh, okay.
I don't, nine is
maybe it's origami.
Nine year is, I don't know.
I don't even know.
We'll have to look.
But you know, I didn't really have atimeline for how long I'd be doing this.
I think I'm kind ofshocked that I still love
(21:53):
books?
talk.
Well, no, not like, yes, I still lovebooks, but I think I also love writing
about books and talking about booksand sharing books, and especially
uplifting authors from historicallyexcluded groups and putting books on
people's radars that typically theywouldn't hear of in any other way.
(22:13):
Like, I, I still really love it.
Yeah, it is really good.
Yeah.
I, you know, every year around myBook Riot anniversary, I ask myself,
I'm like, do I wanna keep going?
And past nine years and, andthis year too, it's, it's a yes.
I, I love it.
She's going for 10 folks.
Yeah.
Can't quit now.
(22:35):
So close to 10.
Come on.
Nicole.
What's filling your cup?
I'm still riding high off of goingand picking cherries with our friends.
Like I was trying to describethis to you earlier, like there is
something about like a cherry that'sperfectly ripe right off the tree.
(22:56):
It's still warm from the sun and it'sfrom like the side of the tree that the
sun shines on, and like these cherrieswere so, like, they weren't even red.
They were so dark purple they werealmost black and like the, the
combination of tart and sweet.
Yeah.
I think what's one of the thingsthat also makes it so special
(23:19):
is cherry season is so short.
It's so short.
Yeah.
The actual, the actual cherry season.
Like you could maybe find some atthe grocery store or the farmer's
market or something a little longer.
But I think because of that also,um, and because we get to go pick it
ourselves, um, which I recognize isskilled labor for many other people
(23:43):
and we pay less for the cherries'cause we are picking them ourselves
and we're able bodied enough to like
absolutely
climb a ladder like 15 feetinto the top of the tree
and it's not our job.
So it's novel.
It happens once a year.
Yes.
But I think that's what makesit special too, is that it
happens for us one day a year.
(24:03):
We rarely go back out there.
Yeah.
Consecutive weekends.
Yeah, no, it's like a one, oncea year event and it is so good.
We tried cherries at the farmer's marketthe next weekend and like usually the
farm market has really good fruit.
But because we'd had these like perfectcherries, honestly, like the ones at the
(24:26):
farmer's market tasted like crunchy water.
They were crunchy water.
I am interested, I wonderif it, that was our market.
I'm interested in going to adifferent market this weekend.
It was the, the equivalent, like thecherry equivalent of like seltzer water.
Like
LaCroix
LaCroix.
Yeah.
Like these cherries had,uh, once met a real cherry.
(24:49):
Aw.
But like, I think if we hadn't hadthose other ones, maybe the ones at
the farm market would've been fine.
Yeah.
And like, I don't know, the blueberriesfrom the guys we get 'em through
from the farm market are amazing.
So.
Yeah.
You know, you win some, you losesome, but yeah, I, I am also
feeling that cherry joy still.
I'm just, I, I'm thi, I thinkabout them every night right now.
(25:11):
Well, that's our show for today.
We'd like to thank our awesomeaudio editor, Jen Zink.
You can find her at loopdilou.com.
We'll live a link tothat in our show note.
You can find the full show notesand transcript at eedapod.com.
That's E-E-D-A-P-O-D dot com.
There.
You can also find a link to our Patreon,our Bookshop link, and a link to the
(25:33):
ongoing, Enthusiastic Encouragementand Dubious Advice newsletter.
You can also find us on Instagramand Bluesky at eedapod and
email us at eedapod@gmail.com.
We are nothing if not consistent.
We would also really appreciate itif you would subscribe and rate us on
Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever youget your podcasts that allow ratings.
(25:55):
We are an independent podcast,so these kinds of things really
help other people find us.
We would also appreciate anyonewho can subscribe to us on Patreon.
Support there is going to help us keepthe show going, especially without ads.
You can find us at patreon.com/eedapod.
In the meantime, we hope youfind ways to be kind to yourself,
(26:17):
drink some water and read a book.
We'll be talking to you soon.
1, 2, 3.
[Clap]
Oh, that was such a good one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
[Intro Music]
(00:15):
Hey there, Dunkaroos.
Welcome to Enthusiastic Encouragementand Dubious Advice, the podcast for
folks who would rather curl intothe fetal position than lean in.
I'm your host, Patricia Elzie-Tuttle.
And I am not an AI chat botI'm Nicole Elzie-Tuttle.
We're recording theshow on May 23rd, 2025.
And you brought up Dunkaroos,which means I have a fun fact.
(00:38):
Share your fun fact with everyone.
Do you know who was the original voice forthe Dunkaroos kangaroo in the commercial?
I only learned this within the past fewyears, but please share with the folks.
One of my favorite stageactors, John Cameron Mitchell.
A-K-A...
(00:59):
A-K-A.
A lot of people will probablyknow him as the original lead
in Hedwig and The Angry Inch.
Yeah.
But yeah, he was the originalvoice of the Dunkaroos kangaroo.
Which we learned when we sawhim do like a one man stage
show in Berkeley or something.
Yeah.
That was one of the last things wesaw before the pandemic started.
(01:21):
Oof.
Yeah.
Oof.
[Big Sigh]
But since we last recorded a show, we didone of our favorite annual traditions.
Yes.
Which was we took ourfriends cherry picking.
Oh, I'm still like justthinking about those cherries.
(01:42):
I know we have a bunch in the freezer.
We should make some ice cream.
Yeah.
This year we also made cherry preservesand I, I think we canned them properly
so they are shelf stable for a year.
Ooh.
And also strawberry jam.
In the same, we used the electricwater bath and canned them.
(02:04):
So we have strawberry jam.
I guess I better make some yogurt.
Yeah, maybe make some yogurt and we can
then have
Mix.
Mix some of that in.
Yeah.
Otherwise, what do we put it on?
Biscuits.
Biscuits.
I also, there is a book, acookbook called Snacking Cakes,
which is an amazing cookbook.
I'm actually gonna linkit in the show notes.
(02:26):
Where like every cake in thebook, the idea is one bowl.
And also it's mostly stuff you'realready going to have around the house.
And you should also be able to havelike a small cake within an hour.
And there's one, it's like a vanillacake with a swirl of jam in it.
(02:47):
And you could use any kind of jam.
Right.
You made this once with likea, a guava jam or something?
Yes.
Yeah, we had made it a few times.
Everybody was impressed with it.
Yeah.
But now we can make itwith the jam we made.
Ooh.
Reminder that this podcastis independently run.
That means we are paying foreverything out of pocket.
(03:07):
Downloading, sharing, and givingus reviews and ratings are
free ways to show us support.
If you have a few bucks our Patreonmemberships start at $3 a month and we
have a new tier, the dubious advisors,that's the top tier, it is $40 a month.
There are only 10 spots available,and you will get a once a
month snail mail experience.
(03:28):
And if you would like another way tosupport this show, you can head over to
our bookshop that's linked on our websiteand in the show notes and any purchase
you make through that gives a littlebit back towards supporting the show.
Yeah.
And also independent bookstoreswhen you shop at bookshop.
(03:50):
Right.
Just in general.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Usually when I recommend books topeople, I send them a bookshop link.
Yeah.
[Transition Music]
So today I want to talkabout ,surprise, self-help.
This thing we're sneakingour queer little ways into.
(04:13):
Nicole, what do you think of whenyou hear the phrase self-help?
I think a lot about like pop psychbooks that take one little bit of
research and poorly understand it,and then extrapolate from that wildly,
ah
to try to help tell you howto make your life better.
(04:33):
Mmm mmm
I'm reminiscent of MalcolmGladwell's research tourism.
Ooh.
Which, hey, no shame if you were a fan ofMalcolm Gladwell and you learned better,
I definitely fell for it for many years.
I read at least three of his.
So...
10,000 hours
(04:53):
10,000 hours
10,001 hours.
I think of, when I think ofself-help, I think of charlatans.
I will not name them here, but if you'relistening to this and you're a person in
or from the United States, then you'llprobably know who I'm talking about.
I think mostly of books, but alsoof the talk show experts or, yeah.
(05:15):
You know what, I'm gonna name a couple.
The Tony Robbins, the Joyce Meyers,the Dr. Oz's, and the Dr. Phil's.
Ooh.
As we start getting into like the Dr.Oz's and stuff, we're, we're starting
to also venture towards the wellness endof the spectrum, which a whole bunch of
this overlaps with that and is also fullof charlatans and snake oil salespeople.
(05:40):
Yeah, like I fully admit, it couldbe a really slippery slope, and I am
very deliberate when I am scriptingEEDAPod, and when I am writing
the Enthusiastic Encouragement andDubious Advice newsletter to do my
best to stay out of the physicalhealth, wellness, diet culture lanes.
(06:01):
Now, the numbers on this are alittle, shall we say, squishy.
But one source you found values, theself-help and self-improvement market
size at about 59 billion in 2024, and thatcame from the business research company.
(06:22):
Billion.
With a B.
That's such a huge number.
When I tried to research theestimated number of self-help books
published each year, I actuallyfound a bunch of articles quoting one
another, but no primary source, soI'm not gonna say that number here.
(06:42):
If we're including self-publishedbooks, I bet the amount is massive.
Side note, I have noticed that someself-help geared towards cisgender men
is shelved in the business section,which is a whole other conversation.
(07:03):
Oh, it is a whole otherconversation, indeed.
You do bring up something thatwe are also very careful not
to do, which is make things up.
We're adamant abouthaving sources for things.
I don't remember exactly what it was,partially because I have ADHD, but
there was this one episode where Ireally wanted to say something because
(07:26):
it, it like felt like it could bereal, and I spent literally a couple
hours researching it and in the end, Ididn't feel comfortable attempting to
interpret the research for our audience.
It was just.
Too far outta my lane.
Yeah, you were actually likelooking at journal articles too.
You weren't just Googling, you were
No
you were diving in.
(07:47):
Yeah.
And like then looking at the primarysources cited in those articles
and tracking those down and likeI, I went down a rabbit hole.
Yeah.
And I think that's what sets us apart.
We are not willing to lie to you.
We're not going to say the clickbaityenticing things like, here are the
six ways you could tell you have ADHD.
(08:08):
Like what?
I actually saw a clip of a verypopular self-help content creator
and author say that exact phrase.
It's wild.
It is wild out here inthese self-help streets.
It's also why we're not like wildly rich.
You know, we talk about that sometimes.
We're like, ugh, if we didn't haveethics, we'd have so much money right now.
(08:30):
If, if I didn't have a, likemorals, if I was just okay with
outright lying to everybody about
my gosh
things I said
wealth,
ah,
wealth
it'd be pouring in.
I've noticed when like we're talkingto people and particularly about
like our show, your newsletter,and you mentioned self-help.
(08:54):
There is often a strongreaction and it's one of two.
It is either like a EW, NO,like all caps, like disgust
or they're like super into it,
or secret third option, like mesuper into it with 10,000 asterisks.
(09:16):
Does that make you an expert at asterisks?
Yes.
I've spent my 10,000 asterisksasterisking and now I'm an expert.
Ah, excellent.
I hope you use yourasterisk powers for good.
No promises.
Oh, if you're not ethical, or arewe gonna make that asterisk money?
(09:36):
We're gonna make that asterisk money.
Okay.
Really though, why, why areyou into self-help so much?
A few reasons.
First, I fully recognize the trap thatis the idea of constant improvement.
This whole being better andno, we, we don't have to
constantly improve or be better.
(09:57):
And I wanna put it out there thatsometimes what some of us who are
into reading self-help, which is how Iconsume most of it, is reading, when we
say I want to be better, we mean morespecifically, I want to feel better.
I mean, that's why a bunch of us endedup getting degrees in psychology.
(10:20):
There are a lot of you out there.
There are a lot ofpsychology degree holders.
A lot of psych majors out here.
I think, and these are my ownhypotheses, that many folks who read
a lot of self-help have some sense ofoptimism, some sense of hope, and/or
are desperately searching for some kindof control in the chaos that is life.
(10:43):
And yes, sometimes there is too muchemphasis on the self and improving
the self and personal responsibilitywhen the majority of the issues
causing a person to grasp atself-help books are often systemic.
womp womp.
As we discussed in our episodetitled, Burnout is Not Your Fault.
(11:06):
We are not going to self-help our wayout of racism induced terror and stress.
We're not gonna self-help ourselves outof burnout caused by being underpaid
or all the issues that come withbeing unhoused or lacking adequate
childcare, or the constant stresstrying to navigate a world built around
(11:28):
non-disabled neurotypical people.
We're not gonna self-help our way out ofthe terror and stress caused by homophobia
and transphobia and anti-fatness.
But my God, how we cling to self-helpbooks anyway, with such unabashed hope.
Self-help books can feel like alifeline when they give us some
sense of control, especially inthe current iteration of existence.
(11:51):
If self-help books were actuallyhelpful, then why do we keep
buying them and reading them?
Isn't the idea that we would read aself-improvement book, be improved,
and then move on to something else?
What is it about self-helpthat keeps us reading?
I think it's the promise.
The promise of a bettersituation, a better relationship,
(12:12):
feeling better, a better you.
Self-help books are absolutely marketed asthe one self-help book to rule them all.
They promise to be the last oneyou need, the only one you need.
The one that will help you fix everythingto level up your life, make you a
millionaire, give you the cleanesthome and the perfect relationship.
(12:36):
They're gonna be the one to cure youranxiety and your stress, your acne,
your IBS, and in the darkness bind them.
This is why they sell.
Yeah, you're gonna winfriends and influence people.
Isn't that a business book?
Womp Womp Womp.
(12:56):
Oh, man.
Okay.
This is going to be a controversialbook opinion, and maybe even
dangerous for me to say as a bookprofessional, but while I believe in
the power of a single relevant book,a single book will not fix your life.
(13:17):
A book can indeed change you.
It can change your worldview.
It could change how you do things, butit will not fix you if, especially if
you're feeling like you need fixing.
Stop looking for books to do the work.
Self-help books are instructions, butthey don't build the cabinet for you.
You've still gotta build that kallax.
(13:38):
Self-help books can only be helpfulif you do the work and move the
information off the page and intothe real world and your daily life.
Let's talk about actually doing that.
About reading self-help effectivelyand making the most out of it.
Often immediately after readinga self-help book that resonates,
we feel super motivated.
(14:00):
We'll use it as excuse to buy a newnotebook or a chore chart or a tracking
app, or make an elaborate spreadsheet andfeel like our habits are finally atomic.
Or in my case, after reading Burnoutby Emily and Amelia Nagoski, I
bought a whole exercise bike.
(14:21):
Our most expensive reusable bag holder?
Shh.
I'll, I'll fold those.
We will finish a help bookand make capital A capital
P plan, A Plan, trademarked.
And stick to it until we get bored orsomething major or minor derails us.
(14:47):
I don't know, a coupleof days, maybe a week.
We'll then float around back in our oldhabits, in our old ways of existing,
which we never really left behind untilthe siren song of the next self-help
book on our TBR catches our attention.
And thus the cycle oflife-changing magic continues.
(15:09):
Wow.
I've been thinking a lot abouthow to disrupt this cycle or
at least make it work for us.
And by us, I mean mostpeople who read self-help.
But I think that what I've kindof come up with will work for
a lot of different content.
First, I think there needsto be a perspective shift.
(15:31):
Not all self-help ishelpful for all people.
Huh.
Some things in some self-helpbooks help some readers.
That is a tongue twister.
What helps me is notnecessarily going to help you.
Likewise, what may help manypeople in one demographic may
(15:55):
not help most people in another.
Thinking like self-help books bycisgender heterosexual white people
rarely help queer and trans, blackand indigenous people of color.
This is where I employ my one bigguideline on how to read self-help,
take what's best and leave the rest.
(16:16):
One book will not do all things, butthere may be a thing or two in each
book that's relevant to a particularreader and their particular experience.
Another phrase I've heard peopleuse, which is similar is chew off the
meat and spit out the bone, but thatdoesn't rhyme, so I prefer my phrase.
Also, who's out there putting thewhole like rib in their mouth?
(16:39):
The book rib.
Like no, you don't put thewhole thing in your mouth and
then like spit the bone out.
What is this?
Some sort of like Looney Tunes situation?
I was just gonna say that feelslike a Looney Tunes situation.
Yeah.
Okay.
So step one, if I'm understandingthis right, is to approach self-help
with the knowledge that not everythingis for everyone, but there may be
(17:03):
a couple of things that resonate.
Yes.
Step two is to record these thingsthat you find that work for you.
Uh, the phrases, the advice,whatever, and I don't mean
just highlight it in the book.
I want you to record it in a place in asingle place that is accessible and easy.
(17:26):
If that's one of the many notebooks you'vecollected over the years, that's great.
You have permission to usethe nice notebook for this.
If it's a spreadsheet or a notes app orvoice notes, then that's where it is.
You will be growing an inventoryrepository of insights and advice
(17:47):
and tips that work for you.
We can read the same books and ournotes will look completely different.
I have a tendency to forget whatI read, so this makes sense.
It sounds like work though.
That's because it is work.
But if you're expending the spell slotto read a self-help book or listen to
(18:08):
a podcast, I think it's important thatyou get the most benefits from it.
Okay, so step one.
Be open and receptive, but don't beafraid to discard what isn't for you.
Step two, catalog it.
Is there like a step three, like profit?
Kind of.
There is a step three.
(18:29):
You have to revisit the notebook orthe notes app or the spreadsheet.
Not daily, not even weekly,'cause this could get pretty long
depending on how much readingand, and consuming you're doing.
Maybe this is something you doat the beginning of every month
or the end of every three months.
Remind yourself of what you found helpful.
(18:50):
Did you forget it?
Is it still helpful, or are you nolonger the person who wrote it down?
Okay.
Okay.
One more time, then step one, takewhat's best and leave the rest.
Step two, write it down.
Step three, revisit it regularly.
You got it.
Over time, you'll have your ownbespoke custom tailored self-help book.
(19:16):
Locally sourced
Artisanal.
It's like a commonplace book,but specifically for self-help.
Also this advice I recognizewon't work for everyone.
Not everyone's brains workthis way, and that's okay too.
[Transition Music]
(19:40):
Okay.
I have a feeling I know whatyou're gonna say for this one, but
Patricia, what do you want peopleto take away from this episode?
I wanna add that, take what's bestand leave the rest can actually
apply to a whole bunch of things.
Oh, really?
Yes.
Are you gonna expand on that?
No.
Everyone gets to tryit out for themselves.
(20:01):
Hmm.
This is like eating the cinnamonroll around the raisins.
I'm amused that you would eat thecinnamon roll around the raisins versus
just picking out the raisins likethat is a fascinating way to say that.
I mean yes, pick out the raisinsand eat the cinnamon roll.
(20:26):
Insane person.
It's, it's like, it's likechewing the meat off the bone
and then spitting the bone out.
You spit out the raisins.
Nicole, what is your takeaway?
Just reading the book or listening tothe podcast or whatever isn't enough if
(20:46):
you're going for like actual self-help.
If you're just reading for likeentertainment, like you do you, but just
like with therapy, you have to put inthe work if you want to see improvement.
Well, Patricia, what hasbeen filling your cup lately?
(21:09):
Well.
Earlier this month I hit mynine year Book Riot anniversary.
Ooh.
I think that makes it officiallythe job I have been at the longest.
What's a nine year anniversary?
I don't know, we'll have to lookup like the wedding anniversary
things, there's like the traditionalone, but then there's also like the
(21:31):
modern one, so we'll have to look up.
Is it like paper or something?
Oh, I think paper's earlier.
Oh, okay.
I don't, nine is
maybe it's origami.
Nine year is, I don't know.
I don't even know.
We'll have to look.
But you know, I didn't really have atimeline for how long I'd be doing this.
I think I'm kind ofshocked that I still love
(21:53):
books?
talk.
Well, no, not like, yes, I still lovebooks, but I think I also love writing
about books and talking about booksand sharing books, and especially
uplifting authors from historicallyexcluded groups and putting books on
people's radars that typically theywouldn't hear of in any other way.
(22:13):
Like, I, I still really love it.
Yeah, it is really good.
Yeah.
I, you know, every year around myBook Riot anniversary, I ask myself,
I'm like, do I wanna keep going?
And past nine years and, andthis year too, it's, it's a yes.
I, I love it.
She's going for 10 folks.
Yeah.
Can't quit now.
(22:35):
So close to 10.
Come on.
Nicole.
What's filling your cup?
I'm still riding high off of goingand picking cherries with our friends.
Like I was trying to describethis to you earlier, like there is
something about like a cherry that'sperfectly ripe right off the tree.
(22:56):
It's still warm from the sun and it'sfrom like the side of the tree that the
sun shines on, and like these cherrieswere so, like, they weren't even red.
They were so dark purple they werealmost black and like the, the
combination of tart and sweet.
Yeah.
I think what's one of the thingsthat also makes it so special
(23:19):
is cherry season is so short.
It's so short.
Yeah.
The actual, the actual cherry season.
Like you could maybe find some atthe grocery store or the farmer's
market or something a little longer.
But I think because of that also,um, and because we get to go pick it
ourselves, um, which I recognize isskilled labor for many other people
(23:43):
and we pay less for the cherries'cause we are picking them ourselves
and we're able bodied enough to like
absolutely
climb a ladder like 15 feetinto the top of the tree
and it's not our job.
So it's novel.
It happens once a year.
Yes.
But I think that's what makesit special too, is that it
happens for us one day a year.
(24:03):
We rarely go back out there.
Yeah.
Consecutive weekends.
Yeah, no, it's like a one, oncea year event and it is so good.
We tried cherries at the farmer's marketthe next weekend and like usually the
farm market has really good fruit.
But because we'd had these like perfectcherries, honestly, like the ones at the
(24:26):
farmer's market tasted like crunchy water.
They were crunchy water.
I am interested, I wonderif it, that was our market.
I'm interested in going to adifferent market this weekend.
It was the, the equivalent, like thecherry equivalent of like seltzer water.
Like
LaCroix
LaCroix.
Yeah.
Like these cherries had,uh, once met a real cherry.
(24:49):
Aw.
But like, I think if we hadn't hadthose other ones, maybe the ones at
the farm market would've been fine.
Yeah.
And like, I don't know, the blueberriesfrom the guys we get 'em through
from the farm market are amazing.
So.
Yeah.
You know, you win some, you losesome, but yeah, I, I am also
feeling that cherry joy still.
I'm just, I, I'm thi, I thinkabout them every night right now.
(25:11):
Well, that's our show for today.
We'd like to thank our awesomeaudio editor, Jen Zink.
You can find her at loopdilou.com.
We'll live a link tothat in our show note.
You can find the full show notesand transcript at eedapod.com.
That's E-E-D-A-P-O-D dot com.
There.
You can also find a link to our Patreon,our Bookshop link, and a link to the
(25:33):
ongoing, Enthusiastic Encouragementand Dubious Advice newsletter.
You can also find us on Instagramand Bluesky at eedapod and
email us at eedapod@gmail.com.
We are nothing if not consistent.
We would also really appreciate itif you would subscribe and rate us on
Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever youget your podcasts that allow ratings.
(25:55):
We are an independent podcast,so these kinds of things really
help other people find us.
We would also appreciate anyonewho can subscribe to us on Patreon.
Support there is going to help us keepthe show going, especially without ads.
You can find us at patreon.com/eedapod.
In the meantime, we hope youfind ways to be kind to yourself,
(26:17):
drink some water and read a book.
We'll be talking to you soon.
1, 2, 3.
[Clap]
Oh, that was such a good one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
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