January 22, 2025 • 43 mins
Conflict happens—Let’s talk about solving problems without losing our cool.
Lisa Perry, an expert in conflict resolution and negotiation, joins Elizabeth, Liz, and David to discuss one of the biggest challenges in events—dealing with conflicts. Whether it’s a disagreement between vendors, issues with clients, or managing team dynamics, Lisa provides practical advice on how to address issues before they become major problems. They emphasize the importance of empathy, proactive communication, and sometimes just being willing to listen. This episode is full of real-life examples and strategies for making sure that even the toughest moments can lead to productive outcomes.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Event Therapy, the podcast that dives deep into the world of meetings and events. Whether you're a seasoned event planner or a supplier looking to enhance collaboration, we're here to explore topics that foster understanding and drive innovation. Let's dive right into it. Are you ready? Our first topic is conflict resolution.
(00:01):
Conflicts will happen. How do you handle them in events? Our first guest, Lisa Perry, is president of Meeting Creations Incorporated, a full service event management firm located in Daytona Beach, Florida. Lisa has been active in the industry for more than 30 years working with a variety of organizations including high-tech, financial services, healthcare, pharmaceutical and professional associations. Welcome Lisa.
Hi. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you for joining us. Thank you. So you have a lot of experience given the bio we just read.
And so I imagine you've had to deal with some conflict in your time. So that said, you know, what would you say is your conflict management style given the 5 styles of compromising, accommodating, collaborating, avoiding, and competing? So I am the ultimate peacemaker, so my initial reaction is avoiding. I avoid conflict at all costs. However, that's not realistic in the real world, so, you know, collaborating is just it to me is the the easy path forward.
You know? People should be working together for an ultimate goal, and you have to collaborate to do that. You know, it's the it's not a win lose situation. It should always be a win win. So I'm I'm definitely a collaborator.
Absolutely. And I guess if there was a correct answer, that would be, you know, the answer. Definitely, I think we can all agree that collaborating, is is really what you need to pull off a successful event. So with that example, can you name a, you know, time of a conflict, collaboration, negotiation situation per se that you have successfully navigated? Yeah.
You know, it's really interesting. Years, many years ago, I was in a situation where I was new to an organization, working internally on staff, and there was so much animosity between key departments, and it was really hard to work that way. And especially being a new employee, what do you do? But my nature was to fix it. So I found myself kind of taking the lead, and what's the problem?
Where did this stem from? Why are these people having such a hard time getting along? Because we needed each other. You know, ultimately, we all have to, you know, make this program a success. And so I was in the events team, we had the marketing team, we had the technology team, so, you know, they're doing the website, they're doing the key marketing pieces.
Everybody would butt heads constantly and I thought this is not gonna work. And so I just took a moment to step back, evaluate everyone's role. I had I feel like I had, a little bit of a leg up because I was new, so I I had no preconceived, feelings about everyone. So I was able to take a step back, look at what everyone was doing, kind of see what other people weren't seeing, and I I slowly tried to open lines of communication. And for me, I guess, it was reopening lines of communication between all of these departments and slowly getting everyone to realize my role is important.
Wow. I didn't realize how much is on your plate, why this is a struggle for you, why what I'm doing complicates your life. And so I feel like we were able to really build more of a rapport between all of these people. You know, I say departments, but ultimately, it's people. And when I left, I I feel kind of proud of myself that, you know, things were working much more smoothly.
You know, we had, you're never gonna have a perfect relationship. But everybody finally realized we're all on the same team ultimately. You know, we have one goal, successful program, successful company, successful event, and and it it did the trick. Well, you asked the questions. You know, you you you did the homework.
You you looked at other somebody else's perspective. So, you know, I think that's, that's something we all try and do when we're working on events and, and that is the key, you know, to a successful event and, and repairing those, those situations, even if they're internally. I mean, I think we've all been there. Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, a 100% like a lot of times I think we we run into these situations where everybody's just busy, busy, busy, busy, busy, busy. And we we sometimes don't realize that just taking a couple of minutes to have a conversation, taking a couple of minutes to understand the perspective of the other person that's doing a job completely different than yours, it changes the whole dynamics of everything. I don't know. I don't understand why we're so busy. Right?
But if we could just slow down, that slowing down that we do will actually make the event so much better because then we're not dealing with as many conflicts that we gotta resolve. I'm not David. We're just trying to get it done. I know. Right?
I know. Well Right. There's done right and there's done difficult. I mean, aren't you the one always saying, like, let's go? Yeah.
Fair enough. Fair enough. Well, I think too also just being able to share your I'm feeling comfortable sharing your perspective as to why you may feel that way. Because I think sometimes people aren't comfortable necessarily, you know, speaking as to why they're just kinda staying firm in their point. And I think when everybody can collaborate, getting back to that word, collaborate and share their why as to why that may be an objection, why that might not work, why this might be the best approach, and everybody collaborate to come to a solution.
You're feeling comfortable, I think, saying that is also important. Mhmm. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the the old term, collaboration better than competition.
Right? I mean, we're not we're not there to compete with each other. We're all working together for the same goal. The path that it takes us to get to that goal might be a little bit different. But, ultimately, it's like those little puzzles where you can, like, go around and try to figure out how to get there.
And there's usually, like, 1 or 2 different ways you can get there. And and your brain, Liz, your brain might go this way, and my brain might go that way, but we both end up at the same place. And that's the ultimate goal is ending up at the same place. Absolutely. I think we're changing the name of this, segment from conflict resolution to collaboration.
That works. That works. That works. Yes. Well, cause at the end of the day, I mean, that's what it's all about.
You know, it's, it's working as a team, whether you're a supplier, whether you're a planner. We all want a successful event. And, and I think a lot of that translates back into, you know, the the boardroom per se internally and really understanding if you're having this challenging time with a coworker or not quite understanding why the task at hand is is not getting done or done the way it should be, you know, really seeing both sides of that, and having those, those healthy discussions and, and kind of taking, you know, it's so hard, but taking your personal feelings out of it and, you know, putting yourself in somebody else's shoes. Because it's easy to be like tunnel vision. Sure.
Sure. It's easy to assume a lot too. Right? It's easy to assume. And you know what they say about that day?
(00:22):
Yeah. Exactly. You're right about that. Watch out because they will sick out. I know.
Right? This is I'm not allowed to cuss on this part all this time. Yeah. No. No.
But seriously, like, it's easy sometimes to just figure that if you know how to do your job, that the person on the other end knows how to do their job. And quite honestly, you know, I'm thinking of all these different analogies, but it's like a book. Like, you know, just because you're on page 1 or chapter 1 doesn't mean they might be on chapter 15. So they're they're further along in the book than you are. And so being willing to understand that, from a from a standpoint of compassion, it helps, you know, navigate the situation.
And it helps realize that, okay. I might be the one that needs to learn today. Mhmm. Right? It's okay for me to learn today.
Never stop learning. I say it. I I wanna learn something new every day. Yep. I like your point compassion too.
It just we get so self absorbed. You know, sadly, we're we're in our little world, and sometimes we have to take a step back and look at the bigger picture, look at somebody else's point of view, and and compassion is a huge, huge piece of that. And it's okay to realize that that self absorption is not even, like, malicious intent. It's it's just that, as I mentioned earlier, sometimes it's just because of that hustle bustle. Just the society and everything just expect us to go, go, go, go, go, and we turn into this machine or this robot that doesn't have the opportunity to stop and think with compassion.
And when we do, I think that's where conflict kind of diminishes because then we're not just looking at it from our own lens, but we're looking at it from both sides. Absolutely. Well, because I think you have to take yourself out of it. You know? It's it's it's about everything as a whole.
It's not about you. Yeah. And I know sometimes that's hard for us to think. You know? Well, yeah.
Because we all impact each other as a fireman or a vendor. Like, I can't do my job successfully if there's some roadblocks there. So we all, at the end of the day, have the same outcome. We want to be successful and how we can all help each other get to that is so important. Yep.
So talking about how we get there, let's talk about recognize, reflect, respond, and resolve in a conflict resolution. So that's a lot to unpack. Yeah. That's a lot of hours. That's a lot of hours.
Yeah. That's a lot to unpack right there. So what I kinda think of is I had this boss one time, and he had this amazing way about giving constructive feedback where somehow I would leave the room feeling like, yeah. We're gonna take on the world. And I I remember speaking with him and and just being like, how do you do that?
Yeah. You know, I come into a situation and I leave even more invigorated. And, you know, he is a he's a good old Missouri boy. So he's like, Elizabeth, it's called the Oreo method. And I was like, oh, okay.
And I'm sure some of you have kind of heard of this, but maybe in a different analogy. A different food type. Yeah. You can't go wrong with an Oreo though. I mean, who doesn't love an Oreo?
Yeah. Very good. Ask my husband. He's all about the Oreos. So, I I think it's so important to realize when you're having when you do have to have those difficult conversations, how do you have them?
Do you come straight out and just, hey. You did this wrong. Mhmm. Or do you lead with compassion like we were just talking about and use the Oreo method or sandwich method, and and really talk about, hey, everybody doesn't wanna just hear everything they did wrong because in everything that they did, not everything was wrong. There was a lot of great in there.
Did you tell them that? Did you did you tell them, hey, I love what you're doing here. It's absolutely incredible. If I could just, you know, if we could just tweak this one little thing or, hey, this one thing happened that, you know, I understand pressure's high right now, but we really gotta be mindful of that. But, you know, again, I think what you know, you make this tweak and that tweak, and, man, this is gonna be one of the best events we've ever had, and we could not have done it without you.
Mhmm. Do you feel like I just reprimanded you or do you feel like I gave you some healthy encouragement but you're leaving away at the end of the day a little bit kind of like, okay, I feel good. This is gonna be a great event. I just gotta tweak this one thing and we're good. Or I just gotta correct this one thing and we're good.
So we think it's just very important and and healthy to when we're having those conversations, how do you successfully have those questions or those conversations? Yeah. And I think sometimes even, reversing the situation and having that like, asking that person, what were some areas that you think were really good? Like, let's start there. Yeah.
What were some areas that you thought were really good? And anybody who's serious about what they do are going to be able to name those things, but then they're gonna be able to ask and answer the next question. We all know what's coming, which is what could have been improved at the moment. Mhmm. Right.
And I think that when you're when you're in a situation of conflict, you're removing the combativeness of that conversation by letting that person tell you. Now if they don't tell you what you wanted to hear, you might have to be like, well, there was this too. Right? You you did a pretty good job, but there was this too. Here's my list, which is a little bit longer than your list.
Right? It's like you might have to go down that path. But I think that just giving a person an opportunity to own the good of what happened and then also be able to dive into the areas that would improve. Like, this is something that I always feel like any event that I do, I I would love to be able to have this conversation with either, you know, the client, the planner of the event, the venue, what what whatever makes most sense. I mean, we don't have to talk to everybody.
(00:43):
Right? But the key, players in the situation, I'd love to have these, like, conversations after the fact because I don't ever feel Go better how. What's that? Go better how. Yeah.
Exactly. Like, I I I don't ever feel like we have done the best job we can do. I feel like we've done a great job, but I don't feel like we've done the best job we can do, which is probably a little neurotic because it probably was okay. It was probably great, but how can we make it better? And the only way to do that is have these conversations in in a healthy way.
Yeah. Absolutely. I love that. And I love you know, that's why I say the good, better, how I always try and, you know, after an event, look at, okay, what was good about it? How can we make it better?
Well, what makes it better? And how do we do that? Yeah. I love that. Yeah.
It's something I think that we could do better in our industry with as well as, like, internally, I think with our own companies, we do a good job after the event, having these conversations or reflecting on events, but I think we could do a better job, you know, collaborating together with all of the partners that were involved in the event with the post con or, you know, meetings to have that offer because this same conversation on-site in the heat of the moment, I think, is something we could even maybe ask. Lisa, maybe a good question for you would be, like, how, you know, do you see that same Oreo conversation happening when it is, you know, heat of the moment at an event? Because that, I feel like, is where, you know, I think we could maybe improve. And then, obviously, the you know, having these post conversations is so important because Right. We're all collaborating.
We'd all like to do it together again, you know, and being able to have that conversation, you know, on conclusion, I think, is so important. But have you seen this Oreo situation go well in the heat of the moment? Yeah. And, you know, in the heat of the moment, I found killing with kindness. Yep.
It just I I go into everything. You know? The world is falling apart. This is a fantastic event, but how can we fix this? You know, so not not coming in hot, not coming in ready for a fight, but, you know, this is great.
You guys are doing a great job. Your staff is wonderful. We need to tweak. And just, you know, it it's it's all in the approach. You know, if you can be non confrontational, the minute you come in, you know, bidding for a fight, it it just it it doesn't go well.
It will never go well. I couldn't agree with you more. I mean, I will say, you know, being a planner as well, that is my go to. If stuff is not going well, I live by the Oreo method and probably Oreo on steroid. I mean, we're talking about the the gongs, double stops, dipped in chocolate, like, you know, the mac daddy of Oreos.
I will literally shower you with as many compliments and kindness to get what needs to be done. Gotcha. Because otherwise, I mean, nobody wants to do something for somebody who's, like, irate or They'll shut down. Yeah. They'll shut down.
They'll shut down. So I will literally praise you. And I think, it's funny because I've I've had previous bosses and and they're like, how do you get people to do stuff so quickly and, you know, want to help you? And I'm like, I am literally like, it's a relationship. I build relationships and I absolutely kill them with kindness.
Yeah. So so here's a couple of things to think about too is like maybe sometimes we just have to realize that the Oreo conversation is not best to have in the heat of the moment. Like it's just not going to work. You know what I mean? So maybe taking notes.
Like, let's take notes of some things that, you know, it could depend on how catastrophic they are. Like, obviously, if something needs to be fixed fixed right then. Okay. Also I would, I would challenge anybody who's listening that a lot of these conversations that happen, they happen because people didn't take time to have a precon. They didn't take time to have a conversation and literally almost go through this event step by step by step by step as if it was a movie production or anything else.
Because ultimately that kind of is what is needed so that everybody, number 1, knows where they're supposed to be. Expectations. And the person most likely to have these Oreo conversations knows that now everybody knows where they're supposed to be and what they're supposed to do. Questions can be asked ahead of time. Secondly, I think it's important for all of us to realize that there are gonna be things that are gonna happen that are beyond each one of our controls.
And the per now I'm gonna take it from a production standpoint. When there are audio issues, believe it or not, we hear it and we know it here. Like, we know it's happening. Know it. You don't even know it.
I don't even know. Know. You don't need to stare down? We know it's happening. And it's like Don't stare down.
Let me let me get into the small balls I can under this table so nobody sees me. Right? But, seriously, like, sometimes it's just taking that split second to realize, like, that person knows what's happening right now, and I have faith that they're doing their best. As As long as you can see you know, they're trying to do I mean, if they're over there on their phone not paying attention, that's one totally different thing. But just I I I don't know.
I feel like I just keep going back to the word compassion. Mhmm. Just compassionately realizing that that person probably knows what's going on. And it's not their goal to upset you and have things go wrong. It's their role or excuse me.
It's their goal to make everything as amazing as possible. So give them the grace to understand. Instead of immediately going from 0 to a100, maybe go 0 to 10 and just be like, are we good? And if they give you the yes or they give you the, oh my god, no, then then you assess at that point. Right?
Yeah. Absolutely. And I think that kinda goes into the next point a little bit, still on the same subject, but really looking at praising in public and coaching in private. So we all know these things are gonna happen. You know, if it's AV, you know, going over and yelling at them is probably not going to fix the situation.
And you're gonna have all your attendees looking like what's going on where they may have not noticed or it may have not been as big of a deal to them. Because as as planners, we're we're perfectionists. We want it to be perfect. So really making sure that we're looking to have those conversations. And like you said, yes, as a planner, we're going to do whatever we have to do in that situation.
(01:04):
So it may be the Oreo method. But something like that that gets quickly overcome. That is more probably a post con thing where it's like, hey. I get it. Things happen.
You really recover that well. But what can we do next time to kind of make sure that doesn't happen? And just one quick point is also on all fronts, not just AV front. I don't I don't wanna just protect us AV folks, but on all fronts is also understanding that there's some things that quite honestly are just unpreventable. Yeah.
They're just un preventable no matter what you do. You know, the the funny thing about, like, dropouts on mics and things like that is it's it's a nonvisible thing. You can't see it. Like, here it comes, here it comes, here it comes, and then you could stop it. Like, it's a it's it's a It's not like the machine in the hot water.
It's like Right. Right. You have you have no idea when it's gonna happen. You don't know when it's gonna flat line? And it would be like the same thing.
Let's take catering. It would be the same thing as, like, somebody creating a tray of, like, salads or something like that and going to pick it up and carry it out. And they fell. They stumbled. Something like nobody knew that that was gonna happen.
Mhmm. But in the heat of the moment, I understand how it can really be frustrating. And I just, I don't know, I just think being compassionate and being trusting is is the answer. I don't know. Yeah.
Well, Lisa, I always like to say the difference to me, and I think this is I think it relates on the supplier side as well. I always say the difference between a good and a great planner is not that everything is executed perfectly, meticulously to a tee because we know that's not possible in events. Something's always gonna happen. But what makes a great planner is trying to anticipate what those things could be and or how they quickly react to it and how they deal with it. So I'd love to, you know, maybe I'm kind of throwing it out there, but, you know, maybe a situation or a time that something hasn't quite gone the way and how you were kind of quickly able to overcome that.
Yeah. So it makes me think of a a big event that I was working on last fall. And, when we got on-site, we found out that the elevate or the escalators were not in service. Not only were they not in service, they were under construction. But they assured us nobody would be able to hear anything, everything will be great, and everything was great until words.
Until our last day. And this is a hybrid event. We're, you know, we're recording, we're streaming, and they were literally banging metal on metal outside of our rooms. Mhmm. And there was nothing we could do, absolutely nothing we could do short of saying stop.
You know, had to get the GM involved. It it was very stressful, but, you know, we we we did everything we could to mitigate the issues. So, you know, we we were able to get them to take a lunch break early. You know, we gave them our schedule, we'd already given them a schedule in advance, but we gave them our schedule again and said, can you just give us a window here, a window there? And, you know, they worked with us where they could, but, you know, like you said, circumstances beyond your control.
Right. Sometimes you've just got to accept and figure out how you're gonna make it happen. So it it was it was challenging. Honest to god, that particular situation was worse for the in person attendees because they could actually hear it Yeah. As opposed to the virtual audience that had a little bit of a buffer.
Right. But, yeah, it was it was, it was very interesting. Oh my goodness. Yes. There's nothing nothing worse than that.
And it's funny because I hear you say, like, I had given him the schedule, but I gave it to him again. I can't tell you how many times that happens in this world. It's like Yeah. I I I've given y'all, but, like, what what where did where did it go? Like, the the pre con.
The pre con. The event specs that you you've had this. But yeah. Yeah. Sounds like some collaboration with the hotel would have been would have been helpful.
There was there was a solution. I mean, things hotels have projects, you know, that are going on. They have to work around business levels. You're gonna lose a service elevator. You're going to have to, you know, replace things, but, you know, a good hotel partner needs to work with the guest in house to work with schedules and work with their construction crews.
And goodness, we've all been through it as hoteliers. But, yeah, the collaboration was, I feel like, maybe a little lacking there with this. To their credit, I don't think they were anticipating what happened that day. You know, when the GM GM comes out and his eyes are like this at the noise level, you know? Yeah.
I see. This wasn't intentional. Technician crew. Right? It's not the hotel doing it.
So they were probably also told that it was not gonna be allowed or that they would work within these hours. And then, you know, you've got you got another party that enters the situation that needs to collaborate. Exactly. And that's where we had to collaborate with the hotel and the construction company. So, yeah, I mean, it it became very multifaceted.
Yes. Yeah. A lot of layer is there. But again, difference between good and great. Mhmm.
So it sounds like all parties were able to, you know, navigate Mhmm. What could have been, you know, detrimental to the entire event. Problem. Yes. Yeah.
Yeah. So speaking of the the conflict and the problems, I think we we all know the, the three reactions to conflict, when we face them is, fight, flight, or freeze. Mhmm. Which are you? I freeze.
(01:25):
Every time, I freeze immediately, but in retrospect, that's not a bad thing because I'm taking a step back. Yeah. Taking a moment to breathe. Okay. Here's the situation.
What are my options? Right. What do I need to do? So it's it's not necessarily a bad thing. Fight is definitely off the table.
That's that's never gonna happen. A flight could Are you saying the right scenario, Marika? But but, typically, I'm frozen in place, so, you know, I can't, like, fly. But yeah. No.
A freeze, I think, is is not a bad thing because that's what you want to do. You want to stop. You wanna assess. You wanna take a look at what's going on and breathe. Just breathe because you can't fix things if you're, you know, if you're flying sky high.
Yeah. Yeah. You and I were talking about that earlier. I mean, that that is a 100%. I I freeze.
And I agree. I don't think it's a bad thing because I'm taking a moment to take everything in, assess the situation, and quickly in my head, figure out how I'm gonna address the problem. And I don't it's not like I'm sitting there freezing in silence for, you know, like, 5 minutes. I'm gonna freeze for a minute, assess, gather my thoughts, and then alright. Let's move on.
But, yeah, to me, that would be my personal style. I don't know. Yeah. They should add another f to that, which is find. Right?
Like, find a solution. Oh, no. Right? Find a way to make this work. Because the free the freeze is kind of that.
Yeah. But it but it depends on what happens, like, the split second after the freeze. Right? Like, because you could freeze and flight. Right.
You could freeze and fight. Mhmm. But what if you could freeze and find? I like it. Freeze and find.
I would say I'm gonna have to trademark this, David. Right. You just gotta get a new one. Alright. Freeze and find.
I know. I like it. I like it too. I like it too. I mean, I think those words tie into what you were saying earlier too about, you know, reflect, I think is the same as freeze.
Mhmm. You know, respond. Like, really listen to it. Like, if it were that situation was and I was the person who needed to respond. You know, always listening first to what's happening, reflecting on it, you know, before you respond.
I mean, I think that's what's happening to me. I don't feel like I'm any of the f's actually, because I I definitely don't freeze. You know, for me, I guess, as a hotelier, you know, if it's coming to me or to my team, it's probably something that has to do with us. Right? So, just really, like, listening and being empathetic and then finding a solution, especially in heat of the moment.
Like, a very immediate solution is so critical. Yeah. I mean, this is something you and I talk about a lot, Liz, is is is like salute being solution driven. Mhmm. And I I think if if as, an event team so this is the first thing.
We're a team. So if we have that culture, then we're already moving in a positive direction. And then if our team can have the culture of, if you bring a problem to me, also bring me a solution to that, a potential solution. It may not be the best. Right.
But bring me a solution to said problem as well. Maybe more than one solution if you can. Creating that culture within an event, atmosphere, again, just creates a more collaborative opportunity to be able because I may come to you, Lisa, and I might say, hey, here's the here's the issue. Here's what I'm thinking about a solution. And then you might say to me, that's not a bad idea, but what if we did x?
Yeah. I love that. Because, like, that conversation is so much better than me saying, Lisa, the the place is on fire and I don't have I don't have a fire extinguisher or whatever. You know what I mean? And then we're both freaking out because there's no element of solution there.
There's just an element of problem. And then that just begets more problem between the 2 of us. Mhmm. Well, we keep coming back to collaborate collaborate. I mean, that That's right.
I solutions. Yeah. I told you. We're renaming the set. No.
No. No. I don't know that we gotta I don't know that we gotta rename it because let's go. Yeah. No.
(01:46):
Because as as as gray and rainbows and unicorns as collaboration sounds, we still know conflict is gonna happen. Yes. We still know that problems are gonna occur. Some that we probably could have avoided and a lot that maybe we can't avoid. And so it it's it's like the elephant in the room.
We're never going to be able to avoid a 100%. But instead of avoiding it, looking at it differently, I think, is the solution. Create the opportunity to collaborate. Yeah. Mhmm.
Yeah. Yeah. And that really takes me, you know, to kind of our our next point that I know, Lisa, you and I kinda talked a little bit more about ahead of time. You know, just talking about having those healthy conversations and relationships and and how to overcome them. And sometimes it's uncomfortable.
And, you know, is it confront, ignore, confront later, wait till it gets even bigger. And I know you and I were were really talking about that we kinda take the step up. You know, it's gonna be difficult, but I'm just gonna bite the bullet because if you let it fester, it's probably not going to get any better. So, it, would you agree, Lisa, is that, you know, would you say your kind of style? Well, again, you know, I avoid confrontations.
That's so not that word. So that's where, you know, we were talking. You said bite the bullet. I said eat the frog. Yes.
Just get the conversation over with, and, you know, it it will release so much air out of the balloon that you can then move on. But, yeah, I mean, sometimes you just have to do it because if if you don't, the problem it's just never gonna get resolved. So, you know, everybody said it's a service to to continue to work in that type of environment. Well, and to peel the onion back on that one a little bit too, like, this is a great this is a great topic to think about why the value of those partners are there. Mhmm.
Because if you're working with peep and and I know this is not a 100% always possible, but when you work with people that you work with on a regular basis, then you know, like, you know how to talk to me. Mhmm. Right? You you and I know how to talk to you. We know how to communicate all all of us at the table.
Like, we know how to communicate to each other because we've invested the time to work together. But we've also invested the time to get to know each other and understand what that conversation should look like. When you're just, let's just be honest, hiring the cheapest person or whatever, then you're going into it with, we just said a second ago, we know these things are gonna happen. So just because you replace the person doesn't mean you're gonna replace the problem. So if we know the problem is still gonna be there, taking the time to invest in understanding people and how they communicate Mhmm.
Makes this difficult, you know, topic that we're on right now a little bit easier to navigate and a little bit easier to be constructive and get out of it what you want instead of a shouting match. And then later on, you realize, oh, well, I was a little harsh. I should probably apologize. And then you're like, should I email? Should I text?
Should I have, like, send a singing telegram? Like, how should I say I'm sorry? And it just gets really crazy, and there's no need for all that. Yeah. Yeah.
I think the word, you know, confront is scary. I get that. But address. And I think that's so important because there's a lot of things that can be addressed in the moment that aren't always because people are afraid to do that. And had you allowed us the opportunity to know, you know, if it was something perhaps that a partner wasn't even aware was Right.
You know, something that needed to be addressed. If you then you have the opportunity to come up with a solution and recover from it. Mhmm. But if you don't find that out until later, you know, and you weren't aware, you know, if it's something, you know, that wasn't as large as, you know, elevator drilling in the background. You know, but I think that's important because a lot of times, I think people are afraid and you'll hear about it.
You'll eventually hear about it later or they will feel some kind of way about it later. And I think it's important to feel comfortable addressing it. Mhmm. It's a safer word, and allowing us as partners to, you know, come up with a solution. Oh my gosh.
That is, like, so keyless. I mean, so many times I I I've seen situations where it's not addressed and then you're doing a post con or later on and it's like, well, you know, this happened. Well, if you don't give somebody the opportunity, I mean, I've had it as a planner, you know, dealing with my higher rep. Well, you know, this one thing happened. Well, I didn't know about that.
If you had told me, I could have done something to fix it. And I gotta imagine that's gotta be the case with hotels as well. So you know, all the time that you hear something later in post con, you're like, I didn't even know that was something you wanted. Mhmm. If you if I had known, we could have easily made that happen for you.
Yeah. Yep. Yeah. What what what if we looked at this from the standpoint of, like, creating different levels of, like, it a priority. Like, we know what a priority is, is.
And that's usually, like, the most important thing to you. And that's one of those things Yeah. Where you would wanna address. And then a step down from a priority is, like, you know, I kinda like if x. Right?
Well, that kinda like if x is something that you might not need to bring up right away. But maybe at the end of the day, like, say it's a multi day event. Right? So maybe you bring that up at the end of the day so it can be fixed by the next day, but it's not something that's a priority that needs to be fixed right now. And then level 3 would be kind of like nitpick.
Like, I'm just being nitpicky, but if this could be fixed, that'd be great. But it's not really a priority. Like, it's not a priority to this to the extent that I might create a combative situation right now. Right? So be being able to assess and prioritize the issue and where does it fall in those levels of and then attacking it based on that level.
I love that. Okay. So now every planner needs to have in their war room, the priority board, hotel priority board in the morning. So here's, you know, like, the green, the yellow, and the red. Get it done now.
Well and and let and let me just, share an example from from my entertainment side for my DJ company. So whenever we do training for our DJ staff, we always ask them this question, which is what's the most important thing to a couple at their wedding? And they give me all these answers, 1st dance, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. They never get the answer right because the actual answer is whatever you do wrong. Right?
(02:07):
Because that will always become the most important thing. And usually it's something that had you been told ahead of time, you could have taken care of. Now I I'm not talking about mistakes, but, you know, there are certain things that it's like, if I'd have known that was that important ahead of time, I would have made every effort to make that work. So kind of what you said earlier is just knowing, like, these are the key components. These are the main things that have to happen.
These are the things I like to happen, and these are the things I'm just kinda nitpicky about. Like, if they happen, great. That would be great on the front end for suppliers to do. Like, I've never had a supplier ask me, you know, what is your priority at this event? You know, they may be like, what are you what are your takeaways?
What type of event? You know, what are your attendees like? But like, what is the main goal and priority of this event? And, you know, what would be that second one and that third one, because we really want to customize and and make sure your experience at the venue or with the audio visual. Like, we're really hitting on, you know, with audio visual.
What what's the most important thing, you know, whether it's a a slide or a video or a speaker or, you know, a topic or a song. A good turn. I don't think I've ever been asked that. Have you? Because the hotel business likes to call it, what are your hot buttons?
And I hate that. I do. I hate that. It's like we're immediately saying, like, tell me all the things that are gonna make you upset and create some conflict while you're here so we can try not to do them. And so I never use the word hot buttons, but I do think we do tend to ask that.
Like, tell me about hot buttons for the event. Nope. Like you said, I'm more like, tell me your goals for the event. I really wanna understand, like, what is your goals Right. Within your team that you're trying to deliver here?
Because there may be ways that we can help you achieve that that you would never think to ask us Right. That we could support. And I think any partner in this situation could do the same thing. So I think we often go on the negative side of that and what's gonna make you upset versus, you know, what's gonna make you upset. Yeah.
The how I take it as a negative. Like, I don't take it as, like, you really wanna know. Well, I I and one thought on this. Not you, but no. Hypothetically, that works.
That's okay. I know you don't. Thinking about what you said earlier, Elizabeth, about doing it ahead of time is is such a such a great idea because then if there are those expectations that for whatever reason, whether it's financial, whether it's physical, whether it's any reason whatsoever, that it can't be met, then that can be addressed ahead of time. Yeah. And you can figure something out because we've all been in enough solutions where somebody's boss's boss's boss comes up to you and says, I want you to move mountains right this moment.
And it doesn't matter who you are. Like it, right? Like it doesn't matter who you are. You're not going to be able to give them what they want, unfortunately. You know what I mean?
And so things like this might be able to help prevent those situations. Not all of them, but maybe a lot of them. Yeah. Wow. I I have just loved this conversation so much.
I I I think it's so healthy to get together and and really sometimes have those difficult conversations and and figure out how at the end of the day we all can work together. Because, again, we all have the same goal. We want to be successful. You want my event to be successful because you want me to probably hire you again. Yeah, exactly.
And my service. So, so, Lisa, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me. This is so much fun. This is great.
Well, I'm gonna put you on the spot one more time. So last question. You know, as as an experienced planner with, you know, a veteran as we'll call it, I, what would you, what is your best piece of advice that you could give to professionals in the industry? It doesn't have to be about this topic. It could be about anything, You know, just just your little nugget, your your little takeaway or key takeaway.
I'm just all about team. It it takes a village, you know, all these euphemisms, but it we don't work in a silo. We can't do it alone. You get what you give and, you know, compassion. We talked about compassion.
Just working together, knowing that there are so many components and that you need everybody to work together, and, you know, you've gotta give respect to get respect, and it it just there there is a much bigger picture out there than just what we're doing, and just keep that in mind and, you know, everybody wins. Could I could I just add that I I really think you give respect whether you get respect back or not. You know what I mean? And and not that you said that wrong, but but I mean, just shifting that mindset a little bit of just being able to say, I'm gonna give respect whether I get it back or not. Hear people say, like, you have to earn my respect.
Yeah. Yeah. You know? And and, typically, if you give respect, you will get it in the right direction. You should.
Second thing second thing I just wanna add too is, like, listening to a podcast like this reminds me of, like, going to a panel discussion where you have all of these vendors up there. What, let's say, let's just say photographers. Right? And you're sitting in the audience. You're like, oh, that sounds really great.
And that's awesome. And then you leave and you go do exactly the same things you were doing before you came to that panel. Like, I encourage, myself included, I encourage all of us to take this tunnel vision that we have and just open it up a little bit and explore the possibility of what if I actually changed a little bit? Instead of asking everybody else to change, what if I just change my lens of the way I'm looking at things a little bit and what does that open up and create? Yeah.
Great. I love that. Yeah, absolutely. Well, you know, I wasn't even planning on doing this, but there were so many great words that that came about that I don't know, this might, this might become a a new tradition, but I just wanna reiterate some of the great words that I heard used, throughout today's podcast. And that was compassion.
You know, really leading with compassion, reflecting, you know, reflect reflect at at the the challenges and and even opportunities ahead. Address, you know, making sure that we're addressing things and that's pre and post. Find solutions are our new f. That's my favorite. I do like that.
(02:28):
That is my favorite. And the big word of today collaboration. So well, thank you all for joining us today and thank you, Lisa, for being here again. It's been so fun and it's always amazing when we're able to, you know, the 3 of us can sit here and talk, but it's so great to get another person's perspective, especially a veteran like you. You know, thank you for listening to the Event Therapy Podcast.
We're always learning. So follow us on IG at Event Therapy Podcast and let us know in the comments what you wanna hear from us next. So see you on the next pod.
Event Therapy, the podcast that dives deep into the world of meetings and events. Whether you're a seasoned event planner or a supplier looking to enhance collaboration, we're here to explore topics that foster understanding and drive innovation. Let's dive right into it. Are you ready? Our first topic is conflict resolution.
(00:01):
Conflicts will happen. How do you handle them in events? Our first guest, Lisa Perry, is president of Meeting Creations Incorporated, a full service event management firm located in Daytona Beach, Florida. Lisa has been active in the industry for more than 30 years working with a variety of organizations including high-tech, financial services, healthcare, pharmaceutical and professional associations. Welcome Lisa.
Hi. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you for joining us. Thank you. So you have a lot of experience given the bio we just read.
And so I imagine you've had to deal with some conflict in your time. So that said, you know, what would you say is your conflict management style given the 5 styles of compromising, accommodating, collaborating, avoiding, and competing? So I am the ultimate peacemaker, so my initial reaction is avoiding. I avoid conflict at all costs. However, that's not realistic in the real world, so, you know, collaborating is just it to me is the the easy path forward.
You know? People should be working together for an ultimate goal, and you have to collaborate to do that. You know, it's the it's not a win lose situation. It should always be a win win. So I'm I'm definitely a collaborator.
Absolutely. And I guess if there was a correct answer, that would be, you know, the answer. Definitely, I think we can all agree that collaborating, is is really what you need to pull off a successful event. So with that example, can you name a, you know, time of a conflict, collaboration, negotiation situation per se that you have successfully navigated? Yeah.
You know, it's really interesting. Years, many years ago, I was in a situation where I was new to an organization, working internally on staff, and there was so much animosity between key departments, and it was really hard to work that way. And especially being a new employee, what do you do? But my nature was to fix it. So I found myself kind of taking the lead, and what's the problem?
Where did this stem from? Why are these people having such a hard time getting along? Because we needed each other. You know, ultimately, we all have to, you know, make this program a success. And so I was in the events team, we had the marketing team, we had the technology team, so, you know, they're doing the website, they're doing the key marketing pieces.
Everybody would butt heads constantly and I thought this is not gonna work. And so I just took a moment to step back, evaluate everyone's role. I had I feel like I had, a little bit of a leg up because I was new, so I I had no preconceived, feelings about everyone. So I was able to take a step back, look at what everyone was doing, kind of see what other people weren't seeing, and I I slowly tried to open lines of communication. And for me, I guess, it was reopening lines of communication between all of these departments and slowly getting everyone to realize my role is important.
Wow. I didn't realize how much is on your plate, why this is a struggle for you, why what I'm doing complicates your life. And so I feel like we were able to really build more of a rapport between all of these people. You know, I say departments, but ultimately, it's people. And when I left, I I feel kind of proud of myself that, you know, things were working much more smoothly.
You know, we had, you're never gonna have a perfect relationship. But everybody finally realized we're all on the same team ultimately. You know, we have one goal, successful program, successful company, successful event, and and it it did the trick. Well, you asked the questions. You know, you you you did the homework.
You you looked at other somebody else's perspective. So, you know, I think that's, that's something we all try and do when we're working on events and, and that is the key, you know, to a successful event and, and repairing those, those situations, even if they're internally. I mean, I think we've all been there. Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, a 100% like a lot of times I think we we run into these situations where everybody's just busy, busy, busy, busy, busy, busy. And we we sometimes don't realize that just taking a couple of minutes to have a conversation, taking a couple of minutes to understand the perspective of the other person that's doing a job completely different than yours, it changes the whole dynamics of everything. I don't know. I don't understand why we're so busy. Right?
But if we could just slow down, that slowing down that we do will actually make the event so much better because then we're not dealing with as many conflicts that we gotta resolve. I'm not David. We're just trying to get it done. I know. Right?
I know. Well Right. There's done right and there's done difficult. I mean, aren't you the one always saying, like, let's go? Yeah.
Fair enough. Fair enough. Well, I think too also just being able to share your I'm feeling comfortable sharing your perspective as to why you may feel that way. Because I think sometimes people aren't comfortable necessarily, you know, speaking as to why they're just kinda staying firm in their point. And I think when everybody can collaborate, getting back to that word, collaborate and share their why as to why that may be an objection, why that might not work, why this might be the best approach, and everybody collaborate to come to a solution.
You're feeling comfortable, I think, saying that is also important. Mhmm. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the the old term, collaboration better than competition.
Right? I mean, we're not we're not there to compete with each other. We're all working together for the same goal. The path that it takes us to get to that goal might be a little bit different. But, ultimately, it's like those little puzzles where you can, like, go around and try to figure out how to get there.
And there's usually, like, 1 or 2 different ways you can get there. And and your brain, Liz, your brain might go this way, and my brain might go that way, but we both end up at the same place. And that's the ultimate goal is ending up at the same place. Absolutely. I think we're changing the name of this, segment from conflict resolution to collaboration.
That works. That works. That works. Yes. Well, cause at the end of the day, I mean, that's what it's all about.
You know, it's, it's working as a team, whether you're a supplier, whether you're a planner. We all want a successful event. And, and I think a lot of that translates back into, you know, the the boardroom per se internally and really understanding if you're having this challenging time with a coworker or not quite understanding why the task at hand is is not getting done or done the way it should be, you know, really seeing both sides of that, and having those, those healthy discussions and, and kind of taking, you know, it's so hard, but taking your personal feelings out of it and, you know, putting yourself in somebody else's shoes. Because it's easy to be like tunnel vision. Sure.
Sure. It's easy to assume a lot too. Right? It's easy to assume. And you know what they say about that day?
(00:22):
Yeah. Exactly. You're right about that. Watch out because they will sick out. I know.
Right? This is I'm not allowed to cuss on this part all this time. Yeah. No. No.
But seriously, like, it's easy sometimes to just figure that if you know how to do your job, that the person on the other end knows how to do their job. And quite honestly, you know, I'm thinking of all these different analogies, but it's like a book. Like, you know, just because you're on page 1 or chapter 1 doesn't mean they might be on chapter 15. So they're they're further along in the book than you are. And so being willing to understand that, from a from a standpoint of compassion, it helps, you know, navigate the situation.
And it helps realize that, okay. I might be the one that needs to learn today. Mhmm. Right? It's okay for me to learn today.
Never stop learning. I say it. I I wanna learn something new every day. Yep. I like your point compassion too.
It just we get so self absorbed. You know, sadly, we're we're in our little world, and sometimes we have to take a step back and look at the bigger picture, look at somebody else's point of view, and and compassion is a huge, huge piece of that. And it's okay to realize that that self absorption is not even, like, malicious intent. It's it's just that, as I mentioned earlier, sometimes it's just because of that hustle bustle. Just the society and everything just expect us to go, go, go, go, go, and we turn into this machine or this robot that doesn't have the opportunity to stop and think with compassion.
And when we do, I think that's where conflict kind of diminishes because then we're not just looking at it from our own lens, but we're looking at it from both sides. Absolutely. Well, because I think you have to take yourself out of it. You know? It's it's it's about everything as a whole.
It's not about you. Yeah. And I know sometimes that's hard for us to think. You know? Well, yeah.
Because we all impact each other as a fireman or a vendor. Like, I can't do my job successfully if there's some roadblocks there. So we all, at the end of the day, have the same outcome. We want to be successful and how we can all help each other get to that is so important. Yep.
So talking about how we get there, let's talk about recognize, reflect, respond, and resolve in a conflict resolution. So that's a lot to unpack. Yeah. That's a lot of hours. That's a lot of hours.
Yeah. That's a lot to unpack right there. So what I kinda think of is I had this boss one time, and he had this amazing way about giving constructive feedback where somehow I would leave the room feeling like, yeah. We're gonna take on the world. And I I remember speaking with him and and just being like, how do you do that?
Yeah. You know, I come into a situation and I leave even more invigorated. And, you know, he is a he's a good old Missouri boy. So he's like, Elizabeth, it's called the Oreo method. And I was like, oh, okay.
And I'm sure some of you have kind of heard of this, but maybe in a different analogy. A different food type. Yeah. You can't go wrong with an Oreo though. I mean, who doesn't love an Oreo?
Yeah. Very good. Ask my husband. He's all about the Oreos. So, I I think it's so important to realize when you're having when you do have to have those difficult conversations, how do you have them?
Do you come straight out and just, hey. You did this wrong. Mhmm. Or do you lead with compassion like we were just talking about and use the Oreo method or sandwich method, and and really talk about, hey, everybody doesn't wanna just hear everything they did wrong because in everything that they did, not everything was wrong. There was a lot of great in there.
Did you tell them that? Did you did you tell them, hey, I love what you're doing here. It's absolutely incredible. If I could just, you know, if we could just tweak this one little thing or, hey, this one thing happened that, you know, I understand pressure's high right now, but we really gotta be mindful of that. But, you know, again, I think what you know, you make this tweak and that tweak, and, man, this is gonna be one of the best events we've ever had, and we could not have done it without you.
Mhmm. Do you feel like I just reprimanded you or do you feel like I gave you some healthy encouragement but you're leaving away at the end of the day a little bit kind of like, okay, I feel good. This is gonna be a great event. I just gotta tweak this one thing and we're good. Or I just gotta correct this one thing and we're good.
So we think it's just very important and and healthy to when we're having those conversations, how do you successfully have those questions or those conversations? Yeah. And I think sometimes even, reversing the situation and having that like, asking that person, what were some areas that you think were really good? Like, let's start there. Yeah.
What were some areas that you thought were really good? And anybody who's serious about what they do are going to be able to name those things, but then they're gonna be able to ask and answer the next question. We all know what's coming, which is what could have been improved at the moment. Mhmm. Right.
And I think that when you're when you're in a situation of conflict, you're removing the combativeness of that conversation by letting that person tell you. Now if they don't tell you what you wanted to hear, you might have to be like, well, there was this too. Right? You you did a pretty good job, but there was this too. Here's my list, which is a little bit longer than your list.
Right? It's like you might have to go down that path. But I think that just giving a person an opportunity to own the good of what happened and then also be able to dive into the areas that would improve. Like, this is something that I always feel like any event that I do, I I would love to be able to have this conversation with either, you know, the client, the planner of the event, the venue, what what whatever makes most sense. I mean, we don't have to talk to everybody.
(00:43):
Right? But the key, players in the situation, I'd love to have these, like, conversations after the fact because I don't ever feel Go better how. What's that? Go better how. Yeah.
Exactly. Like, I I I don't ever feel like we have done the best job we can do. I feel like we've done a great job, but I don't feel like we've done the best job we can do, which is probably a little neurotic because it probably was okay. It was probably great, but how can we make it better? And the only way to do that is have these conversations in in a healthy way.
Yeah. Absolutely. I love that. And I love you know, that's why I say the good, better, how I always try and, you know, after an event, look at, okay, what was good about it? How can we make it better?
Well, what makes it better? And how do we do that? Yeah. I love that. Yeah.
It's something I think that we could do better in our industry with as well as, like, internally, I think with our own companies, we do a good job after the event, having these conversations or reflecting on events, but I think we could do a better job, you know, collaborating together with all of the partners that were involved in the event with the post con or, you know, meetings to have that offer because this same conversation on-site in the heat of the moment, I think, is something we could even maybe ask. Lisa, maybe a good question for you would be, like, how, you know, do you see that same Oreo conversation happening when it is, you know, heat of the moment at an event? Because that, I feel like, is where, you know, I think we could maybe improve. And then, obviously, the you know, having these post conversations is so important because Right. We're all collaborating.
We'd all like to do it together again, you know, and being able to have that conversation, you know, on conclusion, I think, is so important. But have you seen this Oreo situation go well in the heat of the moment? Yeah. And, you know, in the heat of the moment, I found killing with kindness. Yep.
It just I I go into everything. You know? The world is falling apart. This is a fantastic event, but how can we fix this? You know, so not not coming in hot, not coming in ready for a fight, but, you know, this is great.
You guys are doing a great job. Your staff is wonderful. We need to tweak. And just, you know, it it's it's all in the approach. You know, if you can be non confrontational, the minute you come in, you know, bidding for a fight, it it just it it doesn't go well.
It will never go well. I couldn't agree with you more. I mean, I will say, you know, being a planner as well, that is my go to. If stuff is not going well, I live by the Oreo method and probably Oreo on steroid. I mean, we're talking about the the gongs, double stops, dipped in chocolate, like, you know, the mac daddy of Oreos.
I will literally shower you with as many compliments and kindness to get what needs to be done. Gotcha. Because otherwise, I mean, nobody wants to do something for somebody who's, like, irate or They'll shut down. Yeah. They'll shut down.
They'll shut down. So I will literally praise you. And I think, it's funny because I've I've had previous bosses and and they're like, how do you get people to do stuff so quickly and, you know, want to help you? And I'm like, I am literally like, it's a relationship. I build relationships and I absolutely kill them with kindness.
Yeah. So so here's a couple of things to think about too is like maybe sometimes we just have to realize that the Oreo conversation is not best to have in the heat of the moment. Like it's just not going to work. You know what I mean? So maybe taking notes.
Like, let's take notes of some things that, you know, it could depend on how catastrophic they are. Like, obviously, if something needs to be fixed fixed right then. Okay. Also I would, I would challenge anybody who's listening that a lot of these conversations that happen, they happen because people didn't take time to have a precon. They didn't take time to have a conversation and literally almost go through this event step by step by step by step as if it was a movie production or anything else.
Because ultimately that kind of is what is needed so that everybody, number 1, knows where they're supposed to be. Expectations. And the person most likely to have these Oreo conversations knows that now everybody knows where they're supposed to be and what they're supposed to do. Questions can be asked ahead of time. Secondly, I think it's important for all of us to realize that there are gonna be things that are gonna happen that are beyond each one of our controls.
And the per now I'm gonna take it from a production standpoint. When there are audio issues, believe it or not, we hear it and we know it here. Like, we know it's happening. Know it. You don't even know it.
I don't even know. Know. You don't need to stare down? We know it's happening. And it's like Don't stare down.
Let me let me get into the small balls I can under this table so nobody sees me. Right? But, seriously, like, sometimes it's just taking that split second to realize, like, that person knows what's happening right now, and I have faith that they're doing their best. As As long as you can see you know, they're trying to do I mean, if they're over there on their phone not paying attention, that's one totally different thing. But just I I I don't know.
I feel like I just keep going back to the word compassion. Mhmm. Just compassionately realizing that that person probably knows what's going on. And it's not their goal to upset you and have things go wrong. It's their role or excuse me.
It's their goal to make everything as amazing as possible. So give them the grace to understand. Instead of immediately going from 0 to a100, maybe go 0 to 10 and just be like, are we good? And if they give you the yes or they give you the, oh my god, no, then then you assess at that point. Right?
Yeah. Absolutely. And I think that kinda goes into the next point a little bit, still on the same subject, but really looking at praising in public and coaching in private. So we all know these things are gonna happen. You know, if it's AV, you know, going over and yelling at them is probably not going to fix the situation.
And you're gonna have all your attendees looking like what's going on where they may have not noticed or it may have not been as big of a deal to them. Because as as planners, we're we're perfectionists. We want it to be perfect. So really making sure that we're looking to have those conversations. And like you said, yes, as a planner, we're going to do whatever we have to do in that situation.
(01:04):
So it may be the Oreo method. But something like that that gets quickly overcome. That is more probably a post con thing where it's like, hey. I get it. Things happen.
You really recover that well. But what can we do next time to kind of make sure that doesn't happen? And just one quick point is also on all fronts, not just AV front. I don't I don't wanna just protect us AV folks, but on all fronts is also understanding that there's some things that quite honestly are just unpreventable. Yeah.
They're just un preventable no matter what you do. You know, the the funny thing about, like, dropouts on mics and things like that is it's it's a nonvisible thing. You can't see it. Like, here it comes, here it comes, here it comes, and then you could stop it. Like, it's a it's it's a It's not like the machine in the hot water.
It's like Right. Right. You have you have no idea when it's gonna happen. You don't know when it's gonna flat line? And it would be like the same thing.
Let's take catering. It would be the same thing as, like, somebody creating a tray of, like, salads or something like that and going to pick it up and carry it out. And they fell. They stumbled. Something like nobody knew that that was gonna happen.
Mhmm. But in the heat of the moment, I understand how it can really be frustrating. And I just, I don't know, I just think being compassionate and being trusting is is the answer. I don't know. Yeah.
Well, Lisa, I always like to say the difference to me, and I think this is I think it relates on the supplier side as well. I always say the difference between a good and a great planner is not that everything is executed perfectly, meticulously to a tee because we know that's not possible in events. Something's always gonna happen. But what makes a great planner is trying to anticipate what those things could be and or how they quickly react to it and how they deal with it. So I'd love to, you know, maybe I'm kind of throwing it out there, but, you know, maybe a situation or a time that something hasn't quite gone the way and how you were kind of quickly able to overcome that.
Yeah. So it makes me think of a a big event that I was working on last fall. And, when we got on-site, we found out that the elevate or the escalators were not in service. Not only were they not in service, they were under construction. But they assured us nobody would be able to hear anything, everything will be great, and everything was great until words.
Until our last day. And this is a hybrid event. We're, you know, we're recording, we're streaming, and they were literally banging metal on metal outside of our rooms. Mhmm. And there was nothing we could do, absolutely nothing we could do short of saying stop.
You know, had to get the GM involved. It it was very stressful, but, you know, we we we did everything we could to mitigate the issues. So, you know, we we were able to get them to take a lunch break early. You know, we gave them our schedule, we'd already given them a schedule in advance, but we gave them our schedule again and said, can you just give us a window here, a window there? And, you know, they worked with us where they could, but, you know, like you said, circumstances beyond your control.
Right. Sometimes you've just got to accept and figure out how you're gonna make it happen. So it it was it was challenging. Honest to god, that particular situation was worse for the in person attendees because they could actually hear it Yeah. As opposed to the virtual audience that had a little bit of a buffer.
Right. But, yeah, it was it was, it was very interesting. Oh my goodness. Yes. There's nothing nothing worse than that.
And it's funny because I hear you say, like, I had given him the schedule, but I gave it to him again. I can't tell you how many times that happens in this world. It's like Yeah. I I I've given y'all, but, like, what what where did where did it go? Like, the the pre con.
The pre con. The event specs that you you've had this. But yeah. Yeah. Sounds like some collaboration with the hotel would have been would have been helpful.
There was there was a solution. I mean, things hotels have projects, you know, that are going on. They have to work around business levels. You're gonna lose a service elevator. You're going to have to, you know, replace things, but, you know, a good hotel partner needs to work with the guest in house to work with schedules and work with their construction crews.
And goodness, we've all been through it as hoteliers. But, yeah, the collaboration was, I feel like, maybe a little lacking there with this. To their credit, I don't think they were anticipating what happened that day. You know, when the GM GM comes out and his eyes are like this at the noise level, you know? Yeah.
I see. This wasn't intentional. Technician crew. Right? It's not the hotel doing it.
So they were probably also told that it was not gonna be allowed or that they would work within these hours. And then, you know, you've got you got another party that enters the situation that needs to collaborate. Exactly. And that's where we had to collaborate with the hotel and the construction company. So, yeah, I mean, it it became very multifaceted.
Yes. Yeah. A lot of layer is there. But again, difference between good and great. Mhmm.
So it sounds like all parties were able to, you know, navigate Mhmm. What could have been, you know, detrimental to the entire event. Problem. Yes. Yeah.
Yeah. So speaking of the the conflict and the problems, I think we we all know the, the three reactions to conflict, when we face them is, fight, flight, or freeze. Mhmm. Which are you? I freeze.
(01:25):
Every time, I freeze immediately, but in retrospect, that's not a bad thing because I'm taking a step back. Yeah. Taking a moment to breathe. Okay. Here's the situation.
What are my options? Right. What do I need to do? So it's it's not necessarily a bad thing. Fight is definitely off the table.
That's that's never gonna happen. A flight could Are you saying the right scenario, Marika? But but, typically, I'm frozen in place, so, you know, I can't, like, fly. But yeah. No.
A freeze, I think, is is not a bad thing because that's what you want to do. You want to stop. You wanna assess. You wanna take a look at what's going on and breathe. Just breathe because you can't fix things if you're, you know, if you're flying sky high.
Yeah. Yeah. You and I were talking about that earlier. I mean, that that is a 100%. I I freeze.
And I agree. I don't think it's a bad thing because I'm taking a moment to take everything in, assess the situation, and quickly in my head, figure out how I'm gonna address the problem. And I don't it's not like I'm sitting there freezing in silence for, you know, like, 5 minutes. I'm gonna freeze for a minute, assess, gather my thoughts, and then alright. Let's move on.
But, yeah, to me, that would be my personal style. I don't know. Yeah. They should add another f to that, which is find. Right?
Like, find a solution. Oh, no. Right? Find a way to make this work. Because the free the freeze is kind of that.
Yeah. But it but it depends on what happens, like, the split second after the freeze. Right? Like, because you could freeze and flight. Right.
You could freeze and fight. Mhmm. But what if you could freeze and find? I like it. Freeze and find.
I would say I'm gonna have to trademark this, David. Right. You just gotta get a new one. Alright. Freeze and find.
I know. I like it. I like it too. I like it too. I mean, I think those words tie into what you were saying earlier too about, you know, reflect, I think is the same as freeze.
Mhmm. You know, respond. Like, really listen to it. Like, if it were that situation was and I was the person who needed to respond. You know, always listening first to what's happening, reflecting on it, you know, before you respond.
I mean, I think that's what's happening to me. I don't feel like I'm any of the f's actually, because I I definitely don't freeze. You know, for me, I guess, as a hotelier, you know, if it's coming to me or to my team, it's probably something that has to do with us. Right? So, just really, like, listening and being empathetic and then finding a solution, especially in heat of the moment.
Like, a very immediate solution is so critical. Yeah. I mean, this is something you and I talk about a lot, Liz, is is is like salute being solution driven. Mhmm. And I I think if if as, an event team so this is the first thing.
We're a team. So if we have that culture, then we're already moving in a positive direction. And then if our team can have the culture of, if you bring a problem to me, also bring me a solution to that, a potential solution. It may not be the best. Right.
But bring me a solution to said problem as well. Maybe more than one solution if you can. Creating that culture within an event, atmosphere, again, just creates a more collaborative opportunity to be able because I may come to you, Lisa, and I might say, hey, here's the here's the issue. Here's what I'm thinking about a solution. And then you might say to me, that's not a bad idea, but what if we did x?
Yeah. I love that. Because, like, that conversation is so much better than me saying, Lisa, the the place is on fire and I don't have I don't have a fire extinguisher or whatever. You know what I mean? And then we're both freaking out because there's no element of solution there.
There's just an element of problem. And then that just begets more problem between the 2 of us. Mhmm. Well, we keep coming back to collaborate collaborate. I mean, that That's right.
I solutions. Yeah. I told you. We're renaming the set. No.
No. No. I don't know that we gotta I don't know that we gotta rename it because let's go. Yeah. No.
(01:46):
Because as as as gray and rainbows and unicorns as collaboration sounds, we still know conflict is gonna happen. Yes. We still know that problems are gonna occur. Some that we probably could have avoided and a lot that maybe we can't avoid. And so it it's it's like the elephant in the room.
We're never going to be able to avoid a 100%. But instead of avoiding it, looking at it differently, I think, is the solution. Create the opportunity to collaborate. Yeah. Mhmm.
Yeah. Yeah. And that really takes me, you know, to kind of our our next point that I know, Lisa, you and I kinda talked a little bit more about ahead of time. You know, just talking about having those healthy conversations and relationships and and how to overcome them. And sometimes it's uncomfortable.
And, you know, is it confront, ignore, confront later, wait till it gets even bigger. And I know you and I were were really talking about that we kinda take the step up. You know, it's gonna be difficult, but I'm just gonna bite the bullet because if you let it fester, it's probably not going to get any better. So, it, would you agree, Lisa, is that, you know, would you say your kind of style? Well, again, you know, I avoid confrontations.
That's so not that word. So that's where, you know, we were talking. You said bite the bullet. I said eat the frog. Yes.
Just get the conversation over with, and, you know, it it will release so much air out of the balloon that you can then move on. But, yeah, I mean, sometimes you just have to do it because if if you don't, the problem it's just never gonna get resolved. So, you know, everybody said it's a service to to continue to work in that type of environment. Well, and to peel the onion back on that one a little bit too, like, this is a great this is a great topic to think about why the value of those partners are there. Mhmm.
Because if you're working with peep and and I know this is not a 100% always possible, but when you work with people that you work with on a regular basis, then you know, like, you know how to talk to me. Mhmm. Right? You you and I know how to talk to you. We know how to communicate all all of us at the table.
Like, we know how to communicate to each other because we've invested the time to work together. But we've also invested the time to get to know each other and understand what that conversation should look like. When you're just, let's just be honest, hiring the cheapest person or whatever, then you're going into it with, we just said a second ago, we know these things are gonna happen. So just because you replace the person doesn't mean you're gonna replace the problem. So if we know the problem is still gonna be there, taking the time to invest in understanding people and how they communicate Mhmm.
Makes this difficult, you know, topic that we're on right now a little bit easier to navigate and a little bit easier to be constructive and get out of it what you want instead of a shouting match. And then later on, you realize, oh, well, I was a little harsh. I should probably apologize. And then you're like, should I email? Should I text?
Should I have, like, send a singing telegram? Like, how should I say I'm sorry? And it just gets really crazy, and there's no need for all that. Yeah. Yeah.
I think the word, you know, confront is scary. I get that. But address. And I think that's so important because there's a lot of things that can be addressed in the moment that aren't always because people are afraid to do that. And had you allowed us the opportunity to know, you know, if it was something perhaps that a partner wasn't even aware was Right.
You know, something that needed to be addressed. If you then you have the opportunity to come up with a solution and recover from it. Mhmm. But if you don't find that out until later, you know, and you weren't aware, you know, if it's something, you know, that wasn't as large as, you know, elevator drilling in the background. You know, but I think that's important because a lot of times, I think people are afraid and you'll hear about it.
You'll eventually hear about it later or they will feel some kind of way about it later. And I think it's important to feel comfortable addressing it. Mhmm. It's a safer word, and allowing us as partners to, you know, come up with a solution. Oh my gosh.
That is, like, so keyless. I mean, so many times I I I've seen situations where it's not addressed and then you're doing a post con or later on and it's like, well, you know, this happened. Well, if you don't give somebody the opportunity, I mean, I've had it as a planner, you know, dealing with my higher rep. Well, you know, this one thing happened. Well, I didn't know about that.
If you had told me, I could have done something to fix it. And I gotta imagine that's gotta be the case with hotels as well. So you know, all the time that you hear something later in post con, you're like, I didn't even know that was something you wanted. Mhmm. If you if I had known, we could have easily made that happen for you.
Yeah. Yep. Yeah. What what what if we looked at this from the standpoint of, like, creating different levels of, like, it a priority. Like, we know what a priority is, is.
And that's usually, like, the most important thing to you. And that's one of those things Yeah. Where you would wanna address. And then a step down from a priority is, like, you know, I kinda like if x. Right?
Well, that kinda like if x is something that you might not need to bring up right away. But maybe at the end of the day, like, say it's a multi day event. Right? So maybe you bring that up at the end of the day so it can be fixed by the next day, but it's not something that's a priority that needs to be fixed right now. And then level 3 would be kind of like nitpick.
Like, I'm just being nitpicky, but if this could be fixed, that'd be great. But it's not really a priority. Like, it's not a priority to this to the extent that I might create a combative situation right now. Right? So be being able to assess and prioritize the issue and where does it fall in those levels of and then attacking it based on that level.
I love that. Okay. So now every planner needs to have in their war room, the priority board, hotel priority board in the morning. So here's, you know, like, the green, the yellow, and the red. Get it done now.
Well and and let and let me just, share an example from from my entertainment side for my DJ company. So whenever we do training for our DJ staff, we always ask them this question, which is what's the most important thing to a couple at their wedding? And they give me all these answers, 1st dance, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. They never get the answer right because the actual answer is whatever you do wrong. Right?
(02:07):
Because that will always become the most important thing. And usually it's something that had you been told ahead of time, you could have taken care of. Now I I'm not talking about mistakes, but, you know, there are certain things that it's like, if I'd have known that was that important ahead of time, I would have made every effort to make that work. So kind of what you said earlier is just knowing, like, these are the key components. These are the main things that have to happen.
These are the things I like to happen, and these are the things I'm just kinda nitpicky about. Like, if they happen, great. That would be great on the front end for suppliers to do. Like, I've never had a supplier ask me, you know, what is your priority at this event? You know, they may be like, what are you what are your takeaways?
What type of event? You know, what are your attendees like? But like, what is the main goal and priority of this event? And, you know, what would be that second one and that third one, because we really want to customize and and make sure your experience at the venue or with the audio visual. Like, we're really hitting on, you know, with audio visual.
What what's the most important thing, you know, whether it's a a slide or a video or a speaker or, you know, a topic or a song. A good turn. I don't think I've ever been asked that. Have you? Because the hotel business likes to call it, what are your hot buttons?
And I hate that. I do. I hate that. It's like we're immediately saying, like, tell me all the things that are gonna make you upset and create some conflict while you're here so we can try not to do them. And so I never use the word hot buttons, but I do think we do tend to ask that.
Like, tell me about hot buttons for the event. Nope. Like you said, I'm more like, tell me your goals for the event. I really wanna understand, like, what is your goals Right. Within your team that you're trying to deliver here?
Because there may be ways that we can help you achieve that that you would never think to ask us Right. That we could support. And I think any partner in this situation could do the same thing. So I think we often go on the negative side of that and what's gonna make you upset versus, you know, what's gonna make you upset. Yeah.
The how I take it as a negative. Like, I don't take it as, like, you really wanna know. Well, I I and one thought on this. Not you, but no. Hypothetically, that works.
That's okay. I know you don't. Thinking about what you said earlier, Elizabeth, about doing it ahead of time is is such a such a great idea because then if there are those expectations that for whatever reason, whether it's financial, whether it's physical, whether it's any reason whatsoever, that it can't be met, then that can be addressed ahead of time. Yeah. And you can figure something out because we've all been in enough solutions where somebody's boss's boss's boss comes up to you and says, I want you to move mountains right this moment.
And it doesn't matter who you are. Like it, right? Like it doesn't matter who you are. You're not going to be able to give them what they want, unfortunately. You know what I mean?
And so things like this might be able to help prevent those situations. Not all of them, but maybe a lot of them. Yeah. Wow. I I have just loved this conversation so much.
I I I think it's so healthy to get together and and really sometimes have those difficult conversations and and figure out how at the end of the day we all can work together. Because, again, we all have the same goal. We want to be successful. You want my event to be successful because you want me to probably hire you again. Yeah, exactly.
And my service. So, so, Lisa, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me. This is so much fun. This is great.
Well, I'm gonna put you on the spot one more time. So last question. You know, as as an experienced planner with, you know, a veteran as we'll call it, I, what would you, what is your best piece of advice that you could give to professionals in the industry? It doesn't have to be about this topic. It could be about anything, You know, just just your little nugget, your your little takeaway or key takeaway.
I'm just all about team. It it takes a village, you know, all these euphemisms, but it we don't work in a silo. We can't do it alone. You get what you give and, you know, compassion. We talked about compassion.
Just working together, knowing that there are so many components and that you need everybody to work together, and, you know, you've gotta give respect to get respect, and it it just there there is a much bigger picture out there than just what we're doing, and just keep that in mind and, you know, everybody wins. Could I could I just add that I I really think you give respect whether you get respect back or not. You know what I mean? And and not that you said that wrong, but but I mean, just shifting that mindset a little bit of just being able to say, I'm gonna give respect whether I get it back or not. Hear people say, like, you have to earn my respect.
Yeah. Yeah. You know? And and, typically, if you give respect, you will get it in the right direction. You should.
Second thing second thing I just wanna add too is, like, listening to a podcast like this reminds me of, like, going to a panel discussion where you have all of these vendors up there. What, let's say, let's just say photographers. Right? And you're sitting in the audience. You're like, oh, that sounds really great.
And that's awesome. And then you leave and you go do exactly the same things you were doing before you came to that panel. Like, I encourage, myself included, I encourage all of us to take this tunnel vision that we have and just open it up a little bit and explore the possibility of what if I actually changed a little bit? Instead of asking everybody else to change, what if I just change my lens of the way I'm looking at things a little bit and what does that open up and create? Yeah.
Great. I love that. Yeah, absolutely. Well, you know, I wasn't even planning on doing this, but there were so many great words that that came about that I don't know, this might, this might become a a new tradition, but I just wanna reiterate some of the great words that I heard used, throughout today's podcast. And that was compassion.
You know, really leading with compassion, reflecting, you know, reflect reflect at at the the challenges and and even opportunities ahead. Address, you know, making sure that we're addressing things and that's pre and post. Find solutions are our new f. That's my favorite. I do like that.
(02:28):
That is my favorite. And the big word of today collaboration. So well, thank you all for joining us today and thank you, Lisa, for being here again. It's been so fun and it's always amazing when we're able to, you know, the 3 of us can sit here and talk, but it's so great to get another person's perspective, especially a veteran like you. You know, thank you for listening to the Event Therapy Podcast.
We're always learning. So follow us on IG at Event Therapy Podcast and let us know in the comments what you wanna hear from us next. So see you on the next pod.
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