February 20, 2025 • 36 mins
Fear and doubt hold so many people back from reaching their full potential—but what if you could shift your mindset and break free?
In this episode of From Crisis to Justice, Parag Amin sits down with Martin Salama, author of Warrior to Warrior and creator of the Warrior’s LIFE Code, to discuss the real strategies for overcoming fear, shifting your mindset, and stepping into success.
Martin has helped countless people break free from limiting beliefs and take action in both business and life. His journey—from personal struggle to coaching others on resilience—shows exactly how to transform stress, fear, and uncertainty into confidence and action.
Key takeaways include:
- Overcoming Fear & Self-Doubt – The mindset shift that separates those who succeed from those who stay stuck.
- The Warrior’s LIFE Code – How to go from worrying about failure to taking control of your future.
- Building Mental Resilience – Why emotional strength is just as important as business strategy.
- How to Stop Doing Everything – Delegation, scaling, and finding the right people to support your vision.
This episode is a must-watch for business owners, entrepreneurs, and anyone who wants to break free from fear and start making bold moves toward success.
Learn more about Martin Salama:
Website: https://connectwithmartin.com
Book: Warrior to Warrior: 7 Steps to Uncover the Warrior Within and Live Incredibly Full Every Day
Learn more about Parag Amin:
Business Law Firm: https://lawpla.com
Personal Website: https://paraglamin.com
Follow Parag:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/paragaminesq
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hi, I'm Parag Amin.
Welcome to my podcast.
From Crisis to Justice.
As a lawyer and entrepreneur, I'mpassionate about helping small business
owners successfully navigate situationsthat can kill a business.
As a kid, I watched my dad's dreamsof being an entrepreneur were destroyed
by an unethical businessman, and I don'twant that to happen to you or your family.
(00:22):
That's why I started my law firm.
I want to protect and defend businessowners and their legacies from crisis.
Welcome to From Crisis to Justice.
Hello, everybody.
Welcome back to From Crisis to Justice.
I am your host, Parag Amin.
(00:43):
And today,I have a special guest, Martin Salama.
Martin is known as the architectof the Warriors Life Code.
He specializes in helping peoplefrustrated in their life,
quickly shift their mindsetto uncover their greatness
so they can live their truepotential and enjoy life.
An example of what he's achievedis a client like Roberta, who lost her six
(01:07):
figure job due to COVID and came to Bartondepressed and fell feeling very lost.
And within the short time.
She was quoted as saying direction, focusand a renewed energy all around.
And she was excited about all thethe possibilities she could pursue.
So, Martin,thank you so much for joining me today.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
(01:28):
I'm excited to be here with you.
So, Martin, as a coach
who helps people uncover or unlock
their greatness, is thereis there a common theme that you found in
people who have their blackness and theirgreatness locked up inside of them that
that you can share with everybodythat helps them
begin to unpack it or unlock it?
(01:49):
Yeah, it's a great question.
So, Parag, many people end up finding me
because they're like,is this all there is?
And my answer to themkind of surprises them
because my answer is yes, but it's
because of the way you're looking at it.
If you're looking at itas this is all there is,
(02:09):
then you already defeating yourselfin the game.
If you say there's a lot here,how could I make the most of it?
So it's basically taking theI can't statements or
everything is terrible and changing it to
something as simple as how can I write?
If you can't get to,I can at least let's get you to.
(02:30):
How can I write?
I can't afford a new car.
Okay, well, how can I afford a new car?
What can I do to get there?
So it's about shifting that mindsetfrom lack and I can't to abundance.
And I can. Or how can I?
And how does somebody shift their mindset?
(02:50):
Well, if they're coming to me, it'sbecause they feel like
there's something they have thislike this existential crisis of like,
where am I in my lifethat I got to do something different?
So my I'm sorry.
Yeah. Okay.
So I say to them,it starts with you understanding
that it starts with admission,cleansing and celebration.
(03:12):
So admission is admitting what's happeningnow in your life isn't working
right.
If you admit that something's not working,what are you got to do?
You know, it's.
This is the famous Einstein line.
If you do the same thing over and overagain and expect results, that's insanity.
It's like different results. I mean.
So once you admit that, then it's
(03:34):
about coming up with a plan to changewhat's going on.
And part of that plan is understandingthat the way you say
things, in the way you think aboutthings is holding you back.
So we start with you just doing someself-talk by saying, I can't or how can I?
And looking for opportunities instead ofalways looking for the problems.
(03:57):
You know, in chaos there is opportunity
or you could look at it and say,Everything's falling apart.
Woe is me, which is going to getyou further with your life.
Totally.
Yeah.
So and I talk to my clients about thisall the time where they'll come in and
they're facing either their first lawsuitor they've been through other lawsuits
(04:19):
and they know that it'sgoing to be expensive,
that they want somebodythey can trust and rely on.
But it's a stressful situation.
And so inevitably, I tell them, look,as long as you're doing a good business
and you're doing the right thing,focus on that.
Focus on growing and scaling that.
Let me and my teamfocus on the legal solutions for you.
(04:40):
Right.
They help guide you through this aspectof things because the natural instinct
with a lot of people wheneverthey get into a lawsuit is to shrink down
and start worrying about all the thingsthat have gone wrong now.
And that leads to this almost paralysisof, well, am I going to get sued again?
Or maybe I should just stop doingwhat I'm doing.
(05:01):
And inevitably,it kind of leads to this downward spiral
and cycle at the exact timewhen they need to be strong
and they need to be focused on scalingand growing their war chest
and servicing more clients or more people
so that they can continue to grow past
this issue and challengeinstead of shrinking away from it.
(05:22):
Parag, I love that you addressed thiswith your clients because most lawyers
will say, okay, I don't really carewhat's going on in your business.
I don't care.
All I care aboutis getting this lawsuit off of your plate
and it's going to cost me X scores,do X amount of dollars to do it right,
that they only have that tunnel vision ofLet me take care of what's problem.
(05:44):
Your problem is now whateveryou're doing on the side, as long as it's
not illegal or going to set upanother lawsuit, just it's not my problem.
Instead,you're saying no, it's part of the
you've got to continue to move forwardso that I can do the best for you.
So congratulations.And I give you a lot of credit for that.
And I'm sure when peopleare coming to you, they're coming to
(06:06):
you based on your reputation,based on your credibility.
And they're saying, look,I know you've been successful with others.
What is it that you do can do for me?
And when you lay it out that way,they probably
maybe not right away,but eventually say, wow, that was great.
Sage advicefor me to take in and move forward.
So good for you.
Yeah,I appreciate that. MARTIN And I agree.
(06:29):
Very few lawyers do that.
They have that conversation,even though to me, it seems like
such an important, critical conversationto have with clients because
there's there's an emotional
aspect of any lawsuit, any business,and that's why they got into it.
And it's scary because they're potentiallynot only facing losing their livelihood
(06:50):
and their legacy, but their life's work.
Many times or a big component of of theirlife and the work that they've put in.
So when it comes to youand the business that you founded, Right.
You know, at least
from our conversationbefore we started recording
and just my general observationabout entrepreneurs is a lot
(07:11):
of times are creating the solutionthey wish they had when
they were going through their struggles.
And so they try to give that solution.
They craft a solution,try to give it to the world.
And it sounds like that'sthat's what you've done.
So can you talk a little bitabout your struggles, your pain points?
And look, I mean, at a certain point,did you ever want to give up and what kept
(07:33):
you going?
Absolutely. Absolutely. Yes.
To all those things. Right.
So people come to me right, as a coachbecause as like in my book,
it's called Warrior The Warrior WarriorWithin all because you worry
to becoming a warrior,somebody who's come through the fire
and gotten stronger warriorto warrior the other way
because if they've read my book,they see that I'm honest
(07:54):
and transparentby showing them I've struggled.
And I never forget.
After my book came out,one of my family members said, My God,
you're so vulnerable in hereI go, If I'm not,
why wouldsomebody want to come work with me?
Why would they want my helpif they don't understand
that I understand where they've been? So.
(08:15):
So here I am putting togetherI put together a program, right?
I help coaches get to seven figures withintwo years or less, and I guarantee it.
And people like, well,I said, I do this because I've been in
enough programs where it was this thingwhere they said, Oh, we'll help you do it.
We'll done for you, done with you.
And what I found out wasthey were done to me programs,
(08:38):
but I paid all this moneyupfront and I got burned.
And I could blame them for it.I could even sue them for it.
But what was the good? MaybeI didn't read the fine print.
Well, maybe they didn't putthey didn't explain it.
Well, who knows?
So I wentI set myself out on this journey to say,
there's enough people like me out therewho've gotten burnt
(09:00):
going to these programs and saying,I'm never doing another one to get.
All right.
So I know that
because I've said it a bunch of times,but I suffer from shiny object syndrome.
I'm like, Oh, this is going to be the oneonly to find out it's not so.
Instead, what I said was,
I want to get there,
put together a programthat's comprehensive,
and they don't have to buyanything more from me.
(09:21):
And they don't.
If they do it rightand we do it correctly together,
they don't have to buy another programever again.
Right.
And I based it on wait a minute, here'swhere the problem is.
Me. Before, as the client,I was taking all the risk.
I was paying all the money, and thenI would get in and follow the directions.
And if things didn't work out, then okay,You didn't do it right, Martin.
(09:45):
You know, and I realize that'sbecause they were doing cookie
cutter things and there'sjust not a cookie cutter world out there.
And then I also realized,
you know what?
They were looking to me to pay for morethings afterwards that I didn't know.
It was like, oh, yeah.
Oh, you want that?
Oh, that's an extra 10,000.
(10:05):
Like,why don't you tell me that to begin with?
Oh, yeah.
And that's the that's unfortunately
the mindset of the waythese coaches go out there and do things.
So I said I got to make a shift thereand I got to shift that to
the risk is not on the clients,
it's on me, the coach.
So I said, Here's the problem.
(10:27):
I've been coaching going outand buying information on coaching, right?
I'm getting coached on information.
What I want to do isI want to coach on results.
The information isimportant in the beginning,
but it doesn't do
you any goodif it's not ending up in results.
(10:48):
So I said, I'm putting together a programwhere 12
and a half percent of my fee,you pay me upfront
and then you don't pay me againuntil you start seeing results.
If it takes a month, fantastic.
If it takes a year,why is it taking a year?
For whatever reason, life might get inthe way things might be moving slowly.
(11:09):
But you're not paying me again.
It's not.
Oh, it's the next month, calendar month.
It time to pay me again? No.
What am I doing there?
I'm just saying I care about your money.
I don't want to care about the money.
I want to care about the impactthat they want to make in the world.
And by doing that,
I'm riskingreversing the risk and putting it on me
(11:32):
instead of on that.
You're muted.
There you go.
Perfect.
I left speechless.What could I say, Parag?
I'm sure it happens all the time.So you're used to it.
You know,So when it comes to the students of yours
(11:55):
who were successful versusthe ones that aren't,
I mean, obviously, look, I mean, a part ofthis is applying what they learned.
But beyond that is thereis there some kind of deeper
psychological thing that you foundthat prevents people from implementing?
What is that? Yes. Yes.
My New Yorker jumps right in.What could I do?
So I believe that there's a progression
(12:18):
in when you get into a business.
Okay.
And it could happen all at the same timeor it can happen sequentially.
It depends on the person.
But if you want to get to six figuresas a coach,
you have to havethe right systems in place,
right?
You have to have the right CRM makesending out the emails, doing whatever.
You have to have the right programsand staff and whatever.
(12:43):
But that's not enough.
The next step you have to do to go beyondthe six figures
is you have to have that right mindset.
It doesn't matterhow much you believe in me
or how much you believe in my program.
If you don't believe in your potential,
your own success, you're doomed to failbecause in the middle of the night
you can wake up and say,I don't know, I don't think I can do this.
(13:06):
It may not come out exactlyin those words, Oh, there's a lot here.
Oh, he's promisingmore than he can deliver, whatever it is.
That's your gremlin in your headsaying you're not good enough.
So that's where the second part comes
in, which is I work on mindset.
And every meetingthat people come to, it's I do one on
(13:27):
one coaching in a group settingbecause I believe whosever
sitting in the spotlight at that moment,who's got a question,
the others will learnand they could also contribute.
So it comes in, everybody's talking,but we start off every meeting
by going through a part of my courseor part of my book
and saying, okay, what's coming up for youwhen we talk about this
(13:49):
and let's work through that, becauseif I can't work through that with them,
whatever nuts and bolts thatthey got to go over isn't going to sink in
because they're stillquestioning themselves.
And then the third part is, once we startto get those two things happening,
we have to explain to them
that you have to be scalableand that means understanding
(14:10):
that you should be doingeverything in your business.
You should figure outwhat is your zone of genius.
My zone of genius is coachingand speaking right.
But I'mI am not good at doing the back end
CRM workor the funnels or the social media.
You know, tell me to write, to do a video.I'll do the video.
But somebody else has got to editit and make sure it goes up and all that.
(14:31):
So it's yourecognizing what you're good at
and then finding the people around you
for what they're good at.
Yeah, absolutely. I love that.
And before we started recording,we were talking a little bit
about Dan Sullivan's, who nothow now, you know, component of this is
entrepreneurs inherently believe thatthey can do it better than anybody else
(14:52):
and the whole aspect of their businessa lot of times that they believe
that they can run itall better than whoever they might hire.
And sometimes that might be accurate.
Other times it might not be.
So what have you found to be?
What are, to some good tipsof how to find people
to delegate to and how to best delegate?
(15:14):
Now, to be honest,
many of them are probably right thatthey can do it better than somebody else.
But is it worth your timeand is your value to that level?
What I mean bythat is let's just use a number of $200
an hour that a coach might be worth it.
Most of them are worth more than that,
but it's easierjust to use that number for mathematics.
(15:37):
And you spend 5 hours doing somethingthat, you know, you could do,
but it's really not your zone of genius.
And now you've wasted$1,000 of your own personal man hours
instead of going out and findingsomebody who probably could do it as well,
or almost as well,if not better, really better.
But if you have that mindset that you'rebetter than everybody else, great.
(15:57):
Almost as well as you
for. And they could
do it in an hour for $100.
You saved $900
because you're doingwhat you're supposed to be doing
and I'm doingwhat I'm supposed to be doing.
And then so you I take, you know,Dan Sullivan's unbelievable, the who,
not how I take it to another levelwith somebody like Robert Kiyosaki,
(16:22):
who says, I want to bethe dumbest person in my own business.
I want to surround myselfwith those who know more than me.
And I say the people that know how work
for the people that know why.
MM Yeah, I love that.
That's that's really good.
And I agree with that, you know,
I mean, when everything works welland you find finding the right people.
(16:44):
I do agree that they'll eachhave their own respective zones of genius
and you can rely on them.
Although we've all had the bad hire,the bad contractor who said that
they could do what they could do,but they couldn't actually do it.
And so now you're out the moneyand you've got a mess in your hands
and now you're spending more time than hadyou just done it yourself.
(17:06):
And every entrepreneurhas been burned with this.
And of course, part of it is like
like if you get burned doesn't meanyou're never going to use the stove again.
But what are your thoughts onhow you how you handle that?
Yeah. So it's going to happen.
Okay.
It's going to happen
and you're going to have to say, okay,how do I keep myself from getting burned?
Well, a good way to dothat is look for people that, you know,
(17:28):
that can
remains that you know and and and trust.
Who could recommend somebody in an areathat you're looking for.
For example,my partner started out as somebody I hired
four years agoto be my person who showed me
how to build my brand, how to buildmy course, how to do my own things.
(17:49):
And now she went from that,the now being my partner,
which she's really a fractional CEO,but she's a partner in my business
because she does all that backend stuffthat I can't or don't know how to do.
Some of itI've she's taught me over the years
and I could do it, but I'm better offbeing where I should be.
So it's trial and error for sure.
(18:10):
But you start out at a lower number,like you go out and pay a VA
and that you've heard from other people
that are in the Philippinesthat are really good, great.
If that one doesn't work,you didn't spend the crazy amount of money
and you learn from this that I got to find
more due diligence to find somebodywho could do what I'm looking for.
It's trial and error.
(18:30):
I'm sure you have paralegalsthat have come and gone in your business
who were great.
You thought they were greatand they came in
and they didn't do what they thoughtthey were going to do.
Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So
partnerships, it's an interesting topicbecause my office handles
a lot of partnerships and partnershipdisputes.
And so, look, I think a big componentof getting into a partnership
(18:51):
is finding the right partner.
And sometimes just making the rightdecision as to whether the person
should stay an employeeor a contractor versus becoming a partner.
So how did you make the decision of, look,this person is a good fit for me
as a partner versus Liza Hire, right?
So it started off as a as aas an independent contractor.
She came in and helped me do those things.
(19:13):
And as we grew,we started to build the level of trust
with each other where I knew thatif she gave me something,
I gave her something to do,It was going to get done.
And if she asked me to do something,I was going to do it in the timeframe
she asked.
So it wasit was synergistic, to be honest,
(19:33):
because we were learning each otherin the beginning,
testing each other out with little things.
Not in a way of saying,I hope she fails just the opposite.
I'm going to give her thisand see how it comes out.
And if it's good,then we move to the next level.
So itwas by trial and error and thank goodness
there was much less errorthen than whatever I think were possible.
(19:54):
And we just got to the point where one dayshe said to me, You know what?
Why don't welook at changing our arrangement?
You pay me X amount every month.
I believe in what you're doing.
So why don't we instead of you pay me?
I get a percentage of of the of the feeof what you making,
you know, based on blah, blah, blah,whatever our deal was at the beginning.
And this way, you know,
(20:16):
you have me at full capacitywhen I'm with you
and when I'm not with you,you know I'm not there for you.
But you can send me a thing.
And if I'm available,I'll answer. So that works.
And she took
a huge amount off my plate by doing that.
Mm hmm.
And how long has it been?
Four years.
Awesome. And as the
(20:37):
it sounds like,was she initially part time
and now she's kind of movedmore full time.
She she'll never be full timebecause she also
is a fractional CEO over others.
But if there's a day where I say,
I need you to be with mefrom the beginning to the end,
we set it up in advanceand we know it's done.
(20:58):
We give each other the respect to know.
We can't just say Hi.
I need you right now to drop whatyou're doing that be respectful to her.
She can't do that to me either.
So we set we have a couple of timesset up during the week
and if during those meetingswe said, well,
next week this is happening,we got to plan for it and we do that.
And that's being respectfulof both of both.
(21:18):
You know,I love that because I know for a fact
that these Fortune 500 companiesspend hundreds of thousands of dollars
and sometimes millions of dollarsa year on teaching
or trying to teach and instillinto culture or encourage into culture
or something, that that should be somewhatcommon sense, even though it's it's not,
which is just an attitudeof mutual respect
(21:41):
and attitude of reliability,that if you told somebody something
that is your word, that's your bond,that's that's your integrity on the line,
that you should be there for that personto do what you said you would do.
Right.
And yeah, no,
I mean, there have been times overthe last few years I've brought in people
that I thought were going to bethe one that was going to do this,
that the other thing that made me big,these big promises, and they ended up, you
(22:04):
know, believing in themselves more thanthey believed in what they could do.
Right, Right. Yes.
Yeah, it sounds weird.
Nobody's listening, I think. Oh,what does that mean?
Well, they thought they could do it,
but they didn't have what they saidthey could do at the end of the day.
So it was a learning lesson.
And I went from there and I chalked it upto bad business decision.
(22:27):
And over the yearsI've made many bad business
decisions as every business owner has.
So when it comes to
your decision making on somebody else'sreliability, how many chances
do you give somebody before you decidelike this person is just not reliable
and it has to be at least three times?
(22:49):
Okay.
And then also you have to takeinto account what's the underlying reason
if you could have a relationshipwhere they know
they could come and tell you what's goingon, Whereas I try
even with peoplethat are not working for me.
You mean on my payroll, butas a contractor or whatever you want to.
1090 lines.
(23:09):
I set up a thing saying,I'm just the leader here.
I'm not the boss.
I want you to feel like you can comeand talk to me about anything.
And if we have that relationshipwhen things are happening
and something comes upand you can't do it,
if you come to me honestly and say, Look,this is happening,
it's it's putting me out, okay?
But if you just come up to the nextme and say, I couldn't get to it.
(23:32):
Hello. I told you I'm here.
I'm not going to bite your head off.
I'm not going to fire youbecause you didn't tell me.
But if you do happens over and over again,then we're going to part ways, right?
Yeah. Yeah.
And then I think that goes to that issueof the mutual respect and this idea
of, look, you can come to me
if there's genuinely an issue,I treat it the same way at my firm.
(23:54):
If somebody has an issuewith a deadline or something,
give me the respect in the client.
That respectand making sure that we can get it handled
by somebody else ahead of time, by youletting us know.
And that just comes downto good communication. Right.
And a lot of that comes from fear of fearof losing their job.
Right.
But by you having that fearand doing nothing about it,
(24:16):
you're moving yourself more towards
getting losing the job than you were,if you were honest at the beginning.
That's right.
And so let me ask you this,
because that is a very common themethat fear keeps people stuck.
Right.
Which is odd because the thingthat they fear most in that moment,
they know that if they do nothing,
that it's going to
(24:37):
be problematic,like the deer in the headlights, Right.
So so it's a phenomenon across species.
They're stuck.
They know the car is coming. Right.
And they know that once it hits them,I'm sure they have some innate feeling.
Yeah, that this is going to hurtand is going to be problematic.
This thing coming at meat a very rapid speed.
(24:58):
And yet they stand there and I thinka lot of people also try to escape
that responsibility or that fearby doing nothing or procrastinating.
Do you have any thoughts on why that is?
Yeah, I have some thoughts.
But you know,every indecision is a decision.
Okay.
And the indecision comes fromwhat's going on in your head.
(25:22):
That could be I'm not good enough.
I took on more than I can handle,and I don't know
how to let them know thatI thought I could do it.
And now I know I can't,but I can't face it.
It's all these different things.
And if you understand that you're allowingthe things that are holding
you back to hold you back even more,instead of saying, Hey, you know what?
(25:46):
Can we talk about this?
And maybe you can help me figure out
how to get out of it,how to move forward from it.
And that's where coaching comes in.
You know what the best thingabout coaching is?
The accountability part.
So many times
my clients come to me and they go, Well,this is my plan, and we set up a plan.
Well, this is what I want to do.
(26:07):
And we set up a plan for them to get their
and then they come back the next weekand I go, okay, this is your homework.
Do this, this, this is the come backand let's go over it.
Over 80% of the time they'll say to me,
I got it donebecause I didn't want to disappoint you.
And I left because I said,But it's not about me.
It's about you.
(26:28):
But what they find is, is that becausethey think they're going to disappoint me,
they get it done
and then they're the ones
that are going to benefitfrom getting it done.
And I said, Great, you want to use meas the reason you're getting it done?
Fantastic.
But at the end of the day,you got it done for you.
(26:50):
A couple of years ago I was onI was in a coach group coaching
and this was a good one.
And they said, Tell us one of the thingsthat's an issue for you.
I go, Well, I guess I'm a procrastinator.
And the two leaders of the groupstarted hysterical, laughing.
They go, You don't seem to understandthe definition
of procrastinationbecause if you're a procrastinator,
(27:12):
then everybody else in the world is dead
because you never procrastinate. You.
We tell you to get something done,you get it done.
But I was brought up with the mindsetwhen I was a kid.
I was told I was lazy and immature,
so I always felt like, okay, I'ma lazy guy.
I don't get things done. I procrastinate,
but I didn't realize that I overcame thatbecause I get everything done.
(27:36):
Even if everybody else,I don't think it's done,
but it really does think it's done.
So it's your own head getting in the way.
Yeah, I agree with that.
You know,and so it's an interesting mind shift
where previouslyand I've worked with coaches
and I do believe in the power of coachingand that kind of thing.
But when it comes to the accountabilitycomponent,
(27:58):
I've always found that very interestingbecause at some point I really did
kind of have that mind shiftmindset shift, and it was years ago
now and I,I can't even pick the exact moment,
but I realized thatif somebody needs to hold me accountable
or if I need to answer to somebody else
and I'm concernedabout what they might think of me,
(28:19):
what does that say about my own viewor opinion of myself such that I need
somebody else to validate where wherewith me getting something to observe?
ExampleIf I promise something to a client,
obviouslyI don't want to disappoint the client,
but above thatI don't want to disappoint myself
because then I lack integritywith myself, right?
That I promised somebodyI would do something and I didn't do it.
(28:43):
Yeah, it's interesting.
I know exactly what you're talking about.
Your own self-worthshould be enough to get it done.
But what happens is, as much as you hopeto have that self-worth,
there's still those.
For many of us, the need to be recognized,
the need to be acknowledgedand appreciated.
So you do it for those reasons.
(29:03):
Look, I talk about it now.
Looking back over my life, I can now sayI'm a recovering people pleaser.
My whole
life, all I ever wanted to do is pleaseeverybody else.
And looking backnow, I realize I probably please nobody
because I went out of my way to pleaseeverybody.
Not only did I not pleased them,I ended up not pleasing myself either.
(29:25):
And where do you think that came from?
Because, you know, I mean, there'sthere's all these theories of thought.
You know, maybemaybe you got hugged too much.
Maybe you didn't get hugged enough.
Well, for me, I've done enough self self
perspectivethat I know exactly where it came from.
Okay.
When I was ten yearsold, I had a tragedy in my life.
My five year old brotherMichael was killed by a school bus.
(29:47):
Okay? It was a terrible day.
It was a tragedy.
I have four older sisters and then meand then my brother Michael.
On that day when my brother died,
I said to myself, Nobody said this to me.
I have to make sure that my parentsare never said again.
I put the pressure on myselfas a ten year old,
(30:09):
and what came out ofthat was becoming a people pleaser
and what came out of thatthrough learning to I a lot of this
came out of the last 15, 20 yearswhen I went through coach training.
Was that as a result of that,
I took everything personally.
I was a control freak.
I needed everybody to recognizethat I was doing the work, that I said.
(30:31):
There are being people pleased for.
And when all those things weren'thappening, I had a very short temper
to the pointthat I would react to everything.
So going through coach traininggot me to understand that
I needed to change those things,not for anybody else but for myself.
Well,
my condolences for your lossand thank you.
(30:54):
I can only imagine how difficultthat was. So,
you know,but admitted so at a certain point,
it sounds like, you know,you made the promise to
keep your parents as happy as possible,not disappoint them.
And somehow that went from that
to everything. It brought and out. So.
So what caused the broadening?
(31:18):
I think what happenedwas, is that as I was doing this,
making my parent, for example, in college,I wanted to be a doctor.
So does I took my S.A.T.,I realized that's never happening,
that with my parents.
I'm like, okay, I should just not get out.
So I'm not going to go to NYU.
I'll go to Brooklyn College, right?
Okay, great. You do that.
My boss said, I got a businessI'm putting into business.
(31:40):
Okay, Dad.But I was thinking about acting.
I was thinking about photography.Yeah. No, that's not happening.
You're going get the business.This is what you're going to do.
Okay, Dad.
Right.
And then because they saw thatby giving in,
it made me not have to have confrontationand made people think that
I was better than I am or doingwhat to what they want me to do.
(32:03):
When I got married, I did the same thing.
My wife, my ex-wife
would always keep asking
because she kneweventually I was going to say yes
because ofand that came from a lot of reasons.
We can go deep into it.
My fear of never being loved, mymy desire to make her happy, whatever.
(32:26):
But, you know, going through my divorceat the same time,
I was going to Kate coachtraining happened to be got me to realize
that our values were never aligned
and as a resultwe were in a codependent relationship.
And as such,
my need to make her love memade me do things I shouldn't have done
(32:48):
in my life and in business.
Right. So.
So do you think
you could have done something differentlyto help ensure that your values align?
Because I mean, this isthis is an interesting parallel,
whether it's life and marriageor business and partners.
Yeah,
the alignment of values is so critical,and most of the time it's
(33:08):
not a conversationthat people proactively have
or even necessarilyknow how to have right in the twenties,
you know, And think about that,especially in my twenties.
Here it is. It's the eighties.
You know,we don't think about things like that.
I mean, looking back now, I was ADHD.
My parents called me lazy and immature,but if they had gotten me diagnosed
and understood that ADHD comes with acertain amount of things, who knows where?
(33:28):
I could have probably become a
but whatever.
I'm not. But I can't.
What if it's just not worth it?
I can say, What if my brother live?What if it doesn't work?
Okay,but what I did learn was the next time
I was going to get into a relationship,
now that I understoodthe tools that I needed
when I went out on dates,I was asking questions
(33:52):
that were basically me
interviewing them in a conversational wayof what are their values?
And I'm very happy to say, took mea few years, but I went out on a date
and this woman was checking all the boxes,went out again, checking all the boxes.
And now we've been married for sixand a half years.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
So it's taking what didn'twork, understanding what was my
(34:16):
my contribution to the successand failure of the marriage,
making the changes where I neededto make them
and looking for what I neededgoing forward.
Somebody who's going to love mefor who I am and not looking to change me.
I love that. Yeah.
So critical to find people who love youfor who you are
without trying to change you.
(34:37):
Yeah.
So, Martin,if if people want to find out more
about you or your company,where can they find you?
I made it very simple, Parag,How about connect with Martin dot com
Connect with Martin dot com.
That simple?
You can go there.
You can find out about buying my book.
You can find out about my next workshop,which is a deep dive workshop.
(34:58):
It goes into what my program's all about4 hours, 3 to 4 hours, deep dive.
I don't leave any stone unturned.
And it's it.
Excuse me. Sorry. The doorbell went off,
and I
add, you could get free giftsdownloading there.
Whatever you need. Okay. Awesome.
(35:18):
So, Martin,thank you so much for joining everybody.
Martin is the author of Warrior to Warrior
Seven Steps to Uncover the WarriorWithin and Live incredibly full every Day.
So, Martin, again,thank you so much for sharing your time
and your wisdom with us today.
Thank you so much.
(35:39):
It's been a pleasure to be hereand to the listeners.
Thank you all so much for joining today.
Hopefully, you learn something thatyou can use and apply in your own life.
Hopefully it will help youwith your business and your life.
And as always, thank you for joining.
And if you like this episode,make sure you like and subscribe
so you know, when next episode drops,you can listen or watch that too.
(36:00):
Thank you. All.
Hi, I'm Parag Amin.
Welcome to my podcast.
From Crisis to Justice.
As a lawyer and entrepreneur, I'mpassionate about helping small business
owners successfully navigate situationsthat can kill a business.
As a kid, I watched my dad's dreamsof being an entrepreneur were destroyed
by an unethical businessman, and I don'twant that to happen to you or your family.
(00:22):
That's why I started my law firm.
I want to protect and defend businessowners and their legacies from crisis.
Welcome to From Crisis to Justice.
Hello, everybody.
Welcome back to From Crisis to Justice.
I am your host, Parag Amin.
(00:43):
And today,I have a special guest, Martin Salama.
Martin is known as the architectof the Warriors Life Code.
He specializes in helping peoplefrustrated in their life,
quickly shift their mindsetto uncover their greatness
so they can live their truepotential and enjoy life.
An example of what he's achievedis a client like Roberta, who lost her six
(01:07):
figure job due to COVID and came to Bartondepressed and fell feeling very lost.
And within the short time.
She was quoted as saying direction, focusand a renewed energy all around.
And she was excited about all thethe possibilities she could pursue.
So, Martin,thank you so much for joining me today.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
(01:28):
I'm excited to be here with you.
So, Martin, as a coach
who helps people uncover or unlock
their greatness, is thereis there a common theme that you found in
people who have their blackness and theirgreatness locked up inside of them that
that you can share with everybodythat helps them
begin to unpack it or unlock it?
(01:49):
Yeah, it's a great question.
So, Parag, many people end up finding me
because they're like,is this all there is?
And my answer to themkind of surprises them
because my answer is yes, but it's
because of the way you're looking at it.
If you're looking at itas this is all there is,
(02:09):
then you already defeating yourselfin the game.
If you say there's a lot here,how could I make the most of it?
So it's basically taking theI can't statements or
everything is terrible and changing it to
something as simple as how can I write?
If you can't get to,I can at least let's get you to.
(02:30):
How can I write?
I can't afford a new car.
Okay, well, how can I afford a new car?
What can I do to get there?
So it's about shifting that mindsetfrom lack and I can't to abundance.
And I can. Or how can I?
And how does somebody shift their mindset?
(02:50):
Well, if they're coming to me, it'sbecause they feel like
there's something they have thislike this existential crisis of like,
where am I in my lifethat I got to do something different?
So my I'm sorry.
Yeah. Okay.
So I say to them,it starts with you understanding
that it starts with admission,cleansing and celebration.
(03:12):
So admission is admitting what's happeningnow in your life isn't working
right.
If you admit that something's not working,what are you got to do?
You know, it's.
This is the famous Einstein line.
If you do the same thing over and overagain and expect results, that's insanity.
It's like different results. I mean.
So once you admit that, then it's
(03:34):
about coming up with a plan to changewhat's going on.
And part of that plan is understandingthat the way you say
things, in the way you think aboutthings is holding you back.
So we start with you just doing someself-talk by saying, I can't or how can I?
And looking for opportunities instead ofalways looking for the problems.
(03:57):
You know, in chaos there is opportunity
or you could look at it and say,Everything's falling apart.
Woe is me, which is going to getyou further with your life.
Totally.
Yeah.
So and I talk to my clients about thisall the time where they'll come in and
they're facing either their first lawsuitor they've been through other lawsuits
(04:19):
and they know that it'sgoing to be expensive,
that they want somebodythey can trust and rely on.
But it's a stressful situation.
And so inevitably, I tell them, look,as long as you're doing a good business
and you're doing the right thing,focus on that.
Focus on growing and scaling that.
Let me and my teamfocus on the legal solutions for you.
(04:40):
Right.
They help guide you through this aspectof things because the natural instinct
with a lot of people wheneverthey get into a lawsuit is to shrink down
and start worrying about all the thingsthat have gone wrong now.
And that leads to this almost paralysisof, well, am I going to get sued again?
Or maybe I should just stop doingwhat I'm doing.
(05:01):
And inevitably,it kind of leads to this downward spiral
and cycle at the exact timewhen they need to be strong
and they need to be focused on scalingand growing their war chest
and servicing more clients or more people
so that they can continue to grow past
this issue and challengeinstead of shrinking away from it.
(05:22):
Parag, I love that you addressed thiswith your clients because most lawyers
will say, okay, I don't really carewhat's going on in your business.
I don't care.
All I care aboutis getting this lawsuit off of your plate
and it's going to cost me X scores,do X amount of dollars to do it right,
that they only have that tunnel vision ofLet me take care of what's problem.
(05:44):
Your problem is now whateveryou're doing on the side, as long as it's
not illegal or going to set upanother lawsuit, just it's not my problem.
Instead,you're saying no, it's part of the
you've got to continue to move forwardso that I can do the best for you.
So congratulations.And I give you a lot of credit for that.
And I'm sure when peopleare coming to you, they're coming to
(06:06):
you based on your reputation,based on your credibility.
And they're saying, look,I know you've been successful with others.
What is it that you do can do for me?
And when you lay it out that way,they probably
maybe not right away,but eventually say, wow, that was great.
Sage advicefor me to take in and move forward.
So good for you.
Yeah,I appreciate that. MARTIN And I agree.
(06:29):
Very few lawyers do that.
They have that conversation,even though to me, it seems like
such an important, critical conversationto have with clients because
there's there's an emotional
aspect of any lawsuit, any business,and that's why they got into it.
And it's scary because they're potentiallynot only facing losing their livelihood
(06:50):
and their legacy, but their life's work.
Many times or a big component of of theirlife and the work that they've put in.
So when it comes to youand the business that you founded, Right.
You know, at least
from our conversationbefore we started recording
and just my general observationabout entrepreneurs is a lot
(07:11):
of times are creating the solutionthey wish they had when
they were going through their struggles.
And so they try to give that solution.
They craft a solution,try to give it to the world.
And it sounds like that'sthat's what you've done.
So can you talk a little bitabout your struggles, your pain points?
And look, I mean, at a certain point,did you ever want to give up and what kept
(07:33):
you going?
Absolutely. Absolutely. Yes.
To all those things. Right.
So people come to me right, as a coachbecause as like in my book,
it's called Warrior The Warrior WarriorWithin all because you worry
to becoming a warrior,somebody who's come through the fire
and gotten stronger warriorto warrior the other way
because if they've read my book,they see that I'm honest
(07:54):
and transparentby showing them I've struggled.
And I never forget.
After my book came out,one of my family members said, My God,
you're so vulnerable in hereI go, If I'm not,
why wouldsomebody want to come work with me?
Why would they want my helpif they don't understand
that I understand where they've been? So.
(08:15):
So here I am putting togetherI put together a program, right?
I help coaches get to seven figures withintwo years or less, and I guarantee it.
And people like, well,I said, I do this because I've been in
enough programs where it was this thingwhere they said, Oh, we'll help you do it.
We'll done for you, done with you.
And what I found out wasthey were done to me programs,
(08:38):
but I paid all this moneyupfront and I got burned.
And I could blame them for it.I could even sue them for it.
But what was the good? MaybeI didn't read the fine print.
Well, maybe they didn't putthey didn't explain it.
Well, who knows?
So I wentI set myself out on this journey to say,
there's enough people like me out therewho've gotten burnt
(09:00):
going to these programs and saying,I'm never doing another one to get.
All right.
So I know that
because I've said it a bunch of times,but I suffer from shiny object syndrome.
I'm like, Oh, this is going to be the oneonly to find out it's not so.
Instead, what I said was,
I want to get there,
put together a programthat's comprehensive,
and they don't have to buyanything more from me.
(09:21):
And they don't.
If they do it rightand we do it correctly together,
they don't have to buy another programever again.
Right.
And I based it on wait a minute, here'swhere the problem is.
Me. Before, as the client,I was taking all the risk.
I was paying all the money, and thenI would get in and follow the directions.
And if things didn't work out, then okay,You didn't do it right, Martin.
(09:45):
You know, and I realize that'sbecause they were doing cookie
cutter things and there'sjust not a cookie cutter world out there.
And then I also realized,
you know what?
They were looking to me to pay for morethings afterwards that I didn't know.
It was like, oh, yeah.
Oh, you want that?
Oh, that's an extra 10,000.
(10:05):
Like,why don't you tell me that to begin with?
Oh, yeah.
And that's the that's unfortunately
the mindset of the waythese coaches go out there and do things.
So I said I got to make a shift thereand I got to shift that to
the risk is not on the clients,
it's on me, the coach.
So I said, Here's the problem.
(10:27):
I've been coaching going outand buying information on coaching, right?
I'm getting coached on information.
What I want to do isI want to coach on results.
The information isimportant in the beginning,
but it doesn't do
you any goodif it's not ending up in results.
(10:48):
So I said, I'm putting together a programwhere 12
and a half percent of my fee,you pay me upfront
and then you don't pay me againuntil you start seeing results.
If it takes a month, fantastic.
If it takes a year,why is it taking a year?
For whatever reason, life might get inthe way things might be moving slowly.
(11:09):
But you're not paying me again.
It's not.
Oh, it's the next month, calendar month.
It time to pay me again? No.
What am I doing there?
I'm just saying I care about your money.
I don't want to care about the money.
I want to care about the impactthat they want to make in the world.
And by doing that,
I'm riskingreversing the risk and putting it on me
(11:32):
instead of on that.
You're muted.
There you go.
Perfect.
I left speechless.What could I say, Parag?
I'm sure it happens all the time.So you're used to it.
You know,So when it comes to the students of yours
(11:55):
who were successful versusthe ones that aren't,
I mean, obviously, look, I mean, a part ofthis is applying what they learned.
But beyond that is thereis there some kind of deeper
psychological thing that you foundthat prevents people from implementing?
What is that? Yes. Yes.
My New Yorker jumps right in.What could I do?
So I believe that there's a progression
(12:18):
in when you get into a business.
Okay.
And it could happen all at the same timeor it can happen sequentially.
It depends on the person.
But if you want to get to six figuresas a coach,
you have to havethe right systems in place,
right?
You have to have the right CRM makesending out the emails, doing whatever.
You have to have the right programsand staff and whatever.
(12:43):
But that's not enough.
The next step you have to do to go beyondthe six figures
is you have to have that right mindset.
It doesn't matterhow much you believe in me
or how much you believe in my program.
If you don't believe in your potential,
your own success, you're doomed to failbecause in the middle of the night
you can wake up and say,I don't know, I don't think I can do this.
(13:06):
It may not come out exactlyin those words, Oh, there's a lot here.
Oh, he's promisingmore than he can deliver, whatever it is.
That's your gremlin in your headsaying you're not good enough.
So that's where the second part comes
in, which is I work on mindset.
And every meetingthat people come to, it's I do one on
(13:27):
one coaching in a group settingbecause I believe whosever
sitting in the spotlight at that moment,who's got a question,
the others will learnand they could also contribute.
So it comes in, everybody's talking,but we start off every meeting
by going through a part of my courseor part of my book
and saying, okay, what's coming up for youwhen we talk about this
(13:49):
and let's work through that, becauseif I can't work through that with them,
whatever nuts and bolts thatthey got to go over isn't going to sink in
because they're stillquestioning themselves.
And then the third part is, once we startto get those two things happening,
we have to explain to them
that you have to be scalableand that means understanding
(14:10):
that you should be doingeverything in your business.
You should figure outwhat is your zone of genius.
My zone of genius is coachingand speaking right.
But I'mI am not good at doing the back end
CRM workor the funnels or the social media.
You know, tell me to write, to do a video.I'll do the video.
But somebody else has got to editit and make sure it goes up and all that.
(14:31):
So it's yourecognizing what you're good at
and then finding the people around you
for what they're good at.
Yeah, absolutely. I love that.
And before we started recording,we were talking a little bit
about Dan Sullivan's, who nothow now, you know, component of this is
entrepreneurs inherently believe thatthey can do it better than anybody else
(14:52):
and the whole aspect of their businessa lot of times that they believe
that they can run itall better than whoever they might hire.
And sometimes that might be accurate.
Other times it might not be.
So what have you found to be?
What are, to some good tipsof how to find people
to delegate to and how to best delegate?
(15:14):
Now, to be honest,
many of them are probably right thatthey can do it better than somebody else.
But is it worth your timeand is your value to that level?
What I mean bythat is let's just use a number of $200
an hour that a coach might be worth it.
Most of them are worth more than that,
but it's easierjust to use that number for mathematics.
(15:37):
And you spend 5 hours doing somethingthat, you know, you could do,
but it's really not your zone of genius.
And now you've wasted$1,000 of your own personal man hours
instead of going out and findingsomebody who probably could do it as well,
or almost as well,if not better, really better.
But if you have that mindset that you'rebetter than everybody else, great.
(15:57):
Almost as well as you
for. And they could
do it in an hour for $100.
You saved $900
because you're doingwhat you're supposed to be doing
and I'm doingwhat I'm supposed to be doing.
And then so you I take, you know,Dan Sullivan's unbelievable, the who,
not how I take it to another levelwith somebody like Robert Kiyosaki,
(16:22):
who says, I want to bethe dumbest person in my own business.
I want to surround myselfwith those who know more than me.
And I say the people that know how work
for the people that know why.
MM Yeah, I love that.
That's that's really good.
And I agree with that, you know,
I mean, when everything works welland you find finding the right people.
(16:44):
I do agree that they'll eachhave their own respective zones of genius
and you can rely on them.
Although we've all had the bad hire,the bad contractor who said that
they could do what they could do,but they couldn't actually do it.
And so now you're out the moneyand you've got a mess in your hands
and now you're spending more time than hadyou just done it yourself.
(17:06):
And every entrepreneurhas been burned with this.
And of course, part of it is like
like if you get burned doesn't meanyou're never going to use the stove again.
But what are your thoughts onhow you how you handle that?
Yeah. So it's going to happen.
Okay.
It's going to happen
and you're going to have to say, okay,how do I keep myself from getting burned?
Well, a good way to dothat is look for people that, you know,
(17:28):
that can
remains that you know and and and trust.
Who could recommend somebody in an areathat you're looking for.
For example,my partner started out as somebody I hired
four years agoto be my person who showed me
how to build my brand, how to buildmy course, how to do my own things.
(17:49):
And now she went from that,the now being my partner,
which she's really a fractional CEO,but she's a partner in my business
because she does all that backend stuffthat I can't or don't know how to do.
Some of itI've she's taught me over the years
and I could do it, but I'm better offbeing where I should be.
So it's trial and error for sure.
(18:10):
But you start out at a lower number,like you go out and pay a VA
and that you've heard from other people
that are in the Philippinesthat are really good, great.
If that one doesn't work,you didn't spend the crazy amount of money
and you learn from this that I got to find
more due diligence to find somebodywho could do what I'm looking for.
It's trial and error.
(18:30):
I'm sure you have paralegalsthat have come and gone in your business
who were great.
You thought they were greatand they came in
and they didn't do what they thoughtthey were going to do.
Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So
partnerships, it's an interesting topicbecause my office handles
a lot of partnerships and partnershipdisputes.
And so, look, I think a big componentof getting into a partnership
(18:51):
is finding the right partner.
And sometimes just making the rightdecision as to whether the person
should stay an employeeor a contractor versus becoming a partner.
So how did you make the decision of, look,this person is a good fit for me
as a partner versus Liza Hire, right?
So it started off as a as aas an independent contractor.
She came in and helped me do those things.
(19:13):
And as we grew,we started to build the level of trust
with each other where I knew thatif she gave me something,
I gave her something to do,It was going to get done.
And if she asked me to do something,I was going to do it in the timeframe
she asked.
So it wasit was synergistic, to be honest,
(19:33):
because we were learning each otherin the beginning,
testing each other out with little things.
Not in a way of saying,I hope she fails just the opposite.
I'm going to give her thisand see how it comes out.
And if it's good,then we move to the next level.
So itwas by trial and error and thank goodness
there was much less errorthen than whatever I think were possible.
(19:54):
And we just got to the point where one dayshe said to me, You know what?
Why don't welook at changing our arrangement?
You pay me X amount every month.
I believe in what you're doing.
So why don't we instead of you pay me?
I get a percentage of of the of the feeof what you making,
you know, based on blah, blah, blah,whatever our deal was at the beginning.
And this way, you know,
(20:16):
you have me at full capacitywhen I'm with you
and when I'm not with you,you know I'm not there for you.
But you can send me a thing.
And if I'm available,I'll answer. So that works.
And she took
a huge amount off my plate by doing that.
Mm hmm.
And how long has it been?
Four years.
Awesome. And as the
(20:37):
it sounds like,was she initially part time
and now she's kind of movedmore full time.
She she'll never be full timebecause she also
is a fractional CEO over others.
But if there's a day where I say,
I need you to be with mefrom the beginning to the end,
we set it up in advanceand we know it's done.
(20:58):
We give each other the respect to know.
We can't just say Hi.
I need you right now to drop whatyou're doing that be respectful to her.
She can't do that to me either.
So we set we have a couple of timesset up during the week
and if during those meetingswe said, well,
next week this is happening,we got to plan for it and we do that.
And that's being respectfulof both of both.
(21:18):
You know,I love that because I know for a fact
that these Fortune 500 companiesspend hundreds of thousands of dollars
and sometimes millions of dollarsa year on teaching
or trying to teach and instillinto culture or encourage into culture
or something, that that should be somewhatcommon sense, even though it's it's not,
which is just an attitudeof mutual respect
(21:41):
and attitude of reliability,that if you told somebody something
that is your word, that's your bond,that's that's your integrity on the line,
that you should be there for that personto do what you said you would do.
Right.
And yeah, no,
I mean, there have been times overthe last few years I've brought in people
that I thought were going to bethe one that was going to do this,
that the other thing that made me big,these big promises, and they ended up, you
(22:04):
know, believing in themselves more thanthey believed in what they could do.
Right, Right. Yes.
Yeah, it sounds weird.
Nobody's listening, I think. Oh,what does that mean?
Well, they thought they could do it,
but they didn't have what they saidthey could do at the end of the day.
So it was a learning lesson.
And I went from there and I chalked it upto bad business decision.
(22:27):
And over the yearsI've made many bad business
decisions as every business owner has.
So when it comes to
your decision making on somebody else'sreliability, how many chances
do you give somebody before you decidelike this person is just not reliable
and it has to be at least three times?
(22:49):
Okay.
And then also you have to takeinto account what's the underlying reason
if you could have a relationshipwhere they know
they could come and tell you what's goingon, Whereas I try
even with peoplethat are not working for me.
You mean on my payroll, butas a contractor or whatever you want to.
1090 lines.
(23:09):
I set up a thing saying,I'm just the leader here.
I'm not the boss.
I want you to feel like you can comeand talk to me about anything.
And if we have that relationshipwhen things are happening
and something comes upand you can't do it,
if you come to me honestly and say, Look,this is happening,
it's it's putting me out, okay?
But if you just come up to the nextme and say, I couldn't get to it.
(23:32):
Hello. I told you I'm here.
I'm not going to bite your head off.
I'm not going to fire youbecause you didn't tell me.
But if you do happens over and over again,then we're going to part ways, right?
Yeah. Yeah.
And then I think that goes to that issueof the mutual respect and this idea
of, look, you can come to me
if there's genuinely an issue,I treat it the same way at my firm.
(23:54):
If somebody has an issuewith a deadline or something,
give me the respect in the client.
That respectand making sure that we can get it handled
by somebody else ahead of time, by youletting us know.
And that just comes downto good communication. Right.
And a lot of that comes from fear of fearof losing their job.
Right.
But by you having that fearand doing nothing about it,
(24:16):
you're moving yourself more towards
getting losing the job than you were,if you were honest at the beginning.
That's right.
And so let me ask you this,
because that is a very common themethat fear keeps people stuck.
Right.
Which is odd because the thingthat they fear most in that moment,
they know that if they do nothing,
that it's going to
(24:37):
be problematic,like the deer in the headlights, Right.
So so it's a phenomenon across species.
They're stuck.
They know the car is coming. Right.
And they know that once it hits them,I'm sure they have some innate feeling.
Yeah, that this is going to hurtand is going to be problematic.
This thing coming at meat a very rapid speed.
(24:58):
And yet they stand there and I thinka lot of people also try to escape
that responsibility or that fearby doing nothing or procrastinating.
Do you have any thoughts on why that is?
Yeah, I have some thoughts.
But you know,every indecision is a decision.
Okay.
And the indecision comes fromwhat's going on in your head.
(25:22):
That could be I'm not good enough.
I took on more than I can handle,and I don't know
how to let them know thatI thought I could do it.
And now I know I can't,but I can't face it.
It's all these different things.
And if you understand that you're allowingthe things that are holding
you back to hold you back even more,instead of saying, Hey, you know what?
(25:46):
Can we talk about this?
And maybe you can help me figure out
how to get out of it,how to move forward from it.
And that's where coaching comes in.
You know what the best thingabout coaching is?
The accountability part.
So many times
my clients come to me and they go, Well,this is my plan, and we set up a plan.
Well, this is what I want to do.
(26:07):
And we set up a plan for them to get their
and then they come back the next weekand I go, okay, this is your homework.
Do this, this, this is the come backand let's go over it.
Over 80% of the time they'll say to me,
I got it donebecause I didn't want to disappoint you.
And I left because I said,But it's not about me.
It's about you.
(26:28):
But what they find is, is that becausethey think they're going to disappoint me,
they get it done
and then they're the ones
that are going to benefitfrom getting it done.
And I said, Great, you want to use meas the reason you're getting it done?
Fantastic.
But at the end of the day,you got it done for you.
(26:50):
A couple of years ago I was onI was in a coach group coaching
and this was a good one.
And they said, Tell us one of the thingsthat's an issue for you.
I go, Well, I guess I'm a procrastinator.
And the two leaders of the groupstarted hysterical, laughing.
They go, You don't seem to understandthe definition
of procrastinationbecause if you're a procrastinator,
(27:12):
then everybody else in the world is dead
because you never procrastinate. You.
We tell you to get something done,you get it done.
But I was brought up with the mindsetwhen I was a kid.
I was told I was lazy and immature,
so I always felt like, okay, I'ma lazy guy.
I don't get things done. I procrastinate,
but I didn't realize that I overcame thatbecause I get everything done.
(27:36):
Even if everybody else,I don't think it's done,
but it really does think it's done.
So it's your own head getting in the way.
Yeah, I agree with that.
You know,and so it's an interesting mind shift
where previouslyand I've worked with coaches
and I do believe in the power of coachingand that kind of thing.
But when it comes to the accountabilitycomponent,
(27:58):
I've always found that very interestingbecause at some point I really did
kind of have that mind shiftmindset shift, and it was years ago
now and I,I can't even pick the exact moment,
but I realized thatif somebody needs to hold me accountable
or if I need to answer to somebody else
and I'm concernedabout what they might think of me,
(28:19):
what does that say about my own viewor opinion of myself such that I need
somebody else to validate where wherewith me getting something to observe?
ExampleIf I promise something to a client,
obviouslyI don't want to disappoint the client,
but above thatI don't want to disappoint myself
because then I lack integritywith myself, right?
That I promised somebodyI would do something and I didn't do it.
(28:43):
Yeah, it's interesting.
I know exactly what you're talking about.
Your own self-worthshould be enough to get it done.
But what happens is, as much as you hopeto have that self-worth,
there's still those.
For many of us, the need to be recognized,
the need to be acknowledgedand appreciated.
So you do it for those reasons.
(29:03):
Look, I talk about it now.
Looking back over my life, I can now sayI'm a recovering people pleaser.
My whole
life, all I ever wanted to do is pleaseeverybody else.
And looking backnow, I realize I probably please nobody
because I went out of my way to pleaseeverybody.
Not only did I not pleased them,I ended up not pleasing myself either.
(29:25):
And where do you think that came from?
Because, you know, I mean, there'sthere's all these theories of thought.
You know, maybemaybe you got hugged too much.
Maybe you didn't get hugged enough.
Well, for me, I've done enough self self
perspectivethat I know exactly where it came from.
Okay.
When I was ten yearsold, I had a tragedy in my life.
My five year old brotherMichael was killed by a school bus.
(29:47):
Okay? It was a terrible day.
It was a tragedy.
I have four older sisters and then meand then my brother Michael.
On that day when my brother died,
I said to myself, Nobody said this to me.
I have to make sure that my parentsare never said again.
I put the pressure on myselfas a ten year old,
(30:09):
and what came out ofthat was becoming a people pleaser
and what came out of thatthrough learning to I a lot of this
came out of the last 15, 20 yearswhen I went through coach training.
Was that as a result of that,
I took everything personally.
I was a control freak.
I needed everybody to recognizethat I was doing the work, that I said.
(30:31):
There are being people pleased for.
And when all those things weren'thappening, I had a very short temper
to the pointthat I would react to everything.
So going through coach traininggot me to understand that
I needed to change those things,not for anybody else but for myself.
Well,
my condolences for your lossand thank you.
(30:54):
I can only imagine how difficultthat was. So,
you know,but admitted so at a certain point,
it sounds like, you know,you made the promise to
keep your parents as happy as possible,not disappoint them.
And somehow that went from that
to everything. It brought and out. So.
So what caused the broadening?
(31:18):
I think what happenedwas, is that as I was doing this,
making my parent, for example, in college,I wanted to be a doctor.
So does I took my S.A.T.,I realized that's never happening,
that with my parents.
I'm like, okay, I should just not get out.
So I'm not going to go to NYU.
I'll go to Brooklyn College, right?
Okay, great. You do that.
My boss said, I got a businessI'm putting into business.
(31:40):
Okay, Dad.But I was thinking about acting.
I was thinking about photography.Yeah. No, that's not happening.
You're going get the business.This is what you're going to do.
Okay, Dad.
Right.
And then because they saw thatby giving in,
it made me not have to have confrontationand made people think that
I was better than I am or doingwhat to what they want me to do.
(32:03):
When I got married, I did the same thing.
My wife, my ex-wife
would always keep asking
because she kneweventually I was going to say yes
because ofand that came from a lot of reasons.
We can go deep into it.
My fear of never being loved, mymy desire to make her happy, whatever.
(32:26):
But, you know, going through my divorceat the same time,
I was going to Kate coachtraining happened to be got me to realize
that our values were never aligned
and as a resultwe were in a codependent relationship.
And as such,
my need to make her love memade me do things I shouldn't have done
(32:48):
in my life and in business.
Right. So.
So do you think
you could have done something differentlyto help ensure that your values align?
Because I mean, this isthis is an interesting parallel,
whether it's life and marriageor business and partners.
Yeah,
the alignment of values is so critical,and most of the time it's
(33:08):
not a conversationthat people proactively have
or even necessarilyknow how to have right in the twenties,
you know, And think about that,especially in my twenties.
Here it is. It's the eighties.
You know,we don't think about things like that.
I mean, looking back now, I was ADHD.
My parents called me lazy and immature,but if they had gotten me diagnosed
and understood that ADHD comes with acertain amount of things, who knows where?
(33:28):
I could have probably become a
but whatever.
I'm not. But I can't.
What if it's just not worth it?
I can say, What if my brother live?What if it doesn't work?
Okay,but what I did learn was the next time
I was going to get into a relationship,
now that I understoodthe tools that I needed
when I went out on dates,I was asking questions
(33:52):
that were basically me
interviewing them in a conversational wayof what are their values?
And I'm very happy to say, took mea few years, but I went out on a date
and this woman was checking all the boxes,went out again, checking all the boxes.
And now we've been married for sixand a half years.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
So it's taking what didn'twork, understanding what was my
(34:16):
my contribution to the successand failure of the marriage,
making the changes where I neededto make them
and looking for what I neededgoing forward.
Somebody who's going to love mefor who I am and not looking to change me.
I love that. Yeah.
So critical to find people who love youfor who you are
without trying to change you.
(34:37):
Yeah.
So, Martin,if if people want to find out more
about you or your company,where can they find you?
I made it very simple, Parag,How about connect with Martin dot com
Connect with Martin dot com.
That simple?
You can go there.
You can find out about buying my book.
You can find out about my next workshop,which is a deep dive workshop.
(34:58):
It goes into what my program's all about4 hours, 3 to 4 hours, deep dive.
I don't leave any stone unturned.
And it's it.
Excuse me. Sorry. The doorbell went off,
and I
add, you could get free giftsdownloading there.
Whatever you need. Okay. Awesome.
(35:18):
So, Martin,thank you so much for joining everybody.
Martin is the author of Warrior to Warrior
Seven Steps to Uncover the WarriorWithin and Live incredibly full every Day.
So, Martin, again,thank you so much for sharing your time
and your wisdom with us today.
Thank you so much.
(35:39):
It's been a pleasure to be hereand to the listeners.
Thank you all so much for joining today.
Hopefully, you learn something thatyou can use and apply in your own life.
Hopefully it will help youwith your business and your life.
And as always, thank you for joining.
And if you like this episode,make sure you like and subscribe
so you know, when next episode drops,you can listen or watch that too.
(36:00):
Thank you. All.
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