April 8, 2025 • 29 mins
Why is following simple instructions so hard with ADHD?
In this episode, Renee explains how executive dysfunction in the brain affects the processing of information, any information that your brain needs to retain.
This impacts your ability to keep track of steps, make sense of the information coming in, and understanding instructions, and remembering what to do.
Renee shares scenarios where this could come into play in your lift -- listen to figure out how your brain works so you can function better in your life.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:29):
Hello, welcome to Inspiring Women with adhd.
I am Renee Allen, the host of this podcast, and I'm excited to
be here. I always wonder if I should move the microphone down.
I'm wearing a Florida Gators shirt today because last night
Florida won the national championship in basketball.
Barely the last three games. They make you stay
(00:52):
on the edge for the whole game. But I'm excited.
I even wore my bracelet. This. That's orange and blue and white.
But I'm excited you're here today. That's not what I'm going
to talk about, but I just thought I had to represent since I
live in Florida now. But today I'm going to talk
about why it is so hard to follow instructions, directions
(01:15):
or understand instructions or directions make sense of
it. And this could be any kind of instruction.
This could be somebody telling you, oh, I just live
down the street. And, you know, thankfully we have maps and things
like that that we're kind of like, I'm actually going to have
to rely on that to get there. Or being at the
(01:36):
doctor's office and you ask, where's the restroom?
Oh, go down the hall, turn to the left, second door
on the right. There are a few instructions there.
Go down the hall, turn left, how many doors and
which way? So there's things that we have to line up
in our brains to be able to remember.
(01:56):
Doesn't always work with adhd. Even if you are cooking
and you are going to follow a recipe, if it's
a recipe you've made before, you probably have the grand picture
of how that works. If it's new to you, if it has
steps that you're not used to doing, I usually debate those steps.
(02:16):
Like if it's a cookie recipe that requires chilling the
dough for an hour, I might say, I'm not doing that and
not do
might make the cookies turn out different.
But if I do include that, will I remember to do it?
If it has different steps for the frosting or rolling it
in cinnamon sugar or whatever it is, I just made snickerdoodles
(02:38):
last week. We have to make sense of that.
At least I do. I need to make sense of what's going on
before I start doing it. And if I don't, I'm
a scrambled mess. It's really great to know
that you have adhd. When you wonder for years
(02:58):
and years why you can't make sense of certain
instructions. And other times you can.
It could even be going to school. You could look back in high
school, maybe you are in high school, maybe you're in middle
school and the teacher is giving instructions.
This homework is due next Thursday. You need to
do problems, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
(03:20):
And then for the test, this, all these instructions are coming
at you verbally. Are you writing them down?
Will that help? Are you trying to listen?
Are you already tuned out? And then you come in at
the end and you don't want to say, wait, what?
And then have the teacher upset that you weren't listening.
(03:40):
As an adult, people are a little more patient with that.
But I find often I'm the only one in the room saying,
wait, when is that dinner? When is that party?
When is that? What time are we supposed to be there?
And you're looking for people to donate what?
Oh, desserts, all of that. I have to
have an idea of it in my mind. And often there are holes
(04:05):
and I, I ask, I, you know, that's that making that
advocation. What's it called? Yeah, I can't even,
I swear my memory recall of words isn't that great.
Accommodations. Making accommodations for myself.
That might be I'm a question asker. That might be I'm writing
down notes or putting it in my phone.
(04:27):
There used to be a time when, if you picked up your phone,
people always thought you were texting.
Hopefully that time has passed because sometimes we're writing
down notes, sometimes we're putting it on our calendars.
Sometimes we have to use it to be able to
listen because we need to be able to do something else at the
same time. But there are a lot of instances where we
(04:49):
are required to understand directions.
I've mentioned this before. I found at some point,
if you go back and look, if you have this, if you have this
problem with your executive function, you can probably find where
it showed up in your life. For me, I did really well
in school, I think, listening to instructions.
(05:10):
But I, I noticed a deficit. I noticed, I
noticed I had had to make an accommodation for myself.
I noticed myself raising my hand and asking questions when it
was another language. My brain didn't have a good memory
of sounds and words taught and conjugation.
I took Spanish in high school and college.
(05:30):
I hardly know any Spanish because I didn't really go into the
world using it. And even, even when I
graduated from college, I moved to Southern California and would
go to the grocery store and hear people speaking in Spanish.
And I thought, why do they talk so fast?
They blur all the words together. Like, how am I supposed
(05:52):
to. When you read them, you can see the words separately when
they're saying Them, it's like a sound.
And my brain couldn't make sense of that.
But in Spanish class in high school, I found that if the teacher
introduced a new word, I would raise my hand and
say, can you write that on the board?
Or how is that spelled? I still do that when people ask
(06:12):
or when people tell me their names. Most of the time, I
mean, you know, if it's a name like Mary, I'll probably remember.
But there are a lot of names that sound similar.
There are many names that are new to
my brain, and it's already hard to remember a
(06:33):
name. And if I don't know how it's spelled, I may not even be
trying to remember the right name. And so having it spelled gives
me a mental picture.
I can see it as a photo, I can see it as a
picture. I can see it as a drawing. I can see it written on the
board. That speaks to my brain in a different
word in a different way than sounds.
(06:55):
It was really challenging when we went to Israel in 2022.
It was right when things opened up after Covid and before
war times, before it got busier with tourism and
stuff. From California, it was $300 round trip to fly to
Israel. And my son wanted us to go with him, my son and
(07:16):
his wife. I didn't want to go because I just thought I'd rather
watch the grandchildren. But I went.
And my son speaks Hebrew. He speaks a lot of languages.
He doesn't have working memory problems.
He doesn't believe he has adhd. The rest of us do, but he
doesn't have working memory problems at all.
And he's extra, extra gifted in language.
So he knew Hebrew over and over. I
(07:39):
would say, how do you ask, where's the bathroom?
You know, I'd ask him, and he'd teach me so
I could ask. I could only do it if
I repeated it immediately after he said it.
I did not have a working memory to be able to store
that where I could recall it. I even tried to take
(08:01):
each sound and say, oh, that. Because of course, I
still don't remember it, but each sound and make it
like, oh, that's kind of like this word.
Oh, that's kind of like that word. Sometimes that's helpful.
Like it sounds like survey or something like that, whatever
it is, that's helped me with other words, but not with
(08:22):
where's the bathroom? And my son, bless his heart,
would just say, mom, I've told you this.
And I'm like, I know, I know. I still don't know I still
don't know. I should ask him again. I should write it down.
I didn't write it down ever when we were there.
But it's not like I'm going to be back there and need to.
That's that. That's my life is needing to ask to go to
(08:44):
the bathroom or finding out where that is.
But our brains need to be able to process
information that comes any instruction is information.
And working memory is different than short, short time, short
term, short term memory and long term memory.
Working memory takes the information and turns it
(09:06):
into picture or an idea or it puts
it somewhere where you will remember whether it's for
short term or long term. Short term is 30 seconds or
less. That's what I've read the most.
The most, you know, like I need to go in the kitchen and
(09:27):
do this. If I put that information. A lot of information comes
from our own heads. I need to go in the kitchen and do this.
If my working memory is working, then I will
remember. That will get stored into a short term memory.
Within 30 seconds I'll remember to go.
A long term memory might be longer than 30 seconds.
(09:49):
I won't get into that right now. I have really good long term
memory. Once something's stored, it's there, baby.
Although I tell you I forget things like accommodations and stuff.
It's just because I get scattered. But it's there.
It's there. Once I relax my brain, once I'm not trying to remember
what's going on. I totally remember and all the
details of when I was a child and what everybody wore and what
(10:11):
they said. But okay, working memory.
So let's look at some ways that this could show up
in your life. If you have a hard time following
instructions. If you're playing a game with people and they
say okay, here's the rules and you're going okay, what's the
rules? And then you start to hear them.
(10:31):
How do you process those? Do you just go okay, okay, okay.
And then all of a sudden you know how to play the game.
I think that's how it works for a lot of people.
Wouldn't that be nice? Wouldn't that be nice?
It doesn't work that way for me. I have to see them
in order. I have to be able to get a picture, imagine it
working out. And once I see it, it's like I'm building
(10:52):
a story in my brain. Oh, that makes sense.
And I call that. I don't know if anybody else in the world calls
that. Wrap my head around it. I'VE wrapped my head around it.
I understand. I know what to do. I know how
to play checkers. That game doesn't have too many
steps. Although it's been so long, who knows if
(11:13):
I actually know how to play? I bet I probably do.
But, yeah, there are a lot of things that take a
lot of steps. And if you can't hold onto that information,
if you can't organize that information, put it in
steps in the way that it needs to be.
Because if your brain isn't picking up in a fluid way,
(11:34):
in a step by step way, you might be missing part of
it. And that's okay. If you're able to
get that information somehow so you can make sense of it.
Recipes are nice because you can see the steps.
Recipes on websites are not so nice if you
just go to them and try to get that information.
Because what do they do? They give you a bunch of
(11:57):
ads and they. They give you all the pictures of the
recipes and they give you the story behind.
This was my grandmother's and I love stories.
I do. But I want the recipe. I want
to make cookies, I want to make dinner.
I want to make whatever it is that I've decided to make.
I don't love to cook or bake as much as I used to.
It took me. It took a lot. And it's almost
(12:19):
by, like, it's almost. What did you
say? Not by chance, not by luck. Luck.
It's a success, It's a win that I'm actually at this point,
let's just put it that way. I'm at this point where I've motivated
myself and I am ready to make this chicken dish,
(12:40):
whatever it is, And I am looking up recipes.
That looks good. I love that they have the jump to
the recipe button. Usually that will give you what
you need. I can see the steps and if it's not too
many, if it is divided into take the vegetables
and saute them. I have to think, okay, there's my first picture.
(13:01):
Do I have those vegetables? What dish would I use?
What pan? I could put those over there,
organize that chunk. I can see, okay, so you do the vegetables
and then what happens? And then there's this, and then there's
this, and then you put it in the oven.
So I see the story, the picture of how that's gonna work.
I take the information to see do we have
(13:24):
that food? If we don't, do I have dried onions, all of
that. And if I can get that picture,
I may not remember it all, but at least I Can start.
I have the confidence to start. And it's important to find out
what your accommodations are. How does it work for you?
Does it work better to get all the ingredients and put them on
(13:45):
the counter first? That's how it works for me.
If I can get them all there first, then I don't get partway through
and realize you actually don't have any better actually don't
have this. And then you're like, oh, no.
Have you ever put something in the fridge that's like a part
way done recipe? Because you don't have everything.
So that could be. But you're more than likely.
(14:06):
Even if you get that mental picture, you're more than likely
going to need to go back and look at it again
and kind of keep track in your mind, did I already add
the salt? And then it really helps if you keep
your teaspoons or whatever there and don't use them
for other things. Sometimes I try to bypass doing extra dishes
(14:28):
and use them again. But if you have them there and you can at
least see a little bit of salt yet. Because if you don't have
a good working memory of even remembering that you put the salt
in and put it away, that can be a problem.
If I could count all the times I've made bread without salt or
sugar, or I love making bread and I've
made it forever, but I keep forgetting ingredients like that.
(14:50):
So you might need to refer back to your recipe
if that's the case. What's a good form for that
recipe if you're finding it online? Is it helpful for you to
just keep your laptop or iPad or phone on the counter
and use that? For me, it's not. I've learned it
kind of drives me crazy to do that. I'd much rather print it
(15:12):
out. I know that takes paper, but I'd much rather print it out
or at least save it into a PDF where it's just
this screen. It's just that it's not a tab.
It's not something that might get me distracted.
It's a snapshot, a screenshot. Snapshot.
That must be why they call it a screenshot, huh?
(15:32):
If you have a way that's easier for you to go back for
it, then do it that way. Do it that way so that
it's easier for you to do it. Back to the whole why is
it hard for me to understand instructions.
So each step requires your brain. It
adds to the cognitive load. So if your brain has to
(15:54):
make sense of a process, more steps will
probably be Harder, because it's like adding rocks to the backpack
more and more, more, more, more. At some point, it might be harder.
If you're trying to focus on this other step, you might forget
another one. But if you can get to a point
where, okay, I'm going to take the screen out of
(16:17):
my window, and there's a hole in it, I
can take that off. I can buy other screen.
I can put it in. But how do I put it in?
And then you go and watch a YouTube video and you
find out. YouTube videos are great ways for me to
learn. Or you realize I have a really hard time paying
(16:38):
attention to instructions on a YouTube video.
That is me. It almost drives me crazy to watch them
because I don't have the patience to watch the stuff that's
not helping me. And when they do say the stuff that's helping
me, they go by it so fast. Not all the time.
Okay. But most of the time, they go by it so fast, or
(16:59):
they say the words in a way that, like, I don't hear.
So then I put on the captions, or I have to kind of keep going
back. I really like to have written instructions.
And sometimes it is nice to watch somebody do something and see
how they do it. I. I did learn. It took me a few
videos, how to drill holes in the bottom of a pot
for a plant. Because a lot of the pots that you buy
(17:19):
at the store now for plants don't have holes in the
bottom. They don't have a drainage hole.
And so you could put the little plastic thing inside of it.
But I don't really like doing that. Like, I want to actually
have it in the pot. And I don't know.
I think it's probably better for the soil, but maybe not.
But I started thinking, could I drill my own
hole? How would I do that? There's a whole process.
(17:42):
You have to get it wet so it doesn't crack the ceramic.
You have to have a certain kind of drill bit so it goes at an
angle. There are different methods, like actually have
the water on it while you drill, which seems to me like you might
get shocked. There were a lot of things, so I did watch a
few things. I asked my husband, do you have
these drill bits? Could you help me with this?
(18:04):
Because I didn't trust my control level with that.
But I was able to do some by myself.
But I still. It took me a while. It wasn't just one
video. It was a combination of the way people talk to me,
the way they explain things, the ability that I had
to accept their instruction instead of reject it.
(18:26):
Do you ever do that? Do you have a brain that wants
to just push back and say, I know. That doesn't sound good
to me. I do. So that also gets in the way.
You know, if I'm playing a game, too, I might even question things.
Do you have a questioning brain? Well, why would they do it that
way? Why couldn't we just do this? It would be nice if
the rules had this. Yeah. So you have to be
(18:47):
able to make sense of the instructions, even if
you're. If. Even if they're gonna be written and they're right
in front of you, it is really helpful to see it, picture
it, have that confidence that you can do it.
And if you struggle with this like I do, I think that confidence,
maybe I didn't need that when I was younger, but I think that's
(19:10):
a need. Every once in a while when I talk about stuff on
the podcast, I get kind of like, my heart beats faster.
Like, not like I'm gonna cry, but I start
to realize this is actually emotional.
This is actually emotional. Like, you start to realize
that these needs come because you're not always
(19:31):
able to do it. And going into something and doing
something when you don't understand what you're doing,
it's not like it's frightening. It's like it's.
It just leaves you with a scattered brain, and it doesn't feel
good. I don't even know that it's anxiety.
(19:51):
It's. It's just like I feel very uncomfortable now.
And now I can't even function as well as
I normally can without the full picture because I'm
not starting on good ground. I'm not starting in a place
of confidence. So I think an accommodation I've made for
(20:12):
myself, even. And I'm 60. I don't know if
I've said that on here. I turned 60 last.
Last year, last October, and it's just so bizarre.
It's so bizarre to be 60. It was. It was crazy to hit
the 50s. 40 was kind of like. Well, I knew people who are
becoming 40, but. And. And still, I know people are becoming
50 and 60, but. Yeah. So I would say in
(20:34):
the past five years, especially, and especially in understanding
that I have ADHD, I'm realizing you have to give
yourself the most padded surface, the most
pleasant spot to begin with so that you can
accomplish things.
(20:55):
And it's interesting because I don't know if you've done this,
if you've talked to people who don't have adhd.
And they say, I've always thought you did this.
This is great. I always looked up to you with this.
And I'm not discounting those things.
I know that many of us have achieved great things and are
very capable and really well. But if you look
(21:17):
back, you probably see the whys and you probably see
that there were times where you just thought, this, this is
harder to do than it should be. And I don't
like being in the this is harder to be than it should
be frame of mind. I like to
(21:40):
be, Let me get all the information I can.
Let me understand this before I take a step.
Because even if I'm there, there's a chance I might forget
the salt, I might forget a step, I might not cut the
screen right or something. If I'm replacing a screen, whatever
it is, I want to be able to understand it in
(22:00):
my brain before I do it. And
it goes back to that one episode when I talked about doing things
your way. Sometimes you do reject steps because you
know that won't be as doable for your brain.
And sometimes I think
(22:21):
I sound more, you know, I mean, we always project what
we, you know, what we. We always have ideas about what other
people think of us. But sometimes I think I might come off
as well, I can't do it that way. Like, I can't.
I can't do it that way. You want me to.
If someone's given me directions to do something that somebody
in a place of authority for me, like at work or at
(22:43):
church or something, that's in charge of something, and they're
delegating something to me, and I'd like you to do this, and
I think right away, I know I can't do that
that way, so I could do this. And a
lot of times they aren't accepting of it.
I know a lot of people say, you know, don't ask permission.
Just, what is it? It's like, easier to ask forgiveness than ask
(23:04):
permission.
Yeah. So I've found ways of working around things
like go with their general theme or their big
picture. But I still need to come about it my
way. Even with math, I know a lot of women.
I have a friend who just found out she had adhd.
She might be listening, but she said she super, super struggled
(23:26):
with math. For whatever reason, my brain was gifted with math.
I could, could do math really, really well and always
scored super, super high in math. But I also
found that I had to. Sorry, my alarm
went off. Hopefully that doesn't show up.
It's time to leave for the doctor.
(23:48):
I also found that I could follow the steps
of what they said to do. But I had this creative mind that if
I found a way to get there, to get the answer or
sometimes it wasn't even like I. It's like I had ideas of,
oh, this could work, oh, this could work.
And they do that more in math now, I think, you know, like, what's
20 plus 5? We'll go 20 and then put the 5 and
(24:11):
5 plus 0 is 5 and 20, you know, that kind of thing.
Or count by fives. They do. They have different
ways to get there. They show kids different ways to get to that
answer. Or multiplying harder numbers.
You know, you just multiply like 103 times.
You know, like what's 99 times three?
(24:33):
You do three times 100 and then you just subtract three because,
you know, three times that 99 is just one less than 100.
You know, there's those little tricks and they teach those to
children more now. But when I was growing up, I just
would learn that and that became fun for me.
And I'm grateful that I went to school at a time where teachers
enjoyed that. They like, oh, that's, you know, I said, oh,
(24:55):
I go up. You know, I got this too, but, you know, turning in
my homework or something. But I found this way to do it and I
thought it was really exciting. Oh, that's great.
That's great. It seemed like by the time I was graduating from
high school, they were more like, show your steps and do it exactly
like we want you to. And there's probably a reason for that.
But that didn't work as well for my brain.
So I'm glad I didn't go to school when that was required.
And maybe it's not the same everywhere, but was at that time
(25:17):
for me. Yeah, I'm going to make this a two
part because I really do have to go to the doctor and I want
to release this episode today. I don't even know how long
I've been talking because I have more with this.
And just to end it today, if it's
frustrating or hard for you, especially with verbal instructions
(25:39):
and maybe you don't have problems with verbal instructions.
Maybe it's written, maybe it's just the words don't make sense
on the page, maybe. And with adhd, often we take out
some words, some sentences, some parts and forget some.
I do that too.
If you have a struggle with that, it doesn't
have anything to do with intelligence.
(26:01):
It has to do with how your brain is processing that information
and how you can get it to where you can store
it, you can use it. And it's helpful in your
life, whether it's to accomplish a task, play a game,
whatever it is, get to where you need to go with directions.
If maps doesn't get you there sometimes.
(26:23):
It doesn't. It doesn't. That's where I'm going to end today,
but thank you so much for being here.
I'll be back again. I have another episode that I want to have
this week, so I'll just. I'll just continue with this one, but
I want to get this one out and wish you a happy rest of
your week. Go, Gators. And I'm almost finished
(26:44):
with my website. If you want, you can go check it out.
It's. It actually doesn't give you some error page.
It just looks like it's part template and part.
Renee's been playing with it, but it's renee-allen.com if you
want to explore that, you don't have to.
Or anything. More than anything, if you could tell two friends,
two people you know about this podcast, whether you just send
(27:04):
an episode and a text and say, hey, I think you'd like that.
That would be wonderful. I'd love to have more of us out there
listening together. Thanks so much. Bye.
Rubber ducks Squeaky cheese and paper cups Applesauce
Superman Rocket ships and Peter Pan Boogie boards
and parachutes and soda cans Jumping jacks and pillowcases for
(27:27):
my hands Donald Duck and fire trucks and Pokemon Santa Claus
and Johnny Depp and Donkey Kong Chocolate chips and stamping
sims in 914 little children jumping on the trampoline Model
trains and passing lanes in super glue Tangerines and magazines
in kangaroo
oh yeah, oh yeah we run
(27:52):
rewind I've run out of time to sing
melodies and harmonies I'm cut short
the silence of sound has yet been found but
not by me
(28:25):
I butter my toast spread on some grape
jelly I don't need to fast But
I'm a chef and a good one My grandma
can't hear me the breakfast is done Ever
getting colder ever so I run
(28:53):
Open windows broken shadow
Frozen dreams are left for tomorrow
without
a call
Time for a pause
(29:31):
Harmonies and harmonies I'm cut short
the silence of sound has yet been found but
not by me.
Hello, welcome to Inspiring Women with adhd.
I am Renee Allen, the host of this podcast, and I'm excited to
be here. I always wonder if I should move the microphone down.
I'm wearing a Florida Gators shirt today because last night
Florida won the national championship in basketball.
Barely the last three games. They make you stay
(00:52):
on the edge for the whole game. But I'm excited.
I even wore my bracelet. This. That's orange and blue and white.
But I'm excited you're here today. That's not what I'm going
to talk about, but I just thought I had to represent since I
live in Florida now. But today I'm going to talk
about why it is so hard to follow instructions, directions
(01:15):
or understand instructions or directions make sense of
it. And this could be any kind of instruction.
This could be somebody telling you, oh, I just live
down the street. And, you know, thankfully we have maps and things
like that that we're kind of like, I'm actually going to have
to rely on that to get there. Or being at the
(01:36):
doctor's office and you ask, where's the restroom?
Oh, go down the hall, turn to the left, second door
on the right. There are a few instructions there.
Go down the hall, turn left, how many doors and
which way? So there's things that we have to line up
in our brains to be able to remember.
(01:56):
Doesn't always work with adhd. Even if you are cooking
and you are going to follow a recipe, if it's
a recipe you've made before, you probably have the grand picture
of how that works. If it's new to you, if it has
steps that you're not used to doing, I usually debate those steps.
(02:16):
Like if it's a cookie recipe that requires chilling the
dough for an hour, I might say, I'm not doing that and
not do
might make the cookies turn out different.
But if I do include that, will I remember to do it?
If it has different steps for the frosting or rolling it
in cinnamon sugar or whatever it is, I just made snickerdoodles
(02:38):
last week. We have to make sense of that.
At least I do. I need to make sense of what's going on
before I start doing it. And if I don't, I'm
a scrambled mess. It's really great to know
that you have adhd. When you wonder for years
(02:58):
and years why you can't make sense of certain
instructions. And other times you can.
It could even be going to school. You could look back in high
school, maybe you are in high school, maybe you're in middle
school and the teacher is giving instructions.
This homework is due next Thursday. You need to
do problems, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
(03:20):
And then for the test, this, all these instructions are coming
at you verbally. Are you writing them down?
Will that help? Are you trying to listen?
Are you already tuned out? And then you come in at
the end and you don't want to say, wait, what?
And then have the teacher upset that you weren't listening.
(03:40):
As an adult, people are a little more patient with that.
But I find often I'm the only one in the room saying,
wait, when is that dinner? When is that party?
When is that? What time are we supposed to be there?
And you're looking for people to donate what?
Oh, desserts, all of that. I have to
have an idea of it in my mind. And often there are holes
(04:05):
and I, I ask, I, you know, that's that making that
advocation. What's it called? Yeah, I can't even,
I swear my memory recall of words isn't that great.
Accommodations. Making accommodations for myself.
That might be I'm a question asker. That might be I'm writing
down notes or putting it in my phone.
(04:27):
There used to be a time when, if you picked up your phone,
people always thought you were texting.
Hopefully that time has passed because sometimes we're writing
down notes, sometimes we're putting it on our calendars.
Sometimes we have to use it to be able to
listen because we need to be able to do something else at the
same time. But there are a lot of instances where we
(04:49):
are required to understand directions.
I've mentioned this before. I found at some point,
if you go back and look, if you have this, if you have this
problem with your executive function, you can probably find where
it showed up in your life. For me, I did really well
in school, I think, listening to instructions.
(05:10):
But I, I noticed a deficit. I noticed, I
noticed I had had to make an accommodation for myself.
I noticed myself raising my hand and asking questions when it
was another language. My brain didn't have a good memory
of sounds and words taught and conjugation.
I took Spanish in high school and college.
(05:30):
I hardly know any Spanish because I didn't really go into the
world using it. And even, even when I
graduated from college, I moved to Southern California and would
go to the grocery store and hear people speaking in Spanish.
And I thought, why do they talk so fast?
They blur all the words together. Like, how am I supposed
(05:52):
to. When you read them, you can see the words separately when
they're saying Them, it's like a sound.
And my brain couldn't make sense of that.
But in Spanish class in high school, I found that if the teacher
introduced a new word, I would raise my hand and
say, can you write that on the board?
Or how is that spelled? I still do that when people ask
(06:12):
or when people tell me their names. Most of the time, I
mean, you know, if it's a name like Mary, I'll probably remember.
But there are a lot of names that sound similar.
There are many names that are new to
my brain, and it's already hard to remember a
(06:33):
name. And if I don't know how it's spelled, I may not even be
trying to remember the right name. And so having it spelled gives
me a mental picture.
I can see it as a photo, I can see it as a
picture. I can see it as a drawing. I can see it written on the
board. That speaks to my brain in a different
word in a different way than sounds.
(06:55):
It was really challenging when we went to Israel in 2022.
It was right when things opened up after Covid and before
war times, before it got busier with tourism and
stuff. From California, it was $300 round trip to fly to
Israel. And my son wanted us to go with him, my son and
(07:16):
his wife. I didn't want to go because I just thought I'd rather
watch the grandchildren. But I went.
And my son speaks Hebrew. He speaks a lot of languages.
He doesn't have working memory problems.
He doesn't believe he has adhd. The rest of us do, but he
doesn't have working memory problems at all.
And he's extra, extra gifted in language.
So he knew Hebrew over and over. I
(07:39):
would say, how do you ask, where's the bathroom?
You know, I'd ask him, and he'd teach me so
I could ask. I could only do it if
I repeated it immediately after he said it.
I did not have a working memory to be able to store
that where I could recall it. I even tried to take
(08:01):
each sound and say, oh, that. Because of course, I
still don't remember it, but each sound and make it
like, oh, that's kind of like this word.
Oh, that's kind of like that word. Sometimes that's helpful.
Like it sounds like survey or something like that, whatever
it is, that's helped me with other words, but not with
(08:22):
where's the bathroom? And my son, bless his heart,
would just say, mom, I've told you this.
And I'm like, I know, I know. I still don't know I still
don't know. I should ask him again. I should write it down.
I didn't write it down ever when we were there.
But it's not like I'm going to be back there and need to.
That's that. That's my life is needing to ask to go to
(08:44):
the bathroom or finding out where that is.
But our brains need to be able to process
information that comes any instruction is information.
And working memory is different than short, short time, short
term, short term memory and long term memory.
Working memory takes the information and turns it
(09:06):
into picture or an idea or it puts
it somewhere where you will remember whether it's for
short term or long term. Short term is 30 seconds or
less. That's what I've read the most.
The most, you know, like I need to go in the kitchen and
(09:27):
do this. If I put that information. A lot of information comes
from our own heads. I need to go in the kitchen and do this.
If my working memory is working, then I will
remember. That will get stored into a short term memory.
Within 30 seconds I'll remember to go.
A long term memory might be longer than 30 seconds.
(09:49):
I won't get into that right now. I have really good long term
memory. Once something's stored, it's there, baby.
Although I tell you I forget things like accommodations and stuff.
It's just because I get scattered. But it's there.
It's there. Once I relax my brain, once I'm not trying to remember
what's going on. I totally remember and all the
details of when I was a child and what everybody wore and what
(10:11):
they said. But okay, working memory.
So let's look at some ways that this could show up
in your life. If you have a hard time following
instructions. If you're playing a game with people and they
say okay, here's the rules and you're going okay, what's the
rules? And then you start to hear them.
(10:31):
How do you process those? Do you just go okay, okay, okay.
And then all of a sudden you know how to play the game.
I think that's how it works for a lot of people.
Wouldn't that be nice? Wouldn't that be nice?
It doesn't work that way for me. I have to see them
in order. I have to be able to get a picture, imagine it
working out. And once I see it, it's like I'm building
(10:52):
a story in my brain. Oh, that makes sense.
And I call that. I don't know if anybody else in the world calls
that. Wrap my head around it. I'VE wrapped my head around it.
I understand. I know what to do. I know how
to play checkers. That game doesn't have too many
steps. Although it's been so long, who knows if
(11:13):
I actually know how to play? I bet I probably do.
But, yeah, there are a lot of things that take a
lot of steps. And if you can't hold onto that information,
if you can't organize that information, put it in
steps in the way that it needs to be.
Because if your brain isn't picking up in a fluid way,
(11:34):
in a step by step way, you might be missing part of
it. And that's okay. If you're able to
get that information somehow so you can make sense of it.
Recipes are nice because you can see the steps.
Recipes on websites are not so nice if you
just go to them and try to get that information.
Because what do they do? They give you a bunch of
(11:57):
ads and they. They give you all the pictures of the
recipes and they give you the story behind.
This was my grandmother's and I love stories.
I do. But I want the recipe. I want
to make cookies, I want to make dinner.
I want to make whatever it is that I've decided to make.
I don't love to cook or bake as much as I used to.
It took me. It took a lot. And it's almost
(12:19):
by, like, it's almost. What did you
say? Not by chance, not by luck. Luck.
It's a success, It's a win that I'm actually at this point,
let's just put it that way. I'm at this point where I've motivated
myself and I am ready to make this chicken dish,
(12:40):
whatever it is, And I am looking up recipes.
That looks good. I love that they have the jump to
the recipe button. Usually that will give you what
you need. I can see the steps and if it's not too
many, if it is divided into take the vegetables
and saute them. I have to think, okay, there's my first picture.
(13:01):
Do I have those vegetables? What dish would I use?
What pan? I could put those over there,
organize that chunk. I can see, okay, so you do the vegetables
and then what happens? And then there's this, and then there's
this, and then you put it in the oven.
So I see the story, the picture of how that's gonna work.
I take the information to see do we have
(13:24):
that food? If we don't, do I have dried onions, all of
that. And if I can get that picture,
I may not remember it all, but at least I Can start.
I have the confidence to start. And it's important to find out
what your accommodations are. How does it work for you?
Does it work better to get all the ingredients and put them on
(13:45):
the counter first? That's how it works for me.
If I can get them all there first, then I don't get partway through
and realize you actually don't have any better actually don't
have this. And then you're like, oh, no.
Have you ever put something in the fridge that's like a part
way done recipe? Because you don't have everything.
So that could be. But you're more than likely.
(14:06):
Even if you get that mental picture, you're more than likely
going to need to go back and look at it again
and kind of keep track in your mind, did I already add
the salt? And then it really helps if you keep
your teaspoons or whatever there and don't use them
for other things. Sometimes I try to bypass doing extra dishes
(14:28):
and use them again. But if you have them there and you can at
least see a little bit of salt yet. Because if you don't have
a good working memory of even remembering that you put the salt
in and put it away, that can be a problem.
If I could count all the times I've made bread without salt or
sugar, or I love making bread and I've
made it forever, but I keep forgetting ingredients like that.
(14:50):
So you might need to refer back to your recipe
if that's the case. What's a good form for that
recipe if you're finding it online? Is it helpful for you to
just keep your laptop or iPad or phone on the counter
and use that? For me, it's not. I've learned it
kind of drives me crazy to do that. I'd much rather print it
(15:12):
out. I know that takes paper, but I'd much rather print it out
or at least save it into a PDF where it's just
this screen. It's just that it's not a tab.
It's not something that might get me distracted.
It's a snapshot, a screenshot. Snapshot.
That must be why they call it a screenshot, huh?
(15:32):
If you have a way that's easier for you to go back for
it, then do it that way. Do it that way so that
it's easier for you to do it. Back to the whole why is
it hard for me to understand instructions.
So each step requires your brain. It
adds to the cognitive load. So if your brain has to
(15:54):
make sense of a process, more steps will
probably be Harder, because it's like adding rocks to the backpack
more and more, more, more, more. At some point, it might be harder.
If you're trying to focus on this other step, you might forget
another one. But if you can get to a point
where, okay, I'm going to take the screen out of
(16:17):
my window, and there's a hole in it, I
can take that off. I can buy other screen.
I can put it in. But how do I put it in?
And then you go and watch a YouTube video and you
find out. YouTube videos are great ways for me to
learn. Or you realize I have a really hard time paying
(16:38):
attention to instructions on a YouTube video.
That is me. It almost drives me crazy to watch them
because I don't have the patience to watch the stuff that's
not helping me. And when they do say the stuff that's helping
me, they go by it so fast. Not all the time.
Okay. But most of the time, they go by it so fast, or
(16:59):
they say the words in a way that, like, I don't hear.
So then I put on the captions, or I have to kind of keep going
back. I really like to have written instructions.
And sometimes it is nice to watch somebody do something and see
how they do it. I. I did learn. It took me a few
videos, how to drill holes in the bottom of a pot
for a plant. Because a lot of the pots that you buy
(17:19):
at the store now for plants don't have holes in the
bottom. They don't have a drainage hole.
And so you could put the little plastic thing inside of it.
But I don't really like doing that. Like, I want to actually
have it in the pot. And I don't know.
I think it's probably better for the soil, but maybe not.
But I started thinking, could I drill my own
hole? How would I do that? There's a whole process.
(17:42):
You have to get it wet so it doesn't crack the ceramic.
You have to have a certain kind of drill bit so it goes at an
angle. There are different methods, like actually have
the water on it while you drill, which seems to me like you might
get shocked. There were a lot of things, so I did watch a
few things. I asked my husband, do you have
these drill bits? Could you help me with this?
(18:04):
Because I didn't trust my control level with that.
But I was able to do some by myself.
But I still. It took me a while. It wasn't just one
video. It was a combination of the way people talk to me,
the way they explain things, the ability that I had
to accept their instruction instead of reject it.
(18:26):
Do you ever do that? Do you have a brain that wants
to just push back and say, I know. That doesn't sound good
to me. I do. So that also gets in the way.
You know, if I'm playing a game, too, I might even question things.
Do you have a questioning brain? Well, why would they do it that
way? Why couldn't we just do this? It would be nice if
the rules had this. Yeah. So you have to be
(18:47):
able to make sense of the instructions, even if
you're. If. Even if they're gonna be written and they're right
in front of you, it is really helpful to see it, picture
it, have that confidence that you can do it.
And if you struggle with this like I do, I think that confidence,
maybe I didn't need that when I was younger, but I think that's
(19:10):
a need. Every once in a while when I talk about stuff on
the podcast, I get kind of like, my heart beats faster.
Like, not like I'm gonna cry, but I start
to realize this is actually emotional.
This is actually emotional. Like, you start to realize
that these needs come because you're not always
(19:31):
able to do it. And going into something and doing
something when you don't understand what you're doing,
it's not like it's frightening. It's like it's.
It just leaves you with a scattered brain, and it doesn't feel
good. I don't even know that it's anxiety.
(19:51):
It's. It's just like I feel very uncomfortable now.
And now I can't even function as well as
I normally can without the full picture because I'm
not starting on good ground. I'm not starting in a place
of confidence. So I think an accommodation I've made for
(20:12):
myself, even. And I'm 60. I don't know if
I've said that on here. I turned 60 last.
Last year, last October, and it's just so bizarre.
It's so bizarre to be 60. It was. It was crazy to hit
the 50s. 40 was kind of like. Well, I knew people who are
becoming 40, but. And. And still, I know people are becoming
50 and 60, but. Yeah. So I would say in
(20:34):
the past five years, especially, and especially in understanding
that I have ADHD, I'm realizing you have to give
yourself the most padded surface, the most
pleasant spot to begin with so that you can
accomplish things.
(20:55):
And it's interesting because I don't know if you've done this,
if you've talked to people who don't have adhd.
And they say, I've always thought you did this.
This is great. I always looked up to you with this.
And I'm not discounting those things.
I know that many of us have achieved great things and are
very capable and really well. But if you look
(21:17):
back, you probably see the whys and you probably see
that there were times where you just thought, this, this is
harder to do than it should be. And I don't
like being in the this is harder to be than it should
be frame of mind. I like to
(21:40):
be, Let me get all the information I can.
Let me understand this before I take a step.
Because even if I'm there, there's a chance I might forget
the salt, I might forget a step, I might not cut the
screen right or something. If I'm replacing a screen, whatever
it is, I want to be able to understand it in
(22:00):
my brain before I do it. And
it goes back to that one episode when I talked about doing things
your way. Sometimes you do reject steps because you
know that won't be as doable for your brain.
And sometimes I think
(22:21):
I sound more, you know, I mean, we always project what
we, you know, what we. We always have ideas about what other
people think of us. But sometimes I think I might come off
as well, I can't do it that way. Like, I can't.
I can't do it that way. You want me to.
If someone's given me directions to do something that somebody
in a place of authority for me, like at work or at
(22:43):
church or something, that's in charge of something, and they're
delegating something to me, and I'd like you to do this, and
I think right away, I know I can't do that
that way, so I could do this. And a
lot of times they aren't accepting of it.
I know a lot of people say, you know, don't ask permission.
Just, what is it? It's like, easier to ask forgiveness than ask
(23:04):
permission.
Yeah. So I've found ways of working around things
like go with their general theme or their big
picture. But I still need to come about it my
way. Even with math, I know a lot of women.
I have a friend who just found out she had adhd.
She might be listening, but she said she super, super struggled
(23:26):
with math. For whatever reason, my brain was gifted with math.
I could, could do math really, really well and always
scored super, super high in math. But I also
found that I had to. Sorry, my alarm
went off. Hopefully that doesn't show up.
It's time to leave for the doctor.
(23:48):
I also found that I could follow the steps
of what they said to do. But I had this creative mind that if
I found a way to get there, to get the answer or
sometimes it wasn't even like I. It's like I had ideas of,
oh, this could work, oh, this could work.
And they do that more in math now, I think, you know, like, what's
20 plus 5? We'll go 20 and then put the 5 and
(24:11):
5 plus 0 is 5 and 20, you know, that kind of thing.
Or count by fives. They do. They have different
ways to get there. They show kids different ways to get to that
answer. Or multiplying harder numbers.
You know, you just multiply like 103 times.
You know, like what's 99 times three?
(24:33):
You do three times 100 and then you just subtract three because,
you know, three times that 99 is just one less than 100.
You know, there's those little tricks and they teach those to
children more now. But when I was growing up, I just
would learn that and that became fun for me.
And I'm grateful that I went to school at a time where teachers
enjoyed that. They like, oh, that's, you know, I said, oh,
(24:55):
I go up. You know, I got this too, but, you know, turning in
my homework or something. But I found this way to do it and I
thought it was really exciting. Oh, that's great.
That's great. It seemed like by the time I was graduating from
high school, they were more like, show your steps and do it exactly
like we want you to. And there's probably a reason for that.
But that didn't work as well for my brain.
So I'm glad I didn't go to school when that was required.
And maybe it's not the same everywhere, but was at that time
(25:17):
for me. Yeah, I'm going to make this a two
part because I really do have to go to the doctor and I want
to release this episode today. I don't even know how long
I've been talking because I have more with this.
And just to end it today, if it's
frustrating or hard for you, especially with verbal instructions
(25:39):
and maybe you don't have problems with verbal instructions.
Maybe it's written, maybe it's just the words don't make sense
on the page, maybe. And with adhd, often we take out
some words, some sentences, some parts and forget some.
I do that too.
If you have a struggle with that, it doesn't
have anything to do with intelligence.
(26:01):
It has to do with how your brain is processing that information
and how you can get it to where you can store
it, you can use it. And it's helpful in your
life, whether it's to accomplish a task, play a game,
whatever it is, get to where you need to go with directions.
If maps doesn't get you there sometimes.
(26:23):
It doesn't. It doesn't. That's where I'm going to end today,
but thank you so much for being here.
I'll be back again. I have another episode that I want to have
this week, so I'll just. I'll just continue with this one, but
I want to get this one out and wish you a happy rest of
your week. Go, Gators. And I'm almost finished
(26:44):
with my website. If you want, you can go check it out.
It's. It actually doesn't give you some error page.
It just looks like it's part template and part.
Renee's been playing with it, but it's renee-allen.com if you
want to explore that, you don't have to.
Or anything. More than anything, if you could tell two friends,
two people you know about this podcast, whether you just send
(27:04):
an episode and a text and say, hey, I think you'd like that.
That would be wonderful. I'd love to have more of us out there
listening together. Thanks so much. Bye.
Rubber ducks Squeaky cheese and paper cups Applesauce
Superman Rocket ships and Peter Pan Boogie boards
and parachutes and soda cans Jumping jacks and pillowcases for
(27:27):
my hands Donald Duck and fire trucks and Pokemon Santa Claus
and Johnny Depp and Donkey Kong Chocolate chips and stamping
sims in 914 little children jumping on the trampoline Model
trains and passing lanes in super glue Tangerines and magazines
in kangaroo
oh yeah, oh yeah we run
(27:52):
rewind I've run out of time to sing
melodies and harmonies I'm cut short
the silence of sound has yet been found but
not by me
(28:25):
I butter my toast spread on some grape
jelly I don't need to fast But
I'm a chef and a good one My grandma
can't hear me the breakfast is done Ever
getting colder ever so I run
(28:53):
Open windows broken shadow
Frozen dreams are left for tomorrow
without
a call
Time for a pause
(29:31):
Harmonies and harmonies I'm cut short
the silence of sound has yet been found but
not by me.
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