May 27, 2025 • 37 mins
You want to do the thing. You’ve thought about it over and over, maybe even planned it.
So… why can’t you do it?
In this episode, Renee talks about the reasons you may not be seeing that cause avoidance. If you’ve ever told yourself, “I know I should do this, but I just can’t seem to,” this one’s for you.
Renee explores:
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Why avoidance isn’t disinterest or lack of motivation
-
Common mental blocks that prevent you from starting
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How to gently identify your personal roadblocks
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A simple mindset shift to help you move forward (without pressure)
This episode is all about understanding yourself—not judging yourself.
Learn what’s really going on underneath the avoidance… and take one small, doable step from there.
Thanks for listening!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:29):
Hello, welcome to inspiring women with ADHD.
I'm Renee Allen, the host, hostess, whatever, of this podcast.
And I'm excited to be here. Yeah, I'm very excited to
be here. I wasn't on last week. Yeah, a lot of
reasons. But I'm here now, and I want to talk
to you about
(00:52):
what is stopping you from doing what you really want
to get done. I mentioned before the last few
episodes that the next month in June, and if you're listening
to this later, it's still happening in June.
Might be past. I know things like that date the podcast, but.
Oh, well, anyway, I'm gonna work on decluttering and work
(01:15):
with you on decluttering if you want to do that.
Get rid of things, clear things out, organize.
And there are a lot of things that block
us from doing things like that. We might have a project
that we want to do, and maybe yours isn't decluttering.
Maybe that isn't something that you deal with.
That's not a problem that you have. For me, it is.
(01:37):
But I could fit maybe 20 other things into
this category of
wanting to get something done and not doing it, thinking about
it all day long during the week. And sometimes
we forget what we want to do. That could be a reason for not
getting something done. But other times we don't get it done
(01:58):
because we forget. Well, okay, I can't even think
straight. We forget that we're talking about not forgetting.
Okay, that's not it. Other times we don't get it done
because we have something. Some kind of resistance.
There's some kind of resistance. It might be that the project
is just too big. It's overwhelming. And we use that word
(02:20):
a lot when we talk about ADHD blocks or things
that we struggle with.
Sometimes things can be overwhelming because they're just too
huge. How can I do this on my own? Maybe you can't do it
on your own. How do I hire. Do I hire somebody to do
it? And then that takes a lot of effort.
You make phone calls, you look up people, you bring people
(02:41):
over. You do all this research, and maybe still it's not
getting done. Or you hire somebody to do something and it doesn't
turn out very well. So there can be a lot of things that get
in the way. Even just thinking, I just.
I just want to do it myself, but I'm not sure how to do
it by myself. So identifying whatever it is,
whatever resistance, or if you've ever heard of friction, if
(03:04):
you have friction, you got sandpaper, you're trying to glide
you're ice skating, you're trying to glide, and there's sandpaper
there. That's not going to happen. Right.
So you have to think of what is that Friction.
And it can be a lot of things. It can be a lot of
things, but just identifying one thing can be helpful because
(03:24):
it can make a difference in you being able to start.
I talked a few weeks ago about doing some is better
than none. And that's true. That's true.
Even if it just gives you a little edge on the project or,
I mean, you know, like laundry. I talk about laundry a lot, but
doing laundry, you can do some instead of done, and it can
(03:45):
pile up just as much a day or two a week later, and you
feel like, well, did I even make a dent in it?
Maybe, maybe not. But you were able to find socks that morning.
You were able to clear out some space that day, or you
were able to be productive in a way that was helpful.
So just that friction of thinking, I don't want to
(04:06):
just do a little bit. I want to do the whole thing.
That can be a block. That can be a block.
If you think, I don't want to do it unless I can do all of
it.
A lot of times we have so much going on in our heads that
is blocking us, but we're not really paying attention to
it. I mean, we might. We. We might get busy in
(04:27):
the, in the mindset. If, if you think of what's going on
in your mind is chatter, and it just can stir up
on its own. It can be background noise to your ability
to try to think clearly. You have all these thoughts coming
up, or you have emotions that you're not identifying as thoughts,
but you have something that's making you think, now is not a
(04:49):
good time. Now is not a good time. Not today.
Maybe on Friday, maybe on Monday, maybe next week.
And those things get you stuck. They get you to
where you're not accomplishing what you want to accomplish.
And then you have the thoughts that are
(05:10):
negative to yourself, like, why can't I get that done?
If I could just do this, this, this, this, this, I could get
this done. Why? What's wrong with me?
How come that person can do this? How come I can't?
And all those things can get in the way of just
your own ability to feel good about yourself.
And that's important, to feel good about yourself.
So an example is my podcast. Obviously, I like to talk
(05:32):
about it because it's what I'm doing.
So last week, I wasn't on the week before, I
knew you have grandchildren coming for two weeks, and then
you're gonna go to visit them a week later.
Three weeks. Can I make three weeks worth of
podcasts? Sure I can. I've done it before.
And I know a woman, the woman that I was in Israel
(05:56):
who. Okay, let me back up. She is the
host of a podcast, and I was a guest.
I know how to say that in reverse, but she had a
baby last year, and she recorded a whole year's worth
of podcast episodes. She publishes one a week.
So she set up all the topics of her podcast
(06:17):
and recorded all of them before her baby was born so she
could continue with that. And that worked for her.
I wouldn't really want to do that. I mean, I admire her for
it, but I wouldn't want to do it because I would feel out of
touch. I'd feel like it's not really me talking to you anymore
because it's so far out. I kind of feel like that when I even
go out of town and record a few and I'm not actually here a
(06:42):
day or two before recording it. I don't know, it just isn't.
I'm such one of those people that wants things to feel as genuine
as possible. And I know that's dumb, but that's.
That's me. So, I mean, I shouldn't say it's dumb, but not everybody
feels that way. And. And I do. So I'm trying to learn
to not apologize about the things that are me.
So back to that. So the internal chatter that you
(07:04):
have in your mind can stop you from doing something.
So I decided to rearrange where I record my podcast.
And part of that was because I was planning ahead.
I knew that my grandchildren would be here for two weeks, and
they would be in that room and being able to clear
them out or move around, you know, Anyway, it just seemed
(07:26):
like maybe you should just move all the podcast stuff here where
you teach yoga and I teach yoga. I turn that way, there's
a big white cabinet, and I teach yoga there because it's
important to me that people can see my body, my shape,
while I'm doing yoga. Not that I think, like, I have the best
shape ever at all. It's just that I.
(07:47):
I know that they need to see what I'm doing, and if I have something
dark behind me or distracting, then they won't be able to
see it. So that's where I teach that.
But I learned very quickly that when I came
in here, I was so ready to Pre record some episodes.
And I found, I learned the hard way, that without
(08:09):
carpet in here, with tall ceilings, no curtains, no
sofa upstairs. There's a sofa, and there was a mattress on
the floor. We don't have a real bed in there.
But there was enough sound absorption that the podcast sounded
fine. I started recording in here, and thankfully I tested
it without talking for an hour. But it's.
(08:31):
It was. It was horrible. It was so echoey.
It was like I was talking into a bucket.
And I thought that. That. That can't work.
That can't work. So I did some things to.
You know, I basically brought in rugs and towels and blankets
and even coats, like these teddy bear coats.
I have a bunch of them in here. My daughter and I each have one.
I actually even have, if you're watching on YouTube, I even have
(08:54):
the biggest stuffed animal in her whole house that my daughter's
boyfriend and bought for her. One for her in a
game at Dave and Buster's. I've never been there, but
anyway, so, yeah, I brought all these things in here so that
I could record a week or two ago, but they were such short
episodes because I had to really figure out each
(09:14):
time, okay, I've got my yoga set up.
I'm gonna get this. So I had a lot of friction.
I had to a lot of setup before I could do it.
And then I decided I want a real nice, big carpet
in here. Not carpet, but, you know, a big rug.
I want. I want it to be smooth in here before I
record. I want it to be where I've got my yoga set up,
(09:36):
I've got my podcast recording set up, and I can just
come in and record like I did when it was upstairs.
Haven't had a chance to do that. I worked and worked and worked
on it, but I think I have way too many things in here.
And, yeah, I've worked on it a lot, but I
had a lot of friction. I had a lot of resistance
(09:58):
because it wasn't perfect. And right now, it's not perfect either.
I'm sitting in the middle of the room.
There's a lot of stuff everywhere. But I decided if you
want to be able to publish some episodes this week, you
need to stop thinking about. But you have five grandchildren
here, the four that are my daughters and my other granddaughter
who lives here, not with us, but locally.
(10:21):
And you need to just decide it's okay if we
hear someone running up and down the stairs.
Maybe you won't even hear it. I don't know.
I haven't tested that, but I needed to take that off of
my resistance list. What else did I need to take
off my resistance list? That I needed to have everything
set up so I could just come in and do it.
So I spent however long I've been in here, half hour, the lights
(10:43):
changed, the kids are probably gonna get hungry, we were
gonna go swimming. Now it's five o' clock, you know, all those
things. But I decided that no matter what resistance
I run into, I need to look at that and just say,
I'm going to do it anyway. I'm going to do it anyway.
And whatever idea you have in your head or
(11:03):
whether you recognize it or not, I can't do it now because
it might be real. It might be real. It might be a
distraction that could happen. Someone could walk in the store
any minute and distract, disrupt or whatever.
It might be a real disruption or. But if you're able to
get some or actually all done because you're not
(11:24):
fearing that resistance or you're not taking it into
account, you're not being a perfectionist about it.
Like, it has to be this certain condition.
Like my roots, Honestly, they do not show up this
gray when I'm just looking in the mirror.
At least unless I'm clueless or something.
Supposed to get it colored in a couple weeks.
And I was afraid to do it on my own.
(11:45):
I have been doing it on my own forever.
But since I did highlights, I thought I might
mess it up. So I'm not doing it. But I'm.
I decided pretend like this is a YouTube video for
dyeing your roots. And in the beginning, this is what people
look like. So I have to live in the land
of make believe sometimes to deal with my resistance.
So, yeah, so that's one of them. Then.
(12:06):
We're pretending that this is a hair coloring.
How to color your roots with adhd. It's like avoid, avoid,
avoid. I've done it for years, actually, but I'm.
I'm now avoiding it because I don't know how to do it with highlights.
But yeah, all of those things, I decided they can't
be important if I want to do this. And
(12:29):
whatever it is that you want to get done this week,
today, tomorrow,
don't put it off anymore. Find a way, even if there's
just a little bit of time, find a way to start on
it. Find a way to give up on some of that friction
that you see as friction in your mind.
(12:49):
Somebody else might not think of it as friction.
They might not think. I don't want to hear from Renee if
she has roots that look weird with her hair.
They may not be thinking that. And obviously, when I talk about
it, it's bringing it up, right? It's bringing it up to where
you'll see it. And I'm okay with that.
It's okay. If you were my friend, you'd be here and we'd be fine.
Right? I have to start thinking that way with my podcast
(13:11):
and YouTube. It's a little scarier to have video because, you
know, there are people in the world that are mean and stuff,
but I don't care. Honestly, I don't care, because I want
to be in touch with you. I know there are tons, tons, tons,
whatever the number is, of women who are finding out that
they have ADHD or learning more about it.
(13:32):
They've known for a while, but now they're starting to put the
pieces together. And you may think, this is
how I am. I've. I've thought this for a while.
Like, this is how I am. And actually, it's not how I
am because it's been changing hormonally.
I think in the last 10, 20 years, I have seen changes.
So it's not how I've always been. Some things are.
(13:52):
The hyper part that I can't stand, being in line, all that kind
of stuff. Some of them are the same, but other things, it's
kind of like, why am I like this? What is going on?
Why am I feeling this way? Why am I the only
one that feels like I'm complaining inside or can't do it inside
or whatever those things are, it may be something you've
(14:12):
dealt with forever, or it might be new to you.
And if you understand
what is happening with your executive dysfunction or your emotional
dysregulation, if you have either of those two things, or too
many thoughts again, the way there's so many things.
Oh, my goodness. Yeah. Do you vacillate?
(14:33):
Do you vacillate between laughing at how crazy it can be and
then other times just like, oh, my goodness, like my klutziness?
I don't know very many women with adhd besides my cousin, who's
as klutzy as I'm. But I just. I think I just broke another toe
the other night, and it just bashed into a door, and
(14:55):
that would be not good to begin with.
I'm watching four grandchildren here and all that stuff.
But it's okay, you know, I can deal with that.
I'm teaching yoga. I can. I can deal with it.
I've done this before. Broken my foot three times and broken
multiple
toes since. Yeah, since I started teaching yoga, but.
So I don't know if it's broken or not.
But the thing is, is the next day I bashed
(15:18):
it like three more times. And each time I'm just like my
adhd, you know, like, why, why am I so not aware?
Why am I why? You know, but this is.
This, this is who we are. This is who you are.
Maybe you're not exactly like me, but whatever it is, every once
in a while you might get
just kind of tired of that, you know, you might be thinking,
(15:40):
why do I have so much friction to getting stuff done?
Why do other people just look like they just, you know, oh, this
is what I need to do today. I'm going to make my to do list
and then they just do it. Or they sign up for
a course and they just take it. It's really been fun
to imagine now that I know have adhd, that when I
(16:02):
create courses for you,
they're going to have the ADHD person in mind of, I
might buy this and forget I even bought it, or I might sign
up for it and look at it and think, I can't do this today and
this is why. Or I might commit to it and then wish I hadn't,
you know, all those things that I've done.
(16:22):
Yeah. But back to you. Okay, let's look at some
of the things that could be blocking you, that
could be even hard for you to see what's blocking you.
You might be in such a pattern in your day of doing, going,
getting things done and everything and thinking, I need to do
(16:42):
that, but I don't have time now. I need to do that, but I
have to do that. And you might be putting out fires all the time.
You might have a day or a week or a life
that is just full, full, full. And at the end
of the day you think, oh, I should have called my mom or
whoever there is in your life that you wish you were
in touch with more and you haven't because you've been
(17:04):
busy. That could be it. But you also might just not
be scaling your project well or not be aware of
what could be stopping you from starting.
One could be is that the project is just way too big.
It is too big. It is too big for you.
And sometimes that's because you don't know how
(17:25):
to do all of it. You might need to learn to do
some things first. It might be actually not a one person job.
It Might be a three person job and looking at that and
deciding, do I really want to do it like that?
Do I want to scale back on my expectation
or my goal with it? Maybe you do. Sometimes you have
(17:47):
to kind of shave it down
and not make it so huge. You know, like if you decided,
I'm gonna repaint my front door and paint all
of the, what are they called, shutters on the
side and I'm going to refinish the porch or whatever, and you
think I'm going to do it yourself, person, I want to do that.
(18:10):
Maybe you start thinking, I'll just wash the door, I'll just
clean the door, I'll get a power washer and clean it.
You know, you might just do something like that and, and
not make the project as big for yourself or just do the one
thing because it's like I said to my friend a few
weeks ago, I gave my mouse, I gave the
(18:30):
mouse a cookie and I created a thousand problems for myself because
I just didn't realize that I was getting in over my
head and doing something that seemed like a simple decision or
a simple idea. It just was way bigger than I
could see. So if you are sensing that, but you haven't
really looked at it, maybe just even if you like to write in
(18:51):
a note notebook, even if you'll never look at it again, it can
help you organize your brain or Google Doc or whatever it is.
Writing down what's involved or all the little things you
might have to do might help you see that maybe that's
not the best idea. Or maybe it might take more time or maybe
you need to not schedule as much of this or that
so you can do it, so that can be part of it.
(19:14):
Another thing is just not really understanding how to do it.
How to do it. You don't know what the end product
really, what you really want it to be.
Like maybe you need to talk to somebody about it and figure that
out. Or you don't understand all the steps in between.
You might know how to start, you might not know how to finish,
you might not know what all is involved.
(19:36):
So doing that research, talking to people is really helpful,
I think. I don't know. There's a lot of ways
to research online, but I think sometimes we miss the human connection
of just talking to somebody else who's done something similar
and ask them what's involved and sometimes they'll offer good
advice or even offer to help you. But just knowing you
(19:57):
don't have to,
you don't have to be Overwhelmed. You don't have to not do it
because you don't understand it. You can, you can find
simple ways to understand and even just get an idea then, if
that's what you want to do or not. But also just if there's
a lot of decisions that need to be made in the process.
(20:18):
That's one of the things I struggle with is the decision making.
Because I, I look at people who are developing their website
and they say, you can set up this website in 20 minutes
or in 24 hours. And I'm thinking, you've got to be kidding,
because, yeah, I could if I didn't care what it looked like.
But I. But I overthink all the decision making.
(20:40):
Do I want this color? Do I want that color?
Some of that is hard to do when you struggle with
that decision making. With, with. Is this really what I want
to do? Is this really what I want to do?
And sometimes you have to just say, well, let's just do it this
way now. And if you decide to change it later, you can, you
know, just, just go in that direction.
Just start, just start walking, commit to something.
(21:03):
My kids actually help with that. You know, I have, I have six
kids. And they'll just say, mom, it's okay.
You know, like just, just do that. That's fine.
And it does help to ask other people's advice.
Not that we're always seeking confirmation, like, we can't make
a decision on our own. As far as, like feeling good about it
if it's your idea and you do feel good about it, but just
(21:23):
getting a little confirmation that, you know, yeah, that top
that you're wearing and you've had it for 10 years, it is still
in style. You can wear that, you know.
Yeah. Decision making with getting dressed.
But yeah, and with getting rid of clutter.
That is a really hard thing because there are so many decisions
to make and so many emotions that can
(21:46):
come up and defining what those decision decisions are
before you begin. Like with, with getting rid of stuff, having
rules, a checklist. You can probably find them online.
I've got my own that I've. That I've used.
Not. Not recently enough, but, you know, have.
Do I really love this? Does this fit?
(22:10):
Do I care about it that much? Am I attached to
it because someone gave it to me and I'm trying to please them?
All those little things. If you make that checklist and actually
have it on the wall while you're doing it, it can help you because
you've already made your decision decision.
And it can be that way if you're deciding website colors.
If you're building a website, I don't know if you are, probably
(22:31):
not as many people are. But if you are, if you
spend a certain amount of time deciding on those colors and then
deciding that you're not going to change your mind, at least
for a while, at least till it's all set up, it's okay to complete
it and then make changes instead of making every step
take extra long. So, yeah, decision overload.
(22:56):
Too many options. And it's not just a thing where
your brain gets overwhelmed, but you also can just do research
forever. You know, you can plan and research and decide and
do this or that or what about that. Weigh the options forever.
So, yeah, there's one decision you can even define that
makes everything else easier. Like it's okay if my
(23:18):
grandchildren make noise. And they haven't.
They probably will now that I say that.
But if you just make that decision in your mind of resisting
some kind of friction, then that can be helpful.
Another thing is, is if you're afraid that you won't
do a good job with it, you're afraid to start because you don't
(23:39):
know if you're competent. You especially if it's something that
other people might see, you're afraid of failing.
You're cooking dinner and you don't want to do it.
And maybe other people don't struggle with cooking dinner as
much as I have in the past 20 years.
And I actually have failed at a lot of meals.
It's kind of embarrassing. Yeah, but whatever.
(24:03):
What can you do, right? What can you do?
I pre made my potatoes for Thanksgiving and everything.
Cooked them again, just thinking it would heat them up.
They were still not soft enough. Made me angry.
But no one else is thinking about it anymore but me.
What if you are not doing something because you want to feel
ready to do it? You want to feel like not just that you know
(24:26):
what to do, but you feel like there has to be an
ideal situation. Like I need to start this
when my desk is all clean or when I get a new desk or
when I can move into this office or when everyone's gone.
I have a lot of that in me. Is if no one else is
here, it's so much easier. But since we've moved here, it's kind
(24:48):
of hardly ever that no one else is here.
So I'm having to learn to work with that resistance.
But yeah. So if you're waiting to feel ready for
something, look at what's happening in your Mind and
ask yourself, why do I not feel ready?
And is it okay to start even if I'm not ready or
if I don't feel ready or if I feel like people will think,
(25:10):
why is she doing that? She doesn't even know how to do it that
well. You know that imposter syndrome thing.
If I just do this, this many more times, then
I'll be good enough to do it if it's something that other people
may see. The truth is, the more you do it,
the more you get better at it. And I decided
(25:32):
to clean. So we have a swimming pool.
This is our first house with a pool.
Yay. And we also have what we call the
lemon pool. It's the Jacuzzi, but. And my grandchildren aren't
happy that we're not heating it, but it's.
It's 90 degrees outside. So anyway, yeah, so we're not spending
money heating it, but it had a leak.
So many hours. My husband, a couple of my sons has spent time
(25:54):
cleaning it up, fixing the leak, fixing the this and all this
stuff. But it's still. It didn't have any water in it except
for some rain and a lot of bugs. If you hate
bugs, I'll spare you the details. We're in Florida, so they're
big, and I'm not afraid of bugs. But, you know, I
was just like, whatever. But we've been out there swimming, and
the lemon pool is attached to the swimming pool.
(26:14):
Kind of like it's up a little higher, and then a little waterfall
from it. Like, the water pumps through and it'll go into the
pool. But it wasn't doing that because the water was just rain
water. Just, you know, 6 inches, 10 inches, whatever it
was. And because I'm klutzy. Last week, I
was going out there with my grandchildren, and I always
(26:34):
take. Because I have that perfectionist, you know, especially
when I've taken my medicine. I just want to clean the pool the
whole time I'm in it. I just want to take the little screen if
I see anything, you know, the screen strainer, whatever it is.
Anyway, so before we get in, I usually go to the corners
and see if there's any bugs or anything.
Well, there are three big ones, and I won't tell you what they
were if you hate them. But anyway, so since I saw three, I
(26:55):
said, oh. And because of my reaction, my, oh, I'm standing there,
and there's not a lot of standing space between the pool and
the hot tub. The not hot tub, which is not
full and it has a step all the way around.
They call it a lemon pool because it's a half circle.
And one of my feet goes into that space of
(27:16):
the hot tub. But my balance was good enough and
I wasn't rocking over so much that I actually fell in.
But had I fallen in, this little toe that got bashed,
Whether it's broken or not would be nothing compared to what
could have happened. You know, broken leg, broken hip, concussion,
whatever. There's cement there. There was hardly any water in
(27:37):
it. And I just realized this is really dangerous.
Like, why. Why are we not filling this up and finishing the
project? So this is all about getting something done.
So. So I just decided, yeah, this project is
big. I don't know what I'm doing with it.
I haven't worked on it at all. And I keep asking my husband,
(27:58):
like, how do we clean the pool? What do we do?
How do I turn the pump on? All these things that.
With mechanical stuff, I am. My brain doesn't digest it
very well. So, yeah, it's just not the information that
I retain very well. So, anyway, yeah, I decided he was
out of town and on Friday, and I decided, you need
(28:18):
to go out there while the kids are happy playing and get
that water out of there. Clean it out and put water in
it, even if it's still leaking. I didn't know if it was.
I was hoping it wasn't going to electrocute me because it had
a light in there with wiring. But I thought, I think it's okay.
I think it's okay. Anyway, so, yeah, so I knew we
had a wet, dry vacuum. I gave my husband one last year for Father's
(28:40):
Day, I think his birthday, Father's Day, something like that.
And it's really big. And so I thought, I'm just
gonna put this in. I've used one, you know, like 15 years ago.
I'll put this in, it'll soak up all the water, and I'll
be done. Well, I didn't know what I was doing, but I started.
I started. I started doing it. And after a little
(29:01):
while, I realized it wasn't sucking up any water.
And so my husband wasn't there to ask him what was going on.
And I realized I didn't have the lid on right.
And so then I got the lid tight so it had some suction,
and it brought in a little bit of water, but not very much.
Well, I realized there was already a lot of water in there.
My husband, who used it for something else, super, super heavy
(29:22):
thing I had to bring it down a step and push it
outside. We have a. I don't know if you've been to Florida.
I don't know if other states are like this, but they call it.
Well, they have Florida rooms where they're.
They have a big screen around them. It's like your back deck
because the bugs are so big. And it will keep the bugs out.
But they also do that around pools to keep leaves and things
out. And I think in some cases alligators.
(29:45):
But we don't have a lot of water around our house, so thankfully
we haven't dealt with that. But anyway, so I had to
open the screen door. There were a lot of parts, but I thought,
okay, I can do this. It was super clunky.
It was kind of exhausting. I was getting really tired.
But I would open the screen door, kind of prop it up without,
(30:05):
like, going too far, that the plug would come out and everything
and would dump out the water. I thought I'd have
to do it once or twice. I did it at least 15
times. It took forever and ever and ever.
But what was really great, I thought was really fun, is
every time I did it, I. I made a mistake.
(30:25):
Well, probably 10 to begin with. There were so many things
like, oh, you're pulling out the plug, or you're going too far,
or the screen doors, like, running into the plug, you
know, like the cord, and now you can't get it out.
And, you know, all these things, and then it's so heavy, it's
hard to turn over. Okay. So I learn little things each time,
like take the whole lid off and the cords actually touch the
(30:49):
lid so the lid can stay closer. You need the lid on
so it doesn't splash out. I was learning as I was going,
and it really took all of those 15 times to understand how
much water was actually coming in, how to identify when it
wasn't coming in. Because for a long time I'd kind of just keep
standing there and how to do it without it being so
(31:11):
clunky. It was still dirty and horrible, but I
was able to do it. I was able to. I put some.
Sprayed some more water in there, cleaned it out, vacuumed up
some more and filled it up. And I didn't get
shocked, thankfully. I don't advise anybody to do this without,
like, really knowing if they would get shocked or not.
But thankfully, I didn't because I'd seen my husband, I think.
(31:32):
Anyway, so, yeah, I was able to make it safe.
And now there's water in there. And it's working.
And
I just loved the whole idea that I hadn't done
it for a long time. None of us had done it, none of
us wanted to do it. And I kept forgetting about it unless I go
out there. But I. Once I decided it was
(31:54):
a priority, I didn't care if I didn't know how to do it.
I didn't care if it was too big of a project.
I just wanted to get it done. It was a safety issue issue.
I thought whether it takes a little bit of time or a
lot of time, it's a lot less time consuming than breaking
your leg and dealing with that, all the disruption to life.
(32:14):
So little disruption is better than a lot of disruption.
But yeah. So, yeah, whatever it is that's stopping you,
even if you don't know what you're doing, if you can figure out
a step or two and get going on it, you will
learn as you go and you'll learn what doesn't work.
That's kind of my way of excelling at something, is continuing
(32:35):
to learn from my mistakes of what isn't working here.
Okay, what else should I do? I might need to research a little
bit or I might just need to think about it and do that and then,
yeah, the distractions, possible distractions.
Creating the perfect circumstances. Sometimes that is really
nice. It is really nice and sometimes it's necessary.
(32:55):
But if you're never getting something done, if you're never working
out at home because people might disrupt you,
then maybe you just do it anyway and see if you get
a disruption. Sometimes you will and sometimes you won't, whatever
that is, or help prepare the other people.
When I first started working out at home, and I don't really
(33:17):
anymore, but when I first started working out at home, my kids
were really little. I just had my fourth baby and
I mean, I did a little bit with a third.
This is how it is with adhd. When you tell a story, you're like,
is that really accurate? Let me tell a bunch of details that
don't really matter. But yeah, anyway, when I became
(33:39):
very consistent after I had my fourth baby, my oldest
daughter I think was in kindergarten.
And I just told him, things are going to change around here in
the morning. I need to work out. I liked baby gates a lot.
Those were really good definers of rules.
And I put a baby gate up in my room, had a little TV
in there, worked out to a video on my TV in there.
(33:59):
And I said, you can't ask for this, this, this or this until
I'm done. And it worked out. So. Yeah.
Last thing. Sometimes you don't do something because
you really don't want to do it. You really don't want to do
it. And maybe you can find somebody else who
can do it instead. Or just find another alternative.
(34:24):
Or you're just doing it for the wrong reasons.
You're doing it because you feel like you're supposed to do it.
You feel like people expect you to do it.
If you don't feel like doing it, you don't have to.
Unless you're caring for someone. If you're responsible for someone
else, then, yeah. Anyway. So, yeah. Just
(34:46):
identifying what's going on. Even if you're just identifying
one thing at a time and
saying it out loud, just kind of saying, what's stopping me from
doing this? Is this something I can get past?
Can be as simple as that? It can be in your words.
What's stopping me from doing it? Is it something I can get past?
And can I just do it anyway? And, you know, just
(35:10):
start. Just start. It's like jumping in.
Jumping in the water when you kind of feel like.
I don't know, it looks cold. I don't know if I want my hair to
get wet. I have makeup on. I don't know.
You know, all those things. And just jump in.
Just jump in. So, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's
it. I think that is it. Just noticing.
What's stopping you identifying it. I did want to say
(35:31):
you can also kind of like fill in the blanks.
Like Mad Libs. You can say even though this.
That you think might be a problem. Or even though I feel nervous,
even though identify what you still can do.
I can still do this, I can still do that.
You know, look into the possibilities.
So I guess that's it for today. And I'm not
(35:51):
even going to end fancy. I know I'm supposed to end certain ways.
That's my expectation. And I'm going to give that up today.
But thanks so much for being here. I'm gonna put this out
after Memorial Day. Cause I know some of you might be gone, but
happy, happy Memorial Day. You'll hear this after.
But if you want to join me in June, write to me.
(36:14):
Reneespiringwomenadhd.com that's gonna be my.
I mean, not so private email address.
I'm not gonna use that for my newsletters.
Cause I'm running into some resistance with that.
I spent two days with that. I'm gonna use my other one.
That one. It can be just right to me.
I'll write back. Talk to you later. Thanks so much
(36:34):
for being here. Bye.
Frozen dreams are left for tomorrow
(36:58):
For a poem
rewind like run out of time to sing
melodies and harmonies I'm cut short
(37:21):
the silence of sound has yet been found but
not by me.
Hello, welcome to inspiring women with ADHD.
I'm Renee Allen, the host, hostess, whatever, of this podcast.
And I'm excited to be here. Yeah, I'm very excited to
be here. I wasn't on last week. Yeah, a lot of
reasons. But I'm here now, and I want to talk
to you about
(00:52):
what is stopping you from doing what you really want
to get done. I mentioned before the last few
episodes that the next month in June, and if you're listening
to this later, it's still happening in June.
Might be past. I know things like that date the podcast, but.
Oh, well, anyway, I'm gonna work on decluttering and work
(01:15):
with you on decluttering if you want to do that.
Get rid of things, clear things out, organize.
And there are a lot of things that block
us from doing things like that. We might have a project
that we want to do, and maybe yours isn't decluttering.
Maybe that isn't something that you deal with.
That's not a problem that you have. For me, it is.
(01:37):
But I could fit maybe 20 other things into
this category of
wanting to get something done and not doing it, thinking about
it all day long during the week. And sometimes
we forget what we want to do. That could be a reason for not
getting something done. But other times we don't get it done
(01:58):
because we forget. Well, okay, I can't even think
straight. We forget that we're talking about not forgetting.
Okay, that's not it. Other times we don't get it done
because we have something. Some kind of resistance.
There's some kind of resistance. It might be that the project
is just too big. It's overwhelming. And we use that word
(02:20):
a lot when we talk about ADHD blocks or things
that we struggle with.
Sometimes things can be overwhelming because they're just too
huge. How can I do this on my own? Maybe you can't do it
on your own. How do I hire. Do I hire somebody to do
it? And then that takes a lot of effort.
You make phone calls, you look up people, you bring people
(02:41):
over. You do all this research, and maybe still it's not
getting done. Or you hire somebody to do something and it doesn't
turn out very well. So there can be a lot of things that get
in the way. Even just thinking, I just.
I just want to do it myself, but I'm not sure how to do
it by myself. So identifying whatever it is,
whatever resistance, or if you've ever heard of friction, if
(03:04):
you have friction, you got sandpaper, you're trying to glide
you're ice skating, you're trying to glide, and there's sandpaper
there. That's not going to happen. Right.
So you have to think of what is that Friction.
And it can be a lot of things. It can be a lot of
things, but just identifying one thing can be helpful because
(03:24):
it can make a difference in you being able to start.
I talked a few weeks ago about doing some is better
than none. And that's true. That's true.
Even if it just gives you a little edge on the project or,
I mean, you know, like laundry. I talk about laundry a lot, but
doing laundry, you can do some instead of done, and it can
(03:45):
pile up just as much a day or two a week later, and you
feel like, well, did I even make a dent in it?
Maybe, maybe not. But you were able to find socks that morning.
You were able to clear out some space that day, or you
were able to be productive in a way that was helpful.
So just that friction of thinking, I don't want to
(04:06):
just do a little bit. I want to do the whole thing.
That can be a block. That can be a block.
If you think, I don't want to do it unless I can do all of
it.
A lot of times we have so much going on in our heads that
is blocking us, but we're not really paying attention to
it. I mean, we might. We. We might get busy in
(04:27):
the, in the mindset. If, if you think of what's going on
in your mind is chatter, and it just can stir up
on its own. It can be background noise to your ability
to try to think clearly. You have all these thoughts coming
up, or you have emotions that you're not identifying as thoughts,
but you have something that's making you think, now is not a
(04:49):
good time. Now is not a good time. Not today.
Maybe on Friday, maybe on Monday, maybe next week.
And those things get you stuck. They get you to
where you're not accomplishing what you want to accomplish.
And then you have the thoughts that are
(05:10):
negative to yourself, like, why can't I get that done?
If I could just do this, this, this, this, this, I could get
this done. Why? What's wrong with me?
How come that person can do this? How come I can't?
And all those things can get in the way of just
your own ability to feel good about yourself.
And that's important, to feel good about yourself.
So an example is my podcast. Obviously, I like to talk
(05:32):
about it because it's what I'm doing.
So last week, I wasn't on the week before, I
knew you have grandchildren coming for two weeks, and then
you're gonna go to visit them a week later.
Three weeks. Can I make three weeks worth of
podcasts? Sure I can. I've done it before.
And I know a woman, the woman that I was in Israel
(05:56):
who. Okay, let me back up. She is the
host of a podcast, and I was a guest.
I know how to say that in reverse, but she had a
baby last year, and she recorded a whole year's worth
of podcast episodes. She publishes one a week.
So she set up all the topics of her podcast
(06:17):
and recorded all of them before her baby was born so she
could continue with that. And that worked for her.
I wouldn't really want to do that. I mean, I admire her for
it, but I wouldn't want to do it because I would feel out of
touch. I'd feel like it's not really me talking to you anymore
because it's so far out. I kind of feel like that when I even
go out of town and record a few and I'm not actually here a
(06:42):
day or two before recording it. I don't know, it just isn't.
I'm such one of those people that wants things to feel as genuine
as possible. And I know that's dumb, but that's.
That's me. So, I mean, I shouldn't say it's dumb, but not everybody
feels that way. And. And I do. So I'm trying to learn
to not apologize about the things that are me.
So back to that. So the internal chatter that you
(07:04):
have in your mind can stop you from doing something.
So I decided to rearrange where I record my podcast.
And part of that was because I was planning ahead.
I knew that my grandchildren would be here for two weeks, and
they would be in that room and being able to clear
them out or move around, you know, Anyway, it just seemed
(07:26):
like maybe you should just move all the podcast stuff here where
you teach yoga and I teach yoga. I turn that way, there's
a big white cabinet, and I teach yoga there because it's
important to me that people can see my body, my shape,
while I'm doing yoga. Not that I think, like, I have the best
shape ever at all. It's just that I.
(07:47):
I know that they need to see what I'm doing, and if I have something
dark behind me or distracting, then they won't be able to
see it. So that's where I teach that.
But I learned very quickly that when I came
in here, I was so ready to Pre record some episodes.
And I found, I learned the hard way, that without
(08:09):
carpet in here, with tall ceilings, no curtains, no
sofa upstairs. There's a sofa, and there was a mattress on
the floor. We don't have a real bed in there.
But there was enough sound absorption that the podcast sounded
fine. I started recording in here, and thankfully I tested
it without talking for an hour. But it's.
(08:31):
It was. It was horrible. It was so echoey.
It was like I was talking into a bucket.
And I thought that. That. That can't work.
That can't work. So I did some things to.
You know, I basically brought in rugs and towels and blankets
and even coats, like these teddy bear coats.
I have a bunch of them in here. My daughter and I each have one.
I actually even have, if you're watching on YouTube, I even have
(08:54):
the biggest stuffed animal in her whole house that my daughter's
boyfriend and bought for her. One for her in a
game at Dave and Buster's. I've never been there, but
anyway, so, yeah, I brought all these things in here so that
I could record a week or two ago, but they were such short
episodes because I had to really figure out each
(09:14):
time, okay, I've got my yoga set up.
I'm gonna get this. So I had a lot of friction.
I had to a lot of setup before I could do it.
And then I decided I want a real nice, big carpet
in here. Not carpet, but, you know, a big rug.
I want. I want it to be smooth in here before I
record. I want it to be where I've got my yoga set up,
(09:36):
I've got my podcast recording set up, and I can just
come in and record like I did when it was upstairs.
Haven't had a chance to do that. I worked and worked and worked
on it, but I think I have way too many things in here.
And, yeah, I've worked on it a lot, but I
had a lot of friction. I had a lot of resistance
(09:58):
because it wasn't perfect. And right now, it's not perfect either.
I'm sitting in the middle of the room.
There's a lot of stuff everywhere. But I decided if you
want to be able to publish some episodes this week, you
need to stop thinking about. But you have five grandchildren
here, the four that are my daughters and my other granddaughter
who lives here, not with us, but locally.
(10:21):
And you need to just decide it's okay if we
hear someone running up and down the stairs.
Maybe you won't even hear it. I don't know.
I haven't tested that, but I needed to take that off of
my resistance list. What else did I need to take
off my resistance list? That I needed to have everything
set up so I could just come in and do it.
So I spent however long I've been in here, half hour, the lights
(10:43):
changed, the kids are probably gonna get hungry, we were
gonna go swimming. Now it's five o' clock, you know, all those
things. But I decided that no matter what resistance
I run into, I need to look at that and just say,
I'm going to do it anyway. I'm going to do it anyway.
And whatever idea you have in your head or
(11:03):
whether you recognize it or not, I can't do it now because
it might be real. It might be real. It might be a
distraction that could happen. Someone could walk in the store
any minute and distract, disrupt or whatever.
It might be a real disruption or. But if you're able to
get some or actually all done because you're not
(11:24):
fearing that resistance or you're not taking it into
account, you're not being a perfectionist about it.
Like, it has to be this certain condition.
Like my roots, Honestly, they do not show up this
gray when I'm just looking in the mirror.
At least unless I'm clueless or something.
Supposed to get it colored in a couple weeks.
And I was afraid to do it on my own.
(11:45):
I have been doing it on my own forever.
But since I did highlights, I thought I might
mess it up. So I'm not doing it. But I'm.
I decided pretend like this is a YouTube video for
dyeing your roots. And in the beginning, this is what people
look like. So I have to live in the land
of make believe sometimes to deal with my resistance.
So, yeah, so that's one of them. Then.
(12:06):
We're pretending that this is a hair coloring.
How to color your roots with adhd. It's like avoid, avoid,
avoid. I've done it for years, actually, but I'm.
I'm now avoiding it because I don't know how to do it with highlights.
But yeah, all of those things, I decided they can't
be important if I want to do this. And
(12:29):
whatever it is that you want to get done this week,
today, tomorrow,
don't put it off anymore. Find a way, even if there's
just a little bit of time, find a way to start on
it. Find a way to give up on some of that friction
that you see as friction in your mind.
(12:49):
Somebody else might not think of it as friction.
They might not think. I don't want to hear from Renee if
she has roots that look weird with her hair.
They may not be thinking that. And obviously, when I talk about
it, it's bringing it up, right? It's bringing it up to where
you'll see it. And I'm okay with that.
It's okay. If you were my friend, you'd be here and we'd be fine.
Right? I have to start thinking that way with my podcast
(13:11):
and YouTube. It's a little scarier to have video because, you
know, there are people in the world that are mean and stuff,
but I don't care. Honestly, I don't care, because I want
to be in touch with you. I know there are tons, tons, tons,
whatever the number is, of women who are finding out that
they have ADHD or learning more about it.
(13:32):
They've known for a while, but now they're starting to put the
pieces together. And you may think, this is
how I am. I've. I've thought this for a while.
Like, this is how I am. And actually, it's not how I
am because it's been changing hormonally.
I think in the last 10, 20 years, I have seen changes.
So it's not how I've always been. Some things are.
(13:52):
The hyper part that I can't stand, being in line, all that kind
of stuff. Some of them are the same, but other things, it's
kind of like, why am I like this? What is going on?
Why am I feeling this way? Why am I the only
one that feels like I'm complaining inside or can't do it inside
or whatever those things are, it may be something you've
(14:12):
dealt with forever, or it might be new to you.
And if you understand
what is happening with your executive dysfunction or your emotional
dysregulation, if you have either of those two things, or too
many thoughts again, the way there's so many things.
Oh, my goodness. Yeah. Do you vacillate?
(14:33):
Do you vacillate between laughing at how crazy it can be and
then other times just like, oh, my goodness, like my klutziness?
I don't know very many women with adhd besides my cousin, who's
as klutzy as I'm. But I just. I think I just broke another toe
the other night, and it just bashed into a door, and
(14:55):
that would be not good to begin with.
I'm watching four grandchildren here and all that stuff.
But it's okay, you know, I can deal with that.
I'm teaching yoga. I can. I can deal with it.
I've done this before. Broken my foot three times and broken
multiple
toes since. Yeah, since I started teaching yoga, but.
So I don't know if it's broken or not.
But the thing is, is the next day I bashed
(15:18):
it like three more times. And each time I'm just like my
adhd, you know, like, why, why am I so not aware?
Why am I why? You know, but this is.
This, this is who we are. This is who you are.
Maybe you're not exactly like me, but whatever it is, every once
in a while you might get
just kind of tired of that, you know, you might be thinking,
(15:40):
why do I have so much friction to getting stuff done?
Why do other people just look like they just, you know, oh, this
is what I need to do today. I'm going to make my to do list
and then they just do it. Or they sign up for
a course and they just take it. It's really been fun
to imagine now that I know have adhd, that when I
(16:02):
create courses for you,
they're going to have the ADHD person in mind of, I
might buy this and forget I even bought it, or I might sign
up for it and look at it and think, I can't do this today and
this is why. Or I might commit to it and then wish I hadn't,
you know, all those things that I've done.
(16:22):
Yeah. But back to you. Okay, let's look at some
of the things that could be blocking you, that
could be even hard for you to see what's blocking you.
You might be in such a pattern in your day of doing, going,
getting things done and everything and thinking, I need to do
(16:42):
that, but I don't have time now. I need to do that, but I
have to do that. And you might be putting out fires all the time.
You might have a day or a week or a life
that is just full, full, full. And at the end
of the day you think, oh, I should have called my mom or
whoever there is in your life that you wish you were
in touch with more and you haven't because you've been
(17:04):
busy. That could be it. But you also might just not
be scaling your project well or not be aware of
what could be stopping you from starting.
One could be is that the project is just way too big.
It is too big. It is too big for you.
And sometimes that's because you don't know how
(17:25):
to do all of it. You might need to learn to do
some things first. It might be actually not a one person job.
It Might be a three person job and looking at that and
deciding, do I really want to do it like that?
Do I want to scale back on my expectation
or my goal with it? Maybe you do. Sometimes you have
(17:47):
to kind of shave it down
and not make it so huge. You know, like if you decided,
I'm gonna repaint my front door and paint all
of the, what are they called, shutters on the
side and I'm going to refinish the porch or whatever, and you
think I'm going to do it yourself, person, I want to do that.
(18:10):
Maybe you start thinking, I'll just wash the door, I'll just
clean the door, I'll get a power washer and clean it.
You know, you might just do something like that and, and
not make the project as big for yourself or just do the one
thing because it's like I said to my friend a few
weeks ago, I gave my mouse, I gave the
(18:30):
mouse a cookie and I created a thousand problems for myself because
I just didn't realize that I was getting in over my
head and doing something that seemed like a simple decision or
a simple idea. It just was way bigger than I
could see. So if you are sensing that, but you haven't
really looked at it, maybe just even if you like to write in
(18:51):
a note notebook, even if you'll never look at it again, it can
help you organize your brain or Google Doc or whatever it is.
Writing down what's involved or all the little things you
might have to do might help you see that maybe that's
not the best idea. Or maybe it might take more time or maybe
you need to not schedule as much of this or that
so you can do it, so that can be part of it.
(19:14):
Another thing is just not really understanding how to do it.
How to do it. You don't know what the end product
really, what you really want it to be.
Like maybe you need to talk to somebody about it and figure that
out. Or you don't understand all the steps in between.
You might know how to start, you might not know how to finish,
you might not know what all is involved.
(19:36):
So doing that research, talking to people is really helpful,
I think. I don't know. There's a lot of ways
to research online, but I think sometimes we miss the human connection
of just talking to somebody else who's done something similar
and ask them what's involved and sometimes they'll offer good
advice or even offer to help you. But just knowing you
(19:57):
don't have to,
you don't have to be Overwhelmed. You don't have to not do it
because you don't understand it. You can, you can find
simple ways to understand and even just get an idea then, if
that's what you want to do or not. But also just if there's
a lot of decisions that need to be made in the process.
(20:18):
That's one of the things I struggle with is the decision making.
Because I, I look at people who are developing their website
and they say, you can set up this website in 20 minutes
or in 24 hours. And I'm thinking, you've got to be kidding,
because, yeah, I could if I didn't care what it looked like.
But I. But I overthink all the decision making.
(20:40):
Do I want this color? Do I want that color?
Some of that is hard to do when you struggle with
that decision making. With, with. Is this really what I want
to do? Is this really what I want to do?
And sometimes you have to just say, well, let's just do it this
way now. And if you decide to change it later, you can, you
know, just, just go in that direction.
Just start, just start walking, commit to something.
(21:03):
My kids actually help with that. You know, I have, I have six
kids. And they'll just say, mom, it's okay.
You know, like just, just do that. That's fine.
And it does help to ask other people's advice.
Not that we're always seeking confirmation, like, we can't make
a decision on our own. As far as, like feeling good about it
if it's your idea and you do feel good about it, but just
(21:23):
getting a little confirmation that, you know, yeah, that top
that you're wearing and you've had it for 10 years, it is still
in style. You can wear that, you know.
Yeah. Decision making with getting dressed.
But yeah, and with getting rid of clutter.
That is a really hard thing because there are so many decisions
to make and so many emotions that can
(21:46):
come up and defining what those decision decisions are
before you begin. Like with, with getting rid of stuff, having
rules, a checklist. You can probably find them online.
I've got my own that I've. That I've used.
Not. Not recently enough, but, you know, have.
Do I really love this? Does this fit?
(22:10):
Do I care about it that much? Am I attached to
it because someone gave it to me and I'm trying to please them?
All those little things. If you make that checklist and actually
have it on the wall while you're doing it, it can help you because
you've already made your decision decision.
And it can be that way if you're deciding website colors.
If you're building a website, I don't know if you are, probably
(22:31):
not as many people are. But if you are, if you
spend a certain amount of time deciding on those colors and then
deciding that you're not going to change your mind, at least
for a while, at least till it's all set up, it's okay to complete
it and then make changes instead of making every step
take extra long. So, yeah, decision overload.
(22:56):
Too many options. And it's not just a thing where
your brain gets overwhelmed, but you also can just do research
forever. You know, you can plan and research and decide and
do this or that or what about that. Weigh the options forever.
So, yeah, there's one decision you can even define that
makes everything else easier. Like it's okay if my
(23:18):
grandchildren make noise. And they haven't.
They probably will now that I say that.
But if you just make that decision in your mind of resisting
some kind of friction, then that can be helpful.
Another thing is, is if you're afraid that you won't
do a good job with it, you're afraid to start because you don't
(23:39):
know if you're competent. You especially if it's something that
other people might see, you're afraid of failing.
You're cooking dinner and you don't want to do it.
And maybe other people don't struggle with cooking dinner as
much as I have in the past 20 years.
And I actually have failed at a lot of meals.
It's kind of embarrassing. Yeah, but whatever.
(24:03):
What can you do, right? What can you do?
I pre made my potatoes for Thanksgiving and everything.
Cooked them again, just thinking it would heat them up.
They were still not soft enough. Made me angry.
But no one else is thinking about it anymore but me.
What if you are not doing something because you want to feel
ready to do it? You want to feel like not just that you know
(24:26):
what to do, but you feel like there has to be an
ideal situation. Like I need to start this
when my desk is all clean or when I get a new desk or
when I can move into this office or when everyone's gone.
I have a lot of that in me. Is if no one else is
here, it's so much easier. But since we've moved here, it's kind
(24:48):
of hardly ever that no one else is here.
So I'm having to learn to work with that resistance.
But yeah. So if you're waiting to feel ready for
something, look at what's happening in your Mind and
ask yourself, why do I not feel ready?
And is it okay to start even if I'm not ready or
if I don't feel ready or if I feel like people will think,
(25:10):
why is she doing that? She doesn't even know how to do it that
well. You know that imposter syndrome thing.
If I just do this, this many more times, then
I'll be good enough to do it if it's something that other people
may see. The truth is, the more you do it,
the more you get better at it. And I decided
(25:32):
to clean. So we have a swimming pool.
This is our first house with a pool.
Yay. And we also have what we call the
lemon pool. It's the Jacuzzi, but. And my grandchildren aren't
happy that we're not heating it, but it's.
It's 90 degrees outside. So anyway, yeah, so we're not spending
money heating it, but it had a leak.
So many hours. My husband, a couple of my sons has spent time
(25:54):
cleaning it up, fixing the leak, fixing the this and all this
stuff. But it's still. It didn't have any water in it except
for some rain and a lot of bugs. If you hate
bugs, I'll spare you the details. We're in Florida, so they're
big, and I'm not afraid of bugs. But, you know, I
was just like, whatever. But we've been out there swimming, and
the lemon pool is attached to the swimming pool.
(26:14):
Kind of like it's up a little higher, and then a little waterfall
from it. Like, the water pumps through and it'll go into the
pool. But it wasn't doing that because the water was just rain
water. Just, you know, 6 inches, 10 inches, whatever it
was. And because I'm klutzy. Last week, I
was going out there with my grandchildren, and I always
(26:34):
take. Because I have that perfectionist, you know, especially
when I've taken my medicine. I just want to clean the pool the
whole time I'm in it. I just want to take the little screen if
I see anything, you know, the screen strainer, whatever it is.
Anyway, so before we get in, I usually go to the corners
and see if there's any bugs or anything.
Well, there are three big ones, and I won't tell you what they
were if you hate them. But anyway, so since I saw three, I
(26:55):
said, oh. And because of my reaction, my, oh, I'm standing there,
and there's not a lot of standing space between the pool and
the hot tub. The not hot tub, which is not
full and it has a step all the way around.
They call it a lemon pool because it's a half circle.
And one of my feet goes into that space of
(27:16):
the hot tub. But my balance was good enough and
I wasn't rocking over so much that I actually fell in.
But had I fallen in, this little toe that got bashed,
Whether it's broken or not would be nothing compared to what
could have happened. You know, broken leg, broken hip, concussion,
whatever. There's cement there. There was hardly any water in
(27:37):
it. And I just realized this is really dangerous.
Like, why. Why are we not filling this up and finishing the
project? So this is all about getting something done.
So. So I just decided, yeah, this project is
big. I don't know what I'm doing with it.
I haven't worked on it at all. And I keep asking my husband,
(27:58):
like, how do we clean the pool? What do we do?
How do I turn the pump on? All these things that.
With mechanical stuff, I am. My brain doesn't digest it
very well. So, yeah, it's just not the information that
I retain very well. So, anyway, yeah, I decided he was
out of town and on Friday, and I decided, you need
(28:18):
to go out there while the kids are happy playing and get
that water out of there. Clean it out and put water in
it, even if it's still leaking. I didn't know if it was.
I was hoping it wasn't going to electrocute me because it had
a light in there with wiring. But I thought, I think it's okay.
I think it's okay. Anyway, so, yeah, so I knew we
had a wet, dry vacuum. I gave my husband one last year for Father's
(28:40):
Day, I think his birthday, Father's Day, something like that.
And it's really big. And so I thought, I'm just
gonna put this in. I've used one, you know, like 15 years ago.
I'll put this in, it'll soak up all the water, and I'll
be done. Well, I didn't know what I was doing, but I started.
I started. I started doing it. And after a little
(29:01):
while, I realized it wasn't sucking up any water.
And so my husband wasn't there to ask him what was going on.
And I realized I didn't have the lid on right.
And so then I got the lid tight so it had some suction,
and it brought in a little bit of water, but not very much.
Well, I realized there was already a lot of water in there.
My husband, who used it for something else, super, super heavy
(29:22):
thing I had to bring it down a step and push it
outside. We have a. I don't know if you've been to Florida.
I don't know if other states are like this, but they call it.
Well, they have Florida rooms where they're.
They have a big screen around them. It's like your back deck
because the bugs are so big. And it will keep the bugs out.
But they also do that around pools to keep leaves and things
out. And I think in some cases alligators.
(29:45):
But we don't have a lot of water around our house, so thankfully
we haven't dealt with that. But anyway, so I had to
open the screen door. There were a lot of parts, but I thought,
okay, I can do this. It was super clunky.
It was kind of exhausting. I was getting really tired.
But I would open the screen door, kind of prop it up without,
(30:05):
like, going too far, that the plug would come out and everything
and would dump out the water. I thought I'd have
to do it once or twice. I did it at least 15
times. It took forever and ever and ever.
But what was really great, I thought was really fun, is
every time I did it, I. I made a mistake.
(30:25):
Well, probably 10 to begin with. There were so many things
like, oh, you're pulling out the plug, or you're going too far,
or the screen doors, like, running into the plug, you
know, like the cord, and now you can't get it out.
And, you know, all these things, and then it's so heavy, it's
hard to turn over. Okay. So I learn little things each time,
like take the whole lid off and the cords actually touch the
(30:49):
lid so the lid can stay closer. You need the lid on
so it doesn't splash out. I was learning as I was going,
and it really took all of those 15 times to understand how
much water was actually coming in, how to identify when it
wasn't coming in. Because for a long time I'd kind of just keep
standing there and how to do it without it being so
(31:11):
clunky. It was still dirty and horrible, but I
was able to do it. I was able to. I put some.
Sprayed some more water in there, cleaned it out, vacuumed up
some more and filled it up. And I didn't get
shocked, thankfully. I don't advise anybody to do this without,
like, really knowing if they would get shocked or not.
But thankfully, I didn't because I'd seen my husband, I think.
(31:32):
Anyway, so, yeah, I was able to make it safe.
And now there's water in there. And it's working.
And
I just loved the whole idea that I hadn't done
it for a long time. None of us had done it, none of
us wanted to do it. And I kept forgetting about it unless I go
out there. But I. Once I decided it was
(31:54):
a priority, I didn't care if I didn't know how to do it.
I didn't care if it was too big of a project.
I just wanted to get it done. It was a safety issue issue.
I thought whether it takes a little bit of time or a
lot of time, it's a lot less time consuming than breaking
your leg and dealing with that, all the disruption to life.
(32:14):
So little disruption is better than a lot of disruption.
But yeah. So, yeah, whatever it is that's stopping you,
even if you don't know what you're doing, if you can figure out
a step or two and get going on it, you will
learn as you go and you'll learn what doesn't work.
That's kind of my way of excelling at something, is continuing
(32:35):
to learn from my mistakes of what isn't working here.
Okay, what else should I do? I might need to research a little
bit or I might just need to think about it and do that and then,
yeah, the distractions, possible distractions.
Creating the perfect circumstances. Sometimes that is really
nice. It is really nice and sometimes it's necessary.
(32:55):
But if you're never getting something done, if you're never working
out at home because people might disrupt you,
then maybe you just do it anyway and see if you get
a disruption. Sometimes you will and sometimes you won't, whatever
that is, or help prepare the other people.
When I first started working out at home, and I don't really
(33:17):
anymore, but when I first started working out at home, my kids
were really little. I just had my fourth baby and
I mean, I did a little bit with a third.
This is how it is with adhd. When you tell a story, you're like,
is that really accurate? Let me tell a bunch of details that
don't really matter. But yeah, anyway, when I became
(33:39):
very consistent after I had my fourth baby, my oldest
daughter I think was in kindergarten.
And I just told him, things are going to change around here in
the morning. I need to work out. I liked baby gates a lot.
Those were really good definers of rules.
And I put a baby gate up in my room, had a little TV
in there, worked out to a video on my TV in there.
(33:59):
And I said, you can't ask for this, this, this or this until
I'm done. And it worked out. So. Yeah.
Last thing. Sometimes you don't do something because
you really don't want to do it. You really don't want to do
it. And maybe you can find somebody else who
can do it instead. Or just find another alternative.
(34:24):
Or you're just doing it for the wrong reasons.
You're doing it because you feel like you're supposed to do it.
You feel like people expect you to do it.
If you don't feel like doing it, you don't have to.
Unless you're caring for someone. If you're responsible for someone
else, then, yeah. Anyway. So, yeah. Just
(34:46):
identifying what's going on. Even if you're just identifying
one thing at a time and
saying it out loud, just kind of saying, what's stopping me from
doing this? Is this something I can get past?
Can be as simple as that? It can be in your words.
What's stopping me from doing it? Is it something I can get past?
And can I just do it anyway? And, you know, just
(35:10):
start. Just start. It's like jumping in.
Jumping in the water when you kind of feel like.
I don't know, it looks cold. I don't know if I want my hair to
get wet. I have makeup on. I don't know.
You know, all those things. And just jump in.
Just jump in. So, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's
it. I think that is it. Just noticing.
What's stopping you identifying it. I did want to say
(35:31):
you can also kind of like fill in the blanks.
Like Mad Libs. You can say even though this.
That you think might be a problem. Or even though I feel nervous,
even though identify what you still can do.
I can still do this, I can still do that.
You know, look into the possibilities.
So I guess that's it for today. And I'm not
(35:51):
even going to end fancy. I know I'm supposed to end certain ways.
That's my expectation. And I'm going to give that up today.
But thanks so much for being here. I'm gonna put this out
after Memorial Day. Cause I know some of you might be gone, but
happy, happy Memorial Day. You'll hear this after.
But if you want to join me in June, write to me.
(36:14):
Reneespiringwomenadhd.com that's gonna be my.
I mean, not so private email address.
I'm not gonna use that for my newsletters.
Cause I'm running into some resistance with that.
I spent two days with that. I'm gonna use my other one.
That one. It can be just right to me.
I'll write back. Talk to you later. Thanks so much
(36:34):
for being here. Bye.
Frozen dreams are left for tomorrow
(36:58):
For a poem
rewind like run out of time to sing
melodies and harmonies I'm cut short
(37:21):
the silence of sound has yet been found but
not by me.
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