June 26, 2025 • 58 mins
Ever feel like you can't stop thinking about what you could have done, should do, what someone said, why something didn't go the way you wanted, and who knows what else?!!! It can be maddening and can drain on your mental capacity
That's the kind of emotional clutter that can weigh you down. Renee will help you pinpoint how to spot emotional clutter and how to lighten that load.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
SA
(00:29):
hello. Welcome to Inspiring Women with ADHD.
I am Renee Allen, the host of this podcast, and I'm excited to
be here. No small feet. Did you know if you're
watching on YouTube, I can move this little thing that says Renee
Allen? It was up too high. I don't know why I should just
move it up to the microphone. Huh? Okay.
I wonder if I can turn it. I don't know.
(00:50):
I'll put it back down. Anyway, if you're just listening, don't
mind me. I'm just playing with my ecamm possibilities here.
But thank you for being here. I'm excited to be back.
I feel like if you're watching on video, by the time,
I don't know, another month or two is up, you're gonna see
every angle of this room. Because I keep trying it from different
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ways, but I'm showing the window right now because I like the
windows. And then I don't have to worry about if
a book's up straight or whatever. But that's not what I'm talking
about today. Kind of is, actually. I'm talking about emotional
clutter. So I have been decluttering this month.
Have you been doing any decluttering?
I have, and I have been researching
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and learning more and just evaluating more about why clutter
messes with our brain so much, why it makes it difficult to do
things. Some people don't seem to have a problem with it.
They just, you know, kind of think, oh, I'm fine.
I can work with a mess. If your brain is already cluttered
or scattered, it might be harder for you to work with a
mess. Or you might have a brain that has a hard time
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making it not a mess anymore. So it's.
It can be a struggle for sure, or you might really thrive on
cleaning and organizing because it does feel good to have that
space. The same thing can happen in our brains.
Emotional cluttering. Whether it's actually in your
brain or in your body, sometimes we notice it with the thoughts
that come up. Especially when you're going to bed at night and
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you finally let go of everything else.
You turn off the TV or you're not talking to anybody, everyone's
in bed or whatever, and all of a sudden all these
thoughts come up. Especially if you've been in charge of things
or there's been a lot of pressure to do something
a certain way. It could be whether it's a holiday or a party,
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you're putting on a baby shower or something like that.
Wedding receptions. That's a big one.
Or putting on a wedding. It can be hard afterwards with
all the evaluating that goes on. That is emotional clutter.
That is what's left after something happens, or you have
a conversation with somebody, or you went out to dinner with
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a bunch of friends, and then afterwards you are running through
it in your mind. That is common for a lot
of people, not everyone. Sometimes when we do these things, we
think everyone must do it, or sometimes we think, am
I the only one who does this? It's a little bit of each.
And when you do have this emotional clutter, when you
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hang on to these thoughts, evaluations, analyzing all of this,
it drains your brain. It puts a toll on your body
and your brain, and it can make you exhausted.
It can make it hard to fall asleep at night.
It can make it hard to focus on what you need to
do during the day. It can. It can cause you to
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want to go back and explain things to people or
talk it through or whatever. I have six kids.
I think I've told you that a few times before, but I have six
kids. They're all grown up, they're all 20 or over.
Don't ask me their ages because it's hard to keep
track at some point, but I know the years they're born, so that's
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good. But
it's really easy when, when, like if you've had a
child get married, or you put on a big event, like a graduation
party or something. My son just graduated from medical school.
There's not a ton of pressure, but there's a lot involved in
getting ready for it. There's a lot of the buildup, especially
if you have that people pleaser, I love to host things mentality.
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And it's almost like you're. You're preparing a gift
for someone, so you're. You're trying to figure out all
these things within the realm of what you can do.
Because at some point you might max out.
And it's different at different stages of your life.
You might look back to one time and think, I used to be
able to do all that, but now, oh, I gotta simplify it.
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And then you wonder if you should have done more.
You know, you might second guess yourself.
So all of those things that happen in your mind,
in the figuring it out, the planning, the, the
doing and then the holding on, and not only just the
event or what you did in measuring that, but the conversations
that happened. I can look back to the different weddings
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or receptions that I planned at our house or an open
house or something. And afterwards wishing, oh, I should
have spent more on the photographer.
Why did we go so cheap with that photographer?
What a disappointment. What did this.
You know, just the lack of support for
yourself. Would you do that to somebody else?
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Would you say to someone else afterwards, why did you choose
that photographer? That was the stupidest decision you ever made.
You probably wouldn't have, but if you rethink things, you
keep filling up your mind with the emotions that happened
or the conversations or I'd even thought back to.
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They had really good sandwiches at this one restaurant that we
had had their little. Little reception, open house afterwards.
And because I was talking to so many people, I kept thinking,
I should sit down and eat this sandwich.
It looks really good. But I'd start to.
And then somebody would come up and talk to me and.
And then I'd talk to them. And I really barely got some bites
and didn't get to enjoy it. And I regretted that at the
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same time. I'm sure if I had chosen the other, go sit
in a corner and eat this and then come back at it, I probably
would have thought something like, I can't believe I missed out
on talking to that person. And they were here.
You know, so it's good. Sometimes it's a loseless situation in
the way that we have these expectations for ourselves or we
have this level of perfection, even though it might not be some,
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you know, Pinterest perfection or anything.
It's just our own way that we wish things would have gone.
And so if you fill your brain up with emotional
clutter, unresolved feelings of this person said
this, or I shouldn't have said that, or worrying or doubting
yourself, just all that mental noise that comes up
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into your brain, it not only comes into your brain and makes
it harder to function with your daily life, it also can
be draining on your body. It can add the stress
response in your body. You've probably heard about the sympathetic
nervous system and the parasympathetic.
The parasympathetic is. Is the one that you want
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to be in. It's the one that. That is the relax.
The relax. Restore the calm, you know, just feeling
a lot better. If it's hard for you to remember which is
which. Para. Like a parachute. It's rescuing you.
Yay, you're coming down from the sky.
I just pulled that out of the sky myself.
But honestly, I'm just looking it up.
(07:52):
Even though I teach yoga and I've been teaching this and studying
this for a long time. Yeah, it's the rest and digest.
I just had to make sure because honestly, I cannot hold on
to information nuggets as well as I can.
An overall understanding and the memories of what my
third grade teacher wore, you know, those kind of things that
don't matter as much. But anyway. Yeah, so the parasympathetic
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nervous system is, is what our body is healthier with the
fight or flight or freeze. If you've ever experienced that, that
happens when scary. Not just scary, but
things more emergency situations or you really need to be on
guard. That's a good response to have.
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Our bodies need to have that response of what's going on, you
know, and taking care of it. But if we get stuck there, or
if we bring ourself there or get caught in this loop there, that's
where the problems are. That's when you have more problems sleeping.
That's when you get sick easier. That's when, when, when, when
am I saying you have. Your body has more problems,
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you know, like inflammation and
who knows what, you know, aches and pains and things like that.
There's a lot of. I'm sure I don't have to tell you,
there are a lot of health issues that happen when you're more
in that stressful state. So if you start to
notice that your, your brain is just on
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things you're thinking about, things that really don't matter,
they might feel like they matter. They might feel like you
want to just get caught up in it. But if you start to notice
the emotional clutter, just like if you walk into a room and
you see clutter on a counter, or you see you open a
drawer and it's full of clutter and you just can't find what
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you're looking for, things don't feel clear and empty.
You can do. You can notice that with your brain and you can
do what you do to a closet with your brain.
You can take out, you can let go of, you can get rid
of, you can declutter in your mind, just like you can
with things in the closet. It might not be, well, it's not even
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always simple with the decluttering in the closet, but it might
not be as simple as picking something up and putting in a bag
and driving it to a thrift store, throwing it away.
But if you start to realize that you can have
some control over it, that noticing is the first step and
noticing and feeling bad about it isn't good because
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we all do it. Everyone takes in extra thoughts, emotions
and things like that. Some more than others, some more than others.
But if you Realize that you're feeling guilty for things or
you're wishing something hadn't gone the same way or the way
it had. If that can drive you to action, to do it a
different way next time, Good. But let the other part go.
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And when I teach yoga, there's some things.
As I look out at the clouds in the sky, I can't see because I
really only use my glasses for computer and stuff.
But when you look at clouds in the sky and
you just lay there, you can watch the clouds move.
Sometimes you don't really notice they're moving, but if you
look long enough, or if you compare it to something like a tree,
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the cloud is getting farther away from that tree because the
tree's not moving unless the wind's blowing.
But you can watch the clouds go by. Back in the day,
when we really just slowed down and watched clouds go by, some
days they do go by faster, but they do go by.
And I think of my thoughts, like being those clouds in the sky,
and instead of just hoping they go away, I
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help them go away. I'm mentally watching them go by, which
means I'm sending them away. And you can do that with
your thoughts or you can evaluate. Is this really needed
right now? Because it might be something that you think.
I really don't want to give up on that thought.
I don't want to send it away forever.
But can you at least let go? Now? I learned a lot
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from yoga classes because I look at them as.
And you could do this with any. Any place that you go.
You can go to a class, you're taking classes at school or whatever,
you're in a workout class or whatever, whatever your purpose
is for that time that you're there. And when I would
go to yoga, that's to relax, just to kind of have a
little vacation in that hour, hour and a half, or however
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long the class was, have a little vacation from my life,
have a little time just to myself. And if I go in
there and have the same thing going on in my mind that
was happening an hour before, am I really separating myself
from what was happening before? Not really.
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I'm just changing, like, the environment.
I'm in a different room, I'm doing different movements with my
arms and stuff. But if my brain is still there, I'm
not really doing the yoga. I'm not really letting go.
If I went on a hike with a friend, and I'm just thinking,
I'm going to go up into the redwoods, which I used to do a lot
when we lived in the redwoods, go on a hike and just bond with
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this friend. But if I'm going up there and just still
in a mood that I was in before, bringing whatever was happening
before there, I'm not really obviously in the
moment. I'm not taking advantage of the opportunity that I
have to have this be a meaningful and wonderful experience.
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And hopefully a lot of experiences that we have.
The aim is to either enjoy or help someone
benefit in some way. And if we're disrupting that
ability for that to happen, then just looking at what
you're doing, not anybody else is doing, maybe somebody else
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started that because just being with them in that
conversation brought those emotions.
But you're the one that's keeping it going.
You're the one that's keeping it going.
So noticing your power in that and what you can do
to get rid of that emotional clutter is really helpful.
Some examples are me going to a yoga class really
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late. You know, it can happen with adhd, it can happen if you're
like running behind and trying to do too many things.
That's more my go to now. But there have been times
when it's more of the complete brain glitch.
For some reason in my mind, even though I've been to this class
20 times before today, I thought it started at this time.
That time, not that time. How did I mess up on that?
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So you walk in? I did. Walked in a half hour late.
It was an hour and 45 minute class, so I wasn't halfway through,
but I could tell I wasn't at the beginning.
And I got in there with the purpose of enjoying that yoga
class and learning and trying new things and letting go
and all those things. I go in a little bit horrified
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that I'm so late and not sad that
I missed out, but just like, that was so lame, you know, like,
why? Why? So I go in and the teacher who was
my trainer at the time said, oh, come in here.
In a room of 40 people, he puts me right up next to the wall.
So for my first challenge is I'm doing yoga, honestly with my
face less than a foot from the wall and trying to like not have
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my hands hit it and stuff. I'm like, oh, thank you for that.
So that was my first mental challenge of can I do this
and still enjoy it? So I learned at some point that
when you go into a yoga class, things will happen.
Like one time I went in, it was a free class.
I learned don't go to free classes because too Many people come
and they're not always the best. Might not always be true, but
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that's what I thought that night. But anyway, I went in two teachers.
Some yoga teachers like to sing. I've never done that.
Some yoga teachers like to sing. Unless I'm, like, singing along
with Sting, but I don't think I really do that when I teach.
But anyway, so, yeah, these two teachers were singing
at the beginning, like, after doing some om things.
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And I enjoy doing that in class, but I don't teach that way.
I. It feels good to do it, but I. It's not
my way of teaching. But anyway, so they're teaching, and I am
very sensitive to people who are off key.
And they were very off key. They. They were not gifted singers.
They weren't even. What's the word for, like, adequate or,
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you know, something they. Yeah, tone deaf.
So that was disruptive to my ability to relax
because I was just like, oh, please stop singing.
Please stop singing. Because they were.
I don't know if they were trying to harmonize or if they were
trying to sing the same note, but it didn't sound.
Yeah. So it was. It was interfering with my ability to relax.
And I thought, I just want to leave.
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I just want to leave. And I thought, if you want to learn
something right now, what's going on in your brain, can you let
go of that? Can you endure the situation that's not unsafe, it's
just somewhat disruptive or annoying, and noticing what's
going on in your mind and still being able to
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appreciate a moment. Maybe I wasn't appreciating that moment,
but the rest of class, it got better.
It got better. In fact, toward the end, they did a pose that
I use all the time when I teach now.
I learned it in that class. And I'm so glad I didn't leave because
I kept thinking, just go. Just go, Go out of the car right now.
Go, go. I kept thinking about it, but I stayed.
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But noticing what's going on in your mind instead of getting
caught up in it, like, ah, this is driving me crazy to hear
them sing like this and just noticing it's driving you crazy
to hear him sing like this. Can you stay here a little longer?
Can you practice this whole idea of breathing slowly and relaxing
and being calm in a moment that doesn't feel calm?
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Arrive really late and be really close to the wall.
Have it almost drive you crazy, but learn to deal with
something that may not be the best, but you can deal with it.
The other thing that I Noticed in my mind during that class
was my practiced apology, apology. Do you ever have
a moment, like, where you start thinking, I need to apologize
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to this person. I need to let them know I'm really sorry,
because blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Well, this is what I was doing during that yoga class because
I thought, oh, I came in so late. So I was practicing my story
that I was going to tell the teacher afterwards.
I was practicing in my mind. Like, you know, I didn't
realize for some reason, my brain, you know, and at some point
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I noticed. I backed up and noticed like that my thoughts, that
cloud in the sky. What is your brain doing right now?
Are you
helping yourself right now? Are you even able to do
anything with these thoughts right now?
No. So then just let them go. Like, what does it matter whether
you say that to them or not? Or whether you think of it at the
end of class? Do that. Don't interrupt this time.
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So with your own emotional clutter, whatever thoughts that are
just, you know, just kind of going around in
your mind and that are building up some tension in your body,
if you notice with your shoulders or.
Or if you just can't focus on what you need to because
of this loop that you're caught in,
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identify that. Just ask yourself, am I feeling guilty about something
right now? Am I feeling shame? Like, that was kind of
embarrassing. I've done that before where I just think
I have reacted emotionally to that, and I wish I hadn't.
I've noticed that a few times that when a few people have told
me some things in yoga classes, I have a response.
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It's not like an angry thing, but it's almost like I get defensive
or something. I don't know. It's hard to just explain without
boring you with the details, but. And it might not even show
up to them. But I think that's not who I want to be.
You know, Like, I. I want to just be like, more of an
observer to what they tell. What they tell me.
Like, oh, that's really interesting.
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Instead of judgmental, I'm just laughing when
I can't get words out of my mouth. But anyway, yeah.
So here are five types of emotional clutter that can be common
with adhd. One is what I just mentioned.
The guilt and the shame of
wanting to be a certain way. And you're
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not. You might run into walls. You might trip.
You might forget things, you might lose things.
You might not hear somebody when they're talking to you
and ask them, what did you say? What did you say?
I'VE heard more and more recently of women saying that
a spouse or someone in their life will tell them, you should
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probably get your hearing checked. Because you're always asking,
you know, what did you say? And some of them have had their
hearing checked and they have good hearing, but it's just that
they can't pay attention to the words all the time.
And not. Not feeling bad about something like
that, it is just how your brain works and you do the best
you can and just not carrying that with you.
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I'm trying to learn right now, like I would say in the last couple
years, to not apologize for the way I am,
because I tend to want to answer a text with
a long answer, and sometimes I can get myself to answer
for the short answer, and that's fine too.
But I realized that there are times where I would rather
not answer than not have it be complete
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or authentic. And. And then I'm. And then I would say
things at the end like, I know this is like, I just told you
a whole story, but, you know, or whatever, or leaving a voicemail
or something. And I've decided, you know what?
Who cares? Who cares if that bothers that person?
Maybe they won't text you anymore. That's okay.
But this is you, and you can have your relationships the way
you want to. So you let go of that. So you're not
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carrying that with you and not walking away with.
From a situation, feeling that way. Another kind of emotional
clutter that you might carry is a fear of failure,
of having thoughts go through your mind every time
you want to start doing something or do something or pursue
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something you've been doing, or be consistent with it, and the
idea that, well, I won't be able to do well
at it, or this will be embarrassing if I try it
and people find out about it, because I'm really not that
good at it.
There. There's a lot of that. There's a lot of it.
If you think about something you've wanted to do in life, there
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are times I kind of go back and forth of, I can do this.
Yeah, of course I've got the confidence I could do that.
And then what on earth was I thinking?
How embarrassing. Maybe I should just crawl in a hole right now.
Those thoughts, they can just bombard you and it can be
hard. So, yeah, trying to notice the conversations in
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your head and ask yourself, is it supportive?
Is it cluttering up my mind? Can I just sweep that away,
wipe it away and do what I really feel driven to
do, what I Feel like I can do or you know, follow, Follow
my heart, follow my gifts. Another thing is people pleasing.
My goodness. I just did this life coaching, just finished a
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life coaching training. Not because I want to be a life coach,
but just because I wanted to have a certification to just
understand what they do. I don't really want to do one on one
coaching or anything like that, but I just thought it would help
me understand working with people and learning what they do.
But anyway, they had sections on people pleasing
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and some of the experts said there are five types of people
pleasers. Some said six. The one that said six, five
out of the six. Oh my goodness, I was so that, so that.
And I know I've talked about people pleasing on the podcast,
but I think I need to break down the types because it's like,
yeah, yeah, yeah. And that can be emotionally draining because
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you are weighing out what you do according to what will
help people. Love it, be happy or not feel bad
about themselves or you're helping them.
I, I used to agree to do things that people asked,
you know, like if you're volunteering or even just subbing.
Like because I teach, a lot of times it's teachers at gyms
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or instructors will need a sub and I used to just jump on
it. Yes, I'll do that, I'll do that.
And I really wanted to help the people and I thought it would
be fun too. But I've learned to wait because maybe
somebody else can help them. Maybe that actually helps them more
and it's not disrupting their life as much.
(24:21):
But yeah, the people pleasing residue.
Watch your brain and see it. You do anything out of
obligation or concern that you might hurt that
person's feelings, but it really has nothing to do with whether
it's right for you or not. Yeah, that can be draining.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And just the overthinking, the
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overthinking. I've mentioned that a lot.
At the beginning, replaying what you said you did, you didn't
do what didn't go well.
It's exhausting. It drains your brain capacity and then
you're not as emotionally adept. You're not able to function
(25:04):
during the day. And that's what we want to do, right?
When we get sick. Do you ever get sick or injured, break your
foot or something? I'm just laughing because I have three times.
But you have a lot of time, you have
a lot of downtime and then you wish, you think of
all the things that you normally could get done and do do and
you know There are a lot of things that you do every day and
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need to do. And when you are healthy and not injured,
you don't want something like this to get in the way.
When you have that capacity to do it, you don't want your.
Like some people say, you know, I'm.
I'm getting in the way of myself. I'm getting in.
I'm. I'm getting in my way. Something like that.
There's this phrase, I don't know. Okay, the other fifth one.
(25:48):
So emotional rejection, rejection, sensitive dysphoria.
Rsd. I've talked about that before on the podcast.
That is either feeling bad, carrying the pain from
a real rejection, criticism, or not being understood,
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or even perceived rejection, criticism, misunderstanding.
And if you have children with ADHD or grandchildren, I've even
seen this with a few of my grandchildren who have adhd.
And I see it so much in myself see it.
My youngest son, when he was growing up is.
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It's not always about trying to. You know, some people think
that you're debating or arguing because you're trying to be right.
It's not that you're trying to be. Be right.
And it's not that you want to be right or that you're beating
a dead horse, as they say. You know, it's not that.
You just know that they don't understand your intention or what
you mean. And so you really have a need
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to express that to them. And sometimes you have the opportunity
to do that. And sometimes when you do that, it can be
perceived as arguing or just talking too much or
going too far. So, yeah, so it's hard because
if you have that, if you have that emotional response
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and no matter what you say, people aren't really understanding
you or you wish that they did. And it can
even go back to if you're a mom who has older
kids and going back and reliving old memories,
and you can see that they took it so much differently than you
did or you intended. It's hard. It's hard.
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There's a lot of these, a lot of emotional toll that can
come in. So it's not just thoughts, but it's just the feelings
in your body and everything. So it can disrupt your
day. So what can you do? What can you do to
help with this besides just saying, that's a cloud.
Let it go with the feelings. Emotions might be harder
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to do with thoughts. Thoughts. You can put new thoughts in your
brain easier by singing a song, by praying.
Please let go of this. There are so many things that you can
do to let go of thoughts to take away that
one is feeling gratitude. And not just feeling gratitude, but
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writing down or thinking of people, places, things in your
life that you're thankful for. If you do that, you can't
be thinking of the other thing at the same time.
If you're thinking of things that went wrong, think of things
that went better than you could imagine that day.
Or think of someone who doesn't understand you.
Think of somebody who loves you and adores you and things that
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they've said to you to express that.
Go back and read old cards or notes or emails or Facebook
comments, whatever it is, take those things and
feed that part of you that you need so that you aren't
carrying all this with yourself. And.
And there are a lot of. A lot of things that
(29:02):
you can do to let go. But just recognizing it
to begin with is important. Physical activity can help
you let go. The. Whether it's the cardio, I
hope that. I hope this isn't making noise, but near the microphone,
I never know. Yeah, I move with my hands a
(29:22):
lot, but yeah, cardio, hiking, yoga, weightlifting,
good music, all of those things can get you in a
different mental space. What's. What's funny about that is, is
I've noticed, and maybe you have too, that when you go to bed
at night or if you wake up during the night, thoughts come up
that you really didn't have time to or maybe thought about
(29:46):
a little bit during the day, but they get magnified at night
when nothing else is going on. When I used to get up and
exercise first thing in the morning, get up and do like an hour
cardio workout or weights or whatever.
As soon as I'd get started, something would come up in
my mind that was problem from the day before.
And I thought, this is so weird. So weird.
And it was my time alone. My kids usually weren't up yet, or
(30:07):
the older ones were getting ready or something, but I just think,
why am I thinking of this now? And so when I be doing my kickboxing,
I'm just like, I'm just, you know, gonna try to get rid of this
or whatever, but things will come up if you're carrying it with
you. And any kind of body movement with
controlled breathing, whether it's, you know, weightlifting and
exhale on the push or whatever, all of that is helpful for
(30:30):
your body. Talking to a friend is helpful.
Sometimes just that verbal processing without burdening the other
person is helpful. I don't know if you use Marco Polo.
I use it a lot where you send a video in, you can do
that on WhatsApp too. But in Marco Polo, it's just kind of like
a text back and forth. And WhatsApp, you actually have to record
it. And it's limited to like six minutes.
(30:51):
I've gone over a few times. So you have to.
You have to curb your time on WhatsApp.
But sometimes I'll make a mark Marco Polo
to my daughter or something and vent about something and then
afterwards think, she doesn't need to hear all that.
Like, I don't need to weigh her down.
I've gotten it all out. I can delete it and then go
(31:12):
back and just, hey, how's it going? It still helps to feel
like you're talking to somebody, talking it through.
So some people do journaling or, you know, kind of a
brain dog kind of thing. You can write down everything that bothers
you, but you can even just record it, pretend like you're talking
to a friend and then delete it. You could.
So, yeah, you can pray for sure. And yeah, you
(31:35):
can also reframe it. That's. That is a life coach kind of thing
where you look at it as
this happened. Can I see it through a different frame?
Can I see it in a different way? Have a more positive outlook
on it and just letting go. Just letting go.
Tell yourself what? Well, what I ask myself is,
(31:57):
does anybody care about this but me?
Most of the time the answer is no. So why am I putting that
pressure on myself?
Yeah, I just want you to know, if you carry emotional clutter,
it's real. In yoga, they call it, which I
don't. I don't really like the term, but they call it the monkey
mind. And the. The art of yoga was it.
(32:18):
Honestly, I can't remember quotes very well, but it's something
like, yoga is the art of quieting the mind.
Because I think this whole yoga idea was not
that I know philosophy that well or anything, but it was trying
to let go of the. All the kind of
natural man mind things that come up that aren't
(32:41):
an important, aren't as important and are causing problems for
us and just letting go of those. So it's just a method of
doing that. And then the yoga movements came because sitting
and meditating forever, these people that were doing it got really
thin and weak and frail. So they added movement.
And then, you know, other people use it for different reasons,
but I've just learned because of the breathing and the movement
(33:03):
and it feels good to stretch and move with the breath and
music I always use. I mostly use. I would say real
music. Real music. More current music than yoga.
E music. I use. I use a bit of that at the end.
But. But I like. I like real music,
too.
(33:23):
Oh, my goodness. Yeah. I'm right now in my mental cluttered
mind. I'm trying not to feel weird about what I keep talking
about because sometimes I just say things and who knows why they
come up, but I'm gonna let that go. I am.
I am. Yeah. So just notice whatever emotional weight's coming
on your mind, and they just call it the monkey mind because,
you know, monkeys in a cage, you know, well, okay, let's get
them out of the cage, out of the zoo, in the jungle.
(33:46):
You know, they're all over the place.
And with us, it can happen. It can be that popcorn mind, you
know, but it can also be thoughts that are not just
popping around and going, that they're actually weighing you
down. Weighing you down. You've got the weight of the
world on your shoulders. And a lot of that, you create yourselves.
A lot of that, you can let go of yourself.
(34:08):
You can give yourself the awareness, give that gift of
learning just to notice it. And then deciding, is there something
I can do with this? Do I want to keep thinking about this right
now? Do I want to keep carrying this with me?
You know? Yeah. Thank you for being here
today. I'll get this one out today. I haven't been as
(34:30):
consistent this summer, but I have been decluttering, and that's
been fun. And those of you have come to my website, thank you
for doing that. It's renee-allen.com.
i am getting better and better at my website.
I figured out how to get my blog posts on there.
I don't have all of them on there, and they're not all kind of
re edited. Okay. What they say on a
(34:51):
YouTube tutorial that takes a day or a
week. It's taken me three months, but it's partially.
It's not because I'm not working on it.
It's just because the learning curve is hard and I have to
figure it out. I always find some little hitch that I want it
to do this. And then I spend three days trying figured that
(35:11):
out. But I'm getting closer. So if you want to check
out my website, it's very pink. It's renee-allen.com.
i do have some contact forms on there if you want to be on
my email list. My little newsletter of tips.
And my newsletter is a way to communicate.
It's not just, hey, this is what you can do it.
I. I want to hear from you. I want to hear if you're decluttering.
(35:34):
What are you doing? What is your challenge right now?
What do you need help with? What's been frustrating for you lately?
Because I can guarantee you it's probably what's frustrating
for me too. It's just kind of narrowing down which one to talk
about first. So anyway, thank you so much.
I will be back. And if you haven't already, give
me a five star review. If you're on a podcast format, it's a
(35:58):
little harder to find. At least I think it was hard to find,
but I've done it for people and also share my podcast
with a friend or two or family member because I would love
for our community of women to grow so we
don't feel like we're alone. We don't feel like we're going through
this on our own or that we can't do it or what's wrong with
us. It's just figuring out how our brains work and freeing
(36:22):
it up as much as we can so it can do its best.
So we've got a lot of gifts that we can offer.
Thank you so much.
Open windows Broken shadow
Frozen dreams are left for tomorrow
(37:04):
Rewind like run out of time to sing
melodies and harmony please I'm cut short
the silence of sound has yet been found but
not by me.
SA
(00:29):
hello. Welcome to Inspiring Women with ADHD.
I am Renee Allen, the host of this podcast, and I'm excited to
be here. No small feet. Did you know if you're
watching on YouTube, I can move this little thing that says Renee
Allen? It was up too high. I don't know why I should just
move it up to the microphone. Huh? Okay.
I wonder if I can turn it. I don't know.
(00:50):
I'll put it back down. Anyway, if you're just listening, don't
mind me. I'm just playing with my ecamm possibilities here.
But thank you for being here. I'm excited to be back.
I feel like if you're watching on video, by the time,
I don't know, another month or two is up, you're gonna see
every angle of this room. Because I keep trying it from different
(01:12):
ways, but I'm showing the window right now because I like the
windows. And then I don't have to worry about if
a book's up straight or whatever. But that's not what I'm talking
about today. Kind of is, actually. I'm talking about emotional
clutter. So I have been decluttering this month.
Have you been doing any decluttering?
I have, and I have been researching
(01:35):
and learning more and just evaluating more about why clutter
messes with our brain so much, why it makes it difficult to do
things. Some people don't seem to have a problem with it.
They just, you know, kind of think, oh, I'm fine.
I can work with a mess. If your brain is already cluttered
or scattered, it might be harder for you to work with a
mess. Or you might have a brain that has a hard time
(01:59):
making it not a mess anymore. So it's.
It can be a struggle for sure, or you might really thrive on
cleaning and organizing because it does feel good to have that
space. The same thing can happen in our brains.
Emotional cluttering. Whether it's actually in your
brain or in your body, sometimes we notice it with the thoughts
that come up. Especially when you're going to bed at night and
(02:24):
you finally let go of everything else.
You turn off the TV or you're not talking to anybody, everyone's
in bed or whatever, and all of a sudden all these
thoughts come up. Especially if you've been in charge of things
or there's been a lot of pressure to do something
a certain way. It could be whether it's a holiday or a party,
(02:44):
you're putting on a baby shower or something like that.
Wedding receptions. That's a big one.
Or putting on a wedding. It can be hard afterwards with
all the evaluating that goes on. That is emotional clutter.
That is what's left after something happens, or you have
a conversation with somebody, or you went out to dinner with
(03:04):
a bunch of friends, and then afterwards you are running through
it in your mind. That is common for a lot
of people, not everyone. Sometimes when we do these things, we
think everyone must do it, or sometimes we think, am
I the only one who does this? It's a little bit of each.
And when you do have this emotional clutter, when you
(03:26):
hang on to these thoughts, evaluations, analyzing all of this,
it drains your brain. It puts a toll on your body
and your brain, and it can make you exhausted.
It can make it hard to fall asleep at night.
It can make it hard to focus on what you need to
do during the day. It can. It can cause you to
(03:48):
want to go back and explain things to people or
talk it through or whatever. I have six kids.
I think I've told you that a few times before, but I have six
kids. They're all grown up, they're all 20 or over.
Don't ask me their ages because it's hard to keep
track at some point, but I know the years they're born, so that's
(04:09):
good. But
it's really easy when, when, like if you've had a
child get married, or you put on a big event, like a graduation
party or something. My son just graduated from medical school.
There's not a ton of pressure, but there's a lot involved in
getting ready for it. There's a lot of the buildup, especially
if you have that people pleaser, I love to host things mentality.
(04:34):
And it's almost like you're. You're preparing a gift
for someone, so you're. You're trying to figure out all
these things within the realm of what you can do.
Because at some point you might max out.
And it's different at different stages of your life.
You might look back to one time and think, I used to be
able to do all that, but now, oh, I gotta simplify it.
(04:55):
And then you wonder if you should have done more.
You know, you might second guess yourself.
So all of those things that happen in your mind,
in the figuring it out, the planning, the, the
doing and then the holding on, and not only just the
event or what you did in measuring that, but the conversations
that happened. I can look back to the different weddings
(05:20):
or receptions that I planned at our house or an open
house or something. And afterwards wishing, oh, I should
have spent more on the photographer.
Why did we go so cheap with that photographer?
What a disappointment. What did this.
You know, just the lack of support for
yourself. Would you do that to somebody else?
(05:41):
Would you say to someone else afterwards, why did you choose
that photographer? That was the stupidest decision you ever made.
You probably wouldn't have, but if you rethink things, you
keep filling up your mind with the emotions that happened
or the conversations or I'd even thought back to.
(06:01):
They had really good sandwiches at this one restaurant that we
had had their little. Little reception, open house afterwards.
And because I was talking to so many people, I kept thinking,
I should sit down and eat this sandwich.
It looks really good. But I'd start to.
And then somebody would come up and talk to me and.
And then I'd talk to them. And I really barely got some bites
and didn't get to enjoy it. And I regretted that at the
(06:23):
same time. I'm sure if I had chosen the other, go sit
in a corner and eat this and then come back at it, I probably
would have thought something like, I can't believe I missed out
on talking to that person. And they were here.
You know, so it's good. Sometimes it's a loseless situation in
the way that we have these expectations for ourselves or we
have this level of perfection, even though it might not be some,
(06:45):
you know, Pinterest perfection or anything.
It's just our own way that we wish things would have gone.
And so if you fill your brain up with emotional
clutter, unresolved feelings of this person said
this, or I shouldn't have said that, or worrying or doubting
yourself, just all that mental noise that comes up
(07:08):
into your brain, it not only comes into your brain and makes
it harder to function with your daily life, it also can
be draining on your body. It can add the stress
response in your body. You've probably heard about the sympathetic
nervous system and the parasympathetic.
The parasympathetic is. Is the one that you want
(07:32):
to be in. It's the one that. That is the relax.
The relax. Restore the calm, you know, just feeling
a lot better. If it's hard for you to remember which is
which. Para. Like a parachute. It's rescuing you.
Yay, you're coming down from the sky.
I just pulled that out of the sky myself.
But honestly, I'm just looking it up.
(07:52):
Even though I teach yoga and I've been teaching this and studying
this for a long time. Yeah, it's the rest and digest.
I just had to make sure because honestly, I cannot hold on
to information nuggets as well as I can.
An overall understanding and the memories of what my
third grade teacher wore, you know, those kind of things that
don't matter as much. But anyway. Yeah, so the parasympathetic
(08:15):
nervous system is, is what our body is healthier with the
fight or flight or freeze. If you've ever experienced that, that
happens when scary. Not just scary, but
things more emergency situations or you really need to be on
guard. That's a good response to have.
(08:35):
Our bodies need to have that response of what's going on, you
know, and taking care of it. But if we get stuck there, or
if we bring ourself there or get caught in this loop there, that's
where the problems are. That's when you have more problems sleeping.
That's when you get sick easier. That's when, when, when, when
am I saying you have. Your body has more problems,
(08:59):
you know, like inflammation and
who knows what, you know, aches and pains and things like that.
There's a lot of. I'm sure I don't have to tell you,
there are a lot of health issues that happen when you're more
in that stressful state. So if you start to
notice that your, your brain is just on
(09:20):
things you're thinking about, things that really don't matter,
they might feel like they matter. They might feel like you
want to just get caught up in it. But if you start to notice
the emotional clutter, just like if you walk into a room and
you see clutter on a counter, or you see you open a
drawer and it's full of clutter and you just can't find what
(09:41):
you're looking for, things don't feel clear and empty.
You can do. You can notice that with your brain and you can
do what you do to a closet with your brain.
You can take out, you can let go of, you can get rid
of, you can declutter in your mind, just like you can
with things in the closet. It might not be, well, it's not even
(10:02):
always simple with the decluttering in the closet, but it might
not be as simple as picking something up and putting in a bag
and driving it to a thrift store, throwing it away.
But if you start to realize that you can have
some control over it, that noticing is the first step and
noticing and feeling bad about it isn't good because
(10:23):
we all do it. Everyone takes in extra thoughts, emotions
and things like that. Some more than others, some more than others.
But if you Realize that you're feeling guilty for things or
you're wishing something hadn't gone the same way or the way
it had. If that can drive you to action, to do it a
different way next time, Good. But let the other part go.
(10:44):
And when I teach yoga, there's some things.
As I look out at the clouds in the sky, I can't see because I
really only use my glasses for computer and stuff.
But when you look at clouds in the sky and
you just lay there, you can watch the clouds move.
Sometimes you don't really notice they're moving, but if you
look long enough, or if you compare it to something like a tree,
(11:05):
the cloud is getting farther away from that tree because the
tree's not moving unless the wind's blowing.
But you can watch the clouds go by. Back in the day,
when we really just slowed down and watched clouds go by, some
days they do go by faster, but they do go by.
And I think of my thoughts, like being those clouds in the sky,
and instead of just hoping they go away, I
(11:29):
help them go away. I'm mentally watching them go by, which
means I'm sending them away. And you can do that with
your thoughts or you can evaluate. Is this really needed
right now? Because it might be something that you think.
I really don't want to give up on that thought.
I don't want to send it away forever.
But can you at least let go? Now? I learned a lot
(11:51):
from yoga classes because I look at them as.
And you could do this with any. Any place that you go.
You can go to a class, you're taking classes at school or whatever,
you're in a workout class or whatever, whatever your purpose
is for that time that you're there. And when I would
go to yoga, that's to relax, just to kind of have a
little vacation in that hour, hour and a half, or however
(12:14):
long the class was, have a little vacation from my life,
have a little time just to myself. And if I go in
there and have the same thing going on in my mind that
was happening an hour before, am I really separating myself
from what was happening before? Not really.
(12:34):
I'm just changing, like, the environment.
I'm in a different room, I'm doing different movements with my
arms and stuff. But if my brain is still there, I'm
not really doing the yoga. I'm not really letting go.
If I went on a hike with a friend, and I'm just thinking,
I'm going to go up into the redwoods, which I used to do a lot
when we lived in the redwoods, go on a hike and just bond with
(12:55):
this friend. But if I'm going up there and just still
in a mood that I was in before, bringing whatever was happening
before there, I'm not really obviously in the
moment. I'm not taking advantage of the opportunity that I
have to have this be a meaningful and wonderful experience.
(13:16):
And hopefully a lot of experiences that we have.
The aim is to either enjoy or help someone
benefit in some way. And if we're disrupting that
ability for that to happen, then just looking at what
you're doing, not anybody else is doing, maybe somebody else
(13:37):
started that because just being with them in that
conversation brought those emotions.
But you're the one that's keeping it going.
You're the one that's keeping it going.
So noticing your power in that and what you can do
to get rid of that emotional clutter is really helpful.
Some examples are me going to a yoga class really
(13:57):
late. You know, it can happen with adhd, it can happen if you're
like running behind and trying to do too many things.
That's more my go to now. But there have been times
when it's more of the complete brain glitch.
For some reason in my mind, even though I've been to this class
20 times before today, I thought it started at this time.
That time, not that time. How did I mess up on that?
(14:18):
So you walk in? I did. Walked in a half hour late.
It was an hour and 45 minute class, so I wasn't halfway through,
but I could tell I wasn't at the beginning.
And I got in there with the purpose of enjoying that yoga
class and learning and trying new things and letting go
and all those things. I go in a little bit horrified
(14:39):
that I'm so late and not sad that
I missed out, but just like, that was so lame, you know, like,
why? Why? So I go in and the teacher who was
my trainer at the time said, oh, come in here.
In a room of 40 people, he puts me right up next to the wall.
So for my first challenge is I'm doing yoga, honestly with my
face less than a foot from the wall and trying to like not have
(14:59):
my hands hit it and stuff. I'm like, oh, thank you for that.
So that was my first mental challenge of can I do this
and still enjoy it? So I learned at some point that
when you go into a yoga class, things will happen.
Like one time I went in, it was a free class.
I learned don't go to free classes because too Many people come
and they're not always the best. Might not always be true, but
(15:20):
that's what I thought that night. But anyway, I went in two teachers.
Some yoga teachers like to sing. I've never done that.
Some yoga teachers like to sing. Unless I'm, like, singing along
with Sting, but I don't think I really do that when I teach.
But anyway, so, yeah, these two teachers were singing
at the beginning, like, after doing some om things.
(15:41):
And I enjoy doing that in class, but I don't teach that way.
I. It feels good to do it, but I. It's not
my way of teaching. But anyway, so they're teaching, and I am
very sensitive to people who are off key.
And they were very off key. They. They were not gifted singers.
They weren't even. What's the word for, like, adequate or,
(16:02):
you know, something they. Yeah, tone deaf.
So that was disruptive to my ability to relax
because I was just like, oh, please stop singing.
Please stop singing. Because they were.
I don't know if they were trying to harmonize or if they were
trying to sing the same note, but it didn't sound.
Yeah. So it was. It was interfering with my ability to relax.
And I thought, I just want to leave.
(16:23):
I just want to leave. And I thought, if you want to learn
something right now, what's going on in your brain, can you let
go of that? Can you endure the situation that's not unsafe, it's
just somewhat disruptive or annoying, and noticing what's
going on in your mind and still being able to
(16:44):
appreciate a moment. Maybe I wasn't appreciating that moment,
but the rest of class, it got better.
It got better. In fact, toward the end, they did a pose that
I use all the time when I teach now.
I learned it in that class. And I'm so glad I didn't leave because
I kept thinking, just go. Just go, Go out of the car right now.
Go, go. I kept thinking about it, but I stayed.
(17:06):
But noticing what's going on in your mind instead of getting
caught up in it, like, ah, this is driving me crazy to hear
them sing like this and just noticing it's driving you crazy
to hear him sing like this. Can you stay here a little longer?
Can you practice this whole idea of breathing slowly and relaxing
and being calm in a moment that doesn't feel calm?
(17:27):
Arrive really late and be really close to the wall.
Have it almost drive you crazy, but learn to deal with
something that may not be the best, but you can deal with it.
The other thing that I Noticed in my mind during that class
was my practiced apology, apology. Do you ever have
a moment, like, where you start thinking, I need to apologize
(17:50):
to this person. I need to let them know I'm really sorry,
because blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Well, this is what I was doing during that yoga class because
I thought, oh, I came in so late. So I was practicing my story
that I was going to tell the teacher afterwards.
I was practicing in my mind. Like, you know, I didn't
realize for some reason, my brain, you know, and at some point
(18:11):
I noticed. I backed up and noticed like that my thoughts, that
cloud in the sky. What is your brain doing right now?
Are you
helping yourself right now? Are you even able to do
anything with these thoughts right now?
No. So then just let them go. Like, what does it matter whether
you say that to them or not? Or whether you think of it at the
end of class? Do that. Don't interrupt this time.
(18:33):
So with your own emotional clutter, whatever thoughts that are
just, you know, just kind of going around in
your mind and that are building up some tension in your body,
if you notice with your shoulders or.
Or if you just can't focus on what you need to because
of this loop that you're caught in,
(18:55):
identify that. Just ask yourself, am I feeling guilty about something
right now? Am I feeling shame? Like, that was kind of
embarrassing. I've done that before where I just think
I have reacted emotionally to that, and I wish I hadn't.
I've noticed that a few times that when a few people have told
me some things in yoga classes, I have a response.
(19:17):
It's not like an angry thing, but it's almost like I get defensive
or something. I don't know. It's hard to just explain without
boring you with the details, but. And it might not even show
up to them. But I think that's not who I want to be.
You know, Like, I. I want to just be like, more of an
observer to what they tell. What they tell me.
Like, oh, that's really interesting.
(19:38):
Instead of judgmental, I'm just laughing when
I can't get words out of my mouth. But anyway, yeah.
So here are five types of emotional clutter that can be common
with adhd. One is what I just mentioned.
The guilt and the shame of
wanting to be a certain way. And you're
(20:01):
not. You might run into walls. You might trip.
You might forget things, you might lose things.
You might not hear somebody when they're talking to you
and ask them, what did you say? What did you say?
I'VE heard more and more recently of women saying that
a spouse or someone in their life will tell them, you should
(20:21):
probably get your hearing checked. Because you're always asking,
you know, what did you say? And some of them have had their
hearing checked and they have good hearing, but it's just that
they can't pay attention to the words all the time.
And not. Not feeling bad about something like
that, it is just how your brain works and you do the best
you can and just not carrying that with you.
(20:42):
I'm trying to learn right now, like I would say in the last couple
years, to not apologize for the way I am,
because I tend to want to answer a text with
a long answer, and sometimes I can get myself to answer
for the short answer, and that's fine too.
But I realized that there are times where I would rather
not answer than not have it be complete
(21:06):
or authentic. And. And then I'm. And then I would say
things at the end like, I know this is like, I just told you
a whole story, but, you know, or whatever, or leaving a voicemail
or something. And I've decided, you know what?
Who cares? Who cares if that bothers that person?
Maybe they won't text you anymore. That's okay.
But this is you, and you can have your relationships the way
you want to. So you let go of that. So you're not
(21:29):
carrying that with you and not walking away with.
From a situation, feeling that way. Another kind of emotional
clutter that you might carry is a fear of failure,
of having thoughts go through your mind every time
you want to start doing something or do something or pursue
(21:50):
something you've been doing, or be consistent with it, and the
idea that, well, I won't be able to do well
at it, or this will be embarrassing if I try it
and people find out about it, because I'm really not that
good at it.
There. There's a lot of that. There's a lot of it.
If you think about something you've wanted to do in life, there
(22:13):
are times I kind of go back and forth of, I can do this.
Yeah, of course I've got the confidence I could do that.
And then what on earth was I thinking?
How embarrassing. Maybe I should just crawl in a hole right now.
Those thoughts, they can just bombard you and it can be
hard. So, yeah, trying to notice the conversations in
(22:34):
your head and ask yourself, is it supportive?
Is it cluttering up my mind? Can I just sweep that away,
wipe it away and do what I really feel driven to
do, what I Feel like I can do or you know, follow, Follow
my heart, follow my gifts. Another thing is people pleasing.
My goodness. I just did this life coaching, just finished a
(22:56):
life coaching training. Not because I want to be a life coach,
but just because I wanted to have a certification to just
understand what they do. I don't really want to do one on one
coaching or anything like that, but I just thought it would help
me understand working with people and learning what they do.
But anyway, they had sections on people pleasing
(23:18):
and some of the experts said there are five types of people
pleasers. Some said six. The one that said six, five
out of the six. Oh my goodness, I was so that, so that.
And I know I've talked about people pleasing on the podcast,
but I think I need to break down the types because it's like,
yeah, yeah, yeah. And that can be emotionally draining because
(23:39):
you are weighing out what you do according to what will
help people. Love it, be happy or not feel bad
about themselves or you're helping them.
I, I used to agree to do things that people asked,
you know, like if you're volunteering or even just subbing.
Like because I teach, a lot of times it's teachers at gyms
(24:01):
or instructors will need a sub and I used to just jump on
it. Yes, I'll do that, I'll do that.
And I really wanted to help the people and I thought it would
be fun too. But I've learned to wait because maybe
somebody else can help them. Maybe that actually helps them more
and it's not disrupting their life as much.
(24:21):
But yeah, the people pleasing residue.
Watch your brain and see it. You do anything out of
obligation or concern that you might hurt that
person's feelings, but it really has nothing to do with whether
it's right for you or not. Yeah, that can be draining.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And just the overthinking, the
(24:43):
overthinking. I've mentioned that a lot.
At the beginning, replaying what you said you did, you didn't
do what didn't go well.
It's exhausting. It drains your brain capacity and then
you're not as emotionally adept. You're not able to function
(25:04):
during the day. And that's what we want to do, right?
When we get sick. Do you ever get sick or injured, break your
foot or something? I'm just laughing because I have three times.
But you have a lot of time, you have
a lot of downtime and then you wish, you think of
all the things that you normally could get done and do do and
you know There are a lot of things that you do every day and
(25:25):
need to do. And when you are healthy and not injured,
you don't want something like this to get in the way.
When you have that capacity to do it, you don't want your.
Like some people say, you know, I'm.
I'm getting in the way of myself. I'm getting in.
I'm. I'm getting in my way. Something like that.
There's this phrase, I don't know. Okay, the other fifth one.
(25:48):
So emotional rejection, rejection, sensitive dysphoria.
Rsd. I've talked about that before on the podcast.
That is either feeling bad, carrying the pain from
a real rejection, criticism, or not being understood,
(26:10):
or even perceived rejection, criticism, misunderstanding.
And if you have children with ADHD or grandchildren, I've even
seen this with a few of my grandchildren who have adhd.
And I see it so much in myself see it.
My youngest son, when he was growing up is.
(26:30):
It's not always about trying to. You know, some people think
that you're debating or arguing because you're trying to be right.
It's not that you're trying to be. Be right.
And it's not that you want to be right or that you're beating
a dead horse, as they say. You know, it's not that.
You just know that they don't understand your intention or what
you mean. And so you really have a need
(26:53):
to express that to them. And sometimes you have the opportunity
to do that. And sometimes when you do that, it can be
perceived as arguing or just talking too much or
going too far. So, yeah, so it's hard because
if you have that, if you have that emotional response
(27:15):
and no matter what you say, people aren't really understanding
you or you wish that they did. And it can
even go back to if you're a mom who has older
kids and going back and reliving old memories,
and you can see that they took it so much differently than you
did or you intended. It's hard. It's hard.
(27:35):
There's a lot of these, a lot of emotional toll that can
come in. So it's not just thoughts, but it's just the feelings
in your body and everything. So it can disrupt your
day. So what can you do? What can you do to
help with this besides just saying, that's a cloud.
Let it go with the feelings. Emotions might be harder
(27:58):
to do with thoughts. Thoughts. You can put new thoughts in your
brain easier by singing a song, by praying.
Please let go of this. There are so many things that you can
do to let go of thoughts to take away that
one is feeling gratitude. And not just feeling gratitude, but
(28:18):
writing down or thinking of people, places, things in your
life that you're thankful for. If you do that, you can't
be thinking of the other thing at the same time.
If you're thinking of things that went wrong, think of things
that went better than you could imagine that day.
Or think of someone who doesn't understand you.
Think of somebody who loves you and adores you and things that
(28:41):
they've said to you to express that.
Go back and read old cards or notes or emails or Facebook
comments, whatever it is, take those things and
feed that part of you that you need so that you aren't
carrying all this with yourself. And.
And there are a lot of. A lot of things that
(29:02):
you can do to let go. But just recognizing it
to begin with is important. Physical activity can help
you let go. The. Whether it's the cardio, I
hope that. I hope this isn't making noise, but near the microphone,
I never know. Yeah, I move with my hands a
(29:22):
lot, but yeah, cardio, hiking, yoga, weightlifting,
good music, all of those things can get you in a
different mental space. What's. What's funny about that is, is
I've noticed, and maybe you have too, that when you go to bed
at night or if you wake up during the night, thoughts come up
that you really didn't have time to or maybe thought about
(29:46):
a little bit during the day, but they get magnified at night
when nothing else is going on. When I used to get up and
exercise first thing in the morning, get up and do like an hour
cardio workout or weights or whatever.
As soon as I'd get started, something would come up in
my mind that was problem from the day before.
And I thought, this is so weird. So weird.
And it was my time alone. My kids usually weren't up yet, or
(30:07):
the older ones were getting ready or something, but I just think,
why am I thinking of this now? And so when I be doing my kickboxing,
I'm just like, I'm just, you know, gonna try to get rid of this
or whatever, but things will come up if you're carrying it with
you. And any kind of body movement with
controlled breathing, whether it's, you know, weightlifting and
exhale on the push or whatever, all of that is helpful for
(30:30):
your body. Talking to a friend is helpful.
Sometimes just that verbal processing without burdening the other
person is helpful. I don't know if you use Marco Polo.
I use it a lot where you send a video in, you can do
that on WhatsApp too. But in Marco Polo, it's just kind of like
a text back and forth. And WhatsApp, you actually have to record
it. And it's limited to like six minutes.
(30:51):
I've gone over a few times. So you have to.
You have to curb your time on WhatsApp.
But sometimes I'll make a mark Marco Polo
to my daughter or something and vent about something and then
afterwards think, she doesn't need to hear all that.
Like, I don't need to weigh her down.
I've gotten it all out. I can delete it and then go
(31:12):
back and just, hey, how's it going? It still helps to feel
like you're talking to somebody, talking it through.
So some people do journaling or, you know, kind of a
brain dog kind of thing. You can write down everything that bothers
you, but you can even just record it, pretend like you're talking
to a friend and then delete it. You could.
So, yeah, you can pray for sure. And yeah, you
(31:35):
can also reframe it. That's. That is a life coach kind of thing
where you look at it as
this happened. Can I see it through a different frame?
Can I see it in a different way? Have a more positive outlook
on it and just letting go. Just letting go.
Tell yourself what? Well, what I ask myself is,
(31:57):
does anybody care about this but me?
Most of the time the answer is no. So why am I putting that
pressure on myself?
Yeah, I just want you to know, if you carry emotional clutter,
it's real. In yoga, they call it, which I
don't. I don't really like the term, but they call it the monkey
mind. And the. The art of yoga was it.
(32:18):
Honestly, I can't remember quotes very well, but it's something
like, yoga is the art of quieting the mind.
Because I think this whole yoga idea was not
that I know philosophy that well or anything, but it was trying
to let go of the. All the kind of
natural man mind things that come up that aren't
(32:41):
an important, aren't as important and are causing problems for
us and just letting go of those. So it's just a method of
doing that. And then the yoga movements came because sitting
and meditating forever, these people that were doing it got really
thin and weak and frail. So they added movement.
And then, you know, other people use it for different reasons,
but I've just learned because of the breathing and the movement
(33:03):
and it feels good to stretch and move with the breath and
music I always use. I mostly use. I would say real
music. Real music. More current music than yoga.
E music. I use. I use a bit of that at the end.
But. But I like. I like real music,
too.
(33:23):
Oh, my goodness. Yeah. I'm right now in my mental cluttered
mind. I'm trying not to feel weird about what I keep talking
about because sometimes I just say things and who knows why they
come up, but I'm gonna let that go. I am.
I am. Yeah. So just notice whatever emotional weight's coming
on your mind, and they just call it the monkey mind because,
you know, monkeys in a cage, you know, well, okay, let's get
them out of the cage, out of the zoo, in the jungle.
(33:46):
You know, they're all over the place.
And with us, it can happen. It can be that popcorn mind, you
know, but it can also be thoughts that are not just
popping around and going, that they're actually weighing you
down. Weighing you down. You've got the weight of the
world on your shoulders. And a lot of that, you create yourselves.
A lot of that, you can let go of yourself.
(34:08):
You can give yourself the awareness, give that gift of
learning just to notice it. And then deciding, is there something
I can do with this? Do I want to keep thinking about this right
now? Do I want to keep carrying this with me?
You know? Yeah. Thank you for being here
today. I'll get this one out today. I haven't been as
(34:30):
consistent this summer, but I have been decluttering, and that's
been fun. And those of you have come to my website, thank you
for doing that. It's renee-allen.com.
i am getting better and better at my website.
I figured out how to get my blog posts on there.
I don't have all of them on there, and they're not all kind of
re edited. Okay. What they say on a
(34:51):
YouTube tutorial that takes a day or a
week. It's taken me three months, but it's partially.
It's not because I'm not working on it.
It's just because the learning curve is hard and I have to
figure it out. I always find some little hitch that I want it
to do this. And then I spend three days trying figured that
(35:11):
out. But I'm getting closer. So if you want to check
out my website, it's very pink. It's renee-allen.com.
i do have some contact forms on there if you want to be on
my email list. My little newsletter of tips.
And my newsletter is a way to communicate.
It's not just, hey, this is what you can do it.
I. I want to hear from you. I want to hear if you're decluttering.
(35:34):
What are you doing? What is your challenge right now?
What do you need help with? What's been frustrating for you lately?
Because I can guarantee you it's probably what's frustrating
for me too. It's just kind of narrowing down which one to talk
about first. So anyway, thank you so much.
I will be back. And if you haven't already, give
me a five star review. If you're on a podcast format, it's a
(35:58):
little harder to find. At least I think it was hard to find,
but I've done it for people and also share my podcast
with a friend or two or family member because I would love
for our community of women to grow so we
don't feel like we're alone. We don't feel like we're going through
this on our own or that we can't do it or what's wrong with
us. It's just figuring out how our brains work and freeing
(36:22):
it up as much as we can so it can do its best.
So we've got a lot of gifts that we can offer.
Thank you so much.
Open windows Broken shadow
Frozen dreams are left for tomorrow
(37:04):
Rewind like run out of time to sing
melodies and harmony please I'm cut short
the silence of sound has yet been found but
not by me.
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