August 27, 2025 • 30 mins
Do you feel like your brain can't possibly keep track of all that you need to do and remember?
Same here!
In this episode, Renee explains why women with ADHD struggle with remembering things and how you can thrive (or close to it!) when you write things down or externalize anything your brain can't store or process correctly.
Get simple strategies to reduce frustration and mishaps so your life goes more smoothly.
Whether it’s lists, reminders, or sticky notes, writing things down is the key to freeing up your brainpower and managing life better.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:29):
Hello, welcome to Inspiring Women with ADHD.
Hi, everybody. I'm Renee Allen, the host of this podcast, and
I'm excited to be here today.
It's nighttime. If you can see me on YouTube, you can see
it's dark outside. And I am excited to
talk about why it is important for us
to externalize things in our lives and how this
(00:52):
can help you when you write things down.
When you take something that you keep trying to
put inside your brain and. And put it somewhere else to
help your brain, because your brain cannot do it all.
If you have adhd, you likely have executive dysfunction,
and part of that is poor working memory.
(01:17):
And that's the ability to take information that you have for
a fraction of a second or even, you know, whoever.
Who knows how many seconds. But to take that information and
use it in a way that can benefit your life, maybe
even just to remember that you have an appointment or something,
or you need to go in another room
(01:41):
and do something, and you forget by the time you get in
that room. That can happen to a lot of people, but it probably
happens to you more than most or than other people
in your life. Sometimes you meet people who have similar
things, and maybe they talk about, I'm getting older, my brain's
deteriorating. And that may be true, but this could be
something that you've dealt with for many, many years, and it's
(02:04):
not due to aging. But your ADH symptoms can increase
as you get older. Mine have, for sure.
So understanding. Understanding that you need to externalize
things, that you need to not make your brain responsible for
remembering everything. There are so many reasons why
you aren't processing it, but part of it is
(02:28):
you can only keep so much information in your brain at once.
And when you have all these thoughts that come up that can disrupt
what you're thinking about or what you're doing.
Let's say you buy a gift for somebody, it comes
in the mail, you open the package, and then later,
you have no idea where you put that gift.
(02:49):
You have no idea where you put it. You barely remember even getting
the package. Maybe it was part of a package that had multiple
items. It was from Amazon or something.
And then you think, wait, was that in there?
And then, if it was, what did I do with it?
And even remembering when the package comes in the mail that
you ordered it. Do you ever do that?
(03:10):
I do that all the time. All the time.
I mean, even before Amazon days, ebay.
We started buying things on ebay years ago, and it was
like Christmas every time a package came in Because I had no
idea what I'd ordered. I had no idea.
And it's not much different now. Sometimes I know I'm expecting
something and I'll look for it. But a lot of times, no, not
(03:33):
at all. So, yeah, your brain can't keep track
of things if you have other things on your mind.
When that package comes in the mail, you might be thinking,
I gotta get out the door, I need to do this.
Or whatever deadline you have for something in your life, you
can't process all that at once. Or you actually remember
(03:53):
getting the package and you remember having the gift and it's
Christmas time and you're taking all your gifts and you're hiding
them somewhere so no one will see them in your house before Christmas.
Do you have one place for them? Do you change your mind?
Do you keep coming up with other places?
Do you forget that you have bought something at all?
(04:14):
I've done that before. I had one year I was cleaning
out a closet in the laundry room. I'm thinking it had
to be like February or something. And I thought, you really need
to clean out this closet. It was driving me crazy.
It was one of those shove everything in and hope nothing falls
out. And yet you're not using anything in that closet.
So how helpful it is, you know? Is it to even have
(04:35):
that stuff in there? So yeah, if you have any of those stash
spots in your house, raise your hand.
So anyway, I was going through the closet and I
found some things wrapped in white paper.
And I thought, what's this? What's this?
It was like, you know, like when you go to TJ Maxx or
Marshalls. This is what it was actually.
It was Marshalls. When you buy something breakable, sometimes
they'll put it in paper. You can ask em to and they'll put it
(04:56):
in paper and then put it in the plastic bag.
Well, I had bought these two turkeys that were really cute.
I don't even know if they were breakable, but they had metal
for the feet and then probably were some kind of resin or breakable
thing at the top. And I wrapped them up because you know how
it is in the stores. They sell these things in August for Thanksgiving
or September or something. You don't need them yet.
So I put them in there. Completely forgot that I bought him.
(05:20):
When it came time to decorate for fall, I have my boxes,
the one for Halloween, and that has the fall things
in it. And then when it's time for Thanksgiving, I put away the
Halloween things or I turn the pumpkin from the Jack o' lantern
to just a plain pumpkin. I have a few of those where it's
no longer Jack o' lantern time, but it's still pumpkin time.
(05:40):
And then I get out the pilgrims and the turkeys and
things for Thanksgiving. And I love decorating.
I think Thanksgiving's my favorite. Of course, I love decorating
for Christmas. There's always going to be something nostalgic
for that. If you. If you celebrate Christmas in your life, you
might know what I'm talking about. But Thanksgiving, there's
something. I don't know. It's just so beautiful about fall decorations.
(06:01):
So knowing that I had forgotten to. To
that I even bought the turkeys and that I missed a whole Thanksgiving,
I just started crying. I didn't cry because those turkeys didn't
get to be in my. I cried because this is the kind of
thing that I do. And it's discouraging.
(06:23):
I don't really know how to describe it.
I don't know if you've had those moments.
It's frustrating where you think, of course I did this.
Of course I did this. This is before I knew I had ADHD.
And I thought, of course I do this. And I just thought it was.
You get it from your grandma. Because I always heard that my
grandma would buy Christmas presents and hide them and.
And not remember where she hit him, which I thought
(06:45):
was funny. And I loved my grandma and I thought, that's so funny
that you do that, Grandma. And then I started doing things like
that. So, yeah, it's horrible. That can be frustrating
for you to not keep track of things.
Some of them cost money. Some of them are just frustrating.
Some of them are embarrassing. Some of them can let people
(07:05):
down. And
recognizing that your brain isn't capable of keeping all of
that in and not trying to enforce that and
expect that of yourself can be really helpful.
It can be a powerful tool just to have that knowledge and to
say, I'm not able to do this, therefore,
(07:28):
I need to come up with another way. And you may have some
other ways that you've come up with in your life even before
you knew you had ADHD. And when you recognize
that, give yourself a little pat on the shoulder and tell
yourself that's great that you figured that out and
that you're not going around having to deal with that all the
(07:50):
time. But there are probably still some areas of your life where
you do have that. You do have that inability to
keep track of things. And it shows up in your life again and
again. And I look at it as an uphill
climb. When I have adhd, I'm not using that as an excuse.
I'm not using that as a, oh, feel sorry for me, other people.
(08:12):
I'm using that as a reality check that it's not
always going to go smoothly, but I can continue to figure out
ways to help it go better, and I'll have a
better chance of things going better because of that.
So what are some ways you can do this?
Okay,
(08:33):
grocery list, to do list. Do you like doing that?
Do you like having lists of things to do?
Or you use your phone, you actually tell those things that you
need to buy to the phone and it makes a list for
you? Do you do well even looking at a
list later and making sense of it and not forgetting something
(08:54):
on it? Do you, you know, what is your method?
What will help you, what has worked before and what doesn'?
If you've made grocery lists, I mean, those are kind of a
thing that people used to do, actually write on a piece of paper
what you need to buy and drive to the store and buy those things.
I learned as an adult, I did better as a child.
(09:14):
I. As a child, my mom would send me and my brother
into the grocery store and she'd sit in the car and we'd go buy
the groceries and she'd sit with the younger kids.
But we love doing that and I was able to keep
it all right there and check through it.
Probably didn't have a lot of other responsibilities in my life
to get in the way as I got older and I became the person
that was responsible for that, not just the teenager doing the
(09:35):
shopping for my mom. When I was able to drive and did that on
my own, started buying stuff for myself, I would lose the
lists in the store, leave it at home or
even have a list and at the top of the list would say, hot
dogs. And I get out of the store without hot dogs.
How, I don't know. My brain just didn't register all of it
and I realized that wasn't working very well.
(09:55):
I do better just walking around a store and deciding as I
go. But it's not always the most cost efficient thing
for sure. And I buy things spontaneously, impulsively, that I
forget about. I have two bags of brussels sprouts in my
fridge that I saw the other day and thought, oh yeah, I bought
those and never cooked them. Which doesn't surprise me.
(10:16):
It's not like I make things like that that often, but I
do love them. It's just, you know, it's more like a
Thanksgiving thing or something. But yeah.
So not having some sort of organization for it is
going to lead to a more disorderly life, more chance of
things not going well. So thinking of the things that
(10:39):
fall, you know, that slip by fall through the.
Whatever the phrase is that slip through the cracks, what
are those things? Is it appointments?
Is it. You have things on your calendar that you once knew
about but you forgot about. Did you buy a planner?
And you never know where your planner is.
A planner worked very well for me when I worked in an office,
(11:01):
which hasn't been since 1990. So I continued
to buy a planner. That was back when they called them Franklin
Planners. I continued to buy one because I loved the feel of
it. I loved the paper, I loved writing things down in
it. But most of the time at home, I didn't know where it
was. I didn't use it in any functional way.
(11:22):
But I kept buying them for a while and I gave up on
planners for a while and then I started buying them again.
I don't know that I really, really. I don't know why I buy
one, but I like having it. I like taking it places.
It's kind of my. It's kind of my personal assistant
that will get something home. So if I take it with
me to a meeting, I take notes on the week pages.
(11:45):
I don't ever use the week pages for real things.
I just use the month PA and I take notes there.
Why? Because I just do. And then on the week, the
month pages, I can see my week. I like to see my week
Sunday through Saturday. And if that helps you to see your
week like that, then maybe you have a month calendar.
If it helps you to see your week with the weeks across and all
(12:07):
the hours. That's what I liked in college.
I liked planning things out like that in college.
Or even workouts. I kind of write them all down on one page.
What workouts I do each day.
Who knows why our brains like something at one time and not
another times. But recognizing that and when it's not
working anymore is helpful. And if you find, yeah, it's okay
(12:30):
for me to spend $40 on a planner, even if I'll just use
it once a week to take it somewhere to a meeting or to
church or to wherever where you can sit quietly, write things
down and take it home and put it on your Google Calendar,
Apple Calendar, whatever calendar you use online, whatever your
app is. Because it doesn't always work for me to
(12:51):
do things like that. I did put it Into a really small thing.
Originally I like to see it bigger. I also like to see it
on my wall. And maybe you do too. Maybe you can give up
some of your wall space for a whiteboard or those giant post
it notes. Have you seen those? I bought some.
They're huge. And I haven't used them yet.
I've probably had them for a year and a half.
But I want to use them. So when I do, I'll let
(13:13):
you know. But if you, if you use one and you really like it,
tell me how you do it. Maybe you can motivate me.
I probably won't put it. I don't think I have space in here because
this is where I teach yoga. But I kind of want to
have space for it because this is where I look around.
Wherever you are is where you'll be reminded.
So if it's your refrigerator, your refrigerator, and you always
(13:35):
go to your refrigerator, put something on your refrigerator or
your door that you walk out of or your bathroom mirror.
I like the days when people used to write on their bathroom mirrors
with lipstick. Do you remember that?
Or put notes on their, their mirrors.
I haven't done that in a long time. That, that would be fun.
That'd be fun. So whatever is externalizing, taking something
(13:57):
that you no longer have to make your brain responsible for, the
working memory is going to take that information and put it in
your brain and then you're responsible for it.
But if your working memory, working memory isn't working properly,
then you need to put it outside of your brain.
You can put it on a computer, you can put it in a Google
Doc, you can put it in a calendar, you can do it, whatever it
(14:17):
is. You can have a Google Doc. Have you used Google
Docs? I love it so much. You can have a Google Doc for
gifts, for gift buying, birthday gifts, Christmas gifts, and
actually write on there where you put it.
And if you think, well, I'm not going to think about that while
I'm putting it away. And maybe have a notebook in your closet,
write it in there, then transfer it, you know.
Yeah, it's easy to lose notebooks. If you keep something only
(14:41):
in one place, you're much more likely not to lose
it. So if you have a notebook that's on a
kitchen counter, one that's in your closet, or one that's on
your dresser
and you'll remember to use it, you need to figure out what
will you use and how will you use it.
If you like lists, have a different colored pad for each kind
(15:03):
of list that you need. Alarms are fabulous if you don't
mind setting them and having them go off during the day.
And voice memos, you can always leave yourself a voice note
on your phone. You can access it if it's
in like an apple cloud or whatever. You can hear it from different
devices. Even just talking out loud.
(15:23):
Obviously that's not going to just stay out in the
world forever. But if you're walking from one room to the
other, saying it out loud is externalizing it for
half a second, is putting back it in your ear, it's coming in
a different way if you keep saying, if you make yourself repeat
it, it's not going to leave. So anything that will help.
(15:44):
And I'm a big, big fan of putting things by the door.
Wherever you're going to go, put it by the door.
If you are in your bedroom and you think, I need
to put that water bottle away, but you're on your way somewhere
else, take that water bottle and put it by the door where
you'll see it on the way out. I used to make the mistake of
putting it down
(16:07):
in the direction that I was going. So let's say I'm going from
my bedroom to the bathroom and I put it on the
door there and then I turn around, come back, I don't see it
because it's on the other side of the door.
Made that mistake too many times. But you need to put it in
a place that you'll see it. Not just where you see it as you're
walking by, but where you will see it as you leave.
So if you're gonna go out the door to leave
(16:29):
for the day, your bag of things, and you don't
have to save everything for the last second to
gather up. You can fill up a bag for days before if
you have to. You know, just like we do when we pack for a
trip and you pack up that bag, whatever your purpose is going
to the gym, you have your gym bag. When you get back, take, if
(16:51):
you use a towel or something for a workout, take out that towel,
throw it in the laundry, get another one, put it in.
As soon as you think about it, if you can do, then do it
then because you might not think about it later.
So all of that externalizing, even putting things in the car,
and no matter how long it's in your brain, it can
leave again. Like last weekend, my son was over
(17:11):
with his family, my son and daughter in law and their kids, it
was time to leave. And my daughter in law has ADHD too.
So I had said, oh, I've got the boy's shoes.
Because all the kids said, balls fallen asleep.
They have three little kids and two boys and a girl and a
baby. But I keep thinking of the kids, not the baby as much
because you know, the baby doesn't wear shoes as much anyway.
(17:33):
So the kids were all asleep, none of them had shoes on.
In my brain that's not completely complete, I thought there's
the boy's shoes, I'm going to be helpful and put them in a
bag along with, I don't know, something else, a shirt or
whatever that they needed to take home, a bottle or something.
And I put it in the bag and I said something where some
(17:54):
people could hear like, oh, the boy's shoes are in this bag.
I'll just take them out to the car. Which I did.
Well, my daughter in law, her mind was somewhere else while I
was saying that she might have been in the same room but she
didn't hear it. So everyone was out in the car.
The kids are out there, the baby's starting to cry, it's late,
you know, the kids are tired, they're asleep, but they're kind
of waking up. And I thought, I wonder where she is.
(18:15):
And I went inside and she said, I'm looking for the kids shoes.
She's just looking, looking, looking, thinking why aren't they
here? They were here before. And I said, oh, because I took them
and I already put them in the car. And she's like, oh, you know.
So she went out. Well, the next morning I see her daughter's,
their daughter's shoes. And I think, oh, my brain thought it
was getting it together by having the boys shoes ready.
(18:36):
But yeah, their daughter needed her shoes too.
Maybe she was actually looking for them.
And it didn't make sense what I said.
But then it clicked anyway, so she left.
So I thought I was on it. I thought, okay, I have the
shoes. I'm going to write to them and say I can bring them to
you when I leave today.
Get out the door. I had them by the door because that's, that's
(18:58):
what you do, you have them by the door.
Well, they were low by the door. I'm not really looking down
at the floor when I leave. So by the time I got
to church, did I have the shoes with me?
No. And I texted, I hope you haven't, hope you're not, you
know, counting on these shoes. Because I left them at home by
the door. And I thought clearly that method seemed like
it would be Good. But it wasn't enough.
(19:19):
It wasn't visible. So it needs to be visible.
If it's not at eye level and you can't put the shoes up at
eye level, then I should have written a post it note that said
piper shoes, you know, and then they would have been there, but
I didn't. So. Yeah. So a neurotypical brain,
one that doesn't struggle with executive dysfunction, can hold
(19:41):
things. It can take that information, put it in there.
It's stored. It's still there. Da, da, da, da.
Our brains don't do that very well. And not
only do they not get in there, but if they are in there,
there's a really good chance you're not thinking about it.
When you have a lot of other things on your mind.
(20:02):
Like, okay, I need to go, da, da, da da.
Am I on time? Do I have my water bottle?
Do I have my. All the other things on your mind.
I can't even count the times that I've thought of the 50
things I need to have and I get out to the car and don't
have my phone, the normal thing, you know, so there may
be a lot of things that you forget. And having a system so that
(20:24):
that can be remedied, like knowing how to use your.
Find my iPhone. If you have an iPhone, or if you have
an Android or another kind of phone and know how to
find it when you don't know where it is, that could be helpful
because think of all of these tools as having an assistant, having
somebody by your side that you can say, can you find my
(20:45):
phone? And they say, ye, that's what that is.
Or can you remind me when that appointment is?
And they say, yeah. Or can you tell me where I put
all these Christmas gifts? And they say, yes.
So you're setting yourself up to have things outside of your
brain. It will free up your space for other things,
but it will also just make your life not be so
(21:06):
bumbly, so scattered. Nobody wants that, right?
Yeah. And then also just, you know, always worrying, did
I forget something? Do I forget something?
Honestly, at least for me, I don't know that
I could ever get to the car without forgetting one thing.
(21:28):
I don't know if it's possible, but even if you're just forgetting
one thing, it's better than nothing.
Today I taught hot yoga. It was a new day.
We just added on Tuesday classes for me and I hadn't,
I didn't teach last week. I went to Disney World on my
hot yoga day. And so I had to make sure I had
(21:48):
everything. I over pack, I extra pack, I
should say. But you know, if I need one towel, I bring
five because I have a lot of empathy for other people
and if they don't have a long towel, we're supposed to either
have them go buy one or they can't come in.
And so far I haven't had to do that because I always bring extra
towels. Today nobody actually needed one.
(22:10):
But I had my, my towels, I had my smoothies, I had my
pre things to make sure I didn't get too exhausted.
I had my during hot yoga things, my, my hydration drink,
I had my digital thermometer because you can't see what the
temperature is in there. They've covered it up all these things.
So
(22:31):
I thought, I think I have everything.
But I forgot my little ching. It's my little bells that
I ring at the end. I'm sure everyone was fine with that.
But I did forget something. And that just makes me
go back to that other tool is have extra things if you
can. I don't want to have to spend money on double
(22:51):
everything. But if you
just can't, you can't always remember to bring
this to that place and that to this place.
And then you have one in each place.
I have one in each bag. I have one from my bag for my
non hot yoga and my bags, I do need to use different bags that
would decrease that from happening. That I would forget
(23:14):
at one time.
Yeah, things can cost money. And I, I don't
know, I look at it like, you know, because I have to justify
spending money in my mind because I don't like spending money
that I don't need to spend. But I look at how
much a doctor's appointment can cost.
(23:35):
You know, something that could help you.
Let's say you have a shoulder, a wrist.
I broke my wrist. You have to deal with that, you have to fix
that. So you go to the doctor, you have the surgery, you have
all those costs and something else that we're trying to get
to work correctly in our bodies, like our brains.
That might be the cost. Doesn't cost as much as a doctor's
appointment to buy an extra bill. It does cost something.
(23:56):
But I feel like this is something that's helping my mental
health, my mental capacity.
So. Yeah, and even just not having to
remember so much, not having to, you know, double
check, check, check, check. You know, if you have things in different
places, it's really good. So I think you could
(24:19):
probably think of a lot more of these that I haven't
noted I'm thinking everything. The only thing
I didn't mention was, was just little, oh, my son's
playing the piano. I hope you're okay with that because I can't
stop right now. If they start singing, I'm sorry, you
just get to hear it. One of them is the daughter that actually
(24:40):
singing at the beginning of my podcast.
But any kind of visual cue, like I said,
for not forgetting something can also help you do the
next thing. So it can also be a visual like, I need
to take my pills. It could be having a habit that produces
the next thing. So I'm going to take my asthma medicine
(25:02):
after I brush my teeth at night and after I brush my teeth
in the morning. And if you have both of those habits of brushing
your teeth both times, then that will be your little
assistant because it really will happen in your brain where
you'll start thinking, okay, I did this.
I have to do this too. So, you know, even if you
make coffee every day, you have your pill box by the coffee maker
(25:24):
and while you're making the coffee, you take, take your medicine
or your supplement or something. But the only other externalizing
I thought of was using another person or asking
another person or paying another person, having an assistant,
having a friend to help you remember and of course
(25:45):
not making them fully responsible. But some people are really
good at that. So I think I'll go. I don't know
if you can hear the piano, but I have two different kinds of
microphones. One's not supposed to pick up those things.
One probably will. So we'll see. I guess I'll
stop here. I'd love to hear what you do,
(26:06):
what your tips are, what's worked best for you, even if it's
something I've already mentioned. Because it's really nice to
know that we're not the only ones to connect.
And you might have a tip that can help me too, that I can
even share with others, if you don't mind.
But thank you so much for being here.
I will be back again, again. And I just invite
(26:27):
you to choose one thing that you're not already externalizing.
Sometimes that might be hard to figure out, but if you just
think of what is the one thing that I keep messing up on?
What's the one thing that I keep slipping up on or
feel scattered with or can never find my keys or whatever it
is, spend a few minutes figuring out a new little system
(26:47):
for it. I like those little carabiner things and little
clip ons and, And I've been adding those to the straps
of my purse or backpacks or whatever bag it is so I can
clip in my keys. So I'm not going when it's time, time
to leave a store or leave the gym or wherever it is I'm
going, I can find my keys and I'm. Maybe other people
(27:08):
don't mind. Maybe it's not actually a danger, but I think you
know how it can be a danger thing. Like if you're not walking
out. Oh, confident you have your keys.
You want to be aware of your surroundings and stuff and even
just of other cars. But I just think of the
mental aspect of how frazzled I am when I get to
my car, if I get there and I still don't know where my keys I'm
trying to click, click, click an account.
(27:28):
So thank you. Thank you so much for being here
today. Go to my website, renee-allen.com.
there's a place there that you can get in touch with me if you
want join my email list. I haven't been that consistent with
sending out emails, but I will because I want to be
in touch with you. I do love hearing from people that say I can
relate so much to that. It helps me and I hope it helps you
(27:49):
too. So I'll talk to you later. Bye.
Squeaky cheese and paper cups applesauce superman rocket
ship San Peter Pan boogie boards and parachutes and soda
cans Jumping jacks and pillowcases for my hands Donald Duck
and fire trucks and Pokemon Santa Claus and Johnny Depp and
(28:10):
Donkey Kong chocolate chips and zipper and sets of 914 little
children jumping on the trampoline Model trains are passing like
a super glue you reads a magazines it kangaroo
oh yeah, oh yeah
rewind I run out of time to sing
(28:35):
melodies and harmonies I'm cut short
the silence of sound has yet been found but
not by me
(29:04):
I butter my toes spread on some grape
jelly I don't mean to boss but
I'm a chef and a good one My grandma
can't hear me now breakfast is done Getting
(29:24):
colder ever older so I run
open windows broken shadow
frozen dreams are left for tomorrow
without
(29:46):
a call
time for a party
rewind I've run out of time to sing
(30:09):
melodies and harmonies I'm cut short
the silence of sound has yet been found but
not by me.
Hello, welcome to Inspiring Women with ADHD.
Hi, everybody. I'm Renee Allen, the host of this podcast, and
I'm excited to be here today.
It's nighttime. If you can see me on YouTube, you can see
it's dark outside. And I am excited to
talk about why it is important for us
to externalize things in our lives and how this
(00:52):
can help you when you write things down.
When you take something that you keep trying to
put inside your brain and. And put it somewhere else to
help your brain, because your brain cannot do it all.
If you have adhd, you likely have executive dysfunction,
and part of that is poor working memory.
(01:17):
And that's the ability to take information that you have for
a fraction of a second or even, you know, whoever.
Who knows how many seconds. But to take that information and
use it in a way that can benefit your life, maybe
even just to remember that you have an appointment or something,
or you need to go in another room
(01:41):
and do something, and you forget by the time you get in
that room. That can happen to a lot of people, but it probably
happens to you more than most or than other people
in your life. Sometimes you meet people who have similar
things, and maybe they talk about, I'm getting older, my brain's
deteriorating. And that may be true, but this could be
something that you've dealt with for many, many years, and it's
(02:04):
not due to aging. But your ADH symptoms can increase
as you get older. Mine have, for sure.
So understanding. Understanding that you need to externalize
things, that you need to not make your brain responsible for
remembering everything. There are so many reasons why
you aren't processing it, but part of it is
(02:28):
you can only keep so much information in your brain at once.
And when you have all these thoughts that come up that can disrupt
what you're thinking about or what you're doing.
Let's say you buy a gift for somebody, it comes
in the mail, you open the package, and then later,
you have no idea where you put that gift.
(02:49):
You have no idea where you put it. You barely remember even getting
the package. Maybe it was part of a package that had multiple
items. It was from Amazon or something.
And then you think, wait, was that in there?
And then, if it was, what did I do with it?
And even remembering when the package comes in the mail that
you ordered it. Do you ever do that?
(03:10):
I do that all the time. All the time.
I mean, even before Amazon days, ebay.
We started buying things on ebay years ago, and it was
like Christmas every time a package came in Because I had no
idea what I'd ordered. I had no idea.
And it's not much different now. Sometimes I know I'm expecting
something and I'll look for it. But a lot of times, no, not
(03:33):
at all. So, yeah, your brain can't keep track
of things if you have other things on your mind.
When that package comes in the mail, you might be thinking,
I gotta get out the door, I need to do this.
Or whatever deadline you have for something in your life, you
can't process all that at once. Or you actually remember
(03:53):
getting the package and you remember having the gift and it's
Christmas time and you're taking all your gifts and you're hiding
them somewhere so no one will see them in your house before Christmas.
Do you have one place for them? Do you change your mind?
Do you keep coming up with other places?
Do you forget that you have bought something at all?
(04:14):
I've done that before. I had one year I was cleaning
out a closet in the laundry room. I'm thinking it had
to be like February or something. And I thought, you really need
to clean out this closet. It was driving me crazy.
It was one of those shove everything in and hope nothing falls
out. And yet you're not using anything in that closet.
So how helpful it is, you know? Is it to even have
(04:35):
that stuff in there? So yeah, if you have any of those stash
spots in your house, raise your hand.
So anyway, I was going through the closet and I
found some things wrapped in white paper.
And I thought, what's this? What's this?
It was like, you know, like when you go to TJ Maxx or
Marshalls. This is what it was actually.
It was Marshalls. When you buy something breakable, sometimes
they'll put it in paper. You can ask em to and they'll put it
(04:56):
in paper and then put it in the plastic bag.
Well, I had bought these two turkeys that were really cute.
I don't even know if they were breakable, but they had metal
for the feet and then probably were some kind of resin or breakable
thing at the top. And I wrapped them up because you know how
it is in the stores. They sell these things in August for Thanksgiving
or September or something. You don't need them yet.
So I put them in there. Completely forgot that I bought him.
(05:20):
When it came time to decorate for fall, I have my boxes,
the one for Halloween, and that has the fall things
in it. And then when it's time for Thanksgiving, I put away the
Halloween things or I turn the pumpkin from the Jack o' lantern
to just a plain pumpkin. I have a few of those where it's
no longer Jack o' lantern time, but it's still pumpkin time.
(05:40):
And then I get out the pilgrims and the turkeys and
things for Thanksgiving. And I love decorating.
I think Thanksgiving's my favorite. Of course, I love decorating
for Christmas. There's always going to be something nostalgic
for that. If you. If you celebrate Christmas in your life, you
might know what I'm talking about. But Thanksgiving, there's
something. I don't know. It's just so beautiful about fall decorations.
(06:01):
So knowing that I had forgotten to. To
that I even bought the turkeys and that I missed a whole Thanksgiving,
I just started crying. I didn't cry because those turkeys didn't
get to be in my. I cried because this is the kind of
thing that I do. And it's discouraging.
(06:23):
I don't really know how to describe it.
I don't know if you've had those moments.
It's frustrating where you think, of course I did this.
Of course I did this. This is before I knew I had ADHD.
And I thought, of course I do this. And I just thought it was.
You get it from your grandma. Because I always heard that my
grandma would buy Christmas presents and hide them and.
And not remember where she hit him, which I thought
(06:45):
was funny. And I loved my grandma and I thought, that's so funny
that you do that, Grandma. And then I started doing things like
that. So, yeah, it's horrible. That can be frustrating
for you to not keep track of things.
Some of them cost money. Some of them are just frustrating.
Some of them are embarrassing. Some of them can let people
(07:05):
down. And
recognizing that your brain isn't capable of keeping all of
that in and not trying to enforce that and
expect that of yourself can be really helpful.
It can be a powerful tool just to have that knowledge and to
say, I'm not able to do this, therefore,
(07:28):
I need to come up with another way. And you may have some
other ways that you've come up with in your life even before
you knew you had ADHD. And when you recognize
that, give yourself a little pat on the shoulder and tell
yourself that's great that you figured that out and
that you're not going around having to deal with that all the
(07:50):
time. But there are probably still some areas of your life where
you do have that. You do have that inability to
keep track of things. And it shows up in your life again and
again. And I look at it as an uphill
climb. When I have adhd, I'm not using that as an excuse.
I'm not using that as a, oh, feel sorry for me, other people.
(08:12):
I'm using that as a reality check that it's not
always going to go smoothly, but I can continue to figure out
ways to help it go better, and I'll have a
better chance of things going better because of that.
So what are some ways you can do this?
Okay,
(08:33):
grocery list, to do list. Do you like doing that?
Do you like having lists of things to do?
Or you use your phone, you actually tell those things that you
need to buy to the phone and it makes a list for
you? Do you do well even looking at a
list later and making sense of it and not forgetting something
(08:54):
on it? Do you, you know, what is your method?
What will help you, what has worked before and what doesn'?
If you've made grocery lists, I mean, those are kind of a
thing that people used to do, actually write on a piece of paper
what you need to buy and drive to the store and buy those things.
I learned as an adult, I did better as a child.
(09:14):
I. As a child, my mom would send me and my brother
into the grocery store and she'd sit in the car and we'd go buy
the groceries and she'd sit with the younger kids.
But we love doing that and I was able to keep
it all right there and check through it.
Probably didn't have a lot of other responsibilities in my life
to get in the way as I got older and I became the person
that was responsible for that, not just the teenager doing the
(09:35):
shopping for my mom. When I was able to drive and did that on
my own, started buying stuff for myself, I would lose the
lists in the store, leave it at home or
even have a list and at the top of the list would say, hot
dogs. And I get out of the store without hot dogs.
How, I don't know. My brain just didn't register all of it
and I realized that wasn't working very well.
(09:55):
I do better just walking around a store and deciding as I
go. But it's not always the most cost efficient thing
for sure. And I buy things spontaneously, impulsively, that I
forget about. I have two bags of brussels sprouts in my
fridge that I saw the other day and thought, oh yeah, I bought
those and never cooked them. Which doesn't surprise me.
(10:16):
It's not like I make things like that that often, but I
do love them. It's just, you know, it's more like a
Thanksgiving thing or something. But yeah.
So not having some sort of organization for it is
going to lead to a more disorderly life, more chance of
things not going well. So thinking of the things that
(10:39):
fall, you know, that slip by fall through the.
Whatever the phrase is that slip through the cracks, what
are those things? Is it appointments?
Is it. You have things on your calendar that you once knew
about but you forgot about. Did you buy a planner?
And you never know where your planner is.
A planner worked very well for me when I worked in an office,
(11:01):
which hasn't been since 1990. So I continued
to buy a planner. That was back when they called them Franklin
Planners. I continued to buy one because I loved the feel of
it. I loved the paper, I loved writing things down in
it. But most of the time at home, I didn't know where it
was. I didn't use it in any functional way.
(11:22):
But I kept buying them for a while and I gave up on
planners for a while and then I started buying them again.
I don't know that I really, really. I don't know why I buy
one, but I like having it. I like taking it places.
It's kind of my. It's kind of my personal assistant
that will get something home. So if I take it with
me to a meeting, I take notes on the week pages.
(11:45):
I don't ever use the week pages for real things.
I just use the month PA and I take notes there.
Why? Because I just do. And then on the week, the
month pages, I can see my week. I like to see my week
Sunday through Saturday. And if that helps you to see your
week like that, then maybe you have a month calendar.
If it helps you to see your week with the weeks across and all
(12:07):
the hours. That's what I liked in college.
I liked planning things out like that in college.
Or even workouts. I kind of write them all down on one page.
What workouts I do each day.
Who knows why our brains like something at one time and not
another times. But recognizing that and when it's not
working anymore is helpful. And if you find, yeah, it's okay
(12:30):
for me to spend $40 on a planner, even if I'll just use
it once a week to take it somewhere to a meeting or to
church or to wherever where you can sit quietly, write things
down and take it home and put it on your Google Calendar,
Apple Calendar, whatever calendar you use online, whatever your
app is. Because it doesn't always work for me to
(12:51):
do things like that. I did put it Into a really small thing.
Originally I like to see it bigger. I also like to see it
on my wall. And maybe you do too. Maybe you can give up
some of your wall space for a whiteboard or those giant post
it notes. Have you seen those? I bought some.
They're huge. And I haven't used them yet.
I've probably had them for a year and a half.
But I want to use them. So when I do, I'll let
(13:13):
you know. But if you, if you use one and you really like it,
tell me how you do it. Maybe you can motivate me.
I probably won't put it. I don't think I have space in here because
this is where I teach yoga. But I kind of want to
have space for it because this is where I look around.
Wherever you are is where you'll be reminded.
So if it's your refrigerator, your refrigerator, and you always
(13:35):
go to your refrigerator, put something on your refrigerator or
your door that you walk out of or your bathroom mirror.
I like the days when people used to write on their bathroom mirrors
with lipstick. Do you remember that?
Or put notes on their, their mirrors.
I haven't done that in a long time. That, that would be fun.
That'd be fun. So whatever is externalizing, taking something
(13:57):
that you no longer have to make your brain responsible for, the
working memory is going to take that information and put it in
your brain and then you're responsible for it.
But if your working memory, working memory isn't working properly,
then you need to put it outside of your brain.
You can put it on a computer, you can put it in a Google
Doc, you can put it in a calendar, you can do it, whatever it
(14:17):
is. You can have a Google Doc. Have you used Google
Docs? I love it so much. You can have a Google Doc for
gifts, for gift buying, birthday gifts, Christmas gifts, and
actually write on there where you put it.
And if you think, well, I'm not going to think about that while
I'm putting it away. And maybe have a notebook in your closet,
write it in there, then transfer it, you know.
Yeah, it's easy to lose notebooks. If you keep something only
(14:41):
in one place, you're much more likely not to lose
it. So if you have a notebook that's on a
kitchen counter, one that's in your closet, or one that's on
your dresser
and you'll remember to use it, you need to figure out what
will you use and how will you use it.
If you like lists, have a different colored pad for each kind
(15:03):
of list that you need. Alarms are fabulous if you don't
mind setting them and having them go off during the day.
And voice memos, you can always leave yourself a voice note
on your phone. You can access it if it's
in like an apple cloud or whatever. You can hear it from different
devices. Even just talking out loud.
(15:23):
Obviously that's not going to just stay out in the
world forever. But if you're walking from one room to the
other, saying it out loud is externalizing it for
half a second, is putting back it in your ear, it's coming in
a different way if you keep saying, if you make yourself repeat
it, it's not going to leave. So anything that will help.
(15:44):
And I'm a big, big fan of putting things by the door.
Wherever you're going to go, put it by the door.
If you are in your bedroom and you think, I need
to put that water bottle away, but you're on your way somewhere
else, take that water bottle and put it by the door where
you'll see it on the way out. I used to make the mistake of
putting it down
(16:07):
in the direction that I was going. So let's say I'm going from
my bedroom to the bathroom and I put it on the
door there and then I turn around, come back, I don't see it
because it's on the other side of the door.
Made that mistake too many times. But you need to put it in
a place that you'll see it. Not just where you see it as you're
walking by, but where you will see it as you leave.
So if you're gonna go out the door to leave
(16:29):
for the day, your bag of things, and you don't
have to save everything for the last second to
gather up. You can fill up a bag for days before if
you have to. You know, just like we do when we pack for a
trip and you pack up that bag, whatever your purpose is going
to the gym, you have your gym bag. When you get back, take, if
(16:51):
you use a towel or something for a workout, take out that towel,
throw it in the laundry, get another one, put it in.
As soon as you think about it, if you can do, then do it
then because you might not think about it later.
So all of that externalizing, even putting things in the car,
and no matter how long it's in your brain, it can
leave again. Like last weekend, my son was over
(17:11):
with his family, my son and daughter in law and their kids, it
was time to leave. And my daughter in law has ADHD too.
So I had said, oh, I've got the boy's shoes.
Because all the kids said, balls fallen asleep.
They have three little kids and two boys and a girl and a
baby. But I keep thinking of the kids, not the baby as much
because you know, the baby doesn't wear shoes as much anyway.
(17:33):
So the kids were all asleep, none of them had shoes on.
In my brain that's not completely complete, I thought there's
the boy's shoes, I'm going to be helpful and put them in a
bag along with, I don't know, something else, a shirt or
whatever that they needed to take home, a bottle or something.
And I put it in the bag and I said something where some
(17:54):
people could hear like, oh, the boy's shoes are in this bag.
I'll just take them out to the car. Which I did.
Well, my daughter in law, her mind was somewhere else while I
was saying that she might have been in the same room but she
didn't hear it. So everyone was out in the car.
The kids are out there, the baby's starting to cry, it's late,
you know, the kids are tired, they're asleep, but they're kind
of waking up. And I thought, I wonder where she is.
(18:15):
And I went inside and she said, I'm looking for the kids shoes.
She's just looking, looking, looking, thinking why aren't they
here? They were here before. And I said, oh, because I took them
and I already put them in the car. And she's like, oh, you know.
So she went out. Well, the next morning I see her daughter's,
their daughter's shoes. And I think, oh, my brain thought it
was getting it together by having the boys shoes ready.
(18:36):
But yeah, their daughter needed her shoes too.
Maybe she was actually looking for them.
And it didn't make sense what I said.
But then it clicked anyway, so she left.
So I thought I was on it. I thought, okay, I have the
shoes. I'm going to write to them and say I can bring them to
you when I leave today.
Get out the door. I had them by the door because that's, that's
(18:58):
what you do, you have them by the door.
Well, they were low by the door. I'm not really looking down
at the floor when I leave. So by the time I got
to church, did I have the shoes with me?
No. And I texted, I hope you haven't, hope you're not, you
know, counting on these shoes. Because I left them at home by
the door. And I thought clearly that method seemed like
it would be Good. But it wasn't enough.
(19:19):
It wasn't visible. So it needs to be visible.
If it's not at eye level and you can't put the shoes up at
eye level, then I should have written a post it note that said
piper shoes, you know, and then they would have been there, but
I didn't. So. Yeah. So a neurotypical brain,
one that doesn't struggle with executive dysfunction, can hold
(19:41):
things. It can take that information, put it in there.
It's stored. It's still there. Da, da, da, da.
Our brains don't do that very well. And not
only do they not get in there, but if they are in there,
there's a really good chance you're not thinking about it.
When you have a lot of other things on your mind.
(20:02):
Like, okay, I need to go, da, da, da da.
Am I on time? Do I have my water bottle?
Do I have my. All the other things on your mind.
I can't even count the times that I've thought of the 50
things I need to have and I get out to the car and don't
have my phone, the normal thing, you know, so there may
be a lot of things that you forget. And having a system so that
(20:24):
that can be remedied, like knowing how to use your.
Find my iPhone. If you have an iPhone, or if you have
an Android or another kind of phone and know how to
find it when you don't know where it is, that could be helpful
because think of all of these tools as having an assistant, having
somebody by your side that you can say, can you find my
(20:45):
phone? And they say, ye, that's what that is.
Or can you remind me when that appointment is?
And they say, yeah. Or can you tell me where I put
all these Christmas gifts? And they say, yes.
So you're setting yourself up to have things outside of your
brain. It will free up your space for other things,
but it will also just make your life not be so
(21:06):
bumbly, so scattered. Nobody wants that, right?
Yeah. And then also just, you know, always worrying, did
I forget something? Do I forget something?
Honestly, at least for me, I don't know that
I could ever get to the car without forgetting one thing.
(21:28):
I don't know if it's possible, but even if you're just forgetting
one thing, it's better than nothing.
Today I taught hot yoga. It was a new day.
We just added on Tuesday classes for me and I hadn't,
I didn't teach last week. I went to Disney World on my
hot yoga day. And so I had to make sure I had
(21:48):
everything. I over pack, I extra pack, I
should say. But you know, if I need one towel, I bring
five because I have a lot of empathy for other people
and if they don't have a long towel, we're supposed to either
have them go buy one or they can't come in.
And so far I haven't had to do that because I always bring extra
towels. Today nobody actually needed one.
(22:10):
But I had my, my towels, I had my smoothies, I had my
pre things to make sure I didn't get too exhausted.
I had my during hot yoga things, my, my hydration drink,
I had my digital thermometer because you can't see what the
temperature is in there. They've covered it up all these things.
So
(22:31):
I thought, I think I have everything.
But I forgot my little ching. It's my little bells that
I ring at the end. I'm sure everyone was fine with that.
But I did forget something. And that just makes me
go back to that other tool is have extra things if you
can. I don't want to have to spend money on double
(22:51):
everything. But if you
just can't, you can't always remember to bring
this to that place and that to this place.
And then you have one in each place.
I have one in each bag. I have one from my bag for my
non hot yoga and my bags, I do need to use different bags that
would decrease that from happening. That I would forget
(23:14):
at one time.
Yeah, things can cost money. And I, I don't
know, I look at it like, you know, because I have to justify
spending money in my mind because I don't like spending money
that I don't need to spend. But I look at how
much a doctor's appointment can cost.
(23:35):
You know, something that could help you.
Let's say you have a shoulder, a wrist.
I broke my wrist. You have to deal with that, you have to fix
that. So you go to the doctor, you have the surgery, you have
all those costs and something else that we're trying to get
to work correctly in our bodies, like our brains.
That might be the cost. Doesn't cost as much as a doctor's
appointment to buy an extra bill. It does cost something.
(23:56):
But I feel like this is something that's helping my mental
health, my mental capacity.
So. Yeah, and even just not having to
remember so much, not having to, you know, double
check, check, check, check. You know, if you have things in different
places, it's really good. So I think you could
(24:19):
probably think of a lot more of these that I haven't
noted I'm thinking everything. The only thing
I didn't mention was, was just little, oh, my son's
playing the piano. I hope you're okay with that because I can't
stop right now. If they start singing, I'm sorry, you
just get to hear it. One of them is the daughter that actually
(24:40):
singing at the beginning of my podcast.
But any kind of visual cue, like I said,
for not forgetting something can also help you do the
next thing. So it can also be a visual like, I need
to take my pills. It could be having a habit that produces
the next thing. So I'm going to take my asthma medicine
(25:02):
after I brush my teeth at night and after I brush my teeth
in the morning. And if you have both of those habits of brushing
your teeth both times, then that will be your little
assistant because it really will happen in your brain where
you'll start thinking, okay, I did this.
I have to do this too. So, you know, even if you
make coffee every day, you have your pill box by the coffee maker
(25:24):
and while you're making the coffee, you take, take your medicine
or your supplement or something. But the only other externalizing
I thought of was using another person or asking
another person or paying another person, having an assistant,
having a friend to help you remember and of course
(25:45):
not making them fully responsible. But some people are really
good at that. So I think I'll go. I don't know
if you can hear the piano, but I have two different kinds of
microphones. One's not supposed to pick up those things.
One probably will. So we'll see. I guess I'll
stop here. I'd love to hear what you do,
(26:06):
what your tips are, what's worked best for you, even if it's
something I've already mentioned. Because it's really nice to
know that we're not the only ones to connect.
And you might have a tip that can help me too, that I can
even share with others, if you don't mind.
But thank you so much for being here.
I will be back again, again. And I just invite
(26:27):
you to choose one thing that you're not already externalizing.
Sometimes that might be hard to figure out, but if you just
think of what is the one thing that I keep messing up on?
What's the one thing that I keep slipping up on or
feel scattered with or can never find my keys or whatever it
is, spend a few minutes figuring out a new little system
(26:47):
for it. I like those little carabiner things and little
clip ons and, And I've been adding those to the straps
of my purse or backpacks or whatever bag it is so I can
clip in my keys. So I'm not going when it's time, time
to leave a store or leave the gym or wherever it is I'm
going, I can find my keys and I'm. Maybe other people
(27:08):
don't mind. Maybe it's not actually a danger, but I think you
know how it can be a danger thing. Like if you're not walking
out. Oh, confident you have your keys.
You want to be aware of your surroundings and stuff and even
just of other cars. But I just think of the
mental aspect of how frazzled I am when I get to
my car, if I get there and I still don't know where my keys I'm
trying to click, click, click an account.
(27:28):
So thank you. Thank you so much for being here
today. Go to my website, renee-allen.com.
there's a place there that you can get in touch with me if you
want join my email list. I haven't been that consistent with
sending out emails, but I will because I want to be
in touch with you. I do love hearing from people that say I can
relate so much to that. It helps me and I hope it helps you
(27:49):
too. So I'll talk to you later. Bye.
Squeaky cheese and paper cups applesauce superman rocket
ship San Peter Pan boogie boards and parachutes and soda
cans Jumping jacks and pillowcases for my hands Donald Duck
and fire trucks and Pokemon Santa Claus and Johnny Depp and
(28:10):
Donkey Kong chocolate chips and zipper and sets of 914 little
children jumping on the trampoline Model trains are passing like
a super glue you reads a magazines it kangaroo
oh yeah, oh yeah
rewind I run out of time to sing
(28:35):
melodies and harmonies I'm cut short
the silence of sound has yet been found but
not by me
(29:04):
I butter my toes spread on some grape
jelly I don't mean to boss but
I'm a chef and a good one My grandma
can't hear me now breakfast is done Getting
(29:24):
colder ever older so I run
open windows broken shadow
frozen dreams are left for tomorrow
without
(29:46):
a call
time for a party
rewind I've run out of time to sing
(30:09):
melodies and harmonies I'm cut short
the silence of sound has yet been found but
not by me.
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