September 3, 2025 • 41 mins
Overwhelmed by your to-do list? For women with ADHD, the secret to getting started isn’t as simple as pushing harder, it's finding something fun to get you to start .
Once you get going, doing what's enjoyable will help you sustain the momentum you need to actually finish what you started.
Learn how this fun factor boosts dopamine and serotonin, lowers stress, and makes productivity easier.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Sa.
(00:29):
Hello. Welcome to Inspiring Women with ADHD with Renee
Allen. I am Renee Allen. You already know that.
And I'm the host of this podcast. I am excited to be
here today. This is episode 103. I made them out
of order deliberately, but kind of on accident, meaning
(00:49):
I realized as I was recording that I hadn't recorded
episode 103 yet, but I still wanted 104 to 104,
and I released it before today's episode.
So if things like that matter to you, if you see
that and you wonder, why are they out of order?
(01:09):
That's why. Because on the hundredth episode, in the
hundredth episode, I decided that I was going to share
the top 10 things that I was sharing kind of in my hundred
ideas, and I was going to do them
in order. 101, 102, 103. And when I
went to open it up yesterday, I thought I
(01:33):
was on 103, but then I didn't. You know when your brain
just switches? And then I thought, no, you're on 104.
I even checked and everything. I even looked at the podcast app,
app and everything. But sometimes our brains don't remember what
we once knew. Even if it was five minutes ago.
Especially if it was five minutes ago.
If it was five years ago, there's a better chance you remember
(01:54):
it because it's locked in there. If you remembered it once,
it's probably still there. Back to today, episode 103.
This is about the actual step that I talked
about was having breaking things into smaller
steps to
(02:14):
stop yourself from being stuck or being overwhelmed or dreading
something. Which actually sounds contradictory because the dread
factor, at least for me, is recognizing that there are
a thousand steps to washing my face, not just one, not just three.
I think I did better washing my face when I was in high
(02:34):
school because I heard that you could wash your
face with a glycerin bar of soap. Do you remember seeing those?
They used to be clear. It was before fancy soap like goat's milk
or soy based or whatever. The beautiful soaps that
there are right now. They're my very favorite.
I love to buy them and smell them and look at them.
They're like little sculptures, little pieces of art.
(02:55):
I would never make them because they look like they have a thousand
steps, but to buy them, I love them.
The clear soap was glycerin soap. And I heard that you
could wash your face with it. Where did I hear it?
High school, I don't know. Teen magazine, I don't know.
But I just Just washed my face with it and I was fine.
And I did that. But then I learned that there were
(03:15):
different steps to wash and do a refresher or
astringent or. There were so many things.
And I just thought, that sounds like a lot of work, and it's
something that I dread, something that I don't like to do.
So if I were to break that small steps and say, just do this,
and then maybe you could do the others.
I don't know that I could trick my brain into that.
(03:37):
I could just do the first step and not do anything else.
I do that sometimes and just make up my own steps.
But I do do it in some way. And so for this
episode, I didn't want to talk about breaking something into
smaller steps because I've already made an episode on that.
I don't know that I could add more to it.
Maybe someday I will. So I thought, okay, what can
(03:58):
we do? What can you do besides just starting with step
one or making it really small? And I thought,
well, sometimes. Sometimes that works.
We have methods that work for us sometimes, and other times they
don't. We still just don't do it, and we
could have all the reasons in our heads, but we don't do it.
(04:21):
So one method that I've adopted recently is to
identify what could be fun about it, because I found myself
doing this anyway. And you might find yourself doing this, like,
let's say, say you're unpacking, you've just moved and you
need to get a room set up or something, the
living room or something. Maybe you enjoy hanging pictures on
(04:44):
the wall. Maybe that's what you start with.
And you just. Even though it would be nice to have
furniture out, or maybe it'd be nice to get rid of all the boxes,
you start with what appeals to you. You start with what's fun
because why you'll do it and you'll enjoy it.
And there's much more satisfaction, obviously, in doing something
you enj sometimes because you're happy that you
(05:08):
did that, you'll be in a different frame of mind, and that
might enable you to do the next thing that might have
sounded overwhelming, impossible, or just completely
undesirable. And it becomes something that's not a big deal
because you've either started with the fun thing or you've
(05:28):
attached something fun to it. And so I kind
of think, okay, if it's a fun first thing, if I need
to get on my computer and get ready for the next podcast,
there's some parts of that that are really fun.
The research, I think I have. My glasses are smeared or
something, so I'm going to take this off.
The research part is really fun for me.
(05:50):
So, like today I learned more about serotonin and dopamine.
It was super fun and I like that. It just
energized me. And you can tell what you think is fun because
you, you. You get a little energy from it.
You feel side. And why is that? Because something's
changing. Chemicals are changing in your brain by doing something.
(06:10):
Some people call it novelty or it has pleasure attached to
it. It's exciting, it's invigorating.
It can even be just playing music that you love and having
that music going. And it gets you in that mode
in your body. And then you start relaxing in your brain.
(06:31):
You start thinking, I can do this. And you have ideas that are
helpful and they help you get the work done.
And that is a really great strategy is just
to think, is there something fun about it that it can do, even
if it's out of order? Let's say you're going to make a
cake for someone's birthday. And yeah, you like making cake,
(06:52):
but you don't feel like doing it. But you
might enjoy just bringing out the ingredients.
Maybe not. I enjoy that. I like setting up the ingredients.
It appeals to the organized part of my brain
of liking to do something that's simple.
All I have to do is just set all this out.
(07:12):
When I was younger, I'd set out the dry ingredients, set out
the other things or whatever. Or sometimes I make it,
you know, like they call it, gamify it.
I don't know if I'm actually making it a game, but I'll actually
have a system to it that feels like a game is instead
of setting everything out like they do on a cooking show
or something, you take each thing out, you use it,
(07:35):
and then you put it away. And you keep putting things away as
you go. Even washing the cups or putting them in dishwasher
should go. I like doing that. There's a method to it.
It becomes fun and it's rewarding because I know there
won't be a mess at the end. And that's super fun for me.
So whatever makes it fun for you will make it easier for
you to do it. And sometimes it might not seem
(07:57):
like, okay, does this actually
fulfill that definition of fun? Is it actually fun?
Like, am I going, yay, this is such a party?
Not always. Sometimes that fun factor can be just something that
is pleasurable to you or that you like or that makes you
feel happy inside. I've mentioned that I love lighting candles
(08:19):
in the morning. Lately I've been lighting a few candles and it
just takes the mood of the morning to be more uplifting.
Makes me feel good inside. Makes me feel more like I
can just get into a mode of going and doing instead of
waking up. Even though I have energy in the morning, sometimes
I just want to get on my computer, you know, that's easy.
(08:40):
And look at emails and then shop or something.
Even if you don't need to buy something.
Yeah. Scrolling, scrolling. Just before I got on
here, I knew that I wanted to get on here.
And my son asked, what time are you going to record your
podcast? 3 o'. Clock. And it was about 2:30 and I was just about
ready to come in here and I said, yeah, three o'.
Clock. I thought, he wants some time to play the piano, I can
(09:01):
give him that. And so I started looking at used
clothing. Websites like Poshmark or Mercarian were looking at
things and found that they saved my searches.
I didn't have anything I wanted to buy, but I thought what were
my searches? Thinking I was going to be productive and clean
it out, like get rid of the things that I'm not searching for
another computer. I have one, I'm using it right now.
(09:24):
And so I could check that off. But then I saw other things.
Oh, I forgot that I looked for that.
Oh, that'd be fun to look at those for a while and scroll, scroll,
scroll, scroll. And it was mindless.
And 3 o' clock came around, 3:30 came around.
I still hadn't gotten up to come in here.
That was a big waste of my time. I did something that was fun,
(09:45):
but it led me down, you know, a slippery slope.
So notice if the thing that you do that's fun is
going to be actually useful, productive, or just a
complete waste of time. I'm not saying you can't ever waste time.
Of course we can all do whatever we want.
But if that's not what you like to do, if that's what you
(10:05):
wish you hadn't done at the end of the day, or you think, gosh,
I had a lot of time today and I blew it,
you know, that happens a lot. So you can define
what fun first means to you. What you do first, that's
fun. And it might be setting the stage, it might be lighting
a candle or turning on some music, making the stage what
(10:29):
you want, or getting dressed, putting on your makeup
first. Sometimes these patterns that we once have
that were easy for us might not be the pattern anymore.
Do you want to get back into that? Do you want to wake up, get
all ready before you do anything else?
Or do you like to kind of have that feeling like it's a day
off? If you're at home, you don't have to be somewhere right
(10:49):
away. Do you act like it's a day off first?
I do sometimes. And it's kind of nice.
It's kind of nice. It reminds me of when I was younger and I
go to a slumber party and I come home the next day and I
just kind of, you know, laze around and stuff.
And sometimes we can give ourselves permission to do that,
but maybe not always. So. Yeah. So you can
(11:13):
also look and see what's the enjoyable part of the task.
Maybe you enjoy doing design on Canva and you're building a
website and you just want to work on the designs or your branding
or something like that. Or you are taking care of the
kids and you look around, there's 20,000 things to be
done. Just pick one of them that sounds doable, fun, maybe
(11:35):
it allows you to be in the same room with the kids and enjoy
being there and not have to run back and forth and just know
that you have a choice. And. And it's okay to choose the
thing that is more fun because you're more likely
to be productive than to not choose that and not get anything
done or just get very little of something done.
(11:56):
Yeah. Because when things feel like they're too much, they are
too much. And if you just find something that isn't too much,
you can break through that. And the change in your mindset
can make it so the other things might be doable too, and you
might be able to get yourself to do it, even just if
you have to write, take notes, go to school, whatever.
I don't know if you did this when you were growing up, but the
(12:19):
first day of school, we'd have a new outfit for the first day
and a new notebook or binder paper or backpack.
We didn't really have backpacks when I was little, but my kids
did. And having things like that. And sometimes I
think with ADHD we do this anyway. You know, if I just had
a new planner, if I just had a new notebook, if
(12:40):
I just had a new pen, and maybe it works and maybe
it doesn't. But if you do find I have a favorite kind of
pen that I like to use, make it more enjoyable.
If you do need to calendar some things out, schedule some Things
out. Find your favorite pen, Buy a few extras.
I found my favorite pen. They sell them at Target.
I can put my favorite things on the website if you want.
(13:02):
They're things that feel good, the paper that feels
good to write on, the actual feeling of the pen.
Do you have those sensory things? If you do, choose
those things. If you can. If you can get rid of the things
that you don't like, the ones that run out of ink fast and are
always having to, you know, kind of shake to get them to work,
get rid of those things that make it more of a chore.
(13:25):
But our brains are wired to. To not just
have. Well, they're wired a certain way, and then they
also. They're wired so that they don't naturally have
those dopamine lifts to be able to get up and do something.
And some of the things that we do can promote that spark.
(13:46):
And what I learned about the brain chemistry is that we have
the two things that we need more of, serotonin and
dopamine. The dopamine is the spark.
So if you were gonna drive a car, from what I understand,
my husband loves to fix cars and work on cars.
I'm pretty clueless when it comes to how cars work.
(14:08):
But what I think what I've learned is there's a spark plug, there's
a spark that helps start the car, and then the
gas keeps the car going or it can idle or something.
But, you know, sometimes it uses more gas, sometimes it uses
electricity if you're hybrid or whatever.
But the spark is what you need to get up.
I'm doing this. I'm doing this. I'm going to do this next.
(14:28):
I'm going to do that next. That's your spark.
That's your dopamine. If you have enough dopamine for your
brain to work in the way that it's supposed to work, then you
have that spark. You've taken your adhd, ADHD medicine, you went
out and exercised. You've done something this.
Sometimes that helps you get that spark.
Sometimes I listen to an audiobook or a podcast that is
(14:51):
a stimulant. Stimulants give that spark.
Caffeine is a stimulant. Stimulant medications, other ADHD medications
can do that for us and give us that availability to
have our brain work right. And it's interesting because I was
reading some more about dopamine, and I shared
(15:12):
a few episodes ago about how my psychiatrist resident told me
it's not that people with ADHD don't have enough Dopamine.
Excuse me, about to clear my throat.
I know there's a button. I can stop that, but try not to have
a gravelly throat. But I might just endure it.
Anyway, he said that it's not that you're low on dopamine,
(15:33):
it's that you need more because you have more receptors.
So I was reading, is that really the case?
And sometimes that's the case is that we have more receptors
than we have dopamine for. Even though we might have the same
amount of dopamine as somebody else, but we also have our
brains work in a different way. So that in order to
(15:55):
get it to work right, it needs more dopamine.
Whether that matters to you or not. It's not always a receptor
thing. It's. It's if the receptors are, are firing, you
know, if the spark plug is faulty or something like that.
And so it might take more dopamine to get that receptor to
fire, whether it's a lack of how many receptors or the
(16:17):
lack of the receptor working with that first spark of
dopamine. So, yeah, so dopamine is the
motivator. It gives us the energy, it gives us the excitement,
it gives us the feeling of, yes, I'm going to do this.
Other things can do that too. Other people can be that for
us. They knock at the door and say, come on, let's go for the
(16:38):
walk. And like, yay. Oops, Yay, my friend's here, I'm gonna go
for a walk. You just got a spark of dopamine from that and
you're ready to go and you feel some accountability and all those
things, that's your motivator, that's your excitement.
If you're all alone and you don't have a boss, you
might have a boss and it doesn't feel fun, but you might have
(16:59):
a boss, a supervisor, a deadline. And it's not that
you really think, this is so fun, I'm gonna do it.
But that is your dopamine. That's your spark.
I don't know if it's actual dopamine, but it's what helps you.
I gotta do this. You think, oh, no, it's the deadline.
It's the last minute thing. And for a lot of people, that is
(17:19):
really a motivator. Sometimes with adhd, that deadline isn't
the motivator. And we're like, oh, no, no, no.
And we're feeling really bad and we might miss the deadline,
might also forget about the deadline.
But that's another problem with ad. But, yeah, There are
a lot of things that. That can help trigger that.
(17:40):
Trigger that spark. And sometimes it could just
be figuring out some fun way to do it
or starting with something that doesn't take much of a spark.
Some things don't take much of a spark.
Think of it as going downhill. You know, it doesn't take very
much for me to find a frame and say I'm going
to find a print, maybe from a calendar or a card from
(18:03):
Trader Joe's or something and say I want to put something
new in this frame and I want to put it on the wall.
For some reason, I love doing that. I'm not actually a framer
with beveling the edges and stuff. What do they call
it? The mat. My husband knows how to do that.
I can hand him a mat that's not fit right and he can take it
outside to the garage and come back and it's all perfect.
(18:24):
I have no idea how he does it. I mean, I'm sure he uses some
tool, but yeah, that's not my forte, making things look
good in that way. But I can straigh, straighten and restraighten
and restrain and restraighten something and put it in the frame
and look at it and think that's the right frame for it or
that's not, and then look at the wall.
It's kind of funny because there's some things.
(18:45):
I don't know if you're like this, that I have an obsessive need
for it to be a certain way like that.
Maybe that plays to that of getting that just straight and backing
up. I'm saying that as I look at these six drawings that my husband.
My husband's an artist. He did charcoal drawings of my kids and
one of me up here. And it's many years ago, so I look a
little different. My hair's a lot shorter.
(19:06):
But I love doing that. So it doesn't
take any motivation for me to do that.
Because the natural love is there and you don't need
that. You have that love in you that is your dopamine.
You're, oh, yes, I want to do that. Does it take any
motivation for you to do something that you really love?
(19:27):
Probably not. If you want to go to a concert, you're
going to get in the car and go to that concert if you have something
else playing with your brain. But you know, we're not going to
the exceptions. Even though my brain loves to go to the exceptions.
But one of the reasons that doing what is fun, what
we love, first Starting with that or finding a
(19:47):
way to make it fun, putting on the music, inviting someone to
do it with us, or creating that dopamine by having accountability
person. Is that it? It is that
spark I mentioned last time, the different things that
can help you with accountability and you know, figuring out who
(20:09):
is that person or, or who are those people and how is
that going to help me achieve that goal.
And then afterwards I went to a class I've been teaching this
Monday, Wednesday, Friday class at a gym that's kind of
a yoga stretch class. And it is a yoga stretch
class, but I keep changing the name.
So anyway, Monday and Wednesday it's at 9
(20:31):
and on Fridays it's at 8:30. And so I decided, well,
actually last year I tried to get myself to do this on
my own because I'd worked out for years and years.
I mean almost 20 years. Oh, more than that,
almost 30 years every morning and not a problem.
Moved here, change my life, who knows why.
(20:53):
Hard for me to get up early and do that first.
It's really hard. It's no longer the fun first thing.
The fun first thing is to go in the kitchen, get a
pre workout drink, but sit down at the computer with it and
not go work out. And so last year I thought if you
just go to the gym all three of those days earlier, an hour earlier
and work out, then you have your workout, you're already there,
(21:15):
you can go in that room by yourself, you can do whatever you
want, there's a lot of equipment in there.
And then they come in, you've done it.
That's your easily defined Monday, Wednesday, Friday.
And then I was going to do the Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday at
home I did it here and there. But this January I
tried it again and some of the people came in and
said, oh, what are you doing? Some people came in thinking, oh,
(21:37):
we're late to class. Did you change the time?
You know, no, no, no, I'm working out, I'm not doing the stretch
class. And it turned into a few of
them wanting to do it with me. And so I invited him to do it,
but we're only doing it for a half hour because I wanted to
keep it, they needed a gentler workout.
And it's actually good for me too because I'm doing hot yoga
(21:58):
on the other days now and it's very sweaty and very exhausting.
But it has kept me doing it and
we decided not to do it on Fridays, just Mondays and Wednesdays
because they're already getting there at 8:30 on Friday.
So now they get there Monday, Wednesday for the workouts, Fridays
they can stay after for their workout or whatever.
(22:18):
But I was thinking, thinking about it yesterday and I thought
I 100% wouldn't be consistent with it if they
weren't texting and saying, so are we still doing it this Monday?
I mean, I wouldn't have forgotten at that point.
But their interest in it and
them getting me to follow through is everything.
And it's a motivator. It's my little dopamine that says, hurry,
(22:40):
get your stuff, it's time to go. And I do it.
So dopamine is the first thing that explains why having
something fun can be helpful to trigger you, to
get you to get yourself to do what you need to do.
The other thing is serotonin. And what is serotonin?
(23:01):
Serotonin is something that is low if you
have depression, and it's probably low for other
issues too. But it. But if you think of
if you've ever had actual depression or been depressed or
postpartum depression or whatever, and the joy
(23:24):
is taken out of everything and you just don't feel like doing
anything. I've never had a clinical depression or
even a postpartum depression to the degree of not
wanting to do anything. I've had a day in the hospital each time
I had a baby where I would just cry and have the
(23:44):
nurses shut all the curtains and block all my calls because I
just thought, oh, I didn't feel mentally that I was
giving up, which I'm thankful for. But my body was changing
so fast hormonally that I was just weepy and just needed
to be in a cave. So. But I have had other
times. I think they were related to PMS or something.
(24:09):
Very few where I have experienced this.
And even one of the medications I tried with adhd, all of the
joy of eating, shopping, going somewhere, they
were all gone. There wasn't anything enjoyable besides just
being on the computer and designing things for my website.
(24:32):
And so that's just what I would do. I was driven to do that.
Besides teaching yoga, I'd still go teach yoga.
I could still talk to people. I could still maintain that.
But the enjoyment of those things were gone.
And so if you think of being overwhelmed by something, it could
be that you don't understand how to do it.
It could be I have a blanket around my microphone.
(24:54):
Another story. Anyway, I'm sorry, I feel bad for
the people just listening that aren't watching on ADHD on YouTube
because I. I do get distracted by video.
But here we go, I'm learning as I go and hopefully that
won't happen as much. But when you have lost that
joy or you don't have the joy, the interest even in
(25:17):
doing something, then how are you going to get yourself to do
it? And there are medications that can boost serotonin, but
if you are, what do they call it? You have
a base level, you're not depressed, but you don't have
quite enough serotonin to be wanting, wanting not
(25:39):
only to have the spark to do it. So that's the dopamine.
But even if you did have the spark, you couldn't just get
yourself to do it, you couldn't get yourself to keep doing it.
You might start and stop. And there are a lot of
women with ADHD that I've heard from who can give themselves
to start something, but they have so many unfinished projects,
(26:01):
they lose interest in it, they leave it undone.
And there can be a lot of reasons for that.
One of them could be that you just don't have
enough serotonin to sustain it. It could just be that you
get bored, you don't have enough time, you have a lot of distractions.
There are a lot of other reasons. But if you're really content
(26:23):
doing something, I call it soothing.
You're in a flow, it feels good. It's a calming energy like
I described. I love to frame things for whatever reason.
I love to organize books on my bookshelf, every house I've
lived on. And I rearrange the books a lot.
When I used to have a ton of DVDs, I used to rearrange the DVDs,
(26:43):
change out the covers, put them in different size cases.
That was calming and soothing to me.
It felt good to do it. It's a steady, calm, feel
good hormone. It's not the dopamine.
Woo. I just rode a roller coaster. It's more.
(27:04):
I'm riding the train around Disneyland and I'm just enjoying
the ride. And you're just more in that calm mood, you don't
need the excitement, but it's a stable, steady, I'm going
to keep going. And it really does. When you have
enough serotonin, it not only helps you get things done
(27:24):
and stay in that, but it also helps you regulate your moods,
it helps you have less stress, it helps you be
more balanced emotionally. And it's just a calmer baseline
to have when you have enough serotonin.
And so when you do something that you know you enjoy,
(27:45):
you're starting with that. It doesn't have to Be.
I. I'm just so excited. It's going to be so lively.
I'm going to be dancing while I'm cleaning.
It can be that, but it can also be
going toward things that you love to do.
And the older you get, you start to see, yeah, there are
some things that I don't particularly love doing, and I can't
(28:08):
really afford to get anyone else to do that.
And so I will just try to get myself
to do that. Maybe not as often, but I'll do it, you know, hopefully.
But as you get older, if you can afford to cut some
of those things out of your life, so you're not dreading, you
(28:29):
know, just kind of having a drudgery kind of existence.
You don't want to have that. You want to have an enjoyable existence.
But if you're able to bring things together that can
help boost your serotonin, because you can boost your serotonin
by doing things that you enjoy, then it can help you be more
steady not only with what you get done, but also keeping yourself
(28:53):
going in life and not having so many unfinished things and.
And really feeling bad about yourself.
Because sometimes you feel like, why can't I get it done?
Why can't I get it done? And like I said, there's a lot
of reasons, but that could be one of them.
So let's go. Let me see if
there's anything I haven't thought of here because I have way
(29:14):
too many notes. One is to pick the most
appealing step, which I talked about kind of picking out.
This is what I'm going to do first, and then I'll do something
else. It's kind of like the spoonful of sugar to help the medicine
go down. You do the fun thing and then use something else.
You can also pair something that you enjoy.
If you do, like folding clothes and you want
(29:37):
to fold clothes. But you can't just sit there and do it on your
own. But you love to do it with a good TV show, then
watch a good TV show. I've been watching TV by folding
laundry since I was a child, and I still love doing it that
way. I love. I'm finding there's a lot of pairings.
For me, I feel like I'm high maintenance like that.
Like, I talked about the pen and stuff, but I like to be on a
(29:58):
soft rug like that. I should have a rug like this in my bedroom.
I don't. We have a hardwood floor. We have a wool
carpet. And then I traded it out, and then I put
kind of a Fluffy one. It's. I just haven't bought a big rug or
anything expensive, and I want carpet to sit on
while I fold clothes. And I don't have it.
So it's still not as fun for me. But, oh, well, making something
(30:22):
playful, like having a new colored binder, or if you're
going to be in your kitchen a lot and you don't like the color
of the walls, paint the walls, and then maybe it's more playful
in there and you'll enjoy being in there.
Or you gotta keep your schedule. You have a
calendar and you decide, I'm gonna use stickers.
I'm gonna decorate my calendar with stickers or different colored
(30:42):
pens or whatever. Do that make it more fun.
And then you can also just kind of identify.
I'm just doing this a little bit. It is.
You can do the small step thing because that can be more fun
if you're going to clean the kitchen or something.
And the small step is unloading the dishwasher.
I have a hard time getting myself to start unloading, but I
(31:03):
like to put cups away. So I go over and I start with
the cups and I think, just unload the cups.
And then I think, well, I also like plates.
I hate putting away silverware. But once I start with the
knives, if I group it by theme, does everyone do that?
If I take out all the butter knives and take out anything
plastic, I kind of like it. It appeals to
(31:26):
that obsessive part of my brain. So the dopamine is
the spark. The serotonin is your momentum.
It keeps you going. And you don't have to look
at fun. What's great about this is you don't have to look at
fun as the reward. I used to do that, and I
probably still do sometimes, but I used to do that a lot in my
having babies, losing weight, days of I wanted trying to
(31:51):
lose this weight. It's hard for me to do.
I'm eating more now than ever. I'm only eating sugar, you know,
And I needed to crack down with something.
And so I would give myself a reward.
You know, you can buy this barbell. I still have that barbell.
I never use anymore, but you can buy this barbell that cost $40.
It was. Didn't include the weight plates.
And I still love it. But that can be a reward.
(32:11):
If you do these workouts as you scheduled for six weeks,
and I did, and I got the reward. But you don't have to just
like, if you do this, you get some ice cream, you know, like,
it's like used to. Well, I have done that with my children.
I know you're not supposed to give rewards as food, but we do.
Teachers do. Everyone does. Right? Maybe not everyone, but.
And then look at every little step counts.
(32:33):
Even if you only did the fun things today, every step counts.
Even if you did a little bit of laundry and you still have so
much to do. You did a little bit of laundry, maybe you can find
your socks. So all those things are important.
And it's not cheating to start with a fun.
It's not.
You weren't lazy to begin with. And this is a trick.
(32:54):
You know, you're tricking yourself to get yourself to do that.
It's not like that. You're using what you can to
help your brain chemistry to your advantage, because your brain
chemistry isn't what it needs to be to help
you get these things done, or you'd be getting it done.
It's not always just saying, okay, I'm gonna do this right
(33:14):
now. Sometimes saying that out loud can be a dopamine
spark. And you know, you're standing up, you're saying it,
you're motivating yourself. Maybe that is motivating.
But sometimes you can't even get yourself to stand up and do
that. So whatever it can be, and I
probably mentioned this before, smiling at yourself in the mirror,
(33:34):
that can even help. That can be. That can be helpful.
If you're feeling like. And you just need a little
bit of lift. You don't have to reach for sugar.
You. If you need some chocolate, you can, but you just
look yourself in the mirror. There's my little mirror.
You smile at yourself like, yep, I see you.
There you are again. It's okay. And you just kind of
(33:55):
laugh. And it does bring it, the mood up a little bit,
but I think that's it. I think it is.
I always think of things afterwards.
It's like that phone call and, you know, you talk to somebody
and then you call back and your email and then you say, oh, also
forgot to send the attachment. There's no attachment here.
(34:16):
But, you know, I forgot to say this, but yep, yep, yep.
I'm just. I. I'm so disorganized. I'm trying not to make
that sound like a bad thing. I'm organized about some things,
but I'm pretty disorganized with my notes.
And I'm just, Just saying creates momentum.
Momentum.
And I guess the other thing that I wanted to say is that
(34:41):
the accountability factor, the co working factor, especially
if people are with you in Real life, or you get to
talk, if you like to talk to a friend or something, and you connect
on zoom. And then you work together, or you meet at the
coffee shop and you work together. Some of that dopamine,
some of that energizing that gets you there
(35:03):
comes from that accountability. And not just the, I
gotta do this, the responsibility, but the joy in working
with whoever you're working with and finding that way
to do it. You can even do things that spark your dopamine just
kind of by an excitement factor. Like if you think of when you're
(35:24):
driving and a deer runs out in the road and you go,
you know, that's. You're not planning on that.
You just get excited, right? So you go into that fight or flight
or whatever. And sometimes we get that excitement from doing
something that's a little more drastic in our cleaning
method or whatever it is. And if you have to
declutter, if you need to de. Organize, you have boxes of
(35:47):
things to go through. Sometimes doing something that's just kind
of like a big move will give you that spark, will give
you kind of that excitement, like, oh, you know.
And one method that I super love is to take.
And you can just do. I've heard you do it out in your
driveway, but I usually do it in the house.
You could take a blanket or something or just use the carpet
(36:07):
or whatever and just take the box and dump it
all out on the floor and then just look at it
and go, oh. You know, and there's kind of some shock factor.
All the stuff that you have, and you don't want to turn that
into. Overwhelm. You turn it into, whoa, that was fun.
And then you just hurry and just take away anything that you
(36:27):
think you don't need. Need. Or just take the things that you
do need and just don't even look at the rest and get rid of it.
So any of those things that can kind of just make you go can
be helpful here. Helpful here. So make it easy.
Anything that you can think of, too, that you find easy
to do. And other people just think, how do you do that?
(36:49):
You know, you're gardening. You're so good with gardening.
You're like, oh, that's easy. Or, how do you keep your car
so clean? That's not mine. How do you.
Whatever it is, you know, baking bread or whatever, whatever's
easy for you. If you can find those ways, get into
those grooves, find those things. I actually enjoyed that.
Start with that. Actually enjoyed that part, and even build your
(37:11):
life around it. If you love making bread, make bread for dinner.
If you love popping popcorn, not that that's an enjoyable
thing, but if you love eating popcorn, you can eat things that
you enjoy too. You can make healthy eating
a pleasurable experience. If you don't, probably people love
healthy eating more than I do. I do love it, but not to
(37:33):
the level of making dinner with vegetables and stuff.
I'm not good at that.
That's not my forte. And that's not a negative.
I'm just talking out loud. But yeah, find your things.
Find your things. And, and let me know if
you want to share. I love it when people share.
Email me. Go to my website, renee-allen.com youm can
(37:56):
just sign up for my newsletter. It'll put us in touch.
I'll send you tips. And I've. I've kind of taken a
little hiatus from that this summer.
I don't think I've sent one in about a month and a half.
But I like being in touch, sharing tips, sharing common experiences
we have and hearing from others. And it just connects you
on a day to day to day level to know I was
(38:19):
doing this and someone else is doing this too.
And I get ideas from you and hopefully you get ideas from me.
So thank you so much for being here.
This is 103. Next will be 105. And I only say
that to keep it straight, hopefully in my own mind.
But thank you for being here and, and I will be back
(38:41):
again next week. Bye. Double chins Rubber ducks Squeaky
cheese and paper cups Applesauce Superman rocket ship
San Peter Pan boogie boards and parachutes and soda cans
Jumping jacks and pillowcases for my hands Donald Duck and fire
trucks and Pokemon Santa Claus and Johnny Depp and Donkey
(39:03):
Kong Chocolate chips and zippers It's a nice 14 little children
jumping on the trampoline Model trains and passing lights and
super glue Tangerines and magazines that kangaroo.
Oh yeah, oh yeah.
(39:31):
I'm cut short the silence of sound has yet
been found but not by me
(39:55):
I'm flutter my toast Spread on some grape
jelly I don't need to fast But
I'm a chef and a good wine My grandma
can't hear me that breakfast is done and
I'm getting colder ever older so I run
(40:24):
open windows broken shadow
Frozen dreams are left for. Tomorrow
without.
A call
Time for a
(40:57):
rewind like run out of time to sing
melodies and harmonies I'm cut short
the silence of sound has yet been found but
not by me It.
Sa.
(00:29):
Hello. Welcome to Inspiring Women with ADHD with Renee
Allen. I am Renee Allen. You already know that.
And I'm the host of this podcast. I am excited to be
here today. This is episode 103. I made them out
of order deliberately, but kind of on accident, meaning
(00:49):
I realized as I was recording that I hadn't recorded
episode 103 yet, but I still wanted 104 to 104,
and I released it before today's episode.
So if things like that matter to you, if you see
that and you wonder, why are they out of order?
(01:09):
That's why. Because on the hundredth episode, in the
hundredth episode, I decided that I was going to share
the top 10 things that I was sharing kind of in my hundred
ideas, and I was going to do them
in order. 101, 102, 103. And when I
went to open it up yesterday, I thought I
(01:33):
was on 103, but then I didn't. You know when your brain
just switches? And then I thought, no, you're on 104.
I even checked and everything. I even looked at the podcast app,
app and everything. But sometimes our brains don't remember what
we once knew. Even if it was five minutes ago.
Especially if it was five minutes ago.
If it was five years ago, there's a better chance you remember
(01:54):
it because it's locked in there. If you remembered it once,
it's probably still there. Back to today, episode 103.
This is about the actual step that I talked
about was having breaking things into smaller
steps to
(02:14):
stop yourself from being stuck or being overwhelmed or dreading
something. Which actually sounds contradictory because the dread
factor, at least for me, is recognizing that there are
a thousand steps to washing my face, not just one, not just three.
I think I did better washing my face when I was in high
(02:34):
school because I heard that you could wash your
face with a glycerin bar of soap. Do you remember seeing those?
They used to be clear. It was before fancy soap like goat's milk
or soy based or whatever. The beautiful soaps that
there are right now. They're my very favorite.
I love to buy them and smell them and look at them.
They're like little sculptures, little pieces of art.
(02:55):
I would never make them because they look like they have a thousand
steps, but to buy them, I love them.
The clear soap was glycerin soap. And I heard that you
could wash your face with it. Where did I hear it?
High school, I don't know. Teen magazine, I don't know.
But I just Just washed my face with it and I was fine.
And I did that. But then I learned that there were
(03:15):
different steps to wash and do a refresher or
astringent or. There were so many things.
And I just thought, that sounds like a lot of work, and it's
something that I dread, something that I don't like to do.
So if I were to break that small steps and say, just do this,
and then maybe you could do the others.
I don't know that I could trick my brain into that.
(03:37):
I could just do the first step and not do anything else.
I do that sometimes and just make up my own steps.
But I do do it in some way. And so for this
episode, I didn't want to talk about breaking something into
smaller steps because I've already made an episode on that.
I don't know that I could add more to it.
Maybe someday I will. So I thought, okay, what can
(03:58):
we do? What can you do besides just starting with step
one or making it really small? And I thought,
well, sometimes. Sometimes that works.
We have methods that work for us sometimes, and other times they
don't. We still just don't do it, and we
could have all the reasons in our heads, but we don't do it.
(04:21):
So one method that I've adopted recently is to
identify what could be fun about it, because I found myself
doing this anyway. And you might find yourself doing this, like,
let's say, say you're unpacking, you've just moved and you
need to get a room set up or something, the
living room or something. Maybe you enjoy hanging pictures on
(04:44):
the wall. Maybe that's what you start with.
And you just. Even though it would be nice to have
furniture out, or maybe it'd be nice to get rid of all the boxes,
you start with what appeals to you. You start with what's fun
because why you'll do it and you'll enjoy it.
And there's much more satisfaction, obviously, in doing something
you enj sometimes because you're happy that you
(05:08):
did that, you'll be in a different frame of mind, and that
might enable you to do the next thing that might have
sounded overwhelming, impossible, or just completely
undesirable. And it becomes something that's not a big deal
because you've either started with the fun thing or you've
(05:28):
attached something fun to it. And so I kind
of think, okay, if it's a fun first thing, if I need
to get on my computer and get ready for the next podcast,
there's some parts of that that are really fun.
The research, I think I have. My glasses are smeared or
something, so I'm going to take this off.
The research part is really fun for me.
(05:50):
So, like today I learned more about serotonin and dopamine.
It was super fun and I like that. It just
energized me. And you can tell what you think is fun because
you, you. You get a little energy from it.
You feel side. And why is that? Because something's
changing. Chemicals are changing in your brain by doing something.
(06:10):
Some people call it novelty or it has pleasure attached to
it. It's exciting, it's invigorating.
It can even be just playing music that you love and having
that music going. And it gets you in that mode
in your body. And then you start relaxing in your brain.
(06:31):
You start thinking, I can do this. And you have ideas that are
helpful and they help you get the work done.
And that is a really great strategy is just
to think, is there something fun about it that it can do, even
if it's out of order? Let's say you're going to make a
cake for someone's birthday. And yeah, you like making cake,
(06:52):
but you don't feel like doing it. But you
might enjoy just bringing out the ingredients.
Maybe not. I enjoy that. I like setting up the ingredients.
It appeals to the organized part of my brain
of liking to do something that's simple.
All I have to do is just set all this out.
(07:12):
When I was younger, I'd set out the dry ingredients, set out
the other things or whatever. Or sometimes I make it,
you know, like they call it, gamify it.
I don't know if I'm actually making it a game, but I'll actually
have a system to it that feels like a game is instead
of setting everything out like they do on a cooking show
or something, you take each thing out, you use it,
(07:35):
and then you put it away. And you keep putting things away as
you go. Even washing the cups or putting them in dishwasher
should go. I like doing that. There's a method to it.
It becomes fun and it's rewarding because I know there
won't be a mess at the end. And that's super fun for me.
So whatever makes it fun for you will make it easier for
you to do it. And sometimes it might not seem
(07:57):
like, okay, does this actually
fulfill that definition of fun? Is it actually fun?
Like, am I going, yay, this is such a party?
Not always. Sometimes that fun factor can be just something that
is pleasurable to you or that you like or that makes you
feel happy inside. I've mentioned that I love lighting candles
(08:19):
in the morning. Lately I've been lighting a few candles and it
just takes the mood of the morning to be more uplifting.
Makes me feel good inside. Makes me feel more like I
can just get into a mode of going and doing instead of
waking up. Even though I have energy in the morning, sometimes
I just want to get on my computer, you know, that's easy.
(08:40):
And look at emails and then shop or something.
Even if you don't need to buy something.
Yeah. Scrolling, scrolling. Just before I got on
here, I knew that I wanted to get on here.
And my son asked, what time are you going to record your
podcast? 3 o'. Clock. And it was about 2:30 and I was just about
ready to come in here and I said, yeah, three o'.
Clock. I thought, he wants some time to play the piano, I can
(09:01):
give him that. And so I started looking at used
clothing. Websites like Poshmark or Mercarian were looking at
things and found that they saved my searches.
I didn't have anything I wanted to buy, but I thought what were
my searches? Thinking I was going to be productive and clean
it out, like get rid of the things that I'm not searching for
another computer. I have one, I'm using it right now.
(09:24):
And so I could check that off. But then I saw other things.
Oh, I forgot that I looked for that.
Oh, that'd be fun to look at those for a while and scroll, scroll,
scroll, scroll. And it was mindless.
And 3 o' clock came around, 3:30 came around.
I still hadn't gotten up to come in here.
That was a big waste of my time. I did something that was fun,
(09:45):
but it led me down, you know, a slippery slope.
So notice if the thing that you do that's fun is
going to be actually useful, productive, or just a
complete waste of time. I'm not saying you can't ever waste time.
Of course we can all do whatever we want.
But if that's not what you like to do, if that's what you
(10:05):
wish you hadn't done at the end of the day, or you think, gosh,
I had a lot of time today and I blew it,
you know, that happens a lot. So you can define
what fun first means to you. What you do first, that's
fun. And it might be setting the stage, it might be lighting
a candle or turning on some music, making the stage what
(10:29):
you want, or getting dressed, putting on your makeup
first. Sometimes these patterns that we once have
that were easy for us might not be the pattern anymore.
Do you want to get back into that? Do you want to wake up, get
all ready before you do anything else?
Or do you like to kind of have that feeling like it's a day
off? If you're at home, you don't have to be somewhere right
(10:49):
away. Do you act like it's a day off first?
I do sometimes. And it's kind of nice.
It's kind of nice. It reminds me of when I was younger and I
go to a slumber party and I come home the next day and I
just kind of, you know, laze around and stuff.
And sometimes we can give ourselves permission to do that,
but maybe not always. So. Yeah. So you can
(11:13):
also look and see what's the enjoyable part of the task.
Maybe you enjoy doing design on Canva and you're building a
website and you just want to work on the designs or your branding
or something like that. Or you are taking care of the
kids and you look around, there's 20,000 things to be
done. Just pick one of them that sounds doable, fun, maybe
(11:35):
it allows you to be in the same room with the kids and enjoy
being there and not have to run back and forth and just know
that you have a choice. And. And it's okay to choose the
thing that is more fun because you're more likely
to be productive than to not choose that and not get anything
done or just get very little of something done.
(11:56):
Yeah. Because when things feel like they're too much, they are
too much. And if you just find something that isn't too much,
you can break through that. And the change in your mindset
can make it so the other things might be doable too, and you
might be able to get yourself to do it, even just if
you have to write, take notes, go to school, whatever.
I don't know if you did this when you were growing up, but the
(12:19):
first day of school, we'd have a new outfit for the first day
and a new notebook or binder paper or backpack.
We didn't really have backpacks when I was little, but my kids
did. And having things like that. And sometimes I
think with ADHD we do this anyway. You know, if I just had
a new planner, if I just had a new notebook, if
(12:40):
I just had a new pen, and maybe it works and maybe
it doesn't. But if you do find I have a favorite kind of
pen that I like to use, make it more enjoyable.
If you do need to calendar some things out, schedule some Things
out. Find your favorite pen, Buy a few extras.
I found my favorite pen. They sell them at Target.
I can put my favorite things on the website if you want.
(13:02):
They're things that feel good, the paper that feels
good to write on, the actual feeling of the pen.
Do you have those sensory things? If you do, choose
those things. If you can. If you can get rid of the things
that you don't like, the ones that run out of ink fast and are
always having to, you know, kind of shake to get them to work,
get rid of those things that make it more of a chore.
(13:25):
But our brains are wired to. To not just
have. Well, they're wired a certain way, and then they
also. They're wired so that they don't naturally have
those dopamine lifts to be able to get up and do something.
And some of the things that we do can promote that spark.
(13:46):
And what I learned about the brain chemistry is that we have
the two things that we need more of, serotonin and
dopamine. The dopamine is the spark.
So if you were gonna drive a car, from what I understand,
my husband loves to fix cars and work on cars.
I'm pretty clueless when it comes to how cars work.
(14:08):
But what I think what I've learned is there's a spark plug, there's
a spark that helps start the car, and then the
gas keeps the car going or it can idle or something.
But, you know, sometimes it uses more gas, sometimes it uses
electricity if you're hybrid or whatever.
But the spark is what you need to get up.
I'm doing this. I'm doing this. I'm going to do this next.
(14:28):
I'm going to do that next. That's your spark.
That's your dopamine. If you have enough dopamine for your
brain to work in the way that it's supposed to work, then you
have that spark. You've taken your adhd, ADHD medicine, you went
out and exercised. You've done something this.
Sometimes that helps you get that spark.
Sometimes I listen to an audiobook or a podcast that is
(14:51):
a stimulant. Stimulants give that spark.
Caffeine is a stimulant. Stimulant medications, other ADHD medications
can do that for us and give us that availability to
have our brain work right. And it's interesting because I was
reading some more about dopamine, and I shared
(15:12):
a few episodes ago about how my psychiatrist resident told me
it's not that people with ADHD don't have enough Dopamine.
Excuse me, about to clear my throat.
I know there's a button. I can stop that, but try not to have
a gravelly throat. But I might just endure it.
Anyway, he said that it's not that you're low on dopamine,
(15:33):
it's that you need more because you have more receptors.
So I was reading, is that really the case?
And sometimes that's the case is that we have more receptors
than we have dopamine for. Even though we might have the same
amount of dopamine as somebody else, but we also have our
brains work in a different way. So that in order to
(15:55):
get it to work right, it needs more dopamine.
Whether that matters to you or not. It's not always a receptor
thing. It's. It's if the receptors are, are firing, you
know, if the spark plug is faulty or something like that.
And so it might take more dopamine to get that receptor to
fire, whether it's a lack of how many receptors or the
(16:17):
lack of the receptor working with that first spark of
dopamine. So, yeah, so dopamine is the
motivator. It gives us the energy, it gives us the excitement,
it gives us the feeling of, yes, I'm going to do this.
Other things can do that too. Other people can be that for
us. They knock at the door and say, come on, let's go for the
(16:38):
walk. And like, yay. Oops, Yay, my friend's here, I'm gonna go
for a walk. You just got a spark of dopamine from that and
you're ready to go and you feel some accountability and all those
things, that's your motivator, that's your excitement.
If you're all alone and you don't have a boss, you
might have a boss and it doesn't feel fun, but you might have
(16:59):
a boss, a supervisor, a deadline. And it's not that
you really think, this is so fun, I'm gonna do it.
But that is your dopamine. That's your spark.
I don't know if it's actual dopamine, but it's what helps you.
I gotta do this. You think, oh, no, it's the deadline.
It's the last minute thing. And for a lot of people, that is
(17:19):
really a motivator. Sometimes with adhd, that deadline isn't
the motivator. And we're like, oh, no, no, no.
And we're feeling really bad and we might miss the deadline,
might also forget about the deadline.
But that's another problem with ad. But, yeah, There are
a lot of things that. That can help trigger that.
(17:40):
Trigger that spark. And sometimes it could just
be figuring out some fun way to do it
or starting with something that doesn't take much of a spark.
Some things don't take much of a spark.
Think of it as going downhill. You know, it doesn't take very
much for me to find a frame and say I'm going
to find a print, maybe from a calendar or a card from
(18:03):
Trader Joe's or something and say I want to put something
new in this frame and I want to put it on the wall.
For some reason, I love doing that. I'm not actually a framer
with beveling the edges and stuff. What do they call
it? The mat. My husband knows how to do that.
I can hand him a mat that's not fit right and he can take it
outside to the garage and come back and it's all perfect.
(18:24):
I have no idea how he does it. I mean, I'm sure he uses some
tool, but yeah, that's not my forte, making things look
good in that way. But I can straigh, straighten and restraighten
and restrain and restraighten something and put it in the frame
and look at it and think that's the right frame for it or
that's not, and then look at the wall.
It's kind of funny because there's some things.
(18:45):
I don't know if you're like this, that I have an obsessive need
for it to be a certain way like that.
Maybe that plays to that of getting that just straight and backing
up. I'm saying that as I look at these six drawings that my husband.
My husband's an artist. He did charcoal drawings of my kids and
one of me up here. And it's many years ago, so I look a
little different. My hair's a lot shorter.
(19:06):
But I love doing that. So it doesn't
take any motivation for me to do that.
Because the natural love is there and you don't need
that. You have that love in you that is your dopamine.
You're, oh, yes, I want to do that. Does it take any
motivation for you to do something that you really love?
(19:27):
Probably not. If you want to go to a concert, you're
going to get in the car and go to that concert if you have something
else playing with your brain. But you know, we're not going to
the exceptions. Even though my brain loves to go to the exceptions.
But one of the reasons that doing what is fun, what
we love, first Starting with that or finding a
(19:47):
way to make it fun, putting on the music, inviting someone to
do it with us, or creating that dopamine by having accountability
person. Is that it? It is that
spark I mentioned last time, the different things that
can help you with accountability and you know, figuring out who
(20:09):
is that person or, or who are those people and how is
that going to help me achieve that goal.
And then afterwards I went to a class I've been teaching this
Monday, Wednesday, Friday class at a gym that's kind of
a yoga stretch class. And it is a yoga stretch
class, but I keep changing the name.
So anyway, Monday and Wednesday it's at 9
(20:31):
and on Fridays it's at 8:30. And so I decided, well,
actually last year I tried to get myself to do this on
my own because I'd worked out for years and years.
I mean almost 20 years. Oh, more than that,
almost 30 years every morning and not a problem.
Moved here, change my life, who knows why.
(20:53):
Hard for me to get up early and do that first.
It's really hard. It's no longer the fun first thing.
The fun first thing is to go in the kitchen, get a
pre workout drink, but sit down at the computer with it and
not go work out. And so last year I thought if you
just go to the gym all three of those days earlier, an hour earlier
and work out, then you have your workout, you're already there,
(21:15):
you can go in that room by yourself, you can do whatever you
want, there's a lot of equipment in there.
And then they come in, you've done it.
That's your easily defined Monday, Wednesday, Friday.
And then I was going to do the Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday at
home I did it here and there. But this January I
tried it again and some of the people came in and
said, oh, what are you doing? Some people came in thinking, oh,
(21:37):
we're late to class. Did you change the time?
You know, no, no, no, I'm working out, I'm not doing the stretch
class. And it turned into a few of
them wanting to do it with me. And so I invited him to do it,
but we're only doing it for a half hour because I wanted to
keep it, they needed a gentler workout.
And it's actually good for me too because I'm doing hot yoga
(21:58):
on the other days now and it's very sweaty and very exhausting.
But it has kept me doing it and
we decided not to do it on Fridays, just Mondays and Wednesdays
because they're already getting there at 8:30 on Friday.
So now they get there Monday, Wednesday for the workouts, Fridays
they can stay after for their workout or whatever.
(22:18):
But I was thinking, thinking about it yesterday and I thought
I 100% wouldn't be consistent with it if they
weren't texting and saying, so are we still doing it this Monday?
I mean, I wouldn't have forgotten at that point.
But their interest in it and
them getting me to follow through is everything.
And it's a motivator. It's my little dopamine that says, hurry,
(22:40):
get your stuff, it's time to go. And I do it.
So dopamine is the first thing that explains why having
something fun can be helpful to trigger you, to
get you to get yourself to do what you need to do.
The other thing is serotonin. And what is serotonin?
(23:01):
Serotonin is something that is low if you
have depression, and it's probably low for other
issues too. But it. But if you think of
if you've ever had actual depression or been depressed or
postpartum depression or whatever, and the joy
(23:24):
is taken out of everything and you just don't feel like doing
anything. I've never had a clinical depression or
even a postpartum depression to the degree of not
wanting to do anything. I've had a day in the hospital each time
I had a baby where I would just cry and have the
(23:44):
nurses shut all the curtains and block all my calls because I
just thought, oh, I didn't feel mentally that I was
giving up, which I'm thankful for. But my body was changing
so fast hormonally that I was just weepy and just needed
to be in a cave. So. But I have had other
times. I think they were related to PMS or something.
(24:09):
Very few where I have experienced this.
And even one of the medications I tried with adhd, all of the
joy of eating, shopping, going somewhere, they
were all gone. There wasn't anything enjoyable besides just
being on the computer and designing things for my website.
(24:32):
And so that's just what I would do. I was driven to do that.
Besides teaching yoga, I'd still go teach yoga.
I could still talk to people. I could still maintain that.
But the enjoyment of those things were gone.
And so if you think of being overwhelmed by something, it could
be that you don't understand how to do it.
It could be I have a blanket around my microphone.
(24:54):
Another story. Anyway, I'm sorry, I feel bad for
the people just listening that aren't watching on ADHD on YouTube
because I. I do get distracted by video.
But here we go, I'm learning as I go and hopefully that
won't happen as much. But when you have lost that
joy or you don't have the joy, the interest even in
(25:17):
doing something, then how are you going to get yourself to do
it? And there are medications that can boost serotonin, but
if you are, what do they call it? You have
a base level, you're not depressed, but you don't have
quite enough serotonin to be wanting, wanting not
(25:39):
only to have the spark to do it. So that's the dopamine.
But even if you did have the spark, you couldn't just get
yourself to do it, you couldn't get yourself to keep doing it.
You might start and stop. And there are a lot of
women with ADHD that I've heard from who can give themselves
to start something, but they have so many unfinished projects,
(26:01):
they lose interest in it, they leave it undone.
And there can be a lot of reasons for that.
One of them could be that you just don't have
enough serotonin to sustain it. It could just be that you
get bored, you don't have enough time, you have a lot of distractions.
There are a lot of other reasons. But if you're really content
(26:23):
doing something, I call it soothing.
You're in a flow, it feels good. It's a calming energy like
I described. I love to frame things for whatever reason.
I love to organize books on my bookshelf, every house I've
lived on. And I rearrange the books a lot.
When I used to have a ton of DVDs, I used to rearrange the DVDs,
(26:43):
change out the covers, put them in different size cases.
That was calming and soothing to me.
It felt good to do it. It's a steady, calm, feel
good hormone. It's not the dopamine.
Woo. I just rode a roller coaster. It's more.
(27:04):
I'm riding the train around Disneyland and I'm just enjoying
the ride. And you're just more in that calm mood, you don't
need the excitement, but it's a stable, steady, I'm going
to keep going. And it really does. When you have
enough serotonin, it not only helps you get things done
(27:24):
and stay in that, but it also helps you regulate your moods,
it helps you have less stress, it helps you be
more balanced emotionally. And it's just a calmer baseline
to have when you have enough serotonin.
And so when you do something that you know you enjoy,
(27:45):
you're starting with that. It doesn't have to Be.
I. I'm just so excited. It's going to be so lively.
I'm going to be dancing while I'm cleaning.
It can be that, but it can also be
going toward things that you love to do.
And the older you get, you start to see, yeah, there are
some things that I don't particularly love doing, and I can't
(28:08):
really afford to get anyone else to do that.
And so I will just try to get myself
to do that. Maybe not as often, but I'll do it, you know, hopefully.
But as you get older, if you can afford to cut some
of those things out of your life, so you're not dreading, you
(28:29):
know, just kind of having a drudgery kind of existence.
You don't want to have that. You want to have an enjoyable existence.
But if you're able to bring things together that can
help boost your serotonin, because you can boost your serotonin
by doing things that you enjoy, then it can help you be more
steady not only with what you get done, but also keeping yourself
(28:53):
going in life and not having so many unfinished things and.
And really feeling bad about yourself.
Because sometimes you feel like, why can't I get it done?
Why can't I get it done? And like I said, there's a lot
of reasons, but that could be one of them.
So let's go. Let me see if
there's anything I haven't thought of here because I have way
(29:14):
too many notes. One is to pick the most
appealing step, which I talked about kind of picking out.
This is what I'm going to do first, and then I'll do something
else. It's kind of like the spoonful of sugar to help the medicine
go down. You do the fun thing and then use something else.
You can also pair something that you enjoy.
If you do, like folding clothes and you want
(29:37):
to fold clothes. But you can't just sit there and do it on your
own. But you love to do it with a good TV show, then
watch a good TV show. I've been watching TV by folding
laundry since I was a child, and I still love doing it that
way. I love. I'm finding there's a lot of pairings.
For me, I feel like I'm high maintenance like that.
Like, I talked about the pen and stuff, but I like to be on a
(29:58):
soft rug like that. I should have a rug like this in my bedroom.
I don't. We have a hardwood floor. We have a wool
carpet. And then I traded it out, and then I put
kind of a Fluffy one. It's. I just haven't bought a big rug or
anything expensive, and I want carpet to sit on
while I fold clothes. And I don't have it.
So it's still not as fun for me. But, oh, well, making something
(30:22):
playful, like having a new colored binder, or if you're
going to be in your kitchen a lot and you don't like the color
of the walls, paint the walls, and then maybe it's more playful
in there and you'll enjoy being in there.
Or you gotta keep your schedule. You have a
calendar and you decide, I'm gonna use stickers.
I'm gonna decorate my calendar with stickers or different colored
(30:42):
pens or whatever. Do that make it more fun.
And then you can also just kind of identify.
I'm just doing this a little bit. It is.
You can do the small step thing because that can be more fun
if you're going to clean the kitchen or something.
And the small step is unloading the dishwasher.
I have a hard time getting myself to start unloading, but I
(31:03):
like to put cups away. So I go over and I start with
the cups and I think, just unload the cups.
And then I think, well, I also like plates.
I hate putting away silverware. But once I start with the
knives, if I group it by theme, does everyone do that?
If I take out all the butter knives and take out anything
plastic, I kind of like it. It appeals to
(31:26):
that obsessive part of my brain. So the dopamine is
the spark. The serotonin is your momentum.
It keeps you going. And you don't have to look
at fun. What's great about this is you don't have to look at
fun as the reward. I used to do that, and I
probably still do sometimes, but I used to do that a lot in my
having babies, losing weight, days of I wanted trying to
(31:51):
lose this weight. It's hard for me to do.
I'm eating more now than ever. I'm only eating sugar, you know,
And I needed to crack down with something.
And so I would give myself a reward.
You know, you can buy this barbell. I still have that barbell.
I never use anymore, but you can buy this barbell that cost $40.
It was. Didn't include the weight plates.
And I still love it. But that can be a reward.
(32:11):
If you do these workouts as you scheduled for six weeks,
and I did, and I got the reward. But you don't have to just
like, if you do this, you get some ice cream, you know, like,
it's like used to. Well, I have done that with my children.
I know you're not supposed to give rewards as food, but we do.
Teachers do. Everyone does. Right? Maybe not everyone, but.
And then look at every little step counts.
(32:33):
Even if you only did the fun things today, every step counts.
Even if you did a little bit of laundry and you still have so
much to do. You did a little bit of laundry, maybe you can find
your socks. So all those things are important.
And it's not cheating to start with a fun.
It's not.
You weren't lazy to begin with. And this is a trick.
(32:54):
You know, you're tricking yourself to get yourself to do that.
It's not like that. You're using what you can to
help your brain chemistry to your advantage, because your brain
chemistry isn't what it needs to be to help
you get these things done, or you'd be getting it done.
It's not always just saying, okay, I'm gonna do this right
(33:14):
now. Sometimes saying that out loud can be a dopamine
spark. And you know, you're standing up, you're saying it,
you're motivating yourself. Maybe that is motivating.
But sometimes you can't even get yourself to stand up and do
that. So whatever it can be, and I
probably mentioned this before, smiling at yourself in the mirror,
(33:34):
that can even help. That can be. That can be helpful.
If you're feeling like. And you just need a little
bit of lift. You don't have to reach for sugar.
You. If you need some chocolate, you can, but you just
look yourself in the mirror. There's my little mirror.
You smile at yourself like, yep, I see you.
There you are again. It's okay. And you just kind of
(33:55):
laugh. And it does bring it, the mood up a little bit,
but I think that's it. I think it is.
I always think of things afterwards.
It's like that phone call and, you know, you talk to somebody
and then you call back and your email and then you say, oh, also
forgot to send the attachment. There's no attachment here.
(34:16):
But, you know, I forgot to say this, but yep, yep, yep.
I'm just. I. I'm so disorganized. I'm trying not to make
that sound like a bad thing. I'm organized about some things,
but I'm pretty disorganized with my notes.
And I'm just, Just saying creates momentum.
Momentum.
And I guess the other thing that I wanted to say is that
(34:41):
the accountability factor, the co working factor, especially
if people are with you in Real life, or you get to
talk, if you like to talk to a friend or something, and you connect
on zoom. And then you work together, or you meet at the
coffee shop and you work together. Some of that dopamine,
some of that energizing that gets you there
(35:03):
comes from that accountability. And not just the, I
gotta do this, the responsibility, but the joy in working
with whoever you're working with and finding that way
to do it. You can even do things that spark your dopamine just
kind of by an excitement factor. Like if you think of when you're
(35:24):
driving and a deer runs out in the road and you go,
you know, that's. You're not planning on that.
You just get excited, right? So you go into that fight or flight
or whatever. And sometimes we get that excitement from doing
something that's a little more drastic in our cleaning
method or whatever it is. And if you have to
declutter, if you need to de. Organize, you have boxes of
(35:47):
things to go through. Sometimes doing something that's just kind
of like a big move will give you that spark, will give
you kind of that excitement, like, oh, you know.
And one method that I super love is to take.
And you can just do. I've heard you do it out in your
driveway, but I usually do it in the house.
You could take a blanket or something or just use the carpet
(36:07):
or whatever and just take the box and dump it
all out on the floor and then just look at it
and go, oh. You know, and there's kind of some shock factor.
All the stuff that you have, and you don't want to turn that
into. Overwhelm. You turn it into, whoa, that was fun.
And then you just hurry and just take away anything that you
(36:27):
think you don't need. Need. Or just take the things that you
do need and just don't even look at the rest and get rid of it.
So any of those things that can kind of just make you go can
be helpful here. Helpful here. So make it easy.
Anything that you can think of, too, that you find easy
to do. And other people just think, how do you do that?
(36:49):
You know, you're gardening. You're so good with gardening.
You're like, oh, that's easy. Or, how do you keep your car
so clean? That's not mine. How do you.
Whatever it is, you know, baking bread or whatever, whatever's
easy for you. If you can find those ways, get into
those grooves, find those things. I actually enjoyed that.
Start with that. Actually enjoyed that part, and even build your
(37:11):
life around it. If you love making bread, make bread for dinner.
If you love popping popcorn, not that that's an enjoyable
thing, but if you love eating popcorn, you can eat things that
you enjoy too. You can make healthy eating
a pleasurable experience. If you don't, probably people love
healthy eating more than I do. I do love it, but not to
(37:33):
the level of making dinner with vegetables and stuff.
I'm not good at that.
That's not my forte. And that's not a negative.
I'm just talking out loud. But yeah, find your things.
Find your things. And, and let me know if
you want to share. I love it when people share.
Email me. Go to my website, renee-allen.com youm can
(37:56):
just sign up for my newsletter. It'll put us in touch.
I'll send you tips. And I've. I've kind of taken a
little hiatus from that this summer.
I don't think I've sent one in about a month and a half.
But I like being in touch, sharing tips, sharing common experiences
we have and hearing from others. And it just connects you
on a day to day to day level to know I was
(38:19):
doing this and someone else is doing this too.
And I get ideas from you and hopefully you get ideas from me.
So thank you so much for being here.
This is 103. Next will be 105. And I only say
that to keep it straight, hopefully in my own mind.
But thank you for being here and, and I will be back
(38:41):
again next week. Bye. Double chins Rubber ducks Squeaky
cheese and paper cups Applesauce Superman rocket ship
San Peter Pan boogie boards and parachutes and soda cans
Jumping jacks and pillowcases for my hands Donald Duck and fire
trucks and Pokemon Santa Claus and Johnny Depp and Donkey
(39:03):
Kong Chocolate chips and zippers It's a nice 14 little children
jumping on the trampoline Model trains and passing lights and
super glue Tangerines and magazines that kangaroo.
Oh yeah, oh yeah.
(39:31):
I'm cut short the silence of sound has yet
been found but not by me
(39:55):
I'm flutter my toast Spread on some grape
jelly I don't need to fast But
I'm a chef and a good wine My grandma
can't hear me that breakfast is done and
I'm getting colder ever older so I run
(40:24):
open windows broken shadow
Frozen dreams are left for. Tomorrow
without.
A call
Time for a
(40:57):
rewind like run out of time to sing
melodies and harmonies I'm cut short
the silence of sound has yet been found but
not by me It.
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