| Ep 98 | Why Our Brains Fight Structure: Creativity vs. Constraints in Women with ADHD

Skipping the description for now so I can get this episode out today!  Enjoy 🔆

-- Renee

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
SA

(00:30):
hello. Welcome to Inspiring Women with adhd.
I'm Renee Allen, the host of this podcast.
I'm the little engine that could. Today, I've been trying and
trying to get to be able to record
with audio and video at the same time and not through my video
app, if that makes any sense. Because the sound quality comes
out better. That matches my music on the audio podcast.

(00:53):
If I just record through GarageBand.
And it was going well, I was excited to talk to you.
And then it said my disc was too slow because I think I
was doing too much at a time. So let's see if it keeps going.
If not, I'm gonna say goodbye to doing this on YouTube on
video for the four or five people who watch there.
I have to do it without video, but let's see if hopefully this

(01:14):
just keeps going. I'm gonna move away the camera.
Cause I think the seeing myself on camera makes it so I
get distracted. I'm just gonna go back to audio and I'll watch
to see if that stays going, going, going.
But I wanted to tell you first. Thank you.
Thank you, thank you. I just went on to Libsyn, which
is the website I use to produce or publish my episodes.

(01:37):
And I number them so I can keep track of what I'm doing.
It's my
semi, sort of method for organization that if I have
my episodes numbered, then if I write ideas for new ones,
I can have the number and everything.
But I usually don't remember when I come on which episode I recorded
last time. So I thought, what number am I at?

(01:59):
And Last one was 97, so that means 98.
I brought up my little format that I had planned out a week ago
for this one. Anyway, it tells me in Libsyn how many downloads
I have. And I'm almost at 100 episodes.
I knew that. I knew I wasn't quite there.
I'm almost at 100. But I was also edging toward or
inching toward 10,000 downloads. And a download shows up

(02:21):
in my Libsyn account every time one of you download
an episode to listen to later or to listen to when you're
driving around, you don't have good enough cellular or something.
And I know there are podcasts out there that have 10,000 downloads
per episode, but I had 10,000 total.
And this is just me doing it in my house.

(02:43):
And it means a lot to me that you're out there listening, because
I'm really not consistent with marketing.
I'm building the blocks to get there.
But as far as getting the Word out there for my podcast, I'm
pretty bad at it and I have an Instagram account and I
used to make some little episode art things on Canva and

(03:03):
I decided I didn't like those. And that's not what I'm going
to do there anymore. So I haven't done it in a long time.
But yeah, I really don't do much for marketing besides
building my website and hoping to get people there or I don't
know, who knows what. But I really want to reach more women
like you or daughters like you have that might be listening

(03:24):
in the car, because
a lot of us are just learning we have ADHD or discovering
more about ourselves. Even if you just have ADHD symptoms, you
think, I may not have enough to be diagnosed.
But yeah, I can relate. I can relate.
And it's really important for us to learn together and

(03:45):
to talk to people who actually believe we have adhd.
Obviously, a lot of people do. They understand that it's
a diagnosis. They understand that it is something that disrupts
life. And there are a lot of opinions.
I tend to go to a lot of Facebook groups
or Reddit threads or whatever you call them, and there

(04:08):
are people who say it's not a disorder or it's a disability or
it's a this. People have their strong black and white opinions.
And I get that because. Because I can do that.
I can say, yes, it is. That could be my black and white
opinion. But there are also people who say
everyone has this. Like, everyone has a little bit

(04:29):
of adhd. There are people who don't believe in disorders.
And I say this from experience, conversations with people.
And I think that is like anything. If
you haven't. If you haven't experienced it close in your life,
then you may not see it as a reality.

(04:50):
And one of my friends told me once, because her mom wasn't
getting it, you know, wasn't really seeing that there could be
other shades besides black and white, that it didn't need
to be this fixed belief that she had.
And this was about mental health. And my friend said, you
know, there's always those moments when your friend says something
and it sticks with you for the rest of your life.

(05:12):
It's only about seven years ago, but anyway, she said, my
mom has been blessed or fortunate or whatever
to not have the experiences in life that actually change her
thinking. She hadn't dealt with the heartache or the challenges
or the struggle. Whether it's your own struggles or seeing

(05:33):
someone else struggle with it, when that happens in your family
or someone you're directly working with, someone that you
care about, it really helps open your eyes.
It really helps open your eyes. And even with.
If you think about yourself and when you were growing up, if
you were super talkative and so was your mom and so

(05:55):
was your dad, you might think, well, a lot of people are super
talkative. A lot of people love talking.
And then you might look in your own family and see, maybe not
this person. I have four brothers and only one of them is
real talkative like me. And he was one that they called hyperactive.
So he, I'm sure, just like me, was not
diagnosed as a child. And that's fine.

(06:17):
No one really knew about it back then, or at least to
anything close to the degree of now.
But I'm not blaming anyone at all. But you start
to notice in your own family, oh, that person's, whatever the
name for it, is shy or doesn't talk as much or is happy
having other people talk. And even with that, with some

(06:38):
quiet brothers, it wasn't until I had my own
children that I realized not everybody wants to volunteer for
everything. Be up in front, be the center of attention.
Not everyone loves that. Not everyone loves public speaking.
You learn these things as you go. And the same can be true
for other people learning about how we are.

(07:00):
And maybe they don't need to ever know.
It'd be nice to be understood. But they may not really need to
know. But that's okay. That's okay. So that isn't
my topic today. I'm actually thinking, well, I don't want
to open. I tried. I went out of my Google Doc, my
Google Drive, thought maybe that'll help my computer not stop

(07:21):
doing the video and the audio at the same time.
But it didn't. My, you know, do you have the
kind of ADHD symptom where you're always thinking of new ideas,
you're always resourceful, you're thinking, well, this didn't
work. This might work. So I already have another idea, and that's
to use. Use my other computer to record the GarageBand
part, the audio part. And although that won't work with

(07:44):
the microphone, to hook up with both, I don't know, and use the
other computer to do the video. Because if it's too much for
both of them to do both, then I can do that.
There are ways to split, to loop the.
I'm learning as I go the audio into two different
directions. I tried it once and it didn't work well.
And so I haven't. I. I'D rather simplify if I can.

(08:05):
But today's episode. It's not like you don't already
know if you've read it, but it's why our brains fight
structure,
creativity versus constraints in women with ADHD might
even be with children with adhd. It might be with men, might
be with who knows who. But our brains tend to

(08:29):
be wired to be creative, to have a lot of ideas, to
think outside of the box.
It doesn't necessarily mean that you don't like the
box or the way that the box presents itself, but that
might not be the first way that you think of doing something.
And if you think back to when you were in school, did you ever

(08:53):
have ideas for how to finish a math problem that were different
than what your teacher taught? I did.
I know a lot of people struggle with math.
I didn't know that they did or I didn't know that girls did,
because I never did, never struggled with it.
And my creative mind thought of other ways to solve
that puzzle. I even thought in high school.
This is growing up in a small town of 3,000 people.

(09:13):
When you're not really exposed to any professions besides school
teachers, doctors, dentists, and a few people in
town who had little stores and things.
It's about it, you know, retail.
I thought what I would like to do is major in math,
which changed within my first semester in college.

(09:34):
I changed my mind because I didn't do well in calculus for some
reason, that was not going along with my brain.
But I wanted to major in math. And then I wanted my
job to be. To think of the word problems that
you get in standardized math tests, the really tricky
ones, and think of all the answers. You know, how
they think of answers. That will be the way that

(09:58):
you think if you just mess up on this one part.
I thought that would be fun to think of all the possibilities,
which is kind of silly, but, you know, who knows?
That must be a job for somebody. Actually, my daughter develops
curriculum, math curriculum for a homeschool company called the
Good and Beautiful. And she used to develop the math curriculum
and teach for a homeschool company called Williamsburg Academy.

(10:21):
Can't believe both of those are at the tip of my tongue, because
I. I usually don't remember things on demand.
But anyway, back to our brains. So you might
really like structure, and you might need structure.
We probably do. We probably need some kind of structure.
We go on a vacation. We think, won't this be great to break out
of our normal routine, go see something new, go see people.

(10:45):
It's exciting, something to look forward to.
But you're always glad to come home, are you?
I'm always glad to go home. In fact, I even kind of panic
before I leave. I wouldn't say panic.
I used to call it travel anxiety. Even though I don't know whether
I get a true anxiety. But I second guess, like, why am
I leaving? Why am I leaving? I'm in such a good rhythm here

(11:06):
at home. Things are going well, I want to keep it up.
I don't want to leave. I'm fine here.
Maybe I'm worrying about things while I'm gone, I don't know.
But I fight against the creativity, I guess, aspect.
But then I also fight against the structure at times, so I
might like that. I get back home, I know where my own washing
machine is. I don't need to find the one in the hotel and walk

(11:28):
down the hall and remember which way to turn.
But if you stay in a hotel long enough, that becomes your new
routine, that becomes your new structure.
And it actually is more relaxing because the brain doesn't have
to work as much. So we like some structure, some routine,
some systems in play. Because our brains don't have to work
as hard. And our brains are designed to not work hard all the

(11:48):
time, to be in that mode of thinking where you're
having to think, think, think, think, think.
And other times where it's just second nature.
You, you open the door, you're not thinking.
First step, open the door. Second step, shut the door.
Next step, sit in the car, grab your seatbelt.
A lot of those things just become automatic.

(12:09):
Doesn't mean we always remember to do them.
If you wear a crossbody bag, like I do a lot, those belt bags
over my shoulder, sometimes that feels like that's my seatbelt.
And I was riding in the car with my daughter the other day and
she said, is your seatbelt not on? And I thought, oh, that's
happening again. You know, like it's coming over.
So not everything, second nature. But it felt like second nature
in my, you know, like in my body. It felt like my seatbelt was

(12:31):
on, so I, I forgot a step. But all those things, we like to
have the automatic brain going because it's more relaxing, it's
not as taxing, it doesn't require as much of our executive function.
And if you have adhd, executive dysfunction is a big
part of it, I think primarily for the inattentive type.
But I'm sure it plays into the other kind too.

(12:52):
So I've been learning about that because I'm coming up with
an Understanding ADHD pamphlet PDF to have
on my website. I'm so excited about it because it gives
basic information to the people who are just learning one
of their children have ADHD and then they might learn.
Oh, yeah, I actually have it, too. I just had a conversation

(13:15):
with an old friend this last weekend and she didn't even know
I had a podcast about adhd. But we started talking about it and
I'm pretty sure the more I think about it, she probably does,
too. And I'm excited to go on that journey with her.
But I want to have a resource that has no ads on the
website. I want it to be printable. I want it to be easy to
glance at, to get the information. Easy, easily, easily.

(13:39):
But
also just not be so full of information that you can't possibly
absorb it all right now. So some basics, but then also link to
some other. Really, here are the facts.
From the cdc, the center of Disease Control, from the
government, or from Chad, that's another resource.

(13:59):
I don't remember what it's. It's about something about add.
But add, you know, hasn't been a diagnosis for many, many years,
but still a lot of people call it that.
So that's on there and there's a couple of them.
So anyway, just those basic sources where you don't have to
weed through ads, you don't have to read these AR articles or
that have things popping up and you're just like, no, get away.

(14:20):
I just want to. I just want to learn it.
Stop distracting me. So, yeah, so what was my
point of that? I don't even know. But yeah, I'm realizing
that a lot of these things that we do, some
of them are things other people do, too.
Doesn't matter. We don't need to defend ourselves to the world

(14:42):
that we have ADHD when they don't believe that we do.
But there is this pull sometimes, this tugging
of I need some structure. I know I need this, but at the
same time I need to break free. I feel locked in.
And it can be different kinds of feeling constrained.

(15:02):
It could be feeling constrained from your schedule is too busy.
You have so much going on that you just need a
little bit of downtime. You need some breathing room.
You need to just do some things that don't take as much
mental control.
It could even just be little things that you do.
If you look back on your ability to learn some things

(15:25):
easily when you're growing up or as a young adult
or you're an older adult, And I take no offense to
being an older adult. I'm just facing the numbers right now.
I don't know how it happened, but I'm as old as my grandma
was when I remember how old I first learned she was.
Anyway, okay, back to that. So let's say you
were following a recipe to make cookies, and it used

(15:49):
to say that you had to sift the flour.
If you're as old as I am. You remember the recipes in Betty
Crocker, Better Homes and Gardens said to sift the flour.
And we did. We got out the sifter. It was a little metal
thing. And you went, and I love doing it at my grandma's house.
It was really fun. It made the flour lighter.
It made the cookies lighter. And maybe our mixers weren't as
good. I mean, the KitchenAids now, maybe the flour is different.

(16:11):
I am not an expert on that, but at some point when I was
making cookies in high school, I thought, I'm not sifting the
flour. Like, that is a step that I don't want to do.
I don't wanna do it. I'm just putting the flour in.
The other thing that I broke away from the structure.
The constraint that I felt was that you were supposed
to do all the wet ingredients, you know, your butter, your sugar.

(16:32):
And there is some wisdom to do in the butter and sugar before
you put the eggs in. You know, like, if I believe in it, I'll
do. I'll do it. Otherwise I'll question it and I will break
free. So the butterfly to get the butter and
sugar together does get a better blend without as many chunks
of butter. And then you add. Have you made chocolate chip cookies?
As much as I have to have it on memories.
And then you add your eggs. Well, you're supposed to do the

(16:55):
dry ingredients. At least the olden days, they say that, like,
put those all in a separate bowl. The flour, the baking
soda, and the salt. I don't know if you're supposed to
stir those, put them in.
Seems like even the vanilla was supposed to come later.
And I'm thinking, why? Like, why do I need to
put that in a separate bowl? The mixer's gonna put it together.

(17:18):
And why can't I just do all the wet stuff together?
Just put the vanilla in now and then.
Just and then. So this is my method is if I'm
really worried and I'm not, but if I really am, you
know, like, let's say your baking soda is a little more clumpy,
that it's not going to blend in with all that flour, put the
baking soda and the salt in first, then put the flour in.
So that's what I do. So anyway, it is a sense of

(17:41):
I need to do it my way.
And that may be a thing that you feel like too.
And I don't think it's a selfish thing.
I think it's a functioning thing with adhd.
A lot of times people, and even with autism or adhd, they talk
about masking, like, the things that you do.
Like, you do have that hyperactive component of adhd, and

(18:04):
you're a child, and you have to move, and you have to move, and
you have to move, but you can't, because you're not supposed
to be. Maybe you can control your body a little better
than someone who's tapping their pencil, but it has to come
out some way. So you raise your hand and say, can
I get some Kleenex? I need to blow most of my nose.
Or can I go to the bathroom? Or you go and sharpen your

(18:24):
pencil, you have to get up and move.
You find a way to cope with it, deal with it and all
of that. And I think this sense of I
have a harder time functioning on someone else's way of functioning,
and I need to do it my way that I enjoy or that works
for my brain, or I'm not doing it at all.

(18:45):
And. And it's kind of funny because I grew up in a very
religious house, still am, and I have that kind
of structure. And that changes over the years, too.
For sure. You know my. My definition of that structure.
But. But. So I'm thinking, why am I
so rebellious with this other stuff?
I was. I was not rebellious in high school at all.
Like, I wasn't ever drawn to do any of the things that parents

(19:08):
were afraid their teenage do. Never.
Maybe that was my stubbornness is fighting against the peer pressure.
I always hear about peer pressure, and I'm like, no one's pressuring
me. So I had no problem being like the key holder
at the parties or something and holding everyone's keys while
they all were drinking and stuff. But
I have always fought certain things.

(19:30):
I've always had a rebellious brain with things that have steps,
and if I. If they seem like too many steps, if I don't want to
do this step, if I don't want to refrigerate the cookie dough,
if I don't want to do 5,000 steps to sew a skirt,
I'll do three of them. And, yeah, the skirt will turn out horrible.
I'm a horrible, horrible seamstress.

(19:51):
But I had to learn. If it's something that
takes all those steps, then maybe I'm not going to do that anymore
because I'm not good at it. I don't enjoy it and why do it
right? But if it's something that you can bypass some of
the steps or do it your own way, then you're doing
it. You're having a good time with it.
Like making a smoothie or something.

(20:13):
I kept following recipes for smoothies, for green smoothies,
and I wasn't liking any of them. And then someone suggested it
worked so much better for my brain. Make your favorite smoothies.
Because I used to make smoothies with fruit and I used to put
ice cream and stuff, it wasn't as healthy.
But make a smoothie that you love, then add the greens.
Like don't feel like you have to add a recipe.
And so yeah, I knew how to make fruit smoothies.

(20:34):
Then you add the greens and when it's more of a mosh posh of
what do I have in the fridge? I'll let the frozen fruit just
sit here on the counter and melt or throw it in the microwave
for a little bit. That works with my brain instead of following
a recipe. I never measure anything like that or Mac
and cheese. If you grew up measuring things like, like water
and pasta, you don't have to, like you can just

(20:56):
throw water into a pot. You don't have to measure how much spaghetti
you're putting in. Some things it works like that and some things
it doesn't, Other things it doesn't turn out very well.
But yeah, if you have that break free brain, when you see
an expiration date on some ketchup, but the color
still looks fine, it's in your pantry, you haven't opened it

(21:16):
or refrigerated it. Are you going to throw it away?
Some people are, Some people are like, yeah.
And my kids are more like that. Like, oh, I'm not going to risk
getting sick. And I think, do you know how many things that we
ate from our grandma's pantry or garage that were 20
years old? Like I didn't grow up with that line of
thinking of being the letter of the law that

(21:38):
was locking me in. I wanted to use my brain
to figure it out. So you learn things like if it's
a can of whatever, vegetables or something, there's a way
to know that it's not good. Like if it pops open at the,
like vultures. That's like you can get botulism did you ever
hear that? I've never googled any of this stuff in the recent

(21:58):
days to see if this is accurate, but this is what I grew up learning.
That or you open it up, the color of the tomato sauce
is too dark, or something smells bad.
You know, you use your senses, and if that's your way.
I'm not, I'm not suggesting anybody use expired items.
I don't want to, like, be responsible for that.
You can do you. But if you come to my house, there's

(22:21):
a good chance that you could, you could, you could experience
eating something that's expired. But yeah, all of those things,
you need to look at them and see, like, how does
this work for me? And sometimes it, it feels weird.
Like, I made pancakes the other day and I usually like making
homemade pancakes with fresh ground wheat flour that I

(22:43):
grind myself because I have a lot of wheat my mom
and dad gave me a long time ago. And I've just.
I just love whole wheat products. And it's better when you grind
your own wheat. Put it in the fridge, let it, you know, it's
all fresh and stuff. But the store wheat's fine too.
But anyway, so usually that's what I do is I make
my whole wheat pancakes that I've been making for years and

(23:03):
years and years. But, you know, high protein's more of a thing
now. And I did buy some of that protein.
I think it's a Kodiak brand pancake mix.
And a lot of times if I make a pancake mix, pancake, I
don't know, it's too sweet, it's too something.
And I think I did make them once just with that mix, and I thought,
this is more like a French toast with powdered sugar or something.

(23:24):
Like, it wasn't my favorite. So I got some out the
other day and I thought, make some pancakes with mix with this.
Because I hadn't grounded, grind, grind, grounded any wheat in
a long time. And I did. And I thought, well,
it already had eggs in it. You know, it was probably powdered
eggs or something. And you were just supposed to add water or
something. And I thought, but I want to add more eggs.

(23:45):
Like, I need. Like, we have so many eggs because we buy them
from our neighbor and we'd never go through them.
So I added more eggs. Well, then if I add more eggs, I'm going
to add a little more. I'm going to add some almond milk too,
you know. So I kind of just started doing my own thing.
Then I had to add some more pancake mix.
And usually when I do that kind of thing, I, I see
the reasons why it was probably not the best idea to do that.

(24:05):
They don't turn out. But they turned out so good, so much better.
So I was, it was a win. But those kind of wins.
Do you ever do that? Do you experiment with a recipe, turns out
so good and then you, you don't remember what you did.
So I can't, can't replicate it. But.
Oh, well, well, but when you have this really creative
mind, it's almost like an energy that needs to.

(24:27):
Well, it probably is an energy that needs to come out.
And you have talents because of that.
You have ways of giving to others in
their life because of the way that your mind can work,
the way that you can communicate with people, the way that you
can get ready for something. All those things, they might not

(24:50):
be the same way as somebody else, but it's pretty much your
offering to the world and it's your way of going through life
in a way that's functional for you. And I felt bad
several years ago. Is on a committee.
I was in charge of a Christmas dinner and was told,

(25:10):
I can't remember what it was, but it was something like, okay,
they want like instead of it being a buffet, they
want everyone. And this is like a community event, a church event
where everyone was supposed to bring their own dishes like
from the oven and stuff like that, so everyone could have a family
style meal on the table. Which sounds like a really nice

(25:32):
thing. But logistically it was going to be kind of a nightmare
to organize and cleanup and everything.
And I can't remember the other things that they were saying,
but it was kind of the thing where. And maybe this happens in
the workplace a lot because I haven't had a full time job since
1990. Yeah, 1990. So anyway. But I
was told you're in charge of this, but it

(25:54):
needs to be done this way. And there were other constraints.
I can't remember what they were, but I remember just getting
a lot of anxiety from it and you know, not clinical anxiety,
but yeah, I was experiencing anxiety.
My heart was racing. I was thinking, I can't do this, I
can't do this, I don't want to do this.
I can't. Doesn't go along with what I think.

(26:18):
And I, you know, I hear the voice of my mom tell me when
I was little, you always said, I'll do it my way, you do it yours,
I can do it myself, you know, all that kind of thing.
And I, I can Delegate to others. I can take in other people's
ideas, but when I need to be in charge of something, I need it
to work in a way that works with my brain.
So it's, I think, my guess is when you have

(26:39):
adhd, it's harder to be micromanaged if that manager
is doing it in a way that just doesn't make any sense
to you. And not only does it make sense because you can trust
other people, you know, like this is what you need to do, and
then you see the wisdom in it. There's that.
But if it is a creative expression, if it is something

(27:00):
that you're giving of yourself, it is requiring a lot of work.
And your method might need to be a little different to get
there, to have a finished product that's still fabulous, then
why do it the way somebody else's brain works?
One example, and honestly, when I share some things

(27:21):
I don't know, I feel like I have to do it in code because I don't
want to get in trouble for the people in my life.
But, you know, I teach yoga and, and we're teaching some
new classes somewhere where I teach, and there's a
lot of structure, a lot of instructions given to

(27:41):
the teachers, the yoga teachers, I call them yoga teachers.
At gyms, they call them instructors.
But saying this is what you need to
do when the people walk in and you need to
do all these things. And I get, it's not my space, I'm
going to respect that person's space and do what
keeps people safe, keeps that place clean, honor those things.

(28:05):
I get that. But when it starts getting into the creativity
aspect of not being able to stand
where you want to stand or welcome people in in a
certain way or let them set up in a certain
way, all of a sudden, it just kind of makes me feel

(28:25):
like this is like I'm in my house, I'm
having a gathering, you're coming and saying, I'll be there
with you. And then you're telling me how to welcome
people into my home and what to do and say to
help them or where they need to sit or all that kind
of stuff. I think at some point I, I, I, I

(28:49):
feel way too constrained. And I've talked to a few other people
about it, and it's, it's just something that
at some point we hit a block, a roadblock.
And I think it's important to look at when you have ADHD and
see where are those roadblocks for me, where am I not functioning
any, any anymore? Where am I feeling, like, so

(29:11):
locked up? And this may sound like, oh,
yeah, this happens all the time. We have to do in every experience.
No, there are a lot of things that we're like, okay, that's the
system. I respect that. I'm going to do that.
But other things, especially if it's a great responsibility or
it takes too much from your brain to do it that other

(29:32):
way, it's just something to rethink.
Like maybe that's not going to work for me to take
on that responsibility, to have that be part of my job or
have that be my job, all those things, or can I still
do it this way and it'll be just fine?
Which, you know, it's kind of that thing where
you.

(29:54):
What do they say instead of asking permission?
You know, because sometimes you say, oh, can I do this instead?
And then they say no, and then they know that you want to do
it, but if you just do it instead, and then they go, oh, that
was actually, that worked out well and I can see why.
So, yeah, and another thing is if you have the spontaneous
impulsive part of adhd, ADHD has a lot

(30:17):
of impulsiveness. If you have the hyperactive impulsive type.
But even if you're just diagnosed, and I know, I'm just saying,
just like it's not as big of a thing, it is a big thing
to only have the inattentive type diagnosis.
I have both, so I've experienced both sides, but there are
still symptoms from both sides, categories or types

(30:38):
that I don't experience and other people do because we're all
so different. But even if you don't have
enough of the hyperactive impulsive symptoms to be
diagnosed with that, I think for adults it needs to be six or
more, and you need to have experienced them as a child in addition
to being an adult and in different aspects of your life.

(30:59):
But that's just my really brief remembrance of the
diagnosis qualifications. But just because you might not
have enough of the symptoms to qualify for that diagnosis, it
doesn't mean that you don't have one or two of them that
are screaming loud, clear in your life, like the impulsiveness.
So, yeah, if you have impulsive ways and you're

(31:23):
standing in line and you're feeling really trapped, you're going
to want to bolt, you're going to want to get out of that line
and second guess what you're standing in line for and think,
maybe I don't need to do this and. And then wish you'd been in
that line. Especially if you're a line switcher at the grocery
store and you get in the other line and.
Or a different lane and when you're driving in traffic and
then you just think, I should have stayed there.

(31:45):
But yeah, sometimes all the steps that we have in something
can be overwhelming or they just aren't as doable with our brains,
the way it functions, or we just don't see the reason
for it. We don't want to do something we don't jive
with, or it doesn't go along with your value system.
And it's really easy to get stuck at a step and then you never

(32:06):
get something done. So, you know, there's a reason for skipping
that step as well. But yeah, if you ever
feel like you're kind of trapped, even though you enjoy some
structure, it's just kind of seeing as you go, where is
structure helping me? Where am I feeling constricted and what
can I do to function here? And I say functioning

(32:30):
like, you know, just the success thing, you
know, with being able. Whether it's you're being productive or
you're comfortable in a situation, working with other people,
whatever that is. And I think I'm gonna just
stop with it there.
I have a lot more on it, but I do need to go teach

(32:51):
two more classes today. This is where it is.
This is what happens is I come in here to set up, I have all
this time in the world, but I spent so much time on the, on the
sound because quality matters to me.
It's that perfectionism thing. And maybe you don't care if my
voice comes through like the super consistency with the music
or just more of a. What do you call it,

(33:14):
like a rich sounding. You know, I don't spend money on
this microphone for nothing. I want to sound good.
So anyway. But yeah, I'm going to stop
there and maybe I'll do a part two of this.
Taking in another direction, talking about
strategies and things that can help you, but

(33:37):
just knowing that structure, systems, routines are fantastic
when they help your life flow better, when they help you do
what you need to do better, when they help you enjoy being around
people better. And some people might say it's not all about you,
but in some ways it is. You are the only person
really in charge of yourself or it's the only person you can
truly affect. And so you need to see,

(34:00):
when is this working for me, when is it not?
And sometimes you might be a little uncomfortable with something
and push through it and that's okay too.
You can kind of measure the difference.
Even with yoga, we talk about this or I talk about it.
I don't know if other people do, but just sensing like, you know.
So let's say you come into this pigeon pose, which is one
a lot of people know. You know, the front leg's bent, the other

(34:21):
leg's back behind, and you get into the pose,
you kind of try a few things with the foot, the knee, the back
leg or whatever. Maybe use a prop, maybe not.
And then it's time to relax into it.
And if you're still getting some signals in your body, this just
isn't working for me. You can evaluate why isn't it working?

(34:42):
Is it working because my knee hurts?
And maybe that's just not a safe position for your leg to be
in for your knee. It's so different for us because of hip structure
and stuff. And so maybe just not doing it
is the better, the better alternative.
Laying on your back and bringing your foot over the other knee
instead. That can be your hip opener.
So it's deciding, is this unsafe? Is it?

(35:04):
Or as far as adhd, is this just really, I can't
function this way or is it unfamiliar to me?
So this is new. It's harder when you have ADHD to do things
that are new, but could I do this? Probably, you
know, and figuring that out. So is it unfamiliar, is it unsafe
or just undoable, or is it just uncomfortable?

(35:29):
Because, I mean, discomfort can happen for a
lot of reasons. So discomfort doesn't necessarily mean it's wrong
or not doable. And in yoga, that's easier to figure out.
You know, you can either make tiny adjustments or just breathe
more slowly and maybe your body lets go of the tension and you're
fine. But it's really paying attention to yourself and not going

(35:50):
through life just feeling like you have no control over
it and that you have to function in ways that don't work for
your brain. So, yeah,
okay, that is it. I really do have to go.
I teach four classes on Thursdays right now.
Talk about impulsive and people pleasing.
I started out not teaching any class on Thursdays because I

(36:12):
wanted it to be one day that I didn't.
But you know what? I said yes to one thing, I said
yes to another, and here I am. But I'm still happy
to be here with you, too. Thanks for being here.
Go to my website, see what I'm doing.
I am going to make a goal to have my new understanding adhd.
I don't know if we call it ebook handout, PDF, whatever I don't

(36:35):
know what to call things, but I'm going to have it available
on there. It's just that whole perfectionism thing.
I've got. Have so much done, but then I have more ideas.
I want to do this, this, this, but I need to make it so you
can find it and share it with people, whether it's so they
can learn about it for themselves or learn more about you.
And I hope people, when they do find out you have adhd, they're

(36:58):
not thinking, like, I don't know, I get a lot
of sympathy. Things like, oh, I've always liked you, you
know, like. Like, now that I have adhd, they think I feel like.
Like I'm not as good of a person. I'm like, no, it's not that.
It's just. It's helping me. Especially as I get older, some of
these symptoms get more severe and. And I need to
learn how to keep going. So. And it's really fun to connect

(37:21):
the dots and see why maybe I'm different than
other people, why we're the same and.
And they're different, you know, so thanks again for being here
and I really need to run. So I will
be back. I will be back. Bye.

(37:59):
Time for a poem
rewind I run out of time to sing
melodies and harmonies I'm cut short

(38:24):
the silence of the sound has yet been found but
not by me.