S2, Ep. 6 | Rising Above the Rhythm of the Universe

S2 Episode 6: Rising Above the Rhythm of the Universe Part One: November 2022 "Are you ok?" my good friend asked me on the phone a couple of days ago, and I couldn't answer him because I was holding back the tears of my grief. My greatest temptation took a huge piece of my heart with it. I didn't want this post about Rhythm to be part two of Angel's traumatic relationship loss story, but I had to let that go because this is the story that happened, and it is a fine example of the pendulum swing in my life. It is also how I used my practice of service to others and meditation to neutralize it. I have been awake but living a nightmare. The nightmare began the day I found out about her. The nightmare most recently came in the form of a social media profile picture. There, my alleged life partner was walking down the aisle in unholy matrimony with her, the other woman, his gut-wrenching secret, only three short months after I found out about her and thus, ended us. This nightmare evokes a soul-crushing "what the fuck?!" That moment, upon seeing the picture,I knew I had dodged a bullet of crazy. That the drama train left the station without me on it, I should be relieved, say good riddance, sayonara – I'm moving on without that weight of irresponsibility strapped to my ankle. But the emotional me, the part that loved and believed in what their best friend shared with them, is crying her eyes out. A wounded and broken child experiencing betrayal of the most profound kind, the knife turning yet again in a deeply broken heart., "I don't want my choices to affect you," he said when I found out about her. I wanted to stab him with my ceremonial Athame. But instead of committing premeditated murder, I told him I would be removing myself from this fucked up "friendship" so I could heal and no longer be subjected to his selfish and hurtful choices. So the Law of Rhythm states, "Everything flows out and in; everything has its tides; all things rise and fall; the pendulum swing manifests in everything; the measure of the swing to the right is the measure of the swing to the left; rhythm compensates." -The Kybalion Because I know the hermetic principle, I haven't acted on "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." Oh, I want to unblock his wife on Facebook and tell her all the ways he's lied to her, that her marriage is based on falsity, and that I curse them both to a life of unhappiness and complete lack of joy. But that action would result only in a dramatic rhythm swing reaction to the other way, bouncing back at me worse than any fury I can deliver in their direction. Because that is the law – every action has a reaction, the tide goes out and the tide goes in. This is the Way. Humans experience great joy; humans experience great sorrow (that is, if they have the capacity for it). Now I've been grieving this relationship since August despite my best efforts to move on. And why? Because I didn't neutralize, I instead hung on to the attachment. I thought our civility, our friendship, was fulfilling a need of mine – and maybe, because of the continued lies on his part, I had some twisted hope that he'd come back to me after this misguided episode with the psycho bitch he cheated on me with. I just had to bide my time and do my work, and it would all work out. Instead, this was likely an extended denial of my grief at losing my lover and best friend without closure, explanation, or apology. I burned all his gifts to me in the temple at Burning Man, but it didn't cut the cord. And I kept getting pulled back in. So my poor heart was broken multiple times because I was unwilling to cut the cord. Then I think of the joy and elation I experienced in the relationship. Laughter and dancing, sharing of Tarot, and Rune spreads the feeling that someone truly listened and understood me and accepted me no matter what. He was holding me up and supporting me unconditionally. I never had that ever before in a relationship. A person willing to do their work, or so it seemed. Until it got hard, and they started drinking again. Pendulum swing, great joy, great sorrow. And even though I volunteered to give up my a normal life, for one of service and true joy, the ripping away of that, my greatest temptation, took a massive piece of my heart with it. And my grief is as if someone died. Because they did. the man who was my best friend and honorable lover is dead to me. The man that exists is a scared, hurt child, incapable of loving anyone. All he could do was deflect, lie, and deny culpability. Energy not worthy of my time, my effort – we are not in alignment. I have to feel the grief without giving in to the rage and drama monster that wants to come out. And I have to declare boundaries to prevent myself from swimming into the toxic forgiveness pool to stay this man's friend. Part Two: January 2023 Since writing part one, I've learned a couple of things. One "Love Bombing" is what a narcissist does to reel you into their world and enlist you