October 2, 2025 • 48 mins
In this powerful episode of For Mannerless Women, Adelle sits down with sleep coach, content creator, business owner, and published author Kitt Nyang'aya Kiarie for an honest conversation about identity. From navigating the pressures of relationships and motherhood, to honoring her individuality in marriage, Kitt shares how she has refused to lose herself in the roles society expects of women. She talks about raising children without shame, redefining body confidence, protecting personal agency, and why community and hobbies outside marriage are non-negotiable.
The conversation also touches on her work as a Kenyan sleep coach, her groundbreaking Happy Baby Sleep Manual, and her intentional clothing line rooted in freedom. This episode is an empowering reminder that your worth isn’t tied to your titles, you are a whole person first.
✨ Listen in if you’re ready to reclaim your sense of self and live womanhood on your own terms.
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The conversation also touches on her work as a Kenyan sleep coach, her groundbreaking Happy Baby Sleep Manual, and her intentional clothing line rooted in freedom. This episode is an empowering reminder that your worth isn’t tied to your titles, you are a whole person first.
✨ Listen in if you’re ready to reclaim your sense of self and live womanhood on your own terms.
CONNECT WITH LEGALLY CLUELESS AFRICA
🌍 Newsletter signup: www.legallycluelessafrica.com
📸 Instagram: www.instagram.com/legallycluelessafrica/
🎵 TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@legallycluelessafrica
▶️ YouTube: www.youtube.com/c/LegallyCluelessYoutube
📝 Share your story: forms.gle/kMn7Wae5N563JFGQ8
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to for manderalist women. I am your host, Adele
on Yanger. This is a space committed to naturing a
new generation of shame free women who are ready to meet.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Their best selves.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
And in this episode, we will be diving into identity
and how you can maintain it and honor it in
your journey of womanhood. Helping us do this is sleepcoach,
content creator, business owner, published author.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Kit Nangaya Kiari.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Thank you so much for coming on the show and
also for being a huge supporter of everything we do
at Legally Clue Jam.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
You know I love you. Adele. Your one of my
mainest is can we cuss on this thing?
Speaker 4 (00:49):
Yes, you're one of my mainest witches.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
I feel like that was here.
Speaker 5 (00:58):
Because we've known each other for a very long time
saying yes.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
I think I got fifteen, sixty or seventeen and those
were like good time and so to.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
See like what you've done with your life.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
And you're just like in credible energy. You know those
people that.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
All right, I can't translate that c is clean, your
liver is, you don't have bad vibes.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
There's people who you meet and you're like, I don't
know what's wrong with this person and something but something
is off. Yeah, I don't feel that with you. You're
good vibes, You're.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
Just I like that. Yes, I'm going to take that.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
And so one of the things I've always admired about
you from back when we were in pre UNI is you.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Have a strong sense of self.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Yes. Nice, and it's freshing and it's so inspiring. Yes,
And since I've known you, I've felt that has always
been there, you know.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
So and when you knew me, by the way, when
you first met me, yeah, I was really struggling with
that really. Imagine so even even when I'm struggling, it
still comes out of less to be really nice to know.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
And it's so it's so inspiring, especially to other women,
to be able to be like, yeah, I'm going to
be confident in myself, Like I'm gonna like tap it
to what kid has going on. Let's go back to childhood.
What are some aspects of your childhood that you feel
made you very aware of who you are and confident?
Speaker 2 (02:34):
Wow, because I know your mom?
Speaker 3 (02:38):
Do you know my mom?
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (02:42):
Like that?
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Imagine being raised by and my dad Chief, It's just
like they are so free, you know, that's the one
thing that keeps coming up for me about them, Like
right now they have no children, Like they're not raising
any cheaven. Yeah. Those people are outside. Those people are
(03:10):
just outside doing what they want when they want. No
for me, se, I'm like.
Speaker 5 (03:18):
They yeah, and they've always been that way.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
They've always been that way. But then you see they
had to come back because they were raising us. Yeah yeah,
but now yeah, but I remember my mom like we
would call her, so she's gone. My mom was a
social development consultant. Okay, so all over the world in
geo world, traveling doing the social work, and we would
(03:41):
call her mammy. Can I go to the salon and
she's like, bitch, if you don't get off, like you're
always thing my good time. I was like, I.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
Don't care what you do.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
Leave me alone. I am rusty work work. She goes
to rest.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
But that sense of my mom is a person first
and her own person.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
I always saw my mom being just a person.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
Then second she's my mom. But seeing that as a
little girl, it's so powerful by the way you say,
to build your own sense of yeah, I'm a person.
Yes I'm not a daughter, our sister. Yeah, you know,
and then when you get older, our girlfriend, our wife,
(04:35):
you do not speak me.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
Yeah, you're you're little person.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Kids and kids learn from modeling, like more than the
words or whatever you say. It's like what you're doing,
what you're doing that is incredible. So if you were
going through that you mentioned earlier that when we were
like in pre uni, so that's like the end of
right a teen Yeah, first media, what were you struggling
(05:00):
with them in terms of identity?
Speaker 3 (05:02):
So I've always been in an only girls school. Then
I went to a secondary school, but that was only
three years. Okay. By the time I was joining IB Yeah,
I hadn't been in like.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
Mixed like boys boy girls school.
Speaker 3 (05:23):
Yeah, okay, So you see school is it takes such
a long time because you're in school eight hours a day,
five days a week. So when the people you're in
school with, that's what kind of shape you. So by
the time I was now starting to interact with people
of the opposite sex like now for that long yeah,
(05:43):
all day every day. I was eighteen. So I joined
the school and then I I don't know how to
put this because it's I was told or okay, I realized, yeah,
and I was told that I had a big ass.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
Oh my goodness, and I was beautiful.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
So you know when your parents tell you're so beautiful,
you're like, yeah, yeah, you say that, you're biased. You're
supposed to say that, yeah, and then who else is
going to say it to your cousins, your uncles, your aunties.
Yeah right, but then now it's strangers. My aus used
to walk into the room before me.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
And that became like your identity, and that.
Speaker 3 (06:29):
Became my identity, and I just something about it just
didn't sip right. It was just because I'm more than
this thing. And for eighteen years I was told I
am brave, I.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Am strong, and it was never the focus for eighteen years.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
Yeah, who's going to tell you that?
Speaker 2 (06:50):
And also what's big? But you don't you don't look
at yourself like that?
Speaker 3 (06:55):
Yeah exactly, yeah, and that even like tying it back
even too. My kids. Now, my daughter is shipted like me,
and she's ten years old and she started being shipped
like this when she was I don't know.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Six, Yeah, and people would be like whey.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
And I and.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
Did you kill someone?
Speaker 3 (07:18):
And it said so innocently. Yeah, it's by said by women.
It's not anything sexual. But for me, I was like,
I've already been through this now who walked down this past?
And it's not it's not fun. Yeah, my kid is
never going to have to deal with this. Don't ever
(07:38):
say that again.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
I told everybody who said it, every single person who
said it, don't ever say that again, and don't ever
tell her. Yeah ever let her operate in life. And
she's a gymnast, so she's over here tumbling, and then
you're going to start telling her about her fathers.
Speaker 5 (07:57):
And started making her question and that being conscious about that.
Speaker 3 (08:03):
Yeah, So I joined the school, started being told that,
and I was just like, who am I? What is this?
How do I end?
Speaker 1 (08:10):
And the school is primary primarily build four boys, So
I feel like even the support.
Speaker 5 (08:15):
System boys care girls are just not there now.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
Yeah, oh my goodness.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
So I was dealing with that. I think that's why
I got into that relationship I was in.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
I don't remember it, no, no, don't, there's nothing to remember.
It's just I remember it.
Speaker 3 (08:32):
I was this like I genuinely don't know. I was
with this really horrendous person who just took advantage of
me going through that, and he I mean, he was
already a horrendous person. I hear he's still horrendous now, yeah,
because his friends with like one of my cousins. But
it's like.
Speaker 6 (08:52):
Putting me down, questioning you know what I'm wearing, questioning
what I'm thinking, my brains and I already know I'm smart,
I already know I'm braeve, like, I already know all
these things, but now you're questioning me.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
And yes, it's the first time that has happened. So
what all these people lying? What are lying to myself?
Speaker 1 (09:11):
And then also this is the this is someone who
has so much influence over me now, so you.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Almost are looking to them for approval. So anything they're saying,
yes the question, You're like, I need to change that.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
You always look to your peers approval? You do you
look to your peers? Oh my goodness, yes I am. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
I think that that time going in at that age
as young girls going into womanhood.
Speaker 5 (09:39):
That two years was quite hectic.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
I I feel like I started dating because it was
what was the collection that I was told there's there's
a Valentine's because when I'm joining those are valentine There
is a problem.
Speaker 7 (09:53):
And you need it a day And I remember the
guys that day that brought me in flowers.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Yes, He asked me what flowers I like, and I
said black roses because I thought he's.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Not going to be where. Don't you get that?
Speaker 1 (10:06):
And it was my way of just being like, I'm
really not interested. And then he brought them and.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
I was like, well, I yes, I have to be with.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
A we seem don't black roses? I asked for what's
she called? Queen?
Speaker 5 (10:19):
Thought what It's this crazy?
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Why we couldn't say no, I don't want and I'm
going to come to the ball alone.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
Do you know what I mean? That's what I'm saying.
Jen Z's are doing.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
No, they got it.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
So I love that you've talked about identity and relationships
because I feel like that's also a space where, because
of socialization for women, a good woman or a good
wife or good girlfriend gives and just gives and helps,
and you're a helper, you know.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
And there's so.
Speaker 1 (10:53):
Many women, even older women, who have had conversations with
especially when I was navigating my divorce and I was
saying it was such a short marriage, but I felt
like I was losing myself and I thought losing In fact,
I told you one of the lost. Yeah, tell the
shame the devil, I told her or my aunt, I
(11:14):
thought that happens after ten years or twenty years.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
I was like, what the hell is like? No, it
starts on day one, but that is.
Speaker 3 (11:24):
In your twenty You.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
Know, what are your thoughts on like women and identity
in relationships, because you've managed to kind of keep your
identity in your marriage.
Speaker 3 (11:35):
Yeah, and even you know, it even comes like in
the bridle Shower. Oh god, when people when when they
say and it's not by you know, they're not even
trying to be bad or mean, they mean well mean
well yeah, when they say, now that Adele is getting married,
give her a bit of time to get to know
(11:59):
her husband, right, or do get to know herself in
marriage right. So they're kind of inviting your friends to
step back, guys to not really call you as much,
text you as much, so they kind of leave you
in an eyelight. You know this news you know who
doesn't get that advice him? So he's like a ship
(12:25):
and you're like a bannacle. He's moving. His friends keep
calling him. Yeah, people are always saying, oh my god,
this is my favorite thing to hear from women I'm
so like upset because my man comes home. My husband
comes home late. Every day, he comes home two am,
(12:45):
three am. I like all the time, We've talked about it.
Every weekend he's going out, and I always ask, how
do you know he comes home late? Yeah? See, I
mean the house waiting for him?
Speaker 8 (12:58):
Why why classy? Why outside?
Speaker 5 (13:11):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (13:11):
What are you not outside? Yes?
Speaker 3 (13:15):
You understand. So we like we just socialized to make
men your hobby, Yeah.
Speaker 5 (13:24):
Your purpose, your the ambition is like to get that.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
What a burden we must be.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
And also I think it's my therapist who told me,
is it like a well meaning man, it's a normal,
normal relationship. He gets attracted to you because of a
certain personality who you are?
Speaker 3 (13:44):
Thank you? Right, thank you?
Speaker 4 (13:46):
And then during the something happens during the bridal shower
into the marriage and it's like you're being panel beaten,
like now you can't wear this, Now.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
You haven't feel like this, don't go there.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
And so she would say even the guy, like all
of a sudden, it's like, who's this.
Speaker 5 (14:05):
Was even a well meaning man?
Speaker 8 (14:07):
Right?
Speaker 3 (14:07):
And and but we must be such a burden. Yeah,
it must be such a burden to be someone's everything.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Yeah, and you can't.
Speaker 3 (14:14):
You can't, you can you can't be someone's So how.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Do you make sure you didn't lose yourself or don't
lose yourself?
Speaker 3 (14:22):
Like, don't draw away your friends. You need them more
than ever. Yeah, you need your friends, you need your hobbies,
you need whatever it is that you do without this guy,
you thoroughly need it. Yeah, I promise you. The only
way to make somebody your best friend, and that's like
your spouse, is to not make them your your everything,
(14:47):
because if they have to carry the burden of being
your friend, your therapist, your relative, your boss, because that
we also put men to be our boss and dad
and head master all and the baby live me?
Speaker 5 (15:07):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (15:09):
Yeah, where are you going from there? Yeah? Where? So?
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Now you that's how you lose yourself.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
You lose yourself, You lose your ambitions. The things used
to dream about doing go down the drain.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Because agree, what do you think about this thing?
Speaker 1 (15:26):
I told you that's seeking permission? What do you think
You're really not seeking advice? No, you're not seeking advice,
You're seeking what do you think? Yeah, so we're a
good idea, Okay, then you do it? Oh, I think
it's a bad idea, then you don't do it.
Speaker 5 (15:40):
What are the spaces for you that keeping you?
Speaker 8 (15:43):
So?
Speaker 2 (15:43):
What are the things you do as kids?
Speaker 3 (15:46):
First of all, this my husband hates being like in
front of the camera.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
You know.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
There's so many podcasts that I've invited you up with
your husband.
Speaker 5 (15:58):
About that, and it's good, it's your space to thrive.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
No, but that he just doesn't want to be.
Speaker 6 (16:08):
You know.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
So this is a space I thrive. I have my friends,
I have my like I do walks every day and
hikes and activities. I'm part of a in fact, I'm
the chair of an all women's riding group. We ride motorwakes.
In fact, just this morning I flag them off. We're
(16:30):
going to Nanuki for the weekend. Yeah, but I had
to be here, so I did go with.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
There, so special thanks.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
Yeah, I do that. So many things I could list
that don't involve him, and everybody needs that.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
And community.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
I feel like sisterhood and a community of women.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
Is so important. Yes, let's talk motherhood. Yes, because that's
also an easy way if.
Speaker 3 (16:59):
You're not a lose your life, Yes, women out here
losing yeah to motherhood.
Speaker 5 (17:07):
How do you make sure that that doesn't happen to you.
Speaker 3 (17:11):
So the things that I have done are first going
into motherhood fully knowing I am not giving birth to
my little besties. I don't need broke, ten year old
break besties.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:27):
I have my own friends. Yeah, so I don't need
this one to be my friend. Yeah. And also I'm
not to I'm not to blame so so for what
I don't know. English doesn't have the right word for it.
But I'm not to blame. It's not my fault if
this person turns out Obama. I'm not to blame if
(17:49):
they turn out O Summer, I'm not to be I've
done what I can. So really, I was I have released.
I was telling you that I really wanted to have children. Yeah,
like my young age, I've always wanted to have children.
I wanted to have ten kids. I did, I promise
I wanted to even now, like I follow Big families
(18:11):
on YouTube, I'm constantly watching Big families. You know the
way they come there. I don't know if you've ever
waited any of these like vlogs of Big families. They
prepare breakfast, breakfast takes them to us to.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
You know what I saw recent Then I had to
keep stroling. This lady who has twelve kids. She had
assembled all the top player and she made an announcement
that she was pregnant. You know, it's cruels.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
I don't like this.
Speaker 5 (18:35):
I'm stressed.
Speaker 9 (18:35):
I'm calculating your baby, I'm like, And then shopping.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
Then they go shopping. Yeah, they fill three carts. It's
for one week.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
What's what car do you have?
Speaker 3 (18:47):
They have bunis, they have vans, they have buses, they
have they're living. My god, I'm like living at my
lights head. And I wanted ten children. And then my
first pregnant and s was very difficult. And then my
second price you almost killed me. So I said, well
eight more. I don't want to die for these, so
(19:12):
let me stop there. Yeah so I stopped there. But yeah,
so I really wanted my children because I wanted to
see how me as kid would teach somebody from however,
yeah small, and to see how somebody grows. Yeh. So
it's fully an ego thing. Nobody ever has children for others.
(19:32):
I mean, you could have a child for somebody else.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
But there's a bitter that is.
Speaker 3 (19:36):
Yeah, everybody has children for selfish reason. That was my
selfish reason, and I knew that I am because again
I watched up only doing it. I'm me and then
I am this person's mother. So my identity is not mother. Yeah,
(19:59):
it is fun loving woman loving African feminists. Ah, and
I'm also ama. I am also our wife. I am
also our sister, our daughter, our friend. But and if
you remove all these things, I will be still this.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
Yeah, wasn't easy to like keep that up, even during pregnancy,
and you know immediately your baby came.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Yeah, absolutely so much.
Speaker 3 (20:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
I think a lot of women during that period, when
you're feeding and you're so scared, like this baby needs me,
you can like forget.
Speaker 3 (20:38):
Who you are. Yes. So I'm a believer, like I
believe in God, and I believe that I cannot keep
my child alive. I truly believe that. And I'm such
an anxious version I personally. I wish you knew how
anxiety used to write in life. Now not so yeah anymore.
(21:04):
But I was so anxious that anything is gonna hurt
my child, anything is gonna you know that. I had
to say to myself, you know, even if I was
here one hundred percent of the time, I would not
be able to keep my child alive. If they were
going to pass away, they will pass away, and I'm
(21:24):
gonna have to deal with that situation. So really, kid, rest,
Yeah you're not junior, Holy Spirit, Okay, you are not assistant.
God leave it. I would, And I keep telling people this, like,
if I had to leave my kid as a sleep trainer,
I know how long I have, I'd feed them, leave
(21:47):
and not call home. Oh wow, the entire time I'm gone,
Maybe even battle with that, right, I don't call home. Yeah,
I don't have nanny comes. If my phone rings and
it's the nanny, then yeah there is something yeah, right,
but if it's on totalaliah, Yeah, what do you wanted
(22:10):
to do from here?
Speaker 2 (22:11):
Yeah, there's nothing I can do about it?
Speaker 3 (22:15):
Yes, So I would just distance myself from that because
I'm like, I can't. I have I've put someone there
who's gonna take care of my child. Me and that person,
we're not going to keep this child alive. There's a
higher power doing that.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
And I know where I start starting end, like what
I'm in control of, wet.
Speaker 3 (22:34):
And finished and released. And if I'm in Westlands and
my child is in Limuru and they are crying in Limuru,
so what do I do on the con what am
I doing? There's nothing for me to do except worry.
Speaker 5 (22:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:50):
And also that's why I trust you as a nanny.
I've hired you and you're there, right, And even if
I don't.
Speaker 3 (22:56):
Trust you, I'm in what life you understand? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (23:03):
What are you doing in Western worry?
Speaker 6 (23:05):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (23:06):
That's an activity and what's coming around? Worry?
Speaker 4 (23:10):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (23:10):
And then did you battle with your sense of self
after pregnancy?
Speaker 3 (23:16):
No?
Speaker 1 (23:17):
Okay, like even your your relationship with body. I was
watching I was watching this video that was talking about
because I have now kids and was talking about how
your body it's a new body. So the lady is saying,
give your race isn't because you're learning this new body.
(23:38):
You're learning how to love this new body and release them.
Speaker 3 (23:42):
You know some things are very Western?
Speaker 2 (23:44):
Yeah, there is that, no one.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
Also, things are not are not universe, No, let us acknowledge. Yeah,
some things are so brought to us by Instagram TikTok.
Loving your new body things, my grandmother would be like,
which new body isn't new?
Speaker 2 (24:01):
Is it the same?
Speaker 3 (24:03):
It is? It is different? Okay, it's okay. First of all,
you're in pain everywhere. Okay, everything hurts your knees, hat,
your elbows, your hair hats. After you've had a baby,
everything is pain for two three weeks. Now, imagine being
in sustained pain for three weeks. People. That's why people
(24:26):
kill themselves. That's why people like when they're terminally ill.
They're just like, I can't do it, it's too much.
But this whole thing of loving your new body and
the I and I don't want to take away from.
Speaker 2 (24:43):
People who are loving their new body.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Okay, you just love your'tience my experience.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
I think I didn't know I was supposed to dislike
my body.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
So it wasn't even a let us begin last now, Bigler,
the love was concern.
Speaker 3 (25:02):
Yes, I am the only person who lives in this
word is so I know how it feels. I love
my body now. I love it when I am getting smaller. Yeah,
I love it when I am small. I love it
when I am getting bigger. I love it when I
am big.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
It doesn't have to look a certain.
Speaker 3 (25:24):
And people to say tick tick tick. Even now. I
like that my work is on social media and people
have everything to say about my body. I don't believe
anyone but kit your body is tea. I take it
with a pinch of salt.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (25:41):
And also I already need Yes, the answer is he aware,
kits all you're gaining weight? Yes, like none of I
don't believe you. Yeah, I only believe the voice in
my head because it's.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
That is so powerful because I actually have become more
conscious of that because I have exema. And I would
do this thing like if I'm having a flare up,
You're like, oh no, don't wear shots sleeves or don't.
Speaker 2 (26:11):
Wear shorts or whatever. And I had to like, you
know this long you call.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
Yourself to an a GM, come come, come, come come,
And I literally was like, so are you saying you're
only worthy when you don't have an flare?
Speaker 2 (26:26):
What is that? And so I love what you're saying.
It's very valid.
Speaker 3 (26:30):
Yes, And I like the clothes, like you know, I
don't have home clothes, you know home clothes.
Speaker 5 (26:35):
Neither do I because I'm just like, there's some cute tops.
I'm like, where am I waiting to wear these?
Speaker 3 (26:40):
Two? I don't have. I don't have clothes. I only
I exclusively wear at home atie so to be seen,
then I am presentable. No, but I'm presenting myself to
myself and you.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
I Yeah, every.
Speaker 3 (26:54):
Day I present myself to myself. So it doesn't matter
if I have a newborn baby, it doesn't have much.
If I'm well, I'm going to wear my clothes that
I enjoy. If I don't enjoy it out, yeah, if
it's there to wash the I will wear my knife
shots that I like, and I can't go to anywhere
in my nice T shirt that I like, I can't
(27:14):
go anywhere in and I will wash the car.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
I just love this, Like this is such a beautiful
awakening about like the love has to be constant. Your
body doesn't have to look a certain way to beg for.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
Love from you, from you, you know your.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
Self, and especially when it's done something as beautiful as
bringing like.
Speaker 3 (27:32):
That is a big job.
Speaker 5 (27:36):
And so now your kids are pretty independent?
Speaker 3 (27:40):
Yes, right?
Speaker 1 (27:41):
What are some things you do in terms of your
style of mothering that people are.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
Like, sorry, what's going on?
Speaker 1 (27:50):
And you're doing it because you know this is first
my way, Yes, and secondly it allows me to maintain
my identity. I don't have to like do things the
way everyone else expects.
Speaker 3 (28:02):
Yeah. I answer any question that they have about anything,
I answer truthfully. It doesn't matter what the question is about.
So we have this thing about words have power, right,
there are no bad ones. You can say fuck, you
(28:22):
can say ship, you can say whatever it is. But
just know that when you say that you offend people.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
Do you want to?
Speaker 3 (28:31):
So? Do you want? Is your intention to offend people?
You understand? So it's not this whole thing of taboo.
Speaker 2 (28:39):
And that there's a rule with no and we don't.
Speaker 3 (28:42):
Know why, we don't know why. And then whatever question
they have about sex and alcohol and drugs and what
does this mean? Somebody said tadada or who said that
my teacher or my this or whatever. I will be like, Okay,
this is what it means for your teacher to have
(29:02):
said that. It's a bit much. Yeah, but this is
what it means, and this is the context. And I
keep telling them whatever it is that you want to know,
I will tell you. I'll never te tell you because
I want to be the authority in their lives. Yeah,
I don't want to know. My daughter is ten, she's
going on eleven, going on sixteen. Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's
(29:25):
be fair. I don't want a sixteen year old to
tell her something and become that authorious and then that's
the person who knows. So one time KO was telling
my eighty year old little boy was telling me that
he was hanging out with his friend James. Yeah, not
(29:46):
his real nip, And I said, oh, it's James. Okay,
I've not had about this person. How old is he? Seventeen? Yeah,
you can't have a seventeen year old friend. Why now
we're talking about that, We talk about why you can't
have adult friends. Are not your friends?
Speaker 2 (30:05):
Yeah, they don't need you as a friend.
Speaker 3 (30:08):
You don't need the friend. Yeah, adults are not your friends.
There is no And then apparently this also, this seventeen
year old also told him a secret. I told him
there's no secret. Yeah, there's absolutely no secret between me
and you. You have to say everything you and an
adult can't have a secret, you know. So these things
(30:33):
some people would be like, aren't they too young? And
they're not. Can't they?
Speaker 1 (30:38):
I feel like kids are whole beings correctly, like we're
not waiting until they're eligible to vote to be like.
Speaker 3 (30:45):
Oh, so you're asked, by the way, also this when
is the when is the correct Yeah? Yeah, to say
all of these things. And also their body parts, by
the way, this is a big controversy. Yeah, teaching and
the proper name for their body parts. There is no
shame in your body parts. You see, we carry so
(31:07):
much shame in words. Language has shame, language has culture,
language has context. But if if your kid knows how
to say my penis is itching, yeah, then they will
have no shame around their pennis, right, they will have
no shame around their body paths. And they will abusers, yes,
(31:29):
they will own it. And abusers find it very difficult
to abuse children who have no shame, yeah.
Speaker 5 (31:34):
Because they're not going to keep quiet or they're going
to stand up for themselves.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
At a woman and be like, so I think this
is wrong.
Speaker 9 (31:40):
You know what time I had from upstairs, don't touch
my penis. Now he's telling my aunt who is watching me.
So now my aunt had to explain to him, okay,
I will help you.
Speaker 3 (31:53):
How can I help you? But and this is a
two year old, yeah you know, but he's shouting from upstairs.
Speaker 5 (31:59):
There is that agency agency.
Speaker 3 (32:03):
This is your body and even like the ticket you
know those things of like when you're tickling a baby
and they says stop, you stop to teach them. Actually
they are no has power.
Speaker 2 (32:11):
Yeah, it matters.
Speaker 3 (32:12):
It matters, and that thing of get like greeting. So
if you so, this is what I do with my kids.
You have to greet people, right, so you can do
whatever it is. Is it a handshake, is it a
fast bomb, is it a hug? You don't have to
do any but you have to choose one, whatever it
(32:33):
may be. And if you don't want to touch people,
then you wave and that's okay. But you cannot ignore
people people. So I it's a balance of kind of yes,
you have agency and da da da, but also you're
not the most important person in the world.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
And compassion or in the room.
Speaker 3 (32:56):
This is so much like you can't you can't ever
tell somebody like let's say my kid is sitting here
and he leaves and then you come and sit down,
and then he comes to tell you I was sitting
there as who you are never sitting anywhere? Yeah, as
the youngest in the space, find a different space to sit.
And why do we do that? To show respect to elders.
Speaker 1 (33:18):
And kids really have the capacity to understand.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
There's so many things I think we really they.
Speaker 5 (33:27):
Underestimates that we are lazy.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
Yeah, we don't want to do it.
Speaker 3 (33:32):
We don't want to do the work.
Speaker 2 (33:34):
I love this so much because it's reminded me.
Speaker 1 (33:36):
Of the first time I ever saw weed was in
Uni and it was my birthday and this guy was
my friend told me he brought me a gift, and
I was pretty naive. I think people see like, oh,
you're a poetry and I had dreadlocks there and they
probably think like, oh, she's so open minded.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
I'm just like me.
Speaker 1 (33:53):
I've only seen alcohol, please, And he said I bought
you a gift. I was thinking chocolate, yeah, whatever, think
And in the school bus he comes. He brings out
this tin yes, and these weeds right, but it's not
look yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 5 (34:07):
No, let me tell you.
Speaker 3 (34:08):
Slap me in the face, and I would still it.
Speaker 5 (34:10):
Looked like dried vegetables right in my id, not like
you know.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
I was like maybe nineteen or eighteen nineteen.
Speaker 5 (34:20):
And first I'm like, what you know, like spiriticians are chocolateands.
I'm like, what is this?
Speaker 2 (34:26):
And then he tells me and I got off the
school bus.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
I called my mom and I said, you have to
come home early today, just like.
Speaker 3 (34:32):
We need to discuss.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
And so I had this like she's on her bed
it's such a Colmer movie.
Speaker 2 (34:38):
She's on her bed and I'm telling her like.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Yeah, and then he brought this out and this one
I saw and I was so scared wearing the school
bus and I'm like, I don't want to my birthday.
So and then I was sad, like but you know,
it didn't look like what I seen in the movie,
because in the movie place it's like it's like a
roll somebody here. So I was like, I don't know.
(35:01):
And I literally do remember my mom holding.
Speaker 3 (35:03):
Back laughter.
Speaker 7 (35:07):
Because she had probably like had very wild uni years
and just started looking at me like what what this life?
Speaker 2 (35:17):
Child?
Speaker 1 (35:18):
But what was powerful is she was still even at
that age, my trusted.
Speaker 5 (35:24):
Like I told this guy, you hold on to your gift.
Speaker 3 (35:27):
I'm I'm coming back. What thank you?
Speaker 2 (35:31):
Though?
Speaker 1 (35:32):
And I didn't fix the shame of like I have
friends who smoke up, well, I have friends who do ABCD.
It was always very my first relationship, I didn't have
a cell phone.
Speaker 3 (35:42):
I was sharing your cell phone with my mom.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
She knew when we first kissed.
Speaker 5 (35:46):
She was like, yes, center text sex seems like exactly,
and so I love that.
Speaker 3 (35:54):
I seel like.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
That's what your kids are going to get from you.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
Also, yeah, and so, so you are doing incredible things.
Please tell me about your new title as a published author.
Speaker 5 (36:07):
Oh my goodness, Confetti fire, Please tell me about your
new book.
Speaker 2 (36:18):
Yeah, so wait, can we for see it? Let's let's
just see it where it is? Oh and this is
your first bone.
Speaker 3 (36:26):
That's that's Candia, that's my first one. Look at her, cheat,
I know she she used to. She was just born
like a round ball.
Speaker 5 (36:36):
Look at her her smile with no teeth.
Speaker 2 (36:38):
It's like the cutest thing ever.
Speaker 3 (36:40):
She's so adorable. Thank you.
Speaker 2 (36:42):
Oh okay, so tell me about it.
Speaker 3 (36:43):
The baby sleeps manial sleep manual. Babies cannot read. This
manual is for tired parents.
Speaker 2 (36:50):
Oh my goodness. I feel like all parents are like, yes.
Speaker 3 (36:54):
Yes, yes, So I've been sleep training for ten years.
I sleep trained one okay, and then people were asking
me because then they'd find my husband and I out
to dinner. We have a two month olds. They're like,
you know that, don't We'll take people passing in the restauran.
They're like, I don't know what I'm looking at. What
am I looking at? Draftache, It's like, yeah, the baby
(37:18):
is sleeping, and yeah, we're a sleep trainer. Yeah, because
if you are a sleep trainer, then your partner is
also a sleep trainer because they have to support. So
then I started to help people. Then more and more
people now were coming up, da da oh yeah. But
but people would say, it's just the first one. The
first one always tricks you to having the second one,
(37:39):
and the second one teaches you dusk right, or oh
it's because it's a girl. Then I had a boy
and sleep trained him. Guys were like, okay, teachers. Yeah,
so professionally, I took a course. Professionally, I've been sleep
training for eight years and in my entire sleep training career,
(38:03):
everything that comes up is just like Western ideas and
concepts that you can't really translate into your mother togue.
I'm a big believer in if I cannot say this
in the law, it doesn't it's not for me. Not
even it's not for me. Does it exist? You know
things exist in language?
Speaker 2 (38:21):
Is it a thing?
Speaker 3 (38:22):
Is it a thing? Yeah? Right, so yes, I get yeah,
everybody can you can negate Yes, things that you cannot
describe exist whatever. But there are very many concepts that
are purely Western. We as a lot of the continent Asia,
(38:44):
main parts of South America are like what is that?
What is that? What does that mean? In like, what
does that mean? For example, babies having a sleep regression?
You know, I heard of that. Let me say it
like it is a fact. It's like everybody will go
(39:04):
through puberty. Yeah right. There are very few people who
don't go through puberty, but those are anormally. Yeah. Now
we say sleep sleep regression like it is a fact,
it will happen. It's of the one thousand white babies
they studied stuff. Oh yeah, yeah, it's not a fact.
(39:25):
It will not happen. It's not it's not inevitable. Yeah right.
So I wanted to write what I was teaching because
I've always taken my knowledge what I'm taught, what I
was taught, and make it and say it in our
language and things that we understand. If I can give
(39:47):
a parallel, It's like a dietitian not saying anything to
a Kinan woman about apples and asparagus. And that's okay,
a huge problem we have, right talk to me about
in domain, Yeah, tell me about.
Speaker 5 (40:01):
There are times that'd be like, okay, what's the English
then of this?
Speaker 2 (40:04):
Is this what she's talking about like.
Speaker 3 (40:07):
I want to I want to lose weight, but what
is They're telling you to boiled chicken? Yeah, and then
eat it with kale or not kill something just par Yeah,
what is rocket? I don't know what that is? So
can you canyanizing and like africanizing sleep training so that
(40:30):
everybody can understand it? And you know, I sleep train families,
so it's not only one person I'm sleep training. I
sleep training Kwahili English. Don't know even if the person
that I'm talking to. I have explained sleep training to
my grandmother.
Speaker 4 (40:47):
If you can't explain it in your language, is it
a thing?
Speaker 3 (40:51):
Truly is very difficult, right, Yeah, but I know my stuff.
I wanted to write it down and give it to
people who need it so they can have it because
it's a work a work book as well, so you
feel it's it, you feel it, and then you can
have it all the days of the child's life when
(41:12):
you refer to it whenever you need it, and it's
really helping people. It's the first, the first sleep training
manual written by a Canna. Yeah, I'm very very proud
of that.
Speaker 5 (41:22):
Congratulations, thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (41:25):
It's a very big achievement.
Speaker 1 (41:26):
And I like when you say you sleep train family,
it's like, yes, it's not something we're all looking.
Speaker 2 (41:32):
At the baby and like, no, do this. It's like
a collective effort.
Speaker 3 (41:36):
Yes, it is, because anybody who is raising the child
needs to be able to do whatever I've recommended in
the book.
Speaker 5 (41:44):
Sorry, I've just seen a line here that's kills me.
Speaker 3 (41:49):
And n't like adl control. Yes, be professional.
Speaker 5 (41:53):
Nobody ever died from crying?
Speaker 3 (41:57):
It's true? Is that, say?
Speaker 2 (42:00):
Your grandmother?
Speaker 3 (42:01):
Who said, Dad, that's my grandmother? Who who's going to
die from crying? Oh? My god?
Speaker 2 (42:06):
Nobody ever died from cry?
Speaker 3 (42:08):
My grandmother was a really one. She's also the one
who said, like, if you ever turn out you're busy,
she'll ask you what are you busy doing? Giving buth
because that's the only thing. There's only one thing you're
doing other things? Please? Are you really busy?
Speaker 1 (42:21):
And so where can the parents who are watching this,
where can they get Yeah?
Speaker 3 (42:26):
So you can get it at half priced Books in
Village Market and Lavington. Yeah, you can also get it
at Newia it's an online bookstore. Yeah. And you can
also get it on my Shopify. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (42:37):
Yes, And how much is this manual.
Speaker 3 (42:39):
It is twenty five hundred. Oh man, it's very good
value for and actually.
Speaker 1 (42:43):
Not only parents, Like I feel like if you want
to give intentional gifts, I struggled with that.
Speaker 3 (42:49):
Very many people are getting it for a baby.
Speaker 1 (42:52):
Gifts because you're just like, I don't know have kids,
I don't want, but I want to give you something
that's going to help you.
Speaker 5 (42:57):
Yes, So what is the thing, and the thing can
be this book.
Speaker 2 (43:02):
I hope you're very proud of yourself.
Speaker 3 (43:04):
I am very proud of myself.
Speaker 2 (43:06):
And lastly, you also have a clothing line.
Speaker 3 (43:10):
I do, yes, Okay, I'm on a roll. Okay, so
I love Yes, I launched a croptop line.
Speaker 2 (43:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (43:19):
So I like to wear cryptops. I like to expose
my mid drift and my audacity. Yeah, and that's what
I wanted. You know, there is a particular type of
woman who wears a croptop. It is not about age, race,
or even like body size. Yeah, there is a particular woman, yeah,
(43:43):
who says to himself, I'm going to expose my mid drift.
Now in my culture, which is also your culture, we
exposed our whole top. Yeah, we only wore a skirt. Yeah,
it's a very small skirt as well. Yeah, so it's
not far removed from like my ancestors. It is just
(44:05):
the way the way I am, right, It doesn't matter
what your body looks like. So I wanted to I
wanted to bring that energy of that woman who wears
the crop top, the energy right to every woman because
my whole entire thing is to set women free. And
(44:27):
these are some of the things that I These are
some of the ways that I set women free, free
from like tired motherhood, free from societal judgment, free.
Speaker 1 (44:39):
From you know, expectations that you didn't write them down right.
Speaker 3 (44:44):
Yeah, So I created this top. It is so versatile
because you it's designed to sit on top of whatever
it is that you're already wearing.
Speaker 1 (44:54):
Or not wearing for these or you can't wear it
on its and it fits everyone.
Speaker 2 (45:01):
Yeah, okay, show us the.
Speaker 3 (45:03):
Cart right here we are, and they all come with
a bookmark free because that's the name of the.
Speaker 5 (45:11):
Brown's Freedom on my spy tattooed.
Speaker 1 (45:14):
I just find it to be such an important, not
even concept, I don't know what to call it, but
it's one thing that I'm like, I just want to
be armed with it and I've written about freedom so
much and I also courteous.
Speaker 2 (45:28):
Welcome to the freedom club. You belong here.
Speaker 3 (45:32):
Okay, so you see what I'm saying about everybody can
wear It's a very thick cotton and then it's funky.
I love it. I put it on top of like
my yoga thayings. I put it on top of jeans
dresses and this is freely.
Speaker 2 (45:46):
This is this is like it's written free yes. Oh wow?
Speaker 3 (45:51):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (45:52):
So how can we get this?
Speaker 3 (45:53):
Is it?
Speaker 2 (45:53):
Also it's on my shop? Oh wow, kid, I'm so
proud of you.
Speaker 1 (45:58):
And you and the label says this product isn't.
Speaker 2 (46:03):
Free, but you are.
Speaker 3 (46:06):
You know what.
Speaker 2 (46:06):
I love intentional clothing like.
Speaker 1 (46:10):
But you're wearing like you're just like yes, And my
daughter loves it.
Speaker 3 (46:15):
She wears it every day. She has the three and
she just wears them all the time.
Speaker 2 (46:23):
Kid, I'm very proud of you.
Speaker 1 (46:25):
I'm proud of you, and I feel like even the
moments when you feel like you are stumbling in terms
of idensity, just always know there's like a battalion of
women rooting for you and being inspired by you, just
by you simply being like, even if you didn't have anything,
you were doing like just by you simply being we're
(46:48):
just rooting forank you.
Speaker 3 (46:50):
I love that and even something that you said one time.
I heard you say, when you walk into a room,
you don't walk alone. You come in with all your
Oh yeah, and I said, wait a minute, also have answers,
Yes you do. And that thing just gave me so much.
(47:11):
That thing just gave me. I'm not alliwe you're not alone.
But speaking for myself, I'm always speaking with the voice
of ten women and all my answers does they must
be so proud of me.
Speaker 2 (47:24):
They are, and that's to us still living.
Speaker 3 (47:26):
I'm not.
Speaker 2 (47:29):
So thank you for coming.
Speaker 5 (47:30):
On the showcase I've finished it, esays three hours later.
Speaker 1 (47:37):
Thanks for coming on the show and thank you for
watching this episode.
Speaker 10 (47:41):
If you check out the description, there are links for
you to check out kids Shopify to get all of
these incredible things that she has created, for you to
connect with her on social media as well, because she
does a lot of inspiration on her platforms.
Speaker 2 (47:55):
And don't forget to like
Speaker 1 (47:57):
This episode, share it with all the manner less and
almost maneralist women in your life, and subscribe so that
next week you do not miss the next episode.
Welcome to for manderalist women. I am your host, Adele
on Yanger. This is a space committed to naturing a
new generation of shame free women who are ready to meet.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Their best selves.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
And in this episode, we will be diving into identity
and how you can maintain it and honor it in
your journey of womanhood. Helping us do this is sleepcoach,
content creator, business owner, published author.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Kit Nangaya Kiari.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Thank you so much for coming on the show and
also for being a huge supporter of everything we do
at Legally Clue Jam.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
You know I love you. Adele. Your one of my
mainest is can we cuss on this thing?
Speaker 4 (00:49):
Yes, you're one of my mainest witches.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
I feel like that was here.
Speaker 5 (00:58):
Because we've known each other for a very long time
saying yes.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
I think I got fifteen, sixty or seventeen and those
were like good time and so to.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
See like what you've done with your life.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
And you're just like in credible energy. You know those
people that.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
All right, I can't translate that c is clean, your
liver is, you don't have bad vibes.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
There's people who you meet and you're like, I don't
know what's wrong with this person and something but something
is off. Yeah, I don't feel that with you. You're
good vibes, You're.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
Just I like that. Yes, I'm going to take that.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
And so one of the things I've always admired about
you from back when we were in pre UNI is you.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Have a strong sense of self.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Yes. Nice, and it's freshing and it's so inspiring. Yes,
And since I've known you, I've felt that has always
been there, you know.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
So and when you knew me, by the way, when
you first met me, yeah, I was really struggling with
that really. Imagine so even even when I'm struggling, it
still comes out of less to be really nice to know.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
And it's so it's so inspiring, especially to other women,
to be able to be like, yeah, I'm going to
be confident in myself, Like I'm gonna like tap it
to what kid has going on. Let's go back to childhood.
What are some aspects of your childhood that you feel
made you very aware of who you are and confident?
Speaker 2 (02:34):
Wow, because I know your mom?
Speaker 3 (02:38):
Do you know my mom?
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (02:42):
Like that?
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Imagine being raised by and my dad Chief, It's just
like they are so free, you know, that's the one
thing that keeps coming up for me about them, Like
right now they have no children, Like they're not raising
any cheaven. Yeah. Those people are outside. Those people are
(03:10):
just outside doing what they want when they want. No
for me, se, I'm like.
Speaker 5 (03:18):
They yeah, and they've always been that way.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
They've always been that way. But then you see they
had to come back because they were raising us. Yeah yeah,
but now yeah, but I remember my mom like we
would call her, so she's gone. My mom was a
social development consultant. Okay, so all over the world in
geo world, traveling doing the social work, and we would
(03:41):
call her mammy. Can I go to the salon and
she's like, bitch, if you don't get off, like you're
always thing my good time. I was like, I.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
Don't care what you do.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
Leave me alone. I am rusty work work. She goes
to rest.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
But that sense of my mom is a person first
and her own person.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
I always saw my mom being just a person.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
Then second she's my mom. But seeing that as a
little girl, it's so powerful by the way you say,
to build your own sense of yeah, I'm a person.
Yes I'm not a daughter, our sister. Yeah, you know,
and then when you get older, our girlfriend, our wife,
(04:35):
you do not speak me.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
Yeah, you're you're little person.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Kids and kids learn from modeling, like more than the
words or whatever you say. It's like what you're doing,
what you're doing that is incredible. So if you were
going through that you mentioned earlier that when we were
like in pre uni, so that's like the end of
right a teen Yeah, first media, what were you struggling
(05:00):
with them in terms of identity?
Speaker 3 (05:02):
So I've always been in an only girls school. Then
I went to a secondary school, but that was only
three years. Okay. By the time I was joining IB Yeah,
I hadn't been in like.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
Mixed like boys boy girls school.
Speaker 3 (05:23):
Yeah, okay, So you see school is it takes such
a long time because you're in school eight hours a day,
five days a week. So when the people you're in
school with, that's what kind of shape you. So by
the time I was now starting to interact with people
of the opposite sex like now for that long yeah,
(05:43):
all day every day. I was eighteen. So I joined
the school and then I I don't know how to
put this because it's I was told or okay, I realized, yeah,
and I was told that I had a big ass.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
Oh my goodness, and I was beautiful.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
So you know when your parents tell you're so beautiful,
you're like, yeah, yeah, you say that, you're biased. You're
supposed to say that, yeah, and then who else is
going to say it to your cousins, your uncles, your aunties.
Yeah right, but then now it's strangers. My aus used
to walk into the room before me.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
And that became like your identity, and that.
Speaker 3 (06:29):
Became my identity, and I just something about it just
didn't sip right. It was just because I'm more than
this thing. And for eighteen years I was told I
am brave, I.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Am strong, and it was never the focus for eighteen years.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
Yeah, who's going to tell you that?
Speaker 2 (06:50):
And also what's big? But you don't you don't look
at yourself like that?
Speaker 3 (06:55):
Yeah exactly, yeah, and that even like tying it back
even too. My kids. Now, my daughter is shipted like me,
and she's ten years old and she started being shipped
like this when she was I don't know.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Six, Yeah, and people would be like whey.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
And I and.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
Did you kill someone?
Speaker 3 (07:18):
And it said so innocently. Yeah, it's by said by women.
It's not anything sexual. But for me, I was like,
I've already been through this now who walked down this past?
And it's not it's not fun. Yeah, my kid is
never going to have to deal with this. Don't ever
(07:38):
say that again.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
I told everybody who said it, every single person who
said it, don't ever say that again, and don't ever
tell her. Yeah ever let her operate in life. And
she's a gymnast, so she's over here tumbling, and then
you're going to start telling her about her fathers.
Speaker 5 (07:57):
And started making her question and that being conscious about that.
Speaker 3 (08:03):
Yeah, So I joined the school, started being told that,
and I was just like, who am I? What is this?
How do I end?
Speaker 1 (08:10):
And the school is primary primarily build four boys, So
I feel like even the support.
Speaker 5 (08:15):
System boys care girls are just not there now.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
Yeah, oh my goodness.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
So I was dealing with that. I think that's why
I got into that relationship I was in.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
I don't remember it, no, no, don't, there's nothing to remember.
It's just I remember it.
Speaker 3 (08:32):
I was this like I genuinely don't know. I was
with this really horrendous person who just took advantage of
me going through that, and he I mean, he was
already a horrendous person. I hear he's still horrendous now, yeah,
because his friends with like one of my cousins. But
it's like.
Speaker 6 (08:52):
Putting me down, questioning you know what I'm wearing, questioning
what I'm thinking, my brains and I already know I'm smart,
I already know I'm braeve, like, I already know all
these things, but now you're questioning me.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
And yes, it's the first time that has happened. So
what all these people lying? What are lying to myself?
Speaker 1 (09:11):
And then also this is the this is someone who
has so much influence over me now, so you.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Almost are looking to them for approval. So anything they're saying,
yes the question, You're like, I need to change that.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
You always look to your peers approval? You do you
look to your peers? Oh my goodness, yes I am. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
I think that that time going in at that age
as young girls going into womanhood.
Speaker 5 (09:39):
That two years was quite hectic.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
I I feel like I started dating because it was
what was the collection that I was told there's there's
a Valentine's because when I'm joining those are valentine There
is a problem.
Speaker 7 (09:53):
And you need it a day And I remember the
guys that day that brought me in flowers.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Yes, He asked me what flowers I like, and I
said black roses because I thought he's.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Not going to be where. Don't you get that?
Speaker 1 (10:06):
And it was my way of just being like, I'm
really not interested. And then he brought them and.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
I was like, well, I yes, I have to be with.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
A we seem don't black roses? I asked for what's
she called? Queen?
Speaker 5 (10:19):
Thought what It's this crazy?
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Why we couldn't say no, I don't want and I'm
going to come to the ball alone.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
Do you know what I mean? That's what I'm saying.
Jen Z's are doing.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
No, they got it.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
So I love that you've talked about identity and relationships
because I feel like that's also a space where, because
of socialization for women, a good woman or a good
wife or good girlfriend gives and just gives and helps,
and you're a helper, you know.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
And there's so.
Speaker 1 (10:53):
Many women, even older women, who have had conversations with
especially when I was navigating my divorce and I was
saying it was such a short marriage, but I felt
like I was losing myself and I thought losing In fact,
I told you one of the lost. Yeah, tell the
shame the devil, I told her or my aunt, I
(11:14):
thought that happens after ten years or twenty years.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
I was like, what the hell is like? No, it
starts on day one, but that is.
Speaker 3 (11:24):
In your twenty You.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
Know, what are your thoughts on like women and identity
in relationships, because you've managed to kind of keep your
identity in your marriage.
Speaker 3 (11:35):
Yeah, and even you know, it even comes like in
the bridle Shower. Oh god, when people when when they
say and it's not by you know, they're not even
trying to be bad or mean, they mean well mean
well yeah, when they say, now that Adele is getting married,
give her a bit of time to get to know
(11:59):
her husband, right, or do get to know herself in
marriage right. So they're kind of inviting your friends to
step back, guys to not really call you as much,
text you as much, so they kind of leave you
in an eyelight. You know this news you know who
doesn't get that advice him? So he's like a ship
(12:25):
and you're like a bannacle. He's moving. His friends keep
calling him. Yeah, people are always saying, oh my god,
this is my favorite thing to hear from women I'm
so like upset because my man comes home. My husband
comes home late. Every day, he comes home two am,
(12:45):
three am. I like all the time, We've talked about it.
Every weekend he's going out, and I always ask, how
do you know he comes home late? Yeah? See, I
mean the house waiting for him?
Speaker 8 (12:58):
Why why classy? Why outside?
Speaker 5 (13:11):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (13:11):
What are you not outside? Yes?
Speaker 3 (13:15):
You understand. So we like we just socialized to make
men your hobby, Yeah.
Speaker 5 (13:24):
Your purpose, your the ambition is like to get that.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
What a burden we must be.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
And also I think it's my therapist who told me,
is it like a well meaning man, it's a normal,
normal relationship. He gets attracted to you because of a
certain personality who you are?
Speaker 3 (13:44):
Thank you? Right, thank you?
Speaker 4 (13:46):
And then during the something happens during the bridal shower
into the marriage and it's like you're being panel beaten,
like now you can't wear this, Now.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
You haven't feel like this, don't go there.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
And so she would say even the guy, like all
of a sudden, it's like, who's this.
Speaker 5 (14:05):
Was even a well meaning man?
Speaker 8 (14:07):
Right?
Speaker 3 (14:07):
And and but we must be such a burden. Yeah,
it must be such a burden to be someone's everything.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Yeah, and you can't.
Speaker 3 (14:14):
You can't, you can you can't be someone's So how.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Do you make sure you didn't lose yourself or don't
lose yourself?
Speaker 3 (14:22):
Like, don't draw away your friends. You need them more
than ever. Yeah, you need your friends, you need your hobbies,
you need whatever it is that you do without this guy,
you thoroughly need it. Yeah, I promise you. The only
way to make somebody your best friend, and that's like
your spouse, is to not make them your your everything,
(14:47):
because if they have to carry the burden of being
your friend, your therapist, your relative, your boss, because that
we also put men to be our boss and dad
and head master all and the baby live me?
Speaker 5 (15:07):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (15:09):
Yeah, where are you going from there? Yeah? Where? So?
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Now you that's how you lose yourself.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
You lose yourself, You lose your ambitions. The things used
to dream about doing go down the drain.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Because agree, what do you think about this thing?
Speaker 1 (15:26):
I told you that's seeking permission? What do you think
You're really not seeking advice? No, you're not seeking advice,
You're seeking what do you think? Yeah, so we're a
good idea, Okay, then you do it? Oh, I think
it's a bad idea, then you don't do it.
Speaker 5 (15:40):
What are the spaces for you that keeping you?
Speaker 8 (15:43):
So?
Speaker 2 (15:43):
What are the things you do as kids?
Speaker 3 (15:46):
First of all, this my husband hates being like in
front of the camera.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
You know.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
There's so many podcasts that I've invited you up with
your husband.
Speaker 5 (15:58):
About that, and it's good, it's your space to thrive.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
No, but that he just doesn't want to be.
Speaker 6 (16:08):
You know.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
So this is a space I thrive. I have my friends,
I have my like I do walks every day and
hikes and activities. I'm part of a in fact, I'm
the chair of an all women's riding group. We ride motorwakes.
In fact, just this morning I flag them off. We're
(16:30):
going to Nanuki for the weekend. Yeah, but I had
to be here, so I did go with.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
There, so special thanks.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
Yeah, I do that. So many things I could list
that don't involve him, and everybody needs that.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
And community.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
I feel like sisterhood and a community of women.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
Is so important. Yes, let's talk motherhood. Yes, because that's
also an easy way if.
Speaker 3 (16:59):
You're not a lose your life, Yes, women out here
losing yeah to motherhood.
Speaker 5 (17:07):
How do you make sure that that doesn't happen to you.
Speaker 3 (17:11):
So the things that I have done are first going
into motherhood fully knowing I am not giving birth to
my little besties. I don't need broke, ten year old
break besties.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:27):
I have my own friends. Yeah, so I don't need
this one to be my friend. Yeah. And also I'm
not to I'm not to blame so so for what
I don't know. English doesn't have the right word for it.
But I'm not to blame. It's not my fault if
this person turns out Obama. I'm not to blame if
(17:49):
they turn out O Summer, I'm not to be I've
done what I can. So really, I was I have released.
I was telling you that I really wanted to have children. Yeah,
like my young age, I've always wanted to have children.
I wanted to have ten kids. I did, I promise
I wanted to even now, like I follow Big families
(18:11):
on YouTube, I'm constantly watching Big families. You know the
way they come there. I don't know if you've ever
waited any of these like vlogs of Big families. They
prepare breakfast, breakfast takes them to us to.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
You know what I saw recent Then I had to
keep stroling. This lady who has twelve kids. She had
assembled all the top player and she made an announcement
that she was pregnant. You know, it's cruels.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
I don't like this.
Speaker 5 (18:35):
I'm stressed.
Speaker 9 (18:35):
I'm calculating your baby, I'm like, And then shopping.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
Then they go shopping. Yeah, they fill three carts. It's
for one week.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
What's what car do you have?
Speaker 3 (18:47):
They have bunis, they have vans, they have buses, they
have they're living. My god, I'm like living at my
lights head. And I wanted ten children. And then my
first pregnant and s was very difficult. And then my
second price you almost killed me. So I said, well
eight more. I don't want to die for these, so
(19:12):
let me stop there. Yeah so I stopped there. But yeah,
so I really wanted my children because I wanted to
see how me as kid would teach somebody from however,
yeah small, and to see how somebody grows. Yeh. So
it's fully an ego thing. Nobody ever has children for others.
(19:32):
I mean, you could have a child for somebody else.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
But there's a bitter that is.
Speaker 3 (19:36):
Yeah, everybody has children for selfish reason. That was my
selfish reason, and I knew that I am because again
I watched up only doing it. I'm me and then
I am this person's mother. So my identity is not mother. Yeah,
(19:59):
it is fun loving woman loving African feminists. Ah, and
I'm also ama. I am also our wife. I am
also our sister, our daughter, our friend. But and if
you remove all these things, I will be still this.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
Yeah, wasn't easy to like keep that up, even during pregnancy,
and you know immediately your baby came.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Yeah, absolutely so much.
Speaker 3 (20:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
I think a lot of women during that period, when
you're feeding and you're so scared, like this baby needs me,
you can like forget.
Speaker 3 (20:38):
Who you are. Yes. So I'm a believer, like I
believe in God, and I believe that I cannot keep
my child alive. I truly believe that. And I'm such
an anxious version I personally. I wish you knew how
anxiety used to write in life. Now not so yeah anymore.
(21:04):
But I was so anxious that anything is gonna hurt
my child, anything is gonna you know that. I had
to say to myself, you know, even if I was
here one hundred percent of the time, I would not
be able to keep my child alive. If they were
going to pass away, they will pass away, and I'm
(21:24):
gonna have to deal with that situation. So really, kid, rest,
Yeah you're not junior, Holy Spirit, Okay, you are not assistant.
God leave it. I would, And I keep telling people this, like,
if I had to leave my kid as a sleep trainer,
I know how long I have, I'd feed them, leave
(21:47):
and not call home. Oh wow, the entire time I'm gone,
Maybe even battle with that, right, I don't call home. Yeah,
I don't have nanny comes. If my phone rings and
it's the nanny, then yeah there is something yeah, right,
but if it's on totalaliah, Yeah, what do you wanted
(22:10):
to do from here?
Speaker 2 (22:11):
Yeah, there's nothing I can do about it?
Speaker 3 (22:15):
Yes, So I would just distance myself from that because
I'm like, I can't. I have I've put someone there
who's gonna take care of my child. Me and that person,
we're not going to keep this child alive. There's a
higher power doing that.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
And I know where I start starting end, like what
I'm in control of, wet.
Speaker 3 (22:34):
And finished and released. And if I'm in Westlands and
my child is in Limuru and they are crying in Limuru,
so what do I do on the con what am
I doing? There's nothing for me to do except worry.
Speaker 5 (22:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:50):
And also that's why I trust you as a nanny.
I've hired you and you're there, right, And even if
I don't.
Speaker 3 (22:56):
Trust you, I'm in what life you understand? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (23:03):
What are you doing in Western worry?
Speaker 6 (23:05):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (23:06):
That's an activity and what's coming around? Worry?
Speaker 4 (23:10):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (23:10):
And then did you battle with your sense of self
after pregnancy?
Speaker 3 (23:16):
No?
Speaker 1 (23:17):
Okay, like even your your relationship with body. I was
watching I was watching this video that was talking about
because I have now kids and was talking about how
your body it's a new body. So the lady is saying,
give your race isn't because you're learning this new body.
(23:38):
You're learning how to love this new body and release them.
Speaker 3 (23:42):
You know some things are very Western?
Speaker 2 (23:44):
Yeah, there is that, no one.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
Also, things are not are not universe, No, let us acknowledge. Yeah,
some things are so brought to us by Instagram TikTok.
Loving your new body things, my grandmother would be like,
which new body isn't new?
Speaker 2 (24:01):
Is it the same?
Speaker 3 (24:03):
It is? It is different? Okay, it's okay. First of all,
you're in pain everywhere. Okay, everything hurts your knees, hat,
your elbows, your hair hats. After you've had a baby,
everything is pain for two three weeks. Now, imagine being
in sustained pain for three weeks. People. That's why people
(24:26):
kill themselves. That's why people like when they're terminally ill.
They're just like, I can't do it, it's too much.
But this whole thing of loving your new body and
the I and I don't want to take away from.
Speaker 2 (24:43):
People who are loving their new body.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Okay, you just love your'tience my experience.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
I think I didn't know I was supposed to dislike
my body.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
So it wasn't even a let us begin last now, Bigler,
the love was concern.
Speaker 3 (25:02):
Yes, I am the only person who lives in this
word is so I know how it feels. I love
my body now. I love it when I am getting smaller. Yeah,
I love it when I am small. I love it
when I am getting bigger. I love it when I
am big.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
It doesn't have to look a certain.
Speaker 3 (25:24):
And people to say tick tick tick. Even now. I
like that my work is on social media and people
have everything to say about my body. I don't believe
anyone but kit your body is tea. I take it
with a pinch of salt.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (25:41):
And also I already need Yes, the answer is he aware,
kits all you're gaining weight? Yes, like none of I
don't believe you. Yeah, I only believe the voice in
my head because it's.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
That is so powerful because I actually have become more
conscious of that because I have exema. And I would
do this thing like if I'm having a flare up,
You're like, oh no, don't wear shots sleeves or don't.
Speaker 2 (26:11):
Wear shorts or whatever. And I had to like, you
know this long you call.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
Yourself to an a GM, come come, come, come come,
And I literally was like, so are you saying you're
only worthy when you don't have an flare?
Speaker 2 (26:26):
What is that? And so I love what you're saying.
It's very valid.
Speaker 3 (26:30):
Yes, And I like the clothes, like you know, I
don't have home clothes, you know home clothes.
Speaker 5 (26:35):
Neither do I because I'm just like, there's some cute tops.
I'm like, where am I waiting to wear these?
Speaker 3 (26:40):
Two? I don't have. I don't have clothes. I only
I exclusively wear at home atie so to be seen,
then I am presentable. No, but I'm presenting myself to
myself and you.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
I Yeah, every.
Speaker 3 (26:54):
Day I present myself to myself. So it doesn't matter
if I have a newborn baby, it doesn't have much.
If I'm well, I'm going to wear my clothes that
I enjoy. If I don't enjoy it out, yeah, if
it's there to wash the I will wear my knife
shots that I like, and I can't go to anywhere
in my nice T shirt that I like, I can't
(27:14):
go anywhere in and I will wash the car.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
I just love this, Like this is such a beautiful
awakening about like the love has to be constant. Your
body doesn't have to look a certain way to beg for.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
Love from you, from you, you know your.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
Self, and especially when it's done something as beautiful as
bringing like.
Speaker 3 (27:32):
That is a big job.
Speaker 5 (27:36):
And so now your kids are pretty independent?
Speaker 3 (27:40):
Yes, right?
Speaker 1 (27:41):
What are some things you do in terms of your
style of mothering that people are.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
Like, sorry, what's going on?
Speaker 1 (27:50):
And you're doing it because you know this is first
my way, Yes, and secondly it allows me to maintain
my identity. I don't have to like do things the
way everyone else expects.
Speaker 3 (28:02):
Yeah. I answer any question that they have about anything,
I answer truthfully. It doesn't matter what the question is about.
So we have this thing about words have power, right,
there are no bad ones. You can say fuck, you
(28:22):
can say ship, you can say whatever it is. But
just know that when you say that you offend people.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
Do you want to?
Speaker 3 (28:31):
So? Do you want? Is your intention to offend people?
You understand? So it's not this whole thing of taboo.
Speaker 2 (28:39):
And that there's a rule with no and we don't.
Speaker 3 (28:42):
Know why, we don't know why. And then whatever question
they have about sex and alcohol and drugs and what
does this mean? Somebody said tadada or who said that
my teacher or my this or whatever. I will be like, Okay,
this is what it means for your teacher to have
(29:02):
said that. It's a bit much. Yeah, but this is
what it means, and this is the context. And I
keep telling them whatever it is that you want to know,
I will tell you. I'll never te tell you because
I want to be the authority in their lives. Yeah,
I don't want to know. My daughter is ten, she's
going on eleven, going on sixteen. Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's
(29:25):
be fair. I don't want a sixteen year old to
tell her something and become that authorious and then that's
the person who knows. So one time KO was telling
my eighty year old little boy was telling me that
he was hanging out with his friend James. Yeah, not
(29:46):
his real nip, And I said, oh, it's James. Okay,
I've not had about this person. How old is he? Seventeen? Yeah,
you can't have a seventeen year old friend. Why now
we're talking about that, We talk about why you can't
have adult friends. Are not your friends?
Speaker 2 (30:05):
Yeah, they don't need you as a friend.
Speaker 3 (30:08):
You don't need the friend. Yeah, adults are not your friends.
There is no And then apparently this also, this seventeen
year old also told him a secret. I told him
there's no secret. Yeah, there's absolutely no secret between me
and you. You have to say everything you and an
adult can't have a secret, you know. So these things
(30:33):
some people would be like, aren't they too young? And
they're not. Can't they?
Speaker 1 (30:38):
I feel like kids are whole beings correctly, like we're
not waiting until they're eligible to vote to be like.
Speaker 3 (30:45):
Oh, so you're asked, by the way, also this when
is the when is the correct Yeah? Yeah, to say
all of these things. And also their body parts, by
the way, this is a big controversy. Yeah, teaching and
the proper name for their body parts. There is no
shame in your body parts. You see, we carry so
(31:07):
much shame in words. Language has shame, language has culture,
language has context. But if if your kid knows how
to say my penis is itching, yeah, then they will
have no shame around their pennis, right, they will have
no shame around their body paths. And they will abusers, yes,
(31:29):
they will own it. And abusers find it very difficult
to abuse children who have no shame, yeah.
Speaker 5 (31:34):
Because they're not going to keep quiet or they're going
to stand up for themselves.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
At a woman and be like, so I think this
is wrong.
Speaker 9 (31:40):
You know what time I had from upstairs, don't touch
my penis. Now he's telling my aunt who is watching me.
So now my aunt had to explain to him, okay,
I will help you.
Speaker 3 (31:53):
How can I help you? But and this is a
two year old, yeah you know, but he's shouting from upstairs.
Speaker 5 (31:59):
There is that agency agency.
Speaker 3 (32:03):
This is your body and even like the ticket you
know those things of like when you're tickling a baby
and they says stop, you stop to teach them. Actually
they are no has power.
Speaker 2 (32:11):
Yeah, it matters.
Speaker 3 (32:12):
It matters, and that thing of get like greeting. So
if you so, this is what I do with my kids.
You have to greet people, right, so you can do
whatever it is. Is it a handshake, is it a
fast bomb, is it a hug? You don't have to
do any but you have to choose one, whatever it
(32:33):
may be. And if you don't want to touch people,
then you wave and that's okay. But you cannot ignore
people people. So I it's a balance of kind of yes,
you have agency and da da da, but also you're
not the most important person in the world.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
And compassion or in the room.
Speaker 3 (32:56):
This is so much like you can't you can't ever
tell somebody like let's say my kid is sitting here
and he leaves and then you come and sit down,
and then he comes to tell you I was sitting
there as who you are never sitting anywhere? Yeah, as
the youngest in the space, find a different space to sit.
And why do we do that? To show respect to elders.
Speaker 1 (33:18):
And kids really have the capacity to understand.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
There's so many things I think we really they.
Speaker 5 (33:27):
Underestimates that we are lazy.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
Yeah, we don't want to do it.
Speaker 3 (33:32):
We don't want to do the work.
Speaker 2 (33:34):
I love this so much because it's reminded me.
Speaker 1 (33:36):
Of the first time I ever saw weed was in
Uni and it was my birthday and this guy was
my friend told me he brought me a gift, and
I was pretty naive. I think people see like, oh,
you're a poetry and I had dreadlocks there and they
probably think like, oh, she's so open minded.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
I'm just like me.
Speaker 1 (33:53):
I've only seen alcohol, please, And he said I bought
you a gift. I was thinking chocolate, yeah, whatever, think
And in the school bus he comes. He brings out
this tin yes, and these weeds right, but it's not
look yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 5 (34:07):
No, let me tell you.
Speaker 3 (34:08):
Slap me in the face, and I would still it.
Speaker 5 (34:10):
Looked like dried vegetables right in my id, not like
you know.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
I was like maybe nineteen or eighteen nineteen.
Speaker 5 (34:20):
And first I'm like, what you know, like spiriticians are chocolateands.
I'm like, what is this?
Speaker 2 (34:26):
And then he tells me and I got off the
school bus.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
I called my mom and I said, you have to
come home early today, just like.
Speaker 3 (34:32):
We need to discuss.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
And so I had this like she's on her bed
it's such a Colmer movie.
Speaker 2 (34:38):
She's on her bed and I'm telling her like.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Yeah, and then he brought this out and this one
I saw and I was so scared wearing the school
bus and I'm like, I don't want to my birthday.
So and then I was sad, like but you know,
it didn't look like what I seen in the movie,
because in the movie place it's like it's like a
roll somebody here. So I was like, I don't know.
(35:01):
And I literally do remember my mom holding.
Speaker 3 (35:03):
Back laughter.
Speaker 7 (35:07):
Because she had probably like had very wild uni years
and just started looking at me like what what this life?
Speaker 2 (35:17):
Child?
Speaker 1 (35:18):
But what was powerful is she was still even at
that age, my trusted.
Speaker 5 (35:24):
Like I told this guy, you hold on to your gift.
Speaker 3 (35:27):
I'm I'm coming back. What thank you?
Speaker 2 (35:31):
Though?
Speaker 1 (35:32):
And I didn't fix the shame of like I have
friends who smoke up, well, I have friends who do ABCD.
It was always very my first relationship, I didn't have
a cell phone.
Speaker 3 (35:42):
I was sharing your cell phone with my mom.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
She knew when we first kissed.
Speaker 5 (35:46):
She was like, yes, center text sex seems like exactly,
and so I love that.
Speaker 3 (35:54):
I seel like.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
That's what your kids are going to get from you.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
Also, yeah, and so, so you are doing incredible things.
Please tell me about your new title as a published author.
Speaker 5 (36:07):
Oh my goodness, Confetti fire, Please tell me about your
new book.
Speaker 2 (36:18):
Yeah, so wait, can we for see it? Let's let's
just see it where it is? Oh and this is
your first bone.
Speaker 3 (36:26):
That's that's Candia, that's my first one. Look at her, cheat,
I know she she used to. She was just born
like a round ball.
Speaker 5 (36:36):
Look at her her smile with no teeth.
Speaker 2 (36:38):
It's like the cutest thing ever.
Speaker 3 (36:40):
She's so adorable. Thank you.
Speaker 2 (36:42):
Oh okay, so tell me about it.
Speaker 3 (36:43):
The baby sleeps manial sleep manual. Babies cannot read. This
manual is for tired parents.
Speaker 2 (36:50):
Oh my goodness. I feel like all parents are like, yes.
Speaker 3 (36:54):
Yes, yes, So I've been sleep training for ten years.
I sleep trained one okay, and then people were asking
me because then they'd find my husband and I out
to dinner. We have a two month olds. They're like,
you know that, don't We'll take people passing in the restauran.
They're like, I don't know what I'm looking at. What
am I looking at? Draftache, It's like, yeah, the baby
(37:18):
is sleeping, and yeah, we're a sleep trainer. Yeah, because
if you are a sleep trainer, then your partner is
also a sleep trainer because they have to support. So
then I started to help people. Then more and more
people now were coming up, da da oh yeah. But
but people would say, it's just the first one. The
first one always tricks you to having the second one,
(37:39):
and the second one teaches you dusk right, or oh
it's because it's a girl. Then I had a boy
and sleep trained him. Guys were like, okay, teachers. Yeah,
so professionally, I took a course. Professionally, I've been sleep
training for eight years and in my entire sleep training career,
(38:03):
everything that comes up is just like Western ideas and
concepts that you can't really translate into your mother togue.
I'm a big believer in if I cannot say this
in the law, it doesn't it's not for me. Not
even it's not for me. Does it exist? You know
things exist in language?
Speaker 2 (38:21):
Is it a thing?
Speaker 3 (38:22):
Is it a thing? Yeah? Right, so yes, I get yeah,
everybody can you can negate Yes, things that you cannot
describe exist whatever. But there are very many concepts that
are purely Western. We as a lot of the continent Asia,
(38:44):
main parts of South America are like what is that?
What is that? What does that mean? In like, what
does that mean? For example, babies having a sleep regression?
You know, I heard of that. Let me say it
like it is a fact. It's like everybody will go
(39:04):
through puberty. Yeah right. There are very few people who
don't go through puberty, but those are anormally. Yeah. Now
we say sleep sleep regression like it is a fact,
it will happen. It's of the one thousand white babies
they studied stuff. Oh yeah, yeah, it's not a fact.
(39:25):
It will not happen. It's not it's not inevitable. Yeah right.
So I wanted to write what I was teaching because
I've always taken my knowledge what I'm taught, what I
was taught, and make it and say it in our
language and things that we understand. If I can give
(39:47):
a parallel, It's like a dietitian not saying anything to
a Kinan woman about apples and asparagus. And that's okay,
a huge problem we have, right talk to me about
in domain, Yeah, tell me about.
Speaker 5 (40:01):
There are times that'd be like, okay, what's the English
then of this?
Speaker 2 (40:04):
Is this what she's talking about like.
Speaker 3 (40:07):
I want to I want to lose weight, but what
is They're telling you to boiled chicken? Yeah, and then
eat it with kale or not kill something just par Yeah,
what is rocket? I don't know what that is? So
can you canyanizing and like africanizing sleep training so that
(40:30):
everybody can understand it? And you know, I sleep train families,
so it's not only one person I'm sleep training. I
sleep training Kwahili English. Don't know even if the person
that I'm talking to. I have explained sleep training to
my grandmother.
Speaker 4 (40:47):
If you can't explain it in your language, is it
a thing?
Speaker 3 (40:51):
Truly is very difficult, right, Yeah, but I know my stuff.
I wanted to write it down and give it to
people who need it so they can have it because
it's a work a work book as well, so you
feel it's it, you feel it, and then you can
have it all the days of the child's life when
(41:12):
you refer to it whenever you need it, and it's
really helping people. It's the first, the first sleep training
manual written by a Canna. Yeah, I'm very very proud
of that.
Speaker 5 (41:22):
Congratulations, thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (41:25):
It's a very big achievement.
Speaker 1 (41:26):
And I like when you say you sleep train family,
it's like, yes, it's not something we're all looking.
Speaker 2 (41:32):
At the baby and like, no, do this. It's like
a collective effort.
Speaker 3 (41:36):
Yes, it is, because anybody who is raising the child
needs to be able to do whatever I've recommended in
the book.
Speaker 5 (41:44):
Sorry, I've just seen a line here that's kills me.
Speaker 3 (41:49):
And n't like adl control. Yes, be professional.
Speaker 5 (41:53):
Nobody ever died from crying?
Speaker 3 (41:57):
It's true? Is that, say?
Speaker 2 (42:00):
Your grandmother?
Speaker 3 (42:01):
Who said, Dad, that's my grandmother? Who who's going to
die from crying? Oh? My god?
Speaker 2 (42:06):
Nobody ever died from cry?
Speaker 3 (42:08):
My grandmother was a really one. She's also the one
who said, like, if you ever turn out you're busy,
she'll ask you what are you busy doing? Giving buth
because that's the only thing. There's only one thing you're
doing other things? Please? Are you really busy?
Speaker 1 (42:21):
And so where can the parents who are watching this,
where can they get Yeah?
Speaker 3 (42:26):
So you can get it at half priced Books in
Village Market and Lavington. Yeah, you can also get it
at Newia it's an online bookstore. Yeah. And you can
also get it on my Shopify. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (42:37):
Yes, And how much is this manual.
Speaker 3 (42:39):
It is twenty five hundred. Oh man, it's very good
value for and actually.
Speaker 1 (42:43):
Not only parents, Like I feel like if you want
to give intentional gifts, I struggled with that.
Speaker 3 (42:49):
Very many people are getting it for a baby.
Speaker 1 (42:52):
Gifts because you're just like, I don't know have kids,
I don't want, but I want to give you something
that's going to help you.
Speaker 5 (42:57):
Yes, So what is the thing, and the thing can
be this book.
Speaker 2 (43:02):
I hope you're very proud of yourself.
Speaker 3 (43:04):
I am very proud of myself.
Speaker 2 (43:06):
And lastly, you also have a clothing line.
Speaker 3 (43:10):
I do, yes, Okay, I'm on a roll. Okay, so
I love Yes, I launched a croptop line.
Speaker 2 (43:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (43:19):
So I like to wear cryptops. I like to expose
my mid drift and my audacity. Yeah, and that's what
I wanted. You know, there is a particular type of
woman who wears a croptop. It is not about age, race,
or even like body size. Yeah, there is a particular woman, yeah,
(43:43):
who says to himself, I'm going to expose my mid drift.
Now in my culture, which is also your culture, we
exposed our whole top. Yeah, we only wore a skirt. Yeah,
it's a very small skirt as well. Yeah, so it's
not far removed from like my ancestors. It is just
(44:05):
the way the way I am, right, It doesn't matter
what your body looks like. So I wanted to I
wanted to bring that energy of that woman who wears
the crop top, the energy right to every woman because
my whole entire thing is to set women free. And
(44:27):
these are some of the things that I These are
some of the ways that I set women free, free
from like tired motherhood, free from societal judgment, free.
Speaker 1 (44:39):
From you know, expectations that you didn't write them down right.
Speaker 3 (44:44):
Yeah, So I created this top. It is so versatile
because you it's designed to sit on top of whatever
it is that you're already wearing.
Speaker 1 (44:54):
Or not wearing for these or you can't wear it
on its and it fits everyone.
Speaker 2 (45:01):
Yeah, okay, show us the.
Speaker 3 (45:03):
Cart right here we are, and they all come with
a bookmark free because that's the name of the.
Speaker 5 (45:11):
Brown's Freedom on my spy tattooed.
Speaker 1 (45:14):
I just find it to be such an important, not
even concept, I don't know what to call it, but
it's one thing that I'm like, I just want to
be armed with it and I've written about freedom so
much and I also courteous.
Speaker 2 (45:28):
Welcome to the freedom club. You belong here.
Speaker 3 (45:32):
Okay, so you see what I'm saying about everybody can
wear It's a very thick cotton and then it's funky.
I love it. I put it on top of like
my yoga thayings. I put it on top of jeans
dresses and this is freely.
Speaker 2 (45:46):
This is this is like it's written free yes. Oh wow?
Speaker 3 (45:51):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (45:52):
So how can we get this?
Speaker 3 (45:53):
Is it?
Speaker 2 (45:53):
Also it's on my shop? Oh wow, kid, I'm so
proud of you.
Speaker 1 (45:58):
And you and the label says this product isn't.
Speaker 2 (46:03):
Free, but you are.
Speaker 3 (46:06):
You know what.
Speaker 2 (46:06):
I love intentional clothing like.
Speaker 1 (46:10):
But you're wearing like you're just like yes, And my
daughter loves it.
Speaker 3 (46:15):
She wears it every day. She has the three and
she just wears them all the time.
Speaker 2 (46:23):
Kid, I'm very proud of you.
Speaker 1 (46:25):
I'm proud of you, and I feel like even the
moments when you feel like you are stumbling in terms
of idensity, just always know there's like a battalion of
women rooting for you and being inspired by you, just
by you simply being like, even if you didn't have anything,
you were doing like just by you simply being we're
(46:48):
just rooting forank you.
Speaker 3 (46:50):
I love that and even something that you said one time.
I heard you say, when you walk into a room,
you don't walk alone. You come in with all your
Oh yeah, and I said, wait a minute, also have answers,
Yes you do. And that thing just gave me so much.
(47:11):
That thing just gave me. I'm not alliwe you're not alone.
But speaking for myself, I'm always speaking with the voice
of ten women and all my answers does they must
be so proud of me.
Speaker 2 (47:24):
They are, and that's to us still living.
Speaker 3 (47:26):
I'm not.
Speaker 2 (47:29):
So thank you for coming.
Speaker 5 (47:30):
On the showcase I've finished it, esays three hours later.
Speaker 1 (47:37):
Thanks for coming on the show and thank you for
watching this episode.
Speaker 10 (47:41):
If you check out the description, there are links for
you to check out kids Shopify to get all of
these incredible things that she has created, for you to
connect with her on social media as well, because she
does a lot of inspiration on her platforms.
Speaker 2 (47:55):
And don't forget to like
Speaker 1 (47:57):
This episode, share it with all the manner less and
almost maneralist women in your life, and subscribe so that
next week you do not miss the next episode.
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