December 1, 2025 • 42 mins
In this week’s episode of Legally Clueless, Adelle shares Part 1 of Gachambi’s powerful story a deeply human journey through childhood displacement, bullying, grief, academic pressure, and the long road back to herself. Born and raised in Kasarani, Gachambi grew up a brilliant child… until post-election violence disrupted her life and forced a school change that altered everything. She opens up about being bullied in high school, navigating independence for the first time, discovering club culture in university, losing her father while in first year, and silently battling depression she didn’t have the language for. Through community, friendship, faith, and sheer resilience, she kept going even when she wasn’t sure she could. In Part 1, you’ll hear:
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- Growing up between stability and sudden upheaval
- How bullying shaped her fear of physical harm
- The pressures of being a “smart girl” and eldest daughter
- Drinking, club life, and the escape it offered
- The unexpected loss of her father and her emotional shutdown
- How unprocessed grief followed her into adulthood
- The role of community in rebuilding her academic life
- The complicated balance of identity, expectations, and survival
Plug Into The Legally Clueless Africa Ecosystem
WATCH: For Mannerless Women, raw conversations with African women rewriting the rules of womanhood.
YouTube: www.youtube.com/c/LegallyCluelessYoutube
LISTEN: The Midweek Tease grounding weekly reflections with Adelle.
JOIN US:
Sign up for our newsletter & submit your story:
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
My name is Adela on Jangle and welcome to another
episode of Legally Clueless. No, seriously, i have no clue
what I'm doing, but I'm pretty sure I'm not the
only one. Hey, you welcome to this episode of Legally Clueless,
and we're going to jump into the story pretty quick.
But before we do, welcome. If this is your first
(00:21):
time listening to the pod, welcome to the family. This
particular show goes out every single Monday, but we've got
quite a few shows here, so we have this on Mondays.
On Wednesdays we have the midwik Te's where I share
on topics that I feel are helpful for you on
your healing journey, and then you also get the newsletter
on Wednesdays. On Thursdays, we have four manneralists women on
(00:44):
our YouTube channel and also right here on our audio channels,
and then on Fridays we.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Have Aska Therapist.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
So make sure you subscribe to our channel wherever you
are listening to this on so that you don't miss
any of our episodes. Subscribe to our new set on
our website, enjoying our TikTok, and our Instagram. All of
those things are in the show notes. I have one question.
(01:14):
I have one question. I feel led to share it
on here, but I'll give some context so you know
how if you're an OG member, which you know, I
love you for being here since episode one, you know,
this has been a very safe platform and show for me.
I have opened up about very, very many things just
(01:35):
because you have helped create that safety for me, and
so thank you. I want to add a bit of
playfulness because I am recording this as I rush to
go on a date, okay, and I have not been
(01:56):
carrying you along my you know, relationship dating side of things,
because I wanted to appreciate them for myself, right, And
I have enjoyed. I've been enjoying. I'm still enjoying, and
I'm really understanding and unpacking a lot more on what intimacy, love, partnership,
(02:23):
relationships look like, sex, sensuality, all of the above. I've
been unpacking what that looks like for unempowered woman, right
and unpacking it has meant reading stuff, has meant talking
to people. I recently, just this past week, had an
(02:44):
ancestral healing session with an ancestral healer from Lisutu, which
was incredible. Yeah, it's mean so many expansive things, and
I was just wondering, would you appreciate me writing about
these experiences and the things that I'm learning would is
that something you would be interested in? Okay? And not
(03:08):
from a gossipy oh I'm going on a date thing?
I think I am. I'm learning so much that can
liberate women when it comes to loving themselves, understanding their bodies,
and loving another person regardless of what your sexual preferences are.
(03:32):
So is this am I onto something here? I'm thinking
about writing about them in a wholesome way, maybe gathering
writing them in the form of a series, and putting
them in a place where only if you think this
is truly something you desire or want to know more about,
(03:56):
then you can subscribe to it. But first, I just
wanted to check back in with the place that I
find to be my safe place, which is here. Would
you dig that because I have so much to share.
I have so much to share and so much to share.
(04:16):
I've been up to no good and all good and
and expansive experiences. So let me know. All you have
to do is wherever you're listening to this on, drop
a comment and let me know if that's something you
would be willing to read about because I feel like
the format for that has got to be written. But yeah,
you let me know, let me know, drop me a comment.
(04:38):
Sa done. Let's move into our story in today's episode, okay,
and you will meet Gashambi, who is an advocate of
the High Court of Kenya. She's a humanitarian, lawyer, an activist,
a digital creator and so much more. You know, and
when you listen to her, you can tell that she's
(05:00):
full of so many powerful layers and she's going to
take us through her childhood where she believed.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
She was unstoppable.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
She's going to take us through post election violence in
Kenya that uprooted her world, bullying, and her journey then
moves us into university life. So think freedom, think drinking
and just doing wrong things that are still right for
you because I think they expand you. And there's a
lot more like grief that's going to come up in
her story. And so this is only part one. Part
(05:31):
two will be out next week. But this part is raw,
it's it's it's reflective, and it shows the way life
can shape you long before you fully understand what's happening.
And I truly hope you enjoy it. Here you go.
A hundred African stories are legally clueless stories from Africa.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
My name is Jambaksha. I am an advocate of the
Hairdcket of Kenya, a humanitarian lawyer, an activist body and
I am also a digital creator slash, a digital market
ac content creator in the niche wellness and lifestyle. I
am born again. Let be knowing that I'm born again.
(06:12):
I was born in the leafy suburbs or not really,
in an area called Laki Summer, in a family of five,
my mother, my father, and two of my siblings, a
smaller sister and an elder brother. I went to school
somewhere along Lucky Summer all the way till around class five.
(06:32):
Last five year. Then during the post election violence, since
it affected the area which had been born, I had
to sweet schools. And that was the downfall of really
this thing that I thought that I was good at
because now, growing up I was a very smart kid.
But then you know, when you're growing up and you're
a smart kid, when you transition into a school where
the other smart kids. If you were number one in
(06:54):
your school in Kahungurro, then you have to be probably
around number fifteen or something of the sort. But yeah,
the three years, the last three years of my premiary
education were a bit black even in terms of performance.
I didn't do well at all, which having supportive parents
came through at this very time because even if I
got the mark that I got, which I want to mention, well, really,
(07:16):
they still encouraged me to just continue pursuing whatever thing
I was pursuing. So that was it for my primary education.
And I didn't do well. And it's important to know
that I didn't do well because this comes into play
later on in my story. Okay, then now I moved
to high school somewhere along Jusia. It was my first
budding experience. I had never been to boarding school. I
(07:38):
had never been away from my parents even for a
single day, and this was a little bit weird for
me knowing that I was tiny. I still am tiny
for my age, but I was very, very tidy and
I had to go to boarding school. It was I
think the make or break part of me. I did
now remember who I was before now the book selection
(08:00):
Violence school Transfer that I had mentioned, and I just
put in effort in my education and I thrive to
be the very best. Of course, now acknowledging the fact
that I'm not becoming an adolescent girl, and you know
the way you're transitioning from like a baby, and now
all of a sudden you're seeing these changes on your body,
You're seeing these changes in your mindset even though you're
(08:22):
still young. There are things that maybe you would have
done when you were in primary school, but now that
thing high school, you're like, no, I need to fold
my clothes. I need to sleep on time in order
to wake up on time. I need to respect the teachers.
I need to respect my classmates. I need to do well.
And I don't know whether the constant need to do
well comes into like it draws into whatever woman have
(08:44):
become right now, because this constant urge to do well,
even if you're at the very level best, you just
want to keep on doing well. And sometimes whatever you're
doing is enough. You don't just you don't need to
add those extra things that you're adding. Whatever you're giving
is enough. But yet again, now in my well dance life,
I'll get to explain how that impacted me. So high
school was okay. High school was fun. I learned independence,
(09:06):
I learned a lot of things things that I never
knew back in Remar school are like, oh, so you
can wake up on time, so you can study and
do well. Things that didn't matter before I started seeing
them as if these things ought to matter very very much.
And then there's a part of high school also which
is very sad. I did get bullied. I did get
bullied some sometime around Inform one and Inform two, And
(09:31):
I remember Inform two there's this bath day tradition that
people were called Aguilio Margie, that people used to get
bored water oil, and I remember we had a section
of grass around the administration block, and I remember just
being in that section of the grass and people were
hitting me and people were piring water on me, and
(09:54):
I was crying so much, and I was crying so much,
and as that I'm thinking about it, I've never told
this story out loud. And getting pinched on my thighs,
which were very small, by the way, it was actually
so so sad. And I remember I cried so much,
and I cried so much, and my then best friend,
she's the one who pulled me out of that. I'd
call it out of that commotion this happened, and she
(10:16):
pulled me out of it. And now that I'm thinking
about it, when you entered that school, the question was
when was your birthday? You know, you're always talking about
your birthday in a good way that, oh, my birthday
is on the first of December or whatever. Now I
was actually regretting telling my birthday. And best believe, I
never saw anyone getting hit on their birthday. I never
(10:37):
saw anyone getting hit or pinch The water party is
okay because even growing up, when you people had a birthday,
you just pour them. You pour it on them. Rather,
it was just like water is fun. Water doesn't have
any physical impact on you because you will change it,
will take a shower. But then the physical part of it,
it was just so scary and I dreaded physical abuse
from them. So this is inform two and I was
(10:58):
like fifteen. Anyways, a past from that. That's the only
dramatic thing that I had from high school. All other
things are beautiful. The teachers liked me to the point
of sometimes I used to get chance a chance in
teaching other people, especially so Hilly, because I was so
good in sa Heley. Not a brag after that. High
school was nice. I did do well, and I did
(11:18):
my level best and my parents are so happy, and
that was it for high school. That's the only the
only bad thing is whatever happened. But even the thing
was nice. I met, I met good friends, some of
them I lost along the way, but some of them
are still in touch and we do love each other
so dearly, and we've seen each other grown into different
women and just navigating life as adults. So that as
(11:38):
high school for me, By the way, I think the
biggest part of my story is in reflection to education,
meaning I've been in school all my life. I've just
been in school. I've just been in school, which is
not actually bad. I'm an avid believer of like getting
education if you can. If you're not in a capability
do that's okay. But if you have the support through
maybe scholarships and all that, just get that education and
(12:00):
just have it with you. So that was high school
did well. And now transitioning rather into university. University was
not any child's pleae because what was that? So university
as usual we'll go back to when we're like five
years and six years, the question is usually from a parent,
(12:22):
what do you want to be? And for me, I
woul known I want to become a lawyer. I didn't
know what it meant. I didn't know. I didn't know
anything about lure. Because of course, as a child you
always dream of becoming maybe a doctor, an engineer, pilot,
and all those beautiful things. But most of the times
I think we just say it, but we don't know
the actualization of it. So when I finished high school,
(12:43):
I had a sit down with my parents and they
asked me, jombe, what do you want to do? And
I told them I want to become a model. I
told them, Mom, dad, I want to become a model.
They left, my dad left. Let us be known that
this was the last encounter having with my dad in
terms of education. I think that's the best thing he
(13:04):
did before he passed away, telling me to go to
law school because he passed the following year and get
to that. So I got into university. And let me
tell you, my mom, Mom, I love you so much.
But I was taken to a particular affair. I can't
even remember the location. My mom and my uncle and
my other cousin who finished university. In the university they
(13:27):
wanted me to go to. They had all the admission letters.
They had the hostel application with forms and I was
just signing, so I'm going to this university. They're like, yeah, yes,
go to this university. I'm like, okay, So will I
be going from home? Coming from home? My dad? My
dad had told my mom no, she has to live
in the hostels because of proximity to home and mind
(13:49):
waiting Airobi. If they wanted to, if they wanted me
to commute every day, they would have. But I think
my dad saw a vision in me that I till know.
I think he just knew if this stays here at home,
she won't be impactful one day.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
So she has to go.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
She has to go in order for her to learn
me be pain. She has to go, in order for
her to learn independence. She has to go in her
to land, structure and all that. And let it be known.
Then those are the things that I stand for. I
stand for structure, I stand for policies. I'm not gray
in many things. I lack. I love, so I love
to take a stand. It said I yes or no,
of which I don't know that's a bad thing. But anyways,
(14:26):
so me a seventeen year old in some university in
Nairobi and I started life. So you university, everything was
a blood till it wasn't. Because that's the first time
I knew independence. That's the first time I realized, oh
I'm alone. That's the first time I learned a lot
(14:46):
of things which I wasn't meant to learn at that age. Yes,
so university, first year, second year. But let me tell
you about first year. That's when I drank alcohol for
the first time. I had never seen in alcohol. Okay,
I saw alcohol when I was a child, but my
parents were not avery drinkers. Even my mom is not
a drinker. My dad was before before growing a bit old.
(15:10):
So I never saw alcohol. I never saw drugs. I
never saw men. I never saw a lot of things.
Even the men that usually talk about my mon is
in university, I'm like the only man that I knew
over the ones in my family. So I never encountered something.
So this was the first on experience. And you know
the thrill of like buying a new watch, or like
(15:31):
getting a new fregrance or even buying a new car
or even a new job. You're super excited for it.
You will show up, you will show up. So that
was the thrill that I had, and all these things
just came down on me. I started drinking, I started
going to the clubs, which I had never been to
a club before. I started eving. I don't know, it
(15:52):
was just like everything that you think can be done
in campus, that's what I did. And now it started
like showing my result. And the funny thing is I
wasn't even minding the greatest I got. I was just like,
I took as long as I've passed that you need,
I can move on to the next semester. I can
only retake. I can only repeat that you need. And
(16:14):
funny thing I did at some point in my life
I did forget that I wanted to be a lawyer,
and I was just cruising through campus. So semester one,
it goes a few retakes there, I'm like, okay, I'll
push them to next semester. Semester two, my dad died.
So my dad died in the October, the nineteenth of
October twenty fifteen. So even the legal space that I
(16:38):
am in right now, my dad and my dad didn't
get to experience that. And I think if he didn't
take me to law school, or if he wasn't for
this particular law school that he said you have to
do law. I don't think they would have There would
have been a better outcome for Jumbi, because I feel
as if God knew. God knew you have to tell
your daughter to do this course and she has to
(17:01):
be away from home and she has to be all
this because if you don't do this, you're going maybe
to pass away in a few months and your daughter
maybe will fall into depression and whatever, which I did,
but it was in a very certain way. So the
second semester, I remember I got a call. Normally when
you're in class. I don't know whether all universities have
(17:23):
that law or rule where, but you don't use your phone.
Maybe some do, but during our days you just put
your phone, maybe in your bag, so I could hear
the vibration in my phone repetitively. It was just repetitive
and repetitive, repetitive, And I was wondering, I woes that
was calling me? And I think it was a Thursday
or a Tuesday. Can't remember. So a class representative told me, Jambi,
(17:45):
I don't know how or you know, yes, I remembered,
when you're signing up for school. You give the administration
or whatever your emergency contacts. And I think I don't
know how they got the number of our class representative,
but our class representative told me, jumpie, check your phone.
So my aunt had called me around six times. I'm like, hello,
(18:08):
I'm in the class. She's like, you need to come
out of class, and I told now, am I coming
out of class? I was just like, being hard headed
is bad because when end okay, You're like no, I
need to know why. So she told me just get
out of class and I asked her why. She's like,
you need to get out of class. I'm like, what
(18:28):
about the lecture. She's like, they already know, so you
need to get out of class. I'm like, okay, cool.
So we left class. I went bodied her car, then
passed by my hostel. She told me, don't even pack
anything just essential like my small small to lotions and
all that, just essential things. And we're going. I'm like,
(18:50):
where are we going?
Speaker 1 (18:52):
Anyways?
Speaker 2 (18:53):
And let us be known that this is October, so
we're nearing the end of the semester. The end of
semeister is usually around December, so probably you'll be doing
a exams in a month's time, so you're covering all
the courses and all that. And we got into the
car packed my essentials, cussing. The car drove by a
new more. She asked me to order food. I'm like, okay,
(19:13):
I ordered some KFC and we drove back to her
place and I got to have placed. There are women
the Women's Guild in a Christian domination. They are usually
women who were I don't know how to say it
that there's Women's Guild c w WAY for the Catholic
Church and all that, So there are women. There are
(19:35):
women's skilled women who had tied their They have these
scarves they usually tie on the hair and they usually
tie those. Now that my mum is part of the
c w A, I see her tying the particular itembers
of scarves when there's a function. Things like those. They
don't just wake up one day and decide to tie it. No,
it's something that they do it. They owner whatever thing
(19:58):
that they have going on. When I entered the house,
and they're like, at that time, if there are fifty women,
because my eyes already I was just like, what's happening. Anyways,
I entered the house, I found my brother my brother
was already there. And when I was in first year,
my brother was I think he was a yeah ahead
of me. And now they start talking to us at
(20:22):
you know, when God gives he takes. I'm like, what
are you guys say? What do you mean? What do
you mean when God gives he takes? Like it doesn't
make sense. On a random Thursday, telling me God gives
them he takes, it doesn't make sense at all. And
they said God gives them he takes. No, no, no, no, no,
and just a lot. I couldn't hear anything. You know,
(20:42):
the way when you're being told bad news, sorry, bad news,
you just your mind is very far. The only thing
you can hear is echoes and ecause and that's what
I felt. And then the last thing they said, oh,
they said, oh, your dad went to be with the Lord.
I'm like, ah, oh, you're not making sense my dad,
my dad is alive. What do you mean that he's
(21:03):
going to be the Lord. And I knew that that
season my dad wasn't feeling well. So the last time
I checked in, which is on a Saturday, and that Saturday,
I was meant to go home because I used to
go home every weekend I didn't go home. My heart
just said, you're not going home. And remember I was
dipping worldly things. I was deeping at alcoholism and also
(21:23):
probably maybe I was even hangover. I can't actually remember.
Everything is a black but I told myself, I'm not
going home. So yeah, it was a mandy. Yeah, it
was a manday with my dad passed and they said, oh,
you know he's going to be the Lord. I told him,
what do you mean, actually he is no longer. I
am like, what you mean, explained, like explained to me.
(21:43):
Then there's a woman who now said the whole thing.
And I remember I cried, and I kind I was
just there with my brother. I was screaming and screaming,
and as though as someone who's always suppressing her emotions,
that's the first time I knew, oh, you are an
(22:05):
emotional person, just that circumstances around you are not allowing
you to be emotional because maybe you have to be
on the move, or you have to be strong, you
have to be thising this. And I'm my firstborn daughter
in an African home, so yeah, and it felt weird,
and this felt as if it was a prank, like
even after crying, I was just like, ah, yes, I've
cried and all that, but then now I know I'm
(22:27):
going to see my dad. Then after that the grieving
period and I went back to school, and I went
back to school at the moment we were doing our exams,
because remember it's the final semester of my first year,
and I remember I couldn't even read. I couldn't do anything.
So as someone who's maybe accustomed to performing, like performance,
(22:49):
you have to do your best. I was just reading
in my bed, and I even have the vision. I
used to take my phone and read notes before the exams.
Assuming the exams starts it's nine, I'll read maybe from
it and prep quickly and just go to the example
and just do my best. And I've learned that you
can read on your phone. You know, grief is bad,
(23:10):
but there's a glimmering hope. I'm like, Okay, you can
read on your phone, or you can read thirty minutes
before you examst but kids, don't try that, Please don't
try that. Anyways, that was fast year, and I didn't
get through the grief, which now comes into play later on.
So first year, second year, third year, fourth year, finished campus,
still using drugs but not intense drugs, just alcohol. I
(23:33):
used to drink a lot, a lot, a lot, and
my performer started getting better in third year. By the way,
I imagine after two years, after two years in low
school now and I realized, oops, you have to look in.
I'm like, oh, we're here getting better. And the reason
as to why it got better, let it be known,
(23:53):
apart from God's grace. Imagine it's the community. It's the community,
because it got to a point to her by now
do you see these friendships that you had in first year,
some of them have solely deified into a thing. And
we used to read together, we used to go to
the library together. Like it became a communal thing that
we have to look in. We have to do this.
And people, most of the people nowadays, they often say
(24:16):
that community doesn't have impact. But no, I ten toes
down believing that there's boun community and you can't actually
see it, and that's you're part of it. If you're
outside the community aspects, probably you'll say, ah, onally, what
this people is just a lot and doing nonsensical things.
But when you're in it, you actually know the impact
(24:37):
of it. And that's what got me through thirty and
fourth year, and around fourth year is when I met
some of my best friends who were friends with till
now like this, and we studied together. And now it
got to graduation year. So our graduation year was twenty nineteen.
(24:57):
Question would be can you graduate with F on your transcript?
Speaker 1 (25:00):
You can?
Speaker 2 (25:01):
So remember I had like a backlog of f's in
some of the units I had failed in my first
and second year. So they came here and I was
just here standing looking at the graduation and looking at
my transcript. I was like, hey, no way, you're making it.
You can't make it to graduation. And I got into
depression again. And this is the first time I actually realized, oh, Gen,
you've messed up. And shout out to my mom because
(25:24):
now my mom is a single mom raising three kids.
And she told me, for the unit you failed, you
have to ensure that if you've missed this graduation and
show better the next graduation is here, you have you
put your house in order, but not in a strictly
because even he she look at my transcript, all the
units I had failed were probably from my first year
(25:44):
second there, especially the semester which I lost my dad.
I had failed. I think close to three units. Yes,
so I locked in twenty nineteen and we just continued
studying and mist, we're not missing another graduation. And I
remember my dear friend Jennifer at the beginning of Change
(26:04):
twenty the COVID yare. She told me, Jumbie, we're not
missing graduation. And I was just like, oh, I was
a instant about it. She's like, no, out of all
the units to you've done, you probably have like two.
I also have like two that we need to put
a house in orders real quick. And we did the
exams online and graduated into twenty and we graduated online
(26:25):
and I had one a vest and a lesso because
it was online, it was on TV. So I graduated.
I even have the videos of my food. I have
been a lesso and a vest and bandana and abandona
on my head. And yeah, my mum was so happy.
At least something frutal had come out of all this
mess and the depression. I started now getting hold of
(26:49):
this depression because I never knew it was depressed. By
the way, for the people who are going through mental
health issues, first and foremost, if you've gotten to the
point of acknowledging you're not okay. You want step ahead
of healing because if you don't know whatever's happening with
you can't know how should I deablet it? But if
you know, but then I'm falling into depression. Eventually, I
(27:10):
know you're going to be okay. It will take time,
but the fact that you're acknowledging it, you're going to
be okay. So I finished campus. That was my UNI
life briefly, and I fell in love. I don't like
sharing my love stories, but I did fall in love
with UNI and guys, love love, love, love love. And
(27:39):
it was good when it lasted because then this was
like my first proper relationship. Yeah, this is like a
solid one and a solid relationship. And I was over
the more I was in love me and Cinderella. And
uh now, now let me take you through change. So
(28:00):
from till now, I feel as if I've been working
every day and nights just try and be this version
of myself. Like I usually rebrand after every twenty four hours.
I usually rebrand after every twenty four hours. And now
we're clocking pick adulting. Because when COVID heat. First of all,
when COVID heat heat, all that they all continuity was
(28:22):
a blood for everyone. So if you don't do anything
to intertat, you don't count it, don't counters not as
the loss or whatever, because it was actually confusing. How
do you do things online in a fast pace? Whild
probably not used to the internet, How do you study online?
How do you work online? How do you mike sales?
Maybe selling your clothes or jewelry? And then you see,
it was just an unfamiliar ground. And I think everyone
(28:43):
should give themselves grace for that year because we can't
count it as a year. But most for grew, most grew.
Most people grew so much. Most people like started things,
and yeah, power to them. So now the next episode
of my life was my life is just cool again.
So now you want to your lawyer. If you want
to become an advocate of the hair Cech of Kenya,
(29:04):
you have to pass through Kenya School of Law. And
if you don't want it's okay. You can have your
LLB degree and just continue pursuing life. But then for me,
it wasn't an option. It was jump one. Done with LLB.
You have to now become an advocate. And I remember
again my mom asked me, now this is arounty one.
(29:26):
She asked me the beginning of the year, Aha, we
are we registering for the new intake, the sales intake
for ken You School of Law. I told her, no,
I want to pursue me be a coursing modeling and
what I just want to become a model. And she
loved again she's only jumping. We've been here before. If
you want to become a model, nothing stopping you. But
still you have to go to the Kenya School of Law.
(29:48):
I remember told her, no, I can still do it
without like going to the school of law. What just
things that didn't make sense by them? And so my
mom her hands were tired, and she called her friend
and she came over to our place, and the friends
that said, let me tell you. She didn't even condemn me.
She told me, now you want to become a model,
(30:09):
give me a plan. Tell me tell me the schools
that are doing modeling. Tell me how we can support
the stream of yours. And I remember didn't have anything.
I didn't have anything to use the blank canvas. And
she told me, since you have a blank canvase, how
about you paint this thing that we're toldling you about.
If it's not okay. You can always rab it off
if it doesn't work out for you, if you end
up becoming an advocate of the Heir Coach of Kenya,
(30:30):
and then you see, as if this is not making
sense for you, you can always like put that aside and
do another thing that you want your life to be.
And that wasn't the King School of Law. There wasn't
the school of law in love, in love and in
the school of law. And we started online again because
now it was post covied and the systems hadn't been
(30:52):
putting place yet of going like to physical places. And
let me tell you, guys, imagine god see would be
so you got to the Kinescalul. Remember I had a
drinking problem, but I never knew to the problem. For me,
it was just vibes. Can we buy a quarter? Yes,
if you have kidogo money, let's just changa changa here
(31:15):
and there contributes to two hundred one handred. There you
have a bottle of casey, you can or whatever. You're
just drinking. And I never saw as if it was
a problem because most of us don't realize that drinking
is actually a problem. It's okay for you to drink
nothing against that, but the moment that it gets overpoot
(31:35):
and you can't control it. If you can't control it,
well and good, but if you can't, just do your
far or from whatever thing that's happening. So got to
the Knes Scholar of Law, and now I started now
looking for jobs here and there. But the previously a
covid Ya did get a job in some auctioneering firm.
It wasn't the best job ever brought you to something,
(31:59):
and I quit. I quit. I was just like, no, no,
until it's a long Luthully avenue. I was just like,
it doesn't make sense for me to be here. It
wasn't like aligning to whatever fun life you remember, life
was fun and good citizen's aligning to that. I'm like a,
let me just quit. So when I got to the
school of law, I wasn't employed. Actually, I was just
(32:22):
navigating life. And then I got a I got a job,
but not a job really. I got a hosting gig,
hosting clubs. And what do I mean by hosting clubs?
You get paid by the club to do like promotional things.
Then on the day that you're supposed to go to
the club, you go to the club, you get a
bottle of alcohol for free, maybe food for free. It
(32:43):
comes as a package. I don't know how it happens nowadays,
of which it's still a job. Nothing against whoever who
is doing it. But that's what I used to do. Yes,
you were getting paid and it was good money. By
then it was good money because if I'm getting paid
to go to the club and it's a life that
I'm used to sert a deal, it is a deal
if you can't give him maybe of for example, ten
(33:04):
thousand shillings. And yet I do love going to the club.
I do love drinking. The only thing that I'm doing
is dressing up and looking cute. That's an ideal life.
So I was navigating that and navigating school. So Casel
went by real quick. Funny thing is you probably think
so can a school of laurade that takes a bit long,
(33:25):
But it doesn't. One year you're done. The next year
you're doing your exams. It's actually something. If you sit
through it, you're going to make it eventually. Just wait
for it to take its cost, because you don't need
to rush it because it's already rushing. One minute you're
doing your admission, the next minute you're doing your oral examinations.
The next minute you're doing your project talk. The next
minute you're sitting for the exams. So it got to
(33:46):
the exam period and I had been reading but not reading. Well,
you could be reading, you could be paid rousing, but
you actually are not getting whatever you're payer rousing.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
So it got to the.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
Exam period and my then friend, no, my best friend
now my best friend and I weren't in talking terms
I love you, I love you with a girl. What
we're into talking terms right then? So what brought us
together is the exams because all of us are usually
we are usually looking for like sturdy teams and like,
(34:18):
you know example, the way it is. But this is
very intense because this is like do or die. It's
not like you have you can you can have a
chance to reatake and all that, but the intensity of
this exam doesn't allow you to fumble, of which I
had been fumbling throughout the year. But then when I'm
an through the exams is when I'm realizing, oh, I
need to look in anyways, mambo. So we got into
(34:39):
a particular team, and this team compounded my best friend Jennifer,
my friend chill. My friend just sent her my friend Vlin,
which was just like a team of six cals. But
the core, I think the core root of that group
were six of us, which wich of us had maybe
(35:01):
different study partners, but we used to study together. So
we went and saw asylum in my friend's hostel, which
is like a three by six square room, and that's
where we camped during the exam period. We camped. We
weren't leaving, we weren't living, Okay, we used to leave
maybe during the weekend, go home, take a shower, just
replenish your energy, then't come back to my friend's hostel,
(35:24):
which is just nearby school. So all of us in
a three by six room on a three by six bed.
Don't ask me how it worked because anyway, so we
got through the exam period, and the exam period is
actually so hectic. We were eating like one melli per day.
Even when you're eating, you're not enjoying that meal.
Speaker 1 (35:43):
We were.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
We weren't sleeping. We used to sleep in terms in terms,
because we remember in terms. Remember the bed is a
three by six mead. So if there's a shift that's
sleeping maybe from one to three, you have to wake
up so that the people who are reading, maybe from
twelve to one, they have to sleep, and if it's showering,
you have to search. We pray, but from three so
(36:05):
you can't get done showing married that can be in
the exam room by nine. And I wish I've locked
the whole thing, but it was too intense for me
to even like talk about it or just do anything
about it. And we got through the exam period. And
I think sometimes the lowest point of your life brings
you the best people, the best people, because who would
(36:26):
have known that we'd have been friends out of just
a mere exams. Like maybe the purpose of God was
you people have to read together another, maybe to form
this sisterhood that you have right now. And we finished
the exams and I was like, okay, I'm done. Trust me.
I didn't know I'm going to I was going to pass.
I didn't even the passing wasn't even my own, my
(36:46):
Bengal card. I was just like, okay, it's over and
then let me just cruise through life. And then this
partner was very supportive. This then boyfriend was very supportive
because he played a huge role. And yet again I
feel as if the thing that I'm saying. Sometimes even
the downfall of things brings you such good people, because
(37:07):
at that point you need support. And even though your
parents are supporting you, they can't understand. They're just like,
I'm praying for you, my daughter, I'm praying for you,
my son. But they don't understand the intensity of the exams.
And I don't know whether even as as lawyers, we've
been told that this thing is so hard, such that
even when you're walking through it, you feel as if
(37:28):
it's hard, even if it isn't. Even if maybe you're
supposed to read one or two hours, you feel as
if that's not enough. I need to read four to
five hours for me to be able to get that pass,
of which now me are evenually young lawyers who are
hoping to get admitted to the bar or are doing
the exams. Take it easy on yourself. You're not going
to die because of these exams. Do your best and
(37:49):
just live it as this. Don't kill yourself. If you
want to sleep, me before eight hours. Sleep for eight hours.
If you feel as if you can function well in
a group's dynamic, then do that. You feel as if
you're a solo reader, do that you feel as if
start just don't do whatever other people do, because even
for us, whatever we did, it saved us, yes, as
(38:10):
a group, but maybe that wasn't the dynamic for ever.
And maybe that someone wanted to be a solo reader.
The someone maybe who thrives maybe in group work. But
you can't know, because this thing has been structured in
such a way that it's do or die, of which
it's not. It's not. You just do your best, attend
your classes, read, do your best, but don't kill yourself. Please.
(38:31):
They ain't gonna be any other person much from you
in this world, so if you go, what does it
count for? Finished my exams and I didn't pass all
of them at a goal. Granted I wasn't. I wasn't
hoping to pass by the way. I was just like, ah, okay,
the results came out some time in July, in July
(38:51):
twenty twenty two, or yeah, I need changed to because
okay twenty two. And I remember I had been packing
forward to to the coast, I had backed everything the
night before. And then what they used to do they
used to send a message on what's up, So you
just check what's up on a random Monday or aroundom Sunday.
(39:13):
You're just like, I'll let me go through my phone
and then you come up. You come across this PDF
document that read one results, and then your whole life
is ruined immediately. So I was like, let me, let me,
let me check what's up. Let me just check what's up?
And I checked. I'm like, would your results? I closed
my phone. I called my best friend, Hey, girl, have
(39:34):
you seen She's like, yeah, have you opened? I'm like no.
Then I asked her you have you opened?
Speaker 1 (39:39):
She's like no.
Speaker 2 (39:40):
They're like, okay, let's take it this and just open it.
Just you just do your thing. Then we open the
results in the.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
Catch more African stories in the next episode of Legally Cues.
That is just part one of Gashambi's story. And honestly,
I'm sitting with so much, but these two things that
really stayed with me. Number one is when she talks
about the power of community, when she says that community
is the reason I made it through third and fourth year.
Who I felt that, you know, and I felt it
(40:12):
because it is a reminder that healing and progress don't
happen in isolation. Sometimes the people around us save us.
Without even knowing it. However, I think we have been
socialized to really limit what we view community as. Community
is more expansive than we've been socialized to see it as.
And I welcome you to lean in in your own
(40:34):
lives and be open to receiving community, even if it
doesn't look like what your friend group is meant to
look like. It could look at like someone older than you,
someone younger than you, someone who's not family, somebody who's
from a different race, a different cultural background, someone who
is from a lower economic background than you. Know what
(40:55):
I mean, Communities all around us tap into it. The
other thing that I really resonated with in Part one
is just how grief can move into your life quietly
and just redesign reshape everything. But if you've not acknowledged it,
it can do all of this madness and still go
(41:17):
unacknowledged for years. Right, Like, so she didn't even realize
she was depressed. She was just pushing, surviving, performing and
coping and so many people. I feel like, if you've
experienced grief, you know exactly what she was talking about.
Speaker 2 (41:31):
Right.
Speaker 1 (41:32):
So Part two is gonna be out next week. It
dies even deeper into that transformation and you'll hear how
all these early experiences shape the woman that she's becoming today.
So make sure you're here next year. But next year,
you're here next week, But why you wait for part two?
Remember they so much happening across our network, So make
(41:54):
sure you subscribe to her YouTube so you don't miss
out on for Manneralist Women. Season three is live and
going out every Thursday on our YouTube channel. If you
need grounding conversations every week, the midweek Tea's is there
for you. Sign up for our newsletters so you get
deeper reflections, community conversations, and any behind the scenes updates
(42:15):
around our events here. The links for all of that
are in the show notes. But thank you so much
for listening to the very end and for holding the
story with so much care. Thank you for being part
of this community, and as always, I know you have
every single thing it takes to heal. That's it for
this episode of Legally Clueless. You can share this podcast
(42:36):
with your friends, you can keep it for yourself. I'm
not judging. Just make sure you're here next week for
the next episode.
My name is Adela on Jangle and welcome to another
episode of Legally Clueless. No, seriously, i have no clue
what I'm doing, but I'm pretty sure I'm not the
only one. Hey, you welcome to this episode of Legally Clueless,
and we're going to jump into the story pretty quick.
But before we do, welcome. If this is your first
(00:21):
time listening to the pod, welcome to the family. This
particular show goes out every single Monday, but we've got
quite a few shows here, so we have this on Mondays.
On Wednesdays we have the midwik Te's where I share
on topics that I feel are helpful for you on
your healing journey, and then you also get the newsletter
on Wednesdays. On Thursdays, we have four manneralists women on
(00:44):
our YouTube channel and also right here on our audio channels,
and then on Fridays we.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Have Aska Therapist.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
So make sure you subscribe to our channel wherever you
are listening to this on so that you don't miss
any of our episodes. Subscribe to our new set on
our website, enjoying our TikTok, and our Instagram. All of
those things are in the show notes. I have one question.
(01:14):
I have one question. I feel led to share it
on here, but I'll give some context so you know
how if you're an OG member, which you know, I
love you for being here since episode one, you know,
this has been a very safe platform and show for me.
I have opened up about very, very many things just
(01:35):
because you have helped create that safety for me, and
so thank you. I want to add a bit of
playfulness because I am recording this as I rush to
go on a date, okay, and I have not been
(01:56):
carrying you along my you know, relationship dating side of things,
because I wanted to appreciate them for myself, right, And
I have enjoyed. I've been enjoying. I'm still enjoying, and
I'm really understanding and unpacking a lot more on what intimacy, love, partnership,
(02:23):
relationships look like, sex, sensuality, all of the above. I've
been unpacking what that looks like for unempowered woman, right
and unpacking it has meant reading stuff, has meant talking
to people. I recently, just this past week, had an
(02:44):
ancestral healing session with an ancestral healer from Lisutu, which
was incredible. Yeah, it's mean so many expansive things, and
I was just wondering, would you appreciate me writing about
these experiences and the things that I'm learning would is
that something you would be interested in? Okay? And not
(03:08):
from a gossipy oh I'm going on a date thing?
I think I am. I'm learning so much that can
liberate women when it comes to loving themselves, understanding their bodies,
and loving another person regardless of what your sexual preferences are.
(03:32):
So is this am I onto something here? I'm thinking
about writing about them in a wholesome way, maybe gathering
writing them in the form of a series, and putting
them in a place where only if you think this
is truly something you desire or want to know more about,
(03:56):
then you can subscribe to it. But first, I just
wanted to check back in with the place that I
find to be my safe place, which is here. Would
you dig that because I have so much to share.
I have so much to share and so much to share.
(04:16):
I've been up to no good and all good and
and expansive experiences. So let me know. All you have
to do is wherever you're listening to this on, drop
a comment and let me know if that's something you
would be willing to read about because I feel like
the format for that has got to be written. But yeah,
you let me know, let me know, drop me a comment.
(04:38):
Sa done. Let's move into our story in today's episode, okay,
and you will meet Gashambi, who is an advocate of
the High Court of Kenya. She's a humanitarian, lawyer, an activist,
a digital creator and so much more. You know, and
when you listen to her, you can tell that she's
(05:00):
full of so many powerful layers and she's going to
take us through her childhood where she believed.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
She was unstoppable.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
She's going to take us through post election violence in
Kenya that uprooted her world, bullying, and her journey then
moves us into university life. So think freedom, think drinking
and just doing wrong things that are still right for
you because I think they expand you. And there's a
lot more like grief that's going to come up in
her story. And so this is only part one. Part
(05:31):
two will be out next week. But this part is raw,
it's it's it's reflective, and it shows the way life
can shape you long before you fully understand what's happening.
And I truly hope you enjoy it. Here you go.
A hundred African stories are legally clueless stories from Africa.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
My name is Jambaksha. I am an advocate of the
Hairdcket of Kenya, a humanitarian lawyer, an activist body and
I am also a digital creator slash, a digital market
ac content creator in the niche wellness and lifestyle. I
am born again. Let be knowing that I'm born again.
(06:12):
I was born in the leafy suburbs or not really,
in an area called Laki Summer, in a family of five,
my mother, my father, and two of my siblings, a
smaller sister and an elder brother. I went to school
somewhere along Lucky Summer all the way till around class five.
(06:32):
Last five year. Then during the post election violence, since
it affected the area which had been born, I had
to sweet schools. And that was the downfall of really
this thing that I thought that I was good at
because now, growing up I was a very smart kid.
But then you know, when you're growing up and you're
a smart kid, when you transition into a school where
the other smart kids. If you were number one in
(06:54):
your school in Kahungurro, then you have to be probably
around number fifteen or something of the sort. But yeah,
the three years, the last three years of my premiary
education were a bit black even in terms of performance.
I didn't do well at all, which having supportive parents
came through at this very time because even if I
got the mark that I got, which I want to mention, well, really,
(07:16):
they still encouraged me to just continue pursuing whatever thing
I was pursuing. So that was it for my primary education.
And I didn't do well. And it's important to know
that I didn't do well because this comes into play
later on in my story. Okay, then now I moved
to high school somewhere along Jusia. It was my first
budding experience. I had never been to boarding school. I
(07:38):
had never been away from my parents even for a
single day, and this was a little bit weird for
me knowing that I was tiny. I still am tiny
for my age, but I was very, very tidy and
I had to go to boarding school. It was I
think the make or break part of me. I did
now remember who I was before now the book selection
(08:00):
Violence school Transfer that I had mentioned, and I just
put in effort in my education and I thrive to
be the very best. Of course, now acknowledging the fact
that I'm not becoming an adolescent girl, and you know
the way you're transitioning from like a baby, and now
all of a sudden you're seeing these changes on your body,
You're seeing these changes in your mindset even though you're
(08:22):
still young. There are things that maybe you would have
done when you were in primary school, but now that
thing high school, you're like, no, I need to fold
my clothes. I need to sleep on time in order
to wake up on time. I need to respect the teachers.
I need to respect my classmates. I need to do well.
And I don't know whether the constant need to do
well comes into like it draws into whatever woman have
(08:44):
become right now, because this constant urge to do well,
even if you're at the very level best, you just
want to keep on doing well. And sometimes whatever you're
doing is enough. You don't just you don't need to
add those extra things that you're adding. Whatever you're giving
is enough. But yet again, now in my well dance life,
I'll get to explain how that impacted me. So high
school was okay. High school was fun. I learned independence,
(09:06):
I learned a lot of things things that I never
knew back in Remar school are like, oh, so you
can wake up on time, so you can study and
do well. Things that didn't matter before I started seeing
them as if these things ought to matter very very much.
And then there's a part of high school also which
is very sad. I did get bullied. I did get
bullied some sometime around Inform one and Inform two, And
(09:31):
I remember Inform two there's this bath day tradition that
people were called Aguilio Margie, that people used to get
bored water oil, and I remember we had a section
of grass around the administration block, and I remember just
being in that section of the grass and people were
hitting me and people were piring water on me, and
(09:54):
I was crying so much, and I was crying so much,
and as that I'm thinking about it, I've never told
this story out loud. And getting pinched on my thighs,
which were very small, by the way, it was actually
so so sad. And I remember I cried so much,
and I cried so much, and my then best friend,
she's the one who pulled me out of that. I'd
call it out of that commotion this happened, and she
(10:16):
pulled me out of it. And now that I'm thinking
about it, when you entered that school, the question was
when was your birthday? You know, you're always talking about
your birthday in a good way that, oh, my birthday
is on the first of December or whatever. Now I
was actually regretting telling my birthday. And best believe, I
never saw anyone getting hit on their birthday. I never
(10:37):
saw anyone getting hit or pinch The water party is
okay because even growing up, when you people had a birthday,
you just pour them. You pour it on them. Rather,
it was just like water is fun. Water doesn't have
any physical impact on you because you will change it,
will take a shower. But then the physical part of it,
it was just so scary and I dreaded physical abuse
from them. So this is inform two and I was
(10:58):
like fifteen. Anyways, a past from that. That's the only
dramatic thing that I had from high school. All other
things are beautiful. The teachers liked me to the point
of sometimes I used to get chance a chance in
teaching other people, especially so Hilly, because I was so
good in sa Heley. Not a brag after that. High
school was nice. I did do well, and I did
(11:18):
my level best and my parents are so happy, and
that was it for high school. That's the only the
only bad thing is whatever happened. But even the thing
was nice. I met, I met good friends, some of
them I lost along the way, but some of them
are still in touch and we do love each other
so dearly, and we've seen each other grown into different
women and just navigating life as adults. So that as
(11:38):
high school for me, By the way, I think the
biggest part of my story is in reflection to education,
meaning I've been in school all my life. I've just
been in school. I've just been in school, which is
not actually bad. I'm an avid believer of like getting
education if you can. If you're not in a capability
do that's okay. But if you have the support through
maybe scholarships and all that, just get that education and
(12:00):
just have it with you. So that was high school
did well. And now transitioning rather into university. University was
not any child's pleae because what was that? So university
as usual we'll go back to when we're like five
years and six years, the question is usually from a parent,
(12:22):
what do you want to be? And for me, I
woul known I want to become a lawyer. I didn't
know what it meant. I didn't know. I didn't know
anything about lure. Because of course, as a child you
always dream of becoming maybe a doctor, an engineer, pilot,
and all those beautiful things. But most of the times
I think we just say it, but we don't know
the actualization of it. So when I finished high school,
(12:43):
I had a sit down with my parents and they
asked me, jombe, what do you want to do? And
I told them I want to become a model. I
told them, Mom, dad, I want to become a model.
They left, my dad left. Let us be known that
this was the last encounter having with my dad in
terms of education. I think that's the best thing he
(13:04):
did before he passed away, telling me to go to
law school because he passed the following year and get
to that. So I got into university. And let me
tell you, my mom, Mom, I love you so much.
But I was taken to a particular affair. I can't
even remember the location. My mom and my uncle and
my other cousin who finished university. In the university they
(13:27):
wanted me to go to. They had all the admission letters.
They had the hostel application with forms and I was
just signing, so I'm going to this university. They're like, yeah, yes,
go to this university. I'm like, okay, So will I
be going from home? Coming from home? My dad? My
dad had told my mom no, she has to live
in the hostels because of proximity to home and mind
(13:49):
waiting Airobi. If they wanted to, if they wanted me
to commute every day, they would have. But I think
my dad saw a vision in me that I till know.
I think he just knew if this stays here at home,
she won't be impactful one day.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
So she has to go.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
She has to go in order for her to learn
me be pain. She has to go, in order for
her to learn independence. She has to go in her
to land, structure and all that. And let it be known.
Then those are the things that I stand for. I
stand for structure, I stand for policies. I'm not gray
in many things. I lack. I love, so I love
to take a stand. It said I yes or no,
of which I don't know that's a bad thing. But anyways,
(14:26):
so me a seventeen year old in some university in
Nairobi and I started life. So you university, everything was
a blood till it wasn't. Because that's the first time
I knew independence. That's the first time I realized, oh
I'm alone. That's the first time I learned a lot
(14:46):
of things which I wasn't meant to learn at that age. Yes,
so university, first year, second year. But let me tell
you about first year. That's when I drank alcohol for
the first time. I had never seen in alcohol. Okay,
I saw alcohol when I was a child, but my
parents were not avery drinkers. Even my mom is not
a drinker. My dad was before before growing a bit old.
(15:10):
So I never saw alcohol. I never saw drugs. I
never saw men. I never saw a lot of things.
Even the men that usually talk about my mon is
in university, I'm like the only man that I knew
over the ones in my family. So I never encountered something.
So this was the first on experience. And you know
the thrill of like buying a new watch, or like
(15:31):
getting a new fregrance or even buying a new car
or even a new job. You're super excited for it.
You will show up, you will show up. So that
was the thrill that I had, and all these things
just came down on me. I started drinking, I started
going to the clubs, which I had never been to
a club before. I started eving. I don't know, it
(15:52):
was just like everything that you think can be done
in campus, that's what I did. And now it started
like showing my result. And the funny thing is I
wasn't even minding the greatest I got. I was just like,
I took as long as I've passed that you need,
I can move on to the next semester. I can
only retake. I can only repeat that you need. And
(16:14):
funny thing I did at some point in my life
I did forget that I wanted to be a lawyer,
and I was just cruising through campus. So semester one,
it goes a few retakes there, I'm like, okay, I'll
push them to next semester. Semester two, my dad died.
So my dad died in the October, the nineteenth of
October twenty fifteen. So even the legal space that I
(16:38):
am in right now, my dad and my dad didn't
get to experience that. And I think if he didn't
take me to law school, or if he wasn't for
this particular law school that he said you have to
do law. I don't think they would have There would
have been a better outcome for Jumbi, because I feel
as if God knew. God knew you have to tell
your daughter to do this course and she has to
(17:01):
be away from home and she has to be all
this because if you don't do this, you're going maybe
to pass away in a few months and your daughter
maybe will fall into depression and whatever, which I did,
but it was in a very certain way. So the
second semester, I remember I got a call. Normally when
you're in class. I don't know whether all universities have
(17:23):
that law or rule where, but you don't use your phone.
Maybe some do, but during our days you just put
your phone, maybe in your bag, so I could hear
the vibration in my phone repetitively. It was just repetitive
and repetitive, repetitive, And I was wondering, I woes that
was calling me? And I think it was a Thursday
or a Tuesday. Can't remember. So a class representative told me, Jambi,
(17:45):
I don't know how or you know, yes, I remembered,
when you're signing up for school. You give the administration
or whatever your emergency contacts. And I think I don't
know how they got the number of our class representative,
but our class representative told me, jumpie, check your phone.
So my aunt had called me around six times. I'm like, hello,
(18:08):
I'm in the class. She's like, you need to come
out of class, and I told now, am I coming
out of class? I was just like, being hard headed
is bad because when end okay, You're like no, I
need to know why. So she told me just get
out of class and I asked her why. She's like,
you need to get out of class. I'm like, what
(18:28):
about the lecture. She's like, they already know, so you
need to get out of class. I'm like, okay, cool.
So we left class. I went bodied her car, then
passed by my hostel. She told me, don't even pack
anything just essential like my small small to lotions and
all that, just essential things. And we're going. I'm like,
(18:50):
where are we going?
Speaker 1 (18:52):
Anyways?
Speaker 2 (18:53):
And let us be known that this is October, so
we're nearing the end of the semester. The end of
semeister is usually around December, so probably you'll be doing
a exams in a month's time, so you're covering all
the courses and all that. And we got into the
car packed my essentials, cussing. The car drove by a
new more. She asked me to order food. I'm like, okay,
(19:13):
I ordered some KFC and we drove back to her
place and I got to have placed. There are women
the Women's Guild in a Christian domination. They are usually
women who were I don't know how to say it
that there's Women's Guild c w WAY for the Catholic
Church and all that, So there are women. There are
(19:35):
women's skilled women who had tied their They have these
scarves they usually tie on the hair and they usually
tie those. Now that my mum is part of the
c w A, I see her tying the particular itembers
of scarves when there's a function. Things like those. They
don't just wake up one day and decide to tie it. No,
it's something that they do it. They owner whatever thing
(19:58):
that they have going on. When I entered the house,
and they're like, at that time, if there are fifty women,
because my eyes already I was just like, what's happening. Anyways,
I entered the house, I found my brother my brother
was already there. And when I was in first year,
my brother was I think he was a yeah ahead
of me. And now they start talking to us at
(20:22):
you know, when God gives he takes. I'm like, what
are you guys say? What do you mean? What do
you mean when God gives he takes? Like it doesn't
make sense. On a random Thursday, telling me God gives
them he takes, it doesn't make sense at all. And
they said God gives them he takes. No, no, no, no, no,
and just a lot. I couldn't hear anything. You know,
(20:42):
the way when you're being told bad news, sorry, bad news,
you just your mind is very far. The only thing
you can hear is echoes and ecause and that's what
I felt. And then the last thing they said, oh,
they said, oh, your dad went to be with the Lord.
I'm like, ah, oh, you're not making sense my dad,
my dad is alive. What do you mean that he's
(21:03):
going to be the Lord. And I knew that that
season my dad wasn't feeling well. So the last time
I checked in, which is on a Saturday, and that Saturday,
I was meant to go home because I used to
go home every weekend I didn't go home. My heart
just said, you're not going home. And remember I was
dipping worldly things. I was deeping at alcoholism and also
(21:23):
probably maybe I was even hangover. I can't actually remember.
Everything is a black but I told myself, I'm not
going home. So yeah, it was a mandy. Yeah, it
was a manday with my dad passed and they said, oh,
you know he's going to be the Lord. I told him,
what do you mean, actually he is no longer. I
am like, what you mean, explained, like explained to me.
(21:43):
Then there's a woman who now said the whole thing.
And I remember I cried, and I kind I was
just there with my brother. I was screaming and screaming,
and as though as someone who's always suppressing her emotions,
that's the first time I knew, oh, you are an
(22:05):
emotional person, just that circumstances around you are not allowing
you to be emotional because maybe you have to be
on the move, or you have to be strong, you
have to be thising this. And I'm my firstborn daughter
in an African home, so yeah, and it felt weird,
and this felt as if it was a prank, like
even after crying, I was just like, ah, yes, I've
cried and all that, but then now I know I'm
(22:27):
going to see my dad. Then after that the grieving
period and I went back to school, and I went
back to school at the moment we were doing our exams,
because remember it's the final semester of my first year,
and I remember I couldn't even read. I couldn't do anything.
So as someone who's maybe accustomed to performing, like performance,
(22:49):
you have to do your best. I was just reading
in my bed, and I even have the vision. I
used to take my phone and read notes before the exams.
Assuming the exams starts it's nine, I'll read maybe from
it and prep quickly and just go to the example
and just do my best. And I've learned that you
can read on your phone. You know, grief is bad,
(23:10):
but there's a glimmering hope. I'm like, Okay, you can
read on your phone, or you can read thirty minutes
before you examst but kids, don't try that, Please don't
try that. Anyways, that was fast year, and I didn't
get through the grief, which now comes into play later on.
So first year, second year, third year, fourth year, finished campus,
still using drugs but not intense drugs, just alcohol. I
(23:33):
used to drink a lot, a lot, a lot, and
my performer started getting better in third year. By the way,
I imagine after two years, after two years in low
school now and I realized, oops, you have to look in.
I'm like, oh, we're here getting better. And the reason
as to why it got better, let it be known,
(23:53):
apart from God's grace. Imagine it's the community. It's the community,
because it got to a point to her by now
do you see these friendships that you had in first year,
some of them have solely deified into a thing. And
we used to read together, we used to go to
the library together. Like it became a communal thing that
we have to look in. We have to do this.
And people, most of the people nowadays, they often say
(24:16):
that community doesn't have impact. But no, I ten toes
down believing that there's boun community and you can't actually
see it, and that's you're part of it. If you're
outside the community aspects, probably you'll say, ah, onally, what
this people is just a lot and doing nonsensical things.
But when you're in it, you actually know the impact
(24:37):
of it. And that's what got me through thirty and
fourth year, and around fourth year is when I met
some of my best friends who were friends with till
now like this, and we studied together. And now it
got to graduation year. So our graduation year was twenty nineteen.
(24:57):
Question would be can you graduate with F on your transcript?
Speaker 1 (25:00):
You can?
Speaker 2 (25:01):
So remember I had like a backlog of f's in
some of the units I had failed in my first
and second year. So they came here and I was
just here standing looking at the graduation and looking at
my transcript. I was like, hey, no way, you're making it.
You can't make it to graduation. And I got into
depression again. And this is the first time I actually realized, oh, Gen,
you've messed up. And shout out to my mom because
(25:24):
now my mom is a single mom raising three kids.
And she told me, for the unit you failed, you
have to ensure that if you've missed this graduation and
show better the next graduation is here, you have you
put your house in order, but not in a strictly
because even he she look at my transcript, all the
units I had failed were probably from my first year
(25:44):
second there, especially the semester which I lost my dad.
I had failed. I think close to three units. Yes,
so I locked in twenty nineteen and we just continued
studying and mist, we're not missing another graduation. And I
remember my dear friend Jennifer at the beginning of Change
(26:04):
twenty the COVID yare. She told me, Jumbie, we're not
missing graduation. And I was just like, oh, I was
a instant about it. She's like, no, out of all
the units to you've done, you probably have like two.
I also have like two that we need to put
a house in orders real quick. And we did the
exams online and graduated into twenty and we graduated online
(26:25):
and I had one a vest and a lesso because
it was online, it was on TV. So I graduated.
I even have the videos of my food. I have
been a lesso and a vest and bandana and abandona
on my head. And yeah, my mum was so happy.
At least something frutal had come out of all this
mess and the depression. I started now getting hold of
(26:49):
this depression because I never knew it was depressed. By
the way, for the people who are going through mental
health issues, first and foremost, if you've gotten to the
point of acknowledging you're not okay. You want step ahead
of healing because if you don't know whatever's happening with
you can't know how should I deablet it? But if
you know, but then I'm falling into depression. Eventually, I
(27:10):
know you're going to be okay. It will take time,
but the fact that you're acknowledging it, you're going to
be okay. So I finished campus. That was my UNI
life briefly, and I fell in love. I don't like
sharing my love stories, but I did fall in love
with UNI and guys, love love, love, love love. And
(27:39):
it was good when it lasted because then this was
like my first proper relationship. Yeah, this is like a
solid one and a solid relationship. And I was over
the more I was in love me and Cinderella. And
uh now, now let me take you through change. So
(28:00):
from till now, I feel as if I've been working
every day and nights just try and be this version
of myself. Like I usually rebrand after every twenty four hours.
I usually rebrand after every twenty four hours. And now
we're clocking pick adulting. Because when COVID heat. First of all,
when COVID heat heat, all that they all continuity was
(28:22):
a blood for everyone. So if you don't do anything
to intertat, you don't count it, don't counters not as
the loss or whatever, because it was actually confusing. How
do you do things online in a fast pace? Whild
probably not used to the internet, How do you study online?
How do you work online? How do you mike sales?
Maybe selling your clothes or jewelry? And then you see,
it was just an unfamiliar ground. And I think everyone
(28:43):
should give themselves grace for that year because we can't
count it as a year. But most for grew, most grew.
Most people grew so much. Most people like started things,
and yeah, power to them. So now the next episode
of my life was my life is just cool again.
So now you want to your lawyer. If you want
to become an advocate of the hair Cech of Kenya,
(29:04):
you have to pass through Kenya School of Law. And
if you don't want it's okay. You can have your
LLB degree and just continue pursuing life. But then for me,
it wasn't an option. It was jump one. Done with LLB.
You have to now become an advocate. And I remember
again my mom asked me, now this is arounty one.
(29:26):
She asked me the beginning of the year, Aha, we
are we registering for the new intake, the sales intake
for ken You School of Law. I told her, no,
I want to pursue me be a coursing modeling and
what I just want to become a model. And she
loved again she's only jumping. We've been here before. If
you want to become a model, nothing stopping you. But
still you have to go to the Kenya School of Law.
(29:48):
I remember told her, no, I can still do it
without like going to the school of law. What just
things that didn't make sense by them? And so my
mom her hands were tired, and she called her friend
and she came over to our place, and the friends
that said, let me tell you. She didn't even condemn me.
She told me, now you want to become a model,
(30:09):
give me a plan. Tell me tell me the schools
that are doing modeling. Tell me how we can support
the stream of yours. And I remember didn't have anything.
I didn't have anything to use the blank canvas. And
she told me, since you have a blank canvase, how
about you paint this thing that we're toldling you about.
If it's not okay. You can always rab it off
if it doesn't work out for you, if you end
up becoming an advocate of the Heir Coach of Kenya,
(30:30):
and then you see, as if this is not making
sense for you, you can always like put that aside and
do another thing that you want your life to be.
And that wasn't the King School of Law. There wasn't
the school of law in love, in love and in
the school of law. And we started online again because
now it was post covied and the systems hadn't been
(30:52):
putting place yet of going like to physical places. And
let me tell you, guys, imagine god see would be
so you got to the Kinescalul. Remember I had a
drinking problem, but I never knew to the problem. For me,
it was just vibes. Can we buy a quarter? Yes,
if you have kidogo money, let's just changa changa here
(31:15):
and there contributes to two hundred one handred. There you
have a bottle of casey, you can or whatever. You're
just drinking. And I never saw as if it was
a problem because most of us don't realize that drinking
is actually a problem. It's okay for you to drink
nothing against that, but the moment that it gets overpoot
(31:35):
and you can't control it. If you can't control it,
well and good, but if you can't, just do your
far or from whatever thing that's happening. So got to
the Knes Scholar of Law, and now I started now
looking for jobs here and there. But the previously a
covid Ya did get a job in some auctioneering firm.
It wasn't the best job ever brought you to something,
(31:59):
and I quit. I quit. I was just like, no, no,
until it's a long Luthully avenue. I was just like,
it doesn't make sense for me to be here. It
wasn't like aligning to whatever fun life you remember, life
was fun and good citizen's aligning to that. I'm like a,
let me just quit. So when I got to the
school of law, I wasn't employed. Actually, I was just
(32:22):
navigating life. And then I got a I got a job,
but not a job really. I got a hosting gig,
hosting clubs. And what do I mean by hosting clubs?
You get paid by the club to do like promotional things.
Then on the day that you're supposed to go to
the club, you go to the club, you get a
bottle of alcohol for free, maybe food for free. It
(32:43):
comes as a package. I don't know how it happens nowadays,
of which it's still a job. Nothing against whoever who
is doing it. But that's what I used to do. Yes,
you were getting paid and it was good money. By
then it was good money because if I'm getting paid
to go to the club and it's a life that
I'm used to sert a deal, it is a deal
if you can't give him maybe of for example, ten
(33:04):
thousand shillings. And yet I do love going to the club.
I do love drinking. The only thing that I'm doing
is dressing up and looking cute. That's an ideal life.
So I was navigating that and navigating school. So Casel
went by real quick. Funny thing is you probably think
so can a school of laurade that takes a bit long,
(33:25):
But it doesn't. One year you're done. The next year
you're doing your exams. It's actually something. If you sit
through it, you're going to make it eventually. Just wait
for it to take its cost, because you don't need
to rush it because it's already rushing. One minute you're
doing your admission, the next minute you're doing your oral examinations.
The next minute you're doing your project talk. The next
minute you're sitting for the exams. So it got to
(33:46):
the exam period and I had been reading but not reading. Well,
you could be reading, you could be paid rousing, but
you actually are not getting whatever you're payer rousing.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
So it got to the.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
Exam period and my then friend, no, my best friend
now my best friend and I weren't in talking terms
I love you, I love you with a girl. What
we're into talking terms right then? So what brought us
together is the exams because all of us are usually
we are usually looking for like sturdy teams and like,
(34:18):
you know example, the way it is. But this is
very intense because this is like do or die. It's
not like you have you can you can have a
chance to reatake and all that, but the intensity of
this exam doesn't allow you to fumble, of which I
had been fumbling throughout the year. But then when I'm
an through the exams is when I'm realizing, oh, I
need to look in anyways, mambo. So we got into
(34:39):
a particular team, and this team compounded my best friend Jennifer,
my friend chill. My friend just sent her my friend Vlin,
which was just like a team of six cals. But
the core, I think the core root of that group
were six of us, which wich of us had maybe
(35:01):
different study partners, but we used to study together. So
we went and saw asylum in my friend's hostel, which
is like a three by six square room, and that's
where we camped during the exam period. We camped. We
weren't leaving, we weren't living, Okay, we used to leave
maybe during the weekend, go home, take a shower, just
replenish your energy, then't come back to my friend's hostel,
(35:24):
which is just nearby school. So all of us in
a three by six room on a three by six bed.
Don't ask me how it worked because anyway, so we
got through the exam period, and the exam period is
actually so hectic. We were eating like one melli per day.
Even when you're eating, you're not enjoying that meal.
Speaker 1 (35:43):
We were.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
We weren't sleeping. We used to sleep in terms in terms,
because we remember in terms. Remember the bed is a
three by six mead. So if there's a shift that's
sleeping maybe from one to three, you have to wake
up so that the people who are reading, maybe from
twelve to one, they have to sleep, and if it's showering,
you have to search. We pray, but from three so
(36:05):
you can't get done showing married that can be in
the exam room by nine. And I wish I've locked
the whole thing, but it was too intense for me
to even like talk about it or just do anything
about it. And we got through the exam period. And
I think sometimes the lowest point of your life brings
you the best people, the best people, because who would
(36:26):
have known that we'd have been friends out of just
a mere exams. Like maybe the purpose of God was
you people have to read together another, maybe to form
this sisterhood that you have right now. And we finished
the exams and I was like, okay, I'm done. Trust me.
I didn't know I'm going to I was going to pass.
I didn't even the passing wasn't even my own, my
(36:46):
Bengal card. I was just like, okay, it's over and
then let me just cruise through life. And then this
partner was very supportive. This then boyfriend was very supportive
because he played a huge role. And yet again I
feel as if the thing that I'm saying. Sometimes even
the downfall of things brings you such good people, because
(37:07):
at that point you need support. And even though your
parents are supporting you, they can't understand. They're just like,
I'm praying for you, my daughter, I'm praying for you,
my son. But they don't understand the intensity of the exams.
And I don't know whether even as as lawyers, we've
been told that this thing is so hard, such that
even when you're walking through it, you feel as if
(37:28):
it's hard, even if it isn't. Even if maybe you're
supposed to read one or two hours, you feel as
if that's not enough. I need to read four to
five hours for me to be able to get that pass,
of which now me are evenually young lawyers who are
hoping to get admitted to the bar or are doing
the exams. Take it easy on yourself. You're not going
to die because of these exams. Do your best and
(37:49):
just live it as this. Don't kill yourself. If you
want to sleep, me before eight hours. Sleep for eight hours.
If you feel as if you can function well in
a group's dynamic, then do that. You feel as if
you're a solo reader, do that you feel as if
start just don't do whatever other people do, because even
for us, whatever we did, it saved us, yes, as
(38:10):
a group, but maybe that wasn't the dynamic for ever.
And maybe that someone wanted to be a solo reader.
The someone maybe who thrives maybe in group work. But
you can't know, because this thing has been structured in
such a way that it's do or die, of which
it's not. It's not. You just do your best, attend
your classes, read, do your best, but don't kill yourself. Please.
(38:31):
They ain't gonna be any other person much from you
in this world, so if you go, what does it
count for? Finished my exams and I didn't pass all
of them at a goal. Granted I wasn't. I wasn't
hoping to pass by the way. I was just like, ah, okay,
the results came out some time in July, in July
(38:51):
twenty twenty two, or yeah, I need changed to because
okay twenty two. And I remember I had been packing
forward to to the coast, I had backed everything the
night before. And then what they used to do they
used to send a message on what's up, So you
just check what's up on a random Monday or aroundom Sunday.
(39:13):
You're just like, I'll let me go through my phone
and then you come up. You come across this PDF
document that read one results, and then your whole life
is ruined immediately. So I was like, let me, let me,
let me check what's up. Let me just check what's up?
And I checked. I'm like, would your results? I closed
my phone. I called my best friend, Hey, girl, have
(39:34):
you seen She's like, yeah, have you opened? I'm like no.
Then I asked her you have you opened?
Speaker 1 (39:39):
She's like no.
Speaker 2 (39:40):
They're like, okay, let's take it this and just open it.
Just you just do your thing. Then we open the
results in the.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
Catch more African stories in the next episode of Legally Cues.
That is just part one of Gashambi's story. And honestly,
I'm sitting with so much, but these two things that
really stayed with me. Number one is when she talks
about the power of community, when she says that community
is the reason I made it through third and fourth year.
Who I felt that, you know, and I felt it
(40:12):
because it is a reminder that healing and progress don't
happen in isolation. Sometimes the people around us save us.
Without even knowing it. However, I think we have been
socialized to really limit what we view community as. Community
is more expansive than we've been socialized to see it as.
And I welcome you to lean in in your own
(40:34):
lives and be open to receiving community, even if it
doesn't look like what your friend group is meant to
look like. It could look at like someone older than you,
someone younger than you, someone who's not family, somebody who's
from a different race, a different cultural background, someone who
is from a lower economic background than you. Know what
(40:55):
I mean, Communities all around us tap into it. The
other thing that I really resonated with in Part one
is just how grief can move into your life quietly
and just redesign reshape everything. But if you've not acknowledged it,
it can do all of this madness and still go
(41:17):
unacknowledged for years. Right, Like, so she didn't even realize
she was depressed. She was just pushing, surviving, performing and
coping and so many people. I feel like, if you've
experienced grief, you know exactly what she was talking about.
Speaker 2 (41:31):
Right.
Speaker 1 (41:32):
So Part two is gonna be out next week. It
dies even deeper into that transformation and you'll hear how
all these early experiences shape the woman that she's becoming today.
So make sure you're here next year. But next year,
you're here next week, But why you wait for part two?
Remember they so much happening across our network, So make
(41:54):
sure you subscribe to her YouTube so you don't miss
out on for Manneralist Women. Season three is live and
going out every Thursday on our YouTube channel. If you
need grounding conversations every week, the midweek Tea's is there
for you. Sign up for our newsletters so you get
deeper reflections, community conversations, and any behind the scenes updates
(42:15):
around our events here. The links for all of that
are in the show notes. But thank you so much
for listening to the very end and for holding the
story with so much care. Thank you for being part
of this community, and as always, I know you have
every single thing it takes to heal. That's it for
this episode of Legally Clueless. You can share this podcast
(42:36):
with your friends, you can keep it for yourself. I'm
not judging. Just make sure you're here next week for
the next episode.
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