December 14, 2025 • 32 mins
In this final episode of Gachambi’s three-part story on Legally Clueless, we sit with the quiet, life-altering chapters that come after survival, grief, sobriety, faith, and the ongoing work of becoming. After being admitted to the bar in November 2023, Gachambi reflects on navigating unemployment, rebuilding her legal career at her own pace, and confronting the reality that being without work is often a systemic failure, not a personal one Gachambi 3. But the heart of this episode lies in the personal. She speaks openly about grief, losing her father, realising years later what “life without dad” truly means, and learning that grief does not have a timeline. Instead of trying to heal “correctly,” she chooses to honour her father by living fully and truthfully Gachambi 3.
Gachambi also shares her sobriety journey, quitting alcohol in 2022 after years of heavy drinking, alcohol-induced health issues, and emotional numbing. She reflects on the clarity, discipline, and emotional presence sobriety brought into her life, and why choosing to be sober became one of the most life-affirming decisions she’s ever made.
This episode is a powerful reminder that:
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Newsletter: www.legallycluelessafrica.com/
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Gachambi also shares her sobriety journey, quitting alcohol in 2022 after years of heavy drinking, alcohol-induced health issues, and emotional numbing. She reflects on the clarity, discipline, and emotional presence sobriety brought into her life, and why choosing to be sober became one of the most life-affirming decisions she’s ever made.
This episode is a powerful reminder that:
- Grief doesn’t end, it changes shape
- Sobriety is about choosing presence, not punishment
- You’re allowed to reinvent yourself at your own pace
- Your best version is still ahead of you
- Faith, community, and self-honesty can carry you through seasons that feel unbearable
Plug into the Legally Clueless Africa ecosystem
Newsletter: www.legallycluelessafrica.com/
Submit your story: forms.gle/kMn7Wae5N563JFGQ8
Instagram: www.instagram.com/legallycluelessafrica/
TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@legallycluelessafrica
YouTube (For Mannerless Women): www.youtube.com/c/LegallyCluelessYoutube
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
My name is Adela on Jangle and welcome to another
episode of Legally Clueless. No, seriously, i have no clue
what I'm doing, but I'm pretty sure I'm not the
only one.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Hey you welcome to this episode of Legally Clueless. And
if you are an OJI member, I've got nothing but
love for you. If you're a new be here, Welcome, Welcome.
You've been walking with us through this three part journey
through Gashambi story. Stay listening is part three. The final
chapter is coming away a little later in this episode.
(00:33):
But first and foremost, let me show you around. If
you're a new be welcome to the fam. All your
episodes of this show god every single Monday, and they
contain some inspiring African stories. On Wednesdays, we have the
Midwig TI's where share topics that I think can help
you on your healing journey. Our news letter also goes
out on Wednesdays. Thursdays we have for Manderalist women on
(00:56):
our YouTube channel and also right here and Friday, we
have a seasonal show called Aska Therapist. Okay, so what
you need to do is wherever you're listening to this
on make sure you subscribe sign up for our newsletter,
join our social media on TikTok and on Instagram. All
of those links are in the show notes. So let's
(01:17):
jump into Part three of Gashambi's story, and this final
part first and foremost, if you've not listened to part
one and part two, please just please don't do that
to yourself. Listen to the two previous episodes so that
this one makes sense. But here Gashami takes us into
the seasons after the big milestone, so after the admission
to the bar, after survival mode, after applause, and there
(01:40):
are so many things she talks about that I was
just connecting with. I'm trying not to give away spoilers,
but she opens up about grief, about sobriety, and just
so much more. One hundred African stories on legally Clueless
stories from Africa.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
Now all through this season's post graduation and because I
got admitted to the band November tween twenty three, so
all through it have been navigating my career and let
me just finish the career path then I can get
into now the personal personal stuff that I feel as
if is very important to share. So all through these seasons,
I've been jumping like jumping, how I jump jump. Take
(02:25):
this opportunity, Take this opportunity. No, don't take this opportunity.
When I'm in the unemployment season and you get people
saying why you're an employee? There your lawyer, you've studied, someone,
own a job. Just as many other Kenyons who are
actually out there fighting for the country. Most of these
children are educated. People are very much educated and in
every sector beats the fashion world, beat the makeup world,
(02:49):
beat any space you can think of. The youth. The
youth have it all. Just that we are slowly be
coming into a nation whereby the system is failing, you see,
And if you failing, then someone will get to do
something that they're not. It's not even giving them purpose
because maybe you'll take maybe a job that's just giving
you maybe that fear or putting food on your table.
(03:09):
But really, if you were asked what's ideal for you,
you'll say, maybe I want to set up a text place,
you see, and all that. And I feel as if
most people, as seeing as if the youth are not
putting in the work, or the youth are afraid of
small beginnings. Trust me, even if there are those who
are doing small beginnings. Majority of the people are okay
with small beginnings. No wonder people are taking even jobs
(03:31):
or even trying to look of employment in another way,
even if it's in form of self employment in a Manicia,
it means that people are not afraid of small beginnings.
There's a systematic feeler. That's the issue. Stop seeing as
if the youth are usually just sitting casually. No people
are falling into depressure and people are wondering, oh, but
I studied a very good course maybe Injaquat, and they
(03:52):
thought maybe by the time I'm getting here, there'll be
something out of the education. And then if you ask
them what's the issue, will tell you I've been looking
for jobs. And even if you look at the emails
people sending your applications every day. So to anyone who's
trying outside that just not imagine you're not the problem.
It's a systematic thing. But then at the end of
the day, we're the ones even to distructure this soul step.
(04:14):
We have to do what we have to do and
we'll make it eventually. So this transition, this thing that
I'm telling you, I made the wrong decision in August
last year. I should have or I she didn't have
that will never know. But now it took me a
step back and I picked up myself recently around March.
That's when I now got back into the corporte world,
(04:37):
this match. So I'm clocking maybe I'm clocking two years
post admission to the bar, and you see, still even now,
I'm in the pursuit of a greater thing. So it
goes to show. Imagine you just go and go and go,
just go and go. Whatever thing that's meant for you
will find you. Just don't despair, because if I had
despaired maybe sometime last year or even after quitting that
(04:58):
or after being fired that job, you see, there'd never
be something out of people will never know, Jumbie, you
are meant to be this lawyer, you see. So that's
it for my career. Right now, I'm thriving, but I
know there's way much better there for me. And every
day I usually wake up with a goal to become better,
to be better, to become better for myself and now
(05:21):
to the personal life. So grief grief for me has
been weird because there's so many manuals or so many
videos or so many I don't know there's just this
weird conception around around grief that it ought to be
like this. You ought to be like this, you ought
to have forgotten, you ought to have healed, you ought
(05:44):
not to have healed. There's just so many things being
said about grief and we're not touching on the people.
We're not asking Jumbie what you want at this point.
We're asking. We're saying, Jumbie, you should be doing this,
you should be praying more, you should be maybe going
and being around people. Why are we not asking Jumping
what you want to tackle this grief while we're not
(06:05):
asking person next you are grieving your dad, your mom,
your sister, your friend, your colleagues, your children. Why am
not asking hell you what do you want in this
particular space that you're in. Because if we can't meet
these people at the point of need, trust me, we'll
never understand grief. And I feel as if to know
things or to grow up is to realize that you
(06:25):
don't have to know everything around everything, You don't have
to be knowledgeable about everything, but just being pathetic about it.
And how does empathy come across is asking these people
what they need. And even if you're not an oppositioned
to provide that for them, it's enough for you to ask.
So for me, when my siblings and I lost our dad,
(06:45):
a for me personally, I never got to deal with
it in twenty fifteen because being a type A girly,
you're on the move, you're in the movie. In the movie,
you're not even realizing you're grieving, You're just moving. And
then one day it hit me like a truck that, oh, child,
your dad is not here. I was like, ah, my
dad is not here. It hasn't feelt like it because
(07:08):
I never got to sleep with the grieve. And it's
okay for you to also not blame people. Really, it's
okay for you to say, by the way, I wanted
person X to be there for me, but they weren't.
But the the end of the day, you can't realize
that you can't place that on people. Even if people
owe you the common decency of life and whatever. If
(07:28):
you you can be that to them, that's okay. But
if these people are not there for you in that capacity,
it's still okay. And I got to like to turn
around and realize all the things that I wanted, all
the things that I did want out of this grief.
Maybe I wanted a call from a friend or I
wanted supporting this way, no one would have given me that,
(07:48):
and it was a hard it was a very thing
hard thing to accept that, Oh you have to deal
with this and sometimes the only way how to deal
with this thing is just to sit with it. And
I think it hit me lately, just lately the other day.
I think it's two months of three months ago around March,
(08:08):
that my dad is no longer here, because you're marking
his ten year memorial service this year in October, and
I just thought, what is life without dad? And then
looked at the past ten years and I'm like, oh,
that is life with that dad. That is life with
that dad. So the first thing I've accepted now that
this is life with that dad. And I've looked at
(08:31):
now the life with that dude from twenty fifteen, it's
been up and down and up and down and up
and down. There have been very huge winds because the
winds that are immaculate wins, but the laws were really low, low, low,
And that is life without him. So for me to
honor him is honoring the life that I have built
(08:52):
without him. Knowing that maybe there would have been a
greater outcome if he was here. Of course, having your
parents alive means that you're set up for success. Maybe
maybe not some people, but for me granted and have
been set up for success. But then knowing that without him,
I've been able to do all these things. I've been
able to cry and he wasn't there, which is still okay.
(09:13):
I've been able to graduate twice, which is still okay.
I've been able maybe to have some personal improvements there
and he's not THERESO for me to honor my dad
is to accept that he's not here, of which I
had been holding it for quite a long because I
didn't deal with it for my siblings. For them, it's
different when they get to share the stories. If they
(09:35):
ever do, then they'll get to share that part of
the stories. For my mum being now, I've come to
honor women first of all, women who are alone in
this world, who are navigating like even adulting and trying
to make a living by themselves. As widows. I do
honor them a lot, and I see them differently. I
see them as if God choose them to be the
(09:57):
people who are going to stay here. You see because
maybe God was like, oh, your dad could stay, your
mom could stay, but no unless your dad go first.
You see, maybe the woman who my mom was meant
to be as a widow is different from the woman
who she was before. Maybe maybe my dad leaving, you see,
and even seeing her navigating life as a wido, the
(10:20):
only thing I can do is turn and just give
her a standing ovation, because I've never seen someone navigating
with the way she does. And she's walking through it,
and she's still honoring the marriages that she had. She
still works. You can see my mom is actually married.
If you see her, if she was to come here,
you're asking her where is the husband, because she's just
(10:41):
honoring it and walking through it and honoring the story
that the husband is not here. So the same thing
as me, I'm no longer in denial. I'm just and
I wear this story every day. And even my sister
and I, she usually says when my mom comes, she
usually says, I see missing in form of banter, like
(11:02):
I only have one parent, so don't disturb me's in
some way. I only have this one parent and it's
a fact. It's a fact. And if you wear that
story of your grief and losing the people around you.
Then the people who are meant to work within that
journey they will work with you because then they come
from a point of honor. They don't come from a
(11:22):
point of questioning onnaria, conn com mesia honor. They'll come
from a point of okay. Jumbie is a grieving daughter
or person next is a grieving sister, persona is a
grieving son. Things like those, and yeah, it's been it's
been a really the cost of emotions. And it feels
weird to finally honor this experience and honor this feeling.
(11:45):
But it feels good to actually say it out loud
that you can work with a grief and it's okay.
It's okay for you to crash out, even after twenty years.
It's okay for you to cry, It's okay for you
to do all these things. It's okay for even to
you to create a whole company. And after you your
late dad or your late friend, it's okay, like it's
okay for you. Allow people to grieve differently, allow people
(12:08):
to grieve the way they want. And if you don't
understand it, just walk there. And if you're not my
cabasage to walk there and leave them, leave them, don't
don't come and impose things that you don't understand, because
grief is actually deep and it goes deeper than anyone
any feelings you can you can you can't touch on grief.
You can't quantify it and put it in a particular
(12:29):
box and say, okay, this is grief class one, no one. No. Yeah,
So it's been nice. And I think I told I
told my brother there that day and even posted on
my edges towges I'm actually becoming my father's daughter because
after the protest that we had, people were saying, by
the standard newspaper, and I started buying the standard newspaper
(12:52):
every day. And I remember my dad used to buy
newspapers every day every day, even Sunday. You see Sunday
the way you can't find the vendors selling newspapers. My
dad used to have newspapers every day and he was
an avid reader. So even buying the newspaper, even reading
the cover page, I'm like, yes, I've wondered him, I've
wanted him so long lived on the Kadesha. And let
(13:15):
me take you back a bit now. In remember I
had a lover and it ended. It ended in a
bad way, but still lucky. It's still locky. And now
when that happened, I quit drinking. So I remember in
my story, I've been drinking from when I was when
(13:37):
I was in first year, so I've been drinking and
drinking and drinking and drinking. So I quit in twenty
twenty two. So this is this would be my third
year in my sperrity and journey in November. And you guys,
it wasn't easy. It wasn't easier. This isn't a miraculous
(13:57):
story or whatever. It's based off reality. I got alswers
induced by alcohol. I can't remember the word. My sister
is the one who knows that word because she's in
the medic field. I've forgotten the name. And I didn't
know some means to think I just have normal answers.
I had ulcers before, but then now the alcohol triggered
(14:21):
is even more even and I didn't know. I was
just cruising through life. I was just cruising through life
with my alcohol. And my sister says that it would
have turned out to be cancerrous, it would have if
I proceeded with drinking. And she's telling me the story
just the other day, not even when I was drinking
(14:44):
or whatever, because even then, the wider way I used
to drink that much. They just knew their sister used
to drink. But how can I you are They didn't
know the intensity of this girl, this girl could you drink?
And when I quit alcohol, it sounded as a joke.
You see the way you can wake up on and
go to the gym. Then after a day, I'm a
victim of that. After a day or two days, you're like, ah,
(15:06):
I'm so try. I had let me not see it through,
But for this one it felt I felt the urge
to see it through, the continuous urge of let me
see what will happen. It's been a week, it's been
a day, it's been twenty five hours, it's been two
four hours. Okay, that's one day. It's been forty two hours, Okay, okay,
it's been a week, okay, fortnight. A month, And when
(15:27):
I hit a month, I was actually shocked that the
urge to drink wasn't there anymore. And also my stomach,
because I have issues with my stomach. I wasn't in
pain anymore, Like I know I do have answers, and
I've gotten that checked. But I was not in pain,
so I proceeded the other month. Ah, I'm like, okay,
(15:51):
I'm not drinking anymore. And what I realized, imagine all
the feelings that I had between when I started drinking
and then everything was just so bloody and for the
first time, I could see things, I could hear things,
I could feel things like if you told me Jambi,
you are a bad person, I could acknowledge that. Truly
I'm a bad person. If you told me Jump you're
a good person, I could acknowledge that. But then we
(16:13):
Alcohol is often confuse your brain and mind, and it
puts you like on this higher pedestal that you're just swinging.
You're just winging it, and you're like, okay, you've told
you've been told you're a bad person. Ah, I don't care.
Even told you're a good person. Oh my god, think
you've been to telling you a lovely person, Oh my god, you.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
Want to marry me?
Speaker 3 (16:31):
Things like this. But then now it's sober mind. I
got to hear and feel things without feeling the urge
to even clap back or it's something bad, and if
it's something good, I questioned, it, are you telling me
that I'm a good person, because maybe you want to
take advantage of the situation and so forth. And my
(16:52):
mind was so bad. Even though I had withdrawels, I
felt the urge to drink. But I liked whatever my
mind was doing to me, like the fact that I
know what my mind is, and just proceeded and proceeded
and proceeded and clocked one year. Then I clocked two
years in between. By the way. I did drink, by
the way, but on several occasions which I can still
(17:13):
come till now. I know the ocasions which I drank
into just like a shot or two. But I didn't
like it. I was just like, Okay, maybe it's someone's birthday.
Why not. But even the delivery decision to drink one
shot on someone's birthday, it felt as if, oh my god,
I do love this decision. No one is persuading me
(17:35):
that even if when I drink a shot, I can't
say no to the rest of it. If it's a
full glass of a cocktail, I can take, for example,
one sip and say no to the rest without feeling
guilty about it. And I've just proceeded like that, till now,
And now I've come to realized that, oh my god,
there's no ways in life than the one that God
has in store for you. Because I was in the
(17:56):
pits with alcohol. I was in the pits because even
someone getting maybe signed up or pursuing a legal career
and spending ninety percent of the days drinking, it doesn't
make sense. It is a mix. I'd have started at
home and sleep, But why would you tell your parents
to pay this fees? Yet you spending ninety day It's
okay to drink, But then when you look at your results,
(18:18):
you're like, you are hangover, no that you couldn't attend class.
Why why am I doing this to myself? And I
have nothing these people who drink. I am in social
settings a lot because I am a social butterfly. On
most days, I do love a good party. I love
a good party with charumer and the barbecue and just
people drinking and all that. But then being on the
(18:39):
other end of a scape spectrum, it would be bad
if it would be bad if it goes and said that,
I do love it. On this other end, I do
love being the sober one because for the longest time
I was not and even some decitions have been made
by myself and the people around me were not decisions
that I should have done. Were things that I shouldn't
(19:00):
have done, truly, and it's been a beautiful journey. In
terms of support, I do have the best support system
when I'm with my friends. If then me be taking
a cocktail, they'll buy a red bull for me. They'll
ask me, what are you drinking? I'll take a cock
a mocktailed. Rather, I'll drink even something fancy. If you're
putting wine in a glass, I'll put water in a
(19:21):
glass and we'll toast to that. So the social setup,
of which I'm a social butterfly, so that hasn't gone away.
But this thing that I'm standing on is also another
thing that I am grateful for, the best sisions I
ever made into stangee because the girl before she was
wild and all that, but then now she's just a
calm girl, of which I've always been a calm girl
(19:44):
since then. Of course I do have my rige side,
but this is who I am and I love it
so much. That's an alcohol on love on love. I
did tell myself I needed to slow down because if
God granted us this love so freely, then why should
I rash it? You see? And if it's bound to happen,
(20:05):
it could even happen today today, fourth of you, twenty five.
It would be the day that maybe I ran into
the love of my life and we clock it and
we're like, okay, we're doing this. But also I felt
as if dating you is okay if it works out
(20:26):
for you, well and good, but for me, and you
wait for your frontal lobe to develop. Because there's some
things that I did do. I was like, no, Jumbi,
you wouldn't have to if you were like now twenty eight,
there's no you'd have made such a decision. But I'm
according race to all the versions that existed before me,
(20:47):
and all the versions are meant to be, because they
wouldn't have been a story, even a good love story.
When I meet my husband the day that God decides today,
of course, the stories I share with him, some some
maybe not.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
I don't know how jobs.
Speaker 3 (21:02):
But then how will I tell him that once upon
a time, there's this guy and there was this thing
that I did. And also, now being i've been single
now this is my third year, I'm also acknowledging the
fact that there's some toxic traits which I had and
I needed to work on. There's some values which I lacked,
which now I do have them. Things like patience. You
(21:24):
need to be a patient person, and things like respect.
You need to accorde respect to your partner. Things like love.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
Love.
Speaker 3 (21:31):
Yes it's enough, but then it's not. There's more to
that that keeps a relationship bound. And I lacked all
that and some things maybe I did have, but then
they were not at their prime. Maybe if I was
a kind person and I'm like Jumbie, you're not kind
like that, you need to be kinder. If you'm a
polite person, you to be maybe torned down. If I'm
a discplained person, you also need to be disciplaining in
(21:52):
your relationship. If you love, maybe you're seeing you love
your family and friends, then you need to also love
your partner. You see things like those, And yeah, so
that's been basically it about love and out of this
transitioning of jamb and I'll just give a referends of whatever.
(22:12):
My friend normally tells me almost every day that we
were friends before in high school a bit, then separated
just a bit in between, and then now we kindled
our friendship, just had the day last year that I
know you've existed in all these versions, but if you
were to mirror yourself right now, you've become the most
(22:34):
beautiful person that someone can meet. And she tells me
that the way you honor your story for me, I'll
tell it. I'll tell my story. I'll tell my story
and I'll tell it over again, because I want people
to know that your best version hygiafica, You're not yet
at your full potential. So do not give up. Do
(22:54):
not give up, Do not give up. If you are
a kind person, trust me, you have to be kinder.
The version that's best for you is the kindest version
of yourself. If maybe you discipline, you need to be
more displined, even if you're in your finances with your body,
with things like those like even things like alcohol, be
discplained about it, things like your body. Discplined about your body.
(23:16):
But like literally anything, the best version of you is
not yet here. So who are you to give up?
At twenty eight and you haven't yet met to your
thirty year old who are you to give up? Maybe
at twenty two, and yet the version of you that
needs to thrive. Maybe she'll be at around maybe twenty five,
even forteen. And also, don't be afraid to reinvent yourself. Don't. Hey,
(23:37):
maybe i've changed my hobbies. Let me tell you I've
changed my hobies over over and over and over again.
And if tomorrow you tell me, maybe we're trying out hiking, Okay,
that's a no brain.
Speaker 2 (23:48):
I can't.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
Maybe we're trying out something you'll try. Maybe we're entertaining
this now I'll try. Yeah. So just reinvent yourself, buy
your own speed, through your own way, and the best
version of it exists in the way that you know best.
And if anyone is not tapping into that potential that
you have to exist in your level best imagine, just
walk away from it. If you're in areas whereby the
(24:13):
only thing that you feel is anxiety, just walk away
from it. Maybe not so much, but just learn how
to navigate who you are without the societal pressure coming
for you, without the standards that I've been set worldwide.
Eveone is coming to sell you. Oh, by twenty eight,
you need to be married child? Why is the husband?
(24:34):
But then maybe about twenty eight, I'm not meant to
be married I'm meant to be maybe seated here filming
this episode, you see. Maybe that's the version that's best
for me right now. And maybe at twenty nine I'll
be filming another episode of my own. Maybe, And maybe
by twenty nine hand in hand or thirty, there'll be
a partner waiting for me outside or a baby crying,
and I can't be here for long, you see. So
(24:55):
just go by your own pace. Go by your own pace,
take us as possess them with you and knowledge member
community community. Don't let anyone take away that aspect and
tell you that you have to do it alone. No,
and even though you're doing it alone, just know you're
going to meet a community that's also doing it alone,
and then you'll end up building a community. Yeah. Just
go and also have a wavering faith in God. And
(25:16):
even if on days whereby you not pray, don't pit
up yourself. God is a god of mercy and grace.
Pray love the people that God has sent to you,
because one day they won't pay that. Because even alone,
I have forgot to say this part about grief. Allow
me just take you back in between twenty fifteen and now,
I have lost two aunts. I have lost my other mom,
(25:41):
I have lost I have lost or back then I
did lose a classmate. I've just lost and lost like
to death. I've lost a lot of people to death.
But even so the will to wake up and just
relieve and just know that if God has granted me
another day, then I need to be here and that's enough.
(26:03):
Because if you were supposed to tell you to die,
but then you're still here. So don't live as if
let the dead bury the dead, even though you're grieving
everyone around you, you've lost everyone just you've lost your business,
because you could be grieving. You could be grieving things
that are not mortal. You could be giving your business,
your friendship, your career and all that. Just know that
if God has granted you another day, another day to
(26:25):
just wake up and land on your feet, then you
need to be here and you need to live as
if you're here. You don't need to live as if
you're dead. Because if I was looking at the people
who have died in my life, I was like, Okay,
they're not yet here. So if my dad had a
purpose that he wanted to fuel full into in sixteen,
he didn't, so his purpose ended in twenty fifteen. You
(26:46):
see the same thing as my aunt, the same thing
as my other, and if they had things to do here,
God said no, you my child, over and out. But
then God has has you here, so you have to
live like it. Don't leave us if you did, no, no,
because it will be a time. Even me myself, I
want to be here. You yourself, you won't be here
a none of us will be here, so at then't
(27:07):
know the didn't None of these things count. So as
long as we're here, let's just proceed living as if
you were here. Let's try our best, and sometimes your
best is just enough, you see, And let's keep on
hoping the things will get better. Keep on trying here
and there. You don't have to stay to one road.
Keep on believing the things will get better for you.
(27:28):
Keep praying to the Lord a Mighty because he saved me.
He saved me twice, He saved me twice, He saved
me every day. And I wouldn't have made it past
twenty three. I wouldn't have made it. But I'm happy
that I got to know God in a very personal way.
And I've mentioned God a lot here because there's no
(27:49):
greater love than the love from God, and he's seen
me through the trenches of me even hosting clubs. If
I look at myself, I was just like, john't be
You're so young. What were you doing in the club
full of men? And he looks at me in days
where I failed, He's like, Yesterory is not it over.
You have to be admitted to the bar. You have
to become an advocate because your purpose here is not
(28:11):
just being a lawyer. You have to be an advocate
for me to fulfill whatever things I want for you.
He's shown me love and his extension of love has
enabled me to extend love in a very big way.
My love knows no bounds. I don't know how to
have love. I don't know how to give half love.
I don't know how to love you just a bit.
It goes all the way. And to the people who
(28:33):
have been able to experience my love, they can attest
to it, not to brag, they can attest that my
love knows no bounds. And yeah, that's basically it for
my story. And yeah, to know me is to know love.
To know me is to know that there's so much
depth in Jumbie. But for me, I just want to
be an encompass of a girl who has been favored
(28:54):
by God and a girl who was resilient enough rather
to sit through the chaos of life and not allow
it to change her. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
Catch more African stories in the next episode of Legally Killings.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
That is the final part of Gashambi's story. What a
powerful three weeks, right, what a powerful three weeks. And
as I listened to this final part, two things landed
very deeply for me personally. First, grief, Ah, grief doesn't end.
(29:32):
I think it just changes shape, right, And I completely
agree with her on that. When she says this is
life without Dad. That moment hit very hard because I
feel like grief isn't something you finish. When I was
very early on into my journey of grieving my mom,
I thought it's like a project, right, there's a start date,
(29:53):
there is chapters, you go through, you evaluate, and then
you finish the project. It is is not like that.
It's it's just something you learn to carry, you know.
So I feel like if you are on your grieving
journey and you are waiting for the for the pain
(30:14):
to disappear, you're almost shooting yourself in the foot. I
feel like, what you need to do instead is to
learn how to live alongside it, honor it, let it
inform you without swallowing you whole. Does that make sense?
The other thing I connected with deeply from this part
was like, sobriety. You know, sobriety for me is not
(30:35):
just about quitting alcohol, it's also choosing presence, right, and
her sobriety journey really reminded me so much of my own,
the clarity, the feelings coming back, the ability to actually
hear yourself again. I find that choosing to be sober
is often choosing truth, and it's like various truths right,
truth about your body, about your pain, about your boundaries,
(30:56):
about your capacity, and that choice of going sober can
quietly change everything you know. But she's just such a powerhouse, right,
Like her entire story just reminds us that the best
versions of you are not behind you, they're ahead of you,
(31:18):
and you just don't need to rush to meet her.
You'll get there your own journey, at your own pace.
I want to know what you connected with from Kashambi's story,
so wherever you're listening to this on please drop a comment.
I love hearing from you and If this story resonated
with you, make sure you dive deeper into the legally
Cluless Africa family. Watch our shows like for Maneralist Women
(31:42):
on our YouTube channel. Subscribe link in the show notes.
Make sure you check out the Midwick Tea's when it's out.
Sign up for our newsletter it's also linked in the
show notes, and follow us on Insta and TikTok. All
of that is in the show notes. If you want
to share your story this show, there is a storyteller
form in the show notes. Sign it up and one
(32:04):
of our correspondents will get back to you. Thank you
so so much for listening to this show to the
very very end, and as a usual, I think you
have every single thing it takes the heal.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
That's it for this episode of Legally Clueless. You can
share this podcast with your friends, you can keep it
for yourself.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
I'm not judging.
Speaker 1 (32:24):
Just make sure you're here next week for the next episode.
My name is Adela on Jangle and welcome to another
episode of Legally Clueless. No, seriously, i have no clue
what I'm doing, but I'm pretty sure I'm not the
only one.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Hey you welcome to this episode of Legally Clueless. And
if you are an OJI member, I've got nothing but
love for you. If you're a new be here, Welcome, Welcome.
You've been walking with us through this three part journey
through Gashambi story. Stay listening is part three. The final
chapter is coming away a little later in this episode.
(00:33):
But first and foremost, let me show you around. If
you're a new be welcome to the fam. All your
episodes of this show god every single Monday, and they
contain some inspiring African stories. On Wednesdays, we have the
Midwig TI's where share topics that I think can help
you on your healing journey. Our news letter also goes
out on Wednesdays. Thursdays we have for Manderalist women on
(00:56):
our YouTube channel and also right here and Friday, we
have a seasonal show called Aska Therapist. Okay, so what
you need to do is wherever you're listening to this
on make sure you subscribe sign up for our newsletter,
join our social media on TikTok and on Instagram. All
of those links are in the show notes. So let's
(01:17):
jump into Part three of Gashambi's story, and this final
part first and foremost, if you've not listened to part
one and part two, please just please don't do that
to yourself. Listen to the two previous episodes so that
this one makes sense. But here Gashami takes us into
the seasons after the big milestone, so after the admission
to the bar, after survival mode, after applause, and there
(01:40):
are so many things she talks about that I was
just connecting with. I'm trying not to give away spoilers,
but she opens up about grief, about sobriety, and just
so much more. One hundred African stories on legally Clueless
stories from Africa.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
Now all through this season's post graduation and because I
got admitted to the band November tween twenty three, so
all through it have been navigating my career and let
me just finish the career path then I can get
into now the personal personal stuff that I feel as
if is very important to share. So all through these seasons,
I've been jumping like jumping, how I jump jump. Take
(02:25):
this opportunity, Take this opportunity. No, don't take this opportunity.
When I'm in the unemployment season and you get people
saying why you're an employee? There your lawyer, you've studied, someone,
own a job. Just as many other Kenyons who are
actually out there fighting for the country. Most of these
children are educated. People are very much educated and in
every sector beats the fashion world, beat the makeup world,
(02:49):
beat any space you can think of. The youth. The
youth have it all. Just that we are slowly be
coming into a nation whereby the system is failing, you see,
And if you failing, then someone will get to do
something that they're not. It's not even giving them purpose
because maybe you'll take maybe a job that's just giving
you maybe that fear or putting food on your table.
(03:09):
But really, if you were asked what's ideal for you,
you'll say, maybe I want to set up a text place,
you see, and all that. And I feel as if
most people, as seeing as if the youth are not
putting in the work, or the youth are afraid of
small beginnings. Trust me, even if there are those who
are doing small beginnings. Majority of the people are okay
with small beginnings. No wonder people are taking even jobs
(03:31):
or even trying to look of employment in another way,
even if it's in form of self employment in a Manicia,
it means that people are not afraid of small beginnings.
There's a systematic feeler. That's the issue. Stop seeing as
if the youth are usually just sitting casually. No people
are falling into depressure and people are wondering, oh, but
I studied a very good course maybe Injaquat, and they
(03:52):
thought maybe by the time I'm getting here, there'll be
something out of the education. And then if you ask
them what's the issue, will tell you I've been looking
for jobs. And even if you look at the emails
people sending your applications every day. So to anyone who's
trying outside that just not imagine you're not the problem.
It's a systematic thing. But then at the end of
the day, we're the ones even to distructure this soul step.
(04:14):
We have to do what we have to do and
we'll make it eventually. So this transition, this thing that
I'm telling you, I made the wrong decision in August
last year. I should have or I she didn't have
that will never know. But now it took me a
step back and I picked up myself recently around March.
That's when I now got back into the corporte world,
(04:37):
this match. So I'm clocking maybe I'm clocking two years
post admission to the bar, and you see, still even now,
I'm in the pursuit of a greater thing. So it
goes to show. Imagine you just go and go and go,
just go and go. Whatever thing that's meant for you
will find you. Just don't despair, because if I had
despaired maybe sometime last year or even after quitting that
(04:58):
or after being fired that job, you see, there'd never
be something out of people will never know, Jumbie, you
are meant to be this lawyer, you see. So that's
it for my career. Right now, I'm thriving, but I
know there's way much better there for me. And every
day I usually wake up with a goal to become better,
to be better, to become better for myself and now
(05:21):
to the personal life. So grief grief for me has
been weird because there's so many manuals or so many
videos or so many I don't know there's just this
weird conception around around grief that it ought to be
like this. You ought to be like this, you ought
to have forgotten, you ought to have healed, you ought
(05:44):
not to have healed. There's just so many things being
said about grief and we're not touching on the people.
We're not asking Jumbie what you want at this point.
We're asking. We're saying, Jumbie, you should be doing this,
you should be praying more, you should be maybe going
and being around people. Why are we not asking Jumping
what you want to tackle this grief while we're not
(06:05):
asking person next you are grieving your dad, your mom,
your sister, your friend, your colleagues, your children. Why am
not asking hell you what do you want in this
particular space that you're in. Because if we can't meet
these people at the point of need, trust me, we'll
never understand grief. And I feel as if to know
things or to grow up is to realize that you
(06:25):
don't have to know everything around everything, You don't have
to be knowledgeable about everything, but just being pathetic about it.
And how does empathy come across is asking these people
what they need. And even if you're not an oppositioned
to provide that for them, it's enough for you to ask.
So for me, when my siblings and I lost our dad,
(06:45):
a for me personally, I never got to deal with
it in twenty fifteen because being a type A girly,
you're on the move, you're in the movie. In the movie,
you're not even realizing you're grieving, You're just moving. And
then one day it hit me like a truck that, oh, child,
your dad is not here. I was like, ah, my
dad is not here. It hasn't feelt like it because
(07:08):
I never got to sleep with the grieve. And it's
okay for you to also not blame people. Really, it's
okay for you to say, by the way, I wanted
person X to be there for me, but they weren't.
But the the end of the day, you can't realize
that you can't place that on people. Even if people
owe you the common decency of life and whatever. If
(07:28):
you you can be that to them, that's okay. But
if these people are not there for you in that capacity,
it's still okay. And I got to like to turn
around and realize all the things that I wanted, all
the things that I did want out of this grief.
Maybe I wanted a call from a friend or I
wanted supporting this way, no one would have given me that,
(07:48):
and it was a hard it was a very thing
hard thing to accept that, Oh you have to deal
with this and sometimes the only way how to deal
with this thing is just to sit with it. And
I think it hit me lately, just lately the other day.
I think it's two months of three months ago around March,
(08:08):
that my dad is no longer here, because you're marking
his ten year memorial service this year in October, and
I just thought, what is life without dad? And then
looked at the past ten years and I'm like, oh,
that is life with that dad. That is life with
that dad. So the first thing I've accepted now that
this is life with that dad. And I've looked at
(08:31):
now the life with that dude from twenty fifteen, it's
been up and down and up and down and up
and down. There have been very huge winds because the
winds that are immaculate wins, but the laws were really low, low, low,
And that is life without him. So for me to
honor him is honoring the life that I have built
(08:52):
without him. Knowing that maybe there would have been a
greater outcome if he was here. Of course, having your
parents alive means that you're set up for success. Maybe
maybe not some people, but for me granted and have
been set up for success. But then knowing that without him,
I've been able to do all these things. I've been
able to cry and he wasn't there, which is still okay.
(09:13):
I've been able to graduate twice, which is still okay.
I've been able maybe to have some personal improvements there
and he's not THERESO for me to honor my dad
is to accept that he's not here, of which I
had been holding it for quite a long because I
didn't deal with it for my siblings. For them, it's
different when they get to share the stories. If they
(09:35):
ever do, then they'll get to share that part of
the stories. For my mum being now, I've come to
honor women first of all, women who are alone in
this world, who are navigating like even adulting and trying
to make a living by themselves. As widows. I do
honor them a lot, and I see them differently. I
see them as if God choose them to be the
(09:57):
people who are going to stay here. You see because
maybe God was like, oh, your dad could stay, your
mom could stay, but no unless your dad go first.
You see, maybe the woman who my mom was meant
to be as a widow is different from the woman
who she was before. Maybe maybe my dad leaving, you see,
and even seeing her navigating life as a wido, the
(10:20):
only thing I can do is turn and just give
her a standing ovation, because I've never seen someone navigating
with the way she does. And she's walking through it,
and she's still honoring the marriages that she had. She
still works. You can see my mom is actually married.
If you see her, if she was to come here,
you're asking her where is the husband, because she's just
(10:41):
honoring it and walking through it and honoring the story
that the husband is not here. So the same thing
as me, I'm no longer in denial. I'm just and
I wear this story every day. And even my sister
and I, she usually says when my mom comes, she
usually says, I see missing in form of banter, like
(11:02):
I only have one parent, so don't disturb me's in
some way. I only have this one parent and it's
a fact. It's a fact. And if you wear that
story of your grief and losing the people around you.
Then the people who are meant to work within that
journey they will work with you because then they come
from a point of honor. They don't come from a
(11:22):
point of questioning onnaria, conn com mesia honor. They'll come
from a point of okay. Jumbie is a grieving daughter
or person next is a grieving sister, persona is a
grieving son. Things like those, and yeah, it's been it's
been a really the cost of emotions. And it feels
weird to finally honor this experience and honor this feeling.
(11:45):
But it feels good to actually say it out loud
that you can work with a grief and it's okay.
It's okay for you to crash out, even after twenty years.
It's okay for you to cry, It's okay for you
to do all these things. It's okay for even to
you to create a whole company. And after you your
late dad or your late friend, it's okay, like it's
okay for you. Allow people to grieve differently, allow people
(12:08):
to grieve the way they want. And if you don't
understand it, just walk there. And if you're not my
cabasage to walk there and leave them, leave them, don't
don't come and impose things that you don't understand, because
grief is actually deep and it goes deeper than anyone
any feelings you can you can you can't touch on grief.
You can't quantify it and put it in a particular
(12:29):
box and say, okay, this is grief class one, no one. No. Yeah,
So it's been nice. And I think I told I
told my brother there that day and even posted on
my edges towges I'm actually becoming my father's daughter because
after the protest that we had, people were saying, by
the standard newspaper, and I started buying the standard newspaper
(12:52):
every day. And I remember my dad used to buy
newspapers every day every day, even Sunday. You see Sunday
the way you can't find the vendors selling newspapers. My
dad used to have newspapers every day and he was
an avid reader. So even buying the newspaper, even reading
the cover page, I'm like, yes, I've wondered him, I've
wanted him so long lived on the Kadesha. And let
(13:15):
me take you back a bit now. In remember I
had a lover and it ended. It ended in a
bad way, but still lucky. It's still locky. And now
when that happened, I quit drinking. So I remember in
my story, I've been drinking from when I was when
(13:37):
I was in first year, so I've been drinking and
drinking and drinking and drinking. So I quit in twenty
twenty two. So this is this would be my third
year in my sperrity and journey in November. And you guys,
it wasn't easy. It wasn't easier. This isn't a miraculous
(13:57):
story or whatever. It's based off reality. I got alswers
induced by alcohol. I can't remember the word. My sister
is the one who knows that word because she's in
the medic field. I've forgotten the name. And I didn't
know some means to think I just have normal answers.
I had ulcers before, but then now the alcohol triggered
(14:21):
is even more even and I didn't know. I was
just cruising through life. I was just cruising through life
with my alcohol. And my sister says that it would
have turned out to be cancerrous, it would have if
I proceeded with drinking. And she's telling me the story
just the other day, not even when I was drinking
(14:44):
or whatever, because even then, the wider way I used
to drink that much. They just knew their sister used
to drink. But how can I you are They didn't
know the intensity of this girl, this girl could you drink?
And when I quit alcohol, it sounded as a joke.
You see the way you can wake up on and
go to the gym. Then after a day, I'm a
victim of that. After a day or two days, you're like, ah,
(15:06):
I'm so try. I had let me not see it through,
But for this one it felt I felt the urge
to see it through, the continuous urge of let me
see what will happen. It's been a week, it's been
a day, it's been twenty five hours, it's been two
four hours. Okay, that's one day. It's been forty two hours, Okay, okay,
it's been a week, okay, fortnight. A month, And when
(15:27):
I hit a month, I was actually shocked that the
urge to drink wasn't there anymore. And also my stomach,
because I have issues with my stomach. I wasn't in
pain anymore, Like I know I do have answers, and
I've gotten that checked. But I was not in pain,
so I proceeded the other month. Ah, I'm like, okay,
(15:51):
I'm not drinking anymore. And what I realized, imagine all
the feelings that I had between when I started drinking
and then everything was just so bloody and for the
first time, I could see things, I could hear things,
I could feel things like if you told me Jambi,
you are a bad person, I could acknowledge that. Truly
I'm a bad person. If you told me Jump you're
a good person, I could acknowledge that. But then we
(16:13):
Alcohol is often confuse your brain and mind, and it
puts you like on this higher pedestal that you're just swinging.
You're just winging it, and you're like, okay, you've told
you've been told you're a bad person. Ah, I don't care.
Even told you're a good person. Oh my god, think
you've been to telling you a lovely person, Oh my god, you.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
Want to marry me?
Speaker 3 (16:31):
Things like this. But then now it's sober mind. I
got to hear and feel things without feeling the urge
to even clap back or it's something bad, and if
it's something good, I questioned, it, are you telling me
that I'm a good person, because maybe you want to
take advantage of the situation and so forth. And my
(16:52):
mind was so bad. Even though I had withdrawels, I
felt the urge to drink. But I liked whatever my
mind was doing to me, like the fact that I
know what my mind is, and just proceeded and proceeded
and proceeded and clocked one year. Then I clocked two
years in between. By the way. I did drink, by
the way, but on several occasions which I can still
(17:13):
come till now. I know the ocasions which I drank
into just like a shot or two. But I didn't
like it. I was just like, Okay, maybe it's someone's birthday.
Why not. But even the delivery decision to drink one
shot on someone's birthday, it felt as if, oh my god,
I do love this decision. No one is persuading me
(17:35):
that even if when I drink a shot, I can't
say no to the rest of it. If it's a
full glass of a cocktail, I can take, for example,
one sip and say no to the rest without feeling
guilty about it. And I've just proceeded like that, till now,
And now I've come to realized that, oh my god,
there's no ways in life than the one that God
has in store for you. Because I was in the
(17:56):
pits with alcohol. I was in the pits because even
someone getting maybe signed up or pursuing a legal career
and spending ninety percent of the days drinking, it doesn't
make sense. It is a mix. I'd have started at
home and sleep, But why would you tell your parents
to pay this fees? Yet you spending ninety day It's
okay to drink, But then when you look at your results,
(18:18):
you're like, you are hangover, no that you couldn't attend class.
Why why am I doing this to myself? And I
have nothing these people who drink. I am in social
settings a lot because I am a social butterfly. On
most days, I do love a good party. I love
a good party with charumer and the barbecue and just
people drinking and all that. But then being on the
(18:39):
other end of a scape spectrum, it would be bad
if it would be bad if it goes and said that,
I do love it. On this other end, I do
love being the sober one because for the longest time
I was not and even some decitions have been made
by myself and the people around me were not decisions
that I should have done. Were things that I shouldn't
(19:00):
have done, truly, and it's been a beautiful journey. In
terms of support, I do have the best support system
when I'm with my friends. If then me be taking
a cocktail, they'll buy a red bull for me. They'll
ask me, what are you drinking? I'll take a cock
a mocktailed. Rather, I'll drink even something fancy. If you're
putting wine in a glass, I'll put water in a
(19:21):
glass and we'll toast to that. So the social setup,
of which I'm a social butterfly, so that hasn't gone away.
But this thing that I'm standing on is also another
thing that I am grateful for, the best sisions I
ever made into stangee because the girl before she was
wild and all that, but then now she's just a
calm girl, of which I've always been a calm girl
(19:44):
since then. Of course I do have my rige side,
but this is who I am and I love it
so much. That's an alcohol on love on love. I
did tell myself I needed to slow down because if
God granted us this love so freely, then why should
I rash it? You see? And if it's bound to happen,
(20:05):
it could even happen today today, fourth of you, twenty five.
It would be the day that maybe I ran into
the love of my life and we clock it and
we're like, okay, we're doing this. But also I felt
as if dating you is okay if it works out
(20:26):
for you, well and good, but for me, and you
wait for your frontal lobe to develop. Because there's some
things that I did do. I was like, no, Jumbi,
you wouldn't have to if you were like now twenty eight,
there's no you'd have made such a decision. But I'm
according race to all the versions that existed before me,
(20:47):
and all the versions are meant to be, because they
wouldn't have been a story, even a good love story.
When I meet my husband the day that God decides today,
of course, the stories I share with him, some some
maybe not.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
I don't know how jobs.
Speaker 3 (21:02):
But then how will I tell him that once upon
a time, there's this guy and there was this thing
that I did. And also, now being i've been single
now this is my third year, I'm also acknowledging the
fact that there's some toxic traits which I had and
I needed to work on. There's some values which I lacked,
which now I do have them. Things like patience. You
(21:24):
need to be a patient person, and things like respect.
You need to accorde respect to your partner. Things like love.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
Love.
Speaker 3 (21:31):
Yes it's enough, but then it's not. There's more to
that that keeps a relationship bound. And I lacked all
that and some things maybe I did have, but then
they were not at their prime. Maybe if I was
a kind person and I'm like Jumbie, you're not kind
like that, you need to be kinder. If you'm a
polite person, you to be maybe torned down. If I'm
a discplained person, you also need to be disciplaining in
(21:52):
your relationship. If you love, maybe you're seeing you love
your family and friends, then you need to also love
your partner. You see things like those, And yeah, so
that's been basically it about love and out of this
transitioning of jamb and I'll just give a referends of whatever.
(22:12):
My friend normally tells me almost every day that we
were friends before in high school a bit, then separated
just a bit in between, and then now we kindled
our friendship, just had the day last year that I
know you've existed in all these versions, but if you
were to mirror yourself right now, you've become the most
(22:34):
beautiful person that someone can meet. And she tells me
that the way you honor your story for me, I'll
tell it. I'll tell my story. I'll tell my story
and I'll tell it over again, because I want people
to know that your best version hygiafica, You're not yet
at your full potential. So do not give up. Do
(22:54):
not give up, Do not give up. If you are
a kind person, trust me, you have to be kinder.
The version that's best for you is the kindest version
of yourself. If maybe you discipline, you need to be
more displined, even if you're in your finances with your body,
with things like those like even things like alcohol, be
discplained about it, things like your body. Discplined about your body.
(23:16):
But like literally anything, the best version of you is
not yet here. So who are you to give up?
At twenty eight and you haven't yet met to your
thirty year old who are you to give up? Maybe
at twenty two, and yet the version of you that
needs to thrive. Maybe she'll be at around maybe twenty five,
even forteen. And also, don't be afraid to reinvent yourself. Don't. Hey,
(23:37):
maybe i've changed my hobbies. Let me tell you I've
changed my hobies over over and over and over again.
And if tomorrow you tell me, maybe we're trying out hiking, Okay,
that's a no brain.
Speaker 2 (23:48):
I can't.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
Maybe we're trying out something you'll try. Maybe we're entertaining
this now I'll try. Yeah. So just reinvent yourself, buy
your own speed, through your own way, and the best
version of it exists in the way that you know best.
And if anyone is not tapping into that potential that
you have to exist in your level best imagine, just
walk away from it. If you're in areas whereby the
(24:13):
only thing that you feel is anxiety, just walk away
from it. Maybe not so much, but just learn how
to navigate who you are without the societal pressure coming
for you, without the standards that I've been set worldwide.
Eveone is coming to sell you. Oh, by twenty eight,
you need to be married child? Why is the husband?
(24:34):
But then maybe about twenty eight, I'm not meant to
be married I'm meant to be maybe seated here filming
this episode, you see. Maybe that's the version that's best
for me right now. And maybe at twenty nine I'll
be filming another episode of my own. Maybe, And maybe
by twenty nine hand in hand or thirty, there'll be
a partner waiting for me outside or a baby crying,
and I can't be here for long, you see. So
(24:55):
just go by your own pace. Go by your own pace,
take us as possess them with you and knowledge member
community community. Don't let anyone take away that aspect and
tell you that you have to do it alone. No,
and even though you're doing it alone, just know you're
going to meet a community that's also doing it alone,
and then you'll end up building a community. Yeah. Just
go and also have a wavering faith in God. And
(25:16):
even if on days whereby you not pray, don't pit
up yourself. God is a god of mercy and grace.
Pray love the people that God has sent to you,
because one day they won't pay that. Because even alone,
I have forgot to say this part about grief. Allow
me just take you back in between twenty fifteen and now,
I have lost two aunts. I have lost my other mom,
(25:41):
I have lost I have lost or back then I
did lose a classmate. I've just lost and lost like
to death. I've lost a lot of people to death.
But even so the will to wake up and just
relieve and just know that if God has granted me
another day, then I need to be here and that's enough.
(26:03):
Because if you were supposed to tell you to die,
but then you're still here. So don't live as if
let the dead bury the dead, even though you're grieving
everyone around you, you've lost everyone just you've lost your business,
because you could be grieving. You could be grieving things
that are not mortal. You could be giving your business,
your friendship, your career and all that. Just know that
if God has granted you another day, another day to
(26:25):
just wake up and land on your feet, then you
need to be here and you need to live as
if you're here. You don't need to live as if
you're dead. Because if I was looking at the people
who have died in my life, I was like, Okay,
they're not yet here. So if my dad had a
purpose that he wanted to fuel full into in sixteen,
he didn't, so his purpose ended in twenty fifteen. You
(26:46):
see the same thing as my aunt, the same thing
as my other, and if they had things to do here,
God said no, you my child, over and out. But
then God has has you here, so you have to
live like it. Don't leave us if you did, no, no,
because it will be a time. Even me myself, I
want to be here. You yourself, you won't be here
a none of us will be here, so at then't
(27:07):
know the didn't None of these things count. So as
long as we're here, let's just proceed living as if
you were here. Let's try our best, and sometimes your
best is just enough, you see, And let's keep on
hoping the things will get better. Keep on trying here
and there. You don't have to stay to one road.
Keep on believing the things will get better for you.
(27:28):
Keep praying to the Lord a Mighty because he saved me.
He saved me twice, He saved me twice, He saved
me every day. And I wouldn't have made it past
twenty three. I wouldn't have made it. But I'm happy
that I got to know God in a very personal way.
And I've mentioned God a lot here because there's no
(27:49):
greater love than the love from God, and he's seen
me through the trenches of me even hosting clubs. If
I look at myself, I was just like, john't be
You're so young. What were you doing in the club
full of men? And he looks at me in days
where I failed, He's like, Yesterory is not it over.
You have to be admitted to the bar. You have
to become an advocate because your purpose here is not
(28:11):
just being a lawyer. You have to be an advocate
for me to fulfill whatever things I want for you.
He's shown me love and his extension of love has
enabled me to extend love in a very big way.
My love knows no bounds. I don't know how to
have love. I don't know how to give half love.
I don't know how to love you just a bit.
It goes all the way. And to the people who
(28:33):
have been able to experience my love, they can attest
to it, not to brag, they can attest that my
love knows no bounds. And yeah, that's basically it for
my story. And yeah, to know me is to know love.
To know me is to know that there's so much
depth in Jumbie. But for me, I just want to
be an encompass of a girl who has been favored
(28:54):
by God and a girl who was resilient enough rather
to sit through the chaos of life and not allow
it to change her. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
Catch more African stories in the next episode of Legally Killings.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
That is the final part of Gashambi's story. What a
powerful three weeks, right, what a powerful three weeks. And
as I listened to this final part, two things landed
very deeply for me personally. First, grief, Ah, grief doesn't end.
(29:32):
I think it just changes shape, right, And I completely
agree with her on that. When she says this is
life without Dad. That moment hit very hard because I
feel like grief isn't something you finish. When I was
very early on into my journey of grieving my mom,
I thought it's like a project, right, there's a start date,
(29:53):
there is chapters, you go through, you evaluate, and then
you finish the project. It is is not like that.
It's it's just something you learn to carry, you know.
So I feel like if you are on your grieving
journey and you are waiting for the for the pain
(30:14):
to disappear, you're almost shooting yourself in the foot. I
feel like, what you need to do instead is to
learn how to live alongside it, honor it, let it
inform you without swallowing you whole. Does that make sense?
The other thing I connected with deeply from this part
was like, sobriety. You know, sobriety for me is not
(30:35):
just about quitting alcohol, it's also choosing presence, right, and
her sobriety journey really reminded me so much of my own,
the clarity, the feelings coming back, the ability to actually
hear yourself again. I find that choosing to be sober
is often choosing truth, and it's like various truths right,
truth about your body, about your pain, about your boundaries,
(30:56):
about your capacity, and that choice of going sober can
quietly change everything you know. But she's just such a powerhouse, right,
Like her entire story just reminds us that the best
versions of you are not behind you, they're ahead of you,
(31:18):
and you just don't need to rush to meet her.
You'll get there your own journey, at your own pace.
I want to know what you connected with from Kashambi's story,
so wherever you're listening to this on please drop a comment.
I love hearing from you and If this story resonated
with you, make sure you dive deeper into the legally
Cluless Africa family. Watch our shows like for Maneralist Women
(31:42):
on our YouTube channel. Subscribe link in the show notes.
Make sure you check out the Midwick Tea's when it's out.
Sign up for our newsletter it's also linked in the
show notes, and follow us on Insta and TikTok. All
of that is in the show notes. If you want
to share your story this show, there is a storyteller
form in the show notes. Sign it up and one
(32:04):
of our correspondents will get back to you. Thank you
so so much for listening to this show to the
very very end, and as a usual, I think you
have every single thing it takes the heal.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
That's it for this episode of Legally Clueless. You can
share this podcast with your friends, you can keep it
for yourself.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
I'm not judging.
Speaker 1 (32:24):
Just make sure you're here next week for the next episode.
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