December 28, 2025 • 39 mins
In episode 358 of the Legally Clueless Podcast, Victoria shares Part 2 of her story, a powerful journey of leaving an unsafe marriage, rebuilding life as a single mother, navigating fear and displacement, and eventually experiencing deep love and devastating loss. Picking up from childhood trauma and survival patterns explored in Part 1, this episode focuses on healing, agency, community support, and what it means to choose life after years of endurance. In this episode, we explore:
Share your story with us:
forms.gle/kMn7Wae5N563JFGQ8
Join the Legally Clueless Africa community:
Newsletter: www.legallycluelessafrica.com/
Instagram: www.instagram.com/legallycluelessafrica/
TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@legallycluelessafrica
YouTube: www.youtube.com/c/LegallyCluelessYoutube
- Leaving an unsafe marriage with children
- Rebuilding life from scratch during COVID
- Community support and dignity-centered help
- Navigating co-parenting and safety fears
- Finding love after trauma
- Grief, loss, and continuing to live fully
Share your story with us:
forms.gle/kMn7Wae5N563JFGQ8
Join the Legally Clueless Africa community:
Newsletter: www.legallycluelessafrica.com/
Instagram: www.instagram.com/legallycluelessafrica/
TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@legallycluelessafrica
YouTube: www.youtube.com/c/LegallyCluelessYoutube
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
My name is Adela on Jangle and welcome to another
episode of Legally Clueless. No, seriously, i have no clue
what I'm doing, but I'm pretty sure I'm not the
only one. Hey, you welcome to this episode of Legally Clueless.
If you're an OG member, I've got nothing but love
for you. If this is your first time, welcome to
(00:22):
the family. Better late than never, Ay, and you've chosen?
Is this the first? Oh? No, I was gonna say
the first episode of twenty twenty five. It ain't psich,
but welcome, Welcome to the family. This particular show goes
out every single Monday. On Wednesdays, we have the midwik
TI's where talk about topics that I think will help
(00:45):
you on your healing journey. On Wednesday. Our newsletter also
goes out Thursdays. We have for maneralists women that's going
to be back first Thursday of the year. And Fridays
we have Ask a Therapist That is a seasonal show.
So what you need to do so you don't miss
out on any of these awesome things is number one,
subscribe wherever to you're listening to this on and then
(01:06):
number two, you can sign up for our newsletter link
is in the show notes, and you can join us
on our TikTok and our Instagram. A link to those
pages are in the show notes as well. But let's
jump right into it. Okay, So, first and foremost, if
you have not listened to part one of Victoria's story,
you may want to listen to the previous episode, episode
three hundred and fifty seven, so that, like you know,
(01:29):
part two makes sense. These are the things that you
need to be doing. But if you've listened, then let's
just get into it. We left Victoria when she was
at her breaking point physically, emotionally, and mentally. Right now,
in part two, I feel like what Victoria really takes
us through is what it looks like to choose herself
and doing that in the context of an unsafe, abusive
(01:53):
marriage with children. She's gonna like unpack that, and I
really think this part of her story is about movement,
movement across cities, countries, borders, and reclaiming her agency.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Right.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
We have a little bit of unexpected love that comes in,
but also profound grief. I don't want to give too
much away, so let's just jump into part two of
Victoria's story. A hundred African stories are legally clueless stories
from Africa.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
So now this is a recollection of what I'm told
that they call an ambulance. I was taken to Avenue Hospital.
So when I wake up, I'm at Avenue at the ico,
and the first thing I asked them is my baby okay?
And they tell me the baby's fine. So they ask
(02:48):
me questions just to ascertain that I'm okay, and they
tell me you will only be here like this night.
Tomorrow will take you to the psychuord. I think the
psyche wordes they awakening for me, and I was like,
I cannot be here anymore. Avenue. Now you cannot compare
Avenue with Bustani Avenue. Psych word is where now there
(03:09):
are mad people. There are people, should we say, who
live in the alternative universe. There are people who nurses
have to slap for them to just stay like behave themselves.
And I was like, I cannot be here with these people.
I am not these people. I have to do better
for myself, and I promise myself that whatever it is
(03:31):
that I'm dealing with, I have to get out of
it because this is not my life. So by the
time I'm being discharged from avenue. They still give me
medication because I needed to burn medication. But I went
flash the maids in the toilet and I decide, we
(03:52):
are healing, but we are healing without pills. So I
become intentional, like now just going out in the sun
taking care of myself. I was not really taking care
of myself. I'm so heavily pregnant. I apologize to my
own born child, like, I am so sorry for all
this stuff I have put you through. And this baby
(04:15):
is resilient despite everything. She didn't give up. Because I
was expecting one day I'll just be told, you know,
the baby is dead, or I'll have a miscarriage. There
were too many things going on, too many medical complications
that were going on when I was pregnant with this baby.
But this baby made it. And the moment I saw her,
(04:41):
I felt as if some light switched on. So I
called her Nurro. That's my last bond. And she's the brightest,
most beautiful, beautiful, like if you see my children. I'm
not saying my children are not beautiful, but I'm just
saying she stands out. My last bone stands out. She
she fought to be here. In fact, now she's five.
(05:03):
Now she sicks, sorry, she seeks now sometimes just in
the way she does her things, And I'm like, you
are you are always so fierce, even before you are born.
She is just a breath of fresh air. So it's
now after she's born. I tell myself, I have to
turn my life around, you know, I cannot continue staying here.
(05:27):
And COVID comes around, and I'm like, you know what
it was to be in a house with someone who
you can stand? You know, actually, Cosana, we really were
not getting along. And at that point is now I left.
I left, Maybe I moved forty kilometers away, looked for
(05:52):
a house. I only left with the clothes on my back.
By the way, like my hour clothes had already been told,
if you ever leave me, you're not living with anything.
So I knew there was nothing for me to carry,
so I carried clothes. I had some little money. I
got a second hand cooker. I went to a wholesale
shop and bought a half a dozen of everything. Six plate,
(06:14):
six caps, six you know, the basics. Five mattresses, so
we slept on the floor. But I got a big
bungalow like I was the house where we were living in.
It was a three bedroom bungalow, but it was small
now with the kids. We went there when I didn't
have any children, and now four kids later we were
still living there. It felt like a small hole. So
(06:37):
I got a huge bungalow which had no furniture. In fact,
the moment my colassborn got there, it felt like they
just started playing. The boys started playing balls. Have two boys,
two girls. The boys are older. The boys started playing
football in the living room. It was so huge and
there were no then there there was no furniture, but
(06:59):
there's a who donated a couch. We slept on the
floor on the mattresses and then I used bed sheets
as curtains. But she didn't take Like a month later,
I had a fully furnished house. By what Guardian angel.
Someone was upgrading their home and they didn't want their furniture.
(07:21):
So I took literally took everything from my house and
brought to my house at throwaway prize. Like he was
so nice. You know, if you came on day one
and found this empty house, then you come a month
later fully furnished house. He was perfect, even the kitchen,
like I had everything, all the gadgets I needed. I
(07:42):
think it's only a TV that I didn't have. And
my mom visited one day. She was like, you don't
have a TV and you have children. She went to
Borro a TV got what do you call it? Go TV?
She was like, my grandchildren need to watch their cartoons. Yeah,
that's how life started now away from the marriage, and
it's like that's all I needed. Because once I was out,
(08:06):
I was very fearful by the way. I was like,
now we're out, I have to figure I still haven't.
My business was still very small, very very small, but
because it was during COVID, I was also baking and
making deliveries. So I was making do with I mean
my hands. You know, you told what do you have?
(08:28):
I had my hands, my skills. I could use my
hands to do stuff. I could mix oils. Then I
started teaching women how to mix the oil someme. Women
told me they would love to start like their skincare lines.
Can I help them set up? That's how I made Maney.
In fact, I made good money now selling the products
(08:48):
at wholesale prices. The time I was doing six months,
I had gotten a small car, you know I was
I was well on my way like on stability. Now
I was good, but I was still very fearful, very
very fearful. I remember I was thinking about it on
my way here and I was thinking, yes, I was
actually doing very well, but I was very fearful. I
(09:09):
I couldn't imagine not having rent, for example. But I've
also just had guardian angels. This is this friend of
mine who used to sell me four thousand shillings every week,
and she'll be like, whatever is happening. I know it's business.
In some days you make zero. Just make sure there's
food on the table. And she sent it even when
(09:32):
I did need it. She continued sending, and sometimes in
the beginning I would tell her, oh, so the money
you sent me I went to the market and what
she was like, you know what, don't tell me. Do
what you want, even when you don't need to use
it on groceries. Eat your money, do what you want.
And it was my first lesson that I learned you
(09:54):
can help someone with dignity. Because the people around me
who had given me money to that point, I had
to suck up to them. Oh let me not mention names,
but especially family, Oh my goodness, you had to be
this people pleaser because someone has given you money. This
friend taught me that's a lesson I have carried to date.
(10:17):
If I'm giving you money, even if like these someone
I decided I'm just going to pay her rent and
it was for a while and I told her, even
when you have the rent, I have decided, I'm setting
at the side this ten thousand shillings. If you want
to go and eat it and finish it, it's yours.
(10:38):
I've decided I'm giving you. You don't owe me an explanation,
you know, leave the dignity intact. So, yeah, there are
those guardian angels during that time and things opened up
and it was but the cor parenting was not good
because now we're copparenting. After I left the corparenting was
(10:58):
it was very toxic. Actually it was very, very toxic.
And there are many weekends I would just hold my
babies and we cry together because their father said is
coming and he doesn't show up, or he's going to
do something and he doesn't do Then at some point
we moved and were not in the same neighborhood, so
(11:20):
the school they went to both parents. We had access
to the children, but it was toxic. Let me just
say the corp printing was very, very toxic. But at
this point, then, let's say three years later, I started
dating and this guy learns that. How he learns is
(11:46):
my son. I'd given my son this pair phone to
go with it to his dad so that when we
need to communicate, we can communicate. So this guy goes
to my emails and his email exchanges between me and
the guy I'm dating, and he confronts me and I
tell him, you, no, I don't know. You're an explanation.
(12:07):
Now we are no longer together. Why why are you bothered?
And he says, no, you know, legally, you're still my wife.
And that's when it hit me, by the way, we're apart,
but you're never officially divorced. And that's when I decide
I actually need to start the official divorce process. So
(12:28):
when I started putting the paperwork in order. But now
he goes from I want you back, and he tries
to enthize me with other things I would have wanted. Oh,
I'll get you a bigger car, I'll give you two
million for your business, and he told me many things,
and for many I listened, and then I realized no,
(12:53):
We've been through these cycles over and over again. It
will never he will never work between us, and I
told him. Then now he got angry, so he started
talking me. He started talking the person I was dating,
even on LinkedIn, and the guy is like, who is this?
Speaker 1 (13:12):
You know?
Speaker 2 (13:13):
And you know when you're dating you don't even want
to go into the to the X files so much. Yeah,
it's enough that yes, you dated, in fact not me,
I was married, but you know, yeah, so it seemed
at some point it actually seemed as if are you serious,
like you're not even officially divorced? Are you serious? Like
are you guys really over? And I'm like I can
(13:35):
never go back, like we are over over over, But anyway, yeah,
so this is how now I I move on from
this and I start dating. And at some point it
became so toxical coor p renting that after I had
(13:56):
left the country for some business trip and when I
came back, I found that the kids were not home,
so he had taken the children. Their dad had taken them,
and he had also moved houses, so I couldn't like
go to his house and look for him, so I
(14:17):
didn't know where the children were. He's not picking up
the phone, the phone that I left my kid with,
and the house girl has been taken away, so there's
no communication. So in this whole mess, I go to
the corps and ask them, so what happens here? And
they're like, the kids are with their father, yes, so
(14:38):
how is this criminal? I'm like, it's not criminals, but
I don't know where they are and their mother. I
don't know where the children are. I really need to
know where they're and they're like, those are not grounds
for tracking a number or you know, looking for someone. So,
by good luck, my son gets a phone. Is it
(15:01):
someone who know they went? They went to my sister's
house and she was not even he was not even
using my sister's I think the house girl at my
sister's house is where my phone. Now my son now
finally gets a phone and communicates and tells me we
are here. So when I first saw the text, I
didn't even pay much because he didn't say who it was,
(15:22):
and I was like, maybe this this is not meant
for me. So later in the evening, my son sends
another message and now writes his name, and I was like,
oh my god, this is my baby. And now I
asked him, is it safe to call him? He's like
his So I called him and I asked him, where
are you Auntie SU's place now my sister's place. And
(15:46):
I'm like, oh my god, how come nobody told me?
And he says, I don't know. So there's a cousense
of betrayal. How can the kids be there and nobody
told me? And I've been looking for the children. Everybody
knew and you see now the fact that whatever conversation
that was had between her and him, everybody knew our drama.
(16:11):
Let me just put it like that, everybody knew our drama.
So if the children in your house, I just felt
you'd have just dropped a text the kids are here.
I was told this and that you know it didn't happen.
So there's a sense of betrayal in that sense. So
I go see the kids.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
Now.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
What I didn't tell you is when I came back,
when I found that the kids had been taken, I
also found that everything in my house had been put
had been thrown out of the house to the back door.
As in the back porch, how can I put it?
All the furniture, all the caps and spoons were all
the ground, like you would have thought there was a
(16:50):
hurricane in that house. So in my mind, I thought,
if this guy could do this in my absence, what
if he got me, what if he found me in
the house, they would have betted me up or whatever
it seems for me, it seems like it was done
by a very angry person. So the decision I made
(17:12):
at that point is it is unsafe for me to
be here. So I called people to take whatever they wanted.
I just picked my clothes and I went and stayed
with a friend of mine. So by the time I'm
coming to see the children, by the time I'm told
the children in my sister's house, I am homeless. So
(17:33):
I cannot pick the kids. Where Am I taking them
to my friend's house. No, So I just went and
saw them and decided I will celebrate the fact that
I have seen the children. They are fine. I talked
to them, you know, they told me they're okay wherever
they are. Of course, they were missing me. The house
(17:54):
girl who they had gotten was good, but they were
afraid because they had been beaten by their dad. But
they were like, he's looking for school for us. We
started going for tuition so this is when I learned, Okay,
so he has no intentions of going back to the
(18:16):
other side. Now, they were in a pretty good school,
like I had no reason for removing them from that school.
In fact, the decision I had made to stay, for
us to be almost neighbors was because the school was good.
But it was not a good decision. I don't think
people should be neighbors when you're in a setting like that.
He wasn't good anyway, so I didn't. I saw the
(18:43):
children but did not pick them up. So it took
me another I think two weeks for me to be
able to take the children. And now when I take
them is when we go to the coast. Another friend
of mine offered her house near ki Leevy. We stayed
for a month, then he came back to Nairobi. At
(19:03):
that point I started receiving phone calls like you know
wherever you are, we could come for you. You know, it's
a private number. Then the lady said she's a cope
and I was thinking, okay, this is scary. And then
when this guy meets my friends, he tells them, you know,
(19:25):
tell her I know where she is and I've not
told anybody where I'm staying. So like, I became paranoid.
So is this guy stalking me or tracking my number?
You know, I became so paranoid and I was like,
I was not feeling safe. I was not feeling physically safe.
(19:46):
So by this time we get I decided to get
passports for my kids. And the day I get the passports,
there's a voice. I just told me Ran that's how
we left Ken. Yeah, we left on a night bus
to die I just took three rock socks. We left
on a night bus to Darisalam. We stayed in Tanzania
(20:10):
for a month. After that, a friend was living in
Mozambique told me, you just come down. So I we
used these a Tazara train, a very old train, I
think it's always train in Africa. And it kept it
kept maybe it goes fifty kilometers per hour. It was
(20:32):
very very slow. It kept breaking down. But I kept thinking,
we don't, we're not we don't. We're not in a
hurry to get to this Mozambique. So even if it
takes ten days to get to our destination, it's okay.
But it was just Terrri'salam to Zambia. It actually broke
down somewhere along the way and he didn't even get
to Zambia. So we needed to connect with with public transports.
(20:58):
I gave a story in my book. It was such drama.
We overstayed by one day in Tanzania. So at the border,
the immigration officials gave me grief. We had been told
we will be detained. You know, there was so many
that to do my body, I cannot forget. Then eventually,
after like four or five hours, they're like, they bring back,
(21:23):
they give me back the passport. Then the immigration official
asks for money. I'm like, I don't have money. And
it's the whole reason we've been here all the time.
Because I was saying the what I needed six hundred
dollars per passport, that's a penalty. Is like, I don't
have that kind of money. I honestly didn't even have
money beyond Zambia. I didn't know beyond there how we're
(21:45):
going to travel. The money I had was not enough.
So I just told them I don't have money, and
I guess they could see I'm being genuine. So some
earrings I was wearing, I always have some unique ear rings,
and she told me me those So that was a
bride by paid to do my boarder. The ear inside
(22:06):
gave her first fast back. So we first the board
and found a nice guy. This money changing people for
ex guy. He showed us where to sleep. He helped
us get to the Now the bus to Lusaca. The
next day we get to Lusaka. I thought you would
use the train now from Lusaka, it's not exactly Lusaka.
(22:30):
The cartwn is called Cowboy to Victoria Falls. Because I
thought I would use trains up to Mozambi. When you
go online, you think the train network works. But on
the ground, oh my goodness. Like now in Zambia there
had been an accident on the rails and they're like,
we don't know w any to be cleared. So right
now we're actually refinding money to the people who had
(22:51):
booked the train because it's been four days and we
don't know whenny to be cleared. So using the trains
now became a problem. We use buses and Zambian roads
are bad. They are so bad, and the country is big.
You travel fifteen hours and you're still traveling, you're still
in the same country. So from Zambia we went to
(23:13):
Mozambique border. More drama at the border cause we needed
an invitation letter from someone in Mozambique, which my friend wrote.
But when she was writing the names of the kids
she wrote for my last born, she wrote that she
was born in twenty twenty instead of twenty nineteen. That
one mistake. It took us four hours to resolve, and
(23:36):
they don't speak English, so anyway, eventually it was resolved.
It's a sleepy, sleepy town called Casakatsa. There's even no electricity.
We had to cross back to the Zambian side to
spend the night, then come back the next morning. They
only have one public transport vehicle that goes from this
(23:58):
town to not the city called Tate and it takes
four hours. So when we get to tet, I'm flat broke,
like I don't have no money and out of the blues.
Now my friends who knew what was happening, someone just suggests,
let's just buy she lunched today, So people do a
(24:20):
quick fundraiser on Emperor and it felt like a miracle
and I get money. Then my friend from Mozambique says,
now you're in Mozambique, so I can actually pay staff
for you. It's easy for me to pay like if
you go to the bus when you're booking the ticket,
I can pay for my end. You know, it was
easy even if I didn't, I was not connected in
(24:41):
the network. So that's how we get to Mozambique. From
the border to Mozambique, it's two days. We get to Mozambique.
We stay for a month. When saturdays are over, we
needed to exit. I exit to South Africa. We get
to South Africa, more angels on the way. I'm introduced
to someone who was supposed to houses for one week.
(25:02):
I end up staying for a month. And then she
tells me I'm not letting you go without her plan.
So she rounds up her friends. They do a f
and raiser. They get us a shared apartment. We live
in this shared apartment for two months, by which time
now our days. South Africa gives ninety days on you
free free what visa free? So two weeks to this
(25:28):
expiry date for us to leave South Africa. My I
had been in a book club since COVID. This this guy,
we had been talking but not seriously, like we were
just book club members. So I post a photo on
Facebook and he sees it. He in boxes me immediately
(25:49):
and tells me, I feel like you in my country.
How can you be here and not, you know, reach out.
I'm like, yeah, we've been here, but we're actually living
in two weeks. And he says, Twigs is a long time.
You should come visit my town. He was fifteen andy
kilometers away, And I tell him no, I don't have
a budget for any more visits right now. I'm just
(26:10):
thinking about my next step. And he asks me. I'm like,
I think I'm going to Botswana. He says, but Twigs
is a long time where I am. They're nice places
to take the children. You should come and explore the place.
After a lot of back to forth, I'm like, okay,
so I go. So we decide to go. I make
the decision we will go. So as I'm checking for
(26:32):
the buses to where he was, He's like, I cannot
in my right conscience allow you to travel with four
children in a bus. He books us return flights to
where he was, and I'm like, who is this guy?
Then at the time, I'm like, oh my god, I
don't even know what I'm getting into. But I'm like,
what can a guy, what can a single guy do
(26:53):
to a mother? With four children. So then he called
I think he was also thinking the same thing. He's like,
I don't want you to think I need anything from you.
I just think I've always thought highly of you. I
would just love to host you in my city before
(27:16):
you go, before you continue with your journeys. And then
he sends me an Airbnb booking for the entire period
of time will be there. He says, this is where
you're going to stay. Now. Remember you're coming from my
She do you know what I shared apartment is. It
means you own. The only place you call yourself is
the room you sleep in. So it was me sleeping
in a room with my five children by the over there.
(27:38):
I wrote this book. I wrote it like the night
there some nights and it was winter. South Africa is
so cold you wake up to one degree in the morning.
I wrote and wrote and wrote as the kid slept
as we tried to keep up. There was no hitting.
So I'm like, okay, so we go we meeting me.
(28:02):
In fact, the day we land is the day I
was having my final hearing for my divorce. The day
we land, we learned at am and my lawyer is
luckily Kenya. It's virtual court. So my lawyer calls and
tells me, you have your hearing is in a now
as time. I hope you're ready. I'm like, yes, I'm ready.
(28:23):
So in that one hour's time, he takes me to
this quiet parking lot, then he takes the kids. They
go so me I have my hearing. We finish. Then
as they're coming back, he tells me, as they're approaching,
I see they're carrying many think he's going, it's shocked,
kids have balls, toys whatever. I'm like, this guy, wow.
(28:48):
So we go, we check into our Airbnb, and you know,
we hit it off immediately. We were going through the
same life situations. He was going through divorce, He was
a writer, in fact, hadlready published his poetry book. He
was planning to do ten countries by road, and I'm
(29:09):
telling him all I want to do is travel. Had
opened a YouTube channel and called it wonder Last African Family,
but doing nothing with it. So I tell him I
want to document the journey. You know. Then he's like,
then let's do this. So we start planning how we're
going to travel together. And now we hatch the plan
(29:29):
to travel throughout Africa. We planned faces we will do this.
We will do the southern part, take a break, come
back to South Africa, go to the central and western
come back or you know, we had a rough idea
how we wanted to do it, and this is how
we start our life together. And it's bliss Like. At
(29:51):
some point the kids are asking me because they're calling
him uncle. Now, no, the last one, but mummy. He's
so nice to you, and he's so nice to us,
and we call him daddy. I'm like, daddy sounds, you know, weird,
you had a daddy. And they're like, so what do
(30:13):
we call him? Not our uncle? So I suggest to
him call him papa. Then his name and then they're like, no,
it's very long. Then I'm like, then just call him papa.
And Papa stuck and he was Papa through and through.
So he had gone for a trip, he had gone
for a retreat. When he came back and at the
(30:34):
airport there they're you know, they're running to Hagum like
papa and he looks at me. That's nice, you know,
And because he also loved the children, like if you
didn't know us, you wouldn't know it's not their father.
He was so nice, he was he reminded me that
(30:55):
even after a very bad, toxic marriage, there are good men.
There's love pure and unconditional, like there are good men.
A man can love you for who you are, a
man can addle you like literally, I say, I felt
like a queen from dey one. He treated me so well.
(31:18):
He loved my children. He wanted to know my dreams.
He wanted if it were not for him, this book
would not be here. Because I remember at some point
my laptop died and one day he just came home
with a brand new HP laptop. He was like, we
are writing this book. You are finishing it. I have
used to tell me, you know, I look at you
(31:38):
like my garden, and I have to nature you. He
loved farming. I have to nature you. So if writing
is what you've decided to do, then we're writing this
book and you have to finish it, you know. So
it was it was so nice to just wake up
in the morning and there's no rush. We wake up
kids at homeschools. We decide what the day is going
(32:01):
to be. He was working. He was self employed, so
he didn't have to go to an office. You know,
we go for our walks either, we go where we lived,
there was a beach not too far away, and there
was also like a forest, so we can either decide
whether we're going to walk in the beach or in
the forest. Like it was just heaven, you know. And
(32:26):
it was like that until now we started traveling from
country to country. We left South Africa. We went to Namibia,
went to Angola, went to Zimbabwe. We went to Mozambique.
But in between I had my own travels with my girls,
like earlay in the air. This year we went to Dubai,
(32:50):
we went to Katar. What else did we go into? Malaysia?
I went to Cambodia. I went to Thailand. So now
we were planning our family holiday for his fifty fifth birthday,
which was in October. Then nine days before his birthday,
(33:11):
he comes home from his run. He was a fitness guy.
He comes home from his run and for me, I
used to walk. I stopped running somewhere along the way.
I used to work for fitness, so i'd gone walking.
He had gone running. He comes home and I called
him to tell him, I think I'm lost because I've
taken a new route. I'd be a little late. Then
(33:34):
I call a minute later, just to I pinted my
location so that he can know where I am. I
call a minute later to ask him whether he's gotten
the location, and my son picks up the phone and
I'm like, where is Papa. He says, Papa has fallen,
(33:54):
has fallen down, and I'm like, what do you mean
I just spoke to him now. My son says, yes,
once he put the phone down, he just fell down.
I tell him to put the video. He's falling flat
down on the floor and I can see he's not
able to move himself. I ask my older son, you
(34:17):
know how to do the safety position. He tells me no,
but I'm really afraid. He looks like he's in a
lot of pain. So tell him to go call the
watchman and our neighbor. So they come. They lift him
up and put him on the seat. The neighbor asked
(34:40):
me where I am and I'm like, I don't even
know where I am. I'm lost. This is Mozambique, where
people don't speak English, and he tells me ask anybody.
I'm like, no, we can't communicate. So I gave my
phone to a stranger to talk to him, and he's like,
you're very far let's take him to hospital. You catch
(35:03):
up with us. I was so far away I could
I couldn't even like Helen Uber. So they took him
to hospital. By the time I got to them, it
was more than an hour later. And then they tell
me we've been told especially so needs to see him
is in the next hospital. So I tell the Uber
guy to the route we go to the next hospital.
(35:27):
So I get to the parking lot and they're there,
my son, my oldest son, and the neighbor and the watchman,
and I'm like, where is he? Because he was not
in the car. My son is avoiding my gize. I
asked my neighbor who is Robert? And he tells me can't,
(35:47):
let's talk. And I just knew it was bad news.
So this guy I had talked to him. An hour later,
he was gone. You know, I just started wailing in
that parking lot. I couldn't believe, like, what are you
telling me what happened? So I was ticking to the
(36:12):
morgue and he was just peacefully lying there. And because
he was a guy who loved joking a lot and
pranking people, I felt like he would just opened his
eyes and tell me, got you you know, but he
(36:33):
was gone. He was peacefully lying there and that's a
memory I have of him. He just got a hat
attack and he died. That's how my historians.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
Catch more African stories. In the next episode of Legally
Killing Wow. So part one and part two of Victoria's
story done. And what I love about the stories that
we have here on this podcast is we like to
think of stories having a happy ending or being very
(37:13):
linear beginning middle end. But her story is still unraveling.
It's still happening and that's where she chose to end
her story for us understandably so because that grief is
pretty fresh. So I love her story because it reminds
us of that that the people who come on this
(37:34):
show are still living their stories. Hey, and I have
so many I have so many takeaways, but I think
the one that I love is that she shows us
that healing is not linear, right Like, you can you
can find safety, and you can still feel afraid, you
can experience deep love, and you can still face loss,
and you can rebuild your life more than once even
(37:57):
when you're exhausted. Ah. That really that really hit home
for me. And I just feel like Victoria's story also
reminds us that you know, when you choose life, that
doesn't mean the pain disappears. It really just means that
then you decide that the pain will not be the
end of your story.
Speaker 2 (38:15):
Right.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
But that's what I took away from it. I really
this is one of those stories I will never forget.
Let me put it that way. It's one of the
stories I will just never ever forget. But I want
to know what you resonated with. So wherever you're listening
to this on, drop a comment. I love to read
through your comments. But thank you so much for listening
to part two of Victoria's story. If this episode stirred
(38:39):
something in you, beat grief, hope, courage, recognition, just know
that you're not alone, right and I hope you're able
to find time through this festive season to reflect on
what did choosing life look like for you? Or what
will choosing life look like for you? Know? And if
(39:01):
you resonated with Victoria's story, please share this episode in
the previous one with somebody who might need to hear it.
Thank you so so much for listening to this episode
to the very end. I've got nothing but love for you.
I truly think this is not just something I say.
I say it with so much conviction. I think you
have every single thing it takes to heal. That's it
(39:23):
for this episode of Legally Clueless. You can share this
podcast with your friends. You can keep it for yourself.
I'm not judging. Just make sure you're here next week
for the next episode.
My name is Adela on Jangle and welcome to another
episode of Legally Clueless. No, seriously, i have no clue
what I'm doing, but I'm pretty sure I'm not the
only one. Hey, you welcome to this episode of Legally Clueless.
If you're an OG member, I've got nothing but love
for you. If this is your first time, welcome to
(00:22):
the family. Better late than never, Ay, and you've chosen?
Is this the first? Oh? No, I was gonna say
the first episode of twenty twenty five. It ain't psich,
but welcome, Welcome to the family. This particular show goes
out every single Monday. On Wednesdays, we have the midwik
TI's where talk about topics that I think will help
(00:45):
you on your healing journey. On Wednesday. Our newsletter also
goes out Thursdays. We have for maneralists women that's going
to be back first Thursday of the year. And Fridays
we have Ask a Therapist That is a seasonal show.
So what you need to do so you don't miss
out on any of these awesome things is number one,
subscribe wherever to you're listening to this on and then
(01:06):
number two, you can sign up for our newsletter link
is in the show notes, and you can join us
on our TikTok and our Instagram. A link to those
pages are in the show notes as well. But let's
jump right into it. Okay, So, first and foremost, if
you have not listened to part one of Victoria's story,
you may want to listen to the previous episode, episode
three hundred and fifty seven, so that, like you know,
(01:29):
part two makes sense. These are the things that you
need to be doing. But if you've listened, then let's
just get into it. We left Victoria when she was
at her breaking point physically, emotionally, and mentally. Right now,
in part two, I feel like what Victoria really takes
us through is what it looks like to choose herself
and doing that in the context of an unsafe, abusive
(01:53):
marriage with children. She's gonna like unpack that, and I
really think this part of her story is about movement,
movement across cities, countries, borders, and reclaiming her agency.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Right.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
We have a little bit of unexpected love that comes in,
but also profound grief. I don't want to give too
much away, so let's just jump into part two of
Victoria's story. A hundred African stories are legally clueless stories
from Africa.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
So now this is a recollection of what I'm told
that they call an ambulance. I was taken to Avenue Hospital.
So when I wake up, I'm at Avenue at the ico,
and the first thing I asked them is my baby okay?
And they tell me the baby's fine. So they ask
(02:48):
me questions just to ascertain that I'm okay, and they
tell me you will only be here like this night.
Tomorrow will take you to the psychuord. I think the
psyche wordes they awakening for me, and I was like,
I cannot be here anymore. Avenue. Now you cannot compare
Avenue with Bustani Avenue. Psych word is where now there
(03:09):
are mad people. There are people, should we say, who
live in the alternative universe. There are people who nurses
have to slap for them to just stay like behave themselves.
And I was like, I cannot be here with these people.
I am not these people. I have to do better
for myself, and I promise myself that whatever it is
(03:31):
that I'm dealing with, I have to get out of
it because this is not my life. So by the
time I'm being discharged from avenue. They still give me
medication because I needed to burn medication. But I went
flash the maids in the toilet and I decide, we
(03:52):
are healing, but we are healing without pills. So I
become intentional, like now just going out in the sun
taking care of myself. I was not really taking care
of myself. I'm so heavily pregnant. I apologize to my
own born child, like, I am so sorry for all
this stuff I have put you through. And this baby
(04:15):
is resilient despite everything. She didn't give up. Because I
was expecting one day I'll just be told, you know,
the baby is dead, or I'll have a miscarriage. There
were too many things going on, too many medical complications
that were going on when I was pregnant with this baby.
But this baby made it. And the moment I saw her,
(04:41):
I felt as if some light switched on. So I
called her Nurro. That's my last bond. And she's the brightest,
most beautiful, beautiful, like if you see my children. I'm
not saying my children are not beautiful, but I'm just
saying she stands out. My last bone stands out. She
she fought to be here. In fact, now she's five.
(05:03):
Now she sicks, sorry, she seeks now sometimes just in
the way she does her things, And I'm like, you
are you are always so fierce, even before you are born.
She is just a breath of fresh air. So it's
now after she's born. I tell myself, I have to
turn my life around, you know, I cannot continue staying here.
(05:27):
And COVID comes around, and I'm like, you know what
it was to be in a house with someone who
you can stand? You know, actually, Cosana, we really were
not getting along. And at that point is now I left.
I left, Maybe I moved forty kilometers away, looked for
(05:52):
a house. I only left with the clothes on my back.
By the way, like my hour clothes had already been told,
if you ever leave me, you're not living with anything.
So I knew there was nothing for me to carry,
so I carried clothes. I had some little money. I
got a second hand cooker. I went to a wholesale
shop and bought a half a dozen of everything. Six plate,
(06:14):
six caps, six you know, the basics. Five mattresses, so
we slept on the floor. But I got a big
bungalow like I was the house where we were living in.
It was a three bedroom bungalow, but it was small
now with the kids. We went there when I didn't
have any children, and now four kids later we were
still living there. It felt like a small hole. So
(06:37):
I got a huge bungalow which had no furniture. In fact,
the moment my colassborn got there, it felt like they
just started playing. The boys started playing balls. Have two boys,
two girls. The boys are older. The boys started playing
football in the living room. It was so huge and
there were no then there there was no furniture, but
(06:59):
there's a who donated a couch. We slept on the
floor on the mattresses and then I used bed sheets
as curtains. But she didn't take Like a month later,
I had a fully furnished house. By what Guardian angel.
Someone was upgrading their home and they didn't want their furniture.
(07:21):
So I took literally took everything from my house and
brought to my house at throwaway prize. Like he was
so nice. You know, if you came on day one
and found this empty house, then you come a month
later fully furnished house. He was perfect, even the kitchen,
like I had everything, all the gadgets I needed. I
(07:42):
think it's only a TV that I didn't have. And
my mom visited one day. She was like, you don't
have a TV and you have children. She went to
Borro a TV got what do you call it? Go TV?
She was like, my grandchildren need to watch their cartoons. Yeah,
that's how life started now away from the marriage, and
it's like that's all I needed. Because once I was out,
(08:06):
I was very fearful by the way. I was like,
now we're out, I have to figure I still haven't.
My business was still very small, very very small, but
because it was during COVID, I was also baking and
making deliveries. So I was making do with I mean
my hands. You know, you told what do you have?
(08:28):
I had my hands, my skills. I could use my
hands to do stuff. I could mix oils. Then I
started teaching women how to mix the oil someme. Women
told me they would love to start like their skincare lines.
Can I help them set up? That's how I made Maney.
In fact, I made good money now selling the products
(08:48):
at wholesale prices. The time I was doing six months,
I had gotten a small car, you know I was
I was well on my way like on stability. Now
I was good, but I was still very fearful, very
very fearful. I remember I was thinking about it on
my way here and I was thinking, yes, I was
actually doing very well, but I was very fearful. I
(09:09):
I couldn't imagine not having rent, for example. But I've
also just had guardian angels. This is this friend of
mine who used to sell me four thousand shillings every week,
and she'll be like, whatever is happening. I know it's business.
In some days you make zero. Just make sure there's
food on the table. And she sent it even when
(09:32):
I did need it. She continued sending, and sometimes in
the beginning I would tell her, oh, so the money
you sent me I went to the market and what
she was like, you know what, don't tell me. Do
what you want, even when you don't need to use
it on groceries. Eat your money, do what you want.
And it was my first lesson that I learned you
(09:54):
can help someone with dignity. Because the people around me
who had given me money to that point, I had
to suck up to them. Oh let me not mention names,
but especially family, Oh my goodness, you had to be
this people pleaser because someone has given you money. This
friend taught me that's a lesson I have carried to date.
(10:17):
If I'm giving you money, even if like these someone
I decided I'm just going to pay her rent and
it was for a while and I told her, even
when you have the rent, I have decided, I'm setting
at the side this ten thousand shillings. If you want
to go and eat it and finish it, it's yours.
(10:38):
I've decided I'm giving you. You don't owe me an explanation,
you know, leave the dignity intact. So, yeah, there are
those guardian angels during that time and things opened up
and it was but the cor parenting was not good
because now we're copparenting. After I left the corparenting was
(10:58):
it was very toxic. Actually it was very, very toxic.
And there are many weekends I would just hold my
babies and we cry together because their father said is
coming and he doesn't show up, or he's going to
do something and he doesn't do Then at some point
we moved and were not in the same neighborhood, so
(11:20):
the school they went to both parents. We had access
to the children, but it was toxic. Let me just
say the corp printing was very, very toxic. But at
this point, then, let's say three years later, I started
dating and this guy learns that. How he learns is
(11:46):
my son. I'd given my son this pair phone to
go with it to his dad so that when we
need to communicate, we can communicate. So this guy goes
to my emails and his email exchanges between me and
the guy I'm dating, and he confronts me and I
tell him, you, no, I don't know. You're an explanation.
(12:07):
Now we are no longer together. Why why are you bothered?
And he says, no, you know, legally, you're still my wife.
And that's when it hit me, by the way, we're apart,
but you're never officially divorced. And that's when I decide
I actually need to start the official divorce process. So
(12:28):
when I started putting the paperwork in order. But now
he goes from I want you back, and he tries
to enthize me with other things I would have wanted. Oh,
I'll get you a bigger car, I'll give you two
million for your business, and he told me many things,
and for many I listened, and then I realized no,
(12:53):
We've been through these cycles over and over again. It
will never he will never work between us, and I
told him. Then now he got angry, so he started
talking me. He started talking the person I was dating,
even on LinkedIn, and the guy is like, who is this?
Speaker 1 (13:12):
You know?
Speaker 2 (13:13):
And you know when you're dating you don't even want
to go into the to the X files so much. Yeah,
it's enough that yes, you dated, in fact not me,
I was married, but you know, yeah, so it seemed
at some point it actually seemed as if are you serious,
like you're not even officially divorced? Are you serious? Like
are you guys really over? And I'm like I can
(13:35):
never go back, like we are over over over, But anyway, yeah,
so this is how now I I move on from
this and I start dating. And at some point it
became so toxical coor p renting that after I had
(13:56):
left the country for some business trip and when I
came back, I found that the kids were not home,
so he had taken the children. Their dad had taken them,
and he had also moved houses, so I couldn't like
go to his house and look for him, so I
(14:17):
didn't know where the children were. He's not picking up
the phone, the phone that I left my kid with,
and the house girl has been taken away, so there's
no communication. So in this whole mess, I go to
the corps and ask them, so what happens here? And
they're like, the kids are with their father, yes, so
(14:38):
how is this criminal? I'm like, it's not criminals, but
I don't know where they are and their mother. I
don't know where the children are. I really need to
know where they're and they're like, those are not grounds
for tracking a number or you know, looking for someone. So,
by good luck, my son gets a phone. Is it
(15:01):
someone who know they went? They went to my sister's
house and she was not even he was not even
using my sister's I think the house girl at my
sister's house is where my phone. Now my son now
finally gets a phone and communicates and tells me we
are here. So when I first saw the text, I
didn't even pay much because he didn't say who it was,
(15:22):
and I was like, maybe this this is not meant
for me. So later in the evening, my son sends
another message and now writes his name, and I was like,
oh my god, this is my baby. And now I
asked him, is it safe to call him? He's like
his So I called him and I asked him, where
are you Auntie SU's place now my sister's place. And
(15:46):
I'm like, oh my god, how come nobody told me?
And he says, I don't know. So there's a cousense
of betrayal. How can the kids be there and nobody
told me? And I've been looking for the children. Everybody
knew and you see now the fact that whatever conversation
that was had between her and him, everybody knew our drama.
(16:11):
Let me just put it like that, everybody knew our drama.
So if the children in your house, I just felt
you'd have just dropped a text the kids are here.
I was told this and that you know it didn't happen.
So there's a sense of betrayal in that sense. So
I go see the kids.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
Now.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
What I didn't tell you is when I came back,
when I found that the kids had been taken, I
also found that everything in my house had been put
had been thrown out of the house to the back door.
As in the back porch, how can I put it?
All the furniture, all the caps and spoons were all
the ground, like you would have thought there was a
(16:50):
hurricane in that house. So in my mind, I thought,
if this guy could do this in my absence, what
if he got me, what if he found me in
the house, they would have betted me up or whatever
it seems for me, it seems like it was done
by a very angry person. So the decision I made
(17:12):
at that point is it is unsafe for me to
be here. So I called people to take whatever they wanted.
I just picked my clothes and I went and stayed
with a friend of mine. So by the time I'm
coming to see the children, by the time I'm told
the children in my sister's house, I am homeless. So
(17:33):
I cannot pick the kids. Where Am I taking them
to my friend's house. No, So I just went and
saw them and decided I will celebrate the fact that
I have seen the children. They are fine. I talked
to them, you know, they told me they're okay wherever
they are. Of course, they were missing me. The house
(17:54):
girl who they had gotten was good, but they were
afraid because they had been beaten by their dad. But
they were like, he's looking for school for us. We
started going for tuition so this is when I learned, Okay,
so he has no intentions of going back to the
(18:16):
other side. Now, they were in a pretty good school,
like I had no reason for removing them from that school.
In fact, the decision I had made to stay, for
us to be almost neighbors was because the school was good.
But it was not a good decision. I don't think
people should be neighbors when you're in a setting like that.
He wasn't good anyway, so I didn't. I saw the
(18:43):
children but did not pick them up. So it took
me another I think two weeks for me to be
able to take the children. And now when I take
them is when we go to the coast. Another friend
of mine offered her house near ki Leevy. We stayed
for a month, then he came back to Nairobi. At
(19:03):
that point I started receiving phone calls like you know
wherever you are, we could come for you. You know, it's
a private number. Then the lady said she's a cope
and I was thinking, okay, this is scary. And then
when this guy meets my friends, he tells them, you know,
(19:25):
tell her I know where she is and I've not
told anybody where I'm staying. So like, I became paranoid.
So is this guy stalking me or tracking my number?
You know, I became so paranoid and I was like,
I was not feeling safe. I was not feeling physically safe.
(19:46):
So by this time we get I decided to get
passports for my kids. And the day I get the passports,
there's a voice. I just told me Ran that's how
we left Ken. Yeah, we left on a night bus
to die I just took three rock socks. We left
on a night bus to Darisalam. We stayed in Tanzania
(20:10):
for a month. After that, a friend was living in
Mozambique told me, you just come down. So I we
used these a Tazara train, a very old train, I
think it's always train in Africa. And it kept it
kept maybe it goes fifty kilometers per hour. It was
(20:32):
very very slow. It kept breaking down. But I kept thinking,
we don't, we're not we don't. We're not in a
hurry to get to this Mozambique. So even if it
takes ten days to get to our destination, it's okay.
But it was just Terrri'salam to Zambia. It actually broke
down somewhere along the way and he didn't even get
to Zambia. So we needed to connect with with public transports.
(20:58):
I gave a story in my book. It was such drama.
We overstayed by one day in Tanzania. So at the border,
the immigration officials gave me grief. We had been told
we will be detained. You know, there was so many
that to do my body, I cannot forget. Then eventually,
after like four or five hours, they're like, they bring back,
(21:23):
they give me back the passport. Then the immigration official
asks for money. I'm like, I don't have money. And
it's the whole reason we've been here all the time.
Because I was saying the what I needed six hundred
dollars per passport, that's a penalty. Is like, I don't
have that kind of money. I honestly didn't even have
money beyond Zambia. I didn't know beyond there how we're
(21:45):
going to travel. The money I had was not enough.
So I just told them I don't have money, and
I guess they could see I'm being genuine. So some
earrings I was wearing, I always have some unique ear rings,
and she told me me those So that was a
bride by paid to do my boarder. The ear inside
(22:06):
gave her first fast back. So we first the board
and found a nice guy. This money changing people for
ex guy. He showed us where to sleep. He helped
us get to the Now the bus to Lusaca. The
next day we get to Lusaka. I thought you would
use the train now from Lusaka, it's not exactly Lusaka.
(22:30):
The cartwn is called Cowboy to Victoria Falls. Because I
thought I would use trains up to Mozambi. When you
go online, you think the train network works. But on
the ground, oh my goodness. Like now in Zambia there
had been an accident on the rails and they're like,
we don't know w any to be cleared. So right
now we're actually refinding money to the people who had
(22:51):
booked the train because it's been four days and we
don't know whenny to be cleared. So using the trains
now became a problem. We use buses and Zambian roads
are bad. They are so bad, and the country is big.
You travel fifteen hours and you're still traveling, you're still
in the same country. So from Zambia we went to
(23:13):
Mozambique border. More drama at the border cause we needed
an invitation letter from someone in Mozambique, which my friend wrote.
But when she was writing the names of the kids
she wrote for my last born, she wrote that she
was born in twenty twenty instead of twenty nineteen. That
one mistake. It took us four hours to resolve, and
(23:36):
they don't speak English, so anyway, eventually it was resolved.
It's a sleepy, sleepy town called Casakatsa. There's even no electricity.
We had to cross back to the Zambian side to
spend the night, then come back the next morning. They
only have one public transport vehicle that goes from this
(23:58):
town to not the city called Tate and it takes
four hours. So when we get to tet, I'm flat broke,
like I don't have no money and out of the blues.
Now my friends who knew what was happening, someone just suggests,
let's just buy she lunched today, So people do a
(24:20):
quick fundraiser on Emperor and it felt like a miracle
and I get money. Then my friend from Mozambique says,
now you're in Mozambique, so I can actually pay staff
for you. It's easy for me to pay like if
you go to the bus when you're booking the ticket,
I can pay for my end. You know, it was
easy even if I didn't, I was not connected in
(24:41):
the network. So that's how we get to Mozambique. From
the border to Mozambique, it's two days. We get to Mozambique.
We stay for a month. When saturdays are over, we
needed to exit. I exit to South Africa. We get
to South Africa, more angels on the way. I'm introduced
to someone who was supposed to houses for one week.
(25:02):
I end up staying for a month. And then she
tells me I'm not letting you go without her plan.
So she rounds up her friends. They do a f
and raiser. They get us a shared apartment. We live
in this shared apartment for two months, by which time
now our days. South Africa gives ninety days on you
free free what visa free? So two weeks to this
(25:28):
expiry date for us to leave South Africa. My I
had been in a book club since COVID. This this guy,
we had been talking but not seriously, like we were
just book club members. So I post a photo on
Facebook and he sees it. He in boxes me immediately
(25:49):
and tells me, I feel like you in my country.
How can you be here and not, you know, reach out.
I'm like, yeah, we've been here, but we're actually living
in two weeks. And he says, Twigs is a long time.
You should come visit my town. He was fifteen andy
kilometers away, And I tell him no, I don't have
a budget for any more visits right now. I'm just
(26:10):
thinking about my next step. And he asks me. I'm like,
I think I'm going to Botswana. He says, but Twigs
is a long time where I am. They're nice places
to take the children. You should come and explore the place.
After a lot of back to forth, I'm like, okay,
so I go. So we decide to go. I make
the decision we will go. So as I'm checking for
(26:32):
the buses to where he was, He's like, I cannot
in my right conscience allow you to travel with four
children in a bus. He books us return flights to
where he was, and I'm like, who is this guy?
Then at the time, I'm like, oh my god, I
don't even know what I'm getting into. But I'm like,
what can a guy, what can a single guy do
(26:53):
to a mother? With four children. So then he called
I think he was also thinking the same thing. He's like,
I don't want you to think I need anything from you.
I just think I've always thought highly of you. I
would just love to host you in my city before
(27:16):
you go, before you continue with your journeys. And then
he sends me an Airbnb booking for the entire period
of time will be there. He says, this is where
you're going to stay. Now. Remember you're coming from my
She do you know what I shared apartment is. It
means you own. The only place you call yourself is
the room you sleep in. So it was me sleeping
in a room with my five children by the over there.
(27:38):
I wrote this book. I wrote it like the night
there some nights and it was winter. South Africa is
so cold you wake up to one degree in the morning.
I wrote and wrote and wrote as the kid slept
as we tried to keep up. There was no hitting.
So I'm like, okay, so we go we meeting me.
(28:02):
In fact, the day we land is the day I
was having my final hearing for my divorce. The day
we land, we learned at am and my lawyer is
luckily Kenya. It's virtual court. So my lawyer calls and
tells me, you have your hearing is in a now
as time. I hope you're ready. I'm like, yes, I'm ready.
(28:23):
So in that one hour's time, he takes me to
this quiet parking lot, then he takes the kids. They
go so me I have my hearing. We finish. Then
as they're coming back, he tells me, as they're approaching,
I see they're carrying many think he's going, it's shocked,
kids have balls, toys whatever. I'm like, this guy, wow.
(28:48):
So we go, we check into our Airbnb, and you know,
we hit it off immediately. We were going through the
same life situations. He was going through divorce, He was
a writer, in fact, hadlready published his poetry book. He
was planning to do ten countries by road, and I'm
(29:09):
telling him all I want to do is travel. Had
opened a YouTube channel and called it wonder Last African Family,
but doing nothing with it. So I tell him I
want to document the journey. You know. Then he's like,
then let's do this. So we start planning how we're
going to travel together. And now we hatch the plan
(29:29):
to travel throughout Africa. We planned faces we will do this.
We will do the southern part, take a break, come
back to South Africa, go to the central and western
come back or you know, we had a rough idea
how we wanted to do it, and this is how
we start our life together. And it's bliss Like. At
(29:51):
some point the kids are asking me because they're calling
him uncle. Now, no, the last one, but mummy. He's
so nice to you, and he's so nice to us,
and we call him daddy. I'm like, daddy sounds, you know, weird,
you had a daddy. And they're like, so what do
(30:13):
we call him? Not our uncle? So I suggest to
him call him papa. Then his name and then they're like, no,
it's very long. Then I'm like, then just call him papa.
And Papa stuck and he was Papa through and through.
So he had gone for a trip, he had gone
for a retreat. When he came back and at the
(30:34):
airport there they're you know, they're running to Hagum like
papa and he looks at me. That's nice, you know,
And because he also loved the children, like if you
didn't know us, you wouldn't know it's not their father.
He was so nice, he was he reminded me that
(30:55):
even after a very bad, toxic marriage, there are good men.
There's love pure and unconditional, like there are good men.
A man can love you for who you are, a
man can addle you like literally, I say, I felt
like a queen from dey one. He treated me so well.
(31:18):
He loved my children. He wanted to know my dreams.
He wanted if it were not for him, this book
would not be here. Because I remember at some point
my laptop died and one day he just came home
with a brand new HP laptop. He was like, we
are writing this book. You are finishing it. I have
used to tell me, you know, I look at you
(31:38):
like my garden, and I have to nature you. He
loved farming. I have to nature you. So if writing
is what you've decided to do, then we're writing this
book and you have to finish it, you know. So
it was it was so nice to just wake up
in the morning and there's no rush. We wake up
kids at homeschools. We decide what the day is going
(32:01):
to be. He was working. He was self employed, so
he didn't have to go to an office. You know,
we go for our walks either, we go where we lived,
there was a beach not too far away, and there
was also like a forest, so we can either decide
whether we're going to walk in the beach or in
the forest. Like it was just heaven, you know. And
(32:26):
it was like that until now we started traveling from
country to country. We left South Africa. We went to Namibia,
went to Angola, went to Zimbabwe. We went to Mozambique.
But in between I had my own travels with my girls,
like earlay in the air. This year we went to Dubai,
(32:50):
we went to Katar. What else did we go into? Malaysia?
I went to Cambodia. I went to Thailand. So now
we were planning our family holiday for his fifty fifth birthday,
which was in October. Then nine days before his birthday,
(33:11):
he comes home from his run. He was a fitness guy.
He comes home from his run and for me, I
used to walk. I stopped running somewhere along the way.
I used to work for fitness, so i'd gone walking.
He had gone running. He comes home and I called
him to tell him, I think I'm lost because I've
taken a new route. I'd be a little late. Then
(33:34):
I call a minute later, just to I pinted my
location so that he can know where I am. I
call a minute later to ask him whether he's gotten
the location, and my son picks up the phone and
I'm like, where is Papa. He says, Papa has fallen,
(33:54):
has fallen down, and I'm like, what do you mean
I just spoke to him now. My son says, yes,
once he put the phone down, he just fell down.
I tell him to put the video. He's falling flat
down on the floor and I can see he's not
able to move himself. I ask my older son, you
(34:17):
know how to do the safety position. He tells me no,
but I'm really afraid. He looks like he's in a
lot of pain. So tell him to go call the
watchman and our neighbor. So they come. They lift him
up and put him on the seat. The neighbor asked
(34:40):
me where I am and I'm like, I don't even
know where I am. I'm lost. This is Mozambique, where
people don't speak English, and he tells me ask anybody.
I'm like, no, we can't communicate. So I gave my
phone to a stranger to talk to him, and he's like,
you're very far let's take him to hospital. You catch
(35:03):
up with us. I was so far away I could
I couldn't even like Helen Uber. So they took him
to hospital. By the time I got to them, it
was more than an hour later. And then they tell
me we've been told especially so needs to see him
is in the next hospital. So I tell the Uber
guy to the route we go to the next hospital.
(35:27):
So I get to the parking lot and they're there,
my son, my oldest son, and the neighbor and the watchman,
and I'm like, where is he? Because he was not
in the car. My son is avoiding my gize. I
asked my neighbor who is Robert? And he tells me can't,
(35:47):
let's talk. And I just knew it was bad news.
So this guy I had talked to him. An hour later,
he was gone. You know, I just started wailing in
that parking lot. I couldn't believe, like, what are you
telling me what happened? So I was ticking to the
(36:12):
morgue and he was just peacefully lying there. And because
he was a guy who loved joking a lot and
pranking people, I felt like he would just opened his
eyes and tell me, got you you know, but he
(36:33):
was gone. He was peacefully lying there and that's a
memory I have of him. He just got a hat
attack and he died. That's how my historians.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
Catch more African stories. In the next episode of Legally
Killing Wow. So part one and part two of Victoria's
story done. And what I love about the stories that
we have here on this podcast is we like to
think of stories having a happy ending or being very
(37:13):
linear beginning middle end. But her story is still unraveling.
It's still happening and that's where she chose to end
her story for us understandably so because that grief is
pretty fresh. So I love her story because it reminds
us of that that the people who come on this
(37:34):
show are still living their stories. Hey, and I have
so many I have so many takeaways, but I think
the one that I love is that she shows us
that healing is not linear, right Like, you can you
can find safety, and you can still feel afraid, you
can experience deep love, and you can still face loss,
and you can rebuild your life more than once even
(37:57):
when you're exhausted. Ah. That really that really hit home
for me. And I just feel like Victoria's story also
reminds us that you know, when you choose life, that
doesn't mean the pain disappears. It really just means that
then you decide that the pain will not be the
end of your story.
Speaker 2 (38:15):
Right.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
But that's what I took away from it. I really
this is one of those stories I will never forget.
Let me put it that way. It's one of the
stories I will just never ever forget. But I want
to know what you resonated with. So wherever you're listening
to this on, drop a comment. I love to read
through your comments. But thank you so much for listening
to part two of Victoria's story. If this episode stirred
(38:39):
something in you, beat grief, hope, courage, recognition, just know
that you're not alone, right and I hope you're able
to find time through this festive season to reflect on
what did choosing life look like for you? Or what
will choosing life look like for you? Know? And if
(39:01):
you resonated with Victoria's story, please share this episode in
the previous one with somebody who might need to hear it.
Thank you so so much for listening to this episode
to the very end. I've got nothing but love for you.
I truly think this is not just something I say.
I say it with so much conviction. I think you
have every single thing it takes to heal. That's it
(39:23):
for this episode of Legally Clueless. You can share this
podcast with your friends. You can keep it for yourself.
I'm not judging. Just make sure you're here next week
for the next episode.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark
My Favorite Murder is a true crime comedy podcast hosted by Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark. Each week, Karen and Georgia share compelling true crimes and hometown stories from friends and listeners. Since MFM launched in January of 2016, Karen and Georgia have shared their lifelong interest in true crime and have covered stories of infamous serial killers like the Night Stalker, mysterious cold cases, captivating cults, incredible survivor stories and important events from history like the Tulsa race massacre of 1921. My Favorite Murder is part of the Exactly Right podcast network that provides a platform for bold, creative voices to bring to life provocative, entertaining and relatable stories for audiences everywhere. The Exactly Right roster of podcasts covers a variety of topics including historic true crime, comedic interviews and news, science, pop culture and more. Podcasts on the network include Buried Bones with Kate Winkler Dawson and Paul Holes, That's Messed Up: An SVU Podcast, This Podcast Will Kill You, Bananas and more.